I am so sick and tired of hearing "I'm not good with computers" from these god damn secretaries I have to work with.

Fuck you! I mean, seriously, FUCK YOU! That God damn piece of shit Windows XP door stop has been on your desk for at LEAST a decade (shit, I think that was the same PC my highschool had, and I'm in my mid thirties)!

What in the FUCK do you mean you don't know the difference between files and folder? How? HOW can you stare at that damn screen every fucking work day off your life and not grasp simple concepts!

And FUCK THE ADMINISTRATION for hiring these volunteerily ignorant babies who refuse to bother figuring out more than just where the power button is (and, fuck me, even THAT took years).

Fuck me if, after spending 40 God damn minutes of my time trying to guide some secretary, who's been working twice as long as I have and making probably twice as much, on how to copy a file from one folder to another, I have to listen to some fucking pity speech "I just don't get this high tech computer stuff. I'm just too old"

And FUCK society for allowing this fucking behavior! I don't know any other piece of technology where people are happy being so blindly ignorant to even the basics! I don't know Jack shit about the internal working of a car, but I know where and how to use my steering wheel and peddles and that I need to take the thing for an oil change. Hell, I even know when my tires look bad... If I can do that, you can fucking learn how to copy a god damn file without needing me to help you... FOR A FUCKING HOUR!

FUUUUCK!

*Takes a deep breath*
So... How was your day?

Oh.. So the deadline is tomorrow? How about we schedule a fucking FOUR HOUR meeting to speed things up?

Yeah, fuck you too...

Client: how much for a face recognition system?
...
Client: well fuck you that's too expensive, I ll have my nephew do it.

Got my hands on an interesting API.
Look around on the site.
No documentation. Like, nothing. Not even examples.
Tried calling it.
Response code: 200 OK
Body: Unknown Error.

Well, fuck you too.

I fucking hate CNET already. I mean who likes a website which autoplays a video everytime you visit them, with 200% volume.

But this time, I am just so fucking annoyed. Here is the title of an article:

"iPhone 8, X's wireless charging is a game changer for Android"

And the subtitle:

"When it comes to Apple, plenty of Android phone makers are monkey see, monkey do."

FUck you motherfucker. "Monkey see, monkey do". Are you fucking kidding me you cunt?

Remeber your 3D touch bullshit? Your fucking wireless charging will be bullshit too.

"the rest of the phone users make do with messy cables."

Maybe you're a fucking imbecile who doesn't know how to manage simple cables and ends up with broken wires.

You know who looks like a monkey? Some apple users who uses that shitty looking wireless earphone, which looks like monkey's dick you asshole.

Fuck off!

WELL FUCK YOU TOO!

Me - "Has anyone changed the password on the print computer"
Him - "It's the same one."
Me - "Carrots99?"
Him - "Yeah, what's the message that comes up?
Me - "Password is incorrect."

The dumbest conversation I've ever had in my fucking life. You little shit, I know you changed the password just to fuck with people. You've been reading too many books on elevating yourself, tried to be important for something. It means fuck all if you can't remember what you changed it to. So you held up two hours of my work, not to mention everyone else, because you can't help but stick your beak in shit. You dont think people can't see what youre doing? Watching you scurry over to the computer with a big smile, only a to fuck off silent as a mouse not to be seen mumbling some shit about a system administrator. Yeah you forgot it you prick.

Stop sucking up to the boss, and commanding people on what to do, when you're as junior as junior gets. Don't change our fucking passwords, just so you can have the whole team approach you the next day asking for you, then not remember them. You cunt.

What the fuck!? Did you just fucking say you don't want to discuss API endpoints with me because I'm just a frontend developer? Get the fuck down from your imaginary backend throne and talk to me like the software engineer that I am. That's right, I'm a software engineer too, you fucking asshole. Just because you do backend and I do frontend doesn't mean you can talk down to me. And I swear that the next time you say you made all the work and I just have to "style it" I'll just leave. You can "style it" yourself.

FUCK YOU TOO COFFEE MACHINE!
HANDING ME YOUR STUPID FUCKING SHITTY WATER BACK. YOU'RE SUPPOSED BREW SOME FUCKING COFFEE TO FUCKING MAKE ME AWAKE WITH ONE FUCKING HOUR OF SLEEP NOT PISS IN MY CUP!
I'll just go back to bed...

WHY THE FUCK IS IT SO FUCKING HARD FOR THESE CUM SUCKERS TO UNDERSTAND THAT CHANGING REQUIREMENTS 2 DAYS BEFORE THE DEADLINE IS JUST GONNA BREAK EVERYTHING!?!?
I DOUBLE DARE ANYONE TO TELL ME ITS NOT WORKING TOMORROW...
STUPID MOTHER FUCKER PMS CANT PLAN ANYTHING

Yeah fuck you too.

Fucking fuck fuck fucker fucking fuck

What a dumbass guy seriously. I have this colleague in my office who refuses to create a new branch because that will "ruin the single straight line". Are you seriously fucking kidding me??? The noobest guy ever doesnt know a third git command other than pulling and committing fucking nonsense. Why use git then? Just go back to creating zip files are maintain code. Fuck that guy too who hired him and now because of this fucking asshole I am not able to carry on my work.

Such so-called "developers" should be strapped to the back of a horse and the horse made to run on a gravel road for fuck's sake.. Fuck you man 🖕

Android : devRant is consuming too much power in background
Me : Say what ??
A : I said devRant is consuming too much pow.................
M : Who the fuck told you to rant about it
*Turns the phone off

No one speaks ill of devRant and lives long enough to tell about it.

That co-worker that erases all of your changes if there's a merge conflict.
Fuck you too buddy.

I hate this attitude of my study (when i studied):

"it might be a good idea to teach the students how to program securely by default?"

"oh no but we just want to teach them the basics"

"so why not the secure basics by default?!"

"nah we just want them to get started and understand it, that's all. We'll get to the secure way later on"

Well, fuck you.

- Password can't contain less than 3 chars
- Password can't contain more than 12 chars
- Password must contain only alphabetical and numerical chars
- Password must contain at least one uppercase letter
- Password can't contain a sequence of repetitive chars
- You already used this password in the past
- Password can't contain parts of passwords already used in the past
- Password can't contain your name, birthday or any other personal information
- Password can't be an anagram
- This password is too weak

"Remember that you have to update your password every 6 months".

Who the fuck has enough imagination to invent a new password that meets all these requirements every fucking 6 months?
And if so, how the fuck you can also remember it?

Fuck off… I don't really need access to my university account, right? 😡

This is my message to that particular developer of Microsoft who made a change in the Win32 API but was too lazy to update the MSDN doc:

FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU. You wasted 3 days of mine and I had to find your fucking change by looking into the source code.

Unsubscribe link on an email results in 403?? WELL FUCK YOU TOO, ASSHATS!

Well, fuck you too.

Well, FUCK YOU TOO LINKEDIN!!!

Devs: We need access to PROD DB in order to provide support you're asking us for.

Mgmt: No, we cannot trust you with PROD DB accesses. That DB contains live data and is too sensitive for you to fuck things up

Mgmt: We'll only grant PROD DB access to DBAs and app support guys

Mgmt: <hire newbies to app support>

App_supp: `update USER set invoice_directory = 54376; commit;`

----------------
I have nothing left to say....

So we where given a project with a deadline already set behind our backs and we have to give our deadline despite not knowing wtf we have to do exactly ...

They asked us to don't ask too much time because the budget can't afford too much time...

I'm here thinking: WTF?!
THEY PASSED A FUCKING DEADLINE AND PRICES TO THE FUCKING CLIENT WITHOUT ASKING ANY! ANY MOTHERFUCKING DEV ABOUT IT!!!

We asked them so many fucking questions on the first meeting that they were fucking baffled about everything but kept playing cool like "well, this project is already set and we are gonna have to deal with it"

Bunch of motherfucking stupid cock suckers , go die agonizing on your own vomit and if ask my help I'm gonna answer "well, you gonna have to deal with it because you are already fucked"

Being a programmer on a non-tech startup company is not too bad. That means aside from coding:

- You have to check if the office printer works
- You need to figure out why the phone lines aren't ringing
- You have to teach a stupid colleague on how to unzip a file
- When they give you a task, they'll say that it's "not urgent", but, they just "need it by tomorrow"
- You have to be a "mind-reader" because if something goes wrong, they don't know how to describe what's going on. Or probably, they're just too lazy being specific. They'll just say, "Hey, I have a problem.", and you will be like "What problem? Your dog is sick? You shit your pants? You lost your faith in God? Fuck what?"
- You don't have a time to "focus", because everyone interrupts you for just about anything related to "technology". Yeah, because you're the IT guy
- You always have learned and applied the latest practices/stacks, but no one gives a fuck
- You will start to re-think your life and devrants make you feel better

Every commercial lib:

"Download free trial"

*click*

Register with your email, full name, phone, company name, etc.

