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A client called
Client: Hello Mr. Can you come to our office today?
Me: Yes sure
In fews hours I was there
Client: Check this email we are getting every day
It was email from spammers who asking to redesigning their website because it was not responsive
Me: 🧐Thinking ‘valid point !’
Me: So what you need me to do for you then?
Client: We need you to redesign the site
Lol - thanks spammers for bringing in new client12 -
Client: I want all cookies blocked on my computer.
Me: Are you sure? Some things won't work if i do that. Like using online banking.
Client: I don't use it, so it's fine.
*Two weeks pass. I have to come back and see three bankcards laying on the table*
Client: I'm not able to use online banking anymore. Can you fix it?
Come on! You pay me to give advice and help out with problems. The least you could do is listen.10 -
Morning conversation with wife.
As she puts a stainless steel water bottle on the counter
She: can you make a water bottle for our daughter before school.
Me: I'm not sure, does it have to look like this one, I don't have any training working with metals. But if I have full control over the design. I may be able to come up with something.
She: that not funny, why do you always do that.
Me: do what, that is exactly what you told me to do.
A little later.....
She: I'm running late, can you make sure "everything" up stairs is unplugged..... (She means her curling iron)
I can't wait until she comes home.........;-)21 -
My friend: OMG OMG OMG My laptop is dead!
Me: What do you mean it's dead? It doesn't even turn on?
My friend: Nooo, it does nothing?
Me: Are you sure it's plugged in?
My friend: Yesss
Me: You sure?
My friend: Yess, it's actually plugged into a multiple socket thingy...
Me: And that thing is plugged in to the wall..?
My friend: Well duh!
Me: And did you turn the switch on?
My friend: Of course I....oh, wait!! Never mind!!!!!
Me: >:/5 -
Dentist: Did you follow the advice I gave you in our last sitting ?
Me: Sure did!
Dentist: Great, let's see!
*Inspects teeth*
Dentist: Your teeth look horrible.
Me: I did exactly what you advised me to do!
Dentist: You brushed your teeth twice a day every day?
Me: Twice???
Dentist: Yes, I told you to brush before bed and in the morning!
Me: That's exactly what I did! Sometimes it was hard to fulfill both conditions at the same time, so I had to brush twice, but I managed to do it on the other days!
Dentist: Fucking programmers.2 -
Me at the office, Boss calling me by phone..
Boss: Hi, I need a new Build of XX Android app for another client.. set the base address at x.x.x.x and send me an APK file
Me: OK, I will do it.
Boss: can you do it in 5 minutes?
Me: Sure, it's simple..
Android Studio: You think it's simple !
* Indexing Files
* Sync Project
* Gradle Build
* Indexing....
* Some f* tasks
Oh kill me now !!4 -
Boss: Can you do Task#1?
Me: Ok *start coding, building..
*15 minutes later
Boss: Hey, that client need some fixes and it's urgent, please do Task#2
Me: sure, *switch to the new task
*30 minutes later
Boss: anything new about Task#1, I told you to do it almost one hour ago..
Me: Oh sorry, I forgot my other 3 hands at home..
Boss: what?..
Me: Because those fuckening two hands are working on Task#2, which is urgent as you said..
Boss: *walks away..16 -
Client: Saw you did some cool logos...can you design us a logo as well?
Me: sure, do you have any ideas already?
Client: no
Me: Whats the name of the company/project?
Client: We don't know yet.
Me: FUCK YOU!!!17 -
A: "Hey let's move our server rack to this room tomorrow so we can set it up."
Me: "sure, 11:00?"
A: "11:00 it is"
Me: arrives 11:00, waits till 12:00.
A: arrives at 12:00 "sup man, sorry I'm late, let's do this"
Me: annoyance-level 6/10 "sure... let's go"
A: "hold on, this guy wants something"
Me: waits another 45 minutes.
annoyance-level 9/10
I just went to cafeteria.
Fuck you, wasting almost 2h.
I stood up early for this bs.9 -
Windows 10!! WHAT THE FUCKING WHAT do you think you're doing?? Why am I getting a message saying admin has blocked my access to Services when I AM THE FUCKING ADMIN! And I sure as hell didn't block me!!!!!!!!13
-
*sitting doing a CS assignment*
*girl walks up to me*
G: Hey so how many countries have you been to?
M: 😶😯 Uhhh I'm not sure let me think
G: *rambles on about what countries she's been to*
G: Anyways, what I really wanted to ask, how do I connect to the wifi?
☹️
😢
😭10 -
Coworker: "Hey do you have 30 minutes? We should debug my broken code together."
Me: *slightly interested in the project he's working on* "Sure, let's do it."
Coworker: *explains the problem for 10 mins*
Me: "Maybe--"
Coworker: "OH here's the problem!" *type type type* *git commit -am 'Fixed'* "Done."
Me: *wants 10 minutes of life back*9 -
Jingle bells,
Batman smells,
Don't push to prod today!
But if you do,
Make sure you
Test it all the way!
Happy holidays, y'all!4 -
First job.
CLIENT: It's just a small website, 15-20 pages 2,500$, what do you say?
ME: Sure, sounds easy.
CLIENT: oh, and I need you to sign this contract that you won't copy or competete with me for the next two years.
ME: Sounds reasonable.
-- A year later --
I had finished building a huge CMS system that serves 420+ organizations, the entire thing copied from his competitor.
CLIENT: So there is only about two weeks left of work...
ME: Goodbye, I have a new job that actually pays money.
CLIENT: Don't forget our contract...
ME: Sure..
At least he paid me, but 2,500$ for a whole year's work isn't such a good deal anymore.9 -
I have this one major pet peeve - getting interrupted on any messenger by "hey".
Q: Hey
A: Hey, what's up?
-minutes pass, I try to resume work-
Q: Do you have a second?
A: Sure, what's up?
-minutes pass, I try to resume work... Again-
Q: Do you know anything about #feature#?
A: Yeah, I wrote most of it, what do you need?
-minutes pass, I try to resume work... AGAIN-
(goes on same pattern, takes half an hour for a 10 second question/answer)
Like... Come on!!! Don't do this to me
I get it, I like to be cordial and friendly - but there is absolutely nothing stopping you from getting your message across without making me have to go back and forth (interrupting my work).9 -
Notepad++: An update package is available, do you want to download it?
Me: Maybe next time
Notepad++: Sure, that's what they all say3 -
Manager: *taps dev on shoulder* We need to do B
Dev: I know, you created a ticket for it yesterday
Manager: Yeah but it hasn’t been done yet. It needs to get done.
Dev: I’m currently working on A which is higher priority
Manager: Ok but B needs to be done too
Dev: I know, it’s next on my board
Manager: I’m just making sure you are aware of it
Dev: I am aware of it, it’s next on the board
Manager: Ok but make sure you do it after A
Dev: Yup it’s next up
Manager: Ok, don’t let anyone distract you
Dev: …9 -
I: "Do you have the right version for your architecture?"
He: "What"
I: "Did you download the 64 bit or the 32 bit version?"
He: "I'm not sure but I think it was sth. between 40 and 50!"19 -
Coworker: hey man, do you know what is the limit for z-index on CSS?
Me: not sure but I think it is the signed int limit.
Coworker: the waaat?
Me inside: GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!!!!!!!7 -
Pro tip: NEVER work when you’re tired, and if you absolutely HAVE to, make sure you do it in your TIRED branch.10
-
Just reduced 900 lines of horrible code into 106 lines of less horrible code..
QA: do those 106loc really do what the 900loc did ?
Me: yes
QA: really?
Me: yes
QA: are you sure?
Me: NO. I was lying. Maybe it does. Maybe it doesn't. Maybe you should run it and find out.
QA: *immediately releases for prod*3 -
Dev : Can you change permissions for conf file please ?
Me : Yeah sure, what permissions set do you need ?
Dev : 667
Me: ...22 -
A real interaction I just had...
Team Member: "Can you handle this ticket for a bug fix?"
Me: "Whats the problem?"
TM: "We aren't exactly sure..."
Me: "Ok, so can you show it to me?"
TM: "We can't get it to happen again, and when it does the machine freezes and we can't debug it..."
Me: "So, if I find a fix then how do we test to make sure it worked?"
TM: "I'm not sure..."
Then today,
Product Manager: "How's that bug fix going?"
Me: "Well, let's see. The problem still hasn't been defined. I have never been able to recreate the issue. I have a hacky fix in a PR..."
PM: "Great, so we can deploy today?!?"
Me: "No, because we have no way to reproduce or test this issue at all..."
PM: "Do you think your fix will work?"
Me: "Honestly, no. If you're asking for my opinion then you can have it. IMO this is NOT a bug fix but a change to how the system operates altogether. This system was built by someone who didn't know what they are doing. We have done our best with it but it is a house of cards. And now the solution is to replace a card at the bottom layer. It is likely that no matter what fix we do (even when we can fucking test it) that it will topple the house of cards..."
PM: ~Looking at me in disbelief~
Me: "If you ask me for my honest professional opinion then you will get it. Keep that in the future if that honest response was outside what you expected."
PM: "I will do that, thanks for your assessment"
Where do we go from here? God only knows.
Praise Joe Pesci5 -
Me: Boss, your new project is ready, we've tested the technical aspect but we're waiting on your approval before deploying, will you test it?
Boss: yeah sure, I'll test it in 5
*2 weeks later*
Boss: why isn't that project deployed yet?
Me: you haven't tested it, and we haven't gotten approval
Boss: oh right, I'll go test it right now!
*2 weeks later*
Boss: I NEED that project to go live RIGHT THIS MOMENT!!!
Me: sure, have you tested it yet?
Boss: nope, but I need it
Me: well, I'll put it live, but me and my colleagues are shifting responsibility to you, since you haven't tested it. Are you sure?
Boss: yeah, yeah whatever...
*put product online*
*2 days later*
Angry call from boss, bugs have been found, tell him that he approved the state of the product and that the bugs will go on the to-do list...
Boss is extremely pissed, but recognized his mistake...
Now, the boss actually tests everything thoroughly at the moment we tell him to! No more bugs, complaints, and I got a raise!5 -
Dad : Stop playing games so much
Me : I'm working on a project dad, not playing games
Dad : Then what do you call that *points to my 2nd screen on the side*
Me : That's the project, i'm making that game
Dad : Sure you are
Me : *changes bunch of stuff* see...
Dad : Ok i believe you *leaves the room*5 -
$sis: hey $me, can you help me?
$me: Uhm, sure, what's wrong?
$sis. The printer doesn't work..
$me: what does it say?
$sis: what do you mean?
