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*client calls in*
Me: good morning, how can I help you?
Client: my ip is blocked, could you unblock it for me?
Me: certainly! What's your ip address? Then I'll have a look.
Client: I'm not giving you my ip?! That's too privacy sensitive.
Me: 😶
Me: 😶
Me: 😶
Me: sir, I'm very keen on my privacy myself but without that information I can't do much for you 😬
Client: ah so you're refusing to help me?
Me: not like that, it's just very hard to lift an ip block for me when I don't know the ip address.
Client: you just don't want to help, fine.
*click*
😶32 -
Google is full of assholes!
Just paid $25 dollars to list my app on google play store. Within 15 minutes of submitting the app, it got de-listed.
Reason:
Impersonation
Who am I impersonating?
The logo is impersonating the logo shown on MY OWN website!!!
How dafuq can you impersonate your own intellectual property?????
Contacted them back using their form. Didn't even call them "cunts". Asked to have it reviewed.
After waiting 7 business days, started sending them 1 email a day. On day 11 I sent 100 identical email asking them to review it.
Today (day 12), they cleared the app. I got this reply back.
"We found that your app was not in violation of our policies"
-Google40 -
What. The. Fuck. Did. Just. Happen.
A random girl followed me on social media. She looked nice and intelligent so I followed her back.
Started to chat about some random stuff. She told me she works at the HR department of an international company and asked me what's my job. Told her I'm a software developer.
Right after that she sent me a selfie. Obviously I said she looks nice, she thanked it and asked some more about my job. After a short discussion I received another selfie but somewhere in between she lost the outer layer of her clothing.
She still looks nice but now I'm sitting here utterly confused and cant tell whether it was my sarcastic humour and moderately handsome facial features which charmed her or she just needs to recruit someone for a new project and willing to do everything to reach the quota.67 -
Amazon Drive offers the most comprehensive data redundancy known to mankind.
"Your data synced. A LOT."™
7 -
Biggest hurdle: torn between having boobs and missing an arm. I swear some people are under the assumption the brain is in the arm.
I am fully capable of building your network, resolving your outage due to your faulty code, can even tell you how many users your database can support at once. I don't need arms for that. Nor do my boobs distract me that badly.
"but men are going to make your life so hard" yup. And that's true no matter where i go
"all that typing with one arm can't be good for your back" welp. Find me a job that doesn't require a computer. Or manual labor. If you think typing will fuck me up, that's DEFINITELY out of the equation
"you're too pretty, there's no way this can make sense" dafuq you just say?!?!
"why don't you just stay home on disability, I'm sure you qualify, you wouldn't need to work" I'd rather be a fucking trophy wife if I'm staying at home. Fuck that.
And many more.
Sometimes they're fun. Give me more dumb arguments to counter? ;)55 -
Today we got the following (approximately, don't remember it literally) error message on a windows server:
Please turn on your computer. Updates can't be installed while your system is turned off.
Genuinely; de WUT?!10 -
"You mean to tell me that you deleted the class that holds all our labels and spin boxes together?" I said exasperatedly.
~Record scratch.mp3
~Freeze frame.mp4
"You're probably wondering how we got to this stage? Let's wind back a little, shall we?"
~reverseRecordSound.wav
A light tapping was heard at the entrance of my office.
"Oh hey [Boss] how are you doing?" I said politely
"Do you want to talk here, or do you want to talk in my office? I don't have anyone in my office right now, so..."
"Ok, we can go to your office," I said.
We walked momentarily, my eyes following the newly placed carpeting.
Some words were shared, but nothing that seemed mildly important. Just necessary things to say. Platitudes, I supposed you could call them.
We get to his office, it was wider now because of some missing furniture. I quickly grab a seat.
"So tell me what you've been working on," I said politely.
"I just finished up on our [project] that required proper saving and restoring."
"Great! How did you pull it off?" I asked excitedly.
He starts to explain to me what he did, and even opens up the UI to display the changes working correctly.
"That's pretty cool," admiring his work.
"But what's going on here? It looks like you deleted my class." I said, looking at his code.
"Oh, yeah, that. It looked like spaghetti code so I deleted it. It seemed really bulky and unnecessary for what we were doing."
"Wait, hold on," I said wildly surprised that he thought that a class with some simple setters and getters was spaghetti code.
"You mean to tell me that you deleted the class that organizes all our labels and spin boxes together?" I said exasperatedly.
"Yeah! I put everything in a list of lists."
"What, that's not efficient at all!" I exclaimed
"Well, I mean look at what you were doing here," he said, as he displays to me my old code.
"What's confusing about that?" I asked politely, but a little unnerved that he did something like this.
"Well I mean look at this," he said, now showing his "improved" code.
"We don't have that huge block of code (referring to my class) anymore filling up the file." He said almost a little too joyously.
"Ok, hold on," I said to him, waving my hand. "Go back to my code and I can show you how it is working. Here we are getting all the labels and spin boxes into their own objects." I said pointing a little further down in the code. "Down here we are returning the spin boxes we want to work with. Here and here, are setters so we can set maximum and minimum values for the spin box."
"Oh... I guess that's not that complicated. but still, that doesn't seem like really good bookkeeping." He said.
"Well, there are some people that would argue with you on that," I said, thinking about devRant.
He quickly switches back to his code and shows me what he did. "Look, here." He said pointing to his list of lists. "We have our spin boxes and labels all called and accounted for. And further down we can use a for loop to parse through them."
He then drags both our version of the code and shows the differences. I pause him for a moment
"Hold on, you mean you think this" I'm now pointing at my setters "is more spaghetti than this" I'm now pointing at his list of lists.
"I mean yeah, it makes more sense to me to do it this way for the sake of bookkeeping because I don't understand your Object Oriented Programming stuff."
...
After some time of going back and forth on this, he finally said to me.
"It doesn't matter, this is my project."
Honestly, I was a little heart broken, because it may be his project but part of me is still in there. Part of my effort in making it the best it can be is in there.
I'm sorry, but it's just as much my project as it is yours.16 -
*client complaining about an issue they've been having for a long time now*
Them: this has been going on for ages, if a solution doesn't come up soon were moving somewhere else!
Me: I'm sorry to hear that but in the last ticket I see that my colleague sent a message asking for information but you never replied?
Them: that's right!
Me:......... Why didn't you reply...?!
Them: we were so annoyed that we have this issue that we just didn't want to reply anymore!
Me:...... Do you realize that we can't smell or sense that its still an issue when you don't reply to our request for more information?!
Them:........ so I should reply again if I want this to be looked at again?
Me: yes that's be a goo.....
*click*
😶7 -
How my birthday is going so far:
1. Dropped coffee on my shirt
2. Client is wondering why we removed a feature that he wants yet asked us to remove a week ago
3. Dev server is no longer working
4. Internet connection is shit
5. My VPN keeps on disconnecting (see #4)
Is this day going to end or what?53 -
FOR FUCK SAKE ANDROID STUDIO!!! 5GB RAM WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!!! I NEED THOSE VMs RUNNING AND USING 5GB IS NOT COOL AT ALL!!
60 -
*casually clicking through aws services*
*discoveres ses (email service)*
*tries it out as email driver in laravel project*
*discoveres you are in sandbox by default, means you can only send emails to yourself*
*reads documentation, says to get out of sandbox request a limit increase with default values*
// 200 per day, max 1 per second
*request what is mentioned*
*while waiting, find threads of people with the most well documented use case requests getting denied*
*pretty sure i will be denied to, thinking of starting to look elsewhere*
// next morning
*opens mail*
# your application is now out of sandbox and can now send 50k emails a day with a max of 14 per second.
13 -
School holidays be like:
"Yea! I finally have time to do projects that I like!"
When school starts again:
"How dafuq did I manage to do absolutely nothing in the past month?!?!"4 -
Who the fuck on earth named it Chef. You idiots, if I google Chef I get people wearing aprons on my browser. And what the fuck is cookbooks, cookbooks for chef returns 60 ways of making chicken. Who on earth has such naming convention for IT DevOps. Recipe, cookbooks, knife. Dafuq is wrong.10
-
There is this guy at work we call 'the human linter'
Despite his mad clean codes skills: light theme
Dafuq dude :(13 -
This is what I have to deal with right now... 🙂🔫
Why?
