Stop f*cking calling me minority or part of a underrepresented group. Yeah I noticed I am one of the only women on a conference. I DONT CARE, I AM A PROGRAMMER NOT A SPECIAL SNOWFLAKE. Hire me for my work, not because you want you company to be more diverse.

Hey everyone! @trogus and I are headed to TechDay New York tomorrow (May 10) and there will be a devRant booth in the social network section. If any devRanters are attending, you should definitely stop by our booth! There will be free swag and we’d love to meet some fellow ranters!

Heard a CEO say at a conference that they hire the most competent candidate. Unless there is a woman in the candidates. Then they hire the woman.
That seems pretty sexist to me.

Spoke at my first conference yesterday! Was mental 😂😂 going to take me a week to recover

Presenting my paper on PHP Security in IEEE conference today... Wish me luck. I hope it gets published 😃🤞

Freaking genius dev made a system access password @$$Monk3y1

Had to share that with a vendor...on a conference call

I accidently left log.debug("bollocks") ;
In an exception handler our customers log monitoring system picked it up and they questioned why and I quote here "why is there a spike in bollocks at 3am?"
That was an awkward conference call

I have a telephone headset with a "confusing" mute button. Sometimes it works normally, but quite often it will "double-toggle" (toggle twice as though I pressed it twice, which essentially has no effect) - so I'm either left muted or left un-muted, the same as before I pressed the button at all - so I have to press it again, sometimes several times, for it to actuary work.

While I'm at my desk, I have a visual indicator of mute status (a light that turns green for un-muted or red for muted), so I can easily tell if my mic is hot or not. My old headset had a nice audible beep reminder if I was muted, but the new headset? Nope, not-so-much.

I work from home, while my wife works at an office; so each morning she leaves, but I stay in the home office. I almost always see her off one way or another, usually doing or saying something funny as she heads out.

So, one day, I'm on a large conference call with a number of cross-team managers, and my wife is about to head out the door. With the meeting droning on in my headset, I was in the kitchen with her for a while helping finish clean up after breakfast and getting her ready to go.

She needed to pack an ice-pack for some reason, and for the random humor of it, I start screaming something to the effect of "GIMMIE YO ICE PACKS - GIMMIE ALLLL YO ICE PACKS - YEAH! YEAH! IMMA PUT MY BAAAAAAAAALLLLLS ON IT - WHOOOOOOOOO!"

During which time I am jumping around like a crazy person, including actually grabbing one of the ice packs, putting it down the front of my pants and screaming. Loudly.

It was after my own screaming I overheard more than one person yelling on the bridge line "YOU'RE NOT MUTED! YOU'RE NOT MUTED!"

I have seldom felt such raw, unadulterated panic.

I rushed back to my home office - yes, the green light is on my desk - my mic is hot. When I pressed mute at some point earlier in the call, it double-toggled, leaving me un-muted, and I never knew.

Even more embarrassing was the chat session I saw on my computer screen. It was from my manager (one of the managers on the call) - he had pinged me several times while I was in the kitchen.

It read something like:

hey, you there?
is that your phone
I think your phone isn't muted
mute
dude, mute
is that you?
MUTE!
did you just say balls?

One of our clients deploy their own server app. So this happened after a prod deployment. (4am)

*Cellphone rings while sleeping*

Client : we need you on the conference call now. URGENT!

*Gets on conference call*
*Client explain the problem*
*Explaining to the client that the problem is in their side (https connection not working, either network or certificate problem)*
*Client doesn't believe it and pushes me for a fix that I have no control on*
*4 hours later in a heated conversation*

Client : ok problem is on our side. We used our SSL certificate from staging with production and thought it would work.

Me :

You think a junior dev pushing his code onto a production server is bad? Wait till you have that admin who is illegally mining Bitcoin on your production server. 😂

I went for a Cyber Security conference today with one of managers and this was one of the life experiences some of the speakers shared.

OH MY GOD

WHO NAMES A CONFERENCE ROOM AFTER AN -ADDRESS-??

At my new job, we had all day training on Friday. It was emphasized many times that we should not be late. I look at the meeting invite many times, and it says [123 Fake], with Fake being a Very Well Known Street, and I see on Google Maps that there's an office building there. Great, we must have an off-site training facility to help our clients become certified in our product. It doesn't say which floor, but I assume the small space we have in that large office building will become evident once I check in with lobby security.

Friday morning comes, I get to the office building 20 minutes early, and try to check in. They've never heard of my company. Maybe there's a computer lab we rent out? No, they don't know anything about that. I don't have work email or slack set up on my phone yet, so who do I call? I try reception, no one answers. Eventually I call our customer support line.

I shouldn't be at 123 Fake St. I should be at the office. Because that's the name of the conference room!

YOU HAD ONE JOB, ROOM NAMER!

Last night my boyfriend and I tried to think of worse names for conference rooms. The only ones I could think of were "meeting canceled" (but with that, at least I would be in the correct fucking building!) or just naming every conference room "conference room". Here's the thing: there's not just one 123 Fake St room! There's two of them right next to each other! So you can easily show up and think, I remember I was supposed to be in this room, but which one?

And I'm not even the first person to make this mistake. CLIENTS have gone to the wrong building before because they get included on meeting invitations that include conference room names! WTF!

