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I've learned that trying to jump into a project without properly understanding everything it will entail is bad.
I recently worked on a project that involved modernizing a legacy system and no one on the team (including me) fully understood how the legacy system worked. This led to us missing a lot of edge cases and attacking the project in a way that really wasn't beneficial overall.
If we had thought about the entire system beforehand and mapped out the legacy system, the project would've turned out much better.10 -
A Java Development vacancy I came across today:
Requirements:
Must:
° Appropriate Education
° Work Experience with Java/Javascript knowledge, at least 2 years, good understanding of OOP, patterns
° Experience with Spring, NoSQL(MongoDB)
Preferably:
° Experience with Tomcat/Jboss/Glassfish
° JDBC, JSF, JSP, JSTL, Angular, ExtJS
° HTML5, CSS3, XML, Jquery, Bootstrap, Primefaces
° Hibernate
° Git/SVN
Objective:
° Implementation of specific requirements
° Cooperation with business analytics and clarification of reuirements
° Participation in the development of application architecture and technology selection
Who are they hiring?51 -
I am Indian. I thought my parents had high standards then I looked at devrant's requirements for a stress ball.5
-
Was looking at a Back End Dev job posting and one of the requirements is Photoshop.
.....
PHOTOSHOP8 -
Fresh out of college?
Entry-level?
Apply Here!
Junior Web Intern: 16k A Year!
Basic Requirements: HTML, CSS, JavaScript, Node, Angular, JQuery, Bootstrap, Backbone, Handlebars, D3, p3, CMS (WordPress, Wixx), PHP, Java (Android), C++(iOS), openframeworks, openGLSL, Cinder, failed at least two startups, 8086 assembly language.
Recommended requirements:
Git version control
Agile development
Must be able to display example of each requirement.16 -
Requirements vs Delivery - Guide to Programming
This one is a killer and I've received it in multiple forwards in office email, and we always have a good laugh seeing this joke.
Client: “Our next requirement, and this is something big you know, we need an elephant”
IT Team: But why don’t you adjust with a buffalo, even it is big…. and black?”
Client: No, we need an elephant only, let me explain our current process……” (client explains for an hour)
IT Team: Fine, I understand your requirement. But our system supports only a buffalo…
Client:We need only an elephant!
IT Team: Ok, let me see if I can customize it for you”
Requirements are taken as follows:
Client wants a big black four legged animal, long tail, less hair. Having trunk is mandatory. The same was documented, signed off and sent to offshore for development!
At the Offshore Development Centre,
Design/Development – Based on requirement all features are supported in base product (as buffalo), for trunk alone a separate customization is done.
Finally the customization is shown to client:
2 -
- Password can't contain less than 3 chars
- Password can't contain more than 12 chars
- Password must contain only alphabetical and numerical chars
- Password must contain at least one uppercase letter
- Password can't contain a sequence of repetitive chars
- You already used this password in the past
- Password can't contain parts of passwords already used in the past
- Password can't contain your name, birthday or any other personal information
- Password can't be an anagram
- This password is too weak
"Remember that you have to update your password every 6 months".
Who the fuck has enough imagination to invent a new password that meets all these requirements every fucking 6 months?
And if so, how the fuck you can also remember it?
Fuck off… I don't really need access to my university account, right? 😡22 -
When you see "Database must be encrypted with SHA1 or SHA2" in software requirements specification....
10 -
Today i've met a big customer of our company
He was absolute friendly and gave me clear requirements without oppositions...
Then I woke up.5 -
Customer: "Why doesn't the user interface have a night mode?"
Me: It wasn't in the requirements, it also doesn't have bouncing pink elephants, do you want me to add those in as well?9 -
tl;dr stupid clients with their stupid requirements.
Client: (on Monday) hypothetically could you implement "A"?
Me: (on Monday) yeah I could do that by Friday, let me know if you want me to start it.
Client: (on Thursday) hey remember we talked about "A" well do "B" instead and I'll need it by Friday still.
Me: "B" is completely different than "A" and will take probably twice as long.
Client: but you told me you could do it by Friday.
Me: ............ I want to smash your face.4 -
Set up an account at Wells Fargo today and they told me the password requirements... This is a joke right?
11 -
Job Application :
Junior Developer, entry level position for new aspiring programmers.
Requirements :
5 years experience. :/3 -
Just last month we finished a big project for a client. The company had their lawyers make a contract to transfer ownership for the website to them.
One of the requirements was to deliver all code in a word file. And just that. In the whole contract was not a word about transfering the production environment to their servers. Or supplying a working version. The files and database. No just the word file.
As of today still wondering what they where planning to do with a word file with hunderds of pages of code.
Offcourse we deliverd a working version to their servers. But why are there people making decisions about things they understand nothing at all.16 -
You know your product manager is evil when you find this in the official product requirements documents.
7 -
Client: "We don't want line breaks in that column make it 500px wide!"
Me: Makes the column 500px wide. Sees that the line breaks are still there. Asks if it should be made wider to fit the text.
Client: "Just implement what we send you"
Me: Ok (thinking wtf)
Client after testing: "Why are there still line breaks?!?"
🙄😥😤😭
Why the actual hell can't they get there freaking requirements in order?!? This shit happens with every fourth request!10 -
Requirements gathering is fun said no developer!!
P.S. Friday implies more time implies more devranting!!
1 -
Boss: Here's the next project that I would you to start immediately.
Me: So the client wants <Application Name>
Boss: Yes and it's due on Friday after 2 weeks.
Me: Yes can be done. By what time today you can give me the requirements.
Boss: Not today, I will give you the requirements next week Friday.
Me: So I should start the project next week Friday.
