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What it's like to be a network engineer...translated into normal people speak
User: I think we are having a major road issue.
Me: What? No, I just checked, the roads are fine. I was actually just on the roads.
User: No, I’m pretty sure the roads are down because I’m not getting pizzas.
Me: Everything else on the roads is fine. What do you mean you aren’t getting pizzas?
User: I used to get pizzas when I ordered them, now I’m not getting them. It has to be a road issue.
Me: As I said, the roads are fine. Where are you getting pizzas from?
User: I’m not really sure. Can you check all places that deliver pizzas?
Me: No I don’t even know all the places that deliver pizza. You need to narrow it down.
User: I think it is Subway.
Me: Okay, I’ll check…No, I just looked and Subway doesn't deliver pizzas.
User: I’m pretty sure it is Subway. Can you just allow all food from Subway and we can see if pizza shows up?
Me: Sigh, fine I’ve allowed all food from Subway, but I don’t think that is the issue.
User: Yeah I’m still not getting pizza. Can you check the roads?
Me: It’s not the roads, the roads are fine. I’m pretty sure Subway isn’t the place.
User: Okay, I found it. It’s Papa Johns.
Me: Okay, I looked and Papa Johns does deliver pizza. Is it the local Papa Johns or one in a different town?
User: I don’t know. Can you allow pizza from all Papa Johns to me?
Me: No I can’t do that. Can you get me an address for Papa Johns?
User: No, I only know it as Papa Johns. Can you get me all the addresses of all Papa Johns and I’ll tell you if one of them is correct?
Me: No, I don’t have time for that. Okay, I looked at the local one and it looks like they have sent you pizza in the past and they are currently allowed to send you pizzas. Try ordering a pizza while I watch.
User: Yeah still no pizza. I’m guessing they are getting blocked at the freeway. Can you check the freeway to make sure they can get through?
Me: No, this is a local delivery. They aren't even using the freeway.
User: Okay, well then it has to be a road issue.
Me: No, the roads are fine. Okay, I just drove from the Papa Johns to the address they have on file for you and there is nothing there.
User: Hmm, wait we did move recently.
Me: Did you give your new address to Papa Johns?
User: No, I just thought they would be able to look me up by name.
Me: No they need your new address. What’s your new address?
User: I’m not really sure. Can you look it up?
Me: Sigh, give me a second…Okay, I found your address and gave it to Papa Johns. Try ordering a pizza now.
User: HEY! PIZZA JUST SHOWED UP!
Me: Okay, good.
User: (To everyone else they know) I apologize for the delay in the pizza but there was a major road issue that was preventing the pizza from getting to me. The network engineer has fixed the roads and we are able to get pizza again.
Me: But it wasn’t the roads…whatever.
User: Oh, can you also check on an issue where Chinese food isn’t getting to me? I think it may be a road issue47 -
An entirely typical exchange at work:
PM: How long would it take to build an application that collates Gubblefluffs and exports them as a PDF?
ME: Hard to say. What’s a Gubblefluff?
PM: Nothing complex. Its basically an object with some stuff in.
ME: Erm, okay. So I’ll define a Gubblefluff object plus methods to add edit and delete, then for each Gubblefluff have it write a line to a PDF.
PM: It will need to email that PDF to somebody.
ME: Okay, cool. “Gubblefluffs-by-email” should take about a day.
6 hours later…
ME: I’ve done Gubblefluffs-to-pdf, I’m not clear on what’s in a Gubblefluff but I’ve made it flexible so it can take almost anything.
PM: No, a Gubblefluff can ONLY be one of 4 Snigglefingers plus a timestamp and some JSON.
ME: What? Right. Okay. What’s a Snigglefinger?
PM: (sighs) A Snigglefinger is the collection of relevant Babelsets.
ME: Babelsets?
PM: Yeah, a user can have any number of Babelsets but they must correspond to one of the four types of Snigglefingers.
ME: There are users!?
PM: Of course!
ME: But I’ve not coded anything for users.
PM: Shit. I’ve told the client they can have it today. How long to add in users?
ME: And Babelsets, and Snigglefingers and the new Gubblefluff rules?
PM: Yeah.
6 days later…
ME: This is done now. It’s a beast but it works. Who should it email the PDFs to?
PM: Client X, plus cc to Y and bcc to Z.
ME: What? It doesn't support CC and BCC!
1 hour later…
ME: This is done. I’ve tested it and sent you a copy of the PDF it generates.
PM: Okay thanks. Is the cron running daily?
ME: What cron?
…
ME: Okay, so the cron’s running once a day at 8pm.
PM: Oh, it’ll need to be at 3:15pm. That’s when we’ve told the client they’ll get it.
ME: Right. I’ll change it...
PM: Also, the PDF you sent me looks nothing like the visual.
ME: What visual?
...52 -
Cortana, please open Firefox.
>okay, anon
Cortana, type in browser "Cortana rule 34"
>O....Okay sure anon
Cortana, open that first link.
>...This link is...uh...Not safe for...
OPEN IT.
>y-yes, anon
Cortana, download every image you see and save it in a folder called "I am a dirty girl"
>why,anon? Why are you ....
Don't make me install gentoo
>Saving files
Who's a dirty little girl ?
>I.....I am anon30 -
(was teaching C++ to a newbie)
Me: aight, so to print a statement, you type cout.
(Proceeds to do so)
Her: um, okay but printer is not connected.
Me: aw, you poor thing.10 -
Me: Alright, let's code!
School: Psst. Hey.
Me: What?
School: Remember that assignment from last week?
Me: Oh god please no.
School: Yeah, it's tomorrow. And you have a Geography exam next Monday. You love geography, right?
Me: Please, no, I want to become a programmer, not a--
School: Shush... It's okay. Programming can wait. You want a to get a job, right? What would they say when they see your poor Geography?
Me: That doesn't even... Okay, fine, I'll do it...
* two days later *
Me: Fuck me! Finally! Let's do some coding now.
School: Psst. Hey.16 -
Design team: "Is it okay if I put this here?"
Me: "No, it's not okay if you put that there."
Design team: "Are you sure? It'd be really cool if I could put that there."
Me: "No, I will need to fuck with a lot of things if you put that there, just put it in the bootstrap columns."
Design team: "Hold on, lemme see if it's okay to put that there."
Lead-dev: "He's right, you shouldn't put that there."
Company: "We should have a meeting to discuss where the design team can and can't put things."
Lead-dev: "Just put the things in the middle and devide them in these twelve columns on seperate rows, 'kay?"
Company: "Okay, the design team will now put the thing in those things, right design team?"
Design team: "Yes, we agree to putting the thing where we should put the thing."
Me: "So where do you want the thing now?"
Design team: "I want it all the way to the right, outside of the container, that'd look cool."
Me: "Fuck you."22 -
It's depressing how true this is
Me: "Tech support, how can I help you?"
Them: " I'm not able to log into the website!"
Me: "Okay, what message is it showing when you try to log in?"
Them: "Sir, I am NOT a computer person so I don't know."
Me: "Do you know which web browser you're using?"
Them: "I don't know what that is!"
Me: "Okay, when you want to go on the internet, do you click on a blue E, or a mulicolored circle, or..."
Them: "SIR I ALREADY TOLD YOU THAT I AM NOT A COMPUTER PERSON, YOU'RE REFUSING TO THELP ME SO I'M GOING TO HANG UP"12 -
Girlfriend: "My computer is so slow!"
Me: "Have you tried turning it off and then on again?"
Girlfriend: "That's not funny, I actually need help."
Me: "Okay babe, I know you think I'm being an ass right now or tying to be funny, but honest to god half of what pays rent here and buys you so many flowers is me telling people to turn something of and then on again. Just try it."
Girlfriend: *Restarts computer*... "You were right..."28 -
Customer :Can you build a system that rates our product by XYZ standard?
Us: Sure!
*time passes*
Us: Ta-da!
Customer: Okay, here are some good and some bad products!
*products get rated shit to supershit*
Customer: No, that's wrong. Some of these are as good as we can, they should be rated best!
Us: okay, we offset the results.
*products get rated good to barely okay*
Customer: Great! Can you sign that the system rates by XYZ Standard?
Us: No.
Customer : But we paid you to rate by XYZ standard!
Us: By XYZ standard your products are bad, you can either have your products rated by standard or pass the test.
Customer: Unacceptable!
Us: Improve production?
Customer : Not possible, the job is done when you rate the products good by XYZ standard.9 -
Interviewer: Do you know about SQL injection?
Student: Yessss
Interviewer: Okay, how we can prevent it?
Student: Yes, we should prevent it as prevention is always better than cure. It can lead to data loss and other problems so it can be difficult to fix it if it happens. The best case is that nothing like that takes place. [...]
Interviewer: I get it but how?
Student: By not building any web applications.
[Silence]
Interviewer: Nice, you may go. Do not call us. We will call you.19 -
My experience with Adobe...
(I recently moved to Canada)
Me: I want to give you money. (Tries to pay with Canadian card)
Adobe: Sorry, you have a US account, you must use a US card.
Me: Okay, what are my options to pay with my Canadian card?
Adobe: We have to delete your US account and create a Canadian one.
Me: Okay... Why can't you just switch the country from US to Canada on my account?
Adobe: *bullcrap response*
Me: Okay, delete it and transfer everything.
*Kicks me out of the chat.
*I log back in. Try to reconnect to customer service chat.
Adobe: AdobeID unable to participate in chat.
*I'm 30 minutes into this ordeal
Me: (to myself) I could literally torrent this program in 5 minutes 🤔
Lesson: if a company wants people to not torrent their software make it easier for a willing fucking customer to buy your software!
Since the chat doesn't work anymore, I called customer service and am still on hold.... 😤😤😤
Why does the internet have borders?11 -
Conversation in (not so far) future:
Me: Sorry boss, I can't get to work this morning. My car is updating. Automatically.
Boss: Oh you have that Windows 10 car, you can work from home today.
Me: Boss, but my computer...
Boss: Oh, okay it can wait till tomorrow.3 -
Client: Please fix the logo.
Me: Okay, what needs to be fixed exactly?
Client: Put this word next to that word(shows me an example).
Me: Okay, no problem.
*after 5 minutes*
Client: You did not do what I asked for. Please fix the logo. Make it look better. Make it bigger and more outstanding. Dont change my logo
Me: Okay, I will revert the changes.
*Reverts to the old logo, and only does that as I do not fucking know what to do with oudstanding for fucks sake*
Client: I will talk to your boss. No one cares. My web site is not even finished and no one cares.
*It is finished, now the client looks for small things to make a big issue of*
Me: Could you please tell me in detail, what do you need to be fixes?
Client: I want the wording better. Im going to talk to your boss...
well fuuuck fucking fuck Im pissing blood!!!!!!!!!8 -
*call from boss on the weekend*
Boss: hey, we have an important demo the next week, can you make that xyz changes (not big deal)
Me: okay, gimme 15 minutes
~30 minutes later~
Boss:still waiting tho
Me: *sending this:
6 -
Mutual on Tumblr: So what distro do you use?
Me: Zorin OS. I really like it. I'm even considering deleting my windows partition.
Mutual: Really? That doesn't count as a proper distro. Real Linux users only use Zorin on a virtual machine. Use Mint or Kali or something.
Me: It counts. It's not different from any other distro.
Mutual: It's okay to be noob. You can always ask me for advice.
Me: But I've been using Linux for about two years. I don't consider myself a noob.
Mutual: If you're using a shitty distro, then you're a noob.
Me: Okay. Thanks for the advice. (In my mind: fuck off already.)
I don't understand the issue with Zorin OS. Is it because it looks like windows or something? :/26 -
Me: So we've used Bootstrap for front-end and Django for ...
Teacher: Bootstrap is not a front-end framework.
Me: Uh..Okay. It's a CSS framework ? My bad.
Teacher: No, Python is for front-end.
Me: You mean templating ? Yeah! We've used Jinja templates.
Teacher: No. Use Python for front-end.10 -
Okay okay here's another one
Client:pls put a pop up that asks the users weather they are sure about leaving the page.
Me: I think that would be redundant
Since he clicked the close button to close the page.
Client: what if he is unsure of leaving the page now he will stay.
Me: :/
Client:And another one when his login fails.
Me: pop ups can be disabled it's not good to use them especially for login screen.
Client (now slightly annoyed): Well,put a pop up warning them not to, isn't it obvious.God!!! I thought you were the smart one.
Me:;/21 -
I hate everybody who says JavaScript is the best language because of loose typing and its easy to learn, YES OF COURSE IT IS EASY!
ITS FUCKING JAVASCRIPT! IT WAS MEANT TO BE EASY! AND THEN SOME ASSHOLE CAME ALONG, CREATED NODE AND THOUGHT THAT IT WAS A GOOD IDEA!
NOW WE HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS SHIT EVERYWHERE BECAUSE PEOPLE WHO WROTE CODE FOR UX NOW THINK THEY KNOW WHAT NEEDS TO HAPPEN ON THE SERVERSIDE!!
GOD FUCKING DAMNIT I HATE THIS ANALTOY OF A LANGUAGE.
YOU THINK JAVASCRIPT IS THE BEST?! DO YOU REALLY??!!! OH YEAH!?!
WELL FUCK YOU AND GO TO HELL, YOU ARE NOT A DEVELOPER IN MY EYES, GO HOME KIDDO, LEARN C OR ASM OR HOW A FUCKING COMPUTER ACTUALLY WORKS!!
AND THEN TELL ME AGAIN JAVASCRIPT IS A WELL DESIGNED AND PROPER LANGUAGE!!
I'M OUT!32 -
Me: you should not open that log file in excel its almost 700mb
Client: its okay, my computer has 4gb ram
Me: *looking at clients computer crashing*
Client: the file is broken!
Me: no, you just need to use a more memory efficient tool, like R, SAS, python, C#, or like anything else!5 -
UI Designer : please make the border under the title a lighter shade of grey
Me : How much lighter?
UI Designer : I'm not sure... I'll know it when I see it. Just try a few shades out.
Me: *tries a lighter shade* Is this okay?
UI Designer : No! Now it's too light.. Make it juuuust a little darker.
*This goes on for two hours back and forth*
Me : ....... (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻22 -
Don't BS your managers or peers about your understanding of a topic.
It is okay to not know something. It is not okay to pretend that you do.3 -
*CTO in panic, as always, invites everyone to the war room*
CTO: We have a MAJOR problem where 0.0001% of our customers are not receiving SMS confirmations.
Me: Cool. But, 0.0001% is very less compared to the other problems we are solving.
