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Client: can you fix the slider on my homepage please?
Me: It seems to be working just fine
Client: it works but it’s not how I want it, fix it
Me: well what do you want me to change then?
Client: don’t change it, just fix it!
😒2 -
( rant || !rant ) && idiots
console.info( this.isLongRant );
console.warn( "contains strong language and wordpress" );
A friend of mine sent two of his "friends" to me because they wanted me to build a website for their new business (~idea).
So I had a meeting with them.
First of all they wanted me to have a look on the current (work in progress) site.
First impression of the frontend:
OH BOY!?
Well, imagine this:
- a 90s/2k background (dotted/pixelated cloud in baby-blueish as backgroud with repeat)
- the logo was made by the sister of one of the guys, it wasn't too bad, but badly aligned, asymmetrical
- some obvious $offTheShelfShopPlugin with $randomStockContent
- the fucking slider had a small loading bar to indicate changes, it appears like an hyperanxious child on ADHS
- below the logo TWO FUCKING GIF SPINNERS to indicate nothing else but how fucking brain amputated these two dudes are, including the dev who is responsible for adding this. (to this point, they only told me, that a webagency did the setup and some basic work on the site, more on that later)
- no styling concept at all, random fonts and stuff everywhere including default styles of the shop plugin.
- FUUUUUCK WTF wil come furtherin this meeting?
After seeing a pile of binary puke fisted out of a 60yo nonstop-intern who changed his jobtitle from dildo-traveling-salesman to fullstack-frontend-dev by wrinting it on a post-it-note, I imagined, there has to be something wrong with the backend as well.
Boy was I right!
Yes, you guessed it! A random Wordpress adminpanel login appeared! OH NO....
I really wanted to levae this meeting immediately.
I was not able to hold my disgust back and I told them right in their face, what a shit pile of nutty squirrel turds this current page is. And that Wordpress is not the right choice at all for a shop.
Then came the best part: They basically told me, that they terminated the previous contract with the webagency because they were too expensive (they are cheap, compared to others, I know people who know their prices) and that they wanted to create A BIG MARKETPKACE with multiple ressellers who can have their shop in their website. Something similar to FUCKING AMAZON. ON FUCKING WORDPRESS!?!?!?
They even asked me if I wanted to be their partner & developer and that they can't pay much at the moment until the marketplace starts to grow.
I more or less told them to go fuck themselves with a rusty pitchfork.2 -
I hate it when clients force me to fix their fucking magentos with crappy javascript fuckarrounds because the shop is already a huge pile of fuck with window resize events fucking up all onservers. 4 jquery includes all messed up fucking each other in a cum gobbling bukkake because you never know which jQuery, $j, jsm or jFuckYou is bound to which library. I know i have to spill my own fuck all over that fuck. Frontpage slider is raping the search results for slides leaving dead meat in the results foreever. Fuck your fucking fuck you fucking fucker.8
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A CMS raping WordPress so hard up the ass till there is no tomorrow. I hate that bastardized piece of fuck. “Hey I want you to fix my page and its wordpress. I pay 20 bucks.“ Well fuck you too sir. Wordpress is no cms you wanna be coders. Get back to your fucking photoshop and design something original! Every fucking wp page looks the same. Every “nice feature“ is some kind of monkeypatched workarround. No problem i set preview pictures for every post just to enable some weird slider to function.
I also love those buttfucked files with just a “require foo“ which also just requires “bar“. Drop that fuck. Implement autoloading. Nobody uses php4 anymore step into the future. “easy to learn“ fuck me and fuck you untill you vomit jizz! Clusterfucked spaghetticode thats easy, easy to put another rotten load of clusterfuck on top. Also those security features. I put an empty index.php to prevent directory traversal. N I C E! Stop using wordpress as CMS, its a blog engine. Nothing great has every been written on top of wordpress and never will. I dare you to deny everything related to it and if you are one of those designer guyd, you can gargle my jizz you fucknut!
Starting 2017 i will start a counter and rape every 10th Wordpress which gets abused as cms i encounter into oblivion on their 0,99$ webhosting shit.
Fuck this I'm so mad about that crap17 -
3 hours to get a js slider working in WordPress! Fine on local, 404 on test server... Capital fucking S in file name on test server...3
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I hate clients that tell the developers what to use without discussion.
