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If programming languages where weapons...
1. C is an M1 Garand standard issue rifle, old but reliable.
2. C++ is a set of nunchuks, powerful and impressive when wielded but takes many years of pain to master and often you probably wish you were using something else.
3. Perl is a molotov cocktail, it was probably useful once, but few people use it
4. Java is a belt fed 240G automatic weapon where sometimes the belt has rounds, sometimes it doesn’t, and when it doesn’t during firing you get an NullPointerException, the gun explodes and you die.
5. Scala is a variant of the 240G Java, except the training manual is written in an incomprehensible dialect which many suspect is just gibberish.
6. JavaScript is a sword without a hilt.
7. Go is the custom made “if err != nil” starter pistol and after each shot you must check to make sure it actually shot. Also it shoots tabs instead of blanks.
8. Rust is a 3d printed gun. It may work some day.
9. bash is a cursed hammer, when wielded everything looks like a nail, especially your thumb.
10. Python is the “v2/v3” double barrel shotgun, only one barrel will shoot at a time, and you never end up shooting the recommended one. Also I probably should have used a line tool to draw that.
11. Ruby is a ruby encrusted sword, it is usually only used because of how shiny it is.
12. PHP is a hose, you usually plug one end into a car exhaust, and the other you stick in through a window and then you sit in the car and turn the engine on.
13. Mathematica is a low earth orbit projectile cannon, it could probably do amazing things if only anyone could actually afford one.
14. C# is a powerful laser rifle strapped to a donkey, when taken off the donkey the laser doesn’t seem to work as well.
15. Prolog is an AI weapon, you tell it what to do, which it does but then it also builds some terminators to go back in time and kill your mom
All credits go to Vicky from damnet.com6 -
A software engineer was smoking...
A lady nearby asked him: "Can't you read the warnings? Smoking is injurous to health!"
He replied: "We are bothered only about errors, not warnings!"6 -
Am i the only one that hates Google reCAPTCHA from the body down to the soul ?
- Click the Car
- The Blue Car
- The Truck
- The Truck Bus
- The Bus Truck
- With Blue Light
- Select the Bicycles
- Skip the house
- Find the sign
- With the blue bat
- Purple pink hat
- Click Traffic light
- We mean all Traffic lights
- Select Stores
- With Zebra Crossing
- ...
WTF!!! Just kill me already.12 -
So today I got really triggered when i hear this guy say that coding is cancer. I stand up and instantly the first thing going through my mind is that it's the battle of the nerds. He says he tried ALL of the programing languages out there and they were shit. I asked if he tried C# and he still says coding is cancer even though he has never even heard of any C# syntax. I asked if he used Batch as a started language and he still says it. So I just decided to roast him by saying "did you put .bat at the end of the file when you were saving? Oh wait never mind, I forgot your lazy ass doesn't have the intelligence to understand how to save"
Surprisingly everyone was silent and most likely didn't understand what I had said. So I just left wondering if he even bothered to get a guide on syntax for any of the languages he would have liked.5 -
I started coding in 1994 making .BAT menus for my DOS games. Used HELP.EXE to find commands I could use. Then I figured out how to modify and run GORILLA.BAS (using Q-Basic). Man, when I realized that all BASIC commands were in the OS documentation as well, that was the Red Pill! Just started to copy commands and blocks from the Gorillas game into a new program, read the doc, modify, run and learn. Btw, the first BASIC command I played with was "PLAY" (for music).
At that time I was 10 and there was no Stackoverflow, no Youtube, no tutorials, no Google... no easy path to follow down the rabbit hole.
Ref: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/...
10 -
When I was in college, I had some serious knob-heads in my class. They kept on asking where they could download free movies.
So I made a .bat file called "free movies". It had a nice icon and everything. And placed it on their desktops.
What did it do?
Kept spawning message boxes that read "do some math bitch" and opening new instances of the calculator.
It was too brilliant to see people watch their computers crash, and might I add, crash slowly, because these computers had tons of ram.
Never click on "free movies" kids.5 -
I have my best moments but the first time I felt badass about computers was when I was at kindergarten.
There was one computer with one cool game with skateboard. I wanted to play but the other kids didn’t let me.
I thought that if it look like I fix the computer they will let me. I took me month or little more but I made shutdown bat(I didn’t really understood fully) and I added it to the game shortcut from usb.
One of the other kids started the game and the computer turned itself off. Hi tried a few times and then I offered to fix it, I created new shortcut replacing the “hacked” one and the game ran.
From that moment the computer and the game were always free for me.7 -
“Competitive pay”
Translation: We are so embarrassed about how fucking little we are offering we can’t even bare to say it out loud. Maybe after 7 rounds of interviews when we feel a little more like friends we’ll be willing to let you know but only if you promise not to tell anyone.
—-
I’ve noticed literally every company with *actually* competitive pay will tell you RIGHT OFF THE BAT what that range is because they are PROUD OF IT.
Anyone who doesn’t? Well you fill in the blanks.9 -
Fuck recruiters! I told them i want to work in a bigger company and my JS are not the best.
I just drove a freaking hour to a company who wants a diehard JS'er and exists of 4! People.
Assholes!7 -
Suddenly it hits me.
It’s 01:20 here but i get it.
It’s ALL a budget thing.
No dedicated tester means less expenses.
No personal parkspot?
No expenses!
And no good staging or testing environment? Less expenses!
Meanwhile every developer can setup, work on, and maintain about 20 websites on their shitty local Windows machine, that doesn’t even have a proper SSD installed, and we are setting impossible deadlines to figure out who will sink and who will swim.
Ow, here is a SSD.. Figure out the installation yourself because we have no IT knowledge or budget for people that do.
You want a challenge? How about 40 other people that are distracting you all day long.
Meanwhile everybody has to improve their skills in js, react, html5, ccs3, angular, .net and razor so money can made faster.
It would be nice if you could build apps as well.
You had a question? Sorry, no time. Expect some feedback 14 days later.
You finished the site?
Great!
But here are 101 bugs to solve before next week.
All hail their crazy company!2 -
Goes to first job interview. Great interview but, can you send some code?
-Sure-
Sends requested js, css html files.
Great code, we want to speak to you again!
Goes to second interview, waits 15m, meets the sales department. Sales? Wtf?
Great interview but, can you send more code?
Errr?
We need some native JS to really make sure you can write code.
You could've emailed this request before the interview b*tch. That way id save time hurrying in rain and traffic jams!4 -
Clearing the cache.
Tried clearing cms cache
Tried restarting iis
Tried browsing incognito
Tried deleting browser cache...
WHY U STILL SHOW OLD CSS?!?!22 -
The public seems to be worried a lot on the Facebook "data breach" yet doesn't bat an eye on a bigger website that has already been selling private data for more than a decade.
Google9 -
It's always fun to compare webdesign to car sales.
Client: We want a car with 2 doors.
We: Here is you car with 2 doors.
Client: Why does the car only have 2 doors? This is very limiting and i think 4 doors work way better.
We: Okay fine, here is a car with 4 doors.
Client: Could you please check on the brakes, i think there is something wrong but i don't know what.
We: Ok we checked the brakes and they are working ok. So here is you car with working brakes and 4 doors.
Client: Why didn't you check on the exhaust? The car is generating big black clouds now...
It's never enough7 -
The other day we had a little celebration because a website went live.
It’s weird
Somehow it’s easy to spent €100 on celebration food and drinks but it’s hard to sign a €90 paper and allow me to upgrade my computer just a tiny bit.4 -
Personal Project:
Code lives in gitrepo, commits to master are automatically unit tested and if all tests work it will be published to production
At Work:
"If you're done put this .bat in the project folder, it will copy everything in it per ftp to production"1 -
Just had my first demo here. The resolution of the screen was set at 150% screwing more up then i hoped for.
I didn't dare to show the iPad version. I had seen enough bugs in those 10 minutes.
Don't put this developer in the center of attention. Please.2 -
1. Keep your rythm: 7/8 hours of sleep each day and DON'T take your work home. Unless you have your own business ofcourse. Still: don't wear yourself out!
2. Put on music. Me personally like fast punk when i'm struggling with a deadline. Makes you want to go faster.
3. Close ALL communication like chats, mail etc. Hell i even thought of a sign "do not disturb"
4. Coffee. Lot's of coffee
5. Use a time tracking method like pomodoro5 -
Back in school a class mate used a bat file to recursively create a directory an then enter it and repeat.
The directory also ended with ascii 255 which looks like a space and when placed at the end is invisible.
This was in msdos and there was no mouse or autocomplete, also no deleting of non empty directories.
The teacher finally gave up and admitted he could not solve it.
You had do make a new script first to traverse to the inner most dir, then recursively back trace removing directories.2 -
Im working on a big project with a coworker that is working remotely. Basically we chat and call every day.
Today he is in the office.
