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Me : Here is your website. So, when can I expect my pay.😊
Client (wants to skip the pay ) : Site is not loading first fix this we can discuss later.
Me : Please conncet to internet and reload. 😒😎
Truestory 🍻5 -
True rant:
A student close to my place ask me to help him install some Software.
Me: Sure this does not take long.
Over to his laptop I noticed this weird popup on screen.
he said: Oh. you just need to click that away. :)
I'm clicking it away and opens up his browser typing in the address bar the search term for the software.
The Laptop quickly copy and paste my search term into a sketchy search website with not correct results..
Then another popup came again on screen.
His response: Oh. you just need to click that away. :)
I'm already internally face palming. but continue my effort to get him his software.
tried different approach on the searching part en trying to click the install button for the software..
and again. my click is high jacketed and it downloads something completely different.
and guess what.. a popup showed up
His response: Oh. you just need to click that away. :)
Stop Molesting your laptop dude! Fix your Shit I'm out!12 -
3 or 4 days before the summer vacations, our teacher came in class and asked us to present whatever projects we've been working on and give a brief description...
Some guys went on the stage, then a few girls,
So being first time on the stage I was pretty nervous and started shaking and sweating a little bit.
I opened up the laptop and project was already open in AS, but had to restart emulator,
but the main thing was, i didn't notice the "blonde lesbians - PornHub" was minimized in the taskbar.
So I opened up cmd and typed "taskill -f -im chrome*" and it vanished. (a little fear increased)
when I finished presentation, some of the students were staring at me, so i made an excuse to go to toilet,
...and I ran out of dept.
after class finished my friends came up to me and said "we saw what was going on there in taskbar" and we laughed.
#NeverEverGoingToDoPresentationEverAgain #TrueStory
6 -
Observation:
Today I was drinking coffee in McDonald's located in Poland. All people in restaurant were using smartphone even when they were not alone. A lot of people are leaving McDonald's still watching on smartphone screen without any care about surroundings and their safety. Only me and homeless guy sitting drunk in the corner wasn't looking at smartphone. It scares me how fast people achieved some kind of addiction to all this apps in smartphones :o
Few days ago I saw news that one teenager got lost during going back from school because he couldn't use smartphone to navigate with GPS xD5 -
Client: I need a Website, You have "complete freedom" to choose an apt design, it should be professional and creative.
Designer: Ok.
~ Makes a top-notch Demo inspired from Apple Website ~
Client: It is not professional at all, you should use yellow color for header background. Matching the yellow in the logo, text should be in red. Use blue borders. "Make it more professional!"
Designer: Ok.
~ Client is King. Does exactly as client said ~
Client: Change the font of the website, use something like this (shows Monotype Corsiva). Reduce the image sizes to stamp size. Give a zoom effect to the headings. Increase the text font size to 16px.
Designer: Ok.
~ Client is King. Does exactly as client said ~
Client: Now it looks more professional!! You should hire me to your design department! And now, as I did the major design part you are only eligible for half the payment......
Designer: <<< what will you say? comment it below.. >>>10 -
Project manager: I see you all are running behind schedule. Let me add some more people to....
All(in unison): NOOOOO
#TrueStory1 -
Team leader: so can you develop uwp application?
Me: sure...
Team leader: ok! You're hired to find our bugs , by the way, we give our employees Microsoft Lumia phones.
Me: OMG.im out. the phone will get bsod.
#TrueStory #SecurityCompany5 -
"Pasting code from the Internet into production code is like chewing gum found in the street." - unknown3
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"Hey, this Chrome autofill feature is so helpful and does exactly what I expect" - said no one ever.4
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So this JUST happened.
I do what I've been doing since its release, that is go through devRant in my spare time.
My girlfriend is right here working on her project and notices me looking intently into my phone, unaware of what I'm up to and literally snatches my phone asking me which girl i was messaging and checks it to see devRant open! The look on her face after that was priceless :D
EVEN NOW as I type this Rant she looked at me and asked "Who is that you're messaging? Your 'girlfriend'?" xD
God bless devRant xD2 -
Once upon a time, one or two jobs ago, a really awesome engineer specced out a distributed search application in response to a business need. This company was managed pretty oldschool and required a ton of paperwork and approvals.
