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Train conversation between 3 girls:
A: "Oh, I've got 4G.. "
B: "What, we have 4G!?"
C: "OMG I HATE 4G!"
A: "Yeah, it's almost as slow as E"
C: "I know, right?!"
.....
Kill me pls16 -
"The difference between SSDs and HDDs is that HDDs store data on spinning CDs inside the drive"
-- a 3rd year CS student
Spinning CDs?? CDs?!?!?24 -
How to kill a lot of Linux users in one go without being accused of murder:
1) Write on social media "which is the best Linux distro and why?"
2) Watch them fight and kill each other
3) Profit23 -
So I was with my friends on the subway and we were talking about an assigment we have due this week with trees in Java. I got to say, the face on the old ladie next to us when we said "we must kill all the children left in the tree" was just epic! She must thought we were talking about beating some little kids or something... 😅3
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I strongly dislike the www part in domain names (the subdomain, really), that's not really news anymore.
Loads of sites use it which I find annoying as fuck for some reason but so be it. (I understand that its very logical to loads of people)
And then you get a client who calls in because the email server isn't accepting her username/password.
*looks into the logs*
"incorrect authentication data: info@www.herdomain.com"
Kill it with fucking fire.18 -
Pro tip:
Although 'hmm either kill it or if that doesn't work, sacrifice some of its children' is a perfectly valid sentence in the sysadmin world, it's not in public.
😅10 -
Dear codebeautify.org,
Go kill yourself.
No one likes you. Go die.
Love,
poster983
P.S. I'm serious.
18 -
Mom : why were you late?
Me : Got lot of bugs in office.
Mom : Is everyone alright? Did you kill them?
Me : No mom we fix them.
Mom : I thought we kill them.
How humane are you guys.9 -
My goals:
- Resist the urge to kill my boss
- Graduate
- Remember, I'd be someone's bitch in prison so definitly don't murder my boss
- Find an amazing new job
- Work in new job for some years to avoid suspicion, then kill former boss..8 -
Relatives: What does he do as a job?
Mom: He's an informatician, he tinkers with computers
Me: No, I'm a programmer.
Relatives: Is it computer related?
Me: Yes, but..
Relative: Sounds like an informatician to me.
I'm so tempted to say that I butcher animals, but I'm afraid they'll think I'm a veterinarian.11 -
Get my hunter license.
Become the pirate king.
An anime adaptation before we are 18.
Liberate Japan from Britannia.
Get Kokonotsu to take over the candy shop.
Kill my teacher before he wipes out humanity.
Kill all the kabane.
Kill all the titans.20 -
I was called in our residents meeting because I was talking on the phone that "We should kill the childs first and if there are any orphans we should kill them,too".3
-
Our professor in operating system lecture, topic: multiprocessing, today: "Just kill all children".2
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I’m so tired of egocentric lying management executive types.
Executive: You should be thinking about how you speak to the “leadership”.
Me: How about stop lying, blaming me for your own mistakes, and then blackmailing?
Guy has never heard ‘no’ in his life.
Seriously, иди на хуй.10 -
When a A.I. is gonna take over my job, Im gonna build a robot to steal the job of the A.I. and then kill it.
Maybe the robot will kill all of humanity, but yolo let's try it. Wanna see a real life terminator 😂
4 -
Me: Wish I got one guilty free murder pass..
God: GRANTED! Which software tester would you like to kill?4 -
You know what's worse than hell?
Your non-technical boss thinking he knows coding.
In the middle of night you are going to fix the problem he created, because he messed it in live server.5 -
Feeling awesome after migrate everything from WordPress to Laravel. Kill WP. Fuckkkkkkkk youuuuuuuu. 😣3
-
Manager: Morning Alex, how are you?
My Brain: I'm fan-fucking-tastic, I've had 1 hour of sleep, hurt my back, feels like my tail bone is broken, struggling to walk, every piece of code I've written for the past 3 day's has been a complete waste of time and I'm at work...
Me actually: Good thanks .-.3 -
just discovered CTRL+ALT+ESC shortcut to kill a window without opening the Task Manager.
