CS Professor: “What M word is the black hole to all productivity?”

Student: “Management”

CS Professor: “Was going to say meetings but that’s better”

Cancelled meetings are my favorite meetings

Who has been in these meetings?

Please comment 😁

Thursday
PM: Hey why is A delayed? It should be top priority.
me: I just completed B, and C which were also top priority but got scheduled earlier, so I thought they..
PM: Agh, yes. But can you then finish A by the end of week? it would be very important!
me: No, I unfortunately don't think I'd have enough time by the end of wee..
PM: Why? This should be *the* top priority task. You should not start other tickets before A is done.
me: Exactly. But I *just* started. And. I. don't. have. enough. free. hours. left. this. week.
PM: But why?!
me: So just on Friday I have these 5 meetings here..
*shows calendar*
PM: Ok... OK! Then don't attend those before you are done. This should be more important.
me: Ugh, oh-key...are you sure?
PM: Yea, just let who invited you know that you can't attend and feel free to cc me in, I'll explain A is most important atm.
me: Ok, thanks, but that won't be necessary.
PM: What? Why?
me: You invited me to the Friday meetings.

Obviously I had to attend all 5 meetings today and A is pushed back to next week. :)

Dear everyone,

I am never late to meetings you set up with me, so please stop being late to meetings I set up with you.

Meetings as a Developer

This sums up the corporate world

Me: *sends meeting request*

Attendee: *3 days later*, hi is there anything in particular you needed to discuss?

Me: ... nope, none what so ever. Decided to take 30 mins out of my busy day to talk to you, a person I don't know, for 30 mins. Definitely the title of the meeting request has nothing to do with it, I wouldn't bother reading that now, since you haven't yet anyway. Cheers!

Meeting for reducing the number of meetings...

After the 10th pointless meeting...

Webcam enabled Skype meetings.

Anxiety++

Yesterday's (scheduled and adhoc) meetings:
10:30-11:00
11:00-11:30
12:30-1:30 (adhoc)
1:30-2:30
4:30-5:00
6:00-6:20 (adhoc)

Today's (scheduled) meetings:
9:30-10:00
11:00-12:00
12:30-1:15
1:30-2:30

Tomorrow's meetings include a 1:1 with my boss who will invariably ask why I'm not done on this "should take a week" project that I've had for a week, despite that he just unblocked me on yesterday morning, and I've had nothing but meetings since...

Fucking hell.
They fill my day with shit spaced out just enough to waste practically my entire freaking day so I can't get anything done, conveniently forget this, and then have the audacity to yell at me for not finishing my tickets. Of course I didn't finish! You all were too busy blabbing at me every day for the past fucking week! (Oh, and do they listen if I have something to say? Of course they fucking don't.)

Also, as a secondary rant, the product douchebag files tickets (usually complex as hell tickets worded to appear trivial) with enough missing information to make missing large sections of them easy. If I ask him for clarification, he tells me to read the ticket, and if I insist, he gets all exasperated and quickly zooms through the site faster than I can follow, shows maybe half of what's in the ticket, and asks why I don't know how to do any of this yet. After I finish his shit ticket (and true to his douchebag nature) he blames me for missing several of those pieces he never outlined or showed, and insists that I obviously don't test anything. And because that's clearly not douchey enough, the fucking sack of shit also goes behind my back and trashtalks me to my coworkers, tells them he can't trust me to do a simple fucking thing, and that he's given up on me.

What the FUCK is wrong with these people?

Ugh... meetings

3 hours long Scrum Meetings

It’s one-on-one time yet again this week!

I have a 1:1 with my boss every Thursday from 11:30am to 12:00 noon. They often run 45 minutes instead of the planned 30.

Why do I have these? I complained that I have too many meetings, and that it’s hard to get my work done around them (especially while burned out). So as a remedy he scheduled a weekly meeting, every Thursday, so he can make sure I’m getting enough work done. Totally makes sense, right?

And every Thursday he’s 15-25 minutes late. And because they always run long, I lose a full hour or more of time I could have used to get my work done. See the problem?

Today he was 36 minutes late.
Seriously, how disrespectful can he be?

I definitely need this 😅

Just got out of a 2-hour meeting where I was told to keep doing what I was doing.

Meetings all day. Latest meeting topic: "Why are we going to miss our deadline?"

Here's an answer : Stop with all the meetings and let me code!

Have you ever had a recursive meeting? A meeting about a meeting, about a meeting, about a meeting...

