I'm trying out a new rendering engine, it's pretty slow but I'm getting somewhere.

My (6 years old) client is sitting next to me and is kind of picky and tells me exactly what to do.

No payout though 🤔

I don’t need sex because C++ fucks me everyday

"Any product that needs a manual to work is broken." - Elon Musk

Receiving a bug report from the manual tester “numeric input does not work”.

He accidentally disabled Num Lock on his keyboard.

I want to stop charging my e-scooter at around 85% because this will increase the battery life. To avoid always having to pull the plug at the right level, I made a stop circuit that goes between charging brick and e-scooter.

There's no processor involved, just a CMOS 555 used as inverting Schmitt Trigger which controls a power mosfet. Also two status LEDs and a start switch. The poti adjusts the cut-off level. Worked on first try, with only manual voltage and tolerance calculations beforehand!

>22 year old college student
>Apply for a QA internship
>Interview goes well,they see I have plenty of experience and doubt it's real
>Hard questions are thrown
>Answer them and they admit the position is for manual testing

I honestly don't care I need the money, plus manual testing doesn't usually strain me.

>A week goes by
>A month goes by
>Call them
>...Sorry we were looking for someone with less technical and dev experience.

My fucking face when I don't have a title, still overqualified, fighting with WordPress devs on freelancer.

Conversation with my mom the other day:

Mom - How do you use the screenshot button on the keyboard? (She has a Windows work laptop)

Me - Just press it.

Mom - I did that! It didn't do anything.

Me - Lol it's not supposed to do anything. It takes a picture of whatever is on your screen and you have to paste it somewhere like Paint to save the image.

Mom - Ohhh that's too much work. I use Snippit (or whatever the built in Windows screenshot app is called) and send it to myself in an email.
-------------------------
She takes a screenshot, pastes it in an email, and sends it to herself to save it. Hm.

Then she told me tonight that she needed to screenshot these questions in a quiz she was taking. I kid you not - she took a screenshot of 2 questions at a time, pasted them in an email that she sent to herself, and then printed the email. She did this for 40 questions so she printed out 20 emails with screenshots of quiz questions. She also printed out the 200 page manual she needs to study and deleted the pdf. Mom, seriously? What if you need to find something in that 200 page manual? It's so much easier to ctrl + F to find a specific word or phrase. Ohh it doesn't matter she says, there's an index.

Lecturer: Unfortunately, you will have to manually write these 16 combinations in the program.

Me: *writes a script to generate the combinations*

This is so true.. I hope the networking folks know where their manuals are 😂😁

Credits: Codechef

Yesterday Mr Senior told us that "it's not possible to do that".
I (30 years younger) replied I read about that possibility in the manual.
So he challenged me to do it, laughing at me.

Today I went to the office really angry, I put the headphones on, with the song "Suicide Silence - O.C.D." in loop, and after 5 hours I solved the "big problem".

So, go fuck yourself Mr Senior, and RTFM.

Damn, I'm still listening that song.

TIL: You can actually buy LibreOffice and OpenOffice (inclufing manual, templates and fonts).

I only just noticed this is on the git man page :P

Thank you PHP manual! I would never found it otherwise!

I wonder why banks are always so terribly insecure, given how much money there's for grabs in there for hackers.

Just a while ago I got a new prepaid credit card from bpost, our local postal service that for some reason also does banking. The reason for that being that - thank you 'Murica! - a lot of websites out there don't accept anything but credit cards and PayPal. Because who in their right mind wouldn't use credit cards, right?! As it turns out, it's pretty much every European I've spoken to so far.

That aside, I got that card, all fine and dandy, it's part of the Mastercard network so at least I can get my purchases from those shitty American sites that don't accept anything else now. Looked into the manual of it because bpost's FAQ isn't very clear about what my login data for their online customer area now actually is. Not that their instruction manual was either.

I noticed in that manual that apparently the PIN code can't be changed (for "security reasons", totally not the alternative that probably they didn't want to implement it), and that requesting a forgotten PIN code can be done with as little as calling them up, and they'll then send the password - not a reset form, the password itself! IN THE FUCKING MAIL.

Because that's apparently how financial institutions manage their passwords. The fact that they know your password means that they're storing it in plain text, probably in a database with all the card numbers and CVC's next to it. Wouldn't that be a treasure trove for cybercriminals, I wonder? But YOU the customer can't change your password, because obviously YOU wouldn't be able to maintain a secure password, yet THEY are obviously the ones with all the security and should be the ones to take out of YOUR hands the responsibility to maintain YOUR OWN password.

Banking logic. I fucking love it.

As for their database.. I reckon that that's probably written in COBOL too. Because why wouldn't you.

I've always elected to program a lot of my tasks instead of manually inputting them. Using a computer to solve repetitive tasks is the name of the game.

Manual Data Entry: Most boring job
This reminds me of one conversation with one of my faculty..
Faculty: Why not try some Machine Learning Project?
Me: Cool. Any ideas you have already thought
Faculty: Comes up with a really noble idea
Me: Awesome idea. But we need data
Faculty: Don't worry. I will get it. Just help me setup Hadoop (see the irony.. no data yet, and he wants big data setup)
Me: But we don't have data. Let's focus of data collection, Sir
Faculty: I will get it. Don't worry. Trust me.
( I did setup for him twice coz he formatted the system on which I did the setup first time)
After 6 months,
Me: (same question) Sir, Data??
Faculty: I got it.
Me: Great. Give me, I can start looking into it from today.
Faculty: Actually, it's in a register written manually in a different language (which even I can't understand) I will hire data entry guys to convert it into English digital contents.
Me: *facepalm*
Road to Manual data entry to Big Data
Dedicating this pencil to the individuals keeping the register up to date and Sir in hopes of converting it into big data..
Long way to go..

Installing a new Debian VM/VPS.
Nearly done with all steps and decide to lay down.
Fall asleep and wake up half an hour later.

The grub option is on screen.
I am sleepy as fuck.
Accidently selected the manual option and just pressed enter at the screen where I have to enter the device name.

FUCK.

Well, let's install this fucker again.

