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Tv hacker: I'll write code to hack their security cameras
2 seconds later
Tv hacker: I'm in
Me: go fuck yourself you fucking fuck34 -
So here I am in iceland watching Aurora with my gf, and suddenly I realized somewhere in my code at work I freaking forgot to add 1 to the denominator of a fraction. Shitty shit shit, gonna go back to work finding NaNs everywhere. Fuck fuck fuck
10 -
Updated description!
Fuck Wordpress in the ass with a new kind of cms. Make devs happy with clean code. And Laravel53 -
>Building advertising platform
>Life is good
>Fire up the dev server and open in browser
>No assets
>What the fuck
>Check code and config for like an hour it's all good
>What the fuck
>Try incognito browser, it works.
>What the fuck
>Oh yeah. Adblock. Fuck.4 -
What the fuck student. Why in fuck would you submit a python assignment in word. So that all the formatting you know the stuff that tells python how to run the code all fucks up. How the fuck can I mark this.28
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*can't figure out why code doesn't work for hours*
ugh fuck this.
*angrily leaves for bathroom break*
*come running back*
I KNOW HOW TO FIX IT!!!!6 -
So I was code reviewing this guy's code before merging into the master branch.... and then I FOUND THIS FUCKING CODE, WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What the fuck is this ???
67 -
I found this app by googling "How the fuck do I get my code to compile" after fighting my program for hours5
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Writes code.
Doesn't work as intended.
Debug.
Works as intended.
Tests other scenarios.
Don't work as intended.
Debug.
Works as intended in scenarios.
Scenario 1 fails.
Stares at code.
Staring doesn't work as intended.
Fuck...7 -
This is my message to that particular developer of Microsoft who made a change in the Win32 API but was too lazy to update the MSDN doc:
FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU. You wasted 3 days of mine and I had to find your fucking change by looking into the source code.6 -
Currently on an internship, PHP mostly, little bit of Python and the usual web stuff, and I just had the BEST FUCKING DAY EVER.
Wake up and find out I'm out of coffee, oh boy here we go.
Bus leaves 10 minutes late, great gonna miss my train.
Trains just don't wanna ride today, back in a bus I go, what's normally a 10 minute train travel is now a 90 minute bus ride.
Arrive at internship, coffee machine is broke, non problem, I'll just lose it slowly.
NOW HERE COMES THE FUCKING GOOD PART!!
Alright, so I'm working on a CMS that can be used just about on any device you want, mobile or desktop, it's huge, billion's of rows of scientific data. Very specific requirements and low error margins. Now, yesterday I was really enjoying myself here until today, Project manager walks in, comes to my desk and hands me a Samsung Gear S3, an Apple watch and some cheap knockoff. He tells me that before the Friday deploy, THE ENTIRE CMS SHOULD WORK ON THOSE WATCHES!
I mean, don't get me wrong, I like a challenge but it's just not right, I mean, I'm still not sure what the right way to handle tables on phones is, but smart watches, just no. Besides that, I've never worked with any Apple devices, let alone WatchOs, nor have I worked with Android Wear.
Also, Project Manager is a total dickhead, he's the kinda guy that prefers a light theme, doesn't clean up his code, writes 0 documentation for an API, 1 space = tab, pure horror.
So after almost flipping my desk, I just called my school coach to announce I'm leaving this internship. After a brief explanation he decides to come over, and guess what, according to the Project Manager I wasn't supposed to do that, I was supposed to test if it would be possible.
FUCKING ASSFUCKFACE9 -
Fucktards sending me screenshot of their code to debug why the fuck can't you maintain a git repository.5
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ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME. I SPEND HOURS INVESTIGATING INCOMING & OUTGOING DATA. I CHECKED ALL THE CODE, I EVEN TEAMVIEWED A CUSTOMER WHICH WAS HAVING SOME ISSUES WITH MY APP.
TURNS OUT I FORGOT A FUCKING '/' IN MY FUCKING CODE. WHICH MEANS THE HOLE GODDAMN API URL MAKES NO SENSE.
WHY THE FUCK DO I ALWAYS OVERCOMPLICATE SHIT LIKE THIS.
FUCK2 -
--- Linux wants some hugs, and everyone gives a hug about it! ---
After the CoC controversy revolving around the Linux Kernel project, a change introduced by the CoC is being put into practice:
Jarkko Sakkinen, from Intel, started replacing words comments containing "fuck" with their "hug" variant. This means comments such as
/* master list of VME vectors -- don't fuck with this */
might look a bit different in the future:
/* master list of VME vectors -- don't hug with this */
People that oppose this change criticize that the comments will make much less sense to people that aren't fluent in English yet. They also do not like the redundant censoring - the actual meaning is still implied, just no longer included as clear text. It might also cause misunderstandings to people working with the code.
Those supporting this change, aside from jokingly mentioning that this change will save one character per f-word comment, note that this can give the Linux Kernel project a more positive feeling with anyone who works with the code, with "fuck" mostly associated with bad feelings, while "hug" is indeed mostly going to call positive feelings in our subconscious minds.
Who doesn't like a good hug? :)
What is your opinion on this rather controversial topic? Feel free to let us know in the comments, as we are very interested in your stances and arguments on this!
Sources:
https://lkml.org/lkml/2018/12/1/105
Several comment sections, IRC chats, and other places for people to express their opinions. Too many to list them all.51 -
Whoever thinks that coding is easy.
Fuck you motherfucker stupid chicken head nugget sized brain faggots. You think all we do is smash keyboards in front of our screen and it poops code and creates beautiful applications? Fuck you in particular.
One of my friend says sitting on computer for whole day is the easiest thing. What the fuck motherfucker.
One fucking string can fuck your life forever. Innumerable hours will be wasted behind one simple fucked up logic. And u shithead say its easy.
Get into my shoes and let me bang your head on the keyboard and we will see how beautifully it poops code.
Stupid people.14 -
Not sure what triggers me more:
a) the fact that nowadays no one can type/spell without auto-correct
b) that this passed code review
c) that no one corrected it in 12 months since it's been committed
23 -
Code review, here the simplified version. What the fuck has to be wrong with someone who seriously codes the first variant in production code?!