Boss: You have to start the project today
Me: Start with what? There is no requirement. Excuse me, I need a break.5 -
Why everyone has an idea for an app like UBER? I have received a lot of these requirements this year, and then...
4 -
Spending my 23rd birthday in a server room 700 km away from home, discussing the requirements for app deployment. Yep. Every dev's dream.15
-
Started a new job.....
Requirements:
html
css.
jquery
bootstrap
First day:
BAM you have to work on angular🤦♂️7 -
Current project has a ridiculously high amount of formal requirements
Two of them literally are
• the system shall have an “off” state
• the system shall be in the “off” state if no power is supplied
Boy do I have just the solution for you!
24 -
My boss gave me a project without any meaningful requirements and asked:
boss: can you finish this in 9 months?
me: well I really can't give you any estimate.
boss: well just do it.
8 months later I summarize all weekly requirements that the client has given and estimated I should be able to finish the project with just 3 months, if only the requirements are ready and not changing from time to time. What a f***ing waste of my time? Why the f*** people do this? And after all this my boss said:
boss: I think we should be able to finish this project faster.
YOU THINK!4 -
HR Requirements:
- Must have an active social life with hobbies and interests outside work.
Dev Requirements
- Must have an active GIT hub profile to the point that you couldn't possibly have a social life5 -
"PR rejected because you didn't do localisation"
"Wait, is that a requirement?"
"Yes"
"But there is no localisation in any of the 10 repos in this project!"
"Yes"
"So how do I know if I am expected to..."
"You don't, until I reject your PR"4 -
Password max length: 12 characters
Additional requirements: exactly 1 special character and exactly 2 numbers.8 -
Im confused, this is the requirements for a IT Intern. Do I need experience in jQuery? Or QWERTY Keyboard? Or Both?
3 -
Here's why I hate HR:
Applied to a job and requirements where:
> 3 years + experience with the good old combo HTML CSS JS (oh yeah)
> 3 years + experience with Vue or React (Vue specialist is here baby 😎)
> Salary higher than the average
Got a call on the same day from HR, and she asks:
> Years of experience with Java
> Years of experience with native android development
> Years of experience with Swift or iOS development
> *I started to get confused*
> Then came questions about my machine and if I had good Internet
> And only then she asked about the requirements for the job
2 days later she says I don't fit the job bc they work with different languages
That's why I hate HR, fr.
They didn't know what UI or UX meant.
And kept saying that Vue, angular and react where languages
Languages5 -
Fuck software assurance.
Fuck functional specifications, fuck software requirements, fuck V-model bullshit documentation, fuck integration test plans.
Fuck trying to shoehorn waterfall requirements into what clearly was an interative development.
Fuck me for being a single dev handling all this bullshit by myself.3 -
I created account for posting this...
Fuck managers. They gave me requirements 2 weeks back. I completed them and showed them today. Now they (piece of shit) say it's not what they needed. If they aren't sure about requirements why the fuck you give requirements... Fuck...
Waiting for new requirements....1 -
Company: Hey finish off that degree and we will hire you as a "real developer".
Me: Hey I finished my degree and I applied for that internally posted developer position. How about making me a "real developer" now.
Company: ...
Company: ...
Finally replied today with generic email template thanking me for my interest and applauding me for my skills but sadly informing me I don't meet the requirements for the position.
W.T.F 😡
I think I might be done with this company.11 -
"read the code" he said
"all the requirements and business process is in there"
Knok knok...who is there...................
VB62 -
Dev: What are the requirements?
Client: I want to make my boss happy so that I get lots of money and promotions.
Dev: What does your boss want?
Client: He wants to be happy
Dev: …
Client: Also I don’t want to expend any effort or resources to achieve this
Dev: …4 -
IBM job requirements:
- 12+ years kubernetes experience
- kubernetes is 6 years old
IBM, never change cheered me up today
https://theregister.com/2020/07/...4 -
I hate it when I don't have all the requirements or they are fuzzy and I'm asked to estimate the task/project.5
-
If the requirements are this stringent in the job posting, I can't imagine how terrible it would be to work for this person.
9 -
I'd post my wk200 goals, but my project manager is still busy gathering requirements for it and creating the epics.1
-
When job requirements say:
Programming Languages:
CSS
Scrum
Git
jQuery
JSON
...who tf writes these requirements!?9 -
The saga of requirements changed after the feature is done continues:
Manager: “I have reopened your ticket cause it doesn’t fit the requirements”
*checks for requirements changes*
“Updated 2 mins ago”
You fucking piece of10 -
I've seen a job vacancy that asks for the following characteristics in a developer:
- extraverted, do'er (as opposed to thinker), out-of-the-box, curious, sees solutions and not problems, structural thinking vs. theoretical thinking, loves change, acts immediately, makes choices under stress, critically questions themselves if things go wrong
What the [censored] kind of programmer is that? Sounds more like a wannabe brogrammer type.
A typical, real programmer is introverted (for he is introspective, detail-minded and is therefore good at inspecting problems and finding solutions for them).
Seeing problems is not a bad thing, it's in fact necessary to be able to identify issues and not act like your typical manager who only wants to rush to solutions. He thinks deeply and theoretically before he takes action. Theory is the foundation of identifying a problem.
What programmer is stress-resistant? It's not normal for the human brain to be able to deal with stress; this is why switch-tasking is so hard.
Question yourself if things go wrong? Perhaps, but this sounds more like trying to shove the blame around.
Since we live in a rigid computer world with rigidly-defined protocols (say, HTTP), it is often useful to think in a conventional way. Out-of-the-box? Sure, if you're being innovative, or sure, as a tangential characteristic.
