Boss: "Could you join the new DevOps team for a week or two, for some coaching?"

Me: "I'd rather watch you masturbate furiously in a corner of the office while you cry over your ex boyfriend"

Boss: "Yeah... that's why I ask you. You are the only one brave enough to watch"

Me: *Sigh* "But I don't know shit about what DevOps does, I'm a DBA. I've told you the difference a million times. Can't we just douse it in gasoline and set it on fire?"

Boss: "What?"

Me: "Not the team, the servers..."

Boss, imitating Gimli: "And my ex!"

Me: "I get why he left you"

Boss: "It's funny, he was actually better with computers than me, maybe even better than you. He hated me for starting this company, told me I was just chasing money instead of ideals. He just isn't grown up enough to see that there is more to the world than computer games, brewing beer, maker festivals and gay bars, that you need to take responsibility... Maybe it just never works out between managers and geeks..."

Me: "Indeed. The difference in competence is too large"

Boss: "Ugh. You are like straight version of him... but will you at least take a look?"

Me: "Fine, unzip your pants..."

Boss: "No, not that... you need to teach DevOps this docking thing, with the parallel stuff, and the horizontal growth"

Me: "Damn I really hope we're talking about servers now... Do you mean Docker?"

Boss: "That's it. They want to learn how to dock on the Windows servers. They reserved two 4xlarge on AWS. Is that enough for docking?"

Me: ...

Me: ...

Me: "You know what. I'm going back to hug my DB designs, and wash my brain with some queries. Then I'll return here to burn everything to the ground. There is no hope for you left"

Boss: "That's what he said"

Me: "You're using that meme wrong"

Boss: "OK. So what if you just stay on DB management, and I'll just give you the budget to recruit a new DevOps lead and pay for training?"

Me: "That would work"

Boss: "Why are you grinning?"

Me: "Because I have your ex's phone number"

Code review titles by year:

1990 - your code is using to much memory
1995 - your code is not running on window 95
2000 - your code is slow
2003 - your code don't have tests
2005 - your code is not 64 bit
2009 - your code is not using mvc patters
2010 - your code is not horizontal scalable
2011 - your code should be written in js
2015 - your code is not mobile ready
2020 - your code is racist

The story of the $500,000,000 error.

In 1996, an unmanned Ariane 5 model rocket was launched by the European Space Agency.

Onboard was software written to analyze the horizontal velocity of the spacecraft. A conversion between a 64-bit floating point value and a 16-bit signed integer within this software ultimately caused an overflow error just forty seconds after launch, leading to a catastrophic failure of the spacecraft.

That day, $7 billion of development met it's match: a data type conversion.

Ladies and gentlemen, prepare yourselves for a rant with a capital R, this is gonna be a long one.

Our story begins well over a year ago while I was still in university and things such as "professionalism" and "doing your job" are suggestions and not something you do to not get fired. We had multiple courses with large group projects that semester and the amount of reliable people I knew that weren't behind a year and in different courses was getting dangerously low. There were three of us who are friends (the other two henceforth known as Ms Reliable and the Enabler) and these projects were for five people minimum. The Enabler knew a couple of people who we could include, so we trusted her and we let them onto the multiple projects we had.

Oh boy, what a mistake that was. They were friends, a guy and a girl. The girl was a good dev, not someone I'd want to interact with out of work but she was fine, and a literal angel compared to the guy. Holy shit this guy. This guy, henceforth referred to as Mr DDTW, is a motherfucking embarrassment to devs everywhere. Lazy. Arrogant. Standards so low they're six feet under. Just to show you the sheer depth of this man's lack of fucks given, he would later reveal that he picked his thesis topic "because it's easy and I don't want to work too hard". I haven't even gotten into the meat of the rant yet and this dude is already raising my blood pressure.

I'll be focusing on one project in particular, a flying vehicle simulator, as this was the one that I was the most involved in and also the one where shit hit the fan hardest. It was a relatively simple-in-concept development project, but the workload was far too much for one person, meaning that we had to apply some rudimentary project management and coordination skills that we had learned to keep the project on track. I quickly became the de-facto PM as I had the best grasp on the project and was doing a lot of the heavy lifting.

The first incident happened while developing a navigation feature. Another teammate had done the basics, all he had to do was use the already-defined interfaces to check where the best place to land would be, taking into account if we had enough power to do so. Mr DDTW's code:
-Wasn't actually an algorithm, just 90 lines of if statements sandwiched between the other teammate's code.
-The if statements were so long that I had to horizontal scroll to see the end, approx 200 characters long per line.
-Could've probably been 20 normal-length lines MAX if he knew what a fucking for loop was.
-Checked about a third of the tiles that it should have because, once again, it's a series of concatenated if statements instead of an actual goddamn algorithm.
-IT DIDN'T FUCKING WORK!

My response was along the lines of "what the fuck is this?". This dipshit is in his final year and I've seen people write better code in their second semester. The rest of the team, his friend included, agreed that this was bad code and that it should be redone properly. The plan was for Mr DDTW to move his code into a new function and then fix it in another branch. Then we could merge it back when it was done. Well, he kept on saying it was done but:
-It still wasn't an algorithm.
-It was still 90 lines.
-They were still 200 characters wide.
-It still only checked a third of the tiles.
-IT STILL DIDN'T FUCKING WORK!

He also had one more task, an infinite loop detection system. He watched while Ms Reliable did the fucking work.

We hit our first of two deadlines successfully. We still didn't have a decent landing function but everything else was nice and polished, and we got graded incredibly well. The other projects had been going alright although the same issue of him not doing shit applied. Ms Reliable and I, seeing the shitstorm that would come if this dude didn't get his act together, lodged a complaint with the professor as a precautionary measure. Little did I know how much that advanced warning would save my ass later on.