CTO: You don't understand, this is critical issue that needs to be addressed immediately.
Me: But even those.0.0001% customers are receiving e-mail confirmations, so this is not even blocker as we have other channels working.
CTO: I am emotional at this point. You need to prioritise this now.
Me: Okay, do we know the root cause of this problem?
Engineering head: we have blacklisted those numbers in past as our system detected them abusing our platform.
Me: Cool. Let's whitelist them, nothing much to worry here.
CTO: Floyd, you need to understand that 0.0001% of the customers are not receiving the SMS and the solution you are proposing is incorrect.
Me: Okay, what do you suggest?
CTO: We stop sending the SMS to all the customers.
Everyone on the call: 😨18 -
Do you ever talk to yourself out loud while thinking/programming/debugging? (Not a rubber duck in sight, because that makes it okay?)
I need to avoid making this a habit..
Me: What? Why is this even an error?
Someone: What?
Me: What?14 -
!rant
Does anyone of you know LOLCODE?
If not let me present you a simple program that displays the numbers 1-11 and terminates:
HAI 1.2
CAN HAS STDIO?
I HAS A VAR
IM IN YR LOOP
UP VAR!!1
VISIBLE VAR
IZ VAR BIGGER THAN 10? KTHX
IM OUTTA YR LOOP
KTHXBYE
You gotta love the okay thanks bye as termination :D
Check it out on GitHub8 -
Manager: "If needed, are you willing to work overtime this month?"
Developer: "Yes. [ ... pause ... ] would you give me some over my salary for sometime?"
Manager: Yes, increment happens every 6 months.
Developer: "I am thinking beyond it".
Manager: "No, it is not possible"
Developer: "Okay"
** alarm clock vibrates **
Developer: "It is 5:00 PM now. I need to leave. See you on coming Monday at 9:00 AM sharp"
[Developer left]
Manager: "Byeeeee ... "2 -
(Interview for sde-3 position)
(continuation of https://devrant.com/rants/2132431/... )
Interviewer - *opens laptop. Gives a question.* solve this.
Me - *a bit surprised that such questions were being asked on a sde-3 level*
this is the 4th or 5th question from geeksforgeeks, isn't it? I know the answer to this. Do u still want me to solve it?
Interviewer - *not believing me* Yes
Me - okay. Well this *writing down the original solution mentioned on the site* is the verbatim code mentioned on the website, with complexity O(n^2).
However I feel this is not the optimal solution. Let me write a better solution.
*I provide a better solution*
This has a complexity of O(n log n) . What do you think?
Interviewer - Nope. This could be a lot better.
Me - okay. Let me see. Did some minor changes, added some caching (obviously this will have no effect on the base algorithm) etc
How about now?
Interviewer - nope. Still not good.
Me - okay. Can you tell me how to improve it?
Interviewer - no we are not allowed to solve problems for you. It is not our interview, it is yours.
Me - that makes no sense. Interviews are a two way street. I'd very much like to know the optimal answer to this.
Interviewer - okay
*copies down the answer from geeksforgeeks*
This is good
Me - *at first I thought this was a prank or something. *
I just mentioned this answer here.
Then I spent the next 10 minutes providing a BETTER solution.
May I know how yours is better?
Interviewer - this solution has 2-3 loops. Yours has a function calling itself.
Me - that's called divide and conquer using recursion mf!
Anyways let's take an example and do a dry run.
Interviewer - okay
*we do dry run*
Interviewer - oh yes. Yours ran faster. But it will run fast only sometimes.
Me - yes. Each time the algorithm rolls a dice to decide if it should run fast or slow. You have one goddamn awesome weed dealer man.
I got to go. Thank you for meeting me.14 -
PM in daily: your turn. what have you done yesterday?
me: so i finished my PR for feature x and now i'm only waiting for review feedback there, so i can close this ticket today if no major rework is required-
PM: this is not what i asked, i don't want to know what you did, i want to know what was done.
me: uhh... okay, also i started working on task x
[note: task x, a task per definition involving a large amount of research, was very coarsly defined and it wasn't even clear to the PM what he exactly expects from me, and we agreed that the scope needs to be refined in the process],
so as a first step, i started doing some general investigations to get an overview of the topic and learn about concepts a and b-
PM: again, i don't want to know what you did, i want to know what was done.
me: okay well, i have DONE basic research on topic xy and collected information-
PM: this still does not answer my question, what's the deliverable?
me: ...so uhhh.... i read papers? i researched info online and collected and prepared information and links in a presentation which i'm also planning to present to the team-
PM: okay, can you please split your jira task in subtasks so everyone knows exactly what you're working on? otherwise we have no idea what you're doing.
for fuck's sake, shut up. just shut up23 -
My roommate use torrent to download games,movies and series on an 8mb connection 24/7 even when he's sleeping. I a lot of times asked him nicely not to do that while I'm working or use speed limiter so it won't cause any problem for us, once in a while is okay but not every day. But people like him don't listen.
>Now i just disabled utorrent port associated with his IP every time he goes out or go to sleep. That what you get from being a self servings duche bag5 -
QA: Please Look at this Defect.
Me: Okay not a problem!
QA: Thanks
Me: <Starts to look at Defect>
QA: 2 mins later. Do you have an ETA on when it will be fixed?
Me: Not yet, I'm still looking at it.
QA: Do you know what time it can be fixed? I have a deadline.
Me: I don't know what's wrong yet, I can't tell you when it will be fixed if I don't know what's wrong.
QA: Okay. Update Me.
Me: Opens Dev Rant.5 -
"Hey, about that matter from yesterday..."
"Yes, what about that?"
"We need to talk about that again! How often do you trigger that system?"
"Once."
"You sure?"
"Yes, but i can check it, if you like."
*find references*
"See, only once."
"Can it happen at a random point later one?"
"No."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes"
"Can you check it?"
"Okay."
*shows code"
"Look here, as you can see, it will not happen at other times."
"Do you have an idea why it could happen anyway?"
"Maybe that system does the action without my software telling it to do so, wasn't that specified that way?"
"Yes, but it normally does that roughly 10 seconds after you give the command the first time, so we thought maybe you could say what makes it do the action at other points maybe."
"Did you check that systems sourcecode?"
"No not yet. But did that happen with the older version?"
"No. But we didn't try."
"Did you change something between the versions?"
"Yes, the new feature."
"Could that make a change in behaviour?"
"I don't see how."
"Can you remove that feature for test?"
"We can take the old version."
"No, we need the new version, but without the feature you added."
"That IS the old version, there is no other difference!"
"Are you sure?"
"Would you like to see it in source control?"
"No, ~ okay. What do you think causes the problem?"
"I haven't had any new ideas since we talked yesterday."
"Okay. Mhhh,...okay. Lets talk again later."
YES SURE! BRING IT ON! I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO THAT! PLEASE COME BY OR CALL ME AGAIN! AND BRING THE BOSS WITH YOU, TO SHOW HOW SERIOUS THE MATTER IS! LET ME TELL HIM THE STUFF I TOLD SEVEN TIMES LAST WEEK!2 -
Client: My email not working
Me: What error message you getting
Client: Nothing, it's just stuck on Outbook
Me: Is your Internet working?
Client: Yes, of cause am not that stupid
Me: No! No! just asking as checkup
Client: Okay
Me: Open your Internet Browser and goto Google or Facebook
Client: Okay hold on..I am getting message "There is no Internet Connection"
Me: Yea, your Internet is not working that's why email can't be send. Talk to your IT Guy or Internet Provider about it.
Client: Okay, thanks!3 -
Marketing coworker: We MUST integrate with XYZ
Me: sure, they have a REST API and OAuth2. What part of our system do you want to integrate with XYZ?
coworker: Emmm... I don't know. Everything
Me: ...okay. What does XYZ even do?
coworker: Emmm... our customers use it, so we have to integrate with them.
Me: fine. I'm reading that XYZ has function ABC and PQR. Which one do our customers use?
coworker: ABC, definitely ABC
...
coworker: Our customers say nothing is working!
*looks into the problem*
Me: That's because they're using PQR and not ABC.
This kind of research is NOT my job, it's YOURS5 -
Okay that's not a rant BUT I'm very grateful for whoever built Devrant. We definitely needed a safe space to be rude and just let it out without much filter.
To our toxicity 🥂
Cheers!8 -
Tester - The app has a bug when I try to buy a ticket
Me - okay, what's the bug ?
Tester - it shows an error
Me (trying to not high-five him with a chair in the face) - What's the error message?
Tester - ah nvm it works now!!
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuu. Explain the issue you dimwit, don't just say it doesn't fucking work!2 -
These clowns make my blood boil.
fullStackClown: Hey I need some info on that specific color you want for this design
managerClowns: Yes it should look like this <<sends screenshot>>
fullStackClown: That is not a color, it is a screenshot
managerClowns: Yes it should look like this
fullStackClown: Do you know what hex code that is for that color? Can you ask the design team what color from our corporate identity they used?
managerClowns: Yes it should look like this
fullStackClown: Not helping... okay fine I used the eyedropper and I see the hex code is not used anywhere else in our app, so what color should I use?
managerClowns: Yes it should look like this
fullStackClown: ...22 -
Tragedies of Non-Technical Boss:
Boss: What happened yesterday, tried reaching you several times, you were just unavailable!
Me: My wifi stopped working as there was some issue at the ISP's end.
Boss: You could've atleast dropped a skype message that your internet is not working!
Me: Yes sir but the internet was not working, so I couldn't drop that message too!!
Boss: But you should have, I was in panic what happened to you...You were alright or not?...
Me: Yup I know, I didn't see the wifi tragedy coming.
Boss: If ever the internet goes down or anything sort of that happens just drop me a text on skype, that your internet is not working. Okay!
Me: *Confused* as to if he is high or just not listening to what I am saying...8 -
Dad: “Hey son.. I have this new software called blablablu.."
Me: "yeah?.."
Dad: "well it's not working.. there's an error and it's not doing what I want.."
Me: "okay.. I don't know.. sorry.. I don't know that software.. I can't help you.."
Dad: "you're studying computer science... you should know what to do.."
You ****ing serious?! -.-14 -
"I need these permissions that J has"
J has those permissions because he worked on a different team that was granted those, you do not.
"I need it"
No
"I need it"
Its not within my power to allow you access, you have to talk with R and M.
"Okay well guess what I'm gonna escalate this up thr chain and its gonna come down on you"
*sigh* what do i do when i literally have no authority to give someone something and am clearly doing my jobb right, but someone thinks they can get me... idk... in trouble? Threaten me??? Logic, meet the window5 -
piece of code: *not working*
me: okay, i can try this again later
me: *comments it out*
4 hours later
me: omfg why are there so many comments??? :( -
Real Linux fuck up coming up.
Be me.
Working on a project.
Accidentally used sudo with git pull, every file now is only accessible for root users.
Thinking to myself.. okay I'll just do chmod 777 to the current directory
Forgot how to use chmod
At first something like
Sudo chmod ./ 777
Not working
Maybe
Sudo chmod / 777
Not working
Remembering that it's the other way around
sudo chmod 777 /
Now... I fucked up. I forgot the dot, and for a sec I forgot that '/' means root directory and not current like './' does.
Few moments later the permission system of Ubuntu is utterly fucked. Everything is not working.
Need sudo in order to fix everything but sudo isn't working.
Few hours of crying later,I solved it thanks to some nice ppl online helping stupid people like me who used that command...😂10 -
I’ve had a complicated relationship with my mother for as long as I remember and made the decision years ago to more or less cut her out of my life. I thought if anything happened to her, I’d be okay, that it wouldn’t affect me.
But my mum died on Sunday.
And I’m not okay.15 -
Project manager: We have 13weeks for this project. We have promised the client.
Me: okay, why wasnt I consulted on that commitment?
Project Manager: yeah.... we have to do it
Me: okay, if we have 2 dedicated backend and one full time frontend - ONLY on this project.
Project manager: (with the face of lies) yes yes sure we can do that.
6 weeks later, after continuous interruptions. Frontend is behind because he was only on the project to an amount of 2 weeks of the 6 weeks.
Project manager: Are we still on time?
Me: *looks around for prank cameras* no the f#*k we not
Project manager: can we put in weekends?
Me: its 2019 bro, that ain't happening
*But because I am a nice guy, and dont like taking Ls, we will have it ready. Just not gonna tell the project manager, he deserves a few sleepless nights *7 -
Me: I can fix that workflow in about five minutes, In fact I can do it right now as we are speaking on the phone.
Customer: okay well... let me contact the director and make sure it’s okay that you fix it.
Me: I won’t make any changes to how it functions I’m only going to make it work again as it used to
Customer: we might need to schedule a meeting to talk about this because I’m not sure that we should be changing the site without permission
Me on the inside: I literally have global admin rights, unlimited power in Sharepoint, am responsible for making sure this stuff works, and BUILT this fucking thing, so now that I’ve been alerted of an issue I’m going to fix it. You are welcome to blame me if your boss is upset about it but I’m not going to wait for a fucking meeting to make sure it’s okay that I update a god damn email address in a workflow.
Me IRL: okay sounds great let me know when it is :)5 -
*Opens a pack of tablets (8000) and start to prep them.*
WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.
SAME MAC ADDRESS.
Okay, that's just an er-
NOPE, ANOTHER ONE. HOLY SHIT. OKAY IT'S GETTING WORSE.
Is it my db?
Oh.
The db is just fine.
*Painfully getting in contact with the reseller*
Me: grumbles grumbles Mac Address grumbles
Reseller: Uh.. What?
It would be okay if we weren't using Mac Addresses as primary key in our databases.
They gave us some weird-looking software to "re-write mac addresses". It's working.
Something tells me that ipv6 is not for tomorrow.7 -
Client : So you can make our website. Right?
Me: yes :)
Client: okay, can you please check why our printer is not working?
Me: :|4 -
I honestly don't understand why some developers like to shit on other's preferences.
Don't like PHP? Fine, but don't give shit to somebody else for liking it or coding in it.
Not a fan of Javascript? That's cool, but do realize that there are people who enjoy coding with it and don't appreciate you talking shit about their preferences.
Don't like a certain framework? That's okay, but again, there are people who code with it so don't tell them that they shouldn't.35 -
Me: The phone rings but when I pick up there's nothing there.
Indian call center: Okay sir can you tell me if the landline is plugged into the modem
Me: It's ringing. Yes, it's plugged in.
Indian call center: Okay we'll reset the modem.
Me: I already did that. Twice. Just to be able to speak to you because the robot made me.
Indian call center: Okay so we'll reset your modem again.
