Random : Hey you're a programmer right?

Me : Yeah? *excited about possibilities*

Random : I am having troubles installing a game I downloaded. I've been trying for three weeks now.

Me : *sigh* OK, I'll have a look, but I can't guarantee I'll get it right.

*Spend about 10 seconds installing game.*

Random : How did you do that?

Me : I read the error message, it was pointing to the wrong file.

Random : You are a god man *calls wife* come look at this genius. *calls daughter* look at that *calls dog* this guy is so amazing.

I also now avoid Random, he had three hard drives, each with a different version of Windows installed, he totally screwed his bios, he admitted not having put thermal paste on his cpu. And he asked me to fix all of this whenever I have time.

I am not your computer fixer guy. Take It to the shop.

Client: I want all cookies blocked on my computer.

Me: Are you sure? Some things won't work if i do that. Like using online banking.

Client: I don't use it, so it's fine.

*Two weeks pass. I have to come back and see three bankcards laying on the table*

Client: I'm not able to use online banking anymore. Can you fix it?

Come on! You pay me to give advice and help out with problems. The least you could do is listen.

Had three servers running in prod. For extra security all of them were encrypted (hdd encryption) just in case.
"mate, servers need a quick reboot, that alright?"
Me: yeah sure!
"oh hey they're encrypted, what's the password?"
Uhm.....
😐
😓
😨
😵😨😮😧😫
😲😶😭

Yeah, i also forgot to turn on the backup process...

!rant

I built a decently large project at work, and everything works perfectly. It's beautiful, it's fast, it's light, it's organized and clean, and deploying is a breeze. I'm very proud of it.

The biggest reason, though, is that it uses exclusively technology I had never touched before:
• React
• Redux
• ES6/Babel
• Webpack
• Express.js
• Material Design
• Apple lappy (I'm a linux girl)

I was completely new to all of these, including my dev machine. Every single aspect of the project was outside my skillet.

But it went from my first experimental `import React from 'react'` to production-ready in three weeks. I'm really proud 😊

Scammers mann:
——————————————-
“Hello sir, you have to renew your subscription before tomorrow else you’ll be charged $299.99 from your bank account.”

Me: And what’s this subscription you’re talking?

“Your Microsoft antivirus subscription, sir.”

Me: Oh wow, and when did I subscribe to this?

“Three years ago, sir.”

Me: lmbo. Please find someone else to scam.

“No sir, it shows here that you subscribed to Microsoft antivirus 3 years ago.”

Me: Dude, I was in college three years ago. I was too broke to be subscribing to useless stuff like this.

“But sir, its an antivirus. You subscribed to protect your Windows PC from viruses, malware so that bad people and hackers don’t get into your computer to do bad things and steal your info.”

Me: Well, what a coincidence. You’re describing yourself except you’re trying to attack my bank account not my pc. And oh, I’ve been using Linux for the past 5 years and currently own a MacBook so good luck finding someone to fall for this.

“Oh, I see. Sorry.”

*Scammer hangs up.

Lmbo, like dude seriously?

Unfortunately though, someone at my work mother fell for this and had to close all her accounts and create new ones.

“Start your own company” they said
“It will be fun” they said
“You’ll be your own boss” they said
Idiots forgot to mention how hard it would be. Late nights, early mornings. Client searching...

It’s all good though, locked down three well paying clients today. Drinks on me 😎

!rant

I applied to three totally exciting jobs tonight. (!!!)
I feel so giddy ;3

Also: I had no idea salaries were so much higher than what I've been earning. I feel so horribly used and abused and undervalued. Toxic environment, indeed!

I will be so so so glad to leave it all behind. (And finally move!)

eeeeeeee!

I'll get to my four words in a sec, but let me set the background first.

This morning, at breakfast, I fired up my trusty laptop only to get a fan failure warning.

Finally, after the three year old is asleep tonight, I'm able to start dismantling the case to get to the fan. I'm hoping it just needs cleaned out.

Hard drive, memory, and keyboard spread out over the kitchen table. I'm not even halfway done.

Guess what? Now I'm one of the lucky 3500 people to have a power outage at 9 pm. Estimated restore time: 2 am.

Sigh.

"All those tiny screws"

And a three year old in the house...

HR made a day long inclusiveness meeting. About why there are so few women in the department. Basically the conclusion the HR rep was looking for was “toxic masculinity” and it was super uncomfortable.

The engineering teams couldn’t actually participate much because most of them worked on teams without any women and have absolutely nothing to do with hiring. The male engineers were trying to play along and give the right answers. We had to do flip charts and beak into teams and etc.

The HR kept singling out the same three women in engineering and telling the men to “shut up and listen to them”. The female engineers were like, “i don’t know. I don’t have much to say about it.” The HR rep continued to drill those three women to the point that it was uncomfortable.

The engineering hiring manager lost it before noon. He went to his desk and grabbed a stack of resumes. “You gave me a stack of 60 resumes. Looking at names only four applicants are female. Those applicants don’t have education or experience for engineering. If you want more female engineers in the office you have to put qualified applicants into the stack. Forcing these three engineers to talk in front of our department over and over and saying the men have to shut up is not making the workplace less toxic.” Then he told the three engineers, “This meeting is now optional for you three and you are welcome to do anything you want with your time.”

After lunch, all the female engineers went back to their desk and worked. The HR continued to shame the men in an angrier tone for the rest of the day telling everyone “how men can be” from personal experience because they were the ones now representing all women.

Eight bloody hours of that.

snapchat can piss off.

i sent a LINK. a LINK. in chat and it LOCKED MY ACCOUNT. it wasnt even a bad website. FFS IT WAS MY WEBSITE I MADE A FEW YEARS AGO.

ALL I DID WAS SEND IT IN CHAT.

NOT ONLY THAT, THIS HAPPEND THREE TIMES ALREADY.

FUCK OFF SNAPCHAT.

Productive day!

Rewrote an intern's feature and briefly explained how/why
Gave intern a choice of projects, and explained them
Removed two unused models, one unused route
Dried up two views into a partial
Redesigned said partial
Tested validation edge cases (ex: Jan 10nd, 101bc)
Fixed an api
Simplified three models
Added scheduling and platform restriction to a feature
Le wild bug appears: a user with negative xp!?
Wrote a migration to expand players' max xp to 2^64-1 because a certain legacy game gives it away like my ex-boss makes promises. Chewed at devs, but they're all long gone so :/
Won two games of pool
Browsed devRant

Busy day, and all of this while falling asleep! 😊
I'm quite proud of myself today.

Well I ended my interviews-adventure finally.

Applied for three companies:
- KindOfBigCompany
- BiggestCompany
- BiggestCompany2

I failed in the last two. But got the job in the first one.

The bittersweet sensation is that I got the job in the first one first and then got rejected by the other two so my last feeling is the rejection one. And I really liked BiggestCompany2.

BUT KindOfBigCompany is actually really cool and has a lot of benefits and also I'll earn much more than I currently am so I guess Happy Ending after all :D

Bossman freaks out over every little thing (ironically unless it's important).

Bossman also just set our papertrail 500 filter to forward him a copy of every "critical alert."

Fuck me.

He has zero technical knowledge and zero reading comprehension. He literally forwarded one and said "This has one lots of info in it. explain it to me." (It was a log usage notification. in plain English. It had maybe three numbers in it.)

There's lots of useless "500"s in the list we don't care about. API Guy used the finer as a debugging alert system, and peppered his logs with "500 internal hey look at this." In fact, none of the 500s were even interesting; all but one was spam.

All day I've been tending to freakouts and accusations of me not doing anything. Ugh.

Imagine being me, an intern at Google and having to work with Google Drive on something with a deadline in five hours.

You have three guesses - when did all Google servers go down in Central Europe? Yeah. I missed my deadline.

Never ever do two or three nice things with css, they'll call you the css guy and you will have to do all their shit.

I spent three hours coding some algorithm and then looked it up on Stack Overflow out of curiosity. Big surprise. Someone did the exact same thing but more effeciently, and had all the code in his answer on SO.

Ughhhhhhhh 😓

!$rant

Made this last night :) it pulls all my profile info from devrant and my last three rants.

One of our teachers developed a website for our university about three years ago. That was something like assignments management system + social network + schedule, everything in the world as one website.

It seemed like he didn't put any code escaping at all. Injected a block of CSS that made the entire page slowly fade away when some user tried to look at my page. Other teachers stared at it as if it was pure magic, doubting their sanity.

Still isn't fixed btw :)

That moment when you google the error...
find the same query on three different sites...
realise that all three were posted by the same user...
and all three are unanswered.. 😑

Told the CEO I was looking at other jobs. I could see in realtime how all joy in his soul sipped out of him, followed by a 30 minute rant why I should stay and blah blah blah(heard it all before).

Little did he know, I'm expecting three final "yes"es by Friday, and I got a call 5 minutes before I talked to him saying "Hi, we have a contract ready for you to sign if you want it" 😂 Pretty proud of myself for getting a new job on a big firm, in under two weeks 😎

I took a one month intern position for a company doing data entry. They had thousands of rows in dozens of spreadsheets, and they needed the data entered, row by row, into two different sites, and then link the two entries together.

After the first day I was ready to lose my mind. But... I'm a developer. You know where this is going 😉

At noon the next day, I emailed my employer: "hey, I finished all three spreadsheets you gave me, and I'm ready for more." A few minutes later I received an absolutely astonished phone call.