The engineer spent many weeks running tests and optimizing the hell out of this app cluster. It flew, and he had the data to prove it could handle production workloads (think hundreds of terabytes of data being processed every single day)
Part of the way he achieved this was having RAID0 on all of the servers to maximize I/O throughput. He didn't care much about data loss, since the application itself was fault tolerant on a much more granular level.
Management, hearing about this, absolutely flipped their shit and demanded RAID6 instead. This despite the conclusive data that the engineer had that proved RAID6 couldn't keep up.
He more or less got told to STFU.
Even this despite the fact that a RAID restripe would actually take many times longer than rebuilding the failed node from scratch (a process that took about 30 minutes by hand, and could probably be automated to be done in less than five), causing a longer exposure to actual data loss throughout the length of the days-long array rebuild time.
The ill-thought-out requirement added about 50% to the cost of the project (*many* more hard drives now required), beyond the original budget, and the subsequent bureaucratic wrangling resulted in a late product launch.
6 months or so later, after real customers were using this product, the app was buckling under around half of its expected workload. A friend of the engineer suggested to management to try RAID0. Sure enough, that resolved the I/O bottleneck.
This rage-inducing story has a happy ending, though! Said engineer left the company not long after this incident, citing it as a reason for his departure. He was immediately hired by another company, making integer multiples of his prior salary.
The product the company botched the launch of by ignoring his spec? It died a few months later. Maybe the poor customer experience was to blame? Maybe the late launch? Maybe it was another reason entirely.
Either way, millions of dollars of hardware now sat fallow. This was a black eye on the company all the way up to the C-level.
tl;dr: Listen to your engineers. You hired them for their expertise.5 -
Boss (to everyone): "we must have a meeting now and discuss about some importants things"
Me: "ok, but..why?"
Boss: "because i'm too anxious"
Me: ...3 -
Whenever my boss pitches an idea to me I close my eyes and try to make an this-is-a-really-complex-problem face like I am a sort of rainman or something, while I am actually thinking, wow this is stupid2
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Hi guys! Im jr dev and i had a great week! My girlfriend letf my house :'( but my project it's working very well on production. It's not a prank!
#TrueStory7 -
People think that computer science is the art of geniuses but the actual reality is the opposite, just many people doing things that build on each other, like a wall of mini stones.
Donald Knuth2 -
Why use git, do it simple, send me your changes by email and I will merge it.
Why split split source code (js) into different files, use one so we will no have trouble about load order.
Use the same user account for github/gitlab/bitbucket/etc. So we will no worry to setup access permisions.
Use Dropbox/Drive for version control.
We will test the whole system until the end when all is finish.3 -
Client requested password change for their info@ email.
Changed the password.
Client said website is not sending emails
Turned out that website is using SMTP to send email using the same email address. -
How to write crappy code, intermediate level:
Smuggle a hidden OR operator into a longer(300+ chars) logical expression full of ANDs. The best placement is somewhere in the middle. And keep it all in ONE line - at all costs.
#truestory1 -
Me coding in swift:
func doStuff() {
// code
}
"oh I see the code isn't working yet. Let me try this"
func doStuff() {
DispatchQueue.main.async {
// code
}
}4 -
Do any body have turned their phones into gray scale mode?
Completely cured my addition for smartphones.#TrueStory
2 -
In a e-commerce project my client asked for tax calculation with static some x value all the time.
Me: As promised your site is live and please check it.
Client: Checks everything. I want this tax to be dynamic.
Me: That was not mentioned earlier. Now I need to redo the design which takes much time.
Client: You will just change the addition at the end then what's with the design change.
Me: ( I killed him already in my mind)
Truestory 🍻2 -
Manager took too long to decide how he wants the new project.
- Estimate time for this project: 3 months
- Time I have to do it, 1 month.
YAY!! -
When it's Friday night and you are tired af after the work load of work. You start preferring your bed over partying out
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