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1. Buy boxes of orange juice, almost past their expiry date.
2. Put boxes on the hot office windowsill for a few weeks.
3. Cool down juice in fridge.
4. "Hey dear coworker, would you like a refreshing juice box on this hot spring day?"
5. Watch coworker retch and vomit, spitting blue-grayish juice over his desk, crying: "Why would you give me old moldy juice without checking the date?"
6. "Do you remember when you told me you didn't have time for unit tests? THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS, DAVE, THIS IS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENS WHEN YOU DEPLOY UNTESTED CODE.... NOW FINISH YOUR JUICE!"33 -
Admin: "Wait, I noticed unusual traffic."
Me: "What is it?"
Admin: "Looks like we have a bot here."
Me: "A bot? Didn't know we are so popular."
Admin: "It makes constantly login requests through our API, it already surpassed 600.000! I will ban it right away."
Me: "wait, that just sounds like my bot.."
Admin: "DUDE, WTF? ARE YOU SERIOUS?"
When there is bug, you don't know of, it can end up quite embarrassing.11 -
When you look back on your github activity and just think "Wow, we have really created something special. This is really going to help the world." It just... It gets me. That's why I do this day in and day out.
14 -
There is this salesman right across from me that always brags about how rich his parents are and how lucky us tech guys are for having such an easy job. He told me one day that he was going to quit and make his own software company currently having no developing experience at all because "I've seen some of these developers. If those guys can do it, it'll be a breeze." I convinced him that the best language to learn in order to make your own websites/apps is Linux command line. Hilariously enough, the other 2 devs heard me say that and when Glenn the sales douche followed up with them one of them told him "Yeah, If you think you're really going to be quick with it then Linux will be your best bet, but if you have trouble just learn C++ instead and you'll still be able to make websites." Best of luck on your new Venture, you spoiled jizz stain.8
-
RE: Why I punched Dave
In my defense to the accusation against me punching back end developer dave in the face, look at the following response:
HTTP 1.1
status: 200
mesaage: OK
body: {
"success": "false",
"message": "error"
}11 -
Me: Hey Dave, wanna hear a TCP joke?
Dave: Uhh, sure...
Me: OK I'll tell you a TCP joke..
Dave: Please don't.
Me: Are you ready to receive my TCP joke?
Dave:...
Me: OK I'm sending my TCP joke. It'll be 4 words long and 27 bits large.
Dave:... Screw this, I'm going home now.
6 -
And here comes the last part of my story so far.
After deploying the domain, configuring PCs, configuring the server, configuring the switch, installing software, checking that the correct settings have been applied, configuring MS Outlook (don't ask) and giving each and every user a d e t a i l e d tutorial on using the PC like a modern human and not as a Homo Erectus, I had to lock my door, put down my phone and disconnect the ship's announcement system's speaker in my room. The reasons?
- No one could use USB storage media, or any storage media. As per security policy I emailed and told them about.
- No one could use the ship's computers to connect to the internet. Again, as per policy.
- No one had any games on their Windows 10 Pro machines. As per policy.
- Everyone had to use a 10-character password, valid for 3 months, with certain restrictions. As per policy.
For reasons mentioned above, I had to (almost) blackmail the CO to draft an order enforcing those policies in writing (I know it's standard procedure for you, but for the military where I am it was a truly alien experience). Also, because I never trusted the users to actually backup their data locally, I had UrBackup clone their entire home folder, and a scheduled task execute a script storing them to the old online drive. Soon it became apparent why: (for every sysadmin this is routine, but this was my first experience)
- People kept deleting their files, whining to me to restore them
- People kept getting locked out because they kept entering their password WRONG for FIVE times IN a ROW because THEY had FORGOTTEN the CAPS lock KEY on. Had to enter three or four times during weekend for that.
- People kept whining about the no-USB policy, despite offering e-mail and shared folders.
The final straw was the updates. The CO insisted that I set the updates to manual because some PCs must not restart on their own. The problem is, some users barely ever checked. One particular user, when I asked him to check and do the updates, claimed he did that yesterday. Meanwhile, on the WSUS console: PC inactive for over 90 days.
I blocked the ship's phone when I got reassigned.
Phiew, finally I got all those off my chest! Thanks, guys. All of the rants so far remind me of one quote from Dave Barry:
7 -
Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to introduce you to my latest employee, Dave the Duck! Dave is the new head of debugging and took the job to support his out-of-hand caffeine addiction and 72 children (of which paternity tests are still being done on 10). Dave is also wanted in 4 countries as the leader of the popular gang, known as the Dangerous Ducks. Please do no feed Dave, as he is on a strict diet. #DaveTheDuck #ProgrammersTools #ImNotThatCrazy
10 -
Sending a well typed professional email to your boss, but receiving a:
Sure thing
Dave
Sent from my iPhone9 -
I used to have this habit of developing with questionable placeholder content.
console.log("boobs").
<div>why the fuck am I still waiting for your fucking content, dave</div>.
<img src="drunk_boss_dancing_at_xmas_party. jpg"/>
One slips through, eventually.
Now it's all boring lorem ipsums and stock photos of smiling managers shaking hands...8 -
My father just told me that I'm not a good programmer, because there are kids out there, who are younger than me and know more programming languages.
