Me: *Puts on headphones*

5 minutes later

College: Hey man you busy?
Me: *Takes off headphones*
Me: I am, but what's the issue?

Help him, Put headphones back on.

5 minutes later

Intern: I need help
Me: *Takes off headphones*
Me: Fine, I've got time

Help her, Put headphones back on.
Beginning to feel a little pissed.

5 minutes later

PM: Can i get your help quickly?
Me: Can i finish this quickly?
PM: It won't take long
Me: Fine.
Me: *Takes off headphones*

Help her out, put headphones back on.

An hour later

Team Leader: Are you done yet?
Me: *Takes off headphones*
Me: Almost
Team Leader: How can you not be done yet?
Me: Ask everyone around you?

He bitches for about 30 minutes.

I decide not to put my headphones on and just float in the river of how pissed i am.

4 Fucken hours goes by, nobody wants jack shit.
Me: *Puts headphones on*

5 minutes later

Team Leader: Hey man can you help me out?
Me: *Takes off headphones*
Me: Sure Fine.

FUCK!!! EVERY! FUCKEN TIME!!!

Swift, oh my god, why do you have to be like this?

I'm looking to write a simple for loop like this one in java

for(int i = 5; i > 0; i--) {
// do shit
}

Thats it, simple, go from 5 to 1 (inclusive), I saw that to iterate over a range in a for loop (increasing ordeR) I can do this

for i in 0...5 {
// do shit.
}

So I thought maybe I could do this to go in reverse (which seems logical when you think about it doesn't it?)

for i in 5..<0 {
// do shit
}

But no, this compiles FINE (THIS IS THE FUCKING KICKER IT COMPILES), alright, when you the code runs you get a fucking exception that crashes the mother fucking application, and you know what the problem is?? This dogshit, shitStain of a language doesn't like it when integer that the for loop starts with is larger than the integer that the for loop ends with MOTHERFUCKER ATLEAST TELL ME THAT AT COMPILE TIME AS A MOTHERFUCKING WARNING YOU PIECE OF SHIT!!

Alright *deep breathing*, now we can't just be stuck on this raging, we're developers need to move forward, so I google this, "Swift for loop in reverse" fair enough I get a straight forward answer that tells me to use the `stride` functionality. The relevant code for it

for i in stride(from:5 to:1 by:-1) {
// do shit
}

Wow looks fine and simple right?? (looks like god damn any other language if you ask me, no innovations here piece of shit apple!) WRONG BITCHES !!! In the latest version of Swift THE FUCKING DEVELOPERS DECIDED TO REMOVE STRIDE ALTOGETHER, WITHOUT ADDING IN A GOOD REPLACEMENT FOR THAT SHIT!

Alright NOW IM FUCKING MAD, I got rage on stackoverflow chat, a guy who's been working on ios for quite a while comes up n says and I quote
"I can sort of figure it out, but besides that, iterating in reverse is uncommon enough that it probably hasn't crossed anyone's mind."

Now hope you guys understand my frustration, and send me cookies to calm me down.

Thank you for listening to me !

84 hours. Took alot of coffee and adderall. Had 5 projects with reasonable deadlines until mother fucking hurricane Katrina decided it wanted to be the best cocksucking blowing bitch around and knocked power out for two weeks. I managed to get 3 projects finished before i passed out for a day but two clients got pissed off cause their projects were late. They were pissed off even more when i had to pull the Forced Majeure clause cause they wanted to be bitches and didn't want to pay for my work

TL;DR: Hurricane didn't kill me so deadlines tried

Lads, I will be real with you: some of you show absolute contempt to the actual academic study of the field.

In a previous rant from another ranter it was thrown up and about the question for finding a binary search implementation.

Asking a senior in the field of software engineering and computer science such question should be a simple answer, specifically depending on the type of job application in question. Specially if you are applying as a SENIOR.

I am tired of this strange self-learner mentality that those that have a degree or a deep grasp of these fundamental concepts are somewhat beneath you because you learned to push out a website using the New Boston tutorials on youtube. FOR every field THAT MATTERS a license or degree is hold in high regards.
"Oh I didn't go to school, shit is for suckers, but I learned how to chop people up and kinda fix it from some tutorials on youtube" <---- try that for a medical position.

"Nah it's cool, I can fix your breaks, learned how to do it by reading blogs on the internet" <--- maintenance shop

"Sure can write the controller processing code for that boing plane! Just got done with a low level tutorial on some websites! what can go wrong!"

(The same goes for military devices which in the past have actually killed mfkers in the U.S)

Just recently a series of people were sent to jail because of a bug in software. Industries NEED to make sure a mfker has aaaall of the bells and whistles needed for running and creating software.

During my masters degree, it fucking FASCINATED me how many mfkers were absolutely completely NEW to the concept of testing code, some of them with years in the field.

And I know what you are thinking "fuck you, I am fucking awesome" <--- I AM SURE YOU BLOODY WELL ARE but we live in a planet with billions of people and millions of them have fallen through the cracks into software related positions as well as complete degrees, the degree at LEAST has a SPECTACULAR barrier of entry during that intro to Algos and DS that a lot of bitches fail.

NOTE: NOT knowing the ABSTRACTIONS over the tools that we use WILL eventually bite you in the ASS because you do not fucking KNOW how these are implemented internally.

Why do you think compiler designers, kernel designers and embedded developers make the BANK they made? Because they don't know memory efficient ways of deploying a product with minimal overhead without proper data structures and algorithmic thinking? NOT EVERYTHING IS SHITTY WEB DEVELOPMENT

SO, if a mfker talks shit about a so called SENIOR for not knowing that the first mamase mamasa bloody simple as shit algorithm THROWN at you in the first 10 pages of an algo and ds book, then y'all should be offended at the mkfer saying that he is a SENIOR, because these SENIORS are the same mfkers that try to at one point in time teach other people.
These SENIORS are the same mfkers that left me a FUCKING HORRIBLE AND USELESS MESS OF SPAGHETTI CODE

Specially to most PHP developers (my main area) y'all would have been well motherfucking served in learning how not to forLoop the fuck out of tables consisting of over 50k interconnected records, WHAT THE FUCK

"LeaRniNG tHiS iS noT neeDed!!" yes IT fucking IS

being able to code a binary search (in that example) from scratch lets me know fucking EXACTLY how well your thought process is when facing a hard challenge, knowing the basemotherfucking case of a LinkedList will damn well make you understand WHAT is going on with your abstractions as to not fucking violate memory constraints, this-shit-is-important.

So, will your royal majesties at least for the sake of completeness look into a couple of very well made youtube or book tutorials concerning the topic?

You can code an entire website, fine as shit, you will get tested by my ass in terms of security and best practices, run these questions now, and it very motherfucking well be as efficient as I think it should be(I HIRE, NOT YOU, or your fucking blog posts concerning how much MY degree was not needed, oh and btw, MY degree is what made sure I was able to make SUCH decissions)

This will make a loooooooot of mfkers salty, don't worry, I will still accept you as an interview candidate, but if you think you are good enough without a degree, or better than me (has happened, told that to my face by a candidate) then get fucking ready to receive a question concerning: BASIC FUCKING COMPUTER SCIENCE TOPICS

* gays away into the night

So apparently devRant is a problem in my life. As those of you who've read any of my stuff here know I work at Victoria's Secret. So two of my friends come in just before I was ending my shift to see what the plans were for tonight. The usual - hit the club, crash at one of our houses.

Thing is, I was scrolling through devRant when they walked up. (the below is paraphrased)

Friend1: Ugh, you're still on that thing?

Friend2: Is she really? <looks over my shoulder>

Me: <eyeroll>

Friend2: I don't get it. <pokes me in the left tit> You barely post on Instagram and you don't tweet anymore. And you haven't commented on any of my posts in like days. Wtf bitch?

Disclaimer: Yes, we are those girls who talk like that and go clubbing and dress up and makeup and all that shit. Don't judge me because I don't give a fuck. Anyway...

Friend1: Seriously.

Me: Really? We're doing this? Because I haven't posted on fucking Instagram? I talk to you every day. I see you every other day. I like coding. I like tech. This place is awesome and the people are cool. If I want to see your ass or your outfit, I can just look at you. I don't need to be on Instagram 24/7.

Friend2: Jeez bitch. Need a tampon

<we all laugh>

Me: This is my thing. It doesn't mean we aren't friend and we won't chill, but my future is in development and technology. So deal hoes.

Friend1: Ugh you're such a nerd.

Friend2: <laughing>

Me: And you're both like totally vapid sluts. But I love you.

Friend2: Jelly

Friend1: Totes jelly. Girl you need some vitamin D

Me: I'm sayin'. But that doesn't mean I won't spend my free time coding.

Friend2: Ugh alright we don't give a fuck. Code or whatever. Just be ready at 11.

We all flip each other the bird and they leave. I guess if that's the level of acceptance I can get from my wonderful, gorgeous, annoying, amazing, asshole best friends, I'll take it. I am not changing my path.

I hired a guy on upwork. His english is shit. But hes done the work correctly. Fast forward today he asked me "off topic question but do u have any female friend who can accompany me to fuck?"

