Best thing about being a dev? Non techies can't question your reasoning.

Oh, and Dilbert.

Wife : Lets try some other position tonight.

IT support guy : raise a ticket for change request

This is how techies get high

That fealling when your in a social dinner with friends (non programmers or techies) and everyone has great histories about work situations... and then you try to tell your history... and then you think about it.. and then you give up because no one will be so excited about some major bug you solved

Parent: Your room is a mess
Me: You should see my code

*Flying slipper received*

I love this new dictionary. Keeping it for a better way to explain to non-techies about what I do

How I explain what I do as job to non-techies (back-ender):

You won't ever see what I make on a screen but what you see on a screen, you see thanks to what I make.

I have a whatsapp group with my friends, none of which are techies. A while ago one of them was looking for a phone to buy, so he started looking at models, specs and all that, but got pretty confused and asked a pretty well-informed question to the group:

"Guys, what is that quad core thing?
And what is a RAM? Is it something like the processor of the phone or what? "

OK, pretty typical stuff up until this point. The guy knows nothing about this sort of things, I wouldn't criticize him or insult him or anything like that. No, that's not the problem. The problem is the person that responded to him. This... This melted my brain so much I will never forget:

"Don't worry about that, you only have to look at how many gigahertz does the processor run at. Don't worry about the number of cores or ram. The GHz are the result of the amount of ram and cores, so the more the gigahertz, the better the phone."

PD: "Also take a look at how many megapixels does the camera have if you want to take photos".

Some people just talk out of their ass and pretend like they're experts on any topic they've read about for 5 minutes on the Internet

This big multi-million consulting company hired me as freelance. They did it in a hurry, because "the project already started, it is a very important client (a bank) and we need your expertise by YESTERDAY".

In the first THREE WEEKS I had meetings with their own project managers, their client's project managers, techies, sales people. No one was able to tell me what do I have to do, but:

1 - they asked me for very detailed estimates plus a release plan
2 - f**k your estimates, we need this BY JANUARY 16th

Mysql...

I find it annoying when non-tech savvy people criticize the Parler devs for using AWS because "it's Amazon they had it coming", I don't know the devs or company behind that website, I've never used it, but wtf man do you have any idea what's involved in building, deploying and maintaining a platform like that or any other similar? ffs you would barely be able to write an HTML blog by yourself and you dare judge devs for using AWS. fuck off.

I agree with the sentiment, it sucks, if my platform was removed from AWS I probably would keep it that way because I don't have the money to afford the hardware nor am I somewhere that's readily available and that's what is really sad it would suck that just because Amazon doesn't like you or you don't have the influence to fight it you and your userbase can go fuck off. Very bad precedent, it is discouraging.

So I'm in the market for a laptop and my friends don't understand why I'm being so picky. They don't understand why a laptop that weighs more than 2.0kg is heavy or why a 1366 x 768 isn't good if they have one with the same resolution and it's perfect. This mind might sound really "deep" but I feel like our laptop ends being the same as a canvas is for a painter. We spend 8 hours a day looking and working in these machines trying to create solutions for stuff that the "other people" - non-techies - take for granted. If they can be bloody picky about the pen the use to take notes in their classes and it's just a pen, why can't I be with the tool that's responsible for what I do on a daily basis and love doing?

I don't like noob techies who are into IT for the money.

My friend is jealous of me and he wants to get to my level. I told him that he should take Oracle certifications if he wants a good chance to a raise or a promotion (at least, it's a well-respected series of certs and everyone I know who took them got serious salary increases and respect from their managers).
For example, I studied for 12 weeks, for 12 hours per day for the OCA. He thinks he can just quickly cram a cert in three days and get big money. Nope.

This guy failed Network+ countless times. I remember he wanted to quickly get his CCNA when he barely understands how folders work.

The level of foolishness is amazing..
Yeah, anyway..

