How my C programs may as well be written:

#include<stdio.h>
int main() {
printf("Segmentation fault\n");
return 0;
}

Programmer rule #1: Its your fault 99.9% of the time.

Parents:why is my iPad so slow?

Me: It's old (1st gen that came out in 2010)

P:well just clean it up and make it go faster

M:Theres nothing to clean... Theres only a browser app and solitaire....

P: well just fix it so it's faster

M:....... *turns it off and on again*

M: All fixed

Read a lot. Like this standard work

Client: "Can you make this totally dynamic function calling system 100℅ fault-proof?"
Me: "Hell yeah, hold my coffee"

"How do I use a for loop?"

I mean I can't fault them for being open to being taught, but if you're working as a software engineer...and can't use loops...

[This makes me sound really bad at first, please read the whole thing]

Back when I first started freelancing I worked for a client who ran a game server hosting company. My job was to improve their system for updating game servers. This was one of my first clients and I didn't dare to question the fact that he was getting me to work on the production environment as they didn't have a development one setup. I came to regret that decision when out of no where during the first test, files just start deleting. I panicked as one would and tried to stop the webserver it was running on but oh no, he hasn't given me access to any of that. I thought well shit, I might as well see where I fucked up since it was midnight for him and I wasn't able to get a hold of him. I looked at every single line hundreds of times trying to see why it would have started deleting files. I found no cause. Exhausted, (This was 6am by this point) I pretty much passed out. I woke up around 5 hours later with my face on my keyboard (I know you've all done that) only to see a good 30 messages from the client screaming at me. It turns out that during that time every single client's game server had been deleted. Before responding and begging for forgiveness, I decided to take another crack at finding the root of the problem. It wasn't my fault. I had found the cause! It turns out a previous programmer had a script that would run "rm -rf" + (insert file name here) on the old server files, only he had fucked up the line and it would run "rm -rf /". I have never felt more relieved in my life. This script had been disabled by the original programmer but the client had set it to run again so that I could remake the system. Now, I was never told about this specific script as it was for a game they didn't host anymore.
I realise this is getting very long so I'll speed it up a bit.
He didn't want to take the blame and said I added the code and it was all my fault. He told me I could be on live chat support for 3 months at his company or pay $10,000. Out of all of this I had at least made sure to document what I was doing and backup every single file before I touched them which managed to save my ass when it came to him threatening legal action. I showed him my proof which resulted in him trying to guilt trip me to work for him for free as he had lost about 80% of his clients. By this point I had been abused constantly for 4 weeks by this son of a bitch. As I was underage he had said that if we went to court he'd take my parents house and make them live on the street. So how does one respond? A simple "Fuck off you cunt" and a block.

That was over 8 years ago and I haven't heard from him since.

If you've made it this far, congrats, you deserve a cookie!

Not his fault. 😂😂

Confession of the day:
1. I work in release mode
2. I work on the main branch only
3. I test on production

Client calls in and chews me out for being unable to connect to their server.

Long story short their Internet was down.

Pretty sure they still think it's my fault somehow.

When the Sales team fucks up something, they point finger at each other for the blame.

When the Dev Team fucks up something, as a Senior Developer I say to my Boss that we fucked it up no matter whose fault it is and we will fix it up by x time.

When the SysAdmin team fucks. The Dev Team is to blame.

Sorry guys, I got a bit frustrated. All our servers wasn't backed up from last week and the SysAdmin guys are saying it's our fault.

What the fuck is going on? fuck you fuck fuck fuck fuck...

!rant

And so it began.

I made debug duck-chan (with devrant-chan of course lol)

@No-one this is your fault xd

How to talk as a dev to a dev:
1.) Talk normally
2.) Start shouting
3.) Slow down but say it more aggressively
4.) Realise you made a mistake and/or misunderstood something
5.) Explain why it's not your fault
6.) Explain why it's someone elses fault
7.) Repeat

Cybersecurity:
>nothing happens
>I can't believe we pay your useless ass to sit around doing nothing all day!
>something happens
>this is your fault

"let's setup a seedbox quickly to seed Linux iso's!"

-

You can remove that 'quickly' part. My own goddamn fault but fuck this is annoying.

HW issue causing blue screens? Windows' fault.
Driver bug? Windows' fault.
A program crashing? Windows' fault.
"Forced" updates you could've turned off? Windows' fault.
You have no common sense? Windows' fault.
Your girlfriend leaving you? Windows' fault.

Let's blame Windows because I got nothing else to blame.

Not my fault of it doesn't.. Lol

Appreciate how lucky we are. We get to say "It's a bug" instead of "I've made mistakes". Suddenly it's not our fault.

Everyone but me in my team touches the screen. Everyone except for my one co-worker G, she mashes it like the screen is at fault for the code being bad.

