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Hey, i want to make a game and i need some help, so I'm looking for a team.
What i need is:
2 programmers
3 graphics artists
2 level designers
1 music composer
2 dialog writers
1 web designer for page and forums
5 testers
What i will do, you ask? Well, I've got some really good ideas. I think the game should be like Final Fantasy, but bigger and better. I worked with RPG Maker for two months, but I'm best with ideas. I think my ideas would make some incred...
GO SHOVE YOUR IDEAS INTO YOUR ASS! The idea means nothing. I got an idea for the best game ever, right this morning while i was taking a SHIT!
Hobby teams need people who create content. And people who can do stuff will more likely work with someone who does stuff as well and has proven that he is able to get things done.28 -
Customer :Can you build a system that rates our product by XYZ standard?
Us: Sure!
*time passes*
Us: Ta-da!
Customer: Okay, here are some good and some bad products!
*products get rated shit to supershit*
Customer: No, that's wrong. Some of these are as good as we can, they should be rated best!
Us: okay, we offset the results.
*products get rated good to barely okay*
Customer: Great! Can you sign that the system rates by XYZ Standard?
Us: No.
Customer : But we paid you to rate by XYZ standard!
Us: By XYZ standard your products are bad, you can either have your products rated by standard or pass the test.
Customer: Unacceptable!
Us: Improve production?
Customer : Not possible, the job is done when you rate the products good by XYZ standard.9 -
OH MY GOD, MY TEACHER DOES NOT TEACH MY FAVORITE LANGUAGE!
I've seen a lot of rants about teachers who use an outdated language, or don't accept the preferred framework or library of the ranter, or even force students to use a technology or even worse an OS they don't prefer.
Whats with that attitude?
I absolutely encourage young people to learn technology in their free time and it absolutely helps at building a career and become good at programming. I don't think being around 18 and never having worked in a real job is the time to select "the most superior language and technology".
Actually, that time is never.
Technology is evolving all the time and different tech evolves in different paths for different purposes. Get rid of the idea, that there is a "best" and get rid of the idea, that you will always be able to work with what you think is best.
If you're really really really awesome, you can chose to do what you like most. Not awesome as in "i learned programming in my free time, now i'm better than my programming-for-beginners-course teacher" but awesome as in "start my own company and can afford to only take the jobs i feel like doing", that awesome. Most likely, you're not (yet).
In the real world, you will very likely sometimes be required to work with technology you don't prefer. Maybe with something you think is really bad. Probably, it's not that bad. More likely, you read it on the internet from someone whose self-image is based on on loving TechA and hating TechB. A lot of much hated technology is at least okay for it's intended use. Maybe not the most pleasant time you will ever have, but no reason to jump out of the window. Hey, and if you get used to it, you may even start to like it. At least, learn to retain some dignity when confronted with things you don't like.
You can still think that one thing is better than another, but if you make a huge drama out of it, you just make it harder for yourself. The best programmer is the one who get's shit done, not the one with the saltiest tears.14 -
1. There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don't.
2. How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. It's a hardware problem.
3. A SEO couple had twins. For the first time they were happy with duplicate content.
4. Why is it that programmers always confuse Halloween with Christmas?
Because 31 OCT = 25 DEC
5. Why do they call it hyper text?
Too much JAVA.
6. Why was the JavaScript developer sad?
Because he didn't Node how to Express himself
7. In order to understand recursion you must first understand recursion.
8. Why do Java developers wear glasses? Because they can't C#
9. What do you call 8 hobbits?
A hobbyte
10. Why did the developer go broke?
Because he used up all his cache
11. Why did the geek add body { padding-top: 1000px; } to his Facebook profile?
He wanted to keep a low profile.
12. An SEO expert walks into a bar, bars, pub, tavern, public house, Irish pub, drinks, beer, alcohol
13. I would tell you a UDP joke, but you might not get it.
14. 8 bytes walk into a bar, the bartenders asks "What will it be?"
One of them says, "Make us a double."
15. Two bytes meet. The first byte asks, "Are you ill?"
The second byte replies, "No, just feeling a bit off."
