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Happened a while ago but I still find it funny.
*phone rings*
Me: good morning sir, how can I help you?
Client: MY WEBSITE IS OFFLINE, FIX IT RIGHT NOW.
M: I'm going to take a look, what's the domain?
C: *gives domain*
M: I see, that domain expired already, it was cancelled through our customer portal by the client, you maybe or someone you know?
C: WHAT?! MY INTERNATIONAL BUSINESS DEPENDS ON THAT DOMAIN, I'D NEVER CANCEL IT, THIS IS BULLSHIT! I'F THE SITE GOES OFFLINE FOR A MONTH I'LL FUCKING GO BANKRUPT, YOU'RE GOING TO FIX THIS RIGHT NOW.
M: if I may ask, how is your business doing right now?
C: HOW IS THAT QUESTION RELEVANT RIGHT NOW?!
M: well, you said that if the site would go offline for a month, you'd go bankrupt. The domain registration ended about half a year ago so that's why I aske......
*beeeeep beeeeep beeeeep*
Well, okay then.13 -
"Chrome 66 arrives with autoplaying content blocked by default"
Fuck yeah! Fuck you CNET, Mashables and all the other retard companies that did that.13 -
Oh.. So the deadline is tomorrow? How about we schedule a fucking FOUR HOUR meeting to speed things up?
Yeah, fuck you too...15 -
Just watched a video where someone (in relation to the new mass surveillance law in the netherlands) asked people on the street if they had something to hide.
Everyone said no.
"Could you get your phone and show me around?"
Everyone said yes.
"May I take a look at your messages/pictures/browsing history?"
Suddenly 80 percent said no.
"But you said you had nothing to hide!"
"I'm going to take that back."44 -
Brain: hey kiddo, want to stay home and work on your side project today? I'm feeling good.
Me: fuck yeah finally!
*call in sick.
*open laptop. Tabs and editors already waiting.
*play music, no sound.
*system is all laggy.
*fuck, restart.
*
*Installing windows updates...
*leaves for work.18 -
Windows: Copying 2,513 items from <here> to <here>.
Me: OK.
Windows: 84% complete.
Me: OK.
Windows: Shit.
Me: What?!
Windows: "Copying" dialog box is not responding.
Me: Fuck you.
Windows: Well, yeah, sorry.
Me: Fuck you.
Windows: Do something else until it unfreezes.
Me: OK.
.
.
.
Me: Fuck you. Everything's stuck. Can't click anywhere.
Windows: You can still use your mouse, though.
Me: Yeah, I guess. Wait a second, it's also stuck. The whole thing is frozen as ice.
Windows: What about keyboard?
Me: I said, THE WHOLE FUCKING THING!
Windows: Well, sorry?
Me: FUCK YOU!!20 -
So this guy passed large objects as function arguments directly instead of referencing. What a jackass. So the program was slow as fuck AND taking up too much memory.
So yeah, I'm basically ranting about myself.2 -
>Building advertising platform
>Life is good
>Fire up the dev server and open in browser
>No assets
>What the fuck
>Check code and config for like an hour it's all good
>What the fuck
>Try incognito browser, it works.
>What the fuck
>Oh yeah. Adblock. Fuck.4 -
I FUCKING MADE IT GUYS! I JUST PASSED THE HARDEST COURSE AT UNIVERSITY WHICH IS ABOUT DATA STRUCTURES AND ALGORITHMS! I DRAGGED THIS WITH ME A WHOLE YEAR AND I JUST GOT THE NOTIFICATION THAT I MADE IT. I'M SO FUCKING HAPPY GUYS I CANT BELIEVE IT!!!!!!24
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Website: We care about your privacy and don't sell your information to third parties.
*inspects Privacy Badger*
*notices a truckload of Google/facebook trackers/ad thingies*
Yeah why don't you go fuck yourself.12 -
*opens camera*
*permission popup asking for contacts/telephone permissions*
*installs Open Camera*
Really, fucking phone/contact permissions to take pictures?!
Yeah fuck right off.27 -
I'm signing up for steam for playing a specific game.
Entered a freaking difficult/long password: "Choose a less commonly used password"
Yeah right, what in the actual fuck.25 -
FUCK HELL YEAH! I'm done with my FUCKING THESIS! I just handed it in - that filthy time eating piece of blood sucking papershit! God yes! I'm proud and relieved as fuck!
Got really sick as well! Fuck the stress! Fuck everything. I'm just gonna play Witcher 3 all day long with some nice cup of tea !
26 -
Today my manager told me she would get us phpstorm amongst other things If I requested them.
Sometimes I really want to hug this woman.
Awww yii phpstorm rules20 -
Client: so how could we test this 😬
Me: you know what, send me an email at linuxxx@companyname.com and I can look if I can properly reply! Keep in mind though that this is for one time only, no further questions through that email address!
Client: Yes of course! *sends email*
Me: *tests* - *works fine* - *messages client back through the ticket system*
Client: *proceeds to send two follow up questions to my fucking work email address*
Me: *selects emails* - *marks emails as spam and deletes them*
Fucking seriously?! Cunt.18 -
My parents recently got divorced and sold their house, so I had to go through all my old stuff and found this beauty! A pair of new bateries and it still work! Fuck Yeah!
14 -
Bob?
Yeah?
Bob, could you hand me that paperclip?
Sure mate!
Thanks.
Oh... Bob?
Uhhh... yeah?
Could you also hand me that paperclip?
Right... sure, of course.
Thanks.
Bob?
What?
Could you also hand me the next paperclip?
Fuck off, why don't I just give you the whole fucking box!
Yeah Bob, please, throw the whole fucking box.
Wait, is that a printed screenshot of my code you're attaching the paperclips to?
It sure is, Bob.
16 -
Vacation for two weeks, fuck yeah, two weeks of not having to give a single fuck about customers and their problems.
🍺🍿17 -
This actually happend in my secondary school class. A new guy came to our class. The whole family moved from another city.
*new guy want to start conversation with me*
new guy: "So you into computers and stuff like that?"
me: "Yes" *seems like a cool guy , want to develop the conversation further* "what about you man? do you like computers? do yo program or smth?"
*new guy wants to look cool in front of me*
new guy: " Yeah dude, actually I am hacker"
*me saying to myself, oh fuck not again this shit*
he continues with: " Once I got into the NASA system"
*switches mode to making fun of him*
me: "what the fuck man? really? that´s freaking cool, how you manage to do that? "
new guy: " you know the thing when you press F10 when starting a comupter? "
me: "You mean BIOS?"
new guy : "yeah yeah man through that shit"
* I am done, laughing my ass off and walks away*1 -
Fuck yeah this will be my greatest answer on Stack Overflow thus far!
Massive loads of examples, references to code, discussions and articles and now finally busy on the final conclusion...
wait... WHAT!!!!?>? !@@#$#SH$['\'
4 -
My wife took the kids to the mall.
I work from home.
me: fuck yeah, I'll be able to work now, since I focus a lot more when there's a lot of silence in the house, looking forward to this coding session
me: *takes the fattest 2 hour nap*
I guess I was tired...8 -
I googled "fuck apple" and ended up here... so yeah fuck this piece of shit company with shitty overpriced cancer inducing products. Xcode is the worse garbage I've ever seen in my life. For a company that masturbates to their superior design well they can eat a fat dick cause its horrible. Everything this fucking company does makes me waste my time. Add a fucking notch to their displays, retarded app store process, makes you workaround to install latest OS on older machines, hide options in convoluted interface, everything, make you feel like your 12 again and living with your parents. fuck them. fuck apple fan boys. fuck tim cook. fuck kids that jack off to iphones fuck you if you own a macbook and drink at starbucks . this is the last fucking ios app I ever make. bye40
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I hate this attitude of my study (when i studied):
"it might be a good idea to teach the students how to program securely by default?"
"oh no but we just want to teach them the basics"
"so why not the secure basics by default?!"
"nah we just want them to get started and understand it, that's all. We'll get to the secure way later on"
Well, fuck you.16 -
Javascript developer interview
One of the RH interviewers started asking about myself, personal information, etc..
He : well, let me introduce you our tech lead, he will make you some question about JS
Me : alright
Tech Lead : ummm, do you know javascript?
Me : yes..?
Tech Lead : ok, cool. We will call you.
I got the job..9 -
The Dutch referendum about the new mass surveillance law is a go, fuck yeah!
Also, due to a some stuff, a delay is postponing the start of the mass surveillance to May next year.