19 -
Fuck code.org. Fuck code. Not code code, but "code" (the word "code"). I hate it. At least for teaching. Devs can use it as much as they want, they know what it means and know you can't hack facebook with 10 seconds of furiously typing "code" into a terminal. What the fuck are you thinking when you want me to hack facebook? No, when I program, it's not opening terminal, changing to green text and typing "hack <insert website name here, if none is given, this will result to facebook.com>" Can you just shut the fuck up about how you think that because you can change the font in google fucking docs you have the right to tell me what code can and can't do? No, fuck you. Now to my main point, fuck "code" (the string). It's an overused word, and it's nothing but a buzzword (to non devs, you guys know what you're talking about. how many times have you seen someone think they are a genius when they here the word "code"?) People who don't know shit don't call themselves programmers or devs, they call themselves coders. Why? It fucking sounds cool, and I won't deny that, but the way it's talked about in movies, by people, (fucking) code.org, etc, just makes people too much of a bitch for me to handle. I want everyone reading this rant who has friends who respect the fact that YOU know code (I truly believe everyone on devRant does), how it works, and it's/your limitations, AND that it takes hard work and effort, to thank god right now. If you're stuck with some people like me, I feel you. Never say "code" near them again. Say "program." I really hate people who think they know what an HTML tag is and go around calling themselves coders. Now onto my main point, code.org. FUCK IT. CAN YOU STOP RUINING MY FUCKING AP CS CLASS. NO CODE.ORG, I DON'T NEED TO WATCH YOUR TEN GODDAMN VIDEOS ON HOW TECHNOLOGY IS IMPORTANT, <sarcasm>I'VE BEEN LIVING UNDER A ROCK FOR THIRTY YEARS</sarcasm>. DO I REALLY NEED ANOTHER COPY OF SCRATCH? WAIT, NO, SCRATCH WAS BETTER. YOU HAD FUCKING MICROSOFT, GOOGLE, AND OTHER TECHNOLOGICAL GIANTS AND YOU FUCKED UP SO BAD YOU MADE IT WORSE THAT SCRATCH. JUST LETMECODE (yes I said that) AND STOP TALKING ABOUT HOW SOME IRRELEVANT ROBOT ARM DEVELOPED BY MIT IS USING AI AND MACHINE LEARNING TO MAKE SOME ROBOT EVOLVE?! IF YOU SPEND ONE MORE SECOND SAYING "INNOVATION" I'LL SHOVE THAT PRINT STATEMENT YOU HAVE A SYNTAX ERROR UP YOUR ASS. DON'T GET ME FUCKING STARTED ON HOW ITS IMPOSSIBLE TO DO ANYTHING FOR YOURSELF WHEN YOUR GETTING ALL THE ANSWERS WITHOUT DOING ANY WORK AND THE FACT THAT JAVASCRIPT IS YOUR FUCKING LANGUAGE. <sarcasm>GREAT IDEA, LETS GET THESE NEW PROGRAMMERS INTO A PROFESSIONAL ENVOIRMENT BY ADDING A DRAG AND DROP CODE (obviously we can say it) EDITOR</sarcasm> MAYBE IF YOU GOT THIS SHIT UP YOUR ASS AND TO YOUR BRAIN YOU'D ACTUALLY GET TO PRPGRAMMING IN YOUR ADVANCED AP COURSE. ITS CALLED FUCKING CODE.ORG FOR A REASON32
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Me: Can't wait to try out the changes I've made to the code.
Visual Studio: Let me compile your code from scratch so you can sit there for half an hour like a dumb fuck.7 -
When you're looking at your cowerker's code and find a comment :
# Sam, Adam FUCK YOUUUU
Actually Sam is the PM and Adam is the test guy ...1 -
FUCKING FUCK JAVASCRIPT AND IT'S FUCKING 10000 DEVDEPENDENCIES.
LET ME FUCKING CODE AND WRITE TESTS AND NOT SPEND FUCKING ONE FUCKITY FUCK WEEK TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO FUCKING MAKE MOCHA AND KARMA PLAY WITH FUCKING ES6 CODE YOU FUCKING FUCKTARD PIECE OF SHIT TECH.
I NO LONGER FUCKING KNOW WHICH PACKAGES I FUCKING NEED AND WHICH I FUCKING DON'T FUCKING DUMBFUCK FUCKWIT OPEN AND HACKABLE MY BROWN ASS PIECE OF TECHNOLOGY STACK.
8 -
You would think for a company as big as Google they would be able to write good fucking documentation but nope!
Fuck me it's more spaghetti than my code!4 -
I am an idiot. I wrote some 100+ lines of code months ago and I took another look today and it seems like it could've done the same thing in 3. Fuckity fuck fuck.8
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OMFG BOSS STOP CHANGING MY INTERFACES INTO CLASSES WITH REDUNDANT CODE AND IF ELSES BECAUSE "IT DIDNT DO ANYTHING" OMFG WE ALREADY WENT OVER IT YOU STUPID FUCK!!!2
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That feeling when you refactor that spaghetti mess into clean beautiful code that passes all tests flawlessly4
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Why I Love To Code ???
I Hate Programming 🤨
I Hate Programming 😧
I Hate Programming 😰
.
.
.
Oh Fuck ! it worked..
I Love Programming5 -
Got to a client, we are taking over their software dev and IT.
"you're not touching my code ". Listen fuck twit, a robocopy script is not fucking code.
"I wrote a 3500 line code for this company" no fuck twit, you wrote a whole lot of fucking gibberish that looks like someone shat out BASH and it met html along the way. It doesn't compile, it doesn't run, it's a fucking dormant file. You charged people for shit all.
Setting up exchange is also not a big whoop.
Moving them over to CentOS server (he had them on XP still), and writing enough code to qualm my frustration at people.4 -
Fuck College, Fuck C, Fuck the people that didnt help me with my C code and in fact made my problems worse and didn't fucking help me, Fuck the bastard that decided to give my the largest mountain of homework, fuck my inability to get shit done, fuck myself for not getting motivated to do anything. And also fuck Javascript cause its JavaScript.
Edit: IM ALSO FUCKING RETARDED41 -
True compliments I have given:
-*actual tears dripping* I'm changing how I code to be setup more like yours
-if I could fuck that code I would1 -
Visual Studio Code.
I've tried you because of hearing a lot of good stuff about you. I'd switch back to netbeans regardless because I love netbeans and I always try to use as little as possible from companies like Google/microsoft/facebook (and others) but what you're pulling right now is un-fucking-believable.