$me: like, when you try to print something, what does it say?
$sis: uhm... idk...where should it say something
$me: On your screen you should be getting an error message right?
$sis (now getting irritated for some reason): no it doesn't..
$me: okay, let me check it out
*I walk to the printer with my sister's laptop and plug in the usb*
*Select printer > click print*
"Printer offline"
$me: was it also saying this before
$sis: uhm...yes
$me: ok
At this point im already getting a bit fed up
$me: are you sure this port is working
$sis: yes, I am sure
Okay, check other ports just to be sure, also don't work.
After about 15 minutes of debugging, turns out she managed to unplug the cable on the printer...
And all I got was a "o thanks"
Fml4 -
Manager: Give me an estimate for this project.
Me: It will take end to end approx two months.
Manager: Can you do it in a day. Make some magic happen. This is high critical for business.
Me: Sure. I have a small requirement from you to achieve it.
Manager: What
Me: Please get me the 'Limitless' capsule.9 -
Backend internship interview
They: Can you reverse the given string without using pointers? (C++)
Me: Yeah, sure
*Then I start explaining how I am gonna approach the problem and such*
They: Ok, we understand that you can do it, now can you write a front-end that has a couple of routes. Also, these routes should have some sort of list views because we want you to print information **attention** that you are going to parse from Amazon inside those list views.
Me: *dumbfounded and trying to explain that am not a front-end developer*
They: But we still want you to do this.3 -
Friend: i need to do a game for my final project, can you help me out?
Me: sure, what language?
Friend: english
Me: ...2 -
A business analyst turned to one dev and she asked him:
- Can you teach me programming?
- Yeah, sure. Do you have any idea which language do you want to learn?
- Nonono, I dont want to learn languages, I want to learn programming.4 -
Happened with a friend of mine
*Before interview*
My advice: Try to ask about the company, the recruiter, the job. Look curious.
*Interview about to finish*
I: So do you have any questions?
F: Uhh, yeah, sure. Where do you work?2 -
Dad: What are you doing with your life?
Me: Enjoying it. Can you say the same?
My dad degrades me for my programming because he's from 'that generation.' Fuck him, Imma do what I enjoy, cause I'm damn well sure I don't want to end up like him.13 -
"Hey, about that matter from yesterday..."
"Yes, what about that?"
"We need to talk about that again! How often do you trigger that system?"
"Once."
"You sure?"
"Yes, but i can check it, if you like."
*find references*
"See, only once."
"Can it happen at a random point later one?"
"No."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes"
"Can you check it?"
"Okay."
*shows code"
"Look here, as you can see, it will not happen at other times."
"Do you have an idea why it could happen anyway?"
"Maybe that system does the action without my software telling it to do so, wasn't that specified that way?"
"Yes, but it normally does that roughly 10 seconds after you give the command the first time, so we thought maybe you could say what makes it do the action at other points maybe."
"Did you check that systems sourcecode?"
"No not yet. But did that happen with the older version?"
"No. But we didn't try."
"Did you change something between the versions?"
"Yes, the new feature."
"Could that make a change in behaviour?"
"I don't see how."
"Can you remove that feature for test?"
"We can take the old version."
"No, we need the new version, but without the feature you added."
"That IS the old version, there is no other difference!"
"Are you sure?"
"Would you like to see it in source control?"
"No, ~ okay. What do you think causes the problem?"
"I haven't had any new ideas since we talked yesterday."
"Okay. Mhhh,...okay. Lets talk again later."
YES SURE! BRING IT ON! I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO THAT! PLEASE COME BY OR CALL ME AGAIN! AND BRING THE BOSS WITH YOU, TO SHOW HOW SERIOUS THE MATTER IS! LET ME TELL HIM THE STUFF I TOLD SEVEN TIMES LAST WEEK!2 -
Them: "Could you send the password in an encrypted mail?"
Me: "Yea sure, what's your GPG public key?"
Them: "What's that? Can't you just encrypt it?"
Me: "Nvm, do you have Signal?"6 -
Friend: you're good with computers right?
Me: sure..
Friend: great so i signed up for this site that likes posts and i think they hacked my account
Me: ok... and?
Friend: well since you're good with computers do you think you could hack my account back?
Me: goodbye
People suck4 -
"I should really make better offsite backups"
"Right, this service doesn't do client side encryption"
"Oh this one doesn't have a Linux client"
"OK this one only sets up a single directory you can dump shit into"
"Wtf this one charges more than a high class escort girl"
Whatever... I'm sure my house won't burn down.15 -
Client: I will send the design you just make it.
Me: uhh,..are you sure you can do it?
Client: ofcourse i can
*2 days later, sends this*
6 -
Websites that don't let you copy paste email addresses. Well then, I'll do it using inspector. You're not going fuck with me, that's for sure.
-
We hired a developer and he has very minimal experience. I feel most of our conversations end up going something like this.
New Guy: I'm not sure how to do this obvious task and I'm incapable of searching Google.
Me: Give me your hand so I can hold it and walk you through the process of copying and pasting code from stack overflow.
New Guy: Ok...give you my hand...right...how do I do that?
FML7 -
Client/Friend : "Hey bro, can you make something like [a popular social website]?"
Me : "Sure man, but I do need some money to pay for the hosting and other stuff"
Client/Friend : "What's a hosting?"
...10 -
when you have to do this because the code looks correct but you're not sure what the heck is wrong because it doesn't make sense
12 -
dev A: is everything operative?
dev B: yeah, sure
dev A: how do you know?
dev B: log service doesn't show anything wrong
dev A: does the log service work?
dev B: why shouldn't it? It's its job
dev A: *sips tea*8 -
I like when a recruiter calls, decides you're not experienced enough for the role they called for, and immediately ask if you know someone who is. Sure, bro, let me help do your job for you.4
-
"So what do you do?"
"I am a web developer"
"Oh, so can you make me a website"
"Sure, what do you need"
"Well, I think its going to be the next big thing"
(I already know I shouldn't have answered him)
".... Ok, what's it about"
"Its Facebook/Instagram/Whatsapp/Telegram/Slack/Twitter, but better"
If I had a penny for every time I had to listen to this crap just because I told them I was a developer, I won't have a need to continue being one.8 -
Ok, do you sometimes feel like you get treated as search engine? I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one.
My coworker from my previous workplace is messaging me to suggest about good tutorial about a framework that I'm not familiar about.
"Dude, have you heard about Google?"5 -
Yeah sure, you can have your site files and database. Host it yourself. Get your cousin to maintain it. Go ahead. Yeah, sure, you're gonna do ~really~ well. Bye bye, ya micro-managing fuck nugget :D3
-
"So, what do you do in life?"
Me : I work on enterprise level mobile, web and server applications. Basically programming and database stuff...
"Sweet! So you can fix my PC right? It's getting slow I don't know why..."
Me : mmm well, ugh... yea kinda, I guess... sure. I could take a look 😑2 -
"Can you do this?"
Sure, give me the information I need...
"We don't have all of it yet"
So I can't do it then
"Well when can you do it"
When you get the information
"Do you need *all* of it"
Well, it's either I do half a job and waste my time, or get it all done in one shot
"The client wants it tomorrow"
When will we have the information?
"We don't know"
Well they aren't having it tomorrow then, are they...
Sales people... don't care *how* things work, as long as they get a tick against their name to show they've sold something...3 -
Client: We are tired of having to go only to specific users to get things actioned, we need everyone to be given admin access so that we can get work done efficiently
Dev: Highly do not recommend that *outlines the likely consequences*.
Client: We don’t care, we DEMAND you do this. We’ll make sure everyone is careful.
Dev: Ok but I warned you. Please submit this request in writing.
Client: Ok, not sure why you would need that. I told you everything would be fine.
*Not even two days later*
Client: HELP!!! OUR DATA IS NOW COMPLETELY MESSED UP. WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT WOULD HAVE CAUSED THIS IT’S AS IF EVERYONE IS RANDOMLY DOING WHATEVER THEY WANT HOWEVER THEY WANT IN ORDER TO SUITE THEIR OWN NEEDS. IT MAKES NO SENSE HOW THIS HAS OCCURRED. I TOLD EVERYONE SPECIFICALLY TO NOT CAUSE ISSUES!!! WE NEED THIS FIXED A.S.A.P!!!!!!
Dev: …6 -
Campaign manager: I don't see my campaign on portal xxx.
Me: Are you sure? I can see it correctly...
CM: Yes, I don't see anything.
Me: Do you have an ad blocker on?
CM: ... Oh, right.
#eyeroll
-
Client: "Something is missing, like a type of BOOM or some fancy stuff, but I can't pinpoint what exactly. Do you know what I mean?"
Me: "Sure, give me one sec."
Changes font of a single word on a Web page to italic.
Client: "Perfect!"
My face: Priceless and trying not to laugh out loud.3 -
$ npm audit
> found 19 vulnerabilities (10 low, 5 moderate, 3 high, 1 critical)
$ npm audit fix
> fixed 0 of 19 vulnerabilities in 11987 scanned packages
> (use `npm audit fix --force` to install breaking changes; or do it by hand)
$ npm audit fix --force
> npm WARN using --force I sure hope you know what you are doing.
Me too, buddy. Me too.1 -
This is for all the junior devs and people moving into the corporate world.
Remember, HR is there to protect the company, NEVER the employee.
Do not fall for the okie-doke when they tell you they are there to help.
If destroying you is cheaper in the long run than damage to the company then be sure they will slit you from ear-to-ear.7 -
Our PM found a contractor, results as expected..
Contractor: "The file you supplied is corrupt, some areas are greyed out and damaged"
Me: "😐, do you mean the comments?"
Contractor: "I'm not sure what you mean 'the comments'"
Me: "Does the file work as expected?"
Contractor: "Yes"
Me: "Strange! I'll have a chat with our PM and get this issue resolved right away 😉"
...
if(!contractor) {
return Promise.resolve()
}1 -
"Quality CSS" is much a fucking misnomer. As someone whose been writing this shit at scale for 15+ years I can tell you all CSS code is garbage. The only thing you should do is make sure you don't have name collisions. Classes/components are self contained. And use variables when possible. DRY makes sense usually, but if you're dogmatic about it you shoot yourself in the foot.9
-
Note: our PM is new.
PM: can you help me?
Me: sure, what do you need?
PM: where do the folders with all the techie stuff come from?
