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Another attempt at trying to get support for weakening encryption recently.
An FBI spokesperson said something like 'we can put people on the moon, why can't we just create law enforcement-accessible encryption? i just don't buy it."
Fuck off and die.28 -
When someone, after explaining it for 10 FUCKING TIMES, still doesn't get that WE ARE NOT HOSTING HIS MOTHERFUCKING SERVER SO WE CAN'T FIX HIS FATHERFUCKING COCKSUCKING EMAIL ISSUES.
FUCKING HELL.13 -
We are a hosting company.
That means that we host websites and servers.
Hat does NOT mean that we manage your FUCKING APPLICATIONS.
THE NEXT FUCKING PERSON WHO'S GOING TO ASK ME APPLICATION RELATED QUESTIONS OR TRIES TO CONVINCE ME THAT IT REALLY IS A MOTHERFUCKING HOSTING ISSUE IS GOING TO GET A FUCKING FIST IN THEIR EYES.
FUCKING FUCKING FUCK.18 -
Got a great boss!!;
Me: Hey, do we have a corporate GitHub account?
Boss: *excitedly* do we need it? We'll get it!
Me: uhh, yeah, we need it 😉
Don't care he doesn't know what it is, got his trust to get all the right tools!11 -
Interviewer: Do you know about SQL injection?
Student: Yessss
Interviewer: Okay, how we can prevent it?
Student: Yes, we should prevent it as prevention is always better than cure. It can lead to data loss and other problems so it can be difficult to fix it if it happens. The best case is that nothing like that takes place. [...]
Interviewer: I get it but how?
Student: By not building any web applications.
[Silence]
Interviewer: Nice, you may go. Do not call us. We will call you.19 -
Are you interested in a devRant hackathon? If so, please let me know what you'd like to see us do/what you would want to get out of it. There's lots of directions we could go, but I want to get as much feedback as we can from the community to try to figure out what would be the most fun and inclusive. Thanks!23
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Person: *glances at my grades*
Me: Here we go again.
Person: I thought you were smart. How did you manage to get a C?!
It was a C (programming language) quiz. 🙄7 -
my team: "lets get rid of materialize it doesnt work too well w/ react"
my team: *deletes materialize*
my team: *accidentally pushes to prod*
me: "guys why are we back in 2003"
19 -
Me: Hey, my laptop (with stickers on it) is in for repair, can't get any work done.
Friend: Oh, that sucks, we going to be delayed launching our app!
... few days later ...
Friend: Hey, did u get it back yet?
Me: They ended up giving me a brand new one cause they couldn't repair it.
Friend: That's awesome man, you got lucky!
Me: F*@$ that, I LOST MY STICKERS!7 -
Working with a radio chip we selected because it had built-in encryption. Cannot make the encryption work, thus in contact with the manufacturer:
"- I cannot make the encryption work, it's like the chip doesn't want to take a key.
- which key do you use?
- does it matter?
- well yes, you can't just use any key!
- why not?
- you need to get an approved key from us.
- why is that?
- so that your competitors can't read your data!
- ...
- ...
- so the way to get working keys is to get them from you?
- of course!
- keys are 256 bits. Can we potentially use all of them?
- OF COURSE NOT!
- how many can we get from you?
- one! We reserve it from your company.
- are you telling me that all units within a company will need to have the exact same encryption key?
- yes!
- so anyone with our product could eavesdrop another same product?
- well yes, but it's all within your own products.
- ...
- ...
- that's not how encryption is supposed to work.
- but it's safe, your competitors cannot eavesdrop!
- I'm out of here."
(We finally found a satisfactory work-around, but i am still pissed at them)9 -
Participated in an IEEE Hackathon where we built a line following robot. We were the slowest, but we had the most accuracy.
The image is our first attempt at getting it to work, consequently, we were the first team to actually get a prototype finished and working. Other people were trying to cram as many sensors as possible. We stuck with one, and 47 lines of code to make it work. Everyone else had more than 2 sensors and I can only imagine how much code they had.
19 -
We've password protected a file and forgot the password we need it cracking asap.
Sorry we can't crack passwords on files.
If we don't get access to the file it'll cost the company up to 250k.
Well you should've thought about that before encrypting the fucking file with 256 bit encryption.8 -
I hate this attitude of my study (when i studied):
"it might be a good idea to teach the students how to program securely by default?"
"oh no but we just want to teach them the basics"
"so why not the secure basics by default?!"
"nah we just want them to get started and understand it, that's all. We'll get to the secure way later on"
Well, fuck you.16 -
Took yesterday off to sort out a new passport.
Today on the stand:
Manager: "So we've been trying to get app X running on a dev environment for client X but we couldn't expose it to them"
Me: "Well yeah it's a dev environment if you want to give them one give them access to staging"
Manager: "Oh well we're still going to give them access to dev because they asked for it. It's due for 10am but we couldn't get it to run. You have to get it running since we edited the config files"
*accessing dev environment*
half of config files is missing, random files committed to the repo, SSL certs manually edited, eth0 down and found swan vpn installed.
never taking a day off again.
1 -
A colleague was doing configuration on a server and needed to restart the network card.
So he clicked disable it, just to notice that his remote session died ...
Now where can we get a cab?8 -
Couldn't sleep last night. Spent about 5 hours laying down reading devRant.
Mom calls taxi to go shopping. I'm starving so I go with her. The only reason I went was to get food.
Half way there, so tired I could fall asleep while standing.
I order my food. Walk to bus stop. An hour until next bus. Fuck it, I'll get a taxi.
Phone slips out of pocket while in taxi. Goes under seat. Can't grab a hold of it.
Driver says you can just get it from the back before you leave. It will be easier. I put my food down infront of me. And try one last time.
He then spends the entire trip telling me how all these customers keep leaving shit in his car, etc. Meanwhile we almost got into 2 accidents. Anyway...
So we get to my house, I pay. I get out and get my phone. I walk inside the house. Open devRant.
Wait, where's my food?6 -
"Stop working from home. Fuck this. We do enough and don't get paid what we should. It is you and me for two campuses and you are far more knowledgeable and qualified than what they offered you at the beginning. I get that the benefits are killer but don't burn yourself out. I am not expecting you to work from home. Will not ask of it unless really is required and would much rather we have a few beers instead of getting together to finish bullshit deadlines...for 2 devs"
My current lead developer. He turned into my work best friend and he is really into the whole concept of "fuck it we ain't getting paid enough"
Dis b ma dude.2 -
@dfox Can we have the option to include code blocks in rants and comments? So that they're formatted as monospace text? I mean we can get around it with pictures, but it would be a nice option to include code with an appropriate font. =)12
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"We need to get visitors age, gender and it would be nice if we could get city too.. can we pull this from the cookies so they don't have to enter the information on our site? How much info can we even pull, we need as much as we can get"
I literally kicked a wall when I received this message6 -
open telegram
'hey guys i have a cool idea for a project'
"yeah thats a neat idea lets do it"
we get drunk on the first meeting and completely forget about the project5 -
Sometimes I wish my girlfriend was able to write code so we could talk and share our code and thoughts.
Sometimes I thank God she finds it the most boring thing on Earth and we get to talk about other things and decompress.13 -
“No we don’t use the time zone info you send on each request. We get all the drivers for the store ID, choose one of them randomly and take their time zone. We have been assuming it will always be the same for all drivers for each store.”
This is my new favorite response to a Jira ticket in this company.
I may have to print it out and hang it on my desk3 -
Our own company website. Everyone got involved, the process broke down, and because all of management and company owners were participating- it was nearly impossible to get anything done.
We are our own worst client.5 -
If a colleague went to a conference and checked their laptop with their luggage, you would think it would get stolen. Nope, it came back like this. It worked out really well for them, they got a new laptop and we all got a good laugh out of it.
10 -
We are moving to kubernetes.
Nothing much has changed except we now get to say
it works on my cluster.
instead of
it work on my machine.1 -
We aren't allowed to boil water BOIL WATER
"We have to get Climate Neutral until we decided for a plan the kitchen is closed"
FUCK YOU I JUST WANT TO ENJOY MY COFFEE WHICH I CAN'T DRINK IN MY OFFICE ANYMORE BECAUSE OF SAME BULLSHIT
I get it we have to become climate neutral but holy fuck this can't be part of the solution to not use the kitchen anymore....50 -
"Why we can't install SilverLight on Windows 10?"
"Because Windows drop support for it in the 2015? And SilverLight is a crappy software?"
"But we have a HUGE software who use it!!!! We kneed to REBUILD SilverLight!!!"
And now we can't get the GPS of all ours boats because the "beautifull software" is only for SilverLight and nobody can update the software because it's outsource "somewhere over the rainbow" or something like this...9 -
One of our internal customers to my team: "We need this new feature to be implemented as soon as possible! It's super urgent!! Work on it asap!! PEOPLE ARE DYING!!"
Us: "Ok, we'll prioritize this feature and deliver it as soon as we can"
Them: "Is it ready yet?"
Them: "Is it ready yet?"
Them: "Is it ready yet?"
Them: "Is it ready yet?"
... One month later ...
Them: "Is it ready yet?"
Us: "We're done! We implemented everything as promised! Please give us your credentials so that we can whitelist you and you can start using the new service"
Them: "Okay, we will get back to you"
... Two months have passed since then and still not a single word from them. I'm starting to wonder: are they still alive? 🤔4 -
Accidentally proposing to your colleagues when autocorrect corrects mariadb to married and you end up with:
"As long as we can get married on it, it's fine"
Instead of
"As long as we can get mariadb on it, it's fine"3 -
"Can you do this?"