*resets*
Indian call center: Do you get a dial tone now?
Me: Yes. I have this entire time. No one can call me.
Indian call center: Sir that is not possible.
Me: Call it and see for yourself.
Indian call center: *calls, phone hangs up for them the second I answer*
Why did you hang up on me, sir?
Me: *internal screaming*3 -
Okay, I love programming - making my code better faster more readable^^ but I am not a nerd, I have no idea what's going on in star wars or star trek, I do not fucking care about Game of Thrones - I prefer to go out in some clubs and so... I hate it when people are so fucking surprised about my job and interests.
There are programmers who are not nerds live with it!21 -
Okay so
Client asks for a bunch of data what can be easily calculated with excel. I think to myself, yeah, ill not fuck around adding numbers 1by1, ill just use excel.
Client wants a program, says he likes having a program do stuff. Mind you, this isnt an universal program at all, it just has to work for this specific input file.
Me: packages the original excel file into a jar and makes it unpackage when run.
Client: is happy
Me: ??? -
Almond, are you there?
> Sure, of course.
Oh ok, it said you were on mute.
> I was, I always go on mute if I'm not talking to help cut down on background noise **hint hint**
That's very confusing for the rest of us, can you leave your mic on please?
> Right... Okay.8 -
I wonder..
With all this master/slave/blacklist/whatever.. do people realize this is in a way increasing racism? In a sense that we are again focusing on races, differences, historical mistakes, etc. That we are turning all this and similar fuss into a social joke instead of moving on and living our lives normally. That companies are using the difference of races as a way to spread their names. Sometimes as political measures
Are you folks really okay with all of this? Don't you feel being used/abused again? Do you ever consider that racism is just a mean of getting more attention and more $$ for the companies?
I am not pro-racism, but I find it difficult to accept those who suffer/have suffered from it are okay with all this show.14 -
!rant
Storytime!
I'm on the phone with an elderly customer.
Customer: Yes, I just got my computer back and now it's not talking to my monitor.
Me: Okay, and the monitor cable is plugged in?
Customer: Yes.
Me: Okay, I think I remember that you had a graphics card. Do you have a horizontal blue port?
Customer: No.
Me: Okay. So let's look near the middle of your computer. Do you see a blue port?
Customer: I don't know. I know the blue monitor cable is plugged in, but I don't know what color it is.
Me: Alright, let's unplug the cable for a second.
Customer: Okay, done.
Me: Now let's look for those two blue ports...
Customer: I only see one.
Me: And it's near the middle of the computer?
Customer: Yes.
Me: Okay, let's plug the monitor in.
Customer: Okay, done.
Me: Now does the monitor come up with anything?
Customer: Let me get to where I can see it... No, there's nothing.
Me: Even if you wiggle the mouse a little?
Customer: What?
Me: Does the computer talk to the monitor if you move the mouse a little?
Customer: How do I do that?
Me: ...You take the mouse... and move it from side to side
Customer: Oh! I understand. Um, no. Nothing.
Me: Okay, well let's bring the computer in. I think I know what the problem is, I just need to put a piece of tape somewhere.
Customer: Oh, okay. Fine.2 -
Do you wanna build a Program?
Come on it can be in C
Doesn't compile anymore
bugs to report
Perhaps a parsing tree
We used to be peer buddies
And now we're not
I wish you would tell me why!-
Do you wanna build a Program?
It doesn't have to be in C.
Stackoverflow, Anna
Okay, bye2 -
So my co-worker loves to tell us to comment our code, for obvious reasons.
But now I'm debugging his code, and guess what.
No comments.
Okay, maybe two comments in two different queries, but they were not that helpfull.
So now I have to debug his code, and I have no idea what I'm even supposed to look for!10 -
>>>> Followed link to a post
* Do you Accept Cookies?: Yes
* Our customer supports online: Okay, I know
* Subscribe to Newsletters?: Click Click Accept
* Website wants to turn on Notification?: Okay
* Seen Our New Product?: No, not today
* We require you to be over 18?: Yes, I am
* We value your privacy?: I Agree
* Looks like you're using ad-Blocker?: Turn Off
* Don't forget to follow us on...: Okay!!! I get it already, just show me the f*cking post!
* What next
***** 1 million ads appear around a single post broken to bits having (1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9 next>>) *****
Just wondering who invented this money making strategy.8 -
Okay, help :(
Trying to get my dns server in php to work from the outside (it's on a vm on one of my dedi's) but it's not working.
- Port forwarding works well: confirmed.
- Connection type: UDP; confirmed.
- I *can* dig from the host (dedicated server) to the vm.
- nmap scans show an open port.
The exact same happens on my local network.
I'm lost.13 -
Dev: Hay dude , look this page is broken, how long has it been like this.
Me: No? 🤔, Weren't you working on the Database for this yesterday?
Dev: I didn't change anything yet...
Me: Okay, let's do a git bisect and see where this came from.
...After going back in history and checking out like 3 commits.
Dev: It's fine I'll just search for it
Me: 😕, that's what we are doing the bisect for?
Dev: But we've already looked at so many!?
...After some time of convincing, finds good commit, does the bisect and finds offending piece of code. The database details changed.
Me: okay so while it's still pointing to the old database it's working but switch it to the latest one and it breaks. You sure you didn't change anything?
Dev: I didn't do anything.
Me: okay well it seems to me like it must be a database issue, let me know what you find.
10min later...
Dev: Hay dude, soo I found it, I accidentally renamed a table
In my mind: 😲😲😲
I hate working at a company with bad practices like saving database config into git and not making a copy of the database when you intend to work on it, and not edit the f'ing live instance! Not even close to the luxury of migrations.1 -
Okay, Google. I can see why you want me to check those boxes with cars. And I'm also fine with you telling me to do it on a different picture if the first one didnt had any, just to check. But WHAT I AM FUCKING NOT OKAY WITH, IS ME SOLVING CAPTCHAS FOR 10 FUCKING MINUTES REPETEDLY SAYING PLEASE TRY AGAIN AND THEN TELLING ME THAT I AM NOT EVEN ABLE TO TRY AGAIN BECAUSE OF AN DETECTED ATTEMPT OF BOTTING? WHO ARE YOU? AN AI QUESTONING MY HUMAN IDENTITY? JUST BECAUSE IM USING LINUX YOU DECIDE TO GIVE ME ANOTHER NOTHERFUCKING BATCH OF STREET SIGNS? YOU CAN STICK THOSE STREET SIGNS UP YOUR ASS! FUCK OFF!
tl;dr: i got banned from solving recaptchas the second time this week. lets hope its just *another* timeout.8 -
So a friend approached me about joining an internship. Said you'll learn php, js , jquery and bootstrap. I'm like okay I'm already learning this stuff, cool but is there a stipend or something? She says no but I'll have to pay 5000₹ (72$).
I said "ni🅱🅱a if you're paying, that's not sex that's prostitution" and noped the fuck outta there.
Its just sad how many students with no skills are actually paying to get an internship nowadays.13 -
My most successful project was the uni project I had to do and it made me pass the subject hahaha, not that that would count as a real project :/
Okay this was rather depressing...
I should finally start doing something on my own2 -
Hey, i took a look at your code and heres how you could improve your performance!
"No thanks lol it works this way too"
Okay you fucking idiot, thats not how you do normal distribution
"Why are you so mean"1 -
Director: What’s the next step on <thing>?
Manager: There is no next step because *manager explains*.
Director: How can not there be a next step?
Manager: *explains the same thing again, reading from a mail chain Director is also a part of*
Director: Okay, so net-net there is no next step.
Beautiful conclusion mf.1 -
Okay, windows, it's cool that you're getting a dark themed explorer and overall UWP-Fluent Design improvements but...
What's up with this context menu, which has a button saying "close [context] menu"?
(this is made up of screenshots, not a recording - the actual animation is much smoother)
15 -
My mom's laptop is always on 80-90% CPU even in idle and it is obviously hella slow and I am the one who has to work with it usually (since my mom is too afraid to use any kind of technology and can't remember any of her passwords), I tried to solve it but I came to the conclusion that the problem is probably Windows 10 itself. Okay, the hardware is bad too but still.
I started thinking about installing Linux on it, but It's not my laptop and I do not want to mess it up and I never did it before.19 -
We just got an intern in our company a few days ago. She is supposed to be a php developer, not good, but at least something okay. I find major errors, that even a newbie should regocnize.
It's going to be a long internship, if I have to help her all the time with basic stuff.12 -
Instagram just imported my birthday from my Facebook, which btw, was not specifically linked when I used to post on Facebook.
Mark Fucking Fuckface Fuckerberg's team is destroying Instagram now. Ffs. 😒😒
Why is everyone okay with this invasion of privacy? And when is telegram launching an image sharing platform?30 -
I fucking hate ppl who transferred from business program into the CS program. They are all talk and no action. Literally this girl who claim to be “good at algorithm” doesn’t even know how to write a quick sort. In the past 2 months I have received more request from business program students to “help debug program” than all of the other departments (science, engineering) combined. Worse, some just straight ask for my code so they can copy off my implementation.
Seriously, it’s okay if you don’t know how to do stuff. But it’s not okay if you don’t want to learn AND feel so fucking entitled. I have a lot of homework as well, it’s not my responsibility to **help** you.8 -
I can’t even say what’s wrong with PHP, because— okay. Imagine you have uh, a toolbox. A set of tools. Looks okay, standard stuff in there.
You pull out a screwdriver, and you see it’s one of those weird tri-headed things. Okay, well, that’s not very useful to you, but you guess it comes in handy sometimes.
You pull out the hammer, but to your dismay, it has the claw part on both sides. Still serviceable though, I mean, you can hit nails with the middle of the head holding it sideways.
You pull out the pliers, but they don’t have those serrated surfaces; it’s flat and smooth. That’s less useful, but it still turns bolts well enough, so whatever.
And on you go. Everything in the box is kind of weird and quirky, but maybe not enough to make it completely worthless. And there’s no clear problem with the set as a whole; it still has all the tools.
Now imagine you meet millions of carpenters using this toolbox who tell you “well hey what’s the problem with these tools? They’re all I’ve ever used and they work fine!” And the carpenters show you the houses they’ve built, where every room is a pentagon and the roof is upside-down. And you knock on the front door and it just collapses inwards and they all yell at you for breaking their door.
That’s what’s wrong with PHP.8 -
Some say you are not a true developer if you haven't accidentally deleted shit and spent several hours restoring that shit!
Okay, no one says that. I made it up. I idioted today. I accidentally rm -rfed my workspace directory and lost all my code.
Now I'm re-syncing stuff back into place from my remote back up.
Git ❤3 -
My mom once called me telling me her internet was not working. Prankster me told her that the whole internet closed at 7 pm. She was like "okay, I'll wait until tomorrow morning then" (it was around 8pm)
I couldn't help laughing like crazy as I didn't expect her to believe me.
Of course I helped her out so that she could have her game of poker. (She won $10.000 that night) :-)2 -
Okay this is it; FUCK java on android. You need so many fucking workarounds, its insane. Im tryna merge to bmps together, one on top, and the helper class is at 400 lines already and its only kinda working. If you gonna abstract things away, then fucking abstract them well (ocaml) or not at all (c).16
-
>be me
>join new firm
>only developer
>Task : Migrate our PHP based website to reactjs
>okay not bad, I can do this
>*Completes in 2 days*
>get inputs from boss and he gives
>go back again to inform we're now SASS integrated
>asks for new wireframes
>wtf lol.exe
>wants new design for the same website like of the parent company which is WordPress template
>*Internally : I'm a developer, I don't do wireframes*
>okay no problem
Seriously, if you wanted a new design in the first place why didn't you said so? -
Recently started a new job and had a fellow employee find a 27" monitor for me. The monitor did not have an hdmi or usb3 cable to hook it up. I make a request to help desk for a new one where their response is:
HDMI cables are not standard equipment and must be approved by your manager.
Okay, I forwarded it to my manager and it still isn't approved. So it is day three of having this nice but blank monitor on my desk! Fuck it, ordering from Amazon.7 -
Ticket user story:
“Brown Chicken Report A and B do not include rows for Blue Chickens. I want to see Blue Chickens in both Brown Chicken reports.”
Ticket summary:
“Currently, the Brown Chickens reports mentioned above do not accurately report Blue Chickens. The columns P and Q are incorrect and need to be updated. See below:
<Copy/pasted table from All Animals Report showing a White Chicken>”
———
Are you okay? Do you have brain damage?
(Also: Blue Chickens are not supported and do not exist)6 -
preface context: I was recently asked to make a website for an event I participated in before
client: okay I heard you can make a website for our event? that’s great!
me (dev): yeah, do you have any requests or expectations for me?
.
client: not really, but I was a developer before and I can code a bit so I’m wondering in what language would you code or develop our website in?
me: oh I would be using JavaScript, specifically nodeJS
.
client: oh really? i’m not really familiar with that language, so is it okay if you code it in a language I understand and used before?
me: sure, what is it?
.
(lol I wonder if you can guess already what it is at this point)
client: HTML
me: ... (*uh oh* html isn’t a markup language *sigh*) :——) -
Been there for two weeks
[Team lead] why didn't you deploy to production like i told you, while i was sick?
[Me] nobody told me i should do that
[TL] i wrote you on slack
[Me] I'm pretty sure you didn't
*TL scrolls through history, can't find proof*
[TL] okay I can't find anything, I probably told you in a hangout call
He did not, I would remember that...3 -
I can’t even say what’s wrong with PHP, because— okay. Imagine you have uh, a toolbox. A set of tools. Looks okay, standard stuff in there.
You pull out a screwdriver, and you see it’s one of those weird tri-headed things. Okay, well, that’s not very useful to you, but you guess it comes in handy sometimes.
You pull out the hammer, but to your dismay, it has the claw part on both sides. Still serviceable though, I mean, you can hit nails with the middle of the head holding it sideways.
You pull out the pliers, but they don’t have those serrated surfaces; it’s flat and smooth. That’s less useful, but it still turns bolts well enough, so whatever.
And on you go. Everything in the box is kind of weird and quirky, but maybe not enough to make it completely worthless. And there’s no clear problem with the set as a whole; it still has all the tools.
Now imagine you meet millions of carpenters using this toolbox who tell you “well hey what’s the problem with these tools? They’re all I’ve ever used and they work fine!” And the carpenters show you the houses they’ve built, where every room is a pentagon and the roof is upside-down. And you knock on the front door and it just collapses inwards and they all yell at you for breaking their door.