In my professional opinion, this vacancy reeks of bad corporate culture.. and the biggest alarm bell I find is: "There is free beer!" Err.. yeah. Anyway.17 -
"A well defined problem is a problem half solved."
~ Charles Kettering.
Feel like crying on hearing this when the product feature requirements change in so aGiLe way.3 -
"The aim is to develop highly robust data streams so we have the flexibility to build and evolve the user interface without having to change code in the API"
Oh, is that all you need?
4 -
Isn't it just nice to throw away hours of work because you were given wrong requirements?
I worked late last night to finish a project with an incoming deadline, and for what? That's right, for fucking nothing. Hours wasted. Just because I was told the form was to be submitted to an endpoint that I would receive later on.
Turns out that what I actually need to do is embed some form from a third-party service. So the form that I already implemented (with styles and logic) isn't needed. What's worst, I have to redo all the styles to match this embed form.
Thank you so much for that. 🖕Never again will I work late. I should have known better by now... -
As everyone were posting about their interview experiences. Now it's time to understand job requirements properly. 😂
3 -
Me: Are you sure you want this in the acceptance test procedure?
Lead: Yes.
Me: I'm just saying, we don't have any requirements for this feature so it doesn't really belong there.
Lead: Just put it in.
Me: Are you sure? It's a lot of work for something that isn't even required to be there.
Lead: Go do it.
Me: Okay.
*I do the work and it goes to peer review*
High ranking person from another team: I don't see any requirements traceability. Why is this in here if there are no requirements?
Me: WELL AIN'T THAT A GOOD GODDAMN QUESTION!?3 -
So, among the ridiculously long list of password requirements, password is not case sensitive BUT it has to contain uppercase and lowercase letters?
14 -
I'm starting on a new project and the person that is wanting this done recommended we have a "living document of requirements"
Fuck no!15 -
"What do you mean you didn't understand the requirements? They were very straightforward!"
Their requirements:
8 -
Today in annoying customers:
"I will not update the requirements with every single detail of our discussions, it will be quite tedious"
Way to go, lady.2 -
I'm on a call collecting requirements to a feature request that was developed last year, deployed last month, and nobody has a fucking clue about what's going on.
I'm also getting told that my requirements won't work, when they clearly will.
What's fucking crazy? In the time that I have wasted on this topic, I could have already written the fix.
1 -
I make a presentation to explain to the boss why we had to tweak around the requirements in order to keep backwards compatibility and stuff. I take 15 minutes explaining how our system currently works and how these requirements would change it, etc etc.
"So... is this workflow okay for our customers?"
They stared into the presentation slide for a good minute.
"I think we should align this row over here with that square over there."
"Oh don't worry this is a demo. But do you think our customers will still be okay with these changes?"
"Yeah, but these two elements are unalligned and they look pretty bad."
I'm starting to think that fancy speech can deter people from questioning or complaining to you. I'm pretty sure they don't know their own product as well as I know it.3 -
companies: "we can't find good help!"
also companies: "we don't answer applications promptly, don't understand our own requirements, don't want remote, don't..."4 -
Dear client:
You have to think this is like building a house, so you have to spend time doing some serious thinking, so you come up with a (somewhat) good vision of what you want and what could possible change in the future... let me give you an example: let's say we were building a house and we are very close to finishing it, so you come up with the great idea of putting the kitchen where the living room is, and the bathroom in the second floor where the TV room was... if that happens, then I would tell you to go fuck yourself.
See dear client... there are pipes, wiring, and all sorts of stuff you don't see, that makes a house be a house... apply the same logic to building software and we'll be on the same page more often.
PS: I appreciate your business2 -
The moment when the product manager changes your requirements last minute and you have to change all of your code. 😑1
-
Fuck you companies that have hidden requirements in. their. job. offers.
It's so annoying to spend my valuable time on an application for a job that I think myself a perfect fit for, just to find out that they are looking for applicants "with more experience in..." (fill in the gap)
Just fucking put it in the requirements already and save us both our time.3 -
QA: “not accepted since text differs from specs.”
Me: “but... the text comes from specs, I copy pasted it yesterday, wtf?”
*checking specs versioning*
Specs updated 1 hour ago
Having to input text from jira to the language strings cause design’s too lazy to do it themselves is stupid enough, but the good old “specs changed after the feature is done” gig is a must... to remember you why you hate working for someone.13 -
COO overcommited features to our client so now we have to do overtime until June so that we can save his ass.
Its his fault, why the fuck are we responsible for his incompetence.17 -
Coming up to (very) tight deadline..
Manager - "Stick in a temporary fix, if the data is mocked out it will do for the demo. We really want to show this feature."
Me - "Okay, I"ll pick up the technical debt after the demo."
*Changes are coded and rolled out*
Manager calls me over to his desk..
Manager - "This feature isn't bringing back real data."
Do these kind of people exist in all companies?
2 -
Junior coders want to argue about database design saying an employee table in the database does not need a start date and end date because the requirements don't say that. I am doing gold plating he says. He didn't care that I had been doing this over 10 years and he 0 years. Oh yea and by the way I have never been given specific requirements about database design.4
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when a project manager asks for an effort calculation due to changed requirements, but the calculation itself takes longer than the implementation would...
-
Give students opportunities to create beyond the course requirements. Think hackathons, clubs, department projects, etc. So many cs majors don’t do anything beyond schoolwork.2
-
Websites that still for w/e reason limit the number of characters a password can have...