Sure, give me the information I need...
"We don't have all of it yet"
So I can't do it then
"Well when can you do it"
When you get the information
"Do you need *all* of it"
Well, it's either I do half a job and waste my time, or get it all done in one shot
"The client wants it tomorrow"
When will we have the information?
"We don't know"
Well they aren't having it tomorrow then, are they...
Sales people... don't care *how* things work, as long as they get a tick against their name to show they've sold something...3 -
Woohooo, I'm going to Tokyo!
Our paper was accepted to a robotics conference. We have the pleasure of playing with tiny drones, and we get paid and rewarded for it!
(The girl in the video is my amazing collaborator, Hanna)
https://youtube.com/watch/...15 -
Manager: We will be building a new app. THIS TIME EVERYTHING MUST BE ABSOLUTELY PERFECT, ANYTHING LESS THAN TOP QUALITY WORK WILL BE REJECTED!!
*Not even 2 days into the new project*
Manager: Ok that’s good enough, we can fix it later. Can you go quicker on the next feature? Just sacrifice a bit of quality so we get these tickets closed as fast as possible. I said we can fix it later. Getting tickets closed asap is top priority.
Dev: …3 -
I fucking love my local phone service provider. They have a game (70mb) like Temple run where we get free mobile data for playing it. The 70 mb for downloading it gets reimbursed too !!
22 -
Good morning everyone^^
I just heard my company is doinig some weird shit.
1. We RECOMMEND doing backups on a USB stick (our customers get a cheap giveaway when they purchase our products).
2. We sell farm controllers with less power than a fucking arduino as "Top Notch technology". (single core 1Mhz, 128MB RAM)
We Devs are not supposed to understand this logic. We shall only "make it faster". If proper solutions are suggested it gets shrugged off as "expensive".17 -
How about teaching a little version control? A passing mention of git in 4 years of college. The entire industry uses some form of version control, and all we get is a passing mention of it?10
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I'm seeing a pattern here... We devs/testers/sysadmins/etc. don't get to spend too much time outside... We talk about different stuff than most people... We are more intelligent than most people so we don't get their dumb jokes... Most of us like to work at night because that's the time when nobody bothers us...
We don't get a chance to find a girlfriend, we don't understand how it works...
We are doomed
13 -
Made the mistake of mentioning ISO27001 security standard near management.
- "What?? Why don't we have that certificate?! Why are you not thinking about this?"
- "We don't need it."
- "Of course we do! we must have the highest standards!! Lets hire some lawyers and security consultants to help us get certified!"
A week later:
"Ok, turns out we don't need it."
Satan give me strength...9 -
"Whenever a user creates their account, they get an email with their password. We also get a copy of said email which makes it easy to troubleshoot any issues when they ring us." -- I was so tempted to hand in my resignation on the spot...7
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Tech support: we need to install backup software on your laptops.
Devs: what for?
TS: to backup all your important files, like word docs, excels, etc.
Devs: we don't use those. everything is on git/confluence/etc
TS: my boss told me to install it everywhere, so I have to do it.
Devs: well just disable it. uses too much tam, disk time and such
TS: whatever.
So he installed it on each laptop separately, took half a day, then we just disabled it and proceeded with our tasks. Now we get a question every other week why nothing is being synced from our computers. "We paid for the system and we want you to use it".
yeah..7 -
I just realized...
Next step... 10k... or whatever it takes to get a unicorn 🤗🤗🤔🤔😙😙
...so now this can go 2 ways 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔
-Get upvoted so I get to 10k
-Get downvoted so I'm back under 9000
Or we just all take this as a joke 😀😀😀
7 -
Supervisor: let's automate this stuff
Me: great! let's do it to last and future proof it. So, as changes happen we can implement in-place upgrades efficiently without taking the system down
Supervisor: well let's not get too crazy
1 -
Last year we were given an app to patch that was completely in Arabic (including the documentation). We had a tight deadline to get the app fixed so we paid for a big company to translate the Word document we'd be given.
After 2 weeks we were given the translated documentation only to find it was select recipes from an Egyptian cooking book.1 -
Manager: we require people to work in the office but we'll give you a space to get as comfy as you want.
Me: *walk into the open space office, set my mechanical keyboard, plug in my noise cancelling headphones, start coding and mumbling every now and then*
Manager: keyboard is distracting others and we don't allow headphones as we want to be able to speak to you when we feel like it.5 -
I went searching for a meme to explain my wife why I get frustrated when she comes to my home-office to ask if we should buy or not that air purifier we discussed once... found this. I think it helped, I hope it helps you too
3 -
Client: We want to onboard people with sign-up wizard just like (Massive Industry Leader) so remove the sign-up process from the app.
1 week of development later...
Client: We need to take photos of their information, but we think its easier to take photos on the phone so once they sign-up link then to the phone.
Me: How will they get the apps if it not in the app stores?
Client: Get the apps approved for the app store! duh!
2 weeks later... 4 failed app submissions..
Client: Would it be easier if we just add the sign-up on the app?
Me: Yes... like it was 3 weeks ago?
Client: Yes! Why did we remove it?
Me: You did in an effort to be more like (Major Industry Leader)
Client: ....but we're nothing like them! Change it back!
Me: >•<!!!
I have to fire my client...3 -
Boss: I need you guys to give me an estimate on how long this project will take.
Team: We've put a lot of thought into this, and we think we can get it done in 2 months.
Boss: I need it next week.2 -
At a previous company, a new IT director decided we should outsource the development of a webapi to another company, but this outside company would not be allowed access to the database, so we had to develop a webapi to provide data to the outside company's system, so we could call their webapi and get the same data back.6
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Wonder if they programmed the buttons to be that weird layout, if not (If someone here would get it) we should be able to overwrite it (not by changing the keycaps) 😅😉
6 -
I'm a lead Dev on an agile team. We were just handed a fixed scope, fixed date project. On Monday, instead of helping push this out, I get to have a meeting to explain how throwing more bodies at it will slow us down.
"No! We are not code monkeys! Knowing JS and Java isn't the same as knowing our application. Stop fantasizing that it's a simple manpower issue and leave us alone so we can work these fucking nightmare timelines in peace!!"
I'm looking for a better way than that to explain it to the Sr management for the business so I don't get fired.16 -
For the love of God, we don't care that you're failing to get 15 ++'s to get your sticker. Obviously, if it didn't get a measly 15, then your rant wasn't that relatable/funny/likeable. Ranting about ++'s isn't going to get your crap rants any more ++'s5
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When folks from other walks of life think we devs have it easy. Cuz "all day we sit infront of computer and get paid for it."
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HAPPY NEW FUCKING YEAR BECAUSE IT WILL SUCK WAY MORE THAN THE LAST ONE AND CAN WE PLEASE JUST FUCKING STOP CELEBRATING AND GET BACK TO WRITING FUCKING RANTS AGAIN?! BECAUSE I WILL FUCKING DO!5
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It pisses me off that germany has no proper mobile reception fucking anywhere near rural areas.
And don't get me started on railway lines.
Also Telekom is just garbage.
We pay full price and get less than half of the data we're paying for.
Fucking hell rant over.21 -
Context:
PM is not an IT professional but somehow leads IT operations ... (yes... I know)
---
PM: "Hey xxzero0, do you remember about the XYZ project?"
xxzero0: "Yes, tell me"
PM: "I told the big boss we can use it to make starships and explore the universe, I also said we can cut the developing time because we are already at 70% with it".
xxzero0: "....... Do you understand we planned to use this project to deploy a small ship in the sea?"
PM: "Yes, but you clearly inexperienced developer, don't know it needs only some refactoring to explore the universe"
xxzero0: "It is more complicated. There is no logic at all. It is just displaying data without doing anything and..."
*Get interrupted*
PM: "Yes, we need some refactoring, I'm such a genius."7 -
A conversation that me and my boss had this week:
Boss: "Hey, why is this not progressing"
Arcsector: - "We're waiting on system users to move their destinations"
"We need the system in the database in order to move it"
- "Okay awesome - let's move it, oh wait, I can't do it because I don't have access, here's the stuff that needs to be done: a, b, and c"
"Oh I'm actually not able to help with that"
- "So then how are we supposed to get it done?"
"idk but also this other issue is something missions are complaining about"
- "oh I already am talking to them about it and it should be remedied by the team creating the problem because it's a false positive"
"Well we need to solve it still"
- "We would've solved it already but it has dependencies with other projects that we're still working on because we don't have enough people"
"We cant get you more people because we don't have the budget"
- "Then this stuff will have to wait"
"Get it done"
ACTUALLY SCREAMING! Why cant people understand that there are conesequences for their actions??!!1 -
So we started looking into docker. As always I needed to do the research and I was fine with it.
We have 4 projects that are sold into one suite so logically I follow the microservices build structure.
3 months later after everything has been set up, we get called into a meeting. The whole suite should be a monolith as microservices doesn't make sense to the people planning everything.
Ok pulled my current plans out abd made everything a monolith. Just note I also get pulled away to other Business Units to do work for them.
Get pulled into another meeting 2 months later. Why isn't the docker containers in microservices!? It is stupid running as a monolith and we should've done our jobs better etc...
