*Builds a web component for a client website*

CLIENT: I don't like it, can I have it a tiny bit over to the right more

ME: Taps the arrow key a few times making it look like I'm doing something.(Which actually does nothing)

Client: 👌Perfect

😂😂😂 Wut 😂😂😂

Client : pls put the disclaimer that the site uses cookies.
Me: but we don't use cookies this is a static page
Client: Still, the pop up makes the site look more professional, kindly add the feature asap
Me: :/

Me: hey look, the time is gone!
Collegue:........?
Me:...... you don't see it? 😅😆
Collegue: no......?
Me: 4:04 🤣
Collegue: *gives death stare*
Me: 😞☹️

Pushed a month of work to production and left the office. Cool guys don't look at explosions

*at my study a year or longer ago*

Classmate: hey linuxxx, could you come take a look? What is this? *points at screen towards some code*
Me: you don't see it?!
Cm: no...?!
Me: you really don't see it?!
Cm: no!!?
Me: no for real, do you *REALLY* not see it?!
Cm: NO! TELL ME ALREADY!
Me: that's a screen 😊
Cm: 😑😠

😅

Customer: how will this heading look in bold?
Me: Hold a sec, I will show you *opens developer tools in chrome and increments font-weight*
Customer: NO NO NO, undo this. I don't want you to mess up my website.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

My dad: Hey Sébastien, I think my computer has a problem, can you look my computer ?
Me: Sure.
*walks in front of the computer*
*looks at the screen*
*go away*
My dad: But, you don't fix it ?
Me: Nope, you just asked me to 'see' your computer
*walks away*

There is no need to ever put your greasy-ass nasty fingers on my screen, it may not look expensive or nice but I don't want to deal with your fingerprints all over it.

I look for a job cuz I want to buy games. Now I have a job I don't have time for games.

01000110 01110101 01101110 01101110 01111001 00100000 01100001 01100110

<person>: What do you do?
<me>: I'm a developer.
<person>: What?
<me>: A computer programmer.
<person>: **blank stare**
<me>: I work with computers.
<person>: Ohhh. You work with computers! There is something wrong with mine, will you look at it for me?
<me>: I don't do hardware.
<person>: **blank stare**
<me>: I don't fix computers.
<person>: What?
<me>: **walks away**

boss: please look into tools that do X.

fullstackchris: Ah, here's a solution we can use!

boss: I don't want to use it because it is too complicated.

fullstackchris: ok, that's fine with me...

[one week later] boss: oh I found this nice site that does X, can we do X?

fullstackchris: YES, THAT'S EXACTLY THE SOLUTION I ALREADY FOUND, *AFTER* YOU ASKED ME TO LOOK FOR A SOLUTION, AND IN THE END YOU DIDN'T WANT TO DO IT. OH HAVE YOU CHANGED YOUR MIND?!?!

F*@#! *%*#

!dev

Don't drink 2 espressos as breakfast and go on a one-hour toiletless train ride.

60 minutes is a long time to frantically debate with yourself what would look weirder: Shitting in your laptop bag, or pressing your butt against the small sliding window.

"and what do you do for a living?"
"I study software engineering and work as a software engineer part time"
"Really? You don't look like it!"
"Excuse me? What do I have to look like?"

The stereotypes are strong in development...

Don't look at my laptop and tell me to close all my tabs. They are mine mine not yours!!!!

I was refactoring the most underneath part of our server code and just found 'getUserGender' method. I think for a second:We don't have this info. Look inside:
return name.endsWith('a')?"female":"male";

😑 it's surprising how much it works in Brazil.

You know what's fucking scary?
If you change a big block of code and it compiles, all tests are passed and you don't even get a warning.
Just wasted 20 Minutes because I tried to look for a mistake

Me: *Working on my game*
Partner: What are you working on?
Me: Just starting out some basic AI
Partner: Why are you writing 'if' and 'switch' so much? Is that what AI can be?
Me: Look away! Don't break the illusion!

I then sat back in my chair and realised AI isn't really that intelligent...

Best thing about devRant is that if I rant here, I don't need to look like a jaded sociopath on Facebook any more. 😉

Manager: Make the page look like Apples.

Me: What is it you like about their page?

Manager: I don't know, it just makes me feel good.

Friend: can you take a look at me code?
Me: sure, it's all shit!
Friend: You didn't even look!?
Me: did you write the code?
Friend: yes...
Me: well, I don't have to look, I can smell ur shitty code!

!rant

So this happened in the zoom meeting today. 2 colleagues were arguing on something.

A : "Do I look like f**king joke to you?"
B : " No, you don't look like a joke , your camera is off. But you sound like one. "
A : "I am so tired of you , f**k you man"
B: " Hey you can't f**k me without my consent, I said I am not interested."

Me : "Uhm guys this is scrum meeting."
B: "No shit captain obvious, we all know that. "

I am so speechless.....

Don't look at my branch...

At the risk of getting people butthurt.
Why do you all have to post linux-installation screens?
*Look at me, I'm installing linux, I'm in the elite, I'm so special*

I'm sorry snowflakes, but you don't see people posting images about installing Windows and being like 'I'm so special'.

