Told us to use facebook or google drive to share code instead of git

It's the biggest satisfaction to know that Wix means wank in German!
"why not do it yourself" just adds to it.

I often think in if statements ..

Me teaching a co-worker programming.
Him:"So what exactly is the difference between Java and JavaScript?"
Me:"About the same as the difference between cars and carpets."
Thank you guys for teaching me how to answer that.

Every job description out there:
" JUNIOR XY position.
Requirements: 50 years experience of Assembly, Java and Masonry, HTML, cloud based computing and artificial intelligence. Must be able to write algorithms like Hummingbird. Fluent in English, Mandarin and Latin. Must have five doctor and two Bachelor degrees. Experience in leading a Fortune 500 company benefitial.
Renumeration: 5 rice grains"

All my code is hacked together and barely works and is nowhere near shameless. But I'm pretty proud of my hardware hacks. Like the sticker that holds the casing on my laptop together.

Just found another forum message from someone that doesn't understand Java and JavaScript. They said JavaScript is the code that Java runs....I thought we fixed these people.

Does anyone else feel this way? Especially with no formal training?

DevRant makes me really proud how well developers can act together as a group. Makes me think what we could accomplish if we would take all the world's developers and programmers to one place and make our own country. Our currency will be devCoin. World domination follows shortly afterwards

Am i the only one feeling the need for a facebook darktheme?

That moment when you're finally getting your user registration and login system up and running!
As a web dev student I feel like I have accomplished something :)

How my lecturer drilled JS syntax into us:

Write this:
var x = document.element;
x.value = 10;

Instead of this:
document.element.value = 10;

His reasoning:
"You make the cake in the kitchen, you don't put icing on it on your way to present the cake"

Had my pure PHP web app rejected on a market platform because I didn't use a framework..
BITCH IT WORKS PERFECTLY WITHOUT A FUCKING FRAMEWORK, IF YOU WOULD HAVE TESTED IT YOU WOULD HAVE SEEN THAT!

Started part time job at a company, had to log my time on timesheets. Said fuck this and now the whole company logs their hours on a custom web based time logging system which I built.

Hallucinations of my father that keep taking control of my psyche and making me hack things I don't remember or shooting me in the head to break down my sanity.

StackOverflow is ruthless! You only have to breathe and you'll get downvoted!

TL;DR: At a house party, on my Phone, via shitty German mobile network using the GitLab website's plain text editor. Thanks to CI/CD my changes to the code were easily tested and deployed to the server.

It was for a college project and someone had a bug in his 600+ lines function that was nested like hell. At least 7 levels deep. Told him before I went to that party it's probably a redefined counter variable but he wouldn't have it as he was sure it was an error with the business logic. Told him to simplify the code then but he wouldn't do that either because "the code/logic is too complex to be simplified"... Yeah... what a dipshit...
Nonetheless I went to the party and He kept debugging. At some point he called me and asked me to help him the following day. Knowing that the code had to be fixed anyways I agreed.
I also knew I wouldn't be much of a help the next day due to side effects of the party, so I tried looking at this shitshow of a function on my phone. Oh did I mention it was PHP, yet? Yeah... About 30 minutes and a beer later I found the bug and of course it was a redefined counter variable... My respect for him as a dev was already crumbling but it died completely during that evening

Why did Nintendo stop making the Wii U? It was time for a Switch!

If you don't know how to explain about your software, but you want to be featured in Forbes (or other shitty sites) as quickly as possible, copy this:

I am proud that this software used high-tech technology and algorithms such as blockchain, AI (artificial intelligence), ANN (Artificial Neural Network), ML (machine learning), GAN (Generative Adversarial Network), CNN (Convolutional Neural Network), RNN (Recurrent Neural Network), DNN (Deep Neural Network), TA (text analysis), Adversarial Training, Sentiment Analysis, Entity Analysis, Syntatic Analysis, Entity Sentiment Analysis, Factor Analysis, SSML (Speech Synthesis Markup Language), SMT (Statistical Machine Translation), RBMT (Rule Based Machine Translation), Knowledge Discovery System, Decision Support System, Computational Intelligence, Fuzzy Logic, GA (Genetic Algorithm), EA (Evolutinary Algorithm), and CNTK (Computational Network Toolkit).

🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣

Dear ISP,
Thank your for throttling my internet right in the middle of a hurricane! Now not only does Netflix not work and GitHub take forever, but I can't even get live weather updates. Time to code using cave paintings I guess till the power goes out.

PHP ist one of the languages I use regularly, but not the main language.
Anyhow, passing an array to a function will create a Copy of the array unless you specifically choose to Pass the reference.
That's seriously fucked up. What other language does that?! Coming from C, Java, Python to PHP I was not prepared to expect shit like that.

Sudo apt-get remove --purge hurricane-irma

Within 20 minutes of posting a question on stack overflow it was down voted - with no explanation. Fucking hate that site

Our teacher just told us to share our code via drive or dropbox or something like that, and I was there like "hey ever heard of git?????"

Secretly installed Automate app on my friend's Android phone to mess with him. (For those who don't know, with Automate you can automate anything on an Android device).
Made a 'flow' that would read his incoming sms's, and send an email to me with his exact location if I sent him an SMS saying 'where are you?'.
Was funny to mess with him and tell him his exact location even though we were miles apart.
Cleared it up for him a while later but it made me feel like #hackerman

Last night I had a panic attack and woke up in cold sweats because in the dream I had I was constantly using the wrong variables in the wrong places...

Is it just me or do the ducks look pretty quacking thiicccccc?

about 6 years ago I was working for a large consulting company on a government project. I put in a change for a stored procedure that hard coded the partition to 0, except 0 didn't exist on production, just on test. several thousand government employees couldn't access it for a day. 😞

watched first two episodes of mr. robot and it seems pretty good so far. does it go like other hacker shows/movies or does it stay good?

Memory leak. Fuck off

when you tell your boss 'we need to talk' and he looks genuinely worried 😀

What I Like about Home Office?
My squeaky clean toilet. No colleagues who Block the toilet, no colleagues who seem to forget their bathroom cleanliness at home

Simple, new job offer me more money.

swag link says you need 20 +1's for stickers and 175 +1's for ball from each post. clicking on Learn More it then says you need 15 +1's for stickers and 150 +1's for ball from each post.
How about some stickers for spotting a content issue?

Analog mail still works!
Stickers finally arrived! Thanks @dfox and @trogus for this amazing community !

had an interview at a place that went good at the technical part but I didn't do great at their 'abstract' questions. the guys interviewing were complete stone faced as well, no personality, pretty sure I wouldn't have liked working there anyways. a few years later and they are still looking for people. the recruiter rings up and I said I wouldn't want to re-interview unless the process had changed. he guaranteed me it had. so I went back in and it was exactly the same. exactly the same technical questions, followed by more abstract questions. different guys but same no-personalities. never going back

Use the terminal inside ide or external?

My most humbling experience was finding the source code online to the original Pokemon games. It was right after I had finished my first text based Linux console game and I was looking up other programs source codes just for shits and giggles. Most of them were simple and I learned a few simple tricks but the red and blue Pokemon were the first codes I saw that fascinated me. The addressing, the memory allocation, even the simple audio processing was simply genius. So many unique innovations and techniques. If I achieve 1/5th of the skill I found in those files, I can die a happy programmer!

The sorting button on devRant's feed page is just Gilfoyle's tattoo twice, once upside down like Dinesh says.

What's the best IDE you guys have used?

Started coding HTML, CSS and JavaScript as part of my multimedia design studies. Lecturer would throw up a simple 960 page on the projector, said "make this" and left the room. Being thrown in the deep end is definitely a way to learn that taught me a lot

Devrant freezes when switching to different app then back again. A bit random though, has happened a couple of times but can't reproduce it.