Last week we had a short seminar at work about 'listening skill.'

In that speaker gave an example how 'natural' leaders speak last in the meetings.

From that day we are having entirely silent meetings.

Now management is planning seminar on 'Speaking Up'

Our daily scrum meetings be like...

Manager Logic: The project is behind, we have brought on additional managers to satisfy the client. 😲 The fuck is a manager going to do? "Meetings! We need more meetings to ensure the deadline is met."

All,

Let's have a quick meeting about today's meeting so we can plan our meeting for tomorrows meeting. Thanks!

Thanks,
Kill myself

Waiting for a meeting, thought I might as well show off my XPS sticker game.

ALSO, FUCK MEETINGS. MULTIPLE HOURS WASTED FOR SAYING THOUSANDS OF SHITS AND LIKE ONE USEFUL THING.

Edit: legit forgot pic

Make love, not meetings

!rant

I complained during a dev team review about the too many dev calls/meetings we have that are supposed to improve our productivity but instead feel like interrupting our work and line of thoughts when focusing on something.

I expected the team lead to bash me or say "Nooo, these meetings are important bla bla bla" but he received it quite positively and already changed how we do things.

I hate stand-up meetings in the morning... 😬

Here's a favorite of mine. Managers need to be in meetings to be productive. Developers need to stay far away from meetings to be productive. Managers love to drag developers into meetings and then wonder why their productivity is down.

Sometimes I really don't like meetings. Because I'm an introvert.

Well some meetings usually go on like this...

I hate the meetings, let me code for once!!

Me: *tells manager that we have too many meetings*
Manager: *schedule a meeting to explain why we need many meetings*

SCRUMS ARE SUPPOSED TO BE 15 MINUTES, NOT FUCKING 1.5 HOURS

People who like hearing themselves talk shouldn't be in charge of meetings. We can't get the work done if you keep having meetings to talk about us getting the work done.

When PM sets up a meeting to discuss stuff that can be solved over an email

My team has 1-on-1 check-up meetings with our boss about once a month.

My 1-on-1 today consisted solely of him saying "So I bought a new Porsche, want to see a picture?"

It was a pretty productive meeting, if I do say so myself!

Some dude in upper management: We hear you. We have too many meetings, it's not healthy. From now on we'll have meeting free Friday morning!!!

And then all meetings on Friday morning are re-scheduled on Friday afternoon, or Thursday afternoon.

Yeah this really works, genius!

I HATE MEETINGS!!
Especially with non-programmers 😒

Every damn day.

"Meetings are known as the place where productivity goes to die."

Two hours meeting for a five minutes code change.

Getting older means attending more meetings.

Meetings about meetings that we're going to have to discuss the need for the next meeting wherein a potential followup meeting will be scheduled to meet for the meeting.

Six hours of meetings in one day.

Fuck you and your bullshit Teams meetings.
I hope you die a painful and slow death while your servers burst in flames and you hang yourselves.
You schedule 4 of them, then bitch about how developers aren’t getting any work done.
Maybe if you didn’t suffocate them with your bullshit meetings they would.
I am looking forward for the contract to expire or in this project so I can finally get some peace.

Fuck your stupid meetings. You deserve to be arrested and shot by the Gestapo (or KGB, whichever you find more evil).

I'm starting to hate meetings now..

"Update on the last meeting, we'll either release what we've got or do something different"

WELL NO SHIT! 🤦‍♂️

I should put "Have 3 years of meetings experience" in my resume.

that feeling when half your day is meetings :/

Best part of the day is when 5-6pm meeting gets cancelled

Who the Fuck Came up with "SCRUM MEETINGS"

Just had the first meeting in the new company I'm working at.

Started at 1:00 pm
Ended at 5:30 pm

Almost had to slap myself in order to stay awake

😴

I stopped caring about managers loving endless meetings and priority shifts.
They pay me to attend to meetings.
I'll give them what they want.

But if they ask me if the feature is done, I make them attend a meeting for that.

Long, laptops closed meetings are needed sometimes, but they still make me sad :(

We just had an hour and a half long meeting, where at the end we spent 15 minutes debating whether or not to add 15 minutes to the meeting because we didn't have time to go over all the issues...

As a Java developer I didn't write a line of code at work for about 2 months. Been so busy with meetings, doc, governance, architecture decisions, running after people for approvals,... I really miss coding.