WTF IS THIS SHIT

That is not professional AT ALL. I dont give a shit about the fact he cant get no bitches so hes begging me as if im some kind of a pimp. On upwork?? Gtfo.

Now i understand why companies want to hire only people with college DEGREES because they have went through the process of conforming and dont ask stupid shit questions. Eliminates a lot of bullshit and Neanderthals like this guy

Ffs

I'm a project manager now. Hello from the other side, bitches!

ignorant bitches

Wikipedia: I know everything!

Google: I have everything!

Facebook: I know everybody!

Internet: Without me you are nothing!

Electricity: Keep talking bitches!

Note to self: never ever touch the bugzapper that's busy zapping a mosquito! Always remember that there's well over a 1000 volts on there regardless of its power rating. Anything over 50V can kill you!

.. if only my drunken fool self would realize that. Seriously though.. the kick of a bugzapper's shock, it's amazing! Just like drugs however, don't try it at home. Oh well. At least not me but yet another mosquito has bitten the duster. Serves those parasitic bitches right!!!

Quick recap of my last two weeks: 15 year old production server is basically dead, boss has taken over calls and claims credit for "resolving" outages (even though my coworker and I did the work, but ultimately the traffic died down enough to where it wasn't an issue anymore).

I go to a meeting to plan migration to a better server, boss bitches about not getting invited, I tell him I invited myself, and then he lectures about how that's not our job.

Different boss says we're migrating a schema for an application that should have been decommissioned 5+ years ago to use as a baseline. I explain what's going on, he says he understands, and proceeds to tell higher bosses it's perfect because there will be no user impact. OF COURSE THERE'S NO FRICKING IMPACT, YA DUNCE! there are no users!!!!

I merge two email threads together, since they discuss the same thing, but with different insight, and get yelled at, even though they requested it.

The two bosses I like are OOO for the next week, too, so I'm just sitting here hoping I don't say something that'll get me fired or sent to sensitivity training.

I'm just starting my on call rotation and don't know that I can do this. I cry when my phone rings, now, because I experience physical pain with how hard I cringe.

I got yelled at today by a guy because SOMEONE I DON'T KNOW assigned a ticket to him directly, rather than to the proper team (not his team). So I had to look into that, which at least had the benefit of preventing a catastrophic outage to our customers world wide, but no one will know because I don't brag at work; I'm too busy doing my job as well as most of my division/section/larger team, whatever the hell it's called. I saved us probably 25+ hours of continuous troubleshooting call from noticing something tiny that the people "smarter" than me missed.

**edit: sorry for typos; got my nails done yesterday but they feel like they're a mile long and I have to relearn how to type**

I so fucking hate mosquitoes. At this point I'm seriously willing to lure all those bitches in and guide them straight to an electrical death. Problem is, I know how to generate super high voltage to char the fuckers right into smelly dust, but I don't know how to lure them in, or even find them manually, so let alone automatically. Even a chemical reaction we can electronically dispense to lure in the fuckers, but I have no idea what that chemical stuff would be. I'm not a chemist (yet). But if I can build it, fucking hell.. I would build a ton of them, weaponize my entire home and even build some spares to send off to fellow ranters. Because those parasitic bitches must DIE!! The only reason why they still exist after thousands of years is because we didn't kill the fuckers yet. I want to fucking kill the leeches, preferably in the most gruesome way possible.

So yeah. A shout for help to my fellow ranters this is.. perhaps even a collab. I have no idea about the stuff that draws those fuckers into their death. Any suggestions? Whoever can guide me to the demise of those parasitic pieces of shit, seriously.. if at all feasible, I'll build it for you and ship it!! Death to those parasitic blood-sucking bitches!!!

In an alternate universe, devs live in their own country.

They make their own rules and dictate how much they are paid. They maintain the entire world’s infrastructure.

They don’t go to work, since their entire country is the workplace and guess what? Cold beers are free(a thank you from the beer company guys for coming up with all their inventory management systems)

Pizza is free too.

There is no government (laws are passed depending on upvotes on devRant )

No racism, sexism or any other ism ending words . Devs just code.

Oh, and the state police, preferably known as keyboard warriors patrol the streets and offenders are punished by limited internet speeds. 😂. It is said some actually commit suicide because of this unbearable punishment.

Fuck yeah they have coffee farms. That’s the only thing they don’t accept as *gratitude from other nations because those sons of bitches might fuck that up too.

And everyone drives teslas 😂

Okay I have to get back to work now. That multi universe travel machine won’t buy itself.

10am: meeting invite for 9:30pm my time.

*decline with comment: can’t attend*

9:40pm: email, “is anyone from engineering going to attend?”

*ignored*

10:05pm: email, ok the results of the call were X, Y and Z. But we’ve been asked to supply architecture diagrams (which don’t exist). Can we do this today?

*ignore*

10:45pm: email, guys this is urgent can we do this ASAP!

*ignore*

... welcome to the new world bitches, bite me

Story of every failing tech startup (from personal experience, but a bit exaggerated):

Step 1: Come up with AMAZING idea that blows your mind!

Step 2: Run to investors to do presentation, continue to constantly repeat CLOUD, CLOUD, AI, CLOUD, MACHINE-LEARNING, MUCH WOW, MORE AI until investors are confused but mesmerized as fuck and decide to give you a shit ton of money.

Step 3: Hire all the developers you can find, a JAVA dev, a Python dev, a PHP dev, a Ruby dev, and ask them to get along with each other! I mean hey, they're adults right, they'll figure it out.

Step 4: Ask devs to launch the app, meanwhile, throw a LAUCH PARTY! HELLS YEA WE'RE ABOUT TO BE RICH BITCHES!

Step 5: Find out the hard way that no one needs a product that was launched! :/

Step 6: Pivot, and pivot next month again, and pivot again, and pivot in a middle of a pivot, and pivot pivot pivot pivot... and OH FUCK WE RAN OUT OF MONEY!

FLOYD IS HERE 😎

Gather around kids, it's story time.

So my first breakup left me so damaged and I was in darkest phase of my life. I was alone. Physically, mentally, and emotionally. I went for therapy and spearheaded into success and grew in life soooo fucking much.

31st December 2016, I first joined dR and since the first day this place felt home. Met some of brightest mind and most amazing souls here (sadly many left the place).

I used to shit post and rant a lot. But I loved everyone here. But then I don't quite remember, but I decided to quit this place as community started to grow. Many others left as well.

I came back here in 2019 IIRC and started all over again. Got along well with new members and started having fun.

I used to crib and cry about being underpaid. Lost a kickass Europe job due to pandemic.

I will skip what all happened between me and @Scout but she is a sweetheart, though very rough and brutal with me at times (actually very often), but she is so selfish for me and cares for me that I couldn't resist but listen to her always. A lifelong friend for sure :)

I used to rant about my dumb office colleagues. Definitely not the sharpest minds but good people at heart (which I did not realise).

So in October 2020, I earned a new job and my company retained me with a 100% raise and a promotion making me lead of product innovation and UX.

November end I met a girl in professional context on LinkedIn who was conducting a workshop. Being hungry for learning, meeting new people and kill my lockdown boredom, I singed up.

Now I went for December break and my colleagues sent me a gift hamper when they came to know I got a promotion. I felt bad that I ranted about them so I deleted my account and also wanted a social detox.

Post the workshop, I started conversing casually with the girl I met. She was married. But things hit off. Eventually in February end I confessed that I had feelings for her and in next few days she reciprocated. I told her I was aware of her marital status and it's okay if nothing happens between us. Then she started to open up of how she was with one guy for 17 years and was abused in everyway and wanted to separate but never had the courage and all.

She decided to file for paperwork and then be with me. Things got messy when her family got involved thinking I was causing all of it.

She went back to her partner and I realised I had some emotional and mental issues of a person's past that bothered me. But we were overcoming it. Soon the honeymoon period started phasing out.

Her family started giving me death threats. We went underground even further. More arguments and fights between us.

@Scout kept telling me I was stupid and I disregarded her. I feel like an idiot for not listening to her.

That girl kept gaslighting me, hurting me intentionally, scratching the surface made me realise how broken and damaged she was. She lied to me and created fake persona of herself to make me fall for her. Everything was lie. Literally.

I felt horrible for trusting her. My trauma relapsed and I started having crazy panic attacks leading to self harm and being suicidal. That girl was drugged all the time with psychological medicines and very poor character & personality in general (I don't want to judge anyone but just stating the facts).

Eventually she just disappeared and I was like fuck this. Earlier, after every fight, she used to show fake affection and I used to melt but not this time.

I was like fuck this shit. I have some super amazing friends like @kiki who helped me overcome this. I started going for therapy and realised what all areas I need to improve. My therapist is soooo brilliant, she understands the root cause instantly and also knows how to fix it. And the same day I and both my parents were COVID-19 positive. Last few weeks were dark and haunting.

Further more, the girl comes back after a week and then acts as a 'nice girl'.
Initially fake affection, then drama, followed by making me guilt trip, then threats, and now blaming me.

I kept ignoring her calls (50 to 70 calls in a day), emails, left her unread on Telegram, and everything I could do to ignore her without blocking her. I started gaining my happiness back.