After the meeting my manager and I just sighed and walked to the office. So basically 5 months doing the the exact same thing we did in 3 weeks.
Now they want to develop other services and want to strip every method into a microservice and bundle it together.
Life of a DevOps engineer right!1 -
If you think meetings are bad.
Have a day full of license renewal and price negotiation talks regarding technical products.
It's funny how you can blatantly say: We don't need feature XYZ, we get it for free via BLA.... Yet they still present it in all glory.
Even better when they don't even know their alternative / competition products...
X: "our tool is better".
Me: "We have tool XY. Doesn't cost a penny, does the same, we don't need your tool".
X: "No it doesn't. Look at all the features we have *screen share presentation* with long explanations".
Y: "Yeah... You've certain additional features, but the basics are all present in the tool that we use, so my statement remains the same".
These meetings are really mind boggling insane.
Even more insane when you get the price offers.
The cloud only madness is absurd.
Sure, we move 50 terabyte plus to the cloud from premise, no problem. *🤡*
Not that we haven't told them explicitly that cloud only isn't possible....
The worst: every motherfucking company does it for every stupid single craptastic product...
You cannot even swoop it up in a single meeting... Every company. Every single product.
*booze liberate me from madness and remove the filthy stain of humanity*9 -
How many times have I ask my boss about the new project's deadline only to get "it has to be done by yesterday". Damn, boss, if you know, that we are occupied, then don't get a new project, only to blame the coder for promising an impossible deadline to the client!2
-
That's it. That's all I have for my home server setup. I don't even know why we have that sticky red thing, but today it came handy. And now I can SSH anytime I want, it's never going get shutdown 😂
1 -
I think we need a separate Internet where you get a fucking lifetime ban for mentioning chatgpt. It's like NFT thing but worse. People have verbal diarrhea. IT WRITES SHIT CODE, WE GET IT, SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY16
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Can we clear this once and for all... Explain java and JavaScript like this...
They are like apple and pineapple...
In a recipe you wouldn't go yeah I could substitute in the other ... Because they are entirely different things ... Similar names... Entirely different !
We get it... They are different fucktards don't ... We get it... Ok....12 -
I don't get the pretentious coders who look down at anyone who uses any GUI over command line or anyone who uses an advanced IDE over Notepad++ or VIM.
We get it, you're hardcore, I don't care, I love code competition.7 -
In my first year of college right now, and on the first test we had to write some C# ConsoleApplications. We got instructions of what we have to taken as input, what we had to do with it and output it to the console.
I've tested them all and they all work correctly, which was the main objective. I have used the correct data structures, but I didn't get top mark. Instead, I got lower because "I didn't do it her way".
WELL F*CK YOU TOO!!! I hope this is not how every test/exam goes6 -
"How much info can we get from cookies? I want to get gender, approx. age and at least first name. That's possible, right?"
Me: "that's not how cookies work.. the info needs to be stored somewhere, where we can access it. It's not in guests cookies"
"How does Google do then? They're tracking everything we do.. *bla* *bla*"
- my business partner..........5 -
Devs : Lets pick library X, it is well know piece of open source technology, actively maintained by community for over 10 years.
Architect : NAH, it is an overkill to use it in our project , lets build our own solution.
*2 Months later*
The code base is hundreds of thousands lines of code, we basically started to look at library X on GitHub to copy features or get inspiration from that code. In that time we delivered 0 business value, it is horrible to use it and we constantly adding something or bugfixing because no one thought about something in first place.1 -
Getting corporate VPN access:
PM: Here's the program to get in, it should work.
Me: Won't install.
PM: sorry old version, here is the new one.
Me: Can't get in
PM: create a ticket
Support: Not sure, just try again
Me: Still won't work
Support: We forgot to set some attributes in your account, should work now.
Me: Nope.
Support: We are investigating.
*two weeks later*
Support: should work now.
Me: No it doesn't you stupid f***tards.
*gives up all hope*3 -
C++ errors in a nutshell
(The pics is from my college computer lab where it takes us forever to get a proper output )
(Maybe it's we who suck) xD
4 -
Me: Brooo, We did it last night!
Friend : Which base did you get to?
Me : Hbase
Friend: Ha, doope!4 -
Woke up to see this, okay arch fanbois we get it, you're supreme with an is which is difficult to install and after achieving it you become the most supreme
10 -
Me: Overcommunicate…
Them: we don’t need that kind of detail. We all get it.
Me: Undercommunicate…
Them: why so quiet? Does he know what he is saying?
can’t fucking win 😡1 -
There seems to be a lot of hatret for JavaScript. I fully understand and endorse that.
So how can we get another language supported in web browsers and which language should it be?20 -
The hype of "we will have autonomous cars by 2025" reminds me the 2017 hype of "we will have autonomous cars by 2021". I guess if you try this PR trick enough times, eventually you will get it right.11
-
Ok so to recap, we had shit beginning. We couldn't find client like 3 months and thank god that we agreed that we don't register the firm right away. If we did we would be broke a long time ago.
We found first client and he wanted to build some scrapers with gui. So me being BackEnd developer I created API for scraping (boredom) and my friend created website for that api and I just created gui that displays that site. The project was about 1200$. And since there are 3 of us we splited it into 3x400$.
After that it was again really hard to find clients again. We thought of quitting and just going to uni or something but we really didn't want to and anyways we needed to get money for uni ourselfs if we wanted to go.
So we said that as we are not paying anything and not losing money we will continue as long as we can.
And after we managed to get a hold of it and now we have 2 clients and after we finish them we have 2 more.
So I think the most important thing is that you help your coworkers. My friend who finds clients had a rough time at the beggining as I mentioned. So all 3 of us got together and started spamming people for few weeks. That's how we found our first client.
So now we are running. Not a milion dollar company but we are happy that we are doing what we love and that we have money doing it. We aim higher but we don't want to hurry and screw things up as we are young still.
Also thank you for getting interested after 300 days :)11 -
We were once tasked to create a 3-part Flash game to advertise the upcoming release of an album by a very famous band. Every part used a different gaming engine which we had to build from scratch (one of which was like a simplified version of the OG GTA game - top down driving with zooming in etc). On top of this we had to deal with user registration and score submission.
We had 4 weeks to do it in. We were 3 people.
We did an illegal number of hours to get as much done as we could, and we still didn't manage it in time because, frankly it was impossible.
Pretty good game though.1 -
Our main server that stores everything and that everyone uses has been down for about an hour now. It's okay though I get paid by the hour. Plus, I'm working remotely today.
Probably doesn't help that we let other people other than the IT department mess with what we put on the server.1 -
I promised i'd be home at 18:00
We discovered a bug at 17:30
We need to have an output for tomorrow
The process takes so many hours so we need to fix this bug before leaving so it can run all night long.
It's 19:06
Wife is gonna get mad...3 -
I know we have a lot of talented people here. Piece of advice, what ever you build, believe in it. See it through. No matter how good of an idea incompleteness won't get you anywhere.
After all every other day we all analyze different successful products and say "huh... that's nothing. Even we can do that".
Well thats the difference "We" can do that, they DID it.
See your ideas through. Stay motivated =)1 -
"this office, that is located 2000 miles from here needs a network because of we decided to renovate the entire office starting today.
Can you fix no later than tomorrow?"
We were not notified about this before.
We did not have the equipment.
It is impossible to get an hotel room atleast two month in advance.
Yeah3 -
Client :
When do you think we can get the website done with?
Me:
Don't worry, I'll get it done in 3 days.
Me after 2 and half days:
<!Doctype Html>
<html>
<head>
<title> Hello, what did you say the website does again? ....4 -
Using mongodb for one product
A colleague as experimenting with elastic search (I think it was).
It installed a proxy around the collection to get all events for the external search storage.
Worked well, but it was just a test so once done we removed it
But thats where it got scary.
When we removed the proxy through the search dashboard it dropped the underlying collection of live data!!!
A collection it did not create.
Hows that for bad UI.
Always experiment on a separate db server. -
Woke up to see miscroshit is buying GitHub and saw atleast 3~4 rants about
Alright we get it, stop being redundant, I'm dealing with iframes and YouTube iframes with jQuery already7 -
Worst hack/attack?
Probably developing a complex food ordering website and client just stole the website and didn’t pay as it turns out our PM didn’t let the client sign a contract. Can’t sue as we have no legal binding documents.
We did managed to get access to the database and decided to change our passwords manually, but like I don’t get paid much for this2 -
We all get replaced by AI and nobody can understand their source code...
And everyone else just goes: hey it works ¯\_(ツ)_/¯12 -
Backend Dev: Sir, I think we have a problem with our code. The function does have a lot of bugs in production that we can't maintain it.
Manager: Okay Front-end. You get a new Ticket. Prevent this bug by today
Front-end: Dafuck
Sometimes, I feel sorry for my colleague.1 -
It took us 30 years to get to the point where phones and laptops use the same charger but at least we are here. Also fuck calculus.13
-
IBM is taking a shit in our mouths. I suppose we should have seen this coming, but almost our entire environment runs on CentOS. Not only will we have to find a new distro (which will probably be CoreOS with kube, bleh) but we'll have to get everyday trained up on it.10
-
Project in college, many moons ago.
Team is building a robot for a project. Nothing too crazy, it does some simple tasks like walk along a path and shit.
3 weeks for the project. 3 team members.
The largest graded part of the project is the ability to follow a path based on vision.
