Choosing a pc to buy.
- kids: "can it run minecraft?"
- casual gamers: "can it run overwatch?"
- serious gamers: "can it run witcher 3?"
- business people: "can it run several excel sheets?"
- me: "can it run linux?"

A programmer and a business analyst are sitting in the break room one day eating lunch when suddenly the microwave catches fire. Thinking quickly, the analyst leaps up, unplugs the microwave, grabs the trash can, fills it with water from sink, and dumps the water on the microwave to put out the flames.

A few weeks later the two are again having lunch in the break room when suddenly the coffee maker bursts into flames. The programmer leaps up, grabs the coffee maker, shoves it into the microwave oven, and then hands the trash can to the business analyst, thus re-using the solution developed for the previous project.

Fixed this assholes phone for her... she proceeds to take the phone and say “thanks for fixing it, it was kind of you to do it for free!”

Uhm, ex-fucking-cuse me?! I run a business, not a god damned charity.

She got me my fucking money.

Ranted about this internship before but just remembered this.

1st internship.

The employees and the boss were having a joke/laugh. I found it funny as well so I laughed along

A little later the boss pulled me outside (as well as my internship guide person): why where you laughing along? You had nothing to do with that conversation. It was none of your fucking business. Stay out of other people's business, understood?

I was scared, shaking and trying to keep my tears in.

That was not the best internship.

I accidentally open eclipse (Java code) during a demo.

The same smart ass Einstein's cousin business guy : Oh that is SQL, I have learnt it.. it was too simple for me that is why I decided not to be a developer

Me : You are lucky it's Friday

I just learned that a web application I've been developing for the last six months will only be live for three days.

I could have, if they had kept me in the loop, knocked it out in the same week.

But no.

I built it to last.

End my suffering.

Right. So my company is advertising an opening in Java JUNIOR Development.... And they all of these skills:

I mean, really?

Dear Clients,

if you really think what I do has so little value that you won’t pay for it, why on earth would you think it was going to help your business in any way? It’s clearly not worth it. How can it have a positive impact?

- Your Unpaid Developer

I greeted my staff this morning with the phrase

"Morning, mind if I ruin your Friday?"

They laughed, but won't be soon enough. The task we've been working on for weeks, ripping apart the codebase changing it to work a different way, fixing a tonne of bugs, making it faster and simpler to add features too. Well business has decided they want us to stop, undo it, spend a month on something "with higher ROI" and then finish it off after that.

Business are expecting this to have no impact on any of the timelines and just to be like flipping a switch. Now obviously I won't let that happen and fight back for more time, but yet another session of compromises, arguments, and yelling. YIPEEE!!!!!!

Fucking clueless products owners.
Him: "I want a mobile app - how long"
Me: "Depends, what should it do?"
Him: "Dunno"
Me: "Well what problem should it solve?"
Him: "Dunno"
Me: "Who's it for?"
Him: "Dunno"
Me: "Well I can't help you then!"
Him: "I need an estimate for my business plan"
Me: "OK - put 'eternity' down, and we can work backwards from there"

Jackass

New private business cards just arrived. The front page is a sticker, too. Love it!

Manager: Give me an estimate for this project.
Me: It will take end to end approx two months.
Manager: Can you do it in a day. Make some magic happen. This is high critical for business.
Me: Sure. I have a small requirement from you to achieve it.
Manager: What
Me: Please get me the 'Limitless' capsule.

Business: How long will it take to add that feature to the legacy system?
Programmer: When will the new system be implemented?
Business: 6 months
Programmer: The new feature will take 7 months

"The CRM has this address wrong" - Client

"What do you mean? Where?" - Me

"When I start typing the business name it autofills wrong" - Client

"You mean Chrome is auto-completing from a previous typo you entered, and you're blaming the software? That'll be $100 for Chrome training." - Me

So me and my wife offered a friend to build and host a website for him for free for the first year when he was starting his business. We all agreed and wife started to build it.
The only thing that she had left was getting pictures and texts from him that would be on the site. That was 10 month ago.

And Today - it was suddenly SUPER IMPORTANT to get the site up because he has left alot of Business cards at a conference.
Wife - who is studying answered that she can fix it in a few weeks because she does'nt simply have time.

The dude sent this now:
"Ok no worries, I have solved it myself"

So I checked:
The domain he bought, is just a redirect to "randomshit.wixsite.com"

TLDR: Fuck you, Client A

1. Want to change the business flow during UAT and decide the deadline to be less than 4 weeks, even though that's how the business flow stated on the docs
2. He threatening us not to pay if it isn't done, even though he's not the one paying us
3. He said time isn't a problem because he can provide a table and chair that is put in front of his table

Fuck you, Client A

Placed a hidden flying unicorn as easteregg in our last business app. My boss stumbled across it and told me: "make it that all users can see it more easily without using the secret gesture."

...but ..it's an easteregg! .. :facepalm:

This happens nearly every sprint.

TEAM: So, are you happy with how we are going to make this feature?

Business: Yeah, we really need it! It's exactly list that! Quick build! 🏗

TEAM: You're sure.... remember what happened last time...

Business: yeah, yeah, yeah

TEAM: ☕️💻

one week later....

Business: Oh yeah, that thing, we changed our mind we don't want it can you do something else?

TEAM: ...

Business: Agile!!!!!!!!!

TEAM: 🤦‍♂️

Found out they all went on a 2 day course to learn SCRUM...

Dropped out to grow a business I co-founded. Respect to all those that finished. I was already working a six figure salary as a software engineer before I even started at a university. I decided to attend though to have a more complete resume. One day a professor explained that we could look forward to doing really "advanced concepts" like web services OUR SENIOR YEAR. That was already daily life for me. Our business was starting to grow quickly and it needed more and more of my time. I chose the business and for me, that was the correct choice.

Shamelessly copied of instagram (Obviously)
That instagram page probably stole it too, but that's non of my business

Business Analyst: What language is this on the test site?
Me: I believe that's Latin
BA: But why? No one can read what it says
Me: 😂

Execs: “We know the business, we should do this”.