Seriously, when a website starts bitching about me entering a 32-character password generated by my password manager "being too long", I seriously start to wonder how they store the password...9 -
My Little Pony, season 1 episode 14, "Suited for Success". Rarity wants to make dresses for her friends, but strives too hard to get it just how they really want it. The project becomes a stressing problem when she tries to make each dress specific to its wearer's taste. Each of her clients has requirements that don't necessarily allign with Rarity's vision, so she has to cope with changing demands and finish them before the Galloping Galla.
Rainbow Dash: I just want my dress to be cool.
Rarity: Do you not like the color?
RD: The color's fine, just make it look cooler.
R: Do you not like the shape?
RD: The shape's fine, just make the whole thing, you know, cooler. It needs to be about 20% cooler.
🎵
All we ever want is indecision.
All we really like is what we know.
[...]
Even if you simply have to fudge it,
make sure it stays within our budget.
🎵
Rarity first makes dresses that she herself loves, but her friends don't, and in the end she makes dresses that her friends love, but she doesn't.
I have sympathy for her.12 -
Have you ever talk with client and start coding and ui design in your mind while client explaining the requirements?4
-
Client: "But why isn't it working. It should work"
Dev: "Sorry but it's not in your requirements"
Client: "But it should work"
fffockins 😡1 -
So, I just created an account on a premium objective information website. It basically sells access to several articles on laws and general "financial relevant subjects". It is important for my work and they have pretty strict password requirements, with minimum: 18 characters length, 2 HC, 2 LC, 2 special, 2 numbers.
Without thinking twice, openned Keepass and generated a 64 length password, used it, saved it. All's good. They then unlocked my access and... wrong password. I try again... wrong password.
Thinking to myself: "No, it can't be that, maybe I only copied a portion of the password or something, let me check on CopyQ to see what password I actually used."
Nope, the password is indeed correct.
Copy the first 32 characters of the password, try it... it works...
yeah, they limit password length to 32 characters and do not mention it anywhere ... and allow you to use whatever length you want... "Just truncate it, its fine"1 -
Don't expect requirements that will "never change, guaranteed" to actually "never change, guaranteed"6
-
I’m working at an architecture firm these days, so I don’t have many “dev” stories to tell. However, I’d like to share this anecdote to reassure (or demoralize) you all that the kind of nonsense we’ve all dealt with as software developers isn’t limited to the software industry.
I’ve been working on a project to build townhomes and apartments on vacant lots in an urban environment.
Space is limited, so the client assured us early on that they would be centralizing all the mechanical equipment (water heaters, air conditioners, etc.) in the basement of each building. We finally got all the apartments laid out and presented them to the client last week. During that meeting, we get a casual “oh, by the way, we need a 3-foot by 3-foot mechanical closet in each apartment.” Did the project manager push back? Of course not. Have our deadlines been adjusted as a result of changing requirements? Don’t be silly! Starting tomorrow morning, the team gets to feverishly search for an extra 9 square feet in each of a couple dozen different apartment layouts that are already “cozy” in time to meet our next deliverable.
Clients suck.
Changing requirements suck.
Pushover PMs suck.
In every industry.2 -
Gotta love it when you've just hit your pace with a project and then the requirements change...
Three times in a row...3 -
THICK-HEADED FUCKNUTS!
I have absolutely no idea as to why these would ever be password requirements, can someone please try to explain WHY THE FUCK
4 -
Oh, the requirements completely changed? That's cool. I'll just place all my work over here in this pile with the Sega Saturn, zune, and the batman vs superman movie... you know the "it could have been glorious, but it turned out to be complete garbage" pile
-
Me: I finished the tests! Almost 1000 lines of testing data. They're actually pretty thorough. We're ready to push the changed.
Manager: That's great! But the requirements changed. We're gonna change the schema and queries quite a bit.1 -
How the fuck is CLI a skill for job seekers?! And what's a Toolbox?
Apparently, recruiters write any Buzzwords they hear of! CLI is not even a Buzzword. How did it get there?
4 -
Sometimes I hate when the requirements change in such a way entire projects have to be discarded..3
-
So let me get this straight... You want a Junior Engineer with experience?
Source: Moviepass Jobs.
5 -
Lately it seems that I end up knowing more about the client's requirements than the client themselves. Does it seem very weird as a developer for this to happen?8
-
It was 3 months project, but it takes 9... bad management and the client changed his requirements every weekend. I quit the job after it.1
-
Management: Our internal app must be 100% rigid so that we users follow predefined process flows exactly so no mistakes are made while also being 100% flexible so that users are free to go about their business in whatever way they feel is appropriate for their own unique needs. These are the requirements!
Dev: …7 -
Something I came across recently
"Without requirements or design, programming is the art of adding bugs to an empty text file." -- Louis Srygley1 -
Supervisor: Go interview the client for requirements
Client:i want insert,update blablabla and searching,
Me: Delete?
Client:Nope we want store the data blablabla forever..
*after few weeks*
Supervisor:Can i see the progress?
Me: sure
Supervisor: where is the delete function? I want the delete button !!
Me: :/ *why the hell i hav to meet the client if i need to fllow my supervisor requirements*
#PracticalStudent #Internship #Confusing6 -
I've heard about some of the ridiculous requirements that some companies have in job postings and always thought that they're probably over exaggerating a bit.
Holy shit was I wrong.
I've taken a look at the positions that they have posted for my coop program and while I understand that my college was not the only one posted to for these, they seem pretty extreme at times. There were a few postings that required several mountains of web frameworks and experience that unless you did a lot of self study prior or had previous professional work experience would have been impossible.
We're students, a lot of us have never touched an IDE prior to our program so to ask us for in some cases years of experience in a language or tool that I have never even heard of, nor have even been even vaguely mentioned by profs, seems a bit much. I have had years of experience in a fair variety of tools and languages but even for me this seemed a tad bit unreasonable. Not all of the postings require this much prior experience in the field so I can apply to some.