Why would you not comment or name your variables so someone else can understand wtf is going on here?
Why!?
16 -
*Opens LinkedeIn*
*Sees a posting for iOS/Android devs*
*Read description to find: Good knowledge in Eclipse for Android*
Which year are we in? Have they heard of Android Studio?6 -
worst advice:
"Use only jQuery, js is shit"
"Use only js, jQuery is shit"
Dude, use whatever dafuq you want, both have their pros and cons..10 -
Where dafuq is the tabs or spaces?!?!?
They are trying to teach people to code... But they don't use any tabs or spaces in their examples. Wtf. You are breeding shit coders.
17 -
Dear diary,
Today is day 3 of Windows 11 for me, and after about an hour of gaming, everything got laggy. I thought it was an AV scanner taking its sweet time kind of lag, but then.... I couldn't switch back to the desktop, I couldn't launch the task manager, it was just a solid frozen brick, and then when I unpaused this game to go back into it.... it was frozen too.
So here I am , with a frozen machine, so I give up and attempt a hard reboot........ yep, your fucked too. Windows auto repair kicks in, and it freezes too.
So now I'm here, with a brick of a fucking machine, wondering wtf could have gone so wrong.
Finally, I've made it to the failed boot screen,
> bootrec /fixboot
permission denied.
🤔 dafuq you smoking?
Fine
> sfc /scannow
Permission denied
Ok.... I don't think I want to know how this works.
> chkdsk /f /r /x C:
Yay something fucking runs
.
.
.
no issues 🤨
Fuck it, reboot.
Oh, now you want to fucking boot you piece of shit.
Now to understand how the fuck you can get a permission denied when your running CMD before boot 😐18 -
I was added on LinkedIn by a person who is:
Strategic Thinker & Solution Architect & Innovation Thinker & Data Scientist & CORE Banking & Digital Transformation & AGM & CIO
HOW FUCKING LUCKY I AM TO BE ADDED BY THIS TYPE OF PEOPLE -.-7 -
(overheard colleagues)
"hey, client x wants to speak to you, can I put them through?"
"what's it it about?"
*mumbles something*
"dafuq?! Oh well, put him through already 😑"
Me: hey, what did he want?
Colleague: they wanted help with setting up a page on their site with a maintenance message for when their site goes down.
Me: ah righ.... wait what? What's the function of a maintenance page on a site if the entire site is down?!
Colleague: yeah, that 🤣
Well, okay, then 😶12 -
Please Java and all java shit, take more memory I don't need it -_-
16GB doesn't seem to be enough to have a VM and Android Studio Open but it is more than enough to have
1. Visual Studio
2. SQL Server Management Studio
3. VM
4. FireFox
5. Visual Studio code
Fuck. This. Shit!
20 -
Best friends sister asked me if I could hack a phone or a router or something for her. Asked if the owner was alright with it. She said yes. Asked her for a picture of the interface. She sent me three pictures:
IPhone interface
Router interface
Blackberry phone interface.
😐
"I'll give you the iPhone through {best friends name}".
I have the phone now.
She's saying that I hacked their wifi.
I haven't even booted the phone yet.
I never connected to her network.
I don't know where she lives.
Dafuq.14 -
My first rant, so pls don't blame me?. 🙈. No just kidding, but now the Story. A friend told me that he want to start hacking. But I know that he can't prog or use a PC. But I asked: "Can u program?" He: Yeah, of course!?". *Me wondering as fuck* Me: Where do u learned that?" He: "Watched YouTube Videos!" Me: "OK?, and what language du u want to use, and IDE?" He answered: "Language Arduino, and IDE what is that?". *Me facepalming and asking myself what dafuq was he watching and why is he trying to do things like that*11
-
I swear to god, I'm going to track down the dipshit who just made my day hilariously painful.
So here I am, finishing up this project that's been going on for what feels like an eternity, when I get an email "why doesn't order X show up in this other system?".
I mean, it's a common thing they can take 15 minutes to push across, so the usual quick glance and what do you know, it's just sitting there as if it's waiting to be pushed through, than an hour later... it's still there, so I start digging, maybe a data issue, nope looks all good, customer details, payment details, products...
just another order, jump on the logs and all looks fi......... wait.... why does this postcode have 3 digits and not 4 , Australia has 4 digit postal codes fyi, looks at order again, 3 digits, look at log, 3....hold on why's it only 3 digits, checks code, handled as string... ok..... where the fuck would it drop a digit.... frontend requires 4 digits, validation requires 4 digits... how the fuck did you get 3 digits in... I can't see anything anywhere that logically makes sense for this🤔
Drops address into google and it's a postcode starting with 0.
Jumps on DB and the fucker is an int in the postcode table. For all you playing at home 0123 <> 123
I don't know if I should feel bad, or impressed, it's been 7 years since this table was created, and 7 years before someone managed to live in one of these parts of the country with a leading 0.
QA didn't spot this years ago,
No one tested this exact scenario,
The damn thing isn't even documented as a required delivery area, but here we are!
Kudos good sir, you broke it! 🤜 🤛
You sir may get your order now!11 -
For fucks sack I just created my server and fail2ban already blocked 6 IP addresses dafuq is going on on the internet 😓20
-
*Programming on my API*
"This should work fine, let's devRant for a little"
*Back to programming and looking at the code I just wrote before*
"Dafuq did I just write?!?" -
The balls some managers must have to think that this is going to be an acceptable price.
I also find it hilarious that a $2 adblocker can fuck this in the ass.
19 -
Windows 7 applied updates.
"Press ctrl+alt+delete to log on"
I press them.
"Shutting down windows"
Dafuq?! I just... What? I may be hungover but windows you're still drunk.1 -
*Starts compile*
...
...
can't find function foo
ld exited with status code 1
*confused*
*Reruns qmake*
*Compiles again*
...
...
can't find function foo
ld exited with status code 1
*very confused*
*switches compilers*
*compiles*
...
...
Worked!
*dafuq*
*switches back to the first compiler*
*compiles*
...
...
Worked!
*tries not to cry*12 -
Our teacher recommends us to use the bright (blue) Visual Studio 2015 theme...
...dafuq man, you wanna fry my eyes?5 -
DFox & T-rogus: Dafuq do you put in your algo? It's frikin insane how many times people notice completely related rants side-by-side or even weird replies to rants below the rant itself in our feed. What is this sorcery?9
-
Typical Tuesday morning. Got word that a client was having trouble viewing a mp4 video, thats being used as a background element on their website, on their iphone.
No biggie, I think to myself.
An hour in Im praying to the safari Gods and cursing the existence of iOs (or however the hell you spell it).
While debugging I realise the browser gives up on downloading the video 2 seconds in, the same way I gave up watching that Netflix Neath note abomination, two seconds in.
So i quickly write up an ajax script forcing the browser to download the file before displaying it...F.I.G.J.A.M
But hold up 'webkitURL' is deprecated. Please use 'URL' instead ..dafuq ?
Okay okay I got this just use a work around for that ..aaand done.
Should be working right? Wrong (-_-)
Half an hour later searching stackoverflow like its the gospel and judgement is upon me and I found the solution..I found the solution, simple stupid solution that would make you wanna facepalm so hard that your great grandkids would have marks on their face.
Declare the MIME type in the bloody source tag in the html ... shoot me now
3 -
Dear Apple
I'm using AppLoader, a tiny app with only one thing to do: Upload IPA (app) file to your servers, please explain WHY THE FUCK IT TOOK 4.5GB RAM TO DO A SIMPLE TASK!