IT: Eh, data shows the opposite though...

Execs: We don’t need data, we just know.

IT: Dafaq!?

Microsoft Excel - it created a generation of business analysts who think just because they can write convoluted spaghetti logic in excel that it makes them a programmer.

Don't you hate it when business people think they know everything about the technical side?

Business: We can't approve this code update in QA because we weren't aware of it.

Me: I was told you wanted it.

Business: We'll discuss it next week. Don't do anything on this till then.

Me: Alright. But you said so.

(Week passes)

Business: Why isn't that updated in QA for us to test? You said you were done.

Me: I am done but you said no. (Sends email exchange)

We shall see what happens next.

Me: "So, to recap.. I'll be creating an integration between your site and [some software]. It will require [list of todos and features].. I expect this to take 4 hours over the next 2 business days."

Client: "But [referring company] said this would only take like 15 minutes.."

Every single fucking time:

Developers: Maybe we'll do something nice for the users, like signing in with Facebook account?
Business: Nah, nobody is gonna pay for that and it sounds useless. We're good with current solutions. Just do your job!

half a year later:

Business: Hey, I just came up with the idea that we could have logging in with Facebook.
Also business: Wow, great idea!
Management: Here's your bonus for a great idea!
Developers: ...

When Windows shows it can be trusted to run your business

so i posted this image on my facebook wall(my business depends on facebook) and my father commented, check 1000 times then 😐
i wish i could say, it is not that easy, but i feel it is better not to say anything then explain the complexity of programming 😢

Not me but a coworker.

BA: How should we respond to business person's email?

Dev: Delete it.

Reject original specs. Do the bare minimum MVP that works and solves problems people actually have, and not problems you think people have.
Improve it if needed.

In my experience, software projects don’t live long enough to outgrow the MVP. If they do, it happens way down the road. At that point, business will change, and the original spec will become irrelevant.

It’s a paradox: 90% of the spec was discarded, but the business is happier than if we followed the spec word by word.

Also, static typing and unit testing solve nothing. I’m sorry.

I get a call from a client at 7 PM:
- Client: We have a business partner that just visited the website you just made for us and he said it was absolutely terrible, things are not showing up, layout is all messed up... *sends photo*. This is a VERY important new business partner and this will affect our relationship and image. Fix it NOW!
- Me: ok? I will check ... *proceed to check on several browsers and versions*
- Me: I checked on all modern browsers, cleaned cache, tried from multiple devices, it seems to be fine. What browser is your partner visiting the site from?
- Client: Idk, let me ask ...
- Client: Internet Explorer
- Me: ... that browser is not even supported anymore wth?!
- Client: We need it fixed!
- Me: ... *proceeds and hacks for IE website until 6 AM*

- Can you format my computer ?
- I am developper Bro, this is not my kind of business
- I know you studied IT, so when you format my computer ?
-...

I'm so over the politics....

System team: So, we've rewritten the entire site and the stats are looking pretty great. We're more than a year into the two-month transition period, and hey, that's cool, no judgement. But now we're gonna hit a license expiration on the old site, so we need to shut it down, or otherwise pay a ridiculously big amount to renew the license.

Business: nooooooooo you can't shut down the old site!

Systems: but nobody is using it

Business: yes, they are

Systems: no, they're really not, we checked and everything

Business: ...........

Systems: ok, well are you gonna pay for the license renewal?

Business: oh hell no

Systems: ok then we're shutting it down

Business: ..............

Systems: ok, it's down

Business: how dare you! We didn't sign off on that! Bring it back immediately!

Systems: are you gonna pay the license?

Business: no! now bring it back!

FML.

I got in an argument with a co worker, she says that mass surveillance programs are "none of my business" and I shouldn't care how they operate.

ACTUALLY, ACCORDING TO GOOGLE IT IS MY BUSINESS.

I worked someplace once that fired a person for lack of quality output. Before that he sued the company over a labor dispute. After they fired him he went and founded his own business. A year later the company decided to recycle his old laptop to another developer and discovered the source code and business prospectus on it. The company took it to court and said it was actually their business because it was created on its own equipment and the time stamps confirm during business hours also. Courts agreed and they got possession of his business and then fired him again.

Every time some assholes decide to mix part of the business logic inside the presentation layer.

<body>
<?php
// Let's query the db here...
?>

<body>
<%
/* Hey, I'm a JSP! Why not defining some custom logic here, so nobody will able to debug it? */
%>

I love it when companies take 3 weeks to reply to their mail.
I love it when said company plans in a meeting during a 3 hour period, any moment through which they could arrive and you have to be available for.

Additionally, I love seeing companies use an @gmail.com for their business mail. The professionalism just oozes off of a Gmail account, when it's used for business-related stuff.

I love this kind of professionalism. So professional, much business.

…

Get a fucking domain already. And MAINTAIN YOUR FUCKING MAIL!! And why the FUCK am I waiting for these incompetent motherfuckers to arrive already, for 90 bloody motherfucking minutes that are way overtime for me as I've been awake for fucking 18.5 hours already?! Fucking incompetent pieces of shit.

Never write your email adress on a building. And it you do, don't use web.de (basically German and more shitty version of yahoo). Spoted in a fancy business district in central Berlin.

Why is there no Skype for Business client for Linux, is it so hard? :(

FUCK Windows 10 and it's HATEFUL tendency to open everything with FACKING Edge even though it overrides that the default browser is chrome. Especially fucking Skype for business.

Fack Skype too

Client: Too many of our business processes take place on excel and paper! We need to modernize our business processes. Build an app that can do the main things we do with excel and paper in app form.

Dev (4 months later): Here it is

Client: Ok some of our users want to still use excel and paper so build the ability to print the app and export/import to excel so they can continue working the way they always have alongside our new app.

Dev: …

devRant is awesome, but Disney also manages to light-up my day.
This is how Wall-E became a beloved member of our team, and helped me put a smile on my face throughout a very frustrating project.