16. These two strings walk into a bar and sit down. The bartender says, "So what'll it be?"
The first string says, "I think I'll have a beer quag fulk boorg jdk^CjfdLk jk3s d#f67howe%^U r89nvy~~owmc63^Dz x.xvcu"
"Please excuse my friend," the second string says, "He isn't null-terminated."
17. "Knock, knock. Who's there?"
very long pause...
"Java."
18. If you put a million monkeys on a million keyboards, one of them will eventually write a Java program. The rest of them will write Perl programs.
19. There's a band called 1023MB. They haven't had any gigs yet.
20. There are only two hard things in computer science: cache invalidation, naming things, and off-by-one errors.10 -
"Hey, about that matter from yesterday..."
"Yes, what about that?"
"We need to talk about that again! How often do you trigger that system?"
"Once."
"You sure?"
"Yes, but i can check it, if you like."
*find references*
"See, only once."
"Can it happen at a random point later one?"
"No."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes"
"Can you check it?"
"Okay."
*shows code"
"Look here, as you can see, it will not happen at other times."
"Do you have an idea why it could happen anyway?"
"Maybe that system does the action without my software telling it to do so, wasn't that specified that way?"
"Yes, but it normally does that roughly 10 seconds after you give the command the first time, so we thought maybe you could say what makes it do the action at other points maybe."
"Did you check that systems sourcecode?"
"No not yet. But did that happen with the older version?"
"No. But we didn't try."
"Did you change something between the versions?"
"Yes, the new feature."
"Could that make a change in behaviour?"
"I don't see how."
"Can you remove that feature for test?"
"We can take the old version."
"No, we need the new version, but without the feature you added."
"That IS the old version, there is no other difference!"
"Are you sure?"
"Would you like to see it in source control?"
"No, ~ okay. What do you think causes the problem?"
"I haven't had any new ideas since we talked yesterday."
"Okay. Mhhh,...okay. Lets talk again later."
YES SURE! BRING IT ON! I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO THAT! PLEASE COME BY OR CALL ME AGAIN! AND BRING THE BOSS WITH YOU, TO SHOW HOW SERIOUS THE MATTER IS! LET ME TELL HIM THE STUFF I TOLD SEVEN TIMES LAST WEEK!2 -
Git branches be so messed up, Its like sisters are marrying cousin's of brother's aunt's nephew's twice removed conjoined twins.
15 -
Step 1: Create and deploy feature. Get feedback: It works fine!
A year passes...
Step 2: Add another small feature that is completely independent from previous feature.
Step 3: Notice that feature #1 is broken.
Why the HELL did it stop working?!? I didn't change anything related to that feature. I can't explain that!
Step 4: Examine bug and find out something unknown about the technology used in feature #1.
Why the HELL did that ever work in the first place?!?
Step 5: Get time to fix it. Don't get time to find out why it worked for a year...
The problem is solved, the mystery remains...5 -
"Errors? Won't happen to me!"
One of my first jobs was to finish and maintain a program, that was made by a guy who had a real genius image among others. Years later, people said "oh him, that smart guy."
I never met him, but that's what i heard.
However, he was not only smart, but it seems he was also very confident. That's what i deduct from his code.
He didn't use catch-blocks. They were all empty. Not even logged.
If errors appeared , it was not possible to see what happened and where and why. The program would continue it's execution and if following steps could not work, because there had been an unnoticed exception, it would just throw another unnoticed exception and at some point, end in an undefined state.5 -
Naming contest:
These two 'new' servers need hostnames.
Names must be within the following constraints:
* Names must be female
* Names must be pronouncable and writable in ASCII standard set of characters.
* Names are preferred to reference to duo's, like sisters, twins, dynamic duo's like chip and dale, but female.
Previous servers were name 'tairu' & 'mairu' (heroic age) and 'karen' & 'tsukihi' (nisemonogatori)
Let's see if the devrant community can surprise me.
Entries will be closed within 48 hours of this post.
79 -
I try to explain my problems to my 6yo twins. It is just HILARIOUS to see their small faces going "huh. Did you tried using that spark thing to send your emails for you?".
Srsly, they give better advice than half the devs I work with. Rubber ducking be damned.6 -
Aww SwiftKey, after two letters youre suggesting the right password, that's so nice of you...