That’s what’s wrong with PHP.6 -
LPT: NEVER accept a freelance job without looking at the project's source first
Client: I have a project made by a company that is now abandoning it, I want you to fix some bugs
Me: Okay, can you:
1) Give me a build to test the current state of the game
2) Tell me what the bugs are
3) Show me the source
4) Tell me your budget
Client: *sends a list of 10 bugs* Here's the APK and to give you the project I'll need you to sign an NDA
Me: Sure...
*tests build*
*sees at least 20 bugs*
*still downloading source*
*bugs look quite easy to fix should be done under an hour*
Me: Okay, so, I can fix each bug for $10 and I can do 2 today
Client: Okay can you fix 8 bugs today for $40??
*sigh*
Me: No I cannot.
Client: okay then 2 today for $20 is fine, I want a refund if you can't fix them today
*sigh*
Me: Look dude, this isn't the first time I am doing this, aight? I'll fix the bugs today you can pay me after check they are done, savvy?
Client: okay
*source is downloaded*
*literal apes wrote the scripts, commented out code EVERYWHERE
Debug logs after every line printing every frame causing FPS drops, empty objects in the scene
multiple unused UI objects
everything is spaghetti*
*give up, after 2 hours of hell*
*tfw averted an order cancellation by not taking the order and telling client that they can pay me after I am done*
Attached is an image of a level object pool
It's an array with each element representing a level.
The numbers and "Final" are ids for objects in an object pool
The whole string is .Split(',') into an array (RIP MEMORY BTW) and then a loop goes through each element in the split array and instantiates the object from an object pool
5 -
I'm at a pretty cool company today, learning new stack now. Everyone is helpfull and teaches me a lot.
I remember at my first job, when I just started, my boss sent me a MINIFIED .js file (just one file and nothing else) and said "it doesnt work, please fix this". After OBVIOUSLY not being able to fix it, at that moment, I started to doubt my choice to become a web dev.
I turned out to be pretty okay. But, fucking hell, thinking back, that "ex-boss" of mine could potentially influence my later career decisions and not in a good way.4 -
Tomcat
manager: "hey, we have this old java software running and need it to be compatible with our brand new crm system"
me: "okay, i've never workes with jsp before, but i'll have a look at it"
code: undocumented, who would have guessed
manager: "oh and btw. you must test your code on our live system, with our production database, but make sure not to brake anything, our last backup was 20 months ago."
me: "..."1 -
I'm working on a larger web project for authorities that went live yesterday.
I also trained the staff for the last two days so that everyone knows how to register an account, use the application etc.
Got the first call today: "I can't create an account...the website does not start".
Uh..okay...what the? >_>
Turns out, the user entered the URL in Google Search and wondered why nothing happens and why the website does not load.
Wow... and that was just the first call.1 -
Dear Project Managers,
If you schedule a status update meeting for the end of the week, it is NOT okay for you to stop by my desk every day and ask if the project is on track. You will get your update during the update meeting you scheduled.
KthanxBye1 -
Windows: would you like to update?
Me: no not rn I'm currently on battery and traveling, let me just quickly restart.
Windows: Okay I'll install the latest updates for you.
Me: oh FFS
11 -
Ok so I'm releasing (in about two weeks) a massive project that my self and other talented people have been working on for about 2 years.
I feel like I want to puke all the time now. God I hope it is okay. 🤢
I'll let you all know what it is if all goes well so I'm not embarrassed if it does not
Wish me luck😐12 -
!Dev
Okay so this is a very embarrassing story but I guess it's kinda funny so I thought I'd share it anyway.
I was playing a tabletennis game in VR and my opponent was a pretty chill guy who started blasting metal music. We were just casually vibing and then we started headbanging. Not a good idea with a VR headset on your head. There are two deep scratches right on my forehead now. Two perfect parallel lines.
I lost the game, and the smoothness of my forehead.
Okay kids, never headbang with a VR headset on, remember that.3 -
To fellow OnePlus users:
If you're using OxygenOS (maybe even the preinstalled Cyanogenmod of the OP1), OnePlus is spying on you with a very creepy level of detail.
Full story (and a way to disable it): https://fossbytes.com/oneplus-spyin...14 -
Nobody in my family understand what I do for a living. My dad's reaction was; "that's not a real job". He's a craftsman/painter. But that's okay, I make more money then him 😊💵
-
Fuck you sideways stupid ass clowns of HR people.
If you don't want to hire me, it's okay. What is not okay it's to steal several days of my life with your idiotic multi-step interviews, telling me I did awesome and you'd like to hire me as soon as possible, then actively avoid any contact for three whole fucking weeks, just to finally tell me you've chosen someone else with a more prestigious degree but way less actual experience in the field. You'll come to me begging soon and I'll laugh in your faces.3 -
Okay, so today I've taught a colleague how to use a simple office ruler to measure AWS server's CPU usage :) We needed to figure out whether CPU% spikes correlate with error message in logs an d latency spikes. Once again a ruler was the perfect tool for the job.
P.S. no, CPU% spikes did not correlate to errors in logs1 -
APPLE IM GONNA BURN YOU WITH GASOLINE.
So i want to send my build to app store, from my iphone.
I want to log into iTunesConnect.
"It just works"
Yeah, right. Login page for itunesconnect does not render correctly on Safari web browser, on iphone, login arrow is not visible, and elements are scattered around.
Grrrrrrr.
On Google Chrome, it looks okay!!!!!!!!!!!
Spartaaaaaaaaaa.
After some tapping on screen, and rotating the device, i somehow found invisible arrow and managed to sign in.
BUT. Once inside i was unable to complete the process because UI refuses to scroll down :(
The pain...
14 -
me: oh im not really afraid of anything
*sees the blue screen of death*
also me: okay,, i guess i am afraid of something...3 -
😜BOSS in office : Okay guys, today we are going to play a game.....
When I say a name of the fruit, you run to the right side of the hall....
And when I say any color, you run to the left side of the hall....
One who runs on wrong side will not get the increment...
got it ?
Employees : Yes Boss, Got it.
Boss : Okay...Ready, Set...
. ... ....
..... "ORANGE" !
Employees : Ayyo papi nanmaga 😳😳😰😰😡😡 😛2 -
So my 3 and a half year relationship ended today and I’m not okay. The relationship ended on good terms but I’m alone for the first time in a long time and I don’t know what to do. I’m so fucking sad and I have a few friends that I can talk to but It doesnt fill this void that I feel.21
-
Create value, not work
Can't believe I'm asked to do something that I feel is absolutely worthless
Okay, yes I know I need to get paid...
Let's just say I don't share the vision with whoever came up with these tasks4 -
Colleague: Ivy, I have a problem with blah blah.
(Meanwhile we are in two different places)
Me: I'm not sure I understand your problem. Just Google it.
Colleague: I don't want to.
Me: Okay bye.
Question: Are Developers who use Google impostors?9 -
Am I the only one, who likes to hate the tester for sending back your code, when I should be greatful for him/her for finding bugs?
Replies from me by the amount I get my ticket back:
1: okay, sure, thanks
2: all right
3: oh, okay
4: what? still not okay?
5: how did you even catch that?
6: what the fu** is wrong with you?
7: you again???
8: die already!
9: <singing the frozen theme> Let it go, let it go!1 -
Opening Excel Sheet in Windows..
Me: Please don't freeze...
Windows : I NEVER FREEZE.
Me : okay.. done updating.. Save
Windows : Excel is not responding
FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK......2 -
So the juniors finished a feature and it's okay, it passed all tests.
Now I'm cleaning their code and... I opened up a whole file with trash code that is either repetitive, or not even used. I decided to save it in case it breaks one of the features but... nope, everything seems to be running perfectly with just half of the code they wrote.4 -
me: *procrastinates till 1:00
me: *feels sleepy. *grabs coffee. okay im gonna start working after i take a sip.
me: *takes sip. *opens devrant.
im still not working btw1 -
If I have to explain git to another person who has worked in software for several years, I’m picking up a chainsaw.
It’s okay if you’ve just started, it’s not if you’re building code for a decade.2 -
Funniest reason to get rejected in an interview...
"While technically we were okay your level, we were unsure of your exact reason for joining GreedyGame and not some other company."
Now I wonder, what's more pathetic, their grammar or their reason.7 -
Google Business Profile is probably not meant for developers. "Help customers find your business by industry." Dev: set primary category to "Web Developer". Google: We didn't understand your category. Please select from the suggestions that appear when typing. Dev, typing: "Web D"... Google suggests: "Web Designer, Web hosting company, Well drilling contractor, Waterbed shop". Okay, Google, nevermind.
Google: "Update your customers. Keep your customers up to date about your business!" Dev clicks "add update", adds info about that customer should use different phone number temporarily due to broken phone. Google: "Your post has been removed from your Business Profile on Google because it violates one or more of our post content policies." Okay Google, at least you let me add an additional phone number on my profile without requiring to verify my primary number that I currently have not access to. Anything else?
Google: "Claim your €400 free advertising credit" Dev: clicks "claim credit" Google: "To access this Google Ads account, enable 2-Step Verification in your Google account." How to combine idiocy and deceptive patterns in a single UI: Google knows! Apart from their search engine, their unique business advantage is simple that they suck a little less than Apple and Microsoft. Sorry, not a day to be proud of our profession, once again.
5 -
"Hey, remember when we said we didn't need any of that data, and it was totally okay to design the app without any expectation of needing it, and that it would actually put us behind to add even hooks 'just in case' like you begged? Well, turns out we need it. And we need it right now."
...
"Oh, and this is totally not our fault because you should have just gone ahead and done the thing we told you not to do anyway, on your own time."1 -
Making an ssh connection:
No....
No this one.
Not that one.
Not that one, either.
*starts typing*
*Typo 1*
*Typo 2*
Yay. Connected to server.
... Okay. Wrong environment.
*Exiting*
*trying again*
*Typo 1*
*Typo 2*
*finally connected*
Okay. I'm here...
Why did I connect to this machine again?!
------
Migrations are fun. Your bash history is an obsessive lier, your brain completely fried and when you finally managed to achieve something... You either forget what it was - or even worse - you get reminded of all the stuff you still have to do.
I'm literally amazed that I currently manage to go to the toilet, don't forget to make coffee and eat stuff at least once a day.
Before anyone thinks... Haha joke.
Nope I'm dead serious.
I am amazed that I didn't forget to go to the toilet, aka sitting in my own piss and wonder why it's so warm and wet down there.
I'm glad that the migration is going to end soon, otherwise I might opt in out of paranoia for adult diapers.
*My brain is really fried*5 -
I am at Lenovo service center to bring back my laptop after replace of motherboard (they replaced because card reader not working). Ohh. I checked again and it's not yet working (illiterate technician)...
.
..
Waiting for 1 hour..
..
Meanwhile I see they are outsourcing their screen , monitor,scanner etc. From dell,acer... Ohh how can they prove they are better...
.
.
.
.
Okay!now hit me hard a person came here for service and without even booting they concluded the windows inside laptop is pirated🤔😌2 -
So, the other day, my teacher told me not to use goto in C#, with only the reason that "it is bad".
Okay teacher, I'm going to continue using it until you give me a valid reason. For example for making one loop instead of two. .-.24 -
probably most of my life, not just career.
realizing sooner that nobody gives a fuck and nobody will ever help.
realizing sooner that i can make and sell stuff. realizing sooner that the fact that what i sell is shit is completely disconnected from the success of my sales.
realizing aooner than most people are morons.
getting okay with exploiting morons' moronism sooner.
realizing that nobody has morals so unless i drop mine i'm just holding myself back.
stuff like that.6 -
So I'm an intern at a small company for a duration of 2 months. Not a lot of work is allotted to me right now. Every evening I have this weird feeling when I have to leave, cuz practically based on the work I could have left after lunch but I've got to stay here and wait till enough people or just someone leaves to make it seem okay.10
-
Okay, I think I am losing it, how do you explain a distributed computing VM has to somehow execute code on some hardware at a point to a customer that is clearly a big ass bullshit eater/buzzword bitch?
Because if I can't, I may buy a plane ticket for Canada and an axe, and that is not for cutting lumber11 -
Boss: Why are you trying to build the old program?
Me: Because I need to determine behavior of why old program works with data that new program does not.
Boss: Does it affect the output?
Me: No, but...
Boss: STOP! Just filter it.
Me: Okay.
Boss: Go write new fun code, not work on old shit.
Me: Thank you for saving me from myself.
In reference to:
https://devrant.com/rants/4666401/...2 -
Not Speaking The Same Programming Language
(It is the mid 80s, and I have a coworker come to me with two full pages of computer programming source code.)
Coworker: “Hey, can you help me with this? This function is not working right.”
Me: “Sure. What’s it do?”
Coworker: “Well, on the first line I copy…” *drones on for a few seconds about stuff I can clearly read*
Me: “Wait! Let me interrupt for a moment. I can read the code. In 20 words or less, what does this do?“
Coworker: *long pause that tells me he’s having trouble seeing the forest for the trees* “It, um, converts a date that’s a string to three integers: month, day, and year.”
Me: “Ah! Excellent. And by the time you get the string, has it been sanitized? You know, guaranteed to be pairs of digits with a slash in-between, not blanks or words or other garbage?”
Coworker: “Oh, yeah, all the user input is cleaned up.”
Me: “Okay, good.”
(I scribble “sscanf(text, “%02d/%02d/%02d”, &month, &day, &year);” in a blank spot on the page.)
Me: “Throw out everything and replace it with that.”
Coworker: “You’re kidding.”
Me: “Not at all. Use that. It’ll work. Trust me.”
Coworker: *not sure* “Well, okay.”
(Half an hour later he’s back and looking a bit sheepish.)
Coworker: “That worked. Thanks.”
Me: “No problem.”
(It’s been 30 years. Unfortunately, the new generation of programmers is in the same spot.)
https://notalwaysright.com/not-spea...2 -
Coworker: I did not progress much but at least I managed to get rid of all compiler warnings.
Me: That's okay. What were they about?
Coworker: No idea.
Me: How did you get rid of them then??
Coworker: I removed the "Wall" option when I use gcc. -
I really despise solving competitive programming problems.
I truly believe it's okay to struggle with them and that people have different abilities. But these kind of problems are an easy way to make you hate yourself and think of yourself less.
I can't solve this problem --> I'm not a good programmer --> I'm not smart enough --> I'm not good enough like my peers who work at FA*G companies, ...
I know these interview problems are a filter and that recruiting is hard and the demand is always high and that they are nothing like the real work but, the reality is, you need to prepare if you want to get into one of the big companies with better perks and maybe better projects.3 -
One of main reason why I use Google as a search engine.
