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A programmer is walking along a beach and finds a lamp. He rubs the lamp, and a genie appears. “I am the most powerful genie in the world. I can grant you any wish, but only one wish.”
The programmer pulls out a map, points to it and says, “I’d want peace in the Middle East.”
The genie responds, “Gee, I don’t know. Those people have been fighting for millenia. I can do just about anything, but this is likely beyond my limits.”
The programmer then says, “Well, I am a programmer, and my programs have lots of users. Please make all my users satisfied with my software and let them ask for sensible changes.”
At which point the genie responds, “Um, let me see that map again.”4 -
Co-worker: "I wish I understood how this program worked"
Me: "I wish I understood how THIS program worked"
Co-worker: "You're the the one that wrote that"
Me: "Your point?"4 -
"I wish I could browse devRant at work"
Well wish no more!
http://www.jsrant.com/
@dfox will I have my third entry on the projects page? 😇48 -
You only get three wishes.
I wish for more wishes.
I can't do that. Only three are allowed.
Sudo I wish for more wishes.
OK, here's more wishes!2 -
Today is my birthday.
I wish I wasn't such a lazy piece of shit and actually get my personal projects done.
Thanks in advance, birthday wish granter.2 -
My 2018 wish:
I wish Amazon and Google would end their childish fight so that i can finally stream Amazon Prime to my TV using Chromecast.4 -
The answer to all your computer issues (now including the caching issues on websites): Restart your computer
5 -
!(!rant)
So I wanted a raise and the only way was becoming a software lead.
With that title you get more money but also more responsibility, so you have the last word in technical decisions, you review architecture, do tech interviews, guide the less experienced, etc. I can handle that, even as introverted as I am.
What nobody told me was that I was going to spend my whole time on fucking meetings, one after another, I have not touched my IDE in days, I hate this shit already.
Careful what you wish for they say, so true, I'm stuck here and I hate my job now, probably going to quit as soon as I recover my life, if ever.4 -
No, I do not wish to work on your Scrum-managed project.
I do not wish to contribute to the Taylorism of my profession.
I do not wish to be an interchangeable cog in your software sausage machine.
I do not wish to be tracked by some pointless metrics like a call-centre worker.
I do not wish to bust my tight, cute ass to sprint after some idiotic management request that could have been factored in earlier.
I do not wish to obtain some piss-ant qualification that "authorises" me to do my job.
I do not wish to be party to your lie that technical debt will be avoided by refactoring---whatever the cost.
I do not wish to contribute to the death of software engineering to have it replaced by software development.
Agile? Sure. I can pick up the phone and talk to the client, users and fellow devs. After all, that's what it FUCKING MEANS. Communi-fucking-cation.
See that burndown chart? See your anus? Know what's happening next?
Fuck Scrum and every fucking bottom-feeder that is scamming a living by promoting it. You're killing this business.
Hugs and kisses,
Platypus15 -
Genie, my first wish is that you double the amount of JavaScript frameworks, every day.
Genie, my second wish is that you make PHP even more of a mess. Huh, not possible? Alright, my second wish is that my browser history is cleared when I die.
Genie, my third and final wish is that Linux will be owned by Microsoft and released as a DLC to Windows Vista.
Happy developing!3 -
Finally switched from Ubuntu to Arch. Wish me luck.
Finally switched from Ubuntu to Mac. Wish me luck.
Similar sentences, very different feelings!5 -
As a developer, I'm sometimes accused of pulling strings out my arse.
As a dog owner, I've literally just had to pull a string out of my dog's arse.
I really wish she'd stop eating fabric.2 -
* Driving... Thinking about code.
* Walking... Thinking about code.
* Lying down... Thinking about code.
* Sitting down... Thinking about code.
* Eating... Thinking about code.
* Conversating... Thinking about code.
* Praying... Thinking about code.
* Partying... Thinking about code.
* Pooing... Thinking about code.
* Bathing... Thinking about code.
* Eyes closed... Thinking about code.
* Eyes open... Thinking about code.
Genie... I think you already know my wish.12 -
Dear DevRant,
Tomorrow, I get to defend my memory (the document I finished 3 weeks before deadline, remember?), which means that I am a month away to finish my studies forever. I am totally fucking scared but, heh, the key not to panick is to think it's already too late, just go til the end while avoiding saying bullshit as much as you can.
There are so much things I want to do, from sleeping one month straight, to shove my resignation letter in everyone's ass. Hopefully, everything will happen soon enough :)
I just want you to know that it feel so good to be a member of a community that is so relatable about anger you can feel everyday, it feels so good.
Love y'all, and wish me luck
@Drillan7673 -
I really wish i was a good designer. Id love to put together attractive frontends with cool and unique ideas.
I also wish i wasnt colorblind.3 -
Left my post as a software engineer in a Software Development company.
I’m now a Lead engineer in a consultancy.2 -
Continued from:
https://devrant.com/rants/975261/...
https://devrant.com/rants/989191/...
Heading to the interview place in 8 in the morning! Wish me luck!
Will keep updated.