Wait a minute... WHY DO YOU EVEN KNOW THAT?
You're not a password manager and you don't do that with other passwords, what's wrong with you?4 -
Apple products are fucking trash, I don't give a shit if you have money to waste, but don't fucking brag about how superior your 3000$ excuse of a fucking laptop is the best laptop in the world when you could easily afford a desktop with 2 1080 GTX in SLI for that price.
"but mac has lyk no bugs, its so good"
NO FUCKING SHIT, THE OS IS BUILT WITH THE HARDWARE USED IN MIND. THEY DON'T BUILD 500000 MODELS OF MACBOOKS, THEY JUST HAVE TO MAKE ONE MODEL WORK, AND ALL OTHER LAPTOPS WHO HAVE THE SAME HARDWARE WILL.
This is fucking ridiculous.
That's like designing a site, but only for Firefox because that's the browser you use and you expect everybody to use that browser. Obviously it'll work fine on your machine.
I am so fucking sick of Apple fan boys.
I am fully aware some of you devranters are apple fans, but this has been something I've wanted to say for ages, albeit i'm a little late to the party.
Stop wasting money on overpriced trash.28 -
Had a problem.
Heard the errorsound a few dozen times too often.
Replaced it with Hitler screaming "NEIN NEIN NEIN".
Solved problem.
Let the sound stay.
Someday it will make a bad situation slightly brighter.2 -
I don't understand why people are making a fuss about Facebook.
It's free to use, the amount of users kept increasing (thus the cost of maintenance) yet the company kept getting bigger and bigger. Obviously they're not making all their money off the advertisements on Facebook's own website.
So why are people so surprised that they're "selling" user information?
This is really funny to me. Especially the media joining in saying that it makes all your information available to everybody when they're actually talking about the fact that the majority of Facebook users have their profile set to public and they can be easily found with a simple Google search.
People are so fucking hypocritical it makes me want to puke. If you don't want anybody to know what you posted, just don't fucking post it on a SOCIAL MEDIA in the first place.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that facebook is all flowers and love, they clearly didn't handle this situation well. They could have done something about this whole situation when it started instead of waiting for things to blow out of proportion.
However, people are just being assholes now. I highly doubt that they're reading all chats nor are they sending it over, they're probably just sending out some words you mention often so that it is pertinent for advertisers (ex. If you use the word computer next to buy, then maybe that triggers something). I could talk extensively about it but I'm way too lazy, the point is, they most likely aren't sending the nudes you sent to advertisers because that does not provide any benefits.
If you don't like Facebook, don't fucking use it. Delete your account and shut the fuck up. When you screw up in real life, there's no takesies backsies, why the fuck do people think it doesn't apply online? The government gathers up quite a lot of information on you yet I don't see you crying your eyes out.
Why the fuck do you care so much if an advertisement is tailored to specifically? Yeah, you talked about dildos and now you see dildo ads from Amazon, not happy? Just download adblock and shut up. If you're gullible and the moment you see an ad about single women in your area you click on the ad because you want to get laid right now, that's your problem.
Don't want people knowing about some aspects of your private life? Don't share it online.
Stop acting like people are any better at keeping secrets, I'm sure you had some people leak your secrets at least once, yet I doubt you sued them and you brought them to court.
===========
I'm sorry about this, it's just that Facebook is all over the news and I'm getting sick of it.
Also, I hate facebook, I'm not necessarily defending it, I'm more pissed at the medias for blowing this situation out of proportion.22 -
It baffles me how underrated Electron is.
I'm not a fan of learning millions of different Framework, but I think that Electron is groundbreaking.
To give some context, both Slack and Discord are made using Electron27 -
Found out my wife is pregnant with twins. Had to give up my office for an alcove in the kitchen. Finished getting everything made/installed last week.
Stay safe
7 -
"For me, it means..."
For me it was not one specific meeting, but rather a series of meetings with a customer over some years.
It was like the movie "groundhog day", it was the same all over again.
We had this technical term, and our customer had his own definition of what it meant and what it's supposed to be. No need to say that his definition did not match the one the engineers and developers of the world had agreed on.
