Not a windows hate rant, just a funny encounter at work.

Was configuring KDE on my work pc and got the windows key to work after a little configuration.

Me: YAY I finally got the windows key to launch the application menu bar thingy!!
Colleague 1 (fellow support engineer): WINDOWS?! Thanks for the ear cancer mate 😞
Colleague 2 (fellow support engineer): Hey stop swearing!
Colleague 3 (senior Linux engineer): *grabs nearest waste bin, pulls it open, puts head in and starts to make vomiting noises* *pulls head out: don't do that again 🤢"*
Colleague 4 (senior Linux engineer): *gives me a death stare for about a minute"

Me: *completely losing it* 🤣

I fucking love this place 😊

So a friend of Mine asked me to check their Mail server because some emails got lost. Or had a funny signature.

Mails were sent from outlook so ok let's do this.

I go create a dummy account, and send/receive a few emails. All were coming in except one and some had a link appended. The link was randomly generated and was always some kind of referral.

Ok this this let's check the Mail Server.

Nothing.

Let's check the mail header. Nothing.

Face -> wall

Fml I want to cry.

Now I want to search for a pattern and write a script which sends a bunch of mails on my laptop.
Fuck this : no WLAN and no LAN Ports available. Fine let's hotspot the phone and send a few fucking mails.

Guess what? Fucking cockmagic, no funny mails appear!

At that moment I went out and was like chainsmoking 5 cigarettes.

BAM!

It hit me! A feeling like a unicorn vomiting rainbows all over my face.

I go check their firewall. Shit redirected all email ports from within the network to another server.

Yay nobody got credentials because nobody new it existed. Damn boy.

Hook on to the hostmachine power down the vm, start and hack yourself a root account before shit boots. Luckily I just forgot the credentials to a testvm some time ago so I know that shit. Lesson learned: fucking learn from your mistakes, might be useful sometimes!

Ok fucker what in the world are you doing.

Do some terminal magic and see that it listens on the email ports.

Holy cockriders of the galaxy.

Turns out their former it guy made a script which caught all mails from the server and injected all kind of bullshit and then sent them to real Webserver. And the reason why some mails weren't received was said guy was too dumb to implement Unicode and some mails just broke his script.

That fucker even implented an API to pull all those bullshit refs.

I know your name "Matthias" and I know where you live and what you've done... And to fuck you back for that misery I took your accounts and since you used the same fucking password for everything I took your mail, Facebook and steam account too.

Git gut shithead! You better get a lawyer

Wasn't a hackathon but an AI programming compition. I ended up getting food poisoning and ended up projectile vomiting in the hallway right outside the bathroom. Didn't turn out too bad. I ended up getting 2nd place.

I hate devRant. Since morning I am suffering from diarrhoea and vomiting. My stomach aches bad and I have a complete bed rest. I had nothing good to do, so I went through the play store searching for new apps. I came across devRant which seem interesting to me. I downloaded and went through the app. I read posts straight for four hours and couldn't resist LMAO. I've been constantly laughing (literally constantly) and now my stomach aches so bad. Its 22:00 and I fear I might have to catch a doctor soon. I know devRant is the culprit and yet I have it open, in my phone, typing a useless non-humorous post. Freaking addictive. Ah my stomach..

Yes that's python vomiting some pure C++. Why because i am lazzy AF

alright... so thats how you parse JSON in javascript in 2019? i'm vomiting right now...

Me: Ah, just have to finish this one small feature today and this whole massive update is done. Everyone will be off my back, things will calm down. Gonna be great.

Life: hey man, you know what I was thinking? It’s been a really long time since you had one of those vomiting bugs ... you know the gut wrenching, massive headache, can’t do anything but stare at the walls kind of flu’s?

Me: ...... eh I’m ok thanks.

Life: oh buddy you don’t understand ...... RUN!!!

Product gets launched in 2 hours. Just casually updating the documentation. Nice chill day. Everything tested and validated.

Then some random f**king designer comes barging in vomiting all these "necessary" features to the product owner.

This was yesterday. The designer and product owner are currently complaining to us devs that there are bugs everywhere...

I need a beer.

So I need to ask this because I've never experienced it.

