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Coworker: You've merged the wrong PR. It is broken.
Me: is it marked as broken? Is there a mail marking it as broken?
Coworker: yes. I wrote something in the chat.
Me: 🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕
I do NOT read and click every brain fart from the chat. I had the PR (as reviewer and dependent developer) open on my desk and waited for the coworker to fix his merge conflicts.
OK then, try to revert. Git reset hard. Push -f. Policy does not allow master modification. 🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕
Fuck this company. Fuck the policies. Fuck them all with a chainsaw. Forced me to work 2 weeks more. 17.04 should have been my last day at this circus. Let 3 other guys go to vacation while I have fix their management's mistakes. Fuck. You. All. Eat shit and suffocate in piss.8 -
Generic-IT
--------------
Client:"So we would like to found a new company and offer IT and network consulting. Would you be able to build our website?"
Me:"Absolutely. What will be the name of your company?"
Client:"The name is going to be 'Generic-IT'. The website is going to be 'generic-IT.com' . We checked that with google."
Me:"I am sorry to tell you that generic.com is already taken by another company. Incidentally that company offers the same services, that you intend to offer. They also seem to be quite big an have businesses in 5 different countries.
Because of this I advise you to pick a different name that does not get you into trouble and makes positioning your own brand easier."
Client:"We want to neglect that problem for now."
Me:"0.0 ..... -_-""""
"Well, listen. Apart from the possible branding and copyright problems imagine how people will find you on the web. ...What will happen if you google 'generic IT'?"
Client:"Yeah well, we want to neglect that. And with SEO you can do something about that."
Me:"..........Welllll, you that SEO is not a cure all, right? The older an bigger company will come up first. Why not avoid that missunderstanding and come up with a unique name?"
Client:"......"
Me:"Please tell me. Doesn't any part of my argument make sense to you?"
Client:"..."
Me:"Well, ok. I will send you the estimate on monday."
___________
Then over a back channel I hear that the client is ...bewildered, why I would not stick to my area of expertise.
There I was now. Left bewildered myself, being the one with the webagency that does frontend design and branding.7 -
Whoever implemented the data import in Numbers on Mac needs to be lined up against a wall and shot with needles until they wish they were dead.
Why on all of gods unholy green and shitty earth would i want data i import (EVEN IN CSV FOR FUCK SAKE) to be delimited by an arbitrary text width? WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK
WHY WHY why would I EVER want to delimit my carefully structured data by fucking text width instead of new line or comma? AAAAARRRHHH
And what fucking big brain genius made this the DEFAULT SETTING for imported text AND CSV FILES. IT STANDS FOR COMMA SEPARATED FILE YOU FUCK BOI MAYBE JUST MAYBE I WANT IT SEPARATED BY FUCKING COMMMMMMMAAAAASSSSSS9 -
Why is it so important to some people to claim that "HTML and CSS are not programming languages"? I get it, you're a REAL programmer working with arrays, maybe tuples, objects and possibly direct memory management. Who the fuck has a right to call themselves a programmer for writing some brain dead markup or poorly designed selectors, right? Who fucking cares for semantic tags or nested selectors?
Just think for a few seconds about when you were taking your first baby steps to becoming the GOD ROCKING MEMORY HANDLER THAT WRITES _REAL_ CODE that you are today, and how good it felt to be able to create something that appeared on your screen. It felt pretty awesome, yeah?
Now imagine if someone much more experienced than you told you "You're not a real programmer, that is not real programming. You should see what I do, I do real programming".
I think you get it. Why spend your energy spreading bad vibes when you could spend it on something more productive. Like reading up on the new CSS4 specs ;)18 -
How can you defend your ugly unstructured mess of a PR, when every spit-droplet infused spray of words from your mouth is full of syntax errors?
How can you call yourself a developer without being aware of basic logic? I ain't got no tolerance for double negations, not not true is just true, you doltish twat.
WHEN YOU TALK THERE IS A CLOUD OF RED SQUIGGLY LINES IN THE AIR FLOATING AROUND YOUR HEAD.
I mean what the fuck is up with eggcetera? Why are you just swapping out letters? What has the little ligature t in & ever done to you? Do I have to fucking replace & with 🥚 so your word diarrhea makes sense again?
NO. JUST PLEASE... STOP TALKING. YOU'RE RAPING LANGUAGE, AND IT WAS ALREADY BEATEN DEAD.
Unlike me, you have a degree in computer science... but how, how the fuck did you pass? How did neither your tongue nor code get stuck in a linter?
AND YOUR RESPONSE IS STILL: "YOU DON'T NEED TO LEARN WHEN YOU'RE FINISHED WITH SCHOOL" ... "WHAT DOES IT MATTER, IT WORKS, RIGHT?"
NO, IT'S NOT RIGHT.
You're lucky I love refactoring.
I'll start with a medical grade steel scalpel and a long sharp hook. Maybe I can clean up this brain a little. See if the tests turn green if I cut some of this gray matter away... plenty of unreachable statements, so many unnecessary loops...
Might have to start from scratch.8 -
Craziest bug, not so much in the sense of what it was (although it was itself wacky too), but in what I went through to fix it.
The year was 1986. I was finishing up coding on a C64 demo that I had promised would be out on a specific weekend. I had invented a new demo effect for it, which was pretty much the thing we all tried to do back then because it would guarantee a modicum of "fame", and we were all hyper-ego driven back then :) So, I knew I wanted to have it perfect when people saw it, to maximize impressiveness!
The problem was that I had this ONE little pixel in the corner of the screen that would cycle through colors as the effect proceeded. A pixel totally apart from the effect itself. A pixel that should have been totally inactive the entire time as part of a black background.
A pixel that REALLY pissed me off because it ruined the utter perfection otherwise on display, and I just couldn't have that!
Now, back then, all demos were coded in straight Assembly. If you've ever done anything of even mild complexity in Assembly, then you know how much of a PITA it can be to find bugs sometimes.