My team lead is off this week and I was selected to be the "acting team lead". So far I have attended 73648283 meetings. Please pray for me!

Seven hours of meetings this week, and every. single. one. of them could have been an email.

How can they expect me to get anything done when all I’m doing is listening to them drone on and on and …

And of course this shouldn’t affect the deadlines. No siree! But can I work during them? Not a chance! … Totally do anyway …

My team has regular daily meetings they all call scrum. Meetings like 1+ hours. I wanna immolate myself in protest!

Imagine this in virtual meetings 😁

WFH improved my ability to ignore call.

It's my third week in my new company doing my internship. We have daily SCRUM meetings, project briefings, weekly meetings, requirement documents and other stuff - all in French. I only understand less than 50% of what's happening during most of the meetings. There's enormous pressure during meetings where I have to focus on every syllable they utter to try and grasp what's going on. So far they're still under the assumption that I understand more than I actually do. Haven't run into any major fuckups so far. I feel like an exe file in a Linux environment.

I'm finally speaking in meetings :)

Cal invite: scum meeting

Not sure to accept or decline

So many meetings that we have pre-meeting meetings.
Tomorrow is the best meeting of all - the show and tell, where we can say we spent all sprint in meetings and did no actual work.

From Nathan W. Pyle's insta page.

Idk why but every time I hear the business side ppl use corporate buzzwords I wanna punch them in the face…

Having meetings about how to have effective meetings is my own personal hell.

Meetings... They say coding is 70% thinking and well.. I find meetings to be a great place to think about what am currently working on. I go in with a sketch book and sketch away. I always figure out whatever is bugging me by the end of the meeting. After all the PM will send a summary of whatever I may have missed during the meeting

Too much math ? Seriously ? Had you made the effort to atleast 'look' at them, you would see how simple they are. And just because I use the word 'equation' does not automatically make it a Volterra Integral Equation.

Could've discussed the subject at hand. But no, let's bring on the judgement. Who wants to ever discuss the subject ?

Some1: Can I call you?
Me: Any issue?
Some1: Yeah, need some clarifications.
Me: On, What?

C'mon, why on earth ppl can't provide some context before jumping into a call

Two of them, both are not very extrem.
Positive one first:

Meetings were usually not dead serious (unless there was a problem), everyone just joked around a little, made their actual points and got back to work.

Now the other one:
A client's QA staff commented "this bug is still occuring" on 5 tickets, without checking if they ever deployed the new release candidate.
They didn't deploy the new RC, so of course, the bugs couldn't have been fixed on their side.

Team meetings on the toilet

Why ask a question if you're just gonna cut me off

Useless meetings

Had a day with 5 hours of meetings.
Told my dissatisfaction to my superior, she understands.

I have a 7 hour meetings day today.

😔

Seriously, when am I supposed to, you know, code? Ugh.

My company don't trust the employees to the point, we have nearly meetings every 13 minutes explaining what we do.

I just wasted one week of implementing the features due to unnecessary meetings.

Do not sleep during meetings

Took me looooong looooong time to understand that the primary work in a managerial role involves meetings and calls as the *main* thing, not something you do sparsely to stay aligned with the team, so them calling 3 hour long meetings might feel like a waste to me but for the manager it is what they would consider proper work.

At least that's my current hypothesis in trying to justify the time that's 90% wasted.

And by that, my friends, I've survived all my meetings this week!

IN YOUR FACES! 😆😆

I fucking hate meetings! I just spent 3 hours in a meeting arguing on how to do pull requests to master.
I am now nursing a severe headache of bullshit ideas and loud voices!!!!!!

Whoever at Zoom decided that this button needed to be at this location on the Touch Bar ought to be fired.

Out of a cannon.

Into the sun.

Or at the very least doomed to have their desktop or webcam shared at random times during sensitive meetings. It is for the grace of God that the client didn’t catch me straining to hear the awful acoustics in their conference room.

A day with no meetings is so satisfying.

Once upon a time we were normal remote professionals and our sprint meetings were characteristically professional, no more, no less.

Until.

one of our juniors, a Southern sports-bro type, suddenly started saying "SIR" to the scrum master in literally every sentence.

"Good morning sir". "Yes sir." "Thank you sir." "I can do that sir."

SOMEHOW this plague caught on to half of the male members of our team like we're in the military or something. We have ONE veteran and ZERO Indians and I can't think of a logical explanation for why we're suddenly sir-ing each other and people who aren't even high level executives.