At what point do you leave?
I totally get Amazon's principle of 'disagree and commit' but how many disagreements with your COO, CEO, does it take to make you say:
Fuck this, I'm out of here

My permanently mounted sticker duck to explain my way out of coding errors.

jenkins tests passing but travis failing. now travis passing but jenkins failing, aargh!

more beer needed...

If it compiles, ship it!

Any U.S. Americans here who can confirm the stories about "U.S. Americans beginning to stock Up on guns and ammo"?
I mean it sounds plausible but it's surely mostly overblown by the media, right? RIGHT?!

Spent the day with people I work with developing an Alexa skill to kick off a Jenkins job. Fun!

Blockchain
Or at least I hope so

in the hospital with surgery and our deployment goes wrong, so glad I work with really good people!

when github autocorrects my pull request message that contains the word splunk.
(or when devrant also decides to)

the cake is a lie

When commenting it would be nice to see the comment you are commenting against. Often they are long with several points and you can't refer back to it

!rant
So I got bored and decided to drop some Easter egg cats into Google trouble reports because why not? Well I sent one off on regular Google Allo and it ran this search. None of my other cats did anything like this even with other black cats. Any ideas?

Are there any official definitions for the terms Software Developer and Software Engineer? Today a friend told me He got a raise and he's now a software engineer and no longer "just" a software developer (still at the same company).

To him and me that sounds like bullshit bingo at its best. His tasks and responsibilities will still be the same after the change of his job title.
So I'm wondering whether anyone here knows of some objectively defined distinctions between the two job titles. To me and my friend those are just the same. I never even thought anyone would make a distinction between the two

Schoolproject teammate refuses to pull my changes in git before applying his because he thinks we're going to have conflicts ?!?!?!

Installation progress bars that lie....

Was the discovery of Ajax also mindblowing for other web devs here ?

Apple's certificate and provisioning profile shite can fuck right off

If you're always too busy doing the wrong things the wrong way, you will never have time time to do things right

Crap Gemini

Who here is both a graphic designer AND developer?

this has probably been mentioned before but how about edit functionality on posts?

Anybody else get shouted at by partner when you put all heavy stuff at front of conveyer when shopping, or rearrange dishwasher so more things will fit, etc. I thought I was just being logical about these things...

System crashed and caused MAMP to fuck out, all table data gone or inaccessible. FUCK THIS SHIT !

Conferences are lonely places

Any Go devs in Windows out there? I'm interested to hear about your dev environments.
IDE, Powershell vs MinTTY, native windows vs WSL, other tools?

I found myself tonight imagining what a conversation between Cheech and Chong about serverless would be.
Maybe the basis for a new talk?
Suggestions please

Is there a way to freeze or cap the amount of ++ that's displayed for my account? I'd Like to stop at 666 without having to stop posting
⊙﹏⊙

Suggestions for UK conferences please, already going to devoxx, anything devvy would be good, or architecture or web related

PUT vs POST vs PATCH
And none of them fit!

In an effort to learn any development I spent 3 days setting up a LAMP server. Now that I got working I have no idea what to do with it. Anyone have a personal server or ideas on what to do with one?

Machine Learning and Deep Neural Networks in particular. More job offers to pick from in upcoming years for me :P

Only when the latest feature is implemented, the last bugfix and the last workaround are found, the last unit test is written, the latest CI/CD pipeline done, the customer guy does manual testing and acceptance tests on the staging server and let's them pass and a few days later it's pushed to production...
You will be reminded (again) that shitty customers do exist! A customer is the least capable person to tell you what the customer actually wants and is also the least trustworthy person to test the features he requested...
Holy fuck come on! Just test that shit on the staging Server! One Look could have already shown you that that's Not what you expected!

I checked the logs after that and yup you guessed correctly... The said endpoints weren't even used on staging, only on production...

