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Her: Why do you need 3 monitors??
Me: Why do you need 6 bags on the hanger, permanently, and 23 pairs of shoes?
Her: :/18 -
normal person: what's your most used emoticon?
me: );
person: aww why sad?
me: you can actually see ); in 75% of my code
person: what
me: disappears();15 -
Recruiter: Why you choose this company to work with?
Me: I didn't choose it, I have other interviews.
Recruiter: So why we should hire you?
Me: So I can pay my bills.14 -
Me : Here's my resignation.
Boss : No need.
Me (Expecting some good words) : Why sir?
Boss : Here's your termination.19 -
Client: Why is this not working?
Me: Because the feature expect a...
Client: I sure hope you won’t expect your client to want to know all these teach behind this feature, as a client, I just expect it to work.
Me: Ok...
Client: So why isn’t it working now? WHY?
Me: 🤦🏽♂️
Client: I need a response!
Me: It is not working because...
Client: Stop telling me logics!! I just want it to work. Why isn’t it working...
Me: It is not working because I fucked up. It will work after I fix it.
Client: Why isn’t it working though... I don’t understand why...
Me: Just let me fix it and it will work...
Client: Why can’t you tell me why... it’s not good communication... (hangs up)12 -
Tech support to my friend:
Friend: Root my phone!
Me: why
Friend: play store is not working
Me: why do u want to root for that?
Friend: is there any other option?
Me: give me ur phone
After 20 sec ...
Me: Sign in to ur Google account 😐😐3 -
Every time I code, my programmer boyfriend has to be near me. Why, you may ask? Because this happens too often:
me: *yells bf name*, why does this not work?????
bf: here, lemme see
*code mysteriously works when bf comes to see*
bf: what, theres nothing wrong with that
me:
14 -
Customer: I don't see why you cant just make me something like Facebook for $300 this is ridiculous
Me: ...
7 -
Friend: Why do you always listen to metal music when coding?
Me: So that if non-programmers saw me smashing my keyboard, they will understand better why I did so.
Friend: Fair point.....3 -
Me : hey, why have you taped out your webcam ?
Him : shhhh, they are watching.
Me : what ?
Him : what ?16 -
As a student trying to find an internship for a software engineering position, my subpar transcript being brought up during the interview always has me like:
Interviewer: "Why is your GPA so shit???"
Me: "Fuck you that's why!"
😤😥8 -
My mom: "there's a virus in my phone! It says so when I open Chrome!"
Me: "...stop clicking on strange links that your friends send you, mom. Nobody will ever give you free Nespresso capsules for life as a gift."
Every damn time.4 -
Everything was going well, finally could put some money aside and I literally thought 'if nothing breaks down this month, I'll have a good month of savings :D'.
I should definitely not have fucking thought that.
Well, RIP phone. Let's search for a new one.
😭55 -
First day on the phone as a support guy!
Before the first call came in I thought like 'please no email related issues as that's the one thing I suck at!'
Fair enough, first call:
Me: hello, how can I help you?
Customer: well, we've got this email problem...
Me thinking: MOTHERFUCKING FUCKING FUCK WHY ME 😭
Me: what seems to be the problem?
Damn, really?!9 -
Programmer boyfriend: you should come back to programming
Me: why?
PBF: then we can work together
Me:
11 -
Me: why do people hate javascript?
Also Me after 5 mins of js coding :
Oh right now i remember why8 -
Classmate: You should use Bootstrap!
Me: Why?
Classmate: It's "the framework" that makes your site responsive.
Me: *a long moment of silence*
Me: *goes home*10 -
Me: spends 2 hours on a script that converts graphs into colorblind friendly mode
Friend: why didnt you just grayscale the image
Me:
Me: uh10 -
Fucking HR interviews. Fucking "tell me about yourself" and pretending to seem interested in what i have to say while you think about how you did it with a guy behind the dumpster.
For fucks sake, i am a developer, i have spent more time with coding language than human language. I speak more to a rubber duck than to my friends. That's what you want to know about me?
I am here to fix your fucking site that uses flash plugin in 2017 and you want me to tell good things about your company?
Do you want me to tell you the details about your site that i got from whois and that your subscribed domain registration will end in September this year?
You don't know what responsive design is and you dare interview me?
Thanks for wasting my time and telling me shit about your company and how you have offices in germany and china. Well guess what? I dont care. I am busy thinking about some girl... Actually i am thinking about my side project. I dont know why i pretend to be cool?7 -
[SO] Can you unload the dishwasher?
[Me] Of course.
*5 hours later*
[SO] Why is the dishwasher still not done ?
[Me] Why would it be ?
[SO] I asked you to unload it ....
[Me] No, you asked if I CAN do it, and I am able to do it, you didn't ask me to actually do it.
[SO thinking] God, why did I marry a fucking programmer.....12 -
That awkward moment, when you after several hours of debugging finds the error, types git blame and your own name comes up.3
-
Had a recruiter contact me at home on my day off.
Recruiter: We have a company that would be interested in hiring a C# developer because of your programming skillset.
Me: Does it involve ASP.NET?
Recruiter: Yes.
Me: I apologize, but I don't have any skills in ASP.NET. I've been instead focusing on building my skillset with Java Spring/Hibernate and soon JavaScript to start building front end skills with my backend skillset.
Recruiter: Oh, is Java an in demand skill that companies want?
....Why are you talking to me mate? Take off your headset, go home, and rethink your life choices.4 -
so my university just updated ALL of their PCs to Windows 10 and every time I log in......