Comes in, doesn’t even look or say hi.
Nice working with you pal.2 -
Having a baby while starting an IT company and learning IT at the same time.
Found myself crying and swinging a bat， listening to Limp Bizkit as i remembered what it felt to be 13 and being made fun of coz i hadn't kissed a girl yet.8 -
Fucking idiot lead dev who’s 10 years younger then me doesnt know fucking respect. Dumbass comes with every new framework there is:
- ow we should try abc.js
One week later
- now we should totally get in def.js. It’s soooo much better then abc.js!
Screwing up projects, asking for an extra pair of eyes and then asking wtf is this code.
Im out of here if we’re hiring toddlers for lead developers because they are willing to work 50 hours a week. I better get that raise soon.3 -
Client came in this morning. Not even angry about the results so far even though deadline was a month ago. It's good to see a client as passionate about his product as this one1
-
I used to write HTML line by line.
and then someone showed me emmet.
life has never been the same since.4 -
So, 5/10 minutes of discussion about a class i need in the code. This was with the backender.
Ofcourse the designer hears this, joins the discussion and causes another 10minutes of explaining that a photo is different then a video...
Meanwhile i took a piss and got coffee because i’m fucking tired of these discusseion. You’re a designer, why care about code other people write. Go draw something1 -
Theres a debate in my company about whether or not to be using RxSwift on iOS apps. I'm not 100% convinced. Today we had two submissions for a coding challenge come in. One uses nearly all the same Rx modules this company does, one was vanilla Swift.
Just by chance noticed the vanilla app writer contributed ~5k lines of code to the challenge overall. Including libraries, the Rx one contributed ~45k.
That to me is just bat shit crazy. It would want to be the most amazing, time saving, bug reducing thing the world has ever seen to justify that volume of code.4 -
TL;DR; windows XP + bat scripts + fascination about being able to make things yourself.
I was born and raised in a village. And the thing about living in a village is that you are free :) Among all the other freedoms you are also free to build your own solutions to various domestic problems, i.e. to build stuff. This is one of the things that fascinates me about living outside the city.
When I finally was old enough (and had the means to, i.e. a computer) to understand that programming is something that allows you to build your own solutions to computer problems, it got to me.
With win 3.1 I was still too fresh and too young. With win 95 I was more interested in playing with neighbours outdoors. With win 98 I was a bit too busy at school. But with win XP the time had come. I started writing automation solutions for windows administration using .bat scripts (.vbs was and still is somewhat repelling to me). I no longer needed to browse Russian forums and torrent sites to find a solution to a problem I had! That was amazing!!! [esp. when my Russian was very weak].
That was the time when I built my first sort-of-malware - a bat script downloading and installing Radmin server, uploading computer's IP and admin credentials to my FTP.
I loved it!
However, I'd stumbled upon may obstacles when writing with batch. I googled a lot and most of the solutions I found were in bash (something related to Linux, which was a spooky mystery to me back then). Eventually, I got my courage together and installed ubuntu. Boy was I sorry... Nothing was working. I was unable to even boot the thing! Not to mention the GUI...
Years later I tried again with ubuntu [7.10 I think.. or 7.04] on my Pavilion. Took me a looooot of attempts but I got there. I could finally boot it. A couple of weeks later I managed to even start the GUI! I could finally learn bash and enjoy the spectacular Compiz effects (that cube was amazing).
I got into bash and Linux for the next several years. And then I thought to myself - wait, I'm writing scripts that automate other programs. Wouldn't it be cool I I could write my own programs that did exactly what I wanted and did not need automation? It definitely would! I could write a program that would make sound work (meaning no more ALSA/PA headaches!), make graphics work on my hardware, make my USB audio card to be set to primary once connected and all the other amazing things! No more automation -- just a single program or all of that!
little did the naive me knew :)
I started with python. I didn't like that syntax from the beginning :/ those indentations...
Then I tried java. Bucky (thenewboston), who likes tuna sandwiches, on my phone all the free time I had. I didn't learn anything :/ Even tried some java 101 e-book. Nothing helped until I decided to write some simple project (nothing fancy - just some calculations for a friend who was studying architecture).
I loved it! It sounds weird, but I found Swing amazing too. With that layout manager where you have to manually position all the components :)
and then things happened and I quit my med studies and switched to programming. Passed my school exams I was missing to enter the IT college and started inhaling every bit of info about IT I could get my hands on (incl outside the college ofc).
A few more stepping stones, a few more irrelevant jobs to pay my bills in the city, and I got to where I am now.6 -
Just had the shittiest job interview ever. Had to do two tests. And since i was nervous as fuck and can't do proper JS i obviously failed!10
-
Felt like a real badass in middle school when I made my first .bat script that would recursively open itself. Took only two words. Four if you wanted exponential recursion rather than linear. And I came up with it by myself.
Cheesiest thing ever, but I really loved freaking people out by opening it and just watch windows grind to a halt as it would run out of ram opening thousands of terminal windows. Hell, it still gives me a kick today when I show it to people the first time :D7 -
Working as a new employee: no wifi. No work. 10 new tools to get familiair with. 41 new people to get to know. No workstation. No desk. No signed contract.
So far so good.4 -
So yesterday i solved 7 tickets on my own for this project while the teammate was "testing".
Solved nothing and checked fb or new everytime i took a look at his screen.
Can comeone please fire this guy?1 -
Despite some of the few bat crazy events that occur, I've got a fairly sweet dev job.
1. I only have a 25 minute drive to work. All interstate, I live close to the highway, and the business is right off the exit.
2. My current position, I have a lot of autonomy. My projects don't have deadlines and help other teams with their projects (system design, testing, etc)
3. I work with several military veterans. I think I could listen to their crazy stories all day (being a dev isn't so bad).
4. Department manager just quit. Probably going to have less and less things to rant about. Along with #2, I plan on having a lot more time for side-projects (stuff *I* want to learn about).3 -
Here's an even meaner prank. Make it just a tad more difficult on them.
Set chrome in kiosk mode, so they can't switch out of the browser.
Unfortunately 'Alt + F4' still works, but they'd have to know that ahead of time.
And then kill off `explorer.exe` so they can't press the windows key.
You can either set this up as a bat, or you can do all of this from the Task Manager.
```
chrome --chrome-frame --kiosk "http://fakeupdate.net/win10/"
taskkill /f /im explorer.exe
```
And to really piss them off, set it up such that every time they reboot it just goes straight to the update screen
You can set Chrome to run as the Windows shell instead of explorer.exe. Just set the registry
```
HKCU\Software\Microsoft\Windows NT\CurrentVersion\Winlogon Shell =
[chrome path]
```5 -
I just learned about the glorious language called batsh. It compiles, to bat and bash.
Considering learning OCaml to contribute, this is the holy grail that will bind us all together.5 -
Why does every designer has to be a complete asshole? Wtf is up with them? You take a day on your fucking design, i implement your fucking design, and then when you see it, you want it completely different again.1
-
Yeah i applied for a job once without much js experience. I got invited for an interview and a couple of tests. The interview went well. I think the cognitive test wasn’t bad either.
However they wanted to see funky js shit i hadn’t ever done or see before and also was totally useless skill wise.
I asked if i could google answers (who doesn’t in their daily script job?) but i wasn’t.
I tried for like 5 or 10 minutes and then blurted out to the major CTO super tech savy master degree microsoft-o-worthy, that my js skills weren’t up for the task.
He gave me a couple of links to pdf’s with programming basics teached at a high school. Totally cool and understanding.
I walked away ashamed and probably red as a tomato. Excused myself for wasting his time and left as quickly as possible.5 -
So i had the second talk with this company today. The backend developer somehow expected me to know all four benefits of jQuery. What the hell dude?
Nobody knows everything.
I’m not a big fan of jQuery period.9 -
Been working in Linux server for a while, doing devOps and basic task automation with bash.
Today I have to write some .bat task for backup and moving files in Windows first time against .bat . What the hell was this people thinking when they made the .bat sintax is just awful. I understand is old but why. And tried also powershell still crap.8 -
Started a new job a month ago. I’m the only real frontend developer here. I come from a company with 10+. Now i’m working with a old ux guy. Mr. UX teached me the usage of a styleguide. This styleguide is a fucking mess. The legacy code is a fucking mess. They way of working, up for improvement.
I have a dream...4 -
They hired a new person to come and help put with the project. This guy graduated a freaking year ago. Common guys wtf?!
Saying he is a full stack developer but unable to get a database running :’)4 -
Fuck CSS
Fuck it in the ass
With a baseball bat
Lubbed with hot souce.
Want to change from this : http://rjpf.ddns.net/ to http://rjpf.ddns.net/index5.html
First uses w3 framework
Second is using css grid with no framework.