Second sprint begins and I'm voted in as the actual PM this time. We have four main tasks, so we assign one person to each and me as a generalist who would take care of the minor tasks as well as help out whoever needed it. This ended up being a lot of reworking and re-abstracting, a lot of helping and, for reasons that nobody ever could have predicted, one of the main tasks.

These main tasks were new features that would need to be integrated, most of which had at least some mutual dependencies. Part of this project involved running our code, which would connect to the professor's test server and solve a server-side navigation problem. The more of these we solved, the better the grade, so understandably we needed an MVP to see if our shit worked on the basic problems and then fix whatever was causing the more advanced ones to fail. We decided to set an internal deadline for this MVP. Guess who didn't reach it?

Hitting the character limit, expect part 2 SOON

Vertical + horizontal desk community, raise your hands up✌️✌️

People who rant about their phone making bad photos that are surprised when I make good photos on them...

JUST F*CK OFF AND HOLD IT HORIZONTAL AND WITH 2 HANDS LIKE I TOLD YOU LONG.MAX_VALUE TIMES

"We should use ambiguity-driven development using co-domain model sockets, anfractuous horizontal scaling, and recursive async testing"

"What even is that"

"I found some words I like in the dictionary, and used it as the title for a medium article. I thought that's how we play the game as devs these days"

What's with the 4 pixel wide scrollbars on some desktop software these days? Does nobody care about accessibility anymore?

No seriously.

Fuck you.

And why the fuck does open source software seem to be the main culprit - as usual.

And tutorials telling us to add an extra blank line to our source code because fucking Linux distros decide to put an overlay horizontal scrollbar just over the top of where the last visible line in an editor appears.

1 "Even though we divide our developers in cells (actual word used), our company's hierarchy is very horizontal."

2 "Sometimes we have to stay until later to get the job done"

3 "Covid has taught us that we shouldn't think of life and work as two separate things. They're one and the same"

4 "You can rack up points in the company to cash in for things like headphones!"

5 "We use this house as an office for our meetings. It's a big house."
----
1. That tells me you have no structure
2. Probably because you have no structure and you can't plan things out right.
3. you havin' a laugh? I'm all for not being a dick and socializing with colleagues every now and then but my free time is my own.
4. I'd rather you gave me more money.
5. Offices are a bit of a scam, but if you actually use a house as an office for a company that is supposed to have a presence in 3 different countries it makes me question how good you're doing at the moment.

---
I think I'm gonna pass if they don't ghost me.

!rant
Storytime!

I'm on the phone with an elderly customer.

Customer: Yes, I just got my computer back and now it's not talking to my monitor.

Me: Okay, and the monitor cable is plugged in?

Customer: Yes.

Me: Okay, I think I remember that you had a graphics card. Do you have a horizontal blue port?

Customer: No.

Me: Okay. So let's look near the middle of your computer. Do you see a blue port?

Customer: I don't know. I know the blue monitor cable is plugged in, but I don't know what color it is.

Me: Alright, let's unplug the cable for a second.

Customer: Okay, done.

Me: Now let's look for those two blue ports...

Customer: I only see one.

Me: And it's near the middle of the computer?

Customer: Yes.

Me: Okay, let's plug the monitor in.

Customer: Okay, done.

Me: Now does the monitor come up with anything?

Customer: Let me get to where I can see it... No, there's nothing.

Me: Even if you wiggle the mouse a little?

Customer: What?

Me: Does the computer talk to the monitor if you move the mouse a little?

Customer: How do I do that?

Me: ...You take the mouse... and move it from side to side

Customer: Oh! I understand. Um, no. Nothing.

Me: Okay, well let's bring the computer in. I think I know what the problem is, I just need to put a piece of tape somewhere.

Customer: Oh, okay. Fine.

"Let's create a docker-swarm cluster thingy for this application with horizontal scaling to learn docker and run this application better!"

This stuff is so overwhelming and I don't understand half of how to possibly set this up 😅

This is something I'll never forget.

I'm a senior UI engineer. I was working at a digital agency at the time and got tasked with refactoring and improving an existing interface from a well known delivery company.

I open the code and what do I find? Indentation. But not in the normal sense. The indentation only went forward, randomly returning a bunch of tabs back in the middle of the file a few times, but never returning to its initial level after closing a tag or function, both on HTML and JS.

Let that sink in for a minute and try to imagine what it does to your editor with word wrapping (1 letter columns), and without (absurd horizontal scrolling).

Using Sublime at the time, ctrl+shift+P, reindent. Everything magically falls beautifully into place. Refactor the application, clean up the code, document it, package it and send it back (zip files as they didn't want to provide version control access, yay).

The next day, we get a very angry call from the client saying that their team is completely lost. I prove to the project manager that my code is up to scratch, running fine, no errors, tested, good performance. He returns to the client and proves that it's all correct (good PM with decent tech knowledge).

The client responds with "Yeah, the code is running, but our team uses tabs for version control and now we lost all versioning!".

Bear in mind this was in 2012, git was around for 7 years then, and SVN and Mercury much longer.

I then finally understood the randomness of the tabs. The code would go a bunch of tabs back when it went back to a previous version, everything above were additions or modifications that joined seamlessly with the previous version before, with no way to know when and so on.

I immediately told the PM that was absurd, he agreed, and told the client we wouldn't be reindenting everything back for them according to the original file.

All in all, it wasn't a bad experience due to a competent PM, but it left a bad taste in my mouth to know companies have teams that are that incompetent, and that no one thought to stop and say "hey, this may cause issues down the line".

This week in Programming Language appreciation: the multiplication operator in Python. You can use it on strings and arrays for incredible ease of use. For a horizontal line in a terminal?

print("-" * 30)

Very helpful, and I have used it a lot. And I miss it in other languages.