The professor teaching the preparation course says they can't understand why people apply for the coop program then don't apply to positions. While I understand there are people who might not apply due to laziness or an overflow of assignments, I feel like a good chunk just can't find any positions that they may be partially qualified for.3 -
Monday
pm: anon we need this by Friday I will get send you the requirements.
Tuesday
Pm no show.
Wednesday afternoon
Pm: here are the requirements anon(literally only one sentence) wtf
Thrusday
Pm: can I test it anon.1 -
PO: Is it done yet?
PO: Whats the status?
PO: Any progress??
My brain: Did we have requirements for this, or just a deadline2 -
Don't you just love it when you get a project with no requirements doc, so you make your own spec and requirements, start to architect and develop the project correct way, the 2 weeks later your manager comes to you asking why wasn't features XYZ not included and how you should add functionalities for A B and C...
-
Hidden requirements. Hidden requirements EVERYWHERE.
So much for a hobby project for my student association2 -
Film a documentary/reality television series chronicling how A. I.'s eventually self destruct trying to make sense of client requirements.
-
Why would anybody do this?
Especially the last point
aaaaaab is already a lot more secure then 1234 but who cares, right?
8 -
When you are trying to gather project requirements from other departments, but nobody responds to email because they are afraid to put anything in writing :(
-
University is a dumb place.
Example:
I have been restricted to a predefined list of projects for my dissertation. The trouble is, the project must be a solution to an existing problem. So we're given a product to develop which then requires us to actively search for an implementation which addresses a problem.
Not only have we not proposed a solution ourselves but have also been given a list of software requirements. Wouldn't be an issue if we hadn't been pushed to write about our "requirements gathering" process.
So we have to gather requirements that are the requirements we have been given but do it in an independent way. Yeah, sure.
I am genuinely just going the motions with this fucking place now.9 -
Love it when PM/business adds a bunch of extra tickets on the last week of a 3 week spring.
Or
I love it when business sends you a requirement, you build it, then they add more requirements that contradict the original requirements1 -
Business: how long would this pile of vague tasks that are not fully defined, and whose requirements we don't even know, take to finish?4
-
2 weeks ago my boss: “This are the requirements, make fronted and backend”
Yesterday we finally delivered the project and today he changed all the requirements. I have to remake everything, the only thing that will not change is the database because he made it. And it is the single source of garbage.3 -
That moment when your company switches developers from salary to hourly to avoid paying anyone more and skirts the new federal requirements.7
-
Junior dev here.
I'm removing features that are worth days of work because business requirements weren't properly defined with the business owner. Disheartening.2 -
I always find it frustrating that additional requirements and changes are added and the deadline is not extended2
-
Get a ticket for a low priority bug, reported internally. Fix the issue mentioned in the bug.
Moves to QA environment, the original bug reporter tests and *passes* the ticket.
Moves to Staging environment, same exact individual then *fails* the testing. Cites totally new/unrelated changes that need to be made.
Apparently our the workflow is -
Code->QA->Staging->Requirements
Makes sense! :)1 -
Ah yes, I'd be happy to completely change the thing I'm working on, that is now unrelated to how you originally described the task to me.1
-
During requirements gathering:
Listening.
Writing requirements as stated.
Not designing in my head.
Asking leading questions that validate said faux design. -
!rant
Nothing worse than recieving little to no documentation/requirements on a project, garbage in = garbage out...1 -
a first time project owner sets up weekly requirements meetings for a new project. everyone has input, but the project owner. 4 months into building the application to the requirements gathered, the project owner says, that's not at all what I want. 4 months wasted3
-
*Dev is non-native english speaker
Dev: we need the VPN ip.
Me: the server ip or the connected device ip.
Dev: the server.
Me: gets the ip.
Dev: this doesn't work, is this the VPN ip ?
Me: Gives the device ip. Works.
Dev: OK. Works now.
Could have just asked for the client IP in the first place but s/he didn't know how to.
I have been trying to freelance for people who don't speak english as a first language and getting the Requirements is the hardest part of the job. 😫 .
P.S. Suggestions needed from remote freelancers. What's your workflow like.6 -
Fun day at work.
Client sends me requirements over WhatsApp voice notes.
Says he can't send email because hes too tired.
His Requirements don't make sense.
I figured out what he wanted and then rewrite the requirements using simple language and less jargon.
Hes not happy. I reduced two paragraphs of his "requirements" to a single sentence which make more sense.
His voice notes seem like rambling.
Ugh.
He comes up with features for this webapp that cannot be tested unless you build the companion app which is coming up later.
Now he wants us to design the screens for the app which we will have to use our designer for.
Expensive. Considering most of his app is not completely thought out.
I have no idea what to do now.
We still haven't completed the requirements.1 -
Fucking product owners. Churning out retarded requirements every sprint and then complaining about how the requirements haven’t been met, just to add new retarded requirements the next sprint.
Hot tip, if your product owner is obsessed over apple events, tell the cunt to go buy a new Apple Watch and suck on apples trillion dollar market value. Fucking goofy cunts.2 -
My boss uses agile development so he doesn't has to think about use cases he wants to be covered by the application.
He's just throwing in a "design" (an image that is probably created with Paint) without any further specifications and inconsistent elements, let the developer work two days on it, see the outcome, complains why it's not how he wanted it to be and then starts thinking how the feature should be integrated in the app and notices that his "requirements" from the image could not provide any advantage or usage at all for the user of the application. Asking for clarification before starting to work just leads to spongy statements or silence when he notices that he didn't think through to the end.