Did everything right as I saw on tutorials (no copy paste)
Only uses 25% of the screen
Now I understand why everyone tells me to use bostrap... But noooo I must learn css
Ps: not gonna learn frameworks without knowing pure css9 -
99 IT recruiters on the phone, 99 IT recruiters.
Take one down and pass it around, 99 IT recruiters on the phone.3 -
So on a scale from 0 to creating a bat script to delete folders and fully re clone the repo's you just deleted because you can't be bothered learning git, how lazy are you?
I'm in the latter...3 -
So, I'm the only developer in a marketing firm. I was asked to develop the company website. The deadline was within a month. A full on CMS. When I was interviewed I told them that I'm more fluent in back-end development rather than UI design etc. So the company's designer started designing the website. Incomplete designs were given to me one week before the due date. I'm a fresh grad so I'm relatively new. So I used a website builder knowing that I can't code the whole CMS within a week. I asked them which they gave approval to knowing it was $16 a month.
I started making it using webflow. 2 pages in, I asked them to pay for the subscription because webflow allows 2-3 pages for the free version. When the time to pay came, they were like, "wow, $16? That's a lot every month for just a website". Keep in mind, it's not that they don't have the money. Just cheap. This was like 5 days before the deadline and they said it's too expensive and asked me to code everything by myself. And gave an extension for a few months.
I said okay and started development. I said we would still need to spend on a cloud instance for deployment which would be like $6 monthly. My manager asked me is there a way to not pay monthly and pay like $100 and get one for lifetime. I facepalmed so hard. I tried explaining to him cloud-server costs are either monthly/yearly or pay-per-use basis. He told me maybe because I'm new I don't know and go to do some research on it. I researched and the only solution was to buy a server which costs $100++ monthly. I sent him the costs in a document which he did not even bother to read.
That was back in November last year. Fast forward to February. I've coded the website thrice. The design keeps changing every week. The design is still not complete. And they are saying I'm not eligible for a promotion because the website is still not done. It pisses me the fuck off. It's not my fault it's not done. The designers haven't done the design, the manager can't decide on shit. I'm just here because it's my first job out of uni and I thought it might be a good experience, but honestly right now the way they are treating me it pisses me off.6 -
I may love apt but fuck me, the amount of times I've gotten told that the process is currently locked is making me go bat shit crazy -,-8
-
!rant
Our implementation director got bored since yesterday. So, I decided to let him barge in with my colleague and let him manipulate the audio speakers. Things got funny and asked me to code properly so he can take a shot and send it to his friends. What I did, I copied and paste the code and saved as .bat to make the console looked like the matrix while coding. 😂😂 -
I was in a meeting with the designer, the backend guys and a marketing person this morning. They talk about a frontender like i’m not even here.
I have a job interview this week so hopefully this will soon indeed be the case.1 -
Company is celebrating new awards. Whole dev team basically says fuck you we have better things todo and isn’t attending for champagne.
-
Covid-19 quarantine checklist:
> isolate yourself ✓
> wash hands ✓ // duuuuh
> work from home ✓
> buy normal quantities of TP ✓
> get attacked by a bat (from Wuhan?! O.o) ✓
> buy some favourite bar soap
> ...
W8 wut?!
Yeah...I saw a bat fly by the balcony.. I thought: oh, how nice, they never fly so close.. Wait...a bat?! Aren't bats supposed to start all this shiiii...O.O
Thoughts interrupted by a bat flap tap (sound it makes when it hits something) behind my back..
Quickly pull hoodie over the hair..and jacket hood to, just in case.. friend once got a bat tangled in her curly hair.. I didn't wanna test if straight but longer hair also make problems for them.. Some more flapping & scratchy noises (I think it fell on the umbrella) then nothing.. OMG did it die on my balcony?! How the fuck am I gonna explain a dead bat to the authorities who remove dead wildlife?! >Yeah, a funny thing happened the other day, I got a message from Wuhan and the messenger dropped dead on my balcony..< Yeah, this would totally work.. o.0 Anyhow, once the noises stopped, I turned around to check on it..but couldn't find it.. so I just hope it managed to fly away and I won't find it after 3 days in the middle of my apartment... o.013 -
I hate all these projects with cute cartoons, phrases and prompts, when you're debugging under pressure they're so fucking infuriating. Right now I want to destroy that dumb GitHub issues bot with a baseball bat.1
-
I was just in a meeting. Making notes on my phone. Appearently coworker thought i was on FB or something and asked if i could focus. I was just making notes?!
He felt pretty stupid :) -
When you hack up some spaghetti code which works right off the bat and you don't even know why but you take it for granted anyways. Week later someone tells you that it's not working anymore and you have to find out why.3
-
Last week: "let's build this page this way!"
Me: styles page
One day later: "no, that's build the wrong way, let's build it this other way!"
-_-' -
So i already worked 40 hours this week and i have still 8 more hours to go.
Made a shift from 08:30 till 23:30 and wannabe lead had the guts to tell me i could work from home.
Maybe it's not a bad idea to leave the office.
And fucking quit1 -
Setting up a local website here takes a couple of hours at least. Worst case scenario is 2 or 3 days.
I have to do it in 30m and the pc didn’t even had IIS or Sql Server studio.3 -
Conversation in a debug meeting, after a series of confusing failures:
Senior dev: “This is stupid”
Junior dev: “Me too” -
My workplace has been forcing me to work everyday for almost a month now. I've been working at least 8-10 hours from Saturday to Thursday, and 2-3 hours on Friday as well. I'm so exhausted. I can't sleep properly. All I do is work. I have no time left to do things that I want to enjoy. I tried coding today but I'm too exhausted to do it. I was literally at 0 productivity today. I hate seeing my computer now. I don't know how to overcome this especially during the current lockdown situation. The work I do is not valued or appreciated and it's mentally breaking me honestly. I don't know what I want anymore. For sure another job but I need at least a temporary fix till the lockdown is over.
For those who know me or read through my profile, yup it's the same company. The reason I haven't left them even after all this is because this is a really tough time for me financially and I have no other sources of income and right now at my place there are no job opportunities. So the only option is to continue with the existing work place.6 -
Assembly
Right off the bat
No beating around the bush like a pansy
Actually knowing the CPU operations (which in essence are very limited and simple) will help him/her understand EVERYTHING: its limits and its capabilities.22 -
I see people ++ my post.
I myself cannot even find the ++ button.
I'm blind as a bat and I write CSS for a living.
I just realized my senses must have adapted and I can probably hear stylesheets cascade.10 -
If i can make all buttons on the website manageble.
Haha just asking for 300 changes in a single issue. Wtf -
I wonder which programming language does Batman use given that he has all the sophisticated techs and gadgets.8
-
So, i helped solving 168 bugs for this website. Ofcourse, doubting every step since i'm still new here. Yesterday there was a meeting with the directors. Appearently they where happy a graded the site with a 8.5.
I finished my education with a 6. Not taking credit for any of the above...4 -
Why do recruiters keep thinking they can contact me 5 months after i last spoke to them? Look at me LinkedIn. I have a job!2
-
We had some PR’s this morning. Colleage rewrote an app. Restructured everything. Broke some things. Not a single comment and merged to master.
I get questions like: WhY dO yOu PuT a BuTtOnPrEsS aNd A mOuSeCliCk HeRe?
FOR ACCESSIBILITY ASSHOLE!!! SOMETHING YOU OBVIOUSLY NEVER HEARD OF!!!4 -
Talking to our helpdesk guy, our financial services controller emailed an 'emergency' restore from backups of 'missing' documents, stating they (the networking dept) violated company file retention policy and opened the company up to fines and other regulatory prosecution if we were audited. Once the files were restored, she wanted a system review of the policy to make sure this never happens again. She made sure she cc'ed VPs and other managers.
He found the files, they were moved one directory up and the log showed she had moved the directory earlier in the morning. He moved the files back and let her know.
Her response, "OK, Thanks" (funny, she didn't cc the VPs and other mgrs on the reply)
Glad I'm not the only one subject to end-user bat sht over-reaction craziness.1 -
I find it so frustrating that i have to do my frontend coding in the same sprint the designer is working out what i’m suppose to create.
This isn’t working people!
I have got jackshit to do because all i can do is wait for the design but mr. Designer is pixelfucking his ass off.
Seriously, i’m working here for a couple of months but already looking around for vacancies.1 -
Signed up on Freelancer as a soft engg. graduate with quite a lot of projects in Android and web services. A guy inboxes me regarding an applied bid and once everything's clear and mutually agreed upon with, he presents me with this one God damn question - "how many years of experience have you got?"
With truth said, all I get in response is, "looking for people with more exp. thanks for your time".
Yeah I'm sure he was born with 5+ y experience right off the bat. 😠12 -
WHAT THE FUCK!!!
Whoever says that MacOS is superior or at least on par with Linux in terms of ease of maintenance -- feel free to stick a backwards pinecone up your asshole and push it down with a baseball bat with 5" nails.