😒

Yeah, fuck you, too.

I fucking hate python and myself even more. Python is easy they say, Python has nice syntax but fuck you . Fuck you seriously I cringe if I see non-c-like syntax. Every time I leave my comfort zone I get fucked over by damn semicolons. Fuck this imports i don't know your damn library. But god damn In far too advanced for hello world. There are two versions and the lib I want to use is incompatible? Well fuck me? That kind of shit never hit me on PHP. Damn me! Fuck you python. I want to know you but you fuck me harder than life. GEHÖRT? DU FICKST MICH HÄRTE ALS DAS LEBEN DU HURENSOHN!!!!

What is even your problem? Indentation? Well thank you for not having braces! I mean come on I try, I really do. I know you are different but every thing I want to learn about you is either for uber beginners or so advanced I don't even know what's going on. Do magical shit in a few lines? What the fuck is in those packages? A wizard full filling whishes like "plz make this work"?

But don't worry you cum snorting unicorn as much as I hate you I'm more mad about me for not being a descendant of fucking slytherin!

Don't develop depression, develop a personality instead, be more outgoing and outspoken, work out, dress better and make your life shit that goes beyond coding.

Tired of people in tech being this way. Everyone acts as if monkeying away on the keyboard makes them some sort of autistic genius that is too good for everyone else.

Some of you have the social skillset of a fucking potato.

You code dude. Most of you develop websites...chill the fuck out.

Dear diary,
Today is day 3 of Windows 11 for me, and after about an hour of gaming, everything got laggy. I thought it was an AV scanner taking its sweet time kind of lag, but then.... I couldn't switch back to the desktop, I couldn't launch the task manager, it was just a solid frozen brick, and then when I unpaused this game to go back into it.... it was frozen too.

So here I am , with a frozen machine, so I give up and attempt a hard reboot........ yep, your fucked too. Windows auto repair kicks in, and it freezes too.

So now I'm here, with a brick of a fucking machine, wondering wtf could have gone so wrong.

Finally, I've made it to the failed boot screen,

> bootrec /fixboot
permission denied.

🤔 dafuq you smoking?

Fine

> sfc /scannow
Permission denied

Ok.... I don't think I want to know how this works.

> chkdsk /f /r /x C:
Yay something fucking runs
.
.
.
no issues 🤨

Fuck it, reboot.

Oh, now you want to fucking boot you piece of shit.
Now to understand how the fuck you can get a permission denied when your running CMD before boot 😐

Fuck windows 10. I log on to start an interview code assignment that is timed. I'm on my computer getting things ready for a solid 10 minutes before starting the test. AS SOON as I start the test, windows 10 informs me:

Fuck you. There's updates and I'm installing them right now whether you like them or not, fucker. I bet you're doing something important too, so I'm not even going to let you schedule it at another time.

Fuck.

8:50am aight alarm clock, give me 5 more minutes

8:55am ok lets round it to 9, wake me up then

9:00am aight enough. lets just sleep for 1 more minute since 9:00 is too round

9:43am fuck

9:44am ok its time to finally study for the upcoming college exam

9:45am nothing but a fresh day to start studying for college

9:46am eh i dont have a lot to study so I'll do it in 2pm, I'll code my project instead

2pm hold on 5 more minutes until i finish coding this feature and then I'll study

5pm where the fuck is this bug coming from

5:504pm goddamn i found it

6:36pm holy shit its already over 6pm, I'll study at night

7:42pm ok its night now, time to study but I'll do it when i fix all bugs

8:14pm ok bugs fixed, commit. lets study

8:15pm you know what, im way too tired and exhausted from this coding, I'll take a short 30 minute break and then I'll study

10:15pm ok im feeling fresh bois lets study now theres not too much

1:31am damn this movie was good

1:32am fuck i forgot to study, I'll do it tomorrow

2:10am *posts this rant*

A CMS raping WordPress so hard up the ass till there is no tomorrow. I hate that bastardized piece of fuck. “Hey I want you to fix my page and its wordpress. I pay 20 bucks.“ Well fuck you too sir. Wordpress is no cms you wanna be coders. Get back to your fucking photoshop and design something original! Every fucking wp page looks the same. Every “nice feature“ is some kind of monkeypatched workarround. No problem i set preview pictures for every post just to enable some weird slider to function.

I also love those buttfucked files with just a “require foo“ which also just requires “bar“. Drop that fuck. Implement autoloading. Nobody uses php4 anymore step into the future. “easy to learn“ fuck me and fuck you untill you vomit jizz! Clusterfucked spaghetticode thats easy, easy to put another rotten load of clusterfuck on top. Also those security features. I put an empty index.php to prevent directory traversal. N I C E! Stop using wordpress as CMS, its a blog engine. Nothing great has every been written on top of wordpress and never will. I dare you to deny everything related to it and if you are one of those designer guyd, you can gargle my jizz you fucknut!

Starting 2017 i will start a counter and rape every 10th Wordpress which gets abused as cms i encounter into oblivion on their 0,99$ webhosting shit.

Fuck this I'm so mad about that crap

*rants to some people I met in a cafe about how irresponsible making a ground rail live is*

Girl: "well people do make mistakes, right"
Me: "but they shouldn't! It's civil engineering ffs!"
Girl: "that doesn't change the fact that it's impossible for people to not make mistakes"

*realizes that I'll have to explain redundancy*

Me: "okay, so I have 2 mail servers. If I make an inevitable mistake, during an update or so, it only affects one of the servers but not the other one. So service is uninterrupted."
Girl: "that's far too complicated and technical.. explain it more easily."
Me: "alright, what job do you have"
Girl: *tells her job*
Me: "alright, so imagine that you get sick or go on a holiday or something. When there's someone else in the company that's got the same skills, they can ensure that the job gets done regardless. That's redundancy."
Girl: "aah, still too complicated!!"

What the fuck?! I removed all of the technical stuff and it's still too complicated?! How willfully ignorant or plain stupid can you be?!! Well fuck her then, but not in the way of taking her home. Now guess why I don't really like the muggles in my town. Fucking idiots!!!

"But muh BuzzFeed, conspiracy theories, deferring updates because they hog my WiFi, and casual games on my iPhone"

FUCK!!! FUCK PEOPLE!!!

I have a co-worker that always uses "I'm too old" as an excuse.

You're 33. You're just a lazy piece of shit that doesn't take care of his body.

Fuck you, do work.

The problem with my life is acceptance from others. Validation (almost wrote vladiation).

For instance, I finished my course in Advanced Java Programming a few days ago. Supposed to be a year course or some shit, finished it in two months. They told me I don't need to go to the remainder classes and I could write the examination. Got the certifications, passed with flying colours.
Well done me? No, fuck you me. "It's not through Oracle, so it's completely useless. Har har you wasted your measly salary on a course and it means nothing". You know what? Fuck you and fuck validation. I will validate myself from now on.

Anywhom, what a start to a shitty rant. Let's go over some generic points so I can finally make my avatar.

IE can suck a duck ("oooh you made it and it runs fine in every fucking browser except fucking IE - slow clap).

Chrome RAM usage can suck a duck, two times. (just generic post, don't actually give a shit - I use Firefox).

People who can't use one fucking indentation standard ("oooh two spaces, oooh three spaces, oooooh a fucking tab button... " etc) can fuck off.

That fucker who came and converted my buildings in Age of Empires with the "wolololo" priest can fuck off too.

Been reading through devRant and you know what? You guys are pretty cool

Note to self: Never leave a non-dev person mid-way through a Windows installation. They'll find a way to fuck it up and then blame it on you.
//this one restarted his system mid-installation coz it was 'taking too long'.
Why is common sense in such scarcity?

Project manager, a few months ago: "why did you do this task? It's all wrong. It's a backend task, not a frontend task so you shouldn't have done it. Don't do it again."

PM, today, regarding the same task in a different project: "why didn't you do this task? The project isn't complete without it. It isn't right. You should have done it."

Are you fucking serious? If we do it it's wrong, if we don't do it it's wrong too. So why should I bother? Seriously, fuck you you piece of shit.

Well, fuck you too!

You know you've been watching Silicon Valley too much lately when you drop your food and yell "mother fuck.. Jian Yang."

Holy fucking shit! Coding by yourselves seem so much fucking more efficient than in a team. Fuck you team! I know you might say this makes me a bad programmer. But you know what fuck you too!

school takes the creativity out of programming.

you want to try something new?
sorry, can't have that. functionality = priority.

school takes the choice out of programming.