We're paid to solve problems.
Dictatorship on tools and methodologies are okay with junior devs or interns, but when you have senior devs, it has to be a democracy.
Having limitations like browser versions or server capabilities are fine, but declaring which slider to use, you MUST use jquery, or all that jazz just grinds my gears.5 -
!rant ~dev
I use my headphones religiously every time I code, as well as for things like tutorials & courses.
I was devastated that the slider switch on my pair of H8s snapped and I could no longer use them wirelessly.
I didn’t want to be without headphones for weeks while they were replaced abroad, so...
Hello upgrade. Hello business expense.
Lovely new pair of H9is.
20 -
When the client blames a css issue for a decrease in sales.
No you idiot. A missing slider that I removed because it was breaking your site is not causing your sales to drop 30%5 -
I am much too tired to go into details, probably because I left the office at 11:15pm, but I finally finished a feature. It doesn't even sound like a particularly large or complicated feature. It sounds like a simple, 1-2 day feature until you look at it closely.
It took me an entire fucking week. and all the while I was coaching a junior dev who had just picked up Rails and was building something very similar.
It's the model, controller, and UI for creating a parent object along with 0-n child objects, with default children suggestions, a fancy ui including the ability to dynamically add/remove children via buttons. and have the entire happy family save nicely and atomically on the backend. Plus a detailed-but-simple listing for non-technicals including some absolutely nontrivial css acrobatics.
After getting about 90% of everything built and working and beautiful, I learned that Rails does quite a bit of this for you, through `accepts_nested_params_for :collection`. But that requires very specific form input namespacing, and building that out correctly is flipping difficult. It's not like I could find good examples anywhere, either. I looked for hours. I finally found a rails tutorial vide linked from a comment on a SO answer from five years ago, and mashed its oversimplified and dated examples with the newer documentation, and worked around the issues that of course arose from that disasterous paring.
like.
I needed to store a template of the child object markup somewhere, yeah? The video had me trying to store all of the markup in a `data-fields=" "` attrib. wth? I tried storing it as a string and injecting it into javascript, but that didn't work either. parsing errors! yay! good job, you two.
So I ended up storing the markup (rendered from a rails partial) in an html comment of all things, and pulling the markup out of the comment and gsubbing its IDs on document load. This has the annoying effect of preventing me from using html comments in that partial (not that i really use them anyway, but.)
Just.
Every step of the way on building this was another mountain climb.
* singular vs plural naming and routing, and named routes. and dealing with issues arising from existing incorrect pluralization.
* reverse polymorphic relation (child -> x parent)
* The testing suite is incompatible with the new rails6. There is no fix. None. I checked. Nope. Not happening.
* Rails6 randomly and constantly crashes and/or caches random things (including arbitrary code changes) in development mode (and only development mode) when working with multiple databases.
* nested form builders
* styling a fucking checkbox
* Making that checkbox (rather, its label and container div) into a sexy animated slider
* passing data and locals to and between partials
* misleading documentation
* building the partials to be self-contained and reusable
* coercing form builders into namespacing nested html inputs the way Rails expects
* input namespacing redux, now with nested form builders too!
* Figuring out how to generate markup for an empty child when I'm no longer rendering the children myself
* Figuring out where the fuck to put the blank child template markup so it's accessible, has the right namespacing, and is not submitted with everything else
* Figuring out how the fuck to read an html comment with JS
* nested strong params
* nested strong params
* nested fucking strong params
* caching parsed children's data on parent when the whole thing is bloody atomic.
* Converting datetimes from/to milliseconds on save/load
* CSS and bootstrap collisions
* CSS and bootstrap stupidity
* Reinventing the entire multi-child / nested params / atomic creating/updating/deleting feature on my own before discovering Rails can do that for you.
Just.
I am so glad it's working.
I don't even feel relieved. I just feel exhausted.
But it's done.
finally.
and it's done well. It's all self-contained and reusable, it's easy to read, has separate styling and reusable partials, etc. It's a two line copy/paste drop-in for any other model that needs it. Two lines and it just works, and even tells you if you screwed up.
I'm incredibly proud of everything that went into this.
But mostly I'm just incredibly tired.