This one was no exception.
This happened on a Friday, and like I said, I promised it for the weekend. Thus began my 53 hours of hell, which to this day is still the single longest stretch of time straight that I've stayed awake.
Yes, I spent literally over 2+ days, sitting in front of my computer, really only ever taking bio breaks and getting snacks (pretty sure I didn't even shower)... all to get one damn pixel to obey me. I would conquer that f'ing pixel even if it killed me in the process!
And, eventually, I did fix it. The problem?
An 'i' instead of an 'l'. I shit you not!
After all these years I really don't remember the details, except for the big one that sticks in my mind, that I had an 'i' character in some line of code where an 'l' should have been. I just kept missing it, over and over and over again. I mean, I kinda understand after many hours, your brain turns to mush. and you make more mistakes, so I get missing it after a while... but missing it early on when I was still fresh just blows my mind.
As I recall, I finally uploaded the demo to the distro sight at around 11:30pm, so at least I made my deadline before practically dropping dead in bed (and then having to get up for school the next morning- D'oh!). And it WAS a pretty impressive demo... though I never did get the fame I expected from it (most likely because it didn't get distributed far and wide enough).
And that's the story of what I'd say was my craziest bug ever, the one that probably came closest to killing me :)5 -
My school just tried to hinder my revision for finals now. They've denied me access just today of SSHing into my home computer. Vim & a filesystem is soo much better than pen and paper.
So I went up to the sysadmin about this. His response: "We're not allowing it any more". That's it - no reason. Now let's just hope that the sysadmin was dumb enough to only block port 22, not my IP address, so I can just pick another port to expose at home. To be honest, I was surprised that he even knew what SSH was. I mean, sure, they're hired as sysadmins, so they should probably know that stuff, but the sysadmins in my school are fucking brain dead.
For one, they used to block Google, and every other HTTPS site on their WiFi network because of an invalid certificate. Now it's even more difficult to access google as you need to know the proxy settings.
They switched over to forcing me to remote desktop to access my files at home, instead of the old, faster, better shared web folder (Windows server 2012 please help).
But the worst of it includes apparently having no password on their SQL server, STORING FUCKING PASSWORDS IN PLAIN TEXT allowing someone to hijack my session, and just leaving a file unprotected with a shit load of people's names, parents, and home addresses. That's some super sketchy illegal shit.
So if you sysadmins happen to be reading this on devRant, INSTEAD OF WASTING YOUR FUCKING TIME BLOCKING MORE WEBSITES THAN THEIR ARE LIVING HUMANS, HOW ABOUT TRY UPPING YOUR SECURITY, PASSWORDS LIKE "", "", and "gryph0n" ARE SHIT - MAKE IT BETTER SO US STUDENTS CAN ACTUALLY BROWSE MORE FREELY - I THINK I WANT TO PASS, NOT HAVE EVERY OTHER THING BLOCKED.
Thankfully I'm leaving this school in 3 weeks after my last exam. Sure, I could stay on with this "highly reputable" school, but I don't want to be fucking lied to about computer studies, I don't want to have to workaround your shitty methods of blocking. As far as I can tell, half of the reputation is from cheating. The students and sysadmins shouldn't have to have an arms race between circumventing restrictions and blocking those circumventions. Just make your shit work for once.
**On second thought, actually keep it like that. Most of the people I see in the school are c***s anyway - they deserve to have half of everything they try to do censored. I won't be around to care soon.**2 -
//begin midnight rant
THATS IT, I AM PISSED OFF NOW ABOUT THIS SNAPCHAT SHIT!!!
I DON'T GIVE A FUCK !!!
I DIDN'T GIVE A FUCK WHEN SNAP CHAT WAS INVENTED
I DIDN'T GIVE A FUCK WHEN WATSAPP COPIED ITS FEATURE(yeah I haven't seen your pathetic story)
AND I ALSO DONT GIVE A FLYING FUCK ABOUT THE SHIT ITS GOTTEN INTO NOW.
as a guy who is allergic to people I stay the fuck away from such apps.
but for God's sake get real u shit heads... Uninstalling an app is not an achievement worth bragging about( there is a drag and drop interface for it in ur Android phone)
Here is a guy who started his own company when he graduated from college and is providing employment to 100s of ppl and ur going to put that at risk just because your fragile ego was hurt because of "poor country " comment fuck u do your research that comment was made in 2015 when a monthly 1gb 3g internet would burn a hole in your pocket
Go screw yourselves u brain dead pieces of shit if u r so worked up about being called a poor country then start a company and provide jobs for the people who are struggling(why would you when uninstalling an app is so much easier).
Any one with 300 mg of common sense would have realize that the video would have difficulty in buffering in your slow ass 2g internet pack in your phone in 2015 when Jio sim was not yet introduced.
People like you are the reason I wish the super villains would win at the end of sifi movies.
I hope God(if there is one and if ever he decides to give a fuck) would give the guys who built this app the strength to get through this shit storm
PEACE OUT
//End of mid night rant11 -
I started drinking coffee when I started as a junior dev.
I loved its boost, but after a while being on coffee was exactly how I felt before as normal. I incrementally upped the dosage, while my resistance creeped up too. I reached a moment when I drank a liter daily, so I witched to yerba maté instead, which resulted in more potent brews. Then I got used to its strength too plus it tasted like horseshit. I switched to caffeine tablets, takingg more and more. Soon after I reached a level which was described medically as the top one should be allowed to take.
I no longer felt any boost. In between caffeinated moments of normalty, I felt like a brain-dead zombie. When I was caffeinated, I was jittery, my shoulder and eyebrow was glitching, my stomach was flexing like before taking a huge exam.
After some miserable time like that, I quit caffeine entirely. I was fatigued, dull and my mind was hazy for te next 1-2 weeks.
I then finally, became gradually normal again.
