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Search - "goes to me"
-
Me: *programming*
Team: *furiously discussing something outside of my expertise*
Me: *programming*
Team: *finally acknowledging my existance* "Yeah, dude. We are going to delete te project and start over because we can't fix this issue [which we have never ever discussed with you]."
Me: "What, that's stupid."
Team: "Well, do you have any bright ideas to fix it?"
Me: "Gimme until tomorrow."
Me: *programming*
Team: *doing absolutly nothing*
Me: "I fixed it!"
Team: "Why didn't you do that a week ago?"
Me: "You didn't ask..."
And so goes te story of how i was almost killed by an angry mob.13 -
Me: *Puts on headphones*
5 minutes later
College: Hey man you busy?
Me: *Takes off headphones*
Me: I am, but what's the issue?
Help him, Put headphones back on.
5 minutes later
Intern: I need help
Me: *Takes off headphones*
Me: Fine, I've got time
Help her, Put headphones back on.
Beginning to feel a little pissed.
5 minutes later
PM: Can i get your help quickly?
Me: Can i finish this quickly?
PM: It won't take long
Me: Fine.
Me: *Takes off headphones*
Help her out, put headphones back on.
An hour later
Team Leader: Are you done yet?
Me: *Takes off headphones*
Me: Almost
Team Leader: How can you not be done yet?
Me: Ask everyone around you?
He bitches for about 30 minutes.
I decide not to put my headphones on and just float in the river of how pissed i am.
4 Fucken hours goes by, nobody wants jack shit.
Me: *Puts headphones on*
5 minutes later
Team Leader: Hey man can you help me out?
Me: *Takes off headphones*
Me: Sure Fine.
FUCK!!! EVERY! FUCKEN TIME!!!30 -
Me: good day, how can I help you?
Client: *explains issue*
Me: alright, let's take a loo.... *AACHOOOO*
.
.
M: my apologies sir, that came out of nowhe... *ACHOOO*
M: do you have a second sir? My apologies!
C: sure man take your time 😁
*30 seconds later, nose seems to have calmed down*
M: back I am, apologies for the inconvenience!
C: no problem, it happens!
M: where was I?.... Right, I was going t...
*ACHOOOOOOOOOOO*
*ACHOOOOOOO*
AH... AH... AAAAH..... ACHOOOOO*
M: I'm very sorry, I'm going to put you through to a collegue!
*puts through to collegue*
*goes to bathroom*
.
.
*returns to desk*
*tringgggg*
Me: good afternoon sir, how may I hel... *A-MOTHERFUCKING-CHOOOOO* (thinking: oh for fucking fucks sake)
C: bless you!
M: thank you! Apologies, I seem to be having a snee.. *CHOOOOOOOO*
.
.
.
*sniffs a few times*
- zing attack.
*collegue yells at me to transfer my call*
*transfers call*
Me: thanks man, idk what's wrong with me hahah... *ACHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO*
OH FUCKING HELL 😠26 -
Hired a new backend Dev. He writes a script and sends it for testing...
Tester: "It's not working..."
Backend Dev: Goes to Mongo and deletes the tester's whole profile...
I cant control my laughter every time I remember this incident...He claimed it was a mistake, I don't think that it was a mistake...the tester had it coming...
"It's not working" that's all he says every time...I mean at least give me something to start with...!4 -
When someone's calls and completely loses his shit (swearing etc etc) because we HAVE TO FUCKING HELP HIM BECAUSE THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE RELY ON THIS SITE WHICH IS DOWN.
Explained him calmly that its an unmanaged server which we literally don't have access to. Keeps on calling me all kinda things and then says he'll email some login details.
Bossman walks in, collegue goes like 'yo guess what just happened with linuxxx!'
Le me explains the story.
Bossman: email me his number. I'm going to call him. You treat my employees with fucking respect.15 -
Today,
First day of new dev class...
Teacher, "As you know Tablets, Smartphones, Smartwatches etc... Are not allowed in class, except Laptops."
Me,
"Is a Surface allowed?"
Teacher,
"Is it a Laptop?"
Me,
"Yes, but also a Tablet.."
Teacher,
*Furious*
"NO TABLETS"
Me,
"Bu.."
Teacher
*Still furious*
"YOU ARE HERE TO LEARN HOW TO BE A GOOD RELIABLE DEV, SO LISTEN"
Me,
*Proceeds to Lift up surface from Keyboard*
Teacher,
*Rips surface out of hand and goes to secretary*
"You can have it after school"
Me,
*Sitting there speechless with nothing to develop with*
10 Minutes later
*rector comes in and gives me surface back*
Me,
Thank you
*Proceeds to use surface*
...
The Teacher hates me...22 -
2 years ago: Connection goes down at the office
Boss: -"Damnit, you are responsible to ensure uptime. Fix a redundant connection asap."
Me: Fixes redundant connection
Today: Connection goes down at the office, failover connection does not work.
Me: Calls ISP and asks what's happened.
ISP: -"Your boss cancelled the account 3 months ago"
...15 -
New neighbor came in yesterday, she cute, and apparently she also goes to the same college as me, though... when she came in last night to thank me she thought I was doing something illegal
Neighbor: "What are those?"
Me: "Lemme ex-"
Neighbor: "Are you doing [hacky hacky uwu]?"
Me: "First before you get the wrong-"
Neighbor: "I'm call-"
Me: "This is a fucking weather sattelite reciever ffs"
[Awkward silence]
Fast forward to today, landlady came in and immediately recognized my weather sattelite rig (I did it for a science fair before I graduated SHS), told neighbor she shouldn't worry because I have stuff like this everyday
God, if it wasn't for our landlady, I would have the police in my ass for neighbors getting the wrong idea...
Seriously nani the fuck16 -
Been getting rejected for Linux related jobs all over for the last few months. Yesterday I emailed a company yet again because fuck it.
Got a call today from their recruiter! Genuinely nice guy and he's going to call me back tomorrow! Let's hope this finally goes well 😄20 -
I’ve been on devRant for around a year or so but only just signed up. Hello everyone.
Today was my last day at work. It’s time for me to start my own business rather than constantly work for one. I have an idea for an app so we’ll see how that goes.
Wish me luck!20 -
*trying to find bug*
Me: Hmm, let's do grocery shopping.
*getting ready, locking everything up*
*standing outside for three seconds*
*realizes what the bug must be*
*opens everything again and fixes bug*
*locks everything up for the second time*
*Goes grocery shopping*
So that just happened.5 -
Exp. that made me doubt my skills?
My non programming sister managed to find a bug I was looking for...
I couldn't find the problem for hours and she just looks at the screen and goes "That looks odd!"8 -
Sitting in a dorm, chilling..
My new roommate: So You study Computer Science?
Me: *Here it goes again*
Roommate: Can you fix my HDD? Something is wrong with it..
Me: No...
Roommate: But..
Me: No I study computer SCIENCE! Go ask yout physics professor to fix your fucking trebuchet, because he knows how that stuff works..
Roommate: *Silence*
God... That was my best reply in whole life... Someone should make a shirt of that...23 -
Me: "Oh, this duplicate record in the database doesn't look important"
*Research. Check. Investigate
Me: "Looks fine to delete! :D"
*Live website goes down for half an hour4 -
Boss: Come to my office right now! Its urgent
Me: *goes to his office*
Boss: Please install chrome for me
Me: *hands in resignation letter*5 -
When something goes wrong at work, my boss will blame the first dev in his vicinity ...
Boss: "what the hell happened? why are the servers down?! This is unacceptable! Blah blah etc etc"
Me: "I dunno. Let me review if my CSS had anything to do with it" 😑😩4 -
*goes on site looking for free anime to stream*
Site: *popup* we noticed you're using an ad blocker! Please turn it off to continue using our site!
Me, an intellectual: *opens chrome developer tools, finds the HTML for the popup, opens its corresponding CSS and adds display: none; continues watching anime blissfully, without popups and ads*
Who said being a developer wasn't a super power?18 -
Me: Sorry X I won't be able to continue my job search. Currently in hospital got hit by a car.
Recruiter: I'm so sorry to hear that hope your recovery goes well.
2hrs later
Recruiter: just a catch-up - when did you say you're getting discharged?
😐6 -
drunk me: "let's just code a bit right before going to bed!"
*codes and then goes to bed*
sober me: "when and what did i do here?"
(...)
also sober me: "how the hell does this work?!"9 -
- Wife logs onto uni website Saturday at 11pm to drop an elective, drop deadline is Monday
- Goes to course list and chooses course to drop
- "Course modification is available Monday-Saturday from 6am to 10pm"
😑 are you kidding me..
Like 😡😠 websites don't have business hours! Servers don't need nights or weekends off!! It's ridiculous to think that someone had to code this block for these hours, more effort than just leaving it always available.6 -
Friend: "the blablabla company is offering a free Java spring course"
Me: "free??? Nonono they might have bamboozled you but they won't take me"
...
Goes to course
Awesome experience and free
...
Gets home...
Me:"WTF? It was free"16 -
Coworker: "Hey I have the final logo for your software"
Me: "Awesome, only a few bugfixes after my holiday and we are good to go on production. 2 more hours to go until I am free for a week."
Coworker: "After your holiday? Boss said it goes on production tomorrow!"
Me: "You are kidding me, aren't you? There is no way I can do all the work today and push to production!"
Coworker: "Boss promised the client..."
How about boss can go an f himself? He knows I have some other project to finish today and that I am leaving. This is in our team cal for over a month now! Ahhh. My coworker now has to deal with it-.-2 -
Frontend team : We pushed our code. Please give instructions regarding integration with Backend.
Me : Alright. I'll provide you the API docs and you can continue with integration.
F : But that's your job. No?
Me (didn't want to argue) : I'll look into it. Let me check out the frontend till then.
* Goes on to see the frontend *
I am kidding you not, that moth*rf*ck*r pushed an entire template along with dummy text.
Me : Hey! This doesn't seem right. It's just a template you got off the internet.
F : Yeah! That's what I have to do. To put on the dynamic content from database is your work. Don't put your responsibilities on me!!
Are you f*cking kidding me?! Do your work right or I am reporting you to the team lead!
Meanwhile, team lead : *sips coffee. Disappears for months*
Bastards!7 -
Today my manager asked me about my research into using RabbitMQ as a backup in case Azure Service Bus ever goes down.
Me: "Good. The way we designed the framework, all we have to do is drop the DLLs into the directory, update the config, and the services will start using RabbitMQ."
Mgr: "Excellent. Probably should be looking into using RabbitMQ as a permanent replacement for Azure"
Me: "What? The whole reason we moved to Azure was to eliminate the problems with having an on prem service bus. Since we've switched, there has been zero downtime."
Mgr: "That's what VP-Joe is afraid of. If Azure ever goes down, he won't know how to explain Azure to the president as to why we're not taking orders or can't ship packages."
Me: "That makes no sense. What did VP-Joe tell the president when a database goes down or a server mis-configuration?"
Mgr: "President understands internal outages, its just the whole 'cloud' thing he doesn't understand."
Me: "Um..then VP-Joe needs to explain it to him?"
Mgr: "The decision has already been made. Are you on board? Lets look at this move as a cost savings."
Me: "You mean the $10 a month? How much hardware will we need to support RabbitMQ?"
Mgr: "Yea, nobody probably thought of that."
Me: "I'm on board with whatever decision, but I'd like a little more than VP-Joe being afraid of the president."
Mgr: "I'm sure its not being afraid."
Me: "..."
Mgr: "OK, lets wait and see if VP-Joe forgets about this and moves on to something new."4 -
*sees that the high voltage generator kit got delivered today*
Cool, let's build this thing and integrate it into my old bugzapper! Mosquitos beware 😈
*starts building the kit, all is going very well*
Oh wow, isn't it Monday? But it's taking only 15 minutes of soldering and everything goes super smooth.. what divine power is giving me such good luck?
Alright, last thing, the transformer and then this circuit is done!!!
*solders in the transformer without realizing that the wires are coated, and the solder isn't protruding through*
Fuck. Time to desolder this shit and blast the wires with my lighter to flash that coating right off!
*engages solder pump and solder goes off extremely easily, because it only adhered to the pad*
*takes off transformer*
Me: "Nnngh..!!! Get off you piece of junk!!!"
Transformer: "Hmph!! I will stay in here no matter what!"
Me: "Get the fuck off already!!! 😡"
Transformer: *leads break off* "Alright, but these leads stay here!!!"
Me: "MotherFUCKER!!!"
Yep, it's Monday after all.15 -
So yesterday my girlfriend and me wanted to clean the apartment.
We ended up coding on a private project all day long... but at least we put //FIXME notes all over our place.
Let's see how today goes. ^^ -
Please tell me I'm not the only lazy bastard that spends all week dreaming of the weekend to finally work on some personal projects and when it finally arrives as soon as I launch the IDE my motivation goes down to -100 and I spend the rest of the day watching random videos on YouTube as always dreaming of the next weekend to finish that awesome idea I had 5 years ago...15
-
Designer (to the client): Yes it'll be exactly like this mock up after I hand it over to the iOS developer.