How do you explain git for non-techies? 🤔🤔🤔🤔

Me: ...blockchain...
*Wanna be techies*
*Investors*
*Dude who read a few articles about blockchain*

Because of some theft this year and even though we already have security cameras, my apartment building decided to check the front door locks so it's more secure.

This key looks very high tech... Only issue though is I never use the key anyway... I just entered the door code...

So what is the point of changing the locks? I'm going to guess whoever is stealing isn't picking the lock... People would notice... They must know the code.

Also it seems most of the apartment locks are digital key card/pins too. Wondering if this just means most owners are young or just are techies/devs...

I brought my laptop and stuff to school the other day, it was my final period before school was over and it was more "do what you want" kind of thing. So I was playing with my terminal (since I have Linux) and one of the students came up to me and asked "What are you playing? Is that a game?", luckily I wasn't in that pissy mood so I just tried my best to explain to him what I was doing.

Workload rant.

Our new line manager is overly expecting from all of us (product/design/tech) and is micro managing on ground level without having any real sense of reality. He just wants everything to be built overnight.

He is smart, no doubt about that. But guess, I learnt from him what I had to. Not to stereotype but he is a typical Indian manager who keeps pushing boundaries.

He just added 80 features for Q1 roadmap with on 3 PMs, 1 Designer, 1TPM, and bunch of techies .

What the actual fuck! 😂😂😂 And he wanted to add more, thankfully we ran out of time in the meeting.

And my super talent and genius blabbering co-woker who works mechanically just fucked herself real bad. Lol

I kept telling her not to add Feature XYZ to the roadmap because:
1. There'll be spill over from Q4
2. She is already overloaded with 1 task and keeps crying all day about being unable to handle it
3. She is setting wrong expectations with management for herself and rest of the team
4. Boss will add more work and she'll be fucked

She was adamant and did not listen.

Now this is what happened:
1. ALL her Q4 items got pushed to Q1. LMFAO
2. She was literally crying since morning on calls for being overloaded and we are yet to start Q1 assignments
3. Additional tasks along side feature XYZ were added on her plate

I tried to push back the manager and that's when he said okay, let's keep some items for Q2.

But holy shit. 80 features between such a small team and wanted to done in few weeks.

I need to pump more steam in my job hunt activity. This place is ridiculously toxic.

Intend to help a friend to find out what's wrong with a software installation in his laptop today...
But forgot that his Windows installed in Chinese version... how am I supposed to help.... (; _ ;)
I can't read Chinese... can't even find how to open Control Panel...
_________________________________
My native language is not English, but I always have all my techies set up in English.

For the very First time, I am gonna take my Environmental Science exam Online.
Writing the effects of deforestation and how to protect trees and how people doing bullshit to forests, blah blah...in the paper actually made me guilt.

Thanks #lockdown for some of the positive changes.

PO: "Hurry the fuck up!"
me: "Well I'm sorry but no amount of wanting will speed up development. Development is complicated. Understand that".

Non-techies are super irritating.

!rant

I trolled my friend by telling him that there's a 100 MB data transfer restriction on Windows right now because of the Ransomware that's floating around the internet.

I can't believe it worked and now he thinks he couldn't copy anime or games from me because it exceeds 100mb file size.

What's your best troll moments to people who're not computer techies?

Women at 32 after delivery vs me at the age 21 who gazing at the laptop to find errors in my code

Wtf is a 0.25% equity in a barely functioning startup which you helped build from scratch????

When co-developers talk to non techies with tech talk expecting them to understand. Like, where's that going to get you? An essential skill for a developer is to be able to translate tech talk to help people understand fully!!

oh danish
oh staple of police and fat techies
how i sing my love to thee

when my brain slows
you nourish me

when my mood sinks
you uplift me

but oh gentle sweet lord
the sacrifice ! the sacrifice !
miles must i wander weary of soul and body
or cursed do i sit a heavy head on heavy shoulders
and widen the throne beneath me!