It's pretty common to have Chicago conference rooms named after neighborhoods, or iconic buildings, etc. But nobody is going to think, "meeting in Bucktown? I'll just wander around the neighborhood until I find people with laptops". It's obviously a conference room. BUT A FUCKING ADDRESS OF A NEARBY OFFICE BUILDING? It's not even an iconic of a building!

Names matter. I care a lot about names in code. I never realized it could apply to the physical world as well. So now I am on a mission to change the names of these Goddamm conference rooms so I'm the last person to be directed to the wrong fucking building.

OH, and I'm out $9 for a taxi ride and a pair of gloves that got lost in the taxi so that's GREAT.

My favorite piece of conference swag, from Nodevember

Two thousand fucking eighteen people!!!!
Stop this non sense "get a plane" for a fucking meeting that could be a fucking video conference.

Wtf? Everyone here seems to be addicted to flying, specially upper management... And if we need a new switch to keep the network running? Oh, for that we have no money :)

Not a rant - just wondering if anyone else witnessed a really awkward closing talk at a conference.

Attended a mandatory JS conference yesterday where all the speakers gave the typical conference talks on new ideas, frameworks, packages with code demonstrations. Most of talks were great and the some of the speakers were extremly humorous making the whole audience laugh which is hard to do. The talk right before the keynote speaker was like this.

Then the keynote started...

The end presenter was an asian-american woman (normally would not metion race/ gender but it’s important to the story) whose talk was basically how the white males of the world are controlling tech an their bias and privilege are marginalizing the rest of us who are not white american ‘cis-males’

She had no data and weak examples, such as sensors on automatic soap despeners not working on darker skins tones (that’s not racist it’s physics). Another example was a plugin where true=male and false=female. That is not gender biased it’s just lazy programming.

At one point she said:

“Have you even been to a party at a rich white guy’s house? There boring! I’m sorry”

This was just a talk about her feelings, if I was not surrounded by my coworkers I would have left.

I feel like this was not appropiate talk for one track conference since it traps everyone into listening. Especially where attendance is obligatory by your employer.

The conference should have warned people it would be an uncomfortable talk and invite people to start happy hour early if they chose.

To add to the weirdness in the closing remarks of one of the organizers patted himself on the back for supplying the women’s bathroom with tampons. He even created a slide for it with a tampon illustration.

Example slide from her deck.

If a colleague went to a conference and checked their laptop with their luggage, you would think it would get stolen. Nope, it came back like this. It worked out really well for them, they got a new laptop and we all got a good laugh out of it.

"It's nice outside, let's go somewhere?"
... I asked my girlfriend this morning.
"Nope, I'm couchbased today."
... she replied wearing a couchbase t-shirt I brought from a conference.

I was stuck in a conference call about fax machines, for an hour.

What year is it?

Not a bad view. @ a conference presenting a scientific paper.

Today I was asked to decide on a handheld or "madonna" microphone for a conference I have to speak at in 2 weeks. Its time to come clean, I never thought the day would actually come, i'm far too terrified to actually go through with it. I just wanna write code in my dark little corner and be left alone. I wonder can I get out of this or is it too late

How to annoy your teachers?
Be Extremely nice and motivated to 50% of them.
Be an asshole to the other.

At the end of they year, final conference, Shit will be lit

People should not eat apples on conference calls.

i concur with this

Sitting in a germans-only company on a germans-only talk, listening to german presenters trying to speak english.
"...And sis is a Integräitontest, witsch is verry important [...] sis here is my sird maven plugin..." schnitzel.

Why for god sake do you funky hip devs mean you have to speak english to me?! Especially if you are simply not able to?

Some of my favorites:
My english is not se yellow from se egg but I hope you understand me.
Sänk ju for trävveling wis deutsche bahn.

Someone has similiar sentences?

Everyone has something to learn and teach. Start up a blog, submit to conference proposals, etc. If you're learning it then someone else has to learn it in the future, so make it easier for them.

Most... Awkward... Video call... Ever!

Ended about 7 minutes ago. This one guy... Seriously! I mean... 🤷‍♂️ Everyone thought he's just uncomfortably open but when he finally got out of the shower he panicked, screamed like a girl, fell down and covered his camera asking: "Guys, when you were talking just now... Was there anything... Like... *Weird* on my stream?"

Currently written on the conference room whiteboard:

People who enjoy meetings should not be in charge of anything.

I couldn't agree more.

Good luck to team devRant at the TNW NYC conference today. We are sure you will make our global devRant community proud as always. Thanks for all you do!

Perfect room name dosen't exist.

conference room
name changed
to
"execution room"

Wanna attend the developer conference?

White and male? Pay half a grand.
Female? Black? LGBTQIA? You get a free ticket!

Seriously, how would they verify if you are gay?
It appears to me that it's easily exploitable.

One of the speakers at a tech conference I went to used a screenshot from here to express her frustration with Webpack. I would've never found this app if it wasn't for her. Thank you and hello everyone!

My Privacy vs Security poster won the Best Poster award at a National Level conference! :D

!rant

Ehem.
My second paper got accepted in a sueprb conference.

So my boss booked me a spot at a conference about "the future of online payments" and I received an email with auto created account (there was no sign up) with a clear text password.

I'm feeling pretty confident that I can trust them to guide and advise me on best practices when it comes to handling sensitive information.

