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First new job impression;
Me: you use Ubuntu as well? Nearly everyone does Linux here I see!
Co-worker: yup!
Me: So no windows?
CW: nahh, we want stuff that's fixable if it gets fucked. *mentions some things about windows*
Other co-worker: (obviously referring to windows) hey no swearing in here!
😄😅😆
I like it there!33 -
Had to debug an issue,
*ssh user@domain*
"some wild network connection issue"
*hmm weird.. *
*checks everything again*
*hmm seems alright.. *
*tries again*
*same damn error*
*ssh -v user@domain*
*syntax error thingy on the -v part*
😮
*messages co-worker asking what the fuck could be giving on*
"ey mate check your aliases 😂"
*alias"
"alias ssh="echo {insert network connection issue"*
*loud laughing from the co-worker I messaged*
MOTHERFUCKER 😆15 -
My weirdest ever co-worker was a man who called himself "the code" and wrote exclusively JavaScript.7
-
Co-worker: "I wish I understood how this program worked"
Me: "I wish I understood how THIS program worked"
Co-worker: "You're the the one that wrote that"
Me: "Your point?"4 -
Co-worker presented her work by sharing her screen. She forgot to unshare.
She proceeded to open Chrome and search: "Can I sue co-worker if I get coronavirus because he coughed?"
Another employee said: "Your screen is showing" :/13 -
Me and co-worker, working with firebase.
Co-worker: Hey man, I need the private key for the server.
Me: Why?
Co-worker: I need to put it in the client so that I can authenticate.
Me: No.
Co-worker: But this guide tells me ...
Me: No
Co-worker: ... that I need it to create tokens so I can log in.
Me: ... No.
Co-worker: But the guide..
Me: If the guide would ask you to kill yourself, would you?
Co-worker: No but..
*I walk over*
Me: This isn't even related to what we are doing. You can see it in the title.
Me: Did you read the title of this post?
Co-worker: No.7 -
Co-worker has been sick for two days now (the guy that mainly helps me).
This has forced me to do nearly every ticket myself without asking questions.
It's going really great! I'm very happy about it tbh 😊7 -
Everytime I throw my stress ball (and miss...because sports are hard) at a co-worker, they ALWAYS think I'm throwing an orange at them.
8 -
My co-worker quit by saying he was going back to school.
The dude just went to sit at home.
He figured that its much better than constant "abuse" at the office. 😂3 -
Weirdest co-worker was a loner(he prefers to be left alone) and he has no social skills.
One day, everyone in the office received an invitation letter. All of us were invited to our weirdest co-worker's wedding!
After that, everyone became his friend :)6 -
Me, in the zone, staring at the code. Co-worker enters.
Co: hey, can you...
Me (not really listening): no.
Co: it's just...
Me: no.
Co: later?
Me: no.
Co: but...
Me: no.
Co: (leaving)13 -
Co-worker: Hey man, what's up with your code?
Me: What do you mean bro?
Co-worker: It's generic man...
Me: Isn't it supposed to be like that?
Co-worker: Yeah...
Me: ... so what's this about?
Co-worker: hmmm... Mine is kinda specific, do you mind changing it so that it can work well with mine??
Me: That's why I made it generic though
Co-worker: yeah I see that and I dnt want mine to be and we have a deadline tomorrow. I already pushed mine to develop so, happy fun-time while modifying your code to accommodate mine...
Me: *fuuxuuuuuuuuuuuux*6 -
Co Worker: "Your computer is missing a mouse!"
Me: "I require less dependencies to use a computer"
BBUUUURRRRNN10 -
I once had a co-worker (QA guy) who had the worst smelling breath of anyone's I ever smelled. He was a nice guy but it was kind of weird/irritating how bad it smelled. One day someone confronted him about it, and he said that it was garlic since he apparently constantly chewed on garlic. I guess it was just some odd habit and he didn't care he was grossing everyone out haha.11
-
I think the best I saw was a co-worker scripted a file so that every time the manager typed the computer would play painful screaming sounds and then thank her when she stopped typing.3
-
Trying to concentrate. Co-worker from another room standing there, BLA BLA BLA, and she's fucking LOUD. But she hates coldness, and it's below 0 °C outside.
So I open two windows, and guess who instantly leaves! Now it's cold, but SILENT. HAR HAR!6 -
Me: You're looking rested - the vacation does you good, it seems.
Co-worker: I didn't have vacation?!
Me: but our PM does.
Co-worker: ...2 -
I have this guy who screams and keeps on slamming the table in a meeting room (there is only the project developer inside), about how important to LTRIM RTRIM in sql, combining multiple insert into 1 stored procedure, making a big deals of small feature since we’re on a tight schedule, bla bla bla
Worse retard ever
I almost punched him12 -
Co-worker put in her two weeks notice, then found out the company doesn't pay out remaining PTO.
.. so she took a two week paid vacation with her remaining 14 days. XD3 -
Me teaching a co-worker programming.
Him:"So what exactly is the difference between Java and JavaScript?"
Me:"About the same as the difference between cars and carpets."
Thank you guys for teaching me how to answer that.2 -
!rant
Some months back I introduced a co-worker to devrant. Today when I arrived at the office I had this on my laptop.
So proud...
18 -
Co-worker: I need a proxy to do this task.
Me: Why do you need a proxy?
Co-worker: So all these reviews for the company I'm posting don't look sketchy.
Me: Download the TOR browser.
Co-worker: That's kinda sketchy I don't wanna do that.
So falsifying information about the company is okay, but using a browser to do it anonymously is right out.1 -
"Everyone must attend this meeting. It's really important that you all attend".
Me: *walks into meeting with other co-workers
Host: So what should we discuss today?
Co-worker 1: We can discuss how we did on the recently completed project.
Host: We'll save that for next meeting.
Co-worker 2: Any strategic plans for upcoming project?
Host: That too, for next meeting.
Me: Black Panther.
Host: That was actually a great movie. I saw it over the weekend. Who else saw it? ....
Me (in my thoughts): Just wow! 😂
PS: I still haven't seen that movie.2 -
Me and co-worker troubleshooting why he can't run the docker container for database.