- you're gonna use x language
- with x api
- in x environment
- and make it in x way
- because if you don't, your gonna fail x assignments
- because programming is about getting the job done, with no creativity

yeah fuck you too

school takes the cleverness out of programming

you get a turn left function. it turns a 'turtle' left any amount of degrees that you pass it, you have to make a turn right function to turn right 90 degrees. well, if you thought turning left -90 degrees was a good idea to make a turn right function, then fuck you. you have to turn left three timeswith the default 90 degrees instead because it's more practical/logical.

fuck that.

anyone else hate the movements to get programming into schools?

You know what?
Fuck Webpack and Babel, too.
They're way too complicated and finicky to set up.

I want to write a simple library, not a freaking research paper.

So I just got out of a meeting where "like a YouTube for x" and "it isn't that complicated, just storing videos, documents, etc..."
Were used in the same sentence.

I'm already updating my resume.

Python be like
"During handling of the above exception, another exception occurred" ... Exception : exception not defined.

Well fuck you too goddammit

Well captcha fuck you too

Fuck those clients which are surprised when they get an invoice when they ask you to do something for them.

I think it's as simple as:

- you know my hourly rate
- you ask me to do some work for you
- I give you an estimation
- you agree with the estimation
- I get the job done and show it to you
- you accept the edits/solutions
- I send you an invoice with less hours than estimated
- you agree with the invoice and pay

It seems that every step is going well, except the last one...

Well... fuck you too.

!dev

Me: walks into a coffee shop and orders a latte

Barista-1: can you cover for me tomorrow.

Barista-2: I am busy with family. Do you have plans?

B-1: no.

B-2: are you sick?

B-1: yeah! My throat hurts soooo much and I can hardly breath!

B-2: ahhhhh. That’s too sad.

B-1: commences to make my latte while breaking heavily into it.

Me: Walks the fuck away.

Fuck. That. Shit.

The $6 it costs for that latte isn’t worth missing a week of paying work with the flu!

I got no time for that type of shit. Stay the fuck home for fuck sakes.

Why the fuck do teachers take points off for coding style. Like really placing my open house brace on the same line as an if is what looks good TO ME. And breaking from a while loop with an inverted condition is nicer than a huge if TO ME. Fuck it I like the m_ for member variables too. And yes C++ usually names functions like someFunction, but I like how c# does SomeFunction. Like shit, it's personal I don't care that I lose 5points every test I do it just to say fuck you

The fuck did you think was going to happen?

User: ITs dragging their feet which is why x hasn't gone out yet.

PM: Why hasn't this gone out yet?

Me: They sent me a template then another and then said wait that's wrong too I'll send you the correct one.

I've yet to receive this and no one's provided me the data to check over.

PM: Well that's not what x said.

Me: Well my email chain says so. (Proceed to show them the emails)

PM then walks off and blasts the users. Your #blamegame ended the moment you emailed me knob shits.

At university. But at first I thought I was too stupid because everyone in my class sounded like they started hacking the NSA at age 3, and I hadn't even opened a command line. Even had a proffessor tell me if I didn't ace his OOP class, I should quit (I failed, did good the second time though). Moral of the story is: fuck him, and anyone who tells you that you can't do something.

Them: "How is that low priority feature request coming along?"
Me: "It's almost done, a bunch of higher priority things delayed me. It should come live sometime tomorrow"
Them: "It better do"
Me: "Oh did I say tomorrow? I meant next week."

Fuck your attitude. You won't die not having your "saves 15" minutes a day feature for a few more days while some people can't work at all before I fix a major bug. You're not even my manager.

Bonus: overheard him talking shit about me working too slow later that day too.

FUCKING FUCK! THE TEAM LEAD WANTS ME TO MAKE AN UNNECESSARY UPDATE, AND IN THAT TOO HE WANTS TO IMPLEMENT A HALF ASSED FEATURE. Upon telling him what it takes(which he doesn't understand shit about cuz he's not from webdev background and has the level of experience that I had when I was midway my first webdev book), not to mention that he hasn't even seen the code of the project I've worked upon, which I got from an intern they fired last year cuz of not working and shitting around everywhere in the code(I asked if we could start afresh and he says that it'll take too much time - guess what, it took us two extra weeks already cuz of that and half of our required features can't be implemented cuz the code is beyond any hope), he tells me that "The client won't need this feature, but we're thinking of more and more features to provide (WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK).
Okay, you wanna sell your product; fine. I suggested that if we're letting the client select the time stamp on the initial date, then we should let him select the time stamp on the ending date too, right?
"No, we'll not provide this feature" ARE YOU FUCKING BONKERS?! WHAT THE FUCK IS THE FUCKING PROBLEM WITH YOU?!?!
I'll have to make major breaking changes in the code, for which I'm not the only one working on. Great.
This, coupled with the fact that he speaks unbelievably slow and it's so irritating cuz he repeats himself thrice.

What happens(has already happened), when he'll show this to the seniors, he'll say that this is either unnecessary/will suggest a major change, which WOULD HAVE BEEN MUCH FUCKING BETTER IF TOLD BEFORE I START WITH THE CHANGE, YOU FUCKING CUNTS

I thought this would be fun. Well fuck me.

You are a consultant and wrote some easy scripts by copying code snippets together?

Good for you!

It makes your job easier?

Good for you!

You didn't care too much about UI because you only needed the job to be done?

That's fine!

BUT DON'T YOU DARE SELL THIS SHIT TO A CUSTOMER AND CALL YOURSELF A SOFTWARE DEVELOPER!

YOU ARE NO DEVELOPER!
YOU DON'T KNOW NOTHING ABOUT HOW TO BUILD A RELIABLE SOFTWARE.

no one needs a solid database structure?
Object oriented programming is "just another hype"?
No one cares for the coding?

FUCK YOU, AND YOUR ATTITUDE!

FUCK YOU MICROSOFT FUCK YOU FOR MAKING ASP.NET FUCK YOU FOR MAKING IIS AND FUCK YOUR WINDOWS SERVERS TOO

Fuck Google Chrome and fuck you too MSI...
Why the hell would you not allow me to register my motherfucking MSI motherboard without installing Chrome first.

We are now at this point where Web Devs are refusing to make a simple shitty html form work unless it is running in Google Chrome...

You know what? Shove a big fat horse dildo up your ass.. I'm not registering this piece of shit and if I find the dev behind this, I will shove the entire MoBo up their ass without lube just to watch them scream in pain and agony.

MFW the company that have a turnover around $100 million via their woocommerce site only does'nt want to upgrade from PHP5.4 because "it is too much work".

Well fuck you then

There has got to be a vetting option for this shit. The number of green dots asking for easily googleable shit is getting far too annoying and y'all dumbasses answering them in an effort to get upvoted is fucking pathetic.

Google shit, most basic and long term producing ability of anyone in I.T

We are not here to give you pointers, solve homework or teach you shit.

This platform is for pro devs bitching about their workplace.

Tired of mfkers that learn how to hello world and get here

Fuck off.

OH FUCK YOU TOO JAVASCRIPT

I decided to start a new web project tonight. I'm a serial starter-never-finisher, but I thought, "No @AnonymousGuy, you'll work on that android game that's genuinely almost releasable aside from the shitty makeshift UI you gave it while learning Unity."

Fuck yeah. Motivated, I picked up my laptop and put it on my lap. I grabbed my phone, opened DevRant, spent 2 hours reading rants, commenting, +1'ing, and looked down at my laptop. Put it back on the floor. I'm too tired now.

Fuck me and my total lack of self-discipline. 😑

Why the fuck do people care about age so much?
Unlike other activities, you can be 15 years old and be as good as a senior dev, so why the fuck do you need to degrade me because you found out my age?
I still deliver the promised work, so what the fuck?

As for kids who try to get recognition because they're young and program, well, fuck you too!

Programming isn't about age or maturity, since in this age of tech, anyone can pick up a computer and an internet connection and learn, so why do you feel that younger individuals have less capabilities?

I just had to get that out of me since it pisses me off a fuck load.

Woohoo we asked for a prioritized list of changes , we got 2 power points instead.

Yeah, fuck you too.

Yes - I fucking hate xcode too.

These are the main reasons:-

(1) Why the fuck make people go into Terminal to run pod install to build something? this is absurd.

(2) There are always fucking problems with the provisioining profile - like wrong fucking profile, or expired profile - which fuck wit came up with such a convoluted way of deploying? and then you to have to login to the apple develope and agree to some new fucking terms with some other bull shit crap.

(3) Swift 4 is out when nobody has been learnt swift 3.... What the fuck??

Fuck Apple!

Depression update two.
Thanks for amazing support guys!
I have made decision to have a digital detox. Today I did have another bout of depression accompanied with a mild case of confused state of mind and suicidal thoughts. I have found the triggers(Social media and too much time spent on the internet.) I have lost a lot of weight too. From 68KG -> 46 KG in span of weeks. So I hope I will catch you soon after I recover from it.

Fuck depression. If anyone is having bouts of depression please contact your health-care provider or friends/family.