A little more time to setup secure stuffs :312 -
Fuck yeah!
6 monitors are success-fucking-fully running on my setup.
Fun detail is that WITH the official AMD driver, one screen wasn't turning on and one had a weird resolution but WITHOUT it, it works completely fine!
Yes, it runs completely fine on Linux (Kubuntu).
Finally have my dream setup.42 -
Me (to friend): So all your information these days is stored in the cloud.
Friend: Yeah I know that's crazy, huh!?
Me: Yeah!
Friend: I wonder if there's any disruption of the data when planes fly through.
Me: What do you mean?
Friend: Like when a cloud breaks when a plane move through it since we store our data in the precipitation layer. Nikola Tesla would be so proud.
Me: Uh... The fuck?
Me (thinking to myself): maybe he's just joking...4 -
Suddenly my KDE neon installation didn't want to start anymore. (emergency recovery shell)
Immediately searching for solutions, praying for the best...
Saw a suggestion about removing any custom /etc/fstab entries. Removed an entry i added earlier today.
Boots again right away, fuck yeah, Linux, I fucking love you ❤︎4 -
"Ugh... what a day, so exhausted from sitting at the computer all day. Can't wait to get home from work and
INSTALL ARCH LINUX FUCK YEAH!!"6 -
00:00: Yeah I'll change that now, it'll only take 5 minutes.
00:05: well that's done, better do this too though before I forget.
02:20: well that escalated quickly.. Better grab 3 hours sleep while I can.
04:00: Fuck.4 -
"We care about your privacy [...]"
That's why we make it ultra inconvenient to turn off all of our advertising trackers and give you a broken list of on/off sliders that are slow as fuck. Also, why not just press the 'accept all' at the top of the page? See that big green button? Yeah green is good let's just press it and get this over with right?
Oh and that 'deny all' button? Yeah, a shame nobody actually put some programming into that thing, why not just press the green button next to it? You're only making it harder for yourself y'know...4 -
Fuck yeah.
Last year our government voted out new mass surveillance law through like it was nothing AND with a huge amount of votes in favor and hardly any against. (remember that the government is *supposed* to represent the people of the country)
A few students made a referendum happen, 48 percent of our people came to vote for this.
The first exit poll results are about 50/50!
I'm happy as fuck, damn!
Sorry for this slightly political posts and if this entirely violates all terms, I'll remove it. I thought this fits, though, because of what this new law.15 -
It's sooo awesome when a challenging project starts giving results. The confidence levels go straight to - THROW ANYTHING AT ME BITCH! I CAN DO IT!2
-
Software company director: we build Java applications right?
Devs: nah, javascript.
Director: it's the same, right?
Devs: no
Director: fuck, I pitched a Java application.
A few hours later...
Director on the phone: Yeah, we are building it in Java...10 -
Ever been at a company that makes you feel worthless and useless? To add to that, have a director who has physically assaulted you? Company refuses to train, but demands that certain set of skills. Won't give a raise but has literally millions in funds for advertising. Yeah. Fuck that.12
-
I really need to get my lazy ass up and get the fuck to work on the privacy site.
Yeah let's fucking do that. I've got a nice special beer as motivation as well!18 -
A sweet girl of my class asked me yesterday, if i can help her to refresh her IT skills. I said "yes ofc im glad to help" . Today she repeated it, while whole class was listening. Other classmates said" yeah good idea we want to join"
Well, fuck it..39 -
This is a fucking mess!!!
Refactor?!?!?!?!
Fuck it...
File > New Project
Yeah, fuck it. It'd be easier to just start over.8 -
Gooooood morning devRant! Fucking friday, fuck yeah.
Hereby a rant which @dfox asked to make to test if a possible bug is fixed.
Have a great day everybody and thanks to dfox for keeping me in the loop on this!14 -
Every commercial lib:
"Download free trial"
*click*
Register with your email, full name, phone, company name, etc.
😒
Yeah, fuck you, too.8 -
Friend: So what's the plan for Christmas
Me: Nothing much just coding
Friend: No apart from work
Me: Yeah coding
Friend: That means, you not getting drunk or laid this Christmas
Me: No, because I can't C Sharp when coding
Friend: Fuck developers2 -
Taking online privacy to the next level?
Not entirely sure but I've gotta say that it feels awesome to run an instance of searx.me on my own server and kind of use my own server for searching stuff online now!
Fuck yeah.71 -
Website on sign off.
Client: yeah I just updated all the content on the old site but that's ok you can just copy and paste it, right?
Currently trying to formulate a reply that doesn't start with the words "For fuck sake..."8 -
One day with a lot of hours trying later:
Got an OpenVPN server running from scratch and can (still have to write the actual authentication code) accept or refuse clients through a php script ran from a bash script with a username and password.
Fuck yeah!15 -
I'm supposed to be a techie and prefer all the digital stuff, but this is by far the best Christmas present I'll be getting this year
5 -
I got my first job!
A real, full-time job that doesn't pay me shit!
I haven't even graduated Uni yet!
FUCK YEAH! 🍻10 -
Tutanota (encrypted mail service) is releasing a new android app soon which won’t be using GCM anymore so that the app won’t be the reason a phone connects to anything google anymore and it’ll be on F-Droid soon!
Fuck yeah, Turanota, I fucking love you ❤️12 -
!rant
I just started to use Fira Code as my main font because another awesome user recommended it and I must say, this shit is beautiful. This is what I love about this community. I learn more and get to know more cool shit because of what users say in here than the 5 years I spent at uni. You ninjas rock!6 -
Guuuyyyssss
In my recent rant I told that I will go to an programming challange (or so) in Bonn, Germany.
Today my boss told me I can go if I present the competition to all other bosses in our department + I will be a participant in the "innovation section" of our department. YESS FUCKING YESSSSSSS
I could get fucking promoted jeeeeeeeeeeeee7 -
Fuck yeah!! The power supply that I've been working on since last week is all cleaned up and back in action 😁😁😁
14 -
Fuck you and you and everyone!!
It's midnight and I'm in a village on the top of a FUCKIN MOUNTAIN!!!
Wind is so fast that it's literally blowing whistles while passing by my ears.
And it's fukin cold as fuck.
> Hey dude, are you coding on the top of a mountain??
> HELL YEAH!!!
12 -
Yeah sure, you can have your site files and database. Host it yourself. Get your cousin to maintain it. Go ahead. Yeah, sure, you're gonna do ~really~ well. Bye bye, ya micro-managing fuck nugget :D3
-
Fuck yeah!!! After five days of fiddeling round in assembly without any sort of tutorial finally, im there :)
16 -
You know when you click an image to see a larger version and a light box loads a smaller image. Who the fuck tested this shit and thought "Yeah that looks alright."?1
-
This years~
It’s a class that introduce an introduction to programming.
First weeks of the class.
T: “For those who already know this basic stuff , You can take a final test. If you pass, you get an ‘A’ and dont have to attend to this class for the rest of this term.”
Me: “Fuck yeah~ Let’s do this”
—8 -
!dev
Me: walks into a coffee shop and orders a latte
Barista-1: can you cover for me tomorrow.
Barista-2: I am busy with family. Do you have plans?
B-1: no.
B-2: are you sick?
B-1: yeah! My throat hurts soooo much and I can hardly breath!
B-2: ahhhhh. That’s too sad.
B-1: commences to make my latte while breaking heavily into it.
Me: Walks the fuck away.
Fuck. That. Shit.
The $6 it costs for that latte isn’t worth missing a week of paying work with the flu!
I got no time for that type of shit. Stay the fuck home for fuck sakes.7 -
Since I am vain as fuck but also lazy, I check my appearance in the webcam instead of walking to the bathroom and using the the mirror. As I am also technologically challenged, I'm still not sure how to open the webcam on Ubuntu, I wrote a 10 lines c++ program (OpenCV) to do it for me. Yeah...19
-
"WTF IS THIS?"
Exclaimed the developer that had never bothered to learn proper architectural patterns such as MVC in his web development are, failing to grasp the folder structure that was open in front of him, gasping at those strange php files that contained not only namespace declarations....but requires, uses and GASP! CLASSES!!
"That is Laravel my dude, built that in Laravel some time ago. Been running without an issue ever since." I mentioned as I reminded him that i had provided documentation had he ever needed to update or work with the application(currently it just needed a static page, which is why he had the app open in his editor)
See children. This is why you don't just learn a tool and never bother to learn something else.
