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Morning conversation with wife.
As she puts a stainless steel water bottle on the counter
She: can you make a water bottle for our daughter before school.
Me: I'm not sure, does it have to look like this one, I don't have any training working with metals. But if I have full control over the design. I may be able to come up with something.
She: that not funny, why do you always do that.
Me: do what, that is exactly what you told me to do.
A little later.....
She: I'm running late, can you make sure "everything" up stairs is unplugged..... (She means her curling iron)
I can't wait until she comes home.........;-)21 -
Girl: Can you make me an app?
Me: What kind of app do you have in mind?
Girl: I want it to be... like an app!
Me: Sounds a bit to difficult sorry.10 -
Person: HTML is a programming language
Me: No it's not
Person: Yes it is it can compute things
Me: No it can't, and what do you mean?
Person: Have you ever heard of a script tag
Me: That's not fucking HTML that's JavaScript.15 -
(regarding a discussion with a female programmer about an event)
Me: ... But Id feel so out of place, I don't even have a date
Female: well you can always just import a date
Me: what do you mean? 😕
Female: import Java.util.Date;13 -
Client: Can you build a Snapchat clone but better?
Me: I’m going to say probably not logical given the resources they have and what we have, but for curiosity, what kind of budget do you have?
Client: $2500.
Me: Get out.7 -
Classmate: Oh, are you programming? You know, I'm a really great programmer... You can practically call me a hacker, because of my skills. I can't brag much, because I'm too modest for that.
Me: Cool! What languages do you know?
Classmate: I know how to use scratch.
Me: ...16 -
PSA: kali linux is literally just a debian with extra preinstalled software. You aint hot shit cause you use kali. You aint hacker cause you use kali. You can do the exact same shit on any other distro what doesnt have a 4gig live iso. Shut the fuck up.17
-
Me : You should try this app, its great!
Friend: What is about?
Me : A place where programmers and developers tell jokes and complain to each other
Friend : But you can do that i real life too
Me : But now you don't have to leave your computer to do that1 -
At a party.
A: So, what do you do for a living?
Me: I'm a dev-
A: So you can like... hack things? Can you hack my insta?
ಠ_ಥ14 -
*Interview*
Interviewer: We have an opening. Are you interested to work?
Me: What is that I'll be doing?
I: What technologies and languages do you know?
Me: I know Scala, Java, Spark, Angular, Typescript, blah blah. What is your tech stack?
I: Any experience working on frontend?
Me: Yes. But what do you use for it?
I: Can you work with databases?
Me: I can, on SQL based. What are yours?
I: Can you do big data processing?
Me: I know Spark, if that's what you are asking for. What is it that you actually do?
I: Any experience in cloud development?
Me: Yes. AWS? Azure? GCP?
I: Do you know CI CD?
Me: Excuse me.. I've been asking a lot of questions but you're not paying attention to what I'm asking. Can you please answer the questions I asked.
I: Yes. Go ahead.
Me: What will be my position?
I: A full stack developer.
Me: What technologies do you use in your project?
I: We use all the latest tech.
Me: Like?
I: All latest tech.
Me: You mentioned big data processing?
I: Yes. Processing data from DB and generating reports.
Me: what do you use for that?
I: Java.
Me: Are you planning to rebuild it using Spark or something and deploy in the cloud?
I: No we're not rebuilding it. Just some additions to the existing.
Me: Then what's with cloud? Why did you ask for that?
I: Just to know if you're familiar.
Me: So I'll be working with Java. Okay. What do you use for UI?
I: Flash
Me: 🙄
I sat for a couple of minutes contemplating life.
I: Are you willing to join?
Me: No. Not at all. Thankyou for the offer.5 -
Coworker: Can you create program for me?
Me: What this "program" going to do?
Coworker: Hack bank network and send me money. Can you make it for Android?
😆😆😆7 -
Interviewer: Alright, so tell me what you like about software, but you don't have to limit it to software you can talk about hardware too. But yes what do you like about software?
Me:
7 -
Dream project? Create a social network for devs where they can rant. Just need to think of a name.
What do you mean it already exists!?!
😁2 -
How can I help you?
"my email isn't working"
What web browser do you use?
"Yahoo"
Err, okay, what's your email address and password?
"I don't have a password."8 -
HE:"Hey I improved my code"
ME:
*opens the file*
*Sees random static allocations*
*Code is as verbose as before*
*Down to 2600 lines from 2800ish*
*Still doesn't do shit properly*
"Uuuh what exactly did you do?"
*Starts noticing the lack of namespaces*
HE: "I used this using namespace std to write a bit less"
ME: "Can I pay you yoga lessons so you can taste your own cock and show your parents how good you are at it?"3 -
Lead engineer: "Well, uh... I haven't really prepared a test for you but the HR insists that I should test you before wrapping up this interview.. so uh.... what do you suggest we should do now?"
Me: "Um... how about we walk through my latest project code and you can ask me to optimize it?"
Lead engineer: "Sounds cool, allright let's do that. How much time do you need?"
Welp. Did I just pick my own interview question?5 -
- - What do you do for living?
- I am a programmer.
- - So you can hack a Facebook account?
- *bleeding inside*9 -
My very first meeting with a new client:
Client: We need to launch in 6 weeks. Do you think you can hit that deadline?
Me: Do you have a spec for what needs to be done?
Client: No we don't.
Me:
3 -
Dev : Can you change permissions for conf file please ?
Me : Yeah sure, what permissions set do you need ?
Dev : 667
Me: ...22 -
From today's PhD interview:
Prof: What can your teammates do that will really annoy you?
Me: Have loud, long, private phone calls in the open space. I don't want to listen to people divorcing.
Prof: And what would you do if your colleague did that?
Me: I'd walk to him....and tell him..."I understand why she is divorcing you!"14 -
Client: "I need you to implement a feature which does x"
Me: "We can it do like this, I can do it in Y hours."
Client: "Perfect do it"
Me: "Here you go have a look and if you give your ok I'll implement it on production."
Client:"That is not what I need. I need Z"
Me: "Well then you should have said Z and not x. But I can do Z if you want me to."
Client:"Do it it is urgent!!!!111"
Me: "All done here you go."
Client: "That works like what I said what I need, but I meant more like xZ."
Me: "Ok, you know I have to charge you for all this, do you?"
Client: "What why? It isn't the feature I wanted!!11 Do it right and I'll pay you for the right one!"
Me: "It might not be what you wanted but it is exactly what you specified to me. I'll send you the bill and will not continue working for you. Good luck finding someone who is willing to do unpaid work for you."
I am so done with that kind of client.8 -
This happened right before lunch.
Me: hey, what languages do you know?
Classmate: i know python that's pretty much it. What abou...
Random fella: ...-yOU cAn TalK SnekK?!?!?!4 -
"What technologies do you know?"
"I can write pretty URLs that return JSON"
"You mean REST?"
"No, I mean pretty URLs that return JSON"3 -
Found this guy by accident while searching for some render, mind blowing what you can do in excel.
https://youtube.com/watch/...
https://youtube.com/watch/...
https://youtube.com/watch/...
26 -
Slowbro: Do you have time tonight?
Me: No sorry, I can't stay late tonight, I have a thing with my wife.
S: Oh yeah, I'm not staying late either.
M: Oh, so what do you want?
S: Can you help me install linux?
M: Uh no, I can't stay late -
S: No, no you don't have to stay, you can do it from home.
M: What? No I don't have time tonight. Wait you want me to take your computer home?
S: No, no I need to use my computer tonight.
M: So... What do you want me to do?
S: You can do it on your computer.
M: You want me to install an OS on your computer, but on my computer??
S: No, no *sigh* just try it on your computer so we know it will work on my computer. It is a proof of principle.
M: Reinstall my OS?
S: As a proof of principle. So tomorrow when we do it on my computer, we need not waste any time.
M: ... No I'm not going to reinstall my OS just as a test for you.
S: Not a test, a proof of principle.
M: What are you.. I'm sorry, I don't have time for this tonight.
S: Just a proof of principle!!
M: Ok see you.11 -
So, I saw this on Reddit, and I thought about sharing it here...
What do you think? It's somewhat accurate, or it can have some changes?
(The Chaotic Good made me chuckle 😂)
23 -
people: What do you do?
me: I'm computer engineer.
people: Ah! You fix things then. Can you fix my TV?
me:
12 -
Friend: i need to do a game for my final project, can you help me out?
Me: sure, what language?