Client: Awesome! Looking forward to it.
* Designer goes to developer *
Designer (to developer): Hey these are the new designs for the app, let me know if you have any questions, ok?
Developer: Cool.
* 1 minute later *
* developer goes to designer *
Developer (to designer): How should error messages or notifications look like?
Designer: Oh we should just email those because it won't look good.
Developer: The fuck? And are you going to design this email service too?2 -
Me: "If today's demo to the client goes well,i will get my first cheque"
My server:"If today i stop working,it will be great"
Android Studio: "If i force a gradle update,it will be just fine".
*crying*
Fuuuuuck.Why nothing goes my way when I want it to????Whhhhyyyyy??3 -
The new guy told me he doesn't want to make the code future proof as it's not agile.... Congrats goes to the management for successfully hiring as asshole...5
-
Some genius at apple:
I know, let's have a wireless mouse and when something goes wrong with the boot loader let's put a button there to restart the machine but not select it, also don't load the drivers for the wireless mouse so the user has to plug in a wired mouse to click the button
Me: what an absolute donkey dick of an OS. I will replace you with rasbrian...12 -
Phone in my cubicle goes straight to voicemail when someone calls. Boss wants me to get it fixed so clients and he can reach me.
Yeah, I'll get right on that. 👌2 -
Data scientist: we need to whitelist a pod to connect to a database
Me: Whitelist? We don't use whitelists on private databases
DS: It's the new data warehouse database
Me: is it on <X> VPC?
DS: I'm not sure what that means but its ip is <real world ipv4>
Me: Are you hosting a publicly accessible database with all our end users information?!
DS: ...
Me: There goes our SOC2 audit controls...
DS: how long until you can white list it?
Me: I won't be whitelisting it. You need to put it on a private VPC and peer with the cluster, you'll have to rebuild all the Terraform and redeploy
DS: We didn't use Terraform because it takes too long, just white list the pods IP.
Me: No. I'm contacting the CISO and CTO...21 -
My teacher told me not to do a project. He said it was much too hard.
I did it.
2 months pass
And then i come to him with anothec project idea.
Same thing goes, nobody believes in me, but i still succeed.
in the aftermath, i was able to create an interpreter AND a compiler in about 1 year... 😁23 -
Client: "Can you move this to a little bit there"
Me: "okay, have a look"
Client: "Meh, Can you make the text a little like ${x}"
Me: "There you go"
...this goes on for 10 minutes...
Client: "Meh, I like the original better. Just scrap everything and switch to what you had"
Me: *nuclear explosion*3 -
My apparently my friend's wife gets suspicious whenever his Snapchat goes off after 10pm, always wants to know who it is.
"It's [algo], it's always him sending me pics of his code late at night. That's is the only person that Snapchat me this late"
And it's true.6 -
* me listening to something while coding
* something goes wrong, trying to fix it..
Takes time and no solution.
- ok this is serious *put headphones down*4 -
(overheard colleagues)
"hey, client x wants to speak to you, can I put them through?"
"what's it it about?"
*mumbles something*
"dafuq?! Oh well, put him through already 😑"
Me: hey, what did he want?
Colleague: they wanted help with setting up a page on their site with a maintenance message for when their site goes down.
Me: ah righ.... wait what? What's the function of a maintenance page on a site if the entire site is down?!
Colleague: yeah, that 🤣
Well, okay, then 😶12 -
A client asked me to add a mobile phone field to a registration form and asked me explicitly to use their server side validation for it.
Apparently they need a valid provider prefix, but after that everything goes. This was passed as valid mobile phone number.11 -
> Gained the skills to atleast land an internship
> Hyped asf
> Start applying for jobs
> Hyped asf
> Days go by without a response
> Hype starts dying
> Gets a REAL email delivered to my inbox asking to come in for an interview
> Hype levels regenerated
> Interview goes great and both founder and senior dev are fine with hiring me
> Founder needs to talk with co-founder first before giving the go and said he will get back to me in a day or two.
> The hype is too real
> 5 days go by without a reponse
> Hype levels: all time low
> Decide to follow up, founder said he left for a conference before the co-founder came back to talk about it and said he will get with her and let me know in a few days.
> The hypening is back
> A week goes by with no response
> I'm dead inside rn.8 -
When the entire platform mysteriously goes down for a half hour at 11pm ON A SATURDAY AND YOU'RE THE ONLY PERSON WHO WORKS ON IT GOOD GOD SERIOUSLY YOU'VE GOT TO BE SHITTING ME I JUST WANT TO SLEEP
WHOEVER DID THIS I WILL FIND YOU AND I WILL KILL YOU3 -
Tragedies of Non-Technical Boss:
Boss: What happened yesterday, tried reaching you several times, you were just unavailable!
Me: My wifi stopped working as there was some issue at the ISP's end.
Boss: You could've atleast dropped a skype message that your internet is not working!
Me: Yes sir but the internet was not working, so I couldn't drop that message too!!
Boss: But you should have, I was in panic what happened to you...You were alright or not?...
Me: Yup I know, I didn't see the wifi tragedy coming.
Boss: If ever the internet goes down or anything sort of that happens just drop me a text on skype, that your internet is not working. Okay!
Me: *Confused* as to if he is high or just not listening to what I am saying...8 -
I officially cut ties with all my family.
Shitty, cringy, egoist people to ever exist.
They treat me like shit. Just use me as their slave all the time and when anything goes wrong, blame me for everything.
I consider you all my family now. Though we are virtual friends but you guys are better than real family.24 -
The award of fastest internet on earth goes to me :D
*note:
its just Ubuntu was not able to update date/time settings during setup cuz I had wifi turned off, turned it back on and ran apt-get update, must have started before the system was able to update its date/time settings, so ya I did not photshop :)11 -
I have a college that never seems to answer anything fully, just the bare minimum to make it seem like he did.
Regular conversations with him goes like this:
Me: “hey, I have a problem with this feature you added, I’m getting an error *insert error*”
Him: “yeah theres a script for that...”
Me: *wait for the script he mentioned*
Me: “whats the script?”
Him: “it’s FixIssues.sh”
Me: *looks for the script in the project*
Me: “hey, I can’t find it, where is it?”
Him: “here it is” *pastes a script into chat*
Me: “Oh, where can i find that in the project?”
Him: “you can’t”
Me: “???”
Him: “I have it in my OneDrive”
WHY CAN’T YOU JUST SAY THAT IN THE FIRST PLACE? Why this song and dance every time I ask something? This conversation could have been over in 1 minute but instead we both have to waste 15 minutes of our time to get this far.6 -
Had a skype interview yesterday...
> prepared for interview, checked internet and all
> home internet died literally 1 minute before call
> started interview using phone hotspot
> phone hotspot died in 1/3 interview duration
> used mom's phone's hotspot
> died in 2/3 interview duration
> oh shit
> went out to phone company's office to get more data
> half way to the office, mom calls: home internet is working!
> yaay! goes back home
> nop, internet isn't working (glitch in mom's phone which showed it to be working (wifi symbol))
> goes back to the office
> gets phone recharged (office people were SO slow 😑)
> gets back home
> continues and finishes the interview...
10/10 will do again 😂😂😂😂
The interviewer was quite patient, and waited for me to get back home (he called me 2-3 times to get a heads up)
Lol this was honestly THE most exciting and fun interview experience for me yet!
The interview questions were pretty easy btw (programming)
Waiting for result now...9 -
100% focused, balls-deep in the zone, not sure I could have recalled my own name if you'd asked me...
Suddenly out of nowhere, someone's asking me about a job I worked on over a week ago. I'm mostly answering in just a few syllables, struggling to surface from 20 layers of Call Stack.
This goes on for a full 5 minutes before they say, "sorry were you busy?"
No, I was just about to beat Solitaire.
Of course I was fucking busy jesus fucking christ, did you not see all that code and shit on my fucking screen when you suddenly and urgently had to disturb me?10 -
Guy I just met: so what do you do?
Me: I'm a developer
Guy: no way! I work for a software company so... (goes on to talk for 10 minutes trying to show off his knowledge of software)
Me: so what do you do there?
Guy: sales
Me: oh...
Just because you work for a software company does not mean you know shit about software. Don't try to build some erroneous common ground with me because you walked by a developer's desk one time, looked at his or her screen, and magically thought you could understand code.9 -
Me: *click click click click*
Girlfriend: Do you have to be so loud when you're typing?!
Me: probably not *CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK*
//Gonna see how far this goes... Buying a mechanical keyboard on my break :D9 -
Windows: You have low power (5% = like 5 mins)
Me: Goes to shit down
Windows: You can only shut down if you update
Me: I'm not risking that *holds power button down and smothers it to death*16 -
3:30 on a Friday, random PM: our Argentina devs just sent out a merge request. We need to release before the weekend.
me: We try not to release on Friday afternoon unless it's for a high priority bug fix.
PM: This is urgent
me: why?
PM: We're two weeks behind schedule and the dev for this it's going on vacation in an hour.
me: so, you want to release when there's no one around if something goes wrong and the person who knows anything about it isn't contactable?
PM: yes
me: no.2 -
Apartment owner tells me to get out for a few hours while he repairs some stuff around the house . Get laptop , get wallet , go to kfc , go to order , only have money to get a large coke and a coffee , set up laptop , start working on my 2D game project , one hour later hobo comes in and begs around for 2 mins , before the guard catches him , he goes to order instead and gets a large duo bucket with coffee ...fml being a poor dev before paycheck...2
-
A programmer comes home from work. The spouse says, "Could you run to the store for me? Buy a gallon of milk, and if there are eggs, buy a dozen". He goes to the store and comes back with 13 gallons of milk.
buyMilk()
if (eggs) {
for (var i = 0; i < 12; i++) {
buyMilk()
}
}4 -
Just got a call from an Indian scammer. He did the whole press Win + R shabang and I did what he said but the run box didn't appear (maybe cause I'm on a mac) I tried a few more times and then had a moment of enlightenment, I have a mac so that must be why the shortcut isn't working. He then goes on a rant saying everything is fine because he is the best technician and he can fix my mac too. He threatens to hack me and get my name and hack my computer but then goes straight back to his script and asks me to open my browser. I'm asked to go to a website which he mumbles so I don't understand and ask him to spell it for me. This of course is unacceptable and he goes no just type whatever you feel like typing, immediately changing his mind to xvideos.com instead. I say I can't visit the site since I am at work and he goes straight into trying to recruit me. Promises of infinite money and all I could ever wish for. Then he says I should work for him and he would pay me to watch porn which I politely decline. The final interaction was me letting him know I need to get back to work and to tell his call center buddies to never call me. He got super mad at me for accusing him of working at a call center whilst you can hear other calls in the background. 10/10 interaction.6
-
Fuck you you stupid fucking cock sucking power company.
I was fucking in the middle of optimising a class and the power goes out.
FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!
Why didn’t I press save 😂
Now to go find me a UPS for the rare times this occurs, before my phone dies.12 -
me : hey tried allo?
her : what is that?
me : it's an amazing new chat app with google built in and you can do blah blah blah.......
*goes on to explain cool stuff*
her: can i send messages to whatsapp from allo?
me : I AM DONE8 -
Almost every other person: goes to a club and wakes up in some stranger's bed.
Me: wakes up infront of someone else's computer
(Apparently, I went home with a friend and started programming on her pc and fell asleep infront of the computer...)1 -
Me: *has problem, goes through hours worth of crazy complicated troubleshooting and tests to try and fix problem*
Literally anyone: have you tried the that super basic thing that you're supposed to do every time you start?
Me: oH GoDdAMMIT!!6 -
>Be me
>At company party
>Doesnt now anyone since I only see >around 20 people
>Everyone in Fancy suits
>except me since i just got there from >school
>Looks up bluetooth devices
>Sees all the Speakers are linked to 1 >command center
>Looks up playing song
>Connect to Command center via >bluetooth
>Instantly play song so that no one notices
>thisiswherethefunbegins.jpg
>goes to bathroom
>Plays another song
>Hear waitresses talking about the song >randomly changing
>Get out of Party room
>Still connected
>Fucks party up
>Plays random songs that have nothing in >with Theme of party
>*Suddenly Earrape*
>*Runs*10 -
When the stupid client is unable to explain the requirements correctly the first time and drops a frickin bomb 3 days before the deadline and boss still want to "meet" the deadline.
Me: "if this goes on, I will be dead on the line by the deadline"2 -
Typical conversation between my parents and me
Parents: Can you make stuff?
Me: Make what?
Parents: The thing you do all the time.
Me: "Computer stuff"?
Parents. Yah...
Me: Well, yes, why?
Parents: What can you do?
Me: Well, I know C# the most...
Parents: Can you then make software like Facebook, Twitter, etc?
Me: Well, I can, but that will take a lot of time.
Parents: You should really make something and make money.
Me: Ok. (goes into my room, and turns on laptop)
(a few monents later....)
--[[CHORUS START]]--
Parents: U DOIN COMPUTER???
Me: Uh-huh.