Sad is that this has not happened only once but is usually the way a new feature is developed...1 -
Somehow being able to make perfect sense out of the meaningless and vague requirements pushed down from upper management.
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Some user requirements are completely unnecessary that you can lie about them and no one will figure it out ever2
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Describe one instance when you thought, "Fuck this shit, I'm done with this client". Preferably when the client came up with stupid/impossible requirements10
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It's gotten to the point where I am legitimately impressed when I can tell a service is hashing their passwords.
All of these unnecessary complications of "must not have more than 2 of the same character in a row" but "can't be more than 12 characters" requirements make me think that the passwords are being saved in plain text.
Amazon and Dropbox do it right - present the user with an input box and no requirements printed anywhere.8 -
Development planning:
Expectation:
Gather the requirements then estimate the deadline.
What are clients did:
Here is the deadline, then here are the requirements that we must squeeze into it.1 -
Without requirements or design, programming is the art of adding bugs to an empty text file ;)......!
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When marketing gets overly excited about analytics requirements and you have more code in a page for stats than actual functionality
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Time to remove access to tfs for the BA. She started adding work for us for features that don't have their requirements gathered yet.
Another BA just sent us an email today about it with just a generic "we need this now" urgency with no description, no requirements, no real functionality defined. The other one had access to tfs because she was working with us on a project, and was helping out with requirements. But it seems she's forgotten that you can't just slap imaginary things in.4 -
You tell them this design is going to be complex, do we really need it?
They say yes.
We come up with the solution with lots of hair loss.
They say, "this looks really complex, But we are glad you came up with this".
Nuf said.1 -
Just noticed a job description.
"You have excellent skills in JavaScript, HTML, CSS and backend development with PHP and MySQL. You also have experience developing for iOS and Android."
Are these requirements realistic?3 -
Getting requirements from my dad for a brochure for his company.
"Just make a pdf, 5-6 pages"
"You can take the pictures from these other two pdfs"
"Write some good sentences"
....
Help me.4 -
Why is there no VueJS job requirements in my area? It is all about Angular and React. Quite sad my favorite JS Framework is not a favorite here.
Guess I'll be forced to study Angular or React for job requirements purposes only *sigh* 😩 It is like - forced eating the only available food that you don't like in order to survive. Oh well supply and demand.
I haven't seen any VueJS requirements yet in all the job posts that I browsed 😕11 -
I read alot of rants where people describe that they had to implement things they know were wrong and later the boss complained about it although its what he said.
My requirements engineering professor always told us to document everything. Every change made to the requirements must have the source and the reason written down. Idealy with some sort of signature from the boss.
But i understand its not always that easy or done. Which is kinda sad. -
Does anyone here reject a requirement because there exists no elegant solution to it and you shall die before writing spaghetti code?🤔6
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If you apply for a job advertising 35,000-45,000 and get offered 26,000 how would you handle it? If you meet the requirements and pass there test.15
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why the fuck no client underdtands that a native select input cant be styled to show fairies and angels. and the same goes with many other browser elements.1
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Why are the requirements changed at the end of the day and make the developers work all night. I am not your goat.2
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"You are fired!"
Is what I wanted to sent to all clients and third parties involved in the project. Stop making your problems my problems. My systems are ready, properly tested and well documented. Stop changing the requirements and stop adding requirements until you are sending valid requests to my API.1 -
I would have liked to complete a task this week, however the one thing I've been working on has it's requirements changed every time I finish.
I get that things change, but all of this extra logic is far too complex for the issue at hand, and I don't have time to do other assigned things due to how laborious and intensive testing for this part of the application is. -
Glad that I've worked about 2½ days on an angular component, with all the struggles, brainstorming and meticulous care for "good" and "readable" code, just to find out that I misunderstood the requirements. Had to completely rewrite it...1
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A customer asks for a change request or a bug fix and it results in creating a ticket for that.
It's the process and how it works in most places but after you finish with the task and fix the same customer who provided you with the requirements will request that you share the steps on how to test the fix or the feature.
I'm not speaking about the data preparation or required configuration. I mean a step-by-step instruction on how the tester/QA will test it.
It's driving me mad!! So a way to counterplay this stupid requests, I provide the happy path and what to expect. And in case, they stumbled on a bug later in production, I can easily say "It was approved by your testing team and that's a new requirement ;)"2 -
Today is day two of User Acceptance Testing for one of our biggest and most complicated developments.
Today is also the day the requirements were agreed.
Somebody, somewhere is taking the piss. -
The moment of decision whether to hardcode something or keep it dynamic ...cause knowing your clients ...they're definately gonna come back with more requirements
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I hate when they give new people that don't know the software the job to update requirements. We used to have 2 use cases that touched a functionality. Now we have three. The requirement was added for the third case. He held us up bitching that that the newly added requirement for Case 3 didn't include Case 1 and 2. Dude. That shit has been in the software for 4 years. Those requirements were written by requirements guys that are better than you. Don't waste my time with semantics. Only I'm allowed to waste my time on semantics.
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When you're the only one in your team understanding git and knowing all the requirements: haven't programmed for weeks, just fixed branches and answered questions -.-
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Friend: "Heyyy, I want a custom IT solution. Can you make it for me?"
Me: "Okay sure."
Friend: "Heyyy I don't want the program to do it for me, I want to learn it myself."
Me: "What the fuck.. sigh."
I ended up giving them some third-party boilerplate solution and now they're happy. Peasants..1 -
Changing instances to arrays. So we've all had this issue:
Option 1 was the most flexible and abstract option where a lot of functionality could be built on this.
Option 2 was the fastest solution, that would solve only specific problems.