Tried to modify a script again which pretty much installs a ready to use vpn server on a server.

Tried to modify it so that it takes arguments instead of manual input.

It is, fucking, yet again, quitting right after an apt install command.

Error exit code? Oh no, a perfectly fine fucking 0. Which means it ran successfully.

Successfully my fucking ass. You aren't even through half the motherfucking script!?

Fucking hell. Fuck my life sideways.

Manual Garbage cleaner in java.

the manual saves me

Windows xp manual really helped me today...

Because I needed some expendable paper and couldn't find an empty notebook

Although I can easily support myself through my current manual labor work, I am starting to dread going to work because I just really miss programming and server management 😞

The job isn't even that bad but idk, I just really miss devving throughout the day 😩

Feel like almost all the questions I receive as the automation lead can be replied with this.

Launched a CMS-site for a customer, created a 5-page "manual" (with screenshots) on how to update basic things like adding/removing employees from the site. One week later, I receive an email: "Could you please remove Paula from our site?"... Sure, it'll take me 2 minutes and you'll be billed for half an hour instead of you just RTFM!

>Instructions in the manual -
1. Install Python 3.5
2. After installation is complete, open a new terminal/command prompt window and run 'pip install pandas'
3. Done!

>Client
1. Installs Python 3.7.2
2. Types Python in command prompt, types 'pip install pandas' there
3. Raises a hue and cry over the program not working because the instructions were not clear

Smfh...

At what point is it acceptable to return support requests with Read the ****ing Manual?

Making web pages in PHP and without Git (manual backups).

Let me ask you something: why do most people prefer ms word over a simple plain text document when writing a manual. Use Markdown!

You can search and index it (grep, ack, etc)
You don't waste time formatting it.
It's portable over OS.
You only need a simple text editor.
You can export it to other formats, like PDF to print it!
You can use a version control system to version it.

Please! stop using those other formats. Make everyone's life easier.

Same applies when sharing tables. Simple CSV files are enough most of the time.

Thank you!!?!

Random shower thought: A sticky note is like a manual version of git stash.

Linux desktop fanboys: proprietary hardware support is a huge issue in all major Linux distros. It is the fault of the hardware companies.

Also Linux desktop fanboys: hardware issues are the fault of the beginner/novice end user.

Windows/mac users: *installs any component they want and has it work flawlessly without even having to read a single word from the manual*

So I'm on a holiday in Germany and apparently the place where I'm staying "verifies" the connected devices to their WiFi manually

I didn't even know what photography is a month ago. Then I was going on a road trip with my girlfriend so I bout a camera. Didn't read the manual just watched bunch of videos and realized it was just tuning parameters. Now I'm the master.

In order to RTFM you need to HAFM (have a fucking manual).

analysing a database problem and writing a 4-line fix: 5 minutes.

preparing a foolproof manual for the manager on how to apply the fix: 15 minutes

writing a manager-level explanation what the fix does: 30 minutes.

explaining it to the manager: 30 minutes.

writing a _detailled_ explanation why we need the fix: 60 minutes.

explaining it to the manager again: 30 minutes.

figuring out why our progress is slow:

_priceless_

Software engineering gets more diverse every year with problems ranging from faking 3d shadows on 2d browsers to accurately mimicking chemical bonds on the electron level.

I guess we primarily will get advanced tools, to make more complex problems easier to tackle. Just compare manual punch card piercing pliers to the JetBrains tool chain.
Also I believe that the roles that developers embody will get even more diverse, people will have way more specific functions in their ecosystem.

Good morning, good day and good weekend.
Sometimes babysitting is worth it Hehehehe.
No projects today, resting day, me, the pool, my nephews and a arduino basic manual.

MySQL has the absolute worst error messages.

"You have an error in your SQL syntax; check the manual that corresponds blah blah near '(some random code line)'".

How vague can you be? It doesn't help that I always find the error in a completely different place to where the message says it is.

Sir, we're successfully watching 27 million devices.

So you want full stack engineers to: design, do UX, create front end, build backend and deploy it in your mono repo stupid manual deployment "kubernetes cluster", add monitoring alerting manually, review others PR, QA our own apps and features, manually sync to Production, use VPN otherwise we cannot connect to anything, 2factor auth, do SRE, architecture diagrams, demo, run agile ceremonies, and learn a legacy coding language which was never mentioned in the job description. Did I miss anything?

Don’t work from exact place you eat everyday or sleep or entertain.

If you can’t focus set timer from 15 minutes to 1 hour and do something else that is not engaging your brain the same way your work does.

Go for a walk.
Take a break from electronic devices.
Take a shower.
Take a nap.
Take a dump.
Make a list of things todo before you eat.
Make groceries.
Clean your house a little.
Make a laundry.

Any manual labor helps if you need brain muscles for thinking.

In my current project my team lead created a revolutionary framework, which is capable to automate any manual work..

Here is its source code..

public class AutomateFW {

public Object automate(Object manualWork) {

// Call jr developers and assign them work :)
callFreshers(manualWork);

}

Manual package/module dependency resolver. Full time.

Me: We have to update the platform, but before doing this we should backup it.

Client: Ok, but a backup is not enough. What if we were not able to revert to the previous version? We should perform a manual copy.

Me: ... 🤦🏻‍♂️

The manual for this harddrive is on pages 1-5 of this 40 page thing for any language

3AM manual GRUB fixing is great.

boot-repair? Hangs.

update-grub? Kernel panic (how???)

fml

How am I supposed to read the manual if I have no monitor?

.NET drinking game:
* Drink every time IntelliSense refuses to tell you what the actual error is because it's too busy choking on lambda syntax from a decade ago
* Take a shot every time you discover a closed, unresolved Github issue discussing your current showstopping build/CI problem
* Finish your drink every time the solution to your problem involves either manual edits to your CSPROJ (or whatever) file, or creating a new project altogether and copying all your fucking files over

Well. I was fresh software engineer. Was so excited to start working on real life codes.
They put me in charge of writing user manual. In 2 different languages 🤐

Im getting a small feeling 1984 isnt a novel but a manual!