Me: Check if the port is busy.
Co-worker: To my knowledge, it isn't.
Me: Strange, it just works fine for me and everyone else.
Me: And you're sure you didn't already start it previously?
*We verify that it isn't running*
Me: I'm pretty sure the port is busy from that error message. Try another port.
Co-worker: Already did, it didn't work.
Me: And by any chance restarting your machine won't solve anything?
*It doesn't solve anything*
Me: Alright, I have some work to do, but I'll get back to this. Tell me if you find a solution.
Co-worker: Alright.
*** Time passes, when I get back he has switched to windows, dualboot, same machine ***
Me: I don't think you'll have a better time running the docker image on windows.
Co-worker: Oh, that's not what I'm looking for. You see, I had a database on my windows partition recently and I thought maybe thats why it won't start.
Me (screaming internally) : WTF ARE YOU STUPID, WINDOWS AND LINUX ISNT RUNNING AT THE SAME FUCKING TIME.
Me (actually saying): I don't think computers work like that.
Co-worker: My computer is magical. It does strange things.
Me: That's a logical conclusion.
*** More time passes ***
Co-worker solves the problem. The port was busy because Ubuntu was already running PostgreSQL on that port.
Third co-worker shimes in: Oh yeah, I had the exact same problem and it took me a long time to solve it.
Everyone is sitting in arms reach of each other.
So not only was I right from the start. Someone else heard this whole conversation and didn't chime in with his solution. And the troubleshooting step of booting into windows and looking if a database is running there ???? Wtf
Why was I put on this Earth?6 -
I have a co-worker that always uses "I'm too old" as an excuse.
You're 33. You're just a lazy piece of shit that doesn't take care of his body.
Fuck you, do work.7 -
Fucking co-worker!!
This asshole blamed the delay in delivery of the project on me.
I mean what the fuck dude, I was just helping you out. That wasn't even my job.
Pathetic people!5 -
Everyone but me in my team touches the screen. Everyone except for my one co-worker G, she mashes it like the screen is at fault for the code being bad.
1 -
By far the best co-worker. She's doesn't bitch and complain or make excuses.
And let's be honest, she's cute as fuck.
3 -
It's strange what you can learn when you have too much deadtime.
Last week I learned balloon twisting through youtube videos. A co-worker and I decorated the desk of a co-worker for her birthday.
I made her this balloon throne (from Game of Thrones). Notice that I was soooooo bored.
She loved it ^_^
12 -
Co-worker: "We would appreciate it if your future commits weren't so ignorant and bigoted"
Me: "Excuse me?"
Co-worker: "You made the gender variable a boolean"
I... But... Okay...13 -
Third day at work .. finally got my laptop Yaaay!! now I can code!
Me: Can I have access to the repository?
Co-worker: we don't have one.
Me: Silent!!7 -
Favorite co-worker conversations:
Guy 1: PHP can be plenty fast! Just put in APC, Memcached, and Varnish and you can handle just about any load.
Guy 2: So you're saying PHP is fast when it doesn't run.1 -
The most incompetent co-worker is that idiot who wrote this piece of crappy code! Oh wait, that's me!1
-
Even after our last cd="exit" alias prank, my co-worker forgot to lock his computer today.
I told him he had forgot to lock it.
His facial expression was priceless.
You could literally see the paranoia rising in his eyes.
Let's see if he finds anything funny with his computer....6 -
me: "so what version control system + tool you're using for this website?"
co-worker: "what is version control?"
me: "uh... like tfs, you manage changes, merge etc!???"
co-worker: "ah, i'm using filezilla."3 -
Asked my co-worker if he had made a class to use for ftp connections.
He said he had.
This is what I found. FFS @michal78!
9 -
My co-worker gave me assets for my project with names like- layer_1, layer_1_copy, layer_1_copy_copy...2
-
instead of ranting why php sucks or your co-worker being an ass in coding, why not have some of this?
12 -
From a co-worker:
That feeling of fear, when you gave your girlfriend the password to your PC, and after a few days she asks you "what's up with that 'sudo' thingy you type in all the time?"...2 -
I'm doing code review. Unsure about the deadline, I ask my co-worker:
Me: "Guess I'm half through, when do I have to be done?"
Co-worker: "Well if you're half through, you are already half done."
Me: "No shit, Sherlock."
LOL -
Me as Junior Dev doing mysql first time, specifically INSERT test data to test db, sucess on first try.
My Senior co-worker says: WOW, Baby's first INSERT...... that sounds so wrong out of context xD -
#4 Worst thing I've seen a co-worker do?
Not a direct co-worker, during a fire drill, a call center manger told all the agents to ignore the alarm and keep working.1 -
My friend told me stories about his colleague who's always against him.
One time, during their management meeting, that colleague suggested that they should have a suggestion box in the office.
So my friend proposed that they use Google forms. He presented how Google forms work and the majority got really impressed(except the colleague).
Naturally the colleague is against him, he said "this is not what I had in mind". He wanted to have an actual box and people write suggestions on paper and drop it in(suggesting the ancient way).
Every meeting, the colleague complains a lot, and my friend provides techy and convenient solutions.7 -
when your co-worker instead of commenting a piece of old code wraps it in:
if (false) {
...
}
Took me 2 hours to figure out why my changes weren't working.3 -
My co-worker not only doesn't create unit tests, he comment out my own unit tests after he changes the code and the test breaks.11
-
Just got a message from a co-worker out of the blue telling me he loves my code.
Happiest day of my life :D
Means more to me than any other achievement in my life. -
Every time I see this picture here on devRant I think of my annoying ass for a co-worker.
Not only does he refuse to listen to me and whines all the time, but when I show him a solution he copies my work right to the last semicolon. And proclaims himself to be God for "coming up with the solution".
Hubris much?
-
Conversation with co-worker
Me: *Asks question 1*
Me: *Asks question 2*
Co-worker: *Answers only to question 2*
This happens way too often... Like, bruh... 😑7 -
Co-worker: "I made the UI for feature X you asked me for"
Me: "Oh great tha... Why is it on the same screen as feature Y? Those features are unrelated?"
Co-worker: "Yea it was too much effort to create a new screen."