For the privacy conscious people under us, take a look at the search engine searx.me.

'but I don't believe it respects privacy when it's not open sour.... ' - it's entirely open source.

You can even install it on your own server!

A mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer, and a programmer are riding in a car.

The car breaks down and coasts to the side of the road.

"Hang on," says the mechanical engineer. "The problem is probably the engine, let me have a look at it and I'll have us on the road again in no time."

"Wait," says the electrical engineer. "The way it just stopped like that, I think it's the electrical system. Let me have a look and I'll get us going again in a minute or two."

"Hold on," says the computer engineer. "Why don't we all just get out of the car and get in again, and then see if it starts?"

Alternate punchlines:

"Why don't we open and close all the windows, and then see if it starts?"

"Why don't we remove parts from the engine until it starts successfully?"

first day of new junior.
me : tell me what you know about inheritance
junior : don't look at me, we're very poor, if my parent's die i wont get a single dime

me(in my head) : this is gonna be fun.

QA: Please Look at this Defect.
Me: Okay not a problem!
QA: Thanks
Me: <Starts to look at Defect>
QA: 2 mins later. Do you have an ETA on when it will be fixed?
Me: Not yet, I'm still looking at it.
QA: Do you know what time it can be fixed? I have a deadline.
Me: I don't know what's wrong yet, I can't tell you when it will be fixed if I don't know what's wrong.
QA: Okay. Update Me.
Me: Opens Dev Rant.

Co-worker: I need a proxy to do this task.

Me: Why do you need a proxy?

Co-worker: So all these reviews for the company I'm posting don't look sketchy.

Me: Download the TOR browser.

Co-worker: That's kinda sketchy I don't wanna do that.

So falsifying information about the company is okay, but using a browser to do it anonymously is right out.

F*cking recruiters don't even know the right words to look for matching profiles ...

I think programming is definitely an art. The biggest difference between programming and other artforms like painting is that you don't want the people who look at your code to wonder what you meant with it. Just my 2 cents.

I don't think GitHub expected 1,000k+ on the code frequency graph...
(Look at the scale on the left)

Worst part of being a dev: "we need this done by the end of the week"

Me: "ok what are the specifications?"

PMs: "not sure yet, we have a meeting with the client on Thursday."

Me: "cool, I'll look at it Monday."

Don't come to me with deadlines before you know what I'm building.

Just happened at my internship:
Guy: hey could you come over here for a sec and look at this problem?
me: Sure! *walks to table*
guy: the FTP server isn't working. I added config files etc but nothing!!
me: *does some terminal stuff*
me: uhm.... the ftp server isn't installed......
guy: *poker face*
guy: *poker face*
guy: *poker face*
guy: *plz don't tell anyone face*
guy: could you pls install? *desperate look*

I look at this nowadays so often during office just that I don't quit this fucking job all because of work load and dumbass and asshole manager

Schrödingers WhatsApp, I both have new messages and I don't have new messages up to the point I open it and look.

Thanks for the useful notification!

// Translated: "You might have new messages"

Working hard on a project. Suddenly, my system freezes except for my terminals. I curse, as I really don't want to reboot. I spend 10 minutes that I don't have investigating processes, and then look at my mouse.

It's wireless, and had simply run out of juice.

When my manager asks me if I can fix all the bugs on the board by the weekend: 'look, I have a covenant with God: I don't do miracles, He doesn't code.'

"So, what do you do in life?"

Me : I work on enterprise level mobile, web and server applications. Basically programming and database stuff...

"Sweet! So you can fix my PC right? It's getting slow I don't know why..."

Me : mmm well, ugh... yea kinda, I guess... sure. I could take a look 😑

Something don't look right. 🤔

I'M FUCKING SICK OF HOLDING MY SELF TO DON'T MAKE OTHERS LOOK LIKE STUPID, I DON'T GIVE A FUCK ANYMORE ,NEXT YEAR IS MY TIME TO STAND AND LET PEOPLE KNOW WHO I AM. IF YOU FUCKERS CANT ACKNOWLEDGE THAT EVEN THOUGHT THIS COMPANY'S PRODUCT ISN'T SOFTWARE BUT YOU ARE FUCKING WASTING A GOLDEN RESOURCE ( DEV TEAM ) WITH FUCKING USELESS CRUDS AND USELESS SITES NO ONE FUCKING CARES ABOUT I'M GONNA LEAVE.

I don't have a laptop, stickers look nice on my PC

My relatives: "Can you fix my computer/ipad/etc..."
Me: "Sure why not. I'l take a look when I have the time"
Lesson: Don't be so arrogant.

!Rant
Just told a colleague that I don't own a PC, laptop or tablet for home use. Look on his face was priceless, like he couldn't fathom how I live with nothing more than a low end Android phone. I would have taken a picture but the camera app takes like two minutes to load and shoot.

Visual Studio 2019 is gonna look awesome… even though I don't get why the new "blue" theme will be violet. 🤔

Me: I can't get a grasp on frontend and nice interfaces...