It all started in a company, not so far far away from here, where management decided to open up development to a wider audience in the organization. Instead of continuing the good-old ping-pong between Business and IT...

'not meeting my expectations' - 'not stated in project requirements'
'stuff's not working - 'business is constantly misusing'
'why are they so difficult' - 'why don't they know what they really want'
'Ping, pong, plok... (business loses point) ping, pong'

... the company aimed to increase collaboration between the 2 worlds, and make development more agile.

The close collaboration on development projects is a journey of falling and getting back up again. Which can be energy draining, but to be honest there is also a lot of positive exposure to our team now.
The relevant part for this story is that de incentive of business teams throughout these projects was mainly to deliver 'something' that 'worked'. Where our team was also very keen on delivering functionality that is stable, scalable, properly documented etc. etc.
We managed to get the fundamentals in place, but because the whole idea was to be more agile or less strict throughout the process, we could not safeguard all best-practices were adhered to during each phase of a project. The ratio Business/IT was simply out of balance to control everything, and the whole idea was to go for a shorter development lifecycle.
One thing for sure, we went a lot faster from design through development to deployment, high-fives followed and everybody was happy (for some time).
Well almost everybody, because we knew our responsibility would not end after the collection of credits at deployment, but that an ongoing cycle of maintenance would follow. As expected, after the celebrations also complaints, new requirements and support requests on bug fixes were incoming.
Not too enthusiastic about constantly patching these projects, I proposed to halt new development and to initiate a proper cleaning of all these projects. With the image in mind of a small enthusiastic fellow, dedicated to clean a garbage-strewn wasteland for humanity, I deemed "Wall-E" a very suited project name. With Wall-E on board, focus for the next period was on completely restructuring these projects to make sure all could be properly maintained for the future.
I knew I was in for some support, so I fetched some cool wall papers to kick-start each day with a fresh set of Wall-E's on my monitors. Subsequently I created a Project Wall-E status report, included Wall-E in team-meetings and before I knew it Wall-E was the most frequently mentioned member of the team. I could not stop to chuckle when mails started to fly on whether "Wall-E completed project A" or if we could discuss "Wall-E's status next report-out". I am really happy we put in the effort with the whole team to properly deploy all functionality. Not only the project became a success, also the idea of associating frustrating activities with a beloved digital buddy landed well in our company. A colleagues already kickstarted 'project Doraemon', which is triggering a lot of fun content. Hope it may give you some inspiration, or at least motivate you to watch Wall-E!

PS: I have been enjoying the posts, valuable learnings and fun experiences for some time now. Decided to also share a bit from my side, here goes my first rant!

Greatest lesson I learned from myself. Work for yourself. Create your own business while you are working. Be your own boss. Don't rely in employment alone.

I got laid off today. My boss business is a digital agency. Our client stopped working with several agencies including us because of an order from their mother company to only use 1 agency. My boss has no choice but to let me go.

Even if you got the skills and you're doing good in your work, these things can happen. It is beyond our control. I like my company and my boss but reality hits hard. I thought I will be with this company for a very very long time. I want to settle here and build my business but still work together with my boss. I have so many plans that instantly disappeared.

Oh well just be strong and move on. Happy job hunting to me again. Maybe this is God's plan to teach me some things. For me to create my own business seriously while working.

Tried buying the .com version of my website that some punk in FL stole right from under my nose... Offered $3000 for it and now he's saying he wants 10k. Time to find a new domain and maybe business name 😭😭😭

When you're training a new guy who thinks hes better than you and completely overwrites all the code you've been working on because he thinks UX designed it wrong and it should look "correct". Thats not how corporate business works buddy...

what the FUCK!!! What's wrong with your heads people!?!? If you write code, write it in application source. NOT IN THE FUCKING DATABASE!!!
Database is a REPOSITORY for entities -- NOT a place to be tangled with BUSINESS LOGICS!

Raise_application_error(-20201, 'Payment already confirmed'); my ass!

So two mini rants rolled up into one

1) programmers who can code in 8292 languages but don’t know shit about the business side and think they know better than the business folks when it comes to big picture decisions, please go fuck yourself.

2) People who respond to “Gotta set up a few machines for non tech folks” with “Oh you should try Linux, it’s so user friendly”. You need to go fuck yourself. You have no idea what you’re talking about and probably lack empathy too you rotten squid smelling cumsock.

"We don't have time for refactoring. Business said it has to be shipped fast"

Two years ago I started a small online business. It was not a long term investment and it literally ended up being a one man business. The idea was to provide a service to a small group of people who will benefit from my idea and to offer it to them at a very cheap price. (It being the cheapest helped its popularity a lot).

However, never once did it actually make any profit. (and i never wanted it to make a profit) I wanted it to be self sustaining business and it was.

This was a project for my University by the way, I started off in my first year because of my extensive knowledge in the particular matter, and I only sold to people on campus.

Now that its been 4 years, my batch is graduating, and so there aren't many people to spread the word about this project. It's finally the time to actually say goodbye to this project.

I leased a dedicated server two years ago, and I am finally saying goodbye to that too (can't afford to keep it live anymore). And seriously, it feels sad to shut this machine down haha, I've had so much fun playing around with the configurations (even though it was a production server).

It's clear that this downsizing will continue and I will be closing the service in the near future.

“I suck as a coder. I have no business writing a single function. None of what I’m doing is working. I should be fired and nobody should ever hire me again.”

*Remembers to clear caches and it works right the first time*

“I’m a pretty great coder.”

FUCK ALL THOSE MONKEYS THAT WROTE ALL THE SHITTY CODE WHICH I'VE SPENT THE MAJORITY OF MY DAYS HAVING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT THE SHIT IT DOES AND WHY I CAN'T JUST BURN IT....

AND WHY THE FUCK DO BUSINESS USERS SEEM TO THINK THAT DEVELOPERS CAN UNDERSTAND ALL THEIR BUSINESS TALK...

IF I UNDERSTAND ALL OF WHAT YOU DO, YOU WILL BE OUT OF A JOB....