Me: "...?!?"1 -
I got in an argument with a co worker, she says that mass surveillance programs are "none of my business" and I shouldn't care how they operate.
ACTUALLY, ACCORDING TO GOOGLE IT IS MY BUSINESS.
2 -
Loop counter conditions.
10 loops for example in this scenario:
i<=9
OR
i<10
Was arguing with a co-worker all week over this 😂11 -
Context: a co-worker had sent an email and was worried about possible collateral damage.
Co-worker: uhm, you know how it is when something just doesn't feel right?
Me: sure, every time I clock in here.6 -
Me: Hey man, this code looks horrible, let's move this to a function.
Co worker: don't worry, we will make it better later
Me (thinking): yeah for sure...6 -
*based on a true story*
Co-worker: Let's release it
Me: Wait, I want to add just a little feature
Co-worker: Is it necessary?
Me: Trust me
*5 minutes later*
Co-worker: So, have you finished implementing your "little feature"?
Me: Yeah, well, it's done. Maybe.
Co-worker: What the hell have you done?
Me: MAYBE I've added 647 lines of codes to the file to implement my little feature, MAYBE it doesn't works and MAYBE the entire project is compromised
Co-worker: ah3 -
When your co-worker of 2 years forgets to sweeten your tea.. (on the last day of a sprint no less)
where my fellow while(tea > 0){write(code)} peeps at
20 -
Having a co-worker who I consistently must support with using the basic funionaity of our software, getting me dragged in to a senior management meeting to tell me and my boss that I am too incompetent to do my job. All because something out of my control was taking longer than they would have liked.
This same co-worker deleted a folder on a server full of live data because they "wanted to see what it would do" then wondered why I revoked their Admin rights to that folder.
I want to scream at them every day.2 -
Our company Nerf wars got a little rowdy one year, and a co-worker knocked over a (senior citizen) co-worker just to “win”. Like full on take down body slam. So much for no physical contact.3
-
Co-worker: dude, I need your help!
Me: all yours.
Co-worker: can't fix that sh$t over here.
[IDE]
Err on line~~
badFunction(...);
Me: piece of cake, gimme your keyboard.
[IDE]
Build successeful.
Co-worker: duuude, how did you...???
Me: Better not look.
Co-worker: but I am curious to know, ya know
Me: promise not to scream, k?
Co-worker: I just hope it's none of your old-stylish jokes.
Me: oh dude, you know me for years, trust me, it's fine.
Co-worker: -_-
5 -
Just wanted to say my co-worker Jason is a bitch, thanks for handing me broken projects to fix. He's always on this so I hope he sees this 🙃8
-
Never accuse a co-worker of making a really stupid change to your code unless you know for certain that they made the change instead of you.2
-
That annoying co-worker that asks you each and everything about programming and when you tell them, they be like "Oh I already knew that"
WTF Bitch!3 -
I have a co-worker that thinks that whole world is a big conspiracy theory and the earth is flat. And this weirdo is a dev... FML2
-
Today in the office, a co-worker and me had a synchronised rant. Both sitting at each our desks, and independently of each other, he suddenly cursed "I hate text fields" while I burst out "network, piece of shit!"
-
Have you ever had a problem with a partner, but you cannot prove at 100% that he has something against you? But you cannot stand him?
Well, this happened two years ago. I was working as a tester, and “John” (I won’t say his real name) was the dude who tests my tests, but in production.
I ‘m a sociable person, and I don’t mind talking with another people. Suddenly, I noticed that my co-worker started to behave a little bit... rude? Plain? I don’t know, but sometimes he didn’t answer my conversations/questions, or sometimes answered with extra-negative stuff.
“Well, his life is not easy” I said to myself. “Everybody haveproblems”, “I have to understand him and calm down”.
Two weeks later started to report really REALLY absurd production bugs, and with absurd I mean, for example, that he didn’t like the color of a button, a point next to a phrase, etc., things very very simples, but sometimes he ignored big errors.
Once I had to went out of the city for few hours, and asked to permission to go out. I had pending tests, but I left a document with specifications in case of emergency. Even passwords. Before I could finish the thing in the other city, my partner called me two times, and asking me obvious things! I had to go back to the office ealier that I had planned, so f*** angry 😡 and when I arrived to the office, John said “no, forget it, let’s solve it tomorrow” 🙃 WTF?!!!!!!
I decided not to argue with him.
Also noticed that his headaches suddenly increased, and looked so tired ☹️ I felt guilty to judge him
I felt so guilty, and even today I don’t know what to feel about that or what to think. I don’t work there anymore, but, What do you think? What would you do?6 -
Me: eh probably shouldn’t push to prod on Friday, maybe not even before the first...
Co worker: no balls
Me:
-
The co-worker in my office that gets nudes from his ex girlfriend via web messenger.
(To be clear the distraction is not the co-worker 😂)2 -
Does anyone know an extension or library that helps determine if a co-worker is into me?
Or how to handle such inputs
I keep getting a fatal error: call to undefined function4 -
So my co-worker refuses to use Interface in Go because he dislikes php and interface is "the php way to do things". Anyone with experience dealing with this kind of ignorance?14
-
Co-worker: Why are you deleting this piece of code?
Me: It's deprecated and it can be made in a better way. Don't worry, I know what I'm doing
Also me: OH SHIT THE ENTIRE PROJECT IT'S RUINED4 -
I have a co-worker who negative-indents his function bodies. Minus four spaces. Every function. Not an IDE thing either, he does it intentionally.
I've never seen anything like it.9 -
Once caught my co-worker masturbaed in a zoom meeting, without realising the webcam and mic weren't off.9
-
*at work*
co-worker: what are u doing?
me: programming and learning
co-worker: but school has just started... u guys havent learnt anything yet
me: thats the great thing about programming, everything is already in the internet waiting to be read and learned. try it next time ;)
co-worker: learning out of school, no thanks4 -
A co-worker doesn't like to use async/await operators, so he's always changing the code to use promises and callbacks and apparently async functions whitout awaits...
1 -
Oh look, you aren't doing shit. You have 2 weeks worth of testing to complete and you are checking out stories on the Yahoo front page.