During this mess, I lost 5+ KG of weight. She has no friends in her mid 30s. Knows no life or survival skills. Her family hates her, no career, no emotional or mental maturity, literally nothing. Insanely dumb and toxic manipulative person who is not even worth being called an ex. As per her everyone around her is an asshole except her. Every time something happened, she used to blame and bad mouth the other person. Now she is doing with me. In all her life situations, either she was a hero or a victim. One upped me all the time. Now that I see it, I hate myself for allowing it all of it and now having enough self worth to walk out of it earlier.

Continued in comments...

When your boss shouts "good job" so loud that your whole team bitches about you

The stickers are here bitches! 🙂🙃😆
Thanks devrant.

The stickers will have to wait until I get a new laptop though.

Also I'm extremely grateful for the time you take to mail us the goodies. And on your expenses even.

Thanks :)

How can those WordPress-Theme-Creator-Bitches write bullshit like "no coding skills required". What the fuck do you say?

Why don't you jump into the Pacific Ocean (no swimming skills required), idiot.

Happy 4th of July bitches 🎉

This is more of a wishful thinking scenario......but language/tech stack/whatever bashing.

Look, I get it, we like development, we would not be here if we didn't like it. But as my good friend @Stuxnet has mentioned in the past, making this a personality trait is fucking retarded, lame, small, and overall pathetic. I agree with this sentiment 100%

Because of this a lot of people have form some sort of elitist viewpoint concerning the technologies that people use, be it Java, C#, C++, Rust, PHP, JS, whatever, the same circle jerk of bashing on shit just seems completely fucking retarded. I am hoping for a new mentality being that most of us are younger, even if you are a 50+ year old developer, maturity should give you a different perspective, but alas, immaturity and a bitchy attitude carried throughout years of self dick sucking implications would render this null.

I could not give two fucks if the dude next to me is coding his shit in whatever as long as best practices are followed, proper documentation is enforced, results are being brought to our customers(which regardless of how much you try to convince us, none of your customers are fucking elite level) and happiness is ensured, then so fucking be it.

Gripes bitches and complaints are understandable, I dislike a couple of things about my favorite tools, and often wish certain features be involved in my particular tech stacks, does this make stuff bad? no, does it make me or anyone else less of a developer,? no so why give a fuck? bitch when shit bites you in the ass when someone does not know what the fuck they are doing with a language that permits writing bullshit. Which to be honest ALL of them fucking allow. Not one is saved from this. But NOT knowing how to work a solution, or NOT understanding a tech stack does not give you AUTOMATIC FULL insight on how x technology operates, thinking as such is so fucking arrogant and annoying.

But I am getting tired of looking at posts from Timmy, a 18 year old "dev" from whothefuckcares bitch about shit when they have never even made a fucking penny out of their "development" endeavors just because they read some dickhead's opinion on the internet regarding x tech stack and believes that adopting their bullshit troll ass virgin ideas makes them l337.

Get your own fucking opinion on things, be aggressive and stand fucking straight, maybe get some fucking pussy(or dick, whatever) and for fucks's sake learn to interact with other fucking human beings, take a fucking run, play games, break out from your whinny bitch ass shell, talk to that person that intimidates you, take a run, do yoga, martial arts anything that would break you out from being such a small little bitch.

Just fucking do something that keeps you from shitting on people 24/7 365/ a year.

We used to bitch about incompetent managers, shit bosses, fucking ludicrous assignments. Retarded shit that some other dev did, etc, etc. Seems like every other fucking retard getting into this community starts with stupid ass JS/PHP/Python/Java/C#/ whatever jokes and you idiots keep upvoting that shit. Makes those n00bs gain credability. Fuck me shit is so pathetic.

basically, make dev rant great again.

No fuck off and have a beer, or tea or whatever y'all drink.

fucking hostgator!

go suck a cock you developers!

everything from their payment system to their support is crap.

a few days ago, i purchased a website from hostgator, with a year of hosting during black friday weekend. i had obtained a black friday coupon code that entitled me to roughly $160 off its usual price. that said, i filled out the registration form and clicked the 'checkout' button.

right after i clicked it, i saw i forgot to put in the coupon code, and pressed the back button on my browser. then i put in the code and proceeded with checkout.

guess what?

those MOTHERFUCKING GREEDY ASS BITCHES charged me TWICE, one with the coupon and one without.

i contacted customer support and told them what happened after waiting about double the time i was supposed to be connected to support.

of course, they asked for my fucking "security" pin over the customer support live chat (totally not ironic).

they sent a confirmation email, and cancelled the payment without the coupon.

then ONE FUCKING DAY LATER, I tried to connect to my website.

MY SITE WAS FUCKING SUSPENDED.

die in a hole.

i contacted customer support once more, and after explaining the story, I had to wait four to eight hours.

i'll see how it turns out tomorrow.

die in a hole hostgator🖕

My department is legit getting a fuckload of heat over some missing reports that were not generated by the lead dev.

Shit falls on me since he ain't here.

Look b. I am gon give it to ya straight: I don't give a fuck, your shit is secondary, unimportant, bottom of the list...call the vp if you want, he gon get a fuckload of indifference as well ....

know why?

Cuz yall motherfuckers want shit done quick af but don't say shit till the same day. Fuck, shit don't work that way...pendejo.

Best thing? I ain't even supposed to be doing this shit at all because of y'all bitches not placing me in the correct classification...

Yay, it's Monday!
And as Monday's go, there's a prod deployment, cool beans! 30 min later it's done!

So why the rant?

Because I'm on FUCKING ANNUAL LEAVE YOU BITCHES!!!!!

Fuck it, it's done, I'm going back to bed.

Ofc...we dont write shitty useless words in a book like some bitches who want to remember when they first suck a dig !

I'm back bitches! And I'm having a second interview today! We'll see if I get the job! Wish me luck

It has been bugging the shit out of me lately... the sheer number of shit-tier "programmers" that have been climbing out of the woodwork the last few years.

I'm not trying to come across as elitist or "holier than thou", but it's getting ridiculous and annoying. Even on here, you have people who "only do frontend development" or some other lame ass shit-stain of an excuse.

When I first started learning programming (PHP was my first language), it wasn't because I wanted to be a programmer. I used to be a member (my account is still there, in fact) of "HackThisSite", back when I was about 12 years old. After hanging out long enough, I got the hint that the best hackers are, in essence, programmers.

Want to learn how to do SQL injection? Learn SQL - write a program that uses an SQL database, and ask yourself how you would exploit your own software.

Want to reverse engineer the network protocol of some proprietary software? Learn TCP/IP - write a TCP/IP packet filter.

Back then, a programmer and a hacker were very much one in the same. Nowadays, some kid can download Python, write a "hello, world" program and they're halfway to freelancing or whatever.

It's rare to find a programmer - a REAL programmer, one who knows how the systems he develops for better than the back of his hand.

These days, I find people want the instant gratification that these simpler languages provide. You don't need to understand how virtual memory works, hell many people don't even really understand C/C++ pointers - and that's BASIC SHIT right there.

Put another way, would you want to take your car to a brake mechanic that doesn't understand how brakes work? I sure as hell wouldn't.

Watching these "programmers" out there who don't have a fucking clue how the code they write does what it does, is like watching a grown man walk around with a kid's toolbox full or plastic toys calling himself a mechanic. (I like cars, ok?!)

*sigh*

Python, AngularJS, Bootstrap, etc. They're all tools and they have their merits. But god fucking dammit, they're not the ONLY damn tools that matter. Stop making excuses *not* to learn something, Mr."IOnlyDoFrontEnd".

Coding ain't Lego's, fuckers.

We work in a field full of pretentious bitches, messed up egos, and fucking over inflated titles.

I've sadly been using an iPhone for the past few weeks 😔

I'm a hard core android fan but,well if I'm honest with you I got super high and got amnesia woke up with a dead screen on my android phone so got myself an iPhone since I needed to test an app I'm building , comes to think of it that women twice my age I kissed to piss her off might of broken it .. so my friends say ...

Anyway the point being iphones ... not that bad I'm aware people praise their software but it's to rigid for my liking there's features android has I believe that makes it superior

Cameras are better ... build quality is solid. Can't complain really. My android was a one plus 3 great phone also

I might get the s8 I'm waiting to see if they hold up or the new one plus phone if I find the specs ...

The point is as devs we get so stuck in our ways I consider us generally the most open Minded people but not when it comes to tech we are generally hard core fan boys of one company or another

But in truth, there's a lot of great products out there worth our money even if they are apple ... money grabbing bitches.

I say this because my hate for apple whilst it's still there I can at least respect them a little for certain things especially their phones

A support request came in at 4:30 this afternoon, I logged onto the server somewhat pissed off that there was a support request at this time on a Friday.

I checked the logs and noticed 500 errors coming from our integration parter after a little log checking and with glee I declared "not my fucking problem!" I replied to the customer and ccd our partner. Have fun bitches, next time deploy your new version when we fucking agreed!