Friend: english
Me: ...2 -
I am officially my Manager's own personal google.
"What is the Wifi Password?"
"I can't print this, can you help?"
"How do I switch keyboard layout?"
"How do I turn on the computer?"
"How do I close the door of my office?"
Soon she's going to call me "Ok Google, <stupid question>"10 -
Dad: What are you doing with your life?
Me: Enjoying it. Can you say the same?
My dad degrades me for my programming because he's from 'that generation.' Fuck him, Imma do what I enjoy, cause I'm damn well sure I don't want to end up like him.13 -
this.rant == "long";
This is something I feel strongly about, I hope you do too...
I fucking hate it when I hear that people don't care about net neutrality (and I've heard people say it). There is little in this world untouched by shitty corporations encroaching on the little good that is left in this world.
Yes the internet is full of edgy teenagers, incompetent Seniors (both old people and Devs) and god knows what else. But you know what? I pay my money to copy and paste code from SO (we ALL do let's not lie to ourselves) and I'm not paying a special fee to look at this content or that or send this type of text to that kind of person.
Now then to the point... On 14th December 2017 the FCC will vote on whether or not to allow companies like Verizon and - dare I say it - Comcast to charge more to access certain sites or block you access altogether and otherwise control what you say and do.
I for one, say FUCK OFF and I hope you do to. If you can, call or otherwise contact your Congressperson - you can do that here: https://house.gov/representatives/... . If you're not from the US, you can still help! https://www.battleforthenet.com has lots of information on what you can do to help.
I hope you'll all join me in shouting as loud as we can and preventing this moronic idea from going through.
Peace.
this.rant.end();
10 -
Friends brother: So what do you do for work?
Me: I am a DevOps engineer
FB: *blank stare* 😐
Me:I work with computers and fix servers.
FB: Awsome. Well my laptop been acting up lately. Can you..?
Me: NO
Credits: nixcraft -
Friend: I don’t need git. Git is for people like you who cant do good backup of their code
Me: Yeah, yeah, go do whatever you like...
2h later comes to me:
Friend: Can you make me repo and show how to use it...?
Me: What..? You drunk?
Friend: Naaah, no... My disk broke while ago...
Karma is a bitch :D6 -
Manager: We are hiring a new graphic designer today. Can you get him settled in, please?
Me: Sure, I can do that.
Me: *shakes hand of new recruit.*
Me: I've heard great things about you.
Him: *starts going off on all his experience*
Me: that's great. Let's see what you got.
Several hours later...
Me: can I see what you got?
Him: just putting the last finishing touches on this logo.
Me: is that MSPaint!?
Him: yeah! It's good right?
Me: um...16 -
Mum: Is this the big data?
Father: Do you know anything about Bitcoin? Can you explain me what it is?1 -
Customer: So I have operating system corruption? What does that mean?
Me: *thinks for a moment* Okay, so you have a bag of potato chips, right? And you're looking forward to eating those potato chips. However, when you open the bag, there are only crumbs because the guy in front of you in line had accidentally stepped on the bag and crushed them all.
Customer: ...Okay...
Me: So what we can do is we can grab a can of Pringles--because Pringles are delicious--and dump those in the bag. That way you have a good, full bag of uncrushed digital potato chips.
Customer: I like that, let's do it!
Coworker: ...why are you talking about digital potato chips?8 -
Neighbour: What do you do?
Me: I am an Undergrad, pursuing a degree in Computer Science.
Neighbour *Pointing to her Daughter* : I guess she can fix our printer then.
Me: ...3 -
Customer logic - "We'd like a website but we don't know what we want...so can you do a whole thing so we can change 80% of it day after day until we are bored of it? Thanks"4
-
"So, what do you do in life?"
Me : I work on enterprise level mobile, web and server applications. Basically programming and database stuff...
"Sweet! So you can fix my PC right? It's getting slow I don't know why..."
Me : mmm well, ugh... yea kinda, I guess... sure. I could take a look 😑2 -
~March 7~
Boss: Hey cory, guess what, you will not take control of the servers anymore so you can focus on your real job, the company hire someone to do it
Me: Great, finally i can just program, thanks for the news boss
~Yesterday~
Boss: Hey cory, guess what, the person the company hired needs help to migrate some servers so you need to help him on weekend
Me: Well, it's ok i can do the job
~Today~
Director: Hey mr cory, we need you to help jonny on weekend
Me: Fine boss, i will be on weekend
Director: That's the attitude we need in the company, I do not know how much time you need but we're going to pay you 24 extra hours
Me inside ~every went better than expected~ 🤷♂️4 -
Friend: hey can you make me a website?
Me: sure, what is it for?
Friend: 'whatever the site is for'
Me: Ok, what are the different tabs you want for the navigation bar?
Friend: Ummm... Idk yet
Me: Ok... So do you have an idea what you want the website to look like?
Friend: Ummm just make it look pretty
Me:
2 -
I'm working on my author website and I really suck at designing. So, can you give me your opinions? I can take honesty, even if it's harsh.
So, ugly or decent? What do you think?
52 -
Dad: [this company] is coming to town soon.
Me: I know
Dad: yeah maybe you can get a IT job
Me: I dont do IT
Dad: You never know what you do until you do it.
Me: *getting an aneurism from sheer ignorance*
I DO IT EVERY DAY HOW WOULD I NOT KNOW WHAT IM DOING THAT I EVEN WENT TO SCHOOL FOR?17 -
HR: What was the last project you handled?
Me: I worked on an internal system for my current company. It is basically an interdepartmental monitoring system.
HR: Ohh. Good. Do you have a copy of it? Can you show me how it works?
Me: ......5 -
Me: -gets in Uber hoping it will be a quiet ride-
Uber: hey
Me: hey
Uber: So, uh, what do you do?
Me: Oh I'm a software developer.
Uber: Ooohhhh. So you can make the next Uber/Careem if I were to ask you right!?
Me:4 -
“In order to release on production you merge on production”
Makes sense.
“In order to release on staging you merge on release”
Wait, what?
“The CI for the staging release is called release to production”
What? No, stop!
“You also need to create a tag called pre-production-deployment, so that staging can work”
STOP FFS
“It’s very easy, you just need to read the documentation!”
How do people do not realise they are spitting out bs?3 -
Recruiter: You cought my attention because of your positive profile. And my client is looking for someone with your profile. Attachment: java_developer.pdf
Me: What exactly did you like about my profile? I can tell by the filename that the company is looking for java developers. Which is neither what I can do nor what I am willing to do.
Recruiter: This isn't clear by your profile, what do you want to do?
Me: Me profile has exactly two programming languages, JavaScript and Objective C.9 -
How can those WordPress-Theme-Creator-Bitches write bullshit like "no coding skills required". What the fuck do you say?
Why don't you jump into the Pacific Ocean (no swimming skills required), idiot.3 -
Our CEO/Boss thought up a new idea for an App
Boss: I got a new idea, i dont know what it is, but its very easy. How long you can do it?
Us: •.•3 -
After doing the work he requested as he wanted he was not happy. So i thought we sit and discuss what he didn't like. I was so wrong.
...
Boss: "...you know what I think you are: a fraud; Masquerading as a developer. The database design you have given is shit. The template I gave you I did in 1 hour. You took half the day."
He gave a simple template to use and he told me to come up with an ecommerce db design via downloading PrestaShop and seeing what is relevant to us.
Me: "what did I do wrong?"
Boss: "you think I don't know what PK means in database design? Why the fuck did you put this here."
Me: "can I expl..."
Boss: "I'm not finished, you been here half the month and what work have you to show for it..."
Me: "I have..."
Boss: "You shut up when I can speaking"
Me: "ok"
Boss: "You have no work to show for the time you have been here. I tell you what to do. I want someone who is proactive. My friend, you will do the work I tell you to do, you understand?"
Me: "yes but can I just say that I have been doing your work I have the contact the various developers as you..."
Boss: " You shut up when your boss is speaking. Can you do this work? (Slightly long pause)
Me: "I can do it. But, I have done the bits of the work you said I do. I was h..."
Boss "don't give me bullshit stories...you haven't done the work..."
Me: "But you have spoken"
Boss:" You know what Im giving you 1 weeks notice if you are not able to do the work. Can you do it?"
That moment!!! I was literally shaking I could have high fived his face with his laptop.
Me: "yes I can"
Boss: "Then get the fuck out of my sight and do it"8 -
Hi Fellas !
I'm new here. I have no idea what makes you get so many ++ and what ++ can do for you.