Useless. Completely incompetent. Idiot. Imbecile. Moron. Stupid. How dense? Let me count the ways...
Do you know anything?! You use big words to sound important and look like you know your shit. In reality, you have no clue!
How you have managed to capture this job is baffling to me. It shows there is much work to be done to filter out toxic, incompetent people like you. Otherwise, the industry will be plagued with a terrible fear of sub-par employees.
Your lack of common decency for the office space is appalling. Your attitude and "can do no wrong" personality is disgusting. And the cherry on top? It is impossible for you to admit mistakes and take ownership for your actions. You can be inexperienced, stressed out, or even make a mistake once in a while. Yet, the moment you DO fuck up and act like nothing was your fault, that most of it was MY fault, or the TEST environment's fault, or the other team's fault, a lack of resources, a lack of time, ANYTHING but your own damn incompetence, you are dead to me.
You are, by far, the worst co-worker I have ever had.7 -
so my co-worker uses emojis in comments
ex:
// i don't know what's this i just copied it from stackoverflow and it works 😂2 -
Meeting with a co-worker who is supposed to do a code analysis on a large legacy project. Actually, HER project - she inherited it already years ago, and the original devs aren't in the company anymore.
Her: customer is asking this and that analysis.
Me: easily two weeks.
Her: but who will do that?
Me: you of course.
Her: but I don't know most of the code.
Me: me neither.
Her: and I don't know the protocols.
Me: google them. I'd have to do the same.
Really, I told her to google shit, which I consider as quite a slap for a co-worker. Basically, she tried to offload a complex analysis because she just wants the low effort parts of the job.
Won't happen. DO YOUR FUCKING JOB!12 -
Sometimes I feel like I should handle my frameworks like Trump handles America.
No foreign code.
But then again.. Teaching my co-workers is better than just blaming them.4 -
Doing a code review for a co-worker in a different country
The requirement was to dynamically show a field; they didn't understand it and thus they removed the field.
FML.2 -
Dialogue when I entered the room of a co-worker, and it wasn't an individual office.
Me: YO MAMA her son bitching 'bout compiler licence?
Him: Kiss my ass!
Me: Could cram a wet roll of toilet paper down your pants.
Him: Yeah that'd come pretty close.
Other co-workers: WTF?12 -
What's the funniest advice you've ever received from a co-worker?
Mine is: "Always code like someone with a short temper and a machete will be reviewing your code"2 -
Not co-worker, but class mate. Specifically, my group mate.
Boy, I could fill an entire book with the “what the fuck” moments.
Here, the prior question of his was “why is this happening?”
23 -
Showed my coworker this. He sat there staring in agony and groaning.
Coworker: Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh
Me: "Is your coworker broken? Fix them in just three easy steps!"
-
On call at 2100. Call at 2101. Co-worker off at 2100, call at 2059. Neither were problems with our infrastructure. They were with the callers' teams fucking up.2
-
Blabbering co-worker rant.
So this bonker who speaks non-stop for 15 minutes without even a breather break is more annoying than I thought.
1. She used to work for a project A and then they moved her to my project. She kept cribbing she wants to continue working on A because that's where her expertise are. So management hired a new team member so she can continue on A and new member can work with me.
Now next week, the new member is joining us. As we prepare the onboarding plan, bonker comes crying that she wants to work on my project and NOT on Project A. She is forcing us to give Project A to new team member.
Manager upfront rejected her proposal and told her that she'd be working on A.
2. She literally gives orders. Her tone is rude and blunt. The other day ordered me to review her presentation and kept following up even when I said I was busy. Same tone and attitude with manager.
Then she complained about my behaviour saying I was a bossy person even when I used the most polite tone (because I have actively worked on and built my social skills).
3. Knows shit about the product, has no skill set, asks the same question 10 times, and isn't able to deliver bare minimum.
And then evidently everyone follows up with me because I am on top of everything (because I have to as bonker can't function).
4. She lied to me that company gives good hikes and easy promotions.
She was kicked out of her previous project because of her incompetency.
Fortunately or unfortunately, my manager saved her ass. But she literally is the most stupid person I have worked with me in my entire career.
5. She has no communication skills, something that is highest valued skill in my profession. And when I do my normal, it pisses her off. She keeps complaining that I am overstepping.
If I don't then product will just fall apart and everyone might get fired because of no work.
And that is causing her insecurities and she starts fear mongering about both of us being fired.
I told our manager upfront that I want to lead the product and she was more than happy about the proposal. What sucks is that my manager is leaving this month end and I'll have to build trust with my new line manager.
Ugh!! She is annoying..8 -
*Me testing my api with vue.js*
Me: can you please update salesforce content and add new image.
Coworker: Done,image updated:
Me: did you click the sync button? Image seems to be not loading.
Co-worker: why don't you clear your browsing history and clear your cache.
Me: (talking to myself: you are asking me to clear my cache? ME? ME? ME?) Smiles back to coworker.
Co-worker: Did it work?
Me: Nope! Seems to it that you have not sync the content on salesforce. Please hit the sync button.
Co-worker: I did!
Me: I ask co-worker B he said content is not sync.1 -
When I started on the job I was placed underneath a senior employee.
Never got as much training as I wanted to.
Bc less then a week later they messaged in the group chat they were quiting.3 -
Me -Hey did you run through the UTC(s) ?
Co-worker - Yeah.
Me-How many failed?
Co-worker - None!
This project is either going defect-less or Its just the calm before the storm.1 -
So I had a guy in my team, all day shouted "shitty code this, shitty code that"...
Today I had to fix some things, seen some really crappy code, said to myself "I've got to check who's the author of this beauty"... It was him... How the fuck can you shout shitty code on other peoples work when yours ain't better?!?6 -
My co-worker, still studying but working as a "senior dev", just decided that we don't need a test/staging environment anymore. We just "validate" (we also don't use the word "test" anymore) newly created features in production.
Makes absolutely sense...
Thank god I have a new job from february on!1 -
Have a t-shirt saying "Sysadmin - Because even developers need heroes" fellow co-worker said "that's not precise enough" I am looking forward to what he will come up with5
-
We are probably reading alot of "this co-worker was so bad because blah blah blah..." from people who actualy were the real shitty co-worker and are still blaming others for his/hers mistakes.