Recently many of my colleagues left for greener pastures and now they're posting on linkedin once a week with some bullshit about how awesome it is to work wherever they went.

If this was one or two I wouldn't care, but it's like 90% of them vomiting this blatant brain-swill for almost 3 months now.

My suspicion is that these people are being coerced into posting this garbage. Am I correct that many companies these days are doing this now?

We had a school project where we where supposed to implement a software with a heavy client in C# and web services for it in C#, but the web services HAD TO COMMUNICATE WITH SMTP AND IMAP. And do that in 8 days.

We were 6 in the team. 4 had no idea what a web service is, and I and the designated project lead were the only ones knowing what to do. The lead had paperwork to do for the project, so I had to do everything but the UI alone. So 1 guy did the UI, 3 were... Playing Minecraft... The lead was doing paperwork and ranting about how noisy idiots these guys were... And I was sick as hell and could not eat anything, I was vomiting all day in between which moment I managed to make half of the functionalities of the project, despite having to go to the hospital and have to continue working despite the medical request not to work.

So the day before the presentation I had half of the functionalities done and I had to explain them yet another time what web services are so they can answer the questions and cover for themselves.

On the day of the presentation it went kinda fine. It was not finished but it worked like asked.

We were asked for peer evaluation and I gave A to the lead and the UI guy and B to the 3 other lazy asses.

Shortly after I am called by the tutor in the office : "What happened on this project? Were you not working at all? Apart for the lead who gave you an A, every one gave you a D (lowest grade). I demand for explanations"

I said never mind and got back to studying. I got a B, all the rest of the group an A.

What the f*ck ? Is it normal practice or its just me ? My boss outsourced me, i got recruited as regular, because i am early regular. Now i just got told that im one of 2 senior devs in a project. Kinda overwhelming because project is complex and is on stack i wasn't recruited to. Is it something normal that i should enjoy ? Currently im vomiting every morning before every daily and refinements and im considering leaving that job.

Feeling like Richard Hendricks. Feel like vomiting before an important interview.

The feeling when you’re trying out a new thing as a developer and part of it is to use Google Cloud Platform and halfway through, Google starts vomiting errors and you can’t access any information and you think for a second that you broke Google before realizing that you’re not the only one having issues. #badtiming

!devRant

Be me on vacation ~1500 miles from home
Board dogs like normal
Oldest dog (13y) gets sick
Boarding people take to vet as requested
Vet calls saying he is vomiting "coffee grounds" (that means he is bleeding into his stomach)
Won't be back until next Sunday
May have to bury dog when I get back.

Storing de-normalized data in NoSql when used to relational data feels like I am vomiting on the database

If anyone complains one more time about "windows is built upon a DLL-Hell", i will challenge this specific anyone to implement react into an existing PHP-Project.

Installing matching package versions via npm is the real struggle.
Especially if you decide to be a node psycho who's delivering his react code via webpack.

*projectile vomiting in a straight beam of acid vomit*
Wasted a complete day of my life, dealing with Facebook's naughty shit....

You can lead a horse to water. You can even tie it down and force water down it's throat, but you can't stop it from vomiting all of the water immediately afterwards.

So my stomach got fucked up after a mix of junk food, drinks and shit. Even after vomiting continued to burn and hurt. Googled and found out banana's are usually good for acidic and fucked up stomachs.
Now I'm filling my face with bananas
In hopes I'm not one of the one percent of people that acidic refluxes worsen with banana.

You people are like Microsoft windows

You only used it because there was no other choice and had to find reasons to like it's total inhuman inadequacy

That's what you people are
You're like windows 10
The "last version" of windows
Except the windows sprouted devil eyes and mouths and still beg me too stick things in them

Which I only do as a last resort as try working or doing anything when there's only one choice

An inhumane trashy inadequate crazy bland overly unworkable unfriendly uncheerful ungrateful system of presentation which appears nice enough on the outside but is a rotten pile of vomiting maggots choking on rancid shit on the inside

Fucking no one appreciates my input or feature suggestions.

I'm supposed to do only what the higher management says and nothing else

I'm sick and tired of being a robot slave vomiting code... urrrggghh