"We're preparing some things for you"
*5 mins later*
"This may take a while"11 -
"no micro managing here!"
*Boss comes in at 5*
- how much work have you done?
- why isn't this finished yet?
- you're working too slow
- show me git status
- show me git log
- why is this taking you so long?15 -
My morning is starting off with a 40,000 line code review of a php project....yeah how's your morning going??!??!!??8
-
>Answered my first question on SO
>Comment: "It's a wrong answer"
>Me: "Do you mind telling me why, so i can fix it? It could still help the op"
>
>
>
I see. You were quick to tell me I was wrong, but don't tell me why. Alright then.8 -
Him: phhhhhip
Him: phhhhhhhhhhhip
Him: phip
Me: ...
Him: PHHHip
Me: Excuse me! Why are you making that noise!?
Him: Making the sound a fart makes when attempting to escape the butt silently.
Me: ...
Me: Why?
Him: Because if you sound out PHP that is exactly what it sounds like. A fart trying to escape a butt silently. -
ME: I'm having problems with my parents
GF: Why don't you talk to them?
ME: I can't
GF: Why not?
ME: They're made of code
GF: ... thinking... ~face palm~3 -
THEY'RE ALL EXACTLY THE FUCKING SAME BUT UNDER DIFFERENT ACCOUNTS ARE YOU ACTUALLY FUCKING WITH ME RN
9 -
Uh, I gotta do Task #1337. It better is a good one!
*reads the title*
"Write technical documentation for... "
... D'oh! -
Coworker: Why isn't my internet working? I've checked everything, even the ethernet cable!
Me: *sobs*
Me: *connects ethernet cable*
Me: Try now... -
I have those conversations with my coworkers about once a day. We use Linux at work and I am the only one with any real Linux experience.
C: I have a problem! I tried and googled everything already! Come help me...
M: *slowly walks over to their PC*
M: *copy-pastes the error into Google*
M: *clicks the first result*
M: *presses two buttons*
*everything works again*
M: So you tried Google already, have you?
When I leave there (it's a PhD position and I'm almost done) they will probably crash and burn...7 -
Me: Why are all the devs leaving work early!?
Other devs: Microsoft Services are down.
Me: Okay I'll start packing.1 -
Who the fuck donated 3 USD to my Ko-fi
who are you
why did you donate to a useless person
why do you make me hunt you irl
why
h19 -
Why the fuck am I - who never had a girlfriend in his life - the person my friends come to to get relationship advice?
Well, I can tell them what no to do...12 -
I got through the first stage for a summer internship at Amazon. They send me a link to a technical test with a 7 day deadline to complete.
The link brings me to a 404 page. Fuck.
I contact customer support, reach out to Amazon directly, don't get any response whatsoever. The week has passed and the link is still dead and I s received no word from them.
FML. And fuck Amazon for teasing me like this and for having such shitty technical support.11 -
Friend: Can you write me a discord bot?
Me: Sure, I guess.
Me: *thinking* I can probably do it in 2 hours or less*
Me: *2 hours later* why does this API work like that and why the fuck is my node module folder so big???9 -
Me at midnight: let's release a demo build
Me at 1 am: why are there so many bugs? Why won't it compile.
Me at 2 am: omg finally compiled. Runs it, buttons don't work. Closes it, reopens it. Buttons work.
Me at 3 am: let's write apologetic posts for the bugs, but post the version anyway
Me at 4 am: why do I advertise in so many places
Me at 5 am: let's update the patreon reward tiers
Me at 5:30 am: nah fuck this, going to bed.
Mom at 9 am: wake the hell up we need you to dig out a hill and build a stone wall around one side of the house.
Me: omg wtf why.
Me at 2:30 pm: why the hell are we doing this, I have so many bugs to patch and everyone knows they are there because I told them all!
5 -
Dad: Why are you learning brainfuck
ME: --[----->+<]>----.+++.--.--.--[--->+<]>.--.++++[->+++<]>.--[--->+<]>-.--[->++++<]>-.+[->+++<]>.[--->+<]>+.-[---->+<]>++.+[----->+<]>+.+.+++++.8 -
me: "Why is the QA guy manually typing JSON into a production environment?"
asshole: "That's not your responsibility."
me: "Why didn't you just migrate data? This is dangerous."
asshole: "You need to go sit down."1 -
"Why does my app have so many bugs!?"
"Why does literally nothing work!?"
"How come you cant fix these problems soon enough?"
...
Me: "remember how you didnt account for testing in the budget or development plan?"
"No"
Me: "thats why."2 -
My previous manager: "Your code should hard to read, so our work is cant stolen by everyone".
Me: "Why?"
My previous manager: "Just do it"
Me: "Okay"
So, anyone can answer my 'Why?' question?
P.S: My previous Manager is PHP Programmer14 -
Me: I don't know why people hate CSS so much. It works fine for me 😑
Inner me: Liar, Liar, Pants on fire 🔥 😂7 -
Omg so I've been stuck on this function I'm writing that checks if a certain array value is so many characters long and well, it just wasnt returning false when outside the conditions..
I tried taking it step by step, echoing out every line and it all made sense to me and there were no syntax errors.
Time goes by and inside the configuration file I was testing.. I was changing the value of a DIFFERENT array property than what I was using in my condition. They looked really similar.. fml xD2 -
Holy fucking cockgoblin!
If you interview for a senior position, please, for the sanity of your interviewer (me), make sure you know how to declare variables and how to iterate over an array in the language which the shitgoblin (you) "love and use all the time".