I'm just feeling better here, it feels like im entering my soul's home!
Weekend is near, what project you gonna do ?
Have a great day !40 -
Worst part of being a developer?
Everyone thinks you want to freelance a website for them...
Even when you're not a web developer
What do you do?
I write software.
Oh so you're good with computers and stuff?
Yeah
That's p sweet, can you build me a site?
No. 😃3 -
me : hey tried allo?
her : what is that?
me : it's an amazing new chat app with google built in and you can do blah blah blah.......
*goes on to explain cool stuff*
her: can i send messages to whatsapp from allo?
me : I AM DONE
8 -
new !Rant();
Found this on Reddit and can relate to code. Show me what you have done and I'll see what I can do for you.
1 -
Software tester here. Developers what do you think about us honestly? Do you enjoy testers who point out bugs directly or are we a pain in the ass? I feel like developers appreciate my work. I can ask them questions and they are happy I can point out flaws in the app directly. It's also fun to do as a temporary job now.17
-
Typical conversation between my parents and me
Parents: Can you make stuff?
Me: Make what?
Parents: The thing you do all the time.
Me: "Computer stuff"?
Parents. Yah...
Me: Well, yes, why?
Parents: What can you do?
Me: Well, I know C# the most...
Parents: Can you then make software like Facebook, Twitter, etc?
Me: Well, I can, but that will take a lot of time.
Parents: You should really make something and make money.
Me: Ok. (goes into my room, and turns on laptop)
(a few monents later....)
--[[CHORUS START]]--
Parents: U DOIN COMPUTER???
Me: Uh-huh.
Parents: When did I said to do "Computer stuff"?
Me: Well, you said to rest.
Parents: But I never said to do your "Computer stuff"!
Me: But you said to rest. For an hour!
Parents: WHY U SHOUT AT ME!!!! TURN OFF THAT **** NOW!
Me: Ok.... (turns off and opens C# book immediately)
Parents: What's that?
Me: C# book
Parents: What's C#?
Me: Programming language.
Parents: Where can you use it?
Me: Make stuff.
Parents: Like what?
Me: (lists my personal projects)
Parents: Show me.
Me: (turns on the computer and shows one of it)
Parents: Good. (leaves)
--[[CHORUS END]]--
Me: (deep breath) Can I FINALLY use the computer?
--[[CHOURS]]--9 -
So, the other day a friend of mine called me. It's been years that I haven't talked to this girl. She says "can you do me a favour?". I asked "what?". To which she replies "My Facebook account has been hacked. Can you do something and destroy the guys pc? Don't let him create any other account or even let him use the internet. Ban him from the internet or do something.
And I was like
7 -
Worst thing in IT you can do is pretend to know what you’re doing when you don’t.
All seems harmless until that person starts resolving git conflicts….. 💣💥4 -
Friend: Hey, so what do you do?
Me: I build backend systems and apis. I work with java/mongodb. I dable into some elixir and kotlin on my free time.
Friend: Cool, can you build me an Android app?11 -
When the university finds out you're a pentester:
Usual underclassmen: Can you hack my bf/gf? I think they're cheating on me.
Delusional underclassmen who think they know everything: I can hack too! Who's your master? I learned how from master jimmy *runs a batch script that has "tree" on loop. See? What batch script do YOU have?"
The IT teachers: can you show us how a payload works?4 -
A true story.
"Ok you did a very good job during these 3 months, so we think you can go on with us."
"Thanks, so how about the final contract?"
"What? oh no eheh, you will do other 3 months as test because we want to see if you can do also other stuff not only as developer, we need that you act also like a secretary, a tester, a manager, and working again for home after work, and also during the weekend, but we can't pay extra work of course. So, what you think?"
The magic world of startups5 -
My first performance review as a graduate:
Boss: "we can't give you the rating you deserve because HR"
Me: "ok whatever, what can I do to get the rating I'm suppose to get?"
B: *lists job description of a senior developer* ... "Interview candidates, mentor juniors, start a project and make me profit"
Me: (if I can do that as a graduate, what am I doing here?)
My last performance review at the same company:
B: "we can't give you the rating you deserve because HR"
M: "ok what can I do to improve?"
B: *lists everything I did before the first performance review that wasn't expected of me*
M: (LoL funny, I just wanted to hear your response because I know you'd forget about the first review. Another reason to validate my resignation) -
Sales: "There is a problem in complicated feature A, in a client system!
Dev: "What is the problem"
Sales: "I don't know exactly"
Dev: "which client system? What version is installed?"
Sales: crickets.
Dev: "Do you a Jira ticket, or an email with more details?"
Sales: "It is urgent that we fix the problem ASAP!"
Dev: "what problem"
Sales: "The problem! I talked to the VP RnD, So he can make sure you are on it!"
Dev: "What exactly do you me to fix"
Sales: "The Problem!"8 -
New client: can we go live next month?
Me: do you think you are our only client, or do you want to pay an extra priority fee?
New client: what?
Me: what?
*Crickets"4 -
Them: "What can we do to fix this?"
Me: Contact the vendor
Them: Ok, but from our side?
Me: Wait for the vendor to reply
Them: And what can we do to prevent this from happening again?
Me: get better vendors, include I.T on the process when the org decides to purchase shitty third party software.
Them: Ok but besides that?
Me: Drink?
Seriously tho, tf you expect me to do?5 -
Published a new blog article last weekend (finally) and had the idea to make a privacy/security Q&A one this weekend.
I'd make an email address for it to which you can email (a) question(s).
What do you people think?19 -
Programmers are like bees!
You can domesticate programmers the way beekeepers tame bees. You can't exactly communicate with them, but you can get them to swarm in one place and when they're not looking, you can carry off the honey. You keep these bees from stinging by paying them money. More money than they know what to do with. But that's less than you might think. ~ Orson Scott Card
-
Which do you think designers are tired of hearing?
"Make the logo bigger"
"Looks great but can you make it pop"
"Can you make it pretty"
"Something is missing in the design but I'm not sure what is."
After 15 Revisions
"I think the first design you made was better."8 -
Intern: "Hey Awlex, this function I'm using doesn't work. Can you help me?"
Me: "This function doesn't do what you are expecting. Did you even look at the docs for this function?"
Intern: "No."
Me: "... then start with that"11 -
Boss: "i need you to build a feature so that customers can do bla bla bla and it has to be done by friday.
Dev: "Ok i can do it fast if you sure this is what you want, and requirements wont change in the future. Have you considered bla bla"
Boss: "Yes do it"
Dev: *writes, tests and deploys code*
A few weeks later:
Boss: "we need to add bla bla to the feature you built since some requirements has changed."10 -
person: what type of work do you do?
me: I'm a developer
person: oh, so can fix computers and stuff?
me: you realize that you insult me, right?3 -
You know what Linux has taught me? That above anything, a computer is just a tool. There is a lot you can do with the tool, but do not depend on it so much that you fear losing it.1
-
Customer: Do you have a 2GB RAM stick?
Me: Yes, we do. Do you know what you have and what you need?
Customer: Yes, I have a one-zero-two-four M-B stick and a two-zero-four-eight M-B stick.
Me: So... a 10-24 Meg stick and a 20-48 Meg stick
Customer: Yes.
Me: Ok.... and do you know if it's going to be DDR2 or...?
Customer: Yes, DDR2.
Me: Okay, yes, we do have some. And will you want us to install it?
Customer: No. I can install it. I've been putting computers together for 30 years, so I think I can do it.3 -
What do you need a boss if you can find the idea, analyze it, design the product, code it, test it, setup the cloud and even do the marketing.
Dear bosses,
I am a developer not a God!3 -
Your phone/laptop is on 5%
After it dies you can never recharge it, and you can never get another (all technology is dieing)
What do you do?40 -
In C# you are not able to do bitwise operations on generic enums so you have to cast them to an integer via object... 😐 Apart from that, this awesome code shows what C# can do 😊
7 -
Mom: "so... you do things with the computer, but what do those things do?" or "I have no clue what you just said, but good luck with that"
Father: "couldn't you have gotten a real job? Like machining or warehouse management, where actual work can be seen rather than sitting on your &ss all day, typing on that keyboard"
- he changed his view real quick when I showed him my paycheck. ($3/ hr more than him)
Brother: "cool"
Ex-gf: "I hate you" (more because of my starting pay)3 -
What happens if you break your hand/arm/wrist and it requires an arm sling (picture attached)? Can you still work or what? I'm assuming it varies from company to company or something. Do you have anything in place for preparation for this event?