I had no context and spent the next 20 minutes trying to work out what folders she was on about. Turned out she wanted to know where the client side folders on our development server come from, was going to explain 'Gulp' and 'Branch' to her but I think I'd be there for the rest of the day... Why do 'tech' companies hire non-tech-savie people.4 -
Random dev online: Any chance you could help me figure out how to use something the company you worked for wrote? I need to do XYZ
Me: I didn't write it but sure. Theres a doc here about the full process of doing XYZ <link>
Random dev 5 seconds later: But how do I actually do it? The link doesn't show how to do it via code.
Me: You'll find if you actually read it, that it does. Because I checked. Good day2 -
Real life job interview…
Manager: what about this problem? Could you solve it? (Showing me a problem about scanning a 2d array to find a value written on a piece of paper)
Me: sure! Just give me a piece of paper and I will write a solution.
Manager: no need for that. I don’t have the knowledge to check that anyway… if I wanted you to solve it I would have called one of my programmers.
…
Manager: do you have any question about the company?
Me: What do you exactly do in the company? I wonder what is the purpose of a person that makes questions about things he doesn’t know.3 -
#define Minion (A junior from my college)
Minion : Hey, can you suggest me from some good project for my final year.
Me : Sure , which "programming language" do you know?
Minion : Well i am good at HTML.
Me(triggered);
Me : Ya sure , make a "program" using HTML only that takes input from a user and prints that nth prime number.
Minion : 😱😱😱😱5 -
"Hey I am a programmer too! I can code anything, I bet I'm better than you!"
-
"Huh, that sounds cool! What languages do you like to write your programs in?"
-
............ "English"
🤦🏻♂🤦🏻♂
True story by the way, some guy I just met did this. I was not sure how to react. Should I laugh? Should I cry? Should I kill myself? Should I kill him?10 -
Boss: Can you modify the prototype, so that I can show it off to the customers who will visit?
Me: Sure, when do you need it?
Boss: In two hours.
Lesson learned: Always have a branch in your git with a working demo.7 -
I didn't actually realize anyone could be this dumb. Sure, I'd heard stories, but I wasn't sure that I'd ever come across this level of stupidity in the wild. I was moving email across hosting accounts for someone, and I asked them to please navigate to a certain domain. Then they asked what navigate meant, so I told them to please type it into the URL bar. They said "OK." 5 seconds later, they said, "Which one do I click on?" They googled the url. So I asked them to please type it into the URL BAR. Then they asked what that was.
...like what? I just told you this yesterday. How fast does information fall out of your head? Do you forget where your toilet is when you wake up every morning? How do these people even function in society?
-_-8 -
Before you rant, make sure it's not a repost.
Q: How do you know if it's a repost?
A: If it's a meme on the internet, so very probably that it's already posted here.. so don't8 -
If you think about it, modern webpages and anal sex are pretty much the same.
Sure, you can do it, but it wasnt designed for that and you will probably end up with a shitfest.7 -
Friend: hey can you make me a website?
Me: sure, what is it for?
Friend: 'whatever the site is for'
Me: Ok, what are the different tabs you want for the navigation bar?
Friend: Ummm... Idk yet
Me: Ok... So do you have an idea what you want the website to look like?
Friend: Ummm just make it look pretty
Me:
2 -
Good luck to team devRant at the TNW NYC conference today. We are sure you will make our global devRant community proud as always. Thanks for all you do!
-
Me: "We should do X!"
Client: "I think Y would be better."
Me: "If you're sure..."
Client: "I'm the one paying you!"
*much development time passes*
Client: "We should do X. Isn't it your job to think of these things?"
Me: "..."4 -
Me: Requirements changed a lot since we first started. If we re-write a few sections of the app we can drastically reduce bugs, crashes, improve debug-ability etc.
PM: sure let me push back this unnecessary feature and you can do that next.
*woke up*
*cried at the thought of how amazing life would be* -
roommate: lets start a startup!
me: sure, what do you have in mind?
roommate: nothing, I need a team first.
oh come on!1 -
Boss : Can you please make a page where I can add a magazine cover image, summary and source urls.
Me : Sure.
..
..
..
Me : here you go.
Boss : How do I upload multiple images in this page ?1 -
Friend: Can you write me a discord bot?
Me: Sure, I guess.
Me: *thinking* I can probably do it in 2 hours or less*
Me: *2 hours later* why does this API work like that and why the fuck is my node module folder so big???9 -
The spaghetti monster is online.
Literally changes on the last minute.
Pushed to master, let CI/CD deal with it and left for lunch.
Bugs? Haha, sure.
Serious one? You can bet.
Do you care? Nope.5 -
*How to graduate in style*
(And prob get arested)
(Because i am graduating soon)
-Make a simple reverse_tcp payload with persistence and encode it with veil or do it yourself. Make sure it connects to your VPS.
- Give it to your classmates and teachers! Sharing is caring!
- make a wallpaper that says "Happy graduation class 404!" (Isn't our class number awesome?!)
- wait until graduation to... i think you know what i plan to do ;)30 -
Work: there is little work for our freelancer we're getting rid of him at the end of the year
Me: are you sure, that will put a lot of work on my schedule.
Work: I'm sure you can handle it
*two weeks later*
Work: have you finished feature xyz yet
Me: nope had a server crash today so pushed it back
Work: why didn't you get "free lancers name here" to do it for you
Me: I could of if you didn't fire him, he could of also done the other features you want too
Work: ah ok1 -
STOP TURNING THE LIGHTS OFF WHEN YOU LEAVE THE OFFICE TOILET!!!!
For fuck's sake, do not turn the lights off if you're not sure if someone is in there or not. Don't be a moron.17 -
(applying to a developer position)
interviewer : So, do you like to code?
me : of course!
interviewer : Are you sure? because this is a developer position and women prefer something more administrative than coding.
me : Wow! nobody told me that before. If I had known I wouldn't have studied this.
didn't expect to be called back after that...7 -
Sales: We NEED to view the minutely data but showing 10 years of data at a time
Me: you do realise that would be like 2 days of data per pixel even on one of largest monitor resolutions
Sales: your a clever guy I'm sure you can work something out
Me: well I can consolidate the data so you ...
Sales: No we need to see the temperature for every minute10 -
How intellij handles syntax errors while reformating code vs eclipse:
Intellij: I'm not sure what you want to do there, so I'll just make slight adjustments.
Eclipse: Yeah, I don't understand this so fuck your whole file. -
Do coding outside of work. I got into the industry because I enjoy writing code, but your job won't always be fun. That's why they give you money. Make sure that spark of joy doesn't die.
Or, when it does die, at least you'll have something to rant about.3 -
Tomorrow is my 19th birthday and I'm very excited about it. 😀🎂
Wanted to do something special as a computer geek but wasn't sure.
Hope you can help me !
Thanks 👍16 -
Sales: "There is a problem in complicated feature A, in a client system!
Dev: "What is the problem"
Sales: "I don't know exactly"
Dev: "which client system? What version is installed?"
Sales: crickets.
Dev: "Do you a Jira ticket, or an email with more details?"
Sales: "It is urgent that we fix the problem ASAP!"
Dev: "what problem"
Sales: "The problem! I talked to the VP RnD, So he can make sure you are on it!"
Dev: "What exactly do you me to fix"
Sales: "The Problem!"8 -
(backstory -> I have 10 years of experience as a software engineer)
Me: So I would like to develop myself to become "officially" a senior engineer
Manager: sure, you basically need to show consistent behaviour
Me: ok, but what specifically? on what criteria do you determine when it is time for promotion?
Manager: there isn't anything like that defined yet, we would like to work on a definition of roles and responsibilities, but we're not there yet
Me: ok but how did you do it so far?
Manager; well as I said, you have to show consistent behaviour that characterises you as a senior.
Me: ....10 -
So I was using this very nice web app for some administration. When browsing their blog, I discovered they were in my hometown, and only a couple of blocks away from my place. I emailed them "do you maybe have a job for an IT student?" And they said "Sure, come on over!"
-
I was talking with a guy who is making an android app for his thesis but hes "shitdamn awful in java". I offered to help because im so fucking nice.
"oh but i dont have facebook, is it a problem?"
Nah sure i dont use facebook anyways, got telegram?
"No"
Riot? Irc?
"Nope"
Then what do you use???
"Skype"
?!!?!??!??!!???!??!7 -
I don't understand why so many devs complain about not having money or complain about the company that they work for. We literally have the skills to do whatever the fuck we want in today's world. Literally everything is structured around what we do. If you hate your life so much, do something about it. Granted, I understand if you live somewhere that doesn't allow you to control your own destiny but I'm pretty sure that the majority of the people on this app has the ability to do so. The rewards are endless if you decide to think outside the box just a little bit. Sorry, this has just been on my mind for a while and decided to rant about it here since that's what this app is for.14
-
Which do you think designers are tired of hearing?
"Make the logo bigger"
"Looks great but can you make it pop"
"Can you make it pretty"
"Something is missing in the design but I'm not sure what is."
After 15 Revisions
"I think the first design you made was better."8 -
Don't you just love it when you're waiting on a team member in a different country to push code that you NEED to be able to finish your job, but you know they've already gone home for the night and you're stuck reading the same three doc pages for your entire day at work? Because I sure do
-
Company: “we need you to engineer this for one of our clients because you’re an engineer and this is what we pay you for.”
Me: “sure no problem”
Company: “we also need you to do a cost benefit analysis, risk/reward analysis, gap analysis and swot analysis for market fit and business finance because we didn’t task anyone else with doing it and since we’re already paying you for this other thing you may as well do this too”
Me: (opens up resume.docx) “yeah I’ll uh…I’ll get right on that”2 -
Software engineering course.
Professor wants to show us some Java code.
*Opens eclipse*
*Font super small*
Student: can you please increase the font size?
Professor: sure.
*Can't find the correct setting to do that*
Professor: does anyone know how to increase font size?
Some student at the back: copy the code to notepad++.
:/
Cool professor though..9 -
oh you want a code challenge for the interview? sure let me do that just like the 5 other companies i've had to do that for
like dude, look at any one of my multiple websites, saas apps, or mobile apps i've shipped. obviously i know what i'm doing7 -
Manager: I want you to make an architecture diagram for this system
Me, not sure what diagram but ok asking my senior then
Senior: You know those diagrams you learned in uni? Yeah, do whichever you think is suitable
Me, left to my own devices, makes a shitty use case and sequence diagram
Manager: We don't actually do diagrams like yours here. But I like it so lets stick with it.
😱 Ok. Cool.5 -
It's a new semester and the introductory class for a General Ed is going on.
Prof: What do you want to be when you are done with engineering?
Me: I'd like to be in the security domain but I'm still not sure.
Prof: Then why are you doing Computer Science? You can just get a job as a security personnel.
FML.2 -
Boss: "i need you to build a feature so that customers can do bla bla bla and it has to be done by friday.