So I work at a startup working on “cutting edge” technology with two other devs. Our lead engineer is an interesting fellow. The guy never ever writes a single line of code, just looks for similar projects online and receives a lot of credit for it, I have to hand it to him though, he has an ability to scheme through information and pick the gist of what’s going on but when it comes to detail, he’s seriously lacking. We recently started a projects a couple of weeks back and it was supposed to be an easy two days of hacking and we would be done but instead the guy looks for code online copies it I change the necessary variables to match the use case then it doesn’t work. So we’ve spent weeks debugging this code because someone is afraid to get their hands dirty. I can’t complain to the bosses because they’re not techies and the trust him more since I’m still new to the company.
I love their attitude though, they honestly believe they have a chance against some giants in tech and from the actual talent I’ve witnessed they’ll only get there through sheer luck.
I have to sit there and listen to them shit on more successful tech companies and that they have better ideas.
Maybe someone can change my mind on this issue as I’m still young and new to this industry.

My little brother and his friends had a lan party the other day! It took me years but now he and all his friends are proper PC gamers. I hand built my little bros rig, feelsgoodman.

Side note, I think I've converted my siblings and cousins into techies by accident. I'm the oldest so they always asked what I was doing and I taught them what I knew. Now I'm the one learning stuff from them!

Just for fun

after a long time i discovered that my nearest neighbours' son knows about CS stuff and another direct neighbor could potentially have a job for me to offer as a developer - and that neighbours' son is working for him.
what a freaking coincidence to finally have someone to talk to about tech who is not about a million miles distance and to also get a possible job in near future
i would say win-win for all of us😎😄

I want to rant about tech YouTubers. As one myself, I feel like I do an even exchange with my viewers.

I want your attention, I don't feel like I deserve it, so I teach you something coding related. You get something of value, I get your attention.

But that's not the case with most in this space. Idiots feel like they can spout whatever bullshit they think about.

They're all stupid with their stupid fucking titles and ideas. Let's review some.

Video Title: How much Javascript you should know to get in tech??
Anyone with > 2 braincells: WTF !!!!!

Video Title: How would I start over to learn coding if I could?
My Reaction: Nope, I wouldn't. The things that I did and didn't is exactly what my journey is and I would do it all over again.

And I get the intent, you're trying to put a roadmap for beginners but they're not going to follow exactly how you lay it out. And why are you trying to establish that there is a correct way of learning coding? Everyone learns at different paces at different times. It's a journey not a race.

Video Title: A day in the life of {COMPANY} engineer.
My Reaction: What do you want to show everyone? Your fancy office? Your perks? The job perks which 99% of other devs won't have?

Video Title: How to crack FAANG interviews.
My Reaction: Well, only the top 1% is going to get an interview anyway. You're not acknowledging the fact that the acceptance rate is < 1% in these companies. Creating a video like this creates false expectations in beginner's heads. And they only see these companies as their only shots of making careers. They dont consider startups or starting their own companies.

Video Title: Top 4 dying programming languages.
My Reaction: WTF !!! COBOL was invented in 1959 and there still is demand for it. And my blood started boiling when Tiff in Tech said PHP is a dying language. Like seriously????

Video Title: Top paying programming languages in 2023.
My Reaction: Please, come on. We know it's Java. And 99% of the viewers ain't getting that job. You're just wasting time listing out languages. By the time someone starts from scratch and gets to a position of getting a job, something else will be the new fad.

Video Title: What advice would I give myself when I was starting?
My Reaction: Really? You couldn't think about saying what advice you'd give to your viewers? Are you really that full of narcissism?

There are good techies though, it's just that I get angrier and angrier the more YouTube recommends me these stupid videos. Ah, my chest feels lighter now.

So I wanted a newer Linux OS for doing certain things at work. I went for Kubuntu 21.04 as it would have reasonably newer software and had the tools I needed for managing exfat partitions. I installed it on a second drive and everything went smoothly. I booted to the OS and it said it needed to do updates. Okay, lets do that. I started them and walked away.