Y'all should have seen how confused this dude was.
Das what yo dumbass gets.
OAN I am getting placed into more hardcore Business Intelligence roles.
The ammount of statistics and overall math required is....
Damn near 0. Data Scientists are full of shit. Anyone in an analyst role is full of shit.
I would know.
I IS one.13 -
Ever had one of those moments when sites run by cunts (fuck you CNET) autoplays videos at 200% volume?
Use the extension called "Silent Site Sound Blocker" to make sure only whitelisted websites can play sounds.
Fuck yeah!7 -
Congratulations on a great year of continuous stress and being successful. As a reward here's a 50 bucks increase to your salary.
Yeah... great.. fuck you!1 -
Me, going on a vacation
"Fuck yeah, finally a break, beach, grill, nice. Im not bringing my laptop, theres no way im touching any code."
Me, 10 minutes after i got on the bus
"Oh, i figured out whys that one thing not working, let me just get my lapt...shit"6 -
colleague in a planning meeting: so now it's Easter, which in Germany is public holidays on friday and monday
PM: i as a manager would find it great if there weren't any public holidays
yeah not surprised, but thank fuck you're not the one to decide that... some people are trying to have a life^^9 -
!rant
Amazon is giving ML tutorials for free for those of us interested in the field :)
I think its pretty cool that they are providing the training for free, not that they need the money dem greedy basterds!
Here is the link
"BuT aL! AmAZon iZ eViL!!" Yeah fuck it whatever. This is not for you then. Grab a dick and carry on(free dicks for everyone regarding of Amazon and AWS feelings)
https://aws.amazon.com/training/...5 -
No one uses Git, nor any code hosting service, but I'm the Junior.
Yeah okay, fuck you and your fucking siloes.
I won't tolerate lack of version control anymore, I'll be looking for the next "professional opportunity".11 -
Insomnia: yeah, nice cors header
Postman: neat cors header mate
Fetch in browser: where the FUCK is the cors header you retard7 -
Yesterday I stayed at home sick. Had a bad case of the EXPLOSIVE DIARRHEA FROM HELL. Was feeling ok but could not walk away from me throne.
Went in today cuz the lead was not gonna be there and shit always breaks on Freyja's day as we all know.
1 and a half hours before we clock out and go home someone calls saying that students are trying to drop from classes at the last minute and our app ain't doing it.
I "fixed" the app last week and ran a small login test. It work so I thought it was fine. Stupid me for making unprofessional and retarded assumptions.
Manager freaks out. The entire school freaks out. Coworker lols cuz he ain't got to work on it. I start mind debugging the entire bitcheridoo.
45 minutes later...and I was able to successfully go through almost 15k lines of code of php/html/js code and fucking FIXED it with tests and all for real.
Went at it hard. Babe ass manager was like 0.0 and then (͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Called head office and told them everything was undr control.
Dropped the phone like a mic. Mic drop.
Then I looked at manager and coworker and said "ya I fucked up, but I am still the king"
Both nodded in agreement.
Everyone got wet with my sheer awesome troubleshooting php master skills.
Got home thinking about how boss I am.
Fucking Texas af b. Can't touch this heat. The rangers still suck and so do the cowboys. The astros and the texans don't exist because there is only room for one. Go spurs.
Still have diarrhea.
Fuck yeah.8 -
Woohoo we asked for a prioritized list of changes , we got 2 power points instead.
Yeah, fuck you too.4 -
That "fuck yeah!" feeling you get when you finally fix that bug that has been bugging you for the last hour...
..only to find another one hidden around the corner. -
Fuck yeah I love Thursdays! Deployments went well in the office, freelance clients are satisfied as well and I am drunk with my wife... what more can a dev(ranter) ask for?!2
-
Who the fuck doesn't use responsive design. Oh yeah my Job. Thank God I quit Friday. Fuck this old ass dirt company4
-
On my linkedin profile it is clearly mentioned that I am a Java developer.
Recruiter: Hey, I want to offer you a super cool PHP job position.
Me: But I haven’t mentioned anywhere that I am familiar with PHP.
Recruiter: Yeah, I know, but I thought you may want to switch to PHP for a while.
Me: o_O. Fuck you, miss. I do not switch programming languages like I change my socks. Who the fuck teaches you these approaches?11 -
!rant
Today I bring happy news. First company I interviewed at clicked so well, both personally and technically, and they expressed an eagerness to hire me on the spot. I figured we might as well talk salary to compare them against other interviews. The offer they made me was so good I decided to sign there and then. They said they participate in a fair wage program but for me this is absolutely the dream. I get lots of nice perks to boot. And they've already mailed me some tech documentation to go over so I can prepare, as I'll be working with the latest front end stuff and of course my trusty .NET (and yes I asked it'll be C#, haha).
I can't even begin to express how great this is. The last decade I've been unemployed for several years in total, and vastly underpayed when I was employed. I've worked in some toxic environments, been falling behind on tech and wrote a lot of rubbish code as a result of that. But it seems that somehow all the hard work I did put in paid off by taking a chance when it presented itself and go in accepting I might fail horribly. And I did bomb the tech questions actually. But they let me explain myself and come to answers together and saw beyond the black and white.
In short I feel like I've won the work lottery and will start 2018 in style. Part of me is still scared though, that there will be a mistake or a catch or even somehow I'll ruin everything. But that is the risk in life and I'm just going to have to deal. What I can control and will do is my very best, because I want to keep succeeding and have a great future career. And I hope I can inspire others in the same boat with my actions too.1 -
convinced a friend to join devrant, have to read his every day rants anyway.
he: are you allowed to swear there?
me: are you kidding? THIS IS FUCKING DEVRANT
he: okay i'm in9 -
Le me: "my code is awesome! The way I did XY and Z is insanely cool, efficient, and maintainable."
Le Boss: "yeah so let's schedule a code review next week."
Le me : "... fuck, Fuck, FUUUUCK!"
Internal Screaming3 -
Teacher: The next 3 months we're going to learn web dev
Me thinking: fuck yeah, finally, I love web dev.
Teacher 1 week later: shows us how to build with wix-like builder...12 -
How intellij handles syntax errors while reformating code vs eclipse:
Intellij: I'm not sure what you want to do there, so I'll just make slight adjustments.
Eclipse: Yeah, I don't understand this so fuck your whole file. -
Ah the classic meeting terrorist....
Us: "These emails are working."
Rando customer on conf call: "No they aren't, I haven't seen any of these emails."
Us: "Is your email on the list?"
Rando customer on conf call: "No."
Yeah fuck you.
The rest of us are paying attention here, can you please shut the fuck up on the meeting.1 -
Mate - whatcha doing ...
Me - oh just hacking nasa
Mate - seriously!? 😯😨
Me - OOOOh yeah I do it all the time see (shows similar photo)
Mate - don't hack me 😭
Me (in head) - you poor dumb fuck...
Me irl - I won't if you don't piss me off 😏
9 -
I think Matlab was only invented to fuck with people. Yeah, let's start indices with 1. Oh, and set copy and paste on Ctrl+W and and Alt+Y.
You didn't save your code? Too bad, the network went down and I lost the license.3 -
I love my notebook but still...
Fuck you to the person at Lenovo who thought that it would be a great idea to support 16gb of ram and then put 4gb internal ram into it.
I can add an 8gb stick to it, totalling at 12gb. There are no 12gb sticks (as far I am aware of) so yeah, fuck 16gb "supported" by the mainboard, 12 is the maximum.5 -
New position at work. Lots of power in regards to tech stacks of my choice.
I feel like Neo.
First project was finished in a week using Clojure. A basic application that would automate the process of adding our students into a particular active directory system in which many other things happen at the same time including updates to pins and other shit as well as networking and wifi permissions. Works fast as fuuuuuuuuuck, the alternative existed(somewhat) in php and while there was nothing wrong other than speed I wanted to show the head of my department what i could do.
It was anticlimactic as fuck. I thought it was gonna take me longer. It fucking didn't and i am glad as shit. It is now working like an absolute powerhouse in its own environment and being monitored by the sys admins, they loved how easy it was to deploy and how well behaved it is.
The head of the department is impressed as fuck and the board of directors got a hold of it. Reason being that I am being displayed as some sort of wizard that used ancient alien tech in the 21st century.
Fuck yes, major win.
I also get to add Clojure to my resumee. Hod even said that if needed be they will rethink my salary to add the fact that i get to use this tech where no one else can.11 -
Yeah yeah, good ol' DropBox.
