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Search - "we have a problem"
-
Developer: We have a problem.
Manager: Remember, there are no such things as problems, only opportunities.
Developer: Well then, we have a DDoS opportunity.52 -
Client: We have a HUGE security problem.
Me: *thinks about any possible vulnerabilities* What is it?
Client: A user can take a picture of our website and steal our content.
I’m done for today.36 -
A rare bug appeared. It was my duty to finish it.
SH = Manager
SH: So when do you think you can finish the task?
Me: I still have to analyze the problem. Give me a moment and I'll get back to you.
SH: Alright.
*An hour later*
SH: *Approaches my desk* Have you found the source of the problem?
Me: Not yet. Please give me some more time.
SH: Ok.
*An hour later*
SH: *the approach* You found it yet?
Me: Yes, I've found the the source of the problem, But... *explains the problem and thus concluding that it's a complicated bug*
SH: Can you finish it by tomorrow?
Me: I'll do the best I can but I am not entirely sure if I can finish it by tomorrow.
SH: OK great!
*The next day*
SH: *Le approach* Hey I have a colleague here that may be able to solve the problem, he has skills with XYZ. Ok, I will leave you two at it then. *the leave*
Helper: So can you tell me about the issue here?
Me: *explains the bug and the source of the problem*
Helper: Have you tried solution A?
Me: Yes sir, but it yields a different output... *explains what happened with solution A*
Helper: Well, that won't work. What about solution B?
Me: I've tried that, too. *Another lengthy explanation*
Helper: Welp, ok. I'll get back to you on that.
(...But he never came.)
*A few hours later*
SH: *A.P.P.R.O.A.C.H.* Hey I have this team lead from another department. I think he can help you out on this one. *L.E.A.V.E.*
Helper 2: What seems to be the problem?
Me: *Explains again with all the solutions I tried but failed*
Helper 2: Wow. That really seems to be a complicated problem.
~~
Me (In my head): -_-
~~
Helper 2: Listen, I need to get back to my team. I'll keep you posted if I happen to find a solution for your problem alright?
Me: Alright thanks.
*Towards the end of the day*
SH: *APPROACHHHH* Have you resolved the bug yet?
~~
Me (In my head): You made me spend half the FUCKING day explaining to these people who didn't even give a piece of FUCKING SHIT to contribute to the problem and you are asking me if I am done with this FUCKING BUG? FUCK YOU, YOU SON OF A -
~~
Me: No, it is not finished yet..
SH: You have to finish this because we don't have tomorrow.
~~
Me (In my head): SHDIFHWISGSIFGSISBAUDBEIQBDIWGFIEBWIDHWIQBDOSBCISBDOSHDIAGSUSVDIFBDKDJWIQKDBDIDGSUWVDIABDIXBSIDBDIDBWUWGUSVDUWVDJQBDUDVWISHDUWVFG
~~
I went home for the day.21 -
My partner has zero interest in coding and wants to have a baby, a week ago she started to yell install baby at me. Told her its not the right command. A few days ago she yelled apt-get install baby. Told her there was a user privilege problem. Today she came back with sudo apt-get install baby.
looks like we are going to have to have a baby!18 -
Will the bug in my code please stand up?
I repeat
Will the bug in my code please stand up?
I think we have a problem here.
*music intensifies*11 -
I worked with a good dev at one of my previous jobs, but one of his faults was that he was a bit scattered and would sometimes forget things.
The story goes that one day we had this massive bug on our web app and we had a large portion of our dev team trying to figure it out. We thought we narrowed down the issue to a very specific part of the code, but something weird happened. No matter how often we looked at the piece of code where we all knew the problem had to be, no one could see any problem with it. And there want anything close to explaining how we could be seeing the issue we were in production.
We spent hours going through this. It was driving everyone crazy. All of a sudden, my co-worker (one referenced above) gasps “oh shit.” And we’re all like, what’s up? He proceeds to tell us that he thinks he might have been testing a line of code on one of our prod servers and left it in there by accident and never committed it into the actual codebase. Just to explain this - we had a great deploy process at this company but every so often a dev would need to test something quickly on a prod machine so we’d allow it as long as they did it and removed it quickly. It was meant for being for a select few tasks that required a prod server and was just going to be a single line to test something. Bad practice, but was fine because everyone had been extremely careful with it.
Until this guy came along. After he said he thought he might have left a line change in the code on a prod server, we had to manually go in to 12 web servers and check. Eventually, we found the one that had the change and finally, the issue at hand made sense. We never thought for a second that the committed code in the git repo that we were looking at would be inaccurate.
Needless to say, he was never allowed to touch code on a prod server ever again.8 -
Just called Asus for a problem with my router, went to send them my systemlog.txt for analysis
"Oh we don't have an email you can send that to"
Me: "(me calling bullshit) let me talk to the tech team.."
*Get transferred*
"Hello this is the supervisor"
Me: "fml"
"Ya we don't have an email you can send that to, but we can use a different departments verification services to get a file from you, has to be a picture though"
Me: "What? I got a .txt file here, I just want to get it to you, does it really have to be a picture?"
"Has to be a picture or a PDF, we can't take txt files"
Me: "fkin.. srsly? Fine"
I can't believe Asus's system srsly. I think it's for virus protection, but viruses can be embedded in both picture formats and PDF, but not in txt. So wtf is going on lol15 -
Coworker wrote a nice package and put it on Github, to share with other departments.
I link his package on our company Slack, mentioning a team, with text "What do you think of this one? Is it usable for you guys?"
Next thing I know I have to explain to an executive why I'm "posting pictures of seductive cartoon girls in company chat with disrespectful commentary"
It linked the Github profile picture of the developer in Slack. A fully clothed anime girl, nothing particularly lewd about it.
But I like stabbing back a bit, and confusing the fuck out of people in suits:
"Hate to say it, but a good majority of all the code the company runs on, is written by people known as weebs, who use their so called waifus as their GitHub profile picture. It is very common for open source Javascript packages, but since we recruited 50 extra devs it now also happens internally. It's not my thing either sir, but I'm afraid we have to embrace it... "
"But what about our female devs? What about Joanna, she's in your team? We have to think of diversity! Our investors are really in to diversity, we can't have a bro culture!"
"Sir, with all due respect, we have super diverse teams without even trying. The problem is... they're all millennials. They grew up on weird memes... and are probably ten steps further in embracing diversity compared to the rest of the company."
"Also, Joanna is the one who drew this particular picture. She's charging a €15 commission for profile pictures... Do you want one of your fursona, sir?"
"What is that?"
"Uh... nevermind. Let's... let's not go there"48 -
*Manager enters the room quickly*
Manager: Coffe2Code, we have a serious problem on the application, (We are working on a chat app).
Me: What? now just few hours before the Demo?, what is it?
Manager: when I send or receive a media message (audio or video) the sound is not playing, the file seems like corrupted !
Me: that's strange, let me debug it and see.
*Me spending an hour and could not even reproduce the bug..*
Me: Boss, I cannot see the bug, can I debug on your device quickly?
Manager: Sure, here it is.
Me: hold the fucking device, press VOLUME UP, IT WAS FUCKING MUTE. THERE WAS NO ISSUE MOTHERFUCKER.
Manager, oups ok good no issue then, thanks16 -
Friend : This is our logo for the site you are building for us.
Me: Wtf!! This is just a picture with text on it, do you have copyright of this picture?
Friend : who cares, we found it on google and we liked it.
Me: It may create trouble later
Friend: nothing...Just us it, we don’t have $150 for logo design
Me:🧐
After few weeks
Friend: Hey best, we have problem with logo, there is this guy who keep emailing us about copyright, any advice
Me: you know the solution the $1501 -
Client just informed our support that they solved their own forgotten password problem by clicking the "forgot password" button in our app. They say they are now awaiting the email with the password recovery details.
One problem: we don't have a forgot password button in our app.9 -
BOSS: i will need your resume for this new project, can you make it?
ME: sure, but don't you have one?
BOSS: yes, but i would need it changed for a new details
ME: ok...
after work...
BOSS: we have a problem, remember that resume? we need it on english, and need it right now, can you translate it at home?
ME: ok, but give me a few minutes...
sends translated resume...
BOSS: ummm, it's not translated well, you didn't translate your education...
ME: the name of the school? you can't translate that...
BOSS: this lady asked for it, so do it...
ME: ok...
sends again...
BOSS: not quite there yet, you have Ć in your last name, translate that...
ME: translate my last name?
BOSS: yeah, this lady has a spell check and saw that incorrect...
ME: .....
im going to celebrate when i leave this itterate shithole17 -
*CTO in panic, as always, invites everyone to the war room*
CTO: We have a MAJOR problem where 0.0001% of our customers are not receiving SMS confirmations.
Me: Cool. But, 0.0001% is very less compared to the other problems we are solving.
CTO: You don't understand, this is critical issue that needs to be addressed immediately.
Me: But even those.0.0001% customers are receiving e-mail confirmations, so this is not even blocker as we have other channels working.
CTO: I am emotional at this point. You need to prioritise this now.
Me: Okay, do we know the root cause of this problem?
Engineering head: we have blacklisted those numbers in past as our system detected them abusing our platform.
Me: Cool. Let's whitelist them, nothing much to worry here.
CTO: Floyd, you need to understand that 0.0001% of the customers are not receiving the SMS and the solution you are proposing is incorrect.
Me: Okay, what do you suggest?
CTO: We stop sending the SMS to all the customers.
Everyone on the call: 😨18 -
Interviewer: "Hi, we are searching for a junior frontend dev with 1 year of experience and strong skills with Angular".
Me: "I have never used Angular before but I have 4 years of experience, It's not a problem for me to study it and use it quickly".
Interviewer: "Eh no, we are searching for someone with very strong Angular skills".
Me: "That's fine, but sorry how can a junior dev with just 1 year of experience have already strong skills with Angular? He must have also strong skills with JavaScript in general and It's quite impossible".
Interviewer: "Ehh... ehm.... ehmm..."11 -
We have a customer that runs an extremely strict security program, which disallows any type of outside connection to their servers.
In order to even correspond with them via email you must undergo background checks and be validated. Then you sign an NDA and another "secrecy level" contract.
Today they had a problem, I was the one assigned to fix it. I asked for a screenshot.
We already use an encrypted mail service, which runs via a special VPN that has enough layers of protection to slow down a photon to the speed of a snail.
The customer's sysadmin encrypted the screenshot and sent it to me.
I open the screenshot and....
He runs Windows 10, uses Google Chrome and has Facebook's WhatsApp desktop app flashing orange in the tray.
😐😣😫😖4 -
One of our clients deploy their own server app. So this happened after a prod deployment. (4am)
*Cellphone rings while sleeping*
Client : we need you on the conference call now. URGENT!
*Gets on conference call*
*Client explain the problem*
*Explaining to the client that the problem is in their side (https connection not working, either network or certificate problem)*
*Client doesn't believe it and pushes me for a fix that I have no control on*
*4 hours later in a heated conversation*
Client : ok problem is on our side. We used our SSL certificate from staging with production and thought it would work.
Me :5 -
Once upon a time there was a dev.
The dev had a resume that said he could dev.
We called the dev, he sounded intelligent.
We hired the dev, who was a bit green, on a three month probationary period.
The dev did very little.
When asked, we said he contributed to discussions, but seemed unclear about what to do, and maybe they could keep him as an intern if they wanted to have him at all.
They hired him. As a full time dev.
6 months later, that dev was shocked to find we could log into the servers with a privileged account.
We (his team mates) were sad.
We asked him to fix a few prod errors.
A little while later he said "Done!"
We then had to walk him through how to actually fix them, not just add a couple pieces of info to the table.
We were sad, again.
We asked him to fix some prod errors again.
We had to walk him through the process again
We expressed concerns to our superiors about his abilities because he was all theory, no hands on ability
They promoted him
We were sad
A few of us said "Fuck you guys, I'm going home"
They said OK
Now that guy is the only one that "knows" that code base
I get calls sometimes asking me questions.
I told them to pay me a consultant fee.
They said no
I said no
They called again
I laughed at them
Listen to the people who know when you ask them questions.
Listen to the people who know when they tell you there is a problem
Don't be like that company6 -
A real interaction I just had...
Team Member: "Can you handle this ticket for a bug fix?"
Me: "Whats the problem?"
TM: "We aren't exactly sure..."
Me: "Ok, so can you show it to me?"
TM: "We can't get it to happen again, and when it does the machine freezes and we can't debug it..."
Me: "So, if I find a fix then how do we test to make sure it worked?"
TM: "I'm not sure..."
Then today,
Product Manager: "How's that bug fix going?"
Me: "Well, let's see. The problem still hasn't been defined. I have never been able to recreate the issue. I have a hacky fix in a PR..."
PM: "Great, so we can deploy today?!?"
Me: "No, because we have no way to reproduce or test this issue at all..."
PM: "Do you think your fix will work?"
Me: "Honestly, no. If you're asking for my opinion then you can have it. IMO this is NOT a bug fix but a change to how the system operates altogether. This system was built by someone who didn't know what they are doing. We have done our best with it but it is a house of cards. And now the solution is to replace a card at the bottom layer. It is likely that no matter what fix we do (even when we can fucking test it) that it will topple the house of cards..."
PM: ~Looking at me in disbelief~
Me: "If you ask me for my honest professional opinion then you will get it. Keep that in the future if that honest response was outside what you expected."
PM: "I will do that, thanks for your assessment"
Where do we go from here? God only knows.
Praise Joe Pesci5 -
"Can you work on this ticket? It's kind of urgent."
-- "OK"
"And could you please not refactor? Just get this done."
-- "Why? What's the issue?"
"The logic is complex. We should not break it."
-- "Erm, that's what the tests are for. So yes, if the need arises, I'll refactor. The tests are my guidelines if the logic breaks or not."
There's a reason we create tests. So let's not hinder code base improvements by some random fear that stuff might break.
If breaks due to refactoring, we'll fix it by adding a valid test case during and then fixing the bug.
If my refactoring does not break the tests, I'll assume the code base is stable.
If your code is untested, then we have a complete different problem.3 -
Wannabe entrepreneurs approach for building their app.
Them: So you're familiar with Android?
Me: Yes but it's been a while, will take some time though.
Them: Not a problem.
Me: So shall we talk about the payment?
Them: Yeah, about that.. Listen, we don't have any funding now but we're sure this idea will be a hit and take off, then later we can pay you.
Me: Ok
*Gets up and leaves*10 -
Fell like I can finally vent this now I've calmed down.
Me: You've fucked the tree again
Junior: No I haven't
Me: It says there "Fixing merge conflicts"
Junior: Well it wasn't me I wouldn't have done a merge
Me: It has your name next to it...
Junior: Well that commit wasn't there a second ago
Me: it's dated for Friday...
Junior: Well if you hadn't committed to master and blah blah blah
Me: We'll if you knew know to use git we wouldn't have this problem.12 -
Backend internship interview
They: Can you reverse the given string without using pointers? (C++)
Me: Yeah, sure
*Then I start explaining how I am gonna approach the problem and such*
They: Ok, we understand that you can do it, now can you write a front-end that has a couple of routes. Also, these routes should have some sort of list views because we want you to print information **attention** that you are going to parse from Amazon inside those list views.
Me: *dumbfounded and trying to explain that am not a front-end developer*
They: But we still want you to do this.3 -
A mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer, and a programmer are riding in a car.
The car breaks down and coasts to the side of the road.
"Hang on," says the mechanical engineer. "The problem is probably the engine, let me have a look at it and I'll have us on the road again in no time."
"Wait," says the electrical engineer. "The way it just stopped like that, I think it's the electrical system. Let me have a look and I'll get us going again in a minute or two."
"Hold on," says the computer engineer. "Why don't we all just get out of the car and get in again, and then see if it starts?"
Alternate punchlines:
"Why don't we open and close all the windows, and then see if it starts?"
"Why don't we remove parts from the engine until it starts successfully?"3 -
Sales manager: Hi all, we are launching a new internal hackathon. Form up a team with the right expertise to help with address the problem statement and get going!
Me: what’s the problem statement?
Sales manager: you have to sign up first. There’s proprietary company info with our plans for next year involved. You have to agree to terms and conditions before continuing. Legal say so.
Me:
*signs up*,
*fills in docU-sign*,
*clicks through 3 other screens*
Ok let’s see this problem statement.
“What new and magical customer experience can you create and launch to win in our markets”
... that’s not a fucking problem statement ... and why the fuck does that require filling out a docu-sign form to see?
I REALLY fucking hate legal / sales people. Wasting everyone’s time.4 -
Hey guys, first rant,
At the moment I'm developing a very big and complex app. We are almost done and decided to deliver a test version to our customer. After he received our test he called us and said there is a problem with a function, he just said it's not working and wasn't very specific.
So I decided to check his problem, because an colleague couldn't figure it out.
I started the app via android studio and had a similar problem, there was a huge delay at the automatic recording function of Bluetooth messages, I thought yeah this is his problem.
I showed it my colleague and he said that he doesn't have this problem, we have different Bluetooth simulators so we thought that there must be a problem with the Bluetooth communication or the simulators are broken.
I checked if there is some kind of timing or buffer problem and logged the shit out of the simulator and found nothing, 3 hours were lost🏁.
My colleague checked his last changes because he had changed a lot at the App Api do to new conditions and those customer wishes💀 he couldn't found anything. So we thought maybe it's my device and the device of the customer. We switched the devices and tada no problem with my devices if the app is builded at the pc of my colleague.
I thought ok maybe it's because I turned some ndk features off. Turned it back on, nothing happened. So we exchanged our Android Studio Settings but no difference. So I said yeah whatever my mashine is just fucked. I restarted my mashine for the third time and started android fucking studio. Some little popup showed up "new updates"... the solution came to my mind ... Do to an update of android studio I excidently turned on Instant Run.....🌋 . I checked it, it was activated, these fucking instant run, great idea but not working... Turned it off, everything worked.
I called the customer because he can't have a problem and he said, this time not angry, oh yeah it was just a notification if I want to turn on my Bluetooth and I decided no and the Bluetooth recording is not recording, this is a problem... -😠NO FUCKING COMMENT😤-5 -
Actual email I just sent to a customer:
"I logged into your account and I see the problem. I will update you and have it fixed either by tonight or tomorrow morning. It is a rare bug we have encountered before, and we are working on it as you read this. "
The truth:
"Im fucking drunk right now. I know that error. I put off fixing it for awhile now hoping it wouldn't come up because it's fucking annoying to fix. I'll try to fix it tomorrow morning, k no promises though. If I can't I'll still have your problem taken cats of it just means I'll have to do it manually. Anyway.. Gonna drink some more now, bye. "
P. S. There is no we. It's just me. K bye.4 -
FUCKING SHIT.
I'm at my first Hackathon with my best friends in life and there has never been a time when I've felt this miserable all my life.
The theme is IoT (something idk jackshit about) and people here are done with the projects when we are still at the idea stage.
Yes, it's true that this shit is intense but I really want to do good at this.
This is what I've learned from my first Hackathon:
1. Prepare your shit.
Unless the problem statements are given on the spot, you should've discussed everything that you would be doing and not divert. (We spent 5 hours on a problem statement and then we decided not to go with it.)
2. Have people with different abilities who you can trust to get the work done without you having to give a second thought.
3. Don't you dare build a sub-par application. What's the fucking use of that? Don't do it for the certificate or the stickers. If you do that, then how the fuck can you make yourself put those stickers on your laptop?!
4. Have food. Keep yourself healthy and up to max potential.
5. DO NOT BE DISCOURAGED. A lot of people will look like they're done with the shit. You know what you have to do now? NOT GIVE A FUCK! Just focus and do your thing and make it awesome.7 -
Okay so about a year ago these FUKKING IDIOTS decides, against my recommendation, to do this quick-ugly-hack and ninja it into production.
I tell them its a FUCKING BAD idea that will blow up in a year or so...
But no, just go go go!!!!!!!
Now a year later, shit blew up badly. A total FUCKING derail. These new idiots asks me to "fix the problem", the same fucking problem I predicted and warned them about a year ago. So now i have to clean up their ducking mess because "Nobody else knows how to fix it".
What the FUCKING HELL do we pay them fuckkkers to do?!!
New idiots you ask? Yep, because 3 out of the 4 original fucktards already left the place in order to go and make some other new collegues lives fucking miserable.
FUCK YOU FUCKING MOOTHERFUUUKKKEEERRRRRSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!2 -
Company: we care about work/life balance (as long as shit gets done)
Company: we care about mental well-being (except when shit has to be done "now!")
Company: we help each other (we push work around until someone finally do it)
Company: management is here to help you do your work (as long as you don't ask them to help you to solve a real problem)
Company: we are agile (except we have more sub-processes than ever)
Company: we only hire best (and then put them in the team of morons)
Company: we are customer centric (that's why we are delivering bugged features)
Company: we constantly rise the bar (deliver more shit in shorter time)
... did I forget about something?12 -
Marketing coworker: We MUST integrate with XYZ
Me: sure, they have a REST API and OAuth2. What part of our system do you want to integrate with XYZ?
coworker: Emmm... I don't know. Everything
Me: ...okay. What does XYZ even do?
coworker: Emmm... our customers use it, so we have to integrate with them.
Me: fine. I'm reading that XYZ has function ABC and PQR. Which one do our customers use?
coworker: ABC, definitely ABC
...
coworker: Our customers say nothing is working!
*looks into the problem*
Me: That's because they're using PQR and not ABC.
This kind of research is NOT my job, it's YOURS5 -
Okay so this is going to be a rant.
My exams started last wednesday. I'm doing a study called Application Development and I'm in my 5th year now (out of 4, long story).
