Yo dawg, check out my fresh pimped homeoffice!

I have been a developer since I was 13 and this is the first time ever I feel complete :) Wish all of you even a better one than mine!

Yo dawg, we heard you like news. So we put more news in your news, so you can news while you news.

My first programming job started at a fairly small gamming company. We were pretty close because we were so small and sometimes jokes were a bit too personal. Anyway, during my 3 months probation period, the team lead invited the whole company at his house for a party. Long story short, I got wasted, and when the CEO arrived I went to him and told him something like: Yo dawg, let's drink, don't be a pu**y. The sad part is that I cannot remember doing that and apparently I shouted outloud. I had some pretty interesting meetings the next days. Came too close to being fired 😅.

"Linux has also been ported to itself."
Yo dawg, I heard you liked Linux so I made Linux run on Linux so you can Linux while you Linux...

Rappers: "Yo dawg check out my mixtape!"
Programmers: "Hey have written this super cool JSON library..."

I just wrote this stub function for my test and thought it was a bit ridiculous and had to share.

A function that returns a function that returns an object with just one function

Yo dawg, we heard you like installers. So we put more installers in your installers, so you can install while you install your Visual Studio

You may know I love to hate tests. Well not the tests actually, what I hate is the TDD culture.

DBMS schema in my app dictates a key can either have a value, or be omitted - it can't be null, and all queries are written with that in mind (also they're checked compile-time against schema). But tester failed to mock schema validation, inserted a bunch of null keys with mock data, actually wrote assertions to check those keys are null (even though they never should be), and wanted me to add "or null" to my "exists" queries.

No, we don't need more tests, and you're not smart with your "edge cases" argument. DBMS and compiler ensure those null values can never exists in our DB, and they're already well tested by their developers. We need you to stop relying on TDD so much you forget about the practical purpose of the code, and to occasionally break from the whole theoretical independent tests to make sure your testing actually aligns with third-party services some code uses.

And no, we don't need more tests to test your mocks, and tests to test those test, and yo dawg, I heard ...

Yo dawg, I heard you like asynchronous JavaScript, so I put a promise in your promise so you can promise while you promise

Finding fragile balance between “we need to create a programming language to solve this task elegantly and efficiently” and “yo dawg here’s some php, go get that shit together”

Watched a co-worker configure a new "MacBook pro" as a replacement for the four-year-old one this personcurrently has. A replacement machine is justified as the old one is on the fritz... Naturally because MacBooks aren't any better than any other machine, build quality or otherwise. I still cannot fathom why anyone would even consider budgeting over $3000 for a single machine, only to then buy several adapters just to make the thing work.

Apple is off the deep end. People who fall for that BS are off the deep end.

I feel like showing the manager several alternative models at half the price just to make the point that MacBooks are a pointless waste of money.

Oh my, never was i triggered more. Of course i can only speak for my experience. I study software development as focus.

First off, the starting languages and or concepts you learn.
Why the fuck do they start with java and don't even really explain how instances actually work? Of course they don't. Because it would be way too fucken much for a semester to go over garbage collection, Instanciation of stuff, allocation in such an advanced system, etc..
How about starting with something not 50% managed by a vm?
Good ol' C. And now don't tell me thats a rough start. We all know about these subjects or exams where it's all about sorting people out. Who will be able to manage a whole bunch of shit or who should consider something else.
Yo dawg sick idea: how about sorting it via the will to achieve the skill of coding?
Nah but we make the exams around coding (by the fucking way done on paper, what the hell) such a fucking breeze, asking you how to convert hex do dec.
Meanwhile maths will make you cut yourself in a dark corner, after you nearly shot yourself because of some lame-ass business-subject.

Yo dawg, I heard you like writing code for code you already wrote. So I made you write some mock functions so you can write code for code you already wrote!

No comment.

Internationalization be like:
Yo dawg, look, you can use mutliple languages now!

Suddenly gettext won't find any language files and every string is empty ;_;

WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME GNU?!

I gave computer tech support to a tech support person.

I don't know how I feel about this...

Like, Yo dawg, I heard you like tech support, so I gave tech support to tech support.