Time for some well-deserved sleep.7 -
Fuckbug client has no brain but worse is fuckbug has not one bit of understanding.
I am a fucking developer not a fucking DESIGNER.
You are supposed to give me your fucking information. Information as in text and photos and documents that I can use with minimal modification for your FUCKING website.
It was fucking stupid of me to help you out with non-dev work in the first place. My fucking stupidest mistake of 2017.
Just for the fucking slider, this whole goddamn project is dragging for the whole 2017.
I even helped you out with taking the fucking product photo at your office with my camera so we can have decent images to use.
I stupidly helped you out with doing photoshop of those images with your product labels and stuffs.
But in the end, you fucking dare give me 1 properly designed image to use in slider. Then ask me to change the rest of sliders with similar design like that one. If you have that image why the fuck cannot you do the fucking rest by yourself and come and fucking ask me.
I fucking hate you.5 -
Saw a website having an image with resulution `4828x3265`, as the background, that too in a slider with multiple images that densities that high.4
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I just LMFAO(ed..?) at myself so hard.....
Messing around with all the option in the Android Emulator's "Extended Controls" window, and I was playing with the battery level slider.. got a little carried away, and suddenly my emulator just shut down.. by itself!
🤔
It took me way longer than it should've to realise what happened. But yeah, that's what Android does when your fucking battery reports 0%.
🤣🤣🤣🤦
I think I must stop working now, this day is done with me.2 -
enough is enough
to all the fucker ass morons deploying mini js frameworks with ambiguous names and undocumented functionality all fucking minified and using at least 20-30 of them on each page
dafuq you need a different slider for every section ?1 -
This is what you're in for when you go for THE state-of-the-art "React stack". What you see in the screenshot below is the hellofresh.be website (it's the same as .com). It uses Next.js, React, emotion & styled-components (2 CSS-in-JS libraries). It uses 140MB of RAM for a single tab with some product cards and a slider, logs 70 console errors in production, and fails to load 3/4 times on Firefox.
On mobile, opening a meal card to view its recipe literally takes up to 10 seconds (and I have good connection and performant devices) and you can't choose the last meal card because a f*ing overlay hides the "add" button. And this is a global company with millions in revenue.
All this bugginess has already resulted in incorrect or missed deliveries and they're not doing anything about it. F* you Next.js & F* you HelloFresh IT management
19 -
Le me...
*installs devRant*
wew, nice app, digs a bit here & there.
* jumps on the settings*
*sees JOIN THE DARK SIDE?*
*slides the slider and endsUp getting Join devRant SignUp page* :/
*thinking....*
may be there is some uncensored shit is going on a dark side of devRant.i dont want to miss it. :v
*creates an account*
*clicks on JOIN THE DARK SIDE? With over 9999999 excitement*
ends up getting the DarkTheme aka NightMode. ;___;
*cries in the corner*
*y you do dis*
8 -
Someone else disturbing me while I'm thinking about technicalities. Makes me lose my shit because recollecting everything afterwards is often more difficult than the problem itself.
Note to self: tell cleaning lady to keep disturbances to a minimum when I'm working, and turn notifications on the Fandroids off before starting work. No I'm not interested in that Telegram message right now. And God bless OnePlus for putting in a physical slider for that.. more phone manufacturers should start doing this.4 -
related rant
if you do the conception of a web site in Photoshop/illustrator
and don't provide the text in a copypastable format FUCK YOU
if you use print ready images that are extra huge for web, and are of arbitrary sizes, and then placing them behind a mask FUCK YOU
also your fucking banners are square shaped , and the slider is wider than your mom,
.... man fuck this10 -
Every Website seem to has some glitches... and you can't ignore them like non-web-devs do... i wish i could look up the menu on a local restaurant-website without going crazy about the buggy slider or the misaligned address-div
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Not as much of a rant as a share of my exasperation you might breathe a bit more heavily out your nose at.
My work has dealt out new laptops to devs. Such shiny, very wow. They're also famously easy to use.
.
.
.
My arse.
.
.
.
I got the laptop, transferred the necessary files and settings over, then got to work. Delivered ticket i, delivered ticket j, delivered the tests (tests first *cough*) then delivered Mr Bullet to Mr Foot.