Which fucking piss-wanker has made the decision to NOT SUPPORT encrypted ext4 starting in november???
You think I'm going to reformat my SSD just for you, you little stinky cunt, huh?
CrapBox has hearned itself a place in /dev/null
Go fuck yourself, you hobo-raped STD host!10 -
Fuck yeah!!! After over a month of being stuck without a phone, the funds have finally been released to buy a new one. It'll be the OnePlus 6T. Kernel source available on launch, wicked specs that rival PC's - 8GB of LPDDR4 RAM, a quarter TB of storage... Fuck yeah!!!! Never settle indeed!!! :D5
-
Just opened my laptop to see if I can upgrade my ram, and yes I can
And I've got space for a 2.5 drive as well!
Fuck yeah!
All I need is a 1080 inside of this :P
But I've just got a shitty built-in gpu...
16 -
"iOS Development is easier"
Yeah, right? There's no dropdown, no checkbox, no radio button, no placeholder for multiline textfields, ...
Motherfck!
You have to manually do everything yourself and lay things out in their messy slow Xcode. Apple doesn't include important things only because they have randomly decided not to include them! Fuck this job.6 -
Worst: I lost development contract - probably due to covid - after 4 years of work. I got email when I was at bank seconds before signing mortgage for my first apartment.
I signed it anyways as a technically unemployed person without income looking at the world collapsing.
Best: I gained new contract with 40% money raise. Fuck yeah ! -
13 fucking USD in shipping for a 9 USD rubber duck? Fuck no.
Spend $2 a month and most likely forget I am now subscribing to devRant++? Yeah, sure. Why not, right?
Seriously though, thank God for this platform, I'm luckily not the only one with struggles..5 -
Today is my birthday and all I checked in was a blank space with the commit message: "fuck yeah, last year in my twenties"!7
-
Aye so i got a new job, and its android. I thought "yeah sure, ive been a java dev my whole life, it will be easy".
And it is easy.
But its like a fleshed out java, with a trillion built in classes and xml (seroiusly, fuck xml), and also the studio eats away my ram.5 -
Im learning python(it's my first real programming language) and I finally understood for loops.... yeeeey6
-
THE TIME HAS COME, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
I finished the avatar editor on the rewrite. It works so well.
After trial and error in design, API reversing and more, I've finally done it.6 -
So yeah, I’m at the “Fuck this shit let’s go on a random ass solo motorcycle trip this weekend” stage of my programming career.5
-
Pandemic achievement: I slept early and woke up early too! Fuck yeah!
... Tho I did dream of an old-crush-who-I-hate-now and then of my friend breaking her leg, so I'm not sure, but hey, more hours in the day! 😁
Now, first going for food shopping and then I'm off to work.💃14 -
GO AND FUCK YOURSELVES. MANY PEOPLE RANT ABOUT JOB HUBTING AND INSANE REQUIREMENTS. SO HERE IN SPAIN I'M SURE THE SITUATION IS WORSE. NO FUCKING JOBS. WHEN YOU FIND AN OFFER THAT DOESN'T MENTION PHP, JAVA OR COBOL OHH. YOU NEED TO BE A FUCKING WP, FULL STACK, ANDROID AND IOS DEVELOPER, A FUCKING SYSADMIN AND HAVE 99 YEARS OF EXPERIENCE. SO YOU CAN SAY: hey search a junior offer! YEAH SURE ONE SECOND. 4-15 FUCKING YEARS OF FUCKING EXPERIENCE. GO AND FUCK YOURSELVES AAAAH
7 -
*logs in to pc*
- Your password will expire in 3 days. Consider changing it.
+ yeah sure...
*tries to change password*
- Your password must be different from your old 25 passwords
+ ....
+ What the fuck?!? I mean, really, what the fuck is this bullshit? You force me to use EXACTLY 8 char long passwords and this? Fuck you!5 -
literally what the fuck is the point of C++
>takes 3 years to make anything half-functional
>language was made in like fucking 1902 so it's damn near fucking impossible to make anything that works without sifting through bumfuck retarded syntax/libraries
>error messages that tell you absolutely nothing of use and are indecipherable garbage 90% of the time
fuck C, fuck it's retarded downie little brother C++, and fuck the stupid fucking boomers who say you're not a real programmer unless you force yourself to become a masochist by using either one of these stupid fucking languages
"oh but it's fast!!11!1!!" yeah but working with it sure as fuck isn't
half the fucking time if I just stop including certain headers in another file then the compiler throws like literally 400 fucking errors at me even though the thing(s) I excluded had no bearing on whatever the compiler decides it wants to loudly bitch and whine about
"oh but games were made on it!!!!111!" yeah not without fucking horrific spaghetti code and 900000 different libraries and dependancies designed just to make a single fucking window39 -
When every ubuntu based distro fails, from kubuntu to xubuntu, lubunto, mint etc.
You will always have Linux Lite. How the fuck this thing manages to keep 2 vs code editors opened as well as firefox and chrome at the sime time while at 3.55g mem(according to htop) without fucking up?
Good engineering, das how. Kudos to my ninjas at the Linux Lite team. This is why I recommend this distro to anyone wanting to go Linux. Good for the beginner and the working professional alike(I use it for work)4 -
Today I tried medication (concerta 36mg) for my ADD for the first time in my life (im 26 years old).
Result is fuck yeah! I feel like a human being whos able to focus on shit. Im so jealous of normal people having a decent attention span and decent working memory.25 -
Ya boi got a new vehicle. Its an SUV(cuz i got kids) a nissan murano 2017, maaaan this one is a good vehicle.
When I leave the truck on and I take the keys with me it makes this little beeping sound. And because I am weird I like to say: "ah, sentry mode"
I spent 10 years driving a Honda Civic. Not gon a lie, it was a really good car and it never gave me any issues. But it was starting to show its wear and tear and I didn't trust it for a long trip sort of deal.
Is this dev related? Fuck no, I was just fixing to be random and te y'all I got a new vehicle.
Texas14 -
Full devRant in-app notification support is here! It actually took me WAY less time than I thought it would take me.
14 -
ffmpeg...
I FUCKING LOVE YOU!!
I CAN JUST STACK THOSE FILTERS WITH NO RESTRICTIONS OVER AND OVER WITH DIFFERENT INPUTS AND OUTPUTS!!
Also: it fucking works with still images, AND IT’S FUCKING FAST!!
It’s around FOUR (4, DO YOU REALISE THE IMPROVEMENT) times faster to GAUSSIAN blur an image and then composite an image over it with ffmpeg, than to composite the image with imagemagick (no blurring)!!3 -
1) Heck yeah, great idea
2) Sit like 60 minutes there thinking about a name for the project
3) Build the basics
4) ..meh fuck it2 -
I'm migrating data from an old software to a new one I wrote.
Old database it's in Access (yeah, fuck). When I opened one table, the VM hung up and I opened the task manager on MADE
What.The.Fuck.Are.You.Doing?
8 -
!rant
Monday morning panic...the dreaded question.
Random office colleague: "Do anything fun over the weekend?"
Me internally: Fuck...what did I do? Did I do anything at all? I mowed the yard...played video games...spent 3 hours looking at some random open source package I gave up trying to compile. All that is boring though. Was there nothing exciting I can brag about? Fuck...oh wait. I went to a huge theme park Saturday. Yeah that's cool enough to mention!
Me: "No not really"1 -
Mention support link support is here! It took me a while but I successfully implemented it and it took way longer than it should’ve.
9 -
Just browsing job postings for fun, see a junior developer posting I thought I would read.
Requirment:
Previous experience as a Web Developer (18 months +)
Who would this role suit:
Graduate Web Developer
Yeah fuck off...3 -
!rant
FUCKING FINALLY
I GOT THE APPLE DEVELOPER CERTIFICATE
PUBLIC TESTFLIGHT PARTICIPATION SOON
THIS IS SLAMMIN5 -
Got official announcement that power will be cut off and given in schedule. For many weeks.
Fuck, we are all just adult toodlers pretending to run businesses as a game. Right? So yeah, just fuck us.3 -
Yeah well fuck right off then. I'm just going to build a bot to auto signup for every possible username combination left in the latin alphabet. Then after the media bullshit dies down they'll be changing this policy.
👺
19 -
FUCK YEAH!