We all know you can't "learn x programming language in a day" without travelling to the Arctic and catching a day that last half a year.

But what's the worst language to try and learn in a day?

I vote c++. Manual memory management, multiple inheritance, static compilation, operator overloading, and generally non-human syntax ( Like std::cout << "This is how you print!" << std::endl; ) make it a difficult one to attempt in a day.

When is a manual quicksort NOT fun?

... Oh yeah, always

For frigging fucks sake, I wanna smash some plates, trash the furniture, break some walls, get a tank and shoot stuff.

I'm so fucking angry.

And I dunno why.

Maybe I'm pregnant, dunno, but being emotional and angry isn't my forte.

Where's the shitty motherfugging off button and who wrote the manual for this mediocre piece of shit called soul?

Automatic(or Manual) Devrant Cartoon Creator

Ok. FUCK MySQL Workbench.
Most of our products built on MySQL and we just had enough of the tools that we are using for our mysql databases...
We decided to make our own tool :)

If it goes well, we plan to open source it. Would you guys be interested in it?
We planned the following features:
1. Schema editing
2. Schema versioning
3. Update/downgrade script generation to move easily between schema versions
4. Manual/auto sync
5. Might include our own replication solution too...

What do you think?

Le me: writes some handy dandy software for my company

Le my colleague: goes to customer site to do some set up, wants to show customers how do some commands on my tool

Le my colleague: proceeds to open the massive manual I also wrote detailing how to use the tool, closes it immediately saying it's boring

Le my colleague: proceeds to use a very basic command incorrectly, declares it a non-working feature

Le me: ??? *head desk*

MOTHERFUCKER THERE IS EVEN A 'HELP' COMMAND THAT EXPLAINS TO YOU THE SYNTAX IN THE TOOL ITSELF.

I think the doctor might be a programmer...

This is a RISCV Emulator that I wrote. I started 2PM and finished 4PM next day. This is the outcome. :)
half of those 26 hours were reading the ISA manual 😅 bc I'm dumb and I take ages to understand.

I found this gem today.
It perfectly generated ~5 GBs of useless log in the past 2 years.

Corporate jobs... where you spend most of the time doing stupid work because of idiots in the team.

There was a script to automate some manual task. However that script had a bug. The script was then updated.

Still there is some idiot out there in the wild who runs the old script now and then and causes issues.

We have written another script to counter the effect of that buggy script! 🤦‍♀️

when you are in a manual editing frenzy and you press F1, "HELP" by mistake instead of F2, "edit"

And the fukken Excel stop the universe for precious seconds to give you stupid help.

I want to remove fukken F-uck 1 key

I like to go do a bit of manual labor to remind me I'm not trying to end up with a dead end job making just a hair above minimum wage.

Good motivation for me to try harder in school so I'll actually learn things and not to cheatmy way through like a lot of people I know.

Domain server goes down, it's the gateway and DNS too.

Ok I'll just remove the domain, it's been orphaned really since you went to the cloud.

Don't have local admin password.

Ok call old it company who set up gear

Out of business

Ok boot to Linux and reset

Usb boot locked

Don't have bios password

Call old it company

Still out of business.

Wait, can I just set manual ipv4 ? Ok domain without a domain controller... If it works it works.

My best career choice: After 5 longass years, left a multinational consulting firm that constantly reminded me of my insignificance. Joined a small company to work on their flagship app. Learning sooo much.

Worst: NOT LEAVING THE CODE MONKEY SWEATSHOP SOON ENOUGH. ENDURING PAIN != WORKING HARD. THERE'S A PROBLEM WHEN SENIOR DEVS IN YOUR COMPANY ONLY UNDERSTAND PROCEDURAL PROGRAMMING. MANAGERS ONLY CARED ABOUT HOW MANY HOURS DEVS LOGGED WHICH TREATED A COGNITIVE INTENSIVE TASK AS MANUAL LABOR.

Translating content. Painfully slow and manual but something I have to do. I am almost live.

🇲🇽🌯

Finally had a weekend to myself to work on some projects. I got my hands on a Sonoff switch. Did a manual flash of some new firmware and got it setup on my crappy old washer to do a little DIY smart home upgrade.

Always nice to get to do a personal project 😊 Just wish I had time to tinker more.

4 years ago

Me: you probably shouldn’t use an IDE, you would learn a lot more about the language if you did things manually.

JavaFriend: Nah I’m all good

Me: alright you do you

4 years LATER

Me: *gets text* oh it’s from JavaFriend. *opens text*

JavaFriend: “dude so I decided to stop using my IDE’s and start doing things manually and I’m learning so much”

Me: ...
Me: I know. I’ve been doing it like this for a reason.

I know IDEs are helpful and good to use but personally I like to work without them and I feel it helps you learn the language more of you go without it.
If you have opinions on the topic in general lemme know.

Program manager who handles scrum of scrums asked our scrum master to slow down. Our velocity and quality is making other teams look bad...
The problem is, no one from other team wants to learn anything from us on automation/cicd. They are good even though manual.

Not sure what to do. Biz is happy with us...

For those of you wanting dark themes for sites without them, look into the Stylish FF/Chrome extension. You can install themes for sites on it where it would otherwise require manual customisation.

I've currently got dark themes for Facebook, WhatsApp Web and Reddit.

Read The F* Manual

Right, so either Intels CPUID manual is fucking stupid or my qemu CPU has brain cancer in it's fucking silicon head.

x80000004 contains not ascii stuff but x8000003 and x80000002 fucking do.

I'm stranded with two thirds of a CPU brand string.
Fuck

Luck, grinding leetcode and using the hottest buzzwords in your resume to spark recruiters. Or having Yale in your resume in spite of your major being deer fecal biology and a minor in chemical analysis of deer semen (with doctoral experience in manual extraction of semenical fluid from bucks during rutting season...and no it doesn’t count as beastiality bc it’s science and it’s an Ivy League study so it’s a-ok)

My boss: Can you write something to append the product names with their descriptions?

Sure. Sure you want that?

Yes. Asap please.

Okay, I'll finish it this today.

