Random Uncle: So what do you do?

Me: Uncle, I'm a dev at xyz company.

RU: Ah so what do they do

Me: Uncle we work in the internet advertising business, kind of like AdSense

RU: So you basically spam the web?

Me: Yes :/

Admin: "Wait, I noticed unusual traffic."

Me: "What is it?"

Admin: "Looks like we have a bot here."

Me: "A bot? Didn't know we are so popular."

Admin: "It makes constantly login requests through our API, it already surpassed 600.000! I will ban it right away."

Me: "wait, that just sounds like my bot.."

Admin: "DUDE, WTF? ARE YOU SERIOUS?"

When there is bug, you don't know of, it can end up quite embarrassing.

Every software should have this

I think we all can agree that I write perfect code.

Give this guy a medal

Nobody:

Senior frontend Dev at my company: "microservices best thing ever"

Also him: "Relational databases gonna die"

Also him (talking to the DB team): "You're gonna dissapear, Mongo is the future"

Me: "Eh... Dude, Mongo is still a database.."

Him: "Microservices"

Send help...

“Why don’t you have a girlfriend? You have such a great personality”

“I’m a programmer.”

“Oh. I see.”

*Finds devRant*
*Downloads devRant*
*Proceeds to uninstall all other forms of social media*

3:00.
You turn off the PC.
You went to bed to sleep.
You realized you didn't have dinner.
You are hungry.
You are lazy and tired to get up.
You are in dilemma.
You are pretty screwed.

🤣 🤣 🤣

Sorry if repost. I have to..

So, as everyone knows on here by now (or, a lot of ranters), I am a fervid privacy person.

Appearantly a new surveillance law in my country is about to extend mass surveillance/hacking a lot. So here a rundown of what they are about to be allowed to do (stuff that is not okay imo and this is the reason I am so pro-privacy):

- Mass Data Gathering: The intelligence agency over here (lets call it IA from now) can pretty much record everything send through the country.

- Extra Protection: If they want to conduct surveillance on journalists/lawyers, they have to go through extra channels first at least.

- Data/survaillance sharing: The IA is allowed to share their raw/filtered data with foreign intelligence agencies without limits. Also, they're allowed to conduct surveillance based on foreign requests.

- Secret DNA database: A secret DNA database will be created which can store the DNA profiles of any person who has commited any kind of crime. These profiles are allowed to be stored for a maximum of 30 years. This database is allowed to be shared with any foreign intelligence agency.

- Hacking: Unlimited power to hack any device deemed neccesary to hack in relation to crime. From computers to smartphones and so on. Also, it's allowed to use zero-days without reporting them to the vendor (we have seen what can go wrong with that through the ShadowBrokers scandal).

- Automatic Database Collection: They are allowed to directly tap into any database they see required (banks, healthcare, messaging services and so on). Practically this can lead to backdoors being build in because if you don't cooperate, you can go to prison. (mother of god I am not using anything closed source anymore if possible).

So yeah, this is pretty much the reason why I am so privacy consious. This country is fucked.

"Programers can turn coffee into code"

*looks at java's logo*

Wait a min..

Meeting with the PM

colleagues: Hey, have you finished that app
Me:

I know that it is an unpopular opinion but I actually like Java.

Java is to JavaScript

: what Car is to Carpet
: what Swift is to Suzuki Swift
: what Perl is to a Pearl
: what Ruby is to a Ruby Gemstone
: what Go is to Go Home
: what Shell is to Sea Shell
: what Bash is to Big Bash
: what Alice is to Alice in wonderland
: what Rust is to Rusty Theron
: what Awk is to your Awkward cousin
: what Dart is to Darts
: what Julia is to Julia Roberts
: what Korn is to Corn
: what Maple is to Syrup
: what Caml is to a Camel
: what CHILL is to Netflix
: what Crack is to Crack
: what Curl is to Curls
: what Hugo is to Boss

To be continued..

Have a joke? Say it in comments
Criteria : programming language on left , analog on right

When you accidentally open the emulator when you already have 7 android studio projects, 20 opera tabs ,code::blocks,u torrent, sublimetext and a word document open

"could you put me through to a colleague who has the ability to have an actual intellectual conversation?"

-

Somehow I finished the call but God damn it took some energy and self control not to completely lose my shit. His tone was also very denigrating (he just didn't agree on something which was his fucking problem)

Fuck him.

My father just told me that I'm not a good programmer, because there are kids out there, who are younger than me and know more programming languages.

Besides the fact that the number of programming languages one knows has nothing to do with programming skills, I just said: "I wanna see that kid.", because I already knew his answer.

"Well, I never said there are many of these kids."

*facepalm*

Just for a smile. Scroll on... :-)

Me and myself have worked on so many projects together but somehow we never really finished any of them...

OMFG I need to organize my "Downloads" folder

Still haven't been paid for completed a retail shop project. But all is well, since the system will not start on Black Friday till I remove the if condition 😈

Maybe if I get a "world's #0 programmer" coffee cup people will think I'm under qualified to hack their Facebook...

Email. Fuck everything about it.

It's an obnoxious queue of messages I somehow must handle. And everyone in society expects you to have email. You can cancel your phone number, maybe even live without a house... but every hobo still must check their email.

It is an endless shitstream of things I don't want. Like a garden with some nice tomato plants, but then a really smelly weed starts invading and no matter what you do it keeps coming back.

I don't want to login to unsubscribe. I don't care about your "notifications center", or "managing the offers you receive from us".