Dafuq is wrong with these guys -.-6 -
when your first try to learn a new programming language, for example c++ and you are still new to coding:
"Wtf does it behave this way. How dafuq do pointers work...argh"
and then years later, you come back to c++, do a little revision and it all starts to fall into place and make sense. Man. That feeling.3 -
*Copies url from bitbucket*
*Switch to Slack on macOS*
*Presses command + v*
Slack: whaaaaaaaaaat :O I'm gonna freeze for few moments to understand what the fuck you just asked me to do4 -
Who dafuq thought it would be a good idea to have the user agent stylesheet say the <body> has a margin:8px
That's so annoying and stupid, fuu
9 -
Every time someone rants about Visual Studio I'm like: WTF are they talking about? it is the best IDE I ever used!!
but now after using VS 2017 I must say:
WHAT THE FUCK MICROSOFT DID TO THIS THING! IT RANDOMLY FREEZE EATS OUT ALL CPU AND NOW USES A GOOD 1.5GB RAM!
my previous experience:
barely 20% of CPU
at max 700MB RAM
Guess those days are over :\13 -
"We need you to give 110% so that the total is greater than the sum of the parts... Eg: 1 + 1 > 2"
You're addressing a team who use logic to make you money. What the fuck are we supposed to do with this shit?
1 + 1 > 2?
false
Fuck off.7 -
I am searching Google for a strange error message I have in my program. Find one stack overflow thread from a couple of years ago with one answer approved by the OP and upvoted a remarkable amount of times.. I am reading the question and it is exactly my problem...to the point. So I am reading the answer and it works and solves my problem and I am happy. Let's see who is the OP of the thread .... Um, what? No?! It's me?!?! And who posted the answer to the question? What??? Also me?!?! Guess I had this problem years ago, figured out a solution and posted the answer.
This brings me to some things:
1 - I am a better person than I imagined i would be because I never thought I would document my findings publicly
2 - I am the biggest idiot for not recognizing my own post
3 - Dafuq, why did I stumble over the very same problem twice??
4 - on the other hand it is totally cool to see stuff I did and think "wow, I managed to do this??"2 -
Dafuq... My new position label is Senior Software Developer.
I do not identify myself as a senior even in my wet dreams.
I'm confused.22 -
thought I'd check why I'm getting connection timeout on my app
I think the problem is me and not the code
3 -
After completing my sprint and some lingering stuff in the backlog
Me: Hey, there's this tiny feature people have really requested, I'll go build it since I got nothing else to do at the moment. It'll only take like 1h
PO: Hmm ok. Don't work on that yet, we need to check with business people and agree on the user stories and bla bla bla
Me: Ok, well there's these bugs I can take care of then, I'll get them fixed, won't be long.
PO: Hmmm, we need to measure the impact first. Let me get back to you on that a bit later
Me: Meh, oh. I'll refactor this bad component meanwhile then.
PO: Have you created a story for that in JIRA? Create the story first and then we'll groom it and take it in when we've time
Me in my head: Dafuq! Im trying to work on your fucking project but you keep throwing all that business bueraucracy shit at me. What am I supposed to do then? Sip coffee in the kitchen and talk about the other fucking billion failed "new business opportunities" with my peers? Fuck this circle jerk of a billion management people all trying to make themselves important. Nothing. Ever. Gets. Fucking. Done!!!
Me: Ah right, I'll do that *proceeds to the water cooler*5 -
there is another team in our company that has its site in the US. we haven't been working with them for very long, but we do have some common topics on which we work loosely together and exchange some information from time to time. i have met the guys only once in person when they visited Germany.
PM asked one of the devs of this team if he could move to another time zone, so it would be easier for us in Europe to arrange meetings with him.
move to another timezone. within the US. to the other side of the country where there's noone he knows. also, no site of ours.
only so it's easier for PM to arrange fucking meetings with him.
can you believe that? i cringed so hard when PM told me about that. (of course the guy refused, shocked pikachu)
and when he thought aloud that maybe he should ask the guy to move to Germany, i told him that the colleague wouldn't do that and that this was a terrible idea. he was really surprised and asked "hmm, you think?"
dafuq, hell yeah i think?!3 -
So I just read about Tim Sneath leaving MS to join Google, and now I hate my life :)
We have those tools for cross platform apps
1. Xamarin
2. React Native
3. Flutter (dart)
4. Ionic
5. ??? (am I still missing something?)
FOR FUCK SAKE not only I had to learn three programming languages to be able to do mobile apps now I need to learn JS shit for mobile development cuz obviously this is the "trend" of the fucked up future and I'm sure people will keep on coming up with shitty frameworks and some random fucked up customer will request to use that shitty framework ...
Sorry had to get it out of my system :)9 -
FOR FUCK SAKE MAKE UP YOUR FUCKING MIND !!!!
Been working on an app at work for 9 months and now PM tells me customer wants to change flow of the app!!!
Kill me please ASAP!6 -
Our team is expanding and our boss hired an agency to find candidates. Today a headhunter on linkedin just offered me this position. Dafuq, at least they could check if I'm not working there on the same position.4
-
Go home Google you are drunk!
Was converting a currency to USD and that error came up, what is funny is their system produced that result and it wasn't me who entered it .-.
15 -
Starting a new project:
"I'm gonna write clean and commented CSS today"
===== 20 minutes in =====
"dafuq does this class do? "😣 -
Finally Spend two fucking days debugging shit until I figured it it. Freaking stupid shit encoding problems and old data combined isn't fun. Dafuq why can't everybody use UTF-8 or Unicode or something else but PLEASE stop using some old school IBM shit codepages.
Leckt mich doch am arsch mit diesem scheiß man -_-4 -
Wasted 7 hours for this:
import moment from 'moment'
Should be:
var moment = require('moment')
What happened? When app running in debug mode all is working without issues! When generating release APK, it crashes when using moment
Fucking hybrid shit apps...13 -
My Sunday Morning until afternoon. FML. So I was experiencing nightly reboots of my home server for three days now. Always at 3:12am strange thing. Sunday morning (10am ca) I thought I'd investigate because the reboots affected my backups as well. All the logs and the security mails said was that some processes received signal 11. Strange. Checked the periodics tasks and executed every task manually. Nothing special. Strange. Checked smart status for all disks. Two disks where having CRC errors. Not many but a couple. Oh well. Changing sata cables again 🙄. But those CRC errors cannot be the reason for the reboots at precisely the same time each night. I noticed that all my zpools got scrubbed except my root-pool which hasn't been scrubbed since the error first occured. Well, let's do it by hand: zpool scrub zroot....Freeze. dafuq. Walked over to the server and resetted. Waited 10 minutes. System not up yet. Fuuu...that was when I first guessed that Sunday won't be that sunny after all. Connected monitor. Reset. Black screen?!?! Disconnected all disks aso. Reset. Black screen. Oh c'moooon! CMOS reset. Black screen. Sigh. CMOS reset with a 5 minute battery removal. And new sata cable just in cable. Yes, boots again. Mood lightened... Now the system segfaults when importing zroot. Good damnit. Pulled out the FreeBSD bootstick. zpool import -R /tmp zroot...segfault. reboot. Read-only zroot import. Manually triggering checksum test with the zdb command. "Invalid blckptr type". Deep breath now. Destroyed pool, recreated it. Zfs send/recv from backup. Some more config. Reboot. Boots yeah ... Doesn't find files??? Reboot. Other error? Undefined symbols???? Now I need another coffee. Maybe I did something wrong during recovery? Not very likely but let's do it again...recover-recover. different but same horrible errors. What in the name...? Pulled out a really old disk. Put it in, boots fine. So it must be the disks. Walked around the house and searched for some new disks for a new 2 disk zfs root mirror to replace the obviously broken disks. Found some new ones even. Recovery boot, minimal FreeBSD Install for bootloader aso. Deleted and recreated zroot, zfs send/recv from backup. Set bootfs attribute, reboot........
It works again. Fuckit, now it is 6pm, I still haven't showered. Put both disks through extensive tests and checked every single block. These disks aren't faulty. But for some reason they froze my system in a way so that I had to reset my BIOS and they had really low level data errors....? I Wonder if those disks have a firmware problem? So that was most of my Sunday. Nice, isn't it? But hey: calm sea won't make a good sailor, right?3 -
Management: Create [totally idiotic and complicated feature, near to impossible to create]
Me: that's close to impossible and could probably destroy some other parts of the application.
Management: well, then your application is poorly programmed.