Scenario 1
Friend 1:"Hey, you're good at computers right?"
Me:"Erm yup."
Friend 1:"Can you hack Instagram? I've lost my password."
Me:"Oh My God."

Scenario 2
Me looking at a friend's unity C# code
Me:"You know there's an enter key right? Why is your code horizontal not vertical?"
(Means that after a semi-colon he continues his code)
Friend 2:"I like to read my code in horizontal, that feels natural to me"
Me:"What ever, as long as it works. But why do you have so many if function inside another if function?"
Friend 2:"Cuz I want the player to do this while moving"
Me:".........."

During my first year of working, I was offered to work part-time at another company. I actually took it to my supervisor and asked for his advice.

He began with a sigh, he knows that I like programming so much and wants the job because I wanna do more programmings. He gathered his thoughts and said calmly, "Look, I cannot stop you if you want to, but think about this, you already are doing programming for five days a week here. Take those extra times you have to develop other parts of yourself. Go learn public speaking or something" or something along that line.

I gave it a deep thought, took the advice, and rejected the offer. I eventually went on to commit myself on volunteering for the next two and a half years, and secured a promotion about a year from that conversation because my supervisor sees improvements in my communications with others and my soft skills in general (unlike programming, you can't volunteer in an organisation without speaking to people).

Sometimes we programmers only wanna code that we forget that what we're building are for humans and involves other humans. You wanna be the best at work? Try to grow on your horizontal axis, too.

Is it just me or what. I had begun learning web development (but prefer C, shell scripting, Linux... ).

One thing that amazes me - besides having to learn 1356367626785576 technologies to get something done and the fact we get a fresh new amazing framework every 0.00000000000234 seconds - is CSS.

Amazing, I made a navigation bar where I wanted the items to be displayed in the horizontal position, so I
.navbar li, a {display:inline-block}

Works fine.

Next day I'm doing the same from scratch, doesn't fucking work. I look the previous design, HTML structure looks identical, I only use a different font face and colors.

After a while I randomly decided to put a <div> around the a element in order to do something else, update the page and... Voilá, text is in line.

Like... Wtf.

I'm like fuck it. No way I want to work with this shit, let's go back to shell.

Full stack developer.

I know what it's supposed to mean, but I feel like it gives discredit to the devs who perfect their area (frontend, backend, db, infrastructure). It's, to me, like calling myself a chef because I can cook dinner..

The depth, analysis and customization of the domain to shape an api to a website is never appreciated. The finicle tweaks on the frontend to make those final touches. Then comes a brat who say they are full stack, and can do all those things. Bullshit. 99.9% of them have never done anything but move data through layers and present it.

Throw these wannabes an enterprise system with monoliths and microservices willy nelly, orchestrate that shit with a vertical slice nginx ssi with disaster recovery, horizontal scaling, domain modeling, version management, a busy little bus and events flowing all decimal points of 2pi. Then, if you fully master everything going on there, I believe you are full stack.

Otherwise you just scraped the surface of what complexities software development is about. Everyone who can read a tutorial can scrape together an "in-out" website. But if your db is looking the same as your api, your highest complexity is the alignment of an infobox, I will laugh loud at your full stack.

And if you told me in an interview that you are full stack, you'd better have 10+ years experience and a good list of failed and successful projects before I'd let you stay the next two minutes..

Turning my 27" monitor vertically was the smartest thing I did all year.

There's so much space now that just using it makes me happy!

That only drawback is the 1080p horizontal resolution which is not enough for many sites to fit without zooming out.

I feel like I will soon persuade myself to buy a 4K monitor...

I just wanted to make with the Spotify API an online player. I sat 2 hours and still can't figure out how to center a fucking unordered list which is horizontal aligned
FUCK CSS

Dude in my Computer Architecture class was doing his homework from another class (Java, which is weird because that class is a prerequisite for this one) was struggling with a two-line code program, and the website was telling him that his output wasn't the expected. I notice that the website expected a vertical list, but he was printing an horizontal one. Basically, he was using println instead of print. I was about to pointed that out until he changed to another tab and I realize that he just copied and pasted the code from SO. He deleted the two-line code (which was enough to perform the task) and pasted a big +30 lines of code that basically printed the same output because he was still using println...

Bureaucracy is the biggest impediment to progress.

Instead of putting a brick wall in front of you by saying "The PO said that you created a bug", learn how to communicate and have a horizontal hierarchy, for fuck's sake.
Even if all my tests passed, they still throw other bugs in my face and call it my fault. Fantastic. I love Scrum. This is not Scrum, this is abusing and not respecting Scrum.

Stupid rules, stupid people.

Hey devs! You prefer vertical or horizontal monitor orientation to code?

@dfox
You put that little horizontal scroll bar or you seriously wanted to troll us?

Thinking it's a side bar, I tried literally 5-6 times and then I gave up.

That second attempt turn when your phone doesn't detect being horizontal? Yeah, fuck that.

Here's some screenshots of my c++ learning project, CursesWidgets! (Or ConsoleWidgets, it's officially just named "CW")

Just got layout managers done - pretty nice step forwards since now widgets don't need to render their children themselves; they can (and by default DO) delegate the work to a layout manager.

Here are the StackingLayoutManagers, which are the equivalent of WPF StackPanels or just the normal way HTML works. They have different orientations, however, and will soon have different alignments (Start, Middle, and End, which is the same thing as the typical Top, Middle, Bottom, Left, Center, Right, except SME can be used for either horizontal or vertical alignments)

Anyways, enough of my rambling. Here are some screenshots. If you made it this far you earned the knowledge that I plan to make a beastly terminal devRant client using this technology.

I learnt something from every single project I made, but this one... it was really different, new language, new library, new hardware.

Problem:
there's an infopoint in a place, that was really hard to use (ball mouse over a monitor)

Solution:
make the screen be touch.