The FUCK is this nightmare. You can't even start a process w/o logging in via GUI, password changes are another horror story, esp. for users who have never logged in [warning says to change keystore pass separately... Which doesn't exist...], vnc uses some proprietary protocol, ...
Seriously, even SunOS is easier to maintain, not to mention AIX, compared to this BSD nightmare of a UNIXoid....
Wtf....3 -
Next level reinforcement learning:
Grab a baseball bat and show that damn machine who's the boss, i.e. reinforce that message by highfiving the said machine in the face with the aforementioned bat.3 -
So far i've been asked at least three times this week if i like it here.
I consider this a disadvantage...
7 -
Child to Mark Zuckerberg: My dad is saying that you are spying on us.
Mark Zuckerberg: he is not your dad4 -
Just writing this because i’m stressed as fuck and i’m currently having my second sleepless night in a row...
Like i mentioned earlier i have 4 projects on my name. Two are on a real tight deadline, the other two are smaller, more support like issues.
Last week i got asked basically to get about 20 storypoints done in two hours by my Scrum master. Ehh no. Impossible. Wish i could do magic...
Yesterday i had to make a quick hotfix between the two bigger projects. Tried to reject this but had to do this any way. (It was basically the clients fault/content)
Also, f’d it up because there are current changes that are ready for deploy but haven’t been approved yet.
Do i get a f’ckin email this morning about how the progress wasn’t followed and the git permissions aren’t right.
You fucking twat! If i i did have ANY freaking minute in my planning to actually take the time for this damn hotfix this didn’t happen any way! You’re fucking restrictions only make things harder you goddamn motherfucking morron!8 -
Every time i got fired. So thats 6. At least in the past ten years. Every time i saw colleages get fired. So double that. Every 10nth job interview i went to. Maybe i should say i doubt my dev future every single fucking day.5
-
Started this day great with the mention that a coworkers contract isn’t suspended.
In August?
Thats in freaking 6 months. Workload is already fucking insane, and STILL you fucking decide to fucking fire another fucking person from YOUR fucking company.
This has been the 5th i think and my contract is due to July. If it is prolonged i’m thinking of screwing this company over my going away myself. Bunch of mother fucking idiots.
Ended the day great as well.
Heard that a new person is going for lead promotion. Haha.
He has been here for only two months. :,)
Left and right projects are exploding meanwhile i’m in the middle trying to cut the right wire! -
I told myself for 18 months things like; ‘im being here, working here, and i like it here’.
Also when others left, nothing could break my confidence.
Present moment i’m happy to leave this place. This madhouse. This stressed out place where everybody keeps licking clients asses. Fuck this shit, i’m much better off elsewhere!
I am dreaming of leaving this company while the building burns. Or just before leaving, throwing my pc to pieces.
I wish i could scream: FUCK *company name*!!! -
Lead developer about Project X:
“Focus on responsiveness. That will probably take you the rest of the week”
The next day:
“Focus on functionality Y”
MAKE UP THAT MIND FFS?!2 -
full of contradiction.
If u try freelancing nobody would pay you shit coz theres always someone who'd do it for 100$.
If you do get a good budget freelance project, any Dev you'd consider outsourcing to to split the work with will ask for more than the project is worth.
There's a lot of competition but it's basically made up of
- people from fancy universities who dont know shit coz they think their degree is worth something on its own and expect high salaries off the bat.
- people who figured out the first group are idiots and tried to self learn, so they joined bootcamps that spoon fed them some Laravel and React and now think they are high tier engineers but may not even know their way around a bash terminal
- people who actually know their shit, went through hell to get the skills they have now, could probably spin up a startup on their own
group 3 all left the country tho4 -
Another fun thing. This morning one of the first mails i read was a issue about a bug in our software.
This was a bug i mentioned months ago but there was nog evidence where i searched like mails chats or tickets.
If people would just listen to me this bug was solved months ago but back then i got a reaction like: "works over here" while i tested it on two different instances with buggy results each time. -
Appearently on of my coworkers is working while having a day off. Boss answered the chat with the request to shut the pc because he’s off today :)
-
Don't be afraid to make mistakes. Making mistakes is the only way to learn from them and grow. F*ck sh*t up and build it back up again but better. Fall seven times stand up 8!
-
How to spend more time writing docs then code?
15m = doc
1m = code
<code>
/* Motor DC + Mosfet IRF520 + Servo
Materials:
IRF520 (Mosfet) + Dc motor + Batery (3V min)
diode (1N4007?)
Changed Tip122 for IRF520: Tip122 has less resistance and produces more heat
Hardware:
ARDUINO = A(port , 5V , GND)
MOSFET = M(A[port] , + , GND)
MOTOR = MOTOR(+ , -)
BATERIA = BAT(+ , -)
DIODO = D(sinal_1 , sinal_2)
MOSFET
M(port) = A(port)
M(+) = D(sinal_1) AND MOTOR(+)
M(GND) = A(GND)
D(sinal_2) = B(+) AND MOTOR(-)
ARDUINO
A(port) = M(port)
5V = null
A(GND) = M(GND) AND BAT(-)
*/
#define motorPIN 8 // A(port)
int loopy = 0; // Loop variable to limit de program
void setup()
{
// Initialize the motor pin as an output:
pinMode(motorPIN, OUTPUT);
}
void loop() // 1 loop == 100ms
{
if (loopy < 10) // Turns motor ON for 1 second
{
digitalWrite(motorPIN, HIGH);
}
else // Turns motor OFF
{
digitalWrite(motorPIN, LOW);
}
}
</code>22 -
This guy... starts at 11. Ends at 16:00... And i’m supposed to work with him while my day is 9-17. No communication whatsoever. Great. Fucking great. Im boring my brains out meanwhile.1
-
I'm wondering if recruiters are just as irritating everywhere or that this is just the shitty situation we have in the Netherlands.
I was once called by an unknown number and heard a typical recruiter story. Since i never heard of or spoke to this person i kindly asked where he'd get my information from. Since mr, Recruiter didn't answer and just kept selling his great position i hung up.
He called back.
I picked up the phone again and he told me there were connection issues. I once again asked where he found my number. And again he just acted like he didnt hear me and sells his great position.
Hangs up and blocks the number. Go f(...) yourself damn recruiter!7 -
So I suck at scripts, windows scripts namely. I need a script to monitor a program on machine and send an email if it goes down. There are eight instances running on the machine and they can be determined to be working if a specific port is open, one port per instance. I have no clue where to start and I thought it could be done with some existing service or script. Suggestions?10
-
1. When you are super busy, stuck at work, fixing codes with deadlines overshoot, and then, an intern comes to ask a question. Leaving all my important tasks aside, I turn to help him out and then he asks me:
"Where can I get the Table Tennis bat?"
Seriously, I gave all my attention to help him out since he is new and he ended up asking this..
2. Scene: My manager and me having a serious discussion regarding design reviews and future tasks.
2.a) An intern of my team comes and just stands near us. My manager asks him if he wants to talk urgently with anyone of us, and he says no. I am just standing and listening.
2.b) This time a step ahead. He actually intervenes to ask me about some stuff during a serious conversation between my manager and me. -
Client breaks website and i’m the one trying to fix things. For two unplanned hours i’ve been trying to help and instead of a thank you i get a thanks for nothing message. I’m not responding to this client next time. Fuckn bitch2
-
We all talk about the little things that screw us for days. Here is mine.
The same program with 4 executables pointing to bat files that all run differently. The executables to launch this program are in different places. 3 of the 4 are broken but give all appearances that they are functional. The one that works is buried in another directory that has 3 executables of the same type. Take your pick.
Short story, a 5 day problem solved by double-clicking the right icon. -
@dfox @trogus: feature request: in iOS 10.3, a feature was added where you can customize the app icon on the home screen (see http://theverge.com/2017/3/...). Can DevRant have our avatar as our icon?4
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Updated my Linkedin status last weekend. The recruiter hell is already starting. Everybody wants a piece of me.1
-
Considering applying to a regular administrative job, where I can use just 1% of my dev skills in BAT files, Excel macros, browser automation with Selenium, and people will be like "oh man, you are like a hacker!!!"1
-
Coworker and dev lead had a discussion about newsletter implementation last friday.
I told them, i’ve tried the setup before, it’s not gonna work, it’s behind an ip-block and they need a backend person.
Lead was convinced it was possible and started drawing stuff.
End result: wasn’t possible.
People really need to start listening around here... -
Recruiters have gone fucking mad! They are offering me a job in Brussels haha, this is at least a two hour drive away!!
Unless this job comes with a personal helicopter service, hell no!6 -
Developing a clothing shop and being bored. Adding clients like Napoleon Bonaparte with the comment that this person is missing a hand.