*Done

Finished it, want me to publish this to production?

Yeah.

(One week later)

Did you put those name changes online?

Yes, why.

Oh damn, your co-worker, D. Trump, has changed a lot of the names so they index better on Google. You should check those kind of things before changing it online.

Right..

Concerns a few thousand products. Long story hah

Tldr; updated many product names overriding many hours of manual labour.

recruiter used some blog post, a baseline for frontend developers (pretty neat post btw), to asses my skills. she read the subheadings of the post and asked me to rank myself 1-5. i find this way of assesments as idiotic as having percentage representation of skills on idiotic portfolio sites. i mean wtf does it mean that you know 80% of html??? but that s another rant. so she goes:
rec: javascript?
me: 5
rec: git?
me: 5
*continues with other subs*
rec: the fine manual?
me: excuse me?
rec: how would you rate yourself in the fine manual?
me: *blank stare*
"the fine manual" was the subheading of the conclusion paragraph of the fucking blog post....

A manual for those who throw out the manual and just wing it.

Why am I a rockstar today? So glad you asked! I used "sed" without having to look at the manual. 12 files updated, 10 minutes saved... that's some good time to devRant if you ask me.

The amount of sass I give people from other departments at work that think that they can just walk all over my guys is something to write books about.

Someone already tried pulling some shit with me and the hod, so what did I do? I fuckd her app up and moved her dumbass down to the bottom of the queue, now she gets to do manual paperwork for here till I get tired of it. Again, that is what your dumbass gets for harrasing my guys ...

Fuck the managers !! Fucking Fuck Fuck !!!
I am in manual testing for 3 years. Wanted to move in to automation since 2016 January !
They kept delaying.
While waiting I kept autating stuffs and making utilities to use for everyone.
Recently automated a 5 yr old manual process.
Made an utility that can perform a 5 hours manual activity in 5 mins.
Our automation team had a vacancy.
The managers were asked to nominate names who could fill the spot from the current manual team.
They didn't suggested my name.
I am not bragging but I am the only person in the team who nows Selenium , UFT , Java , Python even though being in the manual testers.
The team is going to hire someone from the outside.
I just got to know it all this today.

These bastards should die in hell !!!!
I hate these bastards !!!!

Imagine the horror of learning C programming with manual memory management, pointer arithmetic and without your cool utility libraries after programming for 2 years in Python just becoz it's in the fukin syllabus!!

I'm pretty sure I'm more excited to finally have Jenkins integration at my work than I was for my birthday this year. No more manual builds!

when youre working on a API and every testCase is all green plus manual testing thru Postman extension is all good..

then makes a web app use that API, authorization works as intended but the token is immedially invalid...

just..how..

Manual JS interpreter.

I hate those morons who do QA by simply clicking around. You are a disgrace to people like me who like to code and still enjoy doing testing.
Get a life you fuckers. You are the sole reason why many people in industry thinks that QA is something anybody can do.

Yes, I agree you can test the application, but in no way you could ensure the quality of the product.

Why do you even bother writing docs if you don't include anything worthwhile in it!

I was gonna complain about why it is not clear how the tags should be used...

Then saw the placeholder "Tags (comma separated)"

Well, I wanna specialize in low-level software as I get older. Everyone is telling me to go out and learn a processor architecture. I'm willing to be patient, so I do what people recommend to me and I download the Intel x86_64 manual. I was excited... UNTIL I REALIZED THE MANUAL WAS 4474 PAGES LONG! Like, how am I supposed to jump into assembly, machine language, and low-level programing with a beginner's task like that? I cannot find ANY resources online to simplify the transition, and college sure ain't gonna teach me anytime soon.

This week at work I spent 20 hours debugging automated tests to avoid manual testing that would've taken a few hours.

how do i click here? 😂 link seems broken

btw is a manual.. printed in paper

The fact that buying a paper train ticket from automates in Germany requires you to write your name on it afterwards with a pen is putting me through a lot of pain.

PM said I modified code that change UI so user may not familiar with. So, how could I know what is user familiar with if PM doesn't include spec or user manual to me.

No one tell me how to solve the problem, since you just want problem to be solve I solved it my way. :)

If you think you are smarter than the previous generation...

50 years ago the owners manual of a car showed you how to adjust the valves.
Today it warns you not to drink the contents of a battery.

#innovation #creativity #entrepreneurship #future #management #strategy #startups #whatinspiresme #innoweek #pretotyping #designsprint #mvp #keynotespeaker

to space, or to tab,
that is the question,
whether tis nobler to suffer
the slings and arrows
of outrageous space bar use
pressing four or eight times,
or to take arms against a sea of
manual spaces by using
the tab key, and by apposing
space bar's end them.

Best: chief university lab position, 12 yrs as a 👨‍🏫 system engineer teacher, really need a break, updating me as a pro.

Worst: last chief just left email with CISCO passwords. No F* VLANS reference, no technical manual, deleted all Sh* documents on PC.

So I about 4 days no internet on university, reseted 25+ CISCO switches, reorganizing fibers, all week 💤 6am-11pm or more. VTP server core nice and clean, nice VLans, ClearOS formated an licensed, ubnt portal for Wifi.

December, organizing all the administrative stuff. We are back stable and documenting. Moving and painting office, delegation of staff.

Now in vacations with a “tepache 🍻 “ 🍍

Roses are red

Boost I need you

You do so much I cannot breath

You fucking need to be hacked around every time I have to compile you for a different compiler or VS version getyourshittogheter fucking hell it makes me hate you

I just switched from Arch to Fedora...

I know I know that all the cool kids use arch, but right now I'm not up for checking out random gdm bugs or some other manual tasks. I need a stable, fairly supported and well maintained distro and fedora just works!

It took me like 3 hours to install stupid mariadb on my fucking arch. From the service not beeing able to start over not finding the correct base dir to permission problems in the data dir.
Well, after reading the wiki it was actually pretty easy (only minor problems) ...

Today I learned two things:
- I must be fucking dumb
- Reading the manual instead of guessing helps a lot when installing stuff on linux

Biggest coding distraction... Clients.
Having to explain to them how to use their own website, or fix something they fucked up and then tell them to refer to the manual we provided them.