I can't figure out shit..
To be honest I created this profile just so I can write down somewhere what I am going through.
So, once upon a time I had graduated from college and went right into a corporate (has only been 2 years since). I was fortunate enough that I got assigned a project that was just starting, and even though I had no clue what was going on, I started doing whatever was assigned.
I initially worked in java and then finished all my tasks earlier than expected, so they switched me to another C++ project that builds on top of it.
Fast forward 2.5 years, I'm now the team lead of the CPP project and all my friends who were in the core team have left the company.
As usual, the reason behind it is shitty management. These mfs won't hire competent people and WILL ABSOLUTELY NOT retain the ones that are. I can feel it in my bones that it is time for me to leave, but fuck me if I understand what I am good at.
I have been able to handle all the tasks that they threw at me, be it java or c++ - just because I love logic and algorithms. I have been dabbling in ML and AI since 4-5 years now, but could never go into it full time.
Now I'm looking at the job postings and Jesus Christ these bitches do not understand what they want. I have to be expert in 34567389 technologies, mastering each of whom (by mastering I mean become proficient in) would need at least 6-8 months if not more, all with 82146867+ years of experience in them.
I don't know if I am supposed to learn on Java (so spring boot and stuff) or I'm supposed to do c++ or I'm gonna go with Python or should I learn web dev or database management or what.
I like all of these things, and would likely enjoy working in each of these, but for fucks sake my cv doesn't show this and most of the bitch ass recruiter portals keep putting my cv in the bin.
Yeah...
If you have read so far, here's a picture of a cat and a dog.

Coolest thing I’ve built solo?

Damn, there’s been a lot of things over the years, but I guess the most used one I’ve made would be my voice activated tv remote - yes it’s real.

So in essence it’s a google home... yea I know spyware and all, but look it was free so I’m going to make use of it... err where was I, oh yea.

An IFTTT account which taps into the google assistant API and creates a webhook, although the authentication side of things is 0 to none, so had to put a api-key into the requests to at least have some layer of auth.

This webhook then hits a raspberry pi containing a PHP API to accept and authenticate the request in, digest this into KEY commands for the TV, and drops this into a Python script to connect to the TV over a web socket connection ( I found python more stable for this ) and sends the pre made key requests, it can even do multiple keys at a time... that was a pain.

So after all that, the end game becomes about a second from saying “hey google, change the tv channel to xxx”

This sick and twisted contraption is finished and the tv is my little bitch.

This has been built out to handle channels by name, number, volume up/down, sources switching to hdmi, tv, vga and a bunch of other things.

The things we do when we can’t find a tv remote for days....

Next up, getting it to launch Netflix app and going to a specified show / episode.. but may be to adventurous.

know what pisses me the fuck off? when the manager of another department jumps over me and goes straight to the head of my department for a request that they want from MY department.

Currently, there are 2 stupid bitches that insist on doing this fuckery. One of them keeps getting owned by our DBA since for whatever reason she sends her requests to me, just for the DBA to remind her that I ain't giving her access to shit and bla bla

The other is the head of the human resources department. It goes like this: sends wrong data, task gets delayed cuz we have to sort her shit, gets impatient, bitches at head of department and his boss about us taking long(bitch 3 hours ain't long and your shit ain't critical) just for me to reply back with images and LOOK FUCKTARD YOU MESS THIS UP red arrows showing how what she did was wrong and I had to fix it for her.

Sends a reply back only to me saying thanks, ah no pendeja, I will forward aaaaaaall of that shit to everyone else, tried throwing me under the bus? well now ima do it to you.

And fuck those 3 applications you requested, have fun adding shit manually through spreadsheets and then go eat shit and die.

I have this one chick on Twitter that she used to be a fellow classmate of mine while I was going for my Bachelors degree.
She would always bitch and complain about how the teachers we had were horrible at teaching. I had to interact with her because of one assignment and EVERYONE in the team was good and well with the items, we finished it rather quick (build a terminal emulator) and we were just thinking about ways to make it look cooler. It was challenging to be honest, but everyone was so interested in it and had all the materials requires plus a very nice instructor to go with that would be overly happy to answer questions and provide additional content, the instructor in question made no book requirement for the class and provided instead free resources, be it video content or his own code on the matter to make sure that everyone got it.

Dude was amazing (most of my university instructors were truly fascinating or people that had worked for very interesting projects) and so when she complain that the guy "had no idea how to teach" I decided to investigate a little.

You see, she had NEVER taken any consideration that maybe you should advance your studies in the field, particularly in programming, by doing your own fucking research. No, the professor is not supposed to hold your fucking hand while you are trying to understand how a fucking function IN FUCKING PYTHON works, dude gave a full length lecture and the only retard that did not understood the topic: was you. He went to you to help you and instead you gave the man an attitude because for some fucking reason he was accounted for your own fucking stupidity. Motherfucker was there for more than 30 minutes trying to explain to this dumb chick the nuances of def hello(): return "hey there" and for some fucking reason you were too daft to understand that.......

The chick complained to us in the team how because of work she had NO time whatsoever to dedicate to reading programming or general software engineering materials......yet her twitter was FULL of book reviews concerning novels and self help books and bullshit like that.

If you are like that, and blame it on your teachers: fuck-you.

To this day she still bitches about the teachers from time to time, I legit told her once that she had no business attending a C.S degree.

Do you think you can get into Julliard without ever touching a fucking instrument? no. Do you think you can tell some Terence Fletcher-throwing-a-chair-at-your motherfucker to show you how to position your hands on a drumstick or what keys to press on a piano? FUCK NO.

If you were being DAFT on a ProGraMmiNg101 for which they picked Python to be the language to use and blamed your fucking stupidity to a teacher then yet again: FUCK-YOU

Hey bitches!
I am back! It's almost Christmas ⛄🎄⛄🎄⛄🎄

Happy (late) Halloween, bitches 😈🎃👻

Props to anyone who knows what this is 😝

Why bitches always gotta be sending emails with high importance.

Got my first laptop while I was overseas.

It was a windows hp laptop with Vista.

It was an absolute piece of shit.

Decided to find the people responsible of it.

Got to what a software engineer was.

Boss told me to look in the library to see if i find some books on the subject. Got a Java and C++ book.

Shit was hard af cuz I had no clue what I was doing, but I liked it. Decided to look more into an application wise platform of study rather than doing basic CLI shit. Got into web development with Java. Got a hold of more JS. Liked JS more cuz shit was easy, found about server side JS with classic ASP, did VBScript as well.

Eventually found Python, fell in love but hated the whitespace ussage for block level code etc. Found Ruby, to this day the most beautiful language according to me. Read about why's poignant intro to Ruby.

Dug it, but wanted some other things. Found out about the study of data structures ans algorithms, then harvard's free cs50 course, then mit courseware, rice's python class. Took all of them. CS50 introduced php, liked it, sounded like a drug, was easy to use, for whatever fucking reaskn my ass decided to use version 4 even though 5 was already out. Learned to appreciate advancements in programming language even more

Hipster phase, while studying php got more into JS and web design with more css concepts, wanted my shit to be pretty. Somehow landed with Common Lisp. Mind fucking blown.

Continued with php. Got into uni, math made sense through programming, ok so I am stupid, but not that stupid, python is the best calculator ever.

bring it bitches.

Graduated.

Still don't know what I am doing.

I have Kali Linux now, so bow down bitches.

Finally got a call for an interview and they asked if I had any experience with front-end frameworks. I said yeah and they said that that's great since their client needs a UI/UX guy and said they'd get back to me in 2 days.

I got a call from the said client half an hour later who goes, "Hello! I am PersonX from CompanyA and we've got your resume and would like to hire you as a Laravel developer!"

Buddy... it says right there on the top that I'm a front-end developer and you were even checking out my LinkedIn... fuckin' fucktard.

Ohhh! That feeling when you quit your stupid job . Now i can say whatever the fuck i want to my boss and his loyal bitches. Without giving a flying fuck.
Sorry, i get so excited.

I’m new to programming. I first learned G-Code and M-Code for CNC machines and being a machinist got boring, so now I’m in School for computer science. But I swear, the amount of motherfuckers that act like they are the programming gods and they know everything there is to know just because they’ve been a programmer for so and so amount of years just grinds my gears. They act like some knowledge is important while other knowledge is useless, and generalize it and push that belief on everyone. But fail to realize that some people, such as myself, just love computers in every facet. I don’t give a damn how many years of programming experience you have and how many people you’ve taught. If you act like a stuck up know it all and walk around like your shit don’t stink, I wouldn’t work with you even if I had the same amount of experience as you.

DBA bitches about one of our developers SQL... implement changes... deploy... now it takes 12 minutes... up from 40 seconds... good job!

Well then, looks like my pihole attracted the attention of a botnet with 65 zombies attempting a large DNS amplification attack.
Time to unleash the BANHAMMER

Fun fact: only a few hundereds of their requests actually show up in the pihole logs. The other 40k+ requests they attempted were blocked by my firewall :D

In knew it was bad at the time, but holy shit have I realised how shitty my last job was!

Underpaid (though still not doing too badly), underappreciated, and no promotion or raise despite promises of one for over a year. Of course the minute I handed in my notice, they immediately offered me a 15k raise and "oh, we can get you involved in the management side in 6 months".

Guess what bitches, my new job * is * being a manager, and I get a 20k pay rise. 2 weeks in and I'm loving it, wish I'd switched sooner!

The catch is, I'm now a manager. Does this make me the future bad guy?

RANT!
AAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!