I drink tea and coffee only socially, perhaps a few times in a month, and never after too much later than noon.
Now I can't wear my "Programmer. Converts coffee into code" shirt anymore. Apart from that, I'm much better off :)
What's your coffee story?14 -
TL;TR
My mum just came to me asking me why the mouse is not working ...like I'm GOD of electronics :( (I'm just a simple dev) I simply though that the battery is dead because it's old. Soooooo.....
I showed her how to open it and how to change the battery. After 5 min she came back with a new battery and the same mouse asking me to fix it for her....
In my mind I literally snapped my brain was bleeding and exploding at the same time.
I just cringed a fake smile and changed the battery in front of her very slowly. I sure she won't remember how to do it next time.
At the end of the story I can't talk back or be angry to my parents I have to much respect for them. They though me everything from how to poop, speak, dress, eat and so on.
Be kind to your parents.5 -
Coworker: I've got an error, can't figure it out...
Me: Send error
Coworker: NullPointerException
Me: fml
Sr. my balls.1 -
I just spent 2 hours helping a fellow Sr Dev format an “if block” in code. Then helped show them how to step through the code. This is what passes as a senior at my company? I no joke have stayed at this job for 6 more months than I wanted to out of pure pity for my team. I want to quit so bad, but the team is in such terrible shape and can’t hire anyone new that is willing to stay. All good people personally, but gosh this job is just brain dead and eats my weekends when I should be focusing on family. Back to helping through the 500 line if block. There are worse things in life, but this just feels terrible.11
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Oh for fucks sake on a horse raping twat of a week.
It’s like everything that could go wrong did go wrong, from people fucking up, to orders being fucked up in multiple systems to me wanting to break someone’s fucking nose for being a complete dumb fuck. Seriously how do people that do a job, day in and day out go completely fucking brain dead and fuck things up beyond fucking repair over hundreds of orders.
Sorry but FUCK this shit, it can wait till fucking Monday you cunt rash of a shit. -
My feelings towards half the people in my class because most a brain-dead cunts with no aspirations or passion for anything they do.
3 -
!rant && extra('worried');
My 11 years-old brother seems to be addicted to Minecraft, not the "dis iz so kool" addiction, but the "I put my health and education in danger to keep playing this game (homeworks badly done, grades free falling, showers without soap in 30s flat, food eaten in 15s, starts to yell at parents when they want him to stop playing (parents bitch slapped him a few times for this, but he seems to persist)).
My parents are over 55 now, so they don't really know how to handle this (can't / don't want to blame them), and I'm supposed shove some reason in his dead brain next weekend (I live 150km away).
I've been addicted myself to videogames in general and WoW in particular ((almost) no regrets) a few years back.. what should I say to him else than "This shit will ruin your life even before you started it" (which is planned anyway) ?26 -
*My friend texting me*
Friend: wtf
My brain: w tf
My brain again: tf
My brain again: import tensorflow as tf
😂😂am brain dead3 -
Lets create a library.
Lets use that library in a project.
Lets wrap the library call in a wrapper functione to remove duplicate code.
Lets add an overloaded wrapper call that wraps the wrapper call that calls the library to partially undo the duplicate code removal.
Lets add another overloaded wrapper call that wraps the wrapper call that wraps the wrapper call that calls the library to partially undo the duplicate code removal.
How I love it. Not.
Sometimes redundancy makes sense, especially when it are two lines which make it obvious whats going on vs a single line that leads to a fuckton of overloaded wrapper functions.
Sheeesh.
Today in "code monkeys deserve divine punishment".
Another funny thing is creating a Helper class for Junit 5 tests, making it instantiable and adding to it all kinds of shit like testcontainer creation, applications instantiation, mocks, ....
... Then " crying " why the tests are so slow.
Yeah. Logic. Isolation of concerns, each test should be a stand alone complex.
But that would lead to redundancy... Oh no.
Better to create a global state god object.
Some devs... Really amaze me, especially when they argument in ways that makes one really wonder whether they are serious or just brain dead.4 -
Wow i must have been brain dead when i wrote this code. Needed to exclude certain elements from response for the the list of objects.
for (obj : objects) {
If (obj.skipFromResponse()) {
break
}
add obj to response
}
I used break instead of continue at the if condition which meant it would break out of the loop at the first instance of condition being met.
This went through qa and has been in production for 4 weeks so how did this not break before. Well little did i know the list of objects was sorted and all the test data, qa data and everything so far in production coincidentally only had the last element with matching condition. This meant it returned everything correctly so far.
Today was the first time there was a situation where this caused incorrect output. Luckily as soon as I heard the description of the issue I remembered to check the merged PR and hung my head in shame for making such trivial error. I must have written way more complicated code without any problem but this made me embarrassed to even admit. 🤦♂️4 -
Diary of an insane lead dev: day 447
pdf thumbnails that the app generates are now in S3 instead of saved on disk.
when they were on disk, we would read them from disk into a stream and then create a stream response to the client that would then render the stream in the UI (hey, I didn't write it, I just had to support it)
one of my lazy ass junior devs jumps on modifying it before I can; his solution is to retrieve the file from the cloud now, convert the stream into a base64 encoded string, and then shove that string into an already bloated viewmodel coming from the server to be rendered in the UI.
i'm like "why on earth are you doing that? did you even test the result of this and notice that rendering those thumbnails now takes 3 times as long???"
jr: "I mean, it works doesn't it?"
seriously, if the image file is already hosted on the cloud, and you can programmatically determine its URL, why wouldn't you just throw that in the src attribute in your html tag and call it a day? why would you possibly think that the extra overhead of retrieving and converting the file before passing it off to the UI in an even larger payload than before would result in a good user experience for the client???
it took me all of 30 seconds to google and find out that AWS SDK has a method to GetPreSignedURL on a private file uploaded to s3 and you can set when it expires, and the application is dead at the end of the year.