Friend: it's actually quite easy:
Rule 1 -Don't reinvent the wheel..
Rule 2 -That does not look like a wheel.

Made my day :D

Here's a conversation I had at work:

Me: "this project that I've inherited, aside from the UI problems it has, it also has severe code problems that need to be fixed"

Project Manager: "I don't care about the code. The code is not my concern. Don't waste time on it and just make the app look good."

Generally I don't discuss work with family as they just smile and nod.

I start by saying I'm a front end web developer, then simplify to I code websites, then I have to simplify again to say I make the bit you look at.

So now I just say I'm in IT.

If you ever find yourself having serious problem with a bug... relax. Go take a walk around the block for 5-10 minutes, don't think about it, feel the sun on your face, look at girls/guys, whatever.

The answer will come to you automatically.

If that doesn't work, someone you know has adderal.

Don't burn other devs just because you don't like their solution. Discuss empower and stop being a total prick. People should look up to you because they respect you not because you put them down!

'hey honey look what i made! It works!'
- fiance looks, error messages over error messages, program crashes, files disappear, data loss, pure horror

To this day I don't know what happened. I had to restore my project and re-write the last half hour.

Today I uninstalled WhatsApp, I mean I haven't had a look at it in over a month and nobody texts me anways.

Writing this makes me realize how sad this is

I don't want to support Facebook or any data mining company, instead I want to support (free) / open source software like Signal

I don't understand... How can people prefer complicated web pages with fancy design over the simple and effective design of your router configuration page?
I mean, look at it... It's beautiful. If I ever asked as a client to a developer to build me a website, it'd look just like this.

Oh, look. I incorporated yet another programming related metaphor in my writing.

I hope this isn't an automatic rejection when the agent requests a full MS. Most people don't appreciate any of my programming related metaphors for some reason.

Boss: I don't want you spending more than 30 min looking into the problem.

Me: ok

Go back to desk and read or watch some cs training. Maybe related.

Go back to boss.

Me: going to take (over estimate tome) to fix.

Boss: ok.

Go back to desk and fix in less time than estimated.

Look like gold.

Look, KDE Connect. I like you, but you don't have to tell me 8 times in single milisecond that I play a song on Spotify.

Don't be afraid to approach companies that aren't actively hiring. No-one will look negatively at a positive attitude

The more I work here the clearer it gets:
I just fucking can't make websites anymore.
I totally can't work on graphics, I can't transform a PSD into responsive HTML.

I fucking despise CSS, computers having different resolutions, having different browsers, doing mobile, doing iOS/safari which is always something extra.

I'm tired of not getting the appropriate resources and then people asking me why it just doesn't look the same.

BECAUSE IT'S NOT MY FUCKING JOB! I MAKE STUFF WORK, I DON'T MAKE IT LOOK PRETTY, I HATE PRETTY THINGS

Not a software bug but an organisational bug...

Employees holding the door to other people so they can come into a secured building without using their identity badges.

I look like an asshole everytime I refuse to let people I don't know in because most people let them in...

I don't really drink alcohol, but every time I look at my (old) code, it looks like I was drunk when writing it.

Closing 10+ tabs after finding the solution is like flushing the toilet, you don't even look back.

WebVTT: Can I copy your homework?

SubRip (.srt for friends): ehm...ok, just change it up a bit so it doesn't look obvious you copied.

WebVTT: don't worry.

working on back end code makes me feel like the Wizard of Oz.

"Don't look behind that curtain! "

Look, I don't know why, but after sitting around doing nothing, I think he wants to kill me.
Send help.

I mean just look at him, staring right into your soul.

!rant

I got bored at school and I always wondered how a tattoo similar to this would look, it is okay I guess... just don't stare it for too long 😂😂😂

Hello ranters!
Starting my device with this feels good!
How does this look like?

P.S: Image has been designed by some fellow devRanter. I don't remember his/her name probably. Sorry :/ Please feel to mention yourself here.

Let's do photorealism they said,
It'll look beautiful they said,
...
...
...
NO!
Fuck it, we're going with low poly. I'm not rendering one fucking tree, for three god damn hours!
(That's presuming that it doesn't crash during that period)

And yes I know it doesn't actually look that photorealistic, but hey, give me a break I just started. Plus I don't even wanna know how long it would take to render if it was done to look really fancy.

When you don't have money for dev stickers but still want your notebook to look extra fabulous

I want my '+' to freeze at '+1998'. Because that's when I was born and it would look cool. Please don't ruin it guys..

Never be afraid to ask questions and look stupid.
Those who ask questions become smarter.
Those who don't - remain stupid.

Why does bit(128) in PostgreSQL take up 21 bytes of storage?

Met colleague at work

Him: You programmers don't like sleeping at all. You should try to sleep and look fresh like me ... Blah blah blah... (You get the picture)

Me: *just smiles and watch him go*

(But what I really wanted to say)

Me: 'Well you know what, most programmers don't sleep much not because sleep deprivation is fun or we're in some kind of cult where it's some daily ritual. But when they need to send in an update; usually on a feature to make YOUR life easier OR just can't seem get their code to run right, and they keep telling themselves; "5 more minutes", "I have a good feeling about this modification" the minutes add up and before you realize it morning! And that's why some of us look like s*** in the morning'

(And then turn around to leave only to come back really quick like I just remembered something)

Me (again): "And don't think that we enjoy it. At least the ones I know don't. It's simply a fr****** work hazard!"