Love you all. ❤️🙏☺️

Dear Apple, fuck you for the iPad pro, it is probably the hardest device to do web design in mind.

It is at that point where it's screen is technically declared laptop size but just too big for being declared tablet...

Fuck you...

“There’s too many Firefox quantum rants...”

Lemme let you in on a little secret:
It’s nothing new, get over it.

Apple released a new phone.
Windows updated.
Samsung or Google releases a phone.
Exam time.

Do any of you see a common theme? It’s the same people posting three metric fuck tons of posts about recent news. Wow, a tech person sharing tech news, imagine that. It’s just a phase, we all notice it. It’ll go away. Thanks. Have a nice day.

Boss wants to scale our webservers because it seems they're having performance/capacity issues....

I'VE BEEN TELLING HIM FOR WEEKS IT'S NOT THE SERVERS!!! IT'S THE FACT THAT EVERY SINGLE QUERY HITS A SINGLE MONGODB... AND NO CACHE EITHER... AND THE DB CANT BE ENTIRELY LOADED INTO MEMORY AS ITS TOO BIG FOR RAM ON A SINGLE SERVER...

HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU SCALE IF EVERYTHING HAS A DEPENDENCY ON 1 NON-DISTRIBUTED DATABASE?

Just got an email accusing me of not implementing a feature that is quite clearly implemented.

It's not my fault if your too stupid to #include my header file. Did you just expect the compiler to magically find the functions for you.

Also thanks for raising this with my team lead and his boss.

May you spend eternity in a cold ditch coding java script on a 386 with a 28k modem you disgusting fuck nugget.

5 lines of code
100+ lines of errors
Fuck GCC :/

You know what, fuck microshit to fuck town and back again.

What part of disabling "allow the computer to turn of this device to save power"

DO YOU NOT FUCKIJG UNDERSTAND!

MY FUCKING USB'S ARE GOING FUCKING MENTAL SWITCHING ON AND OFF LIKE A DRUNKEN HOBO YOU COCK FUCKS.

my week is a complete and utter shit of a week as it is, I don't need this bullshit on top of it too.

#Microsoft, fix your fucking shit already!

For fucks sake if I send you a clearly described 5 step install instructions do not start on step 3! Yes you fucking moron instructions labeled 1,2,3,4,5 should be carried out one after the other! Not in random order.

Seriously, how deranged are you that you have never ever encountered a step-by-step instruction before?!

Don't give me that "oh, should I have started with step 1 first? You weren't very clear about that. I think it is a bit too complicated."

Here are some more instructions:
1. Close your PC
2. Donate it to someone with detectable IQ level
3. Go fuck yourself
4. Please die
5. Yes, start with step 1

What the fuck is up with interviewers asking about my goddamn hobbies now? My hobby is slowly going blind while frustratedly talking to myself through an anthropomorphized rubber duck you fucking idiot, that's why I'm here in the first place. "Well we want a well rounded person". I'll give you a well-rounded asshole. It used to be, "well do you write code in your spare time too"? What the fuck do they want from us? Next time I'm answering this new "hobby" question as follows:
I DO COKE AND FUCK STRIPPERS! I'M THE ROCKSTAR DEVELOPER YOU'RE ALWAYS JERKING OFF TO, CAN YOU EVEN HANDLE THAT YOU ASTONISHING PUSSY?

The fucking cunts didn't approve my PR because "it wasn't necessary to do it like this". My PR would have fixed some technical debt, but yes, fuck you too if it doesn't fit your shitty narrative.

A LOT of this article makes me fairly upset. (Second screenshot in comments). Sure, Java is difficult, especially as an introductory language, but fuck me, replace it with ANYTHING OTHER THAN JAVASCRIPT PLEASE. JavaScript is not a good language to learn from - it is cheaty and makes script kiddies, not programmers. Fuck, they went from a strong-typed, verbose language to a shit show where you can turn an integer into a function without so much as a peep from the interpreter.

And fUCK ME WHY NOT PYTHON?? It's a weak typed but dynamic language that FORCES good indentation and actually has ACCESS TO THE FILE SYSTEM instead of just the web APIs that don't let you do SHIT compared to what you SHOULD learn.

OH AND TO PUT THE ICING ON THE CAKE, the article was comparing hello worlds, and they did the whole Java thing right but used ALERT instead of CONSOLE.LOG for JavaScript??? Sure, you can communicate with the user that way too but if you're comparing the languages, write text to the console in both languages, don't write text to the console in Java and use the alert api in JavaScript.

Fuck you Stanford, I expected better you shitty cockmunchers.

Dear Colleague who ended a call I overheard today with the sentence "I'm off next week, if there is anything - anything! -, call me on my mobile phone!". Fuck you. If you value your work more than your family, that's not only your problem. You're fucking my clients expectations, too. I don't think you're a hero. You're a moron.

I have nothing wrong with being frequently asked what I am majoring in. However, I am going for COMPUTER SCIENCE not FUCKING IT. Please for the love of fuck stop suggesting I try to get a job with some shitty company as an IT guy. I have no interest in being an IT guy. I want to fucking code shit, not fix your shit and help you do basic shit that you're too fucking incompetent to figure out.

Is it too much to ask for the dumb ass devs behind Eclipse to fucking let a FRESH install - no plugins yet, open without crashing?

is that even a thing?

Fuck you Eclipse, and companies that make me use this useless pile of shit!

This is what I get for wanting to try Arch Linux again.... I even followed a guide so that I don't mess up. 😑 Fuck you Arch Linux and your complicatedness. And fuck you too brain for being Arch Linux dumb.

*looks for jobs in system administration*

For our client in $location we're looking for a Network and System Administrator ... to manage our local IT infrastructure (so far so good) ... that's Microsoft-based.

Fuck that company.

*looks further*

Requirements: deployment and maintenance of servers, backups and storage, updates, yada yada.. fine with me.
yOU wiLl mAiNtAiN WanBLowS sUrVaR sYsTeMs

Fuck that company too.

Does anyone here in Belgium even work with fucking Linux servers?! Or should I really relocate to the Netherlands to get something decent?!!

Hey boss, I see you are on a rampage with those trello cards, they all flying to the done list... How about you push to gitlab at least once a week too?

You gonna have to deal with the conflicts alone you dumb fuck :)

FUCK THE EU!

Ok I said it, what? Someone had too.

Can we all move on now?

Ps: if you made it this far, be sure to ++ for your angers and frustrations over the current articles we all know and hate.

I think Matlab was only invented to fuck with people. Yeah, let's start indices with 1. Oh, and set copy and paste on Ctrl+W and and Alt+Y.
You didn't save your code? Too bad, the network went down and I lost the license.

That moment when you shout "i'm a fucking genius" too loud when you find out the solution after 2 hours of brain fuck, and your colleagues think you're crazy

Yeah boss, lets study Scrum extensively so you can:

- Create variable length sprints
- User stories that are meaningless like 'fixes'
- Tasks that should be User Stories
- Duplicated tasks/stories that are on the fucking backlog already
- Cross sprints on projects
- No meetings at fucking all to determine who will do what
- Assign people on vacation to current sprints

The list goes on...

An when I point things like that out lets just look at the guy who spent 6 months studying this shit, taught you ( at least tried... ) as if he is saying nonsense while our projects get delayed and our code spaghettifies because we are always in a hurry for lack of time to plan anything :)

Working with a delivery ordering API. Response:
Shipping label type: PDF
Label: base64encoded string

I was like, that's easy, literally two lines of code. Proceeds to convert and save the file. Then on open, bam! Format ubreadable. What the actual fuck?! Found an online converter, and tried to convert it to pdf, to see if I was missing something, but the results was the same.

Then checked the decoded string. First 3 characters: GIF

Well fuck you too! This carrier uses GIF's for it's shipping labels for 2years at least, how hard is it to change that in your fucking api response, you pice of shitbag.

While attending a class for mobile app development a couple of months back, the day the teacher (T) unveiled the class project:
T: You must build an Android app. You can do whatever you want.
T: Don't overcomplicate though. For example, online servers won't be valued!
T: But don't make it too easy. For example, don't make a tic-tac-toe. That won't be valued!
T: And remember, you must use device sensors, like the camera, GPS, accelerometer ...
T: But don't just throw the sensor functionality if it doesn't make sense in the app you're building. That won't be valued either!
T: You have one week to think and send me a proposal.
Me: What the fuck do you want me to do then?

I just got insulted by a Facebook add :/

Want to hide this devRant apps on android but how?