Found the audio settings again and now the demo runs. The stupid robot 🤖❤️ does what it's supposed to do! 😁
I may actually make it to this paper deadline! 🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻2 -
-six months ago-
"Yo! Let's learn a web framework and build some sick apps!"
"Fuck yeah!"
-yesterday-
"Yo! Should we start doing that thing we talked about?"
"Fuck yeah!" -
Just got my first internship using Angular 1 today. Oh yeah, I’ve never in my life touched Angular. Fuck (:
4 -
You know those days you have at work where you just want to shout “Fuck it” as loud as you can and just walk out ..... yeah it was that kinda day 😡
-
So the company didn't make an offer in the end because I was "not motivated enough" and "too interested in 4-day-week / PTO". Yeah right, fuck me for wanting to have a life outside work. *sigh*3
-
"I won't use javascript for this webapp where we don't use anything server-side, because I've been using php for everything"
Yeah fuck you12 -
Me,: we devs need silence to be able to focus properly, and to develop good quality software.
Marketing guy: we need to hang a frame on the wall.
Other marketing guy: yeah, let's grab the drill and make several holes, fuck those devs.4 -
FUCK YOU PHP, WHY THE FUCK DO YOU GIVE ME DECEMBER 1ST WHEN I DO
strtotime('-1 month', '12/31/2015)
USING DateTime PRODUCES THE SAME FUCKING RESULT. ARE YOU FUCKING RETARDED OR WHAT?
YEAH I KNOW NOVEMBER DOESN'T HAVE 31ST BUT YOU COULD AT LEAST RETURN 30TH OR EVEN RAISE A WARNING, YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT.10 -
Everyone come and brutally fuck and kill me for today I have sinned.
My SO asked me to buy a durian cake and I did. I am saving myself from taking a cab since the locations are a bit far off. So yeah 😥
I'm that guy on a public commute with a fuck load of smell package. 😭
I wish I can apologize to everyone on bus 😓22 -
Other dev: fuck you, your code can't handle null as input
Me: yeah, because it's kotlin. It's like I added @NotNull, so?...
Other dev: fuck kotlin
Me: fuck you and your nullpointers. Don't pass my precious constructor that crap!2 -
So this dubass left our company but convinced my boss to migrate our new stuff stack to react+firebase...
Already distributing my resume...2 -
I am making an LDAP user manager and porting application for my workplace.
The thing is, i made the first version of it in PHP already. Shit works fine and it without an issue.
But
I had an itch to redesign it using another tech stack that would be speedier, more tested and using a more established platform.
Enter Clojure, a Lisp dialect for the JVM. In a single day I managed to get 80% of the application done. We have about 80k users inside of our ldap system(maybe more) and I tested it with 150 accounts, so far so good.
If this works I will be the first person to deploy a Clojure application, not only for my organization, but for the city as a whole while simultaneously being able to say that I got a Lisp app deployed and working :D
I am loving this. Really wanna have a Lisp app out there and add it to my resume.
The head of my department, an old timer and really ancient dev smiled heavily when I showed him the codebase. Not only is it minimal, it is concise and elegant :D
I love Clojure
And Texas17 -
You know what, let me jump in on the "I hate PHP" bandwagon.
A couple months ago I upgraded my mail servers unattended. Roundcube got fucked for a couple of months, and I figured.. fuck it, I can still use Dovecot for authenticating with desktop mail clients like K-9.
Recently I unfucked it, turns out that it was an issue with the sock file in php-fpm. That's also when I noticed that PHP apparently hardcodes in its current version in the bloody socket file. Because why the fuck wouldn't you? It makes upgrades so much fucking easier!!! Said no fucking sysadmin ever!!!
And today I upgraded one of my mail servers to Ubuntu Server 18.04, finally, after a lot of hesitation. Bad decision, because now PHP got fucked YET AGAIN.
Again an issue with socket files? I have no fucking idea. systemctl shows no failed services (because you know PHP, why would you fail your service with an error message instead of throwing a meaningless 502 Bad Gateway, right?!!) and looking at the config files, well the socket file got its new php-fpm 7.2 file (still got the fucking version number hardcoded in) and thus I changed that socket file location in /etc/php/7.0...
devRant may just have been my rubber duck.
WHY THE FUCK DO YOU STINKING FUCKING PILE OF SHIT CALLED FUCKING PHP KEEP THE FUCKING 7.0 DIRECTORY OUT THERE WHEN YOU'VE UPGRADED, WITHOUT EVEN HAVING THE FUCKING BALLS TO RENAME THE MOTHERFUCKING DIRECTORY TO 7.2, IF YOU'RE GOING TO HARDCODE IN YOUR VERSION NUMBERS ANYWAY?!!!!!
Bloody fucking pile of fucking junk!!!!18 -
So like... did every social media app meet up and go
"yo!
Ordering notifications and timelines chronologically in a way that makes sense?
Yeah mate, fuck it!"?2 -
!rant
The AH-MAZ-ING feeling you get when you write 200 lines of code without compiling and everything just works as planned!!!
YAY! -
First of all: FUCK MS WORD!!!
second: even tho I LOVE LaTeX, fuck LaTeX tables!!!
I mean, yeah, I am used to them, but maaaaaaaannn1 -
Just finished setting up PiHole on my RaspberryPi.... no more adblock extensions with shitty performance... no more custom hosts files... and network level adblocking for all devices...
FUCK YEAH
oh, and I added so many lists that it now blocks about 350k domains (ads and malware)
Today was a good day.. time to hibernate...4 -
Just been hired as a mid level developer for an IoT company. With considerable benefits and pay increase!
YES!! -
WooHoo, lets miss this deadline, fuck yeah!!!
Has 20 tasks last week monday, had 50 Wednesday and 51 Friday, as of today we have finished 1.5 and deadline is in 6 day, and shit is STILL changing. Fuck YEAH!!! -
Duplicate question
Too opinion based
Fuck you this is a dumb question
But if you actual got a question and give all the information that's needed nobody fucking responds
Yeah well fuck you StackOverflow
It's like they only want to bash people and not actually help1 -
New AltRant build!
This new build brings the new Subscribed feed to AltRant! This took me quite some time to implement and I hope it will be stable...
Here's the link for those who want to join the TestFlight:
https://testflight.apple.com/join/...11 -
!rant
Today it happened.
My devRant rewrite crashed for the first time in about 3-4 months.
I believe I have created a safer and stabler devRant, even though it’s literally in alpha.
DAMN.16 -
Just another day at the office:
Boss: you need to leave early today because I am upgrading and reconfiguring the servers.
Me: ok, what happens if you fuck it up?
Boss: we lose all of our work
Me: but it's backed up right?
Boss: yeah, I think so
Me: ...ok, see ya tomorrow
1hr later
Text from boss: oops...6 -
BAT0 (Charging - 100% remaining time 00:00:00), health 100.0%: 8.318V 0.592A 4.92426W
Fuck yeah!! No more "Charging - 186%", no more "health 54%". I feel alive again!!!!2 -
Fuck this piece of shit that calls itself a Macbook Pro. Bought myself a Mac in 2011 because I wanted something durable. Spent 2k € on it. Now its more annoying thany any Windows machine I ever had because I have this fucking GPU glitch that Keeps. Crashing. My. Machine. I cant work that way.
Yeah, already had it repaired. Didn't work. Use gfxCardStatus to keep it on integrated. Doesnt work. Well, I coud just buy a new one, couldn't I? Fuck Apple, fuck you.6 -
So my time saver automation can not be used because automation is not reliable.
Yeah sure make me extract data manually from 800 urls by hand and see if there is no human error.
Fuck my life.5 -
So ... We have this century old , "respectable" government postal service that delivers and is the standard postal service on the country...
You buy something online and they send with it... 2 weeks...
You buy something online and they use private service... 1 day...
Yeah, fuck you too.10 -
Raining outside, the office all to myself. The entire building is empty and here I am jamming to Volbeat while I finish some stuff for monday.
It sounds as If i am complaining, but I am not, i love this me time that I get at the end of every Friday (we leave at 12 but I stay about 3 hours extra to fuck around)
I love this shit. Boss got us pizza yesterday and there is still some left.
And i got some tobacco with me . This is some good shit my dudes. Good shit2 -
Call me crazy all you want, but I love my tangled mess of cords
Yeah yeah, I know, I know, wouldn't I just love a cordless setup and workspace ...