I've disabled ANY AND EVERY form of calling home I could (find) in your settings. Crash reports, automatic updates, metrics, you name it. I've searched all the fucking settings but I can't find any other home calling thing that's enabled and yet:
I'm monitoring every goddamn DNS request (through my own DNS server) and I'm still seeing calls to a Microsoft owned domain. Closed all my browser sessions and you as well and it stopped. Started browser again but not you, nothing.
Started you again: BAM. Calls to that damned Microsoft owned domain again.
If you can't honour my decision for disabling any form of home calls, go fuck yourself.
Netbeans, I'm back, I've missed you 💜35 -
Just tested my GPU code vs my non-GPU code.
Its a simple game of life implementation. My test is on a 80 x 40 grid running for 100,000 cycles.
The normal code took 117 seconds.
The CUDA code took 2 seconds.
Holy fuck this is terrifying.3 -
When you are watching a talk about microservices and the speaker start talking about pros and cons...
Fuck that shit, show me the code!
6 -
Is a code truly tested until it has print("Fuck this"), print("Fuck that"), print("Fuck you"), print("Fuck me") spread along every code path?8
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STOP CODING MUTHERFUCKER AND THING YOU DUMB FUCK!!! THIIIINK!!!! IMPROVE!!! LEARN NEW SHIT!!!
STOP CODING TO CODE BETTER!13 -
This here is some source code that i made. And I'll admit, I was a bit frustrated at the time of making. I just started learning to code in HTML and CSS a coulpe days ago. And a friend asked if I could make him a website. So I told him that I barely know the basics yet. And he says that it doesn't matter just as long as he gets a website. So now, a couple days of tryhard coding later, he raged about how bad the site looked and that he himself could have done a better job than I did. And yet the entire site had over 300 lines of code in it (perhaps not very much for you hardcore coders out there, but a biiig step for me) and several subpages, all with custom error pages and all. Although I'll admit, the design was a fucking ugly as fuck since i can design about as good as an alligator flies. But man was I mad after that, haven't talked to him since. The bastard. But to he point, in my rage i made this. An outburst of anger that I later refactored to fit a large amount of devs (since I reckon 99% of programmers deal with clients/customers instead of friends). And if anyone has a spare dns space to put the code on, then help yourself.
The link is:
https://pastebin.com/aFcK10YK
Have a good day!8 -
Me: Alright, lets hammer out some Udemy courses...
*Opens course*
Instructer: So we are going to go ahead and download Code::Blocks
Me: *Audible sigh*10 -
This goddamned sewer-tier, rancid-as-fuck code may as well have been shat, eaten, and re-shat by a slug-fucking muck demon.
So fucking vile.1 -
Le me: "my code is awesome! The way I did XY and Z is insanely cool, efficient, and maintainable."
Le Boss: "yeah so let's schedule a code review next week."
Le me : "... fuck, Fuck, FUUUUCK!"
Internal Screaming3 -
So I found this in the code:
Inet4Address.getByAddress (new byte[] {0x7f,0x00,0x00,0x01})
It's localhost. Why the actual fuck would you declare 127.0.0.1 as a fucking byte array!15 -
Holy fuck. Didn't realise how slow Android studio was until I started using visual code with the command line tools. 😮6
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*finishes university exams*
*gets to code after a long time*
*cannot remember what the code does that was written a few weeks back*
Fuck 😓3 -
Me: *rewrites chunk of code*
"Time to test this baby. This is gonna fail spectacularly"
Code: *works*
Me: "Fuck!"5 -
Forgot my headphones today, had to listen to stupid people on the train and now can't concentrate while writing code! Fuck!4
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When you have a huge project, and encounter a bug, but don't know where it is, and why it is happening...
1 -
WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU ASSIGNING PROD BUGS WHEN I'M ON A FUCKING VACATION ?!?
Oh wait I wrote that code...
Welp6 -
Same days you just need a duck.
Me: map.get(record.Id)
Code: null
Me: no, map.get(record.id)
Code: null
Me: let's grab this record from the map
Code: null
Me: what the flying fuck, take this fucking ID from this fucking RECORD and find it in THIS god forsaken map.
Code: null
Me:.......
Code: 😉
Duck: did it occur to you the ID exists only AFTER the map is created.
Me: you fucking wha..... oh I'm a dick head.7 -
!rant
Whenever I open someone elses code, I do a project wide search for "FUCK".
Found many of these:
die("FUCK")
// fuck this
// #todo FUCK
Works on github as well. 😂🤣1 -
<rant>why the fuck do live demos NEVER work properly when a day ago the code was fine?? What is this bullshit sorcery!?</rant>6
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If refactoring scares you, fuck off out my team.
If you keep code in the codebase simply because it took you ages to write it, fuck off out of my team.
Some people must be wishing pain and suffering upon themselves and their colleagues.8 -
when you know the code is inefficient but they wanted it fast so you say "fuck it, I'll fix this later", but you never do...3
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Before I get too fat, the "Hour of Code" concept it's great, trying to get kids interested in programming
That being said, why on earth do they use fucking drag and drop programming? I would argue Python is easier to learn and infinitely more useful, and this is coming from someone who can't stand Python.
So far the only thing that I can think that the Hour of Code achieves, with drag and drop programming, is people possibly getting into Scratch, and fuck Scratch.5 -
Working on some code which relies on a remote api. Then the network speed suddenly drops to 14kbs. FUCKING FUCK FML10
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Fuck fucking fuckerty fuck I forgot to backup my projects code appearantly and now at least a week is lost F.U.C.K.6
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Why did I fall into the trap of rewriting shitty and extremely complex code to something nicer again? Fuck. Me.3
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FUCK DJANGO CSRF FRAMEWORK.
THE PERSON THAT BROKE csrf_exempt DECORATOR SHOULD BE PUNISHED BY YEARS OF HARD WORK IN BITCOIN MINE. I DONT KNOW WHO YOU ARE BUT FUCK YOU AND ALL YOUR CODE, I WISH YOU SLOW AND PAINFUL DEBUGGING OF LEGACY, UNDOCUMENTED, PRE-JQUERY IE-FUCKING-6 CODE YOU FUCKITY FUCK!!!2 -
Boss: "So I'm taking the next week off. In the mean time, I added some stuff for you to do on Gitlab, we'd need you to pull this Docker image, run it, setup the minimal requirement and play with it until you understand what it does."