Because everytime my wife see this devRant, she say, wtf this app? So many bad word, so many "fuck", you must avoid see bad words too much ,she said. Lol its true but still happy to see it, because its damn true. I love to see people say the truth

Me : *trying to download latest version of android studio*
Google: "Your client does not have permission to get URL /studio/index.html from this server. That’s all we know."
Me: FUCK YOU GOOGLE
Me: *googles: دانلود اندروید استودیو* (which means download android studio)
*and downloads it from a random website*

It happens every goddamn time, why the fuck i can't download this shit !? Because these countries are fighting each other all the time! What did i do wrong in my life? I just want to download your fucking app to write another shitty app to continue my fucking life. I don't know shit about this wars happening, I'm just a dev like others all over the world.
Downloading an app, is that too much to ask? Well fuck you then.

Fuck this code, and fuck you too. I'm going to bed. ☠️

ノಠ益ಠノ彡┻━┻

Oh yeah that shouldn't take too long right? I mean it's just the front end.

No shut your fucking dumb ass mouth up. It will take long. The front end is very complicated, and your stupid fucking ass who couldn't learn to code is in no position to estimate how long it will take. Do us all a favor and stick to the "business" side. Fucking incompetent idiot.

If you're not a programmer, when it comes to estimating how long a task will take. Just shut the fuck up. Just cause you work in this industry does not qualify you to estimate a task. Just shut the fuck up.

I really love taking HR mandatory training concerning covid-19 that apparently speaks for me.

Did you guys know that I was dying to go back to work instead of remotely doing everything from the comfort of my fucking home?? and that my biggest fear was that i would be at home too much and missed the workplace?
No? well, me fucking either. I was way the fuck more productive working from home that being in my office dealing with stupid shit all day because i was constantly being interrupted.

Pretty sure my employees felt the same way when I yelled from my office :"y'all this training is some bullshit and apparently you guys were fucking dying to come back"

and one of them yelled "ahhh hr speaking for me again!!"

Fuck brainwashed trainings.

Well fuck you too Farnell 🖕

Psst, tech world, fuck you and your so called April fucking Fools jokes. They are anticipated, way too obvious and are not even remotely funny.

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU ???

Galaxy S8 5.8" Quad HD+ Super AMOLED (2960x1440) 
570 ppi

Galaxy S8+ 6.2" Quad HD+ Super AMOLED (2960x1440) 
529 ppi

oh my fucking god, what kind of retard decided this ?

This resolution is waaaaay too much. It impacts performance and battery life a fuck ton and gives you absolutely nothing in return. I would be cordially surprised if there was someone in the world who could see more than 400 ppi. 300 is more than enough for most of the people.
God these fucks are annoying with their retarded marketing. And even more so, the people who buy these phones, because phone manufacturers can and will continue doing so.
Flagship my ass.

Frontend dev for 10+ years here.

"We can't afford to hire you as a senior, so your job title will be 'Frontend Developer' and your tasks will carry less responsibility than expected from a senior"

One year in, team of 2 handling 3 projects.

After merging with the parent company, we got business cards, mine describe me as a "Senior Frontend UI Engineer".
"Well, our customers only trust seniors, otherwise we can't send you to them".

Meanwhile a former colleague earns >1000€ more a month.

Yeah, fuck you too bosses!

Why the fuck are the setup instructions for the repo for Mac only?!! Oh, because everybody on the previous team used a Mac?!

Have you dick heads ever considered the possibility of new developers for the university module website not having a Mac??

And fuck your documentation too, half the fixes for setup problems mentioned inside the page doesn’t work. CS freshmen can write better documentation than you guys.

PS: that website and db is still not set up and setups should never take more than a day

Fuck. Medium.
Fuck all the articles on it too.

Do you seriously think I am so fucking dumb that I cannot keep my attention on a paragraph of text without at least one image for five seconds straight?
Three quarters of your shitty fucking article are images. They don't even relate to a damn thing in the article. It's just a fucking stream of random image subtitles.

It's just as bad as people randomly mashing pictures they found via Google search into their Power Point presentation because they actually have no content, breaking all copyright laws in the process, so they can stretch their mindless bullshit as long as humanly possible.

FUCK. YOU.

Imagine being on vacation and the first notification you see on your phone in the morning is from your colleague on Teams:
"Hey! Are you available for a call despite the vacation?"

Fml and fuck me for being too kind to even spend time answering his questions instead of ghosting him.

Starting my 10th side project like...

One of my biggest pet peeves is when I see people say shit like "fix it now" when a bug pops up.

Like bitch go fix it since you're such a fucking intelligent individual. You can't? Well then, shut the fuck up and let them fix it. They're human too, ya know

I fucking hate it when customer changes things in the last minute.

"It's a small change", they say. "It shouldn't take you too long", they say.

You know what? Fuck you.

Fuck you javascript and your bizarre Date object.
May your ass itch, and arms become too short to reach.

Spend a good hour debugging why this fucker:
(new Date).getDay();

Returns 3, when it's actually the 2nd of May.

Turns out the value returned by getDay is an integer corresponding to the day of the week.

(new Date).getDate(); it is, ಠ_ಠ

*sees a question on StackOverflow*
*posts an answer*
*is informed that answers from this account are no longer accepted because of poor past answers*
*???*
Well fuck you too, SO. :P

So two mini rants rolled up into one

1) programmers who can code in 8292 languages but don’t know shit about the business side and think they know better than the business folks when it comes to big picture decisions, please go fuck yourself.

2) People who respond to “Gotta set up a few machines for non tech folks” with “Oh you should try Linux, it’s so user friendly”. You need to go fuck yourself. You have no idea what you’re talking about and probably lack empathy too you rotten squid smelling cumsock.

FUCK YOU, WINDOWS UPDATE! FUCK YOU TOO CISCO FOR NOT SOLVING YOUR ISSUES WITH MICROSOFT!!

Fuck Xcode!
Why does every single and small update need to be at least 5GB? And why am I required to update you so fucking often? You are not fixing anything, so don’t even pretend to! Most of the time it is just to support the latest .x update in iOS. Can’t be too hard to update the SDK without updating the entire shit IDE! 😡

And guess what: I JUST UPDATED YOU, SO WHERE IS YOUR FUCKING NEW VERSION??? HOW CAN I WAIT 45 MINUTES AND AFTER THAT YOU DID NOTHING!?! HOW CAN I HAVE THE SAME VERSION AS BEFORE??? NOW I HAVE TO DOWNLOAD YOU AGAIN YOU FUCKING PEASE OF SHIT 😡😡😡

Daily scrum
Today, the Scrumpy Master was not here, so I leaded the daily scrum meeting,
rephrasing the 3 standards questions a little bit: the results where amazing.
Here my questions in case somebody want to use them:
- What the fuck did you do on Friday?
- What the fuck do you think you are doing today?
- What is your fucking problem?

We managed to keep the meeting very short and after the meeting everybody was sooooo concentrated I couldn't believe it.

Beeep Beeeeeep 7:00 o'clock. Shit. I was dreaming. Must wake up and go to work.
Scrum master will be there too.

It's 2:10 AM on a Friday night.
Well played "cordova ionic".
.
.
.
Fuck you too :'(

Question everything!

Comments lie.. sometimes code does too.. Customers..they lie the most..and are sloppy..

Don't be like customers, don't be sloppy. If you were sloppy own it & don't lie about it!

Pick your fights (trying to fix vs rewrite the shit out of it)..you will know what to do more with experience..

RTFM & docs.. If things still unclear, ask before your dick gets stuck in a toaster!

Ask away, learn about the customers & how they use your product.. you'll be surprised how something intuitive to you might be a rocket science for them..meaning more room to fuck things up when using it..more ways you can adapt & prevent things..

Most of all, don't fuckin lie.. ever!!
If you lie on you're CV, we will find out.. If you fuck up something & lie about it, we will find out.. but it will cost us precious time when solving it from scratch.. People fuck up..that's a fact..how you go about it is what makes/breaks it for me. So don't ever fuckin lie to me!!

And don't be arogant.. if you complain about fixing bugs, this is not a job for you.. if you can't even fix the obvious ones you've put there in the first place..twice as bad..

So think before you code..what do you want to do, how you want to accomplish this, is it reusable, can it be extended, does it introduce new technology into the project, will it fuck up current setup.. once you have this shit figured out, code will write itself..

Did I mention already you're not to lie to me, ever?!

And don't try talking about me behind my back either..I've seen it backfire before, results were not good..

I fucking hate Reddit
Because I don’t interact with other peoples post too much but do so when the post is mine, I’m considered spammer.
The 90/10 rule is ridiculous.
This morning I got banned from r/internetisbeautiful because of this stupid rule.

Not because my website is not beautiful, hell, it got thousands upvotes. But because I used the same domain for different unrelated projects, same way you can have different GitHub pages under one user.

Fuck this, fuck

That moment when you find out your school is using unsalted md5 passwords, and your school project requires using it too... FUCK

To all you fuckers out there giving bad app rating because some shit does not work on your shitty phone and you are to fucking lazy to report the bug via the fucking "send log to dev"-button that pops up with the exception.
Go fuck yourself.
And to all the user whose bugs I fixed and did not change their Bad rating - fuck you too.
And oh.. The fucktards that did not even install the app and give a Bad rating because i am your competitor - guess what...fuck you.