BLOODY FUCK TURD BORN FROM THE BACTERIA OF YOUR MOTHER'S POOP, BRAINLESS WHORE
. JUST ONE SECOND OF YOUR NON EXISTENCE WILL CHANGE THE WORLD FOR ME.

Well this is what I would say to my brain deficient friends who think I don't have a life and sit at the computer all day playing GAMES and that I should get away from my computer and learn to PLAY with them in real life

BITCHES DON'T EVEN UNDERSTAND HOW IT IS TO WORK YOURSELF A LIVING, ALL THEY KNOW IS THROW MONEY AND GET THEIR DICKS SUCKED OFF. FUUUUUCCK!! AND DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE GAMES PART. ALL THESE PUNY FUCKS CAN DO IS TO POST POUT FACES FILLED WITH DOG FAECES AND CRY ABOUT THEIR LOST LIKES.

What if I told you : you can use whatever the fuck OS you want, whatever the fuck stack you want ?

And IF you take a job in a certain stack, don't like it ? Quit your job !

Stop beeing whining bitches. Don't like current job ? Find a new one.

You think your app is revolutionary ? TRY and push it (And fail)

You think that at 16 you know better than people who are 30+yo ? prove it by actions.

It's easy. You have full control of what you can do.

Stop bitching, start coding.

windows, linux, mac, MS-DOS. Noone cares what you use. As long as you do the job.

!dev I guess

Stress and anxiety are bitches. I'm sure that mostly everyone here already knows that. Sometimes life is just a fucking mess, and no matter what you do, it just gets worse and worse.

Personally, shit's just gotten so bad lately. A bit more than a year ago life was shit and I started pulling out my hair, then I noticed I had a bald spot after about a week and I did everything I could to stop. Managed to stop, until recently. Right now I have a fair sized bald patch right on the top of my head after about a month of pulling. At least I have long hair (about chest length) so I can just put it up to cover the spot.

This community has been the thing keeping me sane lately and I just wanted to thank you guys for just doing what you do. I'm a fucking mess and just need an outlet

I just told my director that the solution for a particular problem that we have involves Machine Learning. For which I had already applied a VERY small app to make sense of an old database to make a NEW one since the old one broke every notion of how a db is supposed to be set (meaning that I recreated the project from scratch)

And on the same message I told him that I was not willing to do it using M.L since I was not paid enough to bring this level of heat to the institution.

Normalize telling mfkers that your skills are worth more.

I am paid well, but not enough to out of the blue tell mfkers that my ml based algo can save them./

Fuck em, fuck em hard, fuck em good, fuck em without even using spit.

I don't do this shit because I am paSSiOnate, since there lies the trap: "I mean, I love it so I guess I can do it, I do this on my free time either way" <---- no bitch, shit is expensive on the real world, don't do that wtf is the matter with you? *slaps* companies don't see it as a: "oh shit, employee X can do this! value!" they see it as "greaaaaat, I can save money on this", so fuck em.

Normalize it, y'all are wizards, advisors of kings, no company today survives without I.T. About motherfucking time y'all bitches take this shit by the horns and do with it what you want.

People form third world countries that need work: shit don't apply to you, currently, but we will make it apply to you on the rising, my kings, stay strong.

Client request: POST /user/login
Server response: "Login working bitches"
Client: if (response === "Login working bitches"){
//sign in
}

Am I the only one that down votes reviews for an app just because the review is from someone who's incompetent?

For example: major new release, so of course there's going to be bugs. Person 1 stars and bitches about how great the old version was.

Like ok you incompetent fuck, that's not at all how this shit works.

Funny how human brains are never satisfied.

Not much to be done at work today? My job is unproductive and I am wasting my time.

Too much work? You think you fucking own me, bitches!!

First company:

- being sat at an office that didn't have chairs with proper back support. It would kill my back every day. Like sitting on a bar stool coding.
- not having access to basic resources (cafeteria, salary bonuses)
- being seriously underpaid ($200 under)
- not having an IT process pipeline (yeah, this is a huge one): no JIRA, no git, no VCS, no continuous integration, etc. I fucking spend 45% of the time fixing coding-unrelated shit.

Second company (very aggravating):

- dumb frontend bitch and privileged colleague who both kept telling me months on end to shut up and who wouldn't listen to my advice on anything, while my advice would actually help the company advance in productive ways. The key here is being told to shut up while stagnating. i.e. dead end job.
- people advancing in the company based on nepotism and favoritism, based on having tits and ass, rather than skills and independence.

- pointlessssssssss meetings where decisions are made solely based on the opinion of Mr. favorite senior dev. The rest just sits there like a bunch of sad saps and yay-nodders. Incompetent PO's who "would like to hear your input" but then when you give it, they completely dismiss you.

- pointlessssssssss monthly meetings with stakeholders, where the dev teams do nothing but clash and act like pussies in front of the PM just to get in his favor, but behind scenes continue to make the same mistakes and telling the CEO everything is fine. Goodness, how can it get more unproductive.

- completely antisocial and nepotistic 'colleagues' who won't even talk to you, let alone smile at you or be friendly. You saying good morning and them pretending you're vapor that doesn't exist. Go go company atmosphere! Especially during lunch, those are the worst times. Imagine sitting at lunch where everyone looks like you killed their dog and the rest is huddled up in little high school groups.
What else? The incessant and pointless smalltalk that makes me want to bang my head against the wall. Talking about dogs, kids, what show was on tv last night. The fuck man, do you have a brain?!

Third company:

- HR bitches who think they are the shit and developers are antisocial, helpless misfits, but they work with computers and they don't even fucking know what a status bar is! The irony!

- forced socializing and stigmatization for the opposite. Imagine coming into a company and you don't say good morning. Should that be a problem? No. Instead, everyone starts dogging on you and hating you just because you didn't smile in their faces and said: hiiiiiiiiiiii how did you sleep? Did you feed your dog? Fuck you.
Elliot (Mr. Robot): "Wouldn't it be awesome if there was a mute button for life?" -boop, boop, boop, boop...- Ahh.. there.. that's much better."

- CEO's sucking up to you but when it comes to salary increase, they say shit like: "Ahhh ya know, it's kinda difficult." Yet another dead end job.

Providing a web site to pay electricity and other services, but guess what? THE CONNECTION IS NOT SeCuRe !! (What can possibly can go wRoNg).
This retarded country have a lot of skilled people, but the dinosaurs who in charge are literally afraid of new technology.
Wake up bitches, it's almost 2020

In other news ... The company that booted me and 5 colleagues in april had a water leak and now the entire sales floor was flooded, resulting in +10.000 euro water damage 🤣 good luck making your Q1 sales targets 🤣

Karma much bitches 😂

Companies be like : Recruiting College Freshers, walkin Interview. 2-3 years experience required ☺

Me be like: 🙂 Absolutely, Bitches. It is just as much possible as your dad to unfuck your mom, so that you would completely disappear from this world. Good heavens, if only that were possible.

have you ever felt that you enjoyed and loved your job and coding, then after a while all of the joy, contentment and vigor just left together with the wind?

Well I have, and let me tell you the story of my peope and the feature whirlpool drain of death, slowly `agile`ing you to the death of creativity.

First everything was seemingly good, Its your product, a baby that every one is contributing to make, a great idea in the making.

Fastforward after the baby was fully materialize, and you are watching his first step, usually you are happy seeing his slow growth. But ITS A BIG FUCKING NO. He wants the baby to go faster, bigger and stronger, more than what he can chew. Then you watch as the baby grew into an abomination. A monster of undistinguishable and parts. It grew inhumanly large. BUT it never grew and it never matured. The baby sits there, and were just here injecting all sorts of stuff just to make his father happy. But the end of the day he will ask more and more and more, until the cycle goes on. The baby grows but does not mature, and were here trying to make his father accept the baby. But NO he like more. Sadly we have no power over this. we are mere slaves of the fathers bidding. his bitches, tools and nothing more...:(

I have a VP constantly harassing my people about some reports that we need to do as per federal law.

The thing is, these live inside of such system that I get to see exactly how many "hits" they get on a yearly basis. The only traffic we have on those sections is of people going ahead and putting the information from our reports there.

That's it, literally. Our user base does not go there. Federal agencies do not go there. No one gives two blips of shit about those sections. Yet she continuously acts like they are the most important thing in the fucking world. To make it better, I was told not to generate actual analytical data from said reports, since people with PHDs will come down on me to ask me who the fuck do I think I am from gauging them with such systems. So shit is a mute point on all fucking accounts.

I told my VP I can generate traffic information to let them know that shit is not really the most important thing in the fucking universe. His eyes glowed.

I don't want to see head rolls, but from staying till the next morning awake trying to give the best to our userbase, and just to be called out on shit like this as if I did not do enough for our people just.....well....it fucking hits man.

The worse part was me literally getting 30 minutes of sitting down after an all nighter, doing something for my users, to get to a meeting the next morning (I should not have driven there honestly) to hear this bitch complain about us not doing enough or not caring or whatever other bullshit she would spew.

I was livid, lack of sleep makes me dangerous. I turned to say something when my boss stopped me and took care of business. I seriously love this man. By all accounts and generational gaps a boomer, but one of the few good golden ones.

I just hate how unappreciated the realm of software development is by people that think that our shit is as simple as making a fucking powerpoint presentation.