Developing the solution:
- after a bit of research I find out there's a library/project called OpenCV
- there are example programs that detect hands written in C++ (which I know) and Python (which I don't know)
- the whole infopoint works on a raspberry PI, with raspbian (I'm not new to linux, but it's somehow different, plus tons of customization)

So I spend like 3 weeks trying to understand how to make it work, at first, the webcam was on the TV and you could move the mouse just by shaking your hand, but it didn't work too well, so we tried making the webcam look at the screen and then calculate the differences between "no-hands" and "user-hand", but should have been calibrated, wasn't too precise... dropped solution.

put the webcam 30cm above the screen, let it just analyse a few centimeters of sight from the screen and it worked flawlessly, BUT it could just recognise the horizontal axis => had to rework the infopoint UI to make it dumb-easy

It all finally worked, I learnt python, openCV, a bit of photography

Then hated it all and decided to never do that again

Don't feed the pigeons.
A cautionary tale.
When you feed the pigeons they keep coming back. They don't stop pestering you for help, and they don't ever listen to you.
I gave my father-in-law my old laptop, and installed the latest version of Office 2016 because I'm a nice guy.
Now, every week at family dinner there's something he needs me to help him with.
Mind you, his previous computer had Windows XP and the one I gave him had Windows 7. So it was quite the texh upgrade for him.
Except one of his octagenarian siblings wrote a family recipe book, and wrote it in Word Processor. (because Old People!) Well fuck of course it has pictures, clip art, special formatting, vertical and horizontal lines. It worked fine on XP because Word Processor was supported by XP.
The following is me explaining to him over the phone why his recipe book wouldn't load into Word. I was in his house picking up 2000 rounds of ammo for my and my wife's pistols (target practice) while he was out and about.
FIL: "It's the link on the desktop. It comes up in Word on the old computer but when I tried to put it on the new computer it wouldn't work. I used a thumb drive."
Me: "Okay well I tried to..."
FIL: "I don't know why it would work in Word on one computer and not the next."
Me: "Okay, well I clicked on the link to the file on your old desktop and it opened in Word Processor, not Word."
FIL: "No it opens in Word on the old computer, but it won't open on the new one."
Me: "It opens in Word Processor on the old computer, it won't open in Word on..."
FIL: "Which computer are you sitting at? The old one is on the left." (as if I wouldn't recognize the computer I had for three years and just gave him a month ago!)
Me: "The old one."
FIL: "Okay so it should open in Word on the old computer."
Me: "It won't. It will open in..."
FIL: "I was thinking maybe it had something to do with a screen that popped up when I logged in to the new computer. Something about antivirus software?"
Me: "It will open in Word Processor on your old computer, but it isn't formatted..."
FIL: "Yeah, it's a '.-w-p-s' file so it should work in Word."
Me: "Word Processor is a different program from Word. This opens in Word Processor."
(long silence)
FIL: "So which one do I have?"
Me: "You have Word Processor on the old computer."
FIL: "So how do I get Word Processor on the new computer?"
Me: "You don't. It is defunct software, it was discontinued ten years ago. You can try to get a converter online, but there's no guarantee it'll work."
FIL: "Alright, I'll be home in a few minutes. I'll take a look then."
This was at 10pm last night, and I'd been out all day since 7:30am. He still didn't believe me that the book was written in Word Processor until I showed him the different startup screen for Word Processor, where it says "Word Processor" plain as day.
I fed the pigeon. And it looks like there's more of this to come.

I am sick of misrotated videos.

Sometimes, the phone camera software saves a video vertically because the user hits "record" before the software has detected that the user is holding the smartphone horizontally, because the software stupidly launches in vertical orientation by default.

So the software wants the user to wait until it has finally detected horizontal orientation, which causes the user to miss out on a moment.

How about the camera software actually saves the video in the orientation it was recorded in for the most time, rather than only the beginning of the video?

If I can think of this idea, billion-dollar companies surely can.

In the meantime, misrotated videos can be fixed using this ffmpeg command on Linux or Windows:

ffmpeg -i input_file.mp4 -metadata:s:v rotate="0" -c copy output_file.mp4

And if the phone was held with the home button to the left side:

ffmpeg -i input_file.mp4 -metadata:s:v rotate="180" -c copy output_file.mp4

This solution is superior compared to using -vf (video filters) because it only touches the metadata of the video. No re-encoding. This means no quality loss and no CPU/GPU power needed to process the video again. It just passes through.

Thanks GitLab.

After I get notifications about the final replies to my 6 month quest of updating someones GitLab README, I didn't expect MY fork to have been modified ( and thanks to that, made ugly / they removed all spacing, vertical & horizontal )

Where the fuck even was the option that GitHub offers where it prevents people from just doing whatever to your shit in a PR?

Why the fuck isn't this a permanent setting for either ( lab & hub ) so I don't have to manually turn it off every single time.

I didn't even think about that option up until now, since the maintainers didn't touch anything and everything seemed fine, but now that it was about to be merged, they suddendly got the bright idea of squashing everything into one commit and that on my fork itself, .. really helpful.

*adds border to the bottom of a fucking div*

Why, hello there Mr. FUCKTARD HORIZONTAL-FUCKING-SCROLLBAR. That totally makes God damn fucking shittard fuck'ala'fucking fuck-damn'le-shit-fucka-shittard sense.

Writing a feature critical for production in 2 hours of solid focus during the morning.

6 hours later it's still not in the build because:
* tech lead wants the code to move to a partial class instead of an extension method, delaying the UX review. No guidelines for this ever existed.

* after seeing the result, the UX team wants some element to be dynamic. A line. A friggin horizontal line.

* after adding the dynamic shiny frigggggin line, I try to test the feature with the server. It is still not deployed because the server guy went home. "The PR was not merged so I assumed we'll add it tomorrow".

Another day at the meat grinder.