Of course the interviewer (me) is gonna be polite and let the shitgoblin (you) code out your 50-line solution for a 3-line problem, but after 2 hours watching the shitgoblin contemplate solutions that anyone who ever opened a fucking beginners tutorial by accident could answer, the interviewer might prefer to have been on a Justin Bieber concert or have sucked huge sweaty ballsacks for those two hours.
I know that interviews can be hard and stressful - I've been there, am there, and at some point will be there again - but please, for the love of nonexistent gods, don't be a time-wasting shitnugget but prepare yourself!16 -
me: hey prof, i dont know why this is wrong
*points out where its wrong*
prof: hmmm let me see
prof: u see its wrong here. thats why it doesnt work
*points at the exact same thing i pointed out*2 -
None, for me, but that's why I work as a cybersecurity engineer and not a dev!
But, I do tons of side projects and the reason why I love it: it makes me feel like I'm in God mode. (and helps me solve quite some problems)
Quite ironic, for an atheist ;)4 -
When you think it can't get any worse you stumble across legacy what-the-actual-fuck-was-he-thinking-templates of your hopefully slowly-dying ex-coworker...
7 -
Me at the new company:
My code doesn't work, I don't know why..
My code works!, But still I don't know why5 -
"Aunt": I know that you have a bachelor's degree in computer science so you are smart with the computer...can you help me to pair new universal remote control for my television?1
-
Installing Unreal plugins from github be like:
clone, try to build
unreal: nah
me: can you tell me why?
unreal: nah
me: please?
unreal: nah
...
me: With the powers of MS VS I command you, tell me why the fuck you aren't building!?!
unreal: yeah I need that dependency in this plugin fo rmotion tracking
me: we don't do motion tracking *comment it out*
unreal: there I build it.
... I feel like I was a Karen, went to talk to the manager (VS) who gave me a proper explanation to why the employee had to behave this way.2 -
Me: I’m gonna make it so the users can access the locations for 30days.
Boss: wtf? U dumb? Do you know how valuable that data is, dont fucking put a limit
Me: *listening 10minutes of him ranting how that’s the stupidest idea he’s heard all day*
Boss:why would you want to do that anyways like wtf?
Me: storage optimization
Boss: 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 wtf r u like a idiot or smthng.
My head: nah I’m done, I’m about to roast this guy with my numbers*
Me: every single minute 40k rows of data come in from just ONE☝️ CLIENT.....AND THATS HOW, EVEN IF WE ADD THAT FUCKING 2 YEAR LIMIT WE WOULD BE HOSTING 5 FUCKING PETABYTES OF DATA FOR JUST ONE CLIENT, not including other shits, this is only for heatmaps. And imagine changing all of that database system in the future, that would require going threw so much databases and pages, this ain’t just like changing one number and bam less storage space.
Boss: Ok, add that 2 year limit, later we will sort this out.
My brain: *omg, now that I know these numbers how will I ever fall asleep😦*9 -
Why do people like hiring managers at companies seem to think that because you are paid to code you spend your spare time coding?
You don't expect a surgeon to operate all day then go home and randomly start cutting people up, so don't expect a code surgeon to spend all day coding to go clock off the start hacking away at shit either!10 -
Reviewed some Unity game code yesterday
[HideInInspector] public NavMeshAgent agent;
Me:”why is this hidden if it’s public”
Dev: “so designers don’t fuck it up”
Me: “then why have it public”
Dev: “I need it to be set by another class”
Me: “then make it a private bar and create a get:set function”
Dev: “Why?”
Me: “Because hiding a public variables from designers is a bad model and by standards things now to be shown to the inspector should be private”
This shit is why I have no confidence in devs my age10 -
So I spent the last two days wondering WTF I did wrong, because my Laptop (Debian STABLE mind you...) would only boot in read-only mode and therefore only TTY (which btw sucks donkey-balls on a 4k screen (see image for visualization)) but on the earlier Kernel 4.9.0-7, everything was dandy.
So apparently laptop-mode-tools managed to fuck shit up in a way yet unknown, but as soon as I yeeted that bitch off my harddrive, everything was working flawlessly again...
6 -
For about 3x years now, we have had 3x generic work email addresses that are used as microsoft accounts for office 2016 licenses.
(The company is dragging its heels on getting office 365 so MS like to make our lives hell.)
Suddenly we can’t get office updates... and when we sign in to see why, it says that because we are apparently only 3 years old we need our parents permission to use the account or we’ll lose access by September.
Never were we forced to enter a DOB when setting the accounts up!!! So it used the account setup date instead.
It turns out that we can’t change our DOB ourselves, as we are a ‘child’ and need a parents permission.
Fine.
I access my personal account and follow the instructions to add the 3x email addresses as my children so i can change the DOB.
‘Ha ha’ i hear microsoft saying, ‘it doesn’t work that way!!’
No, In order for the parent to verify their child’s identity, they are charged 0.50c per child!
Wtf!!
Doesn’t cost a lot but come on Microsoft!!
It’s that, or submit ID, which obviously wont work for a generic support@ email address like we have.
So annoying and we don’t know what to do.