P.S. APPARENTLY ONE OF MY MEDS SIDE EFFECTS ARE INCREASED IRRATIBILTY. THE SLIGHTEST ANNOYANCES NOW PISS ME OFF...

SO APPARENTLY THAT MEANS I HAVE A FREE LICENSE TO BLOW UP N RANT ON THE JOB RIGHT?

... 🖕

I dont get people, who work in the IT business but does not have a genuine interest in it.
Everything they will do will be bad
They will not learn nice stuff
They will do stuff slowly
They ask stupid questions all the fucking time

Python is such an amazing programming language. Look how easy it is to write business-logic for the production world. This snippet is used at YouTube HQ to process how the users think about the ads that are displayed every now and then, while the user is listening to music

Dad: why are you doing IT after I put you through business school

Me: because you're the one that nagged me not to do it instead CS.... So now I'm stuck in IT... Because I can't seem to understand Big O and algorithms needed to pass a technical interview...

campus
krampus

it makes fucking sense now, college is a devil's business

SAP is not a business system. Its goal is not to solve any kind of business problem. SAP is a club. Just like Supreme clothes, it's expensive for the sake of being expensive. Everyone else also knows they're expensive, and this is why you buy them. If you adopt SAP, you do it just to show potential investors that you have money. SAP is designer clothes of IT.

I kinda thought about it, and it was confirmed by a person who worked with SAP for the last 20 years.

We were participating in a competition once where our project was an accident detection sensor (it was a business competition). We took a broken mp3 player without cover and used it as the device while our laptop played sensor sounds.

We were the runner ups

Every University should make it a requirement that CS and Info technology juniors and seniors spend time on devRant. It is an education in real world coding and business challenges. No surprises. Easier transition to being a pro.

Wish it were available when I was starting.

When you're confident in your code, but it starts listing errors like nobody's business

Thinking to start business
Vegetables at door step.

I have 100+ farmers in contact. Who can provide vegetables daily.

What is your view/suggestion on it.

Oh come on..
"I'll show you how you COULD do it and make money on that and then pretending I did it with my app business."

Dev team: This part of the app has a shitty ux. We want to fix it after we finish this feature.
Business: hey guys we think we lack data so we got some users to check our page with shitty ux and see if they think it is shit
User: yeah it’s shit

Great use of resources you chucklefucks

When I was about 10 I decided to set up an imaginary business selling homemade stationary (notepads made of scrap paper!). It was a great way to entertain my younger sister making them whilst I programmed a full POS and inventory management system in BASIC.

Needless to say, my sister got bored of the idea long before I did. 20 years later I still use the same name as our imaginary business for any freelance work!

Unpaid internships are the worst thing. You exploit young people and promise them experience. Seriously business makes tons of money yet they come with ways to exploit a young person in IT. I think it is evil.

Have any one used Skype for business, It seems to me it has down syndrome.
They cant just make a simple think work.

I just made a quick throwaway business card to give with my resume during a job fair Friday at my college. Hopefully it helps me stand out a little bit more.

Sorry for the blurry photo. Took it on phone. I’m fixing spacing before I export and print

Devrant haiku:

Business call
Here is my email
Response: is it all in lowercase?

When you have a three hour project specification meeting and the people from "the business" spend two hours of it arguing over what to call the thing you're building the system to manage..

Sigh..

So I walked into a business the other day where they make flyers and business cards etc. Wanted something specific so went to what they call their "developers". So they have some kind of dodgy pdf editor open there and I know exactly what I want so I asked can you take a RGB color..... the reaction was glassy eyes. And after that the woman started to scream at me and telling me that I have no idea what it is like to be a "Developer". Ended up walking out and going to another place.....

To be locked in a dev-centered paradigm. I want personal projects that earn me money. I want my own business. But, it requires marketing. I have no respect for marketing people. I’m a dev, and that’s a common sentiment among devs. I have to get over it to achieve my goals, but it seems like I’m locked in a dev paradigm. I only see engineering.

Domain server goes down, it's the gateway and DNS too.

Ok I'll just remove the domain, it's been orphaned really since you went to the cloud.

Don't have local admin password.

Ok call old it company who set up gear

Out of business

Ok boot to Linux and reset

Usb boot locked

Don't have bios password

Call old it company

Still out of business.

Wait, can I just set manual ipv4 ? Ok domain without a domain controller... If it works it works.

Google Business Profile is probably not meant for developers. "Help customers find your business by industry." Dev: set primary category to "Web Developer". Google: We didn't understand your category. Please select from the suggestions that appear when typing. Dev, typing: "Web D"... Google suggests: "Web Designer, Web hosting company, Well drilling contractor, Waterbed shop". Okay, Google, nevermind.
Google: "Update your customers. Keep your customers up to date about your business!" Dev clicks "add update", adds info about that customer should use different phone number temporarily due to broken phone. Google: "Your post has been removed from your Business Profile on Google because it violates one or more of our post content policies." Okay Google, at least you let me add an additional phone number on my profile without requiring to verify my primary number that I currently have not access to. Anything else?
Google: "Claim your €400 free advertising credit" Dev: clicks "claim credit" Google: "To access this Google Ads account, enable 2-Step Verification in your Google account." How to combine idiocy and deceptive patterns in a single UI: Google knows! Apart from their search engine, their unique business advantage is simple that they suck a little less than Apple and Microsoft. Sorry, not a day to be proud of our profession, once again.

!rant

Sometimes I think I am (a developer) is similar to a samurai or a yakuza. Once we get into this business, we just cannot get out of it. :?

// I am starting to get drunk. It is lucky for you guys that we have 2 hours interval. I don't expect my next post to be any good.

Dev Team: Please provide us requirements for the rewrite of the website.
Business Analyst: Can you look in the code and tell me what it does today?
Dev Team: Aargh!!!!

COO Snake ousts CEO, fires founders, is generally clueless about tech and product and design and science (and basically everything this business is about) and expected me to drop everything else I do (rich, varied and fulfilling) and work full time as a slave-nerd. Some people just don’t get it.