DAFUQ? HOW DARE TO JUDGE THE QUALITY OF MY CODE WITHOUT EVEN ABLE TO READ 2 LINES OF CSS? WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK IS THIS?
I'm really not easily offended but this sentence hit really hard.4 -
I ordered a reduction sieve for my espresso cooker from Amazon, but got this instead (Euro coin for size comparison). They'll resend the correct article, but WTF is this shit even?! Crazy crap!
23 -
"four million dollars"
TL;DR. Seriously, It's way too long.
That's all the management really cares about, apparently.
It all started when there were heated, war faced discussions with a major client this weekend (coonts, I tell ye) and it was decided that a stupid, out of context customisation POC had that was hacked together by the "customisation and delivery " (they know to do neither) team needed to be merged with the product (a hot, lumpy cluster fuck, made in a technology so old that even the great creators (namely Goo-fucking-gle) decided that it was their worst mistake ever and stopped supporting it (or even considering its existence at this point)).
Today morning, I my manager calls me and announces that I'm the lucky fuck who gets to do this shit.
Now being the defacto got admin to our team (after the last lead left, I was the only one with adequate experience), I suggested to my manager "boss, here's a light bulb. Why don't we just create a new branch for the fuckers and ask them to merge their shite with our shite and then all we'll have to do it build the mixed up shite to create an even smellier pile of shite and feed it to the customer".
"I agree with you mahaDev (when haven't you said that, coont), but the thing is <insert random manger talk here> so we're the ones who'll have to do it (again, when haven't you said that, coont)"
I said fine. Send me the details. He forwarded me a mail, which contained context not amounting to half a syllable of the word "context". I pinged the guy who developed the hack. He gave me nothing but a link to his code repo. I said give me details. He simply said "I've sent the repo details, what else do you require?"
1st motherfucker.
Dafuq? Dude, gimme some spice. Dafuq you done? Dafuq libraries you used? Dafuq APIs you used? Where Dafuq did you get this old ass checkout on which you've made these changes? AND DAFUQ IS THIS TOOL SUPPOSED TO DO AND HOW DOES IT AFFECT MY PRODUCT?
Anyway, since I didn't get a lot of info, I set about trying to just merge the code blindly and fix all conflicts, assuming that no new libraries/APIs have been used and the code is compatible with our master code base.
Enter delivery head. 2nd motherfucker.
This coont neither has technical knowledge nor the common sense to ask someone who knows his shit to help out with the technical stuff.
I find out that this was the half assed moron who agreed to a 3 day timeline (and our build takes around 13 hours to complete, end to end). Because fuck testing. They validated the their tool, we've tested our product. There's no way it can fail when we make a hybrid cocktail that will make the elephants foot look like a frikkin mojito!
Anywho, he comes by every half-mother fucking-hour and asks whether the build has been triggered.
Bitch. I have no clue what is going on and your people apparently don't have the time to give a fuck. How in the world do you expect me to finish this in 5 minutes?
Anyway, after I compile for the first time after merging, I see enough compilations to last a frikkin life time. I kid you not, I scrolled for a complete minute before reaching the last one.
Again, my assumption was that there are no library or dependency changes, neither did I know the fact that the dude implemented using completely different libraries altogether in some places.
Now I know it's my fault for not checking myself, but I was already having a bad day.
I then proceeded to have a little tantrum. In the middle of the floor, because I DIDN'T HAVE A CLUE WHAT CHANGES WERE MADE AND NOBODY CARED ENOUGH TO GIVE A FUCKING FUCK ABOUT THE DAMN FUCK.
Lo and behold, everyone's at my service now. I get all things clarified, takes around an hour and a half of my time (could have been done in 20 minutes had someone given me the complete info) to find out all I need to know and proceed to remove all compilation problems.
Hurrah. In my frustration, I forgot to push some changes, and because of some weird shit in our build framework, the build failed in Jenkins. Multiple times. Even though the exact same code was working on my local setup (cliche, I know).
In any case, it was sometime during sorting out this mess did I come to know that the reason why the 2nd motherfucker accepted the 3 day deadline was because the total bill being slapped to the customer is four fucking million USD.
Greed. Wow. The fucker just sacrificed everyone's day and night (his team and the next) for 4mil. And my manager and director agreed. Four fucking million dollars. I don't get to see a penny of it, I work for peanut shells, for 15 hours, you'll get bonuses and commissions, the fucking junior Dev earns more than me, but my manager says I'm the MVP of the team, all I get is a thanks and a bad rating for this hike cycle.
4mil usd, I learnt today, is enough to make you lick the smelly, hairy balls of a Neanderthal even though the money isn't truly yours.4 -
When UserID is an int(3) in one table, and then text(10) in another. And then the monent you see that the Username field is stored in both tables ......🖕🖕🖕🖕
Who dafuq wrote this crap?!?!?!?5 -
long time ago....
Feature request: We want an android backup solution in Our app!
UI guy has already developed it, you just need to see if his solution is solid!
Ok then - lets look at the UI: Nice progress bars, that turn into green checkmarks. Looks good.
Now lets look at the code: ... Ok. loading some files into memory.... and... dafuq? does not write to a file?
Backup to RAM. With no restore. 🤦♂️.3 -
enough is enough
to all the fucker ass morons deploying mini js frameworks with ambiguous names and undocumented functionality all fucking minified and using at least 20-30 of them on each page
dafuq you need a different slider for every section ?1 -
I'm in search of an inspirational/creative quote not by a big name of a dead person - but by a devRant user :P
starting with:
I code because...25 -
So, during my Java lessons we had a teacher who had a very special relationship with the language.
During the introduction he used to tell us that interfaces in Java are really poorly designed and that they would not reflect how an interface normally should be implemented. The possibility for a developer to add default methods to an interface or that a class could inherit from multiple interfaces was unacceptable to him.
Due to those reasons, he would hate on Java 8 and tell us to not use it and instead stay with Java 7 - dafuq!4 -
University Coding Exam for Specialization Batch:
Q. Write a Program to merge two strings, each can be of at max 25k length.
Wrote the code in C, because fast.
Realized some edge cases don't pass, runtime errors. Proceed on to check the locked code in the Stub. (We only have to write methods, the driver code is pre-written)
Found that the memory for the char Arrays is being allocated dynamically with size 10240.
Rant #1:
Dafuq? What's the point of dynamic Memory Allocation if you're gonna fix it to a certain amount anyway?
Continuing...
Called the Program Incharge, asking him to check the problem and provide a solution. He took 10 minutes to come, meanwhile I wrote the program in Java which cleared all the test cases. <backstory>No University Course on Java yet, learnt it on my own </backstory>
Dude comes, I explain the problem. He asks me to do it in C++ instead coz it uses the string type instead of char array.
I told him that I've already done it in Java.
Him: Do you know Java?
Rant #2:
No you jackass! I did the whole thing in Java without knowing Java, what's wrong with you!2 -
This Moment when you find code and you have no clue why it exists, but you can remember that it was important...2
-
Part 2 of this rant: https://devrant.com/rants/933393/...
Today I received the source code of the application, it has like four views but guess what, all four views have their controllers in one controller.js file that is about 1400 lines of code.
Also all their data models are in one file,
everything is in one file.
Does anyone know how to make it through that shit :(16 -
Browses a news article on mobile phone. Site asks, if it should switch to the mobile version of that site. I click yes. Frontpage loads instead optimized for mobile with my news article nowhere to find. Dafuq?2
-
How I confused an Indian co-worker.
I noticed that his office desk was using a multi-outlet power strip connected to another one, and then one more after that, because the cable length was too short.
Me: pointing out that this is not allowed in our company.
Him: dafuq-look.
Me: yeah, electrical safety, we need to replace this. Gonna ask IT whether they have something (they did), replaced it.
Him: different dafuq-look.
Me: I guess that's the most German thing you've run into, right?
Him: uh, yes, but I can see the point. :)9 -
[Post marked as: Random]
Microsoft joins the Open Source Initiative as a corporate sponsor.