The most important skill you can have is doing things without shame.

Shamelessly stay in your bed all weekends watching PewDiePie, never brushing your teeth, eating Doritos from under your pillow and peeing into empty Mountain Dew bottle if you feel like doing it.

Shamelessly spend your vacation sitting in the toilet with a laptop browsing reddit.

Shamelessly cut your product in half and ship it if you don't feel like perfecting it.

Shamelessly admit that you don't know something when you messed something up at work.

If you are a millennial like me, chances are your gen x parents told you that you have to be perfect / really good to succeed and to be worthy.

You know what? Fuck your parents then. Fuck my parents as well. Admitting this behavior wrong and actually giving up on living like something is always watching is the best thing you can do to your mental health.

I'm lazy. I write "any" here and there when they force me to do typescript at work. When I need a sidebar, I go and copy-paste that jquery snippet. I write like one article a month at best and I really want to say "fuck it" if I just don't feel like it.

You can always give up on everything and it's perfectly fine. This doesn't make you any kind of looser or something. You're perfectly fine.

Too bad I'm only beginning to master that.

Man they're coming today. I got another one.

An issue filed over an issue tags color being "too bright" and "draws more attention than other tags"

It's the "good first issue" tag you think maybe I did that by design?

Holy fuck.

Really good when you cant connect your pc with a 100€ os to the internet and you click on "show more solutions" and it only offers you online support and, even dumber, "ask a friend". Thanks, great work everybody, really good. Why don't you just write "sorry our os is too shity, but we don't want to care about it anymore, go fuck yourself in the corner over there"

FUCK YOU if your IDE IS TOO FUCKING BAD TO LOAD MY FUCKING 300 LINES C# PROJECT IN FIVE MINUTES WHAT THE FUCK

That moment you receive an email: your CI build is failing.

Ok. What went wrong?

Three new commits that do not seem to alter anything related to the failure.

*reverts commits and tries again*

Still failing.

WTF?!

*restarts previous builds*

They now fail too.

FUCK! BASTARD! Are you kidding me?

*investigates*

Turns out that repo of dependency changed and is not compatible anymore.

Argh! Son of bitch!

Well fuck you too Swift! Your mother is to complex to be solve in reasonable time!

I'm pretty new here, but I can't begin tell you how much I appreciate feeling like a part of a dev community for the first time. It's great having a place to share, vent, and occasionally let out a fuck-filled rant.

I guess most jobs are too formal for you to be verbal and brutally honest about your experiences and frustrations -- and friends can take the honesty but do not understand the technical stuff. This place seems to be the best of both words. Cheers.

REDIS: Great for cloud, will fuck up your local disk if too many write operations per second.

DynamoDB: WTF 10Mb should not be "too large for a single record"!!

SPARK: NEVER CONNECT IT TO A DATABASE! Wasted A LOT of cluster time. Also, can you be LESS specific on exactly what are the bugs in my code? 'cause I don't think it's possible.

NPM: can't install a package for shit. tried it waaaay to many times.

Makefiles: Just fuck you.

WSL1: breaks more often than a glass hammer.

Python >= 3.6: FUCK ENCODINGS!!

Jupyter: STOP MESSING UP WHILE SAVING!

Living is to collet bugs, it seems.

A people person is only a people person to another people person. I fucking hate them. Most sales people I see don’t really have any skills per say. They think they do by claiming to be a people person. The entire sales community is like this. Fake as shit. They pay thousands to learn something that has been written in Medium or you could just Youtube. I think I can pretty much get the fact if you wanna make a video do well, you need a good title. They speak everything on the surface. And they claim to a be a layperson. Well, no. Fuck you. I not giving you an average. You are stupid as shit. They can’t write a proper fucking email. I have to go through kubernates and monads and they still make more money than devs via commission. They are too sober and fucking pretentious too. Fuck em fuck em fuck em.

Desk helper: "Have a nice flight"

Me: "You too"

Fuck. I've been behind a screen for too long.

Ok. FUCK MySQL Workbench.
Most of our products built on MySQL and we just had enough of the tools that we are using for our mysql databases...
We decided to make our own tool :)

If it goes well, we plan to open source it. Would you guys be interested in it?
We planned the following features:
1. Schema editing
2. Schema versioning
3. Update/downgrade script generation to move easily between schema versions
4. Manual/auto sync
5. Might include our own replication solution too...

What do you think?

Mac suddenly stopped working. Came to know motherboard is gone & the price to get it changed is around 60k.

Fuck you Apple. Never buying the shit again. Though one good thing came out of it ;it used to be my work machine too & now I'm chilling from last 4 days.

And just when you like Linux a little too much, it bites you in the ass to remind you why the year of the Linux desktop never happened.

Wifi printer is installed, CUPS test page works, even scanning works. But printing anything else results in the printer spitting out raw postscript with a few random lines per page.

Great. Looks like I'll have to print to PDF, then go to a copy shop and print because printing under Linux is still an unsolved issue.

And yes, that would have worked even with Windows 10. Fuck.

User: This web page form is too hard to use and is prone to have wrong data filled out.

Me: Uh...ok. Here is a redesign. You literally fill out one text field and a date picker.

User: Oh this is great, thanks.

*checks the database and the very first entry they created had the wrong date.*

Fuck me.

Ok, so I basically spent my weekend trying to work out why the fuck my python docker container would not connect to my mariadb docker container. Tried fucking everything, bridged network, host network, links (even though theyre deprecated), you name it. It would NOT WORK!

In my despair I finally turned to StackOverflow. There I was told 5min after posting the question that the reason was probably that mysql is a quite heavy service, which takes a bit to start up.

I thought to myself "Oh, get the fuck outta here, that can't be it, shit's way too easy to work!"
I tried it nevertheless by adding a 10sec delay before querying the database AND THE MOTHERFUCKING PIECE OF SHIT ACTUALLY WORKS!! So, I essentially just lost a weekend because I was too impatient... I think I'm gonna punch some trees now.

me: *Tries a little change before going to sleep*

git: error: invalid object xyz

me: sure, fuck you too

Fucking hate when business people says this to me:
- You have no time to do this, we will find somebody else to do it. (EXCUSE ME? how do you know I have no time? If have no time I WILL TELL YOU)
- Your team is too busy, we will outsource that (IF THAT it's a priority, we WILL DO THAT, fuck you, I'll tell you if we need to outsource or not)
- Requirements are too complex to do now. We will think about it and we will tell you, maybe it's just enough to add a column to db (WHAT? WHAT THE FUCK IS too complex? I didn't even see anything we can call requirement, nor speak with relevant people, so how do you fucking know they are complex if you don't know shit about dev and our platform)

Conclusion
It's true, I have no time, because I don't fucking understand what do you want, so I'm running all day and night doing useless things.

I have been sick for a week now. All I needed was one day of rest. But no, can't rest on the week days because I work late. Can't rest on weekends because work fucking calls me for retarded tasks that they are just too fucking lazy to do themselves.

Look gobknob, I understand you're not paying me overtime. Fuck you for that. But to deny me a day off because "we are too busy" and you can clearly see I'm fucking falling around due to illness is just a shit move.

"no doctors note, no time off". Yeah. You don't give me time to go to the doctor.

So you know what I did? I fucking went to the doctor now. Said I'm sick as a dog. Gave me a few days off too.

I should have asked him to prescribe my director a butternut sized suppository that cures all "I'm a shithead" ailments.

Time to try and turn my phone off for a few days (won't work. "oh no! We hired fuck twits who can't do their job, and now our skilled dev is sick" director "FUCKING PHONE HIM" this shit really happens.).

Excuse my grammar, my spelling, and possibly my punication. Time to sleep after 65 hours.

My new favourite quote...

"I can't be the only one worried about the deadline"

By boss speakign ot my team who is expected to deliver 6-8 months worth of work in 5 weeks time...

Too bad he does not know he IS the only one worried, when you going to miss a deadline by that much when you never agreed to it in the first place, have not seen a single API and the scope is still actively changing and lets not forget we have no DevOps yet...
why the fuck would you worry...

Customer: I need a one page website, which must have an administration panel , so I can change and add new sections. I will also have designed a unique logo and a unique web design. I think you can do it in 5-10 hours , so I'll give you $ 50 and $ 100

Me: ehmmm... I need more time if it is to be unique , and one hour cost of $ 5- $ 10 is not enough.

Customer: fuck it. I do it my self. it can not be that hard , and I think it's too expensive.

Me:

Oh so your deadline is Wednesday and you will travel on Thursday? Let's have a full day meeting on Monday... WELL FUCK YOU TOO!!!