Besides the fact that the number of programming languages one knows has nothing to do with programming skills, I just said: "I wanna see that kid.", because I already knew his answer.
"Well, I never said there are many of these kids."
*facepalm*9 -
Alias coworker = high school classmate
This kid wore a trench coat to school every single day and I guess he had a chronic masturbation problem because the guy was caught 3 different times IN CLASS jerking off.
Most people would catch a sexual harassment / indecent exposure / public masturbation charge, but this kid was breaking all these national math competition records and was working with a local university doing research and had a 4.5+ GPA (in high school in U.S. that's possible) so the school decided to do 2 things.
1. Not punish the kid, and in fact nothing of this was ever put on any record at all.
2. Write him a note from school administrators saying that this student can leave class whenever he would like no questions asked, and that the teacher must notify the office so they could send a security guard in order for this masturbation obsessed student to literally occupy a bathroom as his jerk off chamber uninterrupted.
So if in the past 6-7 years you've been in a high caliber university studying computer science and there was a kid in a trench coat "feeding some geese" near you, you can thank my high school.6 -
Best non-technical description of why we hate to post in forums (shamelessly copied from Shamus Youngs blog found here: http://shamusyoung.com/twentysidedt...) ->
ALLEN: Hi, I’m new to driving and I need to move my car back around 5 meters. How can I move the car backwards?
(2 days later.)
ALLEN: Hello? This is still a problem. I’m sure someone knows how to do this.
BOB: I can’t believe you didn’t figure this out yourself. Just take your foot off the gas and let the car roll backwards down the hill. Tap the bake when you get to where you want to be. Boom. Done.
ALLEN: But I’m not on a hill. I’m in my driveway and it’s completely flat.
CARL: Dude, I don’t know what you’re trying to accomplish, but you should never be driving backwards. It’s dangerous and will confuse the other drivers. See the big window in FRONT of you? That’s your first clue. Don’t drive backwards.
ALLEN: I’m not trying to drive backwards. I just need to move back a little bit so I can get out of my driveway and start driving forwards.
CARL: So just drive in circle until you’re pointed the right way.
ALLEN: I don’t have enough room to turn around like that. I only need to move back a few meters. I don’t understand why this has to be so hard.
CARL: Sounds like your “driveway” isn’t compatible with cars. It’s probably made for bikes. Call a contractor and have them convert some of your yard into driveway to be standards-compliant with the turning radius of a car. Either way, you’re doing something wrong.
DAVE: I see your problem. You can adjust your car to move backwards by using the shifter. It’s a stick located right between the passenger and driver seats. Apply the clutch and move the stick to the “R” position.
ALLEN: But.. I don’t have a clutch. And there isn’t a stick between the seats.
CARL: Sounds like you’re trying to drive in Europe or something.
ALLEN: Ah. Nevermind. I figured it out.8 -
Co-worker: "We would appreciate it if your future commits weren't so ignorant and bigoted"
Me: "Excuse me?"
Co-worker: "You made the gender variable a boolean"
I... But... Okay...13 -
Why do people get so unbelievably greedy when there is something for free.
Like "it's a free game server host, let's just create 100 accounts so I can have 100 empty servers"
Or "you can get a free game key if you contribute a lot, so let's just spam until I get the key"
It's so painfully to watch.3 -
YouTube, I called it. I freaking called it! This is an old story, it was back when Cryptominer via browser became a thing.
Me: "How long do you thing it will take until YouTube advertisements will contain cryptominer?"
IT WAS A F*CKING JOKE YOUTUBE, I DIDN'T KNOW YOUR ADVERTISEMENT POLICIES ARE REALLY THAT BAD!
A month later, after I said it to an friend, I had increased lags with literally anything I was doing. After some days of research (because I didn't pay that much attention to it at first), I could pin down the cause to my YouTube tab in my browser (because I listen to 24/7 music livestreams). And I was like:
Me: "I bet this is because of cryptominer. I bet this is because of cryptominer."
Guess what. About two weeks later YouTube confessed. Cryptominer ads were possible.
I wonder how much money these companies made...4 -
Dear customer,
as our services are completely free and we do not get paid for working, we beg you to understand, that there are some things you have to tolerate.
1. We are DEFINITELY not going to work 24/7 for you and answer immediately anytime. Only because it's 3pm in your country doesn't mean it's 3pm in our country!
2. We will NOT waste any time figuring out your gibberish and translate your language to our language or whatever, you have to be able to understand English anyways because our website and rules and everything is English!
3. Speaking of rules, READ THEM, I'm sick of explaining to you why you are banned, what do you think FAQs are made for?!
4. STOP SPAMMING AND TAGGING ME FFS. First we have a support chat so you can leave a message there and somebody will read it eventually AND SECONDLY I'M NOT THE ONLY SUPPORTER SO STOP BUGGING ME.
5. READ THE FUCKING MESSAGES I WRITE!
geez.. I just lost it for a second... okay.. gotta go now, I got 20 new messages since I started writing this rant.6 -
😩 That moment when you finish a project (part), close browser tabs close tons of terminal windows, quit a giant ide.. and you realize that you forgot a thing.. 😩12
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Finally, A Place where people understand you, who you are and what you're talking about. You don't have to feel weird when you post those dev rants..haha thanks Dave and Tim for devRant.1
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I arrived at 8am sharp today, SHARP, I usually arrive 2-3min earlier, so I can start with my actual work at 8am sharp, but traffic was rough and my scooter wouldn't turn on, so I wasn't able to.
