Client: Can I speak to the developer responsible for my website?
Developer: Speaking...
Client: You have a deep voice for a 5 year old.

Watched so many tutorials recently, my inner English voice started having an Indian accent!

Don't you just love it when people make a whole freaking scene about you not studying when you fucking are and then make a scene about your obviously angered tone of voice when answering that you are?

Great times with family. /s

I still believe more people would use the voice assistant if they replaced "Okay Google" with "Operator".

Small agency, wants to try out some voice tech. Bought a Google AIY to get started, found some limits, worked round them.

Junior developer thought it would be fun to 'teach' it to swear.

Played around with some nice dialogflow intents, etc and got it all working.

Looking pretty good, loaded it with some quippy answers and case studies to show off our services.

Just got in to find out the boss has taken it to a presentation to a client about some of the new stuff we're doing... Now we are all sitting here waiting to see how many of us have a job tomorrow :-/

So, sometimes, when I'm developing across the stack, I'll write the backend part first. When I'm done, I put on my best TV voice and say "meanwhile, in the frontend" before I do that part.

I'm weird.

It's hard to use Google Voice when you're a bilingual.

Me *driving in car*: Ok Google, open Spotify..

Google *beep*: Không chắc chắn làm thế nào để Open Spotify (Not sure how to to "Open Spotify" - in Vietnamese)

Me: Ok Google, mở Spotify (same command in Vietnamese)

Google *beep*: Not sure how to "mở Spotify"...

Me *frustrated*: Ok Google, f*ck you!

Google *beep*: Không chắc chắn làm thể nào để "fuck you" (Not sure how to "fuck you" - in Vietnamese)

f*cking Google Voice :|

Our teacher wanted to show us a video in class so she opened Internet explorer (windows 7) used bing to search for the video and clicked on the link.

The video didn't work and instead there was an error message saying 'Your browser is too old, please use a more modern browser, for example mozilla firefox'

She looked at the error message for around 30 seconds like it had just told her that it is gonna explode in a minute. After some time one of my friends asked if she needed help. Here is what happened:

F: do you need any help?

T: No (very serious voice)

Teacher shuts down computer, stands up, looks at our class angrily and says in a very serious voice:

T: you broke the computer although you aren't allowed to touch it!

Me: mother of god...

For April Fools at a school I worked for, I printed off one of those "Your printer has been upgraded to be voice activated" signs and put it on their fairly new printer, went into the room opposite and waited. I heard far far too many teachers saying "Copy!" repeatedly, getting more and more agitated before 'manually' copying their document. I had to come clean before I left at lunch time because one of the teachers got quite angry at the prospect of a voice activated photocopier and refused to use it that way. The following year April Fools was on a school holiday so I couldn't pull it in the school I was in that day but i fully expect it to work somewhere else.

Life Coach: "I want a website where I can charge $5,000 for 6 weeks of coaching for [weird life problem very few people have or think about].

Me: "That'll be $5,000."

Life Coach: "That's too expensive for a website."

Me (inner voice): "tHaT's ToO eXpEnSiVe FoR a WeBsItE."

Me (real voice): "Consider it not as a cost but as an investment necessary to obtaining your first customer. Once the first customer is realized, you've paid for the website and the future customers will make you profitable.

*in a Yu-Gi-Oh voice* you have activated my trap card

That moment when a friend was talking to you about an artificial intelligence he is building that is supposed to be a voice assistence and "even better" than Cortana. After a long time I asked him for the code like I wanted to check out the revolutionary techniques of machine learning he was talking about. So here is a short part of the 600 lines long "voice logic".
I almost started crying 😂😂

CEO and board members are in town for a meeting and getting shown around. They get to our area chatting loudly and CEO go "shhhh... Be quiet"

(Looney tunes voice)
Me: "we're hunting wabbits!"

Sometimes I stare at the screen with my void eyes, questioning my abilities and say with a shivery voice "WTF" and refresh the website.

Then it works again.

That moment that you have a job interview the next day and your voice just disappeared due to a cold.

This is going to be great 😅

While installing Windows 10:

Do you want to enable Cortana?

By enabling Cortana, you agree to share your voice input, typing history, search history, your location...

I think they should just minify this to: you agree to share your life with us.

This guy's face and voice annoys me so much. smh
"YOU KNOW, SHOULD JOIN THIS UDEMY COURSE"

I'm starting to think customers know when I'm busy and take that moment to break their products.

I JUST WANT TO LET MY LEG SOAK IN EPSOM WATER... your users are going to bed soon, it's a freaking Saturday, and you need to go get laid because you have too much time on your hands. I'm in pain and cannot help you restore service if you don't stay on the line. So please... don't. Fucking. Call me. Unless you're going to stay on the line to test. You're pushing my limits, and if my voice gets any quieter, it means I'm about to find your porn accounts and register you as an amateur, uploading cows fucking to get you banned from all the services. Congratulations sir, you've pissed me off so bad, I'm using my "I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed" voice I learned from my mother. I hope you're happy. I'm so mad I'm not even swearing anymore. I always swear.

Edit: if my voice ever sounds sweet and demure over the phone, someone is about to get fucked with a red hot fireplace poker. This fucker getting close.

If I were in charge of the company's upcoming-required-password-change notification system, during the month of October users wouldn't get an email.

Instead, the phone would ring.

When they answer, at first there'd just be hissing and crackling.

Then after a few seconds, a kid's voice would whisper,

"Three daysss..."

I'm a network engineer. Mom questions my skills when I tell her to just reset the router, but when customer service tells her to, she acts like she's listening to the voice of god.