Peace! (insert music here)6 -
So I taught myself basic PHP in one day today after contemplating and realizing itll help me get the job I want. And i made a practice website with it today and im pretty proud of it so far.8
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!rant
Yesterday was the first day of my final exams. (They are scheduled this whole week) First exam was programming on paper and it went surprisingly good. I'm pretty sure i made one or two minor mistakes but overall it should work. (3 tasks: program a calculator; program a car-showcase program and explain quicksort) We had 3 hours to do this and even though i needed them i didn't feel any pressure. That was really nice. Thank you for calming me down the last days/weeks and ensuring me that i can do this.
I hope today's going as smooth. Exam of the day is networks. Wish me luck^^8 -
I bought 30 random stickers for 1 € on wish today. Thousand times better than buying 4 stickers for 6,99€ etc...
I hope they'll arrive 🤣
4 -
If doctors were like software engineers, they would say things like "Have you tried killing yourself and letting yourself be reborn?"2
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It’s the second maths pre-final exam today. Next after that - the finals.
I feel more ready than usual, I practiced more than I usually do before this test.
Wish me luck!4 -
My wish to have:
1) default show line number in IDE
2) default f**king dark theme
3) grant A new wish every time I make a wish
Wish wishes = new Wish();
3 -
// TODO : Resurrect dev team
if(devRant.development ⩶ 'active')
devRant.notifications.addPanel({
content : [ '++' , 'comments' ] ,
type : 'split'
})6 -
A client wants me to build his website. He want a WordPress one, with a tool named Elementor to let him build stuff and upgrade the website by his own.
Seriously, Wtf is this shit !? That's a pure nightmare to work with !5 -
We hired two developers (out of country). Got them set up with the repo and running the app (mobile). One was complaining the login was failing, after 5 minutes, realizes hes not connected to the wifi on his phone.
I am unsure who we are hiring -
1 - I wish clients would make better specs
2 - I wish I was better at asking for specs
3 - I wish I was better at sticking to the specs1 -
I just wish I could make my living by doing stuff that I love and not by doing stuff that other people have to do to make a living so they can do what they love.2
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!rant
After 4 - 5 months of learning webD, I am trying to build my first fullstack web application (simple chat one ).
My stack :
FRONTEND:
Vue.js + Materialize
Backend:
Express ( handling routes )
Mongoose/MongoDB ( Database )
Socket.io ( web sockets for real time connection )
JWT
Had dreamt of this 2 months ago where I built a basic front end using html and css, and now porting it to Vue is like a breeze.
Wish me luck and let's hope it doesnot become one of the unfinished projects. ( My university semester exams are coming up , would have to complete this as fast as possible ). I am also learning DSA + STL and aim to learn basic python syntax before holidays so that I can focus my time on ML during them. It's so fucking overloaded that I have my doubts ::((4 -
Time to lie through my teeth in my end of probation meeting about wanting to keep my job. Wish me luck!
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Last December I discovered the Chinese curse "May you live in interesting times", and my new year's wish was that there be interesting times. This year I wish there be mundane times.2
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This is it, today I am getting one of my wisdom teeth removed. Wish me luck! Also, if I’m talking here, I just wanna say: I am officially moving away from SwiftUI and switching to UIKit. I’ve been constantly building my way around SwiftUI, constantly bypassing SwiftUI and adding UIKit layers around it. It has been such a headache using SwiftUI to construct such complicated views and I figured that the pace of development has been rapidly declining due to SwiftUI. I am going to rewrite the whole app again but in UIKit (it’s still native).
(Also, Floyd, sorry for the mistag again. :P)6 -
Would someone just tell me how many more times do I need to press the dislike button during the ads not to see Wish and Tik Tok appear ever again?
P. S. Same situation with Headspace, but at least those aren't so annoying because of how calm they sound.2 -
Flight mode,work calls
How I wish I could enable flight mode on my phone and still be in a position to get data access but no calls coming in.
Here my wish telcom companies.5 -
1. I wish you can help me find my Dev Jasmine
2. I wish she comes with Dev Abu/Iago
3. I wish you can be my friend Dev Genie
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I despise services like WhoisGuard; I search for the information of a domain because I wish to inquire about something, not because I wish to spam the bloke.3
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I really wish Emacs had better integration with Windows. Vim is a wonderful text editor, but it just doesn't do everything I used Emacs for. If it were my choice, I'd only use Linux for everything, but unfortunately I have to use other people's computers since my personal system's hard disk is borked, and it's really unfortunate how poorly it works even with Cygwin. Oh well, can't have it all I guess.2
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Through pain, sweat, tears, sickness, blood, and endless confusion between Linux system and windows system configuration, and finally learning the fundamentals of a new language, I have officially broke ground on a new project. Here's to hoping it doesn't end in GitHub hell with the rest
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All I wanted for Christmas is a personal barista who gives me great coffees in the morning. #badatcoffeemaking #stilllovecoffeethough4
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1. I wish for a timestopers watch that wouldn't let you age.
2. I wish my pocket always had exact change for what i wanted to buy.
3. I wish i wouldn't have to explain what i do for a living. -
Writing my 2. exam tomorrow (1. one just slightly missed minimum of points)
in Algorithms and Data Structures... really want to succeed!
cuddling with my cat to reduce stress😌
wish me luck😅😓1 -
!rant
I wish there was more support for porting Ubuntu mobile.
I wish I was experienced enough to port it myself(at least to my phone)1
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