Anyone else hate their Macbook Pro 2018? RIGHT after the return policy the speakers start acting like it has fucking tourette's, plus my machine randomly SHUTS DOWN.

Apple Store "Genius": "Yup, we gotta send it in for repair, 10 business days."

10 business days without my work laptop, gee thanks asshole, at least be a little more empathetic about it.

My 2015 Macbook Pro gave me ZERO problems. The only reason why I upgraded was that compiling took forever (React Native).

If I didn't have to work with Xcode I would just sell this thing and buy a PC laptop. (The Surface book looks nice =))

Boss asks me if it is possible to backup an entire business database in 1 hour....

My own colo server. My own cloud. My own infra.

Fuck all of the CSP's and their fucking broken TOS and their data privacy violations!

Why do you think Amazon is so cheap? Because when they discover a product/service/software on AWS makes money, they WILL Reverse engineer it, make it and price you out of the market. It's their business model!

How do you handle narcissist managers?

Who look at you not as human beeing but as a thing to exploit for personal gain? Sure there's the business side (capitalism) but the human side of it bothers me.

Because it is my business you shitty Linkedin!!

I was 11-12, the year was 1995. My mom was so sick of me screwing up the business computer (286), she bought me an old XT at a garage sale. It had a monochrome monitor and a 40 kB HDD. I taught myself qbasic on it. I knew right there I wanted to build stuff in code for a living.

I am so sick of people using emoji's in business related emails. I want to hunt them down and break their fingers when I see it.

PM: We have a really exciting job for today.

Me: Great! What is it? Website? Emailer?

PM: Business card design and ad resizes!

FML #justwanttocode

Why do business and systems analyst even project managers try to give estimates for how long development should and will take? I hate how people who don't code and do any real work try totell me how long it would take me.

No I will not use Facebook to schedule an appointment.

If you're unwilling to answer the phone and do it yourself, I'm more than willing to take my business elsewhere.

Ended my day today standing in my kitchen trying to cool down after having to deploy unfinished work that has not been properly tested because the business forced us to deploy it. So frustrated and angry.

Spend the last year helping to rescue a company from the brink of collapse. Literally live and breathe the company for no extra pay or reward, supporting and improving all aspects from IT and development, HR, Legal, Procurement, business day to day running and Accounts.

Create a business plan and forecast for 2019 with the General Manager over the weekend (unpaid) to grow the business and start to make lots of profit, hand it over to the director and he makes me redundant the next day.

Furious doesn't even cover what I'm feeling at the moment.

Absolutely SICK of clients contesting invoices, refusing to pay and paying late.

I work bloody hard building websites for these people, often saving their business and doing a huge amount of work they’ll never understand or appreciate. Agree a price and pay it, stop being horrible greedy arseholes.

Arghhhhhhhh

Question for the old timers: is it possible to work as a dev for the rest of your life and be happy?
.
.
.
Does it get any better or is dev burnout baked into the business model of every company?
The CEO flat out admitted it was exactly that where I'm at a few weeks ago 😞

when you're supposed to be pushing something live but you got the poops and need to run to the bathroom. then the client calls when you're sitting there on devrant halfway done with your business and you answer pretending you're pushing it live.

I have a dev job and I earn good. More than enough at this age when I'm single.

My brother lost his business and has been sitting idle for more than 3 months now. Family gets cash but brother has nothing to do. He's into business and I don't even know what's going on in his life. I can help him with money and all but no idea how to ask, I'm younger and it will require a lot amount of guts for me to him, even when I ask I don't think he will tell me straight.

When they want to take a business critical app that is using Enterprise Oracle running on Exadata, and move it to community Postgres running on Amazon RDS, because "it will be in the Cloud, and it will save us money..." No, no it won't.

"Hey business, we've done some style changes in a new test evnvironent, can you check to see everything looks fine?"

"Page Y (which you've never heard of before) looks terrible!"

"It does! Sorry" - go check the page on the other test environment.

That's just what it looks like.

Some weeks ago I post a rant about the fact that my supervisor (I'm in internship) said to my teacher that he was happy of my work, today he said to me that he wants to hire me as Business Analyst and Business Intelligency ! So proud of it !

!rant

Finally got confirmation I can defend my thesis this Monday for my business studies. Starting an IT traineeship right after! Super excited, wish me luck!

For my employers: Just go fuck yourself with your greed. I'm gonna start my own business and fail till it succeeds.

Signed,
A pissed overworked developer who doesn't give a flying fuck about your shitty product

I'm currently watching the "it was my idea, I should get half the revenue" conversation play out in real time... For someone else.

I had the sense to turn down this "fantastic business opportunity"

If Microsoft acquires GitHub, it will be far from the end of git. Even if it is an EEE play, there are still many FOSS variants that will enable the use of git without having to deal with Microsoft's toxic business model.

I still have my gitlab install, and I will continue to use it.

If you have plans to open source one thing, just start it open source from scratch. It’s extremely painful to remove business logic of a closed source project.

I'M A SENIOR DEVELOPER NOT A BUSINESS ANALYST...

IF YOU GIVE ME SOME CRAPPY LEGACY CODE THAT SOMEONE RANDOMLY DECIDED TO USE, THE ONLY WAY I CAN UNDERSTAND IT IS BY RUNNING IT AND REVERSE ENGINEERING THE "BUSINESS LOGIC".

ADD THAT WITH BAD INPUTS... THE ONLY THING YOUR DOING IS WASTING MY TIME..

JUST BURN THE WHOLE THING AND GIVE ME THE REQUIREMENTS OF WHAT YOU ACTUALLY WANT....

It feels like I've been fucking a pig all week...

Oh and now my team agrees and will look to get the actual requirements from the business...

This feels like a hallow victory.... As that was the first thing I told them to do....

This is hands-down the worst codebase I've ever touched. 50% laziness, 50% poorly-conceived alterations to business logic. One of those where if it isn't throwing an error, you DON'T TOUCH IT.

!Rant
Awesomeness ensues!!!!!