That feeling you get when you run

$ php tvVolUp.php

And the god damn tv’s volume goes up a level 😆

Now to clean the shit out of the chaotic mess I just made and make it work from a Rpi which I’ll then add to my voice activated list for my google home.

Coz you know voice activated TV remote in PHP 😍

Setup a pi to be functioning as vpn server and pihole tonight.

Now working on a Jasper voice assistant on another pi, because I can choose for offline speech processing and don't have to use a mass surveillance network for this (google).

Today is a good day.

!dev

Train operator: "Dear Valued Passanger: GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE DOOR OR LEAVE MY TRAIN."

At least it was what he'd like to say, based on his voice :/

The mysterious all 0s number called yet again.

I had my headphones on so I answered during class, but didn't talk.

It was a "debt collector" and she used my mother's maiden name saying that we should pay or something like that.

The woman was human, but used a computer generated voice to say my mother's maiden name.

So... I guess it's a scam caller.

after doing all the paperwork and packing his shit, he shaked hands with his now ex-boss, and with a smile, and after their hands are no longer touching, he told him with a really calm voice to go fuck himself.

Yesterday I installed windows on the laptop of my parents. I thought no biggie I'm just going to do something else while it installs. AND THEN IT STARTS TALKING. WTF!!!

Also it said I can turn the voice of BUT THE FUCKING BUTTON DIDN'T WORK.

I hate windows.

Me: "Hey siri, set a timer for 6 minutes"

Siri (OSX): "I can't set timers here. Would you like a reminder instead?"

-_-

Soooo, i'm assigned to finish a half made prototype of a production line functional test platform.

1 - Some wires were faulty so someone decided to change them.

2 - wild shortcut appears *music fades, screen goes black*

3 - now i have to fix the prototype

4 - Devil's voice whispers on my ear *welcome to heeeeellllllll*

Me: *opens up a test script*
> only http response code is checked

Me: hey, coleague from qa, why didn't you also write response body checks?

Col: I had then implemented but removed them later.

Me: ?? Why??

Col: because tests were failing

Crickets: *chirp chirp* .... *awkward pause* [in high pitched crickety voice] what the fuck?!?!

Oh S Voice why do you torment me so

Yay !
The darling right ear is not deaf anymore ! (Well not 100% yet , I still hear human voices as UFO voice but better than nothing :D)

Any recommandation for filling my time in the hospital ?
(Except reading books , playing online chess or doing sodoku)

End to end encrypted (maybe decentralized?) social network including shit like voice/video/group calls.

Privacy site I'm working on right now.

Yeah that's it for now :)

Fun fact: on average it's just as fast to type in your search query into Google as it is to get the bloody fucking assistant to understand what you're saying, especially when it includes words that aren't used very often. Makes one wonder why we've developed these things in the first place... 🙄

THEM: "I got a chrome thing that says, 'Don't turn off your computer. Someone is trying to hack into your computer.' ...and it had some lady's voice saying, 'Error. Someone is hacking into your computer.' Should I click anything?"
ME: "No. I'll be right there...what did you click?"
THEM: "It was some Facebook quiz about 'Which Disney movie are you?'"
ME:

After a long wait of 8 months, C.H.I.P the 8$ headless computer finally arrived. And since I have already made something like a cheap hack of siri(I call it dyna and it lets me control my laptop with voice), I am going to automate the f*** out of my home!!!

We’re supposed to have self-driving cars in this world soon if Google and Apple are to be believed...

This freaking server migration has been going on since Thursday night (it's now Sunday afternoon, for reference).

I've been on the phone since 1830 last night, which means I'm away about 18 hours in. I'm finally eating dinner, breakfast, and lunch.

People who theoretically should know the environment better than I do argued with me in front of customers and then tried to say she was agreeing with me all along. She tried dropping off the call SHE WAS RUNNING 6 hours before she should have, because I was on and she thought it was becoming my responsibility. HAD SHE LISTENED, we could be done by now.

I used to design and program these systems. Some of the first voice responsive ones. I’m so sorry for my crimes against humanity.

I am watching a video from Google I/O when they said "Ok Google", and my phone turned on (though saying "Your voice was not recognized")

Reading books, lots of books... Mostly sci-fi or fantasy (I'm in love with Lem) but generally any type of books. 🙃 Currently on the table:
Lem: Master's Voice
James S.A. Corey: Leviathan Wakes

WHO AT MICROSOFT THOUGHT THAT IT WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA TO HAVE CORTANA AS VOICE ASSISTANT WHILE SETTING UP WINDOWS 10

Four decades oppression of women in Iran.

Please Be our voice.

Coolest thing I’ve built solo?

Damn, there’s been a lot of things over the years, but I guess the most used one I’ve made would be my voice activated tv remote - yes it’s real.

So in essence it’s a google home... yea I know spyware and all, but look it was free so I’m going to make use of it... err where was I, oh yea.

An IFTTT account which taps into the google assistant API and creates a webhook, although the authentication side of things is 0 to none, so had to put a api-key into the requests to at least have some layer of auth.

This webhook then hits a raspberry pi containing a PHP API to accept and authenticate the request in, digest this into KEY commands for the TV, and drops this into a Python script to connect to the TV over a web socket connection ( I found python more stable for this ) and sends the pre made key requests, it can even do multiple keys at a time... that was a pain.

So after all that, the end game becomes about a second from saying “hey google, change the tv channel to xxx”

This sick and twisted contraption is finished and the tv is my little bitch.

This has been built out to handle channels by name, number, volume up/down, sources switching to hdmi, tv, vga and a bunch of other things.

The things we do when we can’t find a tv remote for days....