Dafuq?4 -
Me: Fuck there's a null pointer exception here... What was trying to happen here
*Read comments*
*It's written in binary... dafuq why though*
*looks up what it says*
*Reads output*
"Sorry bud, if you couldn't figure this out... then no one can"
-
The amount of attempts to access my website is just too much O_O
Anyway in nginx to block access if login attempt failed after 3 times?
14 -
The updating process on my Arch installation went banana's... Ugh... I wanted to do some coding and not fix this bullshit :(
9 -
*learning HTML*
*Finds a nice example for tables*
*Scrolls down then instantly close the page*
He is using IE8 IN 2014 😓😒
2 -
# school suck
! coding
hello, hope im not bothering anyone with my adolescent problems, but im really angry towards school.
first of all,
the subjects get thaught much too slow.
like dafuq, why does our maths teacher need 6h to teach us what square roots are? Why does our history teacher need 10h to teach us about one single revolution???
and worst of all: why is everything accompagnied by long, repetitive, homework?
Also, why do they think that im bad just because i dont have the best grades??? im a GOOD average, without learning a TAD!!!
also, here i am, needing to learn maths for some it project.
when i ask any teacher, he doesnt explain it to me but says "you will learn that in class xy"
ok, then i guess i can teach it myself.
but when i take books into school to read em (remember, i already know the subjects), the teachers always take em from me.
also, im not allowed to talk to anyone. not even when idle.
so currently, i am trying not to get angry from this, tomorrow school starts again. after this year legally, i would be allowed to drop out.
could you please tell me what you would do? should i drop out? change school? change class? im open to reolly anything that possibly could help (my parents arent)35 -
Spent 30 minutes searching for openVPN on my VPS to end up remembering I have it as a docker container and not installed directly on the system :\
-
Today so far:
1. How to become a professional project manager in few months
2. From zero to pro in C++ with this course bundle
3. 2 Months into flutter and I regret nothing
Uni graduates: Remember when we had to bang our heads against the wall a million times to finally earn our degree!
Non uni graduates: Remember when you had to go through million documentations, write lots of code to sharpen your skills?
Ya both categories above can go fuck them selves, these days follow a tutorial or buy a 10 min videos to be the next big thing in any field ... -
Just found a job listing that requires experience in deploying apps to Google Play and Apple App Store T_T8
-
WTF Did Microsoft do this time!! Visual Studio never gave me issues even on a slow ass computer, after latest update that shit now freeze A LOT! :@ :@ :@ :@4
-
So today Mozilla updated Firefox just to include an incomplete downloads tab? Dafuq are they thinking 😒2
-
I DIDN'T SIGN UP FOR THIS !!!
After seeing bunch of posts about Enki, decided to give it a try,
enters my info on the sign up page
*email address is already taken* : WHAT !!
changes email address
*your username is already taken* : WHAT !!
goes back and search if there's any mails from Enki
*no results found* : Dafuq !!
Requests password reset
*Receives first mail from enki ever, with a reset link*
Did they change their name from something else to Enki or they have bunch of emails in their database to showoff user base ?
Can anyone shed some light on this, cause I'm 100% sure i didn't sign up for this before.
after resetting the password I'm able to login, but in the Notification section it says
*your email is not confirmed*
well i would confirm it, WHEN I GET IT !!9 -
You know what a fucking good place for 1000s of mp4s, pdfs, doc files, exes and svgs is? Yeah, the bloddy SVN,which mirrors to git.
And how about a ibm websphere install zip with tiny 1.3gb?
And of cause you store your fuckin perl and Shellscripts, that have been written by a plain lunatic and that are responsible for installing the crap in the repo.
What? One repo for one component? Nah, cramp like 150 different projects into on repo.
And the most important scripts have to be kept unversionized ... For reasons.
And this is just the tip of the iceberg of shit.
Btw. websphere ships its own apache2.2 and its own security lib and its own openssl compilation, with ibm java ... Filesystem hierarchy standard? Dafuq? If you want to find something it better be like where is waldo - right, IBM? And command arguements? Man pages, usable documentation, usable deployment? How did any of this ever seem like a good idea to anyone?
Go get a koloscopy with a submarine periscope, IBM. -
I just created a users table and added everything except two important fields:
1. FirstName
2. LastName
I only found out when I started working on my service T_T
I'm sorry, I have sinned :(3 -
300 global variables.. THREE HUNDRED FUCKING GLOBAL VARIABLES?
Are you for real?
Now let me check the line numbers again..
hmm.. line 97 to .. yep line 410, just a few new lines to seperate some of them or.. group? Idk, I've given up on trying to understand those.
Now you may ask "But ThatPerlDeb, where did you see this and what was the intention?"
Low and behold, take a chair and I may explain this to you.
First of all: Fuck the dev that wrote this!
Second: Fuck all the devs that kept up with this practice or whatever you want to fucking call this!
Now, the application is our POS system that our customers can use for a monthly fee (That this piece of garbage even requires payment is disgusting) but anyway..
The global variables sometimes are declared for labels, sometimes for some frames, sometimes just for random values to be there.
We're using Perl for the POS system and Perl ain't the best at OOP, so in the dev's defense I can understand why you'd use a few global variables, but not fucking 300!! FUCK OFF WITH THIS BULLSHIT!!
So now I'm going through this torture slowly but surely deleting globals and putting them into some sort of scope and always MANUALLY test if something broke. Again, this company sucks ass and there's nothing that could even be considered a "unit test" or something like that, so fuck that, too.
After two hours I've brought down the count of global variables to about 260, so there's progress being made..
But then, there comes more!
"But how???" you may ask, and you're right, I've asked that myself.
Now to resolve the global stuff in each file some of the initial globals are used, we got about 20-30 files which do different stuff, all fair and square, at least there was an attempt at seperating functions but god this mess is so fucking fucked up. So in order to "safely" delete a global variable I have to check if any of the variables are used in another file, and if so, in which scope and how they are used.
Spaghetti would be a compliment for this fucking disgusting piece of utter bullshit.
Let alone the code quality of this "code"
Indendation? Dafuq is dat?
Scope? Nah, we got everything global anyway
Function size? Well, some are 5 lines, some are 900 lines, who cares anyways, right?
I'm so fucking glad once I leave this shithole, for real.6 -
That surrealist moment when Firefox told me it stopped the international journal of robotics research from tracking my social media...
Dafuq?6 -
I'm no Nodejs expert but can someone explain how in the fucking world is node_modules folder is that HUGE! on my slow ass internet it takes couple of mins to pull the repo and five mins to finish npm install! and takes so much ram to build a freaking docker container for my react website when it takes barely 300MB to build both MySQL and Asp.Net Core dockers T_T7
-
well, that escalated quickly...
today a coworker was asked if he could write a query to find customers which placed orders matching some criterias. so far so good. he write the query and put the result into a spreadsheet and gave it to the lead.
"i need it in another format" (he did not specify any format before nor did he tell which columns he is interested in). 2 hours later the query was finished.
then, the coworker got a call from the leader. he wants to see us both in his office.
"okay, we need to write a personalized mail to every customer with the orders in a spreadsheet as an attatchment. we also need this on paper as not everyone reads our mail. we want to send letters. the whole process needs to be finished in half a day and we want it automated. i do not want to have one of the sales department waste 2 hours writing stuff himself".
well, you can imagine my thoughts on that.
the personalized text is not finished. we wasted another 3 hours thinking about how to solve this crap.
luckily i have some projects from the past which can do this shit with some changes... but what the fucking hell was this?7 -
The feeling when you didn't spot what the error was here:
int x = 0;
int y = 0;
for ( ; y < rows; y++) {
for ( ; x < cols; x++) {
//Dafuq, only does one line?!
}
}10 -
My manager’s manager (my superboss)..