The 3rd member INSISTS on doing that part, he says “I want to prove to the professor that I am the smartest in the class so he helps me get a work term.”
Of course, my other partner and I see this as the complete selfishness of a child who will never be employed anywhere worth talking about anyways. He is a big asshole about it and we end up giving in.
## Week 1
We get our parts done (working together the way a team would) without his help.
He struggles, hits walls, complains. You know, dumbass grown child stuff...
## Week 2
We offer to help since we are done. He refuses. The teacher sees all of this and doesn’t like it at all.
After class the 2 of us go to the teacher and let him in on the details. The guy insisted, he is struggling and will not take help etc.
Teacher goes and talks to him and tells him it is a team project for a reason and that we should be helping. He says yes.
Then he misses the rest of the classes that week and send an email saying...
“Since everyone decided to keep interrupting me and breaking my train of thought, I could not get anything done in class. Therefore I will be staying home to finish the project from there.”
And to top it off, he didn’t even take home the robot’s connectors he needed to do the damn thing. Haha.
## Week 3
We know he wasn’t going to get it done, so we approached the teacher. We make it clear that we have done all we can and that we are not ok with losing marks because of this.
Since we are both good students that he likes, he decides to give us an option.
You can take a 50% on his part even if he doesn’t get it done (for trying to help) or we can do it ourselves and he won’t get the marks if he doesn’t finish.
## Night before
We say fuck it and do the thing.
In fact, since we were learning Java at the time we decided to do it in Java. Our other prof sees us playing with robots and gets excited, he stays with us and suggest improvements.
In the end we rewrite all 3 robot functionalities in Java and hand in the project the next day.
## The day of
Partner 3 comes into class and says this...
“That walking path part is impossible, I didn’t get it done, but I bet nobody else did either. So at least we will get a 60% on the other 2 parts!” (With a big shit eating grin)
Prof calls our group up. We walk up and the prof looks at the 3rd guy and says.
“Since you have decided to do your part alone, we will have you present your part alone at the end of the groups”
He tries to say something but the prof cuts him off and tells him to sit down.
We show all of our code and the robot does everything perfectly.
Groups go by, now it’s that guys turn.
He says that the walking part was impossible but seems to realize right away that he just saw EVERY other group get it working.
The teacher ask him to stay after class.
## Result
We got a 98 (prof said he was hoping we would have done in VB like asked but he liked the result a lot).
Other guy gets a 5% for his non-working spaghetti code on 0s on the other 2 sections. He blames us, of course.
Bonus Content:
That same asshat above once said this to me...
“I don’t indent my code so that if I work for a company and no one else can understand the code then I am unfireable!”
Yes, he wrote all code like this...
const Example = () => {
Stuff
More stuff
For() {
Stuff
If() {
Stuff
}
}
}
Fuck that guy🖕🏽3 -
I’m in a big company now. We have all the resources in the world. We promote best practice. We don’t even seem to have deadlines. We mob on everything so that we get the benefit of all our experience combined.
So if all that is true, why in gods name does the first class I open have shed loads of hard coded settings, IP addresses and GUIDs in it?
FML. How did I end up working in this shit.9 -
We got it! Only took just over a week. Thanks!
Best pic I could get before the little monster started eating it.
2 -
!rant
Sometimes I think I am (a developer) is similar to a samurai or a yakuza. Once we get into this business, we just cannot get out of it. :?
// I am starting to get drunk. It is lucky for you guys that we have 2 hours interval. I don't expect my next post to be any good.4 -
How are practical exams conducted in your university (if you're still a student)?
I'm dreading tomorrow. So I have a practical exam tomorrow and usually in my university, they first ask us to write the solution code on a paper, get it approved from the invigilator (who by the way ignorantly approves everybody's code without checking) and then only we are allowed to actually execute our code and get it approved again from the examiner.
It's been three years now and I still don't get the point of first writing the code on the paper (as if we didn't already have theory exams expecting us to write it all on paper) and then executing it....8 -
Guy at school
"I could do that... OR I could do it... in C#HNNNNNNNNGH"
Yeah, we get it. You like C#. Hooray for you. Please stop cumming every time it's mentioned.10 -
If only we could get errors like this, it would make our life so much easier.
I didn't even have to search Google all I did was use the current version and BOOM!
1 -
colleague: *does 2 months over making a feature and still didn't get it to work*
me: "this is taking too long, we want to get our new version rolling"
me: *gets it working within 2 hours*2 -
As someone who works in Student Administration with an expensive and broken system, I often wonder why we can't just get the IT students to build us a system as part of their Final Year Project.4
-
Funny story:
We were going through Sprint Planning on Monday. We got through all of the tasks that we knew we had to get done, then we started going through the backlog to see what we could pull forward.
The guy running the meeting (who's not actually a Scrum master, but whatever) get's to a task, reads it aloud, and goes, "That doesn't ring any bells. Brian, it's in your name, it says it's from May, do you know what the status of this is?
Brian reads through it for about 20 seconds before saying, "That date says it's from 2017. I don't think we need it anymore."2 -
2017 and yet, here we are, still ripping up our clothes over tabs and spaces.
My bad if I missed something about this debate but I really don't get it.7 -
Our code base is shit.
To improve, we went through different coaching style: Freudian Psychoanalysis, behavioural psychology, gestalt
- Freudian Psychoanalysis: After several years refactoring and discussing our technical debt we can say that we really understand our code in deep. But it's still shit
- Behavioural psychology: after some months of work, we built a lot of testing. Now the code is still shit, but we don't get dirty anymore
- Gestalt: after few weeks sessions, the code is still shit. But we don't care anymore, we accept it and we are happy
(note. it's an adapted psychology joke)1 -
Corporations... huge, old, monolithic
We want you to automate but will do everything we can to prevent you from getting resources to do it. Restricting policies, decisions by managers on "what they do not want". No procedures on how to achieve the result within policies. Half the business lives in a gray zone and sea of policy exceptions.
We finally decided to get at least Azure subscription instead of trying to develop similar framework internally, but wE DoNT WANt YOu to dEPlOY thERE As WE Don't cOnSIDEr it sAfE ENough.
Like pissing against wind.6 -
!Rant
Wrote a crawler and now has 18 million records in the queue. About 500.000 files with metadata.
1 month until deadline and we have to do shit many things.
Now we discover we have a flaw in our crawler ( I don't see it as a bug ).. We don't know how much metadata we missed, but now we have to write a script that scrapes every webpage that we've already visited and get that metadata..
What's the flaw you ask? Some people find it funny to put capital letters in their attribute names.. *kuch* Microsoft.com!! *kuch*
And what didn't we do? We didn't lower case each entire webpage and then, only then, search the webpage for data..5 -
Can we get a translator bot? I can't copy paste the text in app, so every time I want to translate some rant, I have to copy rant link, open it elsewhere, copy the text, and then go translate it.
Like, bots must do it easier and faster, right?15 -
Management: ReactNative is great because it is faster!
Me: What else do we get from it?
Management: Facebook made it so it is good!
Me: 😑3 -
I DID IT! I got my first co-op job!! I’ll be starting in the fall and I’m super excited 🤩
Finally I’ll get to do real work and I’ll get to see just how far schooling has gotten me.
Gotta admit I’m a tilt bit worried I over sold myself in the interview but we will cross that bridge when we get to it 😅
I’ll also finally have some real rants soon enough 😏😅1 -
I agree with many people on here that Front-End web development/design isn't what it used to be.
Things used to be simple: a static page. Then we decoupled design from description and we introduced CSS; nice, clean separation, more manageable - everything looks nice up to this point.
Introduce dynamic pages, introduce JavaScript. We can now change the DOM and we can make interactive, neat little webpages; cool, the web is still fun.
Years later, we start throwing backend concepts into the web and bloating it with logic because we want so much for the web to be portable and emulate the backend. This is where it starts to get ugly: come ASP, come single pages, partial pages, templates,.. The front-end now talks to a backend, okay. We start decoupling things and we let the logic be handled by the backend - fair enough.
Even later, we start decoupling the edge processes (website setup, file management, etc.) and then we introduce ugly JavaScript tools to do it. Then we introduce convoluted frameworks (Angular,..). Sometimes we find ourselves debugging the tools themselves (grunt, gulp, mapping tools,..) rather than focusing on the development itself (as per ITIL guidelines; focus on value), no matter how promising today's frameworks claim to be ("You get to focus on your business code"; yeah right, in practice it has turned out differently for me. More like "I get to focus on wasting copious amounts of time trying to figure out your tangled web").
Everything has now turned into an unfriendly, tangled web (no pun intended).
I miss the old days when creating things for the Web used to be fun, exciting and simple and it would invigorate passion, not hate.
<my cents="2"></my>3 -
@dfox Could we also get watches on the right hand ? I've been wearing mine on the right hand ever since I've started wearing a watch and I feel awkward wearing it on the left :)6
-
My goal before week 200 is to get people to agree that we need some nice polo shirts with devrants graphics on it.2
-
First month of project we suggest that we test that Entity Framework has made reasonable DB queries because the system will need to handle a lot of records. “Not a priority in this sprint because we need features.” Devs try to get it into every sprint. The last week of the project they want us to dump in a ton of records so they can test it. The N+1 SELECT query issue is on main queries. It is so bad and slow with more records that a simple query causes the container management to auto scale the application on a single query. They can have max 8 users in the system at a time and it will take 10 seconds to do a simple page refresh.