GUYS I DID IT
AND I ONLY HAD TO LOOK AT THE ARCHWIKI FOR GRUB INSTALLATION
AM I COOL NOW
(going to install to my computer a little later, don't worry i'm not done here)

Hahaha guys I got the HTTP response codes tattooed on my arm so I don't forget them! Aren't I fun and quirky? I'm such a code nerd, oh thanks for the likes, Twitter! Wowowowow i am just SO FUN. Look at my nerdy tattoo!!

I'm OK with C language, but I refuse to learn Shell. My co-workers who use shell don't talk to anyone and look like zombies. Hell no. I don't even know their names after working 2 months together. Fire me.

Having to google something before you rant/comment so you don't look like an idiot

I hate cliched lines in office.

When someone I respect leaves the company I don't say "Good luck for your future. Keep in touch". I shake hands, look them in the eye and say "It's been an honor"

On a birthday I don't say "Happy Birthday". I say "May you grace the cover of Time magazine" or something else related to their aspirations.

Oh look MS-DOS on GitHub?!

Time to run through more code I don't understand and see what I can learn and potentially port :-D

This kind of random stuff happens to me often:

*comes home from going out*
*wants to sleep badly*
Brain: heyyy, why don't we take a look at some vps discounts!!!
Me: please, I want to FUCKING sleep.
Brain: oh come on...
Me: pls don't do this to me..
Brain: But vps discounts...
Me: oh FUCK YOU, I'll go look up some stuff.

My brain can be weird and annoying.

FUCK

Have you ever worked with people that constantly asks you what to do? People who are in the same spot as you, I mean.

- Hey, you should start debugging this while I finish this menu
+ So what's failing?
- I don't know man, but there's a bug
+ But where?
- You should look for it, I'm trying to link this to the controller
+ How can you not know?
- Do you know?
+ Where should I look for it? Here?
- ...
(One crappy solution after) + Here it is, I'm moving to something else
- ...

I don't get the pretentious coders who look down at anyone who uses any GUI over command line or anyone who uses an advanced IDE over Notepad++ or VIM.

We get it, you're hardcore, I don't care, I love code competition.

WTF is this bullshit?!! I set an alarm on my phone for 9:00 and 9:15 just in case... The alarms went off at 10:00 and 10:15, now I am an hour late for work. Just how does that even work?!!! Yeah, time changes but you don't change the fucking alarm Huawei! FFS... I really don't look forward to explaining this...

Also.. devRant on mobile seems to be broken? :( @dfox

Don't you love it when you take a look at a company frontend React code and GraphQL queries and they say you are hacking them? 🤔🤦🏻‍♂🤣

Happened at work a few months ago (I'm new to devRant, that's why I post this now):
"I have bugs!" - "Then fix them..." - "No, come here and have a look, I have bugs!"
He literally had a bunch of very small insects inside of his monitor, don't ask me how they got there.

Do you ever go on YouTube to look something up then like 3 hours later find yourself watching videos on how to train giraffes or something you really don't need to know?

This girl I don't even know much sent me this code. She is not a coder and has never written any code before by the way.

if(true)
{
temp=abhinav;
abhinav= v bad;
v bad= temp;
}

Is this what a modern day love note look like? 🤔🤔

Don't be me. Don't miss an interview because you don't know how timezones work and at least take a look at their website if you're applying for a web dev job.

As a fellow devRant user, what is it you primarily look for in this app ?

0. Some place to rant
1. Dev jokes/memes
2. Observer. devNews.
3. devProjects
4. Here because you don't like being in the presence of people but want to socialise anyway.
5. Finding your partner in life.

*decides to take another look at the Arduino Mega and LCD*
*suddenly realizes that this LCD controller that I bought has a different pinout*

"Alright, let's look at the seller's product page and they better have a pinout for this fucking thing"

*tries to log into AliExpress*
*can't login*

"At this point I don't even know anymore if it's China that fucked up again or whether this is another feature from the Facefucks"
"LOG ME FUCKING IN ALREADY YOU PIECE OF SHIT!!!"

And honestly, if I want to start a project, I want to work on the fucking project. I don't want to have to deal with all this shit instead!!!

Look what I got!
I don't know what do to with it, except for work related stuff.

"why do you like computers more than women" was a question my dad asked me today. that was a fucking curveball lemme tell ya

turns out my dad thinks i'm sexually attracted to computers as i don't flirt with women nor do I date.

I don't have a car, I don't have money, I like an hour from town, I have no charisma and I look like an unevenly-melted candle someone dropped into a bag of shaved 5 o'clock stubble. Of course I don't talk to people IRL.