Me: "K boss, sounds fun!" (no irony here)
First day: Unable to login to the remote repository. Also, I was given a dude's name to contact if I had troubles, the dude didn't answer his email.
2nd day: The dude aswered! Also, I realized that I couldn't reach the repository because the ISP for whom I work blocks everything within specific ports, and the url I had to reach was ":5443". Yay. However, I still can't login to the repo nor pull the image, the connection gets closed.
3rd day (today): A colleague suggested that I removed myself off the ISP's network and use my 4G or something. And it worked! Finally!! Now all I need to do is to set that token they gave me, set a first user, a first password and... get a 400 HTTP response. Fuck. FUCK. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!
These fuckers display a 401 error, while returning a 400 error in the console log!! And the errors says what? "Request failed with status code 401" YES THANK YOU, THIS IS SO HELPFUL! Like fuck yea, I know exactly how t fix this, except that I don't because y'all fuckers don't give any detail on what could be the problem!
4th day (tomorrow): I'm gonna barbecue these sons of a bitch
(bottom note: the dude that answered is actually really cool, I won't barbecue him)5 -
Being a programmer in a scientific discipline can be infuriating.
using "no one" ="almost no one"
using everyone = "almost everyone"
1. No one knows what even the very idea of good practice is. And everyone refuses to learn. 3k lines of repetitive copy pasted main. 500 lines of plotting method.
2. Raw C-style pointer based array creation. Won't use develope array libraries because what if development stops. FUCKING HAVE YOU SEEN YOUR CODE WHAT IF DEVELOPMENT ON YOUR CODE STOPS. FUCK.
3. LOOP VARIABLES DECLARED AT THE BEGINNING OF THE METHOD WHY.
4. Everyone wants to make modular, independent code. No one wants to use OOP. NOPE. ALL IN ONE FILE. WRITE C++ LIKE A FUCKING PYTHON NOTEBOOK. FUCK.
5. LIBRARIES OH MY GOD PLEASE DO NOT CODE UP YOUR MATRIX MULTIPLICATION. PLEASE DO NOT TRIPLE LOOP IT. NO. THE LINEAR ALGEBRA LIBRARY WILL STAY IN DEVELOPMENT.
6. Please realize that literally not one comment over an 1800 line file does not help anyone.
FUCKING. WHY. WHY ARE WE SCIENTISTS SO GOOD AT SCIENCE AND SO FUCKING SHIT AT THE CODE THAT MAKES OUR SCIENCE HAPPEN. WHY. FUCKING. WHY. FUCK.4 -
"Intense coding. A day passes. Wait, how the fuck did my code work? It doesn't make any sense!"
It happens so, so often, God why 😐1 -
Came across 'var3' and 'var15' while debugging Hybris. What the actual fuck SAP, since when do you hire preschoolers to code.2
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try {
// something
} catch (SomeException e) {
}
Swallowed Exception.. what the fuck is wrong with you?! And I see this shit in a lot of places in the code!7 -
Fuck you, discord.
Fuck you for not using a monospaced font for the code block on mobile. Renders my beautiful function to align stuff useless on mobile...
7 -
I need a room to scream. Fuckin fuck every asshole cunt who sees shit code and decides its ok to write more shit code rather than fix it, absolute fuckin cunts10
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I came to this company. I saw spaghetti code. I told myself to write clean code and also clean the existing code. I took too much pressure for too little return. I am done with this shit. I will now write clean code but fuck the old spaghetti code!2
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Web dev prob:
When you modify a code then refresh your browser, It doesn't change anything and you think your code has the problem, Modifies 100+ lines and refreshed the page, still nothing happens. Asked someone about it, Fix? Fucking cache! Fuck you google chrome!10 -
FUCK FIREBASE, FUCK CLOUD MESSAGING, FUCK GOOGLE, FUCK APPLE, FUCK PUSH NOTIFICATIONS, FUCK PROGRAMMING AND FUCK MY LIFE. JUST TELL ME MOTHERFUCKERS WHY NOTIFICATIONS IS NOT WORKING ANYMORE, I SWEAR I DIDN'T CHANGE A SINGLE LINE OF THE FUCKING CODE. AND IT'S BEEN ONLY ONE WEEK SINCE THE LAST TIME I TESTED IT.5
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For people that do minimal documentation on a package and just say “refer to source code”…fuck you4
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my code went into an infinite loop of printing "fuck". that happens when u forget to put curly braces and the first line after the if statement is printf("fuck\n");6
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TLDR: Scope creep.
Fuck it! I hate scope creep! 2 days before the deadline is due, slip in a little scope creep to bolster your already ambiguous as fuck scope! Of course, more fool me for taking on a project with a scope as ambiguous as this one. Or for accepting the 'just do x and y and your done' as gospel. But then again I enjoy paying my bills and you know, eating from time to time!
Fuck 'em! Fuck Clients! Fuck Scope Creep! Fuck Ambiguity to it's very Fucking core! Fuck it! Fuck me! Fuck code! I'm venturing under my table for a little cry and a sulk, then back at the god-damned grindstone to finish the project and all it's creepy scopy bits before the deadline tomorrow! FUCK!2 -
So I had a guy in my team, all day shouted "shitty code this, shitty code that"...
Today I had to fix some things, seen some really crappy code, said to myself "I've got to check who's the author of this beauty"... It was him... How the fuck can you shout shitty code on other peoples work when yours ain't better?!?6 -
Code freeze is today but what's this in my inbox an updated spec which needs me to redo everything from scratch again.
Kindly go fuck yourself. -
*types class name wrong, presses tab to auto complete*
Different class comes up from suggestions. The IDE automatically pulls in a bunch of useless imports to make your code work. Your code doesn't work, that's not the right type...
Fuck.7 -
Work of a my co-workers good work! It's called colspan you dumb fuck! Best part is that no way I'm changing this coz I work in place where they don't give a fuck about code quality! So fuck it!
6 -
Anyway I just want to fucking write code. I don't want to deal with people or give an opinion that is not appreciated. My manager says I am too aggressive but the truth is I hate stupidity and incompetence. I tell them their ideas are shit and not in a polite way and they make HR call me. Now I don't say shit and they are asking what I think. I think all of you are cunts that's what I think.but I don't say that. I say no comment when I know they are about to fall into a massive ditch. Will I stop them? Fuck no. Will I help them out if the ditch? Maybe, if it only involves writing code. I can't do diplomacy. I'll definitely be a fucking tyrant if I ever ruled a nation.14
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small victories... leaving little fuck you notes all over the code..
along with all the test cunts that still get incremented on the production..