7 -
The difference between small and large companies is astounding when applying for jobs.
Small: "What can you do?"
Big: "What do you look like and speak like?"6 -
Meets a family member****
Fam.Member: Hey so what do you do now?
Me: I work with a tech company
Fam.Member: Nice. As what?
Me: Software Engineer
Fam.Member: oh IT stuff. Can you check my phone for me, it's slow now.
Me: No (then walks away sipping my drink)7 -
What a lazy fuck.
This so called full-stack developer doesn't know how to use mysql from command line. The only way he can do anything in the database is using phpMyAdmin or MySQL gui.
What? How do you even call yourself a developer when you don't know how to use basic command line tools?
The fucker wants me to find out why a particular feature is not working?
Why the fuck are you being paid for? You stupid idiot.
"Can you please grep ... in the server?"
What? Why would I do that for you? How about you ssh the server yourself?
What a waste of time.5 -
My friend told everyone in my school class that i programm...
And now they are asking, can you do this and that and what for specifications should my PC have to run this game...
help5 -
What kind of variable conventions do you use?
timesincereseat
TimeSinceReseat
timeSinceReseat
TIMESINCERESEAT
TIME_SINCE_RESEAT
time_since_reseat
global{'tsr'} # so nobody can read it :)12 -
Tools don't matter. Use what is comfortable and don't listen to all the brand, OS, editor and tabs/spaces crap. They all do the job and you will find the right ones once you really understand what you are doing. "Tools can be just a way to procrastinate". If you become tool agnostic you can do the job no matter the environment.1
-
What music do you listen to when you code? Also, can you please recommend some. Music with minimal to no wording is what interests me. Any suggestions would be appreciated:)37
-
Kevlin Henney said it best. Old is the new new. Tech goes in cycles. Lambda functions aren't new, they've been around since the 70's. Microservices aren't new. Linux is built out of small applications that do one thing, and do it well.
So what can you do that is "new"? Different. Learn a new domain. You're front end? Do back end. You're back end? Do some DB. You're full stack? Do some ML.
At the same time, finding the time to do those things is hard. I barely manage to do my job with other stuff going on.
You can also try to be better at what you do day to day. Find someone that's better than you. If you're the best in your team, maybe see if anyone needs teaching.
Kevlin Henney talk:
https://youtu.be/AbgsfeGvg3E1 -
Conversation with coworker at a staff function...
girl: ...we can't wait to see what you can do!
Me: Great! I can't wait to get stuck in, but you know, those exports you wanted from it, that doesn't have to wait. If you need that straight away, come to my desk and I'll make some queries for you and pull out the data you want...
Girl: o_0
Girl: ... Omg, you can do that?! You're awesome!!
Me later: o_0 - the Dev before me could never at least do that?!6 -
Look, nano, I love you more than you could imagine but the fact that you make these shortcuts do what they do can fuck off...
CTRL+C = cursor position
CTRL+X = exit nano
CTRL+V = next page
I meant... *Sigh*... I don't fucking know anymore man...25 -
Client :
When do you think we can get the website done with?
Me:
Don't worry, I'll get it done in 3 days.
Me after 2 and half days:
<!Doctype Html>
<html>
<head>
<title> Hello, what did you say the website does again? ....4 -
I have a dual booted laptop with Windows and Ubuntu, I can not for the live of me choose which one to use all the time. They each have their benefits! What do you think?29
-
That moment when the entire office is Apple fanboys and you are the only windows supporter.
What can I do? First love is first love.19 -
- Hey , what do you study?
- Computer Science
- So Cool! Can you make me a website for my society?
- 🙄🙄🙄6 -
Manager: yo I need a time line for this shit.
Me: I don't know how long it takes.
Manager: tell me how long it takes.
Me: I can tell you what can be done in next couple hours. I don't even know what will happen tomorrow.
Manger: now tell me this time shit.
Me: .......
Seriously, dear fellow ranter. How do you estimate timeline? Your timeline is changing.5 -
What if I told you : you can use whatever the fuck OS you want, whatever the fuck stack you want ?
And IF you take a job in a certain stack, don't like it ? Quit your job !
Stop beeing whining bitches. Don't like current job ? Find a new one.
You think your app is revolutionary ? TRY and push it (And fail)
You think that at 16 you know better than people who are 30+yo ? prove it by actions.
It's easy. You have full control of what you can do.
Stop bitching, start coding.
windows, linux, mac, MS-DOS. Noone cares what you use. As long as you do the job.20 -
Stranger: So what do you do?
Me: I'm a web developer.
Stranger: ..can you hack my Facebook account?9 -
Relatives: what do you do?
Me: Software Engineer
Relatives: Can you please fix my printer!
Me: what ????5 -
Fucking hate when business people says this to me:
- You have no time to do this, we will find somebody else to do it. (EXCUSE ME? how do you know I have no time? If have no time I WILL TELL YOU)
- Your team is too busy, we will outsource that (IF THAT it's a priority, we WILL DO THAT, fuck you, I'll tell you if we need to outsource or not)
- Requirements are too complex to do now. We will think about it and we will tell you, maybe it's just enough to add a column to db (WHAT? WHAT THE FUCK IS too complex? I didn't even see anything we can call requirement, nor speak with relevant people, so how do you fucking know they are complex if you don't know shit about dev and our platform)
Conclusion
It's true, I have no time, because I don't fucking understand what do you want, so I'm running all day and night doing useless things.2 -
Me, programmer(not employed yet): you know what is crazy about coding test? I can easily do manually what test said, but teaching it to computer is surprisingly hard.
My brother, teacher(not graduated yet): I can easily solve middle school problems too, but teaching to kids is hard part. It seems like we do similar thing.2 -
Can interviewers PLEASE stop asking cliche and terrible questions??
Interviewer: "Where do you see yourself in five years?"
Me: "Not with you guys obviously, you dumb piece of shit."
That's what I'd like to say to them at least... :/7 -
Old team that screwed me over now comes back being all nice to ask me for help...
Me: **fake smile** Hi... (what can I do for you monkeys)
Then proceeds to do a Google search and gives them a link... idiots....3 -
I mean i understand the whole "linux is do what you want" thing but shouldnt i get at least a warning before i can purge a package the whole system depends on?3
-
Hey Citrix:
How about if my account is locked, you give me an error saying "my account is locked" and not "incorrect username and password"
SO I CAN KNOW WHAT I NEED TO DO TO FIX THE ISSUE YOU JACKASSES.4 -
I'm a big fan of 'as' keyword in Python. It makes importing packages in the beginning of the code so slick.
Instead of doing:
> import what
> what.does.the.fox.say()
You can neatly do:
> from what import does.the.fox as fox
> fox.say() -
Start raising tickets/bugs like you were going to the doctors and things would get fixed a lot faster.
X page doesn't work.
Great information there what about the page isn't working?
Doesn't answer the question and gets pissy when you have to ask them again.
If this was a doctor's appointment all you would've done is walked into my office and yelled it hurts over and over.
Then proceeded to shit on my floor as you're leaving because I didn't diagnose the problem fast enough.
What were you trying to do when the system took a crap?
What did the red text say?
Can you take a screenshot? because the old saying a picture paints a thousand words holds some truth.
If you can go to the doctor and give them a full run down of when you got sick and what symptoms you got in the same order they happened why do you struggle to do the same when reporting a bug.4 -
someone: so what do you do?
me: I'm a software developer
someone: oh, can you design me a logo?
me: no
someone: something simple, I'm sure...
me: NO, IT'S NOT MY F***ING JOB6 -
>import ENi18n
>import ZHi18n
en = {…ENi18n, moreStuff}
zh = {…ZHi18n, moreStuffZH}
pt = {…ZHi18n, moreStuffPT}
“Hey man can you fix this? Seems like we are missing the Portuguese i18n. Check this file please (path)”
“I’m sorry I don’t understand, can you call me and explain?”
Why do I need to explain this? What is difficult to grasp here? How can it take more than 20 seconds to know what to do here? It’s not even a file I made, you made it and I just ran into it!
Fuck man, I’m going to blow my brains out.2 -
I can do HTML, responsive CSS with JS but there is one damned thing blocks me all the time. What color?
How you guys choose your color on a webpage?14 -
//computer class at school doing html
classmate:"Hey can you help me? that img isnt showing."
me:"Yeah of course" *look at screen and see a single line if code without spaces or anything*
"What are you doing? Why do you write everything in one line?"
classmate:"Ohh you can write it over multiple lines?"
me:"...."