Consolidate that with a director from another department taking all fucking glory during a major event of an application that I built by myself with 2 fucking weeks of no sleeping. And shit just gets glorious.

I have considered moving to other places, and heck, have gotten amazing offers, what with having a degree with a big fucking GPA and having the credentials of a senior, lead, full stack and manager role, the sky is the limit. But i know that if I leave then my users suffer, and I just can't fucking have that.

I have heard them speaking about doing something with X app that I built (with my department) I have even heard one of them saying "how is this made?" and a part of me hoped that it would be a good time to grab them and tell them of the field and the things that they can do. But I don't like announcing myself that way, always seemed to presumptuous, so I just smile, fuck yeah, my users are doing their thing with what I built to better their lives, what more can I have?

I have gotten criticisms from them, one recognized me, told me about his pain points and how it makes it hard for him to do what he must. Getting the data from the user base in an effort to make shit better for them drives me, my challenge being "how about this? better eh?"

But fucking execs man, think only of themselves, not the users, they forget about the users. Much like a shitty rock band forgetting about the music, about the fans.

I can't let that slide. But this fucking field. I sometimes fucking hate it, and I hate it because of the normies that don't understand and do not want to understand.

I do way too much, my guys do way too much and all I want is for the recognition to go to them. They do not need the ego boost, but to see my guys sitting in a meeting in which some dumb fuck is trying to drill us for taking to long, not doing something and what not, it fucking pisses me off. As their boss I always stand up and tell bitches off, but instead of learning, the bitches just keep pressing on their already defeated points.

Everything in human life gets fucking erradicated by: humans. People really do fucking suck.

I sometimes wish to go back, redo my diesel tech license and just work there, where I think one would be better of talking to an engine. But no, even then you get people, you have to interact with people, deal with people, and I am so far up my game and in my field that starting from scratch is a fucking mute point.

Maybe I need to keep fucking with stocks, get rich and just keep investing on bullshit. Whatever the fuck it takes me from having to feel the urge to choke a motherfucker in public.

I am hating hating hating my junior developer job. Most of my work is updating PDF's on all type of internal intranets. So my days are spent working jira ticket after jira ticket.

Internal customer submits ticket to update 3 PDF's on internal intranet for sales team. They are named so badly I can't match them unless I review all 30 links on this page. Most links with report numbers but here's is not also no notes to where in the page.

I do JIRA comment --no respose even though I tag her.

I politely email her asking her to rename the PDF's with the same file names I am replacing.

She asked it I wanted her to rename them 'other'

What??? So I asked her where she sits so I can show how to easily find the file names in the URL.

Responds with the same files renamed with more description but still not the same.

Respond again giving better instructions on how to find it and second request to where she sits.

1 day later no response!

When I get into today I am closing her ticket!

Fuck these middle aged Midwest dumb bitches!

Everybody is criticizing Microsoft for leaving too much legacy code in Windows, etc., but let me tell you that I prefer 100% that and have lifetime backward compatibility than having to deal with Google bullshit.

Google sucks ass.
It's one of the most dev unfriendly company on this planet (along with Facebook).

You can't fucking change BASIC stuff in Android SDK every fucking version.
You just can't!

You can't use a system of "PERMISSIONS" each developer has to set in its application and each user has to accept during the installation, that a few versions later become USELESS... because "Hmmm… no, It's not enough, let's make a new privileged permission that makes the old one fucking worthless".

YOU FUCKING, TOXIC, BASTARDS.

It's my app, my code, my device, my fucking conditions. If I want to install viruses on my device, I should be able to do it.
I shouldn't have to call fucking Sundar fucking Pichai fucking CEO of fucking GOOGLE.

USERS != BABIES.
DEVS != CRIMINALS

We are the reason you have a fucking job, fucking food on your fucking table.

I want a fucking GOD_MODE permission in the next SDK, assholes!

You can't REMOVE fucking "Android.OS.getSerial()" making it only for system apps.
It's not sensible data… and if It's in your opinion, you've already created a "android.permission.READ_PHONE_STATE", so what else do you want, fucking asshole?
Right, you want to introduce "android.permission.READ_PRIVILIGED_PHONE_STATE" to make obsolete the other one, son of a bitch!

I don't fucking use you're garbage Google Play Store, no worries! I won't upload my app on your servers, bitch!

They've created a monopoly in the industrial space (PDAs) and they keep making fucking wrong decisions every single year.

My job is already stressful, why you can't just stop making it worse? fml

star wars fans and devs have a big thing in common:

Both groups are whiny bitches that just can't be happy.

that is all.

eat a dick bitches

As much as I love using a mechanical keyboard ,I fucking hate the taps it makes when others use it

It’s like this constant hammer,
FUCK YOU BITCHES , don’t fucking hit it likes there’s no tomorrow !!!

!dev

I hate it when people ask me questions that are easily googleable. I'm sorry but, please, don't waste both of our time on asking things like how to make a screenshot on an iPhone...
1. I have an android
2. Hey, you know this magical thing called Google?
3. You do know it? Oh my, good for you! Now try using it, thnx.

Unfortunately, I can never say this out loud. I just silently Google for them and send them a link. Perhaps, I need to grow some balls :D
Okay, never mind, said it once in a more polite form, and the dude replied with "fuck you, you female developers are such arrogant bitches", then he unmatched me. Good story, fun times.

Bon voyage, bitches.

When my skin is free from acne it’s over for y’all bitches

A fellow ranter is with me in the sense that making ultra thin designs is bullshit.

If you complain about weight on your equipment you are a little pansy... really.

And yes, I know what it is to carry a fuckload of weight. I had to march with a rucksack going on 60lbs(27-28kg approx) combat gear totalling somewhere between 30lbs(about 13-14kg) and an m240g weighted at 25lbs or 11-12kg and would love every miserable minute of it(the rucksack was a bitch though, you try jumping at the floor with that bad bitch on your back and you will know pain) aaaaall while feeling the glorious fucking heat of 45+ degree(Celsius) weather

If anyone comes bitching at me about how much their laptops are heavy I would recommend going into a corner store and buying a gallon of manTHEfuckUp and just gulping that bitch in. Don't even take breaks in between and drink that shit down cuz your lousy wimpy ass needs it.

**salutes
**shoots 2 rounds at the sky
**marches away
**shoots again cuz yo ass needs it because you got scared with the first 2 rounds

Glad to support this awesome community! Thanks @dfox & @trogus for the quality shipment!

I'll look like a DevRant salesman with this Tee and the stickers on my Macbook :D Goto sleep, wake up covered in bitches with all this swag :D

When your company switches off AC in the afternoon in fuckin summer heat of Mumbai as a part of cost cutting

Great move bitches .. :|

I'm amazed how some people either think I'm fucking jesus or a god or both.

App XY not working.

Yeah. We're talking about how App XY and it's exhaustion of the connection pool since a year....

It's not working, what can we do?

Well. I don't know. Tried restarting?

Not working.

Well... Nothing I can do, you're responsible for developing the app and we've talked many times how complex the problem is.

It's not working, can u do something?

<Me just fed up increasing the connection count>

Well. I've increased the connections.
This will not work. It's a band aid. The app needs really a complete migration.

Ok. But it works.

No it doesn't work.. For fucks sake... It still exhausts the connections for unknown reasons, this is a band aid.

But it works....

-.-

This conversations was over then....

Well. Have fun.

I reverted the change I did.

May this crappy piece of shit die a thousand deaths, I:m now working on something else.

Goodbye mother fucking bitches, habe fun with the nightmare you created.

I'll cry over the other fucking nightmares I at least can solve, cause what you created in this App is beyond irresponsible and dumb.

Day 1. Push branch. Make pull request😀
Day 5. Got reply to fix some silly stuff🤡
Day 6. Apply changes. Ask for review again.😊
Day 7. Needed to work for another project for two weeks🤝
Day 25. Came back and pull request and branch were deleted from server 🧐🧐
Day 26. I merge my local branch copy into master and push it to server. So long bitches! 💅💅

I'm very short tempered at the moment.

A lot like Dr Cox in Scrubs.

And really ... You mother fucking stupid idiotic developers with your tendency to discuss absolutely everything just to not have to work for a dozen more minutes...

But ok. Let's discuss.

But even that seems to be absolutely impossible for you little shitheads.

Instead of discussing solutions, nooooooooo....

We're grown up developers so we discuss how the baddy manager hurt our lil feelings by saying that we're morons for wasting all the fucking time without coming up with a solution.

Now my lil cry babies, once the baddy manager got your pacifiers so at least once in an hour my migraine finally calms down for not hearing your bitching pathetic lil whiny noises...

Face it. Over the years you collected a huge ton of mother fucking tech debt because no one of you actually took a bit of time to use that empty space in your head to think at least a mu further than the dumb jira task you were given.

And yes. That ends badly.

And yes. As it is now in a state of cluster fuck, guess what. You have to work. You get money for it, remember?

And yes. if you would stop moping and bitching and crying and being a pathetic lil piece of shit, you'd realize we could come up with solutions very fast.

But nooo... Let's talk about our feelings.

And how we are over worked.

And how nothing works.

Cause yes. That will be the hail mary that saves us all.

Let me give u a hint: it's a mother fucking waste of time bitches.