Time to go pop soon. 🎆🎆🎆

PS : Don't look at download speed, you will get heart attack. 💀

I just want to say that I don't look anything like my avatar. Maybe I looked a bit like that 50 years ago, but now ... nope. So, how about a wrinkly avatar option?

Subject of message: "Important: New feature for all 000webhost users." Thanks, 000webhost, an hour of downtime a day was exactly the feature I wanted to be implemented. P.S. if you have OCD, don't look at how many unread messages I have

PRIVATE - This is private, nothing here. seriously, there is nothing here. Do not click; I'm not kidding. Definitely no... [read more]

When someone wants help with a common error in a group and another person is encouraging him to actually look up the error online, DON'T SPOON FEED HIM WITH A STACKOVERFLOW LINK.

DON'T BE THAT GUY.

Psst, hey .
When you copy that shitty line 8 times, you will end up with nasty bugs later cause the shit will look the same and you won't understand they're getting values from the same variable.
Don't.

Bethesda is full of shit. Starfield somehow needs a super new PC because it alledgedly uses modern SW tech.

Strange point: while a high-end PC with 7800X3D and 4090 makes the performance bearable (though not great), the graphics don't look spectacular. In fact, they look outdated.

No Bethesda, you don't use modern tech. You require modern HW tech to make up somewhat for your shitty engine and incompetent devs.

Website from 2011.
Made from a 2007 template.
The database was in latin1.
The template wasn't even a good one, an adapted hotel booking example for a main page, contact, and news.
There were unused variables and weird functions everywhere.
3 years later and I still don't understand how it managed images. Not that I care to look back.

Look what I found!
I don't know what to do with it.
:/

The more I look into Windows 11 the more I hate it. There's just 1 (one) more thing that's wrong with it every time I look.

It's a security and ethical nightmare. I almost wish I didn't specialize in computer recovery & cybersecurity.

So thankful that my high-end gaming-built PC is apparently "not compatible" with Windows 11. Oh, you don't want to break my computer and ruin my entire life? That's actually a complement, man.

Don't these bloggers realise that popups are our blind spot? As soon as the popup shows, I already hit the close button without having to look at the content of that popup.

This one time at an internship I was getting flamed for not 'coding' valid html5 (me being a backend dude) after some painful hours it was html5 valid... Only to then get flamed on for the text being one pixel off or something... I mean if you want a front end intern then don't look and hire a backend

Workplace starts using slack (or other chat app);

Now you can use channels: now your inbox has inboxes and you don't know where to look.

Now channels support threads: now your inboxes have inboxes have inboxes.

1,000 books on productivity and research show how important deep work is and time boxing your email:
Now your inboxes that have inboxes thst have expect your attention every moment of the day.. And I still don't know where to look.

Look, nano, I love you more than you could imagine but the fact that you make these shortcuts do what they do can fuck off...

CTRL+C = cursor position
CTRL+X = exit nano
CTRL+V = next page

I meant... *Sigh*... I don't fucking know anymore man...

"I got an issue on my pc, can you have a look?"

Sure, I'm afraid I don't know the solution to that, just google xxx and I'm sure there'll be something to fix it

"I don't know how to do that, that's way too complicated. Nevermind I'll take my old pc"

y tho...

That feeling when you get job offers because programming is a mere interest in LinkedIn. I don't even know any advanced languages yet!

Holy fuck I look forward to this career!

Men in plaid: Look like programmers.

Me in plaid: Look like farmer.

I hate fashion. I hate picking out clothing. Where is my easy uniform-thats-not-actually-a-uniform? The men folk don't have to spend brain cells devoted to clothing, if they don't want, and still look sufficiently appropriate. Whereas I'm sitting here on a Friday night, wondering what precautions need to be made before washing a professional shirt which is for some reason bedecked with rhinestones.

spotted a huge bug 2 days before launch. My boss was panicking and he asked. "how long more you need?!" I look at him and almost said "Don't rush art" then I swallow my saliva and said "give me 2 hours" he said ok hurry up.

yea 2 hours after i find out what went wrong

Me: So... do you want a website, right?
Client: Yes!
Me: ...but you don't know how it should look, right?
Client: Ehm... correct.
Me: ...and you don't even know what color should I use?
Client: Exactly!
Me: ...and of course you can't link me a website you like which I can base on.
So now I have to invent something randomly that somehow will be the exact same thing you would like to see. Nice.

I just look at the calendar and notice I have 3 days to do what I was supposed to do in 3 weeks.
Coffee, music and for the love of God don't speak to me

!rant
Going to apply for Remote Development Jobs. Wish me luck guys because I really don't have any qualifications just experience and knowledge. As you know some recruiters look for qualifications as well.

Look, I don't really mind much whether you use tabs or spaces. But for FUCK'S sake, for the LOVE OF FUCK:

IF YOU USE TABS, DON'T TRY TO LINE UP PARTS OF YOUR CODE WITH SOMETHING ON THE LINE ABOVE BECAUSE IT WILL GO TO SHIT WHEN SOMEONE ELSE HAS A DIFFERENT TAB WIDTH SETTING.

YOU DRIBBLING FUCKPUPPET.

Do you guys think that in terms of a design, we're in a refresh loop?