At that time we worked with html for around 2 weeks1 -
I'm 30 years old, sometimes I feel old to study computer/web programming.
What do you think? If it's not true, what can I do to change the way I think about it?28 -
.net 1.1 had the best documentation ever written. Microsoft spent an enormous amount of money and a dedicated team of skilled engineers just to write them. It was kind of a great time to be a developer, even though the technology is much better now. The current reliance on community docs doesn't hold up as well.2
-
What can you do with people using so many times git force push ...
* explain gently this is not necessary
* punch him/her everytime you see it
* other stuff that is not in the above list7 -
Do you guys often get upset because of people that ask your job because when somebody asks me what I do for a living and I say "I'm a programmer" this someone says one of these:
1- Oh really, can you tell me HoW tO HaCk NaSa? (It's more often than you think)
2- WOW AWESOME SO I HAVE THIS BiLlIon DolLarS ApP IdeA CaN yOu ProGraM iT?
3- Hm... and... what do you do for a living? (Apparently programming is not a job)
4- Cool! Me too! Bcs once I MaDe ThiS GaMe I prOGraMmed WiTh GaMeMaKer (true story, and it was a flappy bird, but in the place of the bird it was chuck norris with a moustache instead.)(with lasers.)(Also it wasn't really working.)
5- Cool bro, so, can you take a look at my printer?
6- Hm nice * looks away with disgusting face * (that was my own family lol ;-;)9 -
Parents: You want anything for your birthday?
Me: yeah, can I have a newer PC
Parents: Cool
Me: Also, can I spend a majority of my time alone messing with it?
Parents: Sure
My parents were really laid back and basically let me do what I wanted1 -
What is this behavior WFH?
(Video Call)
Boss: When will you send the report?
He: Have already mailed you
Boss: Your voice is breaking...
He: Have already mailed it
Boss: What? I'm asking when can you send the report?
He: Mailed... Already... Check... Inbox...
Boss: Your voice is breaking... Say that again
He: HAVE... MAILED... ALREADY
Boss: It's not ready ?? Just tell me when can you send it to me...
He: Aghh... NEVER.
Boss: WHAT DO YOU MEAN NEVER ????
He: ... *Silent*
Boss: ... *Silent*
He: Boss, can't hear you clearly... Your voice is breaking... ;)
Credits: Rahul Subramanian, Standup Comedian.3 -
"So, coder huh. What languages do you use? HTML, CSS, JavaScript? That type of stuff?"
"No. I use React. You see... with hooks... "
"Well, can you change some of the CSS on my website for me?"
"Is it React?"6 -
her: * watching me 👀 *
guy 1: "what else do you do asides coding..?
her: * scoffs *
me: "lol, I do other things"
guy 2: * laughs hysterically 😂😂 *
me: "whattt..?? I do video editing and I write as well 🫤"
her: * 🙄 *
What's it with you guyssss??? 😂😫🤲🏻...I have other interests asides coding; you just have to be close to me to find out. I even make music and play the piano 🌝.....
Y'all dream a lot and you know it's your dreams I code 😪 {if you can dream it 💡, I can code it 💻
9 -
dumb question...
what fun things can you do with a router running linux arm7 with telnet accsess?
apt is not installed, cURL and rpm is.
and sudo doesn't seem to work, but su.8 -
I'm told that a worker can't clock into work on his phone because he does something different from his fellow employees. So I go to him to ask hey what do you need in order to clock in.
"Oh well I do something different from everyone"
Yeah I know I'm trying to get it so you can clock in on the phone as well what do you clock into.
"Well the other guys can clock into things on the phone you should ask them if you want to know how to clock into on the phone. I do different jobs then them"
Yes I know, what do you different so I can add it to the phone clock in app?
"What I do isn't on the phone you can't clock into it on there you have to clock into it here."
Would it be unprofessional to strangle him?3 -
Many advantages of being a dev:
- You can work on multiple projects simultaneously.
- You solve problems for a living, how cool is that!
- Job security (Even if you get fired or something, you can still earn your bread with your skills)
- Even if you are bed ridden or get in an accident or get old, you can still work(kind of a pessimist).
But the best part is, you get to do what you love(for me its true).1 -
One Join is fine.
Two Joins I can live with.
Three Joins and we are starting the project from scratch again.
Fuck you! What do I pay you for? Eating berries? No!12 -
Making games for my TI-Nspire CX CAS is so much fun!
It's so simple but you can do a lot with it. It's also a bit of a challenge because you don't have a huge API with lots of methods and events. You have to use what you have.
Oh btw you can program it with Lua!15 -
Does anyone else feel like HackerRank questions are trick questions?
Without a textfield to explain the answer It highly depends on how deeply you think about it..
Can you do x with technology y?
Yes.
Can you do x with technology y alone?
Well yeah but no, you still need something to process it. What does "alone" mean? Without electricity you sure can't do anything.
Extreme example but you get my point..6 -
"Hey Bobby, can you do XYZ for me? I can do it myself but it's such a pain in the ass"
So why the fuck would I do it if you can do it yourself? Guess what it's a pain in the ass for me too! And it's not even my problem!2 -
!rant
What's your new year resolution(s) for 2018?
What do you like about devRant?
Which area do you think devRant can be improved?
// I got asked those questions last night at one of the project dinner.
// So now I am asking you guys here.
// I have replaced the project name to devRant for us.
// My answers in comment.3 -
!rant
At what point do you know if you're good enough to be a Junior Developper inside a company ?
What are the things you must know and be able to do?
I'm in It for now but my company has multiple Dev teams and I'd like to join them eventually, I know I can Google for that but I'd like real answers not blog bullshit6 -
wk49 can be taken two ways..
"How do you start learning a language?"
"What got you into programming?"1 -
"Can we do X?"
Yes, we can do almost anything you want.
"Can we have it ready by last month?"
No.
"What about 2 weeks ago?"
Not feasible.
"Yesterday?"
Sorry I don't think we can.
For real though, how do you deal with unrealistic delivery expectations? I'm not sure if I'm supposed to keep saying no to everything, or if they keep asking in hopes that maybe this time it'll be ok.2 -
I see more and more people encouraging people to learn Haskell. But why ? What can you do with it, that you would not do with another language? what have you done with haskell?7
-
Never be a perfectionist. I am one and it kills me inside. 99% of the time I am not happy with what I did because I know I can do better. Especially on exams. Not because of the grade but because I am not on par with what I know I can do. Its pissing me of so fucking much. Fucking bullshit. Why do I suck so fuckibg much ffs. For real: you should never become a perfectionist because I see what it does to me4
-
Fuck the feelings of powerlessness and helplessness. when a friend comes crying for you for help with their hacked account and you keep asking them about what they did to protect it in the first place and they reply with nothing, no recovery email, no recover phone, no secondary verification, NOTHING. and you can do nothing but stand there and watch them cry while you can literally do nothing because there literally nothing you can do to retrieve their stolen accounts. FUCK BLACK HAT HACKERS.3
-
What do my family think I do as a Dev?
The most stereotypical thing you can think of, they think I sit on my ass all day procrastinating.
Obviously they're wrong.... I do some work now and then.... only now and then... -
-Question-
I am starting a web development company, my biggest fear is how can i find clients.
Does any of you guys has experience or any ideas of what i can do right or wrong?5 -
Ugh, doing laundry sucks. Partially because the laundry area is adjacent to the living room and that makes it harder to hear stranger things, but mostly because it signals the end of the weekend. But I decided to be positive and share some positivity with you:
No matter what challenges you will face in the next week, you can do it. The Universe/God/The Flying Spaghetti Monster chose you to face the challenges because you can do. If the universe can believe in you, then so can I. And so should you. Get out there and rock fellow DevRanters!!! -
Client: I need you to integrate with this API.
Me: ok cool, but what are we doing with it (where does the data go/styling)?
Client: what do think we should do?
Me: well it would be really cool if we did it like this *short and sweet explanation of really cool functionality and design*
Client: I LOVE IT! Let's do it, oh also I need it done by tomorrow...
Me: *GOD DAMNIT, why do you always do this...don't you dare say ok* ok, yeah I can totally do that.
...now at the market stocking up on redbull2 -
Some people just don't get it. When you meet friends who are either non technical or very new to programming, all they ask you is what language do you use.