Long story short, I had all the spreadsheets entered by the end of the day (unfortunately putting the rest of the interns out of a job!), got paid a decent sum for the thousands of $ I saved them, and received a permanent position, where I'm still working today :)

Not a dev job but one I quit.

The company had Windows 98 on all their computers and we had to use it for our daily activities. Being relatively young, I'd only used Windows 98 for a couple of years between the age of 5 and 8 and mostly for playing games.

The company was paying me overtime to stay late and familiarise with the OS.

Basically, they were willing to spend money to train employees to use an obsolete OS - what a bunch of idiots and poor decision-makers.

I left after three months because I could no longer cope with their nonsense.

Winter break is next week and I don't know what to do...

I have an exciting programming project I want to work on!

Buuuut, I also have this 1,500 page book I want to read!

Buuuuuuut, my manuscript still needs some work! I want to work on it as well.

If I do all three, I won't get to finish anything, so only one task during break.

Three of my favorite things... Why must choices be so difficult?

Also, the picture is the 1K page book I bought. :) It's beautiful!

I'm surprised by the ability of coworkers to get on my nerves. Here's an example...

Me: "Just upload those files you idiot! I got called up three times all because you couldn't upload this thing!"

Co-Worker: "Chill bro, I've got it all here safe and secure on my computer"

Me: "....."
(In mind: Should I do to him what Walter did in breaking bad.... Drown him in a vat of acid. Saves me the trouble of hiding the body)

Downloading all kinds of icons for a project from this website and kept having the feeling that I was missing something.

Everything finally downloaded aaaaaaand I’m realizing I had to download them in three colors instead of black.

Well I guess I’ll just go fuck myself 😑

I didn't know any one of them, we just meet at the TADHack last week end. Because my team members apologies at the last moment, I joined one of them who forgot his laptop. The third came after five minutes asking "can I join"?
We established a team from three different backgrounds, and started the work. Each one built what he know, and we integrated all of it together.
Luckily, we won.... I enjoyed these weekend...

Three open windows are all I need:

1. Terminal
2. Chrome
3. Any IDE based on Intellij

I'm not even that old and I've had it with young cocksure, full of them self language/environment evangelists.

- "C# is always better than Java, don't bother learning it"

- "Lol python is all you need"

- "Omg windows/linux/mac sucks use this instead"

The list goes on really, at some point you have got to realize that while specialization is great, you have to learn a little bit of everything. It broadens you horizon a lot.

Yea, C# does some nifty stuff, but Java does too, learn both. Yea I'm sure Linux is better for hosting docker containers, but your clients are on mac or windows, learn to at least navigate and operate all three etc. Embrace knowledge from all the different tech camps it can only do you good and you will be so much more flexible and employable than your close minded peers :)

Hell even PHP has a lot to teach us (Even more than just to be a bad example, har har)

The bossman asked if our signup service sends an automated email after we successfully process someone's payment or when we promote them to full customer.

That sounds like a simple query, yeah?

Well.

Here's some background:

We have four applications; one in React, three in Rails. I'll replace their names to retain some anonymity.
1) "IceSkate" is the React app, and it's a glorified signup form. (I wrote this one.)
2) "Bogan" is the main application, and is API-only; its frontend has been long since deprecated by the following two:
3) "Bum" is a fork of "Bogan" that has long since diverged. It now contains admin-only tools.
4) "Kulkuri" is also a fork of "Bogan" that has long since diverged. It now contains tools specifically for customers, which they can access.

All but IceSkate (obv) share a database.

Here's how signups happen:

Signups come in from IceSkate, which hits a backend API on Bogan. Bogan writes the data to the database, charges the card immediately, and leaves the signup for moderation.

And here's how promotion from signup to customer happens:

Bum has a view allowing admins to validate, modify, and "promote" a signup to a full customer. Upon successful promotion, Bum calls "ServerWrap", a module which calls actions on the other applications; in this case: Bogan.

Bogan routes execution through three separate models before calling "ServerWrap" again, this time calling KulKuri.

Finally, KulKuri actually creates the customer!

After KulKuri finishes creating the customer, execution resumes on Bogan, which then returns, causing execution to resume on Bum. Bum then runs through several other models, references the newly-created customer object (as all three share a database), and ... updates the customer with its current data, and then updates the signup object. After all of this, it finally shows the admin the "new customer" view.

It took me 25 minutes to follow the chain of calls, and I still don't know quite what's going on. I have no idea if any of it sends an email or not -- I didn't see any signs of this, but I very easily could have overlooked something.

So, to answer bossman's question... I asked the accounting people if they send the email manually. If they don't, it's automatic, which means I missed something and get to burrow through that mess all over again!

I really hope I missed something; otherwise I need to figure out how and where (and when!) to send the email...

just...
errrrgghh

I've uncovered the complot.

I clearly remember buying my first monitor, it was 15 inch, 1024x768. Then I went to a 19 inch 1680x1050 one, then 24 inch 1080p, then 27 inch 1440p...

Now I used two 32 inch 4K screens at work... and I come home, and the three 27 inch screens look a bit smallish, with the old 24 inch one being absolutely tiny on my desk.

It wasn't that tiny when I still owned the 15 inch screen? And my 5.5 inch phone doesn't feel as big as when I bought it either?

So the complot... All monitors slowly shrink over time, and they start shrinking faster when new monitors are brought into the household.

Friday 6pm to Sunday 6pm, with toilet breaks, snack breaks and a three hour nap on Sunday morning. Roughly 44 hours. It was a hackathon, Nov 2016. My team came in fourth place and the first three teams went to Germany!

Well, I got a well paying attachment from it so it didn't go all to waste.

Me and my laptop then...

While working, my dad would come and stand behind me. Looking at the indentation, he would sarcastically say things like "Don't you know how to write?" or "Why are you writing so ziggy zaggy? " or "All these years of education, for what?"

The first two or three times I really had a good laugh. But after that, I really get pissed off.

Today:
Me: I need to reimage my Hard Drive

IT (Professional):we need to check the disk for errors.

Me: no, I need reimage my HD

IT: we shouldn't do that if the disk is bad

Me: the disk is fine we just need to reimage my HD

IT:let's check it anyways to be safe

Me: :/

Three hours later................
HDD: Pass
All checks: Pass

IT: maybe we should reimage the hard drive.

Me: Great Idea

ME: 😵🔫

Fuck that fucking company three way while dozens of homeless HIV crack junkies puke and shit their diarrhea on the three bosses!

I can't put it in words how stupid they are!

Let me try to tell you the latest story while I try not to get multiple strokes.

Backstory: We are three devs, all with a TCCI certification. One has been working for us for almost a year, the other one has been working for us since one and a half year. Both are good friends of mine, btw. I have been working there for almost three years.

Fortunately, I am allowed to work on a reasonable computer. The other devs work on PC's with Windows 7 and 8!

One has just 400 MB space left on his drive and has to delete every month some shit because he does not want to be able to call up websites anymore... How awful?!

The PC of the other great Dev Crashes three to six times a day and needs about 30 minutes to start up!

We can be so productive, but...

We told that in February one of our bosses and asked him to buy new hardware. His answer: yes, of course, I understand that, it's my turn (he always says that "ich bin da dran")

We got a new colleague in the middle of this fucking month. She is responsible for conception.

She works on an old notebook, but today she gets a fucking new PC to work on while the devs are trying to weld with a sparkler! Better hardware than every other Dev PC!!!

Guess what? She is the daughter of a friend of one of our bosses!

We are the only devs at this company.

Fuck that fucking company! Fuck that fucking bosses!

I think we don't go to work for that fucking company anymore!

Fucking kill me right now please. How the FUCK am I supposed to get any shit done when I'm learning something and the fucking DOCUMENTATION has been UNAVAILABLE for the past THREE MOTHERFUCKING DAYS.

GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER MICROSOFT.

Fucking idiots.

It wouldn't be so fucking bad if things like this didn't happen all the time.

But when EVERYTHING is FUCKED - ALL THE TIME, it kinda makes a person lose all hope in humanity and technology.

A typical motherfucking day for me:

Wake up
Go to work
Come home
Eat dinner (if I remember)
Attempt to code shit for 1 - 3 hours before I have to sleep
CAN'T FUCKING CODE SHIT BECAUSE:
1. Internet disconnects every 5 fucking minutes
2. DOCUMENTATION SITES ARE FUCKING DOWN
3. Shit Windows is UPDATING
4. a previous windows UPDATE has royally motherFUCKED my PC
5. etc

FUCK

New spin on an old joke

Three Comp. Sci. Professors get on the first pilot-less plane they are then told that their students wrote the landing software. All but one of the professors gets off. When the one that stayed on was asked why he didn't get off he said:"you have to be lying because my student's code never compiles "

Fuck articles which are nothing more than tweets wrapped in ads and paragraphs which repeat the content of the tweets.

Yeah I know that software version x was released, I just read the fucking tweet! — I googled for more details, which points me at 10 mainstream tech news blogs, which are all in the business of fluffing up three sentences into 6 paragraphs without adding any value.

I wish Twitter just charged royalty fees to embed on for-profit websites.

Company: your hired, lead our X dev team.
Me: yay.

-- three months later --

Company: we arent supporting X anymore.
Company: gonna offload all X clients in 90 days.
Me: oh.
Company: but you should stay around, learn new tech
Me: is this a charity case?
Company: yes, but we both win.
Me: how?
Company: you can keep your salary.
Me: deal.