Not a week rant that i can trust...3 -
Another gem from same co-worker who is a "Senior Developer". Unnecessary function that fills a dropdown box(?!) with numbers 1-100. I really really hate this guy.
Bonus: Best Practice Example of Naming Variables...
4 -
I was having fun, when I aliased my co worker cd="exit", he spent his whole day on fixing it and decided to install os again. damn poor :/8
-
That moment when you teaching your coworkers about vba:
Me: and you close the formula with a curly bracket
Co-worker: Wow that's easy, and you say coding is hard
Me: you're right, here try to learn Java2 -
Did some uncompleted changes.
Pushed to master..
At friday evening...
Before christmas....
Still an amazing person😂 -
Worst disturbance is co worker microwaving eggs for breakfast and then eating them at his desk.
One thing about microwaved eggs cause the egg smell to be intensified like 100x6 -
When your bitch-ass co-worker inserts something that is plain useless in the program in every degree
1 -
Today at 'Derp & Co' a fellow co-worker decided that had duplicated data on Relational DB is good!
- Dev: 'but what if we have 2 companies in diferents groups?''
- co-worker: 'Just call it company A and Company B'
- Dev: 'but... this is not what...'
- co-worker: 'Trust me Dev, is the easy way'
I want the professional way, not the easy (and damn wrong) way :(, I can't improve myself like this.
Also, dead line is here too... TT^TT
Last sprint and still with doubts about the DB structure.12 -
My coworker is a grade A super badass.
He work as a consultant and is only on site 2 days a week. He wasnt here on tuesday but got in today, first thing he did was starting to complain about some improvements we made during the week. Next he decided to remove and destroy parts of our software and check in his "improvements". Then without telling anyone about his changes he went home after lunch.
What a legend.3 -
I had a weird dream last night: at the office, my co-worker sliding a wide rubber band over my cup of coffee up and down 🤔☕5
-
There shouldn't be "I don't like you so I'm gonna hinder your work" at professional workplaces.
Feels like I'm dealing with a kindergarten kid. WTF.3 -
Fuck-a-doodle-do Fuck Fuck Fuck what a fucking dipshit. Scared the god damn shit out of me.
So I am deep in code, listening to my music pounding out some code and Drupal configurations and I feel a shadowy draft over my right side like someone is watching me.
I work with a guy that will not for the fucking life of me use Slack to send me a message when I have my headphones on or at all for that matter.
He gets up and walks to my cubicle and just stares with a goofy fucking grin on his face. You know the one. LIke a retarded fucking dog eating shit out of a wire brush. Yeah that's the grin. Silently derping with his fucking derp ass Derp McDerpington face waiting on you to turn around an notice him there instead of knocking on the cubicle wall or waving to get your attention.
The FUCK dude? CreepyPasta
2 -
I was working late one day and a "dumb" co-worker and another co-worker who work later than me were both there. "Dumb" co-worker was a few feet from me and the other co-worker didn't know I was working late that day. So she comes out of the break room and says "Oh, Team Manager, you're still here?"
I jokingly say "No, I left!"
Honest to god, "dumb" co-worker jumps out of her seat and says "HE'S LYING, HE'S STILL HERE."4 -
Co-worker is in his office.
Co-worker whistles continuously "The rains of Castamere" from the Game of Thrones series.
I like Game of Thrones.
I also like the series' score.
But not the way my co-worker interprets it.
Because it's wrong.
Anyway, he whistles.
Sometimes louder, sometimes less so.
It's very out of tune.
It's annoying.
I can't concentrate, let alone code.
Co-worker goes to a meeting.
Silence.
I delete the bullshit I've written earlier.
Then, I get some coding done.
Then, I'm relaxed again.
Then, Co-worker returns.
Now he hums.
It's the same song.
Over and over again.
Again.
It's not that much out of tune, but it's still annoying.
I can't think, I can't concentrate, let alone code.
My thoughts drift to a certain Red Wedding.
I imagine it in vivid detail.
Strangely, it's a happy place right now.
I imagine throwing my screen through two fucking walls.
I don't do it, because the laws of physics are against me.
But the thought is enough.
I'm at peace, again.
... also, I got to leave early today, so I got that going for me which is nice.
(I already had to tell that co-worker *not* to whistle loudly in the cafeteria - you can hear it in a big part of the building. We had some important customers over and Office Management was not amused.)6 -
Co-worker: I'm so tired of working on Wordpress sites! I didn't go to school just to do this all day!
Me: well you can help me with this Magento site...
Co-worker: ...3 -
I love the irony that the devrant stress ball my co-worker just received is the beginning of my stress.... bounce bounce bounce AHHHH!2
-
Co-Worker: How can I see what's linked to x variable in the database for this website? [we can't see the actual back end]
Me: Do a var dump...
Co-Worker: but what var do I dump? -
My co-worker pointing out there is a problem with my code that isn't implemented 100% yet. Hinting she wanted me to finish it over the weekend.
Yeah FMDL. -
Co-worker: At my last job "I was technically lead dev", so don't mind me telling you what to do and criticizing every line of code you write. (He said that in finger quotes. I am also paraphrasing the last part, but you get the gist).
Me: So the fact that we are both level 3 programmers means nothing?
Co-worker: Exactly! See you understand!
Me in my mind: What a prick!
Just a little context there aren't any lead devs at our company, our boss doesn't want any. Also we have been working at this company together for 3 years, and this co-worker just said that to me today, WTF?13 -
Debugged a complex bug at 10 PM, drunk and eating potato wedges, while on the phone with another drunk co worker.
Woke up next morning and had no memory of the fix.7 -
I can't begin to know where to start. I once worked with a lady that was annoyed by me for stretching and began to start nagging at me for it. I promptly explained to her that hearing her complaints annoyed me as well and that I stretched and yawned because my work made me sleepy due to the fact that I had to listen to her relentless and incessant nagging.
I currently work with a "graphic designer" of 25 years experience who had no idea that color picker tools were an actual thing in real life. He's been eyeballing our brand colors for years. SMH... We collectively refer to him as Captain Colorpicker now.