The language is important but not everything. It's what you do with it that matters. Just because you know python, doesn't mean that you can do machine learning. Even simply asking what do I do is better than that!
The language is just a tool! Learn to be language agnostic please. Be a programmer, not a code monkey2 -
If you really think about it, asking a person what their pronouns are, he/she/they etc., is basically sending a REST OPTIONS request. What a technically pure and proven thing to do.
You assume OPTIONS response of an API, you get "400 Fuck You". Or, if that API is nice, you can get "426 Get Out Of Your Cave", but that's the best you're gonna get.7 -
"Do you know you can even download images via Google search and save it or print it? Guess what, that's the secret to my template images."
-
>: what kind of future do you dream of?
>: A future where you can buy SSD of 1 terabytes for just 1$12 -
!rant
I was getting headaches from looking at the comp screen all day, but what can you do when it's your job? A friend told me about these glasses you can buy specifically for people at a comp 8+ hrs a day. I gave in and bought a pair, and now, no more headaches! Thank you Gunnar glasses! 👓 😃1 -
Got the newest update for Emojis and I was scrolling through them, and what do you know? This one popped up. All I can think of was "Devrant did it first"
3 -
I am a learn it all, do what you can kind of guy. I work alone so Fullstack I guess, hate UI though, god saves boostrap.
-
Client: can you build a website like that for the MissWorld competition and it should have a payment gateway.
Me: what other requirements do you have?
Client: hmmn..just something to showcase our agency.
Me: what's ur budget?
Client: around $100
Me: ** you must be kidding **2 -
I only finished my CS degree last year but while I was a student and after I got my degree I went for a few interviews and none of the companies really asked me what degree I have or didn't ask at all, some just asked what I was studying. All of the companies asked what I can do and what my skills are. If I can do it, they were happy to hire me even if I didn't have a degree.
So to answer the question, a degree is not useful if you still don't know how to program (for example) or if you don't know your field well. If you are good at what you do, you will earn crazy money with or without a degree.
I know a few people that don't have a CS degree but their programming skills are crazy good...probably much better than a uni graduate with a CS degree.3 -
What happens when you give a database design to your boss as per what he wants done, he sees it is not impressed, scolds you, curses you out and claims you are 'fraud'. Then you tell him you can do better to redeem yourself...you submit the work better than the first time
And then he terminates you due to 'lack of proficiency'.3 -
Team lead: guys, we need to brainstorm on feature X. We can have this service do blah blah..., have a cache at blah blah...
Me: I think it's too complicated. We can simplify the design by doing blah blah... and measure the performance as we go, let's not do premature optimization.
Team lead: no, we definitely need this. We'll pitch this to the CTO later
*Later when we meet the CTO*
Team lead: Hi Mr CTO, about feature X, we're gonna do this blah blah... what do you think?
CTO: *basically repeats what I said*
Team lead: Thank you for the insights, really helpful. We will do as you suggest.
WHAT THE FUCK?3 -
Been a really long time since I posted on here. Sucks when you get stuck in a lab that bans cellphones.
BUT I got a new job now. No classified stuff. I can actually talk about what I do specifically now!!! And after a week I can almost maybe do my job one day.7 -
What is the social networking programmers use to communicate.
Hey guys.
So what program do you guys use to communicate? Something that I can drop here and not behing spammed. Time to start creating my own network arround you guys... You know, smart people.11 -
I just can keep the gdpr memes and rants coming, this is getting out of hand, a fucking contact form needs a checkbox, that you fucking obviously "store" it, by sending a fucking email, are you absolutely out of your mind, what do you expect I do, just /dev/null route your shit? maybe I should, shitheads.3
-
Is it normal to be frustrated when you can't solve the bug for a day and all you can do is update on what you've tried solutions?
3 months in this company2 -
me, first job interview:
interviewer: so how about your knowledge of java
me: yeah, done some projects, should be ok
interviewer: what about polymorphism in java, can you tell me sth about it?
me (thinking i'm totally right): hehe, you can't do polymorphism in java!
guess what, didnt get the job :D6 -
"The Marketplace has extensions that can help with '.disable' files"
Humor me VSCode Marketplace... what fucking extension do you recommend for my '.disable' file today?6 -
I'm preparing slides for my "Vim in an IDE world" talk right now. Do you use vim emulation plugins inside Intellij-based or any other IDEs? What do you think about them? What can you recommend to the beginners?12
-
You have 1.44 MB of outgoing traffic. You can use it however you like. You can send data anywhere you wish.
Your task is to make as much money as you can. What would you do?44 -
I get it you don't know anything. You are not paying me to be your teacher.
Let me do my job!
At what point can we stop explaining ourselves and every little detail of the job.1 -
The problem with drinking alone is that there always comes that time where you're just drunk enough and don't feel like you can get more statisfaction from drinking more...
What do you want body, I wanna get wasted1 -
Just be honest and transparent about who you are and what you can do. If you haven’t hidden anything you won’t feel like an imposter. You will be confident that you earned your reputation.
-
!rant
What can you expect to earn at your first IT/dev job in your country (e.g. junior dev after graduating)?
What do seniors usually get?12 -
Well this explains why I'm a programmer...
First off, what do you love doing? Secondly, what are you good at? Thirdly, what does the world need? Lastly, what can you be paid for? Think of your answers as a Venn diagram; you’ll find your ikigai where all four circles overlap.
2 -
Am so feeling proud that I contributed ( a small but still) in Notepad++ development.
https://github.com/notepad-plus-plu...
In my upcoming vacations am going to contribute more there.
What do you think guys? Can you please recommend some more projects where beginners like me can contribute?2 -
I need help with learning .NET (C#) i need a project that is easy and that I can learn from. What did you guys do to learn .NET8
-
What time do you guys show up to work? Feeling jealous of my other pals that can just show up at 11 AM, or sometimes past lunch time.18
-
Mine actually don't know shit about what I do but they don't try to describe it either. One day I told my father that as a personal project I was making a little script to fetch song lyrics and assign them to the music files I have in my library. Well he was all surprised like "Wow, and you can do that sort of thing?". Well, yeah, what do you think I've been studying during all those years? 😁
-
I want a robot that can do just one thing, just so I can say fuck you to these forms.
Well that, and maybe one other thing but let’s not talk about that😉
You know, like be able to see what cars and signs look like in pictures. Geez, what the hell were you thinking about.
4 -
I don't want to start any wars in the comments, but what do you devs prefer: iOS or Android?
I'm not saying one is better. I'm just genuinely curious what other devs use. I prefer to use Android because I can do more with my phone.
I'm actually curious what most of you use, so feel free to tag other ranters you know in the comments. I've already commented the few I could come up with off the top of my head.16 -
How can I interview new developers like a boss. E.g. Give them a PSD and tell them to do the layout etc. What you guys recommend?3
-
!rant
Feature request:
Hey!
I think it would be awesome to have a PM system, where you can send personal messages to each other.
I understand that you'd need to integrate blocking and other privacy features, but hey what do you think?3 -
What do you mean you sent a fucking mail about it? Theres a reason we have case systems with case fucking numbers. Its so that we can keep track of different customers, which is crucial for day to day operations. You retarded fucking fuck.
-
Why Google? Why?! Why do you always asume my language and what the fuck do you really think I can only speak one language? Fucking prick Google.1
-
Chances of getting all the bugs fixed before the demo...
"What do you think Abdul? Can you give me a number crunch real quick?"
1 -
This is legit scary and awesome at the same time. Tried it myself and it is extremely fast and also pretty good...
https://github.com/CorentinJ/...
Imagine if you can do this 6x real-time speed on you computer what can big tech companies achieve. -
Wonder what tomorrow will bring?
Monday I fuck up by duplicatung some emails.
Today my colleague accidentally sent emails in our test system out which in turn reduplicated the same emails I sent.
My boss is going to love it when he's back in. -
Is c a good language to learn. Or c++ or C#. What projects can you do with the languages i mentioned.9
-
Hey Guys. I need to do a Project in School. Ist can last about 3-5 Months but I have no fking idea what to do.. You Guys have some good ideas? Best would be in Web Technologiea5
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"Programming is a craft. At its simplest, it comes down to getting a
computer to do what you want it to do (or what your user wants it to do). As a programmer, you are part listener, part advisor, part interpreter, and part dictator. You try to capture elusive requirements and find a way of expressing them so that a mere machine can do them justice. You try to document your work so that others can understand it, and you try to
engineer your work so that others can build on it. What's more, you try to do all this against the relentless ticking of the project clock. You work small miracles every day.