Why does the css border-spacing have to be different in how it takes 2 values.

If you look at margin and padding properties when passing in 2 values, you pass in:

margin: (top/bottom)px (left/right)px;

However, when using border spacing:

border-spacing: (left/right)px (top/bottom)px;

I know I’m simplifying here, but it’s goddamn irritating how it’s takes in vertical and horizontal spacing the other way around. Who the hell thought that was a good idea

My setup. That’s where i sleep and pet my duck :)
... I’m looking for a horizontal monitor slide which I can mount to my desk but can’t find one :/ suggestions?

Hi ranters. We need to talk.

I've been thinking, I'm lately getting tired of code everywhere. Suppose one is a software engineer / senior developer. What is one's career path from this point on?

Tech lead? Architect? And then what? Is that all? A dead end?

Management would be also a possibility I guess. But is that a horizontal career change or are there any spots in vertical plane?

Any preferences on Mice?

I use a Mad Catz R.A.T 5 because of the adjustability and shortcut buttons + horizontal scroll

CAUTION: possibly NSFL

There was a war. We lived in a leftist camp inside an abandoned railway station. The only thing that could break the siege was BLA

[dream fragment lost]

So they lined us up. There were ten of us.
— Do you want the leftist future?
— No…, they made me say.
— Do you love capitalism?
— Yes…, they made me say.
— Ты готова присниться?, they asked my female comrade ("are you ready to come to our soldiers in their dreams to support them?")
— Yes.
— Ты готов расшибиться?, they asked me ("are you ready to work your ass off, dying in the process if necessary?". It also makes a perfect rhyme with the previous Russian sentence)
— Yes.
Then, they tied our hands and hung us onto a rack. They doused us with gasoline.
— Look. Czechoslovakia had Jan Palach. We have ten Jan Palachs now!
They set us on fire. I feel an unimaginable pain. I wake up for ten minutes.
When I fell asleep again, I found out I survived. But, my body underwent modifications: first, I now had a vinyl shell instead of my skin. Underneath it were raw muscles. Second, I no longer had vocal cords. I no longer had voice.
In this world, we were slaves ("Тяговые люди") ruled by BLA. There were no prisons. Instead, there were only two punishments: the "light" one and the "heavy" one. First one is your shell getting ripped off. You die in around 20 minutes of agonizing pain, like mink that is skinned alive in Chinese leather tanneries. But, compared to the second one, that was a slap on the wrist.
The "heavy" punishment was them injecting you with "The Ferment". Immediately, your mind is altered into total obedience. Then, your body begins to turn into corpse juice. To outside observers, you die in 30 days. But for you, it feels like forever, as time speeds up indefinitely, and you're drifting into endless sorrow. When you die, no one notices, as your shell is still there. But instead of you, there's now nothing but corpse juice inside.

I now worked in some location that resembled Duke Nukem 3D's first map. My job was to remove those plastic shells. I had no bottom — it was replaced with a concrete cube that felt pain just like damaged tooth enamel does. An endless queue of shells moved in front of me. I had to remove their shells, to peel them off like vinyl.
Some people were alive underneath. They still had their skin. They thanked me, smile at me and wander away.
Some of them were alive, but had no skin. That means I was the one to execute a "light" punishment on them.
Some of them weren't there. I pop the shell open, and it deflates as corpse juice pours out.

One of my previous dreams was the following:
"— We arrange surgeries when in-person interventions are _not recommended_.
— So…, — I press the pause button on the handrail.
— The perfect maiden. Inside a plastic shell. 80 years old underneath."

Now I understand it. The first speaker was a BLA researcher. "I" was an investor. The "perfect maiden" was me, but way in the future from my today's dream. It all fits together.
Now, here's the discovered part of kiki universe so far:
- rotten meat house
- swine gray gel battleground
- horizontal elevators network
- united paper island
- baseball bat nightclub
- anxiety-inducing multidimensional pizzeria
- NEW! BLA headquarters
- NEW! demilitarized burning ground abandoned train station
- NEW! Duke Nukem 3D people skinning ground

Been trying to make React Native / SDK / Installing React components/ to work properly the whole day. After many hours I got it running on my phone to start working with a camera app idea i have.

Guess what.

When you take a photo with the phone oriented vertically, it takes an horizontal photo.

YES.HELL.

Horizontal sharding

What is horizontal and vertical scaling? Can somebody please explain in easy manner?

@JS96
What is the name of the horizontal loading 5 dots in windows 10?

Why does every Monitor with a high resolution have such a wide format, like 16:9 or worse? As a developer i need more vertical than horizontal space. 9:16 is ok for coding but too small for anything else. I want a Monitor which is 2:3, 3:4 (rotated 3:2 or 4:3) or 1:1 and has at least 1920x2560. The better the resolution the more lines can i see at once. I can't make the text smaller than 10 pixel per line.

Do you guys have the same problem?

Request for internal service

FW takes request

FW NATs request to external / WAN IP

Other FW (different location) gets request

DNS redirect for whole domain
"data-zone: *.*.*.org redirect"

Via DNS redirect request goes to LB

LB sends request to other LB

LB send request to NGINX server

NGINX resolves via Host header

And now you get a TLS handshake error somewhere in the travel of the request...

The level of fucked: my arse can take the Eiffeltower horizontal.