This is the stuff that's going wrong at the moment and it's getting FUCKING annoying.
- The windows computers were not installed that well so everyone had to downgrade from the last update which took way too long.
- We have to have at least 1-3 conversations with the 'client' and 'manager' for each document but the waiting lists are so long that we have to wait for about 2-4 hours in general (we had a total of 18 hours for the first task) so a lot of people couldn't even have a meeting about around half of the documentation. Having meetings about everything is a REQUIREMENT for a good grade.
- Some of the teachers are so slow that the meetings take way too long.
- Although documentation is important, we calculated that about 80% of the WHOLE FUCKING EXAMS will be documentation which is way too fucking much.
- Some of the grading points (like chapters you have to write in the documentation) ARE NOT EVEN IN THE TEMPLATES MY STUDY PROVIDES. Already had a moment where a teacher was like 'I'm missing this chapter?' me: 'It's not in the official templates?!?' teacher: 'stop right there. I have to grade you for this so is that your or my problem'? unbe-fucking-lievable.
- Some students get so many 'musts' that we are seriously doubting if we can get this to work within about 2 days (12 hours).
Sorry for this rant but I had to get this the FUCK out.8 -
Application has had a suspected memory leak for years. Tech team got developers THE EXACT CODE that caused it. Few months of testing go by, telling us they're resolving their memory leak problem (finally).
Today: yeah, we still need restarts because we don't know if this new deployment will fix our memory leak, we don't know what the problem is.
WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU DOING IN THE LOWER REGIONS FOR THREE FUCKING MONTHS?!?!?! HAVING A FUCKING ORGY???????????????
My friends took the time to find your damn problem for you AND YOU'RE GOING TO TELL ME YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THE PROBLEM IS???
It was in lower regions for 3 MONTHS and you don't know how it's impacting memory usage?!?!?! DO YOU WANT TO STILL HAVE A JOB? BECAUSE IF NOT, I CAN TAKE CARE OF THAT FOR YOU. YOU DON'T DESERVE YOUR FUCKING JOB IF YOU CAN'T FUCKING FIX THIS.
Every time your app crashes, even though I don't need to get your highest level boss on anymore for approval to restart your server, I'M GOING TO FUCKING CALL HIM AND MAKE HIM SEE THAT YOU'RE A FUCKING IDIOT. Eventually, he'll get so annoyed with me, your shit will be fixed. AND I WON'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH YOUR USELESS ASS ANYMORE.
(Rant directed at project manager more than dev. Don't know which is to blame, so blaming PM)28 -
God virgin media are useless:
Me: “hello how long is left in my contract”
VM: “you have three months left, may I ask why”
Me: “this is now the 3rd day in two weeks I have had no broadband I’m looking to swap to someone more reliable”
VM: “ I’m sorry to hear that I’ll check our system to see what I can do for you”
2 mins on hold
VM: “hello mr day we can offer you a special offer of doubling your internet speed for only £5 a month”
Me: “how does that help with the fact I have no internet”
VM: “well it won’t but we have an engineer looking at the problem and we estimate it will be fixed by 17:05”
Me: “thanks but no thanks, what’s the early exit fee”
😡🤬😡9 -
I've been wondering for a while, how the backend my team has to use could have so many issues. I was convinced they had no alerting system in place and have been commenting on it for a while now, and complaining about it.
Was on a Zoom call with one of the backend devs today, he shared his screen and had his email open. I saw a folder he had setup called alerts, and sub folders under that. One of them was named the name of the service/app we are using ... it had over 360,000 un-reads ... and emails are automatically deleted after 4 months in my company.
So they have alerts setup, they just don't care ... problem solved. Enjoy your weekend folks!2 -
*while visiting my parents once in while*
Mom : son, help! I have a problem with my [insert technological device here]!
Me : ugh... Here we go again. *Applies physical presence near mom and said problematic device*
Mom : oh, well... It's working now! Thanks!
Me : numberOfFixes++; // ¯\_(ツ)_/¯4 -
! a Rant
Dear fellow devRanters!
I have an announcement to make. After we shared Programmer’s Music (www.programmersmusic.com) on devRant, we had so many awesome user started using our service and they still do. We love you all for that and thank you for you continuous support and use.
Now that our team has become more focused and productive, we took upon a new problem to tackle a few months back. The problem we chose is about increasing email productivity and ability to comprehend knowledge hidden in emails in a more effective way. We are excited to introduce ‘Altmail’! (https://www.altmail.in)
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We are currently in private beta and have limited invites left, to be specific 33 out of 100. Please check it out here - http://at.altmail.in/devRant!
We are looking forward to your honest feedback! :)
Thanks a ton!
Cheers!21 -
Dev: This content might be too large to fit into this area on mobile.
We might need to add scrolling or design it differently.
Designer: It fits perfectly in the design.
Dev: But the user might have a smaller screen size than in the design.
Designer: We don‘t optimize for small screens.
Dev: But we still need to handle it somehow.
Also, the text might be longer for other languages.
Designer: No problem, we will provide short text for all translations.
Dev: We have 30 languages and the translations are made by a third party. We can not control it.
Designer: We‘ll manage somehow.
Dev: Also, the user might be using an accessibility setting on the device which makes the font size larger.
Designer: Unlikely
Dev: Also, the available screen size might be reduced by the on-screen keyboard.
Designer: … Ok then.
-
It‘s always a conversation like this. It repeats indefinitely.10 -
Our web department was deploying a fairly large sales campaign (equivalent to a ‘Black Friday’ for us), and the day before, at 4:00PM, one of the devs emails us and asks “Hey, just a heads up, the main sales page takes almost 30 seconds to load. Any chance you could find out why? Thanks!”
We click the URL they sent, and sure enough, 30 seconds on the dot.
Our department manager almost fell out of his chair (a few ‘F’ bombs were thrown).
DBAs sit next door, so he shouts…
Mgr: ”Hey, did you know the new sales page is taking 30 seconds to open!?”
DBA: “Yea, but it’s not the database. Are you just now hearing about this? They have had performance problems for over week now. Our traces show it’s something on their end.”
Mgr: “-bleep- no!”
Mgr tries to get a hold of anyone …no one is answering the phone..so he leaves to find someone…anyone with authority.
4:15 he comes back..
Mgr: “-beep- All the web managers were in a meeting. I had to interrupt and ask if they knew about the performance problem.”
Me: “Oh crap. I assume they didn’t know or they wouldn’t be in a meeting.”
Mgr: “-bleep- no! No one knew. Apparently the only ones who knew were the 3 developers and the DBA!”
Me: “Uh…what exactly do they want us to do?”
Mgr: “The –bleep- if I know!”
Me: “Are there any load tests we could use for the staging servers? Maybe it’s only the developer servers.”
DBA: “No, just those 3 developers testing. They could reproduce the slowness on staging, so no need for the load tests.”
Mgr: “Oh my –bleep-ing God!”
4:30 ..one of the vice presidents comes into our area…
VP: “So, do we know what the problem is? John tells me you guys are fixing the problem.”
Mgr: “No, we just heard about the problem half hour ago. DBAs said the database side is fine and the traces look like the bottleneck is on web side of things.”
VP: “Hmm, no, John said the problem is the caching. Aren’t you responsible for that?”
Mgr: “Uh…um…yea, but I don’t think anyone knows what the problem is yet.”
VP: “Well, get the caching problem fixed as soon as possible. Our sales numbers this year hinge on the deployment tomorrow.”
- VP leaves -
Me: “I looked at the cache, it’s fine. Their traffic is barely a blip. How much do you want to bet they have a bug or a mistyped url in their javascript? A consistent 30 second load time is suspiciously indicative of a timeout somewhere.”
Mgr: “I was thinking the same thing. I’ll have networking run a trace.”
4:45 Networking run their trace, and sure enough, there was some relative path of ‘something’ pointing to a local resource not on development, it was waiting/timing out after 30 seconds. Fixed the path and page loaded instantaneously. Network admin walks over..
NetworkAdmin: “We had no idea they were having problems. If they told us last week, we could have identified the issue. Did anyone else think 30 second load time was a bit suspicious?”
4:50 VP walks in (“John” is the web team manager)..
VP: “John said the caching issue is fixed. Great job everyone.”
Mgr: “It wasn’t the caching, it was a mistyped resource or something in a javascript file.”
VP: “But the caching is fixed? Right? John said it was caching. Anyway, great job everyone. We’re going to have a great day tomorrow!”
VP leaves
NetworkAdmin: “Ouch…you feel that?”
Me: “Feel what?”
NetworkAdmin: “That bus John just threw us under.”
Mgr: “Yea, but I think John just saved 3 jobs. Remember that.”4 -
Studying Multimedia Arts, we are required to take a couple of courses in basic web development. (PHP). Since its known as new media grrr 🙄
Coming from a webdev background, I have no problem understanding PHP. However other designers in my course do.
A friend messaged me asking me how to fix a problem while in the dev environment. She tried explaining her problem without any of the terms we use in our general communication. You can read the conversation below.14 -
Friend asked my if I could create his webshop.
I agreed.
Some time after that he told me “It’s ok. Will install WordPress. If it doesn’t work I will come back.”
1) I don’t like to be your second choice
2) FUCK WP
Just now he came back: “Hi WP works, but I have a problem removing x”
Me ...
F: “Fix it”
Me “Sorry don’t work on command”
F: “Just do it we are friends”
...
To be continued10 -
I can get absolutely dead pissed by the fact that a FUCKING 1800 euro laptop can't do a fucking basic thing like connecting to a bloody WiFi ap?
so why, you wonder? oh no, the problem isn't the fucking hardware. IT'S THIS DEAD BEAT PIECE OF SHIT CALLED WINDOWS. mfw when it runs fine under Linux, BUT WE CANT HAVE NICE THINGS CAN WE ADOBE?!?8 -
I have those conversations with my coworkers about once a day. We use Linux at work and I am the only one with any real Linux experience.
C: I have a problem! I tried and googled everything already! Come help me...
M: *slowly walks over to their PC*
M: *copy-pastes the error into Google*
M: *clicks the first result*
M: *presses two buttons*
*everything works again*
M: So you tried Google already, have you?
When I leave there (it's a PhD position and I'm almost done) they will probably crash and burn...7 -
What an absolute fucking disaster of a day. Strap in, folks; it's time for a bumpy ride!
I got a whole hour of work done today. The first hour of my morning because I went to work a bit early. Then people started complaining about Jenkins jobs failing on that one Jenkins server our team has been wanting to decom for two years but management won't let us force people to move to new servers. It's a single server with over four thousand projects, some of which run massive data processing jobs that last DAYS. The server was originally set up by people who have since quit, of course, and left it behind for my team to adopt with zero documentation.
Anyway, the 500GB disk is 100% full. The memory (all 64GB of it) is fully consumed by stuck jobs. We can't track down large old files to delete because du chokes on the workspace folder with thousands of subfolders with no Ram to spare. We decide to basically take a hacksaw to it, deleting the workspace for every job not currently in progress. This of course fucked up some really poorly-designed pipelines that relied on workspaces persisting between jobs, so we had to deal with complaints about that as well.
So we get the Jenkins server up and running again just in time for AWS to have a major incident affecting EC2 instance provisioning in our primary region. People keep bugging me to fix it, I keep telling them that it's Amazon's problem to solve, they wait a few minutes and ask me to fix it again. Emails flying back and forth until that was done.
Lunch time already. But the fun isn't over yet!
I get back to my desk to find out that new hires or people who got new Mac laptops recently can't even install our toolchain, because management has started handing out M1 Macs without telling us and all our tools are compiled solely for x86_64. That took some troubleshooting to even figure out what the problem was because the only error people got from homebrew was that the formula was empty when it clearly wasn't.
After figuring out that problem (but not fully solving it yet), one team starts complaining to us about a Github problem because we manage the github org. Except it's not a github problem and I already knew this because they are a Problem Team that uses some technical authoring software with Git integration but they only have even the barest understanding of what Git actually does. Turns out it's a Git problem. An update for Git was pushed out recently that patches a big bad vulnerability and the way it was patched causes problems because they're using Git wrong (multiple users accessing the same local repo on a samba share). It's a huge vulnerability so my entire conversation with them went sort of like:
"Please don't."
"We have to."
"Fine, here's a workaround, this will allow arbitrary code execution by anyone with physical or virtual access to this computer that you have sitting in an unlocked office somewhere."
"How do I run a Git command I don't use Git."
So that dealt with, I start taking a look at our toolchain, trying to figure out if I can easily just cross-compile it to arm64 for the M1 macbooks or if it will be a more involved fix. And I find all kinds of horrendous shit left behind by the people who wrote the tools that, naturally, they left for us to adopt when they quit over a year ago. I'm talking entire functions in a tool used by hundreds of people that were put in as a joke, poorly documented functions I am still trying to puzzle out, and exactly zero comments in the code and abbreviated function names like "gars", "snh", and "jgajawwawstai".
While I'm looking into that, the person from our team who is responsible for incident communication finally gets the AWS EC2 provisioning issue reported to IT Operations, who sent out an alert to affected users that should have gone out hours earlier.
Meanwhile, according to the health dashboard in AWS, the issue had already been resolved three hours before the communication went out and the ticket remains open at this moment, as far as I know.5 -
Best part of being a Dev us that we are basically wizards.
Now stay with me on this. At our command is the ability to think a solution to a problem and only using our minds and some gestures we can create entire worlds (games) .
We can create software and devices that can literally allow people to walk again.
We can connect people who are not even on the same planet as us (Sace Station) and have full conversations with them.
I don't know, there are limits to what we can do but give us some time and we can keep pushing them further and further.7 -
I'm gonna have a serious talk with my bosses the day after tomorrow. We have so much to do, we are basically at 150% workload. Problem is: they don't pay us for overtime.
This has been going on for 18 years in the company. It will not be easy. But they either start paying our overtime or I am out (and probably taking the whole dev team with me.)
Wish me luck!20 -
Me (as a Senior developer): How will you solve this problem using regular expression?
Junior developer: *Explains*
Me: Good
Junior developer: I truly feel like a programmer when I code regular expressions
Me: Now, we have two problems.26 -
Fucking teammate who did not know how to read/write a simple class diagram.
We warned him that he have to study or we just kick his fucking ass out of the team.
He just did nothing. When we had meetings he just stayed at home pretending to have an heart issue needing surgery.
After just 2-3 days he was tagged on FB in a photo shooted a few days earlier where he was riding a bike for a competition.
He skipped another scheduled-a-fucking-week-before meeting saying that he was on a surprise trip, when I called him 5 minutes before meeting start.
In the end we just kick him out because he did nothing. He went to professor talking about some relationship problem in the team and asked him if he could continue the project by himself just forking the ours.
Professor said HELL NO SON OF A BITCH.
But our team learned a precious lesson : choose your team carefully.5 -
Customer: (calls emergency hotline) We have a really bad bug!
Rep: What seams to be the issue?
Customer: I need to talk to Sam, he knows what to do, tell him it's urgent.
Rep: can I tell Sam what the issue is?
Customer: Well, Sam built a newsletter program but I don't have a way to import mass amounts of emails addresses.
Rep: That sounds like a feature, not a problem.
Customer: why wouldn't it do that? Would you build a car without a steering wheel?
Rep: I am not sure that's relevant to the problem.
Customer: what do you mean?
Rep: I would say it is more like, "would you build a car without a pair of jet skis attached to the back." And we would respond with, "we would be happy to add Jet Skis, but it's going to cost you additional money."
Customer: So, how are we going to fix this bug in YOUR software?
Rep: :/5 -
I’ve begun to notice a distinct pattern with devs. I realise it has probably always been there but Im just thinking out loud as Ive started to actively notice it.
*Dev has literally one problem with a library/framework/environment*
“Holy crap <NAME> is the worst thing ever!! its actually worse than an STD. whoever made it needs to quit making software and become a goat farmer” (paraphrasing of course)
What is it with us that the second we have difficulty with a library or framework we immediately brand it as a cancerous polyp on the anus of humanity?8 -
My conversation with a recruiter today.
Recruiter: we have looked through your profile and we are very interested in your experience and projects you have been working on we are keen to process your application please send us your resume asap.
Me: sure thing * sends CV.
Recruiter: oh yeah your not what we are looking for.
Me: Oh no problem you sound like a great recruitment agency.
Recruiter: what do you mean?
Me : so you "looked at my profile" which has all the information identical to my resume for a job which requires 10 years worth of experience in a software which was only released 6 months ago. Why don't you learn to ride a bike and then in 10 years time. Ride a hover bike first time without falling off and I will assess wherever or not you have the experience on first glance. Don't waste my time again.
Mother Fuckers!
Needless to say I did not get a reply 😂18 -
Boss: "is it done yet?"
Me: "I've been telling everyone we have a problem and I need all hands on deck. I've already analyzed the issue and explained it to you and the options but YOU PEOPLE NEED TO DECIDE or I decide and probably break things along the way..."
Why does everyone ignore me when I need help but are ok asking me when they need help?
/(ò.ó)┛彡┻━┻4 -
Day of the interview sr. Architect says: "We have near 100% unit test coverage in our code."
One month later when I tell him there are 0 unit tests written against 300 projects: "Yeah, I knew that was a problem."
What can you do when the people who want to hire you lie outright to your face?
Oh yeah, and not a god damned one was written using any sense of object oriented programming at all. Every single damned project is written like its on a motherfucking punchcard put together by a cs 101 student with a 2 hour fucking deadline.
I can understand if it needs some work, just tell me. Don't fucking lie to me just to get me in the door to fix a problem you know you have. JUST HAVE SOME FUCKING RESPECT FOR YOUR CANDIDATES AND DON'T FUCKING LIE TO THEM!
Off to drink some scotch and think about what it would be like to shove a finger deep enough into my nostril to hear a pop and smell popcorn before going off into that good night.
I said good day.3 -
A conversation that me and my boss had this week:
Boss: "Hey, why is this not progressing"
Arcsector: - "We're waiting on system users to move their destinations"
"We need the system in the database in order to move it"
- "Okay awesome - let's move it, oh wait, I can't do it because I don't have access, here's the stuff that needs to be done: a, b, and c"
"Oh I'm actually not able to help with that"
- "So then how are we supposed to get it done?"
"idk but also this other issue is something missions are complaining about"
- "oh I already am talking to them about it and it should be remedied by the team creating the problem because it's a false positive"
"Well we need to solve it still"
- "We would've solved it already but it has dependencies with other projects that we're still working on because we don't have enough people"
"We cant get you more people because we don't have the budget"
- "Then this stuff will have to wait"
"Get it done"
ACTUALLY SCREAMING! Why cant people understand that there are conesequences for their actions??!!1 -
So this is a rant about my country and especially my city: Berlin (Germany).
Germany is like a third world country when it comes to IT infrastructure. We have one of the slowest internet speeds in the whole EU. People are still afraid to pay with their card or phone. My people love their coins. While most of the other countries see the importance of the new technologies we still use mainly copper wire for internet. So why am I especially mad about Berlin? Google was planning to bring an innovation campus to our city. They wanted to establish a place for startups and technology. But the people from Berlin demonstrated against it extremely. They didn't want to have a company like Google in their city. I also am not a big fan of Google, but this would be such an important step to a better future for Germany. In a few years Germany will have a huge problem because we are so far behind the other countries. And it is so sad to see that seemingly no one cares about this.
This rant was brought to you by the worst internet in the whole EU20 -
Job Interview for a CTO role for a premium employer, a big law firm.
All is going well, I am telling them about my years of experience doing complex software integrations in business environments. Talking CRM/ERP, project management and development with external service providers. I tell them I want a salary of 100k and they nod in silence.
Then out of the blue one of the three stakeholders/managers leans over for a final question:
"Soo, we have this really big IT problem and if you would happen to know a solution to it, you would really prove your worth: I have these 10k+ E-Mails in my Outlook folder which doubles as an archive and Outlook keeps getting slower all the time. What can we do?"6 -
I HATE SVN! >:v v:< >:v v:< :@
I used to use git for my personal code repositories and for my work. In the office I moved on, they use Subversion. I’ve been using it for months, but it’s a pain in the ass :/
We use TortoiseSVN to pull code repositories, and the AnhkSVN for Visual Studio Plugin. It works fine until two or more of us have to work at the same code project at the same time.
Last week we had a very VERY urgent code to release. We had 4 days to finish it (from thursday to sunday, tests included). We had few changes to do, but the problem was that, when one dev commited something, my changes disappeared, and viceversa. The worst part was that my partners and I had to re-work a lot of bugs that we had already fixed! >:v
This is not the first time this happens :/
The worst thing is that we cannot change our repository system because we don’t have time :(
Is there any advice you, SVN users, can give us?9 -
If you think meetings are bad.
Have a day full of license renewal and price negotiation talks regarding technical products.
It's funny how you can blatantly say: We don't need feature XYZ, we get it for free via BLA.... Yet they still present it in all glory.
Even better when they don't even know their alternative / competition products...
X: "our tool is better".
Me: "We have tool XY. Doesn't cost a penny, does the same, we don't need your tool".
X: "No it doesn't. Look at all the features we have *screen share presentation* with long explanations".
Y: "Yeah... You've certain additional features, but the basics are all present in the tool that we use, so my statement remains the same".
These meetings are really mind boggling insane.
Even more insane when you get the price offers.
The cloud only madness is absurd.
Sure, we move 50 terabyte plus to the cloud from premise, no problem. *🤡*
Not that we haven't told them explicitly that cloud only isn't possible....
The worst: every motherfucking company does it for every stupid single craptastic product...
You cannot even swoop it up in a single meeting... Every company. Every single product.
