mom: call your friends

me: okay hold on

myFriends();

Me using the Siri app on my iPhone:

Me: "Siri, call my wife."
Siri: "Samantha McLaughlin is not in your contacts."
Me: "Samantha Gibbs is my wife."
Siri: "I've added Samantha Gibbs as your wife."
Me: "Call my wife."
Siri: "Which wife?"

A few years ago, i got a call which went like this:

Phone: *rings*

Me: *looks at call, recognises the number and picks up*

Me: "Hello! Haven't heard from you in a while! How are you doing?"

Him: "I have a problem with my PC, could you..."

Me: *hangs up*

Aside from not even getting a "hello, how are you?" at the start of the call, here's the plot-twist:

A - This was my goddamn Brother calling

B - It was my goddamn birthday

GF: "The Internet is broken!"
Me: "WHAT?! Sound the horn! Raise the alarm! Call gondor for aid! The Internet is broken! Does the president know?! Save yourself fools!"
*skips away on pretend horse*

Stolen from an awesome book but my new favourite line ;)

Someone: “Can you repair my computer， it`s not working anymore?”

Me: “Do you call Leonardo Dicaprio when your Tv is broken?”

Made a website for a friend's parents in 2015. Months later after the website was finished, I haven't been paid. Reminded them about the money, they say they will call me. No call received. So, I turned the website into this. (image)
2017, still haven't been paid.

Client : Hey make me five page website with blabalabla blabla blabla blablablablablabla that should be easy for you! for 10$?
me : for 10$ i can create a new folder and thats it and i am not gonna call it project i will name it asdaddaddadsas!

Classmate: Oh, are you programming? You know, I'm a really great programmer... You can practically call me a hacker, because of my skills. I can't brag much, because I'm too modest for that.

Me: Cool! What languages do you know?

Classmate: I know how to use scratch.

Me: ...

so I'm learning C# delegates and I saw this

1. I agree to work with you on your startup idea because i believe in you.
2. I am the solo developer doing both the mobile apps, website, database and server side.
3.You call me shouting and complaining that i am too slow.

4. sudo rm -rf ~/your_project

Call me a variable

Been getting rejected for Linux related jobs all over for the last few months. Yesterday I emailed a company yet again because fuck it.

Got a call today from their recruiter! Genuinely nice guy and he's going to call me back tomorrow! Let's hope this finally goes well 😄

Some guy: "PLEASE CALL AN AMBULANCE!"
Me: Ambulance();

Still don't know what I did wrong 🤷

passionately making love on Friday morning.

Cellphone buzzes for WhatsApp notification, ignored.
Call ignored, SMS ignored, again call, ignored.

She : whose that bitch calling you?
Me : it's no one important.
She : Checks WhatsApp, message from CTO, server crashed.
Me : Umm, darling, I need to fix this.

It's been 2 days she hasn't answered my call after she left.

First on the phone this afternoon and also a crapload of tickets.
*alright let's do some tickets*
*tringgggggg*
*fair enough, phone comes first*
*half an hour later call finishes*

*alright, tickets!*
*tringggg*
*alright phone first again*
*handles call, hangs up*

*Aaand tickets!*
*Tringgggggggg*
*oh come on I need to do tickets :/*
*handles