Good morning, mornin wood.
Good morning, chirping birds outside the window.
Good morning, handsome guy in the mirror.
Good morning, beautiful machine of mine.
Now where were we last night.
Hmpph
😒😒😒 morning segfault

Hit the hardware when it's the software's fault✔️

!dev

lol I keep getting in trouble over people taking secondhand-offense, and managers keep bringing up the same instances like I’m somehow at fault.

Look, if Alice says something to Bob, and Carol hears it and gets offended on Bob’s behalf, but Bob doesn’t? Carol should jump off a bridge.

Guys, I think it's time to fight back!

Whenever a client ask you about IE9 support, tell him to find someone else, because noone the fuck uses IE9 and if someone somehow does, then it's his fault!

Then he will search for other dev, but if we all do so, we can forget about supporting stupid old shit again!

It's all our fault.

Things I have learned:

-NEVER trust a group of people not to reply all to a large email
-NEVER trust a group of people not to reply to a group text

Screenshot is from yesterday, and violates my second lesson learned (Not my group text, not my fault)

Segmentation fault core dumped

I laughed : "Yesterday I farted at the Apple Store... but sorry, it is not my fault, they don't have Windows..."

So our robotics team just got some code ready and our robots servos are reading hardware fault. Fml

Haha I know your secret now computers. now it's time to expose your secret so nobody has to deal with slowness

Fail to setup a printer on Windows and it's Microsoft's fault.
Fail to setup a printer on Linux and it's the user's fault.

I HATE when a request for a change or a new feature comes like a bug feedback, as if it's your fault

"I clicked this, but this behavior that we didn't agree on didn't happen!! Fix it!"

😡

Programmer one-line horror stories? A few off the top of my head:

Segmentation fault (core dumped)

'Undefined' is not a function

Unit test failed: expected '0' but got '-1'

Connection to 'localhost:8080' has been lost

Malformed JSON string at col: 46,372. Expected '}'

Developers dilemma

If I make something and someone else uses it and it breaks, its my fault.
If someone else makes something and I use it and it breaks, its my fault.

The client said meeting was Monday at 9:30AM. My fault was forgetting to ask what Monday of the year it was. It's already past 11AM and still no sign of them. smh

Me @ people having code trouble : haha, relax! It's not the code's fault nor computers, it just does what you tell it to.

Me @ code giving me trouble : I fucking know code has ancestry and you bring dishonor to yours, fucknuckle.

Facebook from another perspective. Apparently hundreds of 15TB nodes die there every friggin day, and yet no single post is erased 🤔

Worst part of being a dev is the expectation to work whenever / wherever and ultimately cover your bosses ass when they set a ridiculous deadline without consulting you. But if you miss the deadline it's your fault, right.

PM ordered me to not use encryption for customer authentication links because we want to be able so send same link if the user loose it. "we have to prioritize usability over security". At least I can tell future hackers it's not my fault..

What if you 👉🏻🤔
Wanted to go to heaven 😳👼
But god said 🗣👀

Segmentation fault (core dumped) 😭😤📉

*boss spends £30000 pounds on an outside team to do, essentially, nothing* "You developers just don't understand business, we need to get products out the door not waste time building them properly. You're wasting company resources, we're out of money and it's your fault". Cool....

Writes code in C
Terminal: Seg fault
Rewrites code
Terminal: Seg fault
Rewrites again, opens gdb:
Seg fault

"I should open a brewery, I like beer. I've always wanted to make beer, it's analogic for the most part. No seg faults, can you believe that? Perhaps even a pub next to the brewery..."

"Oh, I was doing one extra iteration in a for loop. Nevermind"

Why do people always think the following:

When something goes wrong on windows its the fault of windows.
When something goes wrong on linux its probably a misconfiguration.

Most of the time things that go wrong on windows are misconfigurations or faulty software.

some students at their CCNA prep course asked me for help to find the wiring fault.

Finally program running perfectly 👍
But wait.... Lets add another feature...
New feature needs updated matplotlib...
Update matplotlib😒
Lost support with numpy😫🤔
Updated numpy 😫
Run program again...
Core dumped (segmentation fault)😶😶
Time to leave this planet

Linux desktop fanboys: proprietary hardware support is a huge issue in all major Linux distros. It is the fault of the hardware companies.

Also Linux desktop fanboys: hardware issues are the fault of the beginner/novice end user.

Windows/mac users: *installs any component they want and has it work flawlessly without even having to read a single word from the manual*

Rant *r = new Rant(jobs.atEnd());
r->send();

Segmentation fault. Core dumped.

I swear, the next person that unplugs my computer while I am doing work IS GETTING HIT OVER THE HEAD WITH MY KEYBOARD.
To even think that you would argue and say it is my fault for not moving when this is the first time that this has happened is absolutely fucking absurd and abhorrent.

'Yay!! My program runs and is giving expected output.'

** Professor gives large input file **

Segmentation fault (core dumped)

'FML'

(My story in every algorithms lab)

I took good care of it .. it's all your fault 🙄

Clients always add up:
- The time it took you to create the project.
- Enhancement times.