NO
Bluetooth devices are at best unreliable and at worst don't even work with Linux
I want to just be able to plug my shit in and work, not wait for everything to sync and hope I don't have connectivity issues
Call it living in the past all you want, I don't care. I love my cords
Fuck you and your bluetooth shit2 -
Yeah these fucking assholes lost a 300 pound gaming chair at my local depot for 3 weeks where I eventually got a refund from Amazon. I ordered a USB desk fan for the heat off ebay, yeah these fucking cunts delivered it to my workplace at 9pm.
Guess who is building my companies new ecommerce platform, where I am currently integrating the shipping options. Fuck off Yodel.7 -
!dev
i am so lucky to have a good memory. i am not the best problem solver, but i remember lots of previous solution. being a dev has really help my thought processes though.
tldr; i told my gf i'd get an ass tattoo of her choice if i got a 1500+ on the sat and now i'm nervous because after looking online i can't find a single math question i got wrong.11 -
Free Time + RapsberryPi + Alexa + alcohole = Smart Bartender
https://youtu.be/AEhlohTol-U
Fuck yeah I love the future4 -
Ugggg!
I am about fed up with Windows.
I leave app/programs open at night because I have a bad memory, and they were important to what I was doing.
I wake up: Windows Login Screen. Apparentally windows decided to restart my computer during the night.
Ohh what joy.~
Now I have to rememeber what the fuck I had open - and it was mostly work related.
I would have left for Linux ages ago, but I'm a gamer.. And most of my games are for windows.. Some are even Windows Store Apps..
Windows.. Why don't you give a shit about us..
And before you ask..
I have Auto Updates Disabled (Not that that really fucking matters with windows..)
I have all sleep and power saver settings disabled.14 -
Microsoft pls fix.
My company chose to use Microsoft Teams and uses various linux desktops.
Let's try Microsoft Teams.
A desktop app? Hell yeah. Let's try it.
Oh wait...
Microsoft delivers a Windows executable for linux users... Fuck
7 -
qa: so yesterday we found some bug, not really related to you but <boss> told me to put it on you
me: yeah, when he doesn't, this dick didn't work since I came
*later this day at ~15:00*
boss: so I'm going home, you **must** deal with this bug today, your algo doesn't work.
me: it did 2 days ago didn't it? did you even check the bug?
boss: yeah
me: did you check for regression or just said to put it on me?
boss: nope
me: did you check the changes of the new guy?
boss: nope
me : so why the fuck blame my code?!
*17:10 I'm going home no regression, new guys code deadlocks, not a single fuck thrown* -
fuck..fuck..FUCK..FUCK YOU MANTIS!!!
fuck you and your fucking invalid security token... fucking cunt...
yeah i love extracting my notes from POST data via the browser dev console cause you fucking delete it when hitting the back button...
THANKS FOR NOTHING -
me: fuck yeah i love java
java: JFormattedTextField tf = ((JSpinner.DefaultEditor) columns.getEditor).getTextField();
me: ...
me: punish me more mommy3 -
Lab needs a crawler to download some assets, none of my business though
But why not
Haven't touched crawler for two years
Google for latest state of art
Found scrapy
I have to define a class for a crawling script?
Got scared
Went back to beautifulsoup and request
Got the job done in 20 mins
Fuck yeah6 -
FUCK YEAH! FUCKING HELL FUCK YEAH! IT FUCKING WORKED! THE FUCKING CODE FINALLY COMPILED PROPERLY!
What happened:
I was trying to use the Adafruit Feather HUZZA esp8266 with the AdafruitHTTPClient Library... and it didnt work... then I downgraded THE FUCKING FIRMWARE FROM 2.5.0 TO 2.4.2 AND THE BLOODY THING COMPILED!3 -
!dev
Saturday... Weekend... Let me get back my sleep from weekdays...
Zzz..zzzz...**phone call**
Yeah, phone woke me, didnt even read who called. Oh, great. My bosss needs quick help and will come nearby my home in an hour.
Yaaaaay... Fuck.11 -
I HAD typed up a big, long rant... but then I deleted it because as much as I WANT to rant today, I realized I'd prefer to still have a job tomorrow (yeah, I know, could always do a throwaway account, but fuck that). It's just one of those days in paradise.8
-
Stupid stupid stupid API that returns a 204 on failed validations.
Informative docs? Hell no! Here's a few hundred long-ass field names that you need to pass as a JSON.
Doesn't work huh? Yeah, you're structure's all wrong. Some of these are grouped in vaguely named keys like "Wholesale".
Oh you need those as well? Yeah, you can see the whole structure if you try to GET an object.
Oh you need an ID to GET an object? Yeah you can just go ahead and create as many as you want. This is just a sandbox API, it's cool.
Oh that's not the point? Ahh you need the structure to be able to create one! *haha* Right, I'll get back to you on that.
* Email correspondence over 2 weeks time. I have still yet to be able to make a an actual successful request. The fucking 204 doesn't count if it doesn't actually create the resource.
Fucking fucky fuckity fuck fuck fuck.
I swear to god if I ever meet this guy in person, I will probably buy him coffee or beer and have a long talk about how to build proper REST APIs.
Because I'm nice like that.8 -
Fuck yeah!
Had my first job interview ever today!
Not gonna say it was very good but it definitely wasn't the worst!
Let's see if I get a happy reply!2 -
These slides are going to be available to you after the presentation...
Yeah... right ..... fuck you2 -
How to fuck a web developer:
1- Introduce a shiny new shitty web component that is nearly impossible to figure out how to change it’s fucking background color, yeah.
Welcome everyone to 2019 why even it was so easy to change and customize your own shit, let’s just introduce thaaa faaacking web components and fuck everyone else. Let everyone learn again how to do the simplest shit ever.
Yes fuck everyone that is used to change and customize in an easy way.
“yUo wAnT uS nOt tO UsE SoC anD cLEan koOde?”
No no no. We will fuck you instead.2 -
Boss: "Drop everything and help us test this application, right now!"
Me: "The environment isn't even configured properly.."
Boss: "yeah, we'll get to it"
Fuck you, Monday.1 -
Okay I lied, I'm having a bunch of bottles of Guiness now.
Finally the sweet release from the pain 😋 -
I spent about 45 mins this morning going through memes and gaming videos till my workstation finished doing updates.
On one side: fuck updates, what in the holy fuck.
On the other side: fuck yeah, down time to do bs.
I ain't even gonna bitch about Microsoft. It is what it is. Legit no complaints.
Just wish the process was maybe a lil bit similar to Debian updates maybe. Just maybe.11 -
me after watching snowden(2016) yesterday : "Holy shit, government is going to fuck our privacy!!"
me after watching the circle today: "Holy shit big private companies are going to fuck our privacy!!"
My office senior watching me "Holy yeah boss is going to fuck your privacy"6 -
Whoever created the Angela Merkel Altcoin, YOU ARE MY FUCKING HERO! YOURE JUST SUCH AN AWESOME DEV!5
-
Sometimes we woulg get a request which involves adding something or changing something to a rather large and poorly made codebase which me and my lead have not had the time to change.
This b how shit goes:
* the lead gets a call after an email was sent with apparently only 5 secs of response time( inpatient fucks)
* lead calls me in next to his station to listen to the call
* i b listening and shit, not even taking notes and shit, looking all secret weapon and shit.
Texas as fuck.
* lead puts shit on hold and looks at me
Lead: "Allright. You know the codebase as well as I do, what you think?"
Me: pffft gimme 30 mins and Ill whip out yo solution
Lead: we positive on the estimate?
Me: as positive as the Texas Rangers sucking ass but we still love em, fuck the Astros
Lead: there is only room for one team
Me: only one
**fist bump
* goes back to the call:
Lead: yeah its gonna take 2 days at most.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand we do finish them in 30 mins. The trick is in doing it extra fast so we have enough time to fuck around or do some other shit and to make it seem like we do some hard shit. After maybe 6 hours we tell them that we managed to fix it before time.
Texas....as....fuck
Btw me and the lead tall about whatever while we code the stuff, most of the time I do it since my boy has heavy eye problems and I want him to relax. He has been training me a lot in regards to knowing the codebase, before I got here it was only him for two fucking campuses and the man did an outstanding job. My boy got my ass and I got his.
Teamwork, the southern gentleman's way.
Texas.
P.d while coding it he said the one of the file sizes was too big to handle, i said "das what she said" and our female manager said "i heard that".......i could have sworn that she gave me a lil wink. Well damn.8 -
Error reporting was flooded with failed database connection connections with me being baffled what was causing it.