Every time we go for a design discussion, this guy goes into his own world of inspiration, motivation, religion and damn things.. the more you think of pulling him back, the more lame jokes he starts to crack, the more you’ll bring in work related talks, the more stupid his output will be.. it is now resulting in a late delivery date, a frustrated manager, and a frustrated team. Moreover he says, he’s inspired from Elon Musk, dafuq, I mean seriously? What part of his approach on productivity you actually got inspired by? Sleep?4 -
Who the f*** came up with the idea to add `com.sun.xml.internal.bind.v2.TODO`
Thanks to a hasty ctrl-space #intellij added this … as import … dafuq2 -
So a recruiter from an MNC recently contacted me for Python job application. She saw my profile and resume on LinkedIn and after reading about my projects she initially thought I have a good industry experience. As soon as I cleared her misunderstanding, she went from "when can you join?" to "sorry, I think I'll have to talk to my manager" in less than 2 seconds.
Talk about underrated jobs3 -
Eclipse and it's fuckery!
Shows error/warning on random line. Don't know what's wrong, coz nothing is! Select all, cut and paste the selection on the same page and save again. Woof! Errors gone! Dafuq Eclipse? What sorcery is this bitch? -
Don't need Netflix when you have a production deployment right before a long weekend. It has failed since last two weeks due to vulnerabilities present in one of libraries(P.S. FUCK JAVASCRIPT and Post release vulnerability scans!). You have rewritten the whole functionality from scratch twice! Security gates finally open for you, welcoming with arms wide open. So you click Deploy! DAFUQ!! FUCK MY LIFE! Deployment failed! It's only a 3 hour window to deploy! You frantically re-review your code, is it me?? Not again!! It isn't! Well, why is the deployment failing, you work against the clock. Going through configs, code, documentation! WTF is it?? Should I give up and raise a support ticket? Nope! You login to the server, sifting through logs and configs, there's a couple of other tickets with today's deadline. What are you going to do? And you get a hint! You take the hunch, change the config 5 minutes before deadline!
Get merge request approved, wait for the build, hit DEPLOY!! Nail biting 3 minutes! Your eyes fixed on the logs! Building..... Pushing instances..... Starting App..... SUCCESS!!! Finish the remaining tickets! Your long weekend still exists!3 -
A large update on UI rolls out, after around 10 rounds of public testing. Waves of complaints finally arrive.
Complaint 1: I liked the old plaintext UI because the UI now has some markdown
Complaint 2: I wish the tabs weren't multiline but I don't want to reduce the number of tabs nor sacrifice the accessibility by making it scrollable or something
Complaint 3: Why did you make boxes we did it fine with a single box filled with plaintext
Complaint 4: The lag is gone but I liked the old laggy UI because it was there for years
Me: dafuq?
PS: dev lead is happy with the results so things are okay at least for now3 -
Spent an hour and a half debugging why binders are not working on my Asp.Net project to end up finding out that my controller was missing:
[Route("[controller]")]
attribute at the beginning
Life is wonderful :)2 -
Doesn't work
I hate my life
fuck this shit
Oh I used the wrong list
*jumps from the top of the mountain* -
I had to create an account on a website. I used LastPass to generate a strong password. I entered it and got the following message:
"Password must be between 8 and 16 characters and must have special characters (? , ! & #) and numbers"
My password was 20 characters, me annoyed to generate a 16 character password. Filled it in and got the same error. That was it for me.
Who dafuq limits a password to 16 characters, that's fucking nothing. It did not accept all special characters, only the ones that were showed (like 5 or so).
And here comes the worst part...
It's a bank website! I had to create the most most most insecure password in history for it to work.8 -
Fuck you VS Code! Have to reboot my VM every four hours because that piece of shit starts glitching on the screen and freezes the entire system when I want to close it!8
-
One day you're looking for a job for almost half a year, and the next you're being called by a company because they stumbled upon your resume (indirect path) ?dafuq? Wel today was that day, i hope I pass the intake though, wish me luck1
-
So...
Just searched for *.io websites... thought there'll be somehow interesting things - eeeh... nothing incredible 😴
More or less just abusive usage... 🤓
But one site - beefree.io - is about an email editor for responsive mails. And I don't know why (someone really needs that - over 1.000.000 users as stated on their site) ... but there is nothing that doesn't exist.
Weird world.15 -
Goodbye world, I will not miss you, I will not regret leaving you BUT THIS! I MEAN THIS !!! I cannot stand -_-
https://stackoverflow.com/a/...
For fuck sake! Why don't you put comma at the end of the line!! please someone delete his answer no commas at the beginning. Please, show mercy for a second T_T10 -
"you need to check the tickets as well as ERP tasks everyday."
Dafuq? Aren't I doing that? And also, I'm busy working on other tasks, and he just keeps giving me more, and there's no way I can just simply fix all of them without enough time. 😠1 -
Any other IT company is like:
* Task -> Designer -> Markup coder -> Backend -> Finish
Our IT company:
Act I: "Art of setting up contact with idiots".
------
Items:
*Cave scripts (aka "typical task")
Designer: -- "DAFUQ?"
Customer: *gives another interpretation*
Designer: -- "Erm... really? White text on white background?"
Customer: -- "Make a decision by yourself. I was expecting much more independence from you. You are an expert after all."
Designer: -- "Well. I'm making decision by myself. The text will be placed *here* and will be gray-colored, because *bla-bla-bla*"
Customer: -- "I disagree."
Designer: *1 hour of silence later* -- "Well...k."
Act II: "Design meets ar(u)tist"
----
Items:
*Something, that was drawn by dumb kid while smashing his own head against desk. (PSD layout)
* Salt (to pour it on open wounds)
Designer: -- "I'm seeing this task *this way*"
Markup: -- "And how do u think i should get this done? Have you even seen what you made?? This is bullshit!"
Designer: -- "It's not bullshit! It's a sci-fi themed layout!"
Markup: -- "With gameplay elements and graphics from Alien Shooter??"
Designer: -- "Well, I don't care." *brings new edits and changes*
Markup: -- "????"
Designer: *smug face* -- "!!!"
Act III (7 days later, 9 hours till deadline): "Short story about boy, who was trying to hang himself, but instead fell out from window."
----
Items:
*Markup, smelling like it went through hell and back (x1)
* Markup coder with fried butt (x1)
Backend: -- "What. Is. THAT?"
Markup: -- "It's a work we should complete in 9 hours."
Backend: -- "WE?? I know u mean me, but that's a nightmare. What the f*ck were you doing all this time?"
Markup: -- "Well..." *finds out that he was only watching films and sleeping* "I was making this thing up..."
Backend: -- "You mean "f*cking" *this* thing "up"?"
Markup: -- "Not without it"
(*3 hours of edits and changes of color from white to white later*)
Backend: -- "Well, let's do this."
*Picks PHP and tries to bundle it up with MongoDB. After some time tries to rewrite everything to JS and starts shouting something like "F***CK" and looking for window to walk through. Figures out that he is on first floor. And that he is too lazy to go upstairs*
Act IV (3 days after deadline): "Pain and misery":
-----
Items:
*Something covered with insul(t)ating tape. (Final product)
Customer: -- "Really?"
Team: -- "Kinda."
Customer: -- "Well, thanks for your work anyway. It feels like it's going to disassemble right in my hands but it just works. Oh, also, you didnt made this in time, so your payment will be over9000 times lower. That's all"
Backend, on fluids: -- "Well...yeah..."
Markup: -- "Don't look at me like that. I really was doing my job."
Designer, with twitching eye: -- "Huh, I see. You worked so hard that we have nothing to eat now. Thanks for that."
Backend: ...
1 -
WTF Is wrong with Kotlin! Every fucking time I upgrade its Android Studio plugin i receive loads of errors about: Type mismatch: inferred type is FragmentActivity? but FragmentActivity was expected
for fucks sake bitch! Why the hell you keep on switching from optional to non optional on every fucking update, my commit history is full of this type of fixes -_-5 -
So I was doing random changes to get the output. Got partially correct output. Got happy. But I don't know which change is responsible. Dafuq moment!
-
So a friend of mine was getting a BSOD, when he was starting Ghost Recon Breakpoint and PUBG,
turns out, the Stuff from his racing rig was being detected as cheating by their anti cheat software, and just crashing the system.