Dev: "Ok i can do it fast if you sure this is what you want, and requirements wont change in the future. Have you considered bla bla"
Boss: "Yes do it"
Dev: *writes, tests and deploys code*
A few weeks later:
Boss: "we need to add bla bla to the feature you built since some requirements has changed."10 -
This was my first real programming bible. I remember reading it chapter after chapter in the car on long car trips as a youngster and being so excited about the stuff I was learning I would explain it to my mom in the front seat as I was learning it. I'm sure she didn't understand a word of it.
Funny thing is I still do that today, 25 years later. And I'm sure she still understands not a word!
So, what was the book that really got you into programming?
10 -
Me: Are you sure you want this in the acceptance test procedure?
Lead: Yes.
Me: I'm just saying, we don't have any requirements for this feature so it doesn't really belong there.
Lead: Just put it in.
Me: Are you sure? It's a lot of work for something that isn't even required to be there.
Lead: Go do it.
Me: Okay.
*I do the work and it goes to peer review*
High ranking person from another team: I don't see any requirements traceability. Why is this in here if there are no requirements?
Me: WELL AIN'T THAT A GOOD GODDAMN QUESTION!?3 -
Grandma: so how do I scan that thingy in order to comnect to the wifi?
Me: I already told you that's something that you have to do only once. Just turn on wifi and it'll connect automatically
G: But I already turned it on and it's not connecting. Now tell me how to scan that again
Me: Are you sure that you did?
G: Yes
*Checks*
Me: It's disabled...
*enables wifi*
G: Oh, thanks, it's working now.
Literally every time she wants her phone to connect to the wifi.2 -
Me : Can I have your Server Access to deploy project.
Client : I don't have server. I will run it on my laptop.
Me : Okay, Are you sure? And do you have static IP?
Client : what's that?
😂1 -
Been there for two weeks
[Team lead] why didn't you deploy to production like i told you, while i was sick?
[Me] nobody told me i should do that
[TL] i wrote you on slack
[Me] I'm pretty sure you didn't
*TL scrolls through history, can't find proof*
[TL] okay I can't find anything, I probably told you in a hangout call
He did not, I would remember that...3 -
At the end of each work day, once I am sitting down, I take a moment to do a little stress relief exercise.
I get in my car, make sure all doors/windows are shut, make sure the coast is clear, and I yell at the top of my lungs.
The relief is almost instant. And even if it was a good day, sometimes a good, loud yell can just help to relieve any build up tension, anxiety, or stress you may not have known you were under. Give it a try (:2 -
Me: Can I talk to you for a sec?
Boss: Sorry, can we do that later? I'm busy right now.
Me: Sure.
And later never comes 😑12 -
I've been taking a bunch of boot camp 'entry' type tests to do some research for the school I'm building - and these things are strange. To qualify, some of them want to make sure you can do basic algebra and others want you to be very comfortable with higher-order JS function type stuff - and then you get questions like this : /
5 -
Hmm. I'm sure some of you could come up with more reasons why they wouldn't recommend Windows 10 to a friend lol.
But like for most people there is only two options for OS: Mac or Windows. At this point, everyone has their preference. What do they expect? You and your mates chilling at a bar, and then you bring this up: "Aye fellas fellas. You guys ever use Windows 10? It's freaking awesome man."
3 -
When your customer says "I'm sure it takes little time to do it" and you know you just won another two weeks of work...
3 -
User: "Why isn't this process updated? There's something wrong with your system."
Me: "Did you submit the request?"
User: "Uh yeah I'm sure I did..."
Me: "Go submit the request again." (they never did the first time)
User: "I don't know how. Will you show me?" *shows user how to do it* "Ok I did it now."
Me: "You did it wrong, you need to resubmit it."
User: "Ok I resubmitted it."
* a week later *
User: "The process still hasn't shown any progress."
Me: "You didn't resubmit it like you said you did."
User: "Will you show me how to do it again?"
* fuck me *
Me: "Sure..."
Process works as expected and everyone lives happily ever after, except the developer that knows it is just a matter of time till the next user blatantly lies, has no respect for anyone's time, and demonstrates a complete lack of desire to care about their job at all and just wants to bitch and complain like a typical lazy ass-hat.6 -
!rant
Conversation between [C]oworker and... some kind of customer-side [P]roject manager.
P: Hey, our release 2.0 is ready, but somehow I can't add tag to master. Could you try, please?
C: Yeah, sure.... Done... We are missing tag for 1.2 still, should we add it?
P: Oh, right, I forgot about that.
C: Ok, found merge... Done.
P: *displaying repo in GitBlit* Uh, now the order is wrong. And date is the same. Can we do something about that?
Me: We can just push that tag with replaced date. *just guessing*
P&C: You can do that??
Me: Sure
Me.thinking: Thats git... I would be suprised if we could not.
Me: *pushing tag* Check it now.
P: Whoa, nice!
3 -
* Yesterday:*
PM: Yes, so, could you please do those changes on this page tomorrow by 3 pm and push to prod?
Me: Yeah sure! Noted :) (task is to "untick" a checkbox in a page's settings on our CMS)
* the next day -- 11 am *
PM: erm yes so please can you do the changes I told you about, it's getting urgent and you didn't start it already and it stresses the hell out of me because today is friday and it needs to be up and running fine for Monday 12pm and you don't work on weekend so I'd like yo-
Me:
2 -
Reinstalling Android Studio.
It takes a while.
So you take a rest, exercise a little. Sure, it will installed when you'll come back ready to throw yourself into deep work, with fresh energy.
You come back.
There is a pop up: Do you want to send usage data to google ? Nothing installed yet.
Only Yes/No option. Where is the "Fuck you" option?12 -
Boss: "do you have a minute?"
Me: "sure"
Boss: "I have this problem, can you just stop doing whatever you are doing and fix it for me?"
Me internally: *no I don't, what I'm doing right now is fixing another one of your problems for which you've interrupted other work already"
Me: "Yeah sure, gimme some time"
Can't afford to fail my internship and I don't want a shitty work environment which I why I don't speak my mind...
But man this is tiring...2 -
Friend: « Can you help me do the js part of my paid contract for free ? »
Me: Yeees, sure, I am not going to do that, never3 -
Guy studies programming for a year.
Guy: I am going to start this amazing project wanna help
Me: Sure what is it
Guy: ***Long story of a decent idea***
Me: Sure Ill help, what do you need me to do
Guy: Only a few functions
A few days later...
Guy: Hey I don't where to start or how I should do it can you help me with like THE WHOLE PROGRAM?
If you haven't gathered from this story. Don't be that one guy who has an idea but doesn't write or make a plan for it as your just going to waste other peoples energy and resources.8 -
Yesterday
Boss: Can you export the foo data and send it to me?
Me: Sure
Me (later): Ok, just shared foo.csv with you. It should have everything you need, just let me know if you need the bar data.
Boss: OK, thanks.
Today
Boss: Did you get the foo data exported?
Me: Yes, I shared that with you yesterday
Boss: What did you name it?
This is all in a chat, by the way, not in person. Scrolling for 1.5 seconds reveals all the relevant information.
How do I respond in a way that is not sarcastic and does not belittle my boss? I'm not sure it's even possible.2 -
I don’t live in the EU, but hearing all the complaints about article 11, 13, etc. is really vexing me.
Article 11 in particular.
Why the hell would you force companies to pay taxes for linking? Why the hell would you tax websites for including sources? Do you want no sources? Do you want misinformation to become a bigger problem? What the hell is wrong with whoever proposed that bill!?!?
The internet is a place for relative freedom. A place of message boards and communities we’ve created. To impede that (beyond making sure it doesn’t facilitate hanious crimes) is just plain wrong.7 -
"I got an issue on my pc, can you have a look?"
Sure, I'm afraid I don't know the solution to that, just google xxx and I'm sure there'll be something to fix it
"I don't know how to do that, that's way too complicated. Nevermind I'll take my old pc"
y tho...1 -
Facebook 2FA:
Want to log in? Sure, authorize your login. Oh you've authorized it? Nah you can't get in. Log in again.
2FA, excellent technology, except when it's implemented by "move fast and break things" Facebook.
Facebook Marketplace:
Want to buy $listing? Sure, you can send a message to the seller to ask for details. Oh, you want to send them a message? Nah sorry, you can't send messages to this person. You'll have to go to their profile, send them a message there and do it not with our le fancy instant messages but by manually typing it in. Because you know, reasons. Message approvals or something like that probably. Because why on Earth would Facebook support its own ecosystem?!
Move fast and break things. And breaking things those certified enganeers at Facebook sure do. Fucking pieces of shit.7 -
Recruiters sure do get pissy when you tell them that you're waiting for a counteroffer from your current employer9
-
I've been programming for a career and as a hobby for more than two years now. I want to start contributing to some projects on Git hub, but I'm not sure where to start. What advice do you have for me for first starting out on Git hub?6
-
Taxi Driver: Do you like this song Sir?
Me: Not sure, I don't know it!
Taxi Driver: Alexa, change the song...
Me:...4 -
"Guys, I'm going to change my studies next year, I'll be studying IT, programming, stuff about computers"
"You mean, they threw you out of mechanical engineering and you are forced to do that?"
"No, I chose it myself, I'm not interested in mechanical engineering anymore."
"But you love it, you repaired your car! (WTF???) But are you sure there are jobs for what you are studying now?"
"Well, much more than in mechanical engineering actually..."
Like, they didn't notice that I'm fond of IT stuff since I'm 13... C'mon guys...3 -
Developer: "Hey, I've just finished the vehicle script, do you mind reviewing this before i push into the master branch"
Me: "Sure!"
*hes overlooking me while i review"
Developer: "I've spent ages on this, just let me know once your done"
That's what i found lol
6 -
Is anyone coming to South Korea for the Pyeongchang Winter Olympics?
If you do, make sure to come with Korean Air, Delta, Air France, and KLM. They get to use the new Incheon Airport Terminal 2 soon.6 -
Me: Hey, can you help me with that?
Coworker: Sure
* Looks at code *
Ah, you just have to...
* Tries to type *
Uhm, do you the vim plugin?
Me: yeah, is that a problem?
Coworker: Weird flex but it's ok
* tries to type solution *
Uhm, do you also use another keyboard layout?
Me: Yes, I use the US layout (instead of the german layout)
Coworker: I'm done with this, you type
Me: 🤣🤣🤣2 -
Security startup...
'Which football team do you support?'
'Not sure how that is relevant.'
'It is very relevant'15 -
Friend: i have an idea
Me: what is it?