Wonder how much MS are making out of this...2 -
When you laugh at people who crack their phone screens, and then you drop yours face down on asphalt and your screen shatters. Life is fair sometimes10
-
When you spend two weeks coding something only to find out there is a cool generator that could write 90% of your code for you7
-
Client gives me long talk about how important their website is to them. Repeatedly have to reassure them I know what I am doing. Still badger me about being super secure. Their password is the same as their username for their website hosting.1
-
!rant
> Spends a week on a feature
> "Oh we won't need it anymore"
EXCUSE ME BUT WHY!? WE HAVE A FUCKING ROADMAP YOU COULD'VE TOLD THERE WE WON'T NEED IT ANYMORE WHY FUCKING WHY YOU WANKSTAIN >:(
6 -
<meta name="viewport" content="width=device-width, initial-scale=1">
After trying to figure out why the examples were working on the site, but not on my page, finding out this was the problem left me with one reaction:
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH1 -
My coworker found out that Powerpoint is Turing Complete, so now he wants to write an operating system in Powerpoint. Kill me now...1
-
"Hello, the drive of your XYZ server is getting full, would it be possible to prune some of the unused and/or old docker images and layers there please? Alternatively, we can offer to replace the drives with a higher capacity models for FOO extra per month"
"Hello, the disk use keeps growing and has reached the 95% mark, please prune some of your images to make space for new. If you wanted to choose the alternate option of disk capacity increase, we would have to do that as soon as possible, otherwise you may run out of space before the RAID array rebuilds"
"Hello, your server XYZ has completely ran out of disk space. Any changes that would require data being saved on disk may and probably will fail. Please free some space as soon as possible"
Ugh, I hate clients that just don't cooperate until shit hits the fan...
And no, we could not prune the space ourselves, its not our data to delete whenever we think it necessary.
We merely manage the machine's operation, keeping it online and its services running.2 -
I’m fairly new to maintaining my own webservers. For the past week the servers (two of them) kept crashing constantly.
After some investigation I figured it was due to someone running a script trying to get ssh access.
I learned about fail2ban, DOS and DDOS attacks and had quite a fight configuring it all since I had 20 seconds on average between the server shutdowns and had to use those 20 second windows to configure fail2ban bit by bit.
Finally after a few hours it was up and running on both servers and recognized 380 individual IPs spamming random e-mail / password combos.
I fet relieved seeing that it all stopped right after fail2ban installation and thought I was safe now and went to sleep.
I wake up this morning to another e-mail stating that pinging my server failed once again.
I go back to the logs, worried that the attack became more sophisticated or whatever only to see that the 06:25 cronjob is causing another fucking crash. I can’t figure out why.
Fuck this shit. I’m setting another cronjob to restart this son of a bitch at 06:30.
I’m done.3 -
Boss: Use the same template that site [X] is using for this project.
Me: [X] is WordPress. Our project is asp.Net/C#. I can't
Boss: Why?
Me: You can't put a round peg in a square hole!
Boss: Why?
Me: [thinking about mortgage] I'll do it.
Boss: Why didn't you say so in the first place?
Me: [die a little inside]7 -
Such a stressful night.
Laptop's battery seems to have died.
Why? Whyyyyyyyyy? Why? 😭😭😭😭
Why me? Why now? Why these stuff always happen at the worst times?15 -
Can someone explain the philosophy of the "not for me" downvote?
There are many things that are "not for me" in life, but, presumably, this action executes a global downvote on the post/comment---which is pretty much an expression of "not for anyone".
If this action were to train a recommendation engine---so I get recommendations that like-minded people see---then great. But why should that result in a public downvote?
I don't go up to people in the bar and say "Drinking Guinness? Not for me, mate." As an adult, I understand that my preferences are not universal.
Personally, I can't square the idea of "not for me" with its consequence of a public downvote.
I'm sure this must have been covered before...but all rants, as physiological and emotional activities, are unique. Your rant can never be mine.4 -
I genuinely regret and believed that I just got scammed by recruiter. There's a company wanted me to create a prototype of Social Media App in order to be qualified for the interview , which I completed in weeks, as soon as they got my source code, they went ghosting me.
I woke up in the early morning today, in my WeChat Moment appears to be an advertisement of a "Social Media App" , which the design and the concepts are very familiar.
So technically I just build the an app for their money making scheme, and I am unemployed.
I hate myself for making this decision, I thought the app is for testing my capabilities, but unfortunately that's not it...
我只是棋盤上的棋子...........25 -
How are practical exams conducted in your university (if you're still a student)?
I'm dreading tomorrow. So I have a practical exam tomorrow and usually in my university, they first ask us to write the solution code on a paper, get it approved from the invigilator (who by the way ignorantly approves everybody's code without checking) and then only we are allowed to actually execute our code and get it approved again from the examiner.
It's been three years now and I still don't get the point of first writing the code on the paper (as if we didn't already have theory exams expecting us to write it all on paper) and then executing it....8 -
Fucking kill me. I've just agreed to make a shitty fucking app that would be better as a Webpage, using shitty fucking technologies I don't understand, to do a thing that would be better handled by a third party.
You know why? The guy who asked me to do it is a good friend, and I'm the "best (only) code monkey" he knows. FUCK MY LIFE.
At least I'm getting payed7 -
Manager: how long does it take to add this functionality?
Me: 🤔, give me 6 days.
Man: perfect, you'll have 4 days
Me: why ask me then?
Man: so you feel included in the decision 🙂
Me: ..... Right... And ignored....
And now he wonders why, since then, I overestimate the times... And I wonder why he didn't fire me, my friends get scared everytime I talk to our manager 😛, actually, they forbid me from talking in meetings 😛. -
Did some uncompleted changes.
Pushed to master..
At friday evening...
Before christmas....
Still an amazing person😂 -
GOD DAMN THE STUPID IPTABLES, aaaaah!
Today I learned that
iptables -I INPUT -i !lo -j DROP
and
iptables -I INPUT ! -i lo -j DROP
are two completely different rules, the first of which doesn't work (in ~99.9% of cases)
yet both pass and get added to the firewall. And both rules show exactly the same in the state listing (iptables -L -n -v).