Client: "How are we still working on this a year later?"

Me: "Well motherfucker, you requested a change recently. It has nothing to do with the original request, nor the last 39 updates."

Like it's my fucking fault you keep changing your mind.

DevOps is like working in sanitation. If everything works as it should, no one cares about you. But if there is a problem, everyone is up to their eyeballs in shit, and it is your fault.
Same as IT btw.

Nope, it's not your fault. It's the compiler :)

*problem*
Who's fault is it?

A) your fault

B) your fault

Worst thing I've seen a Dev do? Blame others even if it shows in the git blame that it is his fault 😂 no equality, ego and hard headed. Wants to show every one that he's always right 😂 well good luck with karma. What an attitude lol

So working on the Android for work, and go to add in images for parts of the app. I add in images and load the app up and it crashes, I thought hmm maybe I missed something for the imageview.

The exception was an out of memory exception and from looks of it, it exceeded my phone memory by quite a bit (OnePlus 3 has 8gb LOL), I was stumped since I don't typically run into this.

Turns out this time around it wasn't my fault lol, I had some images outsourced to a company our company uses for doing design work and well Android doesn't like 2000 x 2000 super high quality for logos.

I mean sure it's good it's high quality but to have 3 images eat up a lot of memory (I assume my phone won't allocate all 8gb to one app lol).

My gf (she is a dev too) gets mad at me, cause i ask for her help and it usually ends up as plain rubberducking...

Not my fault!

Online team meeting at 9:30 am, I wake up at 9:25 am

Wake up. Meeting was moved at 9:00 am and renamed to "CRITICAL". It's been 45 minutes and I still don't know what broke, but I'm too scared to ask.

Who's at fault for the recent Wanna Cry virus: The companies affected or Microsoft/NSA?

Personally, I think it's the companies affected. This is what happens when you try and be cheap when it comes to cyber security​.

I was getting a segmentation fault and was very confused and had no idea why and the first thing I changed fixed it totally so that was great

Segmentation fault

when devRant users are currently at war and it is mostly your fault

I regret that I didn't start learning to code before I went to university and that I never had Computer Science/Programming classes before in school (which is not really my fault but I always wished for this)

- I say the project is shit and it'll be hell for everyone involved
- Management says we'll do it anyway
- Project keeps being hell for everyone involved
- Management reprimands the team for letting hell consume us
- I (again) point out the project is hell itself
- Management maintains it's our fault
- I am Tired™️

My Sunday Morning until afternoon. FML. So I was experiencing nightly reboots of my home server for three days now. Always at 3:12am strange thing. Sunday morning (10am ca) I thought I'd investigate because the reboots affected my backups as well. All the logs and the security mails said was that some processes received signal 11. Strange. Checked the periodics tasks and executed every task manually. Nothing special. Strange. Checked smart status for all disks. Two disks where having CRC errors. Not many but a couple. Oh well. Changing sata cables again 🙄. But those CRC errors cannot be the reason for the reboots at precisely the same time each night. I noticed that all my zpools got scrubbed except my root-pool which hasn't been scrubbed since the error first occured. Well, let's do it by hand: zpool scrub zroot....Freeze. dafuq. Walked over to the server and resetted. Waited 10 minutes. System not up yet. Fuuu...that was when I first guessed that Sunday won't be that sunny after all. Connected monitor. Reset. Black screen?!?! Disconnected all disks aso. Reset. Black screen. Oh c'moooon! CMOS reset. Black screen. Sigh. CMOS reset with a 5 minute battery removal. And new sata cable just in cable. Yes, boots again. Mood lightened... Now the system segfaults when importing zroot. Good damnit. Pulled out the FreeBSD bootstick. zpool import -R /tmp zroot...segfault. reboot. Read-only zroot import. Manually triggering checksum test with the zdb command. "Invalid blckptr type". Deep breath now. Destroyed pool, recreated it. Zfs send/recv from backup. Some more config. Reboot. Boots yeah ... Doesn't find files??? Reboot. Other error? Undefined symbols???? Now I need another coffee. Maybe I did something wrong during recovery? Not very likely but let's do it again...recover-recover. different but same horrible errors. What in the name...? Pulled out a really old disk. Put it in, boots fine. So it must be the disks. Walked around the house and searched for some new disks for a new 2 disk zfs root mirror to replace the obviously broken disks. Found some new ones even. Recovery boot, minimal FreeBSD Install for bootloader aso. Deleted and recreated zroot, zfs send/recv from backup. Set bootfs attribute, reboot........
It works again. Fuckit, now it is 6pm, I still haven't showered. Put both disks through extensive tests and checked every single block. These disks aren't faulty. But for some reason they froze my system in a way so that I had to reset my BIOS and they had really low level data errors....? I Wonder if those disks have a firmware problem? So that was most of my Sunday. Nice, isn't it? But hey: calm sea won't make a good sailor, right?