KDE is AWESOME.
on Gnome you can install xkill & set a custom shortcut.3 -
1. Start ur day posting Good morning in #general thread.
2. Say Hello Team in the project group (slack).
3. Have a standup call with the entire team and discuss what everyone would be doing.
4. Evening 6 pm go on another call with the team explaining what you did for the day.
5. Time tracking software should always be on, so we can monitor your keystrokes.
6. Track time on Clickup tasks, as well as move them to appropriate tabs indicating their status.
7. Before u log off, post a detailed report on the group chat about what you did for the day.
Surely, this will increase productivity of the team, right?10 -
Cleaning up code...
var screenshotPanel = $(this).parent().parent().parent().parent().next().next();
Kill me now.5 -
Don't you fucking love spending 3 days debugging only to realise you had a fucking dash instead of an underscore... Yeah me too! .-.5
-
Friend: what do you do?
Me: I'm a programmer
Friend: could you fix my computer ?
Me: Kill Me(Thinks). -
When people say ai machines are gonna uprise and kill them! they are talking about matrix multiplications starting to kill people right?4
-
Delete your Facebook
Delete LinkedIn and Gmail too
Stop visiting websites with ads
Stop being friends with anyone with smartphones
Draw your own maps
Draw your own water
Avoid drinking tap water
Avoid going out in public with your face on
Kill your own meat
Kill your gods
- From tweet2 -
Medium before:
How to perfectly manage a reactive server with 4 frameworks blindfolded
Medium now:
THAT'S WHY YOU SHOULD BE SCARED OF AI
AI WILL KILL US AND RAPE OUR WIVES
YOU ARE USING CHATGPT WRONG!!
DON'T WAIT AI TO STEAL YOUR JOB, KILL YOURSELF NOW5 -
Fucking kill me. I've just agreed to make a shitty fucking app that would be better as a Webpage, using shitty fucking technologies I don't understand, to do a thing that would be better handled by a third party.
You know why? The guy who asked me to do it is a good friend, and I'm the "best (only) code monkey" he knows. FUCK MY LIFE.
At least I'm getting payed7 -
"Startup (called Nectome) wants to upload your brain to the cloud, but has to kill you to do it"
https://theguardian.com/technology/...
No thanks, I am sure NSA will kick in.4 -
I am well done, burnt and carcinogenic. The constant pressure to always produce, always post a profit, always increase, always commit, always stand-up and succeed is fucking exhausting and ultimately and totally unsustainable.
There are never any fallow years anymore, or days of rest...our dirt is dying...and the earth is weary and worn out. Antartica is getting green...grrrr, and my head is melting too.
Why the fuck can't we slow down a little bit?
#hatehashtags C#needtheocean
// allow1 -
What's a database? Oh, uh... Think, like, a spreadsheet -- but it makes you wanna kill yourself even harder.4
-
I'm having a strong urge to kill that asshole that asked me, on a SECOND interview for a SENIOR position if I knew what ORM was!!!
Are you making me fucking waste my time you fucking cunt???
Did you fucking read my CV?
Obviously not because you would have seen several ORM technologies on it you fucking piece of shit.
You made me waste my time, and now I have no choice but to slice your fucking throat!
I'll be waiting for you, in the dark you mother fucker.13 -
"Millions of slaves"
"When you kill it, you kill everything."
-- Guy at work doing presentation about docker2 -
Me: *gets a payout from my old job*
Me: ahhh now to spoil myself, let's get some pixel buds and a day dream set and maybe a nice bottle of whiskey.
eBay: YO! We have that MacBook you've been looking for going really cheap at the moment!
Me: ... I hate myself...
Why does stuff always go on sale when I've spent my money ;-;2 -
It's kind of embarrassing not to support random number generation, but not having float types?
Solidity, kill yourself.9 -
It's Don't-Kill-Your-Coworkers Monday! Vent here while looking at this cute-ass picture instead of ending lives.
4 -
The "sys admin" is upgrading my PC to Windows 10. He says "It's incontestable and must be done."
😃🔫3 -
I hate being in program purgatory. You don't know whether your program froze, or the CPU is hustling to crunch out those numbers. To kill or not to kill. That is the question. Q.Q2
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Someone please kill me.
I'm sick of myself.
A few days ago in the prize distribution for a past coding contest, I denied my prize and eventually accepted after fucking around a bit.
Now since two days, I'm straight forward wasting my time. My grades are going down exponentially and I'm involving neither in CUDA (which a started just a while ago) nor I'm getting into studies and even getting in competitive coding.... Fuck me!!!!!! -
You can kill me now...