Sometimes in our personal projects we write crazy commit messages. I'll post mine because its a weekend and I hope someone has a well deserved start. Feel free to post yours, regex out your username, time and hash and paste chronologically. ISSA THREAD MY DUDES AND DUDETTES
--
Initialization of NDM in Kotlin
Small changes, wiping drive
Small changes, wiping drive
Lottie, Backdrop contrast and logging in implementation
Added Lotties, added Link variable to Database Manifest
Fixed menu engine, added Smart adapter, indexing, Extra menus on home and Calendar
b4 work
Added branch and few changes
really before work
Merge remote-tracking branch 'origin/master'
really before work 4 sho
Refined Search response
Added Swipe to menus and nested tabs
Added custom tab library
tabs and shh
MORE TIME WASTED ON just 3 files
api and rx
New models new handlers, new static leaky objects xd, a few icons
minor changes
minor changesqwqaweqweweqwe
db db dbbb
Added Reading display and delete function
tryin to add web socket...fail
tryin to add web socket...success
New robust content handler, linked to a web socket. :) happy data-ring lol
A lot of changes, no time to explain
minor fixes ehehhe
Added args and content builder to content id
Converted some fragments into NDMListFragments
dsa
MAjor BiG ChANgEs added Listable interface added refresh and online cache added many stuff
MAjor mAjOr BiG ChANgEs added multiClick block added in-fragment Menu (and handling) added in-fragment list irem click handling
Unformatted some code, added midi handler, new menus, added manifest
Update and Insert (upsert) extension to Listable ArrayList
Test for hymnbook offline changing
Changed menuId from int to key string :) added refresh ...global... :(
Added Scale Gesture Listener
Changed Font and size of titlebar, text selection arg. NEW NEW Readings layout.
minor fix on duplicate readings
added isUserDatabase attribute to hymn database file added markwon to stanza views
Home changes :)
Modular hymn Editing
Home changes :) part 2
Home changes :) part 3
Unified Stanza view
Perfected stanza sharing
Added Summernote!!
minor changes
Another change but from source tree :)))
Added Span Saving
Added Working Quick Access
Added a caption system, well text captions only
Added Stanza view modes...quite stable though
From work changes
JUST a [ush
Touch horizontal needs fix
Return api heruko
Added bible index
Added new settings file
Added settings and new icons
Minor changes to settings
Restored ping
Toggles and Pickers in settings
Added Section Title
Added Publishing Access Panel
Added Some new color changes on restart. When am I going to be tired of adding files :)
Before the confession
Theme Adaptation to views
Before Realm DB
Theme Activity :)
Changes to theme Activity
Changes to theme Activity part 2 mini
Some laptop changes, so you wont know what changed :)
Images...
Rush ourd
Added palette from images
Added lastModified filter
Problem with cache response
works work
Some Improvements, changed calendar recycle view
Tonic Sol-fa Screen Added
Merge Pull
Yes colors
Before leasing out to testers
Working but unformated table
Added Seperators but we have a glithchchchc
Tonic sol-fa nice, dots left, and some extras :)))
Just a nice commit on a good friday.
Just a quickie
I dont know what im committing...

Horizontal scrolling in PowerPoint does… something to the document, not exactly sure what, but it makes it so that I don't see it anymore and if I made changes, they're usually lost. Why, Microsoft? Why do you keep doing this to me?

So just noticed a horizontal crackc across my tempered glass screen protector.

Me: lucky I spent $5 more buying a screen protector

Client. Should. Die.

Large table which needs to be filled with data - data needs to be prepared because there can be gaps in the data (data represents orders of supplier per day).

So layout is like this:
supplier1 supplier2 ...
date orders
date orders
date ....

Which already is fun. Not. Fetching data with several filters, prepping
data and assuring ordered output without gaps was painful...

The number of suppliers can be anything between 1 or >300 - limited is only the date range. there is an click event on every mofo column for enlarging the whole column and loading additional data via ajax.

Now in all this cringy mess.... I had to make it scrollable.

Horizontal and vertical.

wasn't much fun either.

Can someone please kill any client with the task : make this gigantic shit pile of dynamic table behave like Excel?

If you could have 3 displays + laptop workspace, what would it look like?
Right now I have 2 displays, one horizontal, one vertical, and i have opportunity to upgrade. Is it worth to?

I just want the css to limit the maximum horizontal width of a table OMG NO WORDPRESS DON'T GIVE ME ANOTHER FUCKING PLUGIN FOR THIS

"It needs to be pixel perfect"... Given single design for desktop (users use mobile app), with random spacing and inconsistent vertical and horizontal rhythm.
From @browniefed on Twitter

It's CSS quick maffs time! Consider the following code:

<div class='container flex'>
<nav class='menu flex'>
<a href='#'>Menu item 1</a>
(arbitrary amount of links)
</nav>
<button type='button'>Sign in</button>
</div>

You want the layout to look like a horizontally scrolling, single line menu with a Sign in button to the right. Both container and menu are flex containers. So, here's the code for the menu:

.menu {
overflow: auto;
}

The problem is, as there is no flex-wrap, menu will not be wrapped, and it will occupy all the space it's needed to accommodate all the elements, breaking its container. Pesky horizontal scroll appears on the whole body.

Boubas will set menu's width to some fixed value like 800px, and this is a bouba approach because bye-bye responsiveness.

Here's what you should do:

.menu {
overflow: auto;
min-width: 0;
}

.menu * {
flex-shrink: 0;
}

This way, menu will occupy exactly the width of an empty div. In flexbox, its width will be equal to all free space that is not occupied by the Sign in button. Setting flex-shrink is needed for items to preserve their original width. We don't care about making those items narrower on narrower screens, because we now have infinite amount of horizontal real estate. Pure, inherent responsiveness achieved without filthy media queries, yay!

The menu will scroll horizontally just like you wanted.

aight bye

Here are the parts of kiki dreams universe explored so far:
- rotten meat house
- swine gray gel battleground
- horizontal elevators network
- united paper island
- baseball bat nightclub
- anxiety-inducing multidimensional pizzeria

Which one will be your destination this Christmas?