It would be easier to swim down to the Mariana Trench without any aid

My first job was 3 years ago.
I was tasked to create feature updates for a referral system.
There were two programmers in that project , both had left the company before I started.
There left no documentation whatsoever. They gave me a copy of user manual as my guide. HAHA!
Half of the code was in code igniter framework(wasn't even familiar with it then), the other half was hard coded.
It was a total nightmare. Wish I had the guts to call it quits then and there. XD

It’s truly amazing how almost all SDKs that cost a ton of licensing fees are technical garbage. The one that I am dealing right now doesn‘t even build without manual tweaks.
Free SDKs are much better quality than that.

Wireless printers are evil...

Mom's computer: Page with useless print on, then blank pages, then nothing.
My computer: Nothing
E-mail to printer: Printer says there's no paper. Wrong format?
Print from phone using wifi-direct (after realizing the automatic mode for this does NOTHING): Manual mode gives me confirmation box for connection on printer at least... "connecting..." one minute later connection times out.

Somehow using a wireless printer just never comes without some pain. And always when I have other stuff I should be doing...

Oh no 😱
.
So I have a database with 12 tables, It grows really slowly and it's not really important, so I just do a manual backup once in a while.
.
Today, I wanted to do a backup, and realized that the content of the only table I cared about has disappeared.
.
I miss you Data, rip

This post is kinda late. For those who haven't read my previous rants, a marketing coworker bragged about a feature that we hadn't yet finished. (I'm thinking that they perhaps did it to put extra pressure on the dev team 🤔.) Of course it backfired pretty bad, because this feature was a plug-in for another service, and even though the dev team was on time with the feature, the other service we were writing a plug-in for took _sooo_ long to approve of our code, and it made this marketing guy look so bad in front of these clients because the feature was a few weeks late.

A part of the new feature was that some of their data would be synced with this service. These customers were so important that we couldn't afford to disappoint them, and the solution was... *drumroll please* ... that this marketing guy would have to manually copy the customer's data from the service into our platform to make the customer think this feature is ready. Row by row. I'm hearing it takes about one hour of their day 🤣

I mean I'm good friends with the guy but... they kinda deserved it

Have you become a replacement tool doing manual and menial IT work to bridge the lack of a proper IT process and streamlining?

I've worked for such companies and it's super annoying.. companies that zip projects to Google Drive instead of using a VCS.. not even having a drawing board or proper office chairs.. not even a cafeteria.. companies using Subversion instead of Git, no project management systems nor software, no JIRA, shit written down on printed paper,.. the list goes on.

A nightmare, really. Like developing in the 90's..

I keep hearing about manual repetitive work that could be automated with software but for no specific reason, is not. For years I've been calling this "meatware" and yes in these cases you the developer is the meat

Yet another ticket comes in about a feature not working after we push another update. So in my meeting I bring up adding testing would reduce this. Yeah boss just wants me to fix this issue and just do manual tests....fml

Adobe's ExtendScript toolkit is abyssmal. I find posts from 2008 referring to issues that have not changed even in CC2017. Do you think they are small issues I'm bitching about? I'll list 2. First, the toolkit only colours "var, return, for, foreach" and a bit more keywords and the strings, of course you can set up color schemes but those are limited and not colouring stuff. The second issue is auto-complete, it rarely kicks in and suggestions have 0 connection to what are you doing and are always the same. It doesn't recognize anything of what are you doing.

Probably in 2008 you had to program with the manual near you like writing assembler, now there's an improvement in 2017, they got a window named object browser or something like that that actually is a summarised portable manual that could've been easily transformed in auto-complete suggestions.

Adobe writes about this and I quote: "a complete integrated development environment". Although I will not write much scripts in it, I need to write a big one and thought about extracting that object data and putting it in a more capable javascript editor. LO and Behold what I discovered, the ExtendScript Toolkit that's supposed to edit Extended javascript and save it as jsx or jsxbin is almost completely (it has some dlls too) built using around 100 jsx files. It's the equivalent of building a js IDE to edit js.

Sorry for formatting, I'm on mobile, I tried.

I’m really liking the Algorithm Design Manual so far, except for the fact that there’s not a glossary somewhere for “random mathematical symbols you have probably never had to deal with but we will use in psuedocode examples”

We deploy manually

Ohio prison didn't ban mein kampf, but banned java manual

And now for the fun part. Writing installation and user manual.

My colleague had to build an inventory application with MS access. He did it in 6 months without no manual and then quit :D

Website for a gallery that wanted a 10k website for just 1k ... Must haz super CMS so that they could send me word documents each week so I could manuallly copy paste that shit into the CMS, and somehow extract and restore the lowres embedded images in full resolution ...

I guess it was safe to say this was my first client from hell 😅😂😂😂

The second was a website for some ballroom dude that got my referral from gallery X ... Yup, same shitty type of client

Had to explain for 30 minutes to a consultant why:
1. registering a the container in the container.
2. writing abstraction for the container to use the abstraction of the container internally.
3. doing service locator thus hiding dependences.
4. having your business logic code know about DI.
5. writing log4net in a massively over complicated manner just because you didn't read the fucking manual.
6. coping code from github into our source.

are just wrong.

A shitty job is any job where there's a role "manual tester", defined as a person with no software development experience clicking about some application. That person/role is bad for health and will shorten your life. Stay away!

RAAAAAAH fuck fuck fucking shit!!! Fuck jest Typescript "on the fly" compilation esModuleInterop typeroots, missing definitions jest ts-ignore and xtest everywhere, manual npm linking with different pkg mgrs & pub to a private registry, building docker images locally and doing tag management across git, docker & kubernetes then cross fingers that prod which has 0 common setup with local & test somehow works, open architecture "tickets" and wait months before they resolve, then repeat ad infinitum. How the fuck can I be productive when I need to be all over the place all the time and deal with these meta-code shenanigans. I just wanna code, damned

How can you bring in a PBX device with no manual at all and the settings are all in Chinese and expect me to be a God and configure it?