Yeah, fucking network operator didn't tell us anything about maintenance work. Fuck you, too. -
Week 3:
Lead developer has not noticed his Favio Lanzoni and My Little Pony wallpapers.
Git gus scrub1 -
The moment when your code is like,
Yeah I'm working, not throwing errors, but not doing anything closely related to the things I should do.
Fuck this construct, I'll recode the whole thing and stop using any two-year old legacy code, for this project -
!rant; story(well, kinda)
I made it! Hell fucking fuck yeah! I made it, I made it, I made it! I passed all exams! See you in Prague, at ČVUT!(those who happen to study/live there or nearby)
life.setStatus("Winning!");1 -
Trying to install Fedora to use some Linux stuff
- have to try booting up 3 times to boot into the live env successfully
- keyboard doesn't work, try booting up again
- installer crashes
Yeah fuck this back to Windows it is.11 -
Yeah, fuck all the authentication/authorization framework I build, just access manage resources directly and leak stuff, assign it to wrong accounts and don't even check if they should be able to with that eye shore you call code1
-
Real story:
Started fixing one file in one repo, build, doesn't build, go into other repo fix just one file there, but first I need to make myself a toolchain, making of toolchain fails because it depends on some dirty fix in the file I was fixing, refactor and clean that to a proper state, fuck yeah toolchain builds, source toolchain run make now, breaks with undefined reference, no time to debug plus fuck this automake, remove it, make a makefile, builds fuck yeah, shit now unittest are failing because why not, refactored that makefile as well, everything compiles, automate the test fully so that they are ran on the target out of make just because I'm a nice guy, fuck yeah everything works, commit this repo, commit other repo, review time, one of the guys gave up, the other one did it properly, found some shit there, fix that, done, merge, triggers CI fucking pass
All of this was done in 3h, Talk about efficiency -
https://docs.microsoft.com/en-us/...
Cause who the fuck wouldn't expect a TriState to have FIVE goddamn values of which only TWO are supported.
Yeah, makes perfect sense.1 -
Hey, uh, fuck reviving legacy projects. Intern here looking at the shit I have to do and pretty much everything's deprecated by now so yeah fuck that I guess.5
-
Ok...
FUCK ASUS
...
FUCK THEM...
PREBUILD PC? YEAH... BROKE AFTER A FUCKING YEAR... AN ASSFUCKED YEAR! HOW COULD SOMEONE BUILD SUCH A SHIT OF A MACHINE...
Oh well... saved the grafics card, HDD and SSD... time to get new Parts and build a custom one myself...
FUCK YEAH!
Warranty you say? No i tell you...10 -
Hell yeah !!!
They leave shitty code unfinished module for me to get done!
I better write from zero for the entire module!
Fuck off!!!1 -
I hate this stupid git, said by my colleague who really don't understand how to use it properly.
They always fuck up merges, forgets to commit and loose changes and fails terribly in resolving conflicts.
Yeah! Git is not stupid my dear. It is you who is stupid.6 -
People that dont use slack threads.
Fuck em.
"Yeah, lets use slack, it is much more organized and will improve structured conversation"
And then they never fuckn use the god damn CORE feature but dump their replies into the channel like monkeys throwing their shit around everywhere except in the place the shits supposed to go.3 -
FUCK APPLICATION LEVEL FIREWALLS!
So i cam online today, thought already lets open the shitty outlook webmail client. Holy crap .... thats way to much mails. Many of them are missed teams messages. So i open up teams and holy crap. Like every third dev in my company send me a message screaming "gitab is not working!!!".
Yesterday i updated it so imediately get in panic mode - what the shitty hack have i done?!
So yeah gitlab seems to be working just fine, everything is speedy and responsive, so i call one of my fellow devs and ask him whats wrong? And he is like oh yeah there comes a ldap error saying timeout or something.
I try to login with active directory. Works like a charm. Try another account, same problem?!
Google the problem, search gitlab tickets. Nope there is no open bug or sth. like this.
So alright lets call the network guy. "Yo, can you check if there is something ldap-like getting blocked to the gitlab server?" - He is like oh yeah damn like almost every damn request is getting blocked. Ah wait, there was an firewall update yesterday too. Yeah ldap is no longer ldap. BLOCK THAT SHIT!
After 10 minutes of figuring out what shitty type is detected by the firewall and what needs to be whitelisted to make it fucking work again it seems to work.
But ha no, there is another update rolling on, so same shit like 15 minutes later.
Now it seems to work and i have to inform every damn fcking developer that it works again. And yeah alright you sent a mail, but fuck it, i will call you though! So yeah just answering calls, mails and chat messages. Like why the fuck cant you read your mails like a damn normal person?!1 -
Soo.. what do you do as a software developer, rank senior, when you turn 35 and programming kinda becomes repetitive. Data source this, controller that, factory f-yeah. Well, you sign up for math studies. And then you realize you forgot everything down to multiplication tables... fuck3
-
Why haven't I learned about js fetch before now. I've even used socket.io!
Fetch is amazing and I just built a function for using fetch with WordPress AJAX hooks. Yes I know it's WordPress and there's jQuery but all of my custom plugins use vanilla js as a little fuck you.
Oh yeah but ie doesn't support it at all2 -
7th approved pull request in a few months as an intern :) I'm not sure if that's actually good but it feels good so fuck yeah
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When you have to work with functions clearly no one gives a fuck about... because who needs documentation... like... 2 decades later!? Oh yeah sure it might change tomorrow...
2 -
That SATISFACTION u get after finally fixing a bug which has been irritating the shit outta u for 2 fucking hours!! Just had to figure out a correct timeline for my stupid android chain animations so that the views do not screw up each other's animations!
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Communicated 50% more time than I actually estimate for a new feature because the management usually thinks it can be done faster than estimated.
Actually got that 150% approved so I have enough time to write some bad ass beautiful code with unit tests and documentation 😳
Seems like good things actually happen..1 -
!dev && !rant
Anyone here from San Antonio Tx? I am in town for 2 days. It would be nice if we can meet up(if I get the time that is)
Little family vacation, lil leisure time.3 -
new Promise(function (resolve, reject) {
self.getPaid(function (err, money) {
if(err) {
reject(err);
console.log("fml");
} else {
resolve(money);
console.log("fuck yeah!") ;
});
})
.then(resolve)
.catch(reject); -
The only thing I coded while drunk was a girls name and her phone number,
I write "leyla" and it then turned out her name was actually "irem"
Yeah I'm not going to open the pandoras box with drunk commits when I can fuck up a name 😐3 -
I FIGURED IT OUT! PAYPAL EXPRESS CHECKOUT NOW RESIDES UNDER BY REIGN. HAIL ME I'M A FUCKING GENIUS FUCK YE I LOVE PAYPAL HELL THE FUCK YEAH! fuck carrots though
-
Outlook protection is shit!
Microsoft is blocking our company mail server AND even my private one for a couple of days now for no reason.
Every other mailing black list has nothing to complain but Microsoft: "You want to send a very important mail to your customer? Nope!"
And
"Yeah, now you tried to use your private server to fool me. Haha, nope! You didn't think I would block IPs randomly, did you?"
Fuck Microsoft! Fuck Outlook protection! Fuck hotmail!1 -
Ryan Dahl working on Deno is one of the current interesting projects that I have been following.
Initially, the dude was trying to use Golang and is currently migrating to cpp and rust since Golang is a gc language. Nothing wrong with that really. I am just excited to see what this man comes up, and Typescript as the main language? Fuck yeah.
This shit js gonna be bomb af. Happy to see him talk to openly about his flaws when building Node, which was still a massive success and a true game changer for a lot of people(me included) and I believe that Deno will repeat this. It already has 24k stars on Github and tracking the repo has become very interesting! I just wish i had the cpp/rust knowledge needed to help out with it.3 -
Did you ever feeling like you made all the right choices in life?
(At least for the big decisions)
That feeling is fucking amazing..13 -
Spent the last few days trying to solve a weird issue with our CI/CD pipeline for a project. Yesterday i finally gave up and told my coworker that i need a fresh set of eyes to look at this.
I leave for lunch, an hour later I'm back and brought fire and fury to the mix.. Then, 2 hours later i raised my hands and my mouth uttered the glorious words of victory: Fuck yeah, it works.