Near the end of a massive (1,000 user bridgeline) conference call today:

[ P = presenter, RCn = random caller n ]

P: ...so, does anyone have any other questions they'd like to---

RC1: Hey! Yeah, I'm still on this STUPID call right now... I dunno, we've been in here for like 30 minutes already - The guy came by the house to talk about it, but I couldn't get off this STUPID call - I think they said it would be around 800 dollars...

[ P, RC1, RC2, RC3, RC4 all overlapping ]

P: Um, we can hear you-

RC2: Dude, mute your phone!

RC3: As the presenter, you can mute that guy from the web UI-

P: Yeah, I can't find him in the attendee list; it's so long-

RC3: -Right-click on his name and select "mute line"-

P: I know how, but I can't find him on the list.

RC3: Find him on the attendance list on the right side-

P: [ louder and louder ] Yes, I know - but I can't find him in the list-

RC4: Should someone call an operator?

RC1: -so I figured we'll probably need to call Jerry and see what he says. I'll call him if I can ever get off this ridiculous, STUPID call - They are all talking at once on there now and no one can understand anything!

[ This went on for about 5 solid minutes, finally ending with... ]

RC1: I'm just going to drop this STUPID call and call Jerry for us. This thing was a total waste of time. [ boop-beep ]

[ long pause ]

P: OK, so now that is over, does anyone have any questions they'd like to discuss?

[ At least 10 people un-mute and overlap questions ]

#ConferenceCallProblems

Above everything else, the funniest part to me was his repeated, over-the-top insistence on how "STUPID" the call was.

#TellUsHowYouReallyFeel

Crappy team bonding or conference days where you spend the day away from your machine listening to motivational speeches from arsehole senior managers!!

"And don't forget everyone, there's no I in team."

"No, but there's a U in cunt."

Sweeeet! My buddy went to the Spring One conference in Washington D.C. and brought back stickers for me! 😍🤓🤤

I iust won a fully paid ticket with flight and accommodation to a machine learning research conference later this summer! Yaay!

Who else doesn't give a shit about AR?

*phone rings*

Me: "Hello".

Caller: "Hi, I'm just going to patch you in to this conference call."

Fucking hell.

This is supposed to be a huge European conference on logistics at hyperlog.info If these noobs will be inviting big companies, they better know how to make a map, that's not Hungary there and Europe has only one Slovakia

Waking up at 5 fucking AM to fly my ass all the way across the country to Vegas on a fucking Saturday. For vacation you may ask? NO! FOR WORK! Just so I can sit in a conference room all fucking week and work there instead.

Oh no... I’m not attending the conference either. I have to provide support for the fucking ticketing systems!

Boss slides keyboard over to you during conference call. It's slightly crooked. Trying to punch in credentials without looking like a noob... impossible.

Note to myself:

Went alone to a conference, without knowing someone and
have problems to start a conversation with complete stranger,
is a stupid idea.

Social anxiety HURRAY but at least the talks were nice.

Ah, the awkward moment when you're told to join a conference call to "just listen in the background so you know what's going on"

...and then no-one else from your company turns up, so you're stuck trying to appease a client while having absolutely no idea what's going on...

In Yellowstone to see the eclipse!
No break for me today though, I've got dumb clients to deal with, and I had to wake up at 5am to do a conference call.

Perks of going to a conference! Also thanks for the stickers!

!rant

Last week attended a conference of ~40 people. Some junior developers, and some very senior engineers at major tech companies. We all hung out and geeked out like normal (gasp!) humans, and had a great week together.

Nothing better than seeing a top engineer rock out to Lady Gaga @ karaoke. Amazing, exhausting week 🎊⛷🏕

I hate academia. It feels like a rigged game, where some people don't have to do even the bare minimum to have their paper accepted, thanks to their associations/connections. I just read a paper who got accepted to a top robotics conference, with no published code, no bench-marking against other methods and obviously no looking for related and previous work on that topic. I am furious!

When you wake up to this!!
The first conference I'll ever be attending!

Excited!

So, today's comedy job story (and how depressive things become), and it's only 9:30.

Stressed PM assaults me at 8 to tell me what I have to do, standing next to me and dictacting stuff she wants done. Hate that.

As I went to a colleague to help her out with these fucking presentations (she "couldn't open them"), as I just arrived to her office my phone rings.

It's my PM. I'm 20m away, she calls me. Ok.

Me: "Yes?"
PM: "Hey Phlisg, erm, we are stuck in a conference room, can you come and open the door?"
Me: "Erm, the door has no handle, can't help"
PM: "Can you call the "housekeeper"?"
Me: "Sure" (why the hell doesn't she have his number...)

I go downstairs, go towards the conference room, and before the door there is the reception office. I ask the colleagues in there if the "housekeeper" is here, but they instead produced the handle from their drawers, and went to the door to open it.

At the same time, a person locked inside the conference room went through the window to go round and try to open the door.

Door successfully opened by colleague with handle.

I mean...

WHAT

THE

FUCK!

You have a problem? One reflex: call Phlisg. She might call me at 2 am in the morning because she cannot sleep or something.

Pissed!!

On a conference call right now... 3 hours of mouth breathing. Send help

so yeah let's have conference about security but its perfectly fine to have registrations over non-secure connection!

I went to this conference to see what’s new in MSSQL 2019, kubernetes container on azure and see what Microsoft has done to embrace open source community.