*booze liberate me from madness and remove the filthy stain of humanity*9 -
I am so sick of the stupidity and illogical reasoning of clients.
Client: Descriptions are no longer syncing. Can you please fix.
Me: Problem fixed and deployed.
Client: All the descriptions got overwritten by the sync descriptions. Can you please have manual uploads overwrite the descriptions that sync (but basically auto guess what the client wants). We may need a toggle.
Me: Toggle added.
Client: Can you go through the 100+ sites backups and restore all the product descriptions?
It's like are you serious right now!!??
Back to the cheeseburger concept here...
Client: Can I have a cheeseburger (comes with pickles, onions, tomatoes, lettuce), no pickles. A Coke? Oh, but I would like pickles on my cheeseburger.
Tender: Here is your order.
Client: Why did you put pickles on this!!?? I asked for NO pickles!
Tender: You added pickles towards the end, so we put the pickles in.
Client: No! I thought you would have known based off of my original statement that I asked for a cheeseburger with no pickles. That is the override!
Narrator: See how illogical things can get. We can't just assume/guess based off of illogical reasoning.3 -
A support request came in at 4:30 this afternoon, I logged onto the server somewhat pissed off that there was a support request at this time on a Friday.
I checked the logs and noticed 500 errors coming from our integration parter after a little log checking and with glee I declared "not my fucking problem!" I replied to the customer and ccd our partner. Have fun bitches, next time deploy your new version when we fucking agreed! -
New format!!!
Junior: We have a problem
Senior: Well what is it you're working on? Maybe I can-
Junior: Nevermind, got it!
Senior: ...
Junior: ...16 -
one of my kids has a sleep problem, night terrors.
she wakes up in the middle of the night and just screams and says nonsensical shit.
we live in an apartment and our understanding old pieces of shit neighbors have complained already in the past.
no matter what you do, she'll increase the intensity every minute. you can hug, you can sing, you can ignore, you can try to soothe. She'll still screamcry.
We also have a 8 month old that obviously reacts by crying.
So imagine that, you're there, calmly sleeping, well into your deep sleep, and suddenly a symphony of pain and suffering visits you, and destroys your emotions in a couple of minutes.
I'm not even fully conscious to adjust. It just strikes me really hard.
I think it's a 6 in the scale of mental pain for me.
Anyhow, other people have a higher threshold, this is my experience.6 -
Ah the wonders of working with non-technical people. 😤
I had a logistical problem. The SSD on my laptop crashed.
Me: No biggie just request new one.
Them: Sorry we don't have any on stock.
Me:Okey then give me a new laptop.
Them:Ok fine here you go.
Me:I specifically required 16 GB of RAM.
Them: ok here is an extra 8gb
Me: I need DDR 4 not DDR3
Them: don't have any. We will restock shortly.
A couple a days later a colleague requested 8gb DDR3 and got DDR 4.
The fuck is wrong with people. Can you not read?🤔🙄1 -
Dear Friends,
As a husband, I've sat next to my wife through eight miscarriages, and while drowning my sorrows on Facebook, face the inundation of pregnancy and baby ads. It's heartbreaking, depressing, and out right unethical.
How can we, as developers who conquer the world with software solutions, not solve this problem? Let's be honest, it's not that we cannot solve this problem, it's that we won't solve it.
We're really screwing this one up, and I'm issuing a challenge - who's out here on devRant that can make the first targeted "Shiva" ad campaign? Don't tell me you don't have the data in your system, because we all know you do. Your challenge is to identify the death of a loved one, or a miscarriage, and respectfully mourn the loss with no desire to make money from those individuals.
Fucking advertise flower delivery services and fancy chocolates to the people in THEIR inner circle, but stop fucking advertising pregnancy clothes to my wife after a miscarriage. You know you can do it. Don't let me down.
https://washingtonpost.com/lifestyl...11 -
Programmer 1: We have a problem
Programmer 2: Let’s use RegEx!
Programmer 1: Now we have two problems -
I took part in a programming competition yesterday. The computer provided to me crashed just before we begun and took five minutes to reboot. I wrote an inference engine to solve a problem that would have put me in the top 5, but they refused to accept my solution because it was seconds after the submission time despite them being aware I started later than everybody else.2
-
Some years ago our company site was hosted by a prick who knew nothing and started to pretend the server got a virus or whatever.
I tested their server and figured out they did not have any firewall policies going on like mitigation of ssh brute force.
It was at this time I learned about SYN flood, and boy I flooded that port 80 of them.
The company site went down for as long as I wanted.
It was great because now we manage it in house and never had a problem anymore. -
Help?
I work in support and some of the developers here don't seem to realize that their customers can't use the app they wrote because of all the bugs, but they freak out if anyone so much as *thinks* there's a problem with the code.
We have evidence it's their code. How do I get them to see I'm not saying their code sucks, just that a few changes might help performance?
I don't want to insult them, but at the same time, they're only responsible for one application...15 -
Nope
Nope
Nope
Nope
Nope
Nope
Nope
Nope
Nope
Nope
Nope
Nope
Nope
Nope
Nope
Nope
Nope
Nope
Nope
Nope
Nope
I think that's the thread dump of my brain currently.
Anyone knows what date and time we have?
I'm so lost right now.
17 projects atm thanks to e.g. Microsofts Exchange Hell.
I. Hate. Everything.
Go spread your butt cheeks so I can give you two fists of love before you write a damn ticket regarding yet another (security-) problem in infrastructure.10 -
So I finished my first semester in NYU as a CD master. During the first semester I took a class called heuristic problem solving. Every week a competitive game will be introduced to us, and will be played in two weeks. And trust me, the games aren't easy. I teamed up with another guy who I had no idea was and named our team as we don't know. At the end of the semester we won seven out of nine games, and by won I meant that we beat the whole class in the match. And my teammate became a really good friend.
By telling this story, I want to make a point. I love problem solving, and not problems in a algorithm book where you apply an algorithm and do some trick to solve it, but real world problem where you hope for the best and anticipate, predict your opponent's move. However, American's school system doesn't teach that.
When I applied to graduate school, no school wanted me because I have an average GPA of 3.6, and no outstanding achievements. I can solve problems in my dream becaus I have an active mind, I can propose solution to a project one month before my teammates realized they essentially were doing what I told them the solution should be. But so what, I can't write those on my application.
One of the professor told me that my professor shared the story of my team during a faculty dinner, and they were very impressed by our achievement. So I guess I'm not dumb. But after all, companies and schools will look at your transcript and decide who you are.
I love myself for having random thoughts all the time that can lead to innovative problem solving. But I also hate myself for not able to study like the good kids are.10 -
I now understand why we have multi-core processors. So that a process that dun shit the bed doesn't hog the whole fucking CPU! Of course at the expense of "yeah our shitty software can hog the CPU no problem, there's now several cores anyway". Hardware solving the crap that software presents, yet again.6
-
“Fullstack dev morphs into a security expert”
We have a simple user registration system. Get the user details, generate an OTP, save in Oracle, email the OTP. The SMTP host is configured to send emails only to people who have an existing @a_very_famous_bank.com email address.
As a part of an enhancement request, the other day, we were trying to register a non-bank email address. As expected, it failed.
Manager: Meeting... meeting... meeting
Me: (Explained the problem)
Fullstack dev: so the thing is.. it’s like.. (doesn’t falter to open with these lines)...what I can do is...I can send you an HTTP security header in the HTTP request. It’ll work!
Me: (I hope an adult giraffe fucks you in your belly button)
More to come!3 -
* KISS (keep it super simple)
* don’t try solve a problem you don’t already have
* admit if you messed up. We can solve a problem early and minimise the damage. People should never be scared to admit when they mess up. No one is perfect.
* voice your opinion. You’d be surprised how helpful this can be to your team, as we need to look at things from all angles.
* help your team. If you see something wrong, make the team aware of it.
* ask if unsure, don’t assume8 -
I have a colleague, let's call him Zigo.
Each time we have a technical discussion inside the team Zigo wants to always impose his opinion. Even if it's the dumbest thing ever.
Zigo thinks he's always right.
Zigo never accepts other's arguments.
Zigo thinks he's smarter than everyone...
Hey Zigo... f**k off and learn to respect your teammates.
I'm sure all of you have (or had) a Zigo in your team.
PS : I've known people that were like Zigo, but they have the technical background & knowledge that "allows" them to be like that. The only problem is that our Zigo doesn't have all these qualities...
PPS : sorry for my English - it is not my strong suit.1 -
In my uni course "Algorithms and Data structures" we use Java. Fine. Definitely not my preferred language but it's not like I have a choice.
Anyway, our teacher uploads code files for us to use as reference/examples. The problem is, they look like this. Not only does she not indent the code, she also uses a charset that is not utf-8.
In the rare cases where she does indent the code, she uses THREE, yes THREE spaces...24 -
I am very frustrated today and I do not know where to "scream" so I will post this here since I believe you will know how I feel.
Here's the case...
I am developing an e-commerce web application where we sell industrial parts. So my boss told me on March that when we are going to show these parts, we should not show Part Number to visitors because they will steal our information.
Ok, this makes sense but there was a problem.
The Primary Key for these products in our internal system is a string which is the Part Number itself.
I told him on March that we have to come up with another unique number for all the products that we are selling, so this unique number will be the primary key, not the Part Number. This will be best because I will be dependent from the original Part Number itself. And in every meeting he said "That is not priority". So I kept developing the part using the original Part Number as primary key and hid is from the web app. (But the Part Number still shows on URL or on search because this is how my boss designed the app.)
I built the app and is on a test server. Until one of out employees asked my boss: "There is no unique number or Part Number. How are the clients going to reference these parts? If a client buys 20 products and one of those has a problem, how is he going to tell us which products has a problem?"
My boss did not know what to say, and later said to me that I was right and primary key was priority.
I really hate when a guy that knows shit from developing does not listen to suggestions given by developers.
FUCK MY LIFE!
I'm sorry if you did not understand anything.6 -
Everywhere you go, you find these memes where developers are skeptical of their work. Things like "It works. I don't know how. It doesn't work. I don't know how.". Don't you guys think this is a huge problem? And people say that their programming language is the best, because preference. But isn't this happening because our tools suck?
Yes the problems maybe inherently complex but at least we should be able to figure out the logic behind the snipper and reason about it.
Haven't really experienced it, but they say Haskell and the likes are great at this and it must be true because it's backed by mathematical properties and laws, not " experience".
So the rant here is, wish we had better tools in the mainstream that allowed us to enjoy absolute faith in at least what we have written, regardless of the fact that we understood the problem in the domain.11 -
Our team really needs some workflow arrangement, and this time it was me who screwed up.
So we have to push an update to the Play Store and the App Store the Friday, the app is well tested on test environment then production environment, we got the ok so I uploaded a build, the app management team then continued the process of publishing..
During the weekend the app was approved and live to almost 500k user that can receive the update.
I got a phone call from the Project Manager at almost midnight, the time was really suspicious so I answered.
- Me: Hello.
- PM: Hi, sorry to call you now but the app is live and we have a problem.
- Me: what kind of problem? Let me check.
So I updated the app on my phone and opened it while I am on call.. I almost had heart attack!! WE PUBLISHED A VERSION POINTING TO THE TEST ENVIRONMENT. Holly shit
- Me: shit call the app management team NOW.
Eventually we removed the app from sale (unpublished it) and we submitted a new version immediately, once it was approved the next day we made the app available again (so for those who didn’t update yet, there will be no update to a faulted version, and no new users landing to a version with test data), I received one or two calls from friends telling me why the app is not on the store (our app is used nationally, so it’s really important).
Thank God there was no big show on twitter or other social media.. but it’s really a good lesson to learn.
I understand this is totally my fault, thankfully I didn’t get fired 😅4 -
At a previous company we hired an 18 year old guy and father from a minority and without a high school degree. He could write enough code to get the job. However, he took 3h long lunches, came in late to work and apparently had a problem taking orders from women. At one point all the juniors got an earful because of his attitude and he got let go, not long after. It still saddens me because he could have made a really good career if wasn't for his attitude.1
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A project manager, a computer programmer and a computer operator are driving down the road when the car they are in here a flat tire. three men try to solve the problem
the project manager said: let's catch a cab and in ten minutes we will reach out destination.
the computer programmer said: we have drivers guide.I can easily replace the flat tire and continue our drive.
commuter operator said: first of all turnoff the engine and turn it on again. may be it will fix the problem.
suddenly a Microsoft engineer passed by and said: try to close all windows, get off the car, and then get on and try again. -
Send over the entire directory for a WordPress site we completely overhauled with new plugins, custom theme, redid content with visual composer, etc. I tell him to backup his site and then put everything I give you as fresh. He tells me he can't just wipe out his entire site that's unacceptable. I ask him what's the problem? he rambles on and says a lot of words that don't really mean anything then says security. so I call him out on it, what security issues do you have? well we have users and permissions setup he says. I explain That I copied his users table over when we did the redesign, so it's the exact same stuff. so I say again, why can't we just replace everything? well that's just not acceptable he says. I ask him again, what EXACTLY is your problem with replacing the site since I already addressed your security concern. he couldn't answer me so now we have another conference call tomorrow morning with more people from their team. I'll let you know how it goes.
tldr; clients are idiots, call them out for the dumb shit they say and have no response.7 -
sometimes our application users can't login to our application and they report the problem to us. The fucking problem? Almost sure they forgot the password because we can login with their account.. Yeah we should not have access to their password, but we do xD. The worst is they send a Word file with only a print screen of the application error saying they can't login. Why not a .jpg??! The word takes 4 seconds to open13
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We are working from home & my manager keep asking me about progress every 10 minutes!
I have come to a the brink of mental breakdown. I have shut down my Skype and not answering calls and I have lied to the team that I am having internet problem just to get away from them.
Ever done that ?23 -
> worst coding procrastination story
worst and best at the same time:
If you wait long enough things might resolve themselves.
My team inherited an ancient site. Hosted on an old host that the org wanted to kill, using an old log service the org wanted to kill.
A ticket was written in 2021 to migrate that site's hosting and logging to the new services our org started using.
My team kept avoiding it since it was a cheap unimportant site.
in 2023 we were about to finally take action - then we hear "Turns out the new hosting platform and logging platform are way too expensive - I know all of you have migrated to these new services but you gotta revert and go back the old ones til we figure this out"
We didn't have to do squat.
Problem solved by procrastinating ✅1 -
So I've had a shoulder surgery to fix my problem always losing my left arm, I'm on a medical leave, so no work but i get payed, nice and dandy ... Yesterday my old colleague/friend calls me that he arranged an interview for me for a project ... Excuse me but wtf, I'm happy getting payed and not working 🤔
I vent to the interview, and all they want is to add Romanian and Hungarian translations to a site and mobile app they have, technically they don't even have access to the server or files to add the other languages.
Now explain that to a non tech guy.
We agreed that they get my answer when they have approval and access to the needed stuff 🤣
Edit: this also fits this weeks question6 -
Knowing the way you should be treated a super power. I am seeing a lot difference in my previous and the current manager. Ex-manager thought that we are robots and we work strictly 8 hours, if some problem came during the project execution, he asked questions which felt like I am answerable to unknowns and felt like that I am being blamed.
My new manager, whenever any problem comes, she takes it as a challange, she tries to solve it. There are quirks too but I feel a lot freedom now.
My anxiety is gone. I am only stressed sometimes which is a big upgrade for me.
I know better now that how I want to be treated, I am a person. Have feelings and yes I'm not perfect so lack basic things but I'm willing to improve.7 -
Oculus (Meta/Facebook) support be like:
- Hello, I have an issue. Tracking has stopped working after one of the updates
- <silence>
- Hello, I'm another fellow who has this problem
- Hello, here,s a link where a bunch of people are complaining about the same
- Hi, I am from the Oculus side. We will check it and let you know
** marks ↑↑ comment as SOLUTION **
Case closed! Good job everybody.
https://communityforums.atmeta.com/...2 -
"Architect"(A) - Hey, StrucN, we have a bit of a problem on the module you are working on (which the previous "developers" seem to have given it roofies)
Me: Okay, what seems to be the problem?
A: There is a need to add some functionality to it, we need you to ...
Me: I see, well it can be done but it wouldn't be so simple - the module is a mess and the change would need to be well tested
A: I fear the clients deadline is for tomorrow
Me: Well he'll have to wait, rushing it is the worst possible option
A: I'll talk to him about it, thanks
After around half an hour A rushes back
A: Hey I passed a ticket to you about the additions we spoke about, it should be ready for tomorrow
Me: It won't be ready, it's too complex to complete is in such a shirt notice (considering it's already the end of the day and all the changes need to be pushed tommorow to prod)
A: I know *programmer from useless team B* did something similar so as it is close to what we need you should copy it.
My inner voice: FUCK YOU YOU USELESS FUCKING CUNT! THERE SHOULDN'T BE ANY COPY PASTE SHIT FROM SOME UNRELATED MODULE! YOU SHIT STAINED MEAT BAG ALREADY DID SUCH A SIN IN THE PAST AND I HAD TO FIX ALL OF IT. THE MODULE SHOULDN'T SUFFER ANY MORE AS IT IS ALREADY A GODDAMN RAPE VICTIM!
WHERE DID PROPER PROFESSIONALISM WENT? WHY IS IT THE INDUSTRY FILLED WITH STUPID WANNA BE "ARCHITECTS" WHILE OTHER MORE COMPETENT FOLK SHOULD ALWAYS BE IGNORED BECAUSE IT'S ALWAYS SHOULD BE READY FOR TOMMOROW?!
For fucks sake I miss my old Architect, he could really understand the essence of program development3 -
tldr:
first year in college we programmed 24 hrs straight to fix somebody's mess before the deadline. Decided not to screw him over, instead he claimed to have done everything and we failed the assignment.
Long version:
var group= new[]{"Mike", "Gavin", "Gus", "I", "Ben" };
var client = "Jack"';
First year of college we had an assignment to make a web program for somebody.
Ben wanted to join our group and he already knew a client so we let him join.
After joining Ben wanted to be project lead, but we already decided Mike based on his experience.
Ben claimed to be much better in every way than Mike at and kept coming with stuff the following weeks why we should make him project lead. He kept pointing out when Mike did something wrong and he even came with an audio file where he clearly made jack say that he wanted Ben to be project lead .
After that we were all a bit pissed and told him that he should get it in his head that he was not going to be project lead and just start working on his part of the assignment.
We also found out that Ben was a documentation addict, what we could write in a small paragraph, he wrote a whole page about it. No joke, I rewrote a page of his in 5-6 rows with the same information in it.
No problem you thing, wrong! Because of this he kept bothering us arguing and claiming that our documentation was wrong because it was to short.
In the week of the deadline we asked Ben if he was also done, and told us that he was done for a while now.
The day before the deadline we came to school thinking we only had to do some merging and finishing up documentation.
Then we found out that Ben has almost nothing, and what he had the IDE was screaming that it was incorrect, spaces in Id's and css class names for instance. A really good programmer, my ass!
We were so pissed off at this point, but we had 24 hrs and needed to come up with a plan to fix it.
We decided that Mike and I were going to fix Ben his shit in the coming 24 hrs and Ben was going to make our last bit of documentation because we would not have the time for that, Especially if we had to argue with him like we had to do for each bit of documentation. Gus did not have time and Gavin could not program on his own yet, he wanted to help, but helping him help us would cost more time than we had.
We all went home after that and Mike and I started to program 24 hours straight while in a Skype call, making what Ben had 2 months for. Shortly before the deadline Mike looked at our finishing up documentation received from Ben and told me it was "Okay" and zipped everything up and uploaded it to school with a few minutes to spare.
After that we thought everything was good, we made Ben's part work and delivered it in time. We also decided not to throw Ben under the bus, because this would hurt all our grades because we did not work good as a group since we should have noticed it earlier.
A few weeks go by till the assessment.
The assessment start with asking if we want individual grades or as a group when you all think you did equal amount. We choose as a group, because if we chose individual not only Ben but also Gavin would get a lower grade and we did not think that was fair because he tried so hard.
We demo the product and the teachers are positive. When the teachers start about the documentation, the first thing they tell is that they found something interesting in the documentation, and they read it to us:
"I, Ben, have made all the documentation because my group did not want to."
That was so far from the truth, we all did make our documentation about the parts we made. Yes he did do overall a little bit more because every single bit of documentation we had to argue with him, so every time he volunteers to make it, we would all agree. And he made Mike's and i's last bit of documentation.
Telling the teachers on that point would not have mattered, it would only have hurt is in another way, so we did not and all failed the assignment. And we all felt like to strangle him.
This is now a few years back, but i still want too.1 -
So, it's time to fucking rant!
Location: A small startup where direct contact with C-Level members is frequent.
A while back we had a customer using our SaaS product who had gripes about the way it worked.
He contacted our CEO and made a bunch of claims based on bad assumptions.
In the end, he wanted all images removed from his site. I was pulled aside by the CEO and asked if I could handle this for him and make a new screen for them without images.
So I did. I tried to discuss and get deeper into the problem by saying "this seems like a symptom of a problem and not the actual problem. What do you think?" He responded with "That was his request so it must be the problem if it won't take long then let's fix it for him.
- a week later
The problem is fixed and in the wild. No more images. Now he has another request :/
He does not like the pagination on his site. He says " I shouldn't have to click a button when I scroll so I want the be able to scroll and see all my products!"
This time the CEO asks me if this can easily be done and I take him aside and say "no, this will be a big change to our system and will need to be discussed with the team."
The main point I make is that we should go down and spend some time with this customer to find out what the real problem is.
After a half hour of discussion about the real issue he decided to bring in the CTO.