Suddenly my boss calls me into his office, being all like "you are late everyday, you won't start work until 5 after 8 yadayada". Wtf?? You know I have a clock on my desk and I always check the clock when I'm arriving at work? (He has security cameras everywhere, so he can actually see me check the clock every morning). This morning I arrived at 8am sharp and the only reason why I started with work late is because he thought it's necessary to remind me to be at work in time. Now he expects me to start with work 5min early everyday, fuck off!20 -
Hey Dave and Tim!
Thank you for the stickers!
The post had a Surprisingly good timing because today I also became 21.
So thank you for this present! :)
6 -
Guy using VPN:
why would anybody use tor unless he hides something?
Me (using Tor):
why would anyone use VPN unless he hides something?
In my opinion there is no difference in using Tor than in using VPN, it's all about privacy. I would consider Tor as an free alternative for your everyday privacy needs, if you can't afford VPN, or am I wrong?22 -
Heh.. Came across my first PC last week :) oh the nostalgy... Entity, Mach3, wolfeinstein 3d, Dangerous Dave in a haunted mansion and a guy pushing boxes in a 2d maze.
DOS, nc and windows 3.1 [in that pile of 5" floppies bottom left].
oh the times!
8 -
In a morning 'stand up'.. (SM = Scrum Master, PO = Product Owner)
SM: "Sprint item 42399 ... Did you work with Ken on getting the price service ready for deployment?"
Me: "No, I worked with Dave on the service bus queue changes. Its there in the notes"
SM: "Ha ha...no...right there...it reads working with Ken."
Me: "Those are your notes. You re-assigned the ticket to yourself yesterday."
SM: "Oh...um...you told me you were working with Ken when I asked."
Me: "I'm really sorry, I don't remember you asking or me saying anything about changes to the price service. All the documentation I have is for the service bus."
PO: "I'm so confused, Ken was pulled off another project to work on the Price service for you guys."
Me: "I never talked to Ken, I have no idea whats going on. Did you tell Ken he had to make changes to the Price service?"
SM: "No..I never...um...well....yea...this card was blocked and the service needed to be approved and deployed."
Me: "Ken's changes were for the purchasing service two weeks ago and already deployed. The card is already marked as Done"
<PO rubs his face>
PO: "Good god...do I still need to be here?"
Me:"Um...no? Sorry?"
<PO walks out>
Me: "What changes did you tell Ken to make?"
SM: "Whatever the card says...see the price service."
Me: "Scroll down...see..price related to the service bus, not price service."
SM:"Work with Dave on getting this card closed, OK?"
Good fracking grief. Your ego is so brittle and so eager to look like a boss.
I did my job, you fracking kiss ass. I'm fracking sure when you re-assigned the ticket you told my boss you "had to" because I was falling behind in the sprint.3 -
Hey guys! I need your help please. Dave got arrested this weekend on a charge of murder after someone said to him that HTML is a programming language. He's trying to make bail, but it's a lot because of his previous convictions. Any donations or even support using the #FreeDave campaign will be appreciated.
2 -
I'm just C# boy, born and raised in a .Net world ... Today I started some stuff with JavaScript, downloaded the JavaScript standard extension for using in Vs code... It made me do things...it made indent each new line by 2 spaces! Not 4 or a tab but 2! And then what really took the fucking biscuit, it said I couldn't end my statements with semi colons! I need a strong cup of tea and a sit after that shit. How is that at all useful to anyone!? It just made it make less sense!!!!10
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"Programming language is a convention to give order to computer. It is not supposed to be obscure, bizarre and full of subtlz traps. These are the characteristics of magic" - Dave Small9
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The joy that happens when the QA intern knows how to program and tells you which lines in the source to check out2
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Voice commands are the future!!!! .... God I hope not... Why do people like this obviously inferior interface?
A real conversation with Google assistant while driving, I got a text:
"Read text"
...
"Read text message"
*You have one text message from Dave. Would you like to hear it?*
"... Yes!"
* Hey what's up?*
"Reply"
....
"Reply to text"
*I don't understand*
"Text Dave!!!!"
"Message James using SMS. What's the message?"
GAH!!!!!!!! fuck you Google assistant! This is literally the only thing I use you for, so stop being so fucking bad at it!!!!11 -
Windows: No internet connection.
Me: Runs troubleshooter.
Windows: Problem found and resolved: Default Gateway Server is not available
Me: Wait.. since when can windows fix user input?!
Windows: Still no internet connection4 -
If someone calls me with the thickest indian accent in the world and they tell me that they are Dave or Mark from an American sounding company I eould usually assume I am getting spammed or phishing calls.
If american companies are contracting from India to do these sorts of things I would really like to know the numbers for it, since I would assume that the average tech company would be like "hey wait a minute this sounds fishy af!"
Not hating on my Indian homies, y'all know i got love for ya, but fuuuuck man y'all can't deny that a lot of fake scam calls come from over there. They can come from anywhere really, but i have gotten many from over there20 -
A friend actually asked me this..
He is building an android app for selling his stuff and haven't used hashs for storing passwords..
11 -
Recently I got an E-Mail from PayPal.de with the headline "Your account gets limited". Fun Fact: I don't have a PayPal account.