Yesterday Australia Melbourne Metro train had computer fault. Train stopped, door cannot open. What caused it? Someone pushed a bug to the production? Tell me pls

<<< prank victim today.

Swapped font so it would not display special characters and changed characters in my unit tests here and there...

Took me 40mins with headphones on, before the thought that I'm not at fault occurred...

Once you forget to lock your machine when going lunch..

Sometimes I wish I had a manager to rant about.
Not having a manager means the whole fault is mine :(

What management does even when it’s not your fault...

Step 1: create genius-level Excel spreadsheet
Step 2: wait 7-10 days
Step 3: realise you're an idiot for not documenting what all your genius code does so it will take just as long to unpick it as to start from scratch
Step 4: complain on devrant even though it's your own fault
:(

Oh look, you aren't doing shit. You have 2 weeks worth of testing to complete and you are checking out stories on the Yahoo front page.

Useless. Completely incompetent. Idiot. Imbecile. Moron. Stupid. How dense? Let me count the ways...

Do you know anything?! You use big words to sound important and look like you know your shit. In reality, you have no clue!

How you have managed to capture this job is baffling to me. It shows there is much work to be done to filter out toxic, incompetent people like you. Otherwise, the industry will be plagued with a terrible fear of sub-par employees.

Your lack of common decency for the office space is appalling. Your attitude and "can do no wrong" personality is disgusting. And the cherry on top? It is impossible for you to admit mistakes and take ownership for your actions. You can be inexperienced, stressed out, or even make a mistake once in a while. Yet, the moment you DO fuck up and act like nothing was your fault, that most of it was MY fault, or the TEST environment's fault, or the other team's fault, a lack of resources, a lack of time, ANYTHING but your own damn incompetence, you are dead to me.

You are, by far, the worst co-worker I have ever had.

Member *newUser = devrant->members.addUser("KiKoS",20,single);
newUser->newRant.sayHello();

Output: KiKoS: Hello Everyone^*}₩×`₩[`[+₩$#~¤|♡♡
Segmentation Fault
Segmentation Fault
Segmentation Fault

Notepad allows only 2 steps for UNDO. 😢
Lost 18 links : (

Don't think I need to "read below" to see the fault...

*Compiled successfully on the first try

Me: Expecting SEG FAULT.

*No SEG FAULT

Me: Expecting logical error.

*Runs fine

Me: Aliens hacked my mind.

It seems Microsoft have taken my critique of Azure last week to heart. Last week, I insinuated that perhaps hometime on Friday was an inconvenient time of day for major downtime.

This week they've rectified their previous fault, and in their great mercy have decided to take down service at the busiest time of the day on Thursday instead.

Today’s lesson in C programming:

DON’T use
system( “clear” );
in Mac OS...
Causes seg Fault in ur program when it is perfectly correct...

What happened was... a friend wanted help with C programming and had written this code... but it was getting seg Fault randomly... just random seg Fault when his code was correct...

I pinpointed the seg Fault to a printf statement but the statement was correct...

Off to search the issue I went, found out that flushing problems can occur in printf if u don’t use \n.
This happens randomly. Thought this might b the reason...
Went to a VM running Arch Linux and tested the code there... worked perfectly. No issues whatsoever.

From a distant memory I remembered some people discussing to never use system( “clear” ); since it causes issues.
Thought to remove that line from code, thinking it wouldn’t make any difference.
Well imagine my shock when the code worked fine after remove that freaking line...

M gonna blame this one on Mac OS since arch had no issues with it 😡😡

Now to find alternative to system( “clear” );

Damm it I spent 4-5 hours on this crap!!!!!!

Okay karma, why?!

I made some backup scripts, it should dump our MongoDB every 30 Minutes... Nope I didn't test if there's something in the tar and yes it's my fault but now we needed this backup AND THE ONLY BACKUP SCRIPT WHICH DIDN'T WORK WAS THE ONE WHICH BACKUPS THE DATABASE...

COME OOOOON

COO overcommited features to our client so now we have to do overtime until June so that we can save his ass.

Its his fault, why the fuck are we responsible for his incompetence.

About to enter the snake pit of lawyers for a client call about a late project. Putting on my super suit.

Forced to make web apps made for IE and edge...

Don't you hate it when your testers file an issue under the mobile app project for bugs in the web app, because they happen to be using the web app on their mobile phone browsers and suddenly its the mobile app dev's fault?

Worst issue you got blamed for, but wasn't your fault.

Best story about a dev you know who's angrier than you.

Best time backups saved your ass.

Story about a traumatic dev experience.

I'm sorry for not being updated on undocumented breaking changes. It is totally my fault.

Today I got a segmentation fault in C#.

No pointers. No unmanaged dependencies. Just managed code. Seg fault.

Uhhhh...

The senior dev in my team wants me to convert all the lambda expressions I have written to anonymous inner classes. He says it will increase the code readability.
IT IS NOT MY FAULT THAT YOU CAN'T READ LAMDA EXPRESSIONS!!!!