Friend: uber is not yet here, lets do the app exactly like uber only for the city, can you do that like in one month?
Me: uber is a billion dollar company with several and the best engineers in the world
Friend: so what, just copy the exact same idea, of course the money comes when the app is done
Me: sure... ill call you in a month. (delete conversation) -
1. a client asks you to create an API for their system
2. you do what's requested
3. a year later you are curious how's that API doing. Client's devs decided to
[
"com.client.app.some.Datamodel$Subclass",
{
"someField": [
"java.util.ArrayList",
["SMTH","SMTH_ELSE"]
]}
]
sure, why not, right.....?9 -
Arguing with my girlfriend (recalled from my mind, not 100% accurate)
she: What do you expect when you buy an android?
Me: sure thing apple is more "unpack it, use it", easy to use - but android is more like an empty canvas. The first thing when I buy it is setting it up to my needs.
she: You don't understand, what do you expect from your android device?
me: It has to be affordable and work for a certain time
she: No I mean, do you.. when you unpack your phone, expect it TO WORK?
me: Sure, it's not like I buy a pile of trash, I expect it to work
she: you're too stupid, baka
me: ... ? *confused*
she: When you say it is like a canvas, isn't a canvas someday full?
me: yes, every phone, iPhone, Pixel, Samsung, every phone has a limited memory
she: *mad* you don't get it, silly
me: I want to but heh, I don't get it10 -
someone: so what do you do?
me: I'm a software developer
someone: oh, can you design me a logo?
me: no
someone: something simple, I'm sure...
me: NO, IT'S NOT MY F***ING JOB6 -
Customer: as soon as you get a proof of concept could you send it to me?
Me: sure *sends app to test* here is what it currently does and does not do.
Customer: thanks, here is a list of 59284 things that dont work or need changed.
No shit sherlock. It's not done, you wanted a very early version, and of the things you listed I already mentioned half of those.6 -
Parents: You want anything for your birthday?
Me: yeah, can I have a newer PC
Parents: Cool
Me: Also, can I spend a majority of my time alone messing with it?
Parents: Sure
My parents were really laid back and basically let me do what I wanted1 -
How do you handle narcissist managers?
Who look at you not as human beeing but as a thing to exploit for personal gain? Sure there's the business side (capitalism) but the human side of it bothers me.5 -
A friend just asked me if I can convert a pdf to an image file.
Me: yes sure (easier to do than to ask why)
Me: What format do you want it in JPG or PNG?
Friend: yes
Me: ...
Sometimes it's easier to just do it than to start asking and teaching people how to use computers...3 -
Where do you go/what do you do when you need to think out a problem?
Me, I take a drive. I'm not sure why but I seem to achieve maximum clairvoyance while driving around. Moreso at night than during the day, but the effect is still there when the sun is up. It's kind of weirdly meditative, to drive autonomously, only hearing the drone of the engine and whisper of the tires.
I know a lot of people resort to showers, or straight meditation, but I was curious if there were other, quirkier things people do to arouse their mind.7 -
Dear internet providers,
Please make sure that everyone can setup routers so I don't have to stand in tons of rain waiting on somebody to open me his door because I have to stick the ******** LAN cable in the wall, which he really can't do him self....
Thank you.1 -
"Startup (called Nectome) wants to upload your brain to the cloud, but has to kill you to do it"
https://theguardian.com/technology/...
No thanks, I am sure NSA will kick in.4 -
You know how my 'about' here says I create features from bugs?!? Well if you didn't before, now you do.. :P
Anyhow, today the most bizzare thing happened.. Customer played 'reverse uno card' on me..
Meaning?!
They reported a feature missing on uat env, when in fact I fixed a bug they have on prod..
Not sure how I should feel about this, but it sure made my day! (: I just hope they will not open a bug report for this missing bug..4 -
I really don't like billing time for things I am not really sure how to do and need time to educate myself on. This happens more often than my wallet is comfortable with and I spend more time learning than making money. How do you go about staying in an estimate or fixed budget when something comes up that you don't know anything about?7
-
So my coworker is gonna change computer and for the past two weeks is "annoying" me to install Ubuntu for her...
Look ... I'm a dev just like you... Get your shit together and do it yourself or wait.
So Wednesday I gave her the task to backup her shit because I'm gonna do it today... Guess what she told me? That I'm better at it and if I could do do for her...
Sure.. Yeah... Gonna rsync your /home/user folder to the new machine and fuck you if you loose anything, that's not my fucking job you useless piece of shit.2 -
@dfox @trogus I work in a dept with hundreds of developers. I’m sure a lot of people on here do too.
Why isn’t there an “refer a friend” option on here? You know like the ability to invite someone to the community from within the app.7 -
@AlexDeLarge and any other React guys, which do you prefer? Traditional css files, whether that be vanilla or with a preprocessor, or style objects for each component.
There are some pretty clear pros i can identify for both sides, but I'm pretty sure I'm missing somethings and I'd like to hear from you guys your opinions and experiences with either27 -
Me: *clicks Ctrl+C by instinct*
Oh no! It'll take a whole minute to restart...
Vue CLI: Are you sure you want to terminate the server?
Yay! It didn't terminate! No, I do NOT want to terminate the server thank you.
Vue CLI: *terminates anyways*4 -
Does anyone else feel like HackerRank questions are trick questions?
Without a textfield to explain the answer It highly depends on how deeply you think about it..
Can you do x with technology y?
Yes.
Can you do x with technology y alone?
Well yeah but no, you still need something to process it. What does "alone" mean? Without electricity you sure can't do anything.
Extreme example but you get my point..6 -
That feeling when you were so happy about react-native, and was pretty sure at the beggining about the achitecture of your app and js libs you are about to use.
Im here sitting with redux, reselect and still dont know why I cant just do a REST call and format data in the container component.
Why react is so hard, or am I dumb?6 -
Me: "can you please send my credentials for the database?"
Hosting provider: "Yea sure... We will set it up on our servers in no time"
*5 mins later: provider sends mail to me*
Me: *looks at mail*
Also me: *NOTHING TO DO HERE*
Congrats to jweiland.net for not being able to support their customers.
2 -
Dear team leader, If you tell me „I need to review this merge request before merging”, then make sure you are able to allocate time to do this.
If you need MORE THAN A WEEK to even start, then maybe your delegation skills are nonexistent. -
If you're expecting a call from a company to do a phone screen, make sure your phone is charged... if it dies before you can even tell me why you're looking for a new job and I still can't reach you 15 minutes later, it's very off putting.1
-
customer: can you make the site as fast as google? I'm sure you can do that with one of those apps out there.1
-
Wow, very technical and clear documentation:
"While we do not publish the symbol limits for the streaming API, we do monitor for abuse to make sure people aren’t doing anything egregious. Essentially, ask for what you need. Don’t abuse the APIs and you should be fine."
...and, we all know what 'fine' stands for, right?
🤡2 -
Question: is it common to a developer to have lots of tasks to do at the same time, so you don't have sure what you need to do first, specially when you have 2 or more urgent projects?
That is one of the things I most hate on managing.8 -
At the shop, buying cigarettes.
Me: give me *** cigarettes
Cashier: sure, you want one click, double click...
Me: do you have a right click? -
Founder: Are you sure you want to join this startup?
Candidate: 100% sure Sir
Founder: Startups are risky, what if we shut down next month?
Candidate: Sir, I will do whatever it takes to not let that happen
Founder: That’s what I was looking for. You can join at 90% salary cut. That will give us 2 months more runway3 -
"Can we do X?"
Yes, we can do almost anything you want.
"Can we have it ready by last month?"
No.
"What about 2 weeks ago?"
Not feasible.
"Yesterday?"
Sorry I don't think we can.
For real though, how do you deal with unrealistic delivery expectations? I'm not sure if I'm supposed to keep saying no to everything, or if they keep asking in hopes that maybe this time it'll be ok.2 -
Devops (By Azure) is so stupid.... (I won';t even start of YAML, it will be a 10pages rant).
me : Ok I have 5 projects, each has it's own Azure conexxion for deploy.
Me : Can I do just ONE shared connexion ?
Devops : Yes. You need to click 150 buttons and it's done !
Me : Ok. /* doing actions */
Me : Ok ready !
Me : Project 1 do your release pipeline !
project 1 : Sure, just wait 5 minutes.
5 minutes later
Project 1 : All good.
Me :Ok now sharing test ! Project 2 : do your pipeline !Project 2 : Sure ! It's strated !
Me : Ok I'll go take a beer
... 1 hour later..
Me : project 2 ? PROJECT 2??!!!
Me : fine... going into logs.
Message : You must accept the shared conexion from Project 1 before pipeline can run
Me : WTF ? I literally just SHARED it to project 2,3,4,5 !!!
Why that idiot check ?!
One thing is sure, I hate devops more than I hate JavaScript.5 -
Have you ever flown a plane? No? Well I need you to get in the lab today and test out these high level requirements, you should pick up on it pretty fast....
The lab looks like NASA flight control and has everything a cockpit has, sure I can just jump right on it and do my thing.
This should be fun 😅2 -
Do you, guys, have any VPN suggestions? I'm mostly looking for a VPN that doesn't throttle your speed, allows and encrypts P2P connections and is secure and reliable. I'm not quite sure what other more specific requirements I'm looking for, since I'm not too knowledgeable in this domain, but I'm nonetheless thanking you in advance :D7
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I'm sure every tech can relate when I say: "Do not! Interrupt! My weekend! With fucking! Tech issues! Thank you!".2
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Right now, whether you're making money or not, try and make sure you take some time for yourself. Whatever you like to do: take a walk, exercise, meditate, or even sit by the shore if you live close to the coast. 🏖️
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> be me, working while at the beach
> SO: " hey, do you want me to make a bracelet?"
> me: "sure, make me whatever, something that fits me."
> what I get is picrel.
Damn true
8 -
New colleague comes to present himself. Sees me editing using key bindings, multiple buffers showing in Emacs, bash scripts running in separate terminal...
"I have no idea what you do around here, but I'm sure your a pro"
Seems like a smart guy to me.1 -
[sarcasm] Sure, change the front end completely after i spent half a day taking screenshots to compile documentation for other people to you use your tool...Its not like i have anything else better to do anyway >.< [/sarcasm]1
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Not sure if a rant but.
How many of you guys gets so bored durning meetings on all the none important stuff or not related to you that you just start codeing instead?
I have these hours long meetings with analist that can talk calculations all dat long, how usefull they are, wich analyses you can do for them. I really don't care. Just tell me the formula and I will make it. Do not care whether A is voltage or the amount of pink clouds on sunday.3 -
As a junior developer, I am not invited to most of the discussion. Lead comes to us with requirements and we need to build it. My lead is really helpful so no people issues.