And I was wondering why the hell the firewall wasn't working...8 -
Almost like interview.....
At project fair..
Q. Which language you use.
Me. Python
Q. Why.
Me. Explained
Q. Why you not use Java?..
Me(in mind): ###############4 -
Yesterday I found a Fridge on Amazin which you plug into your USB Port. I really liked the product so I told my friend about it. Unfortunately she doesnt know shit about tech😂. First I had to explain what a fucking USB Port is!!! A USB Port!After an hour of explaining she thought that the fridge is for cooling a USB Port. FML😂😂10
-
Ransomware has the effect to destroying data and my will to live.
I come in to work yesterday to see everyone panicking. We got hit by WannaCry. The boss is with IT dealing with it and sends all of us home. No biggie, since all of my work data is backed up on an offsite server.
I come back into work to still see everyone in a frenzy. I think they are still overreacting to the attack, so I go to my corner in the office. I boot up to see the Ubuntu logo, which is a huge problem, not for me of course, but for everyone else who can barely work Windows. I barge in on my boss and ask him why the fuck is Ubuntu on the PC's.
He replies, "I looked it up, Linux is not affected by viruses".
What the fuck is wrong with people? After I tell him to revert back to Windows because he's being a fucking retard, he goes ahead to send all of us home.
I can only hope he doesn't install Zorin or Elementary because I will quit.6 -
I just got an advertisement for Android Studio?
Why?? Why would google spend money telling me about Android Studio?? I'm a bit off-put by this?12 -
I can't motivate myself to read or understand all these papers and tutorials... I wish I had a backup brain somewhere. 🙄1
-
I am sure now, my server hates me T_T
opened an SSH from Vultr portal and after working for few minutes that thing suddenly rebooted, am I a bad person :(
In its defense I had two docker containers that literary ate all the 512MB ram available :35 -
>Be a customer
>Ask to reduce number of servers you rent at our company
>Agree to a date when the one server you no longer needs will be due to be disconnected and taken apart
>Date comes
>I have the honors of sending the final /sbin/poweroff
>All goes neatly... until...
The web that used to be there, now moved to another one of their machines, goes down, wtf???
Oh. a 500. What?
Checks logs...
Cannot connect to Database.
Wtf? Local database works... Oh. OH. OH MY GOD.
>Turn the server back on and tell the customer to fix the app to no longer connect to that machine
Sometimes, being a sysadmin can be a real fun!1 -
For the next 2 months, I'm forced to migrate documentation from one site to another, correcting the formating if needed.
What did i do to deserve this?5 -
Linux doesn't like my Asus laptop
For fuck's sake stop asking me to login again when I put in the correct password, cannot even sign in as a guest jeez
Never. Partitioning. Again.9 -
So I've just finished a long day at work (warehouse) from 5.45 till 1.30, got home, had some herb tea, started dropping off, then my cunt of a mate sets a firecracker off IN MY TUPPERWARE, CRACKING THE BASTARD, THEN FUCKING THREATENS ME WHEN I TELL HIM TO SIT DOWN BEFORE I BREAK HIS NOSE. I don't know whether to just kill him or beat the shit out of him, but I'm sick of him doing shit like this when I finally manage to drop off to sleep (I don't sleep well).
FUCKING COCK SUCKING CUM STAIN.
I really want to try to beat the shit out of him but at the same time he's my best mate, what should I do, because I'm FUCKING SICK OF IT?!?
30 -
>Discovers a new low level profiling tool that could help us at work with stuck process debugging and gets all hyped
>Installs on test machine, tool doesn't work
>Wonders why. Oh. Needs a kernel module to work, compiled and loaded
>"Well, its my test machine... Guess that's no problem..." but... my hype died down a bit. Kernel module installation just for a new tool that aggregates all other commonly used tools? eh... Maybe it will blow me out of my shoes still
>Installs and loads the module
>Tool works. Turns out its just a htop-like tool, with shortcuts to launch specific other profiling tools like strace/ltrace/lsof/netstat/ss etc...
"Oh... That's boring. Maybe it has all those tools built in at least?"
>Tries to run ltrace - tool exits as ltrace is not installed
Lol
>Installs ltrace and launches tool again. Tries to ltrace a process and
>Nothing. Nothing happens. For seconds... Then kicks me off of SSH
WTF?
>Tries to ping machine... silence
Did... our net go down again? (Having issues due to a storm going over our area these few days)
>Pings google and... gets instant reply
More wtf
>Pings the hypervisor the machine was running on
Works like normal
Oh... Oh no. Please tell me it didn't!
>Logs into the hypervisor UI, checks machine state
Running OK
>Opens machine console aaaaand... Yep. Stacktrace as well as a lot of kernel mumbo-jumbo... It took the machine down to kernel panic.
I never went so quick from "We need this tool deployed everywhere" to "Omg I need to get rid of this crap as soon as possible" lol.
And just for those wondering, it was sysdig.1 -
Nothing more refreshing than seeing the code definitely do the opposite of what its line comments say it does in the first file you open to get to know the new project 😅
-
I almost fired off an update query without a where clause on the live db. I stopped at the last second. I'm now having survivors guilt. Why me? Why was I saved when so many before me didn't make it? 😁4
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I told my friends how i liked the IT movie and pronounced it as I.T. and they laugh at me because it is an "it". So why why why it was both capitalized then. Grrrrr1
-
My boyfriend: "how do you do <some random stuff> on Windows"? After I tried to answer: "Why I ask you about Windows"? Me: "Yeah! Why people still asks me about Windows"? Why?3
-
When the idea of a bonus is ignored again by corporate, and the idea of pay rises has been long forgotten3
-
I am surrounded by incompetent fucking idiots, from the team lead that does a half arsed job at coding and then wonders why nothing further down the chain works to whole component teams that seem to be lagging so far behind they don't even know what the current code base looks like.