They get on our case and we dredge up all of the correspondence where they completely ignored our advice. Fix it now! We need another sprint. Fix it free! No.11 -
Boss is still in denial about it. Calling it some stock market conspiracy. Me and a few coworkers agreed that we should stock up more ammo before more idiots get some funny ideas.2
-
My over promising boss is upset that something that used to work doesn't work now because support decided it had to be changed. We took it apart to rebuild it and it's only partially finished right now. Says he can't show it to clients like this. Well no we told you it wouldn't be ready for the deadline you forced upon us, even before the requested changes, but instead of listening you tell us not to argue and just get it done.3
-
Person: "Can you speed up my computer? Don't delete anything though."
Me: "Your hard drive is at 99%... you need to get rid of some stuff."
Person: "Can't you do it with out deleting anything?"
Me: "We can move it to a cloud service..."
Person :"No, that won't work. How will get my stuff back?"
Me: "Nvm..."2 -
The company's director and I:
Him: I think we need to build a hybrid mobile app, because the JavaScript code that renders images is the same on our front- and backends.
Me: Well, we could just send the parameters to the server, let it render it and get a response back.
Him: How?
Me: With an API.
Him: Oh! -
We can hide messages in images via steganography (or ZIP sewing), we can hide messages in sound via either sound-based transmission (like Morse) or waveform-based transmission (think oscilloscope art videos), we can transmit it in videos in like 300 different fucking combined forms...
Encryption isn't the ONLY way, yo. Social engineering and being a cheeky shithead can get it done too.2 -
Me: Could you please provide us with api key so we can add this feature?
Client's IT person: You don't need the api key to develop, their site has documentation so it's not a blocker. I will get you the api key when we are ready to go live.
Me: ... -
boss said: "we need create new version of our software. copypaste old version in new branch. so we will have dozens of versions and all of them online and working."
my question: "what if old bug will appear in all off 100500 branches? we will need fix all the versions of bug in different copies we have modified!"
boss said:"c'mon when we will get this problem then we will think about it. all the devs in world working on many versions. its easy."
your opinion?2 -
Now that we have devDucks with capes, if we get one will be getting also a virtual cape for our virtual devDuck? It would be really nice to have it, just a random idea :)3
-
One of the executives at my work insisted we rush to get a project done back in January so that he could use it immediately for auditing purposes.
Just pulled a report and found out he hasn't used a single thing we built for him not even ONCE since we pushed it. He hasn't even logged in. So livid.2 -
Almost at my company for two years, and not a single raise or compensation adjustment. No bonuses. No nothing.
I was scheduled to get something in April, but COVID hit and fucked it up for everyone.
But hey, if you're on sales you get a BONUS on top of your commission for selling a product and get a mandatory meeting every Friday that the entire company has to attend, just to jerk each other off with deals we've made.
Yes, we make a product. Yes, you are hired to sell it. We cannot live without each other. Just blows that the engineers are under appreciated, underpaid, and just not cared about.5 -
One of my most arrogant customers was one that constantly called support because she could not get things to work as she wanted.
We repeatedly told her that she was working against the way the system was built and that was what was causing her problems.
This was not a custom system for that customer but a cloud product we where offering with over a thousand customers on and it was designed with a certain workflow in mind.
Despite this she always complained that the system was wrong and we needed to fix it.
She was also always late for her deadline complaining that she did not get the information from her bosses in time and demanded we help her get it done :)
But I was fortunate that everyone at our company held a unified position that it was not out fault that her bosses gave her info late or that she tried to do things in a way the system was not designed for.
So when she got to aggressive we just offered her to go somewhere else.
I thing they finally did, after about two years.1 -
Is it just me, or is it extremely frustrating that we get so little time for our side projects? I can only manage like 3 hours every night, losing up on sleep.. 😢5
-
System Programmer Saga
I'm an old phone operating system programmer. We had to flash ROMs every time. You Android kids don't know how good you have it. Get off my lawn!3 -
I work with a few 'idea' and marketing guys. The quicker we can turn out a project, the quicker we can make money. Some days, I can get 3 quick, easy projects out. But sometimes, these guys get 'ideas' that are out of the norm so they can take a few days to get going.
One of the guys had an idea I knew was going to take longer than a day, especially with the rest of my daily tasks. This guy loves reading 'how to run a business' books and tries to say we need it today, 'nothing is impossible' (because it was in his book).
I explain reality to him and he gets all pissy. The following day he tried again, with something that would take less time. 'so, which one do you want? Yeah, I can do that one quicker, but the first one will take longer then.'
This guy don't get it. I will burn everyone of his fucking books.2 -
Apparently people hate meetings and I never really got why but we had a 5 hour long meeting on monday so .. i get it ..2
-
My team and I are working on a huge project that's been in development for years.
First deadline was in the fall last year. We were never going to make that.
Then we were supposed to be ready just after the summer holidays (months ago). We didn't make that either.
Then we were supposed to launch last week. Didn't happen, still too many critical errors and unfinished, untested features.
Now we are having daily meetings to discuss whether we'll be ready to release... that day!
Meanwhile, stability issues and other critical errors keep popping up. The product is barely finished and has not been through rigorous testing with all the latest features and bug fixes. Not to mention that we don't really have a deployment pipeline either.
And here's the kicker: The customers don't know this is coming. It's highly anticipated, but only internally. It is a replacement for an existing product, which strives towards not changing the frontend too much.
Why do we rush it so? I get that a deadline can help motivate you to reach your goal, but how motivated will we be if the launch fails and we get buried in bugs and missing features?
Would it not be better to launch it with at least the confidence of knowing that we've tried to test it properly?9 -
!Rant
CTO: "We have a project that is the top most priority get it done"
CTO: "We have some tickets logged for another project get them fixed this is of the highest priority"
CTO: "I want a new feature in another project I want this done now It is top priority!"
Next day, Client comes in CTO shows him around
CTO: "You are still working on this!"
... Arg, its as if the guy thinks giving something a top priority gets it done instantly3 -
Uuugh... 'come let's build a standard with in the company'
Two ( and I kid you not) weeks later, we don't get it anymore let's build a new standard4 -
We have this marketing class that none of us gives a rat's ass about and it's not related to software engineering in any way, and our professor knew that.
So to make things easier for him and for us, he made the rule that if we do at least 30% right on the test, we'll pass.
If we got a question right, we get 1 point, if we got it wrong 0 points, and if we left it unanswered, a quarter of a point.
That meant that if we didn't do anything on the test, we get 25 % anyway, so we almost pass by doing nothing.
Fucking genius.
I only answered 5-6 questions that I knew were right and left the rest unanswered and passed5 -
Midnight sever deploys and maintenance might kind of suck to do, but it is probably the closest we will get to going on a top secret mission!
-
That moment when someone asks you, if they can get a Microsoft Office license for free from you.
Admit it! We have all tried it.4 -
Doctor: "I have some news about your baby."
Parents: "Don't tell us the gender, we want to keep it a surprise."
Doctor: "Oh I get it, you're those type of people. Okay, well IT is not breathing."4 -
1. Kill Internet Explorer
2. Kill anyone who sell their web/app/design services cheaply that broke the market value
3. Kill anyone who want something in exchange of "exposure" or "you'll get the money when we get funding or IPO" or some shit like that, you name it.1 -
Pm: we need to add a feature to the app, how long will it take you?
Me: what is this "feature"?
Pm: we still polishing the idea, how long will it take you to add a feature to the app?
Me: bitch wtf? Get back to work!! -
At uni we have one study subject called OSs and we are doing stuff in win server 2016 and win10 half the semester and half semester in linux
Before those classes
Me: windows is not that bad guys why you so mean?
After:
Also me: oh... i get it now. Fuck windows2 -
So we have this team that deploys some code. We had a change in that code that "we" forgot about. Turns out, a dev on our team decided it would be cool to rename an endpoint. Why? Great question. Because. So this code gets deployed, but the call to that endpoint didn't get deployed. System 2 tries to call the endpoint, 404. We roll back, we're searching, after like an hour, we find it. We go to TFS to see who did it. The dev grabs my keyboard and starts checking diffs, somehow managing to skip their commit (from 5 months earlier). I take back my keyboard and *surprise* it was the commit that was skipped. WTF? Why did you rename that endpoint? What do you mean you didn't do it? It has your name right there!3
-
My lovely team and I inherited a legacy app written in Angular 14.
We love it when we get fucked by Pajeets like this.
We love tons of `any`-s in the codebase.
We love unreadable code with 5 levels of nested ternary operators.
We love the lack of a README on how to actually build/start the app.
We love the outdated dependencies.
And we absolutely love it when you use a paid package that costs $1755.4 -
We kinda feel the feature you lead was messy because even though you brought up valid use cases and we decided to postpone the development of those till the next release, the user wanted them and we pressured you to get it done in a couple of days…which lead to a slightly buggy less than perfect release…so yeah, even tho you saved our asses for secretly starting development of those extra use cases beforehand we won’t showcase it as a successful release.
- Management1 -
Me - "Talks to client about his deliverable"
Him - So when can we show a demo?
Me - On thursday we could show a totally working deliverable.