-
A programmer can code.
A developer is a jack of all trades jumping into any stack and mastering the basics in a weekend.
So why the fuck can't I grasp humans. Their code is spaghetti....
Debugging gives way to many problems...
Atleast my personal code has a feature creep and for once it's a good thing!3 -
Other dev: fuck you, your code can't handle null as input
Me: yeah, because it's kotlin. It's like I added @NotNull, so?...
Other dev: fuck kotlin
Me: fuck you and your nullpointers. Don't pass my precious constructor that crap!2 -
Turned on my MacBook, opened up Xcode, within typing one line of code my computer starts heating up and the fans are loud as fuck4
-
How can you fuck up your code so badly that what should be a reasonably simple desktop app is lagging on any system, no matter how fast?8
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Any watch enthusiasts here?
What watches do you guys have?
I'm thinking about buying a Vostok amphibia. My gshock g7700 is in the pic
36 -
FUCK OPENSSL. I LOVE IT AND HATE IT SO FUCKING MUCH. WORK FASTER AND BE LESS CONFUSING SO I CAN BRAG ABOUT MY PRETTY ENCRYPTION CODE SOONER. FUCK20
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Ah the classic "Grau Dunkel 70". I know exactly what hex code that is. Thanks, design team!
Fuck you.8 -
Me (10years ago): "I'll be an engineer; write code; solve world hunger and poverty and change the world"
Me (Now): "This bashscript better not fuck up the 90 F5s."1 -
Me yesterday evening:
"Fuck java, fuck JVM, fuck everything about it, shit doesn't work for some reason, no runtime errors, no compiler errors, no syntax errors, nothing, *turns off computer*".
Me today morning(coffee = false), after comparing the documented example code provided by the API with one someone else made, I've noticed that the one provided by the API was messed up and couldn't work.
"Lemme change that one value in the properties...okay here we go"
Shit works out perfectly.
FUCK FALSELY DOCUMENTED CODE
FUCK DOCUMENTATIONS IN GENERAL2 -
-*sleeping frustated cause of code errors*
brain: hey, wake up! I think I know the solution of that code
-*wake up at 4 am*
-*do the code*
-*get more errors*
Fuck this life1 -
In the middle of coding: "Too into code to document properly. Will document later."
Two weeks later:"What the actual fuck is this code doing?"
2 -
Fucken Designers - Have you ever heard of fucken consistency?
Different looks and feels for the same thing in every single page? Wat the fuck man - I am trying to write clean and modular code for components and you guys are making hard -
Bomb Alert:
Fuck Designers *middle finger*6 -
Hey Visual Studio, WHY THE FUCK DO YOU THINK MY CODE IS SUDDENLY READ ONLY YOU BLOATED PIECE OF SHIT5
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This fucking weather. Oh this fucking weather. Neither can you go out, nor can you code. WHY THE FUCK WAS I BORN TO BURN IN THE TROPICS?
Feels like among all the assholes, the Sun likes to screw me the most.
FUUUUCCCCCCKKKKK THIS SHIT. FUCK IT.
FUCK YOU SUN FUCK OFFFFFFFF!! TAKE SOME LIME JUICE AND FUCK YOU BEFORE THE WINTER ARRIVES.13 -
Finding comments in legacy code like "too tired, fuck you" or "this implementation is dirtyyyyyy" makes me wanna punch a dev.5
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I smoke a lot of weed, then code for half an hour in my petproject and then I can do whatever the fuck im suposed to do6
-
well, fuck... how about everything that works in visual studio but feels like garbage in VS Code???
don't get my wrong I use VS Code for every other language... but C# has just always felt better in visual studio than in VS Code. oh well
13 -
Phantom Code: Code that was written in dose state with very little knowledge what the hell fuck you were doing 😧😭
-
Why the fuck does a company put such crappy antivirus software on your PC you can't even compile code.8
-
Why the actual fuck would you #define function calls into value-like things?!
Found when exploring the example code for some Chinese company's display module.
11 -
Fuck backward compatibility
Because IOS 9 and Android 4.4 doesn't support arrow functions, I have to refactor almost 90% of the code4 -
I like to stay home and code day and night on my side projects. I don't want to go to work. I wish I had the money to fulfill my passion.
Fuck money, fuck bills3 -
"less is more" ... except on a FUCKING STACKTRACE, HOW THE FUCKSHIT FUCK SHITFUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DEBUG YOUR SHITTARDFUCKED BULLSHIT CODE
-
Who the fuck accepted this garbage copy pasted code all over the place?! Ah, it was our "tech lead", cool.1
-
YOU CAN'T, POSSIBLY, BE SERIOUS WITH ME! FUCK, FUCK IT ALL!
THOSE DAMN ENGINEERS WITH A DEGREE AND ALL CAN'T PUT A FUCKING IF IN THE DAMN CODE!
I'M RESTARTING THE DAMN THING, I DON'T WANT AN UPDATE! FUCK! UPDATE THIS SHIT WHEN I HIT THE SHUTDOWN BUTTON AT LEAST!
15 -
Dear world:
For you headphones are for music for devs they mean: shut the fuck up and let me code 😒
I hope world understands this shit -
Fuck..I lent someone my laptop and they returned it with a different power adapter and most of the keyboard keys don't respond when I press them. Now I can't code or do anything coz all I ever do is code, really.4
-
What do you guys do to get away from conputers? I, for one started practicing card magic and i say it's really helped me. Card magic and programming are 2 polar opposites. For card magic, social inter action is necessary while programming gets pretty lonely. Anyways, i'm really curious about your other hobbyes33
-
When a dev leaves a project in the middle, and someone else has to continue their shit, that's the worst fucking thing ever!
3000+ lines of codes in just one class? Fuck!
I don't even know where to put my code, where to put debugger break points, where to... fuck fuck fuck!!! >_<4 -
What the FUCK is wrong with people!!!??
If you need to use !important in your CSS.... STOP and just don't.
It should be very clear that if the need arises to use !important then you are either really shit at CSS and don't understand the concept or you are a lazy mother fucker.