In the end, we implemented infinite scroll, dropping our current product building tasks to service one customer (yeah, it's a bad scene). But we got infinite scroll built and shipped.
- 2 Weeks later
This time he demands that infinite scroll isn't good enough. "If I scroll fast then I have to wait for them to load, they should all load at once!"
This time I have had enough. I can see the CEO is coming over to me to as me how much work is in this. I tell him there are 3 things I have to say...
1. I'm going to implement exactly what he asked by the end of the day.
2. We will only release it to him because it is going to be a shit-show loading everything at once, the load times will be mental!
3. We should fire this customer, right now.
So, I built it. Customer hated it (of course, who the fuck wants to wait 30s for loading. That's basically a lifetime). We changed it back and he was still mad.
- 2 weeks later
Customer leaves. Good riddance.
- sometime later
I am in the customer's store on a road trip. I get a feel for how their store works and they have a different system for making things operate.
It turns out that they did not know what the real problem was. They actually needed a completely different system (from a UX perspective) for accessing their data.
To top it all off, the system would have taken less time to build than the shitty fixes we made over weeks of work. FFS
I guess the moral of the rant is to find the problem, not a symptom of the problem.2 -
I find many of the peculiarities about our kind (developer) to be amusing.
Here is one I have seen too many times to count...
You ask a group of developer something like...
“We have a project built using X, Y and Z. We are looking at integrating the “example framework” to solve a specific problem. Do you have any experience with “example framework” or would you suggest another framework?”
Inevitably you get the same useless response of “Why are you using X, Y, and Z. It’s so <insert generic complaint here>!” Followed with no actual attempt to answer the question asked...
Listen, I know some of us a socially awkward (I can be) and I know we like to debate and argue.
But, if someone asks you a specific technical question about an existing product, either...
1. Answer the question with your experience
2. Declare that you do not have experience with it
3. Shut your fucking childish mouth
No one cares about how you feel about the size of the underlying technology in existing products! What do you expect?
“OMG, we didn’t realize X technology as 100mb large! Hold on while we go and reengineer our entire product base because of this fucking revelation you just told us!”
You may want to hear your own voice but the rest of us would prefer it if you would shut your mouth if you have nothing useful to add.
(Reads as: we would prefer is you fucked right off!)3 -
We seem to have a problem, if I leave the 50k club, there'll be no one in the 50k club 😦
Come on you 40k clubbers, you need to pick up the slack!21 -
Colleague: Ivy, I have a problem with blah blah.
(Meanwhile we are in two different places)
Me: I'm not sure I understand your problem. Just Google it.
Colleague: I don't want to.
Me: Okay bye.
Question: Are Developers who use Google impostors?9 -
Updated the site Joomla from 3.6 to 3.7. Then got a call saying some pages weren't working. "No problem," I said, "we have backups." Restored a backup, but then found out it was corrupt... The entire site went down 😭5
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Backend Dev: Sir, I think we have a problem with our code. The function does have a lot of bugs in production that we can't maintain it.
Manager: Okay Front-end. You get a new Ticket. Prevent this bug by today
Front-end: Dafuck
Sometimes, I feel sorry for my colleague.1 -
Just because I know how to program doesn't mean I know how to fix your goddamn computer. We have an IT support team. Call them!
Don't come to my desk asking about a computer problem, then stand there with a vacant stare when I say I can't help you. I've given you the support team's contact info several times already. I assure you, they specifically get paid to configure your emails, install printers, setup your VPN, etc. Now where the hell was I at...1 -
Working on building responsive emailer for a client.
Client: the emailer doesn't seem to work with our email system.
Me: can we have access to your system to do some tests?
Client: No you are not trained in it.
Me: well how are we suppose to fix the problem?
Client: Just keep trying
Me: ......3 -
Fuck product managers.
Just the other day I was discussing our progress so far and this product manager shows us the timeline and his vision for the project.
Ngl, I haven’t seen such an ambitious fuck for so long. He doesn’t know how to do anything other than fucking spreadsheets. The only problem with his plan is that we don’t even have the team, just 2 pity devs carrying it.
I still don’t get it, why the fuck would a company with 2 devs need a product manager?1 -
So. I was pretty sure I had fixed the problem we had with compiling in Windows 10. Thing is I did it in a stopgap non-permanent way because we have to be done with it by the second week of February to support our subcontractor.
Turns out I had an older version of the framework we build on installed on my box and the newer version decided to fix their windows 10 compilation issues the right way. So we can't use our stopgap solution. So basically I look like an idiot and more important people than me have to work on the problem because I am not allowed to install anything on my box myself, our SA is already overwhelmed, and only the higher ups have the newest framework version. Good thing it's a long weekend and I have plenty of of beer and whiskey.1 -
Me: We have a style problem.
SM: No problem! I can solve it with JavaScript. I just need to manage the DOM in the Angular Controller :D
Me: Really? I found the solution with just 1 CSS line. -
Saturday 9.00 AM. I was sleeping, my colleague (on holiday) sent me a text: "We got a problem on our system, probably we ran out of space". I checked the log and found out that several cron jobs failed due to not enough space on the disk. I started deleting some unnecessary logs (we're paranoid) and ended up to squeeze the vm like a lemon to save some space. Sent an email to the sysadmin, "We got to add more space ASAP, users are getting 500 errror for almost everything". Silence. I thought to myself: "Until monday we're safe..". I did a df (96%) and sent a screen to the sysadmin, just to be sure that we understood each other. Finally monday comes, nobody worries about the issue. At noon I literally takled the guy of IT dept. "Yeah, we read your email. I think the sysadmin didn't take you seriously". "Why? Which part of 'we're running out of space' isn't serious?!!!". "He just told me that we have unlimited space on that vm". Unlimited space...sure.... "Right.....the disk is at 96%, buuuuut if he said so No news to worry. Don't call me if everything burns. Have a good day!!!"4
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Yesterday one of our clients gave us the OK to launch their annual financial reports, 4 minutes before stock market closed and most of us was heading home.
Problem was we didn't have the proper access to their servers, so I and a senior consultant just spent a few hours calling our client and their IT infrastructure provider.
6 hours later, a large bill from the IT provider for after hours work, the job was done. A job that would take 5 minutes of uploading and 5 minutes of database transfer. -
So last week I really fucked up
I had this new implementation that was supposedly to be integrating smoothly into the rest of the service. It depended on a serialized model made by a data scientist. I test it in local, in QA environment: no problem.
So, Friday, 4pm, I decide to deploy to production. I check once from the app: the service throw an error. Panic attack, my chief is at my desk, we triy to understand what went wrong. I make calls with cUrls: no problem. Everything seems fine. I recheck from the app again: no problem.
We dedice to let it in prod, as the feature work. I go get some beers with the guys, to celebrate the deploy.
Fast-forward the next morning, 11am, my phone ring: it's a colleague of my chief. "Please check Slack, a client is trying to use the feature, it's broken"
FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!
Panic attack again. I go to the computer, check the errors: two types of errors. One I can fix, the other from a missing package on the machine that the data guy used.
Needless to say, I had a fairly good weekend.
Lessons learned:
- make sure Dev, QA and Prod are exactly the same (use Ansible or Container)
- never deploy on a Friday afternoon if you don't have a quick way to revert1 -
What fascinates me the most about the industry we work in, is the disruptive and transformative nature of ideas the come out every day.
The technology we use augmented with the software we build have the capability to disrupt and shift the existing paradigm of absolutely any industry today. The solution we construct changes the way in which an industry functions, and brings the horizon closer while making the ocean wider.
So does our capability to design and transform the existing landscape with the ability to visualise the many dimensions of a problem that are otherwise overlooked by others.
I had one of the best feelings today when 3 extremely prolific doctors in the Indian opthalmological industry told me how the solution i built could change the way in which they have been working for almost 20 years ... For the best ...
It's just such a great feeling to know every line of code we write , execute and debug would one day disrupt and transform an otherwise traditional landscape.
So hooray to us and the things we invent, because at the end of the day a PC to code and internet for the outreach ( and stackoverflow ofcourse. 😅 ) Is all that's needed to bring about a metamorphosis of conventional thoughts and theories.1 -
HTML & CSS.
To me they just feel wrong.
I have been working with them for a little over 20 years now, and it feels like very little has improved. Sure we learned to make things look a bit nicer, we got new tags and properties, but the syntax is still horrible.
The fact that both are replaced by other imperfect languages (haml, jade, less, sass, etc) is just a confirmation that their paradigms are about as fucked up and impossible to exterminate as cobol.
Which points at another problem: browsers, and how slow the web upgrade cycle is — adding native support for nested style definitions in css, or replacing html with a json document seems like a trivial problem, if it weren't for the dozens of browsers and the excruciating pace at which they can adopt standards.8 -
WTF IS SUPPORT FOR?
A: Can you help fix X?
B: Can you help Y?
C: I see Z just crashes, fix it.
Me (in my mind): Can you tell me WTF is the actual problem and what investigation you have done?
Why the fuck are we paying you monkeys?
My company should just pay me all your salaries, and I will write a monitoring system to send out these types of "alerts" in a month.4 -
I have a feature suggestion for devrant: some kind of polling system.
This idea came into my mind with the survey a few days ago.
Since almost all of us are devs, aspiring or experienced, we can expect (somewhat) professional opinions, e.g. on how to tackle a specific problem.
Maybe it's even possible to make this a paid service somehow. I thought about this:
Open a poll for all registered users: $0
Add requirements for a user to have to be able to vote on the poll: +0.99$ each:
- has ranted at least X times
- has at least X ++s
- has a StackOverflow account connected
...
This way, the OP can narrow down the target audience to a specific group.
Maybe...? I don't know if something like this already exists somewhere else.3 -
I have the same problem as @linuxxx does. Buying things when I really don't need to.
I went to a mall with a friend today because his headset was literally falling apart. We both bought new headsets. Great.
Lesson learned: Don't leave your house unless necessary.3 -
My lead loves to over engineer crap and waste weeks building complicated solutions.
And then during retro when a team member has the stones to say we should've thought about it a little more or used the input of some other teammates, he shuts them down by saying that more input would've been bad for the design. I can see where he's coming from, but he always seems to have an excuse for us. Why can't he just be more transparent and clear with us? If he has a problem, just say it. That's what retros are for.
Oh and then he takes a shot at me saying that we shouldn't have built a UI in tandem with it. I didn't even recommend a UI for the thing. All I said was that if we ever have a UI, we should consider a database setup that assists both the server and UI. But nooo, he's stuck with this "server design" approach. Everything has to be built to make it easier for the server.
I still don't understand why anyone would have their server logic influence the design. Especially the database. I just seems too targeted. It just creates these nasty denormalized tables.
Ugh... Our team is getting dragged around by this arrogant and silly man. -
Developer: we have a problem
Manager: remember, there are no such things as problems, only opportunities.
Developer: Well then, we have opportunity to recreate the entire project we're working on 2 years2 -
Here is another Tester story for you!
Tester: We have a problem with the application and it says that we cant process the queue to store the objects in the database.
Me: Can we reproduce it easily?
Tester: Yes..
Me: Ok, I'll add some debug for you so that you can see the error and the worker status more easily.
Tester: Great!
<10 minutes later>
After adding the debug output and installing it on his test cluster this happens...
Me: The debug version is installed.
Tester: Ok, great!
Me: How fast does it take to reproduce?
Tester: Well... It happened this morning at 9
Me: Ok..? But are you able to reproduce the issue at all?
Tester: No... i don't think so...1 -
My company: We have a retention problem. Surveys say they want to be paid more and promoted more.
Also my company: we're going to hire someone with strictly less experience and time in the company than you in at a higher rank and pay grade. -
Product and Design have a common enemy. Yes, you guessed it right, Engineering.
The former aim to solve user problems and focus heavily on aesthetics most of the time. While the latter actually does it.
As a Product guy, I admit that I absolutely hate the role these days because all that are asked to focus on is engagement retention conversion and other fancy metrics. Community has missed the entire point of why the fucking role exist.
On the other hand, engineering always asks the best questions. Focuses on performance and scale while periodically checking on tech debt. Yes, they suck at business or sales but when the solution works, things automatically make money.
I DON'T FUCKING CARE HOW BEAUTIFUL YOUR APP IS, IF IT DOESN'T SOLVE MY PROBLEM THEN IT'S RUBBISH.
Functionality and UX matters to more than colour scheme or fonts. Reason why Amazon is a huge. They are functionally solving a great problem while constantly improvising UX and not giving a rat's ass on UI.
Another down side to your fancy design is that the UI elements make things heavier. No wonder engineers have always been the best problem solver.
We lost our way. Tech world needs to go back a decade or two to fix the tech debt.8 -
I have been commenting a lot recently on linux ranters who rant about windows for stupid reasons.
To all these people who think linux is better and they are smart(er) than windows users, i say:
We use windows in the company I work for. And if you are a linux user, you're just not welcome and your skills are just a waste for the company. And yes it is a successful company with 100s of millions of euros as net revenue.
Our users have windows machines and we offer topnotch Microsoft solutions for them.
When you ask me to switch to linux because of a problem i had in a Windows machine, it makes me feel that you are a stupid person who knows about linux and gives solutions based on his stupidity and on zero knowledge of the scenario.
Please be professional and think about the solution you are offering. It would be best if you did not offer any solution at all in fact.13 -
FUUCCKKKK!! I need to hit smth. Or rant..
So that flaky ec2 issue.. These ec2s act as a shared environment for multiple apps. Our app is one of them. I have no access to those ec2s at all.
What I have access to is my app and some monitoring. Now the app randomly starts lagging while nearly idling. At the same random times monitoring stops completely and doesn't come back up. This happens to random app instances at random times.
Reached out to infra support, managed to get attention from the big boys [mgmt]. Today we got the fix deployed. I test it out -- problem persists.
I find this behaviour somewhat familiar. Managed to get some server stats from infra folks. Apparently cpu% is high as well as load avg [cpu queue]. Bingo! I know how to fix it!
So I write a long comment w/ all the commands and all the 'if that, do this'. Send it to one of the infra technitians
and I get a reply: 'we will apply cpu usage limitations to fix the issue'
wait... Cpu% limitations will do nothing but highlight the underlying problem...
'no, instances have high cpu utilisation which is causing those lags. We will limit cpu resources and it will be fixed'
oh ffs... Cpu utilization and cpu queue are VERY different things.. I tried explaining that to them like 7-9 times. And all I get is:
'yes, cpu utilization is the problem. We will limit it and solve the problem'
I would surely escalate all of this through higher channels if only I could get my hands on those ec2s and have a proof. But that is not happening and I'm forced to sit back and watch them break things even worse until they are out of options and mark my query as 'wont fix'....
Fuck that's frustrating....
*thinking to myself* so I've read about that new vulnerability 2 days ago that allows one to escape from docker container to the host... What if <...>4 -
My newly joined developer colleague had some problem starting the web app we are working on locally. After changing some configuration files,
Me: Restart the app
My Dev Colleague: Do I have to close it?
Me: Yeah, there will be a red cross on the right top corner, just click on that😑😒2 -
I really want to stress that we should add the ticket for adding the missing test cases in *this* sprint and not postpone it any further.
-- "Isn't there something more important to be added instead?"
There. ALWAYS. Is. Something. MORE. Important. The real problem was that we implement the test cases in the past to begin violating our definition of done. We have to fix and one point and we have to own that decision as nobody else will care about passing tests and test coverage. It's our job to care for that.
Yes, we can instead focus on all the other high-priorities task that should have been done yesterday, yet that won't change the fact that large part our codebase will remain an untested messy blackbox just asking for weird bugs and wild goosechases in the future.
Don't hide behind "high priority tasks". A job is done when it is fucking done and tests are part of that. Hurrying from one important task to the next will just mean we'll never do it. There is no better time than right now.
If code coverage got left behind in the past, then we'll have to suck it up in order to fix it as soon as possible, otherwise we'll just suck forever.rant workflow priorities something more important agile own your shit developer sprint planning sprint testing test1 -
Dev: We have a data quality problem. Combined with data silos, we can't trust the numbers. We need to agree on metric definitions as a company.
CTO: (Points a PM)Help him on the metrics he has defined. We'll discard any other alternate definitions inside the company.
PM: You can start with these. (Throws a bunch of metrics without their definitions. Doesn't respond to questions regarding definitions.)
After a week of generating aggregates,
PM: The numbers seem wrong.
Fuck I know the numbers will be wrong. Because you didn't give me the definitions and I'll have to deduce them myself.
Seriously guys, how do you deal with PMs who don't cooperate in the requirement analysis?8 -
Has anyone read the latest rant from Microsoft?
https://blogs.microsoft.com/on-the-...
<<Finally, this attack provides yet another example of why the stockpiling of vulnerabilities by governments is such a problem. This is an emerging pattern in 2017. We have seen vulnerabilities stored by the CIA show up on WikiLeaks, and now this vulnerability stolen from the NSA has affected customers around the world. Repeatedly, exploits in the hands of governments have leaked into the public domain and caused widespread damage.>>12 -
I spent 4 days working on a new feature of our program. A real pain in the ass! Even did a few hours of overtime.
This morning I go to my boss to tell him about a performance problem I was trying really hard to solve, but couldn't still totally remove...
His answer: "Don't bother with that! Our client is not going to use it. They simply forgot to remove it from their request. So we are going to deliver it so they will have to pay us!"
FFFFFUUUUUUCCCCKKKK!2 -
Hey devs, really need some help here. This is driving me crazy...
We're currently taking issues from the company via mail. We've got a group mail that goes to the three of us at the IT department. Problem is, colleagues just forward customers emails without event trying to help, which means that we get stupid issues like "I can't sign in", and no further information. We're currently using Jira, and I was thinking perhaps we can set up a Jira Service Desk? Then we could have an internal help desk where issues could be submitted, and require some important fields, and perhaps add a checklist. Have you had any experience with Service Desk? Do you think it would be a good idea to have a "normal" person have an account there as well to filter out the normal "Have you tried restarting your computer" stuff? Is it suited for non-developers?
Any other ideas?
Yeay, messy question, but I'm fucking desperate...5 -
*Nervous student comes in for the first interview I am conducting as a developer*
Me (as an interviewer): What is best approach to search data?
Student: It will take linear time but if data is sorted, we can do it in logarithmic time.
Me: [Smiles] Take a hint Hash Map?
Student: Yes, with it, we can do it in constant time.
Me: Okay, Bloom Filter anytime?
Student: *sweating* noooo...
Me: Okay. I am a developer so I know this.
Student: *about to cry*
Me: No problem but why will you search data when there is no problem? Don't you have better work.
Student: *confused* yup
Me: *laughs but immediately controls* Take it lightly. You know what you need to do this job. You are HIRED. :)2 -
do you guys think it's dangerous territory to do something you weren't asked to do at work?
like, i know i can improve some minor inconveniences, but they are not the priority. on the other hand, we always have a bigger problem and the little stuff gets left behind. idk, i just want to leave things better than i found them9 -
During one of our visits at Konza City, Machakos county in Kenya, my team and I encountered a big problem accessing to viable water. Most times we enquired for water, we were handed a bottle of bought water. This for a day or few days would be affordable for some, but for a lifetime of a middle income person, it will be way too much expensive. Of ten people we encountered 8 complained of a proper mechanism to access to viable water. This to us was a very demanding problem, that needed to be sorted out immediately. Majority of the people were unable to conduct income generating activities such as farming because of the nature of the kind of water and its scarcity as well.
Such a scenario demands for an immediate way to solve this problem. Various ways have been put into practice to ensure sustainability of water conservation and management. However most of them have been futile on the aspect of sustainability. As part of our research we also considered to check out of the formal mechanisms put in place to ensure proper acquisition of water, and one of them we saw was tree planting, which was not sustainable at all, also some few piped water was being transported very long distances from the destinations, this however did not solve the immediate needs of the people.We found out that the area has a large body mass of salty water which was not viable for them to conduct any constructive activity. This was hint enough to help us find a way to curb this demanding challenge. Presence of salty water was the first step of our solution.
SOLUTION
We came up with an IOT based system to help curb this problem. Our system entails purification of the salty water through electrolysis, the device is places at an area where the body mass of water is located, it drills for a suitable depth and allow the salty water to flow into it. Various sets of tanks and valves are situated next to it, these tanks acts as to contain the salty water temporarily. A high power source is then connected to each tank, this enable the separation of Chlorine ions from Hydrogen Ions by electrolysis through electrolysis, salt is then separated and allowed to flow from the lower chamber of the tanks, allowing clean water to from to the preceding tanks, the preceding tanks contains various chemicals to remove any remaining impurities. The whole entire process is managed by the action of sensors. Water alkalinity, turbidity and ph are monitored and relayed onto a mobile phone, this then follows a predictive analysis of the data history stored then makes up a decision to increase flow of water in the valves or to decrease its flow. This being a hot prone area, we opted to maximize harnessing of power through solar power, this power availability is almost perfect to provide us with at least 440V constant supply to facilitate faster electrolysis of the salty water.
Being a drought prone area, it was key that the outlet water should be cold and comfortable for consumers to use, so we also coupled our output chamber with cooling tanks, these tanks are managed via our mobile application, the information relayed from it in terms of temperature and humidity are sent to it. This information is key in helping us produce water at optimum states, enabling us to fully manage supply and input of the water from the water bodies.
By the use of natural language processing, we are able to automatically control flow and feeing of the valves to and fro using Voice, one could say “The output water is too hot”, and the system would respond by increasing the speed of the fans and making the tanks provide very cold water. Additional to this system, we have prepared short video tutorials and documents enlighting people on how to conserve water and maintain the optimum state of the green economy.