How am I supposed to get shit done, when you assholes set meetings for half the day?!

Past: playing on the phone in class
Today: writing code in meetings

I miss when my job was just about coding, I could spend entire workdays writing C# or TypeScript while listening rock or metal with few meetings in between, being very passionate in programming and computers sometimes I found was I doing so engaging which I spent more than my 8 hours workday on company's code base trying to improve it and my older coworkers were very happy with my code.

Then a "promotion" happened, I went to work directly with a client, a huge enterprise which is working on renovating his internal software and here the fun stopped. Long useless meetings are a regular occurrence, there are absurdly long procedures to do everything (for example since CI/CD is leaky we have to do dozens of workaround to get a microservice deployed) and having very little written documentation this gives an huge advantage to people which actually enjoy to spend their entire workdays on a MS Teams call over "lone programmers" like me which actually feel significant fatigue in doing that (alone sometimes I was able to log 12+ hours of programming daily between work and personal projects while after 3 hours of PP I feel drained) since the information passes in meetings/pair programming and I dread both.

I feel which my passion is still there, I still enjoy coding, tinkering with Linux and BSD, broadening my knowledge with technical books and having passionate conversation about tech but I dread my job, sometimes I try to look at it under a more optimistic eyes but most of the times I just end disappointed.

"You're all being made redundant"

The amount of meetings I wouldn't have if people just used Jira properly

"I will let you have five minutes of your life back"

Everyone in the meeting:

No one complaining over shitty useless meetings these days?

NO FLIPPIN MEETINGS to interrupt my coding

I think I have been having too much fun in meetings.

We started one meeting:
Boss: Isn't today a great day?
<Boss looks at me>
Me: I will wait until the end of the meeting to decide.
Meeting takes place. Boss is upset about things in other areas that are not panning out properly. He is not happy by the end of the meeting.
<Boss looks at me>
Boss: You are right, today is not a great day.
<everyone laughs>

Another meeting:
Boss: How is everyone doing? Is everyone having great job satisfaction and challenging work? (Not exact words, but the general meaning of them.)
<Boss looks at me>
Me: I just rearrange text all day.
<Boss laughs>

I figure if he is laughing it is generally a positive experience. I am serious when he asks what I am doing in my work.

Here we go. Three hours of meetings. 75% of my day gone.

Comin’ to you live from the middle of a pointless-ass meeting!

"with that said" is the most overused phrase in meetings.
Not sure if it‘s a just a German thing when we speak English.

Who schedules meetings for 4PM on a Friday?

The time-consuming daily stand-up meetings.

34 meetings on calendar for this week.

It's not even Monday noon yet.

Even the almighty creator does not know how many more will be scheduled during the week.

self-appointed managers during daily :
SAM : a lot of meetings
SAM : a lot of code review
SAM : a lot of team management
Actual manager : But on what task have you been working?
SAM : a lot of meetings

At my job in the past week there have been at least one 1 hour-long meeting every day with today hitting the record with 3 meetings.

This is fucking insane. I signed to a developer job, not a guy-sittimg-and-listening job.

Every. Meetings. Ever.

A gigantic waste of time

Unscheduled meetings are the worst.

You preparing whole day to leave early for the day, then manager suddenly puts up an unscheduled meeting. Oh great isn't it!!

Managers... managers with an addiction to meetings

Just want to write code... no emails, no documentation, no meetings.

Avoid useless meetings!!

Tomorrow’s schedule:

7am-8: Yoga
8:45-10: Retro
10:15-10:45: Team Meeting
11-11:30: Interview
11:30-Noon: New project meeting
Noon-1pm: Foster care meeting with case worker (monthly check-in)
1pm-1:30: Train co-worker on how to restore databases
2pm-3pm : Onboard new DBA
3:15-4:15: Conference with AWS partner

Yup. I think I’ll complete a perfect zero LOC tomorrow. Oh, I’m also on-call.

Meetings. All meetings. All kinds of meetings.

PM: I don't like the number of meetings we have
Me: Oh I agree. We have too..
PM: We don't have enough of them.
Me: (oh... I was going to say that we need to cut back... But ok)
PM: I need better visibility into what everyone is doing.
Me: (so you wanna micromanage. Got it...)
Me: ... Gotcha, yup... Writing that down.

Got a middle software developer position at a great company.... wrote 10 lines of code and spent 90% of the time in calls and meetings.

