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Joker: If you are good at something don’t do it for free
Me: (thinking) How much shall I charge to introduce bugs into someone’s code? 🤣3 -
When I hear sales guy using technical terms in the wrong context while doing his sales pitch to a client...
2 -
Went to an interview for the position ‘PHP Web Developer’. Interviewer scans through my CV for 2mins and then starts the interview.
Interviewer: Do you know Java?
Me: I know Java but I don’t have any professional experience
Interviewer: Do you know Hadoop?
Me: No. I’ve never worked on it
Interviewer: Our company works on Hadoop hence you should be able to work on that after joining.
Me: I thought this is a PHP web dev position.
Interviewer: Of course. But you will have work on various other things too!
Me: I don’t think I want to become jack of all trades. Thanks for the opportunity!
I got up and left the interview...7 -
Client: We need video chatting facility in our website
Me: Ok. But it will take more time and effort. It will cost you more too!
Client: Don't build from scratch. We use Skype in our company. Just embed in our website too!
Me: **facepalm**5 -
I was given a work to refactor one of my colleagues code and found that there was a variable named 'anal'. I was quite surprised seeing it as the colleague was a soft spoken and well behaved guy in office. After scratching my head for 15mins I came to know that he was storing analytics data in that variable. Hence the name! :-D8
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Found out that the company I'm currently working, gave me only 6 mandatory holidays for this calendar year. When I asked my boss why is it too low, he got so furious as if I asked him to donate his kidney!10
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If programmers became musicians we would see
- Wake me up when my build ends, 21 cores, Boulevard of broken CI pipelines by Blue Screen Day
- Smoke from my cabinet by Deep For-Loop
- This is how you debug me by Loopback
- Post-release rhapsody by debug queen
- Another bug in the code by Programmer Floyd
- Smells like bad code by Coders from Botswana
- A place for my code, Cure for the bug by Likin to code at dark
etc etc..5 -
What to do with a web development intern who doesn't understand the concept of git even after 3 weeks of joining?
PS: Can't fire her20 -
Programming commandment: Thou shall, from time to time look at your old code, introspect and improve!
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When you push seemingly harmless untested code to production server which breaks the whole application...
2 -
When people think you're addicted to gaming, but you're just really keen on developing that next feature. People just don't understand the underappreciated life of an add-on developer. We're shit on by the game developer, and users alike.
2 -
This happened 3 years ago in my previous company. It was a small start up company and we worked on PHP stack. One of the its ex-founders had written Windows Mobile App which now had to be upgraded with new features. So we hired this new dot net guy. I always thought dot net guys were ELITE coders and was excited to see how they work.
While I played Xbox and had fun, our dot net guy stuck to his workstation furiously working. My boss who was casually strolling out of his office for a stretch saw dot net guy working hard and suggested we all developers should take him as an example.
20 days went by and each day the dot net guy did the same. He came, he silently worked on his workstation, he left in the evening. In those 20 days my boss asked twice to the dot net guy if he has finished features he was assigned but he said he did not. After a month when he said the same negative answer and had nothing to show for the work he has done he was fired.
I was so curious to see what code that ELITE coder had written for a month but could not deliver a feature(Maybe some error he could not fix?). So I open the code repo on which he worked and I see 30 commits from that guy to it. He had made a single commit each day(Fair enough he wants to commit everday before leaving). It was time to check his commit diffs to see his ELITE code. What do I find? In every fucking commit he either added a blank line to the DocBlock or removed the same. Nothing less nothing more! So much for the hyped not-so-ELITE dot net guy...1 -
Why are all the feminists silent who support equality between genders regarding the Jeff Bezos case? They should suggest her to be independent and not take her husbands assets right? 🤔🤔20
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Programming commandment: Thou shall not commit code snippet copied from StackOverflow without adding a comment to help future coder brethren!
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These days programming has boiled down to how optimally can you find solution to your problem using search tools!2
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Programming commandment: Thou shall blame all bad code on thy comrade who has bequeathed your company!2
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Colleague: We need to deliver it today so let's hardcode some values in the code to make it work
Me: Ok you do it. I don't even want to see it!
3 -
!rant, but some kind of story
I work as a lead dev on a gmod server of a pretty big german community. With the fun stuff, there come the duty‘s to help Jr. Devs or even help people get into Developing. The part, where you help junior devs is always fun, but what I find interesting is the part where you help people learn coding. It’s not easy work, but you learn more every “lesson”. I catch myself exploring and learning something new, even if I know the topic. For me it’s a new journey every time.
