An area sales rep once rang me to tell me his iPhone screen was cracked and was going blurry around some sections.

I told him to fetch me to look, and I will see what I can do.

5 minutes later I get a SCREENSHOT from his phone asking if I can see the crack and blurry edges.

HOW FUCKING DUMB ARE THESE PEOPLE!!!

I mean, come on. He seriously said when I called him: "But I can see the crack and blurry bits on the screenshot on my phone"

Four months ago changed a laptop failing hdd and give it back to customer. Today I got a 30 minutes call because the computer "is not like before the repair, it doesn't work well".

*Thinks* Well, s#*@, before the repair the hdd had more than 2000 damaged clusters, which prevented even the os to start

*Says* "Could you describe me the issue?"
....
...
[ basically he was saying that since he started using IE as a browser, he didn't have Google.com set as the first page and that he had to bing it]
...
"When did the 'issue' start, If I may ask?"

>"Two weeks ago. "

Two weeks ago.
Two f*""#ng weeks ago.
Set aside for the nature of the issue, you blame my four months ago repair for a two weeks ago issue?
"The computer was better before"?
THAT F###ING MACHINE WAS LIKE A BURNING HOUSE - I RESCUED DATA FOR 2 DAYS JUST BEFORE THE HDD STARTED TO CRANK AT EVERY SPIN - I REBUILT IT TO GIVE IT YOU BACK FULLY WORKING AFTER YOU USED AS A FOOTBALL, AND NOW YOU BLAME ME BECAUSE THE
BROWSER ISN'T SETTED AS YOU LIKE

No,seriously, is like I rebuilt a burned house from scrap and now the owner blames me because in the kitchen sink the hot water tap is on the right side instead of the left side.
Seriusly, wtf.

!rant

Somebody is having fun today 👍

When you see some code you wrote a few years ago:

I’m trying to contribute on his dying forum, and he PM’s me this.

When you find php booleans values with capital first letters, and then you see this .....

No. Words.

“5 years experience in Objective c++”

WTF? 🧐

When you forget your password, go to change it and get greeted with:

"Your new password cannot be the same as your current password!"

When UserID is an int(3) in one table, and then text(10) in another. And then the monent you see that the Username field is stored in both tables ......🖕🖕🖕🖕

Who dafuq wrote this crap?!?!?!?

When your work alarm goes off on a Bank Holiday Monday because Apple still dont have a feature to disable alarms on Bank Holidays. Cheers Tim.

ARGH. The moment you realise the previous developer centralised ALL of the current software around a M$ access dBase. WTF. Same dude also stores day of year, week of year, month number and year as seperate fields in a MySQL dBase. Alongside a datetime stamp. OMFG!!!!

People that call it "The Google".

When somebody else in the office steals your rant, puts it up on devRant and gets more +1's than anybody else on devRant.

When you get a call into the helpdesk:

" It doesn't work!! "

What doesn't fucking work???!!!!??? And who the hell is this anyway?

Meeting: Here is the brief. Its specific. Inplement it.

Me: It's done. Gone live.

Client: Can you just change the whole thing to be completely different to my original specific spec? It'll only take a minutes?

Me:

When the previous dev has written all datetime query lookups by date only, resulting in any values for the ladt day of the month to not be included.

THANK YOU.

Same wanker has copied and pasted same 100 lines of code over and over and literally changed one value in between. Obviously never heard of a function.

Don't you just hate it when you search for a solution to your problem and always end up back at your unanswered SO post?

Scary sysadmin is scary

When all the n00bs start signing up to devRant that have 0 idea what development and/or rants are!!

The moment you discover that the previous dev used many goto's in his php code! ARGH!!!

When you try sending a mail campaign to btinternet users.

User, Y U NO USE GMAIL?

People that put spaces at the end of each form entry. Infuriating to say the least

NB: Yes, I trim and validate, but who is teaching these little fuckers to do this. Seriously.

Me writing articles: …so think of Brodal-Okasaki heap as a set of endofunctors mapping the N-dimensional Hilbert continuum, simple as that
Me talking on stage: how is babby formed

When you spend all afternoon correcting a layout issue only to find the problem was Chromes Super Cache!!!

Meh. FFS. Thats how this shit starts.

Get a call to say 2018 Bank Holidays not showing on legacy web calendar.

/me looks for bank holiday code in PHP file ..... no dice.

/me finds a dBase table that holds all Bank Holiday info. Not ideal, but I can work with that.

Enter all Bank Holidaya into dBase. Sit back, relax, wait for page to reload to show me Banks .... no dice.

Huh??

Read code more closely ......

Included file (inline, half way through PROCEDURAL FILE FFS) and notice that the linked file has all Banks hand formatted into Calendar events, and minified.

If I ever meet the old dev in the street, so help me god. 🤬

Colleague: "Let me just try that on a decent phone".

Hes an Android user.

Me: "Yeah. Try one of these"

I want to start meeting new people. What can I expect from Tinder?

When your busy following a guide and type imdb instead of lmdb. And then wonder why the config doesnt work.

Anybody any suggestions on a good backlit mac layout keyboard?

New monitor for macbook pro arrives Tuesday and I need to be ready 👍👍

When xcode wont stop whinging about your lack of updating a var since creation. Yes. Its currently looking immutable but will be updated in a short while when I get to that code!!!!! Hence the reason for var!

Everything

"Oh Lord, let there be var".

You c what I did there? 😜👊