Meetings are Bug generators

Currently literally sitting in a meeting about meetings. Like for real, the topic the last 15 minutes has been what the difference between 3 of the daily team meetings is.

Then the dumbass who booked this for two hours says about one of the others "an hour is long"

Meetings are the worst enemy of good productive coding day 🥲

Who books meetings on Friday afternoons?
Isn't that against the Geneva convention?

My 12 year old bag, now with graphics, goes with me to client meetings and acts as a deterrent for clients talking shit/fake knowledge or cliches.

Meetings. I don't know how management people get anything done, but the time I spend in meetings counts completely opposite, in terms of productivity.

Getting in a meeting with 6 people about a new couple of features I have to develop. Nobody can give a clear explanation. Everybody leaves more confused than before.

Every "Does anyone have a question?" just fueled the confusion to the point where nobody wanted to answer that question honestly anymore

exactly, those meetings are a fucking waste of my fucking time...

When I told John our newest colleague “I understand your frustration but you need to calm down because collaboration is key”

John:
Okay okay okay, I get it. Collaboration is key and all, but these meetings freaking killing me. We need a better balance, where we can have effective meetings that actually drive progress without sacrificing our precious coding mojo.

At the end of the day, I just wanna do what I’m f*ckin paid for. But these damn meetings are killing my vibe, and it's downright frustrating. Can't we just get back to the good ol' days of actually getting sh*t done!

{Bro is in for a long ride}

Meeting101:

1) Schedule a meeting to discuss some important issues.
2) Discuss everything but those issues!
3) Schedule another meeting for same issues.
😭

The amount of meetings has been drastically reduced to a minimum.

Next time I have to negotiate a contract I'm gonna ask for x hourly but 2x for meetings

Fuck meetings

Don't let anyone sit down. Meetings will be much faster that way.

Starting the week with a 3 hour meeting to discuss importing Customer data to a new crm, if I should be allowed to take the time to do it or not.

I finished it last week and already imported the data to the syst enviroment and scrubbed it.

I spend more time Waiting for meetings and attending than doing the work.

Step 1.

Dont have meetings.

Thats it.

We have so many meetings.

"I once had a meeting which was to discuss how to organize meetings on how to manage tech debts"

"God knows WHY!"

Refactored a lot of code in between meetings today. Feeling accomplished. Haha!

Meetings.

Hey Chris can you join this conference call where we will talk about hardware and pricing options and not bring up anything software related.

Migration in progress (long one, lasting over a month)

PM: Let's schedule a meeting to discuss migration progress

PM: Let's schedule a meeting to agree on what should we test

PM: Let's schedule a meeting to get specs of the new infra

Seriously, PMs. One 1 hour long meeting costs at least 4 hours of productive time (1 hour for travel, 1 hour for the meeting, 1+ hour for preparing for the meeting, 1+ hour for post-meeting discussions). And more often than not all meetings end with "We will come back to you later in regards to <some question not answered during meeting>" and it always means "we'll continue this chat via emails"

Why can't you first ask "do we need a meeting or can we sort this out via email?" ??? Or are you intentionally wasting everyone's time?

Sorry I'm on my computer during the meeting but I can multitask I swear!

(I can definitely write code and troubleshoot with other devs on Skype, while you're talking)
I never said I was listening to you though! Lol!

I think my company is doomed - the bikeshedding begins.

Don't know why we need to have a 15 minute standup each day, and then repeat what was said in a OneNote update which gets sent to management anyway and takes 2 minutes to update. I get so bored, don't care about the other people's stuff, because it has nothing to do with my work, and their work doesn't affect mine. And they don't care about mine either, we work on totally different products lol.

Some people enjoy talking, I suppose...

NEW RULE

From the 15th minute of a meeting onward, my mind will phase out and I'll stop listening.

It's your care to make sure you say everything important before that happens.

Why are there so many meetings?
Just let me work.

Meetings about meetings...

Sitting in a board room with about 20 people all who have flown in from different parts of the world to discuss the project plan for a web app with an international user base.

We are discussing a web form with a dynamic layout based upon the users profile. Users enters a ton of information, calculations, are made, and info in stored into a db. Info can be updated and will be reported upon later.

One of the project leads representing Europe suggest that the form be exported into Excel so that the user can fill it out in Excel only to be imported via the application. WTH!!!! Later I found out this was that leads 2nd week with the company. Why were you even at the meeting and why did you have input?