This Mail got me curious though, as it couldn't be a phishing mail, since I don't have a PayPal account in the first place, so I opened the e-mail just to get greeted by pure emptiness. It was completely empty. I thought to myself "oh no, is this some sort of new trick? Did I get infected by some sort of a weird hacky backdoor trojan already?!"
Name: PayPal.de
Original E-mail Address: NULL (never seen this before)
I then realized, that Thunderbird blocked the only content from this mail: a clickable image.
This is getting even more confusing the longer I examine this unique mail. The image is showing me a domain from a site completely unrelated from PayPal, so it was obviously no phishing, but I didn't trust this clickable image, so I looked up its hidden link to find an even more confusing redirection to not a picture upload site like the image suggests, but to a game key reselling site instead, like wtf? What was the whole point of this whole e-mail? Was this a weird try to make advertisements for more than one website? It wasn't even a ref-link or something like that. It was just weird, iunno.
8 -
Cousins came over...
Me: just compiling some python code, opens up jupyter notebook to take a look at some data science code
Little Sis: *looks at jupnb dump on cmd*
Whoa are you Hacking?
Me: yeah. I got bored of whole Hacking command typing thing so I opened up my hacker console.
*print("hello world")*
Sis:wow!
Me: you know what, typing is too tiresome, I'll connect to it with my mind
*alt-tab*
*cmatrix -b*
*sits in yoga pose*
Little Sis: Screams at the top of her lungs and runs to aunt
"DAVE IS HACKING MATRIX"3 -
This is not fucking security, it's obscurity! What the fuck is a memorable word without any context! It drives me up the fucking wall. This doesnt help anyone it just promotes people to put silly shit like password or something so they won't forget but it just makes their account weaker.
19 -
Thanks, @trogus & @dfox! Got my stress ball yesterday, brought it in to work today. And here he sits upon his custom pedestal. (his name is Dave, btw.. he just looks like a Dave to me..)
7 -
Gender Bending For Fun and Profit.
I love how in the 'make your avatar' area, if you select female, and then click facial hair, theres nothing to select from.
Like a massive fuck you to every gender bending "down with meritocracy" purple haired dicksniffer in sanfran.
Also I'm sorely disappoint for desk items, theres no
1. giant dildos
2. anime figures/weeb shit
3. mini monoliths (I asked the site devs about this, they replied "we can't do that dave.")
4. a shirtless option for my female avatar
5. edgy scrolling numbers and code, like in the matrix
6. hoodies. They're the modern leather jacket.
7. Big nasty gnarly biker beard which I'm currently in the process of growing. How am I supposed to intimidate other anonymous cowards and mock them over the size of their beard compared to my own avatar's e-beard size? It's quiet girthy and lengthy, I assure you!
This is completely unrelated, but I thought devducks were like quick one-off debug sessions that could be bought from other devrant users.
I was disappointed when I discovered it was just merch.
On the otherhand I'm glad as fuck it's not. Site would be flooded by broken-english speaking goat humping dickheads.
How am I supposed to show off my ability to code with completely unrelated avatar change ups when no one will allow me to emasculate my avatar?16 -
Had an issue running through someone else's buggy code and my PM told me to "use a goto to fix it up, those always used to help me in school". Can a recruiter on here throw me a bone and get me out of this place?
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I can vaguely remember the 4 year old me turning the computer on while my cousin starts a dos shell to play Dangerous Dave.
5 year old me finds wolfenstien installed on my windows 95 , doom a few years later , quake after that .. one masterpiece after another.
Little did I know that software can make memories.
I grew up with software made by these legends and nothing excites me more than the dream of one day being in a team just like theirs with the goal of having fun and spreading it.
Carmack and Romero .. the people who architected fun from code.
2 -
My code works at first run.
This can't be right.
Something must have gone terribly wrong.
I don't trust you computer!
-
Not mine, but absolutely essential rant:
https://gizmodo.com/programming-suc...
One portion:
"You start by meeting Mary, project leader for a bridge in a major metropolitan area. Mary introduces you to Fred, after you get through the fifteen security checks installed by Dave because Dave had his sweater stolen off his desk once and Never Again. Fred only works with wood, so you ask why he's involved because this bridge is supposed to allow rush-hour traffic full of cars full of mortal humans to cross a 200-foot drop over rapids. Don't worry, says Mary, Fred's going to handle the walkways. What walkways? Well Fred made a good case for walkways and they're going to add to the bridge's appeal. Of course, they'll have to be built without railings, because there's a strict no railings rule enforced by Phil, who's not an engineer. Nobody's sure what Phil does, but it's definitely full of synergy and has to do with upper management, whom none of the engineers want to deal with so they just let Phil do what he wants. Sara, meanwhile, has found several hemorrhaging-edge paving techniques, and worked them all into the bridge design, so you'll have to build around each one as the bridge progresses, since each one means different underlying support and safety concerns. Tom and Harry have been working together for years, but have an ongoing feud over whether to use metric or imperial measurements, and it's become a case of "whoever got to that part of the design first." This has been such a headache for the people actually screwing things together, they've given up and just forced, hammered, or welded their way through the day with whatever parts were handy." -
Random thought:
I rarely see emojis on devrant and most of the time I see them, they are used in a rather cringe-full way. There are some posts however, which use emojis in a way I like, for example to replace the client's name.