I came back later and it had finished. I rebooted the machine because I needed to run windows. It came up to a prompt and a grub command line. WTF. I am like oh fuck, it didn't just fuck me out of my windows install. So I rebooted into the BIOS. I looked and it now had switched the drive I installed Linux on as the boot drive. That is weird. So I switched the M.2 drive to boot. It went right into Windows.

Kubuntu 21.04 installed on second drive as intended, switched the boot drive to the second drive, and then fucked itself on first update. And people wonder why non-techies don't run Linux. Its a pile of shit only a masochist would love. Because we are the only ones who can possibly sort out shit like this.

I know its probably a webpage away from fixing, but I needed to work in windows and could not be fucked to fix it. Its a distraction to actually getting my work done. Just disappointed in the entire ecosystem.

The way I feel about myself when my client is 100% satisfied with my code!

Seeing CAT5 Cables sold as CAT8 cables makes me think how many non techies have been scammed and don't even know it.

Like when apple marketed the 3rd gen PoS iPad as the new iPad and people starting for years after selling new ipads that were anything but.

To people who do this kindly fuck off

I had a question stuck in my head for a long time: How does it feel to have a dev/geek/techie as your friend?

How did you meet them and what was your experience?

I've never had any dev/geek/techie as my friend (I had one but he has a communication problem so never got to interact properly). Anything I should keep in mind when befriending any techies/devs/geeks?

It works perfectly most of the time..except few

So I went to a car repair center and asked if they could fix my bike. They said they could but they won't. This is outrageous, obviously a bike is less complicated than a car and they can actually fix it, they just won't because it's "not their job". Unbelievable!

//This didn't really happen of course
//people don't think this is acceptable, but if I won't fix their laptop they are surprised and act the same way. I study ICT (embedded software engineering and cyber security, but they don't understand that so ICT it is) so I HAVE to fix their laptop....
//Non-techies should really learn that just because we can do something, we don't have to do what they ask of us

Well this would be the first post of myself in the past two years of dev life.
Hi fellas, I wanted to be a serious pro programmer. Even though I was working in a large scale enterprise product, I often feel like missing some awe(want to settle a job in Google) in my dev life. I managed to grasp and play profoundly in some trending and hot techies like Angular, React, Electron, Laravel, Symfony, Extjs, Spring....I still feel unlucky. :(

1) Having the opportunity to read and write the future, with no one telling you that you can't

2) feeling superior to non-techies because as this world gets more and more digital every day, you have more potential to control them or make them dependent on you

3) hopefully the AI overlords will be more peaceful to programmers because we created them....

Dirty data? More like dirty laundry! And don't even get me started on explaining complex models to non-techies. It's like trying to teach a cat to do calculus. Furr-get about it!

Ok, new to Twitter . Kinda liked it, followed some good techies , but i am quite confused in using it.. can someone help?
1) how to edit your tweet? Like if you did a typo or just need to change some text
2)when i visit it after a few hours( say 4 ) it shows 'incase you missed' , i press it and it will take me somwhere down. What's the meaning of that? All the messages above that message are of last 4 hours?Am i supposed to swipe up or down?
3) WHY THE FUCK AM I SEEING EXTREMELY STUPID 'PROMOTED' TWEETS HAVING MY PM'S RANTING AND OTHER POLITICAL TALKS WHEN CLEARLY AM A DEV WHO HAS FOLLOWED THE GOOD, TECH PAGES? How to just unsee those?somebody please lend a good ML algorithm to this weirdly naïve site called Twitter .
4)any good tech pages to follow?(general tech related news or datasciences)

Thank-you

I've always wondered if techies would make good heads of state. there would be reason in every decision and countries would progress a lot quicker. and we may have world peace someday.

Found this sticker online somewhere. Thought id share it with you guys. (BTW: I'm new here, loving devRant so far!)

Happens!

Experiment vs Result..

Great that I did not even give a try!

QUICK!

I'm about to set up a new pc (not for me, in our bureau, it'll do nothing special at all) elementary os or Ubuntu 17.10?