IBM/OPEN SOURCE TECHNOLOGIES
For a start, we have implemented our project using esp8266 microcontrollers, sensors, transducers and low payload containers to demonstrate our project. Previously we have used Google’s firebase cloud platform to ensure realtimeness of data to-and-fro relay to the mobile. This has proven workable for most cases, whether on a small scale or large scale, however we meet challenges such as change in the fingerprint keys that renders our device not workable, we intend to overcome this problem by moving to IBM bluemix platform.
We use C++ Programming language for our microcontrollers and sensor communication, in some cases we use Python programming language to process neuro-networks for our microcontrollers.
Any feedback conserning this project please?8 -
Why is it so hard for people (especially managers) to learn to work smarter not harder....
FIX THE GODDAMN PROBLEM CORRECTLY... THE FIRST TIME SO WE DON'T HAVE TO KEEP FIXING ITS BLOWUPS ON WEEKENDS....
AND STOP HIRING MONKEYS THAT JUST KNOW TO PRESS BUTTONS RATHER THAN DESIGNING FULLY FUNCTIONAL SOLUTIONS THAT DON'T BLOW UP OR LEAVE A TRAIL OF SHIT BEHIND THAT I NEED TO DECIPHER N CLEANUP....2 -
An intern approached me for help in one of their past exam questions. They said they had already turned in the exam but just wanted to know the answer. The question was not that hard and I had a bit of time to kill so I helped them.
Me: So, to make it O(n), you have to make it a double linked list, and keep a tail.
Them: But the problem requires us to solve it with a single liked list.
Me: You can just iterate it at the end to make it single-linked again. That costs O(n), so the solution is still O(n).
Them: Oh yeah right. I don't think we even need a tail though, we could just have a variable pointing to the last link.
Me: ...which is called a tail.2 -
Why don't people respond to emails? Everyone complains that things could be handled in an email instead of having a meeting. Well maybe you should start replying to my simple fucking questions so I don't have to send meeting notices. You always accept the meeting notices but you NEVER reply to emails! What the fuck people? Now I'm arranging a meeting for 15 minutes just to get a simple is yes or no question answered, are you kidding me here? You're part of the problem! You are THE ENTIRE problem!! You know how much of my time I've wasted getting no answers in IMs and emails?! Should I try smoke signals? It's not even a hard question! Will someone be at the site on the day we need them to be?! How hard is that question to answer!? Evidently im-fucking-possible!5
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Tomorrow, we will have a new fenale co-worker.
This is awesome, because in IT is very rare to find women. It seems that this field is dominated by man.
And that brings the problem. In our enterprise, we are all men. We worst kind of men. Saying that we are "a bunch of animals in a tiny room" would be more like a compliment.
I already feel sorry for her. :/6 -
PM: OK team. There seems to have been some confusion over card AAA-111. So from now on we need to be specific in the cards and make sure we have AC and a description of the issue
Devs: Thanks, we appreciate that
PM: makes card
Card: Why is it slow (yes, that's the actual card title)
Card: ... nothing else, completely blank
Devs: Wtf?
PM: these are supposed to be conversation starters guys!
Devs: JUST TELL US THE PROBLEM! WE'LL ASK WHEN WE NEED TO8 -
What does GPT-3 tell us about how our brains work?
I just read an interesting article (link below) about how it does on the turing test. I've had this inclination for a while that state of the art AI is "incomplete", in the sense that we have some of the systems to make AGI, but not all of them. One of the comments they make is that "GPT-3 often finds it easier to write code to solve a programming problem, than to solve the problem on one example input", and that's the nail on the head. We can codify situations, describe the rules, put them in memory and run those rules in our head. We can manipulate the input to see how it'll change, we can spot from a problem statement what the rules are instead of focusing on what the answer is. Anyway, light bulb moment shared.
Link: https://lacker.io/ai/2020/...9 -
My GF is also a programmer. But we rarely talk about coding stuff.
Everything is fine with just one problem.
When I have a good focus on whatever I'm doing, I have trouble giving attention to other things and people around me. When doing Programming especially.
So I often feel bad that I couldn't give her enough care and time.1 -
Grew up with just my brother and mother in Russia. We had very little money so we haven't even seen computers in real life until my mother found a swedish boyfriend and we moved to Sweden the year 2000.
I was 7 years old at the time and I saw my first computer in what I think was the Swedish Migration Board office. The purpose of the computer was for convenient registration for the reception or something, but the first thing I did was found paint and drew some circles, I was completely mind blown!
My mother's boyfriend came and told me not to play with the computer because "I might accidentally install a virus".
A couple of months later we got a PC to share with the whole family, me and my brother were so ecstatic because we have previously only seen them on TV and now for some reason we have one at home "Woooot 😮😮😀"
The problem was that my mother only let me and my brother use the computer on weekends and only for one hour. Somehow this just made me and my brother even more interested in that machine, so we sneaked out from our room at night and played with it.
One night we found out about this great thing called Google and googled "how to program a program" and that's when we fell in love with programming.
When our mother found out she got very angry and disappointed. She was questioning why we were "so much in love with this stupid thing" and said "it's not like you are going to get a job working with it!"
Me and my brother are both devs now. So suck it 🖕🖕🖕1 -
This is a story about my disappointment in modern GUI editors for desktop applications.
Well, first of all, I grew up with Delphi 5. Delphi has an awesome form editor. It's intuitive and works without any problem. It always does what you want it to do. Prototyping is really a problem of seconds here, even for people that never used it (I guess).
But the problem is that it is Delphi. Its so old, bloated, and most problems you'll ever have have been solved (through a hack) 20 years ago in some weird forum.
So I looked on and tried many other drag'n'drop gui editors.
The one for java is the biggest pile of crap I've ever seen. It slows down eclipse /intellij and does almost never do what I want. At least its not really intuitive.
Right after that, the one for C# (this xml Designer ) is okay-ish, but it's also not really intuitive and does not always what the user wants.
I also tried other ones. But I still miss an intuitive one that works without weird side effects.
I now can understand why the Web dev stack grows in the region of desktop apps. I can prototype stuff even faster in angular than in Delphi.
But shouldn't we improve the desktop stack instead of taking some bloated stack using a language that should have never existed?9 -
Me: *opens existing shared telegram channel*
Me: Hello developers of SDK xxx, we have another issue. We've gotten 2 reports from users of problem X occurring while using the SDK to contact your servers. It happens here, then this happens, using version Y. Code is the same open source app + library as before if you need to check it, same 2 files as before. Here are some screen shots of the error in the app too, just in case
*3 days later*
Dev: yes this does indeed seem to be a problem. Can you provide us more info to debug this effectively?
Me: ..... I sure can ..... if you let me know what it is you need ..... because you currently have access to absolutely everything already .... and i've been waiting 3 days, some specifics of what you need would be great!!!3 -
Imagine going on quora and answering somebodies carbon offsetting question by pushing your own stupid fucking agenda with propaganda answers like
"oh we need rainforest money!"
"oh we need grassland!"
"oh support the cows"
jesus fucking christ, THIS is why we have a problem with people not accepting climate change, becuase every fucking liberal wants to pile on one another and have their 'most important' cause behind it
give me a break you fucking idiots, it won't be solved by acting this way
sorry this is in no way software related, but it's the only place left i have to rant (however in some ways it is somehow software related, due to being able to think about the real world without being an absolute idiot and pushing some stupid peer pressured political idea because your social identity and friends are more important than actual facts, but whatever)12 -
We are upgrading to nodejs 8 late, because no one is tracking versions. I had to rage a prove war with everyone that we must upgrade because node 6 is ended lts. This week i have to argue with one of the admins that the build server should be updated also (jenkins). And his problem is that our private jenkins server is not used only by our company, but other companies under our group. In my mind the only question is who decides our or other company project is important to build nor6maly. And why we should care ..
Every fucking time its a war against stagnant and/or lazy people.5 -
Boss: "You hardcoded the redirect uri in the code (Early on during development and forgot about it, because apple OAuth is a piece of shit), but don't worry I fixed it by hardcoding the uri with the production host into the config file where clearly all settings are fetched from the OS Environment variables at runtime. This will surely fix the problem in staging we have, no need to thank me"5
-
I work for a big bank. I'm going to say pretty much the entire Support team is incompetent.
Oh something went wrong? Escalate to devs... cuz we have no idea wtf to do and don't have the most basic technical problem solving skills...
Bunch of useless monkeys... btw guess what time it is now? And what I'm doing?5 -
At our workplace we clean our offices ourselves, and I don't have a problem with that. My boss asked me to clean the very dusty server room because I'm the only girl in the IT department. I feel somewhat discriminated as a woman in tech. Would it be wrong for me to refuse.25
-
The PS3 has 2 OS types: GameOS (the XMB menu and what you use to play games) and OtherOS (anything else you'd wanna load, usually Linux.) There's a problem with this: There's a build of GDB meant for OtherOS. That's great, but I need some background debugger for GameOS. Why, oh fucking WHY, has no one made a debugger like this? We have the ability to reserve compute units (SPUs) and/or areas of RAM for code to continue running when something else is loaded, why the FUCK isn't there a game debugger???8
-
University is a dumb place.
Example:
I have been restricted to a predefined list of projects for my dissertation. The trouble is, the project must be a solution to an existing problem. So we're given a product to develop which then requires us to actively search for an implementation which addresses a problem.
Not only have we not proposed a solution ourselves but have also been given a list of software requirements. Wouldn't be an issue if we hadn't been pushed to write about our "requirements gathering" process.
So we have to gather requirements that are the requirements we have been given but do it in an independent way. Yeah, sure.
I am genuinely just going the motions with this fucking place now.9 -
Fuck you Twillio.
You bought a perfectly good email service (SendGrid) and now this service is just.. failing.
All of theirs Ips are getting blacklisted. Our clients are calling us (Of course they are).
People cannot reset passwords, cannot get ANY email notification.
Right now, SendGrid is blacklisted by majority of anti spam systems.
Twilio, fuck you again. This service we were using for more than 5 years without ANY problem. Twilio fucked up.
Fuck you Twlio again. And when we create a “critical” ticket, all you have to say is “Meehhh we’ll contact you in a week” ? REALLY ? Even Microsoft contacts us in 2 hours for critical problems.
Sorry it needed to come out.10 -
At work we have to split a potentially large ID into 2 10-digit long parts that will be passed to an outside system that will later return them with some more data to us.
A colleague had implemented it using regular expression, it passed code review, everything was ok, until he noticed a potential problem. For some cases, because the outside system stores them as int and therefore will remove any leading zeros, there will be no way to reconstruct the number.
So we brainstorm and I propose ether a modified regex, or to just use math like part1 = id % 10^10 and part2 = floor(id % 10^10) and then we can reconstruct it simply by: part2 * 10000000000 + part1
Colleague: - Well, the regex will be faster, there won't be any calculations
Me: - :| I disagree but ok..
We do some more brainstorming and testing and find a case where the proposed new regex fails as well
So I bring up my previous proposal, I explain what exactly it does.
Colleague: - I don't like the math, it has calculations, which won't be needed before we reach the 11th digit
Have I missed some major development in computer hardware? When did they become bad/slow at doing math? :|8 -
So I'm working on this prototype of indie game with two friends. Since we are only 3, I can't just stick to coding only... Problem is, I'm the only one realising that and I've ended up doing all the jobs that are missing... Texturing, a bit of modeling, organizing the whole team, shaders, animating and so on... And the two others just stick to their thing and are confident in the fact that I'll be able to handle all the problems. It pisses me off.
But I need the project to have some base experience, and alone, I would probably melt down under the stress. But every time a problem show up I'm basically alone, and my level of stress skyrocket... Not sure if I have the shoulders to finish it, but I have to. In fact I'm not even to the point of ranting anymore I'm just depressed >.>... At least when I'm working on the code and not the rest, I'm really enjoying myself.
Not sure if I should do something about it ._.2 -
Context: We have a 96-port wall-mount patch panel. We're not even using half of those ports. "We" (read: "I") are completely redoing our network rack, as it's an ancient nest of wires. Currently all the ports in use on the patch panel just have random-length cables which are just drooped down beside the rack before running to switches. When I need to trace a cable from patch panel to switch, it's a complete nightmare. However, the cables going to the patch panel do have enough of extra length to do a rack-mount patch panel. I suggest this...
MGR: "Ehhh... I don't really like the idea of tying the rack to the wall... What if we want to move it or something?"
(this rack is in a tiny room and has been there since probably the 1800's.)
ME: "Well the problem currently is that it's all but impossible to trace cables. And even if I rewire it and bundle them nicely, it will still be a headache. With a rack-mount panel, we could just have super short patch cables and so it's super easy when I need to move stuff around."
MGR: "Okkkk..... So what if we would purchase like 3 or 4 switches to get 96 ports, then we run a cable to every patch panel port. That way we never need to change anything :)))."
Dude. Great idea. Let's drop hundreds to thousands of dollars on switches we don't need, rather than just doing a single patch panel. Brilliant. Also another great idea that, running thirty or forty unnecessary cables that we aren't even using. That won't clutter up the rack or use up valuable space or get confusing which ports on the switches are/aren't in use.
I'm trying so hard not to scream right now. I can't deal with this.
EDIT: It gets worse. Apparently part of the reason he wants to do this is "to make it simple". Currently we have our POS system running to its own switch, the printers are on another switch, etc. (yes I know some of this could be accomplished with a VLAN, this was set up before my time). But apparently "if we just had every single port wired then we could plug in whatever we want wherever we want and it wouldn't matter." I just... That's... That's not how you do a network.1 -
Dev, boss and guy who know logic is looking at the server.
Problem: it's not responding
Boss: we need this running now! Otherwise the sales won't go through
Dev: give me a chance, I just got here
Guy: have you tried turning it off and on again?
They did so and at works.
Boss: guess we don't need to hire another dev, this guy knows what he is talking about, he is some kind of server expert..
Really.........1 -
Hey guys, my gf and I want to do something with the Arduino we got. We are getting a CS degree, so programming is not a problem, but we have quite basic knowledge of electronics.
What could be a cool simple (but not too introductory) project we could do?
The arduino came with a bunch of sensors (ultrasonic distance sensor, humidity, ...) some input (joystick, RFID reader/writer, buttons) and some outputs (LCD display, 8x8 LED matrix, bunch of color and RGB leds).16 -
At what point do you stop optimizing queries and realize it's a database architecture, scaling problem?
We've been having production issues this week because a lot more users with more demands, and I'm going we need more servers... We can't just have one db, we need to parallelize like Hadoop...
Everyone else is going, how do we optimize queries, indexes, reduce the load...11 -
Developer: We have a problem.
Manager: Remember, there are no such things as problems, only opportunities.
Developer: Well then, we have a DDoS opportunity.3 -
Ready for another look into my JIRA life?
Ticket Title: "The 'Selected photos' setting will result in users being able to select only one photo at a time."
Ticket Description: "This is not directly a bug, because this problem is caused by the selected setting. Here one would have to consider to give this option no more and/or with an error message the user on it to make attentive, how he can change the attitude."
I don't even have to worry about NDA in this one because it makes absolutely no sense.
BTW, we don't have a single text in the app with the words "selected photos"
99% sure the creator of this ticket wrote it when they were high, drunk, or bothrant no pride in our work what is the english language? fuckall end my existence please jira not needed4 -
DAYLIGHT SAVING!!
Up to this point, I was indifferent to the issue if it should be kept or not. My sleep schedule is fucked and non-routine anyway so one hour plus or minus doesn't play any role.
I got to a meeting scheduling problem, when I have 2 timestamps in variable timezones and want to calculate time difference. Both can have DST active. There is no algortihmic way to figure out. I checked SO and pytz and it's just a list of hardcoded dates when DST starts and ends. WHATHTEHELL.jpg
Not only we should abolish the DST, we should force the whole world into UTC/Zulu. And those, who refuse to adapt to UTC, will be forced to work with plain integer epoch dates.3 -
2nd part to https://devrant.com/rants/1986137/...
The story goes on...
After I found more bugs that seem to be related to the communication break, and took a closer look, I sent detailed logs of my research and today we had a conference call.
"We have 2,5 million user, our system is widely-used and there is no plan to change it" they said.
And "We cannot reproduce the issue, but even if there is one, you will have to work around the problem, because we cannot make changes on our side" was one answer
As well as "If we would make changes, we will have to re-certify everything"
So I said we told 'em about the issue to let them improve their system. And I can work around it, I already figured out a solution for my side, but if there is a bug, they'd better fix it for future releases.
And with my additional research I have a bad vibe of some kind of memory leak involved on their "certified" implementation, and that could trigger various other problems.
But it is as always, if I try to be nice, I just get kicked in the ass. I should really be more of an asshole. -
I don't know if this is exactly a rant. But - I am sure somewhere out there has run into this situation before.
I've been a developer (professionally) for a 3 years. And in that time I've stayed with that same company.
Over that time its become incredibly apparent that my boss (senior developer) isn't exactly keen on new technologies, source control (I had to push hard for this. And even then he doesn't use it properly), or any kind of project management. It's only he and I.
I've started interviewing other places and while I have no problems answering their technical questions. I'm worried my lack of experience in a team is becoming a problem.
We don't work on projects together. We don't do code reviews. He does not ask my opinion on anything. We are basically two separate teams. I want to improve as a developer. I love the rest of the company and I enjoy what I'm working on. I just feel I'm hindering my growth as a developer.
Anyone have any advice? I know I can find a project to contribute to on github or something. But honestly that's intimidating to me for some reason. I am self taught. And don't have any experience in working with teams.4 -
First thought about programming was in forth class in school, I was 10, and together with a friend we where planing on building a robot.
When we had a basic Idea on how the mechanics would work (theoretically but maybe not really practically sound) we started to consider how to control it. We had heard about computers but had never seen one but we figured out you could not just say, “go shopping” but rather had to break the problem down and doing that we came to the conclusion we would have to start with getting it to take a step.
We never got further as my family moved and I switched schools.
Later the same year I got to play with an actual computer, the Sinclair ZX80, 80 for the year.
A monster with 512 bytes of internal memory ... yes bytes, not kbyte.
And then things got going, after a few curses in Basic I finally got my own Spectra video 128, 14 years old and 2 years later I was teaching basic in ravening classes and I have been working with computers and programming ever since.1 -
Dev: Hey this library you are mandating the use of doesn’t do one of the things you assumed it does
Non-Tech Manager: Well I think it does because I looked at it and that’s what it seemed like and the only reason you can’t figure it out is you are a bad developer and have attitude issues that’s why you are failing. You need to look on the bright side of things more often. This library has over 100k downloads which means it must do what people want it to. I think the problem is you. We can’t spend anymore time on this we have to just fix it and move on.6 -
I tried to go for a job as a ReactJS junior dev.. I got my first interview and they liked my prototype.. but..
A week later they reply: "We decided not to go with you because we hired an expert in ReactJS".
Err.. really? You're hiring expert-level ReactJS developers for a junior position?! What the frig.
You want to know what I think? This whole "It's ok that you don't know everything, you'll learn on the job" thing is a hoax. No, the job market doesn't want novices. With every single interview, I'm met with: "but you're not an expert and we can't afford that".
This reminds me of the best advice my professor (seasoned expert in the field, real engineer with more than 20 years experience) once gave me:
"The job market doesn't have the time nor patience to mollycoddle you. When you enter it, you have to already know things to an expert degree because companies want value. They're hiring you because you have these skills and knowledge.
You have to already know what they ask before they ask it. You're required to know things by yesterday, so to speak. It is an exigent industry out there. This is why we bring you the foundations - so that you go further on your own and you can take on any problem"9 -
I'm a developer, member of the A-Team. Actually I'm the leader of the A-Team.
We are incredibly skilled. Our problem solving capabilities is amazing, almost 100 times more effective than the rest of people. We produce code 10 times faster and better than anybody else. We have THE knowledge.
We can save the company in case of emergency.
For that reason, it's of paramount importance to nurture and protect the A-Team.
- When there is a bug, A-Team will not correct it. Because, if A-Team is busy, and bad shit happens, the company could be destroyed and we couldn't help
- When there is some important features to develop with a deadline, A-Team will not participate: A-Team must stay alert and ready in case of emergency
- If huge catastrophe happens and long hours, night and weekend are needed to fix it, A-Team will not risk burning the A-Team because it's the only high skilled team we have. The company cannot afford to have an A-Team member exhausted, underpaid, unhappy leaving or sleepy. Therefore, the company will sacrifice other less important people.
A-Team is company biggest asset and must be protected in any kind of situations.
The company should also pay training for them in order to increase their skills and make them unreplaceable.
These are my conditions. I'm the leader of the A-Team. You can't afford to loose me.7 -
Do not offer anyone to help them with their scripts, ever.
I had to do something as there were things like "cd $DIR; rm *". No checks if the folder got changed, no qutoes to prevent breaking on spaces. A problem waiting to happen. And it did. We don't know what the script deleted in the wrong folder to this day.
The scripts have no functions, some files have over 50% duplicate code. I was an idiot and thought running it through shellcheck and doing basic prevention of them shooting their own foot would be enough.
And there is no way to convince the guy to start writing the code properly. Should have kept my mouth shut.4 -
Friend: have you ever noticed this problem X? What if we could...
Me: stop right there, I smell a kickstarter7 -
I recently decided that I was going to broaden my palette and learn a bit of Java. I've had painful experiences in the past, but it's been a few major versions since I last did anything in it. Then I go to update the OS Java, and IT STILL FREAKING PROMPTS ME TO ADD YAHOO TOOLS TO MY BROWSER!!! ARE WE STILL IN THE 90s? DO YAHOO AND ORACLE STILL HAVE A DEAL? OR WAS SOME JAVA INSTALLER DEVELOPER TOO FREAKING LAZY TO REMOVE IT FROM TUE INSTALLER PROMPTS?!