It's a difficult job. "
- The pragmatic programmer -
"hey, can you help me doing this on the phone?"
"hey, do you know what,'s wrong with my computer "
And so on...
I am no tech support.
First world problems, I know 😑 -
When you've been very clear every time about what your app can and can't do. Boss misspeaks once and now you have to add a whole other feature.1
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"what are you working on right now?"
I think that question is the one I hate the most.
If A asks that to B, it means A has the authority to do so, you're basically a boss or leader.
But it also reveals insane incompetence, because A has such role, then should already know what B is working on.
I have fantasies of just exploding with a "NOTHING, NOTHIIIIIING!!!! Because you didn't assign me anything"
What the fuck do they want me to do? Go around jerking off to any documentation I can find on google?
Should I just come up with things so that they can be sadly discarded?
I would much rather have dailies, and get guided like "you can do this or that" I feel like I'm just expected to do shit without any actual regqrd for results. As if I was some dog who was thrown a stick to fetch.
But if I don't fetch the stick I get asked like "you should be doing something". I fucking hate it .2 -
Sitting in a meeting. PM asks if we can go with the schedule management has agreed with the customer.
So, now what do you expect us to say? We can say no, but if it's already settled up the hierarchy levels, it will not have any effect.5 -
Which privacy-respecting email provider can you recommend? It seems that the following three are the best options:
- tutanota (0€ / 12€)
- posteo (12€)
- mailbox.org (12€)
Do you have any experience with them?
What do you think about a hosted email service with your own domain?18 -
Co-worker that is non-tech oriented:
"So what do BI developers do?"
Me:
"Well...." start simple then get uber complicated.
Co-worker:
"Oh ok cool. Well my LAN isn't working, can you help me?" -
I like to compare OSses to playgrounds
OS x: a grass field with a fence with a watcher that keeps you from doing something possibly dangerous(/fun) . It's safe but not a lot you can do
Windows: a grass field with a fence, you can climb the fence if you want and do dangerous things if you aren't carefull. less safe but you can do more
Linux: a terrain of your choosing, you can do whatever you want, but it can quickly become dangerous if you don't know what your doing.6 -
Adobe XD is the newest terrible child of the idea that you can design "user experience." What a waste of time. How many more middle-men do we need in this work flow?4
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!rant
How do you get to learn something new? By doing tutorials on YT, Udemy? Going directly to the documentation of the tool/language..etc ? Reading books ? And to practice what you've learned what do you do? Do you build something that you've previously done in another language or look for ideas or how is it? Does anybody know about a "list" of "programs" that can be developed to practice a language knowledge? Thanks :P3 -
What it feels like when you tell a newbie coder about reflection and all the stuff you can do with it.
3 -
What music do you prefer while writing / reviewing codes, that is, when you do not need immense concentration and can afford to listen to music?
I generally open a playlist of any band I like on youtube.6 -
Fellow Freelancers, can you recommend a platform you use to track and share project progress with your clients?
What do you typically use to keep clients updated about project status? There a Fancy SaaS solution or do you use a simple excel file??
Would like some ideas and recos!4 -
!rant
A great achievement doesn't have to change the world. It doesn't have to be noticed by anyone at all. It could actually be shunned by society as a whole.
A great achievement is something that makes you proud, something that pushes you to the limits of what you can do.
There is one issue with defining a great achievement as such, however. People do *not* have limits when it comes to achieving.
A question to you all, what do you suppose a "great achievement" is, and do you feel you've ever do one?3 -
Not a rant
What do you all use for taking notes? Preferably something that handles code well and is cloud based (or can be dumped into it)6 -
Question: what do you think of Flutter? Ever tried it? It sounds good so far, although it has limmited support (as far as I can tell)3
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What if your main telecom provider is down? Can you continue to work, code, take customer orders? Do you have a redundant strategy - and no it can't be going to lunch.8
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I was wondering what do you guys think about companies which dictates which ide devs have to use.
In my opinion every dev should use what he or she can utilize best no matter if a free or paid license is required for the ide.10 -
From the window by my desk I can see helicopters, jet planes and the occasional bird attacking people.
What do you see out your window by your desk?8 -
Alright my fellow devs and other tech related/adjacent people, we can easily glean from your rants and profiles what you do while developing. But I want to get to know the person behind the screen. After all we aren't our jobs.
So, outside of software development and related activities, what do you do in your spare time?7 -
Sooo I was wondering what you guys listen to while coding?
I mostly listen to instrumentals, feel like anything that has words can sometimes be distracting.
Was thinking of listening to audio books though lol. don't know how it'll go XD.
What do you think?31 -
Remember kids, passwd is a readable file! You can have a very bad day trying to figure out a user's shell from side-channel attacks and getting nowhere, or you could remember that it LITERALLY SAYS WHAT IT IS PUBLICLY IF YOU DON'T FORGET THAT IT'S THERE.
On the plus side, I learned a ton about what you can do with ssh arguments and debugging logs. Shit's pretty cool.5 -
What do you expect when you go to college to study programming? Tones of interesting tasks and learning up-to-date technologies and languages?
Nope, I have been studying Pascal for 4 years already... Can I write in my resume "senior Pascal"?1 -
so guys, I am going to ask you about something I am totally new on it.
what do you think about crypto currency mining? cam I do it using just my PC, if I can what is the estimate benefits?
do you advice me to proceed with this thing.15 -
What do you think I code for? So I can drive a f@#$ing Rav4?
- paraphrased from a Kanye West rhyme.2 -
I get this pain in my shoulder after a few hours of coding. It can last for weeks if I don't stay away from the computer. What do you guys do to prevent shoulder and neck pain?4
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Please how realistically, can you make $5k with programming skills per month?
What web application can a programmer build or ways can I do this ?
#SaveASoul21 -
Do you remember the question: How can I get the Counter Strike game in a Floppy disk? and.. what is done there they copied the shortcut into the floppy Lol2
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I've seen a lot of web developers in devrant (including myself) and I'm interested in other peoples work...so, can you answer this quick poll?
- What language(s) do you use for work?
- What language(s) do you know?
- What languages would you like to try and why?
- Where are you from?
Thanks ranters <310 -
Do you ever come to a solution but forget what the original problem you were solving for was?
I just tried to do a large number multiplication in my head but now forgot what I needed it for...
And after plugging the solution into Google and what I can recall... Seems the answer is wrong as it's indivisible by one of the terms that was involved in the multiplication...2 -
So. I began college this year. I will be majoring in Computer Science. There first thing as a new student I did was signed up for the Computer Science Club and excited for the new adventure I asked, "What are we going to do?
President: "Nothing. We don't have any programmers or budget. But you can do whatever you want."
I don't know what I felt: maybe lost? a little dead inside?
What a disappointment.
6 -
You can talk for a lifetime of improvement, but what can you do when your boss sits near you and dictates his changes to the app you're working on?
Don't forget, this changes are on the opposite place of good common sense, interface guidelines (iOS and material) and TASTE. -
What is one of the most important things you can do related to your healthcare? Track your meds.
What **can’t** HealthKit do? Give you the ability to track your meds.
🥃💃🏼🦊 Over! -
When agile is everywhere (including toilets). Do you want me to poop in agile way? 💩💩
What can be the agile way of shitting?
2 -
Freelancers: How do you get your Clients? How do you convince them of what you can do for them? Any articles, tips, experiences and stories appreciated!8
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What do you hate most about your current CI/CD setup at work?
Mine is that staging and production are released independently. If staging fails, it can still roll out to master. This scares me.9 -
For coding advice
Don't stop thinking
Keep asking how and why a thing works
Learn the logic
Pick any one language
Write some code, do mistake, fix, learn and repeat
Do keep a balance of coding and real life ,playing games are necessary
Do exercise as well....
Maybe some more things we can , but most important is
Do what you love not what others love.
It's your life live and code your way... -
Hey Postman,
Please fucking stop downloading minor updates and bug fixes automatically. Even if you do it, give the users an option to cancel the fucking download so that they can, you know, peacefully use the app for what it was built for.7 -
Hey guys quick question! Can you suggest a good kindle book for python? Also, what do you write it with? Currently using vscode with python extension.5
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What do you guys think about Founders/CEOs of software/IT companies with no experience in coding? How can they ever understand a developer’s plight and run a developer friendly company?6
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I need a place where i can put fck in some moments. I dont really want to scream it out. What do you guys do in these situations?6
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what if for some magical way you can switch places with the client... on the things I will do to him...