I am not sure if it's good for my growth/career. I have recently ( 6 months) joined here. Do you folks have any experience like this? What did you do? Do discussions/meeting help to grow?13 -
Don't you just feel that powerful personal connection when a recruiter on LinkedIn starts his message with "Dear Sir/Madam, I really like your profile and it is a great fit blah blah"...
Sure you do, enough to miss my obvious beard (and thus genre).
Oh and I'll pass on that opportunity that doesn't fit any of my skills/previous experience. -
Do you all look for code complexity O(n) while coding? Or you make sure that your code runs and never look back what's happening ?
Because as per code review no one looks for code complexity and that's so sad11 -
CLIENT: My wordpress site runs really slowly, can you fix it?
Me: Yeah sure, let me have a look.
*logs in and sees Facebook feeds, twitter feeds, 3 seo plugins, 5 backup generators, 4 slider plugins, jscomposer, social sharing buttons and loads more*
Me: Do you realise that you don't need that many plugins?
Client : well they make my site really fancy and my customers love it.
Me: yafud7 -
QA: There is a problem
Me: Ok how do I reproduce it?
QA: You do x
Me: I have done x and there isn’t a problem
QA: Oh it only happens sometimes
Me: Fair enough, I’ll try a few times
...
Me: Are you sure x is how you do it?
QA: Oh no actually it’s y
FML2 -
some people literally want you to do all the work for them
then complain when you don't do it for them
i'm sure they'll get far in life
🤡8 -
My team now does daily mini-standups: what you did, what you will do, what's blocking u
But with this wfh, I feel like slacking more or just seen to have less critical work to do... but not sure if the other guys are just "padding their list" or actually really busy.
So wondering when I have nothing to do for work/no defined deadlines or deliverables... How do you look busy?
I do have a lot of optional tech debt improvement work I could do but basically these are like backlog... And not really fun.6 -
Using git without a GUI is like biking blind-folded. Sure you can do it but it's way easier if you see what's going on.26
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What do you consider the best method for long-term cold data storage? And why?
I was looking at some magnetic tapes, but the degradation of magnetic charge is worrying me. Lose a single bit and you're fucked.
Dvds - not sure, some of my old ones are no longer readable. Not sure why tho, they had been enclosed in a dark, room-temp place all the time
hdds -- still magnetic.
Ssds? Idk
...?12 -
I have a random question:
What values do you guys live with?
And how can I make sure I live my life with highest possible values?
The squad here is most raw and honest. I have seen you folks stick to what you believe in and stand up against the evil even if costs you or makes you sacrifice somethings.
Really want to be a better human and seems like my next phase of life would be dedicated to this.20 -
Make sure you are noted for every work you do. Don't let upper managers to take credit of your work.2
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An UI guy which actually complimented my will to work with non-dev professions in order to deliver quality features.
Spoiler: I am willing because you are awesome and are not offended in me asking questions outside my area of competence in order to be sure what I do is what you want, so if you happen to read this post kudos on you M. , not on me :) -
Do you think anyone at Google has ever used a mouse to scroll through Google calendar? I don't - otherwise, they'd see that it's unbearable. That API sure is great, though.
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PM here. I'm having an interview with prospective junior devs next week. I want to make sure that they know a little and can learn a lot. Do you guys have any suggestions of how to ascertain that? I'm thinking simple programming exercises or something.
Again, it's not that important what they know today.14 -
Microsoft Teams logic when using it from Chrome on Linux:
Wanna have a team call with multiple people? Sure no problem, proceed.
Wanna have a direct call with one person? Hell no, we don't do that here!
Also lets just ignore the fact that you are actually running Google Chrome, you should really try out Windows and Edge.
2 -
Those working as freelancer, how many times has a potential client told you that if you do this job for cheap he would refer you in his business circle and you would for sure get atleast X projects in next quarter ?4
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It's asked before here but need to be questioned again because I'm bored.
Would you rather have fucked a sheep while no one knows or that you didn't do it but everyone is sure you did?
The sheep is average looking with okayish BMI. Looks bit German21 -
Me: *Clicks red 'X'
macOS: "Do you want to close the window?" "Keep window open" "Close Window"
Me: *Clicks "Close Window"
macOS: "Are you sure you want to close the window? YOU MAY LOSE DATA!"
Me: "YES!! Close the goddamn window!"
macOS: "Window failed to close, click 'Close Window' or try again later."
Me: *Presses and holds power button to shut down.
*"Computer" restarts...
macOS: "You shut down your computer because of a problem. Would you like to close this window.
Me: *Clicks 'Close Window'
macOS: "Do you want to close the window?" "Keep window open" "Close Window"
Macintosh: It's like a computer... But not really... Well, maybe... NAAAAHHHH!!3 -
marquetting department: i need a new for on the website its urgent drop everithing else
dev: sure can you give me the text and the fields that should be on the form?
....1 week later
dev: do you havr the info
marketing: can you have ot online today
dev: yes just get me that content
1week later
.... you know where im going with this -
Oh, me? I am so excited about all the computing power that's gonna be stolen from people who had updated their Intel CPUs last month.
I dunno what they're up to but I'm sure it's very exciting. I'm lost between Skynet and a one world government cryptocurrency mining they will use the power for.
What do you think?3 -
Do you use personal assistants for home automation? If yes, what's your setup?
I'm thinking about setting up a RPi/similar with Jasper and bundling it up with Home Assistant, however, I'm not sure about the audio hardware yet.3 -
How about a Git for Databases?
Do your changes, delete things, create things, and then when you are sure push these changes to your server.
If you did something wrong like accidentally delete fucking everything, just revert and everything is like before again.
Also you can view history and blame people for doing something wrong.
Tell me what you think about this. Not clue how you could implement this tho... Also I have enough to do already so feel free to take this idea!10 -
Can you recommend me any 13 inch notebooks. I want to buy a notebook to use as my main workstation.
I mostly do web / Android development but also looking to get more into ML so a good graphics card would be good. I will put linux on it but I am not sure about the distro yet.4 -
15h/day for at least one month.
Manager to someone: How long do you think it will take you to build this?
Someone: Erm... 6 months.
Manager: Fine, I'm pretty sure you can do it in 3 months.
I was invited/forced to join someone's team because he could not do it in 3 months. Neither did we, but we managed to deliver the project in 4 months.
The dickhead manager got a promotion, money prizes etc for burning us out. I can't stand this kind of managers.
Neither I or someone work for that guy anymore.
If a Dev tells you it would deliver something in X believe him, he's telling you the best he can.1 -
Co-worker: So if you were to build a glove like what Ultron had that could levitate objects how would you do it?
Me: I'm not sure, but I'd begin by looking at the work Ed Leedskalin was doing in Florida.
Co-worker: Of course you have a possible lead on this...
XD1 -
Allright, so.. 3 (sort of 4) dev projects at work (7 roles in total), 2 (sort of 3) DEV projects at home, 2 guys approaching to me via messenger w/ DEV/Linux questions, family (with a baby), construction works in the apartment, taking care of the farmstead,...
Whenever you ask "what do you do", I'm not even sure where to start.
Whenever you call me with "Hello, I'm calling from company X, do you have some time to answer a few questions" I sort of want to hit someone really hard before answering "yes, sure". -
Dad: Hey, how do I make a program work when it's not working?
Me: Guess what, I've looking for the answer to that exact same question for a while now, but I still haven't found it. I'll make sure to tell you when I do.
(Clarification: He's not a dev, he was actually talking about some 10 year old version of some program not launching in Windows 10) -
Prediction: One of the things Microsoft will do to GitHub is to remove gh-pages and make sure you can host stuff on azure, since gh-pages only supports html files, so with azure, you can host a server-sided app.1
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To all the front-end engineers here I have a question. Say I am trying to create reusable CSS web components how do you create them? Shadow Dom?.
If not then how do you make sure the custom elements that you create can be resued in other projects?8 -
BA: "Can you design a page for this?"
me (not a designer): "Um, sure, no problem."
Fast forward two days, show the page for approval.
PM: "Hey, can we do it as a pop-up instead?"
:| -
Thought: Googling and using Stack Overflow is the fast food equivalent of coding. Sure you get an answer, but it's the minimal "nutritional value" you need to survive. Whereas if you had to go through the whole doc to do something, you were bound to stumble on a few things you didn't know, giving you much more knowledge in the end. Does that make sense?3
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How do you make up new cool features for your platform?
well you don't because UX and PM think it best to look at competitors and implement whatever shit they come up with.
once, someone came up with a cool feature and some basic prototype for it and they ignored it. the competitor thought of it years later and did it. when they did it, suddenly its a priority at our company to do it as well.
sure, why be the first to do the feature. im sure being unique and creative is overrated not like our profit comes from user subscriptions.
Some recent PM decisions similar to the one above are driving me crazy, its not like u dont know what to do we literally have a ton of ideas so stop ignoring them and prioritizing being a knock off app of someone else. FUCK YOU. -
Do you ever feel like coding is like gambling, when working on personal projects? "Just one more small change, I'm sure it'll work after that"...suddenly it's 3am, the damn thing still doesn't run, I have a meeting at 9, and I hate myself.1
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Programmer friend: Dood, do this and this and show it to me, I'll say if it's good.
Me (noob): Okay, sure.
*next week*
F: So why did you stop coding?
M: Why do you think so?
F: You didn't show me your project in a week.
M: I was lazy?
F: LAZY?!?!2 -
Got my “Certificate” for SQL. What do you think? I have a few other just not sure if this means jack squat despite it being a free “certification”.
9 -
"You'll be doing X, and be sure to test everything you do. But we don't do unit testing. They aren't paying us for that."
- PM to intern coming via college (it's like a forced internship that counts as another subject for the degree).1 -
For the new/aspiring developers:
1. If you are still looking to learn more, but you don't know where to go, start brainstorming. Make a list of projects you could make and sort them by difficulty. Put the ones you could do now at the top of the list, and the ones you aren't sure how to do yet, at the bottom of the list. As you go through them, if you want to do something but aren't sure how, just hop onto an irc chat and everyone will be glad to help. As you go through the projects, your logic and program design skills should improve, as well as your knowledge of programming.
2. Put comments in your code. Seriously. If you are working on a project and suddenly stop working on it for a week or more, you will go back to look at that code and be extremely confused. If you are making something open source, its even more important. If people can understand the code, they are more likely to contribute to it.
3. Try not to focus on code for too long. The longer you work, the more tired your brain gets. Eventually you get tired and make really stupid decisions in your code.