It's like the dev has something against the new features of Java8

“It wasn’t my fault!” -person sentenced to 40 years in jail for cyber attacks.

It's both extremely satisfying and extremely rage-inducing when you learn that an update in the framework breaks your once perfectly functional code for no reason.

Especially when said code is from a sample written by the developers themselves.

Thank god there was a hotfix.

Yeah! Have one week to write from scratch a standalone app with an embedded db that I've never worked with in an area that I have close to no knowledge and it's all my fault , wish me luck 🙏

Wasted a bloody hour today wondering why a route was giving weird errors...

Turns out I inadvertently wrote a for ... in ... loop instead of a for ... of ...

It's my bloody fault for being retarded, but I swear this unholy mix of JavaScript and python I'm dealing with is doing bad things to my brain. 😔

Last week I grew 20 gray hairs because the test environment wasn't working properly

Today I discovered that it was all my fault because of a misconfiguration

- Sr said it's firewall's fault.
- I said it's not fw - it's gotta be application's fault.
- He walked away.

That was intense

It's not always your fault, sometimes your code will be perfectly fine and shit still won't work because someone else fucked up. Be careful which libraries you choose to work with.

We'll finally know when non-devs have found out about devRant when we start getting rants such as "Why can't devs understand that I don't know what a browser is? It's not my fault..." etc etc...

My life is a segmentation fault and my core is getting dumped all the time :(

I'm the only developer here. I'm also pretty bad.

I can't handle all this responsibility, every single fuck up will be my fault.

My wallpaper at work

When people keep asking the same kind of questions over and over and you realize it's your fault for always helping them out so they don't learn how to debug on their own.

It's hard to do nothing but in a learning environment it's often the best.

Okay. I understand that responsive emails are hard. But that's just nonsense... -.-'

Though I think it's my mail client's fault, bit still.

Best feeling is when I prove to the client with screenshots, logs, and other materials that it was their damn fault not ours...
Speaking of screenshots... what is your fav screenshot tool? I use Greenshot.

Fuck this day in particular.
Also it's probably my fault.
Oh well...

I FUCKING HATE VISUAL STUDIO BECAUSE IT LITERALLY THINKS I WANT TO UNDO SINCE I PRESSED THE MOTHER FUCKING BACKSPACE KEY
ITS NOT MY KEYBOARDS FAULT ITS LITERAALLY THEIR DUMBASSES NOT KNOWING HOW TO MAKE AN IDE ATA ALL
HOLY SHIT MICROSOFT LEARN HOW TO MAKE BETTER IDES OTHER THAN YOUR SHITTY IDE

I got home from my day job today to work on a side client's project that is due tonight.

Realized I'd left my laptop with all my setup for the project at the office.

Well, can't fault that

4 yrs ago, had a bitch colleague who came to me with a problem she encounter with her code, so I looked at it then asked her "...it worked yesterday-what happened? "
- and she snap at me "...then my fault ?! We figure it out together..."

I went home after that. Reason is :-
1. I didn't touch your code
2. If you wanted me to check my codes and see if it was my fault - then please say so.
3. If you are trying to make your problem my problem, don't snap at me bitch.

back to C after a couple of years. That's way better than I'd expected

Deployed to production two days ago, errors still coming out and ALL of them have been my fault :(

I feel really shitty and I feel like I have no brain, maybe dev is not my career

Any advice to overcome this frustration? I really need to read your advices, guys :(

Why do developers act like it's such a travesty when a non-techie says something wrong or ignorant about tech? It's not like we study computers and programming for a career and therefore know a lot more or anything...
Plus, it's not the non-techie's fault that the schools don't teach computer schools that well.

Call me crazy but honestly, getting a segmentation fault in C/C++ makes my day joyful

Java or Python guys will never understand the feel you get when you end up getting segmentation fault in C/C++

Sitting in midst of nature with beer in hand and segmentation fault on screen.

WOW :) THAT'S WHAT WE CALL LIFE :)

PS: Although sometimes it's frustrating as hell

The feeling of the one error that you’ve been beating yourself over the head for...

And realize it was all your fault in the first place.

From Syntax error in 12th class to Segmentation fault(Core dumped) in college, We all grew up!

I always hated CSS.
Then I realized it's not CSS's fault, it's the fault of the initial developer who wrote the HTML code and CSS classes in a weird way.

BITCH THE APPLICATION WORKS PERFECTLY FINE!!! ITS NOT MY FAULT THE DATA YOU GAVE ME WAS FUCKED UP LIKE YOUR BLOODY FUCKING FACE YOU SHIT HEAD COMPUTER ILLITERATE IN THIS DAY AND AGE SON OF A BITCH

There is some sort of Problem with the CSS of your site... @dhanvi

When fixing high CPU load and unresponsive servers is a simple restart. Ugh...

I can’t say it’s the most painful but it’s one of my recent painful lessons.