And then your boss asks you to design an email campaign... I don't want to receive that shit, why would our customers? And even if I agreed with using email as a communication channel... YOU THOUGHT CSS IN INTERNET EXPLORER WAS A BITCH?

No really. Fuck email. Fuck everything about it.

Some companies have images of their tech support personnel in their websites.

They show you Steve and Michael......but in reality you get Rajhit and Pakalu

I work part-time at a grocery store.
We still use Windows 98.
😧

I was joking with my colleague what is the best comment for this if hell.
And now my boss send me this 🤣🤣🤣

Q: How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: 35. One to actually change the bulb and 34 to say after the fact, "I could have done that better."

Some people assume that since I am techy that I have a really good laptop or setup.

Nope.

Just have my raspberry pi 3 as my main computer. Go Linux🔥🔥

Just came across this awesome 404 page of system76.com.

Client, two months ago: "Where is the new and complicated custom software?! We needed this a week ago!"

Also client three weeks after delivery: "We still don't have time to test the new and complicated custom software. You'll have to wait for payment a little longer."

Reinstalling arch. I broke it while grading homework. Sad. Also worried my phone is going to ring and I'm going to not have my laptop ready.

Oldest software you had to use day-to-day for work?

And people wonder why I have trust issues....

Let the fun begin xD

Why do people get so unbelievably greedy when there is something for free.

Like "it's a free game server host, let's just create 100 accounts so I can have 100 empty servers"

Or "you can get a free game key if you contribute a lot, so let's just spam until I get the key"

It's so painfully to watch.

At work, me and my guys don't say "you have my attention" we say "you have my erection"

Yeah, its juvenile, and in poor taste, but to us its fricking hilarious.

Anyway, at any meeting when someone says "attention please" we always start giggling like fucking morons.

We basically substituted the word "attention" for "erection" and the only thing that we fear is using it in public. My guys seldom have to speak in public, I do most of the talking as their manager.

It falls on me to not say it at the wrong place, and the wrong time.

That is not reassuring to me. But I wonder how much longer can I keep going without messing that one up.

Finally...

It's 6 a.m. Time to sleep.

Dad thinks i sleep all day and always tells me to get a job.
Mom doesn't know nothing about what i do
Wife thinks I'm talking to other women and have a fucking magic money tree when bills need to be paid.
Wife's grandparents think I'm a lazy piece of shit but ask me to fix their fucking tvs.
Mother-in-law: knows i make money working on the computer but not how.

So a thousand dollar phone will let you make shit of yourself....

YouTube, I called it. I freaking called it! This is an old story, it was back when Cryptominer via browser became a thing.

Me: "How long do you thing it will take until YouTube advertisements will contain cryptominer?"

IT WAS A F*CKING JOKE YOUTUBE, I DIDN'T KNOW YOUR ADVERTISEMENT POLICIES ARE REALLY THAT BAD!

A month later, after I said it to an friend, I had increased lags with literally anything I was doing. After some days of research (because I didn't pay that much attention to it at first), I could pin down the cause to my YouTube tab in my browser (because I listen to 24/7 music livestreams). And I was like:

Me: "I bet this is because of cryptominer. I bet this is because of cryptominer."

Guess what. About two weeks later YouTube confessed. Cryptominer ads were possible.

I wonder how much money these companies made...

!rant OMG GOOD NEWS!!!!!!!! I only have tendinitis in my elbow causing pain in my hand, not carpal tunnel or arthritis 😄

if I had a coder girlfriend, and we pair programmed... 😍

Dear customer,
as our services are completely free and we do not get paid for working, we beg you to understand, that there are some things you have to tolerate.

1. We are DEFINITELY not going to work 24/7 for you and answer immediately anytime. Only because it's 3pm in your country doesn't mean it's 3pm in our country!

2. We will NOT waste any time figuring out your gibberish and translate your language to our language or whatever, you have to be able to understand English anyways because our website and rules and everything is English!

3. Speaking of rules, READ THEM, I'm sick of explaining to you why you are banned, what do you think FAQs are made for?!

4. STOP SPAMMING AND TAGGING ME FFS. First we have a support chat so you can leave a message there and somebody will read it eventually AND SECONDLY I'M NOT THE ONLY SUPPORTER SO STOP BUGGING ME.

5. READ THE FUCKING MESSAGES I WRITE!

geez.. I just lost it for a second... okay.. gotta go now, I got 20 new messages since I started writing this rant.

That sick feeling you get when you realise you could have been insanely rich and retired today if you had only invested in bitcoin early 🤢😭

1BTC reaches $10,993 AUD🤑🤑🤑

😩 That moment when you finish a project (part), close browser tabs close tons of terminal windows, quit a giant ide.. and you realize that you forgot a thing.. 😩

we have all been here on one side or the other...

got this on someone's laptop

Since I started caring about privacy so much my mom thinks that I have something to hide.

Hell yeah I have.

I read an interesting article on internet.
Thought my friend would like it and sent a link to him.
-_-
I will never send anything to him again.

Client: "Help me I can't find my programs"
Me: "Have you installed them right?"
Client: "Yes, I have"

Basically I spent an hour explaining him that dragging an installer from the download folder to program folder isn't actually installing...

It's that time of the day.