4. Don't code while tired (look at #3)
5. If you are writing code as an assignment, make sure to rename all variables to proper names before submitting it. The instructor will likely not be pleased to see variable names with the f-bomb in them. -
Client: How many days do you need for this project
Me: 6 months
Client: That's too much. I researched and found that it shouldn't consume more than 3 months
Me: I'm sure you didn't researched on gradle building process (-_-) -
Hello.
So we have a query inside our company :
We are developers. We are (At least supposed to) logic.
Do you think We developers can influence environment of the planet?
For my self : Not sure, but I would like to believe that more my code is optimized, less resources it will use.1 -
Random: What kind of music do you listen to when working?
I'm sure a lot, if not most folks on this website have headphones on while coding.22 -
Brain : Hey, there's this task that needs to be done
Me : oh sure, let me do it
* tries to do it unsuccessfully a few times *
Brain : ...
Me : ...
Brain : DON'T YOU --
Me : * Opens devrant and starts scrolling *
Seriously though, if you guys could suggest some good cmake tutorials ( I'm using VSCode and GCC 8.1.0 for compilation ) - that'd be swell :)
Keep rocking!2 -
Friend: "Heyyy, I want a custom IT solution. Can you make it for me?"
Me: "Okay sure."
Friend: "Heyyy I don't want the program to do it for me, I want to learn it myself."
Me: "What the fuck.. sigh."
I ended up giving them some third-party boilerplate solution and now they're happy. Peasants..1 -
Lesson learned. As a newbie to git and vcs in general, always verify a rebase to make sure you didn't accidentally delete your last days work before force pushing and overwriting the company repository. Also, don't get into a situation where you need to do that in the first place.
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Architect: Oh hey Zaphod65, let me know when you're in. Some strangeness in [system], ta
Me: Already here actually [Archtect], what's up?
Architect: oh hi well let me do a little more digging. it may be in frontend
Me: ...
Why? Why do I *care* if you haven't even made sure it's my fault yet?!1 -
Which Programming Laptop do you recommend? It should be light, thin and 13". My budget is 1800$. My current favorite would be a Macbook Pro but I was always a Windows kinda guy so I'm not really sure...37
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Me: „we are going to reschedule the standup to 11pm“
Coworker: „Ok, sure thing“
Me: „You might want to set yourself a reminder so you do not forget it?“
Coworker: „No worries, I got this“
Me @ 11pm: „Where the hell is he?“ -
Do you always make sure to understand the basics/fundamentals of a technique/solution/tool/.. you're using ?
I don't do it all the time and I feel that it's something I should do more often (or always?).3 -
How do you switch from testing while debugging (functional) to TDD unit tests?
Usually I test while coding by just running the use case and making sure while coding, bad inputs are caught/handled.
But most times I start with a general idea of the structure and what the about should be (which essentially would be the functional test case?)
I don't think about how you can break each part or the functions I need until I need them. Then usually start simple and then refactor. And until I'm sure each time I refactor would require changing the tests?4 -
"Can you make this quick change?"
"Yeah, but I'll need to change every page this thing is on and you told me this other project I'm working on is high-priority. Are you sure you want me to do this?" (Also this is a change you're capable of making yourself...)
"It shouldn't take too long, we need this done."
...if I thought it wouldn't take long, I wouldn't have brought it up. -
Day 4 of devWholesome...
Lets try and do something good today! Exercise and eating healthy is important. Go for a walk with your dog today or go on the treadmill. Any amount of exercise is good for you! Make sure you are also eating healthy and eating all 3 meals of the day. Make sure you are keeping up with your hygiene and making sure your body is healthy. And as always, make the most of your day!1 -
Good Morning Folks!!!
I haven't been posting in a while, besides the fact that I went thru a crazy psychiatric crisis 6 weeks ago, there have not been much news to share here.
Now, recovering and working again luckily, I have to face again the stupid pointy haired boss.
So, this fucker asked me for an estimation to build a simple web app.
He: Hey, can you make an estimation for this app
Me: sure, here it is.
He: *to the client*, here's the estimation for the web app you requested
Client: Uhmm, can I haz desktop for winbug$??
He: Let me check with dev
Me: Sure why not, we can do F# using MVU which is basically the same as using modern web frameworks
He: Sure, I'll tell that to the client.
Client: Oooohhh, C#, we lovez C#, can I haz discount?
He: Client wants discount to make it in C#.
Me: Oh, you can give him a discount to make it in F#, I never said C#
He: But your cv says you used C# ten years ago.
Me: Sure, but is not keeping up with functional design patterns, which is what I do.
He: Ok, so I'm offering him the discount in F#
Me: Great.
He: So, project is approved, thanks for the discount, you have 3 weeks to present the product in C#.
Me: Sure, I'll start when I get the downpayment.
Me: I'm considering saying that I didn't understand that he wanted it in C#, and just do F# and not let him know until the project is done.
Thoughts??8 -
I really want to learn Go, but I'm not sure where to start! devRanters who are also Gophers, what tools/resources do you recommend for a beginner?2
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Sure just interrupt me constantly all day, I don't have anything important to do.
"Can you provide an estimate when X will be done?"
"Can you estimate how many questions my colleagues will have?"
Not even just interns. My god.1 -
can you guys show me yours & your favorite personal websites?
i need mine to be unique and POP. right now mine has a linear gradient background that changes each time with javascript to look cool, but that's pretty much it. do you guys have any ideas?
i really want the user to be able to deepfake the picture of me in it by using their camera and tensorflow.js so that the picture will change to their facial expressions, but i'm not sure how to do that yet.32 -
It is ok to fail and commit mistakes, that's part of the game, specially for beginner devs. Just avoid failing alone, the most you can!
I mean:
- Ask people to review your code before pushing to the source repository.
- If you are not sure how to do, ask.
- Never work in production environments without supervision. Pair with someone.
- Have a desk mate for rubberducking (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/...) and blame it in case you need -
!dev
https://epicgames.com/fortnite/...
This url brings to error page with invalid email address that will actually autoreply "We're writing to let you know that the group you tried to contact (do-bug) may not exist, or you may not have permission to post messages to the group. A few more details on why you weren't able to post"
Okay, sure. This may happen to indie stuff etc.
But we are talking about bigass company thats fucking trying to assasinate steam (and so far kindda fails). You dont want to show customers error messages, sure, but at least, if you do it, and you tell your customer to send email to admin, make fucking sure that you provide an actually fucking working email. Is it so hard?
No wonder they cant conquer steam. And thats positive side3 -
Getting absolut frustrated when the bug fix you implemented does not work no matter what you do and how many times you do it, making sure its done correctly.
- Rebooted the machine.
it works.
great, and that was that day at the office.1 -
Do you all sometimes have this strange feeling, that.. actually humanity would not lose anything, if we killed all that useless tech we earn our money with?
Yeah, we get all that propaganda how technical prowess is empowering and sure we all know it's a nice feeling if you can apply the right clicks and bit flips to make the machine do as you want so you feel like the apprentice's sorcerer.
BUT even if you believe your user story adds some business value to some abstract package - what do these devices mostly do? Distract, diffuse your focus, envy other eye-porn provider, endless aberration of clips.
Fuck social media!
(Yes, I know I am on one, but this is because I haven't given up hope on this one.)6 -
Common Docker for Windows! Are you serious? What in heavens name could you do wrong to loose access to your own ducking database?! And as if that's not enough there comes the internet in the form of Google telling me that I'm the only idiot with this problem. Sure sure. Gnarf.5
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Do any of you wonderful devRanters know of good links that cover the topic of best practises when deploying a React/Redux (or any modern web app) to production?
I’m pretty sure I have found all the boxes to check through personal experience but maybe there are tips out there I am unaware of.
🍻 -
I somehow highly doubt the effectiveness of this treatment... if it did work I'm pretty sure we would all have baby faces with the amount of RF signals we're exposed to in a day. Do you think there is any legitimacy to this claim?
4 -
Did some webdesign, not sure yet of how I want to continue, navbar is done & responsive, so that's something. The hero banner looks kinda empty though... What do you folks think of it ?
5 -
I'm asked by a friend (writer)
F : dude, why you coder guys always show off ?
M: how
F : you guys compile just after writing few pages ..... Isn't it show off ?
M: yeah we do ...... to make sure the targeted users will not face any problem.....
F : that's the show off....... Have you seen any one publish a novel book with 2-6 page to make sure that targeted readers don't have any problems ......
...............
Hell ........ -
me: Mum, Dad I want to a developer like [my older brother's name]
mum: I don't know what you guys do anyway. just make sure to be the best at it.
dad: Good luck, don't forget to start your own company soon enough. -
Do the design first and make sure you get it reviewed!! If the reviewer is always too busy to look at your design, remind them that you can't start the actual coding until they do the review and go over it with you. And be open to their suggestions, it may save time later down the line.
-
Do you think tracking work hours by ticket makes sense?
I think it's a waste of dev time. Not sure from PM pov.6 -
fallacy of a "good child". m:mom/dad s:son/daughter , o: outcome.
counter : 1
m : Son, can you do this thing x for me?
s : yes sure
o : son is good
counter : 2
m : Son, can you do this thing x for me?
s : yes sure, give me 5 mins
after 5 mins...
--case 1 : m is still waiting, s comes and does the work
---o : son is bad since son let m wait
--case 2 : m did half of x and says "just teach me how this part is done, and i will do it on my own". s teaches
---o : son is bad since son didnot do the task
--case 3 : m does the whole x work
---o : son is bad since son did not do the task
counter 3
m : Son, can you do this thing x for me?
case 1)s : why can't you do it yourself? i taught you last time?
--- o : son is bad
case 2) yes give me 5 mins
---o : same as cases of counter 2, i.e all are bad
counter : misc
m : why didn't you do x for me beforehand? why do i need to tell you everytime?
case 1 s : woah! when did you say to do it each day?
--- o1 : son is bad since he cross questioned
case 2 s : oh am sorry, i forgot
--- o2 : son is bad as he intentionally forgets
----
am i not seeing enough politics in the office each day to handle another black tag on me? i sometimes delay a task assigned to me, sometimes want other to just understand and do it on their own. but why does it always end up making me a bad offspring?1 -
You guys sure know Angular/React/Vue, but have you ever heard of Mithril?
I guess it's a good light weight framework compared to Angular, React or Vue.
What do you guys think?3 -
I am really not sure about this, so I wanted to ask, do you guys post online on Medium or Dev.to and how was your experience with your first post? I wanna start doing it, but I've got no clue what to write about. Any suggestions?15
-
!rant
Guys, can any of you give me objective insights whether switching from Ubuntu + Windows to MacBook will be worth it?