Him - "Really on thursday? i was hoping to get it done for tomorrow"
My mind - *Dude. do you even know how much time does it takes to finish the latest changes you just asked me today? i mean probably we could get it done if you weren't so cheap at the proposal, you know, when I told you we would take longer if i dropped the price. And I could have a couple more devs working here so we could had the finish product a week ago, and still we are on time... so WTH dude *
Me - No, sorry I wouldn't dare to show you a half baked demo. But ill try my best to show you before that day.1 -
https://devrant.com/rants/5155862/...
Alright! I take it back. I don’t like “this”. Hooks are better. But are they the best? We will see.
Namaste.3 -
How do I get in the coding zone 🤔 I get buzzed off my tits with caffeine then loud music and code all night
Thought that's how we all do it1 -
We've had a project we knew was going to happen since February, and every 2-3 weeks we have been requesting feature requirements and gear to work on (hardware for test automation).
1 month ago we got the official request. 2 weeks ago sales said no to ordering equipment. Sales is now asking for weekly progress updates.
My boss said we have documentation of our asking and the group director (bosses' boss) is behind us saying, "work to make it function, not to get it done quickly."
Sometimes things work out. -
Can we all please try to keep emotion out of coding? It never ever helps to get upset at a code review.
Please please please accept constructive criticism, and dish it back to me! You can hate my code just don't hate me. :/2 -
Fucking Kubernetes tutorials on youtube. I still have no clue on why. I just get the how.
Fucking explain why we need it in the first place!19 -
About 15h...
8:00 - 23:00 with a 10 min break in between to go get some food from the store next door..
Because stuff was promised to the customer and we were told about it on the previous day...
The customer needed it before Christmas, so we delivered on the 24th at 11pm.2 -
I should see it coming by now... it happens every release. I’m so tired of the ‘but can’t you just build in this one more thing?’ meetings. If I tell them we can’t, they get mad. If I tell them we can and we don’t deliver, they get mad. So... you want the truth or do you want me to lie to you? Your choice!5
-
I hear Devs of all ages blaming everything on imposter syndrome. Everyone is scared and will get back stabbed by our rivals now and then. We cant build cool things if we don't suck it up and go balls out.2
-
We have a company policy of “you kill it you fill it.” We get free coffee here, it’s nice, I’m happy - but notoriously I’m the only one filling it for the whole company!! So I did the unspeakable today...
Fill the damn coffee. Thanks.
6 -
I get it you don't know anything. You are not paying me to be your teacher.
Let me do my job!
At what point can we stop explaining ourselves and every little detail of the job.1 -
Ever suggest improvements and get shot down at every turn? I was discussing automating our release process today and suggesting that instead of having to do everything manually and babysit the build, we should let Jenkins deal with releasing and the attitude was that we shouldn't even try because we'd spend more time maintaining the automation and wouldn't gain anything. Obviously I disagree, but it seems like I'm always coming up against shit like this.
Our requirements gathering is another point of contention; I think we could be way better at it if we invested more time talking to customers before a project starts but the attitude is to get straight into development and deal with that later.
I don't know why I even bother sometimes...4 -
I often don't see devs sad about the lack of sex in their lives.
Is it because we get fucked in the ass by management every now and then, to make up for it?4 -
Just started working as a junior developer, since we new junior developers started the hot chocolate is always unavailable in our building so you have to go to a different building to get it, is it some kind of way to get us to switch to coffee?
11 -
none yet :( but on the good side I work at a school! it only takes one student to be sick with it before we all get quarantined and sent home :P
-
When the manager doesn't show up to a meeting, we get everything disscussed sorted and even summarised in an email...simples! Yet manager insists on having "another" meeting just to go over everything we all discussed. We wonder why it takes twice as long... We have to explain EVERYTHING, just let us get on with it!!2
-
I was working on computer project with a friend. He saw my devRant stressball was sideways so he turned it upright. I saw it was upright so I turned it sideways. We both have aspergers so we keep doing this for two hours before either one of us says anything about the OCD battle we were having.
You would think acknowledging the situation would allow us to laugh it off and get on with our work....
Half an hour later Devy McRant Face has to go in a drawer so we can move on. -
Now I also experienced the corporate IT - hell.
I'm an apprentice at a small but branch of a fairly big company.
We get a fuckton of guidelines from our IT-HQ, plenty of them outdated.
We can't even decide how to configure our firewalls our self, but get them preconfigured from the HQ.
They micromanage us so hard, we can't even put a switch in a room, without having to arrange that shit with them.1 -
I hate it when we have weeks of planing, i know that it is important in soft eng but yet it is too long. I rather get a prototype, test it and get real results instead of daily brainstormings based on theories.
People need to grow guts and test !2 -
Girl: "Professor I don't really understand the algorithm. Can you please write it on the board again?"
Professor writes down the alphabet.
Girl: "I don't get it."
We were talking about traversing a Binary search tree in Inorder traversal.2 -
So I went into work yesterday on my day off right? (Mardi Gras) to finish up a pretty significant addition to our application. I only had 2 days to work on it before we were to show it off to potential buyers today, so I came in to get it to at least a working state that we can improve later...
Well, that wasn't good enough. First thing my boss said when he saw it was, "this isn't what we had talked about". No dip-shit, this is what you get when you have 1 programmer working on their holiday. Like, I know we talked about this massive content update, but we talked about LITERALLY LESS THAN A WEEK AGO. I really don't know what you expect, but I made it very clear that all I could get done was a prototype at best. Not to mention that this whole app is a hard-coded "fake-prototype" that was never supposed to make it this far.... -
Just saw a video of a French philosopher saying: "Nobody really knows how to get out of Covid, but since it's called Covid-19 it means that there were 18 others before, so we should have some clues about it" 😂6
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When you got to get through the swarm of elective classes to get to the meat of the bones in a Software Development degree 😤
How many times do we need to take Math in order to get across that we only use like 1/4 of what is actually thought and apply it to IRL scenarios?!
My FASFA is gonna run dry at this rate and I just wanna start these Software Development classes already 🙄😭🙏1 -
Him/Her/It/She/They bullshit!!!
We all know what you are, we are not blind. Get over the public self jerking.22 -
Got a new devops "manger" today we had an argument for 20 mins about why Staging/UAT was needed and why we could not just by pass it and get to prod quicker .. WHAT?! I am dumbfounded I do not have words to express the emotions I am having right now.2
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Happy New year fellow devs!!!!
May it suck less than the previous one!!
And may we all get what we want :) -
On an all hands with a higher up that recently joined the company advocating "in person" discussion and I'm just like "yes you're a boomer we get it nobody gives a shit"1
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When you keep telling your boss that you remade one of their sites so that it has BCrypt(currently use SHA-512),CSRF checks, stricter Auth/Cookie encryption and that we should swap it and all he says we will get to it.
wot n tarnation-_-1 -
My day couldn't start in a worse day.
We are having a demo this week and I worked yesterday after hours to get the product ready. Tested everything and we were all set for the demo content.
Today we installed the new version with my fixes and nothing worked. Today's version should be the golden version to prep the demo! Obviously everyone starts looking at me as to why nothing works both worried and eager to help. But I got so stressed I just wanted to dig a hole.
Luckily after going through the logs a colleague of mine pieced together something he heard about another colleague on another location we have submitted a fix (without telling our location) that f**ked up the whole system.
Luckily we reverted it since the system was better without it and got it stable again but after all of that I had to go rest because until we found the answer I was starting to think I couldn't get one thing right. I think it was the most stressful moment in 5+ years on this job4 -
I think it helps to have clear objectives/questions to answer, otherwise we get sidetracked. Tell everyone beforehand what the meeting is about, let them prepare.
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How long y'all think it is before we get things like Spotify integrated into video games, especially sports ones where it makes the most sense.
Hopefully soon, because I'd be down.8 -
We received legacy project for support and fixing.. it had few issues:
1. There was a controller called MainController. This guy was the soul of the project 10k+ lines, heavily dependent on the data from the database.
2. We didnt get the data. Just the database structure (we couldnt run the app at all)
3. At the very end of that controller there was a "simple" eval($_SESSION['somevariable'])
4. We had no documentation and had to guess how it works...
Someone really had fun screwing up this project. Needless to say we got rid of it quickly. :) -
Them: "We need you to do this thing this way because it isn't possible to do the right way."
Me: ... *codes script that works the right way*
Them: "But it was actually this other thing we didn't say anything about that isn't possible."
Me: ... *codes script with new condition, still works*
Now repeat daily for 2 weeks and we may get to where I don't just silently provide a working script.
Maybe I should have just done it the wrong way to begin with? -
I find it funny that core software from major companies has such bad bugs or flaws. With large development teams and QA they still get through, yet a bug half as bad on a system for a customer developed by a small team, we get a roasting for it!1
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Why do you think restarting the device mostly works? Be it phones, laptops or routers.. No real answers pls.. Let see how much creativity we can get 😅4
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We've been working on a big application on-and-off for the last year (whenever we had time.) It was 99% working, and we left it to work on some other apps. We come back to it, only to find that some big features have magically stopped working. We dig into it and find thT some other dev team completely changed the functionality of one of the existing off-application microservices were utilizing without telling us, and then we had to spend days reverse-engineering what they did so we could retrofit our application to communicate with the microservice again.
We were able to get it fixed, but I just know that they're going to change something else in the future without telling us and it's gonna break again. A little interdepartmental communication would be greeeeaaaat!1 -
Every time there is a new project, we programmers swear to ourselves that we will code it better this time. We get elated that we do not have to deal with the tech debts piled up in the old module.1
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I've given up on scrum, it's a nice system that allows one to identify problems easier and quickly.