JFC. I hate trying to reason with these fuckheads by saying "you are paid for you brain, fucking USE IT" because, clearly these code monkeys do not have brains.3 -
In my unenlightened youth, when programming was a module in my college diploma that didn't seem to be taking me where I wanted to go, I had a couple of guys guy in my class that could arguably be the weird ones.
Jonny, although he asserted that he was to be called "Jonhty", whatever, we never did. He was pretty much top of the high school food chain and for some reason elected to study computer science, none of us was prepared to put up with his shit. He was always boasting about some fanciful claim or another, famously entering the classroom and exclaiming he'd "fucked an absolute milf" and seemed somewhat evasive about the answer, turns out he was 17 and she was 35, the age difference was greater than his own age. We burst out laughing. He would also turn up late and state the college bus was late (it wasn't I got the free bus every day, he'd just not got out his wanking chariot early enough).
One valentine's day we got him a card from a mysterious stranger which was accompanied by a package containing a cucumber and Vaseline, the inside of the card read "to assist you in the following request: please go fuck yourself".
Before you think we were being unduly harsh, we had a centre table where we'd be taught from with computers around the outer rim of the room. He'd come up behind people while at the centre desk, quietly press ctrl+P and slowly walk back to the printer. I saw him do it to my machine and I got to the printer first, to which he shouted "that's MY work" which was amusing because unbeknownst to him I had put headers on all my documents so he really didn't have an answer for why my name was at the top of every page.
To top it all off he had dead eyes, there didn't appear to be much going on but the rent, there was no spark of intelligent life, and while I thought it, I never said it out loud, but other students did and I had to agree. He was just copying his way to graduation. However, he ultimately didn't graduate when people refused to allow him to copy.
Another guy, Richard I believe his name was, which is just as well because he was a right dick. In the UK our word for white trash is "chav" (that's a very naïve explanation for it but that's another rant best left for "socialsciencerant") and he was an complete idiot who was gifted with more brain cells than he ever needed to use. He actually studied hard and got reasonable grades, probably on par with me, but he boasted about smoking weed all the time, he was forever playing dark side of the moon via his loud mp3 player. I kinda left him alone generally until he was high in class one time and while we we're watching a documentary he'd shake my chair and make a weird noise in my ear every few minutes, the first couple of times startled me, the remaining multi-dozen times pissed me off.
It all came to a head with this guy when I'd been hearing about his uninteresting bs on drugs, music and how best to spend my time ("you need to lighten up man, come round my house, take a joint and relax man", that sorta thing), well this guy walked like he was mid way through shitting himself so I personally think that perhaps he is too chilled. Anyway he's arguing with me and after the exchange of him making his point, me disagreeing and expecting the end of it, he made the mistake of saying two words to me:
"Listen, mate..."
And I had him in check mate.
"Listen, I ain't your fucking mate , I don't even like you, you're a disruptive annoying twat that thinks he knows it all, we're all 17, none of us know anything, so shut the fuck up, sit the fuck down and stop boring me with your drugs, I ain't interested, and for the record I think pink Floyd ruined prog rock!"
He looked at me with sad puppy dog eyes, and started with the "but, why?", However I was interrupted and had to leave the class for unrelated reasons, I returned to be told he'd put safety pins up right on my chair so I'd sit on them, and mutual friends who TD me I'd been cruel and that he doesn't was hurt, so I should apologize, he overheard and said he was sorry for bring a bit of a dick.
However, you just know when you don't get on with someone? Yeah, that. So I said I wasn't sorry for what I said, for while it was harsh, I am not his mate, nor did I want to be his mate and that was all I had to say on the subject, and that if he wants to take offensive to a nobody not liking him then he's in for a very rough time in life.
Unsurprisingly I don't keep in touch with anyone from college!2 -
Good ol' fucking brain-dead autistic dipshit me just pulled an all-nighter reading rants on fucking devrant
Now wish me a good day's sleep you perfect-ragging entertaining bastards filling up devrant with the best posts I've ever read about programming.4 -
Fucking fuck this mother fucking cunt filled arsehole ridden brain dead idiotic world we live on.
That is all. You may now continue browsing devRant.1 -
So about a month ago I started this project for myself and decided I would work on it almost everyday, even if it was just for 30 minutes!
But when I get home I'm always so tired all I can do is sit, almost brain dead and watch something (youtube, netflix, whatever).
Anyway, haven't touched it since that first week.12 -
I wish I was one of those brain dead sheep that study hard, fall in love, take selfies, get a job , go clubbing, get married, attend cocktail parties and make more brain dead sheep....6
-
Radio Fucking One. Shit music and Dick heads talking about TV programmes involving the fake tanned brain dead chavs dating/talking about each other and this bollocks is contaminating our youth and should be stopped. Bastard shit bollocks.6
-
I somehow can't stop laughing at the comment I posted.
@htlr "devRant has a rendering bug under weekly topic"
me: "I can't see that. Are you sure it's not a dead pixel on your phone?"
@electrineer "Dead pixel won't show up on screen shot"
me: "err... screen shot got be have a dead pixel capture feature, right?!"
🤣Oh geez. If someone need to balance out their genius brain wave, I'm here to help!
https://devrant.com/rants/1266369/... -
So yesterday ended with me becoming a first responder in front of my house. Talk about a crazy day.
Guy sped up down my very short dead-end road and flipped a school van down the embankment. Thankfully there were no kids in the van and the driver was okay.
I've never had to run into the scene of an accident before, and what the brain does in a time of crisis like that is absolutely amazing.
Feeling everything but the immediate need drain away. It was like time was slowed. I took in all the information of the scene and somehow worked fast while also double-checking every action I did.
I remember hesitating for a moment, worried about what I'd see. School students on the back. Would I see injured or dead children? Body parts? I remember saying "Fuck it" and running down the embankment and that was about it.
So serious props to any of you who read this that also volunteer as EMT or fire/rescue. I've long considered doing that myself and I may very well step up now that I've had first-hand experience.