Parents: When did I said to do "Computer stuff"?
Me: Well, you said to rest.
Parents: But I never said to do your "Computer stuff"!
Me: But you said to rest. For an hour!
Parents: WHY U SHOUT AT ME!!!! TURN OFF THAT **** NOW!
Me: Ok.... (turns off and opens C# book immediately)
Parents: What's that?
Me: C# book
Parents: What's C#?
Me: Programming language.
Parents: Where can you use it?
Me: Make stuff.
Parents: Like what?
Me: (lists my personal projects)
Parents: Show me.
Me: (turns on the computer and shows one of it)
Parents: Good. (leaves)
--[[CHORUS END]]--
Me: (deep breath) Can I FINALLY use the computer?
--[[CHOURS]]--undefined coding when can i get the time first world problems money does not fall from the sky parents conversation9 -
Great ... after management got our system destroyed by some external idiots, pledged to never do this again, they now hired externals again to do a whole project by themselves.
Last time we lost all but one senior dev (that would be me) ... this time they'll lose the last one as well. Don't care of this whole department goes tits up anymore, I'm out. If everything goes well, I'm signing a new contract in a few days, making me free in 3-4 months (yes, German labour laws have long periods when you quit ;) ).
Dear management, have fun managing a bunch of rookies with no contacts in the company.1 -
Me, talking to a colleague:
"No, thats impossible. The problem can not be in my code. Let me show you why. You see, the code does this, and than it goes here, and then… oohhhh…. I’ve found the bug."3 -
Hmmm there are several
Senior dev would leave for weeks(he was company co owner) and would blame shit not being done on me even though he gave me no access to his codebase. Shit back fired right in his face.
Senior dev called me an idiot(different company) for stating that I learned about MVC from Rails. I have no clue what triggered that reaction, but the way he said it really ticked me off. It was on a remote position, left soon, the dude was s cunt.
Next goes for my office: we yell random shit all the time, from racist to sexist to all around disturbing because we are constantly unsupervised.
Head of department knows:P he laughs with us. -
just got off the phone with a recruiter. he was about to send me some opportunities to approve applying me to, then he asked me my salary and what I was looking for. I told him, and he goes "whoa! you get paid A LOT more than devs with your years of experience..."
.... yeah, and I also just told you that I'm proficient in at least a dozen of the technologies you just asked me about, and that I have successfully lead a team of other devs for the last year. at any rate, how is this supposed to convince me that you would represent me well to potential employers?3 -
The guy that sits opposite me eats with his mouth open and makes "onming" noises.
Also when he needs to call people overseas he goes on to speaker, and sometimes eats lunch while on calls!
I forgot to mention he's incredibly loud, that with my headset (Siberia V2) I at some points max it out :/
Bad for my ears3 -
Computer: Please check your authenticator app to login
Phone: Please fill in the code you see on the screen
Computer: * No code *
Me: * presses the "I can't see the code" button *
Phone: Prompt goes away, 3 seconds later it asks for thr code again
Computer: No changes
I love Microsoft at my job7 -
I leave to visit a customer and leave my iPhone charger plugged into my computer.
I come back and my colleague has my charger, the converstaion goes as follows.
Me: "Can i have my charger back?, it was plugged into my machine before i left."
Colleague: "Why do you need it?"
Me: "To charge my phone?"
Colleague: "Yeah, but i need to charge mine"
*The cable is plugged into his phone, charging*
Me: "Yeah, but its my cable, that you took"
Colleague: "Just wait until I'm done"
Me: null
What has even happened lol5 -
Some guy: Dude what're you doing?
Me: Making an app.
Goes ahead to ask what an app is, I give him a brief and try to show him some features of my app.
Some guy: So that means you can "make your own" facebook. Why not build something like Facebook or WhatsApp?
Speechless...4 -
There are two essential things to understand if you want to get along with me :
- Respect goes both ways. If you don't respect me I aint gonna respect you.
- Array starts at 04 -
CTO: Trigger email to everyone when internet goes down. Do this by EOD.
Me: OK
Later
How could I send email without internet.
Confused....5 -
Hey hackers!
Just found root-me.org !
Cool enough to turn me on.
I've just finished first 8 challangrs which were piece of cake.
Let's see how it goes 😎2 -
Boss: You have one month to finish the program.
Me: It will be complicated but lets see how it goes.
To be cleared the end date is 2 of July.
Boss on the last friday: You have to finish on the 20th of June
Me: Yeah sure....
Boss yesterday: You have to finish on the 15th of June.
Me: You said one month.
Boss today: you have to finish by the end of this week
Me: No problem Boss you will have it tomorrow!!!
Boss: You have to. There are more projects waiting...
Me: -.-
This is what I have to deal with. But hey... don't forget... tomorrow is a new day so ... fuck it.5 -
I come home pretty tired after a long day of classes and work. I call my family. So this is how it goes:
7-year-old-brother: I want to make a programmable robot. How do you do that?
Me: Who told you about programming?!4 -
My new fitbit reminds me take 250 steps each hour. When I do stop and take a walk, I find it helps my productivity, and I feel better. However, I'm not good at keeping to it.
It's always the same story.
"Quiet you, I'll get up and walk once I finish this one thing".
...
Another hour goes by.
If only I could keep to my own convictions.4 -
I had just started as an SDE intern, and was fiddling around with the code base.
Me: Hey, can you send me the link to our version control system?
Mentor: Umm, what!?
Me: You know, where we keep our code backup...
Mentor: Hmm, is there a need for that?
Me: Yeah, I mean, my past experience tells me to always backup code, just in case something goes wrong.
Mentor: Ohh, that's easy. I'll teach you how I do it.
So, he comes to my workplace, and does this:
1. Go to your workspace folder.
2. Right click it.
3. Zip it.
4. Open outlook.
5. Compose email.
6. Attach the zip file.
7. Mail to yourself.
8. That's how it's done!
I was like what the hell!?!?! Is this really happening?? And then he started basking in his glory, as if he had taught me some secret hack! Seeing this, I couldn't even get myself to introduce him to git. That was the worst part.8 -
Me: junior dev
Assignment: build a REST search service that also does (thing x)
Me: gosh I just can't figure out how to make (thing x) work! Nothing I try works and there are no online resources!
*goes to meeting with client*
Client: (thing x) is impossible in our application, so we are expecting (much more manageable thing)
Me: awesome! I think I can build that
Manager who can't code: what are you talking about, (thing x) is clearly better and it should be possible to do
Manager: *sends email outlining shifted requirements after the meeting, including (thing x)*3 -
In 2017, who the hell goes to market with an app written in VB using SQL?????? Especially in the IoT space.
Are you kidding me? Even back when this project started, it was a dead language already.
I can't even.4 -
*Goes for an interview*
Interviewer reads my resume and goes on to say : "You are the first person today, whose resume doesn't include 'machine learning' ".
Me : *Points towards Machine Learning written in my resume* Sir here it is.
We both have a good laugh about it.
That day i realised that EVERYONE is 'learning' machine learning. EVERYONE.4 -
Manager: "If you need me, just @ me"
Me: "Can you look at this right now?"
Manager: "Sorry I'm at a tennis match, I'll be 30mins"
3 hours later
Manager: "Do you still need me?"
...
Me: "A device died. Playbook says we have to flash it and lose all data on it, but we could go to the vendor for a solution if their fast enough. I just need you to make the call to deviate"
Manager: "Uggghhh" (goes offline for 2 hours)
Wtf man?!11 -
Me (junior) working on something specific/concrete; actually doing something. Gets stuck and goes to lead with specific question.
me: hey lead, if we have x, does y need to be included as well?
lead: yes, no, maybe, random bla.
me, tries to summarize and extract a to-do: oke... so based on 'yes, no, maybe random bla' you suggest adding y right about here?
lead: maybe bla and we have to think about it, yes, random bla. Try whatever feels right to you.
Me walks back to desk. Decides to support a charity, help refugees and homeless people CAUSE THAT FEELS RIGHT!2 -
People here seriously write billing systems in Excel and expect me to fix it when something goes wrong...
how about no...3 -
Me: I need more programmers for the project.
Boss: You have 4 people, that's enough.
Me: I have 3 juniors taking 50% of time of a senior (me) contributing less than a medior and rest of my time goes to managing project. I know that in 6 months time invested in them will start paying off, but right now I need more people. Also I don't have me, by that logic, cleaning lady comes to the office every day and we couldn't work witout her, so there's 5 people, at least.
Boss: You'll manage.
Inner me: I would if I was working 8 hours as programmer without tutoring and managing.
Me: Sigh.3 -
know what pisses me the fuck off? when the manager of another department jumps over me and goes straight to the head of my department for a request that they want from MY department.
Currently, there are 2 stupid bitches that insist on doing this fuckery. One of them keeps getting owned by our DBA since for whatever reason she sends her requests to me, just for the DBA to remind her that I ain't giving her access to shit and bla bla
The other is the head of the human resources department. It goes like this: sends wrong data, task gets delayed cuz we have to sort her shit, gets impatient, bitches at head of department and his boss about us taking long(bitch 3 hours ain't long and your shit ain't critical) just for me to reply back with images and LOOK FUCKTARD YOU MESS THIS UP red arrows showing how what she did was wrong and I had to fix it for her.
Sends a reply back only to me saying thanks, ah no pendeja, I will forward aaaaaaall of that shit to everyone else, tried throwing me under the bus? well now ima do it to you.
And fuck those 3 applications you requested, have fun adding shit manually through spreadsheets and then go eat shit and die.5 -
THis one goes out to the fucktards that decide to fucking change things on api systems to meet new business requirements and fail to fucking scope out the change requirements of dependent systems that YOU are FUCKING UPDATING via THIS FUCKINg API!
You fucking morons!
At least have the fucking decency or balls to walk 10 fucking metres from your stupid ass chair or send a fucking email about the changes rather then me finding out you fucktards change things through an end customer who want to know where there order is!!! FUCK!1 -
🎶 Simple Plan - I'm just a dev 🎶
I woke up it was 7
I waited 'til 11
To figure out that no one would call
I think there are a lot of specs
I just haven't received them yet
They are the only thing that I really need to know
Because I can't find them on stack overflow
And here it goes
I'm just a dev
And life is a nightmare
I'm just a dev
I know that it's not fair
Nobody cares 'cause I'm alone
And the world is
Having more fun than me
Tonight
And maybe when the projects dead
I'll finally go to bed
But I'm staring at these four lines again
I'll try to think about the last time
That they were working fine
These things have business rules that I don't know
And they're gonna leave me here to figure it out on my own
And here it goes
I'm just a dev
And life is a nightmare
I'm just a dev
I know that it's not fair
Nobody cares 'cause I'm alone
And the world is
Having more fun than me
Tonight5 -
Me: Are you sure you want this in the acceptance test procedure?
Lead: Yes.
Me: I'm just saying, we don't have any requirements for this feature so it doesn't really belong there.
Lead: Just put it in.
Me: Are you sure? It's a lot of work for something that isn't even required to be there.
Lead: Go do it.
Me: Okay.
*I do the work and it goes to peer review*
High ranking person from another team: I don't see any requirements traceability. Why is this in here if there are no requirements?
Me: WELL AIN'T THAT A GOOD GODDAMN QUESTION!?3 -
Girlfriend: How much water did you drink today?
Me: About 3 litres.
Girlfriend: How much of that is coffee?
Me: 5 cups.
Girlfriend: How can you count coffee in that?
Me: Why not?
Girlfriend: It's diuretic.
Me: Yes, but it's still water that goes through my body.
Girlfriend: You're such a smart-ass, huh?
Me: Well, yes, I am.
Girlfriend: So why are you so tired if you think you're drinking enough water? Well?
Me: Never ask a question you don't want to know the answer to.
Girlfriend slammed the door.
So no, women don't want honest men. Guys, lie, lie, lie.
And now I can look at the error message.11 -
dfox, trogus - you guys are so incredibly nice!
thank you so much!
(ordered stickers from the shop hoping some of the money goes to the guys and they put an extra free swag without me asking for it)1 -
Friend of mine who is not a Dev and loves to go out sees me few days ago with a couple of Dev friends...
Dude what's going on? Dude dude let me tell you about this chick... 1 hour later story ends. We gave him respect as one Dev should to a non dev and started talking about IDEs and how the new VS Code is pretty awesome.
He interrupts and goes ... that chick Venesa Code, is she hot? Would you?
Silence ... We would, we all would. -
I spent 4 hours finding a good way to instanciate golang structures. Came up with a function that returned a value or pointer and I just kept reusing the nomenclature for an entire project. Then my buddy looks over and goes, "Ethan, you're a f****** idiot", and shows me the standard nomenclature. Now I have to refactor my entire project. FML.
(Edit: typo)13 -
-Friday
Me: *pushes fix for an issue in app*
-Tuesday, the next week
Colleague: "Hey, dude, fid you fix that issue?"
Me: "Yeah, it's available since Friday morning"
Colleague: *e-mails me screenshot with the issue still present*
Me: "That's odd, let me check that on your machine"
Me: *opens the app on his machine, the issue really is there, starting to freak out that I messed up the repo*
Me: "Why the hell would that not work... wait a sec, lemme check something.."