I arrived at 8am sharp today, SHARP, I usually arrive 2-3min earlier, so I can start with my actual work at 8am sharp, but traffic was rough and my scooter wouldn't turn on, so I wasn't able to.
Suddenly my boss calls me into his office, being all like "you are late everyday, you won't start work until 5 after 8 yadayada". Wtf?? You know I have a clock on my desk and I always check the clock when I'm arriving at work? (He has security cameras everywhere, so he can actually see me check the clock every morning). This morning I arrived at 8am sharp and the only reason why I started with work late is because he thought it's necessary to remind me to be at work in time. Now he expects me to start with work 5min early everyday, fuck off!

Dev lead on another team: Ok we can build that API for the mobile apps, we'll generate everything, generate printable images for the labels, persist it all and do all the relevant lookups and checks. Do you need an SLA?

Director: Yes, 9ms

*silence*

Lead: Sorry .... 9ms?

Director: yeah, its a must have

Lead: ... the speed of light wouldn't even let us transmit it that fast

My wife left to pick up our oldest kid from school and to later buy her outfits to start ballet.

I work from home, but am still on work hours. I sit on the couch next to our baby that is sleeping.

my wife when she leaves: look, she's asleep, just bring your laptop here and try to work.
me: ok I will

(10 minutes later)
me: ok I'll get the laptop now
me: *get up, pick the laptop, sit down again*
baby: wakes the fuck up

I swear to god this thing has fucking movement sensors.

If your site asks me to log in and doesn't implement OAuth with Google or at the very least Facebook then go fuck yourself.
I have enough usernames and passwords in my head, I don't want more.

ooooo managers have sent me a meeting for a solo standup with them on monday, i'm shakin' in my boots!

they're probably angry i already worked 50+ hours this week and took today off at short notice yesterday

clowns. 🤡

Guy using VPN:
why would anybody use tor unless he hides something?

Me (using Tor):
why would anyone use VPN unless he hides something?

In my opinion there is no difference in using Tor than in using VPN, it's all about privacy. I would consider Tor as an free alternative for your everyday privacy needs, if you can't afford VPN, or am I wrong?

Have children and build a house. You will forget what you enjoyed doing in your free time. Because you will not have any more!

P. S. I could have attached my github activity graph instead, but that is even more embarrassing 😭

My special edition $130 mouse finally arrived. It takes it's place as the most pretencious thing I own

Sitting in an "Advanced Python" course (paid by my employer), I kicked something under my desk. I hope those guys know Python better than they know electrical security measures...

What else am I supposed to put in the function comment...

I was just testing the Postfix server on one of my mailers, for the hell of it.. EHLO, STARTTLS, all good. Then comes the mail submission part.

MAIL FROM test@nixmagic.com
Connection closed by foreign host.

Right after I say mail from, it just closes the connection! Is it just me or does this feel like the server says to me "fuck off"? :')

I think ill root my phone now.

Call the Android paramedics if you don't hear back from me.

"It's sad to think that some people crave a commute because it's the only time during the day they have to themselves." 👀

This should be illegal be now 😡

THIS APP IS WHAT I CALL PERFECT.
Must-Have App!!!!
I didn't know you can have a terminal on your fucking phone!!!!

And here is the promised picture :)
I might be missing one or two but you get the idea :P

Just got a whiteboard as a present from my gf. Decided to use to for flowchart, but I literally never made a flowchart. This...this doesn't seem right. Anyone got any experience with it? Where could I learn and are they actually useful?

I'm coming back to devrant after a while, I'd like to throw in a hi to today's devrant feed!

whatever can go wrong, will go wrong.

| Me and my team presenting an half-assed AI project to our lecturer.
Note that the algorithm doesn't work and we have a placeholder |
Lecturer after looking only at the UI: The project looks very good, I believe we are done here.
Team member: Don't you want to check the code?
Me: *trying to choke him without anyone noticing*
Lecturer: No need.
Lives were saved that day.

The main reason I want to be an app developer is so that I can enable dark themes by default. That way people can see for themselves and the dark side can take over!

Windows: No internet connection.

Me: Runs troubleshooter.

Windows: Problem found and resolved: Default Gateway Server is not available

Me: Wait.. since when can windows fix user input?!

Windows: Still no internet connection

Hey guys!
Been away for some time. Didn't have anything to tell tbh - until today.

As you may remember I started a new apprenticeship at big (and super cool) company. We develop software for various platforms.
I'm currently working on a plugin displaying some weatherdata. This plugin is supposed to be in 2 of our products. One is pretty nice but a pain in the ass to compile. The second one is a pure WTF. It's a web app with approximately half the functionality but 5x loading time (without demo data!) of the other product.
Well, today I learned why we have this loading time. They use I don't know how much different js frameworks and libraries for every single simple task. "It's easy and Facebook does it too. Besides that why are there frameworks if you could do it native?" HMMM LET ME GUESS BECAUSE SOME PEOPLE ARE FUCKING LAZY!?
Why do you need MULTIPLE frameworks for a simple web display!?

When will I fuckin learn that
a) customers lie
b) customers are sloppy
c) customers are wrong
d) customers do not do their work (properly)
e) customers want us to do their (dirty) work
f) possibly all of the freakinly above?! + khm....

They will fuckin aaaalwaaaays say sth is not working after the update..
And I will alwaaaays assume I fucked up something..even if I didn't touch that part of the code/data..
And almost aaaaalways it turns out that the bug they complain about is how the system worked (or didn't work) before the update and/or some fuckup from their side..

Anyhow, I rushed over, grabbed the files went testing in dev..wtf, output is different, mine is ok, theirs is..wtf is that shit?!