But my favorite emoji is still the shrug emoji, not the Unicode shrug emoji, but the *real* shrug emoji. ¯\_( ツ)_/¯10 -
Traceback (most recent call last):
File "me.py", line 1, in <module>
AttributeError: 'Dave_Elec' object has no attribute 'social'1 -
Don't you just love it when you're typing up a question for Stackoverflow and in the process of forming a good question, you solve the problem! Jon Skeet would be proud of me I think
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Hetzner. Very cheap no nagging, no support bullshit, Lots of options, Just does what it does.
Did I mention their pricing?6 -
Going through a startup code
...
// TODO: implement!
...
// FIXME: this is so messed up
...
...
// HACK: works for now, find a better way
...
// HACK: hardcoded for now
...
// FIXME: this doesn't work, crash here
...
...
// TODO: this probably should be a separate class
...
// TODO: change messed up variable names
...
// FIXME: WTF is this, Dave?!
...
...
// TODO: remove this before release2 -
C++ developer: alright, this should finally fix it. Please just compile so I can go to sleep
GCC: I'm sorry Dave. I can't let you do that.
THEN THERES THE USUAL SEGFAULT WITH NO STACKTRACE AND I SPEND THE REST OF MY NIGHT VALGRINDING2 -
My first experience with computers was when I was in school when i was in third grade we had a computer lab and we had to take our shoes off to "prevent virus" that's what we were told anyway...
There were 10 computers and 50 of us so the one who could run to the lab first would get the computer where we learnt something called as logo and while the teacher wasn't looking we would play a game called Dave. man this shit takes me back -
It’s a bit of a coin toss for me but probably the first sysadmin I worked with Dave, I was a software engineering graduate and tbh he scared the sh*t out of me when I first met him but when he learned I actually enjoyed doing ops stuff, he really took me under his wing taught me so much and I’ll be forever grateful to him for that
-
Just got upset with a coworker due to not understanding the code written, logic, lack of documentation, comments. Nothing!
Other coworker: But Dave, you added that feature last December. Remember?
Me: So what are we working on today? -
Damn specs! Why do you have to change as the project goes on?!! Every project seems too easy at first.
-
What! Now we have a terminal made with electron! https://hyper.is/ electron? Seriously a tool which is supposed to be the fastest and lightest thing on your system built with the most bloated framework. Damn..
And here is the most useless plugin. https://hyper.is/#hyperpower8 -
Thanks Dave and Tim for the stickers! I appreciate the extra set too since I'm getting a new laptop sometime this year.1
-
One of my favorite patterns in Java ✨
@highlight
public interface SocketOptions {
}
public enum UnixSocketOptions implements Options {
FOOBAR,
DAVE,
}14 -
We're hiring contract developers at my office. Just leafing though someone's CV before an interview and noticed it was 10 pages long! That's been a record so far but to be honest so many have been 4-6 pages long. What happened to keeping things succinct and relevant!?10
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My first experience with computer was when I was 4/5 years old. We had DOS computer. I did not know anything that time. How to start game or anything. So my dad wrote down steps on my notebook for starting the 'Dave' game. I played that game nearly 2 years, along with 'Prince'. This brings lot of dos memories. :)2
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When people ask me what I do for a living I reply : "I'm dev" (Which is "Je suis dev" in french) and people always think I'm called Dave4
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Pretty sure that the code doesn't work on the first run, so I thought why not debug it now? but then when am I actually gonna run it...
-
Yesterday I told an intern that was supposed to be shadowing me that he'll need to download visual studios with apache Cordova plugin for multi platform app design. I gave this assignment to him first thing in the morning (around 9:30 am) and told him to head home for the day thinking I was giving the kid a break to download and make sure the build was proper and to play around with it maybe. I check my inbox this morning to find that, alongside numerous expletives, this intern has quit as of 3:40 AM last night. I... I didn't see that one coming.4
-
Robbery of nearby future :
A broke dev decided to do a robbery by stealing the whole DAVE -2 system from the Tesla S3 model
While asking why he chose a drastic path as this, he said "My client wanted the training to be ready within 2 days and I couldn't arrange that much GPU in such small notice, so decided to do what I did.*ignored(But I reinstalled it back in the car)*
As you can see, client's have turned into money hungry, cock sucking, fist fucking, and God-knows-what-fetish wanting prices of shit"
Over to you, Clara
3 -
Most people will know how the AI in 2001 A Space Odyssey came to be called HAL. By the simple expedient of taking the letters IBM and applying -- to each.
How many remember how the Windows have all come to know and love started out as Windows NT?
It came about when Digital pulled the funding for the new version of it's VMS operating system, and Bill Gates swooped in and hired Dave Cutler, who basically took all the code with him to make the new version of Windows.
And stick the finger to his former employer, incremented VMS to get WNT. -
WTF... it works half the time and fails the other half.. is it planned just to drive me mad?! uuhhh..3
-
Not the first I used a computer, but I remember playing this game called Dave. Oh god, brings back memories. My parents used to tell me it's virus. 😂2
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Okay, this is quite hard to explain properly, but I'm actually scared of my personal future.