A script to run overnight SQL backups, a colleague updated the DB blindly, corrupted most of the data, when checking the backups there was a typo in the script so they were all 0kb in size!

Luckily I had taken a manual one the day before...

20 years ago, in China, they sold a so-called learning-machine which is a modified version of super Nintendo with a full sized keyboard, you could use it to learn how to type, and play Nintendo games. somehow it supports basic, and the manual book have printed a full code to create a stupid game with you could move a super Mario character with arrows, me and my step brother spend a whole day typed the 40+pages of code and enjoyed the game for 5 mins. BTW you can not save your program. after that I think it is so cool to create vedio games by programming.

When you write a manual in markdown about "HOW-TO use this program"....

Kill me

Sometimes, when I’m stressed, I do this thing that I really enjoy looking at: installing updates.
Homebrew, pip, npm (global & local), apt, even manual updates in apps. This in several machines.

I like having the logs flow smoothly. It’s soothing.

That moment when something goes wrong in the server for the first time at 3AM, your last manual backup was 5 hours ago and you stay up until 7AM to rollback and also setup incremental backups every 15 minutes... FML xD

To hot to be at home. Tought of studying outside...
Damn mosquitos were eating me alive. The fuckers.
And didn't print any cnc manual, great

Don't trust each and every answer on stackoverflow, think outside the box and follow the manual

Just finished a app for mapping printers based purely on convention in a Citrix environment, no manual config needed. Chief of operations said "it's fixing stuff like this that should trigger a bonus, too bad we're the government". (Yay, thanks for rubbing it in).
Then I responded "I'll get my reward in heaven as usual, then". CIO says: "but you're not going there...."

Guess I just need a fire extinguisher then. Thanks boss.

So I wrote the script for the GAL in WinCupl for our project. I used the operators: ! for NOT, * for AND, + for OR

me: *writes code*
me: *compiles it*
compiler: error, unknown operation.
me: wtf but thats how its done, isnt it?
friend: u used the wrong operators. didnt u read the manual?
me: smh i didnt, i invented the syntax xD

lesson learned: always read manual first before writing it directly without knowing the syntax

My CS exam today had a case study question that, and i quote, talked about "Chernobyl in japan switching to manual monitoring due to the wannacry virus" xD wtf. Im fucking done xD

Fuck reuse, we should all take our repeatable code and manually repeat it everywhere it's needed so when we have to make a change we have to make sure we remember to change it in all the places and take hours to do a one line change.

...Also...fuck source control...

And they say I don't have fucks to give.

Users have use cases, test cases, user manual etc documented material with them at the time of UAT.
But in the end users do only those things which they don't suppose to do..!! 😑😥

The world of SSO (Single sign on) it's a real shit.

At start I tought its a pretty common feature that lots of people want, so there should be a lot of open source options for making a server and client libraries.

So far I've only found to libraries, written in java with a fucking big book instead of a simple documentation with billions of options and features but without a fucking guide to get it running and connect with a database.

It's that hard to write an easy manual with the steps to get it running instead a giant book with million's of technical terms and architectural details?

RTFM (Read the manual)

People who think programming is just copy+paste, haven't programmed using COBOL, REXX or JCL (or similar "archaic" languages).

Best of luck finding all the answers on Google/SO. This is the world where RTFM is a daily task.

RTFM = Read The Fucking Manual

When I started, in the early 80's, there was no internet, and books related to programming were hard to come by, so everything had to be learned by going to the library, or reading the manual that came with the compiler. Finally, in the early 90's, I got to attend programmer training in the Air Force. My first successful program was a D&D character generator.

When people are too busy complaining about doing documentation while they are putting medical devices on the market with fatal defaults.

Oh sure, endless meetings and a little note in the manual will fix that..

I'm not sure which is worse: games that display the "unsaved changes will be lost" warning immediately after you saved, or games that display the warning and there's no obvious way to actually save your game.

Bonus points when there really is a manual save process and you lose all your progress because you thought it auto saved.

Having to create manual builds/deployments as lead doesn't trust auto build/deploy.

Thank you Google, for updating Chrome on my phone without notice in spite of me explicitly disabling automatic updates and me 'not having enough storage space left' for manual updates. It's nice to see you caring about the user so much.
Now if you sucked my dick while you were at it, that would be great.

This is really annoying. My single manual test takes 10 minutes to run. Can't blame the task because its big, can't blame me, code optimization is not necessary and won't speed anything up. So here writing a rant waiting for it to finish

var manual = '.... use chrome...';

User: "Hey this thing is broken, can you fix it?"
Me: "Works just fine for me, what browser are you using?"
User: "Edge, why?"

..... god I hate browsers.... rtfm bitch.. make my life easier please?...
Sometimes I wish I only did back end work...

A colleague of mine was assigned to do a manual testing of application. It involved testing application in no-network / offline conditions.
While doing this he disconnected the virtual ethernet of Remote desktop thus crashing the VM forever....

Dear Elon Musk, send him to Mars right away.

I learned to program with the joy of the command line and ASCII rocket ships printed and shell games on GWBasic. It was fat spiral bound manual my Dad gave me when he worked at EDS. My dad then tried to press me to leaning a program for calculating prime and perfect numbers. My dad sort of forgot I was only six and hadn't learned division yet.

I don’t remember exactly how old I was when my dad gave me the BASIC manual that came with his IBM XT. What I do remember is that he took it away shortly after I figured out how to put the beep command inside a for loop.

Day two at my new job, they have not found the manual for their own tool yet, and i'm scolling trough 200 different keys to find the right combo just to start somwhere

Reading "duh... that link looks sketchy" time after time when attempting to nudge people in the direction of good resources, e.g., on-line manual pages, becomes rather irritating. Is typing the URL into VirusTotal or something really such a fucking hassle? Are you sufficiently special to warrant the creation of an IP grabber which is dedicated to targeting you... AFTER you posted your exact location on Instagram last week?