Transfer newly built dll to test..same shit as on prod..wtf?! How?!

I assumed they have thing A correctly linked to thing B.. ofc thing A was linked to thing C in their case and in another case (our test) to correct thing B..
I got chillies when grabbing files, that
I should have tripple checked that they didn't fuck up something on the link part, but I just assumed they know what they were doing & that they checked they linked correct files with correct content already, before being pissy that the update fucked up things.. riiiight!! :/

I wanted to find solutions to this fuckup asap so I disregarded my gut feeling..yet again!! Fuuuck!
I've spent too much time trying to find ways to fix a bug that wasn't even a real bug to begin with.. :/

Fuuuuuck!!

So yeah, always treat the customers like they are 3yrs old & have no clue what they are doing & check exactly wtf they were indeed trying to do..it will save you time & nerves..

And note to self: reread this shit daily!! And imprint it in your brain that everything is not always your fault!!

That moment when you have refactored so much shit, then really broken the project, but can't see yourself doing a git revert because you had invested so much time and know ultimately it *needs* these changes...

Thank god I fixed it! 😌

If you don't feel good enough with your programming skills, keep practicing but don't be sad, there are dogs all around the world that love you

The only documented case that “have you tried turning it off and in again” is confirmed not to work

A friend actually asked me this..
He is building an android app for selling his stuff and haven't used hashs for storing passwords..

My Wife.

This rant has been one that I've been wanting to rant about for a while now. Me being drunk as fuck right now (mind, stay awake!) doesn't really help, but meh.
At least Wanblows was able to install its "features" properly... Except it wasn't, being the featureful ShitOS it is.

I want to rant about privacy. Not about "nothing to hide, nothing to fear". That's been ranted about plenty by the MIcroshaft-loving folks as well as the privacy-aware opposition. Rather, I'd like to rant about the privacy-concious.

I am a privacy-concious-person, with his current status quo being that he doesn't yet know a privacy-concious solution to every data-intrusive "common solution" out there. So I tend to value privacy next to De Lijn while sharing location data to Google with Google Maps. Point is, I do not know privacy-concious solutions to everything out there yet. So I use the convenient over the privacy-aware.
(after review while drunk I was unable to make sense of this)

In the privacy-aware circles I tend to see that it seems to be black and white. You share your data with Google, yet you oppose data collection by local institutes? WRONG!!! YOU MUST BE A TINFOIL HAT!!!
No, seriously I don't want to share my data with Google. Just that they're the only realtime navigation platform with decent UI out there that I know of right now.

Privacy isn't all black and white here. I block any intrusion that I'm able to, anything else I abide to, while awaiting a good alternative that does respect my privacy which I would gladly use instead. That does not imply that "I have nothing to hide". I do, and I have a lot to hide.

So that makes up the black and white nature of privacy, which is a fallacy. Another one is the whole idea of "I have nothing to hide" to begin with.

If you have nothing to hide, would you be comfortable with sharing your location data (IP address, habits, common trends, etc) with me? To share your information with me, to have your contacts share your info with me, without your consent? Of course you wouldn't. But that's what's happening right now.

I wonder if SO devs used SO themselves

Recently I got an E-Mail from PayPal.de with the headline "Your account gets limited". Fun Fact: I don't have a PayPal account.
This Mail got me curious though, as it couldn't be a phishing mail, since I don't have a PayPal account in the first place, so I opened the e-mail just to get greeted by pure emptiness. It was completely empty. I thought to myself "oh no, is this some sort of new trick? Did I get infected by some sort of a weird hacky backdoor trojan already?!"

Name: PayPal.de
Original E-mail Address: NULL (never seen this before)
I then realized, that Thunderbird blocked the only content from this mail: a clickable image.

This is getting even more confusing the longer I examine this unique mail. The image is showing me a domain from a site completely unrelated from PayPal, so it was obviously no phishing, but I didn't trust this clickable image, so I looked up its hidden link to find an even more confusing redirection to not a picture upload site like the image suggests, but to a game key reselling site instead, like wtf? What was the whole point of this whole e-mail? Was this a weird try to make advertisements for more than one website? It wasn't even a ref-link or something like that. It was just weird, iunno.

i found this today, during ssl install. it's really funny.

Confession: I'm launching a major project for a client this time next week. It's some of the worst code I've ever written in my entire life. It's beyond awful, but I have no choice. It's sure going to be fun fixing it for the next 2 weeks post launch.

Hey guys.
Sorry for the absence.
So... Lately I've been working in shifts, doing extra hours and stuff... And today, Saturday I went to work for nothing... My boss fucked me just to make me go to work, when there isn't much work to be done...
Btw, I have a burn out for more than two years because I had to work and study and sleep for 4 hours a night, for months.... (check my profile for more info).

Today I had enough
Almost got killed while driving... felt asleep.
I'm saturated.
Monday I'll talk to the owner of the company
and If I don't like what I ear I'm making several complaints:
- One for the organization that protects workers
- One for the work court (we have that In Portugal)
- And one criminal complaint... After all they fucked my health, my life and are putting my life in danger just because...

Lets see how it goes...
Better part... If I make any of the complaints above they can't fire me, make me work overtime or in unpaid shifts...
Oh, and someone else also made a complaint recently... Governement oficials spent two days this week checking the company accounts and calling workers for confidencial intervews...
So, I guess It's the perfect time to drop the bomb on them.