Day 4 of using the temporary passwords support gave me I thought it was time to get with department policy and change my myriad passwords to a single one. Maybe it's not as secure but oh hell, would having a single sign-on have saved me from this.
I went for my new machine's password first because why not? It's the one I'll use the most, and I definitely won't forget it. I didn't. (I didn't.) I plopped in my memorable password, including special characters, caps, and numbers, again (carefully typed) in the second password field, then nearly confirmed. Curiosity, you bastard.
There's a key icon by the password field and I still had milk teeth left to chew any and all new features with.
Naturally I click on it. I'm greeted by a window showing me a password generating tool. So many features, options for choosing length, character types, and tons of others but thinking back on it, I only remember those two. I had a cheeky peek at the different passwords generated by it, including playing with the length slider. My curiosity sated, I closed that window and confirmed that my password was in.
You probably know where this is going. I say probably to give room for those of you like me who certifiably. did. not.
Time to test my new password.
*Smacks the power button to log off*
Time to put it in (ooer)
*Smacks in the password*
I N C O R R E C T L O G I N D E T A I L S.
Whoops, typo probably.
Do it again.
I N C O R R E C T L O G I N D E T A I L S.
No u.
Try again.
I N C O R R E C T L O G I N D E T A I L S.
Try my previous password.
Well, SUCCESS... but actually, no.
Tried the previous previous password.
T O O M A N Y A T T E M P T S
Ahh fuck, I can't believe I've done this, but going to support is for pussies. I'll put this by the rest of the fire, I can work on my old laptop.
Day starts getting late, gotta go swimming soonish. Should probably solve the problem. Cue a whole 40 minutes trying my 15 or so different passwords and their permutations because oh heck I hope it's one of them.
I talk to a colleague because by now the "days since last incident" counter has been reset.
"Hello there Ryan, would you kindly go on a voyage with me that I may retrace my steps and perhaps discover the source of this mystery?"
"A man chooses, a slave obeys. I choose... lmao ye sure m8, but I'm driving"
We went straight for the password generator, then the length slider, because who doesn't love sliding a slidey boi. Soon as we moved it my upside down frown turned back around. Down in the 'new password' and the 'confirm new password' IT WAS FUCKING AUTOCOMPLETING. The slidey boi was changing the number of asterisks in both bars as we moved it. Mystery solved, password generator arrested, shit's still fucked.
Bite the bullet, call support.
"Hi, I need my password resetting. I dun goofed"
*details tech support needs*
*It can be sorted but the tech is ages away*
Gotta be punctual for swimming, got two whole lengths to do and a sauna to sit in.
"I'm off soon, can it happen tomorrow?"
"Yeah no problem someone will be down in the morning."
Next day. Friday. 3 hours later, still no contact. Go to support room myself.
The guy really tries, goes through everything he can, gets informed that he needs a code from Derek. Where's Derek? Ah shet. He's on holiday.
There goes my weekend (looong weekend, bank holiday plus day flexi-time) where I could have shown off to my girlfriend the quality at which this laptop can play all our favourite animé, and probably get remind by her that my personal laptop has an i2350u with integrated graphics.
TODAY. (Part is unrelated, but still, ugh.)
Go to work. Ten minutes away realise I forgot my door pass.
Bollocks.
Go get a temporary pass (of shame).
Go to clock in. My fob was with my REAL pass.
What the wank.
Get to my desk, nobody notices my shame. I'm thirsty. I'll have the bottle from my drawer. But wait, what's this? No key that usually lives with my pass? Can't even unlock it?
No thanks.
Support might be able to cheer me up. Support is now for manly men too.
*Knock knock*
"Me again"
"Yeah give it here, I've got the code"
He fixes it, I reset my pass, sensibly change my other passwords.
Or I would, if the internet would work.
It connects, but no traffic? Ryan from earlier helps, we solve it after a while.
My passwords are now sorted, machine is okay, crisis resolved.
*THE END*
If you skipped the whole thing and were expecting a tl;dr, you just lost the game.
Otherwise, I absolve you of having lost the game.
Exactly at the char limit9 -
I don't understand how people can write code, but be completely inept at developing software.
Take a zoom feature:
SOLUTION 0:
- Use 2 buttons
- Use 2 button listeners
- Use 2 float variables (for each button).
- Don't log anything.
- Use 3 crazy, hardcoded, constant, int literals like 66, 30...