Speaker is from Microsoft, brings a Mac to the conference which I’m kool wit it,
but shortly after he started, Word crash at launch, PowerPoint freezes when switch between pages, azure cli can’t login properly.
And he goes ”this is awkward. “

Live from WWDC18, your fellow ranter. Anyone else here?

okay, here goes:

my last job I got through sending a tweet to someone I knew from working on an open source project. I found the open source project through going to a conference. I found the conference through being an active user on a forum.

so basically, this is how I justify myself when I spend too much time on devRant. you never know, 1 day it might work out!

Apple annual conference.

Do everything that Android, Windows and linux already do almost a decade later and everything is cool again???

I seriously feel bad for the consumers. I can't believe that they get away with this every year.

Im going to my first IT conference!
By looking at the plan i already regret not getting the "Buzzword bingo"...

Machine learning? Check
Databases? Check!
Internet of things? Check!
Chatbot/Virual Assistant? CHECK!

I m glad I did not throw away this Android mini PC MK808 which I had purchased a few years ago!! i decided to clean the dust today and start it up and now with this I am able to video conference on my TV again 😁

I hate it when marketing people decide they're technical - quote from a conference talk I regrettably sat through:

"The fourth industrial revolution is here, and you need to make sure you invest in every aspect of it - otherwise you'll be left in the dust by companies that are adopting big data, blockchain, quantum computing, nanotech, 3D printing and the internet of things."

Dahhhhhhhhhh

Yes I totally care about what some dipshit at [insert conference] has to say, now let me in on my desktop that doesn't run anything that has anything to do with k8s pls

Already dreading about going to work Monday because there is an all day meeting scheduled. 7am meeting, non programming related, video conference. Yikes. #ijustwanttoprogram

65' of godness. Working late, hogging the conference for myself

Conference tickets are overpriced

true or false?

Do you attend any without being sponsored?

Today, at the Minnesota Developers Conference, has proven to me how big of a gap there is in gender diversity with technology. This realization came to me when I visited the men's bathroom to be greeted by a ridiculous line, and witnessed the lack of a line to the woman's restroom.

Best quote of the conference: If you are writing code without using TDD it's called developing if you are using TDD it's called engineering

Just started a new job and they flew me across the globe for two weeks all expenses covered just for a party and a conference before I wrote a single line of code. I think I’m starting to like dev life)

"I'll just go to a tech conference and not take any stickers."

- no one

...and this photo from our latest conference, shows our developers having an interesting debate about tabs vs spaces.

Oh god please no

MMMH DEVELOPER PRODUCTIVITY IS NOT THAT GREAT... YOU KNOW WHAT I'LL MAKE SURE THEY SPEND 90% OF THEIR TIME IN FUCKING CONFERENCE CALLS, THAT IS SURELY GOING TO HELP THEM GET THEIR JOB DONE

Some manager at my company, probably.

Boss joined a conference call from home, wearing a pink/salmon coloured T-shirt I, for several minutes, thought was just skin and that he'd forgotten to put on clothes before the meeting (we didn't have to join with video)

Whoever at Zoom decided that this button needed to be at this location on the Touch Bar ought to be fired.

Out of a cannon.

Into the sun.

Or at the very least doomed to have their desktop or webcam shared at random times during sensitive meetings. It is for the grace of God that the client didn’t catch me straining to hear the awful acoustics in their conference room.

I have recently attended an IT conference for finance sector.
In invitation organizers stated that dress code is casual.
Me : Jeans, funny t-shirt, trainers
Everyone : Full suit, dress shoes or 'casual' version : suit and white sneakers.

Just logged into Google play dev console and noticed an app i made a couple years ago at a conference has 300 downloads and a good rating. I don't care to share the app name though, as it may tarnish the rating if other developers saw it, haha.

What's worse than a meeting jam-packed with corporate bullshit? An entire day of the same stuff, rebranded as a conference.

'We are a fast paced team where you will have a lot of opportunity for growth'
Do you sponsor conference tickets?
No
Can I get some programming books?
No
Do I get chance to goto meet ups?
If you can meet the deadlines and have free time.

... How am I supposed to learn then?
STACKOVERFLOW

I got 2 phone calls from AWS, asking me for feedback about a conference I've never attended. 🤦‍♂️
👍 For AWS customer service

> my CS professor goes to conference

> meets an extremely intelligent scientist

> the said scientist names the algorithm he created by his own name

> my professor asks him why did you name the algorithm by yourself

> the scientist said "angels told me while i was sleeping"

npm install during a conference on the WiFi with 1,000 other developers. Good luck.

At a dynamoDB conference. Guy in the audience keeps thinking he knows more than the people who actually worked on it. 🤦‍♂️

Conference call with customer:

Me: You want your customers to see orders that YOU cancelled on them? Are you sure about that? Won't that upset some of them?

Customer: Nope we want that.

Me: Uh ok....

-weeks later-

Customer: OMG OUR CUSTOMERS CAN SEE ORDERS WE CANCELLED!!!

ʅ͡͡͡͡͡͡͡͡͡͡͡(Ɵ۝Ө)ʃ͡͡͡͡͡͡͡͡͡͡

Like bro, I'm just the programmer but sometimes we understand things ..... stop and listen for a moment...

Best advice a dev gave me? So much/many over the years.

I shared this one just last week to another dev..

"If you are writing a lot of code to do something, you are probably doing it wrong."
- Marco Cantu - Borland Dev Conference

ATM machine after Defcon conference in Las Vegas. Looks secure :D Would you use it ?