Me: *checks the app version and discovers that it's from 2 months ago*
Me (turns on colleague): "I guess, you should update it to see the newest functionality"
Me: *goes to the toilet, locks himself up, cries*2 -
I don't know how recruitment goes outside of the Netherlands, but here they can be very very aggressive due to the scarcity of programmers.
One was even so blunt that he called the office I was working and asked to be connected to me with some bullshit story. Now you have to understand that this was a small company, so small that it was one open space. You can imagine how I felt when he was asking me questions and offering me work while the rest of the people could actually hear me. I got mad at the guy and refused.
What are your weirdest recruiter stories? Beside LinkedIn spam...6 -
a bit late to the party but here goes my coffee mug. Always motivating me to the do the right thing.2
-
Way after office hours, random ping!!
Client: Hey man you're a ninja, i have heard so much about you from my team, you're really good. Thanks for everything.
Me(Overwhelmed): Gee, this is my job :)
C: So, can you do a small change to the website!! 😨
Me: Okay
2 days later. After office hours!!
C: Hey Ninja... and all that crap...
Me: Starts typing... Goes offline!!
Fuck you!!4 -
Tries to use SoundCloud API for a client
Docs say you need a client key
Wants to create one by signing up clients application
Signup-Form says:applicazion registration currently not available
Goes to soundcloud dev forums
Raging devs rage about that soundcloud has terminated their api registration for about 13 months now
Me thinking: That's probably the best way to make a conpany grow!8 -
Found this on Quora today :
Programming isn't sexy at all. In a club, try picking up a girl by telling her your heroic tale of saving an entire department by rewriting a recursive function to take advantage of a feature in the new server Intel chips to scale up their online orders.
Then tell me how it goes.4 -
Ok so I'm releasing (in about two weeks) a massive project that my self and other talented people have been working on for about 2 years.
I feel like I want to puke all the time now. God I hope it is okay. 🤢
I'll let you all know what it is if all goes well so I'm not embarrassed if it does not
Wish me luck😐12 -
This rant has been boiling for a long time now so please bear with me. Here it goes.
A slight introduction of the lady working in my office. She's a soft spoken person who works for like 2 hours a day at max (rest of her time goes on surfing facebook etc).
NOW WHAT FUCKING GRINDS MY GEARS IS THAT SHE FUCKING THINKS SHE KNOWS HOW TO "CODE" ONLY BY KNOWING HTML!! FML
She claims of being a Social Media Expert, Digital Guru. But, SHE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO FUCKING USE GOOGLE TAG MANAGER!!
MY WHOLE FUCKING DAY GETS RUINED BY EVEN INTERACTING WITH HER!!!!!!3 -
$Me: I want to start creating my own android app.
$Me: Let's start by installing android studio
*Goes to download AS*
$AS: That'll be 4gb of your disk space
$Me: well nevermind then
Really? 4gb for a fcking IDE and some build tools?5 -
How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I’ve got no where to run
The night goes on
As I’m fading away
I’m sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me6 -
I spend multiple hours on devrant a day, so I guess it's probably worth two bucks a month to me. So here goes.2
-
Me: *makes todo list for things that need to be done today*
Also me: *wakes up late, eats breakfast, goes back to bed*1 -
Some non-IT people wrote a crappy software tool. Others have started using it for business critical processes.
Asshats: "People are starting to use our tool and that means it's production ready!"
Me: "If and when this breaks are they going to call you to fix it?"
Asshats: "Well it's really just a proof of concept."
They want the glory but not the work that goes with it. And they dont want anyone else to develop it. They have been a huge pain for me lately.6 -
Not goals. More like dream...
... To get into that one uni that I actually want for phd.
I have gotten so spoiled playing with robots and neural networks, that I can't even imagine falling that badly from grace to go back to... web development. Like I'm not looking down on it, it's just that I found my passion and there is not enough jobs available out there for me without going through phd or high-end research.
... And I honestly don't have a backup plan. There are choices, but I don't like any of them. So here goes hoping they accept me. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯5 -
> my CS professor goes to conference
> meets an extremely intelligent scientist
> the said scientist names the algorithm he created by his own name
> my professor asks him why did you name the algorithm by yourself
> the scientist said "angels told me while i was sleeping"3 -
Le me: writes some handy dandy software for my company
Le my colleague: goes to customer site to do some set up, wants to show customers how do some commands on my tool
Le my colleague: proceeds to open the massive manual I also wrote detailing how to use the tool, closes it immediately saying it's boring
Le my colleague: proceeds to use a very basic command incorrectly, declares it a non-working feature
Le me: ??? *head desk*
MOTHERFUCKER THERE IS EVEN A 'HELP' COMMAND THAT EXPLAINS TO YOU THE SYNTAX IN THE TOOL ITSELF.2 -
Releasing a new shipping console.
Every day I've told them to let me know when ANYTHING goes wrong.
I released it last week on Tuesday.
Yesterday.. they came with some missing options. Ok fine. I fixed them. Then repeated the same sentence: Let me know DIRECTLY when ANYTHING goes wrong!
Today, I planned to leave early and tomorrow I have a day off.
30 min before I leave;
hi, something's wrong, I told X yesterday.
GOD FUCKING DAMNIT;!!!!!5 -
La me working on a new chrome extension:
- ok, this page has some hidden divs, I need to tell the extension to make windows scroll to the bottom while there are still elements with a hidden class
- creates a while(1) loop with a condition inside it to break if no elements with hidden class are longer there.
- happy with the code
- uploads the extension
- goes to page
- brings out developer tools
- goes to console
- clicks on extension on chrome
- right clicks the extension and then inspect
- ok here we go: la me click on button inside extension popup
- console shows some logs
- nice it's still looking.
.
.
.
- wait! Why is the page not scrolling ???
- looks at logs, WTF nothing changes in logs .....
- OMMMMG a infinite loop .... infinite loop inside chrome ....
- OMMMMMG my pc's gonna crash .
-stop please stop stop.
- wait! how do I stop this?
- tries CTRL+C ... nothing
- tries CTRL+Z ... nothing ...
.
.
.
.
Abort abort Aboooooort.
.
.
.
- Deletes extension from chrome.
-..... loop still running
- clicks on X to close Chrome.....
- not closing O_o
- Oh God, i need to do something before Chrome sucks all the RAM left.
- remembers the savior...
.
.
.
- Task Manager heeeelp me.
- opens Task manager
- chrome is consuming ~ 2 GB of RAM.
- WTF! Kills chrome.
Thanks for reading my lil adventure 😅5 -
I assigned a new task to an intern who has been with us for a month. He was supposed to prepare the testing environment and test the Geolocation API. When it works, then he can start integrating it with our platform and everything.
After a week, he emails me to say that he thinks the Geolocation API doesn't work. I was weirded out by that because a lot of people use it. We scheduled a meeting and asked him for a demo of his code to see what the error message is.
Him: *no Visual Studio, no code, nothing at all* So here it goes.
Me: ????
Him: *Goes to the API documentation, copies the base URL, pastes it to the browser and hits Enter* See? It says 404 not found.
Me: *literally facepalmed*
Now, he is working on sales management. We totally took him off every software developing projects.8 -
Me: hey backend, I'd like you to make three external API calls and a system call, then based on the result can you sort out the output and add it to the data base
Backend: sure *goes and does its thing*
Me: hey html/css, can I please have a square in the middle of the screen and a rectangle ok the left that takes up the full height minus 6px of the border?
html/css: *starts loading*
Me: ok cool thanks *anticipation*
html/css: *displays something resembling a 5 year old who just found out about rulers*
Me: oh ffs is it that hard5 -
Hello world. I'm new here :)
Here we go..
Me: Oh I really need this software but it's Wangblows only..
*Installs wangblows temporarily*
Me: ugh. So much bloatware
*starts uninstalling all shitty games and useless shit in win10*
Me: much better. Let's get coding...
*30min later*
Me: *restarts pc*
Me: why the fuck are all of these apps back? There are even more fucking games and useless crap.
*goes batshit crazy because it's not the first time happening*
Me: fuck this shit
Me: *installs Linux again*
Why the actual fuck do you have to pay for this disgrace called an "operating system" and then you get so much fucking ads and bloatware and..and.. inf cucmfing suofelelchefhdisksls10 -
Oh sweet mother of god.
What is the NBN Connection i have attached to my router?
It goes "give me all your data... NOW"
I'm not used to such speed in my house, excuse me while I watch my porn collection in 4K!5 -
I'm literally the only one who locks the screen here at work.
Always makes me wanna do something to teach then.
My boss always leaves the screen unlocked with sublime opened and goes to lunch!
I think someday he was logged into production also...
And I'm like: seriously? wtf...
I lock my screen even when I'm home alone... yes I'm that paranoid...
No one is gonna "Greek question mark" me 😂18 -
Sat down with the Project Management team today to discuss a signage installation. This is how the conversation went...
Me: Right, so we need to get the hardware on-site asap so we can get this configured before it goes over to the production guys to have the facisa installed.
Them: That's fine we have plenty of time. Stop rushing things.
Me: Okay, so do we have the story board in place ready for development?
Them: Nope. Hasn't been done by the designer yet because he is in a bad mood.
Me: Okay so when does the client want this?
Them: 3 Weeks' time
Me: But it is atleast a week of dev time?
Them: Sure. But you can work late if needed...right?
This is a typical conversation between them and me. I'm the sole developer here. So done with today.12 -
me: *goes to stack overflow to get some points*
*searches for questions I only know*
*scrolls down to find unanswered questions*
*keeps scrolling*
*finds a question I can answer*
*types in my answer*
*finds out that someone has answered
the question with better explanation*
*decides not to submit my answer*
*looks for other questions to answer*
*keeps scrolling*
*scrolls some more*
*scrolls for the last time*
*realizes I'm Jon Snow*
*exits stack overflow*3 -
As time goes on.. I see my friends, whom I studied programming with, just stop learning new things.
They think, or just behave, like they know everything worth knowing.
You can't talk to them about programming outside of work anymore. They just say that programming is "something you do at work".
I used to look-up to those people, and learn a lot from them. Now, they don't care enough to Google "what's this Rust thing people talk about?".
That really saddens me.2 -
RANT.RANT.RANT.
So I have a fucking groupmate for our degree project and he's been constantly bugging on my neck asking me to do things. The problem with him is that he constantly reminds me of the things that I should be doing and he seems like he wants the thing to be done all himself. Basically, he doesn't trust me that I could deliver whatever he asks me to do. He keeps on micromanaging me from time to time and he seems like he wants to control my life altogether! Fuck this.
Oh and another, whenever he asks for opinion, whatever you say doesn't even fucking matter. He dismisses it immediately anyway and goes with whatever he thinks.
Seriously, fuck this!!! I can't keep calm and I need to constantly check on my posture! (Forgot the right term...) Uhhhh halp5 -
*me and my manager, during my appraisal meeting
me: *talks about work done in previous project, and the current one under him
manager: but your JIRA throughput is very less.
me: the tickets which I pick are more research oriented and almost always take more time than the other config- fix type ones, and due to me being shifted from another team, there has been an increasing learning curve, I realize that, but...
manager: look at Jack, his throughput has been consistently high.
*me, after realizing my appraisal has obviously gotten affected and this discussion will lead nowhere
me: I would like to have a chat with HR before I sign the form with the percentage increment you are offering.
*me, with hr the next day
hr: your manager tells me that your throughput has been less than satisfactory.
me: *goes on to explain about the type of tickets I have been working on, along with other enhancements done to make people's lives easier
hr: but the throughput...
me: where the f**k do I sign?2 -
*goes to management*
Me: So do you want the button to be up here or down here?
Management: OMG you finished?! So early?!
Me: Eh no, I just modified the HTML in the browser...
Management: But I can see the button right there!
Me: ...
Management: Well, leave it where it was.
It never was. And it is currently in two places.2 -
!rant
In the office, sometimes we order food for lunch.
Me: *goes outside the office to make the call*
*Coding partner arrives while I'm on phone*
Me: *realize that I forgot to ask him if he wanted food* Hey dude, do you want to order something?
Him: *thinks* Nah, I'm fine, I brought my own lunch
Another Guy: That's good because we already called!
Me: Yeah, but it doesn't matter, I can call and tell them "Order++"
Him: Nah dude, tell him "++order", because maybe he'll bring the orders then go back and realize that he missed one
<<<<
I don't know, it was funny for me 🤷♂️1 -
Me: Runs app
*Crash with error*
Me: Changes one thing, then runs again
*Crash with different error in another part of code*
Me: Fixes that error and runs again
*A FATAL ERROR HAS BEEN DETECTED BY THE JAVA RUNTIME ENVIRONMENT*
Me: Runs app again, "Maybe it was just a hiccup."