I think it's time I put a pacifier not only in your mouth, but arse too. Maybe it helps overcoming the anal and oral phase of childhood so we can at least have something close to adult talk.

*breathes in*

Gooozfraba.

So what's the best website you ever seen?

mine:
motherfuckingwebsite.com
bettermotherfuckingwebsite.com

He's damn fuckin right, I couldn't agree more!.

2nd rant this week on PHP PDO

PHP 💩:
PHP message: SQLSTATE[HY000]: General error: 2014 Cannot execute queries while other unbuffered queries are active.  Consider using PDOStatement::fetchAll().  Alternatively, if your code is only ever going to run against mysql, you may enable query buffering by setting the PDO::MYSQL_ATTR_USE_BUFFERED_QUERY attribute

Me 🤬:
THATS WHAT I’M FUCKING USING. STOP FUCKING COMPLAINING. YOU DIDN’T LIKE THE FUCKING COLONS FOR YOUR FUCKING PARAMATETRS, NOW YOU HATE YOUR OWN FUCKING FETCHALL() METHOD YOU PEICE OF SHIT, AND YOU CAN’T HAVE ANY OTHER ACTIVE QUERIES AS IT’S THE FIRST FUCKING QUERY. ARRGHHH!!!!!

What the actual fuck is wrong with PDO. It bitches about everything 😡.

Our agile scrum team has finally shattered into two parts.
On the one hand we have front-end guys.
On the other hand we have backend- /dev-ops guys.

The FE guys don't care about the BE guys business.
They don't join pairworking and only noticing things that went bad, when a Backend guy has caused it.
Goodbye fullstack dev-ops team...

I really dislike that arrogant basterds.

Frontend Hobo-Bitches...!

There was internet. Pure, beautiful, attractive but then it started to fuck with more people then it should.
Now everyone fucks internet that doesn’t care anymore. It just sells his ass to whoever have more money.

Welcome to corporate world bitches.

Fucking StackOverflow!
I'm pretty sure the downvote button serves as a reminder that my question is indeed legitimate and deserves some feedback because for FUCKSAKES WHY WOULD I ASK SOMETHING IF I ALREADY KNOW THE ANSWER???

JUST HELP ME BITCHES!!!

!!!dev

This is !dev at all, buy I think many devs might share a similar way of thinking.

I just had a discussion with a friend. He told me that he donated 100.- to a poor family he met in Thailand and told me about how good he feels because of that.
I told him that I’ve been donating regularly for the last 8 years and that it’s not about how you feel but about the change you made.

We argued for a while and I realized that I’m using my past donations not only to convince him but to win the argument..

I used my deeds to my own benefit, so I’m no better than the TikTok Bitches showing their bodies for likes..

I’m deeply disappointed in myself.

Heh promotion? I only get fake promotion..

For two years, I was doing so many *free* overtime, manager is a big liar, he said that it will he considered on the yearly evaluation.. cool, the thing is there is no evaluation at all, just lying and lying.

Few months ago I took a vacation of 1 month (I am expatriate so I get one vacation per year, my home town is too far..) I talked to tye manager about salary taise and he said absolutely we will talk after I get back..
He called me during my vacation to do some urgent (as always) work, I worked about 5 days, and for free.

After I get back to work, he was angry about my *attitude* that I wasn't available more time.. oh and there was no fucking raise. always lying..

In this country, if you're an expatriate so you can travel outside the country without the validation of the employer (yeah like that) and the notes period is about 3 months, what makes very hard to find another job, no one will wait for 3 months, unless you vanish during a vacation.

So, why didn't I gave my resignation? well, life is hard when you have unemployed wife and a little baby, and the pay is, let's say OK comparing to costs here.

I am charged to learn and work with another language and framework, and when I asked for a raise they said no, so I will stop working in this language and let's see..

The problem is that other employees in thus company are literally bitches, they don't say no to anything, so I am the special guy here who does not a blowjob..

So, what do I do? I am hunting for a new job since a while but no luck.

It didn't take long to replace my instagram discovery page from showing attention seeking bitches to stylish cars and programming related stuffs.

Life is much better already now.

Today’s frontend bitches appropriating functional programming like “ancient programming secrets” is exactly like eighties con artist bitches appropriating yoga and ayurveda like “ancient well-being secrets”

Just plain wrong and laughable

Go learn cs

Alright, fellow coders. If I am required to spend 6-8 hours documenting your steaming pile of shit, MAKE SURE IT FUCKING COMPILES SO I CAN CHECK THE FUNCTIONALITY AND GET SCREENSHOTS! IT IS ALMOST NOON! I DONT WANT TO STAY LATE! Bitches.

I knew this might be an issue, but really Linux just sucks balls. It may not be Linux's fault, but the user experience could be a fuck ton better.

Spent 1.5 hours trying to get mint installed on second drive. It works fine if you don't want to do anything with it.

As you can probably surmise I died on getting the gpu driver installed. Just starts to a black screen. No amount of juggling is helping. It just refuses to show the screen with an nvidia driver installed. What is worse is that settings that might help are not set. Like nomodeset in grub. If you know some drivers fuck up the grub interface then add nomodeset and not leave it up to the user to "figure this shit out". Because users are tired of figuring this shit out.

Really really fucking disappointed. I thought to myself: lets install steam and see how it does. The reality: fucking stuck for 1.5 hours on trying to boot into x with graphics acceleration and failing.

Many of you hate on windows, but one thing it has going for it. It doesn't do fucked up shit like this. It has failsafes that try and account for this.

Fuck you linux. You need to fucking grow up and stop relying on users to fix every damn thing in the command line. Go back to server where you belong.

I know I will get the "I told you so" messages, but guess what? The computer I got doesn't come preinstalled with windows. You have to pay to get it. At this point windows is the only fucking viable solution to make my shit work.

Nvidia, go die in a fire bitch. Fix your fucking Linux support you worthless shit heads.

This has been a rant brought to you by "the pain of others". I hope you enjoyed the experience.

PS, I love you all. Even the "I told you so" bitches.

Microspyoft decided to retire Atom IDE, what a bullshit company, if you check their asses you will find them stinky as garbage because they only use toilet paper, I started to stop using their shit, any basic solution they offer to you that you might think 'Oh, that's the solution to rely on for a lifetime ' no man hold your excitements cause they are going to fuck your brain later, same as they will do with Windows10, suddenly the bunch of lazy asses decided 'actually let's create windows11, and stop supporting windows10 by 2025' Go to fuck yourselves bitches, I stopped using all your shit.

Got a new guy sitting in the office. He is nice to talk to and easy to work with. But when he codes for himself behind his screen and something is not working he moans and bitches in a very whiney voice. That whiney tone is so insanly annoying. Sounds like a young dog is mistreated...

For every verb you put in your 'REST' api url, a puppy dies

Bitches be saying they're using REST and don't have a fucking clue what it means or what the principles are

If something is free, doesn't make it the best, it is like saying virtual box is better than VMware because it is free, all I can say is that virtual box is a bitch and VMware is a sexy house wife .....bitches fuck with everyone every with discount....
Good morning peeps

Started learning to code and built applications using spring, hibernate, jsf and sql dbs. Never called ourselves 'full stack bitches'! And now, with these JS toys around, no one is less than a full stack ninja! Fckin' full stack experts everywhere!

Personal mini-project from a million years ago which I practically don't maintain anymore, broke. External APIs are being bitches.
Made a fix, but I'm too lazy to push. (I don't think anyone else is using it tbh)
Huehuehue.

Oh nooo, what am I going to do...only new students!

Not sure if many people heard about nltk in python but I'm currently using a lot now for research.

So one day I was doing multiprocessing while using lemmatizer in nltk, for those who don't know, lemmatizer is a thing that change the word to its base form. So it is like, ran to run, bitches to bitch.

Anyway, the nltk package, to ensure it does not take too much memory, here's what it does: it loads a data file, and once it is loaded and accessed for the first time, it breaks the data file into CSV file. And since I was doing multiprocessing, the data file is accessed for multiple time while it can only be loaded once, hence error happened.

Instead of changing my code, which I think is good already, I went to the package directory of nltk and directly changed the source code from there and now the code works perfectly.

I'm very proud of my self at the moment, this is a very good lesson that I've learned: always look for alternatives. And suck it, nltk.

Happy new year bitches! 😁

Fellow iPhone users and broke bitches too cheap to get the battery replaced or buy a new phone, I have noticed that I get a lot smoother performance and a more gradual if steeper battery life with apples bullshit process slowing turned off. Now anything below 20% is a flip of a coin if the phone will turn off, but with it on it chews the top end of the battery much faster and seems to die more when idle.

PS don’t use fast chargers.

You haven't lived until you've experience the sheer power of a CRT monitor, hooked up to a 286/12, with a 2600 baud external zoom for m00fing the shit out of other users in chat, so your friends with leech accounts can help download the 38 pkzip files via ZMODEM.

Shit... gotta go! iCE just released the latest pack on Sanctuary, and my ANSI art is being featured as the welcome screen on Pair O' Dice.

305, bitches!!1one

So I have a semi big project ongoing:

Because my modem+router combo sucks dick and gets buttfucked to much I want to make my own Router with PPPoE.