I do not understand why everyone is so fanatic about stickers. Went to a conference one day and about 90% of all laptops had stickers and ich only wanted to free every of this small beautiful creatures from this ugly pieces of shit.

Our UX guys have all congregated in a conference room and are practicing their joker laughs.

I'm slightly worried.

When unicorn goes down during git-merge conference!

I had a standing ovation at my first talk at a conference. I was so nervous at first and then it was easy afterwards. I wonder if I should do more talks. Anyone have any experience doing this that can give some advice?

Do not wave you phone around during a video interview. Don't turn it upside down. Don't put keep your hand near it -- I am not interested in your finger nails. Don't pace around. Don't look like a YouTuber that has no idea what they are doing on a video conference.

That is all.

Why was nobody given food at the developer conference?

It was a serverless function.

wow😯

Just finished another conference call. Broken voices, confusing accents and awkward silences. How do you guys handle it?

Today i had my first video conference in English, and i was very nervous and excited at the same time.

I think i were able to communicate my ideas really well, because the other person just asked me 2 times to repeat what i said.

I'm proud of myself (and all the video games, series and tutorials that helped me reach this level of understanding english)

Hackplayers conference :)

Hello devRant!
I'm at Code Europe (Krakow, Poland)
Any devranters here? :D

Prior to a tech conference in Las Vegas, the department manager held pre-meetings (yes, more than one)
with the developers to outline their expected behavior (yes, there was an outline in Word). Since
they would be representing the company, professionalism would be expected at all times, not just
during the conference. He knew he couldn’t forbid gambling and drinking, but any unruly behavior
that could reflect badly on the company would be dealt with severe disciplinary action up to and
including termination. He wrote up very detailed itinerary, what track each developer was
expected to attend, meal times (yes, what time to get up for breakfast, meet for lunch, and time
to eat at night). First day was fine, casinos are kinda crazy so having an itinerary wasn’t the
worst idea and no one got lost. Days following however, got interesting. After the first evening
meal, everyone hit the casino as expected (too much drinking, etc..normal single twenty-something
guys do) and the manager especially had a good time.
Next, and following days, the manager could not be found in any of the ‘required’ technical tracks.
Not that they cared that much, but couple of devs decided to check out the casino, and sure enough,
there he was at one of the tables, drunk, and being very loud around at 10 in the morning.
Again, nobody cared much, manager wasn’t very tech savy, and so attending a track on C #threading
would be lost on him. It was more of ‘do as I say, not as I do’ kind of thing.
The manager kept to the itinerary, he met everyone at breakfast, lunch, and dinner, etc, but the
‘WTF’s didn’t get good until the manager was bragging about how wonderful the conference was, how
much he was learning and couldn’t wait to get back and start implementing everything he was learning.
It was such a joke, the guys would bait him on tracks they know he didn’t attend and an amazing amount
of BS could not be believed.
On the last day of the conference several decided to follow him after breakfast to see where he went
and watched him go into a technical track, just to walk back out and straight to the casino floor.
Again, around 10, he was drunk, not quite as loud until he threw up in a trash can (they said it was quite a scene).
He left to go back his room, which they suspected he took a nap before meeting everyone for lunch.
After that, they gathered his daily itinerary was:
- Get up for breakfast
- walk around and make sure it looked like he was heading to a track
- head to the casino
- take a nap
- eat lunch
- walk around some more
- head to the casino
- take a nap
- eat dinner
- head to the casino
- wash-rinse-repeat
Last day caught up with him. After about week of drinking, staying up late, etc, his body (he’s in his mid 50’s, 350lbs+, so imagine)
kinda’ gave up. Could barely walk 50 feet without needing to sit down, and the flight back was worse for everyone,
throwing up occasionally, moaning, you get the idea.
On the following Monday with the VP if IT, everyone was discussing the conference, what they learned,
what they liked, etc, the manager also bragged, yes bragged, on how tired he was because of how much
he learned and the reason why he probably caught the flu (he couldn’t hide how sick he was on the flight)
saying “When you’re in the learning zone, you lose track of time and then you are so exhausted, your
immune system is susceptible to all kinds of things.” . VP was so impressed by his dedication and
fighting through the exhaustion for the good of the company, he gave him the rest of the day off.
Other devs? No, they had to go back to work.

Yea it’s totally cool. Dropping a conference call on me 30 minutes before it happens. And then you (and everyone else in the call) should be late too. And then do this stuff all the damn time and ask me why I have to push the deadline back. But get super pissy when I give you a realistic deadline that factors these bullshit experiences in!

Then after I wait 10 minutes on the line, tell me it’s been moved to the bottom of the hour which doesn’t really leave me enough time to do anything but play on DevRant. Fucking insanity.

Boss : we need you for a voice conference at 7AM tomorrow in case of technical questions

Me : Sure thing

I work from home so will most probably still be in just underwear

Have you tried to listen to a programming conference at 6:00 while driving home after the night shift?

Went to the O’Reilly conference on architecture last week. Will say there were some good points made (really liked the elephant in architecture and tech debt talks). But wow developers love to circlejerk. If you don’t deploy microservices on the cloud with serverless actions for everything then they’ll talk down to you like what you do isn’t important. Like so many talks memed monoliths were annoying. Like I get we love the new and shiny things but it’s kinda ridiculous.

Manager: no you can't go to that conference. It's to expensive.

Next week...