*A FATAL ERROR HAS BEEN DETECTED BY THE JAVA RUNTIME ENVIRONMENT*
Me: Chucks laptop out window. Goes to gaming PC to play Dark Souls 3, because it's less angering than this.7 -
Working on a new project at work; all_of_a_sudden boss goes:
"A client needs the current software to do this thing, can u do it"
Me: "Yea, sure"
One week later: "Yea, Im not feeling this, can we change this, that, and--what the heck is that?"
Me: "😑 aaaaa the exact changes u wanted"
Boss:"Well, lets change (A list of stuff and new things added)
Me: Sigh....4 -
Someone asked me about Ruby vs Python.
The flashbacks regarding the python vs ruby wars started to kick in man.
I always liked Ruby faaaaar more than Python. And find Rails to be a far superior alternative to Django as the web framework champion from each side and Sinatra far more enjoyable than flask as the micro framewor champion on each side goes.
But this guy is very math oriented and likes the idea of data science for which Ruby has a disadvantage in terms of available ecosystems.
You can't take my blocks and dsls from me tho. I will fight for them.2 -
When you've finished a project and the site goes live, you get a message from the client "looking good". To me that implies it's not finished, and I'm expecting a follow up message "can you just..."4
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YOU WANT ME TO TEST AND DEVELOP IN MOTHERFUCKING PRODUCTION?!!!
Whaaaaaat, I'm changing shit, what if somebody goes to buy this product and I've made it super-cheap? ATM, there's two fuckin options for shipping, both different costs. the best bit? RIGHT NOW, THE USER CAN CHOOSE TO PAY LESS FOR THEIR SHIPPING.
HOLY FUCK.1 -
So a server goes down and being the only person who can recover it, I get started, whilst doing this the boys sits right next to me (6 inches) and starts asking what caused the problem instead of letting me get on and fix it, then complains the outage was too long.
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*My first internship*
Me: Hey, I'm unable to fix this issue with the interface.
Tech Lead: *Goes on giving me a lecture from the very basics* So, An Interface has the method declaration but not the.....
Me inside: I FUCKING KNOW WHAT AN INTERFACE IS JUST TELL ME HOW DO I FIX THIS FUCKING ISSUE.
Me outside: Right!6 -
Just spent an hour looking at the NYC Subway maps vs the direction Google wanted me to take.
Google found the most efficient way is to take E train then transfer to R which then goes back a bit like a U-turn to get to my stop.
Then looking at the subway map, I can just take the R train... Since none of these trains are express... How the fuck did Google think that A-B-C is faster than A-C....11 -
Me sends the laptop to hibernate to get off the train. As usual, the laptop goes to hibernate and shuts off after a few seconds. Not today, today it decided, it likes it much warmer than healthy for it and now I'm sitting here with a hot laptop in thermal emergency shutdown. Damn it6
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"No i mean the bot goes offline like whatever is hosting it goes offline and then the bot literally doesnt respond to commands"
- One guy trying to prove how "unreliable" a bot is.
Kill me.2 -
Another Developer: bro, shit hit the fan. The x web service is throwing some error. Can you take a look please. I want to go home. I'm tired.
Me: Yea sure bro no worries.
Another Developer: I go pee, after that I will delegate the ticket to you.
(Another Developer goes to the washroom)
Me: (04:59 PM) Oh time to pack-up and get the fuck out of here
Me: (05:08 PM) Receive a message on Viber from Another Developer. It reads "Fuck you, I'm going to rub my balls on your desk"3 -
I hate touching my keyboard when I eat... I usually put some video to watch and start eating. But every single time it goes like this:
Me: "Finally finish that piece of code, time to cook some food!"
*After cooking and back in front of my screen ready to enjoy the next episode of my favorite show*
Brain: "Wtf are you doing! You have better things to do than watching this garbage! Like implementing all 101 improvements you thought about while cooking!" -
Me and my colleague where debugging an issue with a 3rd party provider we are integrating with, we received this error result:
Making the request failed (dunno why)
The award of best error message goes to those fellas T_T3 -
Me at BestBuy today: Oh man, you got the got the Pixel 2 XL? This is looks good and feels good in hand. Last time I stopped by, the other guy had just the Pixel 2. Blah blah blah.. so is this running the 8.1 or 8.0?
Verizon associate at BestBuy: The 8.1
Me: oohh, you got that preview huh? *goes into system to check.. dude it's running 8.0
Verizon associate: oh really? Dang, I forgot. I'll side-load the APK.
Me: 😕😒😂 I hear you.
*At that point I lost hope in humanity*3 -
*has a test in school on html and javascript*
*Studies a lot and checks to see if code works*
*it works*
*goes into test confident*
*None of the Javascript works* (legit nothing)
Kill me6 -
I made some substantial changes to the codebase.
I run all the unit tests, as usual.
A test that has nothing to do with the feature I'm working on breaks.
"Huh that's odd, let me debug that"
I set a breakpoint with the condition set so that it pauses before the test assertion goes red.
I start the debugger and.... all tests pass
Turns out it only happens like 500/10000 times....
This will be fun6 -
Welp, here it goes:
High school is feeding me a huge amount of shit that I do not care about. This, causes me not to have enough time to carry on my own programming and infosec studies due to a lack of time, despite the fact that I'm pretty organized. Among all that, is the fact that I have 3 weekly martial arts training in the evening, which equals to even less time.
I am starting to feel quite shitty about this situation, and no, I'm not going to wait precious years of my life before continuing with my studies.
Let's hope I'll pull through. :(3 -
Rage!!!
Coworker checks in not working major changes and goes home for the weekend yesteday. When I ask him politely in an email to just check in a feature branch he says he has no time for that and it doesn't matter since the program is shit anyway.
Meanwhile I'm working overtime to get the program ready for a demo next week and another developer has already starting using his changes so I can't just roll it back. Spent my whole morning fixing it, and now can finally start my work in the afternoon.
Arghhhhhhhhhh!
Worst part is... He's the solution architect so anything I bust my ass to get done he'll take credit for and anything that goes wrong he'll blame on me. Can't wait for this contract to end!9 -
My daily routine:
*wakes up*
*goes to class*
*procrastinates about project deadlines*
*cries to mum when stress levels are skyrocketing*
*legit does nothing to rectify life and then cribs about everything*
*cries to sleep*
Also, mum’s tired of me wailing.5 -
I have ADHD. If you don't know what that means, for me it makes me a better software engineer. I can't do repetitive, so my code is by definition DRY. If someone needs help, I'll notice and help because my brain can't filter out the emotion of someone struggling. I fixate on problems I don't know how to solve, I literally struggle to stop myself. The list goes on. But, at its heart, who gives a shit?
I'm a software engineer, and I'm good at what I do. Does anything else matter?17 -
I love Unix systems because everything goes smoothly most of the time but today... Fuck me... I just wanted to see how many lines my script was with "wc - l" but I couldn't remember "m" or "w". 180 degrees separated despair and monotony, although I didn't know it yet. I did "mc - l" first and midnight logged empty ftp buffer to my file. Goodbye Thursday and Fridays work :) I should commit more often.4
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me: alright let me print this now.
*goes downstairs*
printer: *on the display* ... Printing ...
printer: *on the display* ... Printing ...
printer: *on the display* ... Printing ...
*no paper to be seen*
me: why isn't this working?
*checks computer upstairs.*
computer: *popup* We have an update scheduled for 17:40, we can install it then or, if you like, now.
me: oh, ok.1 -
Goes back to high school.....
Me: This laptop is having issues logging into the network. I have tried restarting as well as restarting the WiFi. You probally should submit a ticket so IT knows it is broken.
Teacher: They would not fix it anyway.
Me: *facepalm*
TL;DR: Teacher thinks that telling IT to fix a computer would result in nothing happening.1 -
Me being me:
*Me thinking about something*
*Unlocks phone*
*Goes to DevRant*
*Scrolls without reading*
TrollBrain: this is not DevRant
*Closes DevRant and opens it again*
... Wait what?
Them blank moments :/ -
My 12 year old bag, now with graphics, goes with me to client meetings and acts as a deterrent for clients talking shit/fake knowledge or cliches.3
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Most awkward video conference call?
Our department is in a 'virtual' book club, reading The Unicorn Project, and I asked..
Me: "So what similarities have you seen with the Phoenix project and projects we work on here?"
Dale: "Ha ha..sooo many. The biggest is the disconnect of managers with no clue of what goes on."
<Vice president of our department also in the book club>
VP: "Really? Dale, I'd like to know more about this."
<awkward silence with blank stares all around>
DBA: "Come on Dale...spill the beans. Got the VP right there."
Dale: "Um...nope...not going there...nope"
<Dale's screen goes black>
VP: "OK, so when Maxine asks ..." -
Building sites for friends as a favor. You’d think I’d have learned by now that this is an eventual friendship killer. And if the site isn’t the friendship killer, when a friendship goes bad, the site becomes like a kid in a custody dispute. In my case, I’m happy to turn the kid over, but you gotta pay attention to what I tell you about him because when he misbehaves, you’re not gonna want to seek me out for a solution.4
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So here goes my first rant...
I was looking for a job as a software developer when I saw one nice company hiring.
I apply to them via their form online. Then they invite me to come to their event during which they will explain everything in details.
I go there (despite the time of the event being uncomfortable for me) and listen to them for a while. Basically, they say they will send the test task to all applicants and see how it goes.
Later same day they email me saying they didn't get my CV via their form and they need me to resend it so they can send the test task. Alright, no big deal, done.
Now today they email me saying "sorry, motherfucker, better luck next time".
What the actual fuck? I spend my fucking time to go to some shitty event saying a test task will decide everything to not even get one.
So, naturally, I go and re-check my email: I definitely did send them my CV;
seems like they ignored the email and eliminated me from the application process for not having my CV, fuckers.
If they will ever in the future invite me to an interview/offer me a job there, I won't take for fucking triple pay.
Thanks for reading and helping me vent my anger, have a nice day:)2 -
recruiter used some blog post, a baseline for frontend developers (pretty neat post btw), to asses my skills. she read the subheadings of the post and asked me to rank myself 1-5. i find this way of assesments as idiotic as having percentage representation of skills on idiotic portfolio sites. i mean wtf does it mean that you know 80% of html??? but that s another rant. so she goes:
rec: javascript?
me: 5
rec: git?
me: 5
*continues with other subs*
rec: the fine manual?
me: excuse me?
rec: how would you rate yourself in the fine manual?
me: *blank stare*
"the fine manual" was the subheading of the conclusion paragraph of the fucking blog post....3 -
Whispers in the dark haunt me:
You are not here to innovate
You are known as a mad scientist and your help will be detrimental to progress
Your wish of change goes against our legacy
You can not do it
It can't be done
You will be blocked
You don't have the experience to accomplish this
It is not easy as it seems
You won't understand
There are political reasons to not to improve
No5 -
Here's an excerpt from GitHub's mission statement -
"Code is about the people writing it. The tools we create help individuals and companies, public and private, to write better code, faster."
And yet, is there anyone else who goes - "What a load of crap! You came up with Atom and Teletype, but couldn't make your Search feature even a tad less annoying?!"
Only me?
.
.
I'll see myself out. -
Man im so frustranted...
My story goes on...
Now my boss yells at me every day, since I told him that what he did to me is a crime and that hes to blame for my burn out...
On my limits...
Dreaming a wake that im beating him up...
What to do? If I make a formal complain the company will close (we work 15 hours more every week that the law allows, meaning huge fines for every of the 200s workers)
If I dont im going insane...
Doctor already warned me, if I get worst ill have a month vacation on the psiciatric wing...
What to do...
Im shaking so hard that I feel electricity in my legs...
What to do...9 -
Just before the holidays started I was given a task by my manager, $M.
$M: "Kyntak, while I'm away I want you to look into this new way of starting $important_service"
$me: "Okay $M, is there a bug for this that explains what is needed?"
$M: "Yes, you should be able to find it"
Goes looking, finds someone else working on something connected but not the same, finds the code change that makes this available... It doesn't explain how to use it, when the async events fire or (well, to a junior engineer like me) really anything.
Message the other (very experienced) eng.
$me: "Hey I've been asked to make $important_service use the new starting API, can you tell me about?"
$eng: "Yup, here's a bug for that and I'm happy to answer any questions you have" *goes offline*
I read the bug. It doesn't mention the original problem I was trying to solve, it doesn't even mention $important_service. There's no design doc mentioned. The bug has a higher priority assigned than any of my other work. It has an expected completion date only days after I get back from holidays (which $M told me to take).
I try to contact $M and $eng. They've already left for holidays.
"Hmm"
Implements as much of the fairly inevitable boilerplate that I can infer from the bugs and surrounding code.
"Hmm"
So, I'm into my second week of holiday and am starting to think about the potential shit storm I may return to.
I hope the bug's priority was wrong.4 -
I fucking hate this low level programming shit. The fucking buffer overflow attacks and the whole understanding of the system architecture just goes over my mind. Can anyone who has found relatively useful resources be kind enough to refer them to me so my stupid mind can understand that better?15
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!myrant
I'm a junior developer in a small company alongside with a fellow programmer. Since I have an interest in Security and our Sys Admin left, my boss offered me to do some sys admin stuff.