And now for the requisite joke: Usually I only have to help out when Windows crashes. :)1 -
First company:
- being sat at an office that didn't have chairs with proper back support. It would kill my back every day. Like sitting on a bar stool coding.
- not having access to basic resources (cafeteria, salary bonuses)
- being seriously underpaid ($200 under)
- not having an IT process pipeline (yeah, this is a huge one): no JIRA, no git, no VCS, no continuous integration, etc. I fucking spend 45% of the time fixing coding-unrelated shit.
Second company (very aggravating):
- dumb frontend bitch and privileged colleague who both kept telling me months on end to shut up and who wouldn't listen to my advice on anything, while my advice would actually help the company advance in productive ways. The key here is being told to shut up while stagnating. i.e. dead end job.
- people advancing in the company based on nepotism and favoritism, based on having tits and ass, rather than skills and independence.
- pointlessssssssss meetings where decisions are made solely based on the opinion of Mr. favorite senior dev. The rest just sits there like a bunch of sad saps and yay-nodders. Incompetent PO's who "would like to hear your input" but then when you give it, they completely dismiss you.
- pointlessssssssss monthly meetings with stakeholders, where the dev teams do nothing but clash and act like pussies in front of the PM just to get in his favor, but behind scenes continue to make the same mistakes and telling the CEO everything is fine. Goodness, how can it get more unproductive.
- completely antisocial and nepotistic 'colleagues' who won't even talk to you, let alone smile at you or be friendly. You saying good morning and them pretending you're vapor that doesn't exist. Go go company atmosphere! Especially during lunch, those are the worst times. Imagine sitting at lunch where everyone looks like you killed their dog and the rest is huddled up in little high school groups.
What else? The incessant and pointless smalltalk that makes me want to bang my head against the wall. Talking about dogs, kids, what show was on tv last night. The fuck man, do you have a brain?!
Third company:
- HR bitches who think they are the shit and developers are antisocial, helpless misfits, but they work with computers and they don't even fucking know what a status bar is! The irony!
- forced socializing and stigmatization for the opposite. Imagine coming into a company and you don't say good morning. Should that be a problem? No. Instead, everyone starts dogging on you and hating you just because you didn't smile in their faces and said: hiiiiiiiiiiii how did you sleep? Did you feed your dog? Fuck you.
Elliot (Mr. Robot): "Wouldn't it be awesome if there was a mute button for life?" -boop, boop, boop, boop...- Ahh.. there.. that's much better."
- CEO's sucking up to you but when it comes to salary increase, they say shit like: "Ahhh ya know, it's kinda difficult." Yet another dead end job.2 -
Making an ssh connection:
No....
No this one.
Not that one.
Not that one, either.
*starts typing*
*Typo 1*
*Typo 2*
Yay. Connected to server.
... Okay. Wrong environment.
*Exiting*
*trying again*
*Typo 1*
*Typo 2*
*finally connected*
Okay. I'm here...
Why did I connect to this machine again?!
------
Migrations are fun. Your bash history is an obsessive lier, your brain completely fried and when you finally managed to achieve something... You either forget what it was - or even worse - you get reminded of all the stuff you still have to do.
I'm literally amazed that I currently manage to go to the toilet, don't forget to make coffee and eat stuff at least once a day.
Before anyone thinks... Haha joke.
Nope I'm dead serious.
I am amazed that I didn't forget to go to the toilet, aka sitting in my own piss and wonder why it's so warm and wet down there.
I'm glad that the migration is going to end soon, otherwise I might opt in out of paranoia for adult diapers.
*My brain is really fried*5 -
You're all fucking idiots with no thoughts of your own. No one gave a shit when Drupal and Django made the master/slave change 4 years ago because the idea of the "regressive left" wasn't the cultural enemy of the zeitgeist.
Think for your fucking selves instead of being so brain-dead and reactionary to something that doesn't even affect you.
Fucking neo-reactionary bullshit, that's what it is. You people don't care, you just want an excuse to rant at "teh SJWs".
Fuck.19 -
When you take a bathroom break thinking of code while absentmindedly soaking your pants and shoes with pee1
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Probably had my worst half-week ever this week.
Customer's CRM system, the read and edit masks just...stopped existing on last week friday. CRM fell back on some default masks for the dataset. No way to create new masks directly without putting the whole system upside down.
We couldn't do anything anyway because they reported the issue literally as we all were about to leave for weekend and our boss was like "Ah nah, well do it next week."
Our brains were already fried anyway...
I mail the reporter that we've registered their issue, will investigate and report back ASAP once we've got news.
Monday rolls around, I'm whacking my head against their system trying to figure the fuck out, what went wrong and how to solve it, I come up empty; Not that terrible since the masks only stopped existing in the webclient version of the system and they can still use the windows client, so they can still work.
Tuesday rolls around, I'm at an on site training for an ERP system with my boss at a remote company. Get an email in midst of the training, I was doing protocol.
Guy from the afflicted company goes and tells me that the issue has somehow spread to his colleague and him...IN THE WINDOWS CLIENT.
I'm fucking flabbergasted, so to speak, since the masks for the windows client and the web client are totally isolated from one another.
After we're back at our company, I investigate, less efficiently this time because my brain got fried at the training. I come up empty again.
NOW TODAY: Discuss further proceedings with my boss, he's not pissed at me or anything, just to say, but we're both worried, obviously.
Then at 10:20, a guy from the afflicted company mails me in an annoyed tone that the masks are still broken.
11:00, we figure out a workaround so the windows client users can at least work again, albeit limited.
11:10, I mail the guy, telling him that although we're still not able to fully work everything out and are still investigating, we've made a workaround so they can at least work again.
11:20, the guy mails me in a pissed tone around the lines of "This is very very important and must be fixed ASAP or else we'll not be able to work at all [...]"