Similarly, some pants-shitting, worm-eating troglodytes who have the gall to claim to know anything about cybersecurity STILL think that for all Web sites k, that k's URL begins with "https" implies that k is secure. NO! Unencrypted Web sites are FINE unless sensitive information is being transferred. Are publicly available manual pages sensitive information now?

Grabbing the campaign hat and writing death threats and very personal insults is sometimes slightly tempting.

⚡️ breathing mode switched to manual
⚡️ your lower jaw has weight now

we all know, RTFM doesn't stand for -> Read The Friendly Manual

Just upgraded to Win 10. Windows update keeps sucking my bandwidth. Stopped windows update and BITS, set to manual, yet keeps popping up. Finally blocked windows update's IP via Firewall. Now oddly satisfied..

Do you know why my mom likes me so much?

Because my mom asked me to heat up all the food. And I did it in O(1).

If your client is interested in Accelerated Mobile Pages, get it in writing and include a fee for undoing AMP if they don't like it. If you don't update Google's AMP project cache directly with a special URL for each and every blog post and page URL you AMP, Google holds onto the AMP page in its SERPS and CDN for eternity! Even doing the reminded and manual URL update, this stuff can still be around for a month. Ugh.

when you're struggling to build small sized firmware on your 512Kb IoT Device resulting in bootloop every time... Then you see in the manual, that you have the 4Mb model and you frashed the rom to the wrong memory address for 2 weeks resulting in a bootloop... FML

Me: finally we have automated deployment to production
Team Lead: No production deployment still requires manual approval
Me: ok how do you want to handle it slack, webhook, what do you suggest
Team Lead: let's do a proof of concept (POC) for this
Me: Ahh... Poc for this ?
Team Lead: you don't know sh*t ?
Me: well I know you're are creating that here

Next day team change...

Someone tell me should I just give up because I'm stupid and simple shit escapes me or tell me bro calm the fuck down the guy is full of shit...

Dude says he can't verify 3rd statement in a nested IF - elseif logic because the third check for a false condition is the True condition in the first 2 statements.

So

If (mode) = manual and then
Data(g) /= Status1
Or else Data(g) = Invalid
Then
Do this thing that sounds cool
Elsif
Data(g) = Status1
And then Data(g) /= Invalid
Then
Do something else equally cool
Elsif (mode) /= manual
and then Data(g) /= Invalid
and then Data(g) /= Status1
Then
Do some less cool stuff
end if

How to go from manual test cases to automation is NP-Hard. Figuring out we have less time than we need is not.

So I have never done 'real' development on anything bar my current game engine Virgil, however found myself referring to C documentation for GLib and SDL2 rather than valadoc documentation.

Decided fuck it, I'm already converting everything to Vala's pointer syntax so I can have manual memory control, implementing stb_image and contemplating reworking SDL2_image into raw C so I'm not depending on extra libraries... Why do all this when I can just learn C and have more control.

Everything was going well and decided to buy the C programming language book, already knew about pointers and structs but ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh boi was I not ready for malloc .-.

I'm officially convinced that my computer is cursed by now:

I get a Oculus Touch Bundle. Connect it to the computer, both sensors through USB 2, HMD too. One of them on an extension cord, experimental 360 degree setup (and yes, I'm covering the lenses when not playing).
Works great for a couple weeks, then I start getting 8603 and 8609 errors (USB connection bad or too little bandwidth. Usually happens when you do something else on the same USB controller).
Trying all of the setups that comply with the setup manual, none works...

... Thinking "fuck it, can't get any worse now", I connect both sensors to the USB 3 ports on my board (A big thou shalt not according to the manual).

Works perfectly. No lag, no loss of tracking.

Well, I guess if something applies to 99.9% of all computers in the world, mine is among the 0.1%. I'm a living corner case, 🤣

Guess I'll move to the Netherlands and become a Ganja farmer.

When you learn to work with unix but you forget what "man" stands for because english is not your native language so you man man...

Its "manual" btw...

I once worked on a project with 3 specification documents; a word document with numbered points describing every feature inadequately, a UI specification with mocked up screenshots in a badly-versioned wiki, and a user manual which had already been produced by an overzealous marketing department.

Of course they all contradicted each other :D

Soo question for the few embedded engineers on here. Do you guys use microchip’s, or NXP’s SDK for the hardware drivers? Or do you read the ref manual and build the HAL and PAL drivers per the need of the project for less code bloat and saving code space.

I and my coworkers always end up writing the drivers ourselves , so we have a better understanding of the specific hardware of the chip. Just trying to see if We’re the majority or the minority of embedded engineers.

Not really sure how many embedded folks are even on here.

And no not talking about RasPie, and arduino folks (no offense)

I've kept training to those dumbfucks how this damn app works... Now they ask for a MANUAL, a fu****g PICTURE BOOK... INCLUDING PICTURES on how to confirm a fu*** email!!! How do you even live without brain at all?! Should i put a picture of a computer in it so these dumbfucks dont type on empty desk... JESUS!!!

Sure, you *could* set up identical VMs on your server and just have one config file for your java application. But why not just set up lots of users on the server, keep various configs in source control, and have a manual task to change the config you're pointing to when you build?

Idiots.

"Code"

And the website says "Lonely geeky people do need apply"
So I put my on my glasses and I went in to ask him why
He said you look like a fine outstanding young man, I think you'll do
So I shook his hand and, I said "I am glad I will be working for you."

Code, code, everywhere there's code
Neo vision, tweakin' my mind
Do code this, and API that, can't you read the fucking manual

And the sign says "If you want to use this site you must accept our cookies"
So I found the CEOs address and doxxed him all night!
To put up a dialog and block content from my sight.
If Todd was here, he'd tell it to your face, man, "it just works"

Code, code, everywhere there's code
Neo vision, tweakin' my mind
Do code this, and API that, can't you read the fucking manual

Oh, say now mister, can't you code
You got to have a laptop and a hoodie to get a job
You can't work, no you can't standup, you ain't supposed to be here

And the website says "You got to have an employee ID to get inside" - yo!