Just a two issues:
1) The boss skips more of them than he's in.
2) Even when we say we need something, we never get it.
So we never get what we need and we've not got a readily accessible means to flag issues up.2 -
i think this is about getting interviewed, but when we were looking for interns it was really hard to gauge how much each of them knew, cause they lied like hell on their resume.
we ended up picking a boy that knew virtually nothing and a girl that was pretty good on her feet.
it didn't matter too much, cause we always had planned to teach them everything, but the boy kept lying so we didn't get any results from him for a while.
we also had an attitude problem from him for a while. it looked like he wasn't that interested in doing anything. that's also something that's hard to pick up in an interview, and we had to beat that shit out of him (figuratively).1 -
We have a lot of small projects with different domains that we maintain and develop. Most go into maintainence mode now and get no new features. Now our new department lead declared us the SWAT team bc there are no new good projects. This baiscally means we get pushed to other team's projects that have issues with deadlines and support there. So basically we get to projects with fire on the roof and as reward for extinguishing, we get another burning project.
Either that or in the first department meeting where our new boss introduced himself and managed to say in the same paragraph that due to corona we "shouldn't expect any salary increases bc these are hard times" and "his department has so much money and doesn't know where to spend it" -
!rant
Just wanted to get back to my last rant on here: https://devrant.com/rants/1617720/...
So, even though the team still is slimming down we actually did manage to get the two applications live by the deadline. It took my saturday and a lot of hard work, but we managed to pull it off somehow. I'm so happy :)1 -
2 months into my final year project report and we had create full graded document on how we're going come up with the final project idea which had to signed off in the first week....
So we had this instead of spending time on the project report itself.
All long before we actually get to start developing it... Uni... -
Do we have any White hats in here?
Looking to get into it, but no idea where to start. Any tips/recommendations are welcome.
Also how much is CWHH necessary to be taken seriously?3 -
I think I am going to keep a desktop counter of every time the other team bitches about not having tool x or tool y rather than learning the tools we already have that are perfectly capable of serving the purpose they want. I get that devs should be allowed to have the tools they need to do the job, but at a certain point you're yelling at a cloud to start raining. Especially since we work in a restricted environment and IT's backlog is ridiculous.
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Got a great compliment today from one of my clients. "What you're developing for us right now, we thought was not probable". It make my job so worthwhile to get feedback like this 🙏
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Getting real sick of companies who think they can get out of obviously bad claims by making claims that are "less bad" and more technical. As if it improves the situation. But alas Huawei....
"No we weren't spying. It's not a back door. We just forgot that we left telnet enabled for 7 years."
Fucking really?! That's supposed to make you trustworthy?!3 -
The first computer I used as a youngster was an iMac G3. We made flow charts and it was magical. I used any excuse possible to get on the computer and make a flow chart.
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I hate meetings where we watch other teams yank each other’s dicks for an hour. We get it, you love your team. I don’t care. I have shit to do guys.
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Window.print()
"OMG it worked after I contacted you last time, now it isn't working again today. WE NEED TO GET THIS FIXED!!!"
Jebus fuck people....2 -
Yeah right. If we go hybrid mobile app it's like the same work as native but you get 2 apps for 2 platform for the same time / cost. That's how it works 😭
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I still don't get it why we don't have code snippet paste ability, like slack or .MD file? Can we have some little formatting please?
Pasting screenshots is not always the best.3 -
Should we get rid of the name JAVAscript and start calling it EcmaScript or smth to avoid confusing recruiters with Java?20
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Not using all my time. I really don’t apply myself sometimes. Sometimes that means not using work time efficiently, sometimes that means I get stuck on a simple problem for too long because I don’t think through it. Also, I’m trying to love coding more. It takes a lot of code to get a small result sometimes, and that’s ok. I got hooked on being able to do big things with little code from the start. As we get better we know there’s more that can be done, but we are more familiar with just how much work it really is. At the same time we are more capable than ever of doing it. Just gotta embrace the suck, then love your finished product.1
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Client: We've gotta launch *now*! Where is the ready version? Get it all done yesterday!
Me, after fixing it all: There you go, we can launch now! I just had to work like mad, you're welcome.
Client: We have changed our mind on the design and we talked with tertiary shareholders and and and, and it seems we're gonna launch in 2077, now change everything
Me: :^)))2 -
So we have a demo tomorrow and it looks like i’m going to have to do it all on my own. Thats a first. I can already get a client frustrated whenever they are on the phone.2
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We are all Ouroboros - the snake that eats its own tail , as we are constantly trapped in a worry-go-around state of :
Everything is bad
But everything can get worse
and everything will be terrible
But what if it doesn't
But what if it does1 -
evaluating whether i should make it more agile and flexible or just get it slapped into production. always waging war in between proper developer testing vs my own uat testing (of which we as devlopers also need to do)
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So, my CS teacher has gone on paternity (?), or rather, parental leave until September.
Awesome.
That basically ruins my mondays and wednesdays.
Actually now that I think of it...
Fuck it, free time.
And we don't even get a substitute teacher.
Heh.2 -
Attempting to get back on the docker container hype train and I get this error.
Find the issue, and Microsoft's response 'oh...ha ha...our bad. We may or may not fix it. Sorry, sucks to be you.'
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Quick question: If you install only Linux (say Ubuntu), and boot your system, do you still see bootloader screen with options to choose where to boot from (Ubuntu/Advanced Ubuntu) like we get when we have dual boot, or does it boot directly?8
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We use celery at work, and one of the issues we face is that we use Django logging.
I'm not sure how it happened, however we only get 1 level of tracebacks from it now.
This has made debugging painstakingly difficult, since we have to manually traverse the code every time.
(we're in the process of moving to sentry, and we'll get our full logs back soon)1 -
One of not many things I really hate about PHP is when I have to write arrays. They so sugary, it is very shitty experience. I just hope we can get JSON style arrays some day.9
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So were working with this company, and their designer gave us some designs for the app that they wanted us to build, everything was fine and dandy until we realized that there were 6 different font colors, including three different grays... And to top it off, the designs didn't have a color pallet attached, it had a list of colors attached, but most of those were never used in the designs... So we ended up eyeballing and using color inspector tools to get the colors from the design, just to later get told that we used the 'wrong' colors... 😢
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You know, I don't mind getting dragged if I deserve it. But it would be nice to have ALL the information I need to make an estimate BEFORE you hang me out to dry.
First I was told that work on this issue could be kicked down the road since we were getting big contracts. The next day the issue was in the sprint.
I tell you I won't be able to get it done with the business critical stuff you said absolutely had to be done that sprint (turns out we had 3 months of leeway even before COVID). You say alright cool. We push it to next sprint. The next day you say we have been pushing that issue too much and we absolutely have to get it done this sprint. At least have it so QA can look at it by Tuesday.
I give a preliminary look to QA cuz I found a bug, but they can test other shit about this fucking issue, but then get shut down fucking again because it isn't code complete.
STOP. MOVING. FUCKING. GOAL POSTS. AND. GASLIGHTING. ME.
And as a bonus, I disagree with the necessity of this work in general. I think it's fucking stupid, unnecessary, and zero value added. It's a management jerkoff issue that is going to piss off all of our users.1 -
I love it when you and the dev team completely forget about the timeline and start implementing random shit thinking it'll work.
We will get there eventually -
Oh good, I get to clean up somebody's else shit because we have to deploy it in a fucking hour. Why the hell did we have our fresh junior do it then?
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one of the few times i follow the existing structure and pattern i get told to fuck off and hardcode it instead because we want something temporary
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I've dreamt of building my own home automation system ever since we moved into this place. By the time I'll get around to it, I guess the home automation system I want is common shelfware.
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I’m so glad I work at a company without a dev ops... it’s so much smoother and money isn’t wasted on a non engineer, or someone who can’t jump in and assist where needed.
We have a weekly team meeting including the mech, elec and software guys... then we have a weekly open issue meeting per project only those on the project go to. We all know what we need to do individually and we just get it done... no need for the middle man dev ops to divide up tasks and shit.. we hear the issues straight from the product owners and get to work... we don’t have defined structured scrums and burn downs...it’s very agile tho.. much like how engineers 40 years ago achieved things. It’s quite awesome.6 -
Mark: hey guys I wanted to connect with you all (on FB) and have a quick chat before the meeting.
Cook, Pichai, Bezos: ok, mhhm... what's up?
Mark: yes so I think we gonna be in for a grilling so want make sure we minimize the damage.
All: uhhm....
Mark: I'm suggesting we agree on the order which we join the webex so we don't look bad..
Pichai, Cook: I don't get it...
Bezos: ... oh I think I get it.... you mean appearing as FAAG?
Cook: hmm..
Pichai: what's that?
Mark: not important but anyway... The solution is simple.
Bezos: yes Sundar just login first and I guess can send us all push notifications to our phones.
Pichai: hm... Ok... Wouldn't this get us in trouble though.... This sounds like collusion...
Mark: ok guys... Uh let's just end it here then... This chat Never happened...
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Hi all 👋. I got, to be honest, we as developers have the opportunity to build whatever we can imagine but sometimes it just sucks having so many possibilities, it starts to get tiring really fast. So I got to ask you guys.