And who's in the middle of it all running around fixing all the problems these fucktards create, why yes it's me.
I would leave to let it implode and see what they'd do but I already know, they'd leave it till I got back so I could fix it all for them.
Feel like going around with a rolled up news paper and whacking each of them on the back of the head while screaming "no, bad code monkey, bad, fix your own bugs"
I hate being the go to fix it guy sometimes.1 -
My dick is like a diamond: Disappointing and too small without expensive processes to make anyone happy.
˙ǝןqɐʇɹoɟɯoɔun s,ʇı puɐ ʇɟos "ᔭ ǝʞıן ʇı ǝʞɐɯ spǝɯ dǝǝןs ʎɯ ʇnq pɹɐɥ "ϛ˙ᄅ ǝʞıן s,ʇı9 -
When you were beating your friend in a course all year, only for them to ace the final project with you flopping. Carried them all the way to the end, and now I have to ace the exam to beat him overall, or I'll never hear the end of it 😒1
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When an interviewer asks, what are the steps that you take usually when given a task to do something, what do you guys say?
I said, I devote 10-20% of the time to understand the given problem - sit and explore all possible scenarios to handle, then develop a brute Force approach, improve the approach to make it more efficient, see if it handles all edge and corner cases, then write test cases for it.
( I'm thinking, the process doesn't vary a lot for most of the people?, Except in TDD - one'll write the test cases first)
How would you answer this question?
I have this feeling that I messed up something 🤔8 -
Why do people continue to ask me why I'm not just sending any - ANY - error/exception message in full length to the user.
Am I going nuts? You can't tell me that this is a good idea right?10 -
Banging my head on my desk because I couldn't figure out why my website was bugging out in mobile mode.....
Come to find out I forgot a closing " ...there's a hour of my life I'll never get back lol
Special thanks to HTML validators lol1 -
I opened devrant with this rant in mind and the first thing i saw is a post about someones boss getting killed...
Fucking hell does someone have good news?
Everywhere i look is pain. Why is this world so cruel!?!?!
Why is there war Why did so many people get killed Why Why Why
My only safe place is while coding, this distracts me from this whole world. I create my own world while coding and dive deep into it. Its one of those things keeping me alive.4 -
"sudo su" still makes me nervous, it's like a hack.
Why don't use "sudo -i" instead?
I know that option is newer, but why?
8 -
Can someone here tell me, Why the fuck is the Inbox app in the Apple App store around 250MB, while the same app is around 7MB on Google Play? Why? Why?
-
It looks like Windows almost stopped me from exiting the mall. I had to call customer care to save me from situation. The toll station froze on me. Why Windows? Why?
3 -
WHY THE FUCK DOES RUNKIT RETURN A SHORTENED STRING?!?!? I SPENT 3 FUCKING DAYS DEBUGGING BECAUSE 2 VALUES WERENT THE SAME.
AAAAA -
Me: I have very perfect reason why I did not come to work to day .
Client: Please state your reason .
Me: its silly I don't wanna talk about it.
Client: please do
Me: my index fingers are hurting
Client: why
Me: what do you mean why I was tying to git push heroku master
But every time some json dependency failed -
Okay soooo.... I have this laptop that I use a little less often but is bugging me about. So WINDOWS just decides to RAMP UP THE HARD DRIVE TO ALL HELL WHENEVER I NEED TO USE IT.
I have a few options:
- Replace the 1TB 5400RPM with a 120GB SSD and do Linux
- Replace the 1TB with the 120GB and do a fresh install of Windows
- Replace Windows with Linux, keeping the 1TB
- or reinstall Windows
Which do you suggest and why?4 -
Just had my reasoning for not doing technical projects for interviews proven.
Pass the first 2 stages of interview (including showing some personal portfolio projects) then after a week of hearing nothing get sent a technical project to complete.
Spend every spare moment for a week polishing this thing, decent front end, quick and efficient back end, low traffic between fe, be, persistence etc.
Submit the code at midday ready for the interview the following day, only for the company to phone at 5pm and say all is fine and the code is great for the final interview (walkthrough) the next day, then phone 5:10pm phone and pull the position.
That company has just had free work done which should have cost 1 weeks worth of fees, using the premise of a job at the end of it, only to take the code that they are super happy with and run with no payout.10 -
Some facepalm things I've discovered recently:
- Node's require("http") doesn't work for https - you have to require("https") specifically.
- Mongofiles (command line utility for Mongo, imports files as GridFS) cannot input more than one file at a time. Regex doesn't work. [Ended up making a puny Powershell script to do it].
- Airtable doesn't let you download your attachments, even if you export a csv - it's just a url to the image on their cloud.
It's been an exhausting day.1 -
Legacy code that has a really long and convoluted way of integrating Dropbox authorisation to save files etc.
This happened in a meeting discussing where I’m at with the upgrade.
Me: This upgrade is going to take a while because of how outdated the app is. Also for assets uploaded by the user why don’t we just use active storage for this now as we have rails 6 now. Plus it will reduce a lot of code.
Other Dev: why would we do that? It’s a big change and will need testing.
