Seriously, ChatGPT?? What other use could you have in this historic moment?? Guess OpenAI forgot to train opportunism into its models.

I found a use for Excel. It essentially cures me of low blood pressure.

P.S: Anything against high blood pressure?

To anyone who likes to solve problems, here's one:

How can I (m29) get the idea into my boss' thick skull (m50), that the crisis meeting he had with the client could be averted by just using what every other software development company uses (git), without being explained what the difference between a .java and .class file is?

How can you trust Microsoft to find your shit in time when:
- updates delete your files
- outlook can’t find your emails
- word documents randomly get not saved.

It’s like asking a person with dementia where my wallet is.

I randomly find this so wholesome. Stuff like this gives me hope that one day we create software to move society forward, instead of leveraging psychology to make kids addicted to cancerous social media applications (looking at you, lizugg_erburg)

Props to Anthony for the image:
https://pexels.com/photo/...

Aah just how I like my gpt. Imagine bekng such a huge cuck you start working for Microsoft

So I’m very biased against JavaScript. However, beliefs need to be challenged. If you feel like it, convince me that this language is worth using as part of the tech stack.

What can I use instead of JavaScript? From what I’m reading this language seems like self harm, and I’m not a masochist.

How can we accelerate Microsoft’s downfall?

How to know you are actually working in a loony bin? When a requirement goes full circle including released to be merged into production by the customer, and just after moving the issue to done, the boss says „that can’t be right, check it again“

Shows up when landing on the Chrome download page. Pathetic. Also 0 - ∞ = -∞

I am witnessing Einsteins theory of relativity first hand, I’m amazed. The closer I get to Microsoft products, the slower my velocity becomes. At 9 PM, I have tried to connect a MS SQL Server to an ERP System for 30 minutes. After this piece of shit robbed me of all my energy, I look at the clock and it’s midnight. Go die in a dumpster fire Microsoft

*Researching Multi-model database options for my tech-stack*

*finds ArangoDB*

*goes on homepage*

*gets greeted by a dude waving his hand and pointing towards a CTA*

*whatthefuck.gif*

*closes the pop-up*

*doesnt close, shrinks to the corner of the screen*

*dude keeps waving his hand*

*cant read documentation for 1 minute without getting distracted by an uncloseable pop-up*

*closes tab*

*crosses out ArangoDB*

Dear ArangoDB,
please invest in your product, instead of brainfarts from a marketing intern.

Fucking Windows.

Everytime I update the system it acts like it got infected by yet another virus.

Everyone uses this shitty insult of an OS because one day Gates said "hurr durr look how fucking generous I am, y'all get my OS for free". And we got fooled big time.

Any E-mail I try to look up in Outlook that's older than a month doesn't exist, Excel converts anything I type into ISO-timestamps, and the most infuriating thing of all is that whenever something runs in an error, it just gives me a big

FUCK Something went wrong YOU
FUCK Ask your administrator if you have any questions YOU
FUCK Who do you think is sitting infront of the screen you big pile piece of shit software YOU

AFAIK Gates founded Microsoft as the hero mounting against the giants of its time, IBM to be concise. Looks like Microsoft lived long enough to become the villain themselves.

The global joke of Information Security

So I broke my iPhone because the nuclear adhesive turned my display into a shopping bag.

This started the ride for my character arc in this boring dystopia novel:

Amazon is preventing me from accessing my account because they want my password, email AND mobile phone number in their TWO.STEP Verifivation.
Just because one too many scammers managed to woo one too many 90+y/o's into bailing their long lost WW2 comrades from a nigerian jail with Amazon gift cards and Amazon doesn't know what to do about anymore,

DHL is keeping my new phone in a "highly secure" vault 200m away from my place, waiting for a letter to register some device with a camera because you need to verify your identity with an app,

all the while my former car insurance is making regress claims of about 7k€ against me for a minor car accident (no-one hurt fortunately, but was my fault).

Every rep from each of the above had the same stupid bitchass scapegoat to create high-tech supra chargers to the account deletion request:

- Amazon: We need to verify your password, whether the email was yours and whether the phone number is yours.

They call it 2-step-verification.

Guess what Amazon requests to verify you before contacting customer support since you dont have access to your number? Your passwoooooord. While youre at it, click on that button we sent you will ya? ...

I call this design pattern the "dement Tupi-Guarani"

- DHL: We need an ID to verify your identity for the request for changing the delivery address you just made. Oh you wanted to give us ANOTHER address than the one written on your ID? Too bad bro, we can't help, GDPR

- Car Insurance: We are making regress claims against you, which might throw you back to mom's basement, oh and also we compensated the injured party for something else, it doesn't matter what it is but it's definitely something, so our claims against you just raised by 1.2k. Wait you want proof we compensated something to the injured at all? Nah mate we cant do that , GDPR. But trust me, those numbers are legit, my quant forecasted the cost of childrens' christmas wishes. You have 14 days or we'll see you in court haha

I am also their customer in a pension scheme. Something special to Germany, where you save some taxes but have to pay them back once you get the fund paid out. I have sent them a letter to terminate the contract.

Funniest thing is, the whole rant is my second take. Because when I hit the post button, devrant made me verify my e-mail. The text was gone afterwards. If someone from devRant reads this, you are free to quote this in the ticket description.

Fuck losing your virginity, or filing your first tax return, or by God get your first car, living through this sad Truman dystopia without going batshit insane is what becoming a true adult is.

I am grateful for all this though:

Amazon's safety measures prevented me from spending the money I can use to conclude the insurance odyssey, and DHLs "giving a fuck about customers" prevention policies made me support local businesses. And having ranted all this here does feel healthy too. So there's that.

Oh, cherry on top. I cant check my balance, because I can only verify my login requests to my banking account wiiiiiiith...?