At least a dozen times, i convinced him, but as soon as the meeting ends, it's all reset and we start at zero next time with his new or old definition of what a definition should mean. Sometimes i was just sick and tired of it so i let him explain how it is while i just stared into the void. Didn't matter he told me once, it will happen again next time again, like it never happened before.1 -
!rant
Is a bachelor's degree worth it?
Context:
Up until yesterday, I was planning on not getting a Bacherlor's degree related to programming. I'm currently an intern and I believe that they'll want to keep me afterwards. Even it they don't, my old boss has a junior developer position opening soon and he asked me if I was interested.
I think I'm a good programmer, but I'm not here to boast, but rather, I want to know your opinion:
Is getting a bachelor's degree in software engineering worth it?
I know this topic is not new and has been asked in many forums, but I noticed a repetitive trend: people who have the degree say it's worth it and people who don't say it's not.
TL;DR:
Is getting a bachelor's degree in software engineering worth it? Why?16 -
Did you say "go to hell" to your project manager?
No, i would not use gogo.
So what's it with you and him?
I think he implements IDisposable.3 -
Messenging with a friend about me working with VBA on a side project.
Me: VBA brings back bad behaviour
Him: Like?
Me: I_AM_KONSTANT and this is a _globalVariable.
Him: Hahaha^^
[...]
Me: Mister O. ...
Him: Mister M. ?
Me: Should i use goto?
Him: I think we need to break off contact.
Him: If you had said you killed someone. Ok.
Him: But GOTO?
[...]
Me: I did it. And then a cold shiver ran down my back.
Him: You deserve that!
____________________
( translate from German )4 -
Came across a job posting for a lead developer yesterday. One of the requirements:
"Minimum experience:
dotNET 6 (3-4 yrs)"
Yeah and that technology came out less than 2 years ago
Is this position for a time traveler or siamese twins?4 -
When our colleague got twins we put two out of everything into his cubicle: two chairs, two keyboards, two mouses, two lamps, two plants, etc... and two "welcome back" signs too
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Great week, been super productive and very happy about.
*wild junior boss appears*
"You should have done it differently! You didn't know it and it's your fault for not asking me about stuff you didn't know existet. I often screw things up and blame others, but i made the boss like me so it's okay. And since i lost my spine some time ago, i will now go suck my own dick and feel awesome . "
Not sure that is exactly what he said, but he meant it. -
Many years ago two foolish young men found together to make an game with an old game making tool. The project didn't succeed, but the person stayed since. A good result i think ❤️
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Last week i couldn't use a website to download a product because it failed on every browser and even with addons deactivated. The error said "please input the version" and version is a checkbox.
Wrote to support.
Me: "Download does not work! It gives error xyz. How can i get the product?"
Support : "Oh, you can easily get it from our download page."
Do you even read your mails?!? -
Stackoverflow #1
Me posting question about how to prevent error.
User1: You answered your question. Its because of the error.
Me: I know. And want it gone.
User1: Proposes working yet somehow horrible workaround.
Me: Yes, that works, already did that. But i want to know why it happens.
User: Your question says you want a solution and it is one.
Me: One that doesn't solve the problem.
User2: Just give up. Don't try to find a better one.
Stackoverflow 2:
UserQ: Question how to...?
Me: Use this and that.
UserR: That is not an answer, so i downvoted and requested review.
I don't know a second community that is anti-encouraging like SO. -
iphone x fails
I use smartphone with OLED display since 2010 and never got this problem, but for apple is normal
http://pocketnow.com/2017/11/...
here we're not talking about twins, but just brothers
https://macitynet.it/face-id-fail/...
ROTFL seriously?
https://macrumors.com/2017/10/...
but what else you want from a really good deal (cook said) phone for only more than 1000$???3 -
Already ranted about it. A superior did not provide required information, screamed at me and a colleague.
Of course we got blamed for it. In a meeting with me on one n and all bosses and superiors on the other side of the table, i had to explain my and apologize for my misbehavior.
I had made up a good diplomatic plan, because i know my bosses and how they think of themselves and their roles in the company so it was not that hard to get out of the situation without harm to me and my job.