-
I have seen a developer implement lots and lots of breakpoints. For basically every pixel resolution a new one. Yes, it’s literally pixel perfect. No it isn’t maintainable in any way
-
Without any proper JS knowledge careeroptions are very limited... and i won't be able to pay my rent without a job :/3
-
So stress is back on. Justed wanted to work. Computer crashed.
Deadlines with Windows 10 isn’t a good combo. Booting takes between 15 and 30 minutes ofcourse. Site needs to go live monday.
Joy...5 -
For whoever is is breeding this developer vs. developer bullshit, they are a stupid cunt and deserve to be beaten with a bat6
-
So, i started at this company about 4 months ago. So far i mostly worked in existing project and legacy code.
We started a new project for a pretty big client, and i'm the one who's responsible for setting the project up. The last two days i've been struggling with database issues. Finally got the site running locally about an hour ago.
And now i am running into troubles because i don't know how to set up a project yet since i only worked in existing projects.
Great. Can't say i'm not challenged here! -
I got my evaluation today. First time in a year that i had a talk longer 30 minutes. 1,5 hours was a bit too much maybe. After an hour i just wanted to get over with it.
Verdict: average
Meanwhile i could’ve improved my project... -
Last week i had a talk with my boss. Actually he more had a talk with me. Why i wasn’t able to finish my work the sprint before. I told him i had to run not one, but two project at the same time and on top of that had to show a new coworker around.
Some how i keep thinking about quitting this shit.1 -
Was struggling today with some form elements and asked a coworker for help. Coworker start interupting immediately and doesn’t listen to any explaining at all. After trying to get a couple of points a cross he suddenly says: ok, i’m gonna let you finish your sentence...
Thanks twat! Next time show at least a bit of respect and start with that!1 -
Well, I've started work a few days ago, and I've got a rant for you as well.
Anyone here ever hear of laughter therapy?
Well my day was normal enough, rattling through the training material, and work was holding an appreciation day with some dogs, cakes, and a crazy laughing woman. She was the instructor for the laughter therapy.
So thanks to my newly found "try everything" mentality, and a senior dev dragging me along to fill seats, I was stuck in a room filled with other devs, being told to smile and laugh even if I was forcing myself to do it. So I did, we went through increasingly embarrasing and insane-looking exercises (e.g. Mime pouring and drinking a milkshake while laughing), until we were told to lie on the floor and belly laugh for 5 minutes.
Anyone here play/see "We Happy Few"? I was stuck standing next to the crazy sow, who looked one bad day away from beating everone in the room to death with a cricket bat!
As is customary for me, have a cute snek.
2 -
Crawling around in a legacy project. Need to rewrite 500 lines of SCSS, to regular CSS. Fuck it. Runs compiler, beautifier and copy paste that shit.4
-
Trying to install Linux on an HP Stream 7 has been way more difficult than it should have been, even when you take into account that it's a 32-bit processor with a 32-bit EFI!
First off, the only thing I've been able to get it to boot right of the bat is Android x86 and BlissOS... kind of. You would think that Android x86 would be perfect for a tablet, right? Nope, performance sucked sooooo bad.
After reading some forums, I was finally able to get Ubuntus to load up... with the limiting factor being no on-screen keyboard.
So... at the moment I guess I'm stuck with a useless Windows tablet, and probably will be for a long time (you know, since 32-bit architecture is being dropped)6 -
Rejections flying left and right and i’m getting tired of it. I’m already applying for a month and have been to 10 companies, made multiple assignments but it’s the same fucking story every single time.
Time for a goddamn careerswitch. Maybe riding a bus or a truck or so. -
Does the ease of “hacking”/breaking AI scare anyone else?
I remember a slide from a security presentation I saw once where there were three sections, the first was an AI classification of some animal with about 60% confidence, the second was a small grey static (think old tv static type thing) with a label next to it saying 10% and the third was an AI classification of the first picture overplayed with 10% of that noise and it had 95% confidence that the animal was COMPLETELY DIFFERENT.
Adding just 10% noise and AI goes batshit crazy. (No it was not a bat afaik)
THINK ABOUT THIS IN TERMS OF STOP SIGNS. WELP.3 -
This is getting kind of annoying now. Everytime i am planned for a (small) project, there is less to no briefing and nobody has a clue what to do.
Then how the hell am i supposed to?2 -
This to good to be true: a script that removes all win10 bloatware and "telemetry" processes at once.sat as .bat, execute and your pc runs smooth...could there a catch? Expert advise welcome ;) https://hwinfo.com/misc/...3
-
Created a bat file in windows-
shutdown /p and copied into the starup folder....
Now my friend thinks what the hell is wrong with hic laptop..2 -
Git Commit Part 3:
28d48b0 This is why the cat shouldn't sit on my keyboard.
95df68f I must enjoy torturing myself
c5acfc2 Fix my stupidness
3a57702 I hate this fucking language.
6cb212a Too tired to write descriptive message
292b1e2 That last commit message about silly mistakes pales in comparision to this one
f4a091f Does not work.
5af1ca1 small is a real HTML tag, who knew.
e7d2d84 Best commit ever
f54d32b de-misunderestimating
f587ca1 Added translation.
352e29c Future self, please forgive me and don't hit me with the baseball bat again!
54403a6 Now added delete for real
9f42f38 Who knows...
5df8457 more ignored words
56bd0ef Added missing file in previous commit1 -
Because i had some problems on sites in the past that were iOS specific i configured one of the leftover Macs here as a test device. A week later this laptop has been kidnapped and until now it is gone. I can start installing everything again on a new one because one of the fellow workers here is stupid as fuck
-
Since i hard problems with a slow harddrive i've been asking for a SSD. It took 6 weeks for a SSD to arrive.
It has been laying on my desk for another 4, because busy projects etc.
Last friday i decided to install it. I have to do everything about the install myself. No IT support nothing.
I've been trying to install windows on the SSD For over a day now. And now im fucking done with it. FUCK THIS SHIT. FUCK THE SSD. FUCK THE FUCKING PROJECT AND FUCK THE FUCKING CLIENT. Goddamn morons around here.3 -
The worst? There is a company called Colleseum Software that makes a piece of shitware called Aimi Ebook. It was supposed to let you send your FFL paperwork directly so you could do background checks before letting people walk out of your store with a gun. The company itself is a bag of dick, and whenever there were problems, they would put together some shitty solution like using a bat file on our server to keep their stupid service from fucking all over itself. I encountered this when I was working for an MSP handling IT needs and I don't know that I've encountered anything worse.
-
Developing IoT prototype, from Linux platform, via Java servers to front-end web-ui has made me fear and praise all these JS developers.
On one hand they are the heroes of modern technology, on the other hand they are bat shit crazy sadomasochistic lunatics riding their frameworks through a sea of users complains and runtime errors1 -
Why the fuck does Windows still not have a fcking decent package manager?
I hear you "but but but, there is Chocolatey, it's great, try it!". Well yeah if you only want binaries.
But I do need to, you know, develop and compile things, and without includes, code, and a reliable way to produce working binaries from that, it's useless.
Guess who needs to download dependencies one by one, compile them one by one?
Don't get me started on broken MinGW, or the "recommended" way of doing a bat script to have proper includes (what the hell, that's the entire purpose of env variables), or the fact that there is NO convention on where to install things.1 -
I was promised a new pc with SSD in 2017. I got my own slow but complete pc back in 2018.
The progress is stunning in this company! -
I was taking an Intro to Java class and we had an assignment where we had to create a program that would show a splash screen while loading. I used the new native splash screen functionality in Java 6 which just came out. The teacher gave me an F because he said, "I couldn't get your program to work." I told him, "I included a bat file that has the -splash parameter in it and I also gave you a JAR file you could launch and maybe you should update java on his computer." He never responded. That is when I knew this was a worthless class. I did get A's on the remaining assignments.
-
You can find so many tutorials, learning paths for C#, C++, python, angular, jss, java, etc.
But literally none for batch file programming (if that's even what it's called) so little documentation on cmd.exe and writing .bat files :'(
Can someone please please help?
Just point me in the right direction?
inb4 google it17 -
The procedure of introducing new coworkers here is still not clear to me.
I hear a new person is introduced behind me, so i thought i had to shake a new hand soon. But no.
I probably get an impersonal email in about a week when he/she has been working here for 4 days. -
Working on a bug that in my opinion never worked. “Sr. Dev” dares to say the function has worked before. I’m a 100% sure it never did.
“Yes but everything is being tested before we go live.”
Dude, we have a monkey testing our stuff are you serious!?3 -
Got a call by a recruiter for a function i already applied at and already got rejected as well.
That was a very fast call! -
Im done here with the discussions about the capabilities of a senior person. They are looking for a senior frontender and everything being said makes me feel less welcome by the day. Being a frontender myself.