I feel bad for my fellow programmer just because there is an old man in the company that doesn't come to me with his tech problems and goes to him.
Something like this goes down today:
OM: Hey, I can't watch my Fox Live News. Can you help me?
FP: The problem isn't on our side
*OM keeps pestering him*
FP: Let me check it out
*Goes and fix the issue and comes back laughing *
My coworker is to kind 😬😂😅2 -
Recently I have lots of very unproductive days. I m just very tired and even coffee puts me to sleep at work. What's interesting is that as soon as I open something interesting on the web or start working on some new component it all goes away for an hour or so.
So I just wanted to ask you if you have weeks like this.
How can I get myself fixed :(12 -
Me: okay, just gonna look on devRant for five minutes then get ready
Me: *goes to recent tab*
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Me: *sees my own rant posted a day ago*
FUCKKKKK IM GONNA BE LATE WHY THE HELLL AM I STILL WRITIBG THIS OK SHIT SHIT SHTI3 -
my job went from being a programmer ==> technical support girl for the whole company D:
its kinda annoying because its mostly about amazon ec2 instances and i have to chat with the support team from amazon when something goes wrong while following the steps (that the others could have followed instead of going to directly to me to make me do it)
now i have to try and fix all the problems occuring in the servers :((6 -
*Gets a call*
*Gets phone out of pocket, phone goes silent*
*Checks who called... PM*
*Calls back PM*
*No answer*
Pm comes in 2 minutes later, I asked her why she called me and said:
"Oh I didn't manage to use my badge to enter the building, I was calling you but suddenly the badge worked"
FG_FGDFDLFMVDLöGPçT"*R"*¨23r*WMLSC;S2 -
Me: *holy shit there's a lot of code in this template file, I should probably break it up I to components*
*goes through the effort to break everything up into component parts*
Me: *i should quit being lazy and actually register all my templates the way magento wants me to*
*5 hrs later*
Me: fuck this! *<?php include ...?>*1 -
Context: Madre recently got a new laptop to replace her old HP, but since she doesn't know much about computers, I picked it out for her. I went a little overboard on the specs because I new it was a "family laptop" and I would end up using it more than she would.
Mum: *yelps after typing on computer*
Me: "What's wrong"
Mum: "This computer is too fast!"
Me: 😐
Me: ... "What?"
Mum: "It loads things too fast"
Me: "What do you mean?"
Mum: "When I click on the apps they open almost immediately"
Me: "That's a good thing"
Mum: "No it's not, it startled me!"
Me: ...
Me: ...
Me: ...
*goes back to reading book*1 -
Friend : Hey man lets watch world cup at 5.
Me: Sure why not, we will have a great time
Me: Leaves office early tho having bugs to fix
Me: starts watching the game at frds place slowly pulls up my pc
Frnd: Are you even watching the gamean, it was a goal now , did u see that , come on man
Me: ohh yeahhh goallll, goes back to vim
Game ends and he switches off the tv and stares at me for 20 mins,
Me: what hpnd man did the lights go off?4 -
Was in a meeting with the execs and the boss singles me out and asks me where is this functionality at. I told him the dev working on it will have it ready today. He goes no no no this needs to happen now. I am speechless have no idea how to tell him this employees are working very hard and is doing the very best with the limited time we had. I personally was up at midnight coding to deliver on time. That was the start of my bad day ... crap just pilled on :/1
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Asked my colleague not to commit android settings and build files into git, ignores me and goes ahead to do it anyway. Now, every time I pull from Git, I have 6k+ files that are changed 😑2
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These days now, my boss trusts me so much and takes my opinions and suggestions and goes ahead with those. Not to mention so lenient with me regarding work times since I had the baby. I’m melting thinking about her.2
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Going to start my first internship tomorrow. My first exposure to real tech world. Hope everything goes well. Wish me luck! 🙏4
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Me: *changes a long and complex calculation to fix old mistakes*
Program: *keeps outputting the same wrong result*
Me: *goes mad for a good hour trying to discover the problem by debugging it like a angry rat*
Also me after one hour of debugging: *discovers he never changed the output source of the function and it's still outputting the old result*3 -
o and btw, yesterday was my birthday lol.
realtalk: if you want me to feel special, dont fucking force me to be more social than on all the other days together, or i will rewrite the year without eightteenth february.
you fucking corksuckers, i dont want to go to that place my grandma (same bd as i) goes to to celebrate. fucking mediocre pizzaria isnt fucking worth it, so atleast give me a choose.
and on the very Least, could you please quiet up? its not by telling me ten times per hour to be more proactive at school that you will help me like school.
o and also FFS WHEN IM FUCKING SICK AND EVEN OFFERING TO GO TO THE DOC TO SEE, FUCKING DONH SEND ME TO SCHOOL ANYWAY, ESPECIALLY IF IT IS JUST BEFORE MY BIRTHDAY
(you just got an insight into my life. wanna see more? i dont think so)3 -
!rant
On my way to a second Interview that might just liberate me from my dispicable existence as a consultant.
If all goes right I get my own Departement and can grow an entire Testautomation team. So, wish me luck guys.6 -
My boss wants me to add visual effects that goes *poof*, without being able to explain it any further. Hello?5
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Somehow it always makes me feel good when I encounter a job related to programming without any need of a degree. It's always good to know there's still a backdoor even if everything goes to hell.3
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!rant
How does everyone stop themselves getting headaches from staring at a screen everyday, all day? Migraines run in my family, so when I get a headache it's always a migraine. When I get one it stops me dead. I'm unable to do anything until it goes away. My best cure right now is excederin. It works great but I want to see what you guys have to say.13 -
Dear Facebook.
FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING CUNTS.
The next time you upgrade your piece of shit application on iOS and remove stuff from their place which makes me search all the way your crap battery vacuum application until i fuckin find it i will come to your office find that dumb zuckerberk and push the fuckin chair he sits at down to his throat.
Same goes for your retarded website.
Suckers.1 -
!rant
Just read an article about a blind sofftware developer, who is proficient in way more technologies then me, for example.
He can use certain screen reader and code edor combo to read out the text, and also something called refreshable braille display.
This is so insiprational and only goes to show that there is no excuse whatsoever for a person NOT to learn software developing...1 -
In a mediocre job since last 4 years with just a developer designation, but we simply use Java based tools and products to do most of our job. Need to study for a change in job.
Literally every morning:
"Let me see what to focus on: JavaScript/Java/C++/Python/Data science/ML/AI/NodeJS/...." The list goes on.
Every Evening:
"I need to focus on Data Structures and Algorithms. So let me stick to Java for now."
Next Day:
Back to the same routine.
2 months have passed and I have not seriously studied or concentrated on anything :(
Depressed.2 -
What are you doing crashing on me Windows?
All I was doing was running a flight simulation, compiling a build, and doing a regex search over 6 directories. Try to open one little document and it all goes to hell.
Surely you can handle that Windows?
Apparently not.2 -
So today, i talked to my manager about my burnout and she offered the extra resources to help my project. And if nothing goes wrong, i’m going to take leave for 2 weeks by next week.
My advice, we are human and developer is special human. So, talked to your manager or boss about your problem, it’s their job to help you on this.
On last thing, i hope you guys pray for me and i hope i can be a better person once i comeback. 👌 -
It's like everytime you tell your PM that you need to be left alone to code their projects, it goes in one ear and out the other. I usually ignore them when busy coding, but then they start to blow you up on all forms of communication. Where are you? Why aren't you answering me? It's because I am coding away on all of your projects. If we sit here for hours talking, nothing would get done! Like was it necessary to message and call me on several forms of communication??
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I think my laptop is living and hates me... I press shutdown (Yes the actual windows shutdown and not long-press power button) I close my Laptop, expecting it to shutdown, right? Nope... It goes to sleep mode and next time I open it up, it continues to shutdown... It's like it doesn't want to shutdown and is playing a joke on me.....13
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Do you ever feel like your mind has entered this "hyper" mode where you feel like your mind is in overdrive? Like you're processing several thoughts in your head at once, and that leaves you in a state where you can't get anything done?
It happens to me like once a week and boy is it satisfying when it goes away and I can feel my head cool down.5 -
Idiot award goes to me. Trying to connect to my WiFi Tried to install wpa_supplicant. No other Internet connection1
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> be me
> wake up 8:30 am
> sort and view notifications one by one.
> Manager sends text * can you do this? *
> * yes I can *
> goes back to notifications *so where was I? Ah this email.*
> *Please get it done by the end of the day*, another text by the manager.
> I ignore that.
> Manager spams me till I reply
> I hate my life5 -
I have a new personal project that I hope I'll share with you guys one day. It just came to me. A fog simulation for a window manager such that it has fog behind the transparent console while you code and the fog goes in front when the terminal is locked. How about it?2
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So, here at this place ... last person to touch a project is the sole person responsible for it being a success or failure. Wtf?!?!?!
If a client sends me the wrong picture, and agrees that is the correct one, and then it goes to production. Later on to find that it was never correct to begin with ... guess who's fault that is?
Is everybody taking crazy pills?
Don't answer that, I already know the answer.4 -
Me: Wants to access an IP camera from home. Goes to url on mac. “Plugin required” press install “Not found”, google it: “ActiveX is deprecated and only works in IE.” Installs windows 7 on a virtual machine: runs IE “page can’t be load, browser not supported” looks for other way: got access: Sooooo slow After all that spent time: forget it I don’t wanna see it anymore.rant windows windows 7 virtual machine virtualbox macos activex ip camera internet explorer ie8 vm vmware
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My employer found out that I used to do WordPress development. Now I have to setup and maintain the company blog, including custom theme and plugin development. And I don't get paid extra to do this shit.
On the plus side, it might give me better visibility within the office as the blog would be written by VP, directors and other senior folks. I'll have more interaction with them.
I'm curious to see how this goes.1 -
7-zip fucked me over real bad today.
It decompressed 30 gigs of data (about half an hour), from a deeply compressed bz2 archive, then decided to throw an error and delete the decompressed data.
...
There goes my ambition for working on my side project2 -
Starting to migrate apps from a messy structure to docker containers. Have not worked a lot with docker before so i'll hope it goes as smooth as people told me9
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Ever had one of those days (or many of them) where all your jokes offend, all your interactions fall flat, none of your code works, and everything you try to do just goes to crap? Hoping it’s not just me.
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-4 Domain Administrators in my organization-
Me, a Doman Administrator: "Boy, I sure hope the FDIC IT Audit goes well!"
Braindead FDIC Examiner: "So let me get this straight, you use your administrator account to do things on a day-to-day basis?"
Me: "Uhh, I'm an admin so yeah, my account has admin privileges."
Examiner: *gives disapproving glare* "And your personal account has administrative rights?"
Me: "...I'm an admin... So I thought that'd be fairly obvious."
Examiner: "I'm sorry, but that is unacceptable. How can we tell which admin made what change when?"
Me: *dumbfounded* "...I'm sorry, what?"
Examiner: "You're going to need separate accounts, 1 normal user account and 1 admin account per domain admin."
Me: "You do realize that everything I do while I'm working requires elevation of SOME kind, don't you?"
Examiner: "I'm sorry, but you need to make this change. Thank you."
Me: *stares at the short pile of braindead shit as he walks away*8 -
Ticket waiting for code review for days. I have to rename methods.
Tickets goes again to code review. Waiting there again for days. Oops! there is something the code reviewer didn't see before!
Ticket goes to code review again, waiting for days there.
Boss comes to me telling it takes me too long to close tickets. -
User feedback
Been working on an application for the three days then yesterday happened to present a demo to my target client base.
Me:I need you to go through the app and tell me your experience using it.
User: Great let me see it and comment on it.
Me:I wait patiently as he goes through the app asking for clarification on some activities .
User:I love it but I think would be nice if we improve on the following.
Me:Okay go ahead all ears.
User:How about on the share feature instead of sharing the apps link then one goes and downloads it and install,how about you simply share the APK and install it instant.
Me:Okay that's a good thought and later go on to explain to him why we share links as compared to sending the APK directly . -
Doing the deployment to production, and towards the end one of the support guys looks over at me;
"So, the website in prod is throwing some errors"
Followed by another guy:
"Yeah I'm getting the same, SQL exceptions on the page"
I stare at them panicked for a moment, when one of them goes "just kidding!". Like dude, my heart just skipped several beats!
Any one here ever had something cruel happen to them during a deployment?3 -
Teacher asks me to join him for a web app development.
First stages, I have to dig deep into a framework I don't know (He doesn't know it too, and I know that learning is the only way to step through)
Month goes by, began developing some mock-ups, he says he didn't like it, sends me a website made in fucking Wix. Seriously?
Fast forward another month, tonight I'm coding some stuff, he stills doesn't know how to fucking use Yii. fml4 -
A potential client wants me to fix a critical bug on their app. She wants us to book a call so she can explain the issue to me.
Because so many clients have wasted my time in the past, I want to charge her some $$$ for the call. However, if the gig goes through, it’ll be deducted from her bill.