I finally quit my day job at the place I was working to finally go full time with my business, TerraNimbus. I was able to secure a small loan to cover business and personal expenses until I can drum up enough business to keep things a float.

I’m super fucking stoked because I’ve been wanting to branch out and do this for about 4 years now and finally feel like I have the right pieces in play to make it work. I’m as nervous as hell but so fucking excited too!

I just needed to share this here cause the DevRant community is world class and you guys/gals are fucking killing it everyday being AWESOME!!! And you all feel like extended family members to me all going through the motions in each of your lives and keeping ‘in touch’ through devRant on a daily basis. So I wanted to share my story with everyone here.

Somehow I enjoy creating flawlessly working nifty utilities a lot more than writing actual business code.

It's that versatility and reusability of a well-written utility that makes it suitable for many use-cases that puts a smile on my face.

A single-purpose business and use-case-specific piece of code doesn't do it for me anymore. I guess it never did, really...

I wish I could get paid for building tools rather than business apps :)

One of the biggest advantages with working in the IT business, is that I can work from home

Business: "should we use this technology?"
Developers: " probably not but we will do a full investigation and give you a report on the pros cons and our professional opinion... No we should not use that technology"
Business: "oh yeah why you guys were off seeing if it would work we did the deal so now we have to use it"

Spent 1 month creating a piece of software for a school project and when I speak of it to someone on the IT business they tell me:
"Really? Once you start working you'll be using software that'll allow you to do something twice as hard in about 2 hours"

I tried to unsubscribe from an email list and it says “Please allow 10 business days for us to process unsubscribe requests to be processed.” WHY TF do you need 10 BUSINESS DAYS?? I UNSUBSCRIBED 3 DAYS AGO AND YOU’RE STILL SENDING ME YOUR DAMN EMAILS.

I just realized i can call myself an IT GIRL.
Well I do care about coding style..
Maybe I should put that on my business card

I am making my first dashboard/summary page without a tutorial! Once I learn D3 via a Udemy course, this will be 93% done!

I just want want to see what you guys think?

Some text is removed as I shared it on FB and the business I am making it for is following me and they have NO idea that I am doing it for them.

Like seriously... this app is your fucking core business. Treat it like one!

So one of my co-partner in a website development business we started, took up back end responsibilities from me, didn't complete a simple form handling in 3 months and then complained the 3rd partner that it was my work and I didn't do it and now I am the bad guy.
FUCK YOU BRO!

Got a promotion at the end of April this year from Junior Dev to React Engineer, and HR STILL hasn't amended my contract... At this point I'm owed 2 months of backpay... Why is it so hard for HR in any business to just change a field, sign some forms and bung it off?

When your boss and his pet employee start rambling business speak about some feature they expect you to figure out even though they don't understand it.

Today we were told that management decided that apart from software development we are also responsible for internal IT support, such as helping business with installing programs on their laptops. Yay!

Outlook and word for html rendering.

I know it was a business decision but its been a pain since 2007 and still is.

It made my life as it is now,
I didn't know anything about programming before getting into college.
Now, I have my own business because of study CS.

Love it when PM/business adds a bunch of extra tickets on the last week of a 3 week spring.

Or

I love it when business sends you a requirement, you build it, then they add more requirements that contradict the original requirements

ML Dude: “Hey see what I did with this python code. It is so clean and dope”
Business Boss: “Well Done.”
ML Dude: “It is a nice approach don’t you think.”
Business Boss: “How does this put a money in my business account?”
ML Dude: “Ehmmmm”

So Is it just me thinking that no one would pay for my work (web dev, IT stuff etc...), because it is so easy to build a website for example. I'm kinda beginner, what's your opinion on wordpress? But mybe I'm just rushing things, we want to build a webdev business with my friends and I'd like to hear some idea/experience from you guys :)

I come from an older generation where we didn't mention personal lives or politics at work. I can be productive and befriend people that are opposites of me politically, as a matter of fact I kind of like it. My complaint is when tech companies as a whole broadcast their views. They have every right to but does it make good business sense? I am also not comfortable with people broadcasting personal details about their personal lifestyle in a professional setting. I like to be lifestyle and political neutral in business.

I always love getting yelled at by a client about a feature that they “use everyday” and critical to their business is just not working. Go back and look... it appears that it broke a while ago (in this case a couple months).

It’s my fault, but I do start to question other blanket statements they make.

If Wonder Woman and Spiderman go into business together, they would call it Amazon Web Services

Those who make money off of side program/business/website, what is it and what is your best advice about side hustles?

People here working your own business or side hustle:

1) How long have you been doing it?

2) What kind of tech stack do you use in your product(s)?

3) Are you happy with your business endeavor or has the grass become greener elsewhere?

4) What is the most important thing you have learned from it that you wish you knew when you began?

whose idea was it to give the business major access to the database? we have one thousand tables that do the same thing or absolutely nothing, everything is badly named, and THE GRAMMAR

Recieved some code from a client to review for porting it to a new system.

They sent the PHP scripts copy pasted into seperate Word Documents and skipped the most important file (containing the business logic functions).

what's your expirience with business intelligence / data science? Do your company has a own department for it?
If so how does it affect you?

College: We will give you six to twelve weeks to build a decent, fully-equipped application that involves a backend with domain business logic, DAL, service layer, security, etc.

In the real world: we give you an afternoon. If it takes two days, you are slow.

Gotta love it.

Rant to discuss Domain Driven Design (DDD) architecture.

Did anyone implemented on production?
How scalable and easy to use?
Do you recommend it? if yes in which environment? in which business types?

It is so awkward to watch 50 shades of grey movie and coding at the same time. Especially when the **** part someone pass by and watch it with you.

That someone is my CTO . He paid me RM 200 for the pass him the movies. Sounds like I have a new business.

So anyone need the movie , it is just 200MYR... 😂😂😂😈

Actually he can get it from torrent. But why?