Mark my words: they are looking for a replacement and i’m fired this summer.3 -
So i had two jobinterviews at a company and i was basically through for a test. It just so happens that the person who should give the test is sick for a couple of weeks. So instead they asked me to send them some code to evaluate.
Today i got an email telling me that the level of my code doesn’t match my years of experience so the process stops here.
Somehow i can’t help myself but to wish that the guy who evaluated my code now just is sick for at least
another moth!
Funfact: in one of the interviews i was told that they don’t work with junior people. I personally think everyones view on jobtitle/rank is different so i’m not a big fan of it in any case.
However this company LITERALLY has a blog describing how they hired someone without any working experience and thus being a junior.
Guess i’ll be stuck in my current deadend job for a while.1 -
For the past days i’ve mentioned that i need a backender to create me an extra page in the solution. No attention was given. Backenders where too busy. Today we started a new sprint and i got asked what i’m gonna do.
I told them for the fourth time, i need backend work done to continue.
I got pissed.
Backender got pissed.
And in the end nothing will be done for this cause.
Fucking great.
Fuck my life.
Fuck these people.1 -
So i had a challenge with a js slider and i wanted my coworker to think along. I was trying to explain my problem and the steps taken so far but, as always, he wants to interrupt me after to sentences. He somehow always thinks he knows things better.
Dude let me first explain my shit before you start working on your solution. This is pure disrespect asshole! -
So ive been on this project for months. Project lead did not have a role anymore and now they decide this other guy is the new project lead. This while i am the one having to deploy everything and answer questions from mr Free Lance.
Holy crap i gotta find myself a new job, these people are going nuts. -
I’ve always hated the pixel fucking part in a webdev project. It’s the most frustrating becausing it’s partly about optinions.
I like the pixels better over there
I want this coler greener
Can we make this animation more cool?
Now imagine pixel fucking in 16 devices and 200 resolutions...3 -
Let’s start the week great with a scrum master complaining about a functionality that isn’t working, and a coworker that’s pointing in my direction.
Go point your finger elsewhere (***)3 -
Im browsing to webdeveloper vacancies all day today. Appearently every company thinks they are working with or on state-of-the-art technology. This term is raped and abused for sure!2
-
Yes and we recently opened a new office in Amsterdam. Because because from Amsterdam only want to do business with people from Amsterdam.
Well great. You think i want to go over there? My company has an office in Switserland. And the previous one in Curacao. I got here because i can bike or even walk this distance if i wanted.3 -
Don't you just love that moment when you see shit,
Flying.
In a bow.
Through the air.
And actually just starting, just starting, to hit the fan.
Three days before your deadline.
And it is crystal clear the project is gonna end up as a mess.
Total disaster.
But the best thing of all: it's not your fault.
So, you are actually celebrating the mess to come a little, and know that you can blame the guy who isn't trusting you as a new guy, and show him, with all his more years experience, he is the one who can't be trusted.1 -
So we’re in a completely bugge stage of the repo and ofcourse the client goes: we want this and that functionality live today. And i can’t say no so now i have to figure out if this is a smart thing to do. I guess its not
-
In elementary school, when I got my first computer (a 286 with b/w monitor and a whopping 8mhz), I discovered that a .bat file was nothing more than a set of instructions.
So my first "programs" where nothing more than .bat files. Then, at summer camp, one of the instructors noticed I was kind of a nerd, so he introduced me to QBasic. Later on, a friend of my mother showed me Turbo Pascal 6.0. So I was already creating games when I left elementary school.
Then, on secondary school, I stopped most of my programming stuff and was mostly interested in drawing and making music.
But, on college I rediscovered programming with Flash, HTML, PHP and Director. This was around the time that AS2 and PHP4 were still cool.
Later on, in university, I became nerd full on, but still the main focus on web development. -
Lol. Because there aren’t backend resources available, frontenders are now implementing Backend functionalitiet with JS. -_-‘3
-
Wow! My rights to merge work is just revoked. This is fucking bullshit. Whenever i want to merge my work the project lead has to do it. And when he’s sick ill have to go to the fe lead, who is in meetings 24/7. Fucking great2
-
Yeah he was officially free today but he still managed to come a couple of hours. Fucking asshole go fix your fucking code damn idiot. This whole site is broken. Thanx mr wannabe a leaddev. Hope you crash with your damn racecar2
-
When I was on my first internship, I started developing an Android app, while my friend developed a C# program that read a .txt with info and references from a mail service (in my country it's CTT).
The damn .txt files got really really big, na she had to display all of the data in a listbox (it was a PoC) and when he pressed the item, it had to fill some fields at the left of the listbox.
Needless to say, he didn't learn of multi-threading yet, and I had, so I taught him how to multithread so the app wouldn't lock up while loading the massive .txt file.
The listbox filling made a cool animation (like CMD executing commands from a bat file) and we even implemented a progressbar.
I felt like a badass Dev after that. -
I have accidentally closed so many windows trying to use ctrl-w instead of ctrl-f to search after spending days in nano.1
-
Lend a dude a pen and he sits next to me clicking it nonstop...you can keep that pen if you leave, my friend1
-
Keep bugs at bay
We have two of these at entrance of our company.
Little do they no bugs don't enter through entrance, been but are born in our computers.
1 -
So, the wanna be lead FE dev came in late this morning. I asked him if everything worked out with his home. Turned out he didn't have an appointment for his home.
He decided to see a friend for breakfast.
Now... This guy is is going through a tough time with a girl but still... wtf. At least tell your coworkers about something like this. Just made up an excuse "for personal reasons".
No he just stays away and nobody knows how what or why. Like... wtf?
Anyway, he's here now. Surfing tech sites as usual. Instead of working on the project in Jira.
And ofcourse project won't be done by the end of the day
*sight*3 -
Couldn't be arsed with all the conditional compilation that angelscript required, so I dumped right back to good ol' lua for now.
Got lua in, vm started, loading strings and pushing/popping the stack.
Got SDL actually drawing as intended.
I don't know even half of what I'm doing.
Apparently header files that end in ".hpp" are specific to c++, while .h are for c headers.
I like the new SDL2 though, little bit different than SDL1. Not a lot of tutorials cover the difference, but I could kinda suss out from the documentation where I needed to adapt, even though I'm still pretty loose on the library, on the docs, and on c++ itself.
Still just a learning project.
Also, I'm continually surprised there isn't a portable, platform independent tool or little language just for replacing all pseudo-languages out there like .bat and .sh, and .zsh
Maybe even just a tool that standardizes it all, then takes config files that map the new standard to system dependant commands, so you can download the damn thing, configure the relevant environment variables, drop in the platform dependent configuration (or your browser or package tool detects what platform you are on and chooses the relevant package/download for your platform), write a console script and the tool automatically translates, and emits the system-relevant commands to that platform's console (so you don't even need much platform-specific code to do things like file access). -
Coworker during standup this morning: yeah i couldn't work saturday on the project because of VPN problems but i'll stay longer today.
Scrum master goes home.
Coworker, literally 8:10 hours later. Goes home.
He bugfixed another project for an hour and told me i had to work on this project instead of helping another client.
Meanwhile he's bragging about all the experience he has and telling he wants to be the lead dev.
I thought he started early but nope. First drank coffee for another 15 minutes.2 -
The time when you NEED to go to bed but you got a bug to fix or a feature to add, and become a BAT!1
-
This guy! I have a week off and he decides to rewrite the videos and video popups in this site.
He made it all so general that every video is loaded in every page AND auto plays.
Whenever a user is visiting his or her orders it plays all thos videos simulteously while not showing any video.
This guy.... -
Director walked in asking about the new homepage which we’re currently running an A/B test for. This page has been made and discussed by her direct colleague, the general director.
While walking though the page together with my colleage the designer the encounter a broken link.
Easy to fix ofcourse, and so we did, but shortly after he went back to hos room my colleage got an email asking who was responsible for this mistake.
It’s not one person. In first instance it’s our 6 headed web team. But after we deliver it multiple people test the page, and also the company who creates the A/B test sees tests and confirms.
This all happened during my holidays, but still i feel also responsible.
Couple of tiny mistakes, and still nobody in this whole process notices.
(At least 10 persons)
HOW THE HELL is that possible?!3 -
Guess who is running teo projects at the same time. F’d up planning over here. Seriously i’m bothered by 5 people at the same time. How the heck am i supposed to work like this?
-
January is always the month of feedback and reflection. I dont mind going to the office x times a week and standing still on the highway every day. But if they are asking me to spend my own time on a course now they can lick my balls. Im already working for two years without a raise. Ik not continuing like this. I understand everyone needs to improve but if im exhausted at the end of the day by all the buzz in the office i dont have energy left for additional schooling. Im learning on the job. Deal with it1
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So we have a demo tomorrow and it looks like i’m going to have to do it all on my own. Thats a first. I can already get a client frustrated whenever they are on the phone.2
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Just received an email from a company i applied while searching for a new job. They sended me this little assigment to show my skills since they had the feeling i couldnt show them much.