On the back-room interview couch. There is no job *wink wink*

Opinions please. When end user is not paying for service, who is my customer? For example public facing government project

!rant

I'm dreaming of a web language that is as close to the English language as possible.
Imagine:
<html>
nav bar with 5 links
slider with 3 images that runs automatically
Section with 3 images next to each other
Paragraph with first word in red
Footer with menu and sign up form
</html>

This would be the shit!

I wouldn't want the keyboard to record my thoughts, it's my filter.

Cheers for the stickers!

Feature request: please allow the app to work in landscape and rotate. I can't get to the hamburger menu in bottom right due to broken screen

Work has set us a challenge to build a rock/paper/scissors/dynamite/waterbomb api. We have the spec for what json is expected incoming and outgoing. We are allowed to implement any way we want and with any language we want. We are considering using Clojure but we have no experience with it, hence we will hopefully be learning as we go. Would you recommend using a framework like Pedestal, Hoplon, Luminus, or just use Leiningren or something else?

There's no favourite coding challenge for me. Of course I do them when I'm asked to but I don't think anyone can derive how Well someone works from these short toy challenges.

I once had a proper prototyping Challenge that was really fun. I had to Work on it in advance to the interview. I had to define the scope and how much time I will spend in it in advance and then explain and defend the scoping and all technological/architecture decisions and handle proper criticism in the interview. No bullshit coding challenges Had to be solved :)
I think these prototyping challenges will Tell you way more about an applicant and his worth as a dev than those little challenges ever could.

In client terms, a “3rd party” is akin to Angelina Jolie. Despite the promise that you’ll be able to have an enlightening conversation over a nice meal and hopefully hook up afterwards ... sorry, it ain’t happenin’. You’re just gonna have to fantasize about it while you take care of business yourself.

I'm starting to look at how to get devices to send data to an endpoint for storage and analysis. I'm looking at AWS iot stuff like core and green grass but then I'm thinking that a REST API could also do the job. I don't need to connect devices to each other (in first iteration). Dont think I need any edge stuff either. Anybody have any experience with this?

Product, not project!

calling a rest API and it returns a 400 when it's data is corrupt, wtf!

Double guns (with clicking noise) at the screen when solving a tricky problem

How do you protect your team's git remotes?
We tend to protect the master and stage branch from force pushing and only allow merging pull requests after successfull recent tests and successfull review by someone with proper permissions. Depending on the project the Dev branch is only protected from force pushing though. All other branches are free to handle however wanted.

We recently had someone do a "git push -f --mirror" without understanding the command. Quick reminder what that does: it mirrors all your local branches to the remote so that the remote will be a mirror of your local repo. Branches that exist on remote but not on your machine will be removed from the remote.
A then needed to work from B's feature branch but of course that was gone... So while the idiot didn't fuck up our protected branches he still fucked over other people's workflow with that.

Is there an alternative to outright blocking force pushes which could have prevented that (except force pushing intelligence into his brain)?

New to the the electronics stuff and I'm building a word clock. Recommendations for a microcontroller that has at least 22 outputs (22 words to light up). Something from Arduino? Also need to plug in for power and use an RTC.

Anybody else feel that the devrant face, when it's expanding/contracting, is laughing at you?

What's a good inexpensive android phone for development. Something 14 year olds could use without breaking

Oh how familiar
Opencv is coaching me towards c++ to use dnn .
Under Linux this is not so annoying. Least most shit works under Linux related to c++

Do you guys feel like your current salary fits your current job and your actual tasks and responsibilities?

I for example feel like my previous job was overpayed for what my actual responsibilities were and that my current job (being the first dev in a fresh start-up) is overwhelmingly underpaid for what amounts to way more and bigger tasks and responsibilities than I had at my previous job. But I'm nonetheless more happy with my current job than I ever were with my previous one.

Going from freelance to part time to soon full time