Smartphone manufacturers these days, imagine how meetings to come up with ideas for new products go about.

Product manager :ok people,what can we do to make our next smartphone 'different'.

Employee 1: let's add more cameras
Employee 2:Let's kill the notch
Employee 3:Let's include the buzzword AI in all of our marketing
Employee 4:Let's put 8Gb of Ram in our phone
Employee 5:Let's just do all of those things and also give it a screen with a ridiculous aspect ratio and unnecessarily high resolution.

End the f*ckin meeting on time! I don’t care if you still have more to say, 30 minutes should be 30 minutes.

Sat in a 4 hours "strategic" planning meeting on a Saturday.! The kinda stuff that makes me want to drink this:

New team in new company is awesome, no meetings for standup just post in slack channel, less meetings = work feeling less like work for me

I really think 1 hr+ meetings are a fucking waste of time. By minute 40, people's attentions waver.

If I ever run my own shop I will fucking ban meetings that last more than 30 minutes, and have a hard cap of 7 people per meeting and require a fucking agenda. God damn it. Being stuck in meetings where 90% of crap not relevant to me is bs.

#TiltedMonday

Recently attended a meeting about lessening the frequency of meetings and making them more productive. After three hours, it was decided that we needed to block out three more meetings in the future to follow up on this topic.

I'm supposed to be the introverted, non-people person! But the client meetings I'm in for my college senior project go off the rails into awkward mumbling unless I step in and take the tiniest bit of effort in driving a meeting.

Am I doomed folks to become a BA or other person dealing with clients all day, pls end me now

Why can't meeting organizer enforce time schedule, especially ending?

It's pretty much normal to stay 1,5 hour on 1 hour meeting.

Fuck scrum meetings, especially when everyone is late

With great power comes the responsibility of attending constant meetings

If I ever run my own engineering team I shall ban all meetings after 12 PM. Or permit meetings only on 2 days of the week.

"we need to reduce the amount of meetings" said the super-duper senior enterprise manager who invited me to 20 meetings for the next 2 weeks.

To be honest, I haven't figured out yet what he is actually doing 💅

Writing a new tool, and it's looking pretty slick so far.

This is much better than meetings upon meetings. Maybe I should ask for a demotion so I can be writing code more often?

Oh man! the long meetings.....
Only produce headaches nothing else.

Business logic:

Meeting starts at 9:45 AM. They only really wanna talk about the features they have on the horizon and how innovative and distruptive and rich we'll be. We spend 10, maybe 15 minutes talking about UI and details of the feaure. The meeting ends a few minutes before 12, so that's 2 hours of lunch (I wanna respect the schedules we had pre-covid to keep that rhythm). I start working again at 2 PM, but 15 minutes later, I get called again by one of the managers to hear more about this new great new idea they have.

So I work about 7-9 hours a day. But HR and management want to spend 3 of those hours. Suggestion: we'd improve our productivity by about 35% if we cut those daily meetings.

Meetings would be better without people.

I mean I like the IDEA of meetings...

Honestly I'm the type of person who if I could would schedule lots of meetings to make sure we're all on the same page, and to be sure the thing is going to do the thing everyone wants / get their perspective, etc. I really want to KNOW what the folks who are going to use this thing need / want / what works best for them.

On the other hand I know that meetings are often more like:

Me: "Ok let's so here's our data, now tell me what fields they want to edit and so forth."

People: "All of them."

Me: "Uh, no you don't want that or they'll break everything ... X, Y and Z require those fields for A, B, and C to work."

Me: "Let's go field by field and you tell me if they need to edit it, and why."

People: "Yeah this first one they have to be able to change this one."

Me: "Wait no, that's the primary key for that table, I don't know why that's on this list but no you can't change that."

People: "Yeah we have to be able to change that."

Me: "No, you can't, do you even know what that number IS?"

People: "Um... no ..."

(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

I am working with a team that's producing tons of new services..
And me being a fresher, reading new designs every other day with God knows complex implementations and business requirements and attending design review meetings(where I can barely understand anything)
having a great learning curve..
Hopefully, I survive this period and cope up with the inputs...
Note: Just don't ask what's my contribution.. I am gearing up for the D-Day to make my impact(not a negative one).. 😎

Dev hours for a 2 week sprint is eaten by countless meetings and the deadline will not move. During sprint planning all meetings should be stated there or there will be number of hours allowed for the meetings as it will eat development hours.