Next up, getting it to launch Netflix app and going to a specified show / episode.. but may be to adventurous.

Sorry bitch raised her voice at me because “it’s ITs job to change a lightbulb!” BITCH! I will shove that fucking lightbulb down your throat.... and I’ll make damn sure it busts so you NEVER raise your annoying fucking voice at me again.

!dev

>goes to karaoke room
>hears familiar voice
>peaks in an opened door
>sees green glass bottle
>sees classmate
>laughs

Teacher to student: convert this active voice into passive voice: “I made a mistake”.
Student: “I was made by mistake”

Sometimes I want to slap myself.

I’ve been making progress with my voice activated TV remote project - coz you got to use a Google Home and a Raspberry pi for something right? Right??

Anyway, when the API you have written suddenly stops working and you’ve spent hours trying to solve it, it is really soul crushing when you realise you’re using a class variable incorrectly

I’ll just go cry now, while I control my tv 😥😎

Class TVAPI{
Private $tvIP = “192.xxx”;
Private $args = $this->decodeArgs($_GET);

Function of tvVolume(){
exec(“python tvRemote.py {$tvIP} {$this->args}”);
}
}

Me before wathing Google I/O: *normal happy life*
Me (in a paranoid voice) after watching it: The are everywhere, they listen to every word, every sillable everything! They are onto us, they strive for world domination. I gotta hide somewhere!

Google:- Google home is using machine learning to remove all type of back noise like traffic, air, and others so the call experience goes smoother.

Microsoft:- In Skype we are using machine learning to catch all type of back noise and mix it with your voice. Skype will try every possible way to make your call experience as bad as possible. Every type of noise Trafic, Air, hardware, your breath if there is nothing! the software will cut your voice and send only a few parts.

Voice commands are the future!!!! .... God I hope not... Why do people like this obviously inferior interface?

A real conversation with Google assistant while driving, I got a text:

"Read text"
...
"Read text message"
*You have one text message from Dave. Would you like to hear it?*
"... Yes!"
* Hey what's up?*
"Reply"
....
"Reply to text"
*I don't understand*
"Text Dave!!!!"
"Message James using SMS. What's the message?"

GAH!!!!!!!! fuck you Google assistant! This is literally the only thing I use you for, so stop being so fucking bad at it!!!!

Wanna have some fun at work.

Print out a beautiful sheet of voice commands for the printer.

Lean back and wait :)

Boss coding.
Boss not fan of tests at all.

"Hey I'm doing all of tests" - boss to me.
"Cool, are they automated? Or do you want me to implement'em?" - me to him

[long speech about why tests are irrelevant including "...once I tested, it is tested, we dont need to have automated tests."] *im teaching you because you dont know voice*

Please, help meeee

!rant
> Joins voice chat with friends
> They're talking about virtual data quantities.
> One of them mentions petabyte.
> Everybody except me proceeds by making jokes about how "petabyte" sounds like dog food and other miscellaneous things.

Anyone else realllllllly hate hearing the sound of their voice played back? I had to record some little videos of a short user process today and oof! My accent is much stronger than I thought it was

Another gem during my studies: Senior professor in early class. Suddenly a phone is ringing. After a while he pulls out a huge inflatable phone and yells:"I can't talk right now I am in class. Bye.". Then he steps towards the board writes down "stupid joke" ticks it and says in a dead serious voice:"That's done".

I don't understand all the buzz around chat bots, they are literally just command lines with voice input

Manager: Can you stay late as fuck today? One of our bitchiest vendors is gonna update their piece of crap and I'm pretty damn sure shit is gonna hit the fan

Dev (inner voice): no fucking way, I have kids to watch and chores to do!
Dev (outer voice): can't we just check everything in the morning?

Manager: No fucking way! If there is some fucking "challenge" when our "people" try to log onto their shit, I'm gonna look like a chump!
Let's talk silvers, I will sign on that bloody commie bullshit for your hours tonight.

Dev (outer voice): Fine. Until how late?
Dev (inner voice): Wait, I was supposed to do it without getting overtime bonus?

So ive been messing around with my Google Home.. because having a voice activated weather station is cool and all, but as a developer it needs to be useful no?... and Raspberry Pi, cause you know, we cool kids have those sitting around doing nothing useful.

But back on track, getting these two to actually work together, and that almighty moment you can say "Hey Google, Deploy Project -X- to the Pi" and the Rpi just kicks into gear and pulls down the latest master branch from Gitlab for the correct project is mind boggling.

No more ssh + sudo git pull !!!

Disclaimer: i didn't pay for that Google Home, but its in my house, listening to my TV, so i may as well use the damn thing.

*Boots PC to enjoy overwatch*

I wanted to see what was new with Cortana for some reason
*Asks Cortana what I can say*

One of the options shows an example
"Turn on High Contrast"

*Clicks the mic/listen button*

"Turn on High contrast"

Cortana responds
"Sorry I can't do that yet"

Wow, I just love voice assistants. Thanks Microsoft!

Started using windows mixed reality for part of my work day, best part, using Cortana voice activation to do things in my virtual space, worst part, every time i say 'hey Cortana,' my google home makes a snide remark.

Fucking google

WHEN will people understand, that FUCKING SHOUTING IN THEIR PHONES in public transportation will NOT
NOT
NOT transmit their FUCKING voice faster, or louder or more clearly or FUCKING ANYTHING.

I find driving to work is a very creative time for my brain, seem to come up with solutions to problems I’m currently trying to solve and come up with good ideas as well, take voice recordings of the ideas not to lose them.

Unlimited storage on google Drive for business ! Today is me writing scripts to save all our voice recording in the drive, we make around 5K calls a day storage costs us around $30000 a month, not anymore!