And that's why I have a problem with Java.3 -
We have a univeristy internal gitlab. Ok.
My work place uses the official github. Great. No problem.
Now for another work related project, we got access to the gitlab of an institute which is at the same university....
Why the fuck do we have to use their gitlab now also? I've got 3 different git accounts now. It's just unecessary and annoying... -
Background: Process issue in the plant that the workers said was a software problem. I’m a Software Dev Manager
Exec: This is broken and it is a software problem. We just noticed it this week.
Me: Couldn’t have been us, relevant code was changed this time last year. Sounds like a process issue.
Exec: Can you give me an exact date it was changed last year?
Me: (Seriously, WTF?... checks git...) It was changed on December 2nd, 2016. Couldn’t have been us.
Exec: Can you detail that change for us?
Me: (GTFO) No, not my problem, stop trying to make it my problem.1 -
Reading over at zerohedge.
And I just wanted to comment on what this one guy posted:
"People that show up on time, dressed to work, not stoned. People that don't stop in the middle of the day to take care of personal matters. People that deliver to the right location. People that don't steal or damage product.
We pay well over the national average for final mile truck drivers. 80% of the ones you get are worthless. The ones that do a good job we reward handsomely to keep them. We have had open reqs for two years now that we can't fill at just about any wage. "
If all the people you hire leave, or no one wants to work for you for any wage, the problem isnt the pool of new hires. The problem is you.
Like a certain fast casual chain that claim they train their employees, and then just toss line cooks on the line and scream at everyone on the line.
Saw it while I was at an interview. Seen it in other
Train your fucking people.
"Good" is now a synonym for "people I dont want the expense of training, and people trained at someone elses expense."
Train your fucking people or gtfo of busines because you have no business being in business otherwise.2 -
we're doing a massive database migration and trying to fix a lot of shit that was done for years in the db. problem is, i have to cater to a business major asshat that doesn't know the first thing about working with data and he's responsible for 99% of the shit we're trying to clean up.
his response to the problem i brought up in his stuff? "we can deal with it later, right now i need it like this". this is why you guys have a shit database, because we have to spoil this idiot. then they complain everything takes forever to run and the database is bloated and somehow it is our fault.
I'm really holding myself right now, because i already went off on him once and he basically called me hysterical, and our boss likes him too much to antagonize the bastard. but god i wish i could run over him11 -
IT teach giving a speech that our MS excel exams are shit and we have no logic and that we suck at math. I mean, yeah it's true that I suck at math and I've never used excel before coz I never had to but ffs I code during nights and I love it, also there are so many fields, saying that you'll be just a part-time waiter... If you have the attitude to solve a problem that you care enough about you'll get there eventually. Sucking at something doesn't mean you suck at everything, everyone has their strengths and weaknesses.5
-
So I have a job at a client to fix their system because the last systemadmin fucked everything up. One of the things I need to do is let the boss work from home.
No problem. I set up a vpn connection to work and everything just works. Except that the home network had the same dhcp range so that had to change.
I login on the router and literally everything is fucking locked. I call them and they send me a new router same fucking problem. So we bought an asus router so I finally can fix it.
QUESS WHAT THE FUCKING GARBAGE DOESNT EVEN HAVE BRIDGE MODE. FUCK KPN AND THEIR MODEMS.1 -
in my country, we will be having a 2 day Muslim holiday. I have mapped out all the programming tasks I need to attend to during those days and thinking of staying back at the office but my gf is thinking of coming over. this will mean not achieving all the tasks which is a problem as I Dont know when next such holiday will be.
how best do I tell her not to come?14 -
Microsoft Teams logic when using it from Chrome on Linux:
Wanna have a team call with multiple people? Sure no problem, proceed.
Wanna have a direct call with one person? Hell no, we don't do that here!
Also lets just ignore the fact that you are actually running Google Chrome, you should really try out Windows and Edge.2 -
"I don't think we should be playing with our privates {variables} like that" - framework designer
= context =
It was noticed that we have too many setter functions to change private variables just to do unit tests. So we had a small meeting to discuss what to do about this.
Options:
- don't do the test
- ignore till another time (ie: keep the functions till its a problem)
- put the variables into a provider
- use reflection (the above quote was a reaction to this option)6 -
We are gating release of each sprint.
Today before 10:00AM I identified a major performance problem and asked devs to fix it (single if() will be enough as a hotfix). We're blocked until we have the fix deployed.
It's 5pm and we're still waiting for that 1 `if` clause to be added and deployed :)
A long day it was. Full of hopes and expectations, waiting for things to happen -
Troubleshooting in Windows be like - " Well mate, you are fucked. Till the time we run a baseless scan.. relax ,take a deep breath ..Check your internet connection . .. for you are going to have to google the problem and fix it yourself...
-
So we have a new guy at our company. I don't know what his job description is, pretty sure not a dev. He comes to the devs and asks how to connect a printer. Some things that ran through my mind:
1. How did you get in the door?
2. There is this place called "Google".
3. Fucking figure it out! (This is my boss's attitude on a lot of things, and I have adopted this as well. Yes, ask for help when stumped, but you better have made an effort.)
Then I remembered this part from Super Star:
https://youtu.be/22F6AnqPGxg?t=19
What I did say was this: "I don't have a PHD cert. Printer Help Desk." It got a good laugh. Somebody else helped him when they had a chance. I think if I had helped I might have sent him things to search on Google. This is not a difficult skill to acquire. Problem solving skills are paramount in this company.2 -
I am a programming teacher in Colombia and the week's topic is very useful for me, thanks to all for writing your ideas, but in the other hand I think that some points have not been understood, for example in my college we use in the beginning of the course notepad so that the students learn the sintaxis and good practices and they no dependent of a especific tool or Ide (an advantage of this practice is that the student learn to use command tools easily). We want that que student learn programming and not a language or software . This because in our experience the students learn to use a tool but not to resolve a problem and this is bad in a long term.2
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When me and my friends were working on a school project where we have to do a C++ bus reservation system (that will accept reservation and name of the person who reserved the seat / that will show a list of reserved persons / that will show a graphic design of a bus with seats that will be changed in design if reserved.). At first I can't comprehend the problem and develop a solution, but when my friend told me that "let's think that the value is a poop and the toilet is the variable, when we flush it, it will be sent to the sea/ocean/river and it will serve as a new element in the array" that is when I knew how I will do the damn project, then we passed it the night when the project was given, and we got recognition from our professor.
*my friend is already feeling the call of nature*
++ for my friend2 -
So, I work for a startup, and I'm officially a fullstack guy, but with focus on backend, thusbour front end is bootstrap. We're currently are looking for a ui/ux/frontend person. Since we're a startup it would only be a 20% position an the max amount we could afford (as we're a startup) would be 800.- CHF a month for a freelancing position.
If you're interested, or would know someone, hit me up. We do have an "entry" test/problem and simply select upon that. The website would be https://reviewed.ch9 -
I absolutely treasure the bug reports we get from users. Nothing helps bring the product closer to perfection than the informed critique of end-users.
Recently, however, this one dude is filing a new fucking report every time he encounters the same fucking bug. "X happens for operation Y on file A"
"X happens for operation Y on file B"
.
.
.
"X happens for operation Y on file Z"
Jumping Jesus Christ, man, I'm pretty sure we can identify a pattern after the first two!
I don't expect him to know about the work we do to reproduce a problem after one report but fucking hell, have some faith that we'll get the picture after two or three.
These are fully detailed bug reports too, so it's not like he's just being a troll. -
Part of the problem, So many dev's here know the real problem with OS's governments and 3ed party apps happly spying on you and making there EULA to so called make it right for them to do it.
I want to know why so many dev's are portending this is not happen or why they not caring, you become part of the problem if your willing to work with the problem and there rules and guide lines.
WE dictate the future of tech not one company or another the people that create the software are the ones can make a difference, the users need to be educated and the dev need to take action now.
I loved this site at first but now I hate it I really do as so many posts are just blind or follow evil companies/software so on this is not how it should be, I wont accept this bull shit anymore and I not going to say quite to show the mass I going to follow them.
Step up and do something about it or stop calling yourself's dev's your part of the problem, you have the a gift and know how to help everyone do it and prove your worth.
I am really sorry I know some here do research and try and help but I rarely seeing it at the moment, things need to change, its not going to be easy but only the dev's can change this and soon, soon all OS's/software companies will get the feeling governments are on there side and governments what this so they have a back door in to WHO you are. FK the or if you have nothing to hide, EVERYONE has something to hide, compaines have already used Facebook Data to fire people working for them as they feel they shouldn't have to have someone working for them who likes or does XYZ,
Open your eyes people, small time dev's are not really included in this but big time dev's that do know how to work around these problems should be working on this to stop these problems, hardware venders are also a big problem but that's not something we can do anything about yet.
I know this rant will go on death ears to some, others will think I am over the top nut but if you really want to make a differences let's here it, lets get this world back on track, its not going to be easy but it we can do it.28 -
PROBLEM:
We need to log out phone calls in and outlet of the company
How we wanted to do it:
Use node.js to read the serial port from the phone system then store the data into the MsSQL database
Eventual solution:
1) Read serial port
2) store in local MySQL database
3) every 3 minutes create a CSV file containing the last 3 minutes of calls and store on a Windows shared directory
4) have a access 2000 programme collect these files every 30 minutes
5) insert into MsSQL database1 -
How is it that 4 years after the start of this project we still have to tell people that their dedicated cloud storage is for their projects and not their 8TB server backups or 600000+ vacation pictures…
We literally have processes sending you mails that keep telling you should sort your crap and you still manage not to listen. And then we get support tickets like “cloud storage abnormally slow” “bug in performances” etc… The last gem being a small company CEO that contacted our CEO about this “problem”, he had syncd his entire workstation and told his employees to do the same…
I’m not sure how to convey the stack of feelings I have regarding all of this. I want not to care but I can’t. I want to get angry but what’s the point.2 -
This was at my first job, a site that sold magazine subscriptions during the dot com boom.
Times got rough during the bust. First sign, free snacks disappeared. Everyone started worrying, and checking fuckedcompany.com to see if we were on it. One day everyone's machines shut down, and someone walks around saying company meeting in the cafeteria. My Russian coworker asks if I have a screwdriver so he can liberate his hard drive. Go to the meeting. Most of the company is being laid off immediately. You have to hang around having interviews with your boss to see if you still have a job. I don't.
2 weeks later they call and ask if I'd like to come back. Turns out trying to run with 1 programmer wasn't working out for them. I go back.
First problem we try to tackle - the shopping cart is slow. We put in a hack SQL file to delete carts older than 1 week. Gets better. Then gets slower again. Rinse and repeat 2 times. Finally digging through the source in the perl folder (not what the main site was in) we find what scheduled job was supposed to do this. Dig in. What do we find out? sa_scheduled_tasks user account was deactivated, because only user accounts belonging to people who still had a job were left active.
Fuuuuuuuuuuuck. -
An issue occurs, resolve it with a "Could not reproduce", client asks for a report on what happened, what parts did it affect and how will we prevent it in the future...
To make things worse it looks like it might have been an issue with MSSQL server throwing weird data out and not a problem with my code...10 -
Fucking fuck !
I work with a senior Dev,
It’s pretty much like am working under him....
He’s like a great Dev no doubt about it
But !!!!
He’s a fucking dumbass when it comes to working in a team. He makes changes in my code without telling me. He says He forgot to tell me , every single time
When I ask him how a piece of code works , he says it’s pretty much obvious and acts like even a 6 year old kid Would know this ,
He doesn’t think 2 steps ahead before solving a problem usually creating another problem !
We were once working on a language which we weren’t very good at , so I suggested him to ask another Dev in our company about inputs on our code structure to which he completely Disagreed saying they really won’t know much and that he knows more than them..
Fucking dumbass thinks he knows more than most ...
I have tried confronting him multiple times but he feels but he just won’t listen...1 -
Hey, I have a cool idea about a new way to solve a problem our users are having!
Type type type, now I have a working prototype! Show it to the team, everyone loves it. Polish it a little, it works really great!
Now let's test it on an iPad like the ones our users have... Nope, nothing works, undefined is not a function.
F*CK YOU SAFARI, you're why we can't have nice things. 😤 -
Him: can we build something using which we can ensure that all the code related to all the rally user stories that have been tagged for a release, is part of the build?
Me: stares blankly
Him: you’re looking at me like I’m crazy. I’m looking for automating things to flag human mistakes.
Me (cursing silently): that’s why there are source control softwares and fucking code branches that get deployed and it’s not my problem if some shithead doesn’t merges his code to the central branch.3 -
That javascript ecosystem is pretty fucking neat.
Yea we got problem with certain tools like `npm`, but threw is so much shit that comes out, in a matter of month you have solutions springing up for those obstacles.
Its pretty fucking beautiful ;) -
I hate every non -American in my office who tries to flaunt a stupid fucked up American accent when we are trying to discuss a logical problem. Fuck the accent , do you have a solution you fucked up asshole.3
-
dev> So, I've made a list, you only need to check the empty fields of the informations you want to be displayed
client> okay, so I have done the first X lines, there are only Y more left, you can get them by yourself when you look at the ones I've filled out.
dev> "gets them", shows them the client and codes everything after getting approved.
- delivers -
client> oh, well, yeah that would be correct but *insertvery specific industry information that only people knows that work in a management position in this industry*
-- like, just fill out the information I am asking you for, then we would have had not a single problem -
!dev
Don’t mind about global warming, we’re gonna extinct ourselves long before that becomes a problem.
Whatever exactly happened in Russia doesn’t even matter. It shows that the military / governments build devices that can wipe us all off the surface of our planet. Be it accidentally or on purpose doesn’t even matter..
How fucking stupid can a race be to build stuff like that?
Imagine such a thing would explode in near to a major city during transportation.
Or imagine a power plant near Zurich blows up. I mean there are enough of them all around the city.
I get it that we needed those technologies back in the days but we have so many alternatives by now. It’s just a matter of money.
It’s just madness.. and fucking stupid. And sad.9 -
Hi fellow ranters,
Its been awhile since I last was here posting stuff..
So, I've commited to my effords getting shit done in golang. And I met a lot of painpoints, and I mean...
A
Lot
Of
Them.
Anyway, most of them are solvable by changing mindset or having some macros set up for no-one-fucking-wanted bloody boilerplate code that is omnipresent fucking EVERYWHERE.. **cough**
Steering back on what I want to rant about.
We with our team have one major problem with golang. There is no standard for docs in code...
Like, Fing legit. Everyone uses notation for closest to theirs heart language, so you get inconsistent-as-fuck notations for parameters / function descriptions.
We have functions that look like
//doSth does something
and also
// doSth
// @Summary does sth
// @Description does something but in more words
// @Param
and so on and so on
And trust me Im getting mild example.
Why this language does not have A F...ING (well defined, using proper definitions) STANDARD YET?
EDIT:
bonus context: We decided that too much of our code is undocumented and we go through efford of documenting it, but everyone sees it differently, and we can't agree on one single standard... So we decided to not refuse PRs due standard, as well, nobody would ever had PR accepted3 -
I have never regretted over anything in my life like I am regretting taking a course named Speech Technology this semester.
Professor is nice but problem is he is too ambitious. He wants us to study a research paper on our own and implement whatever it is in research paper. People have worked years to write those research papers. How we gonna do it in one or 1.5 months. And the worst part is there are not much technical resources and documentation available to understand how to implement those things. Just abstract theories.
May the force be with me!1 -
Who else hates weekly 1:1 meetings with managers? I’m the kind of person where if I have a problem or need to talk about something, I’ll do as much as I can first and then I’ll set up a meeting. No need to force it with a recurring meeting where we just reiterate the stuff we already discussed as needed during the week or, lacking that, engaging in small talk to fill the time. At this company, where I’m at in the hierarchy, and with me being a straight, white, old male in a team full of diversity hires, there is zero point at all to discussing potential promotion opportunities. We both know that’s not happening for anyone like me. If you want to have that discussion to keep up appearances, just put a gun in my hand and a round in the chamber and tell me to point it at my head and pull the trigger. Because we both know that’s what this world wants me to do and that is the only way I’ll be moving “up” anywhere in this universe at my age and with my “privilege”.
-
I absolutely love how capitalism fell on its face when greed went far beyond anyone's imagination.
Corporate wants all the money to themselves and wants to give out as little to us peasants. Housing prices went beyond most people's reach. Banks almost never gives loans. Inflation and interest rates are up everywhere.
So now people are like "Alright I'll live in this rented flat and not have any kids" and now the birth rate is the lowest in the last 50 years and this is reducing the size of the talent pool for these companies.
I saw an interview of Elon Musk where he went like "We don't have an over-population problem, but its actually an under-population problem.", and this is the first thought that struck my head.
What rich people don't understand, is if they want to be rich and stay rich, a significant amount of people have to stay poor. And due to low birth rates, this isn't going to last long.17 -
Hot take:
Want to bloat the shit out of your product and want to lose the core USP?
Want to stop solving the problem you set out to address?
HIRE A PRODUCT MANAGER.
PMs are expert at shit show. We fuck up everything.
God I hate my profession.
When I start my company, the mandatory rule for every PM will be that if you want to add or enhance a feature, they will have to remove a feature. Whoever fails to do so will be punished by having to clean up the code base and work in sales for a quarter.7 -
Not sure if it should be a joke or a rant, but something rather funny (at least to me) happened today.
TL;DR; Someone's outlook was crippled by 100k+ of warning notifications
So we have developed a server that has an internal database that wraps around an elastic search instance, that is managed by a POS vault/storage solution, that we have to use for legal reasons. The elastic search is "provided" by the software, but we keep this internal database just to be sure and totally not because it's unreliable POS.
Anyways, they take data integrity very seriously, so every warning our server produces is emailed to someone in charge to review it and if necessary forward it to us. This will be important later on.
Couple of days ago we got error forward when trying to write an entry into the POS software we get an error, because an object we tried to write already existed. After some investigation we concluded an entry was missing when the internal database was created, so we asked them to repopulate elastic search to solve this problem.
When start the server we always sync the internal database to the elastic search and emit a warning when an entry is missing in internal database or vice versa. And well... almost all of them were missing, which caused our server to emit ~40 warnings/ms. Poor outlook. Still investigating for the cause, but damn, I never expected I'd take down someone email account by accident -
Compilers should just work for raw C with only static memory allocation. This isn't the bad old days where a couple of dudes wrote a short book explaining how C might probably should possibly work. I hear supposedly we have standards now.
Well, last week I lost 2 days to our compiler randomly forgetting that it wasn't okay to put a globally allocated uint32 at an address ending in 9. What? It had been handling this case without issue for more a year, but now after changing completely unrelated code we have this problem.
I'm not sure how to even deal with this idiocy so no doubt I'll continue working on it this week, too.
Thanks a lot, GCC.1 -
Today at work I started doing 1 month old task with production problem.
First of all why now ?
Because I already fixed all the other urgent production problems I had during last month, done about 4 deployments of those super urgent errors.
Now I can start with not trivial one that are pending for quite time.
I am the only backend developer in this project ...
This is a dtp application and the problem is that we are not verifying if we got all fonts embedded in customer provided pdf files.
We are generating high quality images of those pdf for printing just fine from the beginning but now we need valid PDF with all fonts embedded in it. ( don’t ask me why I am only a hammer in this process )
After running simple test using python script against database it turned out we have over 500 broken PDF files without fonts.
So I guess I have just one sentence to say about it.
Fuck you PDF format for not being strict and allowing this shit. -
Manager to External : <badEnglish>We have problem with data feed, please fix</badEnglish>
External: Here's the situation <gives situation>
Me: Thank you! Here's the situation, but corrected <corrected situation>. Can we arrange a phone call on Friday or Monday?
External: Sure! whenever you like
Manager, this morning: where is the meeting for the phonecall?
Now I'm her fucking assistant. I had a glance a her calendar, it's full of full.
She'll soon ask me to cook for her and make her coffee too...
Shitty I don't have the qualifications for a proper developer job :((7 -
Me: there seems to be a problem in the Web Sphere app server...I would recommend u change it to weblogic
Client( IT division head of his company): is it compatible with websphere soap..??
Me: soap is generic, websphere is just an app server
Client: no but we have been told to use only websphere soap, is weblogic having that..??
Me: soap is protocol, app server is changeable..
Client: no we want only websphere soap.
Me:....(trying to find the nearest exit)4 -
* talking with coworker about how to use a certain library *
* other coworker comes in *
"Oh I have experience in that library. Perhaps I could help"
* we explain our problem *
"Hmmm yeah, you should probably refer to the docs."
Helpful 1000!3 -
I work on an webapp that should manage a huge ton of data, and some page needs to display a big part of them.
On this page, we had some checkboxes lists to display, so even more data. One of them wasn't behaving correctly tho, so we ask the support was could be the problem.
Answer : It might have too much data to display.
No shit Sherlock.
Answer : Please provide us a lighter version of it.
Ok, I'm gonna do a lighter version with a very few data so you can test a situation we will never encounter. Thanks ! -
As a part of a project in university, we are making an extension to a functional programming language, made in Scala. One of my groupmates had made some fancy logic with spawning threads, but we had some issues with multiple function parameters. Me and another mate have then spent like 3 days trying to figure out the problem, only to realise he forgot a $ sign in string interpolation for naming parameter. Talk about feeling like you're wasting time 🙃
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First post yay!
I'm a "tech" lead for my team. The "tech" stands for technically, I can go on a whole different rant there but that's not why we're here today.
So we have a new PM on our side and a new PM on the client side. I've been working on this project longer than any of the devs and PMs have.