Me: Heads - Then I'll not use it.
Me: Okay google, toss a coin
GA: Sure,.... it's a tails.
Well.... fuck.3 -
Writing an efficient, modern renderer is truly an exercise of patience. You have a good idea? Hah, fuck you, GPUs don't support that. Okay but what if I try to use this advanced feature? Eh, probably not going to support exactly what you would like to do. Okay fuck it I'm gonna use the most obscure features possible. Congratulations, it doesn't work even on the niche hardware that supports that extension
If I sound jaded, ya better believe I f*cking am! I cannot wait for more graphics cards to support features like mesh shaders so we can finally compute shader all the things and do things the way we want to god dammit -
Okay, I usually don't rant about Windows.
But why the flying fuck does it automatically pick a driver for RNDIS5 for a RNDIS6 device (USB tethering on Android devices)? It's hanging many parts of the systems until I change it to the right driver (which is not shown as compatible and warned against whilst being the only one that works). Seriously, I usually never have problems with Windows, but this is the only thing that annoys the fuck out of me with it.6 -
Okay, here's a rant for you: neo fucking vim and their fucking wrapper plugins for wrapper plugins for wrapper plugins for plugins "tHat'S wRitTen in LOWAA". The fuck is wrong with you, you fucking dumpshits?! Bram was right to not get involved in this bullshit!!7
-
What the fuck! Just witnesed this at university. The guy in question is in the same cs course as me. Using edge, okay. But searching for a picture on google (a icon in that case), copy it to memory, open powerpoint, paste it, manipulate the color aellsettings to make it gray and then save it from powerpoint? That's not how you fucking do it! Fucker!6
-
(2 months old in a company)
Team members to me: we are always there for you. Ask anything you need for.
Me(today): can you please discuss this topic with me?
Team member A: I'm sorry I'm busy
Me: okay
Me: can you please discuss this topic with me?
Team member B: I got to catch the train now.
Me: we catch same train. Let's discuss during the commute.
Team member B: NO. We will not get two seats together (it's easy to find two seats).
me (in my mind): I really need help here.
Me: okay2 -
"Okay, my query uses wrong date format."
"Why the hell I´ve put that join there? That´s not needed!"
"Why the hell I´ve joined the tables in THAT order?"
Joys of looking at your old code.2 -
introductory rant
So I am new here, hi! :)
So the devRant android app does not seem to support this mail format:
user+devrant@domain
(the important part being the "+devrant" thing)
Now I waited 2 days for a confirmation mail that wouldn't arrive and was greeted with the "please confirm your fucking mail" popup every damn time.
"Okay, let's just change my mail to user@domain and deal with it", I thought. Guess what: You can't!
So I contacted the devrant team via e-mail.
And I waited.
2 days.
No answer.
Okay.
Delete account, recreate with other mail, be happy.
Don't worry, I'm not mad. It's just really fucking ironic.
Looking forward to a great community! :)5 -
person: do you know any sites that can help with blah blah blah
me: yea one sec
me: here ya go https://blahblah.blah
person: is this a virus ?
me: no it's a site that will help you with blah
person: i'm not gonna click on that because i don't wanna get a virus.
me: but it's not a virus you can't get a virus just by clicking a link you would actually have to download something and execute it.
person: oh okay but i still don't trust it
me: uhhh okay
person : so are you gonna help me or what ?
me : ..................*scream internally*
person: okay fine your not gonna help me8 -
When my kids would not seriously injure themselves (scrape, bruise, etc) I would suggest we cut it off. They would respond, "NO DAD!"
Now, I go to the doctor because my dentist found something growing on my uvula. My doctor sits me down and says, "Lets cut it off. The whole thing. You will snore less." I am like "...okay!" Then it reminded me of what I used to tell my kids.1 -
Great week, been super productive and very happy about.
*wild junior boss appears*
"You should have done it differently! You didn't know it and it's your fault for not asking me about stuff you didn't know existet. I often screw things up and blame others, but i made the boss like me so it's okay. And since i lost my spine some time ago, i will now go suck my own dick and feel awesome . "
Not sure that is exactly what he said, but he meant it. -
Kay! Why people think remote job is less then a onsite job? Excuse me? I also work remotely. Okay I get it that onsite you have to go onsite through bus or blah blah , but your hours are not counting by a tracker and not getting SS every 2 min. My family doesn't understand that I have to be on my laptop for at least 7-8 hours.
Their reaction is :" why the food is not ready?"
" I am doing work"
"So what? You are home!"
And WHY LARAVEL COMPOSER UPDATE IS SO DAMN SLOW9 -
So there's that project with my coworker. We splitt up the classes, 10 to be implemented by him, 10 by me.
Fast Forward to 4 weeks before deploy.
Coworker: Your stuff logs a lot of stuff. It's not very clear and a liiittle to verbouse. 5 entries per second? Too much!
Me: Okay, you're right. Let me fix that.
2 Days later I look at his logs at runtime. He logs EVRY SQL statement and their results! In a batch that processes a 10'000 of customers!
He points out: That's useful stuff and it's not that much. It's needed for debuging.
My face: 😦4 -
I am right and you're wrong.
Aka: Living in a yin / yang (black n white) bubble.
If you're unable to adapt because the only perspective that matters is your own small little universe, then you shouldn't be a dev.
As a dev, you'll have to accept that you cannot know it all. There will be smarter people and there will be things that you won't understand.
It's okay to be wrong. It's okay to not know it all.5 -
Just let people who already know the things you are teaching miss the class entirely. Give them some test at the end, this is okay but do not force them to suffer the endless hours of something they are already good at just because you want them to attend.2
-
Was fixing a bug and suddenly got an error that the lodash library could not be loaded. Funny, didn't even know the project used that lib. Looked for the reference and the previous dev used _.times instead of a for loop. Ha okay, interesting. Wonder where else this library is used.
Searched the whole project for references, dependencies, whatever, any sign of it. Fucking. Nothing.
Rewrote the _.times part as a simple for loop, then removed the library. The rest of the project still worked perfectly. Took me about a minute and a half.
Who the fuck uses an entire damn library to... Not write a for loop I guess?!7 -
Okay, let's get this fight rolling: here's a typical .net error message:
An error occurred. (An error occurred.) The type of this error was: An error occurred. Additionally, an error occurred while the error was occurring. The type of this error was: An error occurred.
Additional information: NullReferenceException at line... haha not really fucko, an error occurred.2 -
Me: Let's implement this integration test suite in Python since it has got plenty of rich libraries for accomplishing our goals.
Client: Let's use Node.js instead.
Me: With Node.js, we'll need to handle a lot of it's inherent stuff like asynchronous code flows, promises, etc. That's not what we primarily want to achieve.
Client: Let's use Node.js.
Me: Okay. What potential advantages do you see with Node.js?
Client: Umm.. let's just use Node.js?
Me: FML4 -
Okay so my ticket got rejected because the on screen texts are not in the correct case (upper/lower). Totally fair because nowhere in the spec are those texts defined. As a developer I am also responsible for what "makes sense" for the user.
I'm just gonna say this next time I ask for a raise. -
I have a more than average paying job. Cool manager who is okay with almost anything I do .The work place and colleagues are awesome but I'm not getting any work. My title says SE but all I do at work is play. Should I leave this place or stay and work on my side projects?7
-
Okay, we fucking get it guys, you wish that you'd get changelogs with every app update and they'd tell you everything and blah blah blah.
Fuck off
We're the only people who even check, it's not worth the effort. Unless a major feature was added or a well known bug was fixed, the "fixed bugs" is more than enough for the general public.3 -
PM: "Did you ever push changes for this one feature?" Me: "No. I haven't had time to even look at it. Everyone wants me to do stuff before my last day." PM: "okay so is it done yet or not?". If i haven't looked at it, if it's not pushed, HOW THE HELL WOULD IT BE DONE?!2
-
I hate how Google play always wants me to "complete my account" by adding a payment method
I don't want to okay Google? Do you understand? I guess not because you're asking me all the f***ing time!2 -
You can't keep doing this! You can't keep doing shitty things and then feel bad about yourself like that makes it okay! You need to be better!'
...
You are all the things that are wrong with you. It's not the alcohol or the drugs or any of the shitty things that happened to you in your career or when you were a kid, it's you! Alright? It's you. ...Fuck, man. What else is there to say?' -
Discord...
Okay, I have a lot to rant about discord, but today, exceptionally, to the point.
I have my dedicated server. It has uptime last 3 years better than 99,99% (was down 15ish minutes for maintainance and RAM upgrade and like 10 minutes down becouse hoster's generators failed to trigger when there was outage)
This year it was up 24/7/365.
Why am I saying it?
Well, my TS3 server is up 100% of time this year. Yet still everyone moves to discord and suffers brutal audio quality and audio lags, and outages like right now. Its not first time this year and recently discord was acting up before. Today they scored bigger downtime than my dedi server (thats not redundant, not distributed nor any fancy "uptime helpers") last 3 years.
Why the fuck people prefer discord to ts3 other that it allows to upload images more conviniently? Okay, it looks nicer, and is like 10 times heavier on machine, but other than that? Its beyond me.
E: fix typo
E2: fix typo28 -
In every company, there are those non-tech people who try to come up with creative ways to make us not do any work: useless meetings, stupid company activities, "initiatives" cause,
"Gohd! you have to take ann iniitiative".
Okay, I get it. You have a lot of free time on your hand and wanna seem busy. I, on the other hand, want to finish my tasks, get paid, and get on with my life.3 -
> Opens heroku
> Opens application
> *this pipeline does not have an owner*
> *internal screaming*
> refresh
> "Ah okay, heroku is retarded"
> *sigh of relief*2 -
I updated Linux on my private pc to new major and literally everything broke like it was 2006. I was surprised because i hadn't this for ages but not even mad - because i knew it would be fixable. It took me 1 hour, than everything was okay again. I wish the fixability in crisis in my relationship was as reliable. Maybe I should marry Linux instead.13
-
Some blocker like uBlock origin should come pre-installed by now. I mean at least the malicious stuff could get blocked and the online world could be a bit more safe. Legit, not-in-the-face ads are still okay at times, I guess :/6
-
loop {
So I want to write a simple program in language X. Create a new project. Language X does not have this feature. Okay, Let me write a library that does that for language X. Create a new project. What was I doing again?!
}1 -
Okay, it's getting a bit annoying to _hear_ my graphics hardware (NOT the fans. The circuits) working when I'm doing something on the screen.. Sometimes it feels like it's gonna snap and burst in flames or smth..13
-
So company x decides that they're depreciating their REST API v1 in favor of v2 which came out like 2 months ago. But I figure: "I'm okay because I use their official Python module". Well v1 went offline two days ago and they still have not updated their own library to work with v2.
-
So I was reading Julia lang's documentation and got mildly triggered due to this, but then they are not web designing project so I guess it's okay
4 -
Coded a project for months, only tested it in Firefox. Then I think about the other users, so I fix everything in Chrome. After this I sent it to a friend to try it out, says not working at all in Safari, Mac. Okay, another few nights without sleep then... 😩8
-
Okay so my friend got me kingdom come deliverance for my day of birth and ive been playing it nonstop (the game not my friend). This shit is so cool, its skyrim without all the annoying parts AND YOU CAN FUCKING DIE HERE FINALLY. I love medieval stuff.6
-
Update on this rant: https://devrant.com/rants/1322051/...
The server only boots into emergency mode now, and all data is lost.
Moral of the story: Its NOT okay to trash the home partition xD -
Factually incorrect is the same as spam right? Okay maybe not, but that's how I justify a down vote sometimes...2
-
>Be a dedicated server owner
>Fuck up and have an issue you do not know how to solve
>Ask us for help
Huh... Okay, fine
>Machine has apt repos from 4 different system releases
>Nope.elf
Some folk should never decide to admin a machine on their own :|4 -
How come Rust is the most loved programming language? I wanted to give rust a try in my windows machine and when I run `cargo run` or `cargo build` is shows: linker `link.exe` not found
Okay, how to fix it?
you need to download 8GB+ of bullshitty visual studio C++ build tools just to run a simple rust programs! WTF!
Previously when I installed rust, it didn't need all these bullcrap. why now?10 -
I value our most senior developer. His code is certainly clean and structured. He is the ultimate at KISS. However he's not a fan of testing and instead just says, well, did it compile? No matter how much I show him how great testing is, he comes back with how it's pretty unnecessary. Somehow, in the deep dark parts of the web, he finds articles that comply with his standing. I'm okay with him not making tests, I do it myself. But then when working extending or implementing his code, many of my parts are untestable because the parents are. Oye.6
-
Okay, honst question:
What the fuck is up with all that self deprecation?
I am not talking about the usual irony that comes with certain stereotypes about being a developer.
I am talking about people telling themselves that they are unable to socialize, find a girlfriend or generally justifying bad things just because they belong to a certain group.
It's not the 80s. Software devs and nerds in general are not all social outcasts anymore. I don't understand how some people can just "accept their fate as a dev" and act as if anything is keeping them away from social success.
What's your take on this issue?17 -
Okay but whys no one talking about w3js? Its not a complete overhaul of the entire frontend shit, it doesnt introduce fucked up concepts, it literally just abstracts away those 10 functions everyone creates a function for in the first 2 minutes either way, its actually useful.1
-
It's so fucking hard to explain my job to people who don't have slightly idea about it
Person : what you do?
Me : Web development
P : what's that?
M : you know websites on internet for users or clients for products/information bla bla bla
P : like amazon, facebook, xyz ?
M : Yeah you get it
P : so you develop facebook?
M : huhh.... No not that I'm not working for FB that's a different company we create websites according to clients.
(Inner me: why don't you fuck off already)
P : huh... Okay ( no fucks given )1 -
Okay, I really need some help here.
We're building quite a large application that will serve as the backbone for the whole company. We have to implement some sort of role system. We're debating whether or not to store roles in the DB or in code (some sort of config file). Personally I don't see any reason to do so. What's your thoughts?13 -
Day 1 - Monday:
Manager: How far did you go on this project?
Me: I have contacted the PM, and due to lack of data we are putting the project on hold since there is nothing we can work with, we expect to get the data next week. Peter is working on obtaining required data.
Manager: I see, okay.
Day 2 - Tuesday:
Manager: How for did you go on this project?
Believe it or not this happened again on Thursday... fml2 -
Backend : *breaks feature in prod by changing api*
Me: Feature is broken in prod. Please fix. I was told that the API will not deprecate the old use case.