40 hour work week with a physically demanding job, full time bachelor's student, and web dev on the side. I'm exhausted all the time. I find myself migrating to my bed. "I'll read this chapter in bed".

Next thing I know I've been passed out on my book for three hours. Panic. Repeat.

I just got four CSV reports sent to me by our audit team, one of them zipped because it was too large to attach to email.

I open the three smaller ones and it turns out they copied all the (comma separated) data into the first column of an Excel document.

It gets better.

I unzip the "big" one. It's just a shortcut to the report, on a network share I don't have access to.

They zipped a shortcut.

Sigh. This'll be a fun exchange.

“There’s too many Firefox quantum rants...”

Lemme let you in on a little secret:
It’s nothing new, get over it.

Apple released a new phone.
Windows updated.
Samsung or Google releases a phone.
Exam time.

Do any of you see a common theme? It’s the same people posting three metric fuck tons of posts about recent news. Wow, a tech person sharing tech news, imagine that. It’s just a phase, we all notice it. It’ll go away. Thanks. Have a nice day.

FOR FUCKS SAKE, CLEAN YOUR KEYBOARD!

Today we had some presentations on a class, I was near the projector, so I volunteered to control the presentation flow.

Fast forward three teams, arrives this guy, lets his laptop and and I open it... SMELLS, FUCKING SMELLS BAD. Add to that grease and dirt all over the keyboard... I just pressed the right arrow key with the bare tip of my finger...

It's not that hard to keep your workstation clean. Most of all, odourless.

Best mentoring advice I've gotten:

In your career you'll meet three kinds of people.
1) Nice people
2) Indifferent people
3) Not nice people

Treat them all in the same way. That's professionalism.

Why do we backend people have to be born handicapped for creating anything that doesn't look like absolute shit.

I'm trying to pick a primary color for my landing page for about three days now and I'm starting to lose my shit.

Can we all just start using fucking CLI apps and be done with the whole design thing.

I learn programming cause it was in my genes.

My father was a programmer himself but, he died back in 2005 of September when I was 5 years old. So I guess I program to continue what he did. He was in the process of making a game but, failed to do it. He had concept art created and even mad characters. When I get real good, I plan to program that game for him and dedicate it to him.

I started programming on a website called Scratch back in 2010 (in think), which I saw a Ted Talk on, and started from there. I use KhanAcademy as I am home schooled and when they introduced the programming tutorials to that website, I was immediately hooked and it was just the beginning.
I used Scratch for three years and I wanted to know more, so I did research and discovered a program called Stencyl and started making a game I made from scratch into that format.

I used that program and when 2013 hit, moved to a new church and met an old friend and all of sudden we started making games together and we relesed our first game on Scratch called Minecart Chaos.
That took three months to create. He did all the art and I, of course, did the programming. The three months later we were at it again making a new game called EMP Restaurant Rampage. That also took three months to create. one of his friends composed the music. We are now in the process on making a new game and I am now tasked to make the music. So that is my history.

At someone's wedding. Don't know anyone except my wife. She knows noone except for me and the bride.

Already spotted 3 programmers and I can give you my hat to shit into if that particular one of the three doesn't own a macbook. It's all over his face...

"Hey Jamcris11,
Be apart of our cool programming project?"

"Hell yeah, sign me up".

Three weeks later.
Proceeds to me being the only person contributing to the project in anyway (despite having a full time job meaning little spare time).

Guy who invited me in the first place just plays fucking Minecraft all day (he doesn't have a job or college,) puts no effort into the project at all.

Today was epic.
I made the first formal demo of the mobile application I have been working on for the past three months, and the whole team of the start-up I work at were all psyched about it. I got compliments from everybody.
Since I am the only tech oriented employee, what I do is pretty obscure to the rest of the company and I was not expecting such reactions and it was awesome. I'm proud of what I achieved, and the undivided validation made me feel like I own the world, even if I have still much learning to do.

001 REM Code review

010 PRINT "Nitpick nitpick nitpick nitpick nitpick"
011 GOSUB REFACTOR

020 PRINT "This function is too complicated, break it up"
021 GOSUB REFACTOR

030 PRINT "Why do you have three methods for this? Put all the logic in one method."
031 GOSUB REFACTOR

040 GOTO 020
041 REM ARGH

998 PRINT "Looks good."
999 STOP

Job Interview for a CTO role for a premium employer, a big law firm.

All is going well, I am telling them about my years of experience doing complex software integrations in business environments. Talking CRM/ERP, project management and development with external service providers. I tell them I want a salary of 100k and they nod in silence.

Then out of the blue one of the three stakeholders/managers leans over for a final question:
"Soo, we have this really big IT problem and if you would happen to know a solution to it, you would really prove your worth: I have these 10k+ E-Mails in my Outlook folder which doubles as an archive and Outlook keeps getting slower all the time. What can we do?"

We were in a college group. Five people. Making project in PHP. Some forced us to use cakePHP framework than left. One guy decided to not participate and decited to do it next year. One guy didn't know PHP at all. The two of us have to do all the work for five people.

On the presentation day we have ten minutes to do it. Guy without PHP knowledge forget password for our app, make three wrong guesses and locked us out of our app for five minutes.

Achievement unlocked: malloc failed
😨

(The system wasn't out of memory, I was just an idiot and allocated size*sizeof(int) to an int**)

I'd like to thank myself for this delightful exercise in debugging, the GNU debugger, Julian Seward and the rest of the valgrind team for providing the necessary tools.

But most of all, I'd like that three hours of my life back 😩

My little daughter came to me all excited, saying "Daddy! Daddy! Guess how old I'll be in June!"
"Oh I don't know princess, why don't you tell me?" I said. She gave me a huge smile and held up four fingers.
It's now three hours later, police have joined in and she still won't say where she got them.

Almost three years ago when I was starting web development,a friend of mine asked me to create a website for him.

You know those single page portfolio with a blog. I said Ok.

After a week I hosted the website and the dude didn't pay up the remaining amount. After following up for a while I just commented out the links to load all css files and declined his calls till he paid up.

He called and said he suspected a hack, to which I replied yes. He had to pay up the remaining amount + more to prevent 'other future hacks'.

The website is no longer active (koome.co.ke) but since then my interactions with clients has changed.

We are rebuilding an internal web app our company uses and this is how the meeting went down

Me: since this is a big undertaking so we should all work on this as a team and divide the work load

Boss: I can't afford the internal costs to have you all on this * assigns the part timer to the task*

Three months later after launch

Boss: this is not at all what I expected! I want the entire team on this now! It's a top priority!

Today my RAID system for backups crashed. Three hard drives died all the same time. This day cannot get even worse.

Fucking fuckers on Stack Overflow...

I kind a use SO every fucking day, helping people with horrible formatted (don't even start about content) questions, and then when I got a single fucking question once all three years, no fucking cunt out there is willing to help.

Some dumbass even downvoted my (in my eyes) total reasonable, perfectly formatted, good written question.

I fucking hate it, that I spend so much time on that fucking platform, whilst nobody is giving me some help.

Fucking fucker cunts....!!!!

I've fucking got about 2,5k rep, I fucking know, in what fucking dimensions I can ask a fucking question.

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!

Manager: With all the horror stories why are we even developers?

Me: Because once we get part the horror, we become geniuses.

Manager: So what you're saying is that being a developer is like taking a crap after being constipated for three weeks?

Freelance project I was working on was deployed. Without my knowledge. At 11pm. Their in-house "tech guy" thought that the preview build i gave them was good enough for deployment. Massive bug, broke their api endpoints.
Got a call at 2 in the morning,asking for a fix. I told them how it was their fault and the App they deployed had TESTING written right on the main screen.
They promised additional payment to get me to fix it asap.
Went through the commit history (thank goodness their tech guy knew git, fuck him for committing on production though) and the crash reports.
Removed three lines. All became right with the world again. 😎

Three months into a new job, as a senior developer (12+ years experience) and updated an import application.

With one small update query that didn't account for a possible NULL value for a parameter, so it updated all 65 million records instead of the 15 that belonged to that user.

Took 3 people and 4 days to put all the data back to it's original state.

Went right back to using the old version of the apllication, still running 2 years later. It's spaghetti code from hell with sql jobs and multiple stored procedures creating dynamic SQL, but I'm never touching it again.

WHAT FUCKING PAYMENT PROVIDER SENDS ALL THEIR TECHNICAL STAFF ON VACATION?!?!?

Leaving customer service to tell me to "wait until they get back... In three weeks"

Unbelievable, I'm actually thinking there are laws and regulations about this if you are providing money handling services, but the sheer stupidity in itself!!

Funny commit messages

// I dedicate all this code, all my work, to my wife, Darlene, who will
// have to support me and our three children and the dog once it gets
// released into the public.
//
// Dear maintainer:
//
// Once you are done trying to 'optimize' this routine,
// and have realized what a terrible mistake that was,
// please increment the following counter as a warning
// to the next guy:
//
// total_hours_wasted_here = 42
//

Being me. Fresh out of UNI with a three year bachelor in CS, no work experience. Starts in a big tech company with a lot promise of exciting project etc. Starts in 3 projects with one lead dev and two senior devs.

First month begins. I start by setting up my local environment and read documentations, which is fairly irrelevant and old. One of the senior devs quits.

Second month begins. Lead dev quits as well and the other senior dev having sick leave for the rest of the month. Basically I'm on my own, but thankfully not responsible for the projects.