One of the tasks that my team does is validate and ingest data. It's pretty straightforward and it's fully automated. It takes minutes, and at most an hour, to complete this task. We get these tasks from users randomly and they don't have any schedule to it. It's FIFO basis and we just add it to our current sprint if we have bandwidth or add it to the next one if we don't. Not a big deal, no users have complained about it before, it's just business as usual. And we have a tracker of when we received it, how big it was and when it's been ingested. Super simple.
So now comes in the new client PM. He's been asking us to come up with timelines for these ingestions. My project's new PM is bending over to him and saying okay we'll come up with it, no problem. Well, there is a problem. We don't know that far in advance for when these tasks are coming in. Even if we did, now we're supposed to create timelines for a 10 min task? It literally is uploading a file and our system handles everything and I've explained that to my pm but he still is like well that's what they want. It takes less effort to do the ingestion than to make these timelines. It just means project managers bothering devs about timelines.
Idk how to deal with this. Thoughts? Any similar experiences?5 -
My best friend has been working to learn python and I guess he hasn't see control flow statements.
The problem is we have a girl name "elif" in Turkish and it's his ex's name (+4 yrs, bad ending)
What should I do :D2 -
I have a piece of software pulling data from a database. I have been having a problem storing time values correctly, so I am running some tests with the customer. He has some data for Sunday and he says "Oh chick fil a should be empty!" Idk why I think it's funny but we are guaranteed test data because of the Bible.
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Can we patent an Idea? I have my product A ready for launch. Company B claims that we have patent for that idea. We both trying to solve exact same problem using exact same methodology. How should I proceed? Any legal advisors here?5
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Friend : Have you take a look at this part? We will discuss it this Friday.
What I want to say :
"Don't underestimate my ability to procrastinate, sleep on my problem, run away from my responsibilities, and don't give a sh*t about everything."
What I actually said:
"Of course but I will look at it again thoroughly."
_______________________
Maybe my frustration and depression are not showing enough on my face.
: /1 -
Alright, my very first post here was about this project and I am thinking it out loud again.
I see a problem and I am struggling to find a solution.
Now what I am thinking of is to articulate the problem well and state WHY I believe it needs to be solved. There are some reasons which must be presented in a capitalist way.
Furthermore, I am thinking of doing a market research to understand various demographics, validate the idea, and figure out the product-market fit.
Now, this qualitative research and quantitative data will help me decide whether it is worth putting in the efforts to solve the problem or not.
And since, we have an MVP already (funnily yes, we built it before all of the above), that will help me validate the tangible solution.
Once we get a confidence boost, then it will be time to get that single transaction which has net positive cash flow.
Start scaling to 'next billion users', so a billion transaction with net positive cash flow.
I won't be branching out into multiple verticals before be able to sustainably scale the core USP.
And while the second half sounds like, 'I have a million dollar idea', I am trying to be more and more realistic and rationale instead of falling in love with my idea.
I don't even have an idea (read solution) to fall in love with. Rather I have a problem that is bothering me.
So, yes, I am continuing this journey to solve the problem which started in second year of my hostel room and has evolved over 10 years. -
My team for the uni project is quite big (8 people) and we need to create a progressive web app. The problem is I am the only one who know some JavaScript and I am not even good at it. Does somebody have tips how to learn web dev quickly?4
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Done this a few times.... Client emails, there's a problem with the website and basic details. I check website and quickly fix said problem. Email back, it's fine for me, try refreshing the page or clearing the cache.
We should have a code name for the old clear cache routine. Any ideas?3 -
Do we have a problem with all new languages being thrown at us but little awareness of the need to write clean code?People seem think simple is old fashioned. I am not saying the new languages are wrong but it seems like we keep reinventing the wheel. I have seen ideas get recycled, discarded then re-emerge later. I have seen so many things last 5 years or less just to return later rebranded.
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Having too many projects in my team and managed to convince my boss that we need more people and even other teams to help on some really critical tasks. It was fine until today the technical project planner decided to scold me for not assigning tasks to developers in other teams for one specific of project of ours.
I tried to explain that its not the best idea external people working on a really spaghetti code project that we will be left to maintain. Its the same problem that led to the current problem.
And the PP response was "they are machines and have worked on many othe team projects".
So the help was delivered as a scolding and my team sucks in their eyes. Without any word from my boss that i havent talked for 6 months except on 2 accessions where someone else demanded of us to focus only on their project. Beautiful ❤️6 -
We here in India are going through a nightmare. We have our CS syllabus from 1990s, we still write lab records, and solve 10 pineapples problem for placement training. Nobody really bothers about actual skill or knowledge, are like sheep behind feed. Passion is taken for granted and overruled by the “experts”.
A good education in CS starts from the hunger to solve problems that would matter to people. Future of CS education is in online courses that give out ideas to generate more ideas and inspire programming not as a subject but as a basic need of the hour. People should love the fact that CS is queer in many ways but is very powerful. Basics are important but the education must hold on to what is currently happening in the world.
World will be doomed when we start making students study the same thing what we did, except it is called Math. A subject has to be dynamic. If anybody agrees what I say, spread it so that world will understand what learning means... -
I casually solved a problem in some private code at work today that I didn't manage to fix the previous two evenings.
Then I forget to push the changes and remembered at home that I turned off my work computer which normally I never turn off so that I could TeamViewer into it (I don't have VPN
access).
Wanted to work on that code this weekend 😒
(Well, we were in a "progession session" meeting right before leaving the office so I kind of forgot about it because of that) -
Tldr:
Can't fucking figure out why I'm the only one who can't solve a DP problem in code, when me and friends use the same idea and no one knows why only mine doesn't work...
We are given a task to solve a problem using DP. My friends write their code with the same idea as a solution. Copying the code is not allowed. I follow the same idea but my code won't work. Others look into it, in case they find errors. They can't find any.
The problem (for reference):
Given a fixed list of int's a = (a_1,a_2,...,a_n) and b = (b_1,b_2,...,b_n), a_i and b_i >= 0, a.length == b.length
We want to maximize the sum of a_i's chosen. Every a_i is connected with the b_i at the same index. b_i tells us how many indexes of a we have to skip if choosing the corresponding a_i, so list index of b_i + b_i's value + 1 would be the position of the next a_i available.
The idea:
Create a new list c with same length as a (or b).
Begin at the end of c and save a_n at the same position in c. Iterate backwards through c and at each position add the max value of all previously saved values of c (with regards to the b_i-restriction) with the current a_i, else a_i + 0 if the b_i-resctriction goes beyond the list.
Return the max value of c.
How does that not work for me but for the others?? Funny enough, a few given samples work with my code. I'm questioning my coding ability...7 -
You have to love systems people who tell software people how the software works. Especially when you are trying to tell them why a problem is occurring in the software. Like software guy is like:
"this is breaking because a number is getting overwritten in the system by a product we interface with and have no control over"
"Well you need to stop the number from getting overwritten"
"then we're going to have to overhaul the design of the system"
"you don't have to redesign the system, you just need to circumvent the product that is overwriting the number"
"Yeah, a design change."
Dude is the interim system lead and starting to get uppity. Even though it's his group that is behind which is why we are driving changes to the system rather than them. -
"Boss, we have a problem!"
"Don't say that, we call it -opportunity-"
"Boss, we have a lot of opportunities, the server is down."
"Ow..that's a problem"2 -
My work had Project Management software before to track tasks and issues, but the new boss wanted to switch to some new support tool. A bit annoying, but no problem.
After decommissioning the old (free) PM software, he decided to put off the new software implementation. Instead, he created a shared g suite inbox that we have to log in to and check for issues. No routing, no priorities, no notes section, no progress tracking, no tasks.
Now I have to give progress updates several times a day on my tasks because there is literally nowhere for me to report my progress. I have no idea what my priorities are since we have literally nowhere that specifies priorities. This is a PM and support nightmare, and as a former SCRUM master I'm about to lose it!6 -
My manager just told me this at the end of the work day.
Today, my manager got a call from client "X".
They wanted to know why issue "Y" happened at event "Z" that was being put on for their client.
My manager basically told them we had nothing to do with that part of the event, so we wouldn't have had anything to do with solving problem "Y" either, but that what ended up causing problem "Y" had been passively mentioned to us months ago, and that he's not sure why their client didn't communicate it.
Client "X" told my manager that they would call back after talking to their person that helped organize event "Z".
No call back.
Definitely rant-ish, but also kind of a funny/ridiculous story to end the work day with.4 -
So we have this local competition and i was tasked to pitch in some help. 2 weeks before, we get a problem with the database so we pull someone from another team to fix it since our hands our full. But his PRICK OF A TEAM LEAD is forcing him not to do it because "It's not priority". So day of the competition - EVERYTHING WAS A MESS. The competition was forfit. We tarnished our company name. BuT his PRICK OF A TEAM LEAD suddenly comes in POINTING FINGERS AT US SAYING "they dont communicate and dont seem competent enough" OHHHH SNAP YOU UNCULTURED GOOSE PRICK FOR TWO WEEKS YOU IGNORED US BUT WHEN WE WENT DOWN YOU SHOWED YOURSELF TO THE BOSS LIKE "it's because they didnt rely on me" WELL KISS MY ASS PRINCE NOT-CHARMING. I really like my company but some people are just TOXIC.
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I guess you could say that my speciality is cloud at scale. I’d say it chose me more than I chose it.
Looking back on it though, I think what I like about my speciality is the unique challenges it brings.
Every speciality has its own set of challenges, like tight resource limits in embedded, or client-server synchronisation in native/mobile.
The challenge of cloud at scale is throughput. Designing systems that can support 100K users making a bazillion requests a second, or a data pipeline firing events that you need to process in near real time without dropping a single one.
The real challenge of course is doing all this within a sensible budget. We have virtually infinite compute but we dont have infinite dollars to spend on it.
Its a fun problem to solve.3 -
TL;DR
I just got a mail from our universities tech support for a ticket I openend a fucking year ago... They didn't respond for a whole year and are now working on it?
One year ago I had problems connecting to eduroam on my Linux machine. No matter what settings I tried I never got it to work.
So I decided to open a ticket at my universities tech support. Fairly fast they answered me and tried to find what the problem was. Somehow only half my username made it to their server which means their is no way I can log in.
The conversation went on for a few mails but we never managed to solve the problem...
Now after one year they send me a mail stating that I can call them if I still have this problem.
Wtf? Who answeres to a ticket from one year ago? Why is the ticket still open? Did they work on it or just randomly decide to reply to old mails? Why didn't they write anything in the meantime?2 -
I just created a wolpertinger.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/...
We have the problem that the number one build tool for scala / java is sbt.
Sbt sucks.
There are many nice plugins for maven.
Sbt can generate a POM from an SBT build.
But the plugins need to be set up, so the generated POM must be modified...
... a POM is XML.
So Python, Pexpect (as SBT needs a PTY and is very cranky regarding exiting properly and running non interactive)… POM XML modification....
Maven - Plugin run.
But we need to do this on... Larger scale.
So, as I'm a lazy mofo, I wrapped the python thingy in bash, mostly because it was simpler than dealing with async / threading in python. Just spawning per project...
So we have Bash, Python, Java, SBT / Maven, hand in hand....
... Is it normal to feel sorry for the build server?1 -
This is the beginning of an edifact file, we received for the third time with the same error at a different line.
Let's see if someone here finds that error.
UNA:+.? '
UNB+UNOC:3+1+1+60:0931+1++1234567'
UNH+1+ORDERS:D:96A:UN'
BGM+220+B10001'
DTM+4:20190620:102`
LIN+1'
First time. Meh. Could happen to anyone.
Second time. Aw come on. Really?
Third time: Are you fucking serious?
We told them now two times what the problem with the file is.
How can you still manage to make the same error on a completely different line that didn't have that error before?7 -
So at work, I was trying to convince a senior programmer to adopt Golang for a new project that would need to handle large amount of throughput as oppose to Django with gunicorn and other optimizations (which is what we usually do).
The response was "we'd have a hard maintaining it, as no one really knows Go and it will be hard to hire people with Go knowledge".
So my question: "in your opinion, is that a good reason?" I have some go experience from other jobs, it seems like a superior solution for this problem.6 -
I think my PM is happy when he doesnt see me, because I only come to him when we have a problem cant be solved by coding "a few" lines.
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Set up customer's e-mail addresses in Plesk. Worked fine in testing, all goes well for about a week.
Then their e-mail stops delivering. Stuff arrives, but outgoing messages either bounce or fail silently altogether. I contact 1&1 support, and they help set up SPF and DMARC on the domain, and then we wait and see once the DNS changes propagate.
Well, something about these changes caused my business e-mail (on a separate server) to exhibit the same problem now, when it had been working for 3 years without issue prior to that.
Check back with 1&1 2 days later to see why the first one isn't working; we verified all of the records across everything, tweaked a couple other things (like setting the full hostname in Plesk to mail.servername.com), and waited 2 more days.
Still having the same problem on both accounts. did a bit of looking up the issue for Plesk and found that in order for SPF/DMARC to work, they have to be activated on the Plesk-wide mail settings, and then again individually at the domain level.
Made these changes on my business e-mail's server and domain and it fixed the problem!
Made the same changes on the server with the customer's domain and...still seeing the same issue.
Have checked all settings between them and they're identical. All the appropriate DNS records are in place. I'm kind of at a loss for waht else to check at this point.1 -
Atm we're merging everything straight up to production because we only have our first client going live tomorrow. No problem except for the fact boss is using production to give demos to clients already. And so some JavaScript change that broke search made it to production and cropped up during a demo. So what does boss do? Call HR/support and yell at her that everything which works needs to keep working. Which is fair if we were live and we go back to merging to production being rare. So HR/support was in tears during our meeting where we were taking about the new live branch structure. GG boss. We consoled HR/support but really boss man knew how we work but ignored it.
Question for everyone though: what can we use or do to prevent changes to more general JavaScript breaking things around the code? We talked about unit tests and maybe code linters but is there more? Because it seems now might be the time to improve our working and even get budgets for tools.1 -
Look, I get that you want your front to be really, really, reallyyyy fancy! But when that fanciness comes at a price, more specifically speed! Then we're going to have a problem. Look... Not everyone has super fast internet, and when your website thinks it's better to load the entire website and not the sign in first, then we're going to have issues.
No it doesn't work that way. I don't want to be mounted by ads, Let me IN quickly and quietly, and we won't have any issues.
TLDR Front End developers like squeaky shiny and clean, but neglect the sign-in dialog -
If I'll ever start a business I have some gold rules for it:
- what you're doing (the difficulty of a project) decides your partial salary, and not the time you're working on it
- if you take a lot of time working on something that should have taken less, you'll be controlled by your supervisor BUT he/she must be gentle and friendly, he/she should be able to understand your problem. If there is something that really could have taken so much time, the partial salary will be higher, otherwise, you'll get a strike
- after some strike you'll be "reviewed", we must understand if you're joking or you really want this work.
- there must be a lot of free time, we don't like stress
- your supervisor (as written before) must be gentle and friendly. If these qualities aren't met we must find a new supervisor (of course there will be a survey)
- you should come to work with a smile, if an activity is too much stressful you should report it, and take a pause (here comes the free time)
- I don't care if you have a degree, what you CAN do is what I'm searching for.16 -
What does world in Hello World refer to? If it refers to the earth then we got a big problem coming up when people start going to Mars. Programming books have to be changed etc.7
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The college's Dean of Projects, when evaluating my first year project, which was using blockchains.
DoP: "So, we have this cool cloud system, incase you need to mine or something, come contact me and I'll give you access."
ME: "Sir, this project is distributed and uses computers in a network to protect data, it is not cryptocurrency."
DoP: "Yes, I understand, but we have this system here that can mine a lot, I overheard one of my staff talk about how we were wasting money by not using the system to do such stuff."
ME: "Sure, I'll have it setup to mine some altcoin then."
DoP: "Yeah, well I don't know anything about this stuff, can you do it all, yourself. I'll give you Admin access"
ME AFTER GETTING ADMIN ACCESS
"HOLLY F#@%*! Now I know where these sites are hosted!"
NOTE: I know that every other college has this problem, but the staff is the least innocent. -
Do we have vfio enthusiasts here?
Now that I made my second GPU boot into Arch Linux (inb4 I use arch, btw. jokes in the comments), I also set up a windows vm with GPU passthrough.
When I plug the monitor cable into the hdmi port of my passthrough'd GPU, I can see windows os on the screen.
My problem is that I want to have it inside of the same monitor without changing the from hdmi port to hdmi port manually, but "softwarely" (neologism ftw).
I read about looking-glass in the arch wiki (I use arch, btw. + On a serious side note though, I really like the arch wiki. It is very straightforward.), but I could not get it to synchronize with the Spice display server.
Does someone know how the solution to this problem?6 -
Actually I've never really drunk coded (eventhough I can be a bad drinker lol), but one time I was apparently discussing a problem I encountered with a friend of mine and we came up with a solution. All I had to write it down was a reciept from the supermarket though, but I totally forgot about it the next day, until months later when I was cleaning out my wallet and to this day I have no clue what I was trying to tell.3
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Fuck this. I need a data science job title.
We're implementing something based on a paper, as requested by our head of DS. The head of DS hasn't read the paper. I have. So has my team. We're discussing something, they don't understand how we should do something, I understand it coz I have a maths background but they want to ask head of DS to be sure. Who hasn't read the paper. I knew he hadn't read the paper because he came up with a stupid newfangled solution to a problem, when the paper already solves the problem, so his idea isn't needed but we implemented it as an optional feature to keep him happy anyway. So why the fuck are we asking him? He's not an idiot, but he does throw a lot of stuff at the wall hoping it'll stick. And he's not very methodical. And not reading the paper is unprofessional as fuck. -
The problem is not just the academe, but also the students.. they only choose CS as a scapegoat for bar/board/licensure exams, or they heard it was one of the highest paying jobs or ITs have the opportunity to work from home or on a google-like working place.. without even thinking whether they really like computers or not! We are being contaminated with bunch of xxxxxxx(i cant think of a word to describe them) .. Let's filter them freshmen and give them hard maths or design exams before entering CS
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Hi Guys,
As you have seen this week again we have a problem with data imports from <tool 1> and <tool 2>. Clearly the existing setup is not working. We are now encouraging more and more people from the project to start using our portal and we need a stable and up to date environment.
Can we have a call please to discuss the following topics:
1. Portal data integrity
2. SLAs
3. Project Communication
4. Development efficiency
Thanks
<Drama Queen PM>1 -
I've been running on practically no sleep for the past 4 days, I think the most I got one night was 5 and half hours of sleep with my average being more like 2 hours. Luckily I have broken leg that makes it so I can't work so I don't have to worry about going in but I do have the problem where I'm working on a project to hopefully replace a 3rd party piece of crap we use and I'm dead tired every time I work on it. But I also get great ideas and solve problems faster, so I'm trying to figure out if I should sleep or if I should just stay awake and attempt to push through with little to no sleep.1
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We have huuuge fuckups today with our Frontend regarding deprecated npm modules.
All of my Frontend colleagues are whining because the Jenkins build is failing.
I looked into it, there were missing dependencys that could not be found anymore.
Frontendcolleagues don’t want to do anything because it’s a „Devop problem“.
Fuck my fucking life. -
Not really a big deal, but was fun, during the second year of high school once I made a hidden C# program that would randomly open the CD lid and put it on some PCs of the lab and with some friends we watched the teachers get freaked out by the possessed computers (just to put things in perspective, today they still have windows XP, and their most recent laptops have windows 8 NOT 8.1 !!! And the "technician" says that they must not be updated wtf)
Eventually they couldn't find what was the problem and factory reset the computers
Also, we swapped Google chrome e IE icons and names on the desktop , pure evil -
I'm asked by a friend (writer)
F : dude, why you coder guys always show off ?
M: how
F : you guys compile just after writing few pages ..... Isn't it show off ?
M: yeah we do ...... to make sure the targeted users will not face any problem.....
F : that's the show off....... Have you seen any one publish a novel book with 2-6 page to make sure that targeted readers don't have any problems ......
...............
Hell ........ -
PHP dev help/advice needed!
We have problems with mysql. Still stuck with mariaDB, I'm using indexes (correct ones) and we have problems with scaling. we have a few tables with over 100mil rows, 1 of them is being read every morning with a subselect that counts unique rows, and fails every time because of timeout/lock, the temp table size was increased and helped for a little while but as time goes on the table grows and the problem reappears. I'm reading from a slave server that was purposely created for read only, yet we still have problems. We're using managed dedicated servers for out hosting and they aren't willing to optimise the database configs for our needs. What are the easiest options for scaling at this point? Going fully dedicated server and perconaDB? NOsql? Sharding the server? Anyone got any good blogposts or something to read about this? your own experience?11 -
I have a few interviews with companies in Amsterdam lined up in the next couple of weeks. Problem is that I don't really know what a decent salary is around there and what the cost of living is since in from a third world country where all salaries sound huge compared to what we get.
Any advice regarding entry to mid level back end engineer salaries?9 -
We are launching a new product soon. The C-levels have decided to call it "Foo Bar" (fictive name).
Now all our products are called:
"Foo Desktop"
"Foo Mobile"
"Foo Bar"
Nearly all internal & external reports previously was that "Foo" has problems. We nearly never know if they are talking about the desktop app or mobile app. Soon we will not know for sure if they report a problem about "Bar", Desktop or Mobile.
All 3 applications uses a different tech stack with their unique problems :') -
So about a big problem I had earlier in the two last weeks, we were waiting for the expert of the team we work with if they have any idea. But we had to wait for him to get back from their one-week break.