And I think like "Dude I literally just told you like 8 minutes ago that there's are workaround so you'll be able to at least work again..."
Forward the mail to boss, we meet up quickly to discuss how in God's name we can deescalate this mfer.
11:31, the guy mails me again, all apologetically this time "Stop! All is good, I just now fully read you mail, thanks for implementing the workaround, nothing will come to a standstill [...]"
BRUH CAN YOU NOT FUCKING READ BEFORE ESCALATING SHIT
Fuck customers. Dumb fucking cretins unable to fucking read.
The issue is still unresolved. Support of the CRM software lets us sit on our collective asses and wait.
There is no such thing as stable software, it's a myth.
Every corporate software is like an ever-decaying semi-corpse of a brain dead patient slowly getting worse and worse but not fucking dying.
Rant over. -
And the time has come, my gf and I are just a month away from deploying yet we still call the project "project".
Usually solutions jump in my head when programming at least once a day but I can't name the damn thing for the love of God! It's the first night since we started development I have felt clueless.
Plus I don't want to be "that guy" that just gives it a generic name, like there's already a "ratemyprofessors", professor this, teacher that, fuck that shit!
I'm brain dead.
8 -
I take the train well out side of rush hour when the trains are about half empty (though most seats taken). I have to come in because it's not like I can afford to have a workspace comparable to the cockpit of the millennium falcon both at home and at work.
I don't believe going into a panic about coronavirus but take obvious basic precautions to at least reduce the chance and slow the spread and that should do a good amount to reduce overloading the system. I kid you not, at this point medical facilities are considering buying diving equipment for enriched O2 supplies to keep up.
Today, as usual, some fucking piece of shit cunt twat psycho beggar that literally needs to be in an asylum with a massive fucking great gob of snot dangling out his nose is going up the entire train, every carriage, begging groping every hand rail along the way and potentially exposing several hundred people every hour.
I told this sorry sack of shit, surprisingly politely, that he'll end up rapidly spreading coronavirus if he keeps going all the way up and down the carriage like that. After he's fucking muttering on trying to make people feel bad about fucking ignoring him not being all caring and shit and then doesn't give a shit about giving everyone coronavirus after fucking waltzing down the entire fucking length of the train his pockets stuffed with coin. Then he threatens to assault me. I was fucking this > < far away from unleashing a life changing beat down and kicking his ass off the train with no pain or injury spared.
At the same time, that piece of scum waste of skin the mayor has apparently informed the public that you can't get coronavirus on the train or buses. How the fuck did he come to that conclusion? Is this really happening? How can something that clinically fucking thick as shit be our lord and master?
I fucking thought the great toilet paper rush was brain dead. Jesus fucking Christ and people voted for this fucking championship moron. Why don't they just all save themselves the fucking hassle and all march themselves off a fucking cliff?
These dumb shits without two neurons to rub together only need to put a dozen or so plain clothed police offices on the trains to catch these fuckers.
Why am I even fucking paying taxes? Where's it all fucking going? Another fucking lets give a billion quid to Fujitsu fucking failed IT project again I bet. Can't people bloody do anything these days? Does there have to be an app for fucking everything?
Someone should make a fucking facial recognition app so I can snap a shot of these fuckers and then if one of these fucking passes the phone camera anyone else with the app it'll set of there's a fucking imbecile in the vicinity alert.
These people need to be dragged out into the street, lined up against the wall and shot. No remorse. Toss them in a pit, cover it with dirt and be done with it. Why even bother with the execution? Throw them down the hole and fill it with dirt.
You don't have to go mental like it's the plague but people could at least show some fucking common sense, common decency and basic decorum. Even minimal measures, is that much to ask? Absolute scum of the Earth. How we even allow them to walk to Earth I do not fucking know.1 -
Mac fucking book pro! No! Just because I brushed up against you doesn’t mean I want you to boot up! Do you think I’m that eager to turn you on? Is the usual brain dead Apple user that fucking lazy to not wanna press a button to turn his computer on? And there’s no fuckin’ way to change this behavior!? I tried changing system variables but none of the suggested tips work. And you even have Apple support people ask: "why WOULN'T you want it to boot up if you sneeze on it?" FUXKKLK13
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Today I was debugging some shitty code left by unknown developer whos linkedin account is dead and phone number left in contact card calls local pizza house.
I knew it qould be hard so i've made myself comfortable, gathered 5 redbulls and other items that diabetes people would kill for eating again.
After around 10 minutes i was already frustrated but i kept the pace. "Who is the best, little devie, you!" - I fooled my ego to keep up and shut up.
After around 10 next minutes my attention span has ended. Limbic system started injecting some hormones into my brain, but I remained silent.
First two energy shots were applied. I felt like hero again. Two minutes after I was debugging through some library that was written fo java and found out that it ahots some natives to a c lang lib called "mypreciouslib".
Oh flock, how can i debug it if ita compiled , I cannot do such things, Me be only junior dev. I started swearing, but silently.
Started ollydbg to see what is inside livrary, i searched through but i couldnt match anything it was like mess stirred with fecals of an elephant.
So I opened aida pro " with vitamins" cause obviously, our pm says "but you write in java right " so we dont need those tools right ? Fuck no.
Aida was better at least i could find some funcions calls, but hey, the progress. I was swearing out loud, with earplugs in. And by the time I've sweared all the things in company i got a reminder.
"Hey -insane- stop swearing, the children are here."-sayys pm, it is some kind of " family and work " shitfuck day.
So i asked them: " why wouldnt you buy this fucking tools for programmming for us , you wouldnt have to hear me fucking swearing" . then i realized that , colleagues in room heard all of it, and one of them, total fuckface buttlicker(dev without bit of knowledge) started something like "you are wrong, see how good our software is sellling". Pm was like smiling like he thanked him for buttlicking again. Not to mention he is officially retarded and i know his password to all our services cause he is so smart to put it into text file and then have sharing files in windows turned on.