Dafuq?5 -
!rant from a support guy
I was tasked to migrate an Exchange 2003 server (yes, those are still used) for an upcoming Office 365 deployment. There are no direct upgrade path from one another, as far as we know
My task was to export PSTs from mailboxes. Great, a native tool exist for that in 2003 (exmerge). But only for less than 2 GB mailboxes because ANSI/Unicode! Half of our mailbox busts that limit. Oh, it seems Exchange 2007 has a PowerShell command for exporting to PST as well! But pre-SP3, that command relies on a local installation of Outlook on the server (DAFUQ), and has been superseded by another "standalone" powershell command. So I install a bogus Windows 2012 server only for that purpose, with Exchange Management Tools (which, by the way, is bundled with the Exchange installation setup and REQUIRES to have IIS installed on the target machine. Also, if you install ONLY the Exchange 2007 Management Tools and wish to uninstall them afterwards, you can't because the uninstaller wants me to select an Exchange Role to remove, which are all unchecked in my tools-only setup). Never worked, and Google-fu says that the newer Exchange 2007 New-MailboxExportRequest command seems to have removed Exchange 2003 support.
So i'm back to installing a pre-SP3 Exchange 2007. Then the older Export-Mailbox powershell command whines about 64bits and 32bit incompatiblity-- actually I ***HAVE*** to have the whole OS/software stack 32bit ONLY. Don't ask me why!
Some article I found says I could fire up an XP virtual machine for that, I go for Win 7 x86. "Sorry, Microsoft Exchange won't be installed on a workstation environment because reasons." All right then, let's go for an old Windows Server 2003 x86. Have you tried to boot this up in an Hyper-V environment where mouse and keyboard support for Windows Server 2003 are apparently optional? No keyboard AND mouse events sent to the guest machine at all.
* Sigh *, let's use a Windows Server 2008, but WATCH OUT! Microsoft has discontinued x86 support on their W2008 R2 release, so non-R2 for me. Even then, mouse event wasn't sent until I installed guest additions.
After all, export-mailbox ended up working, but that costed me two days of banging my head against the wall. (Oh, and I take internal calls inbetween as well...)
And that's why I aspire to be a programmer. Thank you for nothing, Microsoft!4 -
Pitching Preact for a client. They wanted us to use Dojo because they bought support for it and I was like OH HELL NO FUCK NO
-
Me: "ok let's have a look at this code I have to review ..."
try
{
* Some random unreadable overcomplicated shit code *
}
catch (Exception e)
{
// Useful for debug
}
😓
In which God forsaken crazy alternative universe, a "catch all" block that swallows the exception and does nothing else is even slightly close to the concept of "useful for debug"3 -
Anyone else notice that there is a decent set of super dickbag senior devs that help nothing and use every meeting as a soapbox session? Dafuq? Why be so condescending and rude... For the purpose of feeling intelligent? Us lowly Dev I's don't have any say in the current processes. Fuck off douchewalls.2
-
Who in their right mind would do this / think of this....
Salesforce has the option use their API. Either via SOAP or Rest. At my work we currently use SOAP and I wanted to rewrite that to Rest. Fine, you would say.
Their Rest API uses oAuth, nothing fancy you would think. But those motherfuckers, per default have the option enabled that the refresh tokens you get via the necessary API calls are being marked expired the moment the API gives them to you... Then why the hell give them in the first place.
It took me 2 hours of my life to figure out, why in godsname all my refresh tokens were marked as expired. Fuck you Salesforce, I want those 2 hours back! God fucking damn it... I really fed up with this type of bullshit!! -
You know what makes no sense and sucks?
I call it "metamedia" (whatever dafuq the genre is actually called).
I mean these books/podcasts/movies about how someone did something. Actually more or less it's just a biography of some dude who did something somewhen, called "The <name of dude> principle". And most of them could be just a really long interview in some newspaper. But there is no money in newspapers, right? Better publish it as book and all the other platforms/things used for enjoyment before this storm of biographies started.
Audible is full of these and I do enjoy informing myself about the success of some Elon Musk but at some point its fucken enough.:D -
I have good knowledge frontend/backend web development but i didnt know php cause i heard so much shit about it. I finally made up my mind to learn it.
I fucking hate php
>>> MAMP doesnt fucking work when i installed it
>>> After it finally works, I change the sql password. WHY THE FUCK DO I NEED TO GO TO LIKE 10 FILES AND CHANGE THE GODDAMN PASSWORD IN EACH ONE.
>>> php doesnt work if the <?php tag isnt at the top -> this shit wasnt even mentioned
>>> why the fuck would you use '->' for everything when a simple '.' would suffice.
>>> useless class system (more like a pseudo class system)
>>> foreach ($list as $item) dafuq that is not even correct english, what is wrong in "foreach ($item in $list)"
i hate php10 -
Dafuq is wrong with Android Studio, build error report is useless every time I have error in one of my files I need to run gradle assemble debug manually to know where the fuck is my error
Like now I changed type of a property and as usual build report showed error in Databinding auto generated class instead of pointing to my fragment where the error should be3 -
//long rant ahead!
I need to plan a Wiki with SharePoint for not connected Sites.
Im now in dispute with my CoWorker since 3 Months, this is how the conversation goes. My two bosses are involved in this and also unhappy about SharePoint.
[C refers to CoWorker, M for me]
C: Hey, we finished SharePoint with Selfservice Storage Rooms. They even have a Wiki.
M: Okay cool, will check it out
C: Well we need to also plan the Wiki inside, I already asked our Department Head and he agreed, that you will be the one.
M: Okkkkaaayy, normaly it's your job to do such things, but welp, I will look into it, if we can work with it.
(2 Weeks pass)
M: I checked SharePoint out and tested everything. The Wiki is a Nogo, we need a other solution or programm for ourself a Wiki Integration/Engine. Did you maybe check out Confluence? It has also a SharePoint integration plugin.
C: We wont do Confluence, too expensive (already overspent the budget for SharePoint in six digits 🤬). Also we wont add to SharePoint Custom Code, it needs to stay standard.
M: Thats impossible, SharePoint Wiki is shit and also handels sites just like documents, no brain behind! Also you overspent the Budget and now it's my Problem?!
C: You need to do the best out of it.
(3 weeks passes and we get a meeting with the department heads)
M: Alright I made a UseCase and documented where the essential flaws are in SharePoint Wiki and why we cant use it.
Boss: Ok if it's impossible to use, then we will stay on our Fileserver for Documents and wont use SharePoint.
M: Thats not my Point, my statement is, as status today, SharePoint Wiki is not the right solution, code or buy software to it.
Boss: We will do a Prove of Concept, if it doesnt work then we will aboard it.
M: Well it is only some missing essentials, like hierarchy and Groups for the Pages, Example Confluence has this. If we could built in this features in SharePoint, everything would work out.
C: (angry) I told you that we wont use Confluence!
M: (calm) I said we need Features, not Confluence. Please mind the consent.
(3 weeks passes, and one more meating with bosses)
M: alright here again is a analyses, why already in Theory the current SharePoint Wiki wont work. It's already flawed in the core.
Boss: Yea SharePoint is crap, I checked out confluence and thats a real Wiki.
C: Well I dont know anything about Confluence and never looked at it. But if SharePoint is a fail we need the Proof of Concept.
M: Why do we need to do a Proof of Concept, when it already doesnt work in Theory! Thats nonsence and unlogical.
Next meeting will be in 4 weeks and I will give him the FUCKING PROOF OF CONCEPT. I will be a Bastard and build behind CoWorkers back a Confluence Wiki to show the Departmentheads how to built it right.
I hate CoWorker now, he makes a part of my loved Job a hell, I will goddamn cuk Coworker to space, that fucking Cukatron of lazyness and shit 🤬. I provide the Solutions and you just say no, how dafuq will the project advance, if you always say NO! Are you so unflexible and fixed on your Castle of Ignorancy!5 -
Hi guys, I'm hoping you can help. I've looked everywhere and I've not got a clue what it is.
I lost my back door key (5-pin pin and tumbler lock) the other day, and I can't afford to get a new one right now.
I tried picking it earlier, and I discovered it's got a spring at the back of the plug (which I've never come across). I lined up all the pins but for some reason it's not opening, and I have a feeling it's either got an anti-pick pin or it's to do with that spring.