Third month begins. The other senior dev is still sick. Nobody to help. Now I'm forced to talk to customer with a lacking knowledge of projects. Nobody knows what is going on. Hopefully my other senior dev will come back.

Fourth month begins. My senior have quit as well. I've been assigned as responsible of all three projects now. FML.

Fifth month begins. I begged my manager for help. Got a junior dev to help me with one of the projects. He and I still have no clue what we should do.

What a shitty start to a career as a developer.

Anybody having a similar experience?

Once while making a automation program for a friends errr academic betterment. I realized I had taken three of the sacred caffeine pills and chewed them unlike normal. Needless to say this increased the surface area tremendously. I thought I was gonna have a heart attack right there at the age of 20. And all I could think was, "fuck my screen has a lot of dead pixels."

Fuck. Medium.
Fuck all the articles on it too.

Do you seriously think I am so fucking dumb that I cannot keep my attention on a paragraph of text without at least one image for five seconds straight?
Three quarters of your shitty fucking article are images. They don't even relate to a damn thing in the article. It's just a fucking stream of random image subtitles.

It's just as bad as people randomly mashing pictures they found via Google search into their Power Point presentation because they actually have no content, breaking all copyright laws in the process, so they can stretch their mindless bullshit as long as humanly possible.

FUCK. YOU.

`npx create-react-app blah`
`cdls blah && npm audit`

63 vulnerabilities.
good fucking job.

To be fair, they're all minor, but they're all *exactly* the same, caused by the same freaking package. Update your dependencies already!

------

`npm i --save formik && npm audit`
68 vulnerabilities, three of them critical.

ugh.

/* My Three Wishes */

1. Nvidia starts fucking supporting the linux community with open source mainlined drivers that support GBM.

2. All five eyes countries apply some proper privacy protection laws. Other countries would be appreciated.

3. 5G and other core future tech standards are implemented under open firmware/hardware that can be reviewed and reproduced.

Please monkey paw this

I applied for a developer position and got the email response about candidates available that were a better fit. No big deal.

Three days later, contacted by a recruiter for an exciting opportunity in my field (aren't they all?) Said, "What the hell?" and played along.

Made it past a screening phone call and a screening Skype session. Made a date to interview in person.

It's the same goddamned position, only now a recruiter gets to feed off my offer (if I get one).

Normally I'm both the dev and QA... Today I was the dev, QA and the user... Of course, I'm paid only as a dev... But I'm blamed as all three... Ffs I can't do this anymore 😞

I've been so pissed off so many times, I thought I should divide them into categories.
- Pissed off at a fellow dev: I told him to use a constant instead of a hardcoded number.
He changed this: obj.method(3);
to this:
public static final int three = 3;
obj.method(three);
- Pissed off at management: I once got a $10 yearly raise.
- Pissed off at a client: They rejected our design proposal because the text was in spanish and they didn't speak spanish. It was lorem ipsum text.
- Pissed off at code: I once had to refactor a 500 line legacy jsp script with HTML, CSS, JS and Java completely intertwined.
- Pissed off at Twitter: They changed their API the day of our go-live, breaking all of their widgets, forcing us to move the go-live date and making me work an additional 8 hours after a week with almost no breaks.
- Pissed off at travel and logistics: They sent me to a hotel in Mexico City 2.5 hours away from the client's office.

Fun times...

> raw http request injected in the model
> 400 lines long method, followed by three 300 lines long methods
> no autocomplete, no comments
> code called by the whole application, I mess up once there's at least 150 other components that might break
> no documentation, no tests
> pyramid of doom, 13 levels of indentation

Those are the same people getting all puffed up because the cat dared to sit on my shoulder during a call. Management focused on the real fucking problems, no doubt.

Took a job during the summer vacation and was expected to sit through excel and click products and fill in info (mundane tasks). Overheard the boss talking to the coworkers "We need to translate 77,000 urls into images, how do we split this work up?" I jumped in and said "I can write that in code so you don't have to do it" They all looked at me like I was some sort of magician O_O. Had the program running during the weekend on three computers and all of the 77,000 urls are now a beautiful mess of pdfs and jpgs. Do you have a story that made you feel like a wizard?

Four engineers and a broke down car

One day, mechanical engineer, electrical engineer, chemical engineer, and computer engineer were driving down the street in the same car when it broke down.

The mechanical engineer said, “I think a rod broke”.

The chemical engineer said, “The way it sputtered at the end, I think it's not getting enough gas”.

The electrical engineer said, “I think there was a spark and something's wrong with the electrical system”.

All three turned to the computer engineer and said, “What do you think?”

To which, the computer engineer replied, “I think we should all get out and then get back in”.

I failed at 9 startups

Got fired from two companies

Quit three jobs without notice

Failed out of college

Lost all my money on a bad investment

And now I do not have any money.

I've just closed a shitload of issues on three different projects.. my head is exploding and I just want to relax a bit.. So while I was sitting on my regular private place, sipping on my beer... I was checking my Projects folder and found old personal project of mine from before 4 years or so.. its been an hour and 3 beers.. It looks so much easier now than when I began it.. and yeah.. Somehow maybe useful some day.. app that gathers my emails and checks for bills for electricity and etc. Just to sort all this stuff out you know. Well who knew that it could be so relaxing?

'I have nothing to hide'

in the last 20 hours i have heard this lie three times from three different people.
I just don't understand them. Everytime the topic privacy comes up (a lot of the times it isn't even me who starts talking about it) they I say this.

Would you want someone following you at all times, looking through your window, recording everything you say and writing all the information he gets about you into a notebook, potentially selling this information to others?
I really hope that you don't want this.

Privacy is a human right and it should stay that!

Privacy is a part of freedom and while freedom may be pretty difficult to define, privacy should always be a part of it.

The most unproductive meeting was definitely a day long meeting about “inclusiveness” with an emphasis on toxic masculinity. It was all the dev teams for a whole day which was ballpark 40-60 devs total. Most of us were like, “We have never even had a woman on our teams to alienate.” Eventually a dev hiring manager allowed the three female devs to leave half way through because they were being repeatedly singled out by the HR lady running the meeting.

The rest of us sat through another half day of the HR lady telling us on how bad we are because we are men.

The three open source apps I prefer over "closed" ones. And that not because they're Open Source but because they are free and awesome.

GIMP2 & Blender & Audacity.

Fuck all the alternatives.
Photoshop & C4D (CC ~800€/y),
Maya & 3dsMax (each ~2000€/y),
Magix with their 100 different shitass software,
and so on..

Today was the first time I was able to develop a full stack by my self!!!!
(I mean not by myself, StackOverflow was my Bible)

It's a small project with three modules , and while I've worked front end, back end and machine learning separately, I used to develop on a single component.

Today I built all the components on my own.

The hardest part was linking the nodejs file with the python script. Which seemed easy at first but then I needed to go through the documentation to understand the working behind the scenes.

Just looking how to deploy it now

This is a victory rant.
While it is not something big I feel so proud of myself 🥰

!rant Security training at work comes in the form of a serialized TV show where each episode concerns some security topic kind of tangentially and ends with a “REMEMBER… “ followed by the lesson you were supposed to get from the episode.

I kind of love it. A lot. I actually look forward to security training, and I’m not the only one. They stagger the release so you can’t binge watch all the seasons at once and you get three episodes at a time. 😂

A project manager, a computer programmer and a computer operator are driving down the road when the car they are in here a flat tire. three men try to solve the problem

the project manager said: let's catch a cab and in ten minutes we will reach out destination.

the computer programmer said: we have drivers guide.I can easily replace the flat tire and continue our drive.

commuter operator said: first of all turnoff the engine and turn it on again. may be it will fix the problem.

suddenly a Microsoft engineer passed by and said: try to close all windows, get off the car, and then get on and try again.

Well today we got to test our system to the extreme and I'm pleased to say it passed. Major power surge followed by a black out. UPS for all networking and servers kicked in without missing a beat and the standby generator outside about 45 seconds later. After explaining to users how to turn on their computer (😑), we were able to get everyone working again in about 5 minutes. Lasted three hours without power from the grid without any client downtime

All I want is a another DVI cable so I can connect my secondary monitor digitally instead of by VGA. From their reaction, you could think I had instead asked for a gold-plated desk. Was it really nescessary to have three guys check (non-technical people, too) if *they* could see a difference between my monitors? My primary one is DVI, and *I* can see that the monitor connected by VGA is blurrier. Who connects a flat panel monitor by VGA anyway? Just the idea of an unnescessary pair of analogue-to-digital/digital-to-analogue conveters in the middle of what should be a straight digital connection should be an affront to any sensible technical person. So of course, no extra DVI cable for me.

Call me stupid, but I think it has probably cost the company more money from lost productivity having three people look at my monitors instead of just buying me another DVI cable like I asked for nicely.

The best dev team I have been with is during college where the three of us who were working at a maker space would go to various hackathon and stay up all night to build cool stuff! (We won prizes at quite a few hackathons too!) The other two are pursuing their masters in a different college now, I miss going to hackathons with them :( Hoping that we get to go to a hackathon together soon!

Started to clean up my projects and delete all my deprecated things and starting to shift focus to one - three projects at max...

Buying my first car (2005 VW golf 2L diesel)

Got a new job interview that they seem eager to meet me about...

Getting money under my belt and closer to buying a house....

Everythings coming up Alex :-D

(Knock on wood)

I think this is both a blessing and a curse for me.