So... Intense pillowtalk with the wife the other night regarding the coming enforcement of the new General Data Protection Regulation (GDPR) law in the EU after a while turns into nerdy dirty talk.

Me: *Whisper in a sleazy voice like the dirty malware that I am*: So... Why don't you just open up all your inbound firewall ports for me...
Her: Hell no... But I might just make an exception in the private domain just for you...

Doing a distribution center job right now just to pay the bills and had to do voice order picking (with a headset and voice commands etc) today. Well, that didn't go ideal:
*girl walks by and gives me a tip/hint*
Me: *puts headset back on*
Headset voice: you've logged off. Truck could not be located by provided ID.

😓😮

I said "fair enough, thanks!" 😐

The quest for robotic voice. We all were involved long before coders.

Uni, programming 1.. professor had worst ppt presentation..I think it was about java..5? /* yeah, I'm old */
He was droning off in the most monotone voice..reading off the ppt, about types and blah blah blah..
Took us about 15mins to figure out he stopped teaching and was 'yelling' with the same monotone voice at one of my classmates to take their laptops and go play need for speed in the lobby..
I was sure I'd flunk the class and will never be able to complete the course, let alone get a job as a dev..he made programming look like the most boring thing on earth..

TIL that ~50% of the population don't have an internal monologue. That voice inside your head that's reading this.

Mom come pick me up, I'm scared.

Yesterday, when my Discord bot came into a Voice Channel and said "Hey Guys!". My friend really surprised. 😃😀

*Gollum voice* Myyy Prreciousssss

just a tip. if you read the emails from the management in funny voice they wont pass you off.

He told me to "calm down".
...
I said to him: "If it weren't you, I'd have hit you." (slowly, with the most serious voice...)

I hate this fucking sentence so damn much...!

"Just calm down..." - "BAM HEADSHOT! GO DIE!"... 🤔

I was baffled when I found out my girlfriend Google's things as actual questions instead of keywords.

I know it's fine considering the search has to work with voice assistant, I just thought everyone did keywords.

You know u have no life when you get a call, you're all excited about who's it going to be...
"oooh an unknown number!"
*picks up*
"who's this?"
... *automated voice* "This is apple calling you for your apple verification code... your code is..."

And u realize u have ur computer on which u need to enter your code because u tried to login 2 minutes ago...

DXB (airport)'s WiFi doesn't let you call through whatsapp or telegram or even discord. It also does not let you send a whatsapp voice message, which has me very puzzled.

And all I wanted to do was to call my mom. ☹️
(I might also be running a slight fever, which makes me very emotional and sensitive)

I should probably rename this variable...

Every time I read/type it, my inner voice goes "for fucks sake"....

Those channels on YouTube that read Reddit posts, except they don't and they just copy paste text into Cepstral to have a robot voice. Effortless! I am going to make a SIMPLE Python script that makes those very same videos except at 10x the speed to show how easy it really is!

Sometimes, while coding, I get distracted by a tiny voice telling me: "Stop that! You're at work!"
But then I think: "Well, coding IS work."
To which the tiny voice replies: "Yes, but it's not YOUR work."

Damn you, tiny voice, I hate when you are right.
My current career(completely unrelated to programming or even CS) is probably my greatest distraction... and I hate that. =P

Lost half the tip of my thumb to a motorbike chain. Can't code for a month. :(

The boredom is killing me.

Why isn't there a swipe keyboard/decent voice input for programming?

dream project you say. now we're getting somewhere interesting.

a voice/gesture activated automatic assistant that uses face reconition for identify checking along with it being able to see your mood.

tl;dr; aka jarvis

"Why do you feel you are the best candidate for this job?"

No. Why do you feel you are the best company for me, if I am the one receiving a fraction of what the client will pay you once I finish the project?

"Please, submit a video or voice introduction of yourself".

No. Schedule an interview with me and get to know me live, motherfucker.

I'm on windows 10 and I want to access the sound settings window to disable a speaker. I press the win key and as I start typing "sound" the first result that pops up is "voice" settings. So accurate. Thanks Cortana, very cool!

So accurate... and if I try to call the customer care the recorded voice says the same exact thing: “minus....”

WhatsApp and Telegram should consider a feature to disable voice messages from all contacts or all contacts but close friends.

I'm getting tired of getting tech support requests from acquaintances I haven't hung out with in years but when these are too lazy even to type and I have to take type and listen to their muttered voice notes I get crazy

[hacker voice] I'm in

We have an open office and sales team laughing on top of their voice. What's funny? Nothing. If someone says "I have shit on my pants", they'll start laughing loudly. I have made several complains but the GM says that their laughter makes this company friendly.

I really don't get it.

1:15pm - When you're done replying to email, skype, slack, linkedin, and voice messages... :/

Let's call him Butthead.

Butthead loves hearing his own voice, so he speaks like waterfall. You ask him one question, prepare for a one hour discussion. Always in same loud voice no matter if he is in a meeting or just chatting with his side mate.

Polite way to say fuckoff

excuse yourself from the person and start typing
" what is the polite way to say fuck off to person" in google while saying words in moderate voice. Another person should hear you or see your screen and get the hint!

So being a fan of Silicon Valley i found out there's a real startup company with a Voice-controlled tablet device called "Nucleus".

Irony is they are suing the same company which invested in it and then copied it's product....(Amazon)

Boss : we need you for a voice conference at 7AM tomorrow in case of technical questions

Me : Sure thing

I work from home so will most probably still be in just underwear

🤯
I am beyond burnt out. I still need to finish some stuff over the freaking holidays. Sucks to be me, literally, figuratively, and really.