This same guy had never used a credit or debit card in his entire life to purchase a meal at a restaurant.
I worked with a micromanager that constantly reminded me daily of the hierarchy for decision making in the company and where you stood firmly under her thumb. That is until she conveniently wanted shy away from a tough decision. Then it was all on me.
She was the marketing director and every single one of these stupid titles:
http://memeburn.com/2013/05/...
I am in a company as a shareholder with a partner who threatened to take away my shares on several occasions when I don't agree with him. At the time our company was in debt, capital accounts were low, and we were hemorrhaging money to keep afloat. The dumbass tried to offer me $200 per share to "buy me out." The company was $5,000 in the hole and my shares were worth around -$11 each. He never had that much money. -
When your co-worker, that btw has no idea wtf he's talking about, comes with his opinion that you happen to hate, on a project you have worked on for months.
-
My current co-worker takes this prize. He's quiet, good at what he does and only communicated with me when absolutely necessary or when we are both obviously on some down time. Cheers to you, mate!1
-
A co-worker was running into a little permission issue with some dependencies and my reflex was to say, "chmod dat hoe!".1
-
My former co-worker was sitting right next to me and one day he bought Das Keyboard. He was so kind giving me a pair of earplugs.3
-
My russian ex co-worker, who had to cut his toenails during meetings in office. Wtaf!!!!
Disgusting.1 -
I swear my co worker said we were meeting at the data center at 10pm all week! I call him and he says 10:30. Wtf?!!! Well guess I got some time to read more rants.2
-
OMG you fucking little cunt!
Previous issue with this co-worker we hate eat other but can maintain minimal contact due to covid. Last interaction was actually nice, we joked a bit.
He teaches me how to do the build and ‘updated’ the confluence page. By update he striked through one paragraph.
Been doing these for week and now others what builds done all the time and since I am not an asshole they can approach me to do this but now I spend all
day long doing builds.
Work on a classified app so it has to
be burned on a disk, taken to a ‘secret machine’ and deployed. Takes about an hour and people are like. Can you rebuild it? I forgot to commit something?
So I updated the page to flush out the directions. Did not remove one thing only added things simple things like do a ls -lah in the dist folder to make sure the are built correctly. Things like check to make the symlink works, bolded words.
He was not at standup so I figured he was out of the office today and was going to ask him to review tomorrow.
Fucker goes in to make changes while I am making changes and doesn’t think to msg me telling me?
He is removing things and moving things which is fine just let me know! What a dick!!!!!
Screenshot of all the activity today, I am
in blue. I will spend all day watching the page to make sure I get the last fucking edit!
5 -
Me: Did you notice <application> is doing <bug>?
Best co-worker: Hmmm yea, I noticed.
Me: It must be because of <faulty implementation>.
Best co-worker: Yeah, don't worry I'll correct it.
Me: *moves on happily to other things* -
Just saved a co-worker by having an installer from 8 months ago in a folder called "desktop", 4 levels deep in folders called "desktop", all on my desktop. My hoarding habits finally saved the day!!!2
-
Co-worker @9:00 AM: "What happened with project A?"
Me @9:01 AM: "Project B has a higher priority. Will look into project A later.*
Co-worker @9:05 AM: "Cool. Good luck with project B."
Me @9:05 AM: "Thanks."
Co-worker @11:00 AM: "Been looking into project A but could not understand what xyz means. Would you mind jumping on a call?".
Me: 😑8 -
I asked my former boss for some clarification via mail. Given a table, I was supposed to edit some user info in the company system. Had some questions on a few entries only my boss could answer.
Boss would organize a meeting, also inviting a more experienced co-worker I worked with. When the meeting starts, I get to know that my boss will join in a few minutes..... few minutes later, boss cancels the meeting. So it's me and the co-worker, who cannot answer my questions.
A simple mail could've solved it... -
So I'm working our remote build/testing server, and all of a sudden my computer just turns off. No crash message, no error, just turned off. My co-worker tries to help troubleshoot the problem.
Nothing.
I take the computer downstairs to the hardware department. They plug it in and it starts no problems.
After it finishes updating, I take it back upstairs and plug it back in.
Nothing.
I suggest that it is the power cable, and my co-worker looks under his desk. Turns out he had kicked the switch on the surge protector. 😑1 -
My new co-worker, a Jr. developer who started 2 weeks ago told me; "I am starting to see in my dreams the solutions of my tasks."
"Welcome to the club.", I said. :P2 -
When I'm still a beginner in git, I always use git push origin <branch_name> --force, for the sake of pushing my code on the master branch. My co-worker always complain why the hell there's always conflict on the master branch.2
-
Spent 2 hours trying get ng-model working with <select> with no success. Then co worker came and changed model from string to object and moon walked back to his seat.5
-
Coworker:Awe..
Fuck me...
Fuck fuck.... I fucked up...This fucking url..
..... Fuck. ... Pages
Me. What's going on buddy
Co worker: pages are down
Me: that sucks bro watchu do
Co worker: nothing too bad
Me: 😕 .. ok..
..... I'm still hearing the "fuuhhhcks" , and groans.
Guess who's delivering the news ... Does dev rants give stress beers. -
My best co-worker and teamplayer in games. Unlike like his stupid wireless brother, this buddy is cheap, super-efficient and literally a Genius with capital G.
1 -
Best co-worker quitting story? A co-worker quit, another co-worker quit, and eventually I quit, too :-)
Still happy to be my own boss ever since! -
Best co-worker i have had was a 25 old guy with narcolepsy. He fall asleep every hour for about 10 minutes.
-
When your PR has been sitting for days, and your co-worker submits a PR for the same thing and merges it right away.
2 -
Today, making a list out loud while in a conversation with a co-worker.
Me:
"thing one" *puts out hand*,
"thing two" *raises thumb*,
"thing three" *raises index finger*,
"thing four" *raises middle finger*
Co-worker: "That's 3 fingers, you said 4 things.."