I'm so fucking sick of dealing with other so called "developers" shit code and have to spend time I don't have fixing their shit.
There is absolutely no reason to use
!important and to anyone that thinks to be a smartarse and let me know of their shit reasons... just don't because there aren't any.4 -
I just fucking hate compiling this fucking C# (ASP.NET) code and then transferring to staging server. Fuck you.....no no no listen to me fuck you and fuck this shit.8
-
Why the flying fuck does one indent Java code with two spaces? Coding standards exist for a reason, for fuck's sake!4
-
Fuck my life!!! Fuck it right hard!!! My fucking compiler (the one I code) fucking broke down, and i have to put it to competition it two weeks... Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck: obviously Iost backup and gitHub doesnt seem like wanting to give me that version back... Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck duck!!!!5
-
Ok, I know this has been said a thousand times before, but fuck localization code.
Especially when you have to determine which badly-formatted timestamp is chronologically first.
BLEARGGHHH1 -
Scala's default Seq is MUTABLE. Why the fuck do I want mutability in my functional scala code!?
Now I have to riddle my code with imports to scala.collection.immutable.Seq which looks just ugly.
Gosh dangit.3 -
Father of a monkey-whoring, succulent dick ass fuck, ever heard of minding your own business? I don't care if you are the FUCKING CFO or whatever the fuck you are, don't fuck with the fucking code. Don't try to come up with your own cum-gargling explanation if an HTTP request results in a FUCKING 503.
You goat-fucking piece of cunt-shit of a fuck. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!4 -
FUCK YEAH! FUCKING HELL FUCK YEAH! IT FUCKING WORKED! THE FUCKING CODE FINALLY COMPILED PROPERLY!
What happened:
I was trying to use the Adafruit Feather HUZZA esp8266 with the AdafruitHTTPClient Library... and it didnt work... then I downgraded THE FUCKING FIRMWARE FROM 2.5.0 TO 2.4.2 AND THE BLOODY THING COMPILED!3 -
Today I submitted my code without making sure it doesn't have any bugs because I was running out of time. Fuck.
Let's hope I'm brilliant and this works out.1 -
Me: Gets my friends code and opens it on Eclipse to study it
Me: Sees code and tries to study it and actually understands it
Inner me: (OCD kicks in and realizes code is not formatted well)
Me: alt + shift + f
Code format changes
Me: how the fuck does this work now5 -
Me: not even using typescript (even disabled everywhere), living a happy life.......
VS Code: TS ERROR....TS ERROR... TS HINT....
Well, fuck you too Microsoft.1 -
Returning moron here, missed ya guys.
Now, idk if this qualifies as politics but i guess it does have something to do with tech/privacy/hacking.
Free Julian Assange?
Surprised no one is talking about this honestly. @linuxxx any opinions?28 -
Work rant :
I once had a code review and remembered I forgot to comment my code and said sorry I forgot to comment it out.
The reply I got?
Don't worry, here we say your code should be readable enough and no comments are required.
Im still amazed, like... Even if the code is readable, fuck this I need a tl;Dr comment for the long ass fucking code... What the fuck5 -
Fuck the design guidelines that change every fucking day. It makes Front-End an unbearable hell. I'm seriously tired of having to code stupid shit for exceptions exceptions exceptions.5
-
How come your fucking pseudo code is far more complex than python code? You're a fucking university teacher FFS, ALSO TELL ME WHY THE FUCK YOU START YOUR INDEX LIST BY 1.1
-
What browsers do you guys use? After allthe controversy with firefox lately, I want to switch to something else.32
-
The most scary thing happens to me is that I wrote a code in staging without any bugs and breaks in production... fuck4
-
Cincom VisualWorks
The only IDE for Smalltalk-80 and it's ugly and instable as fuck.
You can accidently break the program's code while using it, effectively ruining your day.
-
I slightly changed the color of a label on a WinForms app...and broke everything.
Why the fuck would anyone code logic that is dependent on the exact color of a control.
This code is a train wreck.6 -
I was finally able to fix this other persons code when I accepted the fact that they don’t know what the fuck they’re doing1
-
You know what I had to deal with
A bunch of these shit
try{
//Shitty cluster fuck excuse for java
//code
}catch(Exception e){
}1 -
gta5 source code leaked
const char* testActionTreeName[] =
{
"ActionTree/Fuck",
"ActionTree/FuckYou",
"ActionTre",
"ActionTre/Fuck",
"ActionTree/Fuck/you/in/the/ass",
};2 -
How greedy can you get?
> boss takes half assed gdpr project : branch xyz
> branch xyz requires deprecated version of npm/node
> I re-install node this time with deprecated version
> Wow this node is configured with ant build
> ECMA 5, config but code is shit as fuck
> still I get the job done , cannot test it because code is shit as fuck and I will never any thing to fix that un healthy code
> code doesn't run on client side,
> no shit Sherlock
> get a call from boss, it urget look in it and fix it -
At that moment when u r trying to promote the code and boom.
And are you really happy to pay Microsoft for this ? Fuck sake NO 😡
11 -
Fuck off OneDriveSetup.exe, nobody asked you to install anything. This "i7" is only dual-core, and I need both of them to run my code, kthx.
-
RAAAAAAH fuck fuck fucking shit!!! Fuck jest Typescript "on the fly" compilation esModuleInterop typeroots, missing definitions jest ts-ignore and xtest everywhere, manual npm linking with different pkg mgrs & pub to a private registry, building docker images locally and doing tag management across git, docker & kubernetes then cross fingers that prod which has 0 common setup with local & test somehow works, open architecture "tickets" and wait months before they resolve, then repeat ad infinitum. How the fuck can I be productive when I need to be all over the place all the time and deal with these meta-code shenanigans. I just wanna code, damned3
-
People be like: “We don’t use comments cause good code should explain itself”
Then proceed to use complicated app architectures with classes all over the place.
Fuck.7 -
Hell yeah !!!
They leave shitty code unfinished module for me to get done!
I better write from zero for the entire module!
Fuck off!!!1 -
So this stupid fuck whose react code is a clusterfuck of bugs just bashed me when I said Java is better then node because of reasons...
I was literally speechless while thinking if I should humiliate her or not.
