My college:
*buys thousands of iMac for students
*runs Windows on it
*compatibility issues

Fts

Oh God, When your boss is reviewing your code and he pauses to take some meds.

client: We need a system that will monitor the items from warehouse X from a distant location

us: Okay then first, we need to setup a server for that. So, we need a downpayment for labor.

client: I'll pay you when the system is done. 100%.

us: ...

we don't shit money to handle the costs given that we're still starting out our business. Fts.

Me : *writes code and feel good about the result and quality *
Code reviewer : Dafuq is this shit

A motto for programmers who wanna think out of the box:

1. Fuck the system
2. Elevate
3. And fuck the rest 😉

But have mf's ever seen the rsod...?!

Who the fuck writes a 200 line method with 52 if/else statements, 3 try-catches, 6 loops and only 1 comment saying //Array of system records. No dipshit I thought that was a Fucking interface. What happened to the whole keep it simple notion?!

Strugs be real af.

Days where some new website is going to production are the worst.

14 hours of pain are finally over. Insanity is close.

FTS.
Finally sleep. Thank you for the overtime, not.

My coleague's story

- before leaving after long day at the office final look at support cases (after official support hours)
- sev1 ticket logged an hour ago, noone called us (although should have; after support hours)
- angry manager calls and demands to get in touch with the client immediately (we're already after support hours, FTS should pick the case, not us)
- we reach out. Customer has business-impacting case
- after initial info gathering: some cert got expired, they got a new one and placed it in the app's directory. The app still does not work
- the first question we ask: "are you sure you have placed it in the right directory?"
- "yes, we are sure. No problems there" - answers a voice with indian accent
- noone finds the root cause for hours.
- It's already 1am
- someone from client's specialists comes up with an idea: "are we sure the cert is in the right place? Let's try to move it to the same directory the old one was in the first place"
- .................................................
- production is working again
- "Why didn't anyone from support suggest this?!?!"
- .................................................
- 2am. Case solved, manager is informed everything's allright now.
- In the morning we get yelled at by the manager bcz we supposedly missed a sev1 ticket and were incompetent during the conf. call

This reminds me why I stay away from support. And why I started hating people. And why I do not work with indians (our ways are too different for me to stay sane and not to kill anyone).

Guess who has 2 thumbs, half a brain and lost his job today...

Me: here is my idea with the code. Does it follow what you had in mind?
Dev lead : this is good...really good but if you could take everything you have here and make it a reusable module that would be great!
Me: so it is or isn't what you had in mind?
Dev lead :: it is but I need you to change it all.
Me....FML

Ah, when you run into a bug that only has 7 google results, and have of them is in Russian for some reason. Gonna be a long day.

Fighting what I call "FTS" (Fuck This Shit) syndrome.

Most of my mistakes or challenges caused to my future self can be attributed to succumbing to FTS.

While everyone in my office watches European Championship, I say fck the system..

If you're reviewing someone's code, do you run/test the code before reviewing the logic? Or do you review logic before running the code?

When my mom asked what would I like to have - sweet corn or Avacado.
I said - Let's document all the possible approaches and setup some time to discuss pros and cons.

Inherited a massive code base today... All JS is still being accessed via global scope... what are modules & modular design even... SOLID and DRY are things that clearly never crossed the devs mind during inception of this beast... and to top it all off all there is a weird BEM / SCSS style going on that somehow manages to confuse the IDE... thus all style helper utilities in the IDE are useless...

*Triggers OAuth request through browser
Returns : success and valid tokens.

*Another project triggers the same process and code.
Returns : well shit nigga, I know I use the same logic as above but fuck you.

Multiple projects on fire. WHY, GOD, WHY?

Sounds like brainfuck...

I'm trying to set value of a kendo js property using value from dB. I would like to do something similar to

template : "#= dataItem.Item1 #"
But I can't use template for what I'm trying to set

God fuckin dammit, I swear to heaven if this bitch ass code returns IO.Exception file is being used blah blah blah even though I'm using filestream and streamwriter. I will lose my shit in this fucking office

Trying to get some Angular 2 tutorials but every one I find is based on an older version of Angular; either Beta or early Release Candidate. Ah well, I think this ship has sailed.

Seriously corp....who the hell thought is was going to be a good idea to try and cram together a Microsoft product with os....wtf. typescript has NO business being used with REACT. Ummm if ts doesn't know what push() is we are all f'ed

Apparently on demand tech support expecially when their wifi is down or computer is being 'bad'

And one more.

When my senior ask me to rebase the PR, which I submitted f*n one month ago.

Where it was f*n important that time.

And your pull rebase ask you to fix the conflicts.

And you realize you need to reapply the changes again on top of the master.

And you have to run the FTs again.

Damn....

Me: I spent some time cleaning up code because our server was crashing every time I called this api I needed for the new feature we are building this sprint.
Scrum master: why are you working on things that were not planned in this sprint
Me: ....