Does anybody have some good suggestion for horizontal scaling solution of relational database (MySQL) that's not commercial? Both read and write scalings are of relevance btw.

spending 2 hours to split LookAt rotation between two nested transforms where parent was supposed to only recieve the vertical axis rotation and the child the horizontal axis rotation. (unity3d)

still haven't solved it btw, because my nerves and the deadline of the project i needed it for both ran out and i'm still sick to my stomach at the thought of going back to it to solve it because of how trivial it should be and how insanely was i battling with it.

I don't know how to CSS, react or front end

.entry:not(:first-child)::before {

however I read identical css in the chrome debugger for the ::before element generated and the general enclosing entry element for the elements displayed in a horizontal row

but the fucking divider element is askew for new elements of a different react component type i've added to the list

i fucking hate my life and front end

Browser automation is a PITA. I’m going on my fourth side mission with this crap and I honestly still look like a newbie. I’ve tried Java Selenium with Chrome, Excel VBA with IE9, Vanilla JS in the browser console, and tonight I’m thinking to concoct some kind of hybrid CDP & Selenium approach in Chrome. Never used CDP before, not even sure where to start but I heard it sucks like anything else unless you get some extra libraries and plugins and stuff.

It doesn’t help that I can’t get just anything I want from our IT Department. It would be another PITA to ask for puppeteer. If puppeteer is totally legit please let me know.

Selenium sucks. The buttons don’t click, the waits don’t wait. Its unusable. Iframes are annoying as all hell but I can deal with that. HTML Tables suck too. It doesn’t help I have to restart my whole java program and whole Chrome every time an element doesn’t get picked correctly. Scripting one single element can take all fucking night.

Chrome dev tools what the fuck. Why the fuck is the DOM explorer in the same window as the web page I’m working on?? I can’t undock it. Am I supposed to use a fucking TV screen to work with this bastard?? If I use the remote chrome tools on port 9225 or whatever - It Still Renders The Whole Fucking Page Alongside The Console. Get Out Of My Way!!! The nested HTML CODE IS ONE CHARACTER WIDE ALL THE TIME. I can’t for the life of me figure out what the fuck I’m looking at. Haven’t you people ever heard of A HORIZONTAL SCROLL BAR at least.

Fuck I tried using getElementById, and the Xpath thing and its not all that great seeing I have seemingly 1000s of nested Divs all over the god damned place oftentimes containing a single element. I’m finally on chrome now should I learn Jquery now? I mean seriously wtf.

I use this one no code tool for dev it has web automation built in. As you can imagine its just as broken as anything else!! I have 10 screens to navigate it gets stuck on the second screen all the damn time. Fuck I love clicking the buttons when my script misses and playing catch up with it.

So as a work around to Selenium not waiting even 1 millisecond when I use explicit wait or implicit wait or fluent wait, I’m guessing maybe I can attach both Chrome Dev Tools Protocol (CDP as ive called it earlier) and selenium to the same browser and maybe I can use CDP to perform a Wait with any degree of success. Selenium will do nothing more than execute vanilla javascript Element.click(); This is the only way I know to even ACTUALLY use selenium beyond the simplest html documents possible. Hell I guess CDP can execute js idk.

I can’t get the new selenium that has CDP but I do have some buggy ass selenium from a few years back. Yeah, I remember reading there was a pretty impactful regression defect in the version I have. Maybe I’m being gaslighted by some shit copy of selenium?

The worst part is that I do seem to be having issues that the rest of the internet’s devs do not seem to be having. People act like browser automation is totally viable and pretty OK. How in the fuck hell is my Selenium Test Suite going to be more reliable my application under test?!!?? I’ll have more fucking bugs in my test suite than in my application. Today, I have less than half a test script and, I. already. fucking. do.

I am still SUPER PISSED at the months of 12 hour days (always 8 hours spent on normal sprint work btw only 4 to automation) I spent trying to automate our regression tests. I got NOWHERE.

I did learn a lot about HTML and JS though like I’m not that mad…but I’m just trying to emphasize my achievement on my task was zero.

The buttons don’t click. There are so many divs and I swear you sometimes need to select a div somewhere in the middle sometimes to get it working. The waits don’t wait. XHR requests are invisible. Java crashes 100 times before I find an xpath and thread.sleep() combo that works. I have no failure modes to use — Sometimes I click the same element 20x in a script because I have no way to know if it clicked the first time! Sometimes you gotta scroll the page to make the click work. So many click methods all broken. So many wait methods all broken. Its not just the elements don’t click! There are so many ways to click that almost work but surely they all fail the same in the end. ok at this point I’m just repeating myself…

there yet even more issues that I can’t remember…and will soon remember as I journey into this project yet again…

thanks for reading I hope I entertained and would love to hear your experience!

Windows is such a piece of shit. A couple of months ago I ordered a PC with Windows as an OS (cuz u know games and stuff). Lately it's just throwing random BSODs everytime with a new error message. This is happening not constantly but in a random behaviour. Nevermind ... But now since I switched one of my monitors to a vertical position instead of the traditional horizontal one, Windows just won't want to recognize this monitor. You know what... FUCK WINDOWS! FUCK THIS GAMES! LINUX all the way.

Do you have multiple screens? If yes, in what orientation?