Mood was still shit though... 1 bug down, 99 life problems remain 😢 -
Fuck yeah!!! Finally found Mate! 😎
Well, not exactly dev related... Meh, whoami kidding, coding without Mate is nigh impossible 😁
5 -
Yeah, I have some friends, but none of them appreciates Yeoman like I do.
Fuck, they don't even know what it is. 😡😡😡1 -
God I HATE UNRAID! FUCK THIS PIECE OF JUNK
CRASHING EVERY FEW FUCKING HOURS
AND. I. CANT. EVEN. GET. A. FUCKING. LOG. FILE! LIKE WHAT THE HELL!
Oh, its sooo reliable they said, use Unraid they said, the docker support is amazing, they said...
FUCK IT! FUCK THIS PIECE OF GARBAGE!
I JUST WANT TO RUN PLEX AND SONARR ON ONE FUCKING MACHINE, AND UNRAID IS JUST LIKE: yeah, its a good time to crash now, YEET!
and its gone...2 -
Fuck yeah ... I have uploaded my major computation file to S3 and create Lambdas from those files(includes numpy and pandas also) and now I have only routes and invoke strategies in my EC3 .. looking for cost reduction....
-
*me writing my sweet code like nothing bad could happend*
Xcode: bum! Compiling error
Me: what the...
*compile again
Xcode: yeah right. Bam! Error
*clean, etc. compile again
Xcode: yeah, try your luck looser
Me: ok, let's google it. First stack overflow answer: just change the simulator and should work correctly.
And of course it worked. And that's how it works all day.
Fuck you Xcode! Fuck you Apple!
-
Just spend two fucking days debugging a few methods in our program. I used unit tests to call those methods (don't want to navigate through the complete program workflow)...
Yeah, guess what: the test cleanup includes a fucking rollback transaction function. So NONE NADA ZERO FUCKING CHANGES WILL BE PERSISTED. Fuck me3 -
I am so fucking frustrated... I have no hope in job nowdays, for freshers Its like hell.
Thinking of creating a new startup...
Yeah fuck everything, I'll do it.😤1 -
I like making money, I just don't like the bullshit administration that goes along with it. Maintaining letters can be so annoying. Salary letters, insurance letters, bs e-mails I don't care about, bla, bla and bla.
How about: I just don't give a fuck? Yeah. I only care about the money, not about all the extra shit. -
Some people have this attitude of not giving a fuck. Like if something does not work, they'll be like "yeah" and move on.
If I can't perform some task at my work, I get crazy but for some it's just nothing. Like yeah so it happened.2 -
Take the fuck wads...
Dip them in honey.
Let the fire ants soften their flesh.
Spike them up, roast them over fire.
Let that be a warning to the others.
Yeah. Its not going well at work.4 -
public Geopoint(double latitude, double longitude)
{
Latitude = latitude;
Longitude = Longitude;
}
Me: "why is the longitude always 0"
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
Good job that didn't make it onto Nuget... oh, wait, yeah it did.6 -
Fuck yeah !
I have a challenge for once I can't wait 😎
I'm going deeper into the numbers then I ever have before 😎
I do need to calm down I'm visibly shaking ... I did have to much caffeine -
Oh yeah Google why don't you just change the parameter order of functions, remove entire functions between minor versions, and not put a single example on your API docs? And force devs to add 30 lines of boilerplate and start an http server so I can run the debugger? Fuck tensor flow, I'm moving to pytorch.2
-
Great yeah for sure. Tried to debug most of yesterday to come up with a recommendation today. But yeah, go ahead, just ignore it. Don’t even read it. I’ll just go fuck myself.2
-
A friend of mine offered me a Job as a Senior Software engineer in Damascus "on the peace site" Whhhhaaatt the fuck.
Yeah no Thanks... Maybe next time. -
MOTHERFUCKING Stripe !!!
Changed their dashboard layout !! Yes, let's move the top navbar to the left and change the whole layout. Oh yeah, and let's make the page less responsive than before.
I seriously don't understand why Stripe had to do this. Their dashboard layout was completely fine and useful but noooo lets change the navbar from the top to the left.
Because of these fucks, I now have to train my muscle memory to get used to this SHITTY ASS layout.
Fuck this. FUCK ALL OF THIS.2 -
Status meetings. Jesus, some people don’t understand the concept of “take your discussion offline”
Yeah, we get it. You have questions... we are not all wasting our time to fix your issues in one meeting.
“Take it the fuck offline” -
Maven simplejavamail dependency import, build email, try send it: jakarta.mail.messageexception whatever, not class def found. After some googling: Depends on jakarta-mail. Find jakarta-mail dependency, include it in pom, start again: jakarta.mail.someotherclassexception, no class def found.
Yeah fuck you, too...2 -
Phone rings.
"Hello, not sure if you remember, but you've been at our job interview 3 years ago. We're just wondering, if you're currently open for work."
In my mind: "yeah, fuck no"... and decline the offer.2 -
Yeah, I chickened out a little bit when someone had asked me about my project. Yeah, you covered a little bit for me and I'm thankful for that.
But for heaven's sake you broken vinyl disc I don't have to listen to your accusations for a whole day. Your hypocritical behavior put me in that stressful situation in the very first place.
There's a perfectly fine reason why the teacher occasionally tells you to simply shut the fuck up and I guess you already know that.
Nobody. Wants. To. Fucking. Hear. It.
And I sure as hell hope I won't ever have to -
!rant
Debugged the shit of a customer issue.
I feel great, it has been a while since I had fun/frustration with code. -
Why do you ask “can you {do this/that}” when “no” is not an option? Why don’t dare dare to say “please {do this/that}”?
Yeah nah I’m still gonna say no. But fuck your hypocrisy too9 -
Okay, I'm learning XSD (I wish i didn't, but yeah)
Why the fuck does it require so much code to use the simplest regex?
<xsd:simpleType>
<xsd:restriction base="xsd:integer">
<xsd:pattern value="([0-9])*" />
</xsd:restriction>
</xsd:simpleType> -
I had a pretty good day.
I had my first pay raise as a dev;) not huge but i wasnt expecting one for another 4months ;)
And i was working on a security scrip for after effect plugins. The thing is called Extendscript and is built on top of ecma3. Yeah javascript version from 1999. Hashing stuff gave me different results. Took me about a week to realise that the string buffer were different and i had to parse in latin something to have the same matching buffers. What a hassle man. Let alone trying to make it work with Windows terminal which after starting with Linux then mac， windows seems sooo sucky.
But yeah its my first security scripts so 2 main achievements for me today! Ive waited 4 years to reach a level where i now feel like a real professional dev. ;) sry not a rant ;) -
But yeah.... IPMI is fancy.
IF PEOPLE USED IT PROPERLY
FUCK IBM
More like... FUCK <COMPANY>
USING 10 YEAR OLD SERVERS
HOW THE FUCK DO WE SUPPORT THIS
SWITCHES ARE OUT OF DATE BY AGES
WE NEED TO UPDATE EVERYTHING
Software at least anyway.2 -
Thank god somebody already had btrfs fuck up on them.
Horror stories awaiting ! Jesus.
A dd of a live filesystem causing trouble in the clone ? yeah I suppose tis to be expected.
sigh.6 -
So yeah I'm currently working with a small team on a project that will save our company around 1000 FTE (literally ~1000 people) costs per year.
But we forgot to do branches in our gitlab project... And now I needed to resolve a merge conflict on a PyQT UI file. Fuck my morning I need more coffee!1 -
First post on StackOverflow... I wanna say thank you for a solution and get a fucking public flogging for it.
Yeah, welcome to our community newbie. Know your place. Fuck you Yunnosch & fuck you StackOverflow
13 -
c# AutoMapper is SOSO good.. On paper...
Once you start using and thre is couple of levels of inheritance involved, it turns to shit.
Searched for fucking 5 hours a problem... Only to find "Oh yeah in this case you need to manually map properties"
Fuck you
JsonConvert.Deserialize(JsonConvert.Serialize(myShit)) it is4 -
Fuck you sophos. Fuck you hard. I moved a server to a new datacenter and it worked like a charm. Thank you windows and hyper-v. BUT! BUUUUUUT my fucking sophos worked like shit. Blocking everything by default? Yeah fuck you. Reconfigured everything. Still blocked and why? Forward “all“ doesnt mean forward all. Had to apply rules from port tcp 1 - 65335 and udp 1-65335. Nice you piece of fuck.2
-
My school:
Oh yeah starting 5th year of CS!
"You have to take this year 1 course"
"WHY?!"
"Because fuck you, that's why!"
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