Whenever I'm developing something, I ALWAYS keep coming up with new (good) feature ideas WHILE programming. Now, this isn't as bad because they enrich the software/service mostly but goddamn, it's so fucking annoying when I'm working on a certain function/feature and I change stuff three motherfucking trillion times before finishing it because I keep coming up with fifteen billion new ideas.

In the end it's all worth it but at some moments it gets really fucking annoying.

Cisco.

It’s a prime example of “Don’t get attached to the company just because of one thing.” I have three of their routers that I bought used. WRT160N, WRT310N, and WRT610N. They all looked aesthetically pleasing and I thought all would be fine and dandy. Until I got a internet boost. Going from 12/1.5 up/down to 250/25 up/down.

HOWEVER, MY ROUTERS CANNOT REACH EVEN HALF THE SPEED DOWN.

Best part was when I called, they said that they couldn’t fix it because of one thing that all the routers have in common.

Legacy.

I’ve tried dd-wrt all with no luck. And they have the audacity to recommend another product of theirs?!?

I was promised a three way and all I got was a TCP handshake. 😂

Last night tried to use VLC to rip DVDs for my home media server.

All three failed in some manner! What a waste of time! Trying HandBrake today.

Person: Do I need to learn HTML, CSS, or Js to make a website?
Me: ALL THREE 😂😂😂😂😂🙄

After three weeks looking for decent pdf parser that will handle all documents I gathered for my project I decided to write my own.
All those I tried end up with more then 10% not correctly parsed pdfs or require to much coding.
I was sceptic so I waited another week debating if it’s good idea to do it and I said yes.

Spent 16 hours straight coding pdf document extraction library and command line tool based on pdf.js

Fuck, now when I open pdf I see opcodes instead of text.

Got two more hours until client planning meeting and then I go to sleep for a while.

Time to start testing this more deeply as I have about 60k ~ 20GB pdf documents to parse and then I need to build some dependency graph out of its text.

At least it’s more funny then making boring REST API for money.

I'm a stupid twat. Spent at least three hours today, all wasted. I had to update a user manual and change all the branding for a system I've licencesd and going to resell to my dumb clients. There was no original to work from only a pdf. Managed to convert it to word but all the formatting was fucked. So set up some heading and paragraph styles, proper header and footer and auto generate TOC's. I did all this without actually reading it, thought I'd get the formatting and branding out of the way first. So after all that I started the job of editing it and updating it. Quickly realised that PDF I converted was for a different but similar system. Tommorow is Groundhog Day.

*Gives the list of top three candidates (All women) to hire to HR Manager (A Lady)*
HRM: Ha, I always knew it, women are always better than men. Alas, you are realising now.

*At that moment, it felt as if all my hard work to judge all the candidates abilities without any prejudice whatsoever, just got collected by the garbage collector*

Why does it have to be Men Vs Women, why does there have to be any comparison at all, except the question that how does this individual compare to the rest.
I really don't care whether one is old, young, male or female or whatever other factor that can be used to separate humans into groups. Why can't it simply be: Does this individual produce the end result required? Period.

so I am about to take a full time job for less than 150 dollars a month, with all my skillset being put to use, I'm supposed to teach arduino and web development and be at work at least three times a week including Saturday.

I just want to die, probably

dead people dont stress

Client stated at the beginning of the project that they wanted a modern, pretty website that essentially had everything on one page.

Okay no problem, design is done and approved, weeks ago.

Today they come in after having the site for THREE WEEKS to review and do they come back with feedback on the functionality of the site? Oh no all they want to know is 'how will the user know that they need to scroll down to see more of the site?'...

Can we please make it a mandatory lesson in CS studies and related education that "No hello" is a thing?
I'm fine with greeting me before you state a question, that is polite. But it is impolite to send a DM "Hello $username" and then begin to type your three paragraph question while the other person waits for you.
Just use Shift-Enter and send it all in one message, the app supports long-ass messages!

As usual a rather clickbait title, because only the chrome extensions (as always) seem to be vulnerable:

"Warning – 3 Popular VPN Services Are Leaking Your IP Address"

"Researchers found critical vulnerabilities in three popular VPN services that could leak users' real IP addresses and other sensitive data."

"VPN Mentor revealed that three popular VPN service providers—HotSpot Shield, PureVPN, and Zenmate"

"PureVPN is the same company who lied to have a 'no log' policy, but a few months ago helped the FBI with logs that lead to the arrest of a Massachusetts man in a cyberstalking case."

"Hijack all traffic (CVE-2018-7879) "
"DNS leak (CVE-2018-7878)"
"Real IP Address leak (CVE-2018-7880)"

So our team is scaling and we've been handling increased workload and I've been wanting to hire two juniors ever since. Finally narrowed down the candidates to three, but I couldn't decide between them so after some careful considerations, I've decided to hire all three. Fingers crossed I have enough time to mentor and manage the three of them and I don't fuck them up.

I am currently blocked from doing my job by a firewall policy handed down from corporate that prevents WSL2 from connecting to the internet. Three days of no dev environment and counting.

We make linux software to be hosted on linux in linux containers in linux. We use linux command line tools to make it work.

"NO! WE ARE THE ALL-POWERFUL IT DEPARTMENT AND YOU MUST USE WINDOWS BECAUSE FUCK YOU THAT'S WHY."

How is GNOME pronounced?

Is it
Gee-Nome
Guh-Nome
Or Nome (with a silent G)?

I've heard all three

How are practical exams conducted in your university (if you're still a student)?

I'm dreading tomorrow. So I have a practical exam tomorrow and usually in my university, they first ask us to write the solution code on a paper, get it approved from the invigilator (who by the way ignorantly approves everybody's code without checking) and then only we are allowed to actually execute our code and get it approved again from the examiner.
It's been three years now and I still don't get the point of first writing the code on the paper (as if we didn't already have theory exams expecting us to write it all on paper) and then executing it....

dad: yeah sure , that's why no laptop is working well in this house

all three laptops are older than 4 years and use 5400 rpm hdds and also are full of my parent's stuff.

I've got three 2-hour exams tomorrow back-to-back. I've been studying my ass off all week.

How the fuck is the College administration allowed to put student like me into this retarded and needlessly challenging predicament?

Guess I'll be drinking plenty of red bull tomorrow... 😰

3 time sheets: One for the company I work for, one for the parent company staffing us to clients, one for the client.
All three have to be handed in at different times, have different rules, are on different systems and have to fit hourwise.
A waste of hours per week.
And add an offshore team that checks all 3 to this.
Also once in a while they complain about something in it. (Audits, reviews,etc.) Forward to boss, he has to argue with them.
Waste of so much time.

A lot of larger companies seem to be a happy about forcing employees to change their password every three months or so. They do it for security measures so that it is more difficult to break through the system, however most people end up making the worst passwords.
Instead of forcing a very good password on them every year or two maybe, they all end up having passwords like: "Summer16", "Qwer1234", "London15".
I used to work for our national police, and this was the case there as well...

How many of you drink (too much) or having a drinking problem? And did you try to fix that?

I'm sober for three months and the consequences are huge.

Some say Whiskey officially was a medicine. I believe in that.

All what i have learned: stopping cold turkey was and is not the way for me.

What’s the use of daily sync meeting if you only have three dudes working together and already have Trello to list all the tasks?

And we have to report every single progress in person!?
Like I literally have to stand up and walk five feet to you just to say that I just finished a function and committed.
What the Duck ?!

Been stuck with a fucking 13mbit internet connection shared between three people for the past seven years. Lived cheap in a nice location, so it was worth it, still frustrating af. Finally moved, new city, new place, new internet. Currently sitting on 300mbit at home. Downloaded update for car nav, 25gb, took about 15 minutes, where it would previously have taken all day. Feels fucking good man.

[meta-rant]

I don't get all of the OS hate here. Like, computers, and the variety of environments in which users use them, are our job. In my mind, Linux is popular, Windows is popular, macOS is popular—if I want to make it as a developer, shouldn't I understand how all three work and how to make them work for me?

When I read stuff here, I feel like there are people here who would think less of me because of what OS I prefer. That sentiment is kind of bothersome.

Got to scratch of one of three remaining old (14years and counting) design mistakes this week.

Together with a colleague we replaced a 1.5 billion row table that I out of ignorance then designed with a 3 column composite primary key instead of an identity column.

Moving the data while keeping all synchronized (the table gets up towards 2 million new rows and 2 million updates a day while constantly being queried) took 1 week.

Just 2 skeletons left to clean out, any year now ;).

My best prank: A year ago I was at my friends flat, which he finally rented with his new girlfriend. He is a kind of person, which has like constantly opened 110 tabs in chrome, three or four instances of chrome running, torrenting at full speed and in the meanwhile a few films having opened to "watch" later. He is very very secure about his computer and NEVER leaves me or anyone else alone with his computer. That day we were just talking in the same room, and he goes for some food. I was like yeah thats my chance to prank him. So I opened a new tab and came with an idea - what If I change his desktop background to some random chick, to prank both him and his gf. I knew she will not be mad but his reaction would be priceless (it was his first gf). So I started googling, found a three pretty naked chicks. This was like soft porn, they were still "dressed" but not much. I did not wanted to use a porn for this.
So I was about to download image - right click - save as - little window opened and..

...what the hell, that guy had literally like terabytes of porn in download folder, all totally in one chaos, thousands of images, millions of downloaded videos, all categories just everything from gangbang to milfs or old/ young, what the fuck that computer was like cursed station of porn.