So I’m learning C and in my project I was trying to make a copy of a 2D array and I kept getting seg faults up the ass every time I tried to allocate one of the inner arrays and after a long day of debugging I realized that I was trying to allocate memory within an array that doesn’t exist so I had to create the first array then allocate memory for each inner array after.

It's not our fucking fault 🥳🥳🥳

The other team still used an API call so deprecated, that re removed it.

Scenario A:
Your code is working. You run again, now it's not working.

Scenario B:
Works on production. Next day it doesn't.

It is nothing you just experienced alternate universe. You probably with your manager temporarily jumped into another timeline where your code is not working.

Next time it happens tell your manager it's not your fault.

Eureka!

It's amusing how every time something doesn't work with Linux somebody spent a bunch of time customising their OS into oblivion (because well, the whole point of using Linux is the ability to have it your way, d'oh), and it's never their fault for changing everything or using some distro with 0.05% market share, it's the company's fault not providing bulletproof support for their exact setup and not testing everything they put out on every combination of kernel & system software.

Not really Dev advice, but I appreciated it.
"Do your best to take responsibility for everything that happens to you. Even if it's not your fault."
"On the flip side, never apologize for something that isn't your fault. That includes other people's feelings. You're not in control of their emotions."

the worst mistake, really, was crashing our production not once, but twice in two days, and being too much of a newbie to recognize it was my fault it broke because of my code

All devs in the company are booked 120% until late summer. Boss just sold another 6000 hours cloud project to kick off in 2 weeks. I’m the PM, and my colleagues will hate me for this thinking that it’s my fault they have to work their asses off for the next 5 months!

When you're debugging a seemingly stupid bug, which CANNOT be your fault, and you will NEVER learn anything from it.... until you actually solve it, realise that it was so obvious all along, and learn a ton in the process.

*sigh* woke up did a data export for the customer, send it to them then they reply "thanks but it's next weekend we wanted the data export not this one" checked the email and they were correct.

I wish I could declare variables IRL so I wouldn't have to repeat myself 6 times in a row before being acknowledged. Yes, the client left these fields empty, that's why the form returned an error as it should have. No, it's not the code's fault. For once.

Segmentation fault... Nuff said

Spent a good hour wondering why our website is displaying in the wrong language on some phones. Ended up opening an issue on the Chromium tracker.

Dealing with a Salesforce (what else,heh) bug that caused batch payment requests to be fired off at seemingly random intervals. Pretty big consequences to that one.

Of course, the problem is that no-one assumes it's a Salesforce bug, and you have to spend an eternity proving that it's not your fault...

A short bittersweet story.

Ever since I quit my previous job a couple of months and started working as a freelancer, I haven't felt the need to visit devRant.

Everything that's rant worthy is essentially my fault.

This week, they tested my backend and all hell broke lose ON THEIR SIDE. We had an emergency phone call and I proofed that it was not my fault which they even acknowledged.
Today, was a good day.

It's always the developer's fault

I'm rewriting a game from C++ to C just for the purpose of learning and adding more features, however; after I refactored the code, the game broke with a segmentation fault and I have no idea where the memory issue is.

I've been debugging for hours now and I've got nothing. FML

This moment when you try to find the fault in your code for hours which causes an random error and then you restart your dev environment and the error is away.

compile with gcc, ./a.out: "Segmentation fault (core dumped)"

compile with clang, ./a.out: runs and fails.

compile with cc, ./a.out: Alternated between "Error: Too many arguments" and "Segmentation fault"...

ffs I'm done for the week I guess.
The problem is not that it fails, the problem is that it alternates because of time of compilation, power consumption, random blody oracles or the phase of the moon in a leap year on a Friday the 13th. God.Please.Send.~Nudes~. Help.

Consecutive day number 3 of "What random dumb shit is Xcode going to pull on me today?"
today it doesn't like the ".storyboard" extension name that it created itself automatically. So that's my fault again I suppose?

when the boss is blaming the programmers but they manage ton convince him it's the hardware's fault.

I just got my first Seg Fault!

I thought I was safe in Node JS, but clearly not xD

Second fecking time since January, I thought these things were meant to be "low maintenance"! (Though in fairness this time is sort of my fault, I may have accidentally edited the MacOS Python files instead of the downloaded ones)

> Be me
> Programming for an embedded system
> It's not interruptable
> Got ISR Fault (Interrupt Service Register)
> WTF
> Breakpoints are useless
> WTF
> Comment out some lines
> Turns out it goes ISRF Infinite Loop because of the multi dimensional array of strings
> WTF
> Use pointer intead of defining actual size
> Works
> WTF

WTF?

lol nvidia-bug-report.sh

it collected an xorg log that is not the current one.

For some reason, my arch openbox logs to $HOME/.local/share/xorg/Xorg.0.log.

What a goddamn trainwreck. I'm not necessarily saying it's nvidia's fault. But it is a trainwreck.

Segmentation fault ;__;

Bitbucket full of dicks!!!