- both buttons manipulate the same text field.
- no logging.
- Both listeners use if/else to check if the variable is within a range -- one if/else for each listener.
- Use crazy method calls to get text size.
SOLUTION 1:
- Use a slider.
- Use a single listener.
- No variables needed.
- Use a linear equation for zooming.
- has logging.
8 -
client looks on my awsome logo draft and hates it. wants it to look like a 90s logo with a jpg instead of vektor art.
and he is absolute impressed by bullshit cms content-slider landing pages.
sometimes you are forced to do bullshit work that you cant put on your portfolio.2 -
When I was really new to JavaScript, I wanted to create an image gallery with images which I stored in a MySQL database. Well, I did not really had a clue how to load all the image sources into my JavaScript to load the images. I also didn't know much about fetching an endpoint of my website to get the data asynchronously.
I also wasn't a good database architect at that time and my database had an image table wich was for the gallery. Within this table there were multiple columns for one image slider (there should be multiple sliders on one page in the gallery (I know... 🤢)).
So I ended up writing an PHP loop wich printed Javascript loops for each row in my images table. Within my JavaScript loop I created the sliders and set the images.
In my defense I can say: It worked. 😅
It hurts to remember this. And I hope you won't judge me.2 -
Me trying to figure out this issue I am having with code I copied from code pen for a css powered image slider.
2 -
Had a really slow Android programmer at my last job.
It took him over two weeks to add a slider to a screen, the boss comes over and asks why he isn't finished. The coder responded: I'm sorry! I'm bad at using the keyboard!
He got fired a while after and later we found out that he had only been copy+pasting code from websites.1 -
Dev1 : hey dude, I am not able to get the slider right like the one in the IMG they've created on WordPress, we need to show this to the client today. Can you help?
Dev2 (short for devil) :
*Tries*
*Sighs*
*Opens up expected screen slider IMG*
*Ctrl + Alt + Printscrn*
*opens Paint ---> crop --> save*
*Inside html, <img src="*above url">*
Done buddy, you owe me one. -
In my previous work, my boss my horrendous. He didn't know anything about programming, databases or scripts. He often had ridiculous requests that we (two developers trainee) had to refrain.
But he wasn't the one who pissed me off the most.
My colleague, who was supposed to have had the same cursus as me, was as skilled as someone without any knowledge. He spent one year to make a database for a new site, with one table per product type and sub-type, per company and per slider. Today there are 93 tables in a database made for a presentation website. When I proposed to see his work, he refused, saying he knew what he was doing.
Now he's still there, I switched job, but I know he'll get the same diploma as me for this shitty pile of fuming crap, and it pisses me off beyond imagination. -
Music is not always a foreground activity.
Spotify... why don't you have a volume slider specifically for your output on my phone..?
Why do I need to turn ALL non-call volume down to just turn the music down.
Sometimes I want to play games with music but I don't want the music to be totally loud.
Sometimes I wanna do WHATEVER at full volume with some music in the background.
But I just... can't
What the fuck.4 -
Boss: Can I have you design our website?
Me: Yeah, of course. I'll send you some details for the design and after you approve it, I can get started on it.
Boss: Okay, send me stuff you find.
Fast-forward to two days later, he decided going through my design checklist was a hassle so bought a WordPress theme and just asked me to make 3 banners for its slider with no given context and no help as far as design and aesthetics are concerned... way to get my hopes up then bring them down. And designing them is making me so sleepy, I took a bathroom trip to nap for a while because the Wi-Fi won't stop disconnecting either.3 -
Client wanted me to implement a "fix" for the site beeing to large on mobile. He had to scroll too long. I implemented a quick fix and turned the biggest list into a carousel with slick slider (awesome 5-minute-fix btw.)
But it depends on jQuery. I feel so dirty now. The sites amount of JavaScript is three times bigger now, too. Please, don't judge me. 😩2 -
So here we go again.
Same "web designer", same me, same website (based on wordpress, completely redone front-end UI, full of ACF to keep their fucking data).
WD: ok, I'll need you to add an information on the project page template in order to show a gallery with slider at the bottom and "film+visuals" at the top if there is a gallery.