I hate meetings all of a sudden during development.

Had to wake up 1 hour earlier today, and the worry of that kept me awake last night. Now I sit here like a zombie, hating the day that I'm going to have, which is not full of exciting coding with headphones on and Babymetal in my ears, but full of meetings.
I already see my eyes tearing up, reality fading, a guy in a meeting asking me something and pulling me back to reality so that I could stare blankly into his eyes and reply a generic "Yeah, I agree with your proposal", so everyone will think that I'm on drugs or something.

Welp... gotta go. Fuck.

Daily meetings

I don't like many sudden unplanned meetings appearing during your estimated development hours. It consumes some development time and destroys your momentum.

We follow the 2 weeks sprint that contains sprint ceremonies like sprint planning, demo, retro, daily stand ups and backlog grooming meetings. My capacity should be less then 80 hours since there are sprint ceremonies and unplanned meetings that happen during development hours. Unfortunately, my capacity is still set to 80 hours and meetings hours are not deducted. This puts me to a disadvantage as I need to do unpaid OT/weekend work just to make up for the lost time consumed by meetings.

Those 1 hour/30 minutes meeting piles up thus consuming development work hours. So a simple example is that you have 32 hours estimated to finish a big user story but sudden unplanned meetings and sprint ceremony meetings will consume some of that 32 hours. I will bring this up in our next retrospective meeting.

How do you feel about meetings?

Getting real tired of people posting meetings only for you to join when they end. How hard is it to have you meeting at the time you set it for? Holy shit!

Yay! Another meeting to go over a design concept for the next version of our website, awesome this makes meeting 16

Is it just me or big scrum meetings suck your soul?

Avoid face to face meetings, have con calls
Avoid con calls, have email chains
Avoid email chains, do one on one mails
Avoid mails, text
Ignore texts

What's the difference between interruption and meetings?
Meetings are planned interruptions.

That moment when: you lift your gaze from your phone to understand the sudden quiet is because your expert opinion is needed in the meeting.

Why would I strive to be productive if 90% of my work consists of me waiting for approvals, access, credentials, attending meetings about meetings?

1 on 1 meetings.

That’s it. This is the Rant.

I started getting more into the product management side of the business lately, which involved being invited to what feels like 80 meetings per week.

My schedule today consisted of 5:30 of meetings, three of which were a single API design kickoff…

I’m starting to get why people are so damn mad at meetings all the time. Should’ve been a fucking email chain

Monday morning client meetings are usually a pain. If they're not delayed once, they're delayed twice, and they go on for hours, taking up the entire morning for everyone on the project.

To make today even better, it was about an hour of our client ripping into us developers on the project, and the application we're making, to shreds, saying that we have a lack of attention to detail and are working well.
(not bearing in mind, we're building a hybrid application, so it's a glorified web page and we can't test on every android phone, or iOS device and any combination of keyboards for those in between, and every problem comes with its own quirks when you're forcing things with html, js and angularjs).

I feel back for the pm, she had literally 5 more hours of salty, salty calls with our other poc about the issues raised and how we could go about fixing all these minor issues, since they know the solution to them, despite having little to zero technical knowledge.

Just another day in the office I guess.

boss. "I have a one o'clock meeting" Project Manager "uuuuuh, it's after one" boss: "it's an asynchronous meeting"

I would not consider myself an overachiever by any means, but I must say, I'm quite satisfied with my contributions this year at the new (relatively speaking) job. I got to go back to writing code almost every day, all day, and that sure as hell beats being in meetings all the goddamn time.

Last week my PM scheduled a meeting for the whole team of 14 devs to talk about our tasks, how we can improve our workflow, so he's up to date on daily stuff nad sprint progress. After an hour and a half of lots of brainstorming i just asked
- what exactly do you want to achieve with all these changes?
- basically i would like on overview of current progress on each task

And he proposed couple of different meetings during the sprint, which would waste dev time. He proposed to apoint one person reaponsible to keeping him informed during each sprint. He proposed we change our meetings, our process, all of it.
So I just sat with my laptop during the same meeting and I prepared a jira board with swimlanes, filters, etc. Where you can sort by priority, size, what is blocked, what is, waiting in queue, what is being currently developed, what is being tested, what's ready for deployment, etc. Easy. 5-10mins of work.

- does this solve your problem?
-....
- you have everything here
-... What if someone doesn't update the ticket status?
- we check everything during our dailies, so, worst case scenario is the status is not update for 24h
-... Umm.. Yeah.. I think thats it. Thank you.