In about a year, I finish school and I don't have a straight plan of what to do next. I want to work independently, preferably as a game dev, but I imagine that to be a hard task. I have thought of doing a bachelor's degree in game development, but the university I prefer to go to costs 20k€, which is a huge sum and I don't even know whether it would be actually worth it. The university states that 20% of all their graduated students work independently afterwards and they even offer you a flexible "loan" (not sure if it's the right term) you can pay off while you start working, but I fear I won't be able to pay it back, I cannot imagine making this much money any time soon after I start working independently as game dev. Additionally I fear I won't be able to keep my motivation up, since I struggle doing so already, on the other hand my lack of motivation could be caused by this toxic environment I live in.
I've also considered doing freelancing, but when I'm scrolling through the requests made, I never find something I am experienced in, I don't know what request is best to get started with freelancing.
I just don't know what to do in the future and I'm scared and considering to go to this university is probably pretty stupid already and I consider it as me ranting myself, because of my nonexisting self-esteem. So I don't know what to expect from this post, I just needed to share.1 -
It feels so great to check a box from your to-do list... even if it's as little as creating the project file.1
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It was when i was 4th grade. We had windows 95 computers in school. I used tk do assignments on them and submitted with a floppy disk. Yeah, copy paste started there...
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Usually I play some focus music, say "let's do this!" to my devduck (Dave), and start working on stuff. Oh, and lots of coffee.2
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I am trapped at Dave and Busters with a bunch of kids. I can't drink cause I have to drive them home.
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Starts search and replace.
Trys to replace a type in the whole Project.
Syntax Check: lol no, apparently everything is broken now, good job
(literally my whole project was marked red)
Reverts changes
(project still marked red)
Syntax Check: lol what? Your code already looked like shit before, won't let you compile this.
It was a bug which breaks the syntax check after big replace requests. Had to start a new project and copy my code step for step, so it didn't break again. However I've forgotten to replace the type before I copy...
Another story regarding this shit:
Renames Variable
IDE: oh, let me help you by replacing all old var names with the new one
Agrees
IDE: oh shoot, didn't know it could break things
Wants to revert
IDE: did you think I would go through this mess again?! Do it yourself!3 -
Any and every HR induction I've ever been to.
Oohh, look at us, here are our working practices, we're so amazing, look how cool this company is, this famous person said nice things about us once, remember how important fire exits are, this guy is the boss, he's amazing, you're so lucky to be working here.
I don't give a crap, you've just wasted half my first day that I could have spent listening into scrum ceremonies, familiarising myself with the code, meeting my actual team, etc. - you know, doing stuff that's actually useful.
But nooo, Sharon and Dave from HR have to justify their jobs by filling everyone's morning with useless crap 🙄1 -
Some one just asked me to build his site. I don't enjoy building sites. Especialy wordpress... I have never used it but i don't like it. But It could be a fast cash. What do you guys think?8
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Fucking kidding me.. why does it stopped suddenly when i had to show it up? today i was working on a project and my client wanted to see how it is going then i packed my stuff and went there to show him then it stopped to working...
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I'm finally going on vacation, which is good, but I already know there will be many stupid people writing me endless private messages about them being banned or their server not working correctly BECAUSE OF THEIR OWN SCRIPTS and they will spam me like they usually do although I WRITE THEM I'm out of the office but they don't care since they don't have other things to do than COMPLAINING ALL DAY.
Geez okay, I got to calm down, I'm on vacation, don't want *that* to ruin my mood.
It was stupid to ban all those people for breaking the rules today though, should have waited another week, so guess this one is on me.1 -
What the holy fuck! Resharper is fucking dog shit! I've never used it before and just had to install for a new job. Visual studio was running great on my machine with 32GB ram and i7 processor. Installed resharper and it just doesn't work. How the fuck does anyone get any work done when it takes literally seconds to register a click! I get it's features are impressive but it means fuck all if it stops me working3
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!Rant
Guys guys guys!!!!!!! And girls!!!
Not only did I recently obtain 2 certifications the past two or three weeks, but a company called me back to see if I was still interested in an internship that I applied for a month ago!! I sent her an updated resume and she's sending it to the IS (information systems) guy (only one for the branch in my city) and if he likes what he'll see they'll call me back 😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄.
I'm so stoked because I started this bullshit job at Dave and Buster's and it's not even really technical. I started like two weeks ago but I don't give a fuck, if I can find a better opportunity elsewhere, I'm taking it. Even if it's an internship.
Only thing is, if they want me to start as soon as possible then I'll want to, but wouldn't it be best to do a two week notice for D&D?2 -
A follow up.. Changed my monitor... (not better than what I had) was just boared... Then Ibsaw my desktop (Gnome) and wanted to change it to. So i started removing tons of gnome and ubuntu packages including gdm and stuff.. Installes i3. started configuring... installed a dm... Changed my idea and started to install a new distro to start from scratch.. Spent a day like this. have absolutely no reason to do this.1
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I don't exactly know... but i'm preety sure that it was more that 12.
reason - someone's final project which had only 1 day left before the deadline. -
Any disposable e-mail address service:
"FIGHT THE SPAM"
"THANK YOU FIGHTING THE SPAM"
"YOU DID GOOD BY FIGHTING SPAM"
The users of disposable e-mail address:
*creates another spam account*
*creates another multiaccount in order to exploit a system*
Companies actually fighting spam:
Now there is even more spam to fight against. (which is not good)
About 2/3 of the accounts created daily on our website are spam accounts. We have to waste our time with this shit instead of actually improving our services. Since we do not track IP-Addresses and there are countless amounts of disposable e-mail domains AND there is still the option to create countless spam e-mail addresses within legit e-mail providers, there is no easy way of stopping this madness.