Friend: "So whatcha playing these days?"
Me: *thinks for a second* "...um.. neovim... :'( "

In another news. COVID-19 continues to ravage certain places of the world. Most notably India (for right now)

Is there a mathematical correlation between this and the decrease of scam calls asking about your social, vehicle warranties, IRS frauds etc?

A friend mentioned that he has not gotten scam calls in a while now, I noticed this as well. I would normally have vendors contact me daily, vendors with shitty practices and poor sounding accents that insist on them having names such as "Joe" or "Steve". This sucks for India since I believe it is a country with absolutely beautiful cultural heritage and good people. But man, the decrease in scam calls from there is outstanding now.

They ask me how i can stare at a screen for​ 6h and go to sleep right away. They say it makes them unable to sleep after that time.
I say EMBRACE THE POWER OF F.LUX

You know u have no life when you get a call, you're all excited about who's it going to be...
"oooh an unknown number!"
*picks up*
"who's this?"
... *automated voice* "This is apple calling you for your apple verification code... your code is..."

And u realize u have ur computer on which u need to enter your code because u tried to login 2 minutes ago...

You guys fuck!

I can only imagine what goes through clients’ tiny brains. Do they really think: “oh I know what will get shit done, insult the developer, his work, and demand things be fixed while saying the whole system is broken even though they have multiple times in the past demonstrated that it was either me using it wrong or an extremely quick and simple fix. I also have a problem with a few listed items in particular not the whole system, but I’m gonna insult everything.”

Fucking rude fucks!

PYTHON

Long story short a guy texted me on Xing, he had an interesting idea, I joined in and now we are founding a startup.

Short story long, a guy texted me on Xing. I usually don't give a fuck because there always just fucktards that want to offer me modern enslavement. No thanks you lifeless greedy hamsters! (no offense) This time was different though. It was not the usual kind of words and the idea sounded pretty awesome. So I gave it a try.

We met in a Café and talked about the idea and about my role in it. It went pretty well and we basically had a nice little chat, coffee and cake.

I was still not convinced. It sounded to good to be true. Why would something like this ever happen to me? You know that kind of feeling. It was like "Hopefully I'm not selling my soul to the devil now."

We now work on the project, already have 5 customers and are a step before the first financial investment. I'm pretty amazed how that turned out!

Now to disappoint you a bit more (or maybe to give you hope?) All I've worked so far (except that one little one-year internship) happend by, me talking to someone that had a job, me being honest about what I want and me rejecting anything that runed my guts inside out. That's it. I never really applied for something. I just get to know the people and with that comes the opportunity. Just be respectful, curious and honest. The others will notice. Chances rise that you'll find something you love todo.

We got a minifridge at work. I finally brought the finishing touches

wanted to buy a domain, I loaded the url to check if it was available. it redirected me to another domain, where the only content was a bible quote.

Yet another bullshit app to cure your problems that have taken place by not talking to people. No app can give you the comfort equal to talking to a person that cares about you can give. Go talk to some real people ffs.

Company: Hi mordax, your profile shows you have an impressive background -
Me: Oh!
Company: So I'd like to extend an invitation-
Me: Oh!!! (Interview!!)
Company: - to a Women in Tech(™) event hosted by the company.
Me: Oh.

1. I'm sick with a cold. I'm dying.

2. You know, it feels like some objects' destiny is bound to mine. Like this woolen shawl that over 15 years ago I used to use to keep my head warm in the heavy snow, then forgot it existed and now it resurfaced as I was talking to mom about my head being cold while having the cold.

3. If things go well, this shawl will come with me on my next trip. That is, if this cold doesn't make a stop in afterlife.
**achoo**

Getting the corporate hard sell - after I gave notice at my job I've had my skip level manager and then _his_ boss offer me changes to stay. It's messing with my head!

People seem to be crawling out of the woodwork to get me to stay and it feels a lot like this is how one gets into corporate politics... but I swear almost none of these people cared about me before. Make it make sense!

Something I learned the hard way: the steak emoji is 4 bytes, whereas a lot of the commonly used emojis are only 3 bytes.

On a scale of 1-10, how lazy are you when it comes to prototype code?

Me, well I'm a 'fuck it lets just wildcard anything that is a child of a GLib objects'

Don't be like me kids...

EDIT: Yes i know it should have been an override void

Scrum CSM course: it's good to accept that we can't be perfect.

Also CSM course (1): if it's not followed perfectly it's not scrum

Also CSM course (2): scrum won't work in your team unless the whole organization adopts it

CSM course provider after cert: $1k CSM cert isn't enough to practice Scrum responsibly

I live with my boyz who are also devs so, i can talk dev and chicks at the same time...

Working on a less urgent project just to hide from the real one...

Pretty much every fucking member in a school project except the one.

!rant

I’m a backend - spaghetti - developer, and today i took the biggest mindfuck in my life when i found out that it’s possible to have functional mockups... at first glance i tought that i’ve only received a screenshot collection of what the designer did... guess what... i was able to click lè buttons and go trough the whole application flow.

Thanks Adobe for xD ...
I should get a freakin designer job.

Mixing lazy loading with event-based code == events won't be handled because the class won't subscribe to events until it's initialized hours after startup

Thank you, my dear lazy-loading lover, who keeps introducing hard-to-spot bugs everywhere. I wish your hand was as lazy as your code, that would have saved hours of debugging time.

If you think about it, devRant was also at a stage once when you'd describe it as "it is like facebook but for..." app. Hmm.