Manager: so I'm going on this conference and you need to make sure nothing goes wrong here. Bye!

0. The conference room TV has no sound.
1. I submit ticket to Facilities.
10. Facilities closes ticket saying that's up to Service Desk.
11. I submit ticket to Service Desk
100. Service Desk closes ticket saying that up to Facilities
110. ???
111. Profit

Trying my luck for an A rank conference in like 3 months. Things are not done and anxiety will end me before then. 😑

Can't these stupid robots do their own thing without me and get published on my behalf? Shit is tiring! Arghhhhh

FUCK!!!!

Got tickets to jbcnconf. Got all the flights in order. Got a place to stay.

And apparently someone decided to have a strike in the airlines on the day my connecting flight was supposed to happen. And ofc the flight got cancelled. And ofc there are no alternatives.

So now the whole ~1k€ conference deal will go down the gutter. FUCK!! I soooo wanted to visit Barcelona and attend that conf!!

FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!

P.S. I hate you, Ryanair

Me, perfectly relaxed after 2 hours of conference call (the voices are telling me to feed my colleagues to the ravens and they're winning)

At a developer conference, we were given these "dev joke" card to trade with another person, to break the ice and make a new connection.

Hey Chris can you join this conference call where we will talk about hardware and pricing options and not bring up anything software related.

Anyone going to the TNW conference? The super early bird tickets are quite inexpensive.

CppCon2017 is COMING guys!! All these crazy speakers and conference! I won't say their names because they are too many x) But... FUCK ! That's the only moment I wish I lived in USA... No streaming, can't go... Only one thing to do, wait the upload on YouTube...
When I see people hyped about GoT or whatever... Guys this is the REAL HYPE!!!

Google Cloud onboarding conference here in Cape Town today! Supposedly the largest attendance of the event globally so far. Over 600 developers here! Also the first one in Africa.

10.00-16.00 conference call...
It's a trap!

!Dev

So Malaysian government decided to say this in the press conference on Covid19 increased cases and quote "I didn't failed, is just I didn't get it to work."

And now my friend's brother who failed the exam try to convince his parent , by telling them "I didn't failed the exam , is just I didn't pass the exam ."

I genuinely think that Malaysian government is copying Joel Osteen.

I told my client that I'm attending a conference and I'm out for few days.
He wished me well.
He then proceeded to write me messages and emails each day to "make sure" if I didn't work on his shitty website.

I can't do it anymore I'd love to finish this and ditch him asap...

I was in Singapore last week for a conference. The speaker, who I met a long time ago and was our contact at Meta/Facebook, was promoting FB/Instagram reels and even gave pointers on best practices when posting reels.

She was one of the 11,000 employees that Meta let go one week later. Ouch.

e621 api, i was at a conference where this dude thought talking 3 hours about a form application was gonna be interesting, so i built a mobile e621 client in the meantime.

a co-worker was approached a conference by a guy asking what she was doing there. I don't think he was expecting the answer "I'm speaking at this conference". I can't imagine being a woman in tech

Hello NDC! Three days of conference, learning stuff, coffee, motivation, meeting people, coffee, good food, coffee!

I love NDC (Norwegian Developer Conference), it's my ninth time. I just watched Jon Skeet talk about C#8, up next is some Azure stuff. Anybody else here?

Conference and socialize, or kick back and code ????

Like that's even a choice.

Who all is excited for the Nvidia Press Conference tomorrow!?
Way too hyped for the RTX 2080ti rn!!!

Great mixed metaphor heard in a conference call with a client recently:

“That’s a can of worms I’m not willing to jump down into”

just got a talk accepted to a big tech conference this summer, unsure if this is a good thing or a bad thing

! rant

I met a super interesting developer guy today in London in Starbucks and we talked a lot about programming and the Full Stack conference, he also has devRant, I hope he sees this post and adds me!

The moment when someone on the panel at a conference mentions the need to document work and you try to start a slow clap...but mostly everyone else in the room has no clue what they were talking about.

If you like breathing into the mic during a 60 minute conference call....for everyone's sanity, please mute yourself.

Long time no see...
My first ever research paper was selected a few months back. Never been to a foreign country, but COVID fucked the plans... Conference on mid June.
The paper will be in press after the conference.
Conference: EuCNC 2020
Paper name: RFF Based Parallel Detection for Massive MIMO

Noice

Going to a tech conference in Paris(Devoxx) and the funnny the thing is you can spot tech guys in metro 🤣

My thesis advisor goes to a two week conference...

New level of efficiency/laziness:

Used Tasker to autodial me into my daily stand-up conference calls. If my "AtWork" variable is set by the calendar entry, and If my "Jabra" headset is connected.

I don't have to remember conference codes...or keep track of the clock to call in on time.

Just rebooted my work station during a video conference because the VPN was flaking out.

After reboot, launch Teams to get back to the meeting. The VPN credentials dialog then pops up, but IS NOT MODAL, so I end up sending my password to the group chat...

Time to change my password, I guess.

Well... I recorded my boss's talk at a small tech conference. Everything went just fine until I tried downloading the video from my camera.

It turns out under-priced 32 GB SD cards from eBay may actually only contain 256 MB worth of memory, while quite happily accepting recordings that are far larger than that.