Me: ok
1 week later, after like 40 e-mails between us deciding if it was ok or not on DEV server and pushing it to PROD
Me: ok, done
WD: hey, if it's just a film there should be written "FILM" while there's nothing showing, also the gallery must have same height as the film above
Me, internally: why the fuck didn't you fucking tell me before pushing to PROD? are you fucking dumb or something?
Me, via email: ok, i'll check it now...2 -
CLIENT: My wordpress site runs really slowly, can you fix it?
Me: Yeah sure, let me have a look.
*logs in and sees Facebook feeds, twitter feeds, 3 seo plugins, 5 backup generators, 4 slider plugins, jscomposer, social sharing buttons and loads more*
Me: Do you realise that you don't need that many plugins?
Client : well they make my site really fancy and my customers love it.
Me: yafud7 -
So one day I got an email from a client just before I'm about to go home saying she wanted to update some images on the homepage slider. "No big deal" I thought. So she sends me the images and two of them are squares and the other is a portrait. All of which have phone camera quality and are way too small for the desktop version of the slider. I trim and rearrange the two squares so that fit but the other one was hopeless. I cropped it poorly and hoped she didn't care about it too much.
Of course it was the most important picture she wanted.
I ask the client to send me a higher quality picture which would fit in the slider and she sends me a picture which is even taller and less wide.
"Great," obviously at this point I figure she must be checking on just her cell phone and that's why a tall picture makes more sense to her.
And of course now she needs this before tomorrow morning so now I'm staying late to edit images.
Since she's obviously only looking on her cell phone and she's made me stay so late to do this I just take the tall image and mirror it so that it looks like there are two products side by side and it fits well on mobile screens.
Ugh. -
I have plenty of those but one that shines out from the croud is one frontend guy.
He had to modify some javascript slider but couldn't figure out how.
So he comes to me and tells me he found the code where the slider is initialized but changes are not applied.
I walk up to his desk and he shows me some CSS code with #slider selector in it.6 -
So i had a challenge with a js slider and i wanted my coworker to think along. I was trying to explain my problem and the steps taken so far but, as always, he wants to interrupt me after to sentences. He somehow always thinks he knows things better.
Dude let me first explain my shit before you start working on your solution. This is pure disrespect asshole! -
Don't know how many people installed Android p but I now never close apps because it's addicting to use the slider to switch between them.4
-
different browsers rendering same things differently...
i have a slider with a given width of 7em. in edge it renders as i want it to, chrome fucks it up and makes it way smaller and display way off position and its parent div is way too big, firefox is somehow between those 2? all browsers are scaled to 100% 😥😒4 -
FLUTTER
I want to reduce the width(length) of a Slider widget. (Seekbar). I want to display time labels and some icon button on the sides...
It’s overflowing in a row...
Anyone any pointers or alternative ideas pls :( -
I use my phone as webcam. It’s higher quality, and it allows me to have my laptop’s cam taped over.
Unfortunately, not every one of us can organize their life in a way that doesn’t require using a webcam. Sometimes, you need one.
Yes, I know there are laptops with built-in webcam slider. Mine is not one of them.9 -
!rant
I'm dreaming of a web language that is as close to the English language as possible.
Imagine:
<html>
nav bar with 5 links
slider with 3 images that runs automatically
Section with 3 images next to each other
Paragraph with first word in red
Footer with menu and sign up form
</html>
This would be the shit!6 -
Anyone familiar with js bxSlider? Anyone have time and willing to slack chat or email with me to provide some assistance? Yes I looked and am trying to get some help on stackedoverflow as well but this is time sensitive for work :(7
-
Told designer just use the same map we have spent a lot of time build the scripts and cards with a simple scroller.
She proceed to fucking add a slider with autoscroller with a fucking filtering system.3 -
So I'm using bxslider on a site I'm developing...when it's not running everything lays out nicely (pic1). Then using a simple script and options it functions just right (pic 2) but a huge layout issue in the thumbnail pager happens (pic 3) and I can't locate where or why. Any ideas?
-
after several days of fine data structure development and having incredible fun making a state slider with css only this was a horrible day deciding which color scheme might be most appealing for other users. i'd love to have a designer right now.
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How can I auto-detect when a wordpress update breaks a plugin/slider/shortcodes/email form?
I guess there is a way to run tests for this but i’m not sure how.6
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