I hate social media because I have to keep it in one way or the other (don't ask)

As such, I have to deal with multiple bullshit that I read from people.

The trust fund baby with a daddy selected job posting images on him on Cancun "lIfe Is To Be EnjOyeD, go AhEaD trAvEl" <--- bitch I work. I am happy that you enjoy shit but fuck me man have some sense of reality.

Many more shit like that, plus, it is a pandemic fuckhead, chill the fuck out.

The retarded veteran that continues to cry about a football player kneeling on a football match.....even though he was told by a fucking ex Special Forces to take a knee in peaceful protest.

Mexican adults talking about American politics.....dude you live in FUCKING MEXICO your fucking president is a national MEME

the list continues, I hate social media.

Any one else have a problem buying gadgets they don't need? I just bought an Amazon Echo and not entirely sure what to do with it. I also have about 6 waiting to be shipped from kickstarters

what do you usually charge for an average website? 🙂

> Drinking much because it's a hot day.
> Have to go to the toilet
> Cleaner is cleaning the toilets so nobody can go.

Every fucking time gaaaarh

So yeah I just double tapped my kindle to turn page.

Rant from a previous gig I just remembered that reignited my fury lol

Suddenly, CSV exports became massively critical to our product's success. "They were always part of the plan, if we don't have them the product is a failure". Plot twist, they were NOT always part of the plan. And our backend is not at all designed for querying the combinations of data you're asking for.

Nevermind we've been entirely focused these last few months on making the new user experience as slick as possible because "our customers want cake, not meat and potatoes". Forget the fact that, in order to meet the deadlines, my team coupled the backend a little too much with the needs of the frontend because otherwise integrations took too long. We NEED fucking CSV exports of everything you can fucking imagine.

No. Fuck you. If you want it, it's gonna take at least 2 engineers and a month, and according to you we only have a few weeks of runway. No, I'm not compromising jack shit, this is the reality we live in. This is going to go nuclear in production if we don't do it right. Either give us the month and bankrupt the company, or fucking drop it.

Or...you could go cry to the frontend team for solutions. And convince them to page through ALL of the data and generate CSVs in the fucking browser. Sure, it sort of works in QA with the miniscule amount of data we have there, but how'd that work out for you in prod?

Jesus fucking christ why are you people such incompetent morons, and how the fuck did you become executives??

Just had an interview, but since I am a smart ass I decide that half an hour notice before the interview is OK after working the whole day with queues, docker & php multithreading, so we start an interview over Skype and my persona was able to duck up how simple joins work as well as function which is supposed to return the sum of even numbers between 2 and provided argument... I was off by 2..

Lesson learned never get in an interview after a whole day of mindfuckery .. Never

Happy programmers day everyone...

!rant // deprecated but who cares

I just wanted to write down something i realized. I realized that that I stopped growing as an individual a while ago.

Being a student put me in constant stress situations. I had to do things quickly. Lern things fast, drop things I don't understand immediately, move on, and repeat. I think this corrupted me, turning learning into something that it's not supposed to be. Even making me reject other people's opinions sometimes, which disgusts me every time I think back to it.

When I started programming I'd always try to read the code, until i completely understood what exactly this code was doing. Something I stopped doing a while ago because of the mentioned time constraints.

But today I got the hit by the consequences (German: Ich hab Retourkutsche abbekommen)

I was implementing an algorithm today, while my partner was writing the main program, which acted as indirect test cases. And the errors were discovered one after another because of my misinterpretation. Or Simply put, my lack of knowledge. Because it was already late, we stopped soon afterwards but I wanted to solve this problem by tomorrow. I really wanted to get my head around this algorithm, so that i could solve it with confidence. After getting my head smoking I felt something I haven't in a while: the feeling of achieving something. Making me finally realize not only how the algorithm was actually meant to work but it also made me again realize what learning is about.

Use your damn head.
Don't look away from the problem, solve it! Learning is about challenging yourself!

Sorry for stealing away so much of your time. Like i said, i just wanted to write this down. Maybe to burn this into my mind, to keep me on the right track from now on. But I also hope that i could deliver my message to someone that needed it as well.

Also it's late and i should have gone to sleep long time ago. 😴😵
I just hope my grammar didn't suffer because I'd that

Step 1. Have no dissertation project.
Step 2. Wait for the last 3 hours till the deadline to come up with an idea.
Step 3. Realise that your just-thought-up project idea is something companies like Google and Amazon are still trying to figure out. But there is no time left.
Step 4: Approach your supervisor with the words "Imagine the possibilities". They respond with "Imagine the difficulty".
Step 5: They sign on it regardless since they are curious to see you fuck up with style, also you are too much in love with your idea already, and refuse to drop it.
Step 6: fml

This log says way too much about me as a person.

Happy new year devRant! May the bugs be few and the clients plenty

CppCon2017 is COMING guys!! All these crazy speakers and conference! I won't say their names because they are too many x) But... FUCK ! That's the only moment I wish I lived in USA... No streaming, can't go... Only one thing to do, wait the upload on YouTube...
When I see people hyped about GoT or whatever... Guys this is the REAL HYPE!!!

Do you wanna play a game?
Cloud Storage:
GlusterFS
Ceph
HekaFS
LizardFS
OrangeFS
GridFS
XtreemFS
WeedFS (CHMODing into 420 fam)

My coworker just replied to a customer’s out of office email. 😂

“Thank you for letting us know that you will be out of the office” 🤣

The subject of the email is “Re: Automatic reply: Data Export - Items Sold” 🤣🤣🤣

Microsoft, do you even care what your shitty updates are doing or have you just given up?