Me: A lot of stuff is broken after the upgrade anyway and if we have a more built in simple way to do it why wouldn’t we? Also simplifying the code base is always good. The PR is already 1000+ files and we’re going to have to retest the app anyways.
Other Dev: *crickets*
I’m trying to make the app more smooth and streamlined and overall a better codebase as currently it’s shocking there and security holes galore, its like they don’t trust me with changing anything big haha honestly I think I’m the only one who wants to actually improve the application.2 -
what have I done to deserve this? 😫
the connection is so shitty I can't even rant about it properly... 😵
2 -
Picking up girls
Me: We will be like C and Assembler.
Girl: Why?!
Me: Cuz I will decompile into you... ;)
9 -
So my desktop just crapped itself big time... 😧
It has been having trouble booting for the past few weeks, going into a rave flashing all the monitors, but usually recovering after a couple of minutes.
Today a got even more rave and after 10 minutes and a forced reboot, all I get now is a cursor... 😢
Guess it's time to reinstall Windows, hopefully that will fix the missing icons and thumbnails too 😅
1 -
Is there anyone who has ever used frappe/erpnext?
It drives me nuts, as much as I like the framework doing any thing that needs some basic scripting is a pain!
I MEAN, COME ON MAN, WHY ARE DOCS SO HARD TO COME BY? WHY DOES YOUR "CUSTOM SCRIPT" EDITOR LACK BAISIC LINE NUMBERS? WHY ARE YOUR ERROR MESSAGES TELLING ME EVERYTHING BUT THE LINE THE ERROR'S ON, SO I'LL BE HOPEFULL THE ERROR IS IN THE DEV CONSOLE? WHY NOT USE MONACO, SOMETHING, ANYTHING THAT WILL SHOW SYNTAX ERRORS? I'VE WAISTED HOURS ON LITTLE AUTOMATION SCRIPTS!!!! WHY WHY WHY WHY????1 -
Architect: Oh hey Zaphod65, let me know when you're in. Some strangeness in [system], ta
Me: Already here actually [Archtect], what's up?
Architect: oh hi well let me do a little more digging. it may be in frontend
Me: ...
Why? Why do I *care* if you haven't even made sure it's my fault yet?!1 -
Rant
Why Windows why you do this to me...
Been looking at this for at least 30m now and was mid way through an eureka moment...
4 -
Oh god why... Why is it that every time I work with software defined radios, I keep on having to rely on not just incomplete, but at times misleading documentation 😩
Last time was GNU radio, with the doc telling me that I could define an input for a processing block using either a type or a (type, size) tupple, only for the actual code to scream at me in confusion upon my passing a tupple.
Now is that other SDR's SDK, which, as if being built upon eclipse wasn't bad enough, managed to make its serial communications confusing. Why can't you just let me set a callback to rx interrupts, you daft punks...1 -
That moment when you spend your whole night building something to look like a website skeleton in CSS bootstrap so that your colleague who supervises it tells you that it needs to be revamped...1
-
I hope there's a special kind of hell for project leaders / execs that make the decision to take down the documentation for older versions of a software.
I know we should have upgraded a long time ago, but come on. I have no clue what's going on now, and not much to go on either! All the documentation links in the configurations just redirect to the project's github repo, and I sure as hell am not going to read the whole source code just to find the possible logic behind the issue!
Ugh... Days like this frustrate me so much...2 -
Oh... my... gosh. I don't think I've ever been more infuriated by people that talk about how much money their company is going to make. They talk about what they're going to buy, what they're going to do. How everyone they don't like is going to feel sorry for ever crossing them. And then they do absolute jack shit in terms of actually working towards their fantasy company that is going to make them billions. Know why? They're LAZY. It's nice to dream, but be realistic. Fuck. Listen, 90% or more of people are just average. If you don't work towards making yourself great, of course you're not going anywhere. Most people will never be rich. It's just how it is.
Bonus annoyance points for trying to make me do all the work for the company that will make them billions. -_- -
Rejected for the job . Out in technical round, though i gave all the correct answers.
Me: seating outside with a down face.🦁
HR: what happened? you seems to bit low .
Me: sir ,got rejected in technical round.🐷
HR: work on mistakes.
Me: yeah sir🦊
Inner me: tell me the mistakes fucker...
Why ? Why? Why?
Dealing with rejection for no reason 🐀17 -
Me: preparing to go to sleep.
Github: you’re now able to use code spaces beta.
Me: fuck sleep for a while and let’s give it a try
Anyone is using it ?6 -
MacOS be like: "Hmm... .pub... That's... Lets open it in... Libreoffice writer!"
>Nope.exe
>Tries changing the default app to open .pub from Libreoffice to Sublime
Now, MacOS is like: HALT! That app is from unknown publisher, your security setting does not permit opening apps from unknown developers!
>Sublime works fine, is used daily
>MacOS now tries to open... .pub files as if they were... Applications?
Wtf MacOS. Ur weird, go annoy the hipsters that use you to be cool pls. I need to actually work.5 -
Me: Why is the record not there? Why? Why? Does this database even work?
2 mins later: Damn. I had a "limit 10" at the end of the SQL. -
Okay, yes, modsecurity WAF is amazing and all, but... When one tries to implement its rules atop an existing app that wasn't developed in accordance to the rules... That hurts.
How tf am I supposed to parse and present a 6.5GB / 22M line audit log to the client?! Just parsing that monstrosity once takes *minutes*, let alone doing any sort of sorting / analysis!