.entry-item
position: relative
display: inline-block
float: left
width: calc(25vw - (204px/4) - (320px/4))
height: calc(25vw - (204px/4) - (320px/4))
overflow: hidden
@media(max-width: 1600px)
width: calc(33.333vw - (204px/3) - (320px/3))
height: calc(33.333vw - (204px/3) - (320px/3))
@media(max-width: 1440px)
width: calc(33.333vw - (48px/3) - (320px/3))
height: calc(33.333vw - (48px/3) - (320px/3))
@media(max-width: 1200px)
width: calc(50vw - (48px/2) - (320px/2))
height: calc(50vw - (48px/2) - (320px/2))
@media(max-width: 1024px)
width: calc(50vw - (48px/2))
height: calc(50vw - (48px/2))
@media(max-width: 720px)
width: calc(50vw - (24px/2))
height: calc(50vw - (24px/2))
@media(max-width: 580px)
width: 100%
height: calc(100vw - 24px)5 -
(another) Russian roulette for devs
$jobs -l
[1]+ 642 python .....etc
$sudo kill -9 642
.... other commands here
arrow up...arrow up... (looking for jobs -l)... got it.
arrow up...
$kill -9 642
F*uck! (i remember that i have not changed the pid)
kill: no such process (luckly no damages)
anyone killed something relevant making this mistake?6 -
Ive been working on pseudo-Java (ie some 3rd company's UNDOCUMENTED programming language) that they parse into Java in their backend
It doesnt even support if-else (only ifs and elses) or a boolean combination of False and OR together lmao
mainly a GRPC middleware-language
Given its lack of features (arrays/collections) or documentation, I just had to implement a flag-array using a 0-1 string
Im throwing exceptions unless combined strings equal Lengths and is only 1s
living like in 80s-90s 💀7 -
1. Kill Internet Explorer
2. Kill anyone who sell their web/app/design services cheaply that broke the market value
3. Kill anyone who want something in exchange of "exposure" or "you'll get the money when we get funding or IPO" or some shit like that, you name it.1 -
Spent the last 2 and a half days working on sth, it turned out great. Was pointed out a major mistake in the structure, have to redo about 95%. Kill me now.
-
"Holy shit, my computer is laggy, what's taking this much ressources?"
> top
"Holy shit why the fuck is Java even running? Let's kill this son of a bitch"
> kill -9 <process>
> Rubymine closes
I'm a fucking idiot. -
Your friend... when you're about to kill yourself after trying to solve single ERROR for decades!
;_;
1 -
First day back at my old workplace and the guy who replaced me as storeman is going to put me in an early grave...
Literally all of the work I put in over the past year and a bit is gone...
Welp... Let's hope I can get a higher up position soon so I can fix this shit heap .-. -
I'm living it.
I started an internship at this web store made of different pieces and following no apparent rule or convention. They asked me to do this landing page, but I can't access to the development environment, nor push, create a docker, kill myself, nothing. I have to build from the DOM and write with inline style a page copied and pasted, with 300 lines of CSS already in the tpl, overwritten bootstrap 3 and two main CSS files linked. And "they don't do !important".
I wish I could say I'm learning a lot, but not. My life has become a waste of hours trying to please a company stuck and aged. -
Fucking Java 8 java.time package. I want to kill the damn developers of this useless piece of shit code.1
-
I think the worst feeling ever is taking a break from something, then coming back to it and realizing that you have to rewrite something because you put it off before you took a break.
I've had a lot going on lately, and I decided to work on a web dev project I was doing to get the hang of frontend development. Just realized that I have to rewrite a couple functions. Someone kill me now1 -
You know that you're looking at the work of a true master when you get a chance to be humbled by the greatness of classes such as WSInvoiceHeaderTypeWSInvoiceHeaderWSInvoicePartWSInvoiceRowWSInvoiceRemark. Just shoot me in the fucking face. I urge you. It will be mercy.5
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I just had to spend 10 minutes of my life going through 674 lines of HTML code and deleting every font tag, with there being at least one font tag on every line.2
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For today I had to implement a Strategy Pattern solution for dynamically loading items in a view. So, I came in the morning and started doing it, finally after some time I acomplished it, with one strategy, so when I started implementing the other ones, everything went to crap so I thought "Okay, lets checkout to how it was on the morning, just to realize I leaved yesterday without commiting.
I wanna kill someone1 -
I just hate the word "menu" today
Even worse: menues
The Internet is a fucking restaurant!