I applied for two technical talks in a popular conference summit, the two talks were turned down and the reason was that they are much more technical talks than mine. I switched to watch the live stream today and all i see is a bunch of stupid talks (they decided to pick a talk on git aliases over working with change streams and multi document transactions in mongodb). A friend of mine just told me, your talk won't be accepted if you don't know any of the organizers

Apple when they make 7.5 million dollars on a dev conference and you still don't get in.

I went to PyOhio, a conference for python in Ohio. I had an amazing time. I’ve never been to a programming event before and it was a revelation. I met and befriended so many amazing, kind, and intelligent people. The talks were amazing, and it was such a great opportunity. I was even guided through my first open source contribution. Great time definitely going again.

I'm just attending an online conference of a big, global company. They are redesigning their internal websites and going through all the improvements. Just then a question pops up in chat:

"Will we be able to insert moving gif files into the new sites?"

Sheeeeeesh, 1990 feelings...

120 people on a conference call can't figure out why an half of the country is having connection timeouts

!dev

So there's been a lot of rain lately, and it looks like the river next to our office might flood, which means if it does then we'll have to evacuate all our workstations.
Unfortunately, 90% of our office is currently out of the state on vacation or at a conference, which leaves only 2 of us to get everyone's stuff out..

This motherfucking conference!
I've been waiting for over a day for the fucking notification to come out. The way it is going, were I in Aus the notification would be two fucking days late. If this translates into rejection, I'd like the organizers to drink boiling lava and then get fucked in the arse with frozen lava; cuz the delay is a fucking nerve wracker!

On a conference call for this university-affiliated web app:

Random supervisor: “I think the demo presentation needs some more jazz!”

Another supervisor: “Maybe we can do a virtual reality demo of the site, then!”

What. The. Fuck.

I am going to an AI conference in Berlin (which is kinda far away from me) next month.

I am just learning AI & ML and integrating them into a personal project, but I am going there to meet people, learn and gather info.

Do you have any advice on how I could network with people that are masters in this area?

At my last work place I wanted to visit a Conference for a long time but my boss never even was interested in at least helping me with the price of the tickets.

Now at my new job 2 Weeks in and I already got tickets for the w-jax in Munich <3

I'm soooooo exited :D

Yay... Train at 04 in the morning to Stockholm for some AI conference. Yay.

In the middle of a marijuana conference at the convention center in Las Vegas.

I am at DrupalCon Seattle!!! Conference is pretty fucking lame so far.

My boss wants to put an Amazon Echo Dot in the conference room. So I suggested covering it with a cheese cover (those glassy dome thingies). He thought it would be an artsy statement, but I was actually worried about privacy.

Anyone have any experience with listening devices in the workplace?

!dev

In 1964 t the news conference the Beatles were informed that a "stamp out the Beatles" movement is under way in Detroit.
They answered that they are going to start a campaign to stamp out Detroit.

Look at Detroit now - they won.

Just attended my first conference and it was awesome! So many new ideas, but also tired and overloaded. Can't decide if I should code tonight, go to bed early, or just do something mindless.

I went to a Java community conference for the first time and I honestly nearly teared up. It’s been a few years since I’ve actually seen actual hard core engineering with real considerations on memory etc. I felt like all I do all day is get blocked by red tape when I do my job.

God, it felt refreshing to see the reason I got into programming still exists.

Anyone at Swiss Cyber Storm conference tomorrow?

Having another dev that sits near you never mute the video conference you're on - with the volume up so loud YOU COULD HEAR IT FROM SPACE! (Imagine Lewis Black ranting this)

(On conference call with potential client)
Me: ...yes, you can interface with our system via our documented interfaces, using either JSON or XML...
Client: That's too hard. Can I just email you guys a Word doc or something?
Sales Rep: Yep, we can totally handle that, no problem.

I was on a PHP conference once.
You know what? They really think all that is ok...

2 week "conference" "meeting" in greece. Thought would also be a nice chance for a vacation. Except the cell network is absolute horseshit here, who the fuck uses 3g anymore??

Mfw on azure/iot conference, one presenter shows his certificate validation, to connect to all devices in his house:

return true;

He said:
"lets not be paranoid about security"

You give out your e-mail address at a conference and they start abusing it for all sorts of marketing purposes..

Fuckers.

I'm not sure if it is a dev experience, but definitely boosted my morale.

In 2014, my company (in India) sent me to attend a conference in Boston. The conference was about big data.

When I came back, I wrote a blog post about Apache Spark in my company's blog. Because of the blog, my name got mentioned in a prominent newspaper's article about Apache Spark.

PS: That is my only blog post till date

Q: How instantaneous are these jobs? *referring to a Jenkins job to upload database from local to an environment

A: Well that depends on your network speed. Here in the middle of nowhere, I have a donkey carries the package up the mountain, so that could take a while.

These fucking cunts using the open air breakout area must dialed into a conference call on speaker.

Since we are developers I want to know how many of you guys are attending the We are developers 2018 conference in Vienna this year.
I bought my ticket the other day and I'm super excited 😊

Presentation at a conference, and the framework your featuring puts out breaking changes the day before.

I hate ot when your client has access to new relic and they panic and start creating critical issues when the linux db server is is 80% memory..

After a 2h conference call the client said he was going to contact a 3rd party dba because he didn't believe it was normal.

Apple Worldwide Developers Conference begins today!

1. Attend some conference
2. Get Stickers and goodies
3. Now you remember you have stickers all over your laptop
4. Give it away to your friends
5. Behave like Buddha

Am I the only one who doesn't like seeing press in the front line at developer conferences. Devs should be sitting there!