Me: "I guess I mentally counted in base 0.."3 -
Co-worker that is awesome at copying and pasting and later asks for help cause something doesn't work.3
-
When a co-worker has a 'multi-screen' desktop. and you find he has a 4:3, a 16:9 and a native laptop screen, all different brands, and none of the screens line up...1
-
When you cache index a faster query but your co-worker from other part of the world clears it.... It's been six times now dude2
-
That annoying co-worker that goes to the office late and does nothing all day except to update his Facebook status every 5 minutes.2
-
Well payed co-worker is always crying about others salary being more than his...Fucking hate that guy. Remember he is just a fresher and is being paid way more than he fucking deserves. Today he exploited someone to gain access of other co-worker's pay scale information and kept obsessing over it all day long...!
Fucking prick is going to get away with it...And I can't do anything about it...!!!4 -
Well, we have a designer/front-ender who's forced to work the same way the devs work (local development environment), yet he doesn't understand a single thing he's doing.
I'm pretty sure he's never going to understand it, and I feel like he's better off just doing UI/UX, he's pretty good at that!1 -
Happened to me a while ago:
co-worker: don't use (C++) templates so your colleagues who aren't as smart as you don't have such a hard time understanding your code.
me: said the guy who uses macros all over the place.
co-worker: macros have been around for years and you can expect one to understand those.
me: *tempted to start a discussion about C++ with one who started programming with C like 20 years ago and who doesn't give a fuck about learning new things*... You're right!4 -
This co-worker was straight out nuts who bullshitted his way into the company. Man he smelt like shit. The fucked up part was one day I noticed my other co - workers walking behind him weirdly. Well word got around that he shit his pants and the other co workers were walking behind him sniffing his pants having a laugh. I still don't know where we got these workers from.
-
In response to https://www.devrant.io/rants/334693
Resume is updated. Had an old HR co-worker friend reach out. Had a tour of the office. Introduced to the hiring manager. Scheduling a coffee with my potential boss. I really want this!3 -
Best co-worker is my elder brother, he is electronics & communication engineer. Working on robotics project is too much fun. He handle the haredware i.e electronic circuits design in PCB where as programming work is left for me.1
-
Are you willing to share details of your salary, or for contractors your daily/hourly rate? If you're not, that's interesting to know too.
Interesting to know;
- Currency (hopefully obviously)
- Location of work (or if remote, primary location of employer?)
- Contract type (FT/PT employee, contractor/freelancer)
- Job title (or general activity for contractors)
- Number of years in role/contracting
- Whether or not you would or have shared your salary with a co-worker (perhaps you're willing to share here but not with a co-worker)
- Gender
The 'Why is it soooo taboo to ask co-workers salary?' question made me think about this (https://devrant.com/rants/1557306/...)8 -
Co-worker on phone with our manager trying to explain something to him:
Co: Do you even know what a foreigner key is?
M: Yes, but bla bla bla
Ps: The manager doesn’t really know what a foreigner key is 🤦🏻♂️11 -
The day my co-worker wraps his mind around Varnish and/or other caching mechanisms will be the day I rejoice unto the lords of the interwebz...
2 -
Co-worker: Please finish and push your frontend asap, I need that to start working on the backend.
Me: Why aren't you using Postman?
Cw: I don't like it.6 -
Co-worker: "You don't need to know the math! Stop going on about it."
Me: "I think you do for some things, my algebra is not good at all, I need to improve it a lot and I just think you should too."
Co-worker: "Oh stop it, If the code runs it's OK!"
Me: "Well yeah, the code runs but you're over-fitting like a mad man and have a P-value of a bejillion."
Co-worker: "What!?"
"data scientist" -
Co-worker: So if you were to build a glove like what Ultron had that could levitate objects how would you do it?
Me: I'm not sure, but I'd begin by looking at the work Ed Leedskalin was doing in Florida.
Co-worker: Of course you have a possible lead on this...
XD1 -
I saw this piece of code, one of my colleagues at work wrote it.
The content in in the function also had 0 comments.
Sorry for posting this here co-worker but it sincerely bothered me.
// Delete all
function deleteAllFunction(){
...
}6 -
I was stuck for almost 2 weeks on a button that would display, given a certain icon, and that would not display if it was another icon, although I checked the icons multiple times to make sure they existed.
A asked a co-worker for help. He looked at my code, couldn't figure out either. Called a 3rd co-worker. He looked at my code. "Yeah, seems right? ... Wait a second!" He found the problem.
... One FUCKING TYPO I had always overlooked, that was the name of the icon. 🤦2 -
You know what I just love? That co-worker who constantly cracks his knuckles. I wonder what sound it would make if someone made his fingers bend just a little more.1
-
Co-worker that is non-tech oriented:
"So what do BI developers do?"
Me:
"Well...." start simple then get uber complicated.
Co-worker:
"Oh ok cool. Well my LAN isn't working, can you help me?" -
*Gets tapped on shoulder
Co-worker: Why are you wearing headphones? They're not even plugged in?
Me: To indicate to people I don't want to be interrupted as I'm trying to focus.
Co-worker: Oh right. I see.
...
Co-worker: So, I have a question...
FML!
Why don't people learn to piss off and let me work!?3 -
me: When will you change this job ?
co-worker: Not now. Want to stay here for a while.
Just seen stackoverflow developer survey results
-
That moment when your co-worker merges his branch and removes all of the work you have done for the last 7 hours, two minutes before clock out time...13
-
I'll transform Co-worker into Co-student.
Personality wise most are like a brick, or a shoebox.
Most memorable would be the radical feminist bitch.3 -
Me to co-worker: The tests are failing because you didn't format your code before submitting your PR
-Co-worker changes the test command to run the format command just before running the tests-
Co-worker: The tests are passing now!
-facepalm- -
Does it bother you when a co-worker keeps talking on phone all day long and it's not work related? It bothers me.5
-
Merry Christmas everyone. Even to that motherfucking co-worker who pretends to be a cool developer but can’t code for shit.
-
When your co-worker asks you to implement a fix for a problem in his code..