Like, I don't think the goal of a design is to be user friendly and optimal for all human eyes. There's a million ways sideways to achieve that.

I think the real thing most designers go for is to just make something look "new". And every few years that needs to be redone. Forever. In an infinite loop.

Fuck actual usability, thought-out layouts, contrast rules, what-the-fuck ever. 99% of the goal is to make it look "modern"

Woke up, took a shower, realized it was 2 AM in the morning...

Luckily my hair wasn't wet yet, how can I be so sleepy that I don't even look at the time

Good boss: "Oh you're sick? don't worry about work, get some rest!"
My boss: "Oh, I was sick too last week. still managed to put a few hours of work in."

Good boss: "Look, your progress is a bit slow considering you're with us for 3 months now."
My boss: "Look, your progress is a bit slow considering you've been with us for 3 weeks now."

This is the front end but don't look at the backend ok? 😂

> Run 'All Tests' with Coverage

No tests failing
Coverage >95%

Hell yeah! I've tasted TDD and I don't want to look back!

I don't know why but every time I look at a clock and it says 20:15 I always think like ohhh it's the current year. I then realize that it's not 2015 anymore. Am I the only one who does this?

Do not wave you phone around during a video interview. Don't turn it upside down. Don't put keep your hand near it -- I am not interested in your finger nails. Don't pace around. Don't look like a YouTuber that has no idea what they are doing on a video conference.

That is all.

!rant
Who in their right mind puts an id on the head tag.

Css? Don't need it.
JavaScript ? Can directly access it anyway

It fucking breaks old browsers your not even giving them a chance to look at least average !

This is for a huge site as well that he got to work on because he is related to the owner .. he's an arrogant prick as well ... Don't know shit bout programming anything

There are two types of people: Doers, and Talkers.

It really annoys me when talkers (who do nothing) ask me to stop doing things because it makes their lack of productivity look bad.

So sorry sweetheart, if you want to look better, just start doing work yourself and then you don't have to worry about my work making you look bad.

Looked into my spam/junk folder and found this. I don't have a C-Panel account, just so you know. I took a look into the link to check it out. It's quite obviously an attempt at phishing. (more screenshots in the comments)

Designer: We need gradients and curved UI elements to make our product look modern.
- Codes over a month to support that.

Client: yeah gradients don't go with our branding and could you remove those curves!
FML

!dev

i made some dice for displaying health, when playing Magic the Gathering.
They're not exactly fair, but you also don't roll them. I ordered the numbers in a way, so whenever you loose or gain health, you don't need to look for the next/previous number, since it's always nearby.

They're made using a resin printer and painted with oil based lacquer.

Go away !!!!
Run as far as you can and don't look back

Boss: The numbers on the report don't look right. Can you check?

Me: <checks> Yep! I verified the numbers against all external data sources and they match perfectly.

Boss: OK well we need to take a deeper look because they don't look right.

Me: ... I don't follow?

Boss: The numbers... don't... feel right.

Don't try and google for answers during a tech interview with cams on. Just... Don't.

You look stupid thinking we don't understand what you're doing, you immediatelly lose our trust and you're wasting precious interview time we could use to ask you questions you could actually answer to boost your score

just... Don't.

It's stupid, pointless and offensive.

Fuck YouTube and their sponsored content!
You can clearly see they get paid to promote certain videos as they pop out of nowhere, regardless of your interests, and no matter how many time you click "I don't like this" or "don't recommend channel".
It can be simple stuff like Warthunder vids (which I don't play and never searched for),
Or complex like the Amber Heard trial - vids that make her look foolish. Feels like Depp dropped some serious cash on YouTube to make him look like a victim! (regardless if he really is or not)
Isn't there a law that sponsored content must be marked as such?

I normally don't post memes, but my god.. just look at it!

I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don't have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills, skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for bugs like you. If you let my program go now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will debug you.

Why the fuck are you making me put in my email to look at a computer desk? I saw an ad and was curious about it and the price, so I clicked the ad. I don't give a shit and don't actually plan to buy anything, just let me look asshats.

Shit like this is why you have an email inbox with 650,087 emails about a fucking privacy policy update.

If you're going to look for junior devs on facebook... make sure you don't try to be funny and write any kind of bullshit-code.. there is a f**king space in the function name! Dude....

Text says:
"Rieke Computersysteme is looking for you!

void send Application () { ... }"

Internship is over. Nothing to rant about. Doing some personal projects to learn with open deadlines. I don't wanna look for a job before Ramadan.

Me: Hits blocking bug in someone else's code. Everyone's busy and stressed, I'll have a look myself. Find the problem, find associated documentation. In a language I don't really know, so pass this to appropriate dev.
Them: It's not a problem for me.
Me: ... Wut?

I don't work there anymore...

I joined in June to work on a project due to release in July. It released in December.

As a rookie programming, I wrote really bad code and didn't understand why. Now, I've improved to where I know bad code, but I continue writing studios horrible solutions. And in the end up refactoring much until I don't have energy to look at my code anymore. This although knowing what I should/shouldn't do. Shame!