There was a lesson in HTML during high school... had to learn C++ in Uni because it is part of my curriculum in my business major. They all mattered when I got into programming 2 years ago because my current boss thought I can be a good programmer despite being not an IT graduate... so he told me to self-study

Wondering how I can turn this into a business lunch so I can write it off

PM:"I don't care how you dev build it, those are tech details, not my business, I only care about the business domain."

sounds familiar?

this is the main reason why so many projects failed, can you image any professional use such an asshole statement in other industry.

When business analyst says I want a reactive Website so you start coding it in react

I’ve done it again. I started a new online business thinking that some out of the box solutions would work for managing it. Turns out, in spite of my initial thinking that I had covered the bases, it turns out that none of those solutions fully matches my business requirements. So now I have to either rely on my own wits and poor coding skills to roll my own solution or spend money I don’t have to pay someone smarter than me to code my vision all while hoping I’ll find enough customers to recover the cost. What was I thinking?!

Conspiracy theory:
There is no parent CSS selector because Google effectively controls web standards, and if that existed then it would be extremely easy to hide ads, ruining their business model. Do you a-- help help they've got me hehgxh dry jvcgk cc d

That’s it! I have had enough of business development, design and other non-technical departments of the business! STOP making us technical types sit through your demo meetings and circle-jerking each other on how great everything looks and “how exited you are for the future…”!

Look, I’m all for enthusiasm but taking it in turns to make over optimistic comments feels false and nauseating!!!!

Anyone else just bleed time like no one's business?

I swear some days I blink and it's 140:00 with nothing to show for it

I decided to try a new mono font in my editor, this is a relatively new font called IBM Plex.

I can hear the sounds of a 1401 crunching through the punch cards while the printing out curlies that scream THIS IS SERIOUS BUSINESS.

Mmmmm....I like it.

Anybody use Toggl?

I would frown on this in a business environment as far too intrusive... but for a freelancer I wonder if it could help me track my tasks/use/hours more easily.

Because that is one part of freelance that sucks.

It’s amazing when people come in for an interview and say, ‘Can you tell me about your business?’ Seriously, people. There’s an Internet. Look it up.

Am I the only one who gets intimidated when shit its roof?

Yesterday, during crucial business hours, one of the major OMS db column type got overflowed. Caused around 30 mins downtime and then later, pool of all connections with high concurrent requests flushed down stream which caused thunder herd.

One by one.. all services went down; Fucking java service couldn't even start because of load..

This is the moment I fell in love with GoLang. We shard request using GoLang service, it just started and picked up the load beautifully..

At the end, it is around 6 millions business loss, but a good lesson learned :)

We are moving from Oracle 10g to SQL Server 2019 because Oracle doesn't want to provide support to our legacy 10g database.

It doesn't much sense well anyways god bless us during data migration.

Oh one last thing, fuck business analyst team.

!rant

As a company director that’s just starting out down my freelance journey, I still find it so scary taking money out of the business, even though I know I have the money to replace it.

The spectre of getting my taxes wrong even though I’ve got established accountants looking out for me is insane.

Question for you all:

You're expecting an important call from a potential employer sometime today (no specific time, just business hours)

When you get the call, you're on the toilet, absolutely ripping ass. Do you let it go to voicemail and call them back later? Answer the phone and take the whole call on the toilet? Take the call and discreetly try and finish your business? Take the call and explain that you need to call them back in about five minutes? Is there a right answer?

As a moron, I write all tasks in this format even though it makes no sense to do so, so I won't have to put up with business colleagues moaning.

Day 3 of following a ServiceNow request so peasant me gets to have Visual Studio installed on the work laptop

I need to provide them with a "business justification" for it + even more approval emails

The red tape is insane.

When the best event of the day is a business phonecall and you are a developer.

Customer actually gets what we do, is excited about it and is willing to put in some effort.

quick question: If you are writing a software to start a business around it, would you make that software (or not) open source?

I have in mind something like the Insomnia REST client by @gschier (FOSS) vs Postman (Commercial)

Thanks!

Dear Santa,

My name is Steve.

My age is none of your business.

I've been a very good boy this year.

If I could have any present in the world, it would be an embedded, serverless PostgreSQL.

Love,
Steve.

Do you all comprehend how dangerous devRant - especially its users are? What if we all quit our jobs and handed them a business card “devRant - ‘your name here’” and just stuck to contracting. Stick it to the man and have fun while doing it. 😂

I guess talking to a duck helps after all although my duck was actually writing an email to business explaining an issue I am having in a requested change.

Right before I hit send, I go... Ah I get it now!

That saved me from some embarrassment :)

Github has a very cool business model. They launch most of their services for free in public repos and have a pay for using them in private repos. So when people use them and like them in open environment, github get free advertisements for potential customers that might use that in closed environment.

Google also has a similar model with its gsuite, but it has its advertisements business model over it that makes it look bad.

Personally, i like github's model but google gets a bad light for not being privacy focussed, while github is thriving.

In the Global Blockchain Congress currently taking place in Kolkata, India, 'IT' officials from PWC India and IBM India start their speaks right after a popular cryptography professor from Belgium and a Blockchain entrepreneur from Brazil.

Every word these 'IT officials' uttered showed how shallow and business minded the IT managers and marketers are.

How 2018 brings an aww bug.

At my company, we've a reporting application. Which kind of provides analysis of client's weekly business. When you open the application it shows their business trend starting from Sunday to day of week.

As usual their is an endpoint to get the data basis on start date. As soon as date changed to 1st Jan, it stopped showing data. Given that it was a long weekend, no one was available from the tech. Support team got tremendous amount of tickets for this. Later on Tuesday while debugging we got to know while forming the date in the application the logic was like this

- get current year
- get the date and month on start of week

Combine these 2 and request the data. All the time it was fetching data starting from 31 Dec 2018.

😒😒😒

When I was finding a domain name on godaddy, I got to know that buying domain name and selling it on high price is also a business. All the domain names that I want is now on sale(with premium costs on godaddy). Worth +$1200

"Business owners need to realize that their design is a reflection of their business even if it is not intentional. If you don’t care about your design then your design is telling people that you don’t care about your business. " - Marco Suarez

So I was attending a Scrum Master training recently. During the introduction, the coach is making sure everyone understands why are they even on this training and stresses out that for a company to be able to actually become agile and survive the transition, people of different levels and roles/responsibilities should get familiar with Scrum, not only IT/developers.