How do you decide on your jobs or side projects what is really important to accomplish without getting sidetracked?13 -
Rant about other people ranting about people ranting about Microsoft/GitHub, you really need to stop telling people about what they're allowed to rant about, your rants about other people's rants are taking over devRant and it's annoying as hell!
We get it, you're against people ranting about certain topics, but at some point you've got to move on.
(How meta can we get?)5 -
If IBM makes a product of something we use, we get it, ClearCase, ClearQuest, message broker, websphere, rational team concert, jazz source control... And a skinned version of eclipse3
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I get tired of people complaining about rails "magic" it's annoying. Ok we get it, you have never taken the time to understand it's naming conversation or looked under the hood.
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So about a big problem I had earlier in the two last weeks, we were waiting for the expert of the team we work with if they have any idea. But we had to wait for him to get back from their one-week break.
We asked them about it
They have no clue
fuck. -
When the boss needs you to clarify a peice of info he received from a vendor/client because there's one techie word in it or the conversion involved you at one time.
I just got an email and it says we can't do 'thing a'. Does that really mean we can't do 'thing a'?
Yes. I'm gonna get back to work now. -
Should we fight RIAA? I think we shouldn't even acknowledge its existence.
Every zoomer knows where to get every type of content they want. Every zoomer knows where to get it for free. This is what I always strive for — to make walking over RIAA our culture, to walk over RIAA without even knowing RIAA exists. Zoomers really pay for digital shit only when they feel like it. If something is "taken down", zoomer still gets it in like thirty seconds, maybe two minutes maximum if the thing wasn't popular. This became the basic internet skill and oh how I like it.
For every problem they make, we invent a solution. We have the fundamental and unbreakable principle of the analog hole (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/...) AND the smartest people on our side, they only have the greediest.
We don't have to take down RIAA and others. We don't have to fight — we already won.11 -
Rant about fellow devRanters: don't you ever get tired arguing about which phone/operating system/brand is better? I don't give a fucking shit. It's exhausting reading the same shit every week. We get it, everyone has to like what you like. 🙄4
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Sometimes I wonder how big it companies with more then 500k net worth get away with bugs in their webapps.
In my company we also have bugs but I am the only dev and we won't hit the 100k Salesmark with our software.3 -
So as it turns out, the redemption of client money has failed.
About £4k just sitting there.
I was doing testing earlier, and accidentally left the endpoint at sandbox, all of the payments failed, so we have to mock the payment in now, once we get internet back.1 -
Why are is it that senior managers can carry mobiles in the office but juniors can't due to fucking GDPR.
I don't get it are we gonna steal some data and the managers won't. What the fucking idiocracy!!!!1 -
Having hard time to make my friend understand that you don't need to build everything from scratch and we can get started for free with commercial solutions for speech recognition and only pay when we have a decent userbase. The worst part is he doesn't believe it even when it is clearly written on the website.3
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When do the front-end developers get the APIs.?
How does the communication between front-end and back-end works.?
I work in a startup and I'm getting the feeling that this communication is way off the place. Many-ier times we have to wait for weeks for the API to come. Till then, we build mock data structures and implement it. The API gives us more and less exactly what we need. And you can guess it sometimes the structure gets changed in such a way our front end code gets to be refactored.
Is it the correct way.? The whole mock data structures and wait for the API thing. One of my colleagues says, "It's much better if we get some part of API first and integrate it progressively".2 -
Anyone using SCCM to deploy Windows 10?
If we add Software Updates to the Task Sequence, all sorts of apps get installed too. We have Consumer Features disabled, but for some reason updating during OSD seems to ignore it and installs apps anyways?
Anyone else with this issue? -
I procrastinate till Wednesday and then I get this strong feeling to work hard on my shit but at the same time I get another thought that weekend is just 2 days ahead and you ll have stop it in the mid without completing as we rich people don't work on weekends, so we better start at monday but then i do nothing but sleep and the loop goes on 🥲🥲1
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Status meetings. Jesus, some people don’t understand the concept of “take your discussion offline”
Yeah, we get it. You have questions... we are not all wasting our time to fix your issues in one meeting.
“Take it the fuck offline” -
Get an exciting new project: build a help center.
Someone decides we will be building it wiith Madcap Flare.
Gonna kill myself. -
What is the point of doing retros and giving feedback, if the fucking scrum master is not going to enforce it?
I hope we can rid of this stupid scrum master position. Don't get me wrong we need managers, but we don't need glorified task readers.2 -
One of the more memorable friends through coding is a guy I met at 9am at what had to be an early lecture with 150+ students. We were both following it as part of a minor but the only ones there: we apparently didn't get the message that it was cancelled because we were no majors...
We decided to just work on the group assignment because why not and became friends.
Little did we know that we had already met dozens of times (but never really talked) the two years before as we are both members of the same students association, only strengthening the bond!
Sometimes not receiving a notice of cancellation is not that bad... -
Guys, long story short we found an investor for our app idea. What's the best route to go for us to get the people we need. Essentially we need a mobile app, but it may also need to be a kiosk, so should we look specifically for React Native developers to make a cross platform app or should we focus on ios, android, and kiosk apps natively? It involves access of sensitive information.
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Every first of a month is our most intense day because we have the most data throughput then due to lazy people we get data from. And boy will it be even more intense when something broke because we were forced to deploy a new feature the day before...
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This AWS migration is a pain.
Neither of us know anything about networking, and we can't get any help with it.
Talk about bashing your head against a wall. -
My best coworker was probably my last boss and team. We always were able to help each other out when needed and really worked as a team. It was great except no one worked onsite so it's not like we could go get drinks or lunch.
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Someone mentioned antivirus and custom code... it reminded me of when Symantec Endpoint Protection received an update and some of our production servers had our custom apps quarantined. We had about four servers that had most of our custom apps removed. When it happened I thought someone was monkeying with the servers (they were our task servers used for task and service jobs). It took me about an hour to realize what happened then another hour to get the SEP admins to disable it until we could get another patch. Fun day.
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First day back at work, lunch time now. So far I've been to one meeting and done no work. I can't get on to the vpn. We get OTP for the vpn via sms. Sms is taking so long to come through that it always expired by the time I get it
The kicker? I work for a cellular provider1 -
Rhum.
I 'arrange' them as we say in French.
All kind of fruits and spices get in there and it makes excellent digestives! -
Was talking about jokes in general at work today. Asked someone if they knew about jokes where you read something out loud. Ended up having them read this aloud:
We Todd did
Eye yam we Todd did
Eye yam sofa king we Todd did
Some people don't get it even when read aloud. Afterwards I thought: eye yam sew hymn mat tour
Edit: Oh, we could get people to read this to their dev duck. lol2 -
Last week, last sprint. Decided to migrate to latest trunk (it was svn back in the days) of the CMS we used just to get the new great feature. Customer really liked it, but didn’t like the bugs we found in the following weeks.
If you ask me, it worth and will do it again. -
What the Fun Javascript Part 2
With reference to my old rant : https://devrant.com/rants/1445754/...
An explanation to this...
In JS whenever it sees '==' it has a set of rules that it follows before comparing quantities...
One such rule is...
When we compare a number with a boolean using '==' it first converts boolean into number then compares the two quantities...
So in this case..
When we convert true to number we get 1 and when we compare 1 and 2 they are obviously unequal hence we get false...
1 -
Well, it doesn't necessarily affect my work, but apparently E3 2020 was cancelled because of fucking covid-19, which does affect my happiness to some extent. It really may be the end of the world as we know it without new games to get hyped about:
https://www.e3expo.com/ -
I hate with a passion Code Review sessions in Pull Requests. It takes days to get approved especially when you have as Lead tech someone with 3 years of experience that rejects PR because doesn't like how I named the variable and also if that person is different time zone.
In my previous company we used to have 30 minutes session if we had PRs and we would go over it.3 -
So basically, At work, we are starting to get bigger, more devs, more ppl, but we are starting to get QA, and PM, and Im starting to hate it4
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We receive by mail the build report launched by Jenkins so I get It on my smartphone. Bad idea, I make nightmare of "BUILD FAILURE" and endless stack traces..
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Okay we get it.
You hate x programming language because of y idiosyncrasy.
I wanna read some real rants people!7 -
So I tried to buy some recreational stuff from the deep web, and this is what they have replied—
“We're really sorry about it but we have some problems with shipping to your region. We noticed about problems with customs but we have some friends in your region that will help us to pay $55 customs for your parcel and pass it smoothly. If you agree to continue we can get your additional $55 usd payment to the bitcoin address below.”
Is this a scam?4 -
I have actually two, but I'll write the other one in the week.
So we had classes about software engineering. The class was interesting but the teacher wasn't. Too soft, too slow, too low, too monochord (usual french), it was boring. So we ended up not listening to him. Kinda regret this.
We got a first exam, where we were in group to develop a Test Manager for Unit Test (yep.)
We had instructions, like the note would be multiplied by the percentage of coverage of code, etc.
The thing is, we really didn't get the point of the project. Now that I think of it, it seems obvious, but it wasn't back then as it was too new. In the four people of our group, one worked real hard on it, I tried to do my best, the others too.
But like I said, I didn't get back then the point of the topic, which is to apply design pattern, unit testing, etc. It was furstating af and we ended up with a 9/20.
I got the point of the topic only for the second exam, the most classic one, on a paper sheet with questions to answer. (We were allowed only one cheatsheet, I understood the topic while doing it. Sad, huh ?)
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