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After returning back from the company we were purchasing a new phone system (hardware+software, $100K+, kind of a big deal)
VP: “I need the new phone system software integration for our CRM by next week. I need to demo the system for the other VPs”
Me: “No problem. Were you able to get their API like I asked?”
VP: “Salesman didn’t know for sure what that was, but he said all the developer software documentation is on their site.”
Me: “Did he give you a URL? Their main site is all marketing mumbo-jumbo. I assume there is another one specific for developers.”
VP: “Yea, he might have said something, but I don’t understand why you need it. The salesman said the integration would be seamless. He showed me several demos.”
Me: “No, I mean I need to know, is the API a full client install? a simple dll? is this going to be a web service integration? How will I know what to program against?”
VP: “I think I heard him say something about COM? Does that sound like an API?”
Me: “It’s a start. Did he provide you anything, a disk, a flash drive, anything with the software?”
VP: “No, only thing he told me was our CRM integration would be seamless and our development team would have no problems.”
Me: “OK..OK…I get it…he’s a salesman. Is there an 1-800 number I can call? A technical support email address? Anyone technical I can reach out to?”
VP: “Probably, but I don’t understand what the problem is. I need the CRM integrated by next week. I gave the other VPs a promise we would get it done. I do not break promises.”
Me: “Wait…when are we installing the new system?”
VP: “Well, the purchase order will be cut at the end of the month’s billing cycle, the company has about a two month turnaround time to deliver and install the hardware, so maybe 3 months from now? Are you going to be able to have the integration ready for next week?”
Me: “If we won’t see any of the hardware for 3 months, what exactly am I integrating with?”
VP: “That API you wanted or whatever it is. COM…yea, it’s COM. I was told the integration would be seamless and our developers would have no problem. I don’t understand why you can’t simply write the code to make it work. Getting the hardware installed is going to be the hardest part.”
Me: “OK, so I have no documentation, we have no hardware, no software, and no idea what this ‘seamless integration’ means. I’m afraid there isn’t anything I can do right now. ”
VP: “Fine!...I’ll just have to tell the other VPs you were not able to execute the seamless integration with the CRM.”
Which he did. When the hardware+software was finally installed, they hired consultants (because I “failed”). I think the bill was in the $50K range to perform the ‘integration’ which consisted of Excel spreadsheets (no kidding). When approached with the primary CRM integration, the team needed our API documentation, a year’s development time and $300K. I was pissed off enough, and I had the API documentation, I was able to get the basic CRM integration within 3 days. When an agent receives a call, I look up the # in our database, auto-fill the form with the customer info, etc. Easy stuff when you have the documentation.
The basics worked and the VP was congratulated by ‘saving’ the company $300K. May or may not have been bonuses involved, rumors still out on that one, but I didn't see em'. Later my manager told me the VP was really ticked that I performed the integration ‘behind his back’, but because it was a success, he couldn’t fire me.

Comments
  • 12
    Time to jump ship
  • 5
    Don't jump ship until you kick him in the balls. What a complete twat.
  • 5
    Fuckin corporate world... That's why I'm reluctant to try my luck at a bigger company...
  • 0
    Damn! Well, wouldn't be the first time the least capable dimwit gets the credit and moneys from other people's knowledge.
  • 0
    In every big company you will see something similar. It's hard but you learn to live with it to survive.
  • 1
    Tough choices.
    I would have tried to bypass the incompetent guy and talk to someone higher up.
    But it's risky, if they don't believe /trust you then they could fire you.
    But if you succeed you would be getting that possible bonus
  • 0
    Oh the gap between the business and technical worlds... Being the technical guy who runs the business is how to do it.
  • 1
    That's completely awful. If it helps, this is the best rant I've read so far.
  • 2
    That is a proper rant
  • 0
    You should be like, yes sure, the demo will be ready by this week. without softwares hardwares and docs. But..

    VP: but what?

    you: I need you to make a coffee for me. I give you 30 mins of time.

    VP: Wth, ok Nevermind, ill make you a coffee, where's sugar, water etc?
    you: You will get those things by tomorrow morning.

    VP: how can i make a coffee without that?

    you: idk, somebody told me making a coffee is the easiest thing anybody could do. It takes 5 mins, i give you fucking 30 mins.

    VP:....

    you: now did you fucking get the point?

    disclaimer: might end up you getting fired. lol
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