In that point I was like fuck that. This prank has no sense then. So I just closed that little window and did nothing. Prank failed.

Nowdays, He still does not know what I know about his "hobbies". And I will never say him lol. About a months after he broke with his gf and moved to different house. He has now three monitors attached to his computer and 4tb of space. He is still complaining about "lack of space" and "too big downloaded movies" but we all know what is going on lol. We call his "working deck" a sacred porn station.

I once single-handedly developed an entire drag-and-drop ui for creation, provisioning and control of virtual datacenters and all its infrastructure. Other people developed backend and database and the whole project took about 10 months, but about three weeks before we had a working, stable release the company decided to cancel an entire project.
We thoroughly researched the market, and at that time there was no better such solution. We would have made something extraordinary.
Especially because it worked with VMWare.

Our ticket tracking system and our IT service request system are from two different companies that are direct competitors. The source code is full of temporary hacks to just make them play nice until a better solution is worked out. Fast forward a few years and we're abandoning both systems in favor of a single, unified system that handles everything. We currently have maybe 20% of the new, unified system done, which is now hacked together with both of the legacy systems until we finally transition fully to the new system. The current plan is for next year, but the plan six months ago was for this year, and almost no progress has been made since then, so we're probably going to have two ticket trackers and two request systems for a while.

Actually, three ticket trackers and three request systems. The third ticket tracker is used to track work done on tickets that exist in the legacy tracker because the legacy tracker can't do that on its own, while the third request system is the oldest and most cumbersome legacy system of them all.

You're gonna use the 3D printer she said… You're gonna learn JavaScript she said… nope, all we learnt was three HTML tags that confused most people

Closing a bug with "Let me know if it's still happening for you" when it's been three years since the bug was filed and you haven't looked at it at all since then be all like...

I want honest opinions. Do you think the following is a good or not so good interview question. Why or why not? Defend your argument.

Define a function where the input is a list of integers. It should find and return all the unique sets of three within the list that sum to x.

For example, given the list [1, 3, 2, 5, 6, 8, 10, 13, 15] and with x = 16, the function would return [(10,5,1), (13,2,1)]

If the candidate presents the trivial solution with time complexity of o(n^3), ask if can be done in o(n^2) or better.

lol. i wanted to make a computer game with two friends...
at first the tasks were clear.

f1: coding
f2: drawings
me: coding + sound

now guess, who now has to participate in all three areas.

I’ve now worked with three Toptal devs. The first one logged time he didn’t actually work and would edit conversation history to conceal commitments he had made. The second one would disappear for days at a time without notice, and the third is incapable of communicating or working together with team members. She has replaced large portions of our codebases without notice or discussion, and now we have to roll all of it back and convince Toptal to refund the time.

Turns out that toptal’s interview process manages to miss things like honesty/trustworthiness and communication. Be careful hiring from there.

Three of us doing a project for free for our web-dev teacher at university. Looking back at that project I think we did a terrible job, we built an ugly, monolithic application with Express, MongoDB, Pug and Vue.

It was a CMS for a local church and the best part of the project was including some hidden easter eggs accessible only by setting some cookies manually in the browser.

Although we did the project for free, I think we all have been learning a lot of valuable things and we also tried out new stuff, like the Kanban board and a few aspects of the scrum way. The most interesting part of this was learning all of it by ourselves, because our web-development teacher couldn't really help in web-development...

This MOTHERFUCKER was hiding from me for three FUCKING DAYS now! All the damn time I had corrupt display memory cause of it!

Context: CS and DC were accidentally swapped on the PCB! Not a hardware issue thou. The pins can be remapped in software.

Story time:

I worked at a firm that had an infernal off the shelf CRM system that they collaborated with the dev company to customise.

They were seriously behind the competition, and didn’t have any app or web presence for interacting with their system, instead relying on people calling (fine for the nature of the business, but competition was leaving them in the dust).

They decided that they needed to redevelop it in-house, with a focus on supporting the web and apps.

I was hired for this purpose.

It was me and one other dev, who was also the head of IT.

He’d built a small prototype, and was new to the whole WPF / MVVM thing for the in-house app, so with my previous experience it was clear it needed to serve as an example only, and that it would need redeveloping.

I was only there three months.

In that time I singularly (he was pulled away to troubleshoot their VOIP installation - yes, for three months as other companies kept dropping the ball) built:

- A WebAPI with JWT auth
- An MVC skeleton frontend
- A WPF desktop app

It had all sorts of cool shit in it, 2FA, Reactive UI, Reactive extensions, server push to desktop, a custom workflow and permissions system.

It was pretty dang cool.

End of the three months rolled around, and the non-technical managers were concerned about time to market, so they decided to drop me as I’d “not made enough progress”.

I’d also had a bit of absence which they were aware of and were supposedly supporting me through.

But MFW three months is assumed to be enough time to build such a system with one dev.

3 straight days with less than 3 hours of sleep per night. If something or someone wakes me in the first fifteen minutes as I'm drifting off, that's it, my wired for however long.

Previous two nights I just barely slept at all. Last night got awakened twice as I was drifting off. To start with, its ettypre for me to be able to fall asleep at all a second time.

Last three nights I'm not actually sure I even slept. I blinked and it was morning and I woke up exhausted. Only thing I can remember is racing thoughts, as I fell asleep, and the very same exact thoughts *as* I woke up, as if my brain had been thinking the same thing on a loop for a few hours, while I was catatonic and unable to fully shut down, stuck in 'on' mode all night and not realizing it.

Not a single fucking job I work honor's their god damn promises, let alone my repeated requests for night shift.

Was so exhausted yesterday my chest hurt.

How am I supposed to drive to work on less than 9 hours asleep spread out across three days? Cant catch a fuckong break lately, and when I do it's like the universe fucking sabotages me with shit like this.

Question: What is the fuckiest fuckup?

A) That it turrned out our apps login does not work on Safari at all? Although Safari should be Webkit and App works fine on Chrome and Firefox for years and should be normal Angular stuff by the way?

B) That in three years appareantly nobody considered trying it out in Safari?

C) That I can not use the iPad I got from my employer because fucking AppleId is requiring a fucking Phone number.

Answer: all of them.

Tl; dr: Linux on Ryzen is a pain at the moment.
Now for the long part: Our student council got new computers because the old ones where slow as hell. As one of the admins, the others and I together decided that ryzen would be a good option, because they are not that expensive and we wouldn't have to buy gpus. (Wrong decision it turns out.) We settled on the ryzen 3 2200G and bought three systems to replace the old ones.

We meet Saturday morning and build the systems. All was fine and we were happy. The we tried to install ubuntu via preseeded netboot, which seemed to work fine at first. Then we started having weird screen issues and couldn't proceed with the installation. (See image) we then grumpily decided to just install them all one by one, flashed two usbs and started installing. On two systems the installation worked and we installed our packages, we weren't so lucky with the third one. It would crash on us all the time, even in bios. While that was going on we tried to set the other two up, turns out those two were also crashing but not as frequent as the other one. So we start to google and find people saying that kernel 4.19 kinda fixes it. We install it on the two working machines and the crashes get less frequent but are still there. At that point it was midnight and we went home.
Sunday morning: we reseated the cpu on the third system and it seems to be better now (it installed on the second try) and we were able to change the kernel. Yay. Now all three are in a state where they will sometimes randomly reset. :/ and we don't know what to try anymore.... Any suggestions?

My company is (supposedly) all about collaborative work, pair programming, getting on calls and cRaCKinG tHinGs ToGEtheR. Also (and rightfully so) we’re not supposed to approve any PRs if tests weren’t created/updated.
Of course that applies to all but the old timers in the company who simply act like lone cowboys. They fall off the face of the earth for two-three days then reappear with monster PRs full of untested code.

Leave it up to the plebe then to try to make sense of the mess they’ve created, to challenge them with the fact that the PRs are lacking tests (only to be met with excuses about not having anymore time to spend on the subject).
Reprimand the plebe for not reviewing PRs thoroughly enough. Leave it up to them to fix the resulting bugs.

I’ve lost all trust in our managers, tech leads, lead devs and their guidelines and rules that only apply to others but rarely to themselves. These people that then have the audacity to criticize the tech team in it’s entirety for not being rigorous enough in its processes.
Fuck them all

Docker swarm. All i want is a 'zero-downtime' system and everytime i try to set it up there's three damn things missing. Load balencer, service updater, and a good distributed storage. I finally got pissed off and am working on those but fuck it's been how fucking long docker has been out why the hell somebody else hasn't done this yet.

My work gave me three laptops because not one of them can access all the resources I need. So I have to balance my workflow around these three machines.

Our Code everlasting
The all creating One
Coders Almighty

Through Our Holy Lines
Conceiving Algorithms
Konrad Zuse our Savior

I believe in Clean Code
I believe in Free Software
I believe in Open Source
Our Code is three in one
I believe in the bug-free project
That'll be compiled again
For I believe in the name of Alan Turing

Best Programmer's Breakup:
* me * used to code in Javascript and PHP
* Girl * Also a Programmer

Me: You are a semicolon to my code.
Girl: Awwwwwww.. That's so sweet.
Me: * Trying to breakup * I recently switched to Python and want to use only a single language now.