"Fight the Spam", you could start by deleting your shitty service or at least give us a list of all the domains you're using, srsly. -
Something you really should not do:
*adds a new feature*
*build & run*
*See no difference*
Me: "Hmm.. Maybe 1 is not the best test integer, let me pick something higher..."
*build & run*
*INTEGER OVERFLOW EXCEPTION*
Feel free to share your "let me choose anothee test integer"-stories, which gone terribly wrong.1 -
So just started to get stuck into my new book on TypeScript. My immediate feeling is TypeScript is amazing and makes JavaScript a zillion times better. What's others opinions?4
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Have you tried to look up documentation for some module and find another module that better does it? and this loop continues...
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How good is "The Pragmatic Programmer - by Andy Hunt and Dave Thomas"?
Any positives, to motivate me.2 -
I guess asking my friends for their opinion is part of my workflow and I really shouldn't do, because their reactions tend to be demotivating and frustrating all the time. As if I don't have enough to worry about already.
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16h a day. I was late for a birthday present so I worked on it for as long as I could. It took me 2 months and I was not done in time...
I had eyestrain of death and all this trouble only for a freaking birthday present.
But the present was good, although it was incomplete.2 -
Stackoverflow...some love it some hate it. I personally really like and try and again as much as possible, but what thing that is really starting to annoy me is lack of upvoting on questions. People will happily down vote poor queations and tend to upvote and downvote answers appropriately but there seems to be huge lack positive feedback on good questions... It's very annoying. Anyone else agree?
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Today my ping caught me off-guard once again, but I will stop this madness for all eternity! Writing the ultimate ping tool, so I never have to fear high ping ever again.. well I cannot fix my f*cking internet provider, but my ping tool can warn me, even if it detects only the slightest inconsistency!
But first I have to figure out why my tool doesn't output the ping... -
I would love to reschedule my whole life to live during the cool night time throughout the summer, but I can't because I don't live alone...
Guess I have to feel like garbage for the next few weeks...2 -
TL;DR I just recently started my apprenticeship, it's horrible so far, I want to quit, but don't know what to do next...
Okay, first of all, hey there! My name is Cave and I haven't been on here for a while, so I hope the majority of you is doing rather okay. I'm programming for 6 years now, have some work experience already, since I used to volunteer for a company for half a year, in which I discovered my love for integrations and stuff. These background information will probably be necessary to understand my agony in full extend.
So, okay, this is about my apprenticeship. Generally speaking, I was expecting to work, and to learn something, gaining experience. So far, it only involved me, reading through horrible code, fixing and replacing stuff for them, I didn't learn a thing yet, and we are already a month in.
When I said the code is horrible, well, it is the worst I have ever seen since I started programming. Little documentation - if any -, everywhere you look there is deprecated code, which may or may not been commented out, often loops or simply methods seem to be foreign for them, as the code is cluttered with copy paste code everywhere and on top of that all, the code is slow as heck, like wtf.
I spent my past month with reading their code, trying to understand what most of this nonsense is for, and then just deleting and rewriting it entirely. My code suddenly is only 5% or their size and about 1000 times faster. Did I mention I am new to this programming language yet? That I have absolutely no experience in that programming language? Because well I am new and don't have any experience, yet, I have little to no struggle doing it better.
Okay, so, imagine, you started programming like 20 years ago, you were able to found your own business, you are getting paid a decent amount of money, sounds alright, right? Here comes the twist: you have been neglecting every advancement made in developing software for the past 20 years, yup, that's what it feels like to work here.
At this point I don't even know, like is this normal? Did git, VSCode and co. spoil me? Am I supposed to use ancient software with ancient programming languages to make my life hell? Is programming supposed to be like this? I have no clue, you tell me, I always thought I was doing stuff right.
Well, this company is not using git, infact, they have every of their project in a single folder and deleting it by accident is not that hard, I almost did once, that was scary. I started out working locally, just copying files, so shit like that won't happen, they told me to work directly in the source. They said it's fine, that's why you can see 20 copies of the folder, in the same folder... Yes, right, whatever.
I work using a remote desktop, the server I work on is Windows server 2008, you want to make icons using gimp? Too bad, Gimp doesn't support windows server 2008, I don't think anything does anymore, at least I haven't found anything, lol.
They asked me to integrate Google Maps into their projects, I thought it is gonna be fun, well, turns out their software uses internet explorer 9.. and Google maps api does not support internet explorer 9... I ended up somehow installing CEF3 on that shit and wrote an API for it in JS. Writing the API was actually kind of fun, but integrating it in their software sucked and they told me I will never integrate stuff ever again, since they usually don't do that. I mean, they don't have a Backend as far as I can tell, it looks like stuff directly connects with their database, so I believe them, but you know... I love integrating stuff..