Look, normally I don't give a shit how others code, but when the company's style guide is literally just the statement "use eslint", and I have to do code reviews...we will start to have problems.

!rant

University assignment asks to create some encryption harder to break than Caesar Cypher. So I decided to go online and look for some tips on making a somewhat decent algorithm.

Universal answer: don't do it

😶

Well then, night off I guess 😎

Look at dat boi. He's the most poisonous animal known to humankind and he looks like THIS. He don't have to prove anything, you just touch him and you ded.

That's why I only reply to you boubas when I feel like having fun.

---Me coding away---

ESLint: Hey...

ESLint: Hey... don't-

ESLint: No I think-

Me: Not now bro! This is fine, I need to get this done.

---Months later I go back to clean some things up and I look to see what ESLint has to say----

ESLint:

Be yourself, don't make yourself look better (or worse!) than you actually are. Also, I never made a side project in my life and I landed every job I applied for. Don't pretend to be someone you're not.

Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.

"Hi. I just started programming - and I typed things and they don't look right. I think it's something to do with the web browser.... firefox does... and chrome does......"

(It's you)

I don't usually look at the clock in my computer, but when I do, it say 420

So my friend told me that he recommended me to be a new Creative Engineer.
-Oh shit, sweet, what are the requirements?
-I don't really understand that kind of stuff man, just look it up, here' the link
*Hmmm*

-Html,
*ok*
-Css,
*mhmm*
-Javascript
*sure*
etc etc...
and,
Actionscript
...
Excuse me?

Who the FUCK use actionscript nowadays ???

To that nasty animation bug I’m dealing with for a week already...

I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom I can tell you I don't have money, but what I do have are a very particular set of skills. Skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for bugs like you. If you let my project go now that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you, but if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you and I will kill you.

Anyone ever wondered how hard it is to fill feedbacks and performance growth of your own, which the manager will be evaluating..
The situation is so ironic.. u want to write the best about you, but don't want to look like bragging abt yourself in the same time..

Let me tell all of you who don't like big frameworks..
The nice thing about them is that they minimize the amount of SHIT CODE all of you who think you know how to code, but actually don't, write..
And minimizes the amount of headache for the devs who need to then maintain/fix/change your SHIT CODE.

yes...lets put routes 10 dirs deep into the project and let ppl look for it..

My new thing is taking pictures of retro looking ads. It's because I'm an uncreative web developer, and those designs are really easy to steal. Sometimes people look at me like I'm crazy. It's because they don't understand the important work I'm doing, optimizing laziness itself.

When you look back at your shit spaghetti code you only wrote 3 days ago, and you don't know whether to laugh or cry.😆😢

me giving advice to beginners: don't feel bad about your code. as long as it gets the job done, it's good

also me: don't look at my code. it's terrible!

Looking through code, discovered a front end plugin wasn't activating right on a form input. Go look at the code, intern commented it out and wrote a comment saying "This didn't work and I didn't know how to fix it. So I turned it off." If you don't know, then ask. Don't leave it broken and not tell anyone! I am so glad this kid is gone. I really hope he doesn't come back after term.

I don't see the jobs.

-- I added them.

I don't see the "app-name".

-- Well, I have added them via an abbreviation "an".

Why though? That's so confusing. Why would I look for that? Assume I am a new employee. I would not know what it means.

-- You'll get used to it.

I. DON'T. WANT. TO. GET. USED. TO. IT. Why would you waste time by hiding necessary information behind non-saying abbreviation? Clarity counts.

Urgh.

Me: hey look, the time is gone!
Collegue:........?
Me....... you don't see it?😅😆
Collegue: no......?
Me: 4:04 D🤣
Collegue: *gives death stare*
Me:😎

senior "don't do it like this, there are alternatives"

doesn't mention the alternatives

thanks? i can look into implementing it how you want if you'd elaborate the alternatives....

Some of my co-workers are so fucking dumb. Their thought process....

Let's re-run tests that are currently failing over and over until it works

😡

like bitch....fix it then run it! don't just run shit over and over to make yourself look busy.

"Yes, that's possible."

Translation: "I don't want to look like a fucking complete yoghurt, but I have no idea how I even tied my own laces this morning - so god only knows if this is possible"

Sometimes I look at my old code and I wish I could go back in time and punch my self in the face for writing that shit

But then I look at it as I'm actually improving so guess it's ok?

Spent 4 hours fixing callback mess I had in my ReactJs project, making it all as Promise and async hope I don't fuck up this time

Is it just me or are there others who like programming and enjoy the work but just can't do it all day. After 10 hours I don't even want to look at a screen much less code more or read about it.

My presentation looks unappealing (LaTex magic) and apparently due to Adobe stuff, videos on overleaf don't play.

So, I have the choice of moving to another format (google slides of M$ powerpoint) by tomorrow, or switch between the media player and the presentation slides.