Dude just pushed merge conflict comments!!! At first he was like I did not do it, so I was like git blame bitch! Now he is like it wasn't my fault so what I used force push!

Well that was it I will leave this unholy company!

I think this company expects me to do maintenance on this app I built them for free 🙄 not happening you wanted it public that's sign off for the final product not my fault

Your app has been removed from Google Play due to a policy violation.

Wankers*

*I know this is my fault for breaching the policy and I've fixed it now but still, wankers.

I don't know who was the fucking moron who decided how much detail should go in the classic "Segmentation fault (core dumped)" message, but they should be kidnapped and tortured. And no one should tell them why they're getting kidnapped and tortured. Just let the fucker guess.

I ran a program with pointers without getting a seg fault. I am the chosen one.

No, the language is not stupid :) No, it is not a problem of the language, it's just the fact that you don't really understand how to use it properly :) i think this is something each of us hates to hear while frustated but needs to hear afterwards, bad design is a posibility tho, but 99.999% of the cases is our fault. face it, nd overcome it! and finally, to grow beyond it 😄

<<edited with my potato phone's standard image editor>>

If the website layout is all broken and looks bad - it’s your fault. You can’t claim “I’m not a visual designer.” No one cares about how slick your MVC style is.

Does the light of your laptop destroy your sleep ?
Mine REALLY does :/

Been suffering of insomnia for more than 4 months and the therapist said it's either self depression or anxiety !
Now I know : It's all my laptop's blue shade fault !!

Having a day where everything is your fault

Spent the whole day trying to refactor a program that consumes an API and didn’t work out. Now we have one less day to try to improve the product.

I think the fault was that we were aiming too high by looking at other libraries and we ended up over-complicating it.

After 3 weeks of being interviewed on upwork she replied today and told me

"Sorry, the only reason we cant hire you is because the client wants only EU passport devs"

.....

Is this my fault? How is this my fault? EVERY FUCKING TIME WHEN I TRY TO SUCCEED AT ANYTHING LIFE JUST FORCEFULLY REJECTS ME FROM SUCCEEDING AND IT IS ALWAYS BECAUSE OF THE LUCK THAT I DONT HAVE. HOW IS IT MY FAULT FOR BEING BORN IN A GARBAGE BULLSHIT PIECE OF SHIT COUNTRY AND IMMEDIATELY HAVE HUGE DISADVANTAGE IN LIFE? HOW IS THAT FUCKING FAIR??? WHY DO YOU GIVE A FUCK FROM POLITICAL REGIONS WHERE I AM BORN IF I CAN DO THE DEV JOB RIGHT????? WHST RHE FUCK IS THIS FUCKING LOW LIFE ABOUT IF I ***NEED*** LUCK TO BECOME SUCCESSFUL. NO MATTER HOW SKILLED OR HARD YOU TRY YOU WILL ALWAYS APPARENTLY FAIL IF YOU ARE MISSING ***LUCK***

My sleep cycles been reversed ! I am unable sleep all night, and end up sleeping throughout the day.

I never knew that debug symbols, a core dump and gdb would be so powerful to debug

The command line is peak ol' reliable

This place sucks. What happened? (Fuck you rutee, it is probably your fault, bald cunt).

Now it's my fault that the software is no working, when some partners never notified me they changed some code affecting my area, WTH they don't tell they are changing sensible functions to me to prepare the compatibility🤯😒

It was my fault and I was blaming someone else (In my head). I apologize for my stupidity 😔

I wasn't with this company pre-pandemic. The people that were with the company had no idea that they wouldn't be with the company when the pandemic hit, so everything was sort of in a half state when my team was formed and picked it up 2 years later. Not their fault, I get it.

Well...mostly not their fault. Never in the history of good ideas, did anyone ever say "Hey, we should have these 15 variables named Object{number}!" Yes, 15 of them. And they are set `Object3 = object3Variable`. I wish I could make this up, but I can't, and it makes me sad.

Fuck you aws.
I forgot to stop extra ec2 and you changed 500 bucks.
Although it is my fault, still aws didn't notify me even after i had set up budget.
Fucking jeff bezos

We're having a training session on how to speak with clients because we're getting feedback that we seen annoyed in our emails.

Probably my fault, not that I mean for that to bleed through into my replies

Every time a Segmentation fault is occuring because of a forgotten "return" or "break" I lose one week of life. Almost out of life right here.

When I'm talking to the server administrator from my company about coding and he can't hear about protecting the code against idiots... It's like, if a client fucks the database its their fault... First rule I learned in school, users are dumb as fuck

aaaaaAAAAaAh segmentation faults are horrible cause its a runtime error and it wont show u where u went wrong
ive been stuck for a few days with seg faults and i just realized i havent allocated space uuuuggghh its so dumb. a simple mistake of not putting malloc() can make u go crazy for a few days

So I was messing around in unity, as you do. And I made an explosion mechanic platformer. The scripts were all working well. I saved it for the day.
The next day I booted unity and my scripts were gone, and the scene switcher won't work.
So I mean, partly my fault. Partly google drive's fault and partly unity's fault.