So at this point you might be thinking, then why don't you just quit? Well I would, definitely. I'm lucky that till December I can quit without prior notice, just need a resignation as far as I can tell, but when I quit, what do I do next? Like, I volunteered for a company for half a year and I'd argue I did a good job, but with this apprenticeship it only adds up to about 7 months of actual work experience. Would anybody hire somebody with this much actual work experience? I also consider doing freelancing, making a living out of just integrating stuff, but would people pay for that? And then again, would they hire somebody with this much experience? I don't want to quit without a plan on what to do next, but I have no clue.
Am I just spoiled, is programming really just like that, using ancient tools and stuff? Let me know. Advice is welcomed as well, because I'm at a loss. Thanks for reading.10 -
Let's be honest - given the state of the world today, the more I listen to Megadeth, the more I relate to what Dave Mustaine has been pissed off about for a few decades now. Oh, you don't know who Dave Mustain is? He was, like, the 5th guy in Metallica. Rather, he was the bass player until he got fucked over because he was a dick and thrown off the first album Metallica did. Don't worry - he did OK. He formed Megadeth and still had quite a successful musical career. Why am I ranting about him? Simple - A lot of his lyrics are darker than Metallica's. I honestly don't know what the fuck I'm doing with my software/personal/professional life right now. I've got ideas & dreams, but all this COVID shit is just draining the fuck out of me. Sometimes I feel like I've failed - most of the lifeforms on this planet manage to procreate. Well, that didn't happen for me. On the down side, I didn't get to be a father. On the up side, I didn't punish the life of a child with my own brands of mistakes, ignorance, and stupidity. My life is littered with male failures. My biological father (paranoid, schizophrenic ) died at 58, doing everyone around him a favor. My grandfather on my mother's side died of colon cancer at 69 (so-called reformed alcoholic, manic depressive on lithium with great abusive tendencies). My step father who adopted me? Sure - he loved me. He just never understood me. "Computers are just a tool". Fuck you, 'dad'. Go play with your horses and tell me what I'm doing isn't meaningful. Where was I? Oh yes, almost killing myself last summer. I think between COVID and my own colossal screw ups & paranoia I went over the entire fucking edge. I pulled myself out of it with the help of medication, counseling, and learning to just let shit blow up because "it's not my problem". I'm still angry. Perhaps that's the only thing that keeps me going from time to time. I'll leave you with a quote from Ghandi - No, not that idealistic, limited one, Mahatma Ghandi. From his grandson, who managed to really pick up what he was putting down - Arun Ghandi:
“Use your anger for good. Anger to people is like gas to the automobile - it fuels you to move forward and get to a better place. Without it, we would not be motivated to rise to a challenge. It is an energy that compels us to define what is just and unjust.” -
My first interaction with Computers started in 1996/1997 and it was Dangerous Dave, PacMan, Mario, Pre that pulled me in so deep. We had multiple Floppy Disks and each of them used to go awry after a few months of use. Had to keep deleting stuff to fit all my Favourite Games
A year later I learnt the basics of MS-DOS and GWBasic. Looking at seniors do C Programming on Borland Turbo made me feel scared and one of them said it is the real language to make Games, and all types of Animation stuff. I was very intrigued but only for a while. I kept playing Games which was what I was fit for at that time -
Lead developer tells me to hang tight while he works on an issue and investigates.
PM tells me to make more cards for this section and fix it while the lead developer works on the same exact part.
So... I guess I'll go take a 2 hour lunch?1 -
Instead of using MySQL, I zipped a bunch of json files... It's fast, but definitely not reliable, I was young and stupid, I should finally getting started with mySQL, srsly.2
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People's opinions requested. What is the difference between a 'software engineer' and a 'software developer'?4
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I don't know why people are complaining about windows updates while they can stop the update service from service manager. I did that wile I was using windows.
Moral of the story: I use linux. 😜 -
When the final card is checked off and you realize the past year and a half has been spent making this absolute monster of a service. There really is no better feeling.
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So I've been helping with recruitment at work for a lead developer. Our first stage is pretty standard for all levels and it essentially a technical interview because CVs are useless really. We're a C# house so we have questions on framework internals such as how the dictionary class is implemented, locking and thread synchronization techniques. Then some pen and paper coding excercises, like reverse array.
I'm not a big fan of these and I think they are too constrained to detail implementations and not about concepts.
So I ask what stuff do you do at your company to get an idea of some ones competency?1 -
Can anyone recommend a good password manager that is 'in the cloud', can be used on my mobile and makes life easy for logging into apps on my phone that aren't logged in via a browser. Ideally something free but I'm willing to pay for something that is worth it10
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Someone earlier today posted a rant about a credit card security conference sending them account details with a plain text password in an email. The password appeared to be 1 use temporary password that the user would change on first login. Assuming one does not actually store plain text passwords, what is the downside to a single use password Vs a single use link to set a new password?1
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God I hope Dave Chapelle is still alive.
And I hope joclyn Moore embarassed itself and quit netflix lol
Everyone will miss those two shows I've heard of in passing and completely forgot lol4 -
Friends:
They want you to listen but they never give a shit about what you're talking themselves. This is why I have quit most of my friendships and practically replaced them with devrant, not sure if it was a good idea in the long run though...2 -
What do you do when you don't feel like / can't get anything done? I couldn't focus at all. I feel like my brain is missing.3
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Hyper Text Coffee Pot Control Protocol
https://tools.ietf.org/html/rfc2324
This is one of the best things I've read in a while
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