Guess life will show her because I don't give a fuck. -
I had perfect code until the exception handling was on my Todo list... Fuck my beautiful architecture I guess6
-
LUA... its great! I love it... but WHY THE FUCK DOESNT LUA START COUNTING FROM FUCKING 0!!! WHY THE FUCK DOES IT START FROM 1! I SEARCHED HALF A FUCKING HOUR IN MY CODE AND IT JUST DIDNT WORK! then it hit me... LUA IS THE ONLY FUCKING LANGUAGE THAT STARTS FROM 1 and sure enough... after changes and testing IT FUCKING WORKED!
Fuck5 -
Was watching a dev stream on twitch and noticed the following code on screen:
if (blah blah blah) {
int fuck = 0;
mysql_blah_blah(blah, blah, &fuck);
} -
when the setup of programming environment takes more effort than the code.
and you're like fuck it i'll do it online!7 -
The moment when your code is like,
Yeah I'm working, not throwing errors, but not doing anything closely related to the things I should do.
Fuck this construct, I'll recode the whole thing and stop using any two-year old legacy code, for this project -
Trying to put together all the code of my ajax request into a function so I do not repeat myself. The code works perfectly outside but not in the function. Well fuck JavaScript. I've been stuck here for two days.19
-
Built my first user generated content loading system that I still use today (obviously cleaned up code that doesn't contain the words fuck and cunt every second variable)
-
A constant fight because the code style matters. If you think it doesn't, just go and die already.
If any of you great folks with no sense of code style are reading this, fuck you, fuck you all, you should leave your jobs and yes I am talking about these assholes who have like 15-20 years of experience in the industry but surprisingly I never heard of anything they made.1 -
My boss writes code like this:
def someFunction (someArg: String) = ...
Who does that?! A space? Da fuck?! And it's all over the code base. Whenever another dev touches any of his stuff, we correct it:
def someFunction(someArg: String) = ...
The way god intended it!8 -
React Native, Flutter, Xamarine, Cordova hope all of you fucking burn in hell! Piece of shit solutions...
Just want to simply enable remote JS debuggin but the fucking app stops reloading when that shit is turned on. Now how the fuck am I supposed to know what the fuck is wrong with my code, disable remote JS debugging and app loads again.
Fuck this shit!6 -
Fuck you MATLAB and your shitty inefficient for loops. Now I have to rewrite most of my code to use matrices instead of structures cause you take so long. Fuck you and your stupid ability to scale my neural network.....who needed sleep anyway6
-
"let's just copy and past the all the code with logic and smack on some if statement and change some texts for localization"
What the fuck, why? -
fuck up some code and the mistake gets noticed later
add tests to cover up my fuck up
get asked to add tests for other existing presumably correct code i did not add or change in the nearby area
so be it4 -
"My code is explain itself. Well, I need no comments to understand it."
I don't care if you wan't to write comments or not; If don't write any then i don't care because fuck you and your code.
May it be java, kotlin, python, javascript or anyother language, you think "everyone can read", i hope you'll never find anyone who has to deal with you and your cancerous code.7 -
Something I hate about working in the team is that the code reviewer will stall the time and leave a lot of pull requests unreviewed. As more code changes more commits and more pull requests.
The code base is conflicting with each other, what the fuck? I hate this.5 -
To the newbies out there, those who just study and work hard, do you ever feel like you can’t do it? Like what the fuck is the point. You work your shit job and get home and code but kinda just look at your code editor for hours without typing anything? There are times I feel like that. I stay up all night and go to work at a shit job where were accused of stealing shit and it’s like, dude shut the fuck up, but when you get home, you know you’re gonna be a Developer one day, but you just don’t know how you’re gonna get there. Keep on pushing. It’ll come and you can leave you’re shit job. I promise that.
-
Fuck fuck fuck. Joined a new gig. Been a week and today saw code which did something like this: .append(“<style>.add{}”)
FML! And this is a react app. -
Fuck fuck fuck I can't even read this source code let alone abstract the core algorithm from it. Fuck C++ and fuck this extremely non verbose code and plethora of syntactic sugar that makes it impossible for anyone who doesn't know the nuances of the language to read it. You could literally put me in the middle of a country where nobody speaks English and i would still have an easier time than I am now.4
-
Thanks VS code for randomly deciding to fuck up over 1000 lines of saves yet uncommitted code.
I seriously just want to cry8 -
Have my THEORY OF COMPUTATION exam tomorrow 😭
Shit load of YouTube videos left to cover. Turing machine, Chomsky-Normal form, Code generation... I'm so ded. Fuck my soul :/3 -
This is a post to congratulate a certain developer.
Mortal kombat 11 has had a rough start. First people found out it used denuvo, then people were mad that there were microtransactions (all items are obtainable trough gameplay and they are only kosmetic) then there was some kontroversy about a certain character saying something political. After that people tried playing the new towers of time mode. And it was fucking hard. Way too hard. And you know what netherrealm did? (I'm looking at you bungie you filthy pieces of shit) they said they were going to look into it and they gave everyone a huge amount of every currency. That is how you apologize. Aspiring game developers, take note.
19 -
When I fuck up I like to punish myself by playing Modern Talking in endless loop while fixing the code...
https://youtube.com/watch/...2 -
To all devs who don't comment their Code
WHO THE FUCK SHOULD KNOW WHAT YOU INTENDED WITH YOUR FUCKING PIECE OF CODE
Well - I am one of you. I'm realy lazy in commenting. But it is very hard to understand a piece of code if you are not used to a complex architecture.
If there will ever be the chance of having another dev seeing your Code:
COMMENT IT1 -
How the fuck am I supposed to code and attend meetings with a broken heart?
Relationships are the fucking pits.2 -
Dude i asked you to review my pull request because i thought we were cool. The code change is about a simple rename, SO FUCK OFF WITH THE REFACTOR SUGGESTIONS. STOP DOING THAT TO MY CODE REVIEWS
2 -
Because of this spaghettis shit of code I was unable to make some progress. now I have to bullshit my progress in the standup. because telling I wrote 0 lines of code feels like I should be ashamed of myself. FUCK!3
-
Had written a robust code. Project manager asked me to make some changes which will alter the code consistency (which he doesn't understand).
I suggested an alternative..
Project manager warned me not to go according to my convenience...
Fuck them.. now i am writing code as per their needs... #Lifeofprogrammers3 -
Just reed a comment in the fucking shitty codebase im working on :
/* temporary fix */
I’m fucking done guys !