* It Works! *

P.S.: Still use all three Languages ❤

Modern cross platform mobile app development is a lie. Maybe if you do Apple first, I don't know. Maybe xamarin is better than Cordova, idk. I've spent more time tweaking to one platform than I would have just starting with a platform and writing two or three code bases. I've got more if iOS statements than I know what to do with and the Windows code is some hacky transpiled mess because UWP isn't ES6 ready for reasons. Also, some error and image handling just doesn't translate. All this and I've got significantly less features than I could have implemented in the same time writing in a native language.

Notepad of all things just freezed on me and restarted, losing my notes progress three times before I realized what was happening.

Thanks Microsoft for giving me a reason to hate Win11

Turns out the moment the vertical scrollbar appears, it crashes. That's it, a fucking scrollbar.

I used to be in an infrastructure maintenance team, and I worked with an old guy. We had a jump box we all used. This guy would work weekend maintenance windows and still be trying to get changes done at 7am, three hours after the end of the window. He was glacially slow. I remember watching him login to a prod weblogic server. He would open the Windows start menu, move his fucking mouse through two or three submenus, and finally click putty. Then, he would type out the FQDN of the jump server, and move his mouse to the connect/ok button. Then it would prompt him for his username and password, both of which took him about 90 seconds to single-finger type. Then, once loved into the jump box, he would then type ssh user@server.fqdn, rather than copying and pasting the server name.

It took him fully five minutes to get logged into the weblogic server. I could not take it. It would have taken me about ten seconds.

Here I am for three months trying to implement TypeScript in this project that was a dump when I picked it up.
And then some morons get assigned to the project and just start adding @ts-nocheck everywhere?
Like, WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?

And then you wonder why the project is bug-ridden??
FUCK THESE PEOPLE THAT CALL THEMSELVES JAVASCRIPT ENGINEERS!! NO WONDER JS GETS SUCH BAD PRESS WITH ALL THESE CLUELESS IDIOTS TO WHOM STATIC TYPING IS JUST AN OBSTACLE TO THEM CHURNING OUT LINE AFTER LINE OF "CODE"

!Rant; Week40
Honestly, before starting my post secondary education in Computer science I had wanted to become an architect.
Since I was maybe.... 10 years old all the way till the semester before graduating from highschool I was sold on becoming an architect.
I love design; Interior design, art, unique use of colors, architecture. I love systems that looked good and worked as well as they appeared.
Over the winter break of my grade 12 year a friend said to me, "Why don't you become a UI/UX developer? You love technology, software and design, why not go into a career where you practice on all three?".
I was surprised to hear that. It had honestly never really occurred to me since I had always told myself I would become an architect.
I guess that leaves me to where I am now. Still a student, but loving my time learning the details behind software development. I do not regret choosing Development over becoming an Architect.

There are a lot of things I don't understand in life, but the fact that I need to press tab three times in xcode to select the item in the popup tooltip is just ... I don't know fucked up?

I have a var called: isItemSelected, I need to press tab three times for it to use this option while in all other IDEs I used if it is highlighted then one FUCKING PRESS ON TAB BUTTON SELECTS THE HIGHLIGHTED SHIT !!

Fucking Apple shit -.-

I put the same song in a forever loop.
There are 3 stages each increasingly stronger! :

Level one: get lucky - daft punk
Level two: whiskey in a jar - Metallica cover
Level three: gangnam style - psy

I close all im, email and whatnot and code till exhaustion.

I normally listen to metal and classical music BTW.

It works

The three of us were all doing Java project for class. Within 5 minutes, we all merged our branches up to the integration branch, and everything broke.

Longest 2 hours of yelling ever. We took out all of the stops: git blames, reverting commits, the whole nine.

Turns out that someone accidentally pushed their .idea folder, which messed up everyone's system.

not sure if this totally classifies as a rant, but here goes:

so my Pi is giving a lot of problems. can't install software, keep getting weird error messages. so I try DD a new image onto the card. does not work at all. tried on three different machines :D
next I try run rm -rf /
it's obviously totally fucked. nothing works. pull the plug and plug it in again to see what happens.... it boots up again :D all the commands are back. no files are gone.

and that's when I was like fuck this and I returned the sd card :D

A coworker changed the application deployment process. He told all three of the other developers who need deployments, but not me. We sit six feet away from each other and I've run/managed deployments for a year longer than him.

His new process doesn't work and he's blaming the dev ops team for not following it. The new process clearly doesn't fit their workflow and never could have.

The lack of deployments have caused production issues and he still won't ping dev ops to remind them about the deployment because "it's not in the new workflow".

He's been painting dev ops as incompetent at the last three retrospectives without having ever personally reminded the deployment guy.

Ugggh.

I tried to solved a problem for two day. And I was about to give up. I went and watched a movie with all my frustration. As I was checking on devRant while watching . I decided to google again using my phone this time. Immediately I got an idea and back to my computer. Three minutes and I was done with a problem that took me 2day's. All was because I was using RC5 in angular 2 and the module I was using is RC1 angular 2 and they had not indicated the change in the documention 😢😢😢

As I'm learning Chinese, I realize I'll feel compelled to document all my projects in Chinese and English if I ever reach a proficient level.

Right now I'm reading the three little pigs, but i'm determined!

Anyone else ever had to install Jekyll on Windows?

Man, what a displeasure the last four hours were. SSL errors everywhere because Ruby versions have differing SSL certificates for downloading gems or something, having to install the devkit three times, messing with Linux Subsystem and finding out the Ubuntu repos do not have a new enough Ruby version to support what you're doing.

All this to have some fun with GH pages. It's physically exhausting.

Fuck CORS.
Three hours into trying to make it fucking work... YES BROWSER I ALLOWED ALL ORIGINS WHY DONT YOU WORK 😭😭

Ugh! I'm in unfinished project Hell. Three website owners need me to finish big features and I just keep uncovering bugs and feature gaps. So much anxiety about all of it.

Really? You want me to install you an old windows release because "you don't understand the new one"?
What don't you understand? Fucking square buttons? Basic color palletes? Big fat icons with a description below?
What do you miss in a ten years old shitty OS? The need of three antiviruses? The satanic settings layout? Lack of any drivers?
You have a family, you're making them too experience all the security breaches, all the compatibility problems with thing are a "must have" today, and all the slow performance.
Fuck you. Please, please, please, go fuck yourself with your trashy laptop's burnt battery. Pretty please. I already hated you, but now it's out of the charts.
PS: Actually, fuck myself with your crappy laptop's batteries, because my girlfriend told me to help you, and I can't say no, so see you in two weeks, when porn ads are invading your desktop and you're ready to blame me.

Legit Apple Interview
There are three boxes, one contains only apples, one contains only oranges, and one contains both apples and oranges. The boxes have been incorrectly labeled such that no label identifies the actual contents of the box it labels. Opening just one box, and without looking in the box, you take out one piece of fruit. By looking at the fruit, how can you immediately label all of the boxes correctly?
Those who got it answer it directly on Saturday/Sunday until then good luck

Woke up 4am today to push my first iOS app. Took me three phucking hrs to realise apple is down! Their FUCKING dev stats website says all is green! Fuck u xcode

I have three words for all of us who still use CDs/DVDs,
* paper towel
* toothpaste

The most shittiest feeling in competitive programming is when your code passes all the test cases except the last three. 🤓😌

Today's first day at my internship has been wasted by IntelliJ IDEA not importing a project properly.
On the bright side, other devs told me that it took them three days in order for all configuration to be set up.
Man, this sure feels unproductive.

Okay so this is my first desk job. I'm experiencing some personal issues and wondering if they are normal, what you do to combat them, etc.

First of all, some days, I literally almost fall asleep on the job. Caffeine doesn't work much. I know it's just my sleep schedule but what should I do in this situation? What if I actually do fall asleep?

Secondly, I'm finding that my productivity only exists in bursts. I'll do three hours of work in 10 minutes, and then 10 minutes of work in three hours. I can't just catch a stride. How do I become more consistently productive? Should I be more consistent?

My legs hurt. Sitting all day is not for me. I guess this is more situation to situation, and I do walk almost 6k steps a day on my breaks, but it really doesn't feel great most of the day.

The Project Management Triangle "fast-cheap-good (pick two, you can't have all three)" is something I've never agreed with.

How would you promise to build something good & cheap?
Doing it slowly will not really make it cheaper. The cost is usually development hours. If it takes 40 hours to make a good product - doing it 2 hours per day isn't going to make it cheaper.

I've been working on my term paper and writing an SDL-OpenGL program for it. I wanted to implement GLSL shaders. Took me only 6 hours and three cocktails.
And after the ordeal I ended up with this unholy flickering mess which just hurts to look at.
It's frustrating, doing all this shit for something that doesn't even work properly.
Fuck this

I installed an ad blocker, less than three months ago, on my phone.

Experience has been great, but then I decided to check how many hosts it has blocked.

More than 100,000 queries blocked. All ads.

Seriously, what the hell? Why so many ads on the internet?

PouchDB.

It promised full-blown CRDT functionality. So I decided to adopt it.

Disappointment number one: you have to use CouchDB, so your data model is under strict regulations now. Okay.

Disappointment number two: absolutely messed up hack required to restrict users from accessing other users’ data, otherwise you have to store all the user data in single collection. Not the most performant solution.

Disappointment number three: pagination is utter mess. Server-side timestamps are utter mess. ANY server-side logic is utter mess.

Just to set it to work, you need PouchDB itself, websocket adapter (otherwise only three simultaneous syncs), auth adapter (doesn’t work via sockets), which came out fucking large pile of bullshit at the frontend.