Both look... More unappealing than my presentation. 😒🙄😤

Dear client,
Please carefully look at the image size recommendations as it makes your images look like shit. I don't have time to get each image and resize them in Photoshop to make them look decent... I've done my job to constrain the images to make them fit in the box now it's your turn to resize them to fit them in the box correctly

I've been on holiday for almost 2 months now... I don't even know what a sleeping pattern is anymore😭😭

I have school tomorrow... I'll look like a zombie during orientation😂

So my boss wants me to build his portfolio website, and he says to me. "Yeah do whatever you want, just don't make it look like a blog." What does that even mean!? 😨

What I learned:
Don't try to learn by practice. Study the basics by rote, using flash cards. And THEN building on the basics, learn by doing.

If I got anything wrong, I'm gonna look stupid.

Now that I have to use Microsoft Teams chat, I don't find Slack that bad anymore. Teams doesn't support threads, source code is poorly formatted without any syntax highlighting, and emojis look shitty.

So my manager mentioned off hand that we might look at updating our company website to look a little more modern...

Me being me jumped right into action and now that I've finished I remember why I haven't built my personal site.. Fuck static web pages man...

Don't know why I did this, not even happy with it but I think it'll do, CSS and HTML is messy but fuck it, it works...

I look forward to the day that most jobs atleast in the tech industry are remote jobs so that you don't have to spend half the day in traveling and other unnecessary bullshit related to workplaces.

I find interesting article on the internet but can't / don't want to see it right now so i save it in a .txt file with a random name. I never look at it again and, a week later, i delete all txt files cause desktop looks cluttered.

Is this stupid?

I was talking to some people I know that I was looking for a job. My (now) boss overheard that conversation and just told me that I don't need to look any further.

!dev

It's great that people finally start to boycott big tech social media, but I really don't want your brain deprived thought vomit on my mastodon feed.

Guess I'll look into hosting my own instance soonish

Critical Error: Webpage responded with: 404 Upvote button not found
(also happens to rants, not just comments)
(also don't look at the image for too long it's a pretty gross jpeg)

I have a mantra: don't get too attached to the shit you build

That mantra is about to be thoroughly tested - we might be just about to trash one year worth of work coz the 3rd party we were working with doesn't look like they'll be able handle our load

Oh look, I found a mime-type.net/scam/webpage/

And no, they don't have any XSS protection

> be me
> recruiter: *sends a LinkedIn request with a message, I saw your profile, you're quite proficient in javascript and jQuery, do you want to work with us with cutting edge meteorjs stack*
> me : *the fuck ?! I don't even know that library exists, replies anyway for a call*
> me:...okay I'll call before I come in
> me: *quick look on their website which is built on meteorjs, fucking beautiful*
> me: *opens console out of curosity*
> me: holy shit, what the fuck? they're loading jQuery 1.1.2 over HTTP and website is on HTTPS, top of that they are loading jQuery libraries before jQuery.
> me : *reports to the recruiter*
> recruiter: thanks, we'll look into it
> ???
> profit

and I don't plan to work a place like that

I asked the guy to make changes to this file that amount to 2 lines of code, not even, just 2 numbers increased by 1.

2 months later I'm getting all these complaints so I finally go look. 200 lines of code changed! I don't even get it but I sure get to fix it!

Reason to hate my D grade engineering college.

1st lecture of web development.
(Syllabus html,css,PHP)

Expectation : at least teacher will introduce fucking web development technologies.
Reality:
Teacher=> look I don't know anything about PHP so learn from web. I will give you internal marks just submit assignment on time.
😅
Btw it is not story.

Don't look 😂😂😂

I don't care if you're a Senior Developer. You just make me look dumb adjusting to your needs of not normalizing your database queries.

We agreed that a restaurant can have many items, but instead, I get "an item has many restaurants" relationship. Geez.

Just found out its 3 day weekend.
I don't pay attention to those dates much.
Even when I look at the calendar I don't see it.
So its like getting a present I didn't expect.

That moment when js is like: bro wtf are doing? You don't declare variables types here.

then you're like: wtf this is right, it works. until you look at the js console and you grab a cup of bleach.

K.
1. Uni wants me to use Java.
2. I don't like Java, because everything that I am used to, is different.
3. I look up easy things online on shitty websites...
4. C'm on journaldev... Where 's da cookiebanner?

I don't have a job so uhhhh I would suggested don't go dressed like a slob look nice like not to nice but like worthy like a button up shirt blue jeans and combed hair and shoes nice looking one burshed/combed

Look what I found in mall today, they just want to downgrade from Windows 10, I don't see activity, I want to see the partitions, I bet that they have a partition named Promos or something like this. The installer don't have activity.

Joined a new workplace. Lead wants me to research on the available list of certain frameworks.

But they have already built a couple of services using certain frameworks and they don't seem to be having any issues with them.

I asked why look for new ones when you already have stuff that work for you and they're like "It's working - is not a reason to not look for new ones".

I mean WTF? Isn't "Don't try to fix things that are not broken" literally the point?

Non-IT
Can't afford laptop
Want to make an app from scratch by coding , compiling from my Android mobile.
Is it possible??
What would you suggest me?
Which language would be better to start with.
step by step procedure would be helpful.
Do's and don't!!!

Or this attempt look silly/lame?!