I'd do an update to Ubuntu 18.04 when its published, but I don't wanna use the "old" version with unity as of now...
Or elementary is because it's easy to use?

I'm currently working in a theater, so it should be usable for "non-techies".

Never got why react and all those js frameworks are so popular - css and jquery will load faster and do whatever you want them to not to mention all the jquery plugins you can use for free from fancy box to owl carousel. Sometimes i feel techies like something just because its new

Have a question for more seasoned developers/techies in the industry. I started my first software development job 7 months ago and I am contract to hire. There’s only two developers (including myself) on my team and we’ve been working on two separate projects that’s apart of a bigger system. He was a contractor but because our company took too long to get back to him about converting he interviewed and accepted an offer at Amazon (don’t blame him). Now I have to take over his project as well as mine which would be overwhelming to say the least... our team is almost entirely remote so it can be difficult to communicate sometimes and our company is heavy in process so development moves slow. Should I start looking for other opportunities or should I stick it out and gain experience even though the workload is unrealistic?

Being the techies techie.

When someone says that he gonna start Hadoop installation on windows

Welcome bruh!!!

Can anyone tell me, what should I do inorder to get sticker when a post crossed 40 rants..?

i wanted some advice on career progression. I am a CS graduate from 2020, have been a decent mobile dev for last 3 years and switched 2 companies so far. i currently have an average ctc (considering i reside in the world's most populated country) as a junior dev.

i want to grow but don't know the next steps. here are my options:

1. stay in the same company . role growth: senior in 2 years , more senior in 4 years . comp growth : avg 10% every year

>> this feels okay-ish path but 10% growth seems very less

2. switch every x years . role growth : unpredictable. comp growth min 30-50%

>> this has been my approach. as i grow bore of a company, i switch . the first time i got a 200% hike, but at that time, i was already earning very less. however companies do not usually take you for a senior role unles you were a senior before, so i think i am losing something here

3. do a masters in tech . comp growth : ? role growth :0
>> this is an unknown territory for me. i haven't heard of anyone bragging about how they did a masters in some tech field and got a better job/position. most people prefer masters in business or do a masters in tech only if they had a poor bachelors degree

4. do a masters in business. comp growth ? role growth?
>> another unknown territory for me. i really wanna consider a managerial position, just because i want to be leading the action , but that's probably because of being a beta guy in all my life and not just the tech/work.

1. managers have a great comp but they also get fired more often than techies. how do you become a good manager/vp/director etc?

2. what are your goals, how do you improve/work upon the goals as a manager?

3. how do you grow as a manager?

honestly i put a lot of tasks and capabilities into one category : the skills of a manager. but i think there might be different roles for such categories. let me know which one is which and if they are worth going into:

1. an x is a person that researches on market trends, other companies, amtheir audience etc and come up with new ideas to implement and improve growth/business of the company

2. an x is a person that makes sure that devs , qa, designers etc are aligned , knows what to do , clears their doubts and ensure the proper functioni5 of the team and timely releases of new features.

3. an x is an ambitious and curious person who can think of new , original ideas.

4. an x is a person with all knowledge of product features.

-----
in all above statements, is x== junior manager? then what are senior manager, vp, directors, president, tech lead, qa,etc?

also how can one start to become x?

transformation of the boy's facial expression from 1st to 2nd is sarcastic than the meme itself

My eyes after 5 hrs of straight coding at midnight

Bf: what do you want to be?

She: html !

Bf: what?

She: when you be the start and end tags!

#include<techie.h>

Here I am doing my degree in computers. Actually it sucks to feel some things that we forget in each language. Neither can we gather up all basics in one go from anywhere. It really feels worse. I have been reading books lately but each book does not cover up all concepts. Or else I may not be reading it good enough. I am confused how should I go about any language. For now particularly java. How should I proceed with it...?

Religion/Alt. Medicine/Modern Politics/Confirmation Bias/End Of The World explained for techies :

👤 : "There seems to be a serious bug in production"

🕷️ : "We only have features, do you have a last wish?"