Coach: I can see we have developers, testers and people from operations in the room, good. Too bad there's noone from the actual business. Anyway, who decided that you should come to a Scrum training and become certified?
Group: Well, the business..

#ironic

I've just heard from the business person that we are giving high estimates on the projects delivery time out of spite. Are you fucking kidding me. All of that just because they wrote Hello World and they think they now better how much time it will take.

I told PM that a feature is only ready on Thursday. He goes and tells Tuesday to the business owner. Comes to me and says make it happen. Nope, sorry. Not going to happen.
Non-tech people should not make commitments. I long for the day their jobs become obsolete.

Me: "We seriously have an issue with staff engagement and motivation. Programmers must be given more challenges, they need to be creative, to innovate...

Boss: "Sure, but we can only do the fun things if it does not impede the Business As Usual."

I cleaned up my desk and decluttered everything to freshen things up.
It's much nicer to have a clean desk especially when a desk is the only 'office' in your business.

It's not perfect, but it's much better than before :)

PS: I wouldn't dare to share the mess it was and burn it through your eyes... It'd be a sin.

Job advertisement : C++, C#, mysql... / Interview : C#, mysql...

Real life : working one year (part time) on a prototype which had been used (I hope it still not the case) on prod. And by the way it was in VBA :D At the end the file did several Go, empty :D

First real job in a business, that's good memories :p

Ok so as the only developer in a tech startup who is mostly self-taught i've decided to take the initiation and do some online certificates and diplomas
bagged 2 now
1 Python programming
2 Business frameworks and IT for Orgs

Colleague: I'll write a stored procedure that does fully qualified database table path names to access data from the other databases and then do business logic with all of it in the same proc.

Me: That will be 600 lashings.

I finish my internship in dev the next week and my supervisor wants to hire me as a Business Analyst, for that I have to pass some tests in an assessment center.. I hope I will success it ! 👊

Just had a meeting about what our product's vision was going to be. Without actually talking about what that vision was. It was a statement of the business goal amd some nonsense about how we were going to pick tickets based on reaching said business goal.

Like, yeah. That's what we have been doing. You are not new here so why are you acting like it. And yet these people are the ones who make more money than me. I need to start saying more obvious things. Maybe I'll be made a director.

Perfect use of DI in .NET Core project.

> Passed logger object in UI project's controller class constructor.
> Then pass it to internal class.
> Then pass it to business project.
> Then pass it to another class and finally used logger in a method to log exceptions in try-catch

god damn it, your a grown ass fucking person. Why the fuck can you not be mature enough to stay on slack during business hours?! GAH!!!!!!!!

Just got out of a meeting in which the client was suffering from the classic case of not knowing how their business works. Ugh, now I gotta figure it out for them.

Last night's cronjob was the first time I broke everything on the network via my automation. Fixed it before business hours of our clients.

At least I learned my lesson? 😀😁😂🤣😃😃😄😅

Do you often have meetings with overseas colleagues? Do you notice cultural differences? Do you read up on what kind of business etiquette or anything similar they have there? Or do you just dive right into IT stuff?

I had a discussion about SAAS and microtransactions with another dev. They are a little bit younger than me. The trend toward this in games and android apps were discussed. We found that we both avoid software which employs these business models.

We cannot be the only 2 people who avoid products employing these common business models. So I wonder what demographic pays for these services and products? I am to the point that if my kid asks to buy something in a game, I tell them that we will get rid of the game if they keep asking.

The only time I have paid for SAAS is when there is extraordinary perceived value. Quickbooks for small business is one such product (way cheaper than an accountant). Another is the Xbox game pass. So apparently for the game pass I am in the demographic.

Do we not like it because it is new? Or is it a kind of sleazy business tactic? I dunno. I would rather pay up front for most things. I feel like SAAS will be employed in software with proprietary file formats which require a subscription to even get to your data. Vendor lock-in.

So, goes without saying, but it would be pretty cool to see someone from here in real life. Anyone in Atlanta Georgia at the moment? I am currently in here, business trip :)

It never ceases to amaze me how the business end can get in the way of sensible, efficient development. I get why, to an extent, but it's really mind-blowing at times.

I'm the first person in 4 generations that works in a tech/hands-on area.

Everyone in my family works in media, sales, diamonds, law, business and teachers(in Yiddish it's called Luft-gescheft- air business)

They have no clue what I'm doing and how I got where I am and see it as a waste of time.

Family support for becoming a dev?
HA! None at all.
Well, to be fair, my parents bought their first a PC in 1996 for learning how to use it and to write documents for business.
So it was a rather passive support, if at all.

Screw DataStage
Screw Saleforce
Screw the $25k/week Vendor who finishes work maybe 60% complete, if I’m being generous.
Screw the business rushing to us to fix their shadow IT cluster.

I’ve discovered I can almost never do business with friends or become friends with previously non-friend clients. It becomes too often an excuse not to pay me for my work.

I love it when sleazy business analysts change previous notes on a work item so it looks like they stated something they never actually had, especially when it's something that "I'll update the design after your development".

Is it cool to abbreviate "proficient" as "prof" on a business card?.. As in:
"prof. in software engineering"

Our Support Team is currently processing your inquiry. We'll contact you within 1 business day.

23 hours later:
Is it still not working, or the problem was fixed by itself?

Oh the struggle!
I discovered a potentially valuable/good domain name that's not taken yet - but although it overlaps with my business, I don't really... need it.
Should I grab it or don't I want to be one of those people?

To all the business owners, it's good to have employee's. It means you get to do their jobs besides your own too.

Got a big project for an IT business competition I enrolled in with two of my friends. I’m the only engineer...

wish me luck

3 months ago i started as a helpdesk support for a business application. This week i'm promoted as Junior Programmer worked hard for it but it paid off :)

Is it possible to make a business out of your programming skills?