*Sobs in TTS robotic voice*

Even this Google Survey knows the pecking order for voice assistants 🤣 Cortona gets a dedicated line while Bixby gets the "Other" line.

So this new fitness tracker includes "tone of voice" analysis, and I'm supposed to believe you're not recording every word I say all day long? Riiiight. I know what's in my production log files, and I only work in the textile industry.

I've just spent the morning writing a C# program that pops up a message when I say hello. It's the most basic thing when I look at it now but as I was writing it you'd swear I was breaking technological boundaries!

Everytime I see a bug like this, a Japanese voice in my head shouts "Nani???"

Searching in Youtube "Upcoming Phones 2020" gives me "Top 10 upcoming phones in India"

*Clicks one english title without the word "India"

*Hears voice over in Hindi.

why oh why.

I found a way to make me procrastinate less on my own projects today! Stream development of it to Twitch.

Yes, there may be nobody watching most of the time; yes there may be nobody interested in a wall of text and no voice; but you just feel the need to stay on-topic when streaming, and I kinda liked it.

Be a fellow who's distracted af. You just had a presentation in another city. You're driving home and a light lits up saying you need gas. You stop at the petrol station, pour in some gas, grab a cop of joe while you're at it, pay and leave. You're 15minutes away from the gas stop already and an unknown number is calling you. You pick it up. A male voice says

Voice: "hello, this is police. Did you just leave a gas stop 15 minutes ago?"

You: *wtf, what the fuck did I do now!* "yes, I sure did."

Voice: "you forgot to pay for the fuel"

you: *oh shit, he's right! I remember now - I only paid for the coffee! Shit! I'm in trouble now. *
"oh.. Right, you're right, I forgot... I'll turn around and come back to pay

Voice: "wait, don't rush, I may be able to help you. I'll call you back, keep your phone close" *hangs up*

5 minutes later phone rings again.

Voice: "can you pull over, please? Here's a phone number of that gas stop. Give them a call, I'm sure you'll sort it our. Have a nice day!" *hangs up*

you call that number. A woman picks up.

You: "hello, I forgot to pay you for the gas, gimme a few minutes - I'll turn around and get back to you"

Operator: "do not worry, I think I can help you! You can pay for it at your home town if you like, but I'm afraid they might not be working today. But they will tomorrow! Would that be OK for you?"

you: "umm, yeah, of course! It's my fault - anything is OK for me!"

operator: "ooorrr.. I could pay for you now and you would pay me back. Would that work? Here's my bank account, I'll pay for you when you send me those 50 something €"

a fantasy story? Made up story? Bed time stories? Dysney movie plot? Phishing? Canada?

No. This is Lithuania :) believe it or not, this is a true story, and there are more like this one.
Respect to the police!

First job was coding voice alarm s Systems (1998) primarily using Delphi and programming act microcontrollers using avrco pascal and act assembler.

They were happy days

In my first job I was trained by an old-school typographer who made the transition from lead to DTP.

Now, 20 years later, whenever I see bad kerning I hear his voice saying "You could drive a bus through that!".

Someday I hope to have my voice ringing through the ages 😁

Girlfriend to Siri: Set my alarm to 05:30
Siri (with the man voice): ok, I have set your alarm to 05:03
Girlfriend (absolutely satisfied): Ok but I don't want this

*manually turns wrong alarm off and the correct one on*

Amazon has a new patent now "Keyword Determinations from Voice Data", which based on speech around a device, can filter out what you like/prefer/.. which could be used for displaying or fuel ads, so basically what everybody implied the facebook app does, but as a patent

What is this behavior WFH?

(Video Call)

Boss: When will you send the report?

He: Have already mailed you

Boss: Your voice is breaking...

He: Have already mailed it

Boss: What? I'm asking when can you send the report?

He: Mailed... Already... Check... Inbox...

Boss: Your voice is breaking... Say that again

He: HAVE... MAILED... ALREADY

Boss: It's not ready ?? Just tell me when can you send it to me...

He: Aghh... NEVER.

Boss: WHAT DO YOU MEAN NEVER ????

He: ... *Silent*

Boss: ... *Silent*

He: Boss, can't hear you clearly... Your voice is breaking... ;)

Credits: Rahul Subramanian, Standup Comedian.

Had to adhoc re-record couple sponsored TV-ads' voice overs and didn't have time to get to a studio.. True engineer always finds a way to make most out of the resources at hand.

Excellent sound btw, good mic + non-echoing 'recording chamber'. ;)

Google, circa 2013: We made smart glasses!
Most people: They're dorky. I won't use them.
Google: We integrated our services! Voice- & gesture-driven!
Most people: Nope. Too dorky.

Apple, circa 2020: We might be working on smart glasses.
Most people, sight unseen: Take my $$$.

Why can’t you just make a document with the description of the things you want?
Why do you feel the need to send me fucking voice notes over 9 min long?

I hate office politics so fucking much. Now that most people aren’t face to face and everything is over chat and voice calls, people seem to get very weird about things that might be said and blow things out of context. If you have anxiety disorder or something fuck off!! You’re stressing the shit out of me and it’s already Christmas so I’m already stressed the fuck out!

I setup stable diffusion today. Still figuring it out but I'm like an artist now right? Right?

Next step is figuring out how to train models.

Then I have to make some samples of various words in spectrogram form for training.

After that we'll see if stable diffusion can reconstruct phonemes.

I'll train using both my voice and a couple others, and apply them as styles.

And then finally, I can accomplish my lifes goal.

To have the voice of morgan freeman with me at all times, everywhere I go.