(they browsed through 3 of my websites while i was there, including a check on the code)
It was a simple layout assigment. Just a responsive page with a hamburger menu (also mentioned during this interview)
It took me a couple of hours to create it and ive send it back in the hope of some positive feedback.
Feedback: assignment was pretty good but it show a lack of php experience. I was clearly more on the .NET side.
....
I just sended html, css and js files as requested. HOW THE F* DO YOU COME TO THIS CONCLUSION?!?!
Damn idiots, im glad i found people that actually do know how to hire people!2 -
Contractmeeting in 1,5 hour. Its either permanent or i'm 'kicked out'. Option two would be the 4th time already. Whatever the outcome, i'll be ok!3
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I was already done with the company that couldn't make up their mind about JS. I got a mail:
They're stopping the procedure because they're looking for someone that also enjoys coding in their spare time. In other words: work 80 hours a week. -
I was in a meeting the other day which started with a introducing of the members and a basic explanation about scrum.
The meeting ended with the note form the client that the project was absolutely not allowed to cost more then X.
After the meeting a coworker asked who explained scrum to the client. And it was explained twice by two different people. -
Hey 10 new tickets for me today. Hey all 10 are Backend. I feel like i know sh*t. Let's just not do this and be bored instead.
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Today's frustration is brought to you by Mac. The hardware may look pretty, but at times, it can drive you bat shit crazy...
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Fun Fact: It's physically impossible to run a .bat script on a remote Windows machine as admin from a Visual Studio post-build event.6
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Here are the parts of kiki dreams universe explored so far:
- rotten meat house
- swine gray gel battleground
- horizontal elevators network
- united paper island
- baseball bat nightclub
- anxiety-inducing multidimensional pizzeria
Which one will be your destination this Christmas?1 -
I am not a fan of programs that want to store their libraries in your home directory. It's alright if they store it in a hidden folder at least. I like my home directory to be nice and clean~~3
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So I’m the frontend developer in this company. I am the one with 10 years of experience when it comes to html, css and js.
How can it be then that I’m not invited to frontend meetings?
I checked the meetings colleages have and came across a excel sheet. My name is mentioned about 10 times in this sheet. Which was what the meeting was about. However I am not a part of this? Wtf?2 -
Couple of years ago i was working on a custom webshop with a third party designer and a manager. The manager didnt do his job right in my eyes. Didn't have overview of the tasks and was way too busy/lazy/stressed whatever.
Eventually i could go figure things out with the designer myself because he wanted some crazy menu structure.
So crazy i knew for sure that the usability wouldn't come to good.
Eventually deadline was past due and the projectmanager got me fired.
While back the brand i made the shop for went bankrupt.
What comes around gets around eventually.2 -
We have a nerf gun in the office here and i'm at the point that whenever i here a click, there is a *duck, hide and roll* part of me triggered. I just saw a guy opening a soda can when i noticed this1
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So there is this project from hell that ive been working on for 6 months...
We have won an award for it. First reaction when i heard it was nominated was: Do you think i’m happy with this? This project has taken blood sweat and tears goddammit.
But today the actual piece of glass came in. I can’t help but to feel proud. -
Week before this i had to assign a task for a mailing to a coworker of mine. So i handed him the documentation (partly on paper).
He finished his part and now i need to continue the works.
I asked him the documentation. He told me he shredded it and threw it away. Thanks coworker. You are being useless like never before.1 -
The last ten days i’ve been working on some animations for this website. Basic stuff but when you make elements move on scroll, people go wild.
The designer had a big opinion on this ofcourse.
So big she hád to scroll through the page herself.
So, multiple times a day, for the past two weeks she came over, checked animations, and gave a bit feedback on what could be improved.
She never mentioned the labels that where only appearing on scroll. Everything was just fine after 9 days.
However on day #10 i got a bug that the labels had to be appearing “just after loading the page”.
Like what?! Are people to dumb to scroll 2mm on a page? Damn ho. Wtf do you mean with “just after loading the page”. 1sec? 2sec? 10sec?1 -
If i could estimate a schema issue. I looked at this site once in my time here. Don’t know shit about schema’s.
Estimating haha.
Im not asking you an estimate for example building a rocket. Right?
I don’t know this shit. -
So i had the jobinterview this morning. I got the question what my current team looks like.
Yes well, i am the team because i’m the only frontend developer here.2 -
Coworker is trying to make me look bad by posting a piece of code in the group chat...
Nobody reacts.
Winning1 -
So im new here and trying to find my way. There is one colleague who's been sick for a couple of days and just came back.
Note on the appearence of this person: big, tattooed bearded, but im not scared easily ;)
Trying to introduce myself: "Hi, let's shake hands: i'm [name]"
Colleague: "Are you sure about that?"
Yeah. Great week with awkard interactions so far!4 -
I use to have a very slow computer so i google search how to speed it
It came with a .bat script that refresh the ram, after that i wanted to know how that script had work.
And 11ish years later is my life and career
And, yeah, at that time i didn't care about security and why you shouldn't run a script without know what does it do 😅
Also, that script get lost forever in my broken old computer -
First dev project? In Holland we had a social media site back in the day called CU2. You could put in your own html/css and style your profile the way you wanted.
For professional work it was a landingpage for a healthcare related page. -
[ WEBDEV frontend QUESTION ]
I will need to build a new admin dashboard for representing a lot of data from the api. the API is written in PHP and this won't change. We are currently using jquery to make the data interactive (choose date ranges, different filters and so on). Were currently using morris.js for charts. I'm thinking this would be a good opportunity to learn and use a new js framework to make the data more easily bindable on buttons and selects (not so many listeners on buttons and shit like that).I will be developing the front end on my own, alone, so i mostly have freedom here. I need something that has implementations of chart rendering, and which I could learn in a week or two in the evenings after work (starting to work on this in the next week probably). What are your guys recommendation? Whats the best option for dashboards js wise? I was thinking vue, won't I shoot myself in the foot for using a new technology(for me anyway) right from the bat?2 -
So on friday i got a super speed course on how to develop a new styleguide in Angular with Storybook. Superspeed because fellow dev went on vacation for a week. Today is monday and i forgot everything i need to know.
This is gonna be a difficult week :/2 -
Im put on this project.. But i don’t feel taken seriously.
Lead dev says: go make some html templates. Meanwhile, he is building the exact same thing in the cms.
Right, so what is my work worth then? Nothing -
That was jobinterview #1. Where actually more looking for someone with design experience. Ow well, didn't click anyway. The recruiter could've known this :/1
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Best: Getting fired from a shitty company that regularly lied to middle-management after standing up for my team.
Worst: Losing a team of fantastic direct-reports that went to bat for each other, helped each other out, and help me be a better engineer.
(Spoiler alert: same job) -
Stayed for the hack-a-ton last night. Had so much fun! And everybody actually came up with a working product in a couple of hours. Amazing :).
Too bad the initiator of the whole thing went home early. Doesn't really show interest. -
Couple of days ago i heard that the wannaB lead is going to leave us. I asked here if anyone could please fire the guy and... They actually kinda fired him...
The guy has serious skills but didn't live up to his promises.
I wonder who's next... -
Yesterday we got the news that another contract is ended. I’m almost looking forward to mine. I guess i’m next this summer. And on to job #6
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Nothing to do. No fucking work here and im not hired for BE. Fucking BE doesn't do shit and im here like ZzZzZz. New job interview next thursday. Screw this shit!2
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Recently changed my laptop over to Linux. Now I have to write twice as many bat/shell files for every project.11
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Yay, starting a new job this wednesday! Really stoked! But, will ofcourse also let the option open for this global organization which will interview me tomorrow. To be honest with you: i don't feel worthy enough working for this big multinational thats active in 75 countries.
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Paycheck currently isn't compensating the current workload anymore.
I feel like we are missing 10 couple of hands while only three people are on vacation1 -
There is a hack-a-ton here till 23:00. The new guy i am i was thinking of staying and see where i can help...
Last couple of days i've been working on a project (my first real one yay) and at first i got lots of help to get me started.
Right now im completely stuck and everybody is busy here. No help anymore. Fml
The weather is hell atm here in Holland so, even thought i don't feel like staying anymore i think i still stay, and see if i can learn something new.1 -
So, a new coworker started here about two months ago. He's all about talking but the actions aren't very fast.
I looked at my Pull Request and this guy is writing comments for 5. Where the hell did he get the balls from? Seriously!
Please stand next to the designer so i can slap both of you bitches. -
Applied to 4 companies last weekend. One of them didnt even have proper working contact forms (they all gave somekind of 503 error).
I even took the effort to just mail them my resumé, do i receive an answer that they are looking for someone with React experience.