Has anyone with lock experience got a clue what could be doing this? I'm at a loss.5 -
So I got my stress with unity settled a bit..
But what the fuck are these default coordinates on like every new object in the scene, using 2D?
Shit like (-0.4876651, -0.02003769, 0.0546875) dafuq.:D -
What's the fuzz about stackoverflows homepage?
There is nothing special, as if you've seen all homepages of all forums you visited.^^2 -
Windows 10 Fall Creator Update (1709) is not supporting Samsung SSD 960 Pro M.2 right now.
Always when I try to update it, I get at the start a blue screen with Boot Device not detected. (Error 0xc00000bb)
Thought ok, let's try the update assistens - Nope
Tried to only boot on my M.2 - Nope NOPE
Tried to install upgrade it over a direct Image - Fuck you MoBo, ain't gonna work.
Googled around and everybody with a Samsung 960 Pro have this problem with the update 1709.
Who dafuq test this things at Microsoft? They are forgetting over the bit more expensive customers with a higher end Rigs.
FUCK YOU MICROSOFT AND WINDOWS TOGETHER. Im gonna bury you under water with in a fucking bolder.7 -
So the university computer science lab computers run Oracle Solaris 11.........and we not allowed to use an ide to write out Python scripts ,gonna use nano1
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background-position works relative to its actual size (as in if you scale the background up 2 times, 256px have a whole different position).
like dafuq. how am i supposed to use that with pixels as units?4 -
What does this mean? I genuinely don't understand this job title. Is he doing his sales pitch in python or something?
1 -
Do you think this is a stupid tech stack to create a sleep tracking app? Angular as the frontend and Wordpress rest api as backend. I need to use these for a college project...8
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Got a file with cobol data in it.. Also got thr structure to read it, but what the fuck is COMP-3? Any idea how I can decode this into a human readable format? 🤔😓🤓
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Dafuq? Small people at creatorkit couldn't track me opening their spam and are now RESENDING it because my mac didn't load their spyware trackers in their first email? What even is this?
By the way, this email is about how they're gonna remove the free plan soon & their manipulative gaslighting justifications for that.
4 -
What do you mean by you'll shut down the government?!! The government will go on a fucking strike!!? How the fuck does that work?!! You can't make people pass laws by blackmailing that you'll stop doing your job that's so critical to the country!! You are the fucking president!!
Indian politics and laws are not perfect either... But I can't really imagine a prime minister here pulling shit like this!! Not that if I can't imagine it can't happen... Indian politicians know how to stopping lower and lower! But dafuq is that baffoon of a leader thinking!?6 -
Bullshittery continues. This time around, absolutely innocent, clamav is root cause. For once not incompetent idiot, but piece of software. IDK if that makes me happy or upset.
So our email server that I configured and took care of died. RIP. Damn, better put it back together ASAP. So Im under pressure, while still pissed at everything that I ranted before (actually my last 2 rants were throttled, and in total all of that happened past 60 minutes but devrant rate limiting) I start auditing logs. You imagine, we kindda need it NOW, and it's second time last month clamav is pulling stunts and MTA refuses (properly) to work without antivirus. So pressurized, I look at logs, what the fuck went wrong.
clamav deamonize() failed - cannot allocate memory
Hmm. Intresting, but sounds like bullshit. I know server is quite micro becouse they wanted to save on costs as much as possible, but it has well over half a gig free ram just before it crashes (like 800MB) with that message. Is it allocating almost gig in one call or what? Looked carefully at trusty htop while it was starting, and indeed, suddenly it just dies with quite a bit of ram free, almost as much as it weights already. And I remember booting it up when I was configuring it, and it had fair bit of headroom.
Google, help me friend... Okay, great, so apparently at some point clamav loads virus DB into ram (dafuq?), and than forks, which causes spike of 2x the ram usage, and than immidietely frees it up.
Great, that sounds like great design decision... At least I know, I can just slap on SWAP file, restart it and call it a day.
It worked, swap file is almost empty (used 15megs, 900 megs free ram, whatever).
That leaves me wandering, who figured out to load DB to ram? That means pretty much that clamav will eat a little bit more ram each vir db update, and that milisecond "double ram" spike will confuse innocent people who just wanted to run clamav and it worked last *long period of time* and now crashes without warning without any changes to configuration.
Maybe there is logical explanation, I want to know it.8 -
You build a DaFuqRepository and a DaFuqService, to use the service functionality you need to call the repo first....you do not admit it's a fuckup but makes everything more reusable...dafuq...1
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That font in the new Gmail theme is fucking ugly and makes me blind
Wish we could use something else at work :\
I'm not a fan of mail apps but I guess it is time to use one after that update....6 -
Debugging code that mutates somewhere between returning a response and exiting trough nginx. Dafuq is this madness. It happens seemingly at random.
An async func calls the server that responds in some gibberish madness 1 in 100 times. How am i supposed to debug this! 🤬 -
> Be me
> Fresh out of school
> Do some volunteer work for 1 year before starting to work
> Start work at local hospital
> One day get assigned new task
> "We have this directory where there is a file for every employee who has a key - File contains legal stuff"
> Current naming scheme "MaxMustermann"
> Desired naming scheme "Max Mustermann"
> Task: rename every file.
> 1974 Files
> OHNONONONO.JPG
> Hol up buddy
> A repetetive automatable task?
> I know this
> Im a hackerman
> Let's write a script....
> *SMASHES WINDOWS BUTTON*
> "Python"
> No results
> I could have guessed that
> *SMASHES WINDOWS BUTTON*
> "Java"
> No Java compiler
> OH no
> *SMASHES WINDOWS BUTTON*
> "Powershell"
> "tHe eXEcUTIon oF poWeRsheLL sCriPts Is dIsAbLeD"
> REEEEEEEE
> *SMASHES WINDOWS BUTTON*
> "cmd"
> "YOu dO noT haAV thE rEqUiReD peRmIsSionS To oPeN tHis proGrAm"
> DAFUQ
> Wait this is windows.
> Windows ships with .NET
> *SMASHES WINDOWS BUTTON*
> "csc"
> No results
> OHHELLONO.gif
> mfw I have to rename 1794 files by hand.
( Please send help )7 -
When they say, they want to get the old outdated clunky CMS Zope off their website - and switch to Typo3.3
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After attempting logging into FB Messenger with every browser I have, boy was I surprised when I found out Adblock was causing it to refuse to render with no errors displayed. Why would you block Adblock from an ad-free service !?1
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Oh, how I loved KDE Plasma, but wtf is this? Alt+Tab is not working anymore for a few days now - had to change shortcut to something else. And from today, notifications does not look like Plasma notifications but exactly like in Unity. DAFUQ!
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line 8426345 col 4575 Expected an identifier and instead saw 'catch' (a reserved word).
Now all my promises be:
deleteUser()['catch'](() => {});1 -
you want to build a database dump with bamboo.
the job works, everything is green AF - but there are no build artifacts. you check the buildconfig 5 times and then you realize, there are blanks after the copy pattern of the frak'n build artifact.
dafuq is this..? -
shall we begin the terraform stories?
terraforming things is nice. the vcloud director provider of Terraform is also nice..ish.
for fucks sake, why do folks at VMware release a provider for use in fucking production, that only does support barely a third of all features, including the distributed logical router with all its funkyfuck features? nsx-t is nice, but did you folks remember all of those customers, who do run the old nsx-v?
you've decided that nsx-v shall be put to sleep. okay. fine. nice.
but don't you think, that the version 3.3.ass should support all major resources of your product, including old nsx-v features like the fucking DLR?!
sorry, but a product, that only supports ⅓ of all features, that can be managed in UI, only deserves a RC label at best. calling this a 3.3.ass is bold. you can't even setup a dhcp pool for a defined network. dafuq people..?! (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻2 -
Just talked to a Java dev that develops web apps with SOAP API's about testing. Talked to him about SOAP UI ...He didn't know what SOAP UI was. Is he f*cking trolling me or just a guy with the wrong job? I mean he seriously refused to have ever heard about it. Dafuq?
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