Not only did the update start immediately after waking up from standby, it also had to brighten up my day by deleting everything afterwards.

Turns out the anniversary update gets confused by dual boot systems and then just deletes all partitions. And apparently they didn't manage to fix this for months now.

Can't wait for the coming "Creator's update", always wanted to see how an exploding PC looks.

Before you fire me and delete me as admin from managing your website, also be sure to check on and have me transfer to you the third-party stuff, like Cloudflare or Mailchimp. Remember how I had to set these up on my own on your behalf (because you don't know what you're doing and those alerts would disappear into your unmanaged inbox)? Think first to make sure you have full control over your WHOLE site. You see, what happens when I delete those accounts is no longer my problem once I walk out the door.

Random thought:
I rarely see emojis on devrant and most of the time I see them, they are used in a rather cringe-full way. There are some posts however, which use emojis in a way I like, for example to replace the client's name.

But my favorite emoji is still the shrug emoji, not the Unicode shrug emoji, but the *real* shrug emoji. ¯\_( ツ)_/¯

Traceback (most recent call last):
File "me.py", line 1, in <module>
AttributeError: 'Dave_Elec' object has no attribute 'social'

Code = play games
Watch a tutorial = watch a movie
Read docs = read a novel

So I end up being scolded for never studying for my academics and just having fun all the time

This is the story of the API documentation.
Which btw I couldn't find on the producent's website anywhere. I had the pdf shared with me by a coworker.

I knew the api was fucked up the moment I looked at endpoint documentation.

GET params? WHERE, ORDERBY etc. Literally make a SQL select in a GET request.

Returned stuff? The whole thing. Not some DTO, you literally get everything you can get.
Eg if you get IP in your response, you get it in several formats: dotted form, as hex, and as int. In 3 different json fields.

Oh, and regarding IP - one would imagine you can use masks or prefixes for subnets, right? Nope. The only param you can use there is the subnet size. So you have to calculate the power of 2 every time you want to make a request.

That's from the endpoint documentation. But what about some general info on the API, before all that?

As I was looking for something, I decided to read that intro and general info about the API.

Okay, so there was a change log between API versions. "removed [endpoint which sounds like correct REST design], please use [this generic thing with SQL-like GETs]"... Several of them.

And there was also this sentence which said that the API is not restful, "it's REST-like". <facepalm>

If it was a bad attempt at REST API, I would let it go. But this sentence clearly showed they knew they did everything wrong. And the changelog showed they didn't stop there, they were actively making it worse.

I just went to SO to browse questions and learn something or help someone...
And then...
THE FREAKING PRINTSCREEN OF IDE
INSTEAD OF COPYING THE CODE

And you know what's worse?
There was also a PHOTO of the output from the console.

Who has too much time on their hands and wants a throwaway project? :)

Say there are some poll results. Like this one. Each item has xx.yy% of all the votes. The task would be to come up with an algorythm that would read in those results and make a few predictments on how many participants were in this poll :)

I don't need it, I just came up with it and thought it might be a fun project for someone. I know I'd go for it if I had free time on my hands :)

P.S. if you're up for it, sharing a solution code is more than welcome!

Since there is Scrum i am programmer , tester , software engineer , networking guy and application manager. Thank you Scrum didnt know that before. And i have no idea what i am doing right now ....

Have a Monday Cat, all. Don't forget to wake up this morning!

(Image was dark, so had to edit into visibility. Yes, this is one of my cats.)

"Mushroom Code"
When the code looks like it was written by someone on shrooms.

Got my stickers in the mail today, just before I left for my new job. Thanks from Ireland devRant

SO: Overflowing with Fucking IDIOTIC Moderators

🎶 It must have been a bug,
but its over now-ah-ow...
🎶 I'm not sure what I did...
but I fixed it somehow 🎶

Wanted to have Samsung Dex for work, so I can run office on it and kick windows from my dual boot laptop.
Dex pad was on sale.
Bought it.
Brought it to work.
Work monitor doesn't have hdmi.
...
fuck. <.<
I'll ask the technician later if he either has a monitor flying around he doesn't need or an adapter or something.

Hetzner. Very cheap no nagging, no support bullshit, Lots of options, Just does what it does.
Did I mention their pricing?

Stack overflow gives php as "techs you dislike" sugestion.

Yahoo finance shut down all their historic data uRL and im out of options. No API or packeges works. I have a report to pass up on tuesday for my ViVa and this is shit. Fuck. My months of work just wasted.

I don't want to suggest that women are worse programmers but Karlie Kloss is at it again 😕

I hate infinitely scrolling pages. There is no way of knowing (or at least, nobody is telling) how far you have to scroll to reach the end. Though I guess the answer is kinda given already; "infinitely". Fuck, I'll be scrolling for a while, then.

I really like how there is something new everyday that you can do to protect your privacy even more 😄

I want to access a webpage on a non-standard port.
On desktop, I can override port bans for Chromium-based browsers and Firefox.
On Android, I FUCKING CAN'T, FIREFOX' CONFIG VALUE USED ON DESKTOP DOESN'T DO ANYTHING ON ANDROID, ANY OTHER BROWSER ALSO DOESN'T HAVE ANY CONFIG FOR THIS, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Site's on port 21 because that's one of my school firewall's few allowed outbound ports, and I couldn't use 80/443 since a webpage is already running there.