And the website says "Everybody welcome, come in, code and share"
But then they passed around a git pull at the end of it all
And I didn't have a character to code
So I got me laptop and I made up my own fuckin' code
I typed, "Thank you OSS for thinking 'bout me, I'm alive and doing fine", yeah

Code, code, everywhere there's code
Neo vision, tweakin' my mind
Do code this, and API that, can't you read the fucking manual

Code, code, everywhere there's code
Neo vision, tweakin' my mind
Do code this, and API that, can't you read the fucking manual

Yes! Some old song, called "Code code", I wish we did write that one, but
We didn't - git blame!

Hello World!

Today I finally got around to reading the manuals for my appliances as my Dryer didn't seemed to be working.

Apparently there is a filter that should be cleaned...

How it's not broken, it may be out of warranty...

Also the manual showed that the model that came with my new apartment is actually the cheapest version...

The time that I felt most like a Dev badass was when I had introduced an E2E test framework and added a bunch of helper classes to it so that our QA team could pick it up and write automated tests for the manual tests they had been doing for years.

Sure, the whole department got laid off after that because we had gotten a new CTO and all of my work was essentially for naught, but it made a lot of people enjoy showing up to work for the first time in a long time, and that was what mattered most to me

I write a lot of custom code for a program my company sells and there is no good way to run tests on it. I just spent a bunch of time wondering why the change I made didn't work only to find I accidentally clicked paste shortcut instead of paste when copying the file. I really need to take some time to write a program to copy all my code for me instead of relying on a manual process. I guess a new night and weekend project.

I have to go through roughly 700 data entries and adjust the system's data accordingly ... by hand.😑
We don't have the tools to automate this reliably, the only available tool, tells you that an error occured and what happened but not where. That would've been kinda helpful...
The problem is that the respective data object of the data entry often contains a phone number, which has to be in a standardized format ... which it is not. Every number is formatted in like 10 variations!? A dozen different separators like spaces, commas, slashes and hyphens. And it must be edited manually 😖
My solution: built a goddamn chrome extension to format the string on click. Done. Saves a few seconds each time and a lot of headache in future. Of course given the correctness of the extension.

Fucking elastic appsearch, too many requests per seconds and it dies. It doesn't go slow first, it just dies. No warning just a timeout that lasts until a manual restart in elastic cloud console. Besides being apparently the shittiest product in the elastic stack, it's also the worst documented. And yes I just scaled it up but not being able to handle indexing 100 documents per second with 8 vcpu and 8 gb memory is a shame.

Having to do 10's of ElasticSearch v2 -> 6 client requests migration manual deploys of a 10-year old PHP/ Javascript codebase where the gulp build's plugins no longer work, the package dependencies have been .gitignore'd (who does that!), and dev cowboys have frequently bypassed version control by making changes directly in production.

Also, no one knows anything about it because the only dev who was supposed to maintain this app left 3 months ago due to unbearable management.

I think I am too stupid to get fail2ban working...
It's installed, configured, it reads from the logs, testcases work, regex works, manual banning works, BUT IT DOES NOT BAN AUTOMATICALLY!
WHY THE FUCK
I litterally tried every tutorial to set it up on the first 3 Pages of ddg.
Well now I blocked those two aggressive ips just with iptables...

Built a pretty slick chat bot for my company’s conferences that used Google’s Dialogflow for natural language processing and conversation state

It worked from a web chat or SMS. Allowed manual responding by agents as well as the chat bot. Pulled dynamic answers through a 3rd party API integration

Most common questions “what is the wifi password” and “tell me a joke”

Project was killed after 2 conferences - thankfully it only took me a few weeks to build

Javascript is actually a weird language which I dunno why I like a lot.
new Date() in NodeJS gives a different value, while new Date() in the browser console(so react js and normal js) gives a different value.
I dunno if my online searching skills are bad but I didn't find anyone addressing this online. Lol I had to create a manual work around for it then.

This fucking manual with their abstract ssl section is driving me nuts. Why do you need so many keys? Fucking jks!
Fuck your pseudonyms, and why in the name of the holy cunt do you have to cope them with aliases?

Jerry, barry, tango. You all get a fucking certificate!

Jerry is an asshole, barry is a cuntand I don't even know who tango is, but fuck tango in particular!

How do you.... RTFM !!!

Not really documentation, but actually the user manual for a corporate online ebanking system for dealing with EPF/ETF. The instructions were very very vague, and when we called the bank for clarification, they said that some of the stuff in the manual was outdated/not relevant anymore. Like what the fuck man?

did on my last project:
1 .Using QA env as dev env
2. Deploy in production not completely tested stuff (90% tested)
3. Run with errors in prod
4. Manual fix in prod
5. Git versioning

The backup schedule in a company that I worked for. I mean, there was no automation it was all manual!!...can you even call that backup planning?

Thinking about writing a browser extension that automatically gives a thumb down to every Adam Sandler movie on Netflix. At the rate they are appearing, it's just too much manual labor.

I helped my friend today with debugging his code (he was using some obscure library and had troubles with it). After few hours, I asked him for the Github link to the lib's repo and when he went to grab it, he said:
Wait, there is an user manual!

Well, fuck you too...

Configuring a 3rd party tool that's essential to the project

Manual used by clients to configure it: this file is auto-generated and contains content you have to modify
Official manual: You have to create that file yourself

My manual:
Noose and snooze

Accidentally bridged the only interface with a manual IPv4 address on a production box. With only public key access, my only choice was to calculate and ssh via its IPv6 link local address address.

Thanks god it worked.

woman(package) definition by Emacs:

-"browse UN*X manual pages `wo (without) man' "

-"woman is a built-in package."

Emacs, pls... :D

Client wants a WordPress user manual

Would be nice to have a closed ticket status on jira that just says RTFM. Hell, even reading the error message would be a start. As would not trying to upload year-old data prepared for a different CRM platform.

Let's increase my ram in my acer laptop. 1. It took me a week online to find out how many slots there are. 2. Then finding a manual with pictures for how to do it. No such thing. Technical manual from Acer? No such thing. I had to find a forum with one comment about my model.
There is no access to the location of ramslots. I had to completely unscrew everything because it's located at the bottom of the motherboard.