Conference calls are all about playing the thrilling game of "Guess who's speaking?" 🤔🎭
The symphony of awkward pauses, microphone feedback, jitters, and the delightful sound of someone else's breathing into their mic. 📞🎶

I don’t like conference wifi. I‘m currently in a workshop at AngularConnect, and currently more than 40 people trying to npm install at the same time. And probably the people in the other workshops (with the same wifi) doing similar things

2 things that piss me off as a professional developer doing contract work...

1. A fellow dev accepts a meeting invite, doesn’t show up and won’t pick up the phone.

2. A fellow dev taking a meeting in a noisy place with bad wifi.

This guy has now managed to pull #1 last week and #2 this week...

Structure of every tech vendor's annual conference 😂

Currently at Google Next. Enjoying my first tech conference / show.

Just felt like I should check in. What are you guys up to?

Cheers!

That moment you’re sitting at a developers conference and some keynote about some lame business plan is given... We all know you came from nothing and became big because of the good work you did. Now, gtfo!

!rant Anyone else volunteering at #WebSummit?

Why the fuck open source solutions need to be such a load of bullcrap? I've spent a week trying to set up every single self-hosted video conference software, and the only thing I've got is a shorter lifespan.

How the fuck does your (judging by GitHub, well maintained) software only support Ubuntu 16.04? And I mean ONLY, there's no support for docker, or any other distro either, and we're only weeks from getting the second LTS since 16.04. And why the fuck does documentation tell me to manually go through 20 different config files just to enable SSL?

Why the fuck doesn't your official AWS cloudformation template include VPC or other required parameters? I've had to rewrite the whole thing just to get a valid stack you dipshit!

And how fucking hard is to make your software look decent, I can't expect clients to chat with me using something that looks like an incest child of 2003 MSN and eDonkey?

Oh, and it'd be fucking dandy if your documentation wouldn't return 404, maybe I'd be even able to test what your product has to offer?

I guess after everything I've tried I'll go with Jitsi; it seems the most decent, although it lacks some pretty basic features like limiting chat features for guests.

Researching for a conference, you guys are ganna love this paragraph I just found

If you're expecting something revolutionary on a dev fest conference but instead you're given the fricking same template exercise.

hackmiami 2016

That feeling when you attend a conference and forgot the buzzword bingo sheet

When your boss makes everyone cram around a single computer in the conference room for a video conference while yelling into the microphone because he thinks that each person on their own machine with headphones on attending the same meeting is unproductive and equivalent to playing online games on company time.

Uncle Bob, Martin Fowler, Kevlin Henney, Doc Norton, Allen Holub.

They have all taught me great things about software development, whether through books or superb conference talks.

!rant

any ranter?

Do (hold? perform?) a talk at a developers conference.

I am on a conference call and I have this system admin saying it is hard to create a Windows virtual server. And so it starts... *eye roll* 😒😒😒

The PM asks me almost hourly about my progress on this project. I am slowly training him to ask me through PM instead of face to face.
Meetings are now being taken at my desk through apps like Hangouts Meet instead of the Conference Room.
I'm chipping away, guys and gals....I'm chipping away.

"Hey team! I went to a 3 day conference to hear someone speak and now I have this grand idea to completely change the way we do development! OK let's not train anyone on anything either! And..... Go!"

.... I heard this today after we already changed everything a year ago. Nothing like middle managers who do yearly purchases of snake oil.

Got an email at work today that says that we will no longer be able to join the audio portion of our WebEx meetings, but will have to dial in on our phones. I can participate interactively in a conference over 1000 miles away, but I can't do that in the same building? Are we using 10base T? Or because they put every freaking thing on virtual servers? Yikes!

Fuck you juniors for not responding to my DM's asking if you downloaded the app for the conference I got you tickets to! Going to make some gitlab contraints so you can no longer push your shitty ass code!

WTF!

So I have an important decision... Do I stay up late to watch the Google Hardware Conference Stream... I love sleep... But I want to know some of that sweet juicy hardware...

And when I can buy my pixel 2 XL boiiiiiiiiiiiiii

I get irritated when I feel I've wasted time I could have used for making progress on code. Now being required to attend a 2 day conference, that I will not be using anything from, anytime soon, all I'm doing is waiting for this to finish and get back to code.

Attending a virtual conference right now all the recruiter booths are just chatrooms which is super awkward because you are eavesdropping on other conversations. One guy went into all the rooms asking about H1 visa for I assume a family member with his video on and showing his extremely cluttered living room.

When I drop into one of the virtual booths two recruiters are talking about AI, one of the topics of the breakout sessions.

r1 - Whar is AI?
r2 - AI is creepy, like I was searching for rugs on ipad then was on my phone later and saw ads for rugs!!!! OMG so creepy! I am pretty sure this is AI.

No honey,
that is not AI.

My plan is to organize my books during this conference so at least I can win there.

Some weeks ago I was invite to speak at the Campus Party and this past Thursday was the presentation day.

I was giving a mini-workshop about parallel processing to something around 50 people.

No matter how many times have you tested your code, in the middle of the presentation, it will fail and the next day after the presentation, it will work fine, without any changes.

I’m a bit sad about it and next week I’ll be at TDC to speak to more than 100 people and this if f*cking my mind.

Conclusion: live code is a shit and I’ll think 10 times before put it again in my presentation.