Tested out parcel.js as webpack replacement and wasted 3 hours because of a missing sourcemap reference at the end of the bundled file. It was not parcels fault, but dear author of parcel-vue-plugin never again override one of parcels core file you fucker or i'll chop of your genitals with a rusty knife.

That moment when you build your app around a clients development API only to find out their production API responds about 8x slower... I'm sorry, it's not my fault your API server takes 4000 ms for a SIMPLE response. My app isn't the problem. Fix your shit.

Humility. If my code fails, it's always my fault, never the machine's.

Manager changes major feature in spec 3 days from deployment. Says "this kind of thing happens, not my fault"

That doesn't fucking help.

The overwhelming code smell when you finally got a chance to do a quarterly project-level code review as a team lead.

It's my fault for feeling like they are teaming up against me, and I don't know how to fix it.

And this early Friday leave from work is brought to you by Microsoft.

(I did triggered the first one, but I forgot my laptop had a pending update so it's not totally windows fault)

When ever I need to get a passing build quickly...

Was asked to setup a stream from OBS to GoToWebinar.

Just found out OBS supports LoveCams.com but doesn't support GoToWebinar...

Idk if its OBSes fault, GoToWebinars fault, or someone elses fault but I think it's funny that it would be easier for me to stream to lovecams and ask our attendees to watch there

The weather is so hot that I can use it as an excuse for the slowness of my brain melted software

Cool these chips better, not my fault

You know I really hate uncommented legacy code especially when it was written by the PM himself years before and will never admit fault with this God awful unholy hell spawn

Someone in the office(to someone else)- This thing broke yesterday in production. I think this was the problem.
My anxiety- oh that must be something related to what I did. Probably it's my fault, even though I haven't yet pushed anything that's released in production.

Lol. Had an exam in college a few weeks ago which involved designing a website on expression web. The Dr responsible for the subject dropped my file and gave me a 0 as a grade and said : "well it's not my fault I lost your file." I laughed so hard XD. Still has a 0 though Lmao.

That moment when you realize that the bug (my fault, oc) was a struct declared just outside a function instead of inside it... And it "only" took you >4h of GDB and valgrind.
I really C/GTK+ when it comes to debug it...

When shit breaks and you don't know whether to be depressed because it may be your fault or mad because poor decisions and seniors refusing to offer help may have made the problem worse. It's a fun Friday.

😣

Segmentation fault: core dumped

Segmentation fault: core dumped

the word bug has lost all meaning to me because all issues in the repo are labelled "bug"

That being said, the best bugs I fix are the ones where i can say its IEs fault and theres nothing i can do so i dont have to do anything because IE will never be updated

Pfft easy: Segmentation Fault.

1 year in a project thought for 3 month, really, my boss needs to stop this client a little bit

I know there are a lot of “devs” out there who only feel responsible for the ‘code’ - but you aren’t.

You’re responsible for the end product too.

When you help build a steaming pile of shit - it’s your fucking fault. It’s not the boss’s fault - it’s everyone who let it happen’s fault.

These hell-holes like Kaiser Permanente and Covered California - and nearly all the government portals and the banks... and almost everything I can think of - are way past unacceptable. You are hurting everyone.

If you are putting these pieces of trash into the word: you need to rethink your life. If there is a hell, you are going there.

Wake the fuck up.

You’re going to have to use these things when you are older. Your kids will have to use them. Your parents will have to use them.

Set an example. Stop making horrible things that don’t work and hurt people.

Today.

Start changing - today.

That feeling when you’re writing in C and it takes you hours to realize the reason you’re seg faulting is that you neglected a couple of null checks. *facepalm*

Oh look my website's stopped spitting out errors on every page load and I didn't even touch it!

I guess this confirms that it was my webhost's fault.

Ha.

Segmentation fault
Core dumbed

I could write a book on this (and I am) but long story short: contracts people that have no tech know how, don't get tech inputs, then get mad and convince managers it's all the tech people's fault when the contract bombs.

‪-What movie would Java, Scala & Kotlin watch together?‬
‪-The Fault in Our JVM‬

You know it's kinda your fault when your CSS works properly in Internet Explorer and Firefox, but doesn't in Chrome or (non-Chromium) Edge.

However:
Spec says text-align doesn't apply to inline elements, but both Internet Explorer and Firefox seem to disregard that spec and do it anyway. What the fuck?

Avoid Lenovo laptops at all costs.

Our fleet of Lenovo laptops fault so often for such simple manufacturing/design defects that I have to wonder how Lenovo make any profit considering the amount of warranty claims we make.

Name a class with your ex girlfriend's name. whenever there is an error it's all her fault

!Question.

Why Web Designs are all the same ? Is it Bootstrap & Cie's fault or the Web Designers one ?