Kill it!3 -
Hey guys, I wouldn't really mind if you moved the live devrant podcast thing to a later time, I have school and I would kill or die to be there for it. Kill. Or. Die.9
-
It's really hard to search in Google about how to kill children when parent is not waiting for them so the children won't become a zombie
-
I'm currently handling 2 projects simultaneously. The other developer recently resigned, so now I've got 5. Kill me nowwwwwww1
-
Hey guys, I just discovered that an instance of internet explorer is actually set to open on startup on Windows.
Try going into your task manager and look for "explorer.exe".
If you want to kill it without finding it, you can also just use the BATCH command `kill /I explorer.exe`8 -
Thinking of adding a few aliases:
.bashrc
#Custom aliases
daddy_shark_doo_doo_doo_doo_do ='sudo'
whos_your_daddy='whoami'
call_me_daddy='su root'
you_aint_shit='kill'2 -
Do you think we should have a Linux black-ops team?
In case we need to execute a `kill -9` in real life.
Like the facebook. -
Just added a new alias to my .bash_aliases.
alias killstudio='pkill -f android'
What it does is kill all process with the name 'android' in them forcefully, like in android studio. -
What fresh hell is this ??????
I lost my earbuds TWICE within 2 weeks !!!!
I swear I had em last night when I put em in pouch , and now I see only 1 earbud.
|-_-|-_-| FUCK MY LIFE |-_-|-_-|
Rent me an earbud or kill me, PLEASE
It saddens me to think I'll not fulfill my endorphins quota today :(
The only enjoyment I have in my life is gymming to heavy bass, the endorphins keep me alive, everything else in life is shit right now : unhappy job, stress from GRE prep, no gf, staying away from family1 -
Bored????😒
The quick way to kill your boredom is to🤔
.
.
.
.
.
Kill yourselves so you won't be punished for killing boredom.😆4 -
why on earth somebody thought that MySQL on MacOS must be restarted automatically every time you kill it like a fucking zombie?
An why the fuck every time I restart the Mac, I must kill the fucking zombie with a kill -9 in the head 2 or 3 times before being able to access it again?3 -
I'm ok with almost every language.
But this "everything is a function" concept of JavaScript always give me that "kill me painless and quick" itch !!!#":":/#*%¢|°°
const fuuuuuuuuuck = require('fuckoff.js')1 -
root@terminal:~
root@terminal:~# love
-bash: love: command not found
root@terminal:~# happiness
-bash: happiness: command not found
root@terminal:~# peace
-bash: peace: command not found
root@terminal:~# kill
-bash: you need to specify whom to kill
kill: usage: kill [-s sigspec | -n signum | -sigspec] pid | jobspec ... or kill -l [sigspec]
😈😈
Source: reddit -
If your code is giving HTTP 500 error on a production server, go kill yourself, until you are having a development environment on the production server. In that case, kill your manager! 💢
-
Not my co-worker, but please someone kill this guy!!
https://youtu.be/x-VmYZGPnWc
WARNING: INDENTATION HORROR AHEAD.1 -
ISTQB tutorial (testing) with cold dead syntetic voice.... brain liquifying under unreleting bordom! KILL ME NOW!!!1
-
After going through this stuff here https://github.com/google/grafika , Í really don't know how much noob I am...
-
So my current company held a dev showcase last week. It was an event to show the different projects/tech stacks that different teams are working on/with. There's about 12-14 teams in our company. My team lead and I were brainstorming ideas on what to show on our booth. And I told him, I have an Intel RealSense developer kit that we can use. Anyway, fast forward to the day before the event, I was still developing our app/game for the booth. Just an emotion detector and you have to trick the app with your facial expressions. (Weird and fun, I know). The head honcho walked past the team lead and I and looked over the demo that I was playing around and he said that: "That's not work. You're wasting time again."
We were both irritated by his comments because he's one of the top dogs in the company and he surely knows about the event. Also, it's our way of showing to him that we're flexible in doing fun stuff instead of just enterprise and internal systems!
What a fucking kill joy! -
I know it doesn't really exist in one solution, but I need management software to keep track of customers (crm), projects, products, licensing and contracts, and time keeping. Right now we are using MSCRM (ugh), and old homebrew project/time tracker written in Perl spaghetti (double ugh), email (sigh) and handwritten notes (kill me). Now I suddenly find myself with a budget (somewhat) and the authority to actually fix things. Any ideas would be appreciated.
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