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Got started with docker and installed a Ubuntu container.
Next I installed vim to know what you can do with this. But here I am looking at a blank window.
What have I done ?3 -
What keyboards do you use?
Well atm i use a cheap mechanic keyboard which i got since my last one died. I can afford a new one and looking for options. I prefer tenkeyless keyboards. What do you use? Mechanic? Slim? Anyone uses mac keyboard with linux? Any suggestions would be very helpful.5 -
“Oh lie and let us get away with stuff by giving us total control over what you remember so we can bamboozle you and you can look like you’re either weak or complicit“ oh yeah great idea.
Get right on that .
Far as I can tell you people are all permanently crazy because you all do just that
And your balls are gone9 -
Just patching shit from other unknown Junior dev is depressing ... Its like i can do operations but i kill 80% of my patients do you want a try ? If you dont know what you doing please just take time to get a small formation at least thx2
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me: can you help me debug this issue in our artifactory server?
ops: we don't manage that server. devs do
me: can I get access to manage that server?
ops: why would you need access??
me: to manage server ಠ_ಠ
ops: exactly what commands you will need?
me: ಠ_ಠ -
The human brain can act really weird sometimes! It makes us behave irrationally, believe in total nonsense, and can even change our memories. However, every decision we make is made for a reason. So what do you think, exactly is it that determines the choices you make?5
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Just installed Cent OS 7 on my HP 380 g6 server, can someone please explain why hp withholds bios updates unless you pay extra... Where do I even get a support licence for this old thing. DoD normally handle's these things.
Also what do you do with a server at home. I found some AI assistant software to run and of course VM's but what else.5 -
Le Angular programmer
Me: I need to add all these fields across this 30 page (seriously) questionnaire to the dataLayer for Google Analytics...I'll see if I can loop over all the controls and get the native element so that I can do things with it.
Also me: WTF do you mean I don't have access to the native element? Damn it! What does Google say?
**terrible french accent**
A few moments later
**end terrible french accent**
Me: I don't want to have to create a directive to put on every single one of these fields. That's dumb. Not gonna do it...bad vanilla JavaScript?
**terrible french accent**
Several minutes later
**end terrible french accent**
Me: Wait...if we use this directive then the directive can handle all the things AND we can use it outside of this questionnaire. The rest of the app can send this data so that Google Analytics can know all the things
Man Google..You sure do know what I want before I know what I want...Are you spying on me too?1 -
Do you think is it worth buying macbook air or some other laptop for the same price? I know I can get better specs for that money but I dont game or do a lot of video editing so I Don't need a beast graphic card, I just need it for coding. What do you think?6
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Do you guys have a portfolio website? If so can you leave a link :)
And What do recruiters look at when they are browsing the website?10 -
When did this sector get too busy to do design? All we do is throw cupcakes against the wall now. Even with breakfixes a simple “what do you need from System X and what can you pass in?” is now deemed too slow.4
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First of all, I need you to forgive me for what I'm doing to do...
So, for webdev, Ruby or Python?
Opinions, thoughts, tips, are all welcome.
- I know these kind of choose A or B questions make me a horrible person, but what can I do. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ -5 -
"Sorry, I heard you're good with maths can you just derive that equation for me real quick?"
90% of what we do is maths why are you here?2 -
What tools do you use to manage how much time you needed to get stuff done?
Any tool where I can stop time and also add things like had a meeting for 1h and so on.2 -
So I'm relatively new to Python. I've started doing the practicepython.org challenges. What do you guys think to my code layout, is there any way I can improve.
https://github.com/Rotho98/...5 -
Question: What tools/software do you use to write API documentation of applications with NodeJs back-end (assuming that you can not use tools like ex: sweager for weakly typed languages)?2
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What are you guys studying/what are your professions? What do you think of your study or profession? Also, what do you develop/what do you use to develop? I'm going to be studying bioinformatics next year, we'll be using java and python. The idea is to write programs that can find links in big data that stems from research on diseases and genetics. My two favourite subjects were always biology and computer science, (even though computer science in my middle school is a joke) so this study really appealed to me. I'm curious about you guys.4
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Java, Scala, Groovy, Kotlin or Closure? Which do you prefer?
If not Java from those above, can you give an example why?
I'm curious what you guys like. If you're not interested in Java, please stay away, it's not about C++ or any other fancy language.13 -
Being black....It's workin' twice as hard as the people you know you're better than
'Cause you need to do double what they do so you can level them.1 -
Ok guys ... real talk ... I've been stuck on a problem for over a month! The thing is that the problem and implementation is too specific for stack overflow. I've tried everything that I can think of and it's actually keeping me up at night! What do you guys do when you hit a brick wall?8
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How do you know when you’re overengineering something? Like, you look a project and know you can build this with vanilla JS but the creative team wants it built in React because “components are better”. What do you do?
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CAN ANYBODY TELL ME, WHAT YOU ACTUALLY DO WHEN YOU ARE NOT GETTING SOME LOGIC? AND WHEN DO YOU GET LOGIC? EXAMPLE, ME I USUALLY GET LOGIC WHILE I AM IN BATHROOM!10
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!rant
So, does anyone here play Screeps? If so, what do you guys think of it, and i what language do you write code for it?
I am currently on the fence about picking it up again because fuck JS. If i can manage to get C# to compile to that game without crashing performance like a sinking submarine i would probably try it again. -
My fellow programmer, you came here for a rant?
I apologize, you can have no rants. I won't rant for you today.
But you can still help me. What do you think of TypeORM? I'm starting a new project and I'm thinking about using it.5 -
Have you ever scoped a task to be a certain amount of time and at the end of that scoped time asked for more time because you think you can still achieve what you are trying to do but after the extra time has expired, you find out that the task is near impossible?
What do you tell the client? -
I got to create the data platform with Azure Data Factory. I am new to data platform.
Any advise on what to look out for?
Could you guy please tell me if you know any good use case I can look at or any obvious pitfall which drain all the credit and so on?
I just a vague idea of what Azure data factory can do.4 -
What do you think guys about this "internet computing" - run a webpage with all is data on blockchain thing? I have mixed feelings, it's like the app you made is nowhere and everywhere at the same time. Can be the future?1
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Screen design are fine, but putting a "download confirmation" link means absolutely nothing.
I can build you the button...it won't do anything or go anywhere unless you tell me what
and where a "confirmation" is....
<a href="#".....it is then. -
Can anyone share a junior dev/intern story in which they were happy/satisfied ? Like what tasks you used to do, what were your responsibilities, what was the support from seniors/leads/managers/founders/ceo/cto whenever you were stuck, how was the pressure of work there, etc?
My previous few posts might tell you that am having second thoughts about this internship of mine.7 -
Web developers I'm doing a quick poll for a story in writing and I'm curious what development platforms do you use and why do you use it? This can be a CMS platform like WordPress or rails for a web application or even weebly for a WYSIWYG. just curious how you all think and why. Thanks in advance!7
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Stupid question but how exactly do you use javascript in an html page? What editor can you use to see a live preview as you code? Trying to make a multi-step secure form.11
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What is consciousness? Can it be simulated? If so, is it possible with current hardware? What is thought? Is it an input or an output? Is it voluntary? Is there a gap between stimulus and response? If so, how large is it? What happens there? How do you know?22
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!rant
I got an old laptop from my girlfriend that I can use for whatever I want.
As a programmer and computer nerd you can't deny that you wouldn't do anything with it, but what to do?
I want to use it for something, but can't figure out what. Maybe you have some ideas :D7 -
what are you all using for static site generations? like I am planning todo a collection of links/resources/knowledge for personal use. Would do it with markdown and heard about https://www.11ty.dev/docs/ and jekyll, can you recommend me some others?5
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How do you handle a colleague who just throws his/her work at you saying that he/she is able to implememt things at his/her side in meetings. And when you ask on personal he/she says not done yet !? Things getting delayed because of that and I don't know what to do ? can you give some advice.....1
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What would be the one thing you can get it right or do it another way if you can go back to this morning. If its just morning there, last night?2
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One of our previous clients is not paying the rest of the payments after receiving the codes. What are the things we can/should do digitally to make them pay the payment?
btw, it was a web app. we worked on the front end and the backend of the app. So, naturally we know all the API endpoints, we have the database access, and so on. So yeah, we can do so many things.
But still I wanna ask you guys, what would you do to make someone pay?3
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