The other one told aloud, that we would be much better with some debugging tools that are better than fucking eclipse if we have to work without code.
PM told us that he will arrange a meeting. At that point I didnt care any longer. I just fired myself, fuck them.
Please saint Stallman give me hope and joy of programming from my teenage years. Uhhh..2 -
I'm a dev and I like to rant
And who says it has to always be about Dev stuff ?
So!!! I ve spent 2 days as a junior dev and I feeel not well... 1) I am the worst dev in the company with no experience 2) brain-dead 3) feel like I wasted 2 days and learnt nothing, I guess in theory it's something but realistically I had no "it clicked" /pure genius /astounded myself / made major new brain connections moments
So what's going to happen now. ? When will I wake up? How do I wake up ?11 -
Shit guys, I cannot even begin to tell you about how tired I am at seeing gifs at every single.fucking frontend article. I cannot enter a single Medium/Dev.to without it being plastered in the most random fucking gifs you have ever seen.
Its bad enough that your average Medium/Dev.to is as shallow as the little puddle you spill on the floor after watering your cactus. With the added gifs, it just sucks so bad. I mean, who's fucking idea was it to plaster reading material with distracting content anyway? I wanna hunt them down and shove something right up their arses.
Back in uni when I started dabbing into frontend, my feeble brain thought it was quite refreshing after peering over java docs every day. Nowadays though, I cannot even manage to read these mostly shitty arse articles without wishing I was dead.
Also, I wonder if this is also the case for the java, .net, python, rust community?15 -
I'm about to get a burnout I suppose.
I just can't handle the amount of things we need to master in very near dead lines anymore. It's too much.
I've spend about 3 years with this year now. I am thinking of dropping it, because my grades only get worse, but on the other hand I had my dream of attending an university plus all the years that I've kind of lost here...
I can feel how the veins around my brain are full with pressure.
BTW. I'm thinking of dropping it and beginning an apprenticeship as a developer. But before that maybe an internship in that company xor taking one year free to fly to China and to the US to get my brain free.9 -
FUCK! For fucking years, you 5 brain celled gimp cunts have been forcing horrific images into production. Are you seriously fucking brain dead, blind or just don't give a fuck because unless your eyes are painted on, even a fucking partially blind person can see that your images aren't scaled proportionately or even match the perfect one that was there in the last release.
Seriously?! At what point did you dim witted fuckwits look at that image that was stretched worse than your mouth from all the cocks in it, and think yeah.. I can put that in production... again...for the millionth time.
But ok, I'm over reacting for having to mention it again. 👍🏼1 -
Why are clients so brain dead?
I've had a client insist for the last two weeks that I provide them with a high level technical specification for fucking OneDrive because our product is able to embed HTML inputted into the CMS.
I've literally had hours of meetings with over a dozen people where I'm trying to explain that just because they're embedding some PowerPoint HTML into our CMS doesn't mean we need to or even can provide technical documents.
This is a huge company with an equity of over £50 billion by the way. I swear the bigger the company the more incompetent the employees get.
Their whole issue stems from one guy not understanding how basic logins and file sharing permissions work + their IT doing security fuckery to screw up which machines can login or access what. So I made and sent them a flow diagram explaining it, out of some naive hope that they'll now leave me alone.
I still don't understand how any of this is my responsibility just because these idiots don't understand that our product is separate from the HTML they've decided to put into the CMS. I don't think any of these people know what they're asking me for when they keep insisting I send them technical documents for a Microsoft owned product that we have nothing to do with.
I'm sure I'll be stuck telling them to talk to their own IT team over and over again as they schedule meetings every few days until the heat death of the universe. Then I'll finally have peace. Either that or somehow one of them finds this post and I get fired.8 -
I like to code as a hobby as well as do it as a day job so it surprises me quite alot when people get all funny about me coding outside of work/uni. It's just funny because half of these brain dead students know nothing about anything other than what they're taught in education. Most students are so fucking stupid nowadays and they don't like to read or research or learn. But I'm the anomaly. Ok guys. Well done, go get pissed; it's the best you can do with your braindead selves.3
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Started playing around with Kotlin and holy shit! It feels like java and js had a baby, but it's actually not a brain-dead pile of crap and works well. I'm sold!
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Junior dev here. Finishing a boot camp, actively going through a few job application processes.
One of the companies has given me a tech assignment (for a Graduate Junior position, mind you) that was titled Full Stack Mid Level Challenge. It took me a week to build an app they asked and do analitycs and refactoring of the second part of the task (I only had late evenings free to dedicate to that), it was my first time doing back-end in Node (my boot camp teaches PHP) so I basically learned to do it while doing this challenge.
They asked testing and clean architecture.
I submitted the assignment (I thought I would die while doing it, exhausted, I think I was brain dead for a short perio of time, but I submitted it on time).
They got back to me and we had already have a tech interview with the Leads that had live coding at the end. Don't have feedback yet, really won't be surprised for whatever comes, it was literarly my first interview, treating it like a valuable learning experience.
But. This rant is not about this. Thsi is just to put you in my mood.
This is the !rant:
My classmate from the bootcamp is probably already hired, or will be one of these days. As a tech challenge she was asked to do FizzBuzz kata. I repeat, FizzBuzz bloody kata!
Now, I am very happy for this person, the situation is complicated and this job is extremely needed.
But, please, explain to me, HOW??? How is it possible that selection criterias vary that much?
End of rant. Thank you very much.4 -
Why does my brain sabotage me? I have a weird dream that wakes me up and now I’m awake at 3am and can’t go back to sleep. I went to bed at a reasonable time because I was dead tired and this is the thanks I get?2
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Ahhhhhhhh Welp
I don't use uppercase letters but special symbols. But sure, fuck @#€&-(/?;:'"* and all the other ones. What a brain dead, face fucked moron came up with this.