2 -
when you want to keep the code clean, but you are about to say "fuck it" it needs to work that is all....
5 -
Why can’t I write code that just does its job ! Why the fuck in this world I want to re write everything I wrote 🤬1
-
New piece of code which should work perfectly and solve your problem but it is not working just because you forgot to remove an old piece of code you were trying to fix the same problem! Fuck my life!1
-
For the past 3 days, I lose my motivation to code. Im pushing myself but I didnt work. And I dont like it!!!! 😭😭😭 fuck!!!
Anyone here can give me some advice or atleast a motivation to code? Fck!! i dont freakin like this5 -
Before: why the hell my code isn't running?!! FML 😬
After: How and why the fuck is my code running!! -
Colleague says some of my code sucks, says he's gonna rewrite and improve it.
After he finish his work, I look in his new written code:
F*ckload of unused methods and classes,
some usings of deprecated API calls...
god. It's okay, if you want to help and improve code (my code wasn't the best, I admit)... but when you do, do it the fuck right. -
Whoever named memcached: fuck you with an open umbrella. It was a bright fucking idea when there already exists a memcahe extension for php. Finding good php examples is impossible when all these idiots name theyr example posts memcached and use memcache class in the code. Fuck.5
-
That feeling when you realize how something actually works and you sit staring into one spot wondering how the fuck did any of your code ever run.
-
My team has a pathological need to NOT comment! What the fuck!! I think it is because a lot of it is actually magic, so they don't want to admit ignorance. My code is full of "not sure why it works, but breaks when removed." Chunks. That way, when debugging, I actually know what is going on????
I am currently going through and editing someone else's code, and I see code that has no clear purpose, even when removed! Does it do something I don't see??? Does it do nothing?? Fuck! -
FUCK EVERYONE right now. Stupid business with vague information, stupid dev team making SHITTY code. STUPID AUTO CORRECT TRYING TO CENSOR ME!1
-
Does ever Code make you cry badly?? Specially when you thought that task is simple and you can do it easily and then you realize oh fuck :(
5 -
Fuck randomly appearing and disappearing bugs when I compile a project in C with no changes in the source code.
Fuck these microbits in the ass.
Took me three fucking days to battle them. Aaaargh!11 -
Watching my first demo of Outsystems low code bullshit. What self respecting dev would WANT this as their environment?? How the complete fuck is this a thing??? Buncha lazy shits...4
-
I flashed resurrection remix! My battery lasts more, it's faster, everything is better. God I love android7
-
Spent the last couple hours of the day trying to solve issue in my code and fuck I feel so dump after fixing it! A tiny tiny issue can fuck your code and fuck your brain!1
-
why the fuck do interviews ask me about architecture and shit?
the role of a normal code monkey ur hiring for probably doesnt have the code monkey making the architecture decisions
i dont make the architecture decisions in my current role either
im happy to learn, and point out if i think things are weird when encountering specifications , but goddamn fuck off5 -
Arrrrgh Fuck this shit. I thought debugging someone's code was fucked up. I was wrong, try debugging someone's unit tests.... Absolute nightmare
-
Fuck entity framework code first! It's a pain in the ass making relationships work with code first! 😑😑6
-
decimal discount = line.Discount - (line.StandardPrice - line.CustomerPrice);
2 fucking hours working out what and why the fuck this line of code. Fml -
It's Friday and I'm having one of those "how the fuck is this working?" moments. Caveat: it's my code. 😂😂😂2
-
When you don't know how to write test:
either you unit test the fuck out of system (couple test test to code) or you don't write anny
-
wasting time trying to write good code and minimize duplication , but it probably won't work and there are no working examples
duplicate code and do the stupid thing, which will work, with extra dumbass boilerplate code to convert between swagger2 & 3 schema
fuck you swagger code gen -
The moment, when you wait for the clash of code at codingame to start, while surfing on the web......
"Oh it has already started.."
"Oh fuck! Its fastest code..."
😩 -
🐱💻 2 TYPES OF EXPRESSION AFTER SEEING SOMEONE CODE :
1- What the fuck is that ? 😨😨😨
2- But I didn't know it ! 😏😏😏2 -
I just spent around a fucking week questioning myself, my sanity, my code and a 3rd party api to find out I was submitting bad data to my correct code in a separate part of the product.
Fuck my life and my self inflicted stress and guilt over this. Hopefully edge cases are already covered, I fucking had working code or so i hope until the next bout of debug hell.
Also fuck you spring for not letting me see request body of an outgoing post request. -
Okay chrome debugger extension in vs code where the fuck is my page. Why the hell cant I see it you hateful son of a bitch.
-
That moment a user inspects element and see the html code and calls you that there are Errors on the app. Fuck fuck
-
New laptop. HP z book. It stopped working so I had to have a new motherboard. After the new motherboard I kept getting BSOD. Got it upgraded to Win 10 (it was supposed to be runing this not 7). Still getting BSOD with the bonus of black screens wanting me to restore. Even better I've gotten No OS found on boot. My work won't let me have a Mac or exchange my laptop. But am I done yet? Fuck you.12
-
Fuuuuuuuck!!
I hate it when your code work sometimes but sometimes not and you don't even change anything!!
Fuck you, Discord rich presence! Why don't you love me??? -
If you gona reference a web.config key in your code, wrap it in a try/catch and throw a useful error, for fuck sake!
-
Sup @Frederick, how are you? Devrant finally drive you mad? Do you want to exchange email addresses or something like that?2
-
I get a simple exception because of a connection reset, can't catch it becouse it "happens in external code" urgh, fuck you .net core..
-
I have Avira Password Manager and for 3 days now I can't access it because they send a verification code to the phone but that code was never received... FUCK YOU AVIRA5
-
Get my lightweight WASM "runtime" thing to work properly.
Don't you just hate all the emscringtem glue code? Yes, me too. And fuck WASI.8 -
Fuck JSF! Like seriously! And fuck my internet technologies prof for making us code this horseshit on fucking paper in the goddamn examn! Seriously go fuck yourself and your medieval technologies with a rusty Russian submarine! FUCKING HELL!
-
Code Review:
“So please don’t expose IQueryable or SaveChanges() beyond here... this is the pattern. Don’t fuck it up.”
Next day:
🤬 There will be blood.
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