The whole Agile philosophy points to option 2. The problem is that clients will always want to add that functionality in option 1, and changing requirements makes us lose time, the precious resource that managers supposedly cherish, yet they always want us to choose the fast option.
We're at that point where the client wants to add functionalities, but since we already built with the previous requirements in mind. Ugh.
Changing instances to arrays.1 -
The worst is having to rewrite/refactor another person's implementation either due to not follow the requirements or specifications and having made something completely different or useless.
But recently is having to re-explain what needs to be done or what the requirements are.2 -
When you get tickets assigned to you, does it have all the requirements & acceptance criteria? I don't, and it's seriously difficult to know when you've finished a piece for work3
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An application which can read your requirements documentation and use GitHub README's to seamlessly integrate different projects to give you the output. 😎
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I never thought I'd have to implement Vue.js but now I have to write components in it all of a sudden. I find myself struggling and I wish I had practiced it sooner. Now I find myself in a sea of debugging npm package errors and other cryptic errors and my pages not showing up.
Ah, Software Development, your requirements always change.4 -
Motherfuck oh clients! My goodness their requirements.
They want a tiny part of an app load inside an iframe in a different app and have the data communicate both ways and the ui should look seamless and mobile responsive too.
What the actual fuck? iframe in 2016 ? Seriously?5 -
Fuck Uber eats and it's changibg fucking requirements to use their 20 dollar promo !
And who the fuck uses Facebook ?2 -
On all job descriptions there seem to be so many requirements. Do you really have to know everything in order to get the job?2
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Life would be a lot better if the client's requirements won't change abruptly on the last minute of deployment
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When the project manager complained about how you are late for the deadline, but the keep on adding on new requirements unrelated to the initial goal. OTL
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Is disaster recovery capability to meet business requirements and testing it part of your new system implementation roadmap?
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Working on implementing a new networking layer for business security requirements...but the requirements were talked about in backdoor "special" meetings; "lowly" implementation engineers aren't allowed in. God knows the engineers implementing the solution don't need to know requirements for what they are implementing 🙃
"Just encrypt everything!"
Oh sure let me just pull out my magic button 🤬2 -
As a software developer, are your limits only to clear out the requirements and do the work, even if it does not make any sense.
I am a creative person, there are some CX changes and I want to suggest some ideas. But is it not my place to do that?
Am I forever stuck on the requirements and development part?7 -
Break it down into stages- elaborating on requirements, frontend/backend work, testing, etc. Then pull the numbers out of my arse.
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Stop staying “.... or whatever” or “pull blah, blah, blah” when discussing requirements. What you say, we will build. If you honestly don’t care what we build then let us end this call and we can make it up.1
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I hate this type of Developer who always asks to add everything as requirement for every single detail. Company is paying you for thinking, or at least asking BA, not only coding requirements in Java/C#/whatever and denying fixes because it was not in requirements.3
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Hi I’m new here. It’s so weird. Like employers have insanely high requirements and demand knowledge of different frameworks as well.1
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Gosh, how I hate meetings at the beginning of the sprint... and at the middle... and in the end! Just fucking give me the requirements!4
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Can someone plz tell me that are subjects like OOAD(object oriented analysis and design) or requirements engineering actually useful in real projects and jobs...?3
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Rant:
My jupyter notebook has outgrown itself on some real world trading data analysis and its becoming a pain to add to (further) and share.
Need to find better alternatives, web apps where are you?
But i know nothing about it. Learning curve ahead!
Requirements:
I've 7 interactive dashboard plots (from some data) in jupyter-notebook.
- It'd be nicer to have a web app to use them without running notebook from a different location.
- Or running notebooks remotely (running as daemons on host machine).
Any suggestions for a starter ?
rant before requirements, coz rants lead to better requirements.
if rant++:
make_requirements(what_something)
do_work(that_something)8 -
When the project manager decides to change the ux of a project with out informing you and your half way through with original requirements.
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Question to all those who have worked with software architecture: What is your approach when implementing architecture and design into actual software?
I find it very hard to translate UML diagrams and architectural requirements into working code and I feel like there is quite a big "gap" between the two. How to you breach that gap and manage to maintain a clean and comprehensive architecture in your project folders?11 -
just read about Zeno's paradox and realized, this is our life!!
The client sets requirements, we code them within n time. by the time we finish it, the client sets new requirements. so we code them again, but by the time we finish it, more requirements are set.
will we ever be able to finish it all? that is the paradox.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/...1 -
School software development project in a nutshell:
You will need to gather the requirements from us by ways of an interview, built the documentation for it, we'll sign it and that's what you have to build.
...
We were supposed to get that signature 3 weeks ago, but they decided to not sign yet because they want to make late changes to the project whenever they want, yet we have to finish the build of this in 7 weeks... Seriously? That's what we have to work with.
Any working devs that recognize this situation at work and not at school?3 -
When the business tries to tell you how you should code the project when they know nothing about coding let alone the actual requirements.1
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TLDR, need suggestions for a small team, ALM, or at least Requirements, Issue and test case tracking.
Okay my team needs some advice.
Soo the powers at be a year ago or so decided to move our requirement tracking process, test case and issue tracking from word, excel and Visio. To an ALM.. they choice Siemens Polarion for whatever reason assuming because of team center some divisions use it..
Ohhh and by the way we’ve been all engineering shit perfectly fine with the process we had with word, excel and Visio.. it wasn’t any extra work, because we needed to make those documents regardless, and it’s far easier to write the shit in the raw format than fuck around with the Mouse and all the config fields on some web app.
ANYWAY before anyone asks or suggests a process to match the tool, here’s some back ground info. We are a team of about 10-15. Split between mech, elec, and software with more on mech or elec side.