You know what scary? In about 10-20 years, We will perfect 3D renderings of people like the president, coupled with AI being trained to replicate vocals of humans.

I believe once this happens, Something should be in place where using a famous persons face/voice should be copyrighted or something.

Voice in my head: You should do something good this weekend.
My body: Yeah let's code up a community fostering app for the neighborhood.....

Two Nights later:
Amidst a half empty bottle of Jack ...
Voice in my head: dude why isn't this shit working, you've done this billions of times.
My body: It's your fault...time to drink you away.

And like that,
At the break of day,
A hungover and glazed developer,
Debugged! as they say.
Community app launched
On memorial holiday,

Just wrote an angry email about the unrealistic demands towards my team. Got a call an hour later from [product owner] where he had the most worried voice i ever heard because we are the only data scientists in the research. I expected an email reply in 2 weeks, seems like we are somewhat important here.

*hacker voice* "I'm in"

Why is the internet such a toxic place... You voice your personal opinion and instantly have people who believe they are 'better' than you call you a stupid consumer because they use something that others may not care for.

Fuck me people, why can't we just have opinions and respect each other, it's not that fucking hard!

Morgan Freeman's voice is like the smooth syntax's from Python meets the functionally of Haskell

First day of vacation, on a remote village cause of covid, after months of doing nothing special I made this :D
It's a keyboard to do combinations of keys (prototype) ...
Well, I made it to play sound effects in games (on voice chat)....
Ya, having a burn out fucks your motivation. At least I did something

So yesterday I discussed how I am using speech to text to do approximately 50% of my rants. I am now doing a growing percentage of my outlook emails by voice as the human-computer voice interaction is pleasing and very natural. I have even named my iPhone 'little jumpshot' today.

Today I experimented with text to speech so that my rants are automatically read back to me before I send them. Some decent results.

In settings - general - accessibility you will find voice over (not recommended - be careful). Below that is Speech - speak selection or speak screen options.

Speak selection allows you to highlight text to be spoken. Too much human interaction for my purposes of walking hopefully not tripping be looking down. Using up my nine lives 😐

Below voiceover is - Speak screen - which allows you to pull down the screen with two fingers to speak what is on the screen. This will read the rant or of there are multiple rants on the screen it will read those as well.

It works but it will take a bit of getting used to. It also requires a few clicks here and there.

My goal is to interact with devRant fluidly 100% by voice. Just talking to 'little jumpshot' and him creating and posting all of my rants and reading all the other rants developers post.

For a few days experimenting I am satisfied with the progress but there is a long way to go.

Hopefully, in the end, this may help some people. Any ideas are very welcome.

I want a mini replica of a shotgun.
When you pull the trigger I want it to say "Sod off!" in a British accented voice.

It takes so much effort to put a quality video on YouTube.
1. Researching
2. Scripting
3. Recording ( screen record while doing the hands on of the topic, drawing concepts on whiteboard + voice over )
4. Editing
5. Thumbnail

Then upload.

Why is my whole body shaking even my voice whenever i drink coffee ?? ???????????

The absolutely terrible and anti-customer "service" provided by Comcast should be illegal.

My bill went up $25 this month without any warning whatsoever, and all I get is their braindead AI they are training with customer voice data. So I shout jibberish into it until it connects me to a human.

I have actual choices where I live, so I'm going to cancel.

Why do some devs who work for corpos have a superiority complex?

“Oh I cannot imagine working on a small team of 3 people (2 devs, 1 designer) on a website”, saying it like if he was disgusted. “The team I work in has 40 people”, with a hint of superiority in his voice.

Bro, chill for a moment, it ain’t a race to the top.

Just remembered there are new voices for Android P. I must say the technology behind these voices has improved dramatically from the iPhone 4 era Siri. They sound pretty lifelike and it's kind of creepy. But is still better than the screeching female voice I'd get while offline.

Visited a store to buy Amazon Kindle . Explored to find amazon echo . Amazed by the quality of voice recognition at the price of 5000 INR.. Also was shocked to find Amazon firestick at that price..

Amazon is the new Apple..Or..Apple was a overhyped version of Amazon.

Anyone ever heard this Google Home Easter egg before? It's apparently a Halloween thing, but it happened to my GF yesterday without her ever saying anything.

Voice command: OK Google, I'm home.
Assistant's response: Welcome home. I've been doing my best to hold down the fort. But it just wasn't the same without you

I distinctly remember all of us discussing how we prefer to work at night. I worked through the night and now about to work through the day. Now it's all a blur and I feel numb inside. This voice keeps saying "you are just a machine" and then I wake up with qwerty stamped on my forehead and the music bringing me back. Time to work!

I am a TA for a college level introductory Java programming course. We are doing a virtual help desk to walk student through debugging and any other issues.

Today I got on a teams call with a student and with desperation in his voice he says, "Please, help me with the red..."

I could barely contain myself. Poor soul haha!

Finally became a 2GB lol just random but a milestone nonetheless. Thanks all for listening to my inner voice when i feel there is no place to get these recursive thoughts out of my head.

Have a great day

I think I'm getting old... I may buy an iPhone next because it "just works" and I don't care that much about gaming or need buy that many different apps...

Being deaf the voice transcription and better mic and camera... Now seem just worth the lockdown...

Thoughts?

It's 17:50.

I've been working in my mates garden all day.

Came in to sit down at about 14:00

His pissy little voice has been droning on about pointless little issues and complaining how stupid the rest of the world is for 4 GODDAMN HOURS.

HES ACTUALLY MAKING ME WANT TO BREAK HIS FUCKING NECK.

Do you hate your own voice? I hate mine. I wish I could do something about it.