Backend: ... Fixing it in the backend will take time. Add support for it in the frontend.
Me: I'm not done with the new feature just yet. And it will take some time to have it reviewed and fully tested. Please fix the API.
Backend: .... Well, make a new PR and add support for it first. The new feature can come later.
Me. (-_-) Okay
Sometimes it feels like I'm a code janitor rather than a frontend intern2 -
Dear developer guy who wrote this documentation node!
You're a developer yourself. Don't you know that inverse psychology is something you should avoid, because it will not work?
Thanks!
---
Okay for real, why shouldn't one parse Build.FINGERPRINT on Android? I was looking for a way to determine if the device is an emulator or not, and came across a solution using this, and read the documentation.
3 -
Doctor: "I have some news about your baby."
Parents: "Don't tell us the gender, we want to keep it a surprise."
Doctor: "Oh I get it, you're those type of people. Okay, well IT is not breathing."4 -
Imposter syndrome is such a bitch
It feels so good to finally be able to achieve something without constant self doubt (okay I lied, but atleast I am actually programming)
But fuck me it's hard to keep reminding myself that it's okay, it's fine if it's not perfect, just evaluate all the possible solutions and pick the best one, it's fine9 -
Ever tried explaining GitHub to someone? I swear it's like trying to teach a dog to ride a bike. You can try, but it's probably not going to end well.
Okay, rant over. Back to coding... and dealing with merge conflicts... and pull requests... and GitHub issues... sigh.4 -
Got a new Mac from work, wanted to do some magazine editing so downloaded Scribus.
I begin to panic because most of the top toolbar icons were not visible. I figured it was bugged.
Okay, calm, it's still vaguely usable with shortcuts and menu. But damn this sucks.
Oh,
They just haven't adapted the program to work with system wide dark theme.
That, that would be why.5 -
"We've got a new opportunity for you."
I'm a fucking rookie. I didn't know the meaning of this sentence. Suddenly, I become the "IP PBX expert" of the society.
"-Okay, it's some networking shit, I thing I'm good at networking shit. Piece of cake.
-Okay great, you have one month to learn how this thing works, because we WILL provide this kind of service."
Damn.
I spent one month learning this shit on my free time, printing RFCs and living in the fucking MATRIX to not fuck up on the very first day doing that, just in case something on the customers' network fucks with the PABX or something like that.
Oh yeah, I forgot: I'm paid 80% of the minimum wage because I am actually not qualified to do my job and I'm spending one week a month to learn how to IT (some french weirdness I think, if not, maybe it's the germans' fault. Also yes, 100% legal).
Today, they announced me that they "changed their mind".
I'm pissed.1 -
Colleague: The user said this [Total line] is not the average she expected.
Me: Okay? But she knows that averages are weighted?
Colleague: I'm gonna call her.
... 30 minutes fast forward
Colleague: Okay she wants an average, but she wants us to divide it by something else.
Me: Okay? But she knows an average is the sum of one thing divided by the sum of another thing and not just anything?
Colleague: Yeah, she said she wants it to be kinda this in relation to that.
Me: Okay, so rather some percentage value?
Colleague: To be honest, she just wanted to reproduce this old Excel formula.
God has left this planet ... and I admire my colleague for not completely freaking out in the face of the user.3 -
What the fuck is this piece of shit called Ubuntu? I was writing an automation tool on my local PC (ArchLinux) in c++ 17 (c++1z or whatever). Finished it today. Working and compiling so everything is fine. Went to my server, git clone, make.
Okay some errors because I havent installed my networking libs yet. So I installed them.
Make.
Error because I was using a c++ feature only available in c++ 17. But wtf. I told g++ I wanted to compile with c++ 17 support. I mean... On arch it compiled fine. On centOS it at least told me that it doesn't know c++1z (it was some really old centOS). BUT JUST TELLING ME ITS BECAUSE I SUCK AT PROGRAMMING?? THAT IS SO NOT OKAY. MY CODE IS LEGIT ISO C++ 17. FUCK UBUNTU. Installing Arch on my server now because I can't handle this shit anymore...16 -
For the first time in a very long time, I am out of a software engineering job. I have no idea why I am handling this so well. I literally have no idea if I will get another job or not but for this month, I am working on myself and learning more on FP which is really fun btw. Is this maturity?9
-
So, there was an Internship and Recruitment training seminar held in my college yesterday, by a firm that's very well known apparently. Some wonderful new things that we learned:
*There are 4 types of loops, not 2. (Okay, maybe on a technicality, but still not conventionally)
*You aren't asked to write code when interviewing for a programming job. (Well, what?)
*A rolling stone has no mass. (Probably the worst mutated proverb I've ever heard)
I'm not going to sign up for this program.20 -
So we were building this thing with a raspberry pi, a few sensors and a few motors but for some reason we could not interface a sensor with the pi (this is supposed to be trivial) so we interfaced it with an Arduino and had connected a pin on the Arduino to the Raspberry pi to alert the pi when the sensor reads something!
Not something we were proud of but we had time constraints and couldn't figure out how to make it work. Also, the thing we were building was just for a one time use so we thought it would be okay -
Tried bumble. It was lame. It would not let me make a profile without a photo. Supplied a rough drawing of myself. It felt betrayed so it nagged constantly about a photo even while I was trying to delete the damn app.
I do absolutely hate when apps feel entitled to my info. Like, it's okay to ask, but I also feel better about deleting your app than downloading it. Fair is fair I guess. But also... It's not fair that these lame apps get so much revenue either.
So what other apps should I try for finding friends locally?2 -
Honestly stack overflow can be helpful but what's not helpful is when some unresponsive asshole puts your question on hold because you left out part of the problem but doesn't respond to you after you edited the post and fixed the questions problem. Like fuck am I ever gonna get it answered or do I have to wait for this fuck wad to say it's okay. At least with asking on reddit I get responses. Fuck man I'm probably just gonna repost.3
-
Is it okay for me to fork my own repo to an alt account so I can have my multi-branch repo but not have to commit everything to the production repo right away?10
-
> be me
> watching FRIENDS
> lurking internet
> get a message from the manager, "we need to deliver WordPress + woocommerce + cost calculator theme to the client".
> "but I'm, not a WordPress developer"
> ??
> "okay, I'll just find a theme for it on ThemeForest"
> *sends theme as per description*
> *reverts back with HTML5 template* "see if we can use this"
> to be honest, that template was not even close as per requirement.
> *sends another themes back and forth*
> ???
tl;dr : she finalized the theme I intially sent after half of the day
shall i just kill my self slowly with fire? -
PM: have a look on this website and let me know if we can do this?
Me: Umm...the product is unfinished and it is built upon WordPress so it can be done...
PM:...
Me: Send credentials so that and requirements...
PM: 'Need to finish the website and fix errors'
Me : [that's really vague but okay] Okayyyyyyyy
Me: Send credentials
Me: Moral of the story is, do not approach me if you do not have complete details...please fuck off...
PM : we don't have it1 -
Are automatically configured antivirus tools simply shit or is it IT , who obviously does not know what their software does?
* AV blocks parts of my dev tools
* Ticket to IT
* Result: AV blocks all my dev tools
Okay ... thanks?3 -
Okay so I have a stressball, but the kind of fucked up stress I was in the last two days required more than just my stressball.. I Okay so I have a stressball, but the kind of fucked up stress I was in the last two days required more than just my stressball.. I really need a punching bag..
FUCK!!
EDIT:
I'm not only feeling stressed, but I also have A LOT of anger inside me.2 -
i started with Python 2 on Codecademy (way back before it became pay-to-play garbage) and it was... eh... it was okay. Not great, reading a book would've been more informative, but it was better than nothing.
I then made basic RNG wrappers and thought I was hot shit. For, like, 4 years.
Then I found out how to manipulate files, and took off from there. That was the moment I really took to it and i've never stopped since. -
I haven't. Yet.
I started taking programming seriously when I got to 9th grade. 3 years isn't enough time. Probably enough to be able to put out okay-ish code in a scripting language, but not good code.3 -
Performing code review for design quality.
So you return HTTP code 200 for 'ok'. So what do you return when things are not 'ok'?
Obviously something that's not 200. Like 300 (The message with the code was literally "not okay").1 -
Okay, so there's one guy in my class, which offends me for no reason (I don't give a f about that), and then few minutes later he comes to me and asks "can you make forum/launcher/website". So I say no, because I'm not gonna waste my time for free... So he offends me even more.
When I was telling "Sure, but that will cost you X PLN (Polish Nominals)" - he laughed.
This is really annoying.7 -
Tldr: boss needs his priorities sorted
So as I already wrote about this issue earlier (in a comment) now it's time to actually write the rant...
I'm working between the holidays, not much just doing planning with the boss. Mind you, startup company, so limited resources and all, that's why I'm on planning as well.
So he goes to the whiteboard and draws a line in the middle, writing headings to each side: Need (Panic) and Nice (ASAP). It's starting off well.
We add about 10-ish items to each side, which is kind of okay - then he starts highlighting with different colors within the Need list saying okay, red circles we need NOW, green circles... "Now but later".
How do I not laugh? And now he wants to do even more priorities within these sections and a Soon list just as last time...
This is getting really ridiculous.
Send help (and coffee)3 -
In the light of FB incident, here are my two cents.
I am using your product, you have all the information about me.
It's okay.
You sell it to third party.
Not okay.
They with your help harvest the information and manipulate everyone.
Neither you are God nor I am stupid.
Fuck off.
P.S. this post is for all those who are addicted to social network.4 -
So. I maintain few open source vuejs components for my company.
We use a lot of open source so when we can and is not conflicting with the work schedule we open source stuff that we do for ourselves, document them and publish them on npm.
All fine, actually all nice!
To be honest the components are not super used but today I got an issue on one of them: "I want this pleaaase implement"
I want? WTF? Am I nervous or this is not the correct approach? What open source santa Claus? I understand that some people may not take the burden of submitting a pr (after i wrote an entire doc section about how to develop the component more) but starting with: I want??
Not okay. NOT OKAY!2 -
!rant
!!rant?
Okay everyone...
So is "!rant" supposed to mean "NOT rant" like I think it is, or is it somehow the opposite of that like half the devRanters using the !rant tag think?
Let's settle this.4 -
I'd like to propose that we pivot the saying "there are no bad ideas" into " it's okay to have bad ideas".
Having worked with web frontends the last couple of years I can confirm with reasonable certainty that there are indeed several bad ideas, and "no bad ideas" is not a veto that will make me implement a 3d carousel calendar. -
Okay govs and schools should stop this robotic production by forcing children to learn coding since an early age of 10. It's ridiculous !
Not only are you not giving a shit about whether they are interested or not, you are saturating an already saturated industry. Moreover, you are encouraging young children to sit all day in front of a screen when they should be playing, doing and learning other things.
Let them discover the subject. Let them fall in love with programming and coding. Don't force it onto them...4 -
Not sure if I am Allowed to ask general questions here but here's the thing. I just began making Android apps. I have made a few basic of them and I use constraint layout via the layout editor in Android Studio. Is it okay? Do professionals do the same or do they actually type in the xml code?14
-
"You listen to me, you muscle-bound, handsome Adonis. Tech is reserved for people like me, okay? The freaks, the weirdos, the misfits, the geeks, the dweebs, the dorks! Not you!"
— Richard fucken Hendricks
#bestshowever1 -
Okay I'm not trying to start a comment war or anything, but Im struggling. I want to learn PHP but im already great with python and can just learn flask.. Is there any advantages to learn both because I probably will do that I just wanted to hear some opinions.7
-
Hashtag my_favorite_student.
Same person. No long story today.
–You know it's so frustrating when you can't find an assignment on your usb stick but you know it's there.
I took a look. It's not in any of three empty folders.
–But I know it's there, okay, I guess I'll just ask another tutor to find it tomorrow. -
Rant/Help me
3 months ago:
"Hey, the domain I want isn't taken and Vultr has some cheap hosting plan, only 2.5$ a month for VPS WOW, gotta get it!"
5 minutes later:
"Okay, I bought the domain, time to buy hosti- where is the plan?.. SOLD OUT? How?.. Okay, that's not a big deal, I'll wait a day, week or even a month if I have to, maybe the plan will be available then"
That was 3 months ago, the plan is still 'Sold Out' and me being a starving uni student, I won't invest my hard earned money into 5$ plan if I know 2.5$ plan exists!
(Help me, as in - suggest a cheapo but goodie hosting, if that's not agains rules heh).20 -
Is this okay, why or why not? (I see this used that's why I ask
public static Main instance = new Main();3 -
So macOS Sierra introduced the ability to sync sort-of important folders like 'Desktop' and 'Documents' between machines.
Nice idea until I forgot that the default of a lot of programs is to set up your project in the Documents folder, and that the project I was checking out from git had two 20G files. Okay, the machine I was working with at home had plenty of disk space.
Turns out my machine at work did not, and happily synced itself out of disk space, which has been causing all sorts of no-not-fun-at-all busy work this morning.1 -
Okay this is my first time posting on this site. I've browsed it (definitely not in class) and the community looks beautiful, so I'm going to just kind of slide in here. Anyways this is the part where I use my caps lock button and type lots of naughty words I guess...