Reading yourself into his code, then you see him having fixed the same problem several lines above in another method. -
When you ask your co-worker for help with an issue and while he researches the issue ever so slowly on your computer you see what the problem is but he won't listen and you're to nice to 'dismiss' him...1
-
does my co-worker code is actually really necessary, for the sake of arguments lets ignore server performance, and focus on this snippet.
added comment on the side of the parameters
11 -
When your co-worker thinks he's funny by adding a semicolon at the end of a condition resulting in a way too long bug search...1
-
Non-co-worker rant:
Today:21 Jan, projects 5: 3 games:1 unity, 1 Java, 1 vba; 1 angular app and 1 lex compiler. due date 24 Jan.1 -
My co-worker told me that he doesn't use class mutators because it just makes the class long and dirty. Should I be afraid?1
-
Create a worker-owned co-op devoted to creating tech for the labour movement.
I have several project ideas brewing ☺️☺️☺️ -
My fav part working from home:
Sexually harass your co-worker at home.
and she cannot go to the manager about it.10 -
So a co-worker just spilt his drink over the power sokets and now I'm going home. Hurray for desktops!
-
call a co-worker and use him as rubber duck. Mostly the problem then answers himself without him saying a single word.
-
I received the following e-mail today:
Hey, XYZ! Could you please check the following in your web application. The data do not show correctly. Could it be a bug?
[insert attached screenshot with said "bug"]
My reply:
Hey, ABC! It is not a bug. You uploaded the data into the wrong table. 😊
[insert attached screenshot with the incriminating evidence]
-----------------------------
I felt a bit savage and I liked it. 🔥4 -
I have a co-worker that has a heater under their desk that they leave on, especially when they're not there, even though it's already really warm in the office and it's 75 F outside. Why?!?
-
My co-worker ask me today, what is the different between Junior and Senior developer. We can’t call a person senior developer because they have been doing junior stuffs for long time.1
-
Co worker asks, why he can't send e-mails to a particular address. others cant't either
Turns out that the other company has blocked us.
*We are no spam senders, it was an issue they had with our company before* -
When you realize your co-worker does everyone as root and has changed his bashrc to show in green.
1 -
there's that co-worker who asks for help but doesn't accept any suggestions. so, what are we doing?1
-
I just have one fellow programmer at work...
He actually managed to create a merge conflict on his own, because he worked on two branches simultaneously, and then assigned me to resolve it, even though I worked on a whole other part at that moment and have no idea which parts he wants to stay and which to be discarded! Take care of your own shit for god's sake!! -
I used to have this awesome co-worker who patiently listens to me ranting everything all day long. Well that's before devrant came along.
-
When your co-worker writes shitty code that not even he can maintain, you know there's an issue. When said co-worker just goes and fucks up VC, you know there's a problem. When that slimy little motherfucker hits my rubber duck off the table...2
-
That co-worker who keeps complaining about trivial stuff like his IDE not being configured exactly the way he likes it but makes zero efforts to fix the fucking problem 😡1
-
So who brings their own personal laptop at work and during meetings your co-worker smudges your screen while pointing their finger?
Next time I will just bring my company laptop during meetings.5 -
@siljamicke is the best co-worker I've had. A constant learner with a curious mind which force you to stay on top of things and develop yourself. Cheers buddy :)2
-
Imagine having to share space with a sick co-worker with constant sneeezing and coughings.
People who are sick but still want to work should opt to work from home.3 -
I think I've hit the co-worker jackpot.
Downside: I'm afraid to make any changes, because I don't think I'll get this lucky again. -
Me: Hey, where's the documentation on how to do <task>?
Co-worker: Slack.
Me: 🤦♂️ Oh, there it is. Thanks.1 -
Co-developer loves going through my code and tries to make me look bad to the team, not quite sure what I ever did to her lol
FMDL3 -
This is what my co-worker sets the DynamoDB table to make the web app reasonably responsive.
And keep in mind we haven't shipped it to any customer yet.
Geezus farking christ.
3 -
How to deal with coworkers playing music on loud speaker and the genre happened to be the one that you hate the most?5
-
Co-Worker (mechanical engineer): I have an amazing idea that I want to pitch to you!!
Me: Whats the idea?
Co-Worker: Let's make a social media app where you send a drawing to other people and possibly doodle on pics. The drawing or picture can't be saved and it's directly sent to people or a group.
Me: That's SnapChat.
Co-Worker: Oh...well my idea is cooler.
Me: *Rolls eyes* go back to work.3 -
I hate to see when my code is touched by co worker and after then it looks like shit... mäh... added a task to refactor it by myself just to set a statement
-
Came across this comment on r/programminghorror/
> We're you talking with my co-worker? He's extremely abrasive, especially when it comes to anyone touching his code because "Now I don't know how it works anymore" -
So I came back to office after my paternity leave and I've been assigned to a project my brother has been working on for the past 2 months.
Now we are working together :) -
why do we do this to ourselves. Create an VM that is accessible via rdp. It souds great isn't it? Until some FUCKFACE CO-WORKER STEALS YOUR FUCKING RDP EVERY GODDAMN TIME. FFFFUUUCCCKKK1
-
Co-worker: I started having this issue like two weeks ago.
Me: Two weeks ago? Why are you only telling me now?
Co-worker: I dunno. I just stopped using <program> and worked around it.
Me: Thanks for the notice, man. That helped me tremendously /s -_-
FUCKING PUT IN A TICKRT OR TELL ME THAT THERE IS AN ISSUE. -
the co-worker that takes forever to rewrite everything, which results in really complex code. then we need to implement a new feature and it's impossible to make it work with what he's done. so he rewrites everything again...
-
How do I tell my “senior” co-worker that he’s a shitty person while working in a group , I just can’t tell my manager cos they both are good friends, I’ve tried confronting him but it didn’t make much of a difference. This is really frustrating me because I am always seen as the person who doesn’t know shit cos the senior co-worker keep changing the back end and my code 😓😓😓1
-
Not my co-worker, but please someone kill this guy!!
https://youtu.be/x-VmYZGPnWc
WARNING: INDENTATION HORROR AHEAD.1 -
When a co worker pretends to work all day by "fixing" something that you've already fixed. Just so that they have something to talk about at stand up in the morning.
Git commit -nothing 🙄 -
Not a rant but..
What was the most terrible experience you have had while working with groupmate(s)/co-worker(s) on a project?3
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