I am waiting for the day a dipshit like that starts working in a hospital, forcing to name my child "BrIaN666".
8 -
I called the hack "blow up bunny", was in my first company.
We had 4 industrial printers which usually got fed by PHP / IPP to generate invoices / picking lists / ...
The dilemma started with inventory - we didn't have time to prepar due to a severe influenza going round (my team of 5 was down to 2 persons, where on was stuck with trying to maintain order. Overall I guess more than 40 % ill, of roughly 70 persons...)
Inventory was the kind of ultimate death process. Since the company sold mobile accessoires and other - small - stuff.
Small is the important word here....
Over 10 000 items were usually in stock.
Everything needed to be counted if open or (if closed) at least registered.
The dev task was to generate PDFs with SKUs and prefilled information to prevent disaster.
The problem wasn't printing.
The problem was time and size.
To generate lists for > 10 000 articles, matching SKUs, segmented by number of teams isn't fun.
To print it even less. Especially since printers can and will fail - if you send nonstop, there is a high chance that the printer get's stuck since the printers command buffer get's cranky and so on.
It was my longest working day: 18 hours.
In the end "Blow up bunny" did something incredibly stupid: It was a not so trivial bash pipeline which "blew up" the large PDF in a max of 5 pages, sent it to one of the 4 printers in round robin fashion.
After a max of 4 iterations, bunny was called.
"bunny" was the fun part.
Via IPP you can of course watch the printer queue.
So...
Check if queue was empty, start next round with determined empty printer queues.
Not so easy already. But due to the amount of pages this could fail too.
This was the moment where my brain suddenly got stuck aft 4 o clock in the morning in a very dark and spookey empty company - what if the printer get's stuck? I could send an reset queue or stuff like that, but all in all - dead is dead. Paper Jam is paper jam.
So... I just added all cups servers to the curl list of bunny.
Yes. I printed on all > 50 printers on 4 beefy CUPS servers in the whole company.
It worked.
People were pretty pissed since collecting them was a pita... But it worked.
And in less than 2 hours, which I would have never believed (cannot remember the previous time or number of pages...)1 -
Everyone: *circle jerking over cyberpunk 2077 and Red dead redemption 2*
Me: yeah looks cool but I think it'd be more interesting to build a modern operating system in pure unadulterated ASM...
Am I the only one not getting hyped over those games and just brain-dead or is anyone else in the same boat?18 -
Unfortunately, due to my recent decision to only connect with people I know, it means I get a lot of those “Do you know this person?” pop-ups when I hit ignore. And because I’m a lyric person, it also means every time I deal with someone I don’t know, my brain goes:
“I don’t know him!”
“Peter, don’t you know what you have saaaaaaid? You’ve gone and cuuuut him dead.” -
Fuck all those fuckers that buy domain and try to sell them for shit load of cash. I don't even have a problem if you sell it for a few thousands of dollars. But I just contacted some fucker who owns a worthless domain cachet.com, and he is trying to sell it for over hundred thousand dollars. Why the fuck. I have a feeling that this guy is brain dead or something. Fucking cunt8
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That son of a bitch, tbat was supposed to set up home internet, didn't show up. AGAIN! Timeframe of 2h and I was there 1h before and after it. Brain dead pieces of shit didn't call me and I - once again - lost 2h of work. Shitstained ISP hell, these fuckers are within 5 minutes distance from my home, but I have to spend my days without real internet again
3 -
I've been coding for almost all day when I decided to add in uploading of files... I need to take a break... ☕1
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That feeling when you’re soooo tired that you’re brain comes up with shitty programming solutions and isint able to think outside the box nor make proper functioning code, and you make something actually work and you’re surprised that like wow, I thought it wouldn’t work, ok then I guess I still got some brain juice left.1
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Wednesdays. The day we get every single dev in a meeting room, and get everyone to explain what the fuck they are working on and what sort of issues they are having. Regardless of whether you'll ever see that site or not. Can't think of a bigger fucking waste of time.... ....meetings for the sake of meetings.... PISS OFF!!1
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My brain overheat
RIP me 😵
Kind of responsibility working with software company. Deadline really makes you feeling dead -
Getting close to graduating and trying to find an internship and I just have one question;
Do project teams in the real world disappoint as much as project teams in college? Or will I actually have people who aren't brain-dead working alongside me?2 -
ISTQB tutorial (testing) with cold dead syntetic voice.... brain liquifying under unreleting bordom! KILL ME NOW!!!1
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hey uh, this is a rant about phantom forces, if you don't know what it is, look it up, anyways, that's really it.
so, i've been playing this game very actively called phantom forces and its a good game but its been ruined and the fun has pretty much been taken away. the community is dead and terrible, the developers don't care and the game is just falling off.
what i consider community is the youtube scene, and now as of january 1st, 2022, there's nothing left that's actually interesting besides godstatus and moons fps studio. honestly, its so dry and i'm sick of it.
i'm tired of seeing shitty best setup videos and gun reviews. i hate somesteven and strider and then, there's nothing to actually watch so i just watch brain-numbing shitty videos about stuff.
and then theres the developers, stylis studios is a great development team, i'll give you that but the sheer ignorance of their team is so fucking much.
its kinda obvious they don't really care about adding new features or anything new that isn't guns and its fucking sickening. just to see the same old updates, every fucking month man, its annoying and tiring.
i'm fucking tired of just seeing ape shit guns that are too high for regular players to actually unlock. like i know they're trying to please the growing number of 200+ rank users but its terrible, they haven't done a gun below rank 200 or 100 in forever. the last time they did it was like 6 months ago or something.
we've been asking for shit for years and they haven't given it to us and its fucking tiring. asking for daily quests, new features, more grips, vehicles and shit like that is obviously never gonna happen and thats the fucking problem. they don't care about their community.
but anyways, thats really all i want to say, might make a follow up post later. if you want to add your 2 cents down in the comments, you can do that. bye2
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