It felt disgusting. It worked and was a good solution, but it felt so unjust.3 -
Sherlock Holmes' "It's never twins" translated for programmers is "It's never a bug in the language"2
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Better ideas:
I love building stuff and when i have something that I'm really into, it's hard to concentrate on the boring stuff i need to finish first.
Sometimes i just need to do what i feel like doing, doesn't matter. No, i won't go to bed, no i can't do the other stuff, i need to do that!1 -
For me it was something within me. I often felt super demotivated and as a result unproductive when i had to do things i didn't like or that i thought were very bad ideas and plans .
Over time i got used to it and while I'm still better when I'm personally convinced that I'm doing something of value, i can now better handle shitjobs. -
The worst technology i had to deal with was probably a piece of hardware. It was a mini-pc combined with sensors and digital IOs and thus, it should have been able to do process control all by itself.
At that time, there was hardware that did that, but this one had an intel cpu, windows embedded and some powerful libraries pre-installed.
Sounds good, didn't work. The thing was so unstable and buggy and crashed on everything. The sensor part had lots of parameters and the right order was trial and error, documentation didn't match behavior, fixes promised but never delivered.
Lucky for us: it was just a demokit, no real project.
I still remember it with a smile. We got in contact to that company at a trade fair and they had most impressive booth. I also remember their companies image movie from their homepage with developers in dark labs with holographic monitors and the boss in his shiny bright office as he looked out of the window and quoted a famous german author.
Hilarious and sad. :-)2 -
Pre 2k i startet making levels in UnrealEd, which changed the way i saw the world. Suddenly i could look at things, buildings, architecture for long times, just thinking how i would build something like that from simple polygons.
As a coder i started to analyze the way processes are controlled in logic.
And now after some years in automation technology and image processing, other things come to my mind like "give me 50k€ in hardware and some weeks and i could replace that persons job with a system". -
I'm a practical learner. Usually i get myself a simple example from codeproject and play around with it.
I constantly switch between tutorials, documentation and doing it. Doing it makes me find questions and i can remember things better if i care about them, which happens if they are the answer to a question.
Within those experiments i build working example code and document it in a way that fits my needs. When i haven't done the stuff for some time, this self-made examples, help me continue where i was.1 -
Someone was not telling important details which lead to a lot of work leading in the wrong direction.
Asking that someone why he hadn't shared that earlier was seen as complete disrespect against all management. -
Fml why'd I have to forget my RFID card at work, now I have to wait outside the door like an idiot2
-
There are tools i use more often, but a place in my heart is reserved for ILSpy.
It shows IL code as c# code and it helped me so much at understanding how components work.
Best moment was when a support guy from a company told me stuff that wasn't correct according to the code...
...no need to tell him. Hope it stays unencrypted :-D -
Chocolate. Practically it's sugar but i prefer it in the form of chocolate.
I can work without pretty well, but it really helps in high pressure situations.
I sound like a drug addict. 😱2 -
Pushing a project in production without as much problems as expected is a very, very good feeling.
Have a great Friday, fellow developers.1 -
!rant
Am I the only one who doesnt get those I-just-found-the-answer-to-my-bug moments in the shower or in bed?
A lot of programmers bring up this topic, yet I seriously can't relate to that at all.1 -
So made this component that my colleagues also use.
Today i checked source control...
What did they do to my creation?
Lines commented out here and there. Features destroyed by rewriting it, instead of just using it. Related unit tests broken of course. It had everything. And why not ask me?
According to Source control they helped each other. Working together as a team, desecrating my code.1 -
No one in my family had a computer or worked with computers, so i was totally undigital until i got to work with a computer at school. Win 3.11 made me think "okay, i wanna do that all the time".
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“Crushed” by Cocteau Twins and “Is It Cold In The Water” are the perfect soundtracks to finding 47 accurately cut, assorted, and deeply frozen human fingers at the bottom of your freezer.2
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Darth voor the hedgehog
Favorite drink: Red Bull sugar free
Favorite color: black
Tried to marry Cocteau twins lead singer
Carries an m14
When picked, can instantly retrofit your tv with a subwoofer that is really a guitar amp2
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