Does this make any sense?3 -
Developed an app to display examination seats allocated by an algorithm developed by someone else.
The algorithm goes berserk and allocates randomly. Spectacular failure of the system follows.
Everyone blames me for all the trouble.
The algorithm developer smiles in the background. WTH! -
Hardware Developing.
My current school project where I build a gps thief lock for my moped had me realized one thing. I don't want to go into Hardware Developing. The first problem took me about 4 months until I finally gave up and solved it differently. And this goes on and on and on. You fixed something and the next day it doesn't work anymore for some reason. I never had this problem when coding. It's fun to do stuff with electronics but coding is just way more rewarding. Anyone else had the same experience?1 -
>be me
>drinks coffee daily
>goes a day without drinking it, tries to code
>has problems focusing & getting things done
>has trouble staying awake
Never code without drinking coffee
My face when I had 15 errors in 40 lines of code2 -
Every week since I started the company:
Boss "We need a special feed of resources for this customer."
We say "Great let's build support for custom feeds."
Boss says "Could we just hard code that resource in really quickly?"
This week:
Boss says "Could you make a system that dynamically let's me know what resources has been hard-coded in all special feeds, and that alerts me when a resource goes offline".
Now what should we respond?
Help us out! Best suggestion might turn in to an email to boss..7 -
Note: this is a joke, it's not code related.
Someone goes to a restaurant, and he asks what they got, and the reply to him: "we have a crochet leg, a chopped liver and ligaments"
He says back: "don't tell me about your problems" XD6 -
Question for all Dev..
I recently apply for a front-end dev and I got rejected. I than apply to many other jobs offer for the same position and got rejected. This is really putting me down and disencouraging me to continue (but I know it shouldn't) I just want to know if anyone else went through or is going through the same thing and how did you find the strength to stay positive. How many times did you get rejected before actually finding a job? And how many times people have told you no? This goes for freelancer and business.15 -
ME IRL:
-submits pull request-
-goes to close some windows .... er ... naw-
-creates new virtual desktop to work in and leaves the old desktop / code open in case there are some bugs that pop up in production...-2 -
I've never had to put up with bullshit after bullshit after FUCKING BULLSHIT IN MY LIFE
ONE THING GOES WRONG SO I MOVE ON TO SOMETHING ELSE OH SHIT I LOST THE CORD, FOUND IT, DOESNT WORK, FIX THAT, "COULD NOT EXPAND FILESYSTEM PLEASE TRY RASPI CONFIG" BLAH BLAH. I WAKE UP THINKING TODAY WILL GO SMOOTHLY BUT LINUX DECIDES TO FUCK ME OVER THEN I TRY TO GO TO THE PI BUT LITERALLY EVERYTHING I TRY TO DO JUST REFUSES TO WORK6 -
i'm afraid that having discovered the power of multithreading has made my code worse.
case in point: me has to calculate an unknown 3rd point of an equilateral triangle many, many times. however, me doesn't get the formula, so me goes ahead and loops over all possible coordinates until it finds the correct one.
yep, it's definitely gotten worse.2 -
I forgot to setup my alarm, but it's fine, because fof some reason I just woke up exactly the when my alarm goes off normally.
Also fuck nighttime me2 -
Did some distro hopping at the weekend and ended up back in Ubuntu.
And for the most part everything is running like a dream, except MY motherfucking SQL.
Installation appears to be ok, but doesn’t let me set a root password, and throws errors like it’s cool when I try and change the root password.
Same goes for MariaDB.
All of my googling for a solution has so far failed me1 -
Me those days:
- Comes home from work, lots of motivation to work on personal projects
- Sits down in front of the PC and starts coding
- Stops coding after 5 because sweat is dripping into eyes
- Lays down in bed completely dead and sleeps until the next day
- Goes to work
Fucking love those temperatures...1 -
From time to time our internet slows down to 10kbit and latency goes over 1000ms or just cuts out completely and everyone starts screaming at me to fix it, what am I?! The fucking ISP's tech. support?!!! When it goes down it goes down, I can't do anything about it, I keep reminding everyone to keep a copy of their stuff on the NAS so they have access to it when this happens, no one ever listens to me! The only person that uses the NAS is me...
-
Psychotherapy revealed that EVERY. SINGLE. PAIN I have goes back to my mother in one way or another. Not just her, but her betraying me as a kid.
He once sent me to a summer camp. There, I was bullied and routinely beaten. I once was beaten by a group of girls. I begged my mother to take me back home, but she refused. She told me beatings were no big deal.
This is what ultimately tipped the scales and lead to a chain reaction that ultimately made me disown her.
Here’s the incomplete list of things she did to me: https://devrant.com/rants/9940652/...2 -
Client: I'm not able to see the mount storage
Me: share your configuration
Client: 📃
Me: (frustrated but still kind and polite) I see the ports are swapped between hosts which is the culprit behind the issue.
Me: can I ask the reason behind doing this?
Client: I thought red color goes left and aqua goes right.
Me: 🦍 🤐🤐 -
!dev
I was at a family event, and you know that one aunt who won't stop talking and asking you questions? Yeah she was basically harassing me, and since family and all I can't really ignore her even though I really want to.
In comes my 3 year old niece, who just walks towards us like a badass, pats that aunt's leg and goes "no one likes to talk to you!"
I need my niece as my personal bodyguard and human filter.1 -
Visual studio enterprise pooped out on me today. Company says I need to install professional instead...
Well there goes 5 hours of my day9 -
Recruiter reached out on a certain other social network where people seem to be humbled a lot.
First interview (a day later) goes well
Second interview (a week later) also goes well. They tell me there's one more technical interview, but that shouldn't be a problem.
A week later, that interview is a breeze too. Interviewer said they'll prepare the paperwork.
Another week goes by without communication, so I ping them.
A week after that they send me an email saying that they need references they can talk to. A co-worker and a direct manager.
Uncommon in my part of the world in general. But coming up with that idea this late in the process? Really? But ok, I provide those in like an hour.
They take their time, but eventually call the co-worker. Another week after that, they still haven't called the manager, so I ping them again.
Silence for another couple of days, then a very sad email about how the general situation has changed and they've now stopped hiring indefinitely1 -
Me: your SSH wrapper is breaking how Ansible works
Ops: try to use Ansible in another way
Me: your SSH wrapper is breaking how Ansible works
Ops: try to use Ansible in another way
< This goes on for two weeks >
Me: can we please not use wrapper
Ops: we use it to manage ssh keys
Me: this is breaking basic ssh functionality
Ops: OK we are setting up a weird convoluted way so you can run your Ansible playbooks.
Me: ... < doing "it is at least something" dance > -
> be me
> " It's Sunday, time for some battlestation housekeeping"
> " Oh easy, every git repo should do 'git clean -dfx'"
> Goes to ~/.rbenv
> Executes 'git clean -dfx'
> A whole 15 minutes long my drives go in overdrive...
> Removed 37 ruby versions and their gems, 104GB space freed up
I should do this more often
And I should now pull in all new versions and other things...3 -
I told PM that a feature is only ready on Thursday. He goes and tells Tuesday to the business owner. Comes to me and says make it happen. Nope, sorry. Not going to happen.
Non-tech people should not make commitments. I long for the day their jobs become obsolete. -
Networking Viva
External: how you specify the clients ip address to the server.
Me: Sir, we provide servers address to the client.
External: Where are clients IP addresses in server file
Me: Sir client goes to the server....
External: u know nthg...
😂😂😂2 -
So today I started looking at an old project (site/api tester) I backlogged due to various blockers.
I started remembering things and after setting up the testing app, I realized it depended on an extraction app that I wrote before that. And this reminds me of the whole start of all this testing stuff going back more then a year ago.
It sorta felt like I just took the cover off a hole? And then remembered how deep it goes.
And thankfully I left myself documentation... Though took me a while to find and still looking... (tracing from 1 project to another) -
> be me, working on small addition to enormous feature branch
> build system in flux due to reorganization started a month ago, not quite solid yet, but mostly works
> f_branch gets master merged into it sometime last week
> bossman makes "minor" change to build system and edits master to match
> doesn't merge changes into f_branch
> bossman goes on holiday for a week
> no permission to merge master changes into f_branch
> linter barfs
> npm barfs
> build server barfs
> mfw I can't even deploy to our testing environment4 -
Boss: Ready for deployment?
Me: No, there's still a few bugs.
Boss: let me know when they are fixed!
(Goes back to desk, runs without any issues)
Me: It all finished.
Boss: Wow how did you fix it so fast.
Me: I have no idea. -
Building an export in our app for shapefiles; ancient and completely outdated format. Currently there are dozens of better formats available. Unfortunately our clients are too dumb/lazy to learn how to work with other formats. Moreover, the irony is that many of their issues will be solved by just using any other format. Saving tons of frustration and hatred towards me for things I have zero control over.
Anyway, as I am coding I run into many ridiculous and well known shapefile issues.
Me goes to stackoverflow to find hacks
Me finds many posts with a title like "how to <..> shapefiles"
Me finds the same solution for every issue: "Don't use shapefiles"
Clients, please, get your shit together. The whole Internet hates people like you for using shapefiles. -
FFS! having nodejs server on heroku, added certificate successfully for https, yet when going to www.example.com it uses http on prod and maintanence page while example.com goes to https.
All my attempts to catch http connection failed.
This is the definition of me wanting to bang my keyboard and problem autosolves itself while I am doing it!
Where is the my one click and everything is ready. I want to code back end and front end not spend 2 days trying to figure out https bullshit for unknown reason. -
Me: HM let's fire up my old pirate game prototype and see if I can do anything with it before sea of thieves comes out and everyone says I'm copying...
*Turns on Xbox and goes to store*
Me: ah fuck! -
That I'm actually as good as my coworker tell me.
I have much to learn, no question there.
But for a long Time i didn't believe that I should be a programmer and do profesionally what makes me fun.
A lot of thanks to that goes to my two coworkers, which i'll soon leave.
(the next big personal challenge: to leave the first friends i ever made. Even though that we'll Stay in contact) -
WTF is wrong with with you VS?!111 I only updated these efing NuGet packages and my whole project goes down the toilet? Don't tell me these files are not there!! THEY ARE!!!! I SEE THEM!!!
...ohh i forgot, my fault! these files in my packages folder are the new ones and YOU STILL WANT THE OLD FILES BECAUSE YOU FORGOT TO UPDATE YOU FUCKING PROJECT FILE! -
Started new internship last week, hired as dev but working qa till their next release goes up. See last 3 posts for some horror lmao. They... don't know how to use git but insist they do. 275MB single repo for entire angular frontend (no dependencies are pushed, few images) and "angular backend" (according to PM). Commits to master, bad commit messages, no testing except me on qa..... death
-
The range of coffee strength in the office.. goes from weak as hell one day, to rocket fuel the next. I want coffee somewhere in the middle.. something that keeps me focused, while not corroding my mug.
-
Coworker during standup this morning: yeah i couldn't work saturday on the project because of VPN problems but i'll stay longer today.
Scrum master goes home.
Coworker, literally 8:10 hours later. Goes home.
He bugfixed another project for an hour and told me i had to work on this project instead of helping another client.
Meanwhile he's bragging about all the experience he has and telling he wants to be the lead dev.
I thought he started early but nope. First drank coffee for another 15 minutes.2 -
When I work entire night I use my short profile keyboard not to make any noise, but in holidays my mom wakes up and tries her best to makes all kind of noises, after I give up and wake up, she goes to her room to read her book!
Dear God! Please eat me!1 -
Don't bother telling me there's typos in stuff when I send emails, I write in some form of programming language >50% of the time, I know there are typos in my stuff, which is why we have someone to proof-read my stuff before it goes public facing. Don't blame me that the person paid to proof-read things failed.5
-
!dev
Left the window open to cool the room before going to bed. A fucking cricket got in. Didn't kill it at first, thought it'd leave.
Nope. It didn't. Lights off, comfy in my covers and there it goes... That noooooise! For fucks sake! It's not even loud, but it grates so muuuch. Agh.
And then it took me foreeeeever to find it. Bastard hide on top of the wardrobe, behind my luggage. Spend a good 10min looking for it. And he kept on taunting me, the fucking piece of crap. Well, at least its dead now. Good riddance, asshole. -
So one of our teacher gets a mail from her personal email id on her college id, saying, "Hi this is me". Goes to google and searches, " Hi this is me mail on gmail".
*face palm*
Fatuity is unreal. -
*Wakes up*
*Message from aunt*
Aunt: Hey sweety I can't find this movie anywhere on the internet plz use ur cyber superpowers and help me thx
Aunt: *Link to the movie's trailer on Youtube*
*Clicks link*
*Scrolls down*
Youtube comment: *Link to the movie*
*Copies and pastes to aunt*
Aunt: omg thxxx <3
*Goes back to sleep*
Because why even try when you can ask your nephew to do it for you?3 -
I guess ill wait until you ignore all my warnings and find out for yourself. But i am the one you keep asking questions about technology to so why do you have all the answers prepared? Why ask me?