I looked over the function a second time, no mention of React anywhere.
To whoever is working over there or ever going to work over there; i already feel sorry for you. -
So, we should be done with the redesign project for this site and a while back we got feedback from the client.
Now getting feedback isn't a bad thing, until you get 6 pages of feedback.
6 pages of feedback. It took me several hours to plow through it and check everything.
That was three weeks ago. They now want me to check the entire fucking list again, and then some more.
SERIOUSLY?!
When i started hete i was told that this was one of the easiest clients the company had. Because they see us as the experts. Haha.
Appearently not anymore.2 -
Wondering: What does define a BIG project for you?
I just noticed we're approaching the deadline and there are at least 6000 lines of css. Not my personal biggest so far in terms of lines. I think i worked on projects with 10.000 lines9 -
My planning says i’m working on project A and B this week. Scrummaster (who also makes the planning) says i’m working on project C and D.
So much for the reliability of planning here. -
I’m already put on “support” for days if not weeks now and i’m tired of it. Give me a concrete project instead of the usual bucket of shit please!
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I can not emphasize enough as a webdeveloper how totally stunning the Apple website is. It’s at least just as amazing as their products and it doesn’t even cost any money for us to browse it and get inspired by it. Really top notch gorgeous pixels. *drool*4
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Finally the site is live. Today all stress was gone again. Still a pity that i have 7 pull requests out of 10.
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Designer wanted to help me making a certain part of the new layout responsive. After about 1.5 hours of struggling with a CodePen he comes back to me and says: yeah i can’t i would set it up in a totally different way.
Two weeks before that he suggested that i would rebuild it in this exact way. -
Also the designer: lets change every basic style this site has. Refactor the fonts, the colors and all sections.
Sure, great idea to totally fuck up this site! -
This week started of so great...
Monday the client called if we can put the project live this week. Impossible since we’re already stressed out with a tight schedule .
“But what if we put more developers on the project?”
NO!
Now im busy with one of the latest pages and ofcourse the designer has a special opinion about the usability.
Asked second opinion by lead developer.
“Its all wrong and thats a learning point. So just do it like this and that”
Resulting in fucking responsive problems i already foresee.
I’m so screwed -
When a job applicant on an assigment is asking me questions about the assigment i don’t have much hope for him/her... Maybe better next time
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Uh so I can’t really find a clear answer to this but, can you program iOS apps with C# or not because I’m only seeing shit on fuckin Swift. More like swiftly beating myself to death with a wooden bat6
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As a not-freelancer, whats the amount of companies you worked for?
This was #4 and im beginning to doubt myself. Maybe i should do start some other career or something.2 -
Talking over an assignment for an angular app a couple of months ago: responsiveness was not important and not a part of the scope. Its for internal use and nobody will do this on his phone.
Today the designer, next to me (on his iPad). With a look on his face like he sees water burning, why isn’t it responsive?2 -
IE Edge is supposed to be the browser to hate as a dev. However over here for my new temporary PC it isnt installed at all. Windows 10 WTF?! I need this shitty browser for test purposes1
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We are getting a lot of questions about the performance of one of our site. An external bureau sended over a document with every little lighthouse point to improve. Im ok with that but if i turn that into a 3 page document with my own findings and a manager says: i dont get it maybe you should start reading the document because you clearly didn’t.
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Job number 5. Also this contract is not suspended. I reslly starting to feel like doing a fucking careerswitch
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This is the 4th day at my new job. Just got a call from Unilever. Im invited for a second interview there. First world problems of a developer. What job to choose :/
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We have a new official and probably for now final Lead Developer.
Asking questions like: What happens after is push code to bitbucket? -_-‘
Next time i’ll answer that the building will explode. -
Jeej first project. Read: 101 FE bugs to fix. In code i've never seen before. With bare minimum support. Though day. First steps with Gulp are set. yay1
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How should i able to develop/solve bugs when there are multiple people testing and everybody has different opinions, or are looking at cached environments?!
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Wanted to remove a underline from links that was seemly coming from a default cmd css.
Even with !important it wasn't working. Why? Why wasn't it just working?
30m later i found out i selected text-underline instead of decoration. -_-'
After 8 years i feel so stupid, i should just like i should apply at mcDonalds and just start flippin burgers... -
And i spoke to an old colleague who’s interested in the senior Frontend vacancy we have. So he had a tip that i told my direct colleagues about. “I expect a senior frontend developer to come with a lot more than that”. People need to lower their expectations. Seriously. Be. Fucking. Content. For. Once!1
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Is it just me, or are there more frontend developers that feel they are solving more bugs then actually creating pages?
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So, been working for almost 2 weeks now at the new job. Worked fairly much on one of their sites and today they have a meeting with the client regarding this site. Ofcourse now is the moment for this site to be f'd up. OFCOURSE!
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I'm a piece of trash and if I give you a hard time you'll knock my teeth out with a baseball bat again
You'll probably go buy the bat soon12 -
Spent two days debugging a k8s config. Turns out Rancher doesn't create ingress controllers on EKS instances, and I have to do that manually.
Thank you random stranger in github issues! I've tipped you some BAT!2 -
If Wordpress gives you a blank screen of death. Do not check with your frontend developer what’s wrong. Your frontend developer does not have a clue since this is probably backend related3
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Yes but you see this function everywhere so why is it so hard for us to implement?
Next time i’m gonna say that this function is everywhere, but why is it so difficult to design? -
I have to learn to work with this new cms. And me and a coworker have been struggling with custom faq templates. We told the lead dev multiple times we need help to get this to work.
Still no help.
Im gonna put this on him in the demo. -
Also the designer: lets change every basic style this site has. Refactor the fonts, the colors and all sections.
Sure, great idea to totally fuck up this site! -
yesterday i got a very interesting thing to learn
git!=github.....lol
after passing at eternity i got to know about the biggest truth...
++'s if you like it..3 -
It's almost a week later since i got the note i'm not welcome anymore soon in my current company.
After 6 days i figured out a reason other then: "the fe/be tranfer doesnt go well". I just don't want to blame be-guy because he was busy as hell with at least three projects at the same time.1 -
Aaaand going through recruiter hell again! Not even 1 hour later i already receveid 10 phonecalls.3
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This person has never heard of the saying that there is no 'I' in team. He just focuses on the code not communicating whatsoever. F*CKtard
Meanwhile i'm trying to fix everything that broke down since yesterday 00:00.
Meanwhile other coworkers are also screaming their project is on fire...
should i quit?2 -
That moment when you are struggling for hours to get your validation working, and in the end it's just a name that had to be turned into an id -_-
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Do you know how epic coding sessions van become when you turn on classic radio on Spotify and LOTR comes along?
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Typical discussion here between a fullstacker, frontender and designer: its this functionality, no its that functionality. But parents and childs. But javascript! No i want this to be this name. No that name is better. Im in the middle of this :(1
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i think google should add a button feature in google meet which gives user feature of playing statement of " yes mam" and" no mam" based on requirement of user to save students from that fucking online class in which professor are forcing students for their responses ...
i hope any one from google notice this post a nd take a thought on that -
Hello to everybody. You cannot imagine how blissful it feels to know that those who are reading this are sane. The rest of the world has gone mofo bat shite certified crazy. My question is I acquired a Samsung Desktop (it's a laptop) pc with the cam app 2020.127.20.0.
The cam app is horrible. There's no colour saturation and when I increase the brightness I look like a photocopy from and old machine.
The thing is I don't even find a chat link or phone number for the USA on their site. Does anybody have that info?
Thank you in advance, Jonno2 -
Scrolling numbers in Spotify on a iPad while i was listening on the other side of the office while rebooting phone etc.
Best i can do is sticking a stickynote under a mouse. Fun for 0,5 sec -
If i’m having a hard day i tend to put on some relaxing music. Often acoustic or even just some meditation music.
If i notice i go crazy because of the chat i close it completely.
Also there are big 500ml cans of energy drinks here in the office that can come to good use -
Anybody else struggeling with the amount of work? Either it's crazy busy or crazy silent. What do you do in each case?2
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Goddammit, newb here is busy in an old project of mine. I don’t have time for guidance and he’s just going to fuck things up now. Pretty sure about that.
Who will be the one cleaning up the mess next week?
Me!1 -
Back of two weeks holiday i have to readjust to being new in angular development again. The longer i work on this app the less overview i’m creating. I feel like throwing it all away and start over now.
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Let's start the week fresh and reboot the PC with some updates. Also because of the while WannaCry drama.
...
Ok after 10 minutes of 'waiting for profile service' i just pressed the button. Time is precious! -
“I hated science in high school. Technology? Engineering? Math? Why would I ever need this? Little did I realize that music was also about science, technology, engineering and mathematics, all rolled into one.” — Mickey Hart, Musician2
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