I feel sick. This is exactly why I am a sysadmin and not a programmer, I don't like writing analysis stuff, or programs more complex than a few hundred lines of bash... :|5 -
As a graphic designer who works on side as front end developer and UI designer... Starting with asp.net is notjing just hell 😑 I miss my layout designs already...1
-
With the prospect of copying and pasting the same method 23 times looming ahead of me, I begin to wonder if maybe my predecessors didn't understand the point of interfaces
-
Me: *watches programming video on Y-Combinator*
Also Me: "why the heck are they talking about recursion and not funding startups?"2 -
Know the basics of the tech, don't just dive in with some off the shelf blackbox buzzword then find yourself crippled when you need to debug it going wrong1
-
Anyone heard of a an interview process where you apply through a job site and the first interaction back from the company is a coding project?
I've had it a few times where I'm told there will be a coding project or there has been later in the process, but I've never had it as the immediate first step.
Why would an unknown small startup think that someone would spend a couple of hours effectively working for them without having the slightest idea about the company and culture. An application is usually classed as an expression of interest and a discussion into the wider detail is then usually had with some HR or recruiter representative (or at least that's my experience in the UK)6 -
why I have to be such trouble to please
it wouldn’t be me if it was easy
why I have to be such trouble to please
it wouldn’t be easy if it was me -
@#&$%₩
Stupid fucking Astrobox, why won't you pick up the 3d printer anymore??
Why is this fucking piece of shit giving me issues every goddamn time I try to use it? Why?? -
Hello my dear friend. I hate you. You are asking me why? You know exactly why.
I'm fucking tired with dealing with your fucking projects. Yeah, your unresponsive websites projects. You shove me a website, with crapton of images, JavaScript fireworks and you even dare to ask why website is lagging on mobile?
Also I hate you for ugly, custom fonts without Polish letters and you fucking are mad at me why some letters look different?
Last thing. If you ever again ask me why a website (look again at projects you are giving to me) is looking different on mobile, then I swear I will fucking rape you. (but maybe I will maybe kill you instead) -
Thank you weed.
I finally spent around 1 hour to set uo perfect levels. (for me at least).
Why, why I alays need to set up everything ? Why can't I just thing be....
1 -
I love staying late to patch PHP systems. It's even better when our ecommerce website written in Perl has an issue with cart checkouts and customers are complaining1
-
I know lets create a method that does nothing like this other method, but call it the same thing with 'get' in front. Won't confuse anyone at all that3
-
For the challenge:
The challenge of living within your means when you start out then realising that no company gives the payrises and/or bonuses stipulated as possible in the contract or 'a sure thing' by the recruiter, such that what was comfortably your living within your means becomes living well outside your means thanks to inflation, and no pay review to make things match.
OR
Because I like to do work that either never gets used, or gets rewritten and fucked by the apprentice before anyone attempts to use it.2 -
Why does my Android camera app mirror my selfies, and why again, as I already turned this off some time ago. Only noticed when there was a sign in the background. Annoying misfeature, wtf (yes, please tell me why this is a great feature for you, this might actually make me happier)2
-
Mongoose: Callbacks VS Promises? Opinions and reasons please.
I'm trying to update array of data which involves couple queries.. Best practices?9 -
My old school made a youtube channel called:
*SCHOOL NAME* Tech Tips.
With half of the teachers talking about computers. The Teachers are 60/70.3 -
Why there are so many bugs in angular? Why the fuck zoneJS freaks out when asyncValidator and *ngIf depend on the same observable. Fuck me4
-
when you get a random DM from somebody on their first day on another team and they ask you about onboarding stuff
i'm not sure why me as i'm on another team and not even 2 months here
i guess i updated some documentation but there was no explanation for why me and at the end of a hard day of work im too done to bother asking why me1 -
Why the fuck catch(...) Doesn't catch shit!? Fuuuuu!! I hate it! Why these things keep happening to me?!5
-
Sent a User Story link to a senior that he had requested (10+ years of exp)...
Me: Sir, why do we need this US?
Him: Why
Me: Yes sir, why do we need that?
Him: Yes, that's what I'm asking you, why do we need this?
Me: But sir I asked first 🙄1 -
Guy advertises job. Decent pay, decent benefits, all in all decent package.
Guy replies to request for further information with some shit about being able to get you 50 calls from people who will hire you but would you want to work for them... well that's why i didn't apply to 50 jobs you applied to the 1, because it sounded like you would want to work for them.
Then guy says they are paying a lot less than avertised, and the advert is basically bullshit to get him people to give his 50 opportunities shit to.2 -
i think you all know about YouTube and its super power "Recommended for You"... like when some stupid friend sends you a my little pony video and you just can't get rid of it... Well just a few minutes ago this friend of mine sent me some weird japanese video s**t with battleships and flying girls shooting at each other enjoying it...
Please send a prayer or two for me I'm going to need it2 -
Client: I need to organize this data in my database, just let me create any folder, and folders inside folders. I mean, it is a database so you can create folders right?
Me: I'll see what I can do
Inner me: NO, F U, that's not easy, that's not how databases work, WTH is wrong with you4 -
i do the website for this association and had the urge to overhaul everything, implement decent architecture and security, getting rid of awful php/html mixture. considered everything pretty fly and after going live did some minor adjustments primarily in the admin section. like instead of selecting the last 100 logs, all from the last year.
turned out there were 16 logins to the site within the last year. two board member logins (one person). impressive considering all of the functionality for administering the association it was capable of even before the rework.
so we do need a website, everyone wants to be updated, board administration is annoying but fuck my software?
more visitors than all of my other projects though.
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