We asked them about it
They have no clue
fuck. -
Running unit tests on a peer review. Why have unit tests if people don't run them? That said: our system guy wants us to start doing agile TDD. This would not be a problem if we weren't a maintenance shop and the code base doesn't really allow for TDD.3
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We are supposed to make a portfolio in school explaining who we are and projects that we made. The only problem is that I have not done shit, the only thing that I've done that was only for the most part ripped from a tutorial (everything else might as well been copy pasted) was a calculator that barely works and looks like shit. So I just sat down for hours got nothing done and felt awful.
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Hi all. at the moment I work in a medium-sized company, but I have enough work to do, and now we have a problem with databases and our system administrators can’t handle it, and I was instructed to find a reliable company that will either deal with what we have or it is possible that our databases can be transferred On another platform, a real specialist administrator is generally needed. thanks in advance.6
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We have a BA on my team who isn't technical (which isn't a problem by itself), doesn't know the product, barely understands the agile process and our project management tools, and is generally rude to most people on the project.
She spends most of the day on her phone and occasionally badgering people with inane questions that she could answer if she spent any effort at all.
I don't know who's keeping her employed or why.5 -
So, I have been working for a company XYZ for about 2 years now and for this 2 years, we are just two engineers handling everything. The job is becoming super stressful and time consuming, the founders dictates how the engineering team operate, ranging from choosing a third party service we are to integrate into the platform without letting us know and also study the api to see if it will be the most viable one to use.
Imagine using a third party service that you can't get through to when something is unclear?
I and my team mate has asked the founders to hire engineers so the work load on us will reduce, they said it's on their mind ( this request was made months ago), fast forward last week, we were told to start interviewing interns ( I don't have problem with interns working with us ), but what we asked for was experience engineers working with us but the founders did entire 180 degree of what we asked.
We have been asking for a QA Engineer for months and months now, all we get is we will hire one, and till now nothing is been done.
Following good software practice has been a problem in company XYZ, we have been finding it difficult to write test and documentation (this shit makes me seriously sick and hate myt po self).
On top of all this, the salary is shitty, there are no benefits, we are coerced into working during weekends (most times), and we are also told to work during our holiday, no single health insurance.
I think I have come to that point where I will have to say good bye ( but I am finding it difficult to do this).
Any suggestions ? Should I wait until I get another job and then I resign from company XYZ or just resign.5 -
Me doing ops analysis...
Day1: No way! How the fu
Day2: Nah, someone else will do this...
Day3: Fuck! Why dont we have a Legal Dept
Day4: Okay Im just gonna run an ml to find irregularities
Day5: These scans cannot be ocr-ed...
Day6: br-brute force
2 months later: so there's a problem regarding the Express Contractual Remedies of Contract A and Amendment C... -
Boss: I want you to create a document management application
Me: that would be take a lot of time and it is better if you use an already created app for that
Boss: why?
Me: because my partner and I have never done one before and we are just a beginners
Boss: shouldn't be a problem...
Both of us: (really?)
*call ends*6 -
This got me fucked up. Listen yo.
So we have this issue on our modal right. The issue keeps poppin. It's a hotfix because its in prod. So my senior and I were on it. After a few hours, I showed him the part of the code that is buggy. It's 50 lines of code of nested if-else, else-if. And so we're still fighting it. He redid everything since we're using angular2 he did a subject, behavior-subject all that bs and I was still trying to understand what's the bug, because it's happening on the second click and so I did my own thing and found the cause bug and showed it to him, its this:
setTimeout( () => {}, 0)
the bootstrap-modal doesn't allow async inside it (I dont why, its in the package). So he explained to me why it's there. So I did my own thing again and find a workaround which I did, a one-line of angular property, showed it to him he didn't accept it because we'll still have to redo it with subjects and he was on it. I said ok. Went back to my previous issue. The director came in and ask for a fixed, my senior came up to me and told me to push my fix. Alright no problem. So we good now. Went back to our thing bla bla bla, then got an email that we will have a meeting, So we went, bla bla bla. The internal team wants a support for mobile, senior said no problem bla bla bla, after the meeting he approaches me and said (THIS IS WHERE IT GOT FUCKED UP) we wont be supporting bootstrap4 anymore because of the modal issue and since we're going to support mobile and BOOTSTRAP4 grid system is NONINTUITIVE we are moving to material design because the grid system is easier. I was blown away man. we have more than 100 components and just because of that modal and mobile support shit he decided to abandon bootstrap. Mater of fact its the modal its his code. I'm not expert in frontend but I looked at the material design implementation its the same thing other than the class names. OHHH LAWD!3 -
At work we only "develop" for Microsoft Sharepoint which consist for the most part writing small javascript based project that on their own are not exciting at all. Problem is that by doing 90% work like this i feel like i am wasting my time by not learning/working on more relevant things for a .net developer, but i have a contract for 2 more years. Except to study and do things i like at home i don't know what much to do.
🤔😑1 -
Should we fight RIAA? I think we shouldn't even acknowledge its existence.
Every zoomer knows where to get every type of content they want. Every zoomer knows where to get it for free. This is what I always strive for — to make walking over RIAA our culture, to walk over RIAA without even knowing RIAA exists. Zoomers really pay for digital shit only when they feel like it. If something is "taken down", zoomer still gets it in like thirty seconds, maybe two minutes maximum if the thing wasn't popular. This became the basic internet skill and oh how I like it.
For every problem they make, we invent a solution. We have the fundamental and unbreakable principle of the analog hole (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/...) AND the smartest people on our side, they only have the greediest.
We don't have to take down RIAA and others. We don't have to fight — we already won.11 -
Update to my last rant:
I wrote a reply to the person. Not scathing (as I'd have liked it to be) but firm and in a no nonsense way. My manager supported me. My project manager talked with the person to in order to convey what the issue is and to undo any misunderstandings due to written communication (we have different native languages).
I have not received a reply but my project manager told me that they are analyzing the problem now. I was also told that they are not a bad person. ^^
I think I'd like to believe that. We all make mistakes after all. -
An idea on how to build a server based on gpu? Yeah like the movie? We need to build the whole machine it would be impossible to swap a CPU by a GPU in the actual architecture.. just a thought.. however the problem I would have for making a home server is not even the hardware or the electricity bill, but my unstable internet connection..3
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Have you ever considered switching to IT support/help desk?
I mean, sometimes I try to analyze my own situation from a 3rd person perspective and I realize I could have a pretty much stressless job with still enough money to live a normal life.
I have a BSc and MSc(soon to have) in CS, with focus on AI/ML. I've always been a geek with a problem solving attitude, that's why I got into computers in the first place. And now I'm pondering if I should just try an IT Support position, it's the kind of things I used to do as a teenager when a classmate had a network/computer problem, it doesn't even feel like a job to me. I could call it a day, get home at 5/6pm, and spend time on my personal projects (software, infosec) with a fresh mind, going to bed (and sleep) knowing that the next day would be a nice one. No clients wanting a new feature that you gotta implement and push on a production server friday afternoon because your ceo(who is also a pseudo proj manager) just said:"Yes, we can", while you watch the technical debt rising like amazon's stocks.
Maybe this is just the burnout talking, I don't know. Maybe I should just try being a software engineer outside of Uni in the first place, and only then start pondering.
Maybe a sysadmin position...
Have a nice day12 -
I’m unnerved by the number of people printing money in their basements using graphics cards. We have a global inflation problem and a semiconductor shortage. The cherry on top is that our solution is to make more semiconductors…3
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I'm actually in the middle of an impossible deadline and I just needed a break. I'm in a third world country that basically doesn't have any decent internet infrastructure. But that isn't really the problem. The problem was that we couldn't really learn online for a long while and once we had that going, all the CS teachers decided that we should be doing our final, defensible projects within 2 weeks notice (even though we didn't really have the time or the appropriate knowledge to do it) and so it was all basically a struggle where you'd have 3 or less days to shit out some kind of program for one subject and then immediately get to work on another. At this point I might just need a gap year...
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Whenever we have to do Sprint Retros i feel like i am trapped in self-help group.
Recently, we had to describe our work/team like we would do amazon reviews. That is, we had to write "reviews" about our last sprint.
I sincerely would like to know why we can't discuss problems like grown adults, if there are any. Why do we have to pretend we are in a space rocket, on a sailing boat, in a formula one race car or reviewing amazon articles to articulate our needs?
I feel like developers are treated like stupid, little kids, and the majority of the developers don't have a problem with it.4 -
Thanks, management, for letting us use AWS glue but not letting us have a dev endpoint so we need to determine what the fuck is going on by reading logs and divination if there is a deep problem
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I'm at college and I was learning Java. While we were practicing in class, one of my friends was having a problem with his code, it was printing that he needed to use java.lang.String.
Because he only told us after class, we didn't have the teacher to help us, so we tried debug it. After a long time, we realized that he was trying to create the class String...
We still talk about it. -
Unix Epoch should have started in 2000, not 1970.
Those selfish people in the 1970 who made up the Unix epoch had little regard for the future. Thanks to their selfishness, the Unix date range is 1902 to 2038 with a 2³² integer. Honestly, who needs dates from 1902 to 1970 these days? Or even to 1990? Perhaps some ancient CD-ROMs have 1990s file name dates, but after that?
Now we have an impending year 2038 problem that could have been delayed by 30 years.
If it started on 2000-01-01, Unix epoch would be the number of seconds past since the century and millennium.13 -
Me and my study group have been developing a system for a company the last semester, but the system isn't done at the end of the semester (which is fine) and the company have mentioned that they want to pay us to finish the system.
The problem is that we have a very little knowledge about how much time it is going to take.
So what are we gonna say? It's pretty hard to calculate a price and estimate any time frame2 -
I been teaching someone python for a few day with 2-3 hour each day. It has been very pleasant to teach him programming since he have a goal in mind. He already know what kind of program we wanted to build.
He is a novice and not familiar with programming. It have been a good chance to see how the novice look at the python. I been given a chance to ask the answer like
"Why do we throw exception?" ,
"Why do we put define function at the top of the file and not at __main__?"
"Why do I need to use constructor?" ,
"Why should I call parent constructor in the child constructor?"
Here is the main question.
I have been wondering "should I teach him multi inheritance and the diamond problem?" I haven't been using multi inheritance for a while other than the exercise I done when I started programming and cannot think of the situation to use multi inheritance. I know in other language we use multi inheritance (kind of) regularly by extending multiple interface. I wanted to ask if multi inheritance is common in python.
Another question I have is how should I introduce him to gui programming in a simple manner? I am thinking of introduction him to the gui framework which haved WYSIWYG editor like "Remi"10 -
Error reporting. Yeah it is a pain to come up with something that users will understand. As devs we need meaningful stacktraces so we can diagnose the problem but the normal person doesn't care. Also not having consistent messages looks terrible for the user's experience.
I hate it when there is no standardized error messages and/or json structure between teams or individual members of said teams. Why should we have 10+ different structures to code for in our apps? There is RFC 7807 for a reason. It has a defined structure plus accounts for custom properties. If you are a c# developer, check out the ProblemDetails class. It has made my life easier and I can guarantee everyone that all of my team's projects return this structure. -
I work in an agile environment and I act as scrum master. There is one team member I have been trying to get on the rails for two years now. Today she went off at standup and one other team member commented it was like listening to a diary entry. It’s true. I’ve been to agile open hours with this problem so many times- glad we are only in the office two days so I can mute myself and react. Anyone else have team members taking standup meetings hostage? I just want to scream !!!2
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Not really a rant, but maybe someone can help me on this one.
Me and my brother are thinking about creating our first app. We know what features we want and also how the workflow of our app should be (we even sketched the workflow with an online mockup tool). The programming of the app itself is no problem, but we are both struggling when it comes to create a nice looking, smooth design from our draft. As we both believe that a nice looking UI is important we are not afraid to invest a little bit to get a nicely designed UI - "Make it right, or don't do it at all" ;-)
We searched a little bit in our hometown and found a company that would design us something for at least 15-20k Euros. As we do already have a pretty detailed sketch and also would need to pay that from our own pocket (we do not know if it gets more than a hobby project) its definitely too much for us. So my question is: Are their any app design companies out there that takes a sketch and creates a smooth design from it?4 -
I often read rants, and I can see how everyone gives for granted that we have to overwork, work until night, work on weekend, work when the boss asks us, read the email, work until you fixed that bug, and so on. I mean, I don't see anyone ranting about this, I just see that this became the background of other rants, something that's so normal and we are so accustomed that we don't even consider it a problem anymore. I was wondering, is it just me that gives value to his own free time? That would rather read a book, watch tv or stay with friends? Or at least being able to tell a friend "we'll meet for dinner" without the fear of a problem blocking you at your job. Why should I be paid less than average in my country and work more, making the benefits still less concrete? I think I have a good brain and I chose this career because I love it, but if I could born again I'd be a doctor or a teacher3
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I am a 3rd year undergraduate and we need to make a web based project. Problem is no one on our team has ever made anything web based or even a simple website before. We need to run some Java code in the backend apart from that we are free to do whatever we want. Any advice on what frameworks to use and what to avoid?
I literally have zero experience on this so any advice is appreciated!3 -
Going on hour TEN of soft-launch weekend. Lots of problems with all the new procedures, and now a problem with a DNS entry that's taking forever to get resolved. Still have failover testing to do before users start their testing, and all of this means I've been awake for about 27 hours straight at this point.
And I've got this to look forward to again in a week since next weekend is go-live... presumably we will have learned a lot of lessons from this and it will be much quicker and smoother, but honestly, I'm a cynic, so I'm not gonna assume that'll be the case.
This kinda sucks, is the main thesis here.4 -
Most places that I have worked have had a friendly theme of software vs electrical vs mechanical. A lot of the time I have been on both the electrical and software "sides". I am always on the lookout for messing with these groups. Probably why I like devrant. So I thought about a way to mess with electricals.
Bob: Man, we are having issues figuring this problem out.
Me: I think it needs a temporal adjustment.
Bob: What?
Me: You need to use a "toroidal condenser".3 -
i would like to address a serious problem in our everyday society. why is there no mouse flavored cat food? it is outrageous. i have written to all cat food companies i know about this issue, but the best response i have gotten is an automated one saying ' your request has been noted'. i have threatened to take them to court. this is something we need to adress9
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Question about scrum in terms of developer/QA workflow. We have a problem in our team: basically when a dev submits an MR it needs to get 2 approvals from devs and then task is marked ready for qa. Now problem here is that qa takes 2-3 weeks to get to the task and when they do usually MR has merge conflicts and since QA are quite new-ish they have to wait for dev for conflicts to be resolved, ergo rendering the MR unable to be tested until dev resolves the conflicts.
Our teamlead proposes to solve this by forcing devs to rebase everyday (even if QA will get to working on the task 3-4 weeks later). Problem with that approach is that each conflict resolve removes approvals. So I had a situation where in 3 weeks I rebased like 15 times and 5 times I had resolve coflicts and because approvals were lost I had to annoy all devs and ask for reapprovals. And this is only with 1 MR. Now imagine all devs doing rebasing daily and spamming each other for reapprovals. Its not efficient.
Anyone could advice how to solve this issue?7 -
Where I learn networks and cyber security, we started working with Scapy. I have a problem with pycharm, it cannot resolve half of Scapy's functions. Do any of you know how you fix it (the program runs but pycharm still doesn't like it)3
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Do we still need virtualenv when we have containers? Cuz one of my friends thinks it’s a good idea to use virtualenv everywhere, even in production, even in an LXC?
Is it being paranoid or really a solution to some problem that would otherwise rise? I’m just curious.1 -
An assistant manager asked to SOMEUNREALISTICEXPECTATION, and said it had to be done within SOMESTUPIDLYCLOSEDAY.
I said, of course, I would not do it.
He answered "no problem, we can go with SOMEPARTOFTHEUNREALISTICEXPECTATION before SOMEEVENCLOSERDAY (ie: tomorrow).
I have already said a "no" before, didn't feel like saying no again.
After all, I said, what could possibly go wrong?
The time I left office, Friday night, it everybody's guess.3 -
So, management seem laser focused on hiring folks with work visa. What’s up with that? The latest five new employees. At least two of them utterly useless (have not worked with the others).
These are devs. ”Senior” as stated by closest manager. 😬 Yeah…ok.
It such a worthless leadership. It’s alot about
”We successfully filled the position for a senior developer”
or
”I am happy to announce that the new release manager for system X has been hired”
All about numbers. Closing the deal. Never about quality.
I guess salary is a BIG issue here and that is why we see this. I have no problem with VISA employees. But they seem bad at what-they-are-doing. Just…incompetent. *sigh*2 -
We have a prgram at the office that requires me to turn off everyone's antivirus for it to work properly. This has been the case for 2 months while tye software company fixes it. When our computers restart for any reason, the antivirus turns back so I have to turn it off again. I can't give peple the password though because that is the password for a few systems. I get 4 emails today from 4 people that know damn well what the problem is that all say the same thing "I cant figure out why this program wont work. We need to get this fixed or I cant do my job" all with the branch manager CC'd.
Idiots. All of them are damn idiots. 😐🔫 -
Need some advise from all you clever devs out there.
When I finished uni I worked for a year at a good company but ultimately I was bored by the topic.
I got a new job at a place that was run by a Hitler wannabee that didn't want to do anything properly including writing tests and any time I improved an area or wrote a test would take me aside to have a go so I quit after 3 months.
Getti g a new job was not that hard but being at companies for short stints was a big issue.
My new job I've been here 3 months again but the code base is a shit hole, no standardisation, no one knows anything about industry standards, no tests again, pull requests that are in name only as clearly broken areas that you comment on get ignored so you might as well not bother, fake agile where all user stories are not user stories and we just lie every sprint about what we finished, no estimates and so forth, and a code base that is such a piece of shit that to add a new feature you have to hack every time. The project only started a few months back.
For instance we were implementing permissions and roles. My team lead does the table design. I spent 4 hours trying to convince him it was not fit for purpose and now we have spent a month on this area and we can't even enforce the permissions on the backend so basically they don't exist. This is the tip of the iceberg as this shit happens constantly and the worst thing is even though I say there is a problem we just ignore it so the app will always be insecure.
None of the team knows angular or wants to learn but all our apps use angular..
These are just examples, there is a lot more problems right from agile being run by people that don't understand agile to sending database entities instead of view models to client apps, but not all as some use view models so we just duplicate all the api controllers.
Our angular apps are a huge mess now because I have to keep hacking them since the backend is wrong.
We have a huge architectural problem that will set us back 1 month as we won't be able to actually access functionality and we need to release in 3 months, their solution even understanding my point fully is to ignore it. Legit.
The worst thing is that although my team is not dumb, if you try to explain this stuff to them they either just don't understand what you are saying or don't care.
With all that said I don't think they are even aware of these issues somehow so I dont think it's on purpose, and I do like the people and company, but I have reached the point that I don't give a shit anymore if something is wrong as its just so much easier to stay silent and makes no difference anyway.
I get paid very well, it's close to home and I actually learn a lot since their skill level is so low I have to pick up the slack and do all kinds of things I've never done much of like release management or database optimisation and I like that.
Would you leave and get a new job? -
// Religion
"This life is intelligently designed"
Lemme critically analyze and explain why this life is fucking dumb as shit, whether it was designed by an intelligent Celestial Being (God) or not, the design is fucking STUPID
⚠️ 1. SLEEPING
Why do we have to waste 1/3 of our already very short lives on sleeping? That doesnt make any fucking sense. Sleeping is a waste of time. So many things could have been done if sleeping didnt exist.
✅ How i would solve this problem:
- not require any fucking sleep and still able to function perfectly fine.
⚠️ 2. EATING
Why? Who gives a shit? Why do i have to eat to live? How about not waste time on that shit and just live anyways?
✅ How i would solve this problem:
- not require to fucking eat and still function perfectly fine.
⚠️ 3. DRINKING
No one gives a shit. Why do i have to drink to live. What if i cant find water to drink. Its stupid
✅ How i would solve this problem:
- not having to be forced to drink water and still able to live fine.
⚠️ 4. SHITTING
Its fucking stupid and disgusting. Why do i have to shit through my asshole after eating? I just shit out everything i fought for to eat! Thats ridiculous and STUPID DESIGN.
✅ How i would solve this problem:
- embed toxic chemicals within the organism so the food that was eaten gets dissolved by ACID ☣️ within stomach. Same way how snakes have acid, they never shit, snakes just swallow and acid eats up whatever they ate. This same bullshit can be applied for pissing so I'll skip stupid design issue #5.16 -
In our Linux environment, we freeuently use a script called “shutdown.sh”. It wouldn’t be really problem if we didn’t have to switch to rootduring the execution. But damn it, it gives me heart attack when I use autocomplete and execute first thing.4
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Amazing a repeat post
And a confession of the pain I'm in right now that barely describes it
Would have expected a "take meds you don't need because we know our part in the problem our slow destruction of life's meaning and your mind and talents and all purposes for social connections and our destruction of all worthy institutions but yeah take your meds crazy" hell I would have maybe even expected a description of you ruined peoples underwear and wandering hands heh1 -
Does anyone have any advice for making api integration tests data independent? We have a few hundred tests firing against our seed data and they all check for hard coded values. But the problem is that this means adjusting seed data is really really slow as you have to fix integration tests too, which can be thousands of lines of values needing to be corrected.
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Hi all. I have such a problem, I need a reliable company that will help me and my partners create a mobile application. We have our own startup and really don’t have time for marketing research; maybe someone has already used someone’s services and can recommend something. Outsourcing will also suit you. The most important thing is the deadlines.11
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A whiteboard and another Dev to bounce ideas off. The problem we have is finding a clear whiteboard.