So I ordered an 8 euro used switch, 24ports for management, but our IP TV provider is sucking cock too! He uses multicasting to send the fucking IP TV signal. So the switch is not VLan ready and so the network will be flodded.

But that's not the worst...

I don't know how to route VOIP over QoS correctly... So I just hope that part work's!

I also ordered another network switch Wich is manageable + an God damn networking closet. 80 bucks gone again! Wish me luck this works better...

BUT THATS NOT THE WORST BECAUSE NOW COMES THE HEAVY PART!

I wanted to use my old AMD Athlon X2 64bit and 4 gigs of RAM PC to be my powerhouse of the router. I plugged it into the wall, booted, screen error... Thought it might be the integrated graphics card... Unplugged my old one, inserted it.... AND IT WOR... NOPE NOPE IT DIDN'T NOW MY DAMN MOTHERBOARD IS FUCKING FRIED TO DUST BECAUSE OF THE GOD DAMN ... I DONT EVEN KNOW! AAAAA

So I thought I could temporarily use my raspberry pi one model b, a good fellow with multiple years of usage! I plugged in the sd card into my girls laptop, wasn't at home, and her God damn internet downloaded that shitty raspbian (sorry raspi but your servers sometimes are very slow) and after the download I realized her GOD DAMN SD READER DIDNT FUCKING WORK!!!

SO I GUESS I WILL WAIT!

> 9h05 AM
> Sit at my desk, time to work bitches, tomorrow's a vacation day!
> "Fuck Drupal, anyway where was I yesterday?"
> "Right, I needed to fix this load of crap"
> "Let's see what happens when I do this"
> Computer starts to overract
> Computer (Windows) is updating while running Virtualbox while handling a cancer mutated Drupal project
> Even the mouse is lagging like there is no tomorrow
> Manage somehow to make Windows reboot and update so he'll stop do shit

Currently posting this while said Windows is doing its thing

I think I am going to keep a desktop counter of every time the other team bitches about not having tool x or tool y rather than learning the tools we already have that are perfectly capable of serving the purpose they want. I get that devs should be allowed to have the tools they need to do the job, but at a certain point you're yelling at a cloud to start raining. Especially since we work in a restricted environment and IT's backlog is ridiculous.

I thought this virus cancelled all the sports but bitches are still playin with my heart!!

Idk who tosensei and sid keep having fights with, but get the fuck out of here.

I'm tired of seeing your drama (+ new accounts and bitching) in my feed all the time.

Y'all some grown ass bitches, so grow up ffs.

haha bitches behold my power, i use vim, emacs, vscode and sublime

I'm back bitches!

That is all.

Me to 2 other Dev's: Guys can i get your help? This line isn't working.

Dev's check the code. Tries there own things.
Doesn't work.

Dev's: Sorry man, we tried.

Project Manager with no knowledge of programming looks at code.
Project Manager: How are you struggling for so long?(Bitches for like 5 minutes)

Me: *gives her Penance stare*
* Starts laughing loud at the thought of her
dying*

I feel better now

Hi,

Would, someone who is doing web development, like to help me code a porno service agency? I will be the main pimp who will escort my bitches to our customers who will pay for the bitch they find attractive through the system that we code so the payment will go automatically after they make a purchase. They get the bitch, i pay the bitch some fee and the rest goes to both of us as commission. Ain't none of this physical. All of the products are digital. Customers get pics or vids thats all.

Best Regards,
SukMikeHok

We have an unit test that tests the average of a sequence of numbers generated randomly using a gaussian distribution. Of course it fails from time to time, it's random! Failing to fail, would mean that the generator is not generating random numbers, therefore failure means success, but success does not mean failure.

Wait, why did we add this test in the first place?

The amazon music app.
I don't know what's more annoying. Is it the general shittiness of it, the way they've made trying to find anything into some kind of fucked up magic mushroom experience?
Or is it the fact that they've intentionally made it shit because their marketing knobheads think that'll make people buy subscriptions?
Or is it the fact that the marketing knobheads are probably right?
It actually makes economic sense for them to turn their app into a steaming, heaving pile of shit, because millions of people will buy a subscription in direct response to the shitness of the app.
Stop making me swim through shit, you motherless son-of-a-bitches, and I might actually buy stuff.
But that doesn't matter, because enough people will buy stuff *because* you're making them swim through shit.

My boss yelled at me Monday for brining up that no one in the office is a fan of Jira.

He yelled and gave 4 rules.
1. Task Numbers
2. Multiple Project Overview
3. Integrates with Github
4. No one bitches

I spent the day uploading data from Jira into clubhouse

as a seasoned systems eng myself, i had huge mental block of "i am not a programmer" whining when starting to incorperate agile/infrastructure as code for more seasoned syseng staff.

leadership made devops a role and not a practice so lots of growing pains. was finally able to win them over by asking them to look at how many 'scripts' and 'tools' they wrote to make life easier... and how much simpler and sustainable using puppet/ansible/chef/salt... and checking in all our sacred bin files and only approved 'scripts' would be pushed thru automation tool after post review.

we still are not programmers or developers, but using specific practices and source control took some time but saving us loads of time and gives us ability to actually do engineering

but just have 2 groups of younger guys that grew up wanting to be the bofh/crumudgen get off my systems types that are like not even 30... frustrating as they are the ones that should be more familiar with the shift from strictly ops to some overlap. and the devs that ask for root now that they can launch instances on aws or can launch docker containers and microservice..... ugggg. these 2 groups have never had to rack and stack servers, network gear, storage... just all magic to them because they can start 50 servers with a button click.

try to get past the iam roles, acls, facls, selinux and noshell i have been pushing. bitches.

So, a new coworker started here about two months ago. He's all about talking but the actions aren't very fast.
I looked at my Pull Request and this guy is writing comments for 5. Where the hell did he get the balls from? Seriously!
Please stand next to the designer so i can slap both of you bitches.

Not slapping someone when they call an object a thing or worse a thingy, it's like working with basic Starbucks bitches

I'm back bitches

I found that we cannot fuck any software or something like that, but those bitches can fuck us with errors, damn it :/

Aaaaand all tabs and windows go to bitches again.. sigh.. did closed tabs and windows in feierfox EVER work for anyone? I have noticed restore session works. But after closing gracefully, feiafax just don't bother saving shit. Somehow I have less patience when it comes to browsers. Fuck you feuercocks! Suck my balls you memory hungry, wannabe free hippie hippo. Done, deleted, die!!

When you have to do something as a group in class and you don't do or say anything

I just stayed in the back, maybe a bad idea...

They just did a bunch of crap, titled it "fuck bitches get riches" and put my name under it, I drew over my name, but they've been calling me leader since then, after lunch they continued with teacher, sendai, and eventually father

What a bunch of idiots

Coming home from fking my hot blonde gf in the morning and im late for my job! Fuck the job i got bitches to fucjk

Get bitches and fuck up your career

I feel that these little bitches should get what they keep asking for by being evil mean spirited garbage

I am so sick of being around whores at work

Every time they tease me or try to tempt me I think why the hell would anyone defend them ?

Anyone else think the new git cli went a little too far?
git bitches —none

Business Manager loses internet connection, panics and everyone calls over the two programmers to sort it out all of this while we're converting 7 pages written during the caveman days under direct command of the CEO... We call the head of IT (who had never been in IT before) who couldn't know much less about programming and he bitches to us about the importance of his work, which is basically sitting on his ass doing inventory

God I am fucking sick of hearing people I know are full of shit talking about how they served their country or how they were always here or how they're the same age as I actually am 20 years younger or pretending that nothing ever changed and time never passed

Fucking bitches

does anyone knows how the FUCK to integrate Rails with MidTrans?

I don't hate rails, I just don't know how the FUCK to integrate it with my local payment.

Most students find their way in damn things. I know time and experience teaches us a lot
It was really so fun but now I can't confront it
Why everyone involves in a relationship? Not worthy at all we all know but still carrying on
Can recall those days, my gang having a good talk time in class every day. No matter boy or girl, everyone was acceptable as a friend, and also neither of our talks were useless

It sucks so much when someone fingers out to find your crush. In my case, I know no one interested in a nerd and also I don't want to be a part of it. Why do those fucking bitches want a dumbass? I actually don't mean to be ace forever but still this teenage fucking too shit

How do I do it I wonder ? Get stuck with the same retards playing the same strange shady personality types I have to dodge ? Seriously wtf

Betcha if I stuffed a tube steak in them both they'd be more warmed up heh

It's like why do I have to constantly deal with some twitchy copy of some person I previously knew who is doing his impression poorly of some weird introverted jackass with a funny hairstyle from 2001 ?

And what fuckinh sense did that ever make ? Doing something to stand out if you prefer lack.of interaction and attention ?

Only crazy bitches who thought everyone was out to rape them until you found a way to flip their slut switch acted like that in my age group !

Of course I yet know how they actually are God need to find another job

i am so fucking angry, i hate all goats!!
one time when i was 7, i was at a zoo on a school field trip and we went to the farm section, and y'know what happened? one of them bit me, one of those ugly stupid goat bitches bit me. from that point on, i had a huge hatred for all goats and farm animals, if i had a choice i would wipe goats off the earth!!
if you agree make sure to join my cult!!