Not sure if there are many people who can relate but I just wanted to tell my side on it.1 -
I tried so hard and debugged so far
But in the end it didn't even matter
As I rewrote function call to loose it all!1 -
A coder and a non-coder were travelling on a boat together. Due to some reason there was a hole in that boat and it started to drown. Non-coder survived but coder didn't. Why? Coder thought it was just another loop hole which he could fix using his laptop. So much for his confidence!3
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I was an introvert while growing up hence I found interacting with non-living things easier. When I was 11 i.e. like 17 years I told my parents to enroll me into computer classes. They didn't see much of a future in it so they refused. I fought hard and finally they agreed. Hence started my journey with computers.
First week all students were allowed to explore the computer we were assigned and also were taught to play basic Windows 95 default games to make it interesting. It was all fun. Next week the teacher said he would be teaching us how to tell computer to do what we want i.e. programming. Hearing that I could make my computer do what I want excited me a lot. I felt I could finally communicate to a computer. This is how I learnt BASIC. I was so amazed I could do so many things like take input and do calculations etc. I decided I would do this kind of job in the future if it exists.
So now I am actually doing what I wanted to do when I started programming i.e. coding job!1 -
Worst interview was when I attended interview for the position of PHP and the interviewer started grinding me with C++ questions starting with STLs. Could not answer most of them, interviewer said to get my act together and try again after 3 months. Nope not gonna happen!
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When an intern gives me suggestions on technology stack to use for the new application I'm building...
4 -
You know your day is gonna be bad when it's Monday and you are told to work on a badly written legacy flash application!
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"Whenever there is a decline in quality of code and rise of bugs and errors oh dear coder, I manifest to show the path of bug and error free coding" said code-god
- Chapter 1 Verse 1, Code Gita -
15 years back when I was in my highschool I was taught HTML. I created a 3x3 table of images with border without using any CSS while other kids were looking around confused what to do. Opened the same in IE and felt I was a professional web developer. Simpler times!1
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Oh man. It feels so good to be working on things I care about again.
I spent the day porting Republic Commando assets to Garrysmod; going to be working on a new gamemode in it.
I feel bad I stopped honestly. It brings me joy to bring others joy with my code, especially Star Wars stuff.3 -
Does anyone know any good resources for learning Lua?
(And possibly how to use it with games by Valve (e.g. TF2, GMod, CS:GO)?)2 -
Having fun looking at android developer struggling to replicate 'str_split()' function from PHP in Java :-D3
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My first introductions to programming was in Garry's mod.
There'e a mod called wiremod, which added logic gates, buttons, and other entities that manipulated the game with input/output. And on top of that a little scripting language they called Expression 2.
Me and some friends would code stupid things in Expression all day to use in the game.
I wasn't too good at it, but I had fun. Shortly after I started going to a high school with a computer science focus, and had 2 years of proper education in C#. -
!rant
Any links to start learning game server programming using C++? I know network programming using C# currently and built a game server emulator also. I want to start C++ network programming for windows now...8 -
@dfox Quick feature request. Checking for duplicate comment or rant and hiding them. On erratic connections impatient coders like me press submit button multiple times making duplicate posts!10
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When a junior developer forks new feature branch from his old feature branch and not from develop branch causing merge conflicts later!1
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Manual EC2 instances + Elastic load balancer or Elastic beanstalk for a PHP 7 application? I might have some cron jobs to be run too...
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Anyone else having trouble with apt-get install in EC2 instance of region US-East-1? Seems it's too slow currently!
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This is about a Videogame Dev Position, so it‘s not as terrible as other Story‘s.
I am currently helping in a German GMod Community as a Dev. I am currently developing stuff for one of their servers and not community wide. After they made the announcement that they search for more developers to be helping community wide, i wrote a little Summary of the stuff I had done and my experience, posted that on the forum as a little application.
That all was on the first of June. Thru the weeks I haven’t gotten any response other then feedback from others, not even a little “we received your application”. For a Community with the size that it has, i expected a little more, but i thought nothing bad of it and waited.
Today, June twelfth, I got the idea to ask some other people that applied as well if they also got no answer. I was pretty surprised that they had been in one talk with the Lead Dev and already did a example work.
Now i am sitting here with no answer or acknowledgement that they saw mine. It is really frustrating me and i feel walked over a little.
Phew, now i feel a little better. I will continue my wait and see what will happen.3 -
If A.I steals all dev jobs then I will become physicist and build time machine like in terminator movie ;-)
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Need recommendation on which server side language/framework to use along with my new react native app.
Thanks3
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