People that don't realize their microphone is feeding back everyone's voice into the meeting. Mute your fucking mics people, or better yet buy a fucking pair of headphones or earbuds!

Just got a Google Home. I'm very impressed with it, there's just so many possibilities with it. I just found out I can trigger a HTTP request using my voice (!). So now I need to find out good use cases and build a server.

Ideas?

Don't you love it when your computer mouse tells you with a creepy dark voice "Congratulations, you've won a trophy" really fucking loud?

which is better? google now or alexa?

Somebody please explain.

First I get some call about some investing bs, then I get an automated voice call also about something financial related

From fucking +000000

Some people have interesting, cool or exciting lives and I know u are fascinated by them... U may even fall in love . but do remember that u r an insignificant troll who is good at doing one complicated job and whose significance cannot be comprehended, appreciated or understood by the said fascinating people. So go back to your cave do the shit u usually do coz u have a deadline to meet.
-the voice inside my head

I fucking hate everyone who sends me a voice message, Just text me motherfucker how can I find some info we discussed earlier, you want me to listen to all your stupid messages with your lazy ass voice to only find the shit I'm looking for.

So I made a bit research about voice control /alexa /Google Home..

I came to the conclusion that when in like 20 years voice control is in every household, it WILL play ads randomly every hour. Yes. They'll do it!

Haven't started this project yet, but I've been considering ordering another Raspberry Pi and turning it into a voice assistant using Mycroft. I've been wanting to play around with IoT stuff for a while, and since I'm practically confined to my apartment for the foreseeable, there's no better time to get started.

I thought the “works on my machine” from sysadmins is mostly a joke...

But no. I’m attending the Polish high school and I have a lessons via the Internet. I wasn’t able to hear the voice of the teacher on Linux 4.18 and Chromium browser, so I sent the mail to support to report it. Of course it “works on their machines”...

I don't care how cute you manage to make a robot / AI, if it has a deep voice i'm drop kicking that shit into the sun, fuck that creepy ass motherfucker...

Got a new guy sitting in the office. He is nice to talk to and easy to work with. But when he codes for himself behind his screen and something is not working he moans and bitches in a very whiney voice. That whiney tone is so insanly annoying. Sounds like a young dog is mistreated...

Whenever Google alerted me that "a new device was used to access your account", I always hear Skyrim's Meridia voice in my head:

"A NEW HAND TOUCHES THE BEACON"

i think ai assistants would be much more interesting / less annoying if it had a faster, snappier syntax to talk through. Like shorthand code but in the sense of talking and just getting one word responses.

What Google services are you still using? Earlier this year I made a conscious decision to avoid Google services if I can. I successfully got off gmail and gcal. Because I have yet to find viable alternatives, I am still using:

YouTube
Voice
Gboard
Android
Maps
Music
Home
Fonts (on occasion)

*google assistant voice*
it's me who's gonna be asking questions from now on

Sweet, my motivation for coding my personal projects has started to come back.

Last night I setup my Personal Assistant project with Text to speech and Voice recognition.

Now I just have to get it to react to commands.

So my new car has now chevystar which is quite expensive, is fine and that, I don't really use it to be honest. Though it has a nice service to remember me if I'm on my 'no car day'-like with a google assistant -like voice.

But today while driving with my wife, we were listening music and the music stopped.

then, the fucking chevystar voice started:

"Remember you can get your new car now and start paying it in a year"

"Pay us a visit to your XXXX chevrolet dealer"

I inherited some code today. I am in the process of reworking it to drop into my framework so I can use it with our product. I am seeing this throughout the code...

try:
\do something\
except:
pass

Ahem... HANDLE YOUR DAMN EXCEPTIONS!!! DON'T JUST PASS THEM INTO THE BLACK HOLE OF NOTHINGNESS! FFS!!! Using pass like this means "Fuck it. I don't care if this fails and I want NOTHING to tell management when it does. I want to blindly look into their frustrated eyes and say ..duhh, I don't know why it failed... Fuck troubleshooting. You know what, this job isn't meant for me anyways." My outer voice is politely saying "There is a better way to do this. Please allow me to show you." Meanwhile my inner voice is flipping tables and clubbing baby seals. /rant

Projects I left behind...
- Voice assistant for people with movement problems (also to send text /make calls while driving)
- client database for my community club (they are using a excel file till I finish)
- CNC helper... The only one I'm developing, with tables and sheet cheats for my work (and any other cnc machine worker), there isn't anything like that in the playstore
- Get a girlfriend
- make a baby

It takes me about 10 minuted to get into social media or any forum in which regular people can post shit and have a voice to wish for a plague or something.

Fuck man....starting to wish for a regulated internet. So much shit everywhere.

Fun day at work.
Client sends me requirements over WhatsApp voice notes.
Says he can't send email because hes too tired.
His Requirements don't make sense.

I figured out what he wanted and then rewrite the requirements using simple language and less jargon.

Hes not happy. I reduced two paragraphs of his "requirements" to a single sentence which make more sense.
His voice notes seem like rambling.

Ugh.
He comes up with features for this webapp that cannot be tested unless you build the companion app which is coming up later.

Now he wants us to design the screens for the app which we will have to use our designer for.
Expensive. Considering most of his app is not completely thought out.
I have no idea what to do now.
We still haven't completed the requirements.

ChatGPT has an "interactive speech mode" in their app so you can use just bidirectional audio to chat and it's incredible.

I had a deep and pivoting discussion on how data is stored/formatted at disk level for each database type and it responded wonderfully.

It even sounded annoyed when I was 😅

It probably will sell my voice data now though...