Lets play a game of spot the bug...

Too easy you say?
What if I told you that this code was written by a well paid dev over an exceptionally large period of time?

Crazy huh, but that's still nothing. The most ludicrous thing about it - is that you (like me) probably suffer from a mild case of impostor syndrome.

I just ended that suffering. The only thing worse than impostor syndrome is believing you actually know what the fuck your doing. Keep it in check but learn to love it... it's probably the reason you could spot the bug after all.

So recently I wanted to delete a corrupt jpg file.
I could not because "It's corrupted".
Oh dear windows...
...Go fuck yourself!

Oh and also recently I was out of space, so I had to free some by deleting the VMWare Snapshots that were taking up said space.
I couldn't...
...VMWare said it needs more space to be able to delete those files.
Fuck you too VMWare!

Holy fucking shit germany... what the fuck is wrong with you?! the FUCKING TELECOM CONTROLS MOST OF THE FUCKING INTERNET?! Like holy fucking shit?! And what did they announce? svdsl... SVDSL?! SUPER VECTORING DSL?! I mean... you take the oldest car... make it a little better... you get SDSL... And then? you go for Fiber? no. YOU MAKE THE FUCKING SHIT EVEN DEEPER! You take your OLD FUCKING CAR AND MAKE IT A ZOMBIE! And then you get Super Vectoring DSL... holy shit germany... take your shit together and EXPAND YOUR FUCKING FIBER NETWORK! Fuck.

FUUUUuuuuuuu....
No, just no! I said I don't want you restart right now! Or ever! Dafaq duuude!? I thought we had a deal?! You don't update, I don't rant about you!? Well fuck you too!! Deal's off! I hate you, Loki, I hate you!! Stop restarting & updating when I'm tryin to relax & watch series!!

Making an MVP is hard as hell. It's not even coding that makes it hard, it's knowing when to stop that's so damn difficult. By the time you're ready with something, your brain says "Hey...wouldnt it be great if you added this!" Then you add it, "whoa add this too!"...several days later:
Brain: "The fuck is this, all you needed was that"
😭😭😭

I am a Windows person. I always argue how great it is.

Well, not today.

I was today years old when I learned that you CANNOT uninstall store app via store ;p You need to go to settings / apps and functionality / your app / uninstall

The photo app (Yes the one bundled with win10) doesn't work if you use Hard drive compression AND it is a symlink for OneDrive (So you don't need to keep all photos on the drive). Fucking Paint works without problems.

Email client : If you alt+tab too fast after hitting 'Send email", there is 50% chances that email won't be send. Basiclly you need to hit "send" and wait until you see it in "sent" folder.

Well, as i'm ranting, here for Linux too :
I have a small ubuntu server VM, worked very well for last 6 months. Now "System in read only mode". Fucking apt-get upgrade fucked with something. I don't want to look, so I'll just rebuild a fresh vm.

And macOS should take sometyhing too : Who the fuck decided "enter" is for editing the name of file ?! really !

Well, ALL os are shit, all have downsides, I need my own OS. But I still want AA games... So windows for me.

“You want to know the answer to that” is the answer I got to my question about a piece of code...
I guess he thought he’s too good for the job.
The dude had decent amount of knowledge but was arrogant as fuck.
Every time I asked him a question he would react as if I was making him work without pay that too on a Sunday (it wasn’t)
P.S. fucker got rejected

Fire your whole fucking web team Bethesda

* Your design is a classic ipecac. Whatever the fuck you are doing doesn't in frontend doesn't justify the 4Mb of bandwidth I wasted on a single js file. Why the fuck can I see the whole fucking node_modules directory when looking at the sources?
I know this is supposed to be a webpage for a game development studio, but I'm seriously wondering if your budget would even get me a prostitute.
I'm a greedy fuck and want a free game. apparently your servers are only good enough to register me, but login is apparently too much to ask for. Yeah sure. Oh and also thank you for choosing an "incorrect username and password" error message by default, even though your fucking gateway timed out. Please be kind enough and punch me directly into my face next time. Not like I'll ever access that shit ever again

My nightmares are made of CORS errors.

Fuck inconsistent CORS implementations across browsers.

Everyone who is about to say "Once you understand CORS it's not a problem anymore".
FUCK YOU TOO!!!!!!!

FUCK THESE FUCKING GPDR! FUCK THESE SITES! FUCK EVERY LITTLE COCKSUCKING BASTARD POPUP!
I click DISAGREE ON EVERY FUCKING POPUP! YET THESE BASTARDS SELL MY DATA LIKE EXOTIC BUTTERS! FUCK THEM ALL!

Duplicate question
Too opinion based
Fuck you this is a dumb question

But if you actual got a question and give all the information that's needed nobody fucking responds
Yeah well fuck you StackOverflow
It's like they only want to bash people and not actually help

So ... We have this century old , "respectable" government postal service that delivers and is the standard postal service on the country...

You buy something online and they send with it... 2 weeks...
You buy something online and they use private service... 1 day...

Yeah, fuck you too.

It's 23:00 and I'm too fucking tired to do anything but sleep.

How the fuck you people stay up all night and even develop cool stuff while doing so is beyond my understanding.

What the fuck is wrong with Google?!!

Trying to log into Gmail.
Forgot password.
Gmail: To reset, code from authenticator app is required.
Me: Super. Good thing I set it up.
Enters code.
Gmail: Recovery email.
Me : Uh... Forgot that too.
Gmail: Some email address to communicate.
Me: Super!
Enters some other email address.
Receives mail with a link.
Me: Finally!
Opens link

Gmail: "When did you create your account?"
Me: Uh... If I had that kind of memory, we wouldn't be dancing right now.
.
.
.
Gmail: Sorry we couldn't verify you.

WHAT THE FUCK, GOOGLE?!
What sort of sadist play is this?!

Dropped them a mail to get access back. Got a link in the auto reply that explains how to repeat the above process. WTF?!

What the actual fuck?!

!rant

Alright I'm at a lodge drinking beer with old men. These old men (50-70) are talking about facebook. I wish half of the teenagers could hear this shit where there would be a mass exodus and facebook would go the way of myspace.

< 1 year of professional software experience - company: there's too many of you, come back when you have 3 years experience

3 years experience - company: those entry levels have now gotten 3 years experience just like you and now there's too many of you, come back with 7 years experience

7 years - company: too many of you, come back with 20 years

20 years - you: create sentient AI and order it to destroy the company. AI: sorry, I'm looking for an owner with 100 years experience, sorry.

Fuck.

I fucking hate those apps/websites where you can create an account but there's no fucking way of deleting it by yourself, nor even by messaging a moderator...fuck, and it's even worse when they put you on their newsletter list and the unsubscribe doesn't do anything...Fuck

Please fellow devs, if you ever work on apps that require creating an account, provide a way to delete it too.

Ugh fuuuuuuck.

60 min before closing on the day all but two employees are on company outing: most profitable client website flatlines.

15 min after closing on the day all but two employees are on company outing: most profitable client website flatlines.

30 min after closing on the day all but two employees are on company outing: Windows Updates.

Well fuck you too, world.

"Hey Bobby, can you do XYZ for me? I can do it myself but it's such a pain in the ass"

So why the fuck would I do it if you can do it yourself? Guess what it's a pain in the ass for me too! And it's not even my problem!

I finished a bunch of coursework yesterday and turned them in so that I could have some time to work on my side projects or self study for a few days before focusing on class again.

Today was gonna be my first day to enjoy this.

I recieve an email with the second batch of coursework thats due in a week. 7 quizzes, two exams, and 7 project labs.

Yeah, fuck you, too.

Fuck it..
What’s the point?
Why do we care about a point at all?
Why do we even try to make sense out of it?
I’m religious but if you think about believe long enough that’s a point to question as well.

I guess the 2nd lockdown is getting to me.
I’m extremely introverted but this I too isolated even for me.

In the the 1st lockdown I made it for 3 weeks, now I’m breaking after 1.5weeks....

Why Gmail. Why the fuck do your search parameters, especially your date filters, not work anywhere near as expected.

You make me have to query and test, query and test, just, randomly fucking guessing because, fuck it, right?

With a good 10 second refresh time. I love twiddling my thumbs and pulling my hair out.

after:2018/11/1 should produce emails from Nov 1st onward.

Not, TODAY ONLY, if no other parameters are
specified.

If there's a from: parameter, now we want to do after Nov 1st, right?

And also, don't show me how to sort in reverse order, either. Not without a complete rewrite of my class there, which clearly I'm too lazy to do right now.

Fuck the Gmail Api, responsible for weeks of wasted dev time... or more aptly put, "fuck devs using our gmail api" says the maniacal, sociopath devils that created it

fuckers.

Just need to vent, so here goes:

Fuck doing cutting edge projects for great glory, low budgets and tight deadlines. I'm tired, burnt out and just don't give a shit anymore.