I'm personally using 2. 1 horizontal and 1 vertical.
The vertical one is nice for long documentation and the horizontal one is mainly used for gaming.

tell me guys what would you prefer:

function a(){
..
b(..)
..
b(..)
..
}
function b(p1,p2,p3,p4,p5,p6){.
...
}

or

function a(){
..
b(..)
..
b(..)
..
}

function b(
p1,
p2,
p3,
p4,
p5,
p6
){
...
}

if you read this rant before expanding, you got a complete context on how what function a is, its calling b 2 times and how function b looks.

if instead of the first option, i had used 2nd block, you wouldn't even know the 2nd param of b function without expanding this rant.

my point?
i prefer to keeping unnecessary info on one line. and w lot of linters disagree by splitting up the code. and most importantly , my arrogant tl disagree by saying he prefers the splitted code "for readability" and becaue "he likes code this way, old-eng1 likes this and old-eng2 likes this" .

why tf does an ide have horizontal a scrolling option available when you are too stupid to use it?

ok, i know some smartass is going to point that i too can use vertical scrolling, but hear me out: i am optimising this!

case 1 : a function with 7 params is NOT split into 7 lines. lets calculate the effort to remember it
- since all params could have similar charactersticks ( they will be of some type, might have defaults, might be a suspendable/async function etc), each param will take similar memory-efforts points. say 5sp each.
- total memory-efforts= 5sp *7 = 35 sp.
- say a human has 100 sp of fast memory storage, he can use the remaining 65 sp for loading say 5 small lines above or below.
- but since 5 lines above are already read and still visible on screen, they won't be needed to be loaded again nd again, nd we can just check the lines below.
- thus we are able to store 65+35+65 = 165 sp or about 11 lines of code in out fast memory for just a 100sp brain storage

case 2 function with 7 params IS split into 7 lines.
- in this case all lines are somewhat similar. 5sp for param lines as they are still similar which implies same 35sp for storing current function and params
- remaining 65sp can only be used to store next 5 lines of 13sp as the previous code is no longer visible.
- plus if you wanna refresh the code above, you gotta scroll, which will result in removing bottom code from screen , and now your 65sp from bottom code is overwritten by 65sp of top code.
- thus at a time, you are storing only 6 lines worth of code info. this makes you slow.

this is some imaginary math, but i believe it works

Facebook ios app removed video controls when viewing in any list. Stupid. Only way to see the video horizontal control is to double click the video so it will zoom in and no other videos will be shown.

rant!

So I've started working on a new web based project with one of my teachers. So he says to me,
"I wont do any of the coding, its all donkey work. Adjusting the text to be in the vertical and horizontal centre and etc etc. I will provide you with the architecture, for now you will be making CRUD operations."

I understand where his frustration comes from after years of experience coding the basics again and again but assigning me some work and labelling that very work as donkey work is not the best way to motivate me!

Tonic is the most fucked up app on iOS. It just straight up internally dies. As soon as you try scanning the piano it scans it in the wrong plane and doesn’t scan like the picture wants it to. Then it asks you to map the first key of the piano and it moves the key vertically instead of horizontal. If you scan it the other way it does the opposite plane. I just want to try a cool app for my phone and you call your app a functional app. How.

Well this is in fact just me reminiscing, instead of telling anecdote.

My first PC was a pentium two, the cpu casing being those horizontal ones, and a big bulky monitor resting on top of it; all white. A white mouse, two white speakers (you know the ones). I was perhaps just about 6 years old, and I used it the first bunch of times to play Mortal Kombat, and Sega's Moto Racer 3, and watch animated disney movies but mostly mickey mouse on VCD. I guess my habits of gaming and binge watching started way too early.

In comes the new developer messing the repository with unreadable two space indentation in our backend codebase. I can understand it being useful to keep code within the horizontal editor "viewport" for stuff like JSX, but otherwise it's really fucking ugly and feels like the code is not indented at all

We're not using any tools for automatically standardizing code style yet, what do you recommend? If it's at all relevant, our codebase is in TypeScript.

i want to deploy websockets on multiple servers with horizontal scaling. i don't know what to use. redis pub/sub? haproxy? i wanna know your opinions. ❤️

Another severe UI fail by Google:

On stock Android 7, the expanded system control menu only shows FOUR controls per page in horizontal view.

Compare that to superior TouchWiz (by Samsung), which showed all 23 controls at once, as seen in the screenshot attached in a comment.

In addition, on TouchWiz, the user could tap multiple options at once. Tapping on a toggle would just turn a feature on or off, and opening a menu would require holding the toggle for a second.

On stock Android, tapping opens the menu, so turning a feature off requires three more taps to reach a toggle located inside the submenu and to then go back.

This makes deactivating multiple features on stock Android a finger workout.

I am not sure which other stock Android versions are like that because I couldn't find horizontal screenshots of the system control menu (or toggle menu, or whatever it is called).

Only four controls per page? Seriously, Google?

TouchWiz Android > stock Android > iOS.

Anyone got any good browser extensions or VS Code extensions for checking vertical / horizontal alignment? Sure I can inject an outline, but want to hook up this functionality to a hotkey...

what do u prefer -horizontal TASKBAR at the bottom or vertical at the left/right side of the screen?

So, as per usual, I am not sure what I am doing.

I want to make multiplayer games on the web using web sockets.

But of course I want there to be multiple game servers for horizontal scaling (I'm gonna hit it big)

Specifically for either Node.JS or ASP.Net (or both) how could I manage such a thing where there are 2 servers and 2 users. User A is assigned to server A by load balancer, and user B is assigned to server B. But they play in the same game?

Best I know of so far is to connect both game servers to a redis backing. But this seems like a convoluted way to communicate. I would rather have them both route to the game server (Whichever server the game starts on)

I had to make a ruler grid for an existing horizontal scroll website project, but I had the job basically for sure.
I came up with a solution which included PHP-generated SVG embedded in HTML.
It was a new thing to me at that time, but a cool challenge.

What if instead of vertical slices across front end and back end for dividing work, we did horizontal slices and hope we don't do redundant work, miscommunicate or struggle to provide front end precisely what it needs from back end if at all.

fuck me

Seeing as I will be scorned for asking this on SO, and there's a ton of devs here that probably had this conundrum: how have you solved horizontal scrolling when working? I know shift + mw+/- works but what's the use having a mouse with macro functionality if not to simplify that? My current software supports lua scripting (but I don't know how to write it). I see some people requesting this while googling I but cannot find anyone that has a solution. The closest I get is a user requesting it from Logitech as they apparently have the same but for ctrl+mw in their products.