I love when a project puts a dependency on infrastructure that has not been implemented internally and have no idea if it will work. *sarcastic voice*

I think the linux live CDs with games on it, that my dad had compiled for me, were one of my first exposures to computers.

I remember how if you passed some specific argument, it would talk to you in a pretty sci-fi female voice too.

A: Is it raining today?
B: ... Is it raining today?
C: There's no rain in the forecast.
B: There's no rain in the forecast.
A: ...

Which voice is a computer?

Sam:- What are you doing??
Richard:- recording a baby's voice!
Sam:- why??
Richard:- when he grows up, I shall ask him what he meant by this
Sam:-😶😶😶

!rant

I love that you can get Google to swear. In her oh so British accent. Voice search : 'what does FML stand for'

working with some voice actors.

Anyone familiar with balancing audio between differrent studios so the sources sound like they.."match"?

Or does it come down to making sure actors have the appropriate recording environment?

Just recently got a new job.

On the old jobs we've always held connection via mail, slack, fb messenger groups and whatever.

But on this new IT job they have this really weird theory of that when you want something, you've to stand up, walk to the coworkers booth, and use this super odd "voice" communication.

Such a barbaric routine!

Don't let Epic Games fight alone. Voice your support!

The next time you use Waze, try having directions read out by Liam Neeson's voice.

He's good at finding things.

So, today this robot really didn't want to move how I want it to move. 😒

Tomorrow, again, I guess.

Smh.

*sobs in robot voice*

This damn Google Gboard voice typing switches between German and English, although in the settings only German is enabled.... This is so annoying goddamn...

My colleague is trying to add voice recognition to the mobile application
so each time he says "TEST" the mobile application answer with: The color is red so he rage and scream.

and now I can't stop laughing

Internet-based open source platform for democracy. That is, a package of code that you can use as a website that would basically encapsulate all the functions of incorporating the voice of the people into governmental decision-making -- like voting, initiatives/referendums/recalls, contacting representatives or other officials, etc.
This would also be something that could be used to run a private organization or public company as well. Hopefully super flexible.

I swear to fucking god if one of my colleagues is going to yell "hosting" again at me (note they do it in a higher pitch than their normal voice)

I'm going to break something..

"You know, I'm actually on KDE myself. "- this voice stuck on my head for few days.

We find our hero, fullstackclown🤡, again harrowed by idiotic management.

Our backdrop and set: A Google calendar appointment was booked between the managers and fullstackclown. fullstackclown had created an all-day appointment for today which reads: "fullstackclown on site".

With the scene set, let us begin our tale..........

Manager: Are you going to be on site today?

fullstackclown🤡: Do you see the appointment I booked on our calendar stating that indeed I will be on site today?

Manager: ...

fullstackclown🤡: you are an absolute idiot

Manager: ...

I literally don't know what to do anymore. I mean it's RIGHT THERE IN YOUR CALENDAR. HOW MUCH MORE CLEAR DO YOU WANT IT TO BE?! DO YOU WANT A TWILIO APP THAT SENDS YOU A PRERECORDED VOICE MESSAGE IN MY VOICE, CONFIRMING MY CALENDAR APPOINTMENTS?!

What type of mindset causes this type of behavior of double or triple checking things as simple as a calendar booking? Honestly shows a complete breakdown of normal mental functioning in my opinion.

Fuck this job !! i prefer to sleep all day long than go to work and hear my boss' annoying voice .

No wonder it’s hard to hire devs with even a basic level of competency or some kind of promise that them might be able to learn shit given time, opportunity and guidance. The sheer amount of idiocy and stupidity and straight up incompetent cringe I witness on every platform giving us devs a voice (yes, including here) is mindboggling…

Having no process at all;

Just randomly choose between texts, FB Messenger, WhatsApp, voice clips, and spread over random points in time..

If you do this to me: Yes. I hate you.

> go to devrant app
> go to notifications
> press clear
> *walkie-talkie voice* all clear

Story time!

I was with some friends, one a CS student and the other one's a mechanical engineer student with coding like a hobby.

I was listening to a song from which the band released the stems (individual tracks) of a song, and this dude made an anime version of it.

Me: Oh God, this is awesome
Mech: how did he do that?
Me: What? The song?
Mech: Yeah, how did he split the voice and everything, is the music like an Ajax request and he queried for the voice

Me and my other friend lock eyes and began to laugh so fucking hard.

Me: that's not how it works, why did you though that?
Mech: I don't know

* ml wallpaper site with api (pandora for wallpapers)
* mmorpg like .hack/sao
* vr ai office (vr gear turn head to see screens and understands voice commands)
* gpg version of krypto.io

Need an iPhone app to automatically call girlfriend on birthday at 12am and actually carry out a conversation in your voice so you can sleep.

I have two questions to WhatsApp

1️⃣ Why does WhatsApp store a copy of ALL images ever sent? LOCALLY? I thought it is a cloud service. Why would I want to keep gigabytes of data on a device with limited internal storage?

2️⃣ Why no proper multi-device capability on Mobile? Why no voice call on Desktop?

Bruh WhatsApp is so limited and awkward it is a shame it somehow got so popular

Try uncheking the voice recognition option for google assistant, the try saying "OK Google" after its switched OFF....

Every time I successfully create / do something new. For example when my Discord bot came into a voice channel and said hello to everyone. That was awesome.

I wish my irl voice had autotune always on

*clears voice*
FUCK EMMC AND 32BIT UEFI WITH A BIG RUSTY POLE.

Wow that helped actually...
Now then... If anyone has any suggestions on how to actually boot Ubuntu after installation on Asus x205ta I will give them my first born son.
😈😈