I got promoted to lead dev and thought my fortune was made but what it really meant was just: Here solve all these bullshit bugs that the rest of the team can't figure out and oh we are also taking this single app you guys made and scaling it globally. You have half a year to figure that out. You handle the devops.... sigh

Fuck that noise.

Honestly i just feel like quitting and finding a nice specialist place, with a cap of at max Senõr developer, no more being the one making the big decisions for me, rather just diving into certain areas and coding the fuck out of that. Maybe some teaching too, i like that.

Anyway, won't happen right now, i need the salary. My wife just graduated and can't find a job what with a certain flu fucking over the economy, so I am stuck here for now.

How in the fuck do you start getting clients as a freelancer? Do I just throw stuff on my GitHub and pray someone hits me up on Fiverr? Upwork won't accept my account and it's been fucking four months of me trying. I took to becoming a full-time designer to push our startup's products to completion but a fucking failure over there too everytime.

Everything is a fucking shitfest and I'm just whining at this point but I needed to take this off of my fucking chest. A good fucking day to you too.

A big, fat FUCK YOU to everyone who pushes out app-updates with generic "Improvements for speed and reliability" changelogs. I hope you and all your descendants, relatives, friends and pets get huge, hairy, painful warts between your buttcheeks that grow larger every day and return after every attempt to have them removed. Fuck you, and fuck your bullshit updates.

And if there are any devs on devRant guilty of this behaviour, fuck you too. I hope your sexual organs rot and fall off, and that you lose all your upvotes.

Webmin because why not ✓
Lamp stack ✓
Dynamic DNS client ✓
PhpMyAdmin X

Dear DigitalOcean. SINCE WHEN do you consider a PMA installation
without Https SECURE?
And why the fuck do you make me install an aptitude package that skips both file system AND Apache config cleanup on purging?
It's just a raspberry, but if it runs lamp I want PMA, and if it runs anything, I want Https. Is that too much to ask for from a tutorial source otherwise so reliable that I do anything you say without a questioning thought?

Finding comments in legacy code like "too tired, fuck you" or "this implementation is dirtyyyyyy" makes me wanna punch a dev.

FUCK SPOTIFY
This bloated buggy piece of shit
This fucking piece of bull dick that runs efficiently as much as a legless cockroach this motherfucker thinks its offline even though its in the motherfucking browse screen and I have a 4.5g connection (this retarded cunt) fills space faster than a hot gas released in a vacuum chamber just to fix its goddamn internet bug I have to reboot my damn phone. I see so many damn bugs in this shitty app that I think they rolled back to the alpha versions sometimes if I had any other god damn alternatives (google music is not available where Im from fuck you too google) the only thing I would give them would be my middle fingers. It just fucking froze on me while I'm just trying to listen to my Retrowave playlist while I fucking get ready for bed FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU YOU RETARDED INFECTION FILLED CUNT I WOULD PUT A BIKE CHAIN ON MY DICK AND RAM YOU WHILE WE ARE TIED TO A CAR THAT DRIVES OFF OF A CLIFF IF YOU WEREN'T AN INCOMPETENTLY PUT TOGETHER 1S AND 0S

Conversion rates and shipping make it awfully expensive to get official t-shirts here in India, so I decided to experiment with t-shirt printing till the time I can earn enough to donate directly to open source foundations.

I call this design "FUCK YOU, AUTODESK!!"

(Yes it's literally just the logo. Yes I'm not a graphic designer)

Not too bad, but the print could've been better. Time to start tweaking things.

wait a minute.....

fuck you too math

Ugggg!

I am about fed up with Windows.

I leave app/programs open at night because I have a bad memory, and they were important to what I was doing.

I wake up: Windows Login Screen. Apparentally windows decided to restart my computer during the night.

Ohh what joy.~

Now I have to rememeber what the fuck I had open - and it was mostly work related.

I would have left for Linux ages ago, but I'm a gamer.. And most of my games are for windows.. Some are even Windows Store Apps..

Windows.. Why don't you give a shit about us..

And before you ask..
I have Auto Updates Disabled (Not that that really fucking matters with windows..)
I have all sleep and power saver settings disabled.

Fuck you too, Xfinity

A custom script that makes a Jira ticket, assigns it to me, marks it as in progress, check out a git branch, set the commit title and the Jira title to my command line argument…. Push, open a PR, and fuck it, merge that shit too.

I checked all the corporate boxes and you got the typo fixed.

Fuck you Eclipse! Fuck you OSGi! It is only you that pisses me off like that! You filthy piece o' shit!

Fuck.

FYI: Please stop pretending you cannot find org.eclipse out of a sudden. I know that it's there and you know that too! Why? Because you found it like 30 minutes ago before my break and nothing changed since then!!

Son of bitch!

Fuck the JavaScript ecosystem; Fuck React, Redux, and a big special fuck you to React-Router. And fuck interviews that give week long assignments.

The whole fucking JavaScript community makes the simplest things so complicated just so that they can tell Backend and Mobile Devs “Hey our job is difficult too”; fuck you, it isn’t! You made it difficult. and so that they can write corny emoji-laden medium articles about it to supplement their meagre income. What’s more the articles are outdated in less than a week.

Fuck JavaScript; APIs changes everyday a week and it’s documentation is updated every decade.

Really? You want me to install you an old windows release because "you don't understand the new one"?
What don't you understand? Fucking square buttons? Basic color palletes? Big fat icons with a description below?
What do you miss in a ten years old shitty OS? The need of three antiviruses? The satanic settings layout? Lack of any drivers?
You have a family, you're making them too experience all the security breaches, all the compatibility problems with thing are a "must have" today, and all the slow performance.
Fuck you. Please, please, please, go fuck yourself with your trashy laptop's burnt battery. Pretty please. I already hated you, but now it's out of the charts.
PS: Actually, fuck myself with your crappy laptop's batteries, because my girlfriend told me to help you, and I can't say no, so see you in two weeks, when porn ads are invading your desktop and you're ready to blame me.

"But using XYX is better and it's not hard to set up!"
No, fuck you and your recommendations.

It's too time consuming to set up that blazing-fast minimalistic modular shit, because I know I'll want to configure it to perfection until I bang my head against my tiny keyboard when I have finally realised that all the config I went througu only achieved the same outcome as the 'bloated' software I was originally using.

So, fuck you.
I'd rather get on with my life and get some work done.

It's not like I wasn't aware of XYZ in the first place; I'm not using it because I know what's more important to get my shit done.

I love a number of the little slack "all clean" icons when you catch up on threads. They're adorable. My personal favorite is the floptopus.

Anyone else have fave examples of adorable, ideally platform mascot-related pieces of task-accomplishment-reward-bait (octocat, go gopher, etc etc?

It's a rant bc fuck anyone who's too cool for cute shit :p

You want me to work in-loco, even thought my job can be done remotely? That's fine.

Your company's offices are located in a expensive district of a expensive European capital? That's fine too.

You want to pay me a salary so low, that I can only afford to live 2 hours away from work? Fuck That!!!

If your company is in a expensive location, either offer me a high salary or stop bothering me with bad job offers.

A new currency is emerging in our industry. It is called "blame".
Who is to blame if we don't meet the deadline?
Who is to blame if the rushed release has x bugs?
Who is to blame if nightly build breaks, because our CI-Server is an old hunk of junk and "management" didn't approve the upgrade?
Our customer blames the delay in HIS infrastructure on us, because our system requirements are too high.

Blame blame blame. This currency is the new idol of our management team. Everyone gets blamed. They manage their "blame" ledgers instead of approving the tools we need or give us reasonable deadlines. Why Lord, oh why are there SO MANY MORONS in managment? You know what, dear "managers"? FUCK YOU., FUCK YOU SO HARD YOUR MOM WON'T RECOGNIZE YOU. YOU COULDN'T POUR PISS OUT OF A BOOT WITH INSTRUCTIONS ON THE HEEL.

!Rant

"The best programming language is C++ because games were made with it" OH MY FUCKING GOD JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!

Do you guys get this unbelievable dump statement too? I could punch every person who ever said dat 😑 Not is is absolutely wrong, C++ isn't even a got language! It's painfully FUCKING slow!! Why the fuck do people say something before they get their freaking brain to work! 😑😑😑

I FUCKING HATE ARGUING WITH THOSE PEOPLE. THEY NEVER ACCEPT OTHER OPINIONS.

GOD DAMN IT!

Ah, the beautiful feeling of fanatically trying to debug the code in a particular file for a few hours only to realise that the error was in a different file...

Fuck you too, C++ template errors.

For our robotics team we have a college professor (if that's what you even call it) who is teaching our programming subteam how to code the robot in c++. Whenever we mention git he goes on and on about how git is too confusing and we shouldn't use it even if we used pull requests.

What the actual fuck