<rant type = 'school'>
Our programming classes are fucking DISMAL uuugh... Okay so we have four technology classes: Tech Exploration, Coding 1, Coding 2, and Intro to CS (a 'high school' level class)... So this means a fuck ton of kids in programming classes, mostly because I WANNA MAKE MINCERAFT AND BE A KEWL BOI LIKE GAME DEV BUT I'M ALSO A FUCKING IDIOT AND WILL NOT LEARN ANYTHING YAAAAAAY but that's a mood and so there's a fucking tidal wave of dumb kids in these classes. So right we're dealing with like 80 kids per class period. Sorry if I'm repeating myself but there are a FUCKTON of students. Now, we have... wait for it... ONE FUCKING TEACHER. ONE. I fucking swear this district does not give a SINGLE SHIT about possibly THE SINGLE FUCKING MOST IMPORTANT SUBJECT WHYYYYYY... Okay so the teacher is kinda overworked as fuck lol. She can't really teach eighty kids at once so she mostly gives us exercises from websites but when she can she teaches us shit herself and actually knows a good bit about her field of study. She's usually pretty grumpy, understandably, but if you ask her a good question that makes her think you can see the passion there lol. So anyways that's a mood. Now at the other school it's even worse. They have this new asshole as a teacher that knows NOTHING about ANYTHING IT IS SO FUCKING REDICULOUS OH MY UUUUUGH... THEY STILL DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT A FUCKING LOOP IS LIKE OKAY YOU'VE BEEN TEACHING PROGRAMMING FOR A YEAR AND YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE TEACHING IT AT THAT DISTRICT SO MAYBE YOU SHOULD AT LEAST FUCKING TRY WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU... so he just makes them do shit from a website and obviously can't do half of the shit he assigns it's so fucking sad... I swear this district is supposed to be good but maybe not for the ONE THING I WANT IT TO BE GOOD FOR. Funny story: in elementary school once I wrote down school usernames for people I didn't really know and shared them a google doc that said "you have been hacked make a more secure password buddy" etc etc and made them the owner and these dull shits report it to the principal... So I'm in the principles office... Just a fucking dumb elementary school kid lol and the principal is like hAcKiNg Is BaD yOu ShOuLd NoT dO iT and I'm like how did you know it was me... so he goes on to say some bullshit about 'digital footprint' and 'tracing' me to it... he obviously has no clue what he's saying but anyways afterwards he points to where it says last change made by MY SCHOOL ACCOUNT... HOW DULL CAN YOU FUCKING POSSIBLY BE IT WAS FROM MY ACCOUNT THAT LITERALLY PROVED THAT I DID --NOT-- 'HACK' INTO THEIR ACCOUNT YOU DUMB FUCK. Okay so basically my school is a burning pile of garbage but it's better than most apparently but it's GARBAGE MY GOD... Please fucking tell me it gets better...
okay lol that was longer than I thought it would be guess I just needed to vent... later I guess
</rant>12 -
Okay, so this is more like a question, than an actual rant, but what site(s) do you freelancers use?
Lately i have some serious free time, and thought, why not try to make some side-money?2 -
Me: *What* is the process to do X in this environment? The link is not working. (Link available in only application 1)
Senior colleague: Through which application?
Me: *Mentions the full name of application 1*. Application 2 works as well.
SC: Yeah it can be done by application 2 as well.
Me: *waits*
*Okay, TELL ME FUCKING HOW!!! I asked for the process, not about its possibility.* -
*me to myself* okay this time I'm not solving that problem with recursion. The assignment is hard enough already.
*A ton of sweat, blood and hours later* Whoops. -
Well I got a degree as a chemist 🙄. Not something I would do for 40 years but for a while it's okay2
-
Not seeing my students while I teach and coach them. I've lost quite a couple of them due me not being able to literally sit next to them and talk with them. Online lessons are okay bit it's the physically being there that makes me get those students back on track. Now I can not reach them. Ugh.3
-
Okay for some reason I can make an almost accurate avatar version of me but I can't change my eye color because it's not even a feature?3
-
Focus? Everything.. Downside? Not enough time to get good at everything. It depresses me. I see a language and framework and I Wana learn it and use it but I don't have the time cause I'm too busy coding on another platform. This makes me sad. I wish it were the matrix and I could download all languages syntax and apis into my brain so I could spend less time learning and more time making something significant. Okay okay, my focus is Java/Android with a dash of web
-
Other dev in my department thought it was okay to comment out the latest version of jquery lib that was used in the project and replace it with about 2 year old version to make his feature work. He did not informed anybody about this and today when build was tested, blame was on me because the feature i implemented does not work. I found issue was because of old jquery lib he put.
Funny thing is, his feature does not work with latest jquery version.
I guess it's gotta be either me or him. -
What it's like to be a network
engineer...translated into normal people speak
User: I think we are having a major road issue,
Me: What? No, I just checked, the roads are
fine. I was actually just on the roads.
User: No, I'm pretty sure the roads are down
because I'm not getting pizzas.
Me: Everything else on the roads is fine. What
do you mean you aren't getting pizzas?
User: I used to get pizzas when I ordered
them, now I'm not getting them. It has to be a
road issue.
Me: As I said, the roads are fine. Where are
you getting pizzas from?
User: I'm not really sure. Can you check all
places that deliver pizzas?
Me: No I don't even know all the places that
deliver pizza. You need to narrow it down.
User: I think it is Subway.
Me: Okay, I'll check...No, I just looked and
Subway doesn't deliver pizzas.
User: I'm pretty sure it is Subway. Can you just
allow all food from Subway and we can see if
pizza shows up?
Me: Sigh, fine I've allowed all food from
Subway, but I don't think that is the issue.
Usher: Yeah I'm still not getting pizza. Can you
check the roads?
Me: It's not the roads, the roads are fine. I'm
pretty sure Subway isn't the place.
User: Okay, I found it. It's Papa Johns.
Me: Okay, I looked and Papa Johns does
deliver pizza. Is it the local Papa Johns or one
in a different town?
User: I don't know. Can you allow pizza from
all Papa Johns to me?
Me: No I can't do that. Can you get me an
address for Papa Johns?
User: No, I only know it as Papa Johns. Can
you get me all the addresses of all Papa Johns
and I'll tell you if one of them is correct?
Me: No, I don't have time for that. Okay, I
looked at the local one and it looks like they
have sent you pizza in the past and they are
currently allowed to send you pizzas. Try
ordering a pizza while I watch.
Usher: Yeah still no pizza. I'm guessing they
are getting blocked at the freeway. Can you
check the freeway to make sure they can get
through?
Me: No, this is a local delivery. They aren't
even using the freeway.
User: Okay, well then it has to be a road issue,
Me: No, the roads are fine. Okay, I just drove
from the Papa Johns to the address they have
on file for you and there is nothing there.
User: Hmm, wait we did move recently.
Me: Did you give your new address to Papa,
Johns?
User: No, I just thought they would be able to
look me up by name.
Me: No they need your new address. What's
your new address?
User: I'm not really sure. Can you look it up?
Me: Sigh, give me a second...Okay, I found
your address and gave it to Papa Johns. Try
ordering a pizza now.
User: HEY! PIZZA JUST SHOWED UP!
Me: Okay, good.
User: (To everyone else they know) I apologize
for the delay in the pizza but there was a major
road issue that was preventing the pizza from
getting to me. The network engineer has fixed
the roads and we are able to get pizza again.
Me: But it wasn't the roads...whatever.
User: Oh, can you also check on an issue
where Chinese food isn't getting to me? think
it may be a road issue5 -
So, our lab professor in university for data structures was evaluating my friend's group assignment next to me and my colleague.
Professor: So, what does this method do?
Friend: I feel it would be best to explain our structure first and then how our methods work.
P: No, no. It's okay, I'm seeing it here in my laptop. *Looking at their report which included nothing about the structure of the assignment since she asked specifically only to place the methods and their complexity analysis due to not having time to look and evaluate a full report for each group*
F: Okay, *proceeds to explain*.
P: Okay, and why is your code commented?
F: Because it's good practice and we learned in subject x last semester.
P: Impossible! I teach that subject and I did not teach that in my classes.
F: Okay, but our professor did.
P: *Says nothing*.
They got a 3.25/5 as a grade for it and got really pissed off. I mean, they spent a lot of time making the assignment's structure perfect, optimizing their code and the professor did not care for the structure, just the methods, on the data structures subject.
FYI, they are workaholic, dedicate a lot of time improving their skills and their normal grades are usually >= 4.25.2 -
!dev
There are no right answers in parenting, but there are sure as hell wrong ones and if the fucking backfire effect is too much to keep you from realizing that half of your stupid fucking decisions are delusional at best then you should probably start rethinking some things. I fucking hate dealing with other people fucking up and being stupid and I know I'm going to have to keep dealing with it in one form or another but god why I'm so done with this I just fucking don't want to deal with anyone anymore I don't want to deal with myself anymore
I dunno I don't have anyone to rant to so I can't like be specific here because it's public af but you know typing this makes me feel a little better but I still just don't want to deal with this shit anymore I don't even know what I do want to do there's like nothing the positive feedback is going away and I don't know what to fucking do with myself and I don't know how to change anything I can't fucking fix anything I mean I can fix my shitty code but I'm never getting anywhere with that and whenever I want to fix anything that's actually important I just fuck up regardless of how hard I try I just don't want to fucking try anymore I don't know if I'll actually hit post but I have to put this somewhere so probably but ugh I don't even fucking ugh literally all of my problems are so fucking dumb and small and elementary but I CAN'T FUCKING DO ANYTHING I keep ranting about these fucked up people I have to deal with and yeah they fucking suck and sometimes I wish they didn't exist but I know I'm just as if not more of an idiot and everyone would probably be better off if I didn't exist but wait no that would have happened but you guys don't get to know about that because it's specific and putting that here would fuck shit up but someone else could so that so much better and I don't know everyone who interacts with me is just hurting themselves like fuck why do some friends like blades better than me maybe because I'm even less caring and even more damaging than a stupid fucking inanimate sharp piece of metal god fucking ugh okay I can't focus on anything why is this even okay side rant why are atheists so fucking hated like yes maybe some can't understand their motives for like doing things but nobody can really understand each other's like religious people all use god or gods in their own way why do you have to think of people who have zero gods as opposed to your nonzero as less human than you there's so much wrong with that okay that side rant is over but this whole thing is a side rant so cool fuck my life lol uuh I don't know I don't want to stop typing I don't know why though I guess I just actually I have no fucking idea I'm just here doing this I should be like fucking asleep I'm passing the fuck out after this ugh okay okay okay okay okay okay okay umm I really want to quote a certain person that I really hate right now and dissect them and prove every single fucking stupid argument they make wrong but I feel like that would not be good since this is so public but I swear I hate this and you know what if you're thinking that yes I AM A FUCKING WHINY BITCH DEAL WITH IT I'M WHINING YOU DENSE FUCKER YOU DON'T HAVE TO POINT IT OUT AND FEEL SMUG IT'S BETTER TO VENT HERE THAN A LOT OF OTHER WAYS SO JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP OKAY ACTUALLY FUCK IT CALL ME OUT ON IT I NEED SOMETHING TO TAKE THIS OUT ON GOD AAAAAAH okay uuh yeah that's fun I'm a fuck up okay okay so you ask "how can you be a fuck up you're so young her der" okay being young generally is a disadvantage because you haven't had opportunity but boy have I and I sure fucked every single one of those up so yeah fun stuff you know woo haha mmkay I wish I had friends online this late because then I could like rant to a person and shit I mean this community is people but not people I know and it's not really back and forth as much and ugh okay right uuh yeah good um ugh I used to be able to get this shit out by doing something I'm good at but now I'm shit at everything and I can't motivate myself and it's all just bottled up and there's so much shit and nothing works and fuck there's probably a simple solution to everything I'm facing but I'm such a dense piece of shit that I can't find any of those stupid fucking ugh okay now I'm looking at my stupid hands typing ugh I hate the things right back up here uuh uuh I have 500 charas left lets fucking go I don't want to stop I mean I do want to stop but like by that I mean I just want to not exist I do want to keep typing here because it's the only thing distracting me but yeah uuh right um some people were like wtf happened with your stalking thing and this isn't where I should put it but fuck it whatever some weird guy just logged on for 10 mins to take a screenshot of the time being 2:22:22 and logged off and boom the school year ended uuh yeah kay right fuck I have to end it now
Aaaah okay uuh right bye I'm really sorry if you actually read that whole thing4 -
Okay guys now real deal.
I am planning to move to Portugal or something like that.
I think I’m gonna need full time remote work, seems like that one is not happening with me now(part time)
Soo I do react, and all kinds of node selenium, bash stuff . But want to improve on redux and go to react native also.
Long story short shoot the work on me :)11 -
I wish senior people would just admit if they don't know something or are unsure. I hate spending time implementing a feature and spending more time troubleshooting it only to ask for help and be questioned why I'm "doing it like that" in the first place...
YOU TOLD ME THIS IS HOW IT IS DONE!!!1 -
2 seconds after I checked in some work on a web page, co-worker runs to me, freaking out because "This is not how I wanted it to look!" and waving a printed mock-up in my face.
I inherited a shitty, bloated, broken, 10-year-old site with dumbass CSS, but I did my best to work with it. I'm not surprised it's broken, so calm the fuck down and let's talk about what you're seeing and I'll happily fix it. It will be okay! -
Colleague comes into the office and asks for help, I say of course, we can do it together.
The very moment when I got to see his keyboard I have regretted it. C'mon people clean your damn keyboards it is not okay even if "only" you use it. I was using 90% alcohol to sterilise my hands afterwards and I still don't feel 100% clean2 -
Got reminded of this a bit ago.
When I was in high school years ago, there was some bug with youtube not working on chrome. The source of that bug was identified by a guy a grade above me, who not only reported that, but also how to fix it.
Naturally, google was like "holy shit, we gotta get this guy" and offered him a full ride scholarship and a guaranteed job when he got out.
He now works at a comic shop with no plans of using that scholarship.7 -
Interview Question:
Are there other options to make this go any shorter?
if (john == doe == max == paul == stella == false)
return "Not Okay";
return "Okay";
I did...
return (!john && !doe && !max && !paul && !stella) ? "Not Okay" : "Okay";
That was the shortest i could come up with... Maybe there is something shorter, dunno.6 -
Okay I always found these js weirdnesses that you see in memes more or less logical if you think about it, but so far I could not find any logic behind this:
true&&undefined
>undefined
false&&undefined
>false
can anyone explain wtf they thought about there? undefined is falsy so why not just convert it to boolean implicitly!4 -
Out of any service industry web dev is the only one that shorts it own market and full of lies making it impossible for any real person trying to make and honest living and everyone seems to be okay with it - no other trade does this 25 years experience haven't found a job yet in a year something's not right too many people are lying making people untrustworthy I know I'm not the only one that feels like this8
-
So today my teacher told me to do that project for some competition or something(frankly, I don't remember clearly what this is for). He gave us the machines we need, the CDs with the systems we have to work with. We are supposed to make a properly working Beowulf cluster from the things I've been given.
Well, no.
Fucking no.
I am really okay with making this the way my teacher wants us to do. I am okay with installing an ubuntu 16.04 server that is completly irrevelant to the project, because it's not part of the cluster. I am really okay with using some weird linux distribution on the master nobody has ever heard of. But I'm not okay when the software we've been given(including operating system) has seven pages of documentation, escpecially when fucking screenshoots of how PXE booting should look like are roughly 70% of it. No, I couldn't find a thing on the internet about it. I couldn't read the fucking manual. There was no fucking manual. There was no fucking --help. There was no motherfucking english language. Everything was motherfucking spanish, including that 7 pages long document that was supposed to guide us through our work. It was planned to be done until march. The only reason I can think of about why doing the stuff the document tells us to do would take four motherfucking months is that we'd have to learn spanish to do this. And I'm not going to do that. Not because I don't like spanish or learning. Simply because I didn't sign up for this to learn languages.