So i just keep saying, try it. Try it your way and let me know how it goes. -
Hate it when my question goes unnoticed on stack overflow and Google doesn't give me a proper link to a solution AND THE DOCUMENTATION is not clear! -.-
-
So the fucking septic cleaning guys truck snagged the internet line that goes across the driveway and the took it down.... No internet till at least noon tomorrow. Fuck me! I had a personal project I really wanted to work on.6
-
Home automation
Lights turning on at the same time the wake up alarm goes off, blinds up and such
Centralized and shared calendar in the living room
And stuff that could bring me to jail (I've never done that and I'll never do it, I swear)
Maybe6 -
I'm not lazy. If you want me to build you a typeface - I'll learn how to do it... and I'll do it ~ but when I get files like this... my brain just goes blank. I don't even know how to rename these. Even if I automate it... I don't know what any of them are. : /3
-
So once again, I'm planning for a new website I'm developing, a little side project. I tend to put pen to paper and map out what features I want to include and see where that goes.
It's got me thinking how everyone else likes to plan for their personal projects and if I'm missing a trick?2 -
Finally! I can't believe the suffering has finally ended. I managed to fuck over our shiddy build system to produce normal debugging information that can be stepped in gdb. Everything goes so smoothly for me ever since.. jeez feels so good :) When I come home today Ill just lay down on a bed and roll from side to side out of happiness.
-
Let me try the two sentence horror thing. Here it goes:
It's getting late, and my son is yet to return from his private programming class. I looked through his laptop, and his teacher is some guy named Carl H.8 -
Having flexible working hours but also having a boss that goes in early and expects you to respond to slack messages before you are even out of bed.
It's the morning let me sleep... -
I am unlucky, because electricity in my area just goes down just before I hit the cltr+s....
I am unlucky, because the last person get the product before is goes out of stock is the person just standing in front my me in queue.....
I am unlucky, because my water tank run out of water not just before I go to bath but in the middle of my bath.....
But Still I think I am lucky because I can loop in one line in python, and the nested loop also.......2 -
for the first time ever.
I watched 'The Boys' S3E1
one dude says 'I want U inside me'
and nother dude shrinks to ant size and
dude literally goes inside the penis. LIKE O-O
should I continue :|7 -
Is that me or Lenovo cannot figure out the bios issue I am having with my ideapad-100. The Linux kernel says that the bios has a bug in it and then Windows can't update because the bios has a bug, the bios updater tells me the bios is perfectly fine. This is weird because the laptop is unstable whatever the Os and yeah it did that since I bought it and sent it to be repaired and still the issues goes on
-
i'm not a dev but i do implementations of our software so i need to work with our devs fairly often. this is an actual transcript from a conversation with a dev today - is this a bad sign when the conversation goes like this?:
developer: any news from these guys?
me: yea he replied to the email thread
he's fine with giving us his password on the call
developer: ok, just checking, because i did not receive it
me: really thats weird you are cced
developer: ohhh…. sorry… my mailbox is to messy -
Thank you all advanced developers to make such great extensions !
2 extension modules needed, found in 2 days, with all the bonuses.
It's saving me weeks of work. And the show goes on. -
!Question
I see lots of rants here of bosses/clients screaming, imposing their authority, making people work during the night, weekends etc. Is it that common?
In my actual job, the few times my boss screamed to me, I was about "fuck this shit, I'll just do what he wants and go home at the right time. If they don't like it, just fire me. And laught silently when things goes wrong".
I've been afraid to get into the developer area and always be stressed out with too much work to do, people screaming and having to work on weekends.4 -
Dashlane sucks. It’s the absolute worst password manager ever. Not a day goes by when it tries to log me into a site incorrectly, forgets a password, freezes up, etc. Yesterday I attempted to very carefully change the master password and it locked me out with the new password. Had to reset using the revoke process and it sent me back 6 months in time. Now I have to reconstruct all my logins a day before I go on vacation. I’m stuck with it because my employer reviewed LastPass and decided Dashlane had a few features LastPass didn’t that they really need. Seriously, SCREW DASHLANE!!2
-
I try to wake up early, do some productive things, try my hands on different stuffs in life, learn a new skill, switch to a new career field, become famous and change the world... but these damned bug fixes make me stay up at nights and so goes the cycle of my life.😑
-
Of course a good, long playlist of my personal jams with a beer next to me :)
But reasons to actually get to work:
1. If it's an interesting task and everything goes according to plan, I get a positive feedback loop of motivation.
2. Deadlines.
3. Personal projects are always easier for me to begin with and stay focused on.
Personal projects are also dangerous for me because I keep going back to them until I don't have any motivation to go back to my work projects... Kinda like a double edged sword I guess -
Managers fucking fun activity. They're taking it away from meeting room. Shouting down the hall. I pinged my HR.
Me: How can one code with this noice
HR: I understand. You even have a typo with 'noise'
Shit fuck, here goes my weekend. I have to revisit what have I coded today 😠2 -
So I had an interesting conversation with a "developer" from another org:
Me: "So I might have a new client. Their site really needs an update."
Them:"Let me see." *goes to perspective client site*
Them:"Wow, that's bad!"
Me:"Yep it hasn't been touched since 08"
Them:"No, that's not the reason. The reason it looks this bad is because it is made with php."9 -
The fun part of my job is showing off my age to make the point that they need to build new things in new technologies. Typical interaction goes something like this.
Person: When we started X project, we were using the state of the art technologies. We can just use that again.
Me: And when was that?
P: About 2012
Me: I was a freshman in high school.9 -
I've got a call from a recruiter and they said they will call me to arrange an interview..
Hope they call me and everything goes well..
False hope in my situation is very dangerous1 -
I notice that a necessary fix means adding a single isolated library to composer.json for a large legacy application...
Me: 😬
Me: 🙏
Me: <composer update>
composer.lock: +789/-435 lines changed. 😵
Yep, everything is broken. There goes my week. -
A new product release plan is shared on friday with everyone
On Monday morning its goes like this:
My boss: "when have we planned to do feature x?"
Me: "am sorry, I forgot my release plan at home."
My boss: in his mind ->"i thought you shared on Friday?"
Me: in my mind -> "Just say it loud" -
Anyone else trying to crawl back out the rabbit hole that is 3d printing? It's great don't get me wrong but it's so fucking annoying when it goes wrong16
-
Heya guys
Looking to get some extra cash so I'd like to strike out on my own a bit as well.. But struggling to get going... Don't really have a network orso to get opportunities...
I've seen sites like upwork promising great results, and I'm about to sign up for them now, to see how it goes...
But my question is, any of you guys have some tips and tricks for me?3 -
Le dev and le me (continued)
So le manager decides to talk to both le me and le dev so we can sort things out.
Le dev than says: "I think we shouldn't refactor things just to make them prettier." (Very passive-aggressively talking about me.)
Then goes on and implements a custom permission handler that performs several queries to the database to determine if a user should be able to change an object.
And all le me wanted was to use groups... -
Last Friday, owner goes to client location to take part in a demo. Dev supervisor is gone for the day for daughter's graduation so they leave me in charge of application (which I wrote anyways) and in charge of embedded software developer. The 2 of us work hard to make sure all parts work flawlessy. Demo goes great and owner is very happy because company looked great in front of client.
Owner calls dev supervisor, again who was on vacation for entire demo, and congratulates him for a job well done.
WTF??? -
I have a friend named Rich. To protect his identity we will refer to him as Rich.
Rich: I don't like Dick.
Me: ...What?...
Rich: The name, I don't like the name Dick. <Rich then goes on to explain why he doesn't like the name Dick. How he got the name Rich. Like 5 or 10 minutes of this>
Me: <Trying not to laugh, because he is naive enough to not know the other connotations of not liking Dick>
Rich: And that is why I don't like Dick.
Me: <Smiles and nods. This was deep and personal to him.>
Things I wanted to say:
"I am glad we got this out in the open."
"Well, I don't like Dick either."2 -
there it goes again
rip my college access, i'm in an infinite loop of this and can't break out
i have to wait for the server to deauth me on its end, should take 48 hours or so2 -
I need to code up a basic API/JSON consumption script and I literally just can’t bring myself to do it because I’m afraid to fail at doing it right. What is WRONG with me?! Am I the only person who goes through this kind of self-sabotage?4
-
Today I've been summoned to work for the first time in weeks to help with the startup of a machine, and testing the HMI software that goes with it.
Me and a junior colleague go to the machine. We try to get everything ready for testing. Machine was left stuck in some intermediate state by someone else. I have no idea on how to control the machine's individual components. My colleague received a crash course a while ago, but was unable to reinitialize the damn thing, and the senior machine builder was too busy on another project.
In other words, me coming over had no purpose at all, and we accomplished nothing.
I really don't understand companies. On one end there's an endless bitching about how everything is too expensive, and on the flip-side you see 'em toss buckets of money through the window.
Oh well, as long as it goes from the window to my bank account, there's no problem for me I guess.2 -
2 weeks into a new project, it goes from "let's get this web app done quickly" to "No see now it's a fully scaled SaaS solution. And why are you following the designs we have you?!" this is what makes me want to update my resume.
-
So I do some custom integrations for a local bank. A customer is referred to me by the Bank, we failed to o agree on the price by about 100usd. The customer the goes to some old timer who doesn't even know the difference between php and asp. Then new 'dev' can't figure out how to do the integration and then turns to me to do the work for him for 1/3 of what I had charged the client. Don't know if I should tell him to go to hell or call the customer and ask him to get a hire someone who can differentiate between his nose and ass hole.1
-
In the previous company I've worked, we've had about one customer every 1-2 months that had his WorstPress website hacked.
It's a horrible CMS and there is no argument that could convince me otherwise, not even bribery.
Luckily enough for WP, it's not the worst CMS I've encountered... that award goes by far to "The CMS Of Doom™" (name changed to not dox the incompetent company that created it). Fucking bastards. -
When a client goes "I want this website but with my logo and content. How long would it take you to build this?"
Well dear client, it would technically only take me about 2-3 days, but that's not happening because that's someone else work. :) -
Does anyone have first hand use exp with the Nextbit Robin?
My current phone (Samsung Note Edge) is currently really glitchy and sometimes the touchscreen goes black, so that leads me to thinking about getting a new phone, the Robin.
I just wanted an unfiltered review. -
About to rewrite a module of our in house ERP app written in access as a web app to demonstrate to management that access is in the past. Fingers crossed this goes to plan managed to wangle this with the wife(thank god she believes in me)
-
rantHeader = "Merry Christmas to me!"
subHeader = "How a phone survied a three stories fall but dropping it from 1 meter high shattered its glass"
And it's Christmas with my direct manager on holiday till Februrary the 33th 2085 meaning I will get a new phone in 1/2 years if all goes well...
Well at least I have a good excuse not to connect to work during my holidays as MFA app is on this phone...2 -
Trying to build something that makes me rich by learning. Started ReactJS Going through events, state and props again. Really beginning to make progress. Will continue with tutorial tomorrow, and see how it goes. Still a bit unsure about the multiple levels of props, but getting there :) Also please suggest me more to learn today so it would be helpful tomorrow.
-
God, these designers who ask them for an icon and a week goes by without giving it to you, plus they use Zeplin and don't know how to export through the tool. In the end, you end up going to Figma yourself and make the icon and export it in 5 minutes.
This happens to me with 9 out of 10 designers that I work with. Has something similar happened to you?1 -
So I called my previous employer and he seemed to be happy to hear from me. Sadly, he isn’t free for the weekend, but we’ll meet up next week during home office.
Hope it goes well.3 -
that moment when you got just one night to prepare app for arduino based robot with pattern recognition. No hardware component with me and whole thing goes on asumption
f**k competition -
New year resolution was to be a better person (or at least nicer) but here it goes.
Monday rant: State your fucking requirements when requesting something as "This is not what I was expecting" is not acceptable.
I do code for living I don't read mind nor have a crystal ball on my desk telling me "...what you meant..." -
Hello everyone,
Hopefully you can help me with this, i feel like my math skills are really bad, even though I come from an engineering background we all know how most classes on uni goes...
So the thing is, I’ve seen brilliant(the website) as an option to start from the beginning with a good mathematic foundation.
Is brilliant worth the 10$ or there are better options?6 -
So It's a really interesting thing that happened with me
I just became a Facebook developer a few days back and today I see that there's news that Facebook might get banned in India, and I'm like thinking there goes all my learning of chatbots.
I should probably put that on my resume😂 like "Recommend me to your rival company and watch their downfall" -
I am participating in LeetCode challenge for April and May month. I thought :thinking_face: it would be a great help for every Kotlin developer to share LeetCode challenge solution in Kotlin. I am looking forward your help to optimize the current code or suggest me better approach. I will keep updating the repository on daily basis as challenge goes on.
https://github.com/manishandroid/...
https://github.com/manishandroid/... -
I was lucky and have a mother who understands a lot of work goes into making programs work. My dad is basically a technophobe and struggles with the TV and Microwave, but would prefer me to have a job I enjoy rather than one that's going to put me in an early grave.