But regardless, for each project there is only 1 engineer of each concentration working on the project. So one mech, one elec and one software per project/product. Which doesn’t seem like a lot but it works out perfectly actually. (Although that might be a surprise for the most of you)..
ANYWAY... it’s kinda self managed, we have a manger that that directs the project and what features when, during development and pre release.
The issue is we hired a guy for requirements/ Polarion secretary (DevOps) claims to be the expert.. Polarion is taking too long too slow and too much config....
We want to switch, but don’t know what to. We don’t wanna create more work for us. We do peer reviews across the entire team. I think we are Sudo agile /scrum but not structured.
I like jira but it’s not great for true requirements... we get PDFs from oems and converting to word for any ALM sucks.. we use helix QAC for Misra compliance so part of me wants to use helix ALM... Polarion does not support us unless we pay thousands for “support package” I just don’t see the value added. Especially when our “DevOps” secretary is sub par.. plus I don’t believe in DevOps.. no value added for someone who can’t engineer only sudo direct. Hell we almost wanna use our interns for requirements tracking/ record keeping. We as the engineers know what todo and have been doing shit the old way for decades without issues...
Need suggestions for small team per project.. 1softwar 1elec 1mech... but large team over all across many projects.
Sorry for the long rant.. at the bar .. kinda drunk ranting tbh but do need opinions... -
What (realistic) requirements would you need to run windows 10pro OS with kali linux on a VM for pentest/ coding environment ONLY. no gaming etc. ?
Im starting my software development school soon, and im needin a new laptop.
Any requirements/ good to know appreciated from you old time code gods5 -
Is it possible to get through a work week without hearing about a surprise requirement when the deployment is supposed to be one week from now?
Bonus points: One week from now, deployment is delayed due to more whatever shit they forgot to take care of in the biz side1 -
What are some things you do(apart from the popularly discussed, todos, writing etc.) to make complex requirements simple(not easy, simple)?10
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Writing requirements for an university project. I am boring! I want to code. But it should be done :(3
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When someone gives you a requirements document that has too many details including table names that do not fit your convention but doesn't give a simple breakdown of things such as when x = y do this.
My job is so much more complicated since the requirements document is almost 3k words when it could be a few paragraphs. -
Day one of the sprint and my coworker has already found some fucked up requirements.
Goddamn do I hate this shit sometimes.3 -
The A.I. will still be decades away from being able to communicate with users. I will translate user's requirements to the A.I.
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The part with those goddamn change requests on top of the requirements that were never fucking stated correctly in the first place.
Hate that part, because the customer is always right!
Always right, my ass. Fucking asshole dickheads. -
SQA here.
What do you even do when dev, other senior QA, your boss and management all give conflicting requirements for a big milestone planning while still ramping up?
My instinct tells me to do what my boss and dev tells me and to come up with the solution that makes the most sense.
No we don't have a product owner ffs. It's like a bizarre waterfall scheme. I have figure out this on my own and hope I made no big mistakes because the ones with the knowledge are unavailable to help. Been thrown in this shit and it's been 3 months I work here. I am honestly trying my best to filter the best out of this.4 -
We go to see a customer for a small project, probably 1/2 month dev and few thousand $, basically a small member page for a small local club.
"We want something exactly like this" he says. He opens the browser, logs in Linkedin, I wait.
"Something like this" he repeats.
I finally understand.
Well - I say- Login page and profile picture upload, yes we can do it...2 -
Ok, so i got an epic requirement from business.
Business wants to implement something like this. On a save click this popup should be opened with further 2 options "Save" and "Save As" having radio button in front of each button to enable and disable the buttons and input boxes and obviously error/success message should be
displayed according to the option selected.
Team denied to work on the requirement.
5 -
Don't you hate the subjectiveness of functional requirements and no functional requirements? I'm the only one?
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This currently project I'm working on is taking a turn for the worse. I keep finding missing features from the designs, but then also the project manager remembered that there were these other requirements that were needed. She only remembered after I raised an issue about another problem because NOTHING has been written down. A wireframe is NOT a fucking requirements document.
So now I have to refactor 2 major components just to include this sudden new requirement. I really hope I don't work with this project manager ever again on any future projects. -
Why user requirements are ever so uncleare defined that there are a new Button Color or a complete ui redesign a possiblity 😤1
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Cordova: "Requirements check failed for JDK version (requires 1.8.0 or greater)"
Also Cordova: "Detected version: 11.0.2" -
Coming up with tests that show we have met the requirements on the project, some of the requirements are "Use method X" to perform this computation, boss says "we can't simply refer to the documentation/source code demonstrating that this method is used" ... WTF....
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New year resolution was to be a better person (or at least nicer) but here it goes.
Monday rant: State your fucking requirements when requesting something as "This is not what I was expecting" is not acceptable.
I do code for living I don't read mind nor have a crystal ball on my desk telling me "...what you meant..." -
A friend outsourced a project to us with partial requirements. We developed it as per the requirements and submitted the app and admin portal to his client. I was aware of certain critical features missing in the requirement. Generally we provide an admin portal to manage the backend of the app, but in this project a backend was to be made but the adding or modifying users section was not mentioned in the requirement. My team presented the project and convinced them to create or modify users writing SQL queries on the production DB (they are sales guys with no technical knowledge)
P.S - we won't be responsible for any DB errors :P -
client: I'd like to see this and that on this page.
co-developer: but those aren't in the requirement!
me: #facepalm thinking, "Who hired this guy?"6 -
That feeling when you accept a simple project and when you almost done the client requirements escalate quickly. *crying*
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