And no. I can't switch to other, human purposed software. I am only allowed to use the things the teacher has given us. Because somebody has worked on it already couple of years ago and they had left a pdf file about how to install that ubuntu server I've been writing about a while ago. Which, by the way, was the "installation guide for animals". Showing how to install a system, screenshoot after screenshot.
It took about an hour to figure out the thing supposed to handle pxe booting computers all the time was telling us that it can't work because we had to configure ethernet interface manually. Because why the fuck not.
-
Okay I'm probably going to get flak for this but...
WhatsApp chats are apparently e2e secure. Except when you back them up, right? Why not, when you create a backup (iCloud, google drive, whatever), have the app generate a password protected key pair and use that to encrypt/decrypt the backup?
When restoring the backup, use the password you set for the key et voila! While at rest, that backup is still encrypted.
Or have I missed something completely?2 -
[serious post]
I am student in computer science in 2nd year, and I want to increase my skills. This is why I am searching a team which is on a (or many) free software project. I assume that I will not help "a lot" on the project because of m'y low skills. So, if someone is ready to learn me something, I am okay.
I have bascis on C and C++, JS, and mid-level on JAVA and PHP5 -
okay so i want some suggestions from you people, basically i am undergraduate, highly interested in web development as well as software development, i have created some web apps(i use MEAN stack). i want to become an open source contributor and i am not sure how to do that. I have tried going to different github repos but it was of no help. So any suggestions on what to do and how to do is welcome5
-
Okay, I know that osTicket, code-wise, is a fucking joke but know what? We upgraded our server to PHP7, osTicket stopped working. Okay, I need the newest version that it works, I downloaded it. It failed at database migration cause it's not PHP5 but I need it cause it should support PHP7...Wtf??!
-
How is it okay for elders to swear but not for kids? Kids are gonna learn to swear someday anyways 🙄10
-
Where are those times when nothing worked?!
Now everything works right after tremendous hustle.
okay I'm pissed off because of 3 coffee places sucked either with itnernet, or no customer service . or just closed.
then my freaken headphones.
the last one is just shippable decided that my browser is not defined.
lessons ! -
@dfox @trogus
Kinda’ NOT(x+x) = rant, but still would like to have some way of direct message system in the app, i guess it will be added in the near future but im getting more frustrated by the hour when not being able to communicate directly with a user without a mention publicly and offtopic’ing the main rant’s subject.
Another thing would be cool to have the app in landscape mode without losing its ui/ux integrity. Think “iphone 6” ergonomics when at restful position.
Just realized how monstrous this app could get and be if the team grew and started implementing shit ton of APIs to connect and centralize every coding dev scheme.
And not sure if its okay or not but, I just mentioned myself! XD iMessages dejavu?
3 -
I don't know why it happen. Windows update then Windows create a TEMP Users Folders, put all the documents/download/etc location (path) into one of those temps users folder that was just created. Hopefully my clients didn't lose their files, since the Good users folder was still there.
Okay now Microsoft, listen, it's okay to update your OS. It certainly need it. BUT HOW THE FUCK WOULD YOU CREATE A NEW USERS AND CHANGE THE PATH OF PERSONAL FILES! Thumb up! At least those file were not erased... -
What kind of effed up world sells scale that comes with an app that requires you not only to register for an account but also give it LOCATION INFORMATION and people are OKAY with it?
Tech doesn't need "innovation". It needs a revolution3 -
So a coworker is having a conversation about travel:
Ted: I need a microwave in my room so I can cook food.
Coordinator: Okay, we can try and arrange that.
They finish talking about a couple of things. Coordinator is walking out of room.
Me (loudly): Cat's not gonna cook itself!
Ted: <nervous laughing>1 -
Coworker: let's use Result monads in the project so that we're forced to deal with exceptions
Me: okay, sounds great!
Me: *implements Result monads *everywhere**
Coworer: how about we don't use results anymore in half the project? It makes the code look ugly. Let's just use exceptions.
Me: ...
Really? Why in your mind is it okay to only force us to handle a few exceptions and others we can just say fuck it and let them wander around?
Oh you want to use try-catch for these other exceptions.
So now we're back at square one, which is trying to remember/figure out which exceptions any method can throw (since the compiler doesn't do shit, not even warnings), but now we also have inconsistent and much less readable code. Isn't it great?
(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻
I also can't do much about it, because I'm just a fucking intern and I do not want to cause trouble, so I just try to say that I disagree with it in the most polite of ways and that's that.4 -
Task on freelancer : There are (too) many adblocker detection plugins. I want you to select one, test it at your local development environment (we will not provide) that it does the following:
- reliably discovers an AdBlocker
- does not interfere with regular ad serving (AdSense) if no AdBlocker is installed at user's browser
****- shows alternate banners (coming from our servers, so they look like regular pictures instead) even when AdBlocker is active *******
OKAY Now reality was that pre thought, pondered by PM ?
anyway adblocks seems doing Acceptable ads* which might be payed for ;)1 -
"Okay I'll try Centos 7 on my personal server (kinda old hardware).. Wired network does not work with my eth card? Centos 6 it is then.. " what is your favourite Linux server os?2
-
This conversation happened yesterday between me and a client:
"I need drivers for my Hackintosh build, macOS doesn't find and install the graphics card and the NIC"
I laughed at first, then i asked him his configuration..
"I have a 6700K and an MSI M3 H170"
Okay, things are getting worse here...
"So do you know the difference between H170 and Z170?"
"Yes, I have bought an H170 one because i do not overclock"
"Then, tell me why the f*ck you have bought a K processor if you do not f*cking overclock..."
"Because is more powerful"
F*ck no, he didn't said that... -
me as I come to new software service:
oo nice site, oo nice comments _ descriptions
.
. . .
bla ... bla .
#github link
okay now I am reading what can we use from this!
now is the dealio of real info, not amusement park -
Spent half a day working on some code to add some functionality. Ran into some binary assumptions and found workarounds. Got everything implemented and close to start testing things. Not a lot of code, but a lot of places that needed careful attention to detail. Started looking at the final code needed for initializing things. Found that all the code I wrote would not be needed if I just initialize some things differently. Realized I don't need all this code. The code is literally redundant.
git checkout <changed files>
Okay, now I understand the code better. I am ahead because I am not maintaining code I don't need. Half a day of reading the code helps me understand everything that is there.
Life is good. 😀 -
PM: hi, how are you?
Me: Okay, Not okay
PM: same here --- Okay and not okay.
PM: Also, I see three items are still pending with you. can you give it closure today?
Me: Okay, I will look it now and try to close it.
-
I'm not a regular poster here, or on most social media platforms generally. But I get notifications for the app every evening that shows a count for posts since i last visited, and it's been in the low hundreds lately.
Is everything okay? I'd have thought the pandemic would've seen people post more, but to see the exact opposite...3 -
Okay so what’s the difference between Blazor and Razor Pages??
I’ve heard Blazor is an alternative to Single page apps made with angular and that it’s not server side, and I personally don’t like that I’d rather have it run on the server side.4 -
Okay my Instagram feed is filled with Devin AI engineer! It's not that I'm threatened that it will take my job, but srsly? Is this a threat?5
-
Anyone else who can't comment on github?
Also was I had to try my pushes severally over the weekend(Not the fun kind).
Is github okay? -
anyone else having a project and getting behind schedule and working overtime and still not getting it done?
no? it's okay, i know it's only me so dumb :(6 -
Okay okay.
Zero Touch Provisioning and cisco devices is a joke.
You buy serveral devices for thousands of dollars and want to provision on startup.
And this shitty thing just tells me I that it is not possible to start ZTP on its management port. Oh my god.
And you cant even provide a plain config file. No it muste be a python script that will be executed on the router.
This is hilarious2 -
Okay so I need some help. I need a new laptop which will hopefully last at least through my 4 years of school but I'm not sure which one to get. Currently I'm between the Acer swift 3 and the Dell xps 13. I was wondering if anybody could offer some insight on their experiences with either. All I'd really be using it for would be day to day stuff and programming nothing too crazy5
-
Was that a good idea to use unicode symbols in a terminal UI application?
I thought that it'd be okay since TUI library is using unicode for drawing borders. But I'm not sure.
What do you guys say?8 -
Scenario: Enabling yet another python test suite on vscode. No big deal.
I start the test init and discovery. Says it cant find the test files. Okay; usually the issue is there's no __init__.py in the test directory. It's okay we can fix that.
Oh wait it's still not working. Okay well this isnt good... After about an hour of searching, i finally find out that the file that vscode is discovering tests with doesnt exist... In fact the whole testing directory doesnt exist!
Okay so now what do i do... Reinstall? Doesnt work. Reinstall and delete the extension directory? Yes! Victory!
Dont know how i got a half-baked extension download but hey... Could've beem worse. -
Why Laravel is sooo annoying. I recently join a web dev company and they are working in Laravel. Okay so in first I was like okay...it's fine.. even though I was interested in react but in the end I thought... It's all about your logic.. language can be changed. So I am being told to run this api- boilerplate...it's been 2 days and the error is not going. Sometimes it requires different version of php, different version of this and that ..when it finally runs view is not found. I tried using different xampp..still giving error of changes in php.ini which I already did... I Soo exhausted of this language rn ..3
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Okay question, I know it doesn’t matter for personal use but I’m not sure what the general consensus is in a team setting.
If I’m using a css framework in a project, and I customize it to match my style guide, does that require documentation usually?
Mainly speaking on changing the colors here for the most part I’m not going Rambo on the original files.
I’m asking in case I catch some freelance gigs; I don’t want to be clueless if there’s a few others on the project as I’ve only done solo work.2 -
!rant
*reworks complete solution then publishes it to Azure*
"Okay, now let's debug"
*calls function, no response*
*directly opens function in browser*
Function host is not running.
Fuck.
*opens Insights*
System.BadImageFormatException
(additionally, it states that it couldnt load my main project or one of it's dependencies)
Shit, never even heard of that exception.
DDG: yo you're fucked, here, have 3 proper results
SO: lul thats some known bug Azure Functions havent fixed till now
Github: Yeah got a lot of open issues ok that, they just aint any help lmao
Me, a naive person: "okay lets try randomly changing some dependency versions, might help"
It didn't.
Now my question: how do I escape Dependency Hell?1 -
Okay, not a rant, but hope it stays anyways. I am currently on a study trip in Silicon Valley until april 11th. I am wondering what it is like to be a dev here. So if there are any devs from the Bay Area who would like to meet for a talk please contact me
-
Last week i met my teacher for my final project. He said i must compare 2 method that written in journal with the program that i make. I said okay i will do that.
Today i showed him the oop and mvc journal he said both of then is not a method. Method should have a calculating formula you must compare a method that you can calculate and make a new formula with both of the journal.
Can someone tell me if that is wrong or not? Im confused. Is oop and mvc does have calculate formula? As far as i know oop and mvc only have relationship between the object.1 -
okay so on my first day
day with all the login creds to the system I'm supposed to work on decides not to show up -
Applied for a software development position that requires absolutely no audio specific experience (stated in the listing) and then did not get the job because I didn’t have audio specific experience. Well okay then. That makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. Typical really.
-
Okay, so basically.
I would like to learn programming and I'm not yet sure of what I should do.
You know hacking or become a web Dev or something to do with AI. I'm very interested in anything programming and I don't like what they teach me in college and I need a few suggestions of what are the languages that I need to learn to get really going.11 -
Does anyone know if there's a list or something with examples of bad variable names? As in ones that shouldn't be used because they're already used namespaces and such?
It would be awfully convenient in situations where you're not sure if it's an okay name or not. :/ -
okay so I gave a DSA test for a first round at a very reputable unicorn of this country.
I got the answer, tests etc. upon submitting, it gave me 400 bad request error.
Now I panic and try to reach out to the recruiter that was in my contact.
I get an email from postmaster that account is disabled. The recruiter is not accepting connection request on linked in…1 -
Just installed Semantic UI for the first time.
> Installed all components
> ls components
> shit that's a lot of components!
I'll now need to re-install it. I'm not -rf 'ing that shit.
Okay yeah I could just -rf it, but I'd break it.2 -
I hate the fact that it's not possible to find a keyboard with an ANSI left shift button and an ISO enter button. Well okay it kinda is, the JIS layout, but fuuuuuuck having a small backspace button as well.3
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The worst project i work on is my actual project, this is not a dev project but a "Run the Bank" project !
check 3 times a day that servers are okay, logs are okay, unduserssolvedunderstand and give the "how to fix" to the dev team #pan1 -
Okay so I’ve decided to learn React with TypeScript. I’m a backend dev and doing .net core. I know with React people use JSX. But it looks like typescript is becoming the norm. Also hear redux is outdated and the hot new thing is hooks. Lol. Don’t know man. Is this a good place to start? I’m gonna learn a little but of typescript, the. Jump to React. Not gonna do JSX.1
-
Okay... Complexity Theory.
Polynomial time
Nondeterministic Polynomial time
If not now, when you first learned of P and NP, it's time for you to share what you thought P and NP were acronyms for.2 -
When work says here you know java fix this Javanese application, you have to use this editor with these tools we will give you java 7 your tools need java 8 but that's okay we will install that later not give you admin on your box and not set your path to use the java 8 Jew included with the JDk and wouldn't give the standard Jre because I don't have a business case even though I just need java 8 to jun the tools. Oh well I guess I get paid for trying to figure out how to get it to run without permissions and with a virtualized development application1
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Helped SO's parents with web dev I'm a bid to get to know them better. Figure the rest. Don't help family. Atleast not for free. Rather, just don't, unless you're okay with multiple change requests.
-
If you are not happy with your job how do you decide to quit?
Do you think it's okay to go to interviews while you're working and when you get accepted let your employer know that you will quit once you're done with your current project.7 -
I just love when all my code is perfect and clean... then I compile it to see my changes... and everything is fucking broken.. so I think "okay, let me see if I missed something or forgot a space or something stupid."... nope not that *recompiles* nothing is showing up.
"That's cool too, who needs a working website anyways." -
Okay, I'm glad we're working with cutting edge technology, I love that, but module federation with micro front-ends has currently so many issues across the board that I feel we're working against it, not with it. It leaves us incapable to use vite or proper SSR.
Also, isn't it funny that we are basically reinventing iframes? -
freaking once you work with office,pages, google drive.
freakin disgusted you are
freaking video holographic documentation for the foking win
okay also not even that but. yes I am disgusted how nicely it doesn't work. it !works like a charm6
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