I'd really love to be able to use designing tools like Photoshop and Illustrator while doing web development works at the same time, but I'm not sure whether it's worth the price. What do you think?5 -
JUST HAPPEND
tariner and coworker: when getting a dto lets make sure to get the object by a query before the function then pass only the object found
<couple of lines later>
see her the thing again....
me: this function you did it.
tariner and coworker: um.....mmmmm.
yeah this thing is wrong you should never do this...
(as if he made a mistake and covering it by telling me not to do it) -
How do you guys hire people? I need to hire people for a big laravel project and I am not sure how to evaluate someone in just 30 min.
So please tell me about your hiring method.7 -
I recently started a Java blog
Right now i just wrote some blog entries with rather small content. But I am not sure if in-depth entrys would be more valuable. Do you prefer blogs with small pieces of information oder in-depth content?
Feel free to have a look
http://javacodingnerd.com3 -
[POLL] How do you develop stuff?
1 - just write code. It doesn't need to be organized, it just need to work how you thought it would, and THEN you start organizing things, like editing/creating new files, letting things DRY, optimizing the sutff you did earlier;
OR
2 - you surgically write code, making sure you keep everything is organized from the beginning. Basically you only write when you are sure.
Or maybe it's a blend between the two or something.
I'm asking because I do like the #1 and I feel uncomfortable when people see my code when it's under development. It's a mess, there are tons of comments everywhere and a bunch of repetition. But, when I find the right stuff, I start writing modules to make my code work better, remove unnecessary things, add documentation, and so on.
My development process is not the best of the best, but I get things done with it.
7 -
!rant
What I tell every Admin Padawan and I hope it will help you, too...
---
Whatever you do on any system, always make sure you know and are able to revert your changes so you can return to the last working system state.
---
It is basically somewhat similar to "always have a backup". But it goes much further in my opinion because it also implies that you know for certain that a recovery works as well since:
"Nobody wants backup, everybody wants recovery" -
How would you implement a system that allow people to share a product that's normally one price but because of the referral there is a discount. Oh and the discount is supposed to based which country you live in.
Right now the whole system runs on the honor system and a little front end verification. How do I clean up this mess??
Sure getting the user's location could work until they use a vpn. I don't really know what to do here.3 -
Ideas for future weekly questions:
What's your favourite dev tech?
What's your favourite non-dev tech?
What do you think about privacy regulations in your country?
Story about maintaining / working with /refactoring legacy code.
Also, if you get in inspired by a questions suggested by someone, make sure to give credit where due! It would be awesome to see who's question we're answering. -
!rant
What font size do you normally use for programming?
I've been using 12-14px for years, but I switched to 16px for the last couple of hours. Feels weird but I kinda like it.
Sure, you do lose some real estate but it feels like it's way easier for the eyes. Less physical strain == less mental strain, which in turn makes for higher quality code.
Also, selecting stuff is more satisfying, but that's probably just me since I'm weird ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Any thoughts?4 -
okay so i want some suggestions from you people, basically i am undergraduate, highly interested in web development as well as software development, i have created some web apps(i use MEAN stack). i want to become an open source contributor and i am not sure how to do that. I have tried going to different github repos but it was of no help. So any suggestions on what to do and how to do is welcome5
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hey, how do you keep up with the migration files and git branches, i name them, how do you make sure the current branch has latest migration files so it does not break your application :)2
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Hey guys. I have been thinking about learning to code to Android using a native language, but I am not sure it would be worth it, since I already know React Native...
What do you guys think ? Should a guy that already develops with React Native learn native development ?4 -
Macbook - How do you get "True Tone" soooo wrong. If I wanted to automatically switch from light mode to dark mode every 20 seconds I'd ... I'd ... I'm not sure what I'd do, but seriously, that fucking shit has to stop.
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@ Frontend devs:
Did you see Moon.js framework?
It's a very sad framework although i am not sure why it feels so Angular-ish vue.
But at least they are trying
What do you think5 -
Can't find a good dev internship here, sure imma move out. Trying to move out, nuuh u uh, you need a years experience to get a resident-work permit in any good country that's got dev internships. Now do I go in as a master's student or what now :(4
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I think I found a way to audit college courses without paying for them. Find someone that is taking the courses and get paid doing their homework (for cheap/free). Make sure they take good notes and provide access to all materials. Do their homework of course. If taken to the extreme you could have a CS/CE/Math background while possibly making money on the deal. Any time you want to take a course you advert that you will do the homework. You could even wrangle the victim to record the lectures so you can reference as needed.
At the end you won't have a degree, but will be able to do everything the degree demands.
Obviously there are issues with this, one being a moral issue.4 -
After some joyful years with typescript i learned that my major code base didn't use strict mode. I changed and now i feel i don't know typescript at all. Some things get irritatingly complicated now although it's even more resilient now for sure. I am not sure how to feel about it. So to the typescript out there: Do you use strict? A custom set of rules?6
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Was that a good idea to use unicode symbols in a terminal UI application?
I thought that it'd be okay since TUI library is using unicode for drawing borders. But I'm not sure.
What do you guys say?8 -
Quick Question Please.
For those of us who are in a dating relationship, how do you handle dating (someone you are sure you will want to get married to), tight work schedule and learning new things about tech???10 -
Recently I've been thinking about doing some PHP freelancing to get some extra cash, but I'm not exactly sure where to start. I used to do freelancing before but those kind of jobs were from friends and former colleagues who contacted me.
So how do you get started with a client base of zero? I have looked at sites like freelancer.com but it seems like the majority of those projects want something for very little, or you get underbid by someone else.1 -
So I'm trying to port forward my PS4. But the problem is, I'm on boingo wireless. You can't access router settings because of "security reasons". I do have Linux and wondering if there's a way to do it using the terminal. Maybe ssh? Already tried iptables, but also could have just done it wrong. I'm not sure how I could do this considering we're not supposed to be able to.6
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Do your research on the company you're applying for, and make sure they can give you the proper learning environment and experience. If they can't, fuhget about it. You gotta end up in the right place.1
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I probably got an internship for this summer and I'm really really excited for it.
However, I've juste finished my first year of CS and it's my first internship and it makes me really scared that I'll be unable to do anything. Like sure I know OOP and how to code, but what will I do in a business?
Do you have any tips or so? It would help me a lot, I really want to do it well.3 -
I'm kind of interested in learning a language like go or rust, etc... But I'm not sure. I'm having a hard time really "getting" what they are used for? What do you guys recommend?4
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I'm still in high school, but want to have a good resume going. What format do you use for your internship? I have a website, I'm just not sure how to present my skills.2
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https://learnbchs.org - The web framework consisting of OpenBSD, C, httpd and SQLite.
What do you think? Not sure if I should call C-webdevs insane or genius (maybe both).
I think the code will either end up very secure or with more severe bugs than any PHP website ever had. Please talk me out of trying it.7 -
"I have a lot of experience with 'Programs'."
- A customer, referring to our flagship equipment automation, and data acquisition/processing software suite.
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Is JavaScript the Tower of Babel? What will be the long term effects of the explosion of new frameworks. I liked it when you could use a backend server side language and had JavaScript as the special sauce that could do what the backend could not do. I am sure I will be sent to hell for blaspheming the hot, new js frameworks. Oh well better to burn out than fade away.
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Are you an off-shore contractor working for a US company? How do you really feel about working US Hours?
I have several contractors on my team who say "I'm willing to work any shift" but I need you to be honest with me on devRant... how do you really feel? Do you have families? Do you prefer to work your normal hours? Why do all of my contractors martyr themselves to work whenever they think makes me happy?
I can work around your requests, I'd probably get better work if you're happier and well rested. I'm not sure what I'm missing, are these hours actually better for you and your family?2 -
I hate using fpdf and mpdf.
I'm sure the people working on them are great, pretty sure they have helped a lot of people, me included.
But boy do I hate not being able to write my html in peace only to find out the style I want to apply isn't supported within a table
It's making me want to jump out the window.
Anyway, I hope you whoever is reading this had a nice day, and if you didn't, you will tomorrow, you got this!1 -
A question for the experienced devs out there.
When you are the only one working on an application, how do you make sure that it is secure?1 -
[POOL]
What do you have: a "dev" or a "workplace" directory in your home? I always had a "dev" for my projects and I think I'm not alone, but I can't be sure10 -
Okay, so basically.
I would like to learn programming and I'm not yet sure of what I should do.
You know hacking or become a web Dev or something to do with AI. I'm very interested in anything programming and I don't like what they teach me in college and I need a few suggestions of what are the languages that I need to learn to get really going.11 -
Want to send an email? Sure thing, how about you configure first a DKIM, DMARC, SPF and some reverse DNS. Otherwise your mail can go fuck itself, because it won't even make it to the spam folder. Even if you do all these time consuming fuckwit tasks I might just mark your mail as spam. Because fuck you, that's why.
Sending mail to Gmail in a nutshell.2 -
did she ask why i said that :P nope.
not sure if she even commented last time.
naybe because i saw she sampled something i said when younger and happier person.
welcome to no end house
do you people feel dead yet ? like wraiths worn out and wandering at the edge of the town ? -
I feel stupid when I can't use VIM. Not sure if that's too bad or too good.
Do you feel the same? Writing jkhl in your code? Or :w to save your documents or emails?1 -
When you do a microproject on some framework, make sure you know how it works, as in, know what you've written rather than blindly copying from tutorials, stackoverflow or documentations.
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senior: it should only take 30 seconds to replace multiple display strings across our code base
well it would be nice if they'd do it then, and somehow i don't think that 30 seconds included checking your work and making sure you don't fuck up other instances of those strings (e.g. in variable names, etc)
maybe you got a clever enough regex to only hit exactly what you want :shrug:1 -
Has anyone found a bug in Paypal site? I sent them an email about their incomplete looking page and they want me to upload screenshot and the sourcecode. I don't mind the screenshot but sourcecode? I'm not sure since I wouldn't know what the sourcecode includes. Would you ever do it?8
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Manager: Can we achieve X?
Dev: We can do with Y. But with the time that you are allocating it is difficult to complete Y.
Manager: Can we do a temporary fix?
Dev: Sure. We can do Z. But we need to prioritise Y in the next sprint else Z will cause issues in the long run.
Manager: Sure
After many next sprints,.......
Manager: Hey, Z is causing us issues regularly. Can we do something about it.
Dev: We still can do Y.
Manager: Come up with document on the implementation. We'll implement it.
Dev: Sure. Will do.2
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