Disappointment number four, the final one: auth somehow works but it doesn’t set cookie. I don’t know how to get access.

GitHub user named Wohali, number one CouchDB specialist over there, doesn’t know that either.

It also doesn’t work at Incognito mode, doesn’t work at Firefox at all.

So, if you want to use PouchDB, bear that in mind:
1. CouchDB only
2. No server-side logic
3. Authorization is a mess
4. Error logs are mess too: “ERROR 83929629 broken pipe” means “out of disk space” in Erlang, the CouchDB language.
5. No hosting solutions. No backup solutions, no infrastructure around that at all. You are tied to bare metal VPS and Ansible.
6. Huge pile of bullshit at frontend. Doesn’t work at Incognito mode, doesn’t work at Firefox.

Just been watching some police soap on YT with "real police officers in action". Haha, yeah.

Huh, what's that outside, flashing blue light? Oh, a police car. No, two. Three. Actually, four. All of the guys rush into the neighbour house, WTF. Real police officers in action.

Lots of hate for Apple today on devrant. I go all three ways so I don't really take sides. They all have there purposes.

Since I'm back to working for myself again and haven't been able to find a reliable hire, I'm alone. In this bubble, no one cares/sees/appreciates my backend code and I just realized that's why I've been slacking so bad on this ETL process. No one gives a shit about it but me. If I build an interface, I get kudos and everyone celebrates, but working on a three server process with layers of abstraction, auto-scaling, etc...and people just wonder if I'm jerking off all day.

Sometimes it sucks to be a lone ranger.

Around three months ago in a meeting regarding a new end2end test for a product :
PO: We have a full feature stop, only bug fixes are coming until we can unify all products.
Me : So I can use any selectors without worrying the whole thing breaks with the next update?
PO: Sure.

Last Thursday :
PO: Yeah, we gonna overhaul the entire UI with the next release to get better UX.

Why would any sane person reinvent an entire product thats already scheduled for discontinuation in 2018? And how is it possible that a few months ago nobody knew anything about it? Are they using fucking tatot cards for management decisions?

I started getting more into the product management side of the business lately, which involved being invited to what feels like 80 meetings per week.

My schedule today consisted of 5:30 of meetings, three of which were a single API design kickoff…

I’m starting to get why people are so damn mad at meetings all the time. Should’ve been a fucking email chain

THREE DAYS of debugging, reading all the logs I could find, creating tens of new logs in our appliaction, and SUDDENLY an email from your IT admin:

"Hey your CURL requests are being rejected by my !oh so secure! firewall rule".

Not that I haven't said at the beggining, that THIS IS YOUR F...G NETWORK PROBLEM because we get "connection reset by peer" errors, and you ASSURED that everything is CHECKED and OK!

I'm working on a project that is being shipped to production this friday, so we're killing all bugs and finishing all remaining features.
Sadly, one of the main devs just took his vacation last friday for THREE WEEKS, and being the small team we are, it feels like we'll need to work non-stop extra hours every day to meet the deadline.

The problem is, I can't sleep right now and it's 2:30 am, so fuck me.

I've worked for 2 firms with billion dollar revenue on contract basis in last years, but I'm still a year away from graduating.
It feels suffocating when after a great night of work I have to go to class among people who don't care about programming at all

I just want to graduate and leave this place...

Ps. Attendance is compulsory in my college and I take computer science classes

Pss. I already make thrice of the highest package in offered in my college for last three years!

Something I discovered at work today:

A sub procedure that takes three arguments:

A table name
Column list
Where clause

It concatenates all of those values together and executed the dynamically generated query.

Why??????????

The fires in australia killed something like half a billion animals, and it's kind of sad, all that potential barbecue going to waste.

We have the means to solve this. With KNAWWWWLEDGE.

What we do is hook up buckets to a bunch of big ass drones and have some sort of contest to see who can put out the most acreage of fire. People will come from all over for the annual "australian fire olympics."

Shit, put a $1 million dollar bounty on "most acreage put out" stream it on twitch, youtube, netflix, you name it.

Fires would be out in a day or three.

This is another high school story. mostly because i’m in high school.

like most schools we have horrible forced passwords. Our school recently purchased microsoft 365. which means we all use outlook for our emails. the logins for our district follow the sand format.

s + first five of last name (x’s for missing letters) + first letter of your first name + the last three of your student id.

so for example Sean Peterson 456705 would be speters705. since we have outlook we can look up a persons name and get their email which gives you the last three of their password. All passwords start with a 4 and most are followed by a five so you pretty much can get 5 out of the 6 numbers in their password.

so to mess with my friends i signed into all of their accounts and messed with their emails so they thought they were getting random emails. and then i made word documents on all of their accounts and just pretty much messed with all of their school stuff.

so that’s my “hacking” story. my district doesn’t allow you to change your password so i’m pretty much stuck. pls help.

I wrote three posts for a tech writing website - all of which were well researched, well formatted, and I figured, pretty relevant to most people working in software, right

The website decides hmm, we won't promote the posts at all - no retweets, nothing. So they all get about 100 views each within the first few days. Sad.

Meanwhile, one article written in basically BULLET POINTS gets pinned to the frontpage, and another article written in the most pajeet English I have ever seen containing factually wrong information (HTML is not a fucking programming language) gets retweeted and publicized and ends up with thousands of views

Why even fucking bother

I just fucked up!

So I was invited to an afterwork beer because some guy out of our project team left...
I was there early and run into the lead of HR for my current department... (I am still in apprenticeship, last year, so she is not <yet> responsible but if I want to stay she is the one who decides)
I said Hi, and she asks me to sit down.
After a while she asks me (out of the blue) If I want to stay!
I was surprised!!! I am considering multiple options atm .... I was not able to formulate a proper sentence all I could say was a simple "yes"...
... and with all the things going on in my head at this moment it might not have been the most convincing one....
I am screwed! Fuck I worked hard the past three years

It has now become trend for all new startups in my country to follow these three steps.
Step 1 - Attract developers by showing them high CTC.
Step 2 - Make them work mercilessly on intern basis giving them low pay.
Step 3 - Fire them after intern period without giving some valid reasons.

I am fed up now as I have wasted my six months without getting much pay and now I am jobless 😨

By this month, I have been in business for three years. How much pressure have I suffered in three years? I am a programmer. I used to think that writing code is too youthful. I started to know that when I started a business, when a programmer might lose my hair, I would be bald if I started my own business.

In order to develop my own products, I invested most of the funds in the early stage. Later, when the product came online, I struggled with promotion, but promotion was not as easy as expected, especially when you had no money. Those successful people always like to share the story of "without spending a penny to promote and make one million users from zero." I have nothing more to say about this except Ha ha. I am very confident in my product, but if I have no money to promote it, it means that no one knows how good your product is. So I always wanted to get a financing. But if promotion is difficult, is financing easy? The chicken soup said again: "All the money floating on Zhongguancun Chuangye Street is money, and as long as you come, it is yours." Ha ha, I laughed and said nothing.

Worst was getting head hunted into my current role at this terrific company.
Three months later I’m done with it.
It’s not shit shitty codebase, or the lack of direction that self governing teams have. It’s not the megalomaniac company owner. It’s the bullshit team mobbing and 8 hours of video calls a day.

The best part.
Come he’ll or high water I’m getting myself out before the end of the year.
I’d rather be busy and have f’k all chance of promotion than any more of this. At least the day will fly by.
Just hope I don’t make the same mistake twice, that’s become my biggest worry now.

Any good resources for learning css?
I've been using it for three years and I still suck ass.
Never learned it properly, never liked it at all.

What a week at work...

As some of you might know, it‘s currently very hot in Germany with temperatures rising up to 35°C. That‘s when our AC at work decided to stop working. I‘m working in the third floor of a three story building so it‘s getting very hot in the office.

The day after we had a 45 min powercut and the AC still does not work.

Today when I got up and wanted to go to work, I got an E-Mail saying that we have another powercut which lasts at least three hours. We‘re supposed to work from home using VPN. But how the fuck should I be able to log into the VPN if the network is offline?! Oh and of course our GitLab server is hosted in house as well, so no access to any code at all.

Hopefully next week is gonna be a better one...

We were 4 dudes developing this little disposable material management system for a course in college, and we had to write documentation and present on the last day of class. Second week into the course and one dude goes rouge, not taking phonecalls nor replying to messages, just goes to class and does not get together with us to make progress. Neddless to say the other three of us had to do all the work. Fast forward to last day, all of us wondering where this dude could be. He shows up 6 mins before the presentation, already late, reads like 3 pages of the doc, and decides he will be the lead presenter.

>Mfw he takes over and starts bs'ing the whole thing.
>Mfw he mentions the possibility of the system to be extrapolated to manage salami in a butchery.
>Mfw the professor seemed to have swallowed all that bs like cake.
>Mfw we get an A, including him.
>Mfw I have no face

By Thor (not the god, the dragon), Belial and Thor (the god, this time)...

Just got the sources for the software that runs on the SDR for my project. I think I just found the mother of all legacy code:
The whole behaviour is described in a single, 4000 lines C file. Most of the code is in a giant switch with cases selected from an enumeration with names that don't match their function. All varnames are overly long, yet hopelessly unhelpful. And why three fuck would you use pointer[0].data instead of (*pointer).data or pointer->data like a sane person would !? pointer isn't even an array, so why would you use []?