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Caller: Hi, our printer is not working.
Customer Service: What is wrong with it?
Caller: Mouse is jammed.
Customer Service: Mouse? Printers don’t have a mouse.
Caller: Mmmmm? Oh really? I will send a picture….
13 -
A man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will tell everyone how smart and brave you are and how you are my hero" The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will be your loving companion for an entire week." The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for a year and do ANYTHING you want." Again the man took the frog out, smiled at it, and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a year and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The man said, "Look, I'm a computer programmer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool."11
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A young Programmer and his Project Manager board a train headed through the mountains on its way to Wichita. They can find no place to sit except for two seats right across the aisle from a young woman and her grandmother. After a while, it is obvious that the young woman and the young programmer are interested in each other, because they are giving each other looks. Soon the train passes into a tunnel and it is pitch black. There is a sound of a kiss followed by the sound of a slap. When the train emerges from the tunnel, the four sit there without saying a word. The grandmother is thinking to herself, "It was very brash for that young man to kiss my granddaughter, but I'm glad she slapped him." The Project manager is sitting there thinking, "I didn't know the young tech was brave enough to kiss the girl, but I sure wish she hadn't missed him when she slapped me!" The young woman was sitting and thinking, "I'm glad the guy kissed me, but I wish my grandmother had not slapped him!" The young programmer sat there with a satisfied smile on his face. He thought to himself, "Life is good. How often does a guy have the chance to kiss a beautiful girl and slap his Project manager all at the same time!"3
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A man goes inside a pet shop and starts to move around the cages to scout the pets. He sees a monkey with a price of 5000$ and goes to the merchant to ask for details. Hey mister, the monkey…what does it know to worth that much money? Well, it knows Windows 95, 98, 2000, and also knows Word, C++, Visual Basic and last but not least, it knows how to play computer games. - Good monkey, it's worth the money. He goes and finds another monkey with a price of 10000$ and again he will ask the merchant. "What does this monkey know?" "It knows Linux, Unix, Corel and Autocad." "Nice, even I don't know those things." On a last scout run he finds another monkey just sitting there with a price 20000$. The story repeats, and he goes with a lack of confidence to ask the merchant for details. "And what does this monkey do for that ridiculous amount of money?" "I never saw her doing anything, but the other two call her Project Manager!"4
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#wannaCry :
*US engineers trying to find antivirus.
*Europe engineers finding preventing tools
*Meanwhile Indian engineers already updated their resume with " Worked/Implemented anitvirus for wannyCry"
Meanwhile. .
Indian HR consultants asking for minimum 5 years experience in handling "wannacry"6 -
* Me to a girl*
Me : Hey can I know your age?
Her: I can't tell the age like that!
Me: Oh! I see! Can I get your email address so that I can contact you later!
Her: priyanka1995@gmail.com
Me : —_(@_@)_—13 -
*Me having after 10 glass of beer searching for a problem solution*
Me to me : WTF! GOOGLE STOPPED WORKING?
6 -
Life of an IT guy
1.Born
2.Study
3.Job
4.Shall I share my screen?.
5.Are you able to see my screen?
6.Am I audible ?
7.Correct me if I'm wrong
8.Sorry I was on mute
9.Ok.. I am sending that email.
10.Did you receive my email?
11.I am on a sick leave.
12.Death
Pretty much it!4 -
How things will be evoluted according to elonmusk:
Car = Tesla
Space = SpaceX
Cyborg = Neuralace
Front end development =
8 -
My phone screen is broken and automatic touches are happening everywhere.
Opened devrant every rants are getting ++'s.
Also apparently I'm not able to add any tags to this rant.
Free ++'s everyone.
(This took me almost 20 minutes to type)11 -
My first code:-
#include<stdio.h>
void main() {
printf("Hello Priya");
}
Output:- I have a boyfriend!9 -
Q: How many engineering students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 376. One to hold the bulb and 375 to drink until the room starts spinning around. -
If you guess the product then you will get signed version of that product! By Andy Rubin (Twitter)
4 -
Dragon on falcon 9. First re-use of a commercial orbit-class space-craft!
Launched successfully
*giggles*
5 -
Okay here is the thing:
Am I the only one who is confused of which programming shirt to wear in the Avatar?8 -
I am unable to create my avatar.
So now I have to rant about this ranting place. Come on!!
I am already fed up dude. Ufff.16 -
Security in defense is a joke.
New hire does not have accts set up told him over and over!
He decides to go into a classified area and just try. Common last name with first initial.
Guess what he was able to get in because no one changed the default password!
Yep now someone with an interim clearance got access to a machine that goes from unclass to secret and then top secret!6 -
*Automated Helpline calls be like*
If you understand English, press 1. If you do not understand English, press 2.5 -
Who else is loving the twitter dumpster fire? He threatens to fire the devs if they don't roll out the verified account to anyone willing to pay.
The shipped that bomb just like you demanded assface.
15 -
Used a general technical word as a name for a group project.
And that ignorant bitch googled and copy pasted the definition of that term to describe the project in documentation.2 -
"X Æ A-12" started crying in the morning. So I just used a neuralink prototype and now am able to understand what he wants.
*Relaxed*10 -
So there was one plus invite sale today in India !
I think the ticket were sold out early!
Then there is this guy in twitter 👇
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When some one says Control+alt+delete
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It's *alternative*. Freaking *alternative*.1 -
I don't know if it's a déjà vu or something but I saw an iPhone launch with bigger screen and a pen!
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Did anyone here created a css style sheet for universal use?
Or writing separate code for every single project?18 -
Does delete account in devrant asks for confirmation of delete account or just deletes the account without any confirmation?8
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Just started learning python (may be a week or so) and colon " : " is fucking my life more than the semicolon " ; " did.7
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I find it really embarrassing how Twitter, whose mission was to give voice to those who are not heard, has become a puppet in the hands of a CEO who overnight changes the codebase to influence the crypto market for his own ends.3
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So I was reading Scrum for my exam all I can see was Meeting.
Product backlog meeting for 15 mins;
Enters to the office 5 mins meeting;
Sprint review meeting for 10mins;
Daily scrum 2 times meetings;
Sprint planning 3 hours of meeting;
Starting the next Sprint 30mins meetings;
Managing releases 45 min meeting;
Sprint Retrospective 45 mins of meeting;
Wtf? Do they do any work there?4 -
Random guy : " hey want to hear a billion dollars business software idea?"
Look at the tags below👇
(I'm trying to looks more scam as much as possible, what do I missed)15 -
Magical Realism is defined as what happens when a highly detailed, realistic setting is invaded by something too strange to believe.16
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