So, we basically wasted 20+ man-hours on another bullshit meeting because the guy thats supposed to be using these tools doesn't know them at all. After working here for 6 months.

Meetings truly bring up the best parts of you.

Meetings.. Was I not listening? Blame it on the ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder).

Maybe society has AEHD (Attention Expected Hyper-Delusion).

Seriously, who can pay attention to someone speaking AT you.

We have amazing magical devices one can enchant to do their bidding; Contemplating the details of such, often, is more enjoyable than what your rambling on about, talking head.

Not sorry, ;).

Also THANK YOU, you amazing MIT's (Manager of Information Technologies). A lot of you understand and even may use your underling employee's as a vented heat sync for your frustrations. I love what you do and thank the universe I don't have to engage myself in those activities. I have sympathy for the decision to give up your jeans and t-shirts for business attire; keep strong, your role is vital. <3

The insomnia is going to have to give me a break. Work in 3 hrs, time for a nap; and no, I don't take ADD medication (Amphetamine). I don't need a prescription; I can procure my own drugs, thank you.

Nor would I do them to get through work, that's drug abuse.

When you take a notepad and pen to a meeting and write nothing...

MEETINGS
Daily stand up
Weekly status
Fortnightly update
Monthly planning

Life would be so much simpler without meetings. Just chat, why fuss over "meeting"?

As it is most of the things don't go as per what's planned in the monthly planning meeting.

Neither is there much of an update in the fortnightly update meeting. Only update is what we planned, isn't the right direction.

This will obviously screw up the weekly status. Screwed up planning is dishevelled implementation.

Daily stand up is just very sleep deprived developers, who don't wanna talk.

Make it my time's worth; say no more meetings.

Whyyyy the fuck do I have so many meetings!

Cut. Meetings. Short.

Meetings are exhausting. My manager forces us to attend meetings which consumes 60% of my day. One day, he sent a meeting invite and the agenda was to talk about meetings. So it was a meeting about meetings. Meeting-ception 🤯

This should be done before every meeting..

Meetings...

But I realise that the meetings are only for eating donuts 🍩 🍩

Sitting through useless Friday meetings thinking "I need a goddamn drink".

Stands up are waste of time.

Yes, comedy and meetings, both.

Our associate program manager is currently giggling at her desk on facebook and we have a meeting in 5 minutes. A senior dev finally gotup and went to setup the meeting room... triggers the shit out of me when producers / program management dont setup meetings that they scheduled.

Starting my day with 15 emails that I urgently need to respond to. I hate Thursdays. It's just meetings and emails and more meetings and more emails. No time to get work done.

When the meeting organizer gets to the end and says "I'll give you back 20 minutes of your day". 🤬
No sir, plonking a meeting in my calendar doesn't mean you now own an hour of my day. No no no. You are not being a saint giving me back time. The truth is you just took 40 minutes of my time! 40 minutes I can't get back. It's gone. Forever.
Please be respectful of that next time you're planning a pointless meeting

So!! Many!! Meetings!!!!

When you have so much work
To do, but can't start any of it until you have the meetings about it. Meetings meetings meetings.

That moment when you're trying your damnedest to concentrate at work but all the info is just going in one eye and out the other ear

Stop attending to meetings.

Limited or NO MEETINGS!

The best parts of day are meetings with my boss. Meetings where said boss is always late, and inevitably asks "is it time"!

This is how it works in my company:
-> Spend entire day in meetings - don’t get anything done.
-> Start working at 6pm if you want to get anything done.

Those who have gotten promotions are the ones that have bought into this system.
I guess I won’t be getting a promotion any time soon

"Standup" meetings are based on the assumption that standing up gets uncomfortable after a while. In our team however, the meetings are not getting any briefer, we are just getting fitter. Perhaps we should introduce some more uncomfortable position, such as jump-up-and-down daily scrums, or yoga daily scrums.

I hate morning scrum meetings.

3pm meeting on a Friday. really.

I hate meetings that could have been just checking the Jira to see what everyone is working on... Getting 5 people together to individually mention what they're working on... So inefficient

That moment, in a meeting when you are trying to show a technical flaw in a manager idea... And suddenly you have a déjà vu moment from the "The Expert" comic sketch...

When you bullsh*t stuff the whole meeting, then they setup a meeting tomorrow to continue where you left off today