Have you ever heard a CPU run? Because I have, I can hear my phone's cpu and it sounds dope af

devRant needs some sort of Offspring-of-Clippy tool.

"It looks like you're posting a sort-of-humorous-the-first-time joke or meme. Have you bothered to scroll more than twice to see if this dead horse has, indeed, been well flogged?" 😜

I just wanted to say... Have a great day!

Boss of the company I'm working in flew in from Morroco to Paris to discuss what to do about GDPR (yeah today). One of the sysadmin was fired last month and the other barely knows anything. Since I work on system administration as an intern I was expecting some serious work. The meeting with the tech team went on for two hours (which I didn't attend). At the end of it, I went to the only guy in the office who speaks English and asked him, "Hey, so what are we doing about GDPR?".
He replies, "Well, the boss just decided that we're not going to tell the auditors about our offices in two other countries (which is outside Europe and hosts most of the servers)".

Either my server is hacked or I fucked something up two days ago without knowing, I suddenly start receiving a dms file when I try access my domain or either by IP, file name is: valroSG0.dms

Do I need to be worried :S

Fucking spam
Useless pieces of shit
Targeting my dad, fools, he has me 🤡
I'm gonna flood you with fake emails and passwords
So much that you will stop spamming and then I'll continue a little bit, just to be safe
Fucking bastards

Just lost hours of work because the winforms designer decided to send half my elements to (11, -8000) and resize others to (0,0). No matter what I did, there was no moving them back. And every change I made was reverted by some unknown mechanism.

Thankfully, I still have the user controls I built. But I still have to rewire 3k lines worth of form events.

WHAT AM I DOING!!!

So apparently Docker exposes all the forwarded ports on *all* the interfaces, making all running containers available to the entire internet BY DEFAULT.
I have a question:
WHY???

C0D4's devrant battle...

Happy new year for me and all Ethiopians here...

Look, I'm rank null

Damn, I love IRC

Guys! Let’s have a contest.

I need a new name for a new journal for my new thoughts. Deep thoughts.

Person who best chooses a name that is fitting (maybe nerdy too) gets a ++ and a screenshot of my handwriting.

Does anyone have a close enough setup as their avatar?

Fucking damn! This program is so poorly built that it's racking up terrible amounts of technical debt. This should be fucking easier than this, but because of how closely coupled everything is I'm now having to suffer through this ungodly beast of code.

I was aiming for a nice top down model where things communicated straight down, but with each additional feature requested by my PM, there are things that are growing increasingly more difficult to build around.

I could rebuild the entire thing, but this is the culmination of 8 months of work!

GOD KILL ME PLEASEEE

I have two managers outside of the bathroom having an impromptu meeting while I'm blowing it up.

...this is what causes psychological complexes.

Forgive me for I have sinned.
I doubted software from India could be as bad as you always hear ... I was proven wrong ... now I have to take the consequences ... an untested, Indian Web-API

I have just talked to a friend that i have met last 9 years ago. And he is also a dev.. awesome!..

What? You've been messaging me for days? I'm sorry. I got a new phone; it extremely experimental, as it's using linux and not android or iOS. I guess I just haven't gotten your messages.

The pine phone gives be the best excuse I've had in years for ignoring people!

For the record though, I *have* been getting all their calls and messages since switching to Postmarket.

Damn specs! Why do you have to change as the project goes on?!! Every project seems too easy at first.

Once I wrote a shell script to solve a problem. Then I thought "now I have to rewrite it in a REAL language". So I did it in Go. But then I got bored and left it to rot in my gh. I picked it up again today and made another rewrite, but now in node. What the actual fuck

Are you listening to music?
What are you listening to?

So... I let people around me who see me programing assume what they want to about my abilities, so when they asked if I could hack I decided to play a joke. I said "give me your phone and I'll show you your files and make your phone display a white for a few minutes" (phone was an Android with no lock on it), I do all that as I had an app that closed itself already built for other reasons... They said "cool, now hack that guys Facebook" .... people are gullible...

>"rm -rf ~/"
>Wonder what the exact name of the file I'm deleting is
>*presses tab*
>*presses enter multiple times*
>accidentally presses "enter" when the choices are finished
>delete entire home directory
>fuck.

Coffee, meat sticks and react💯

Bought a nice widescreen monitor from Samsung through B&H Photo. 2 weeks later it wouldn't turn on. Shipped it in thrice for repairs and on the third time Samsung exchanged it for a new one. 7 days later the new one won't turn on. Same symptoms. The seller's money-back guarantee has expired, of course. No idea if Samsung will just give me the original value in cash so I can find another one from another manufacturer who knows how to make monitors. I'll probably just get ripped off. Time to die?

Disclaimer!!!
Do at your own risk.
-----------------------------------
- Take a strong magnet, like a neodymium magnet.
- Hold it in your hand.
- Move your hand across a Macbook 15"'s keyboard. Say from left to right or vice versa. Almost touching they keys.

You'll see the screen dimming. If you just hold it there for a little longer, it'll lock your macbook. It's funny, but I am not sure if it's doing some damage to hardware.

Today we had an exam in college where we were expected to code the new facebook from scratch in one hour and fifteen minutes

anyone want to review my app? preferably ones with android experience, I want to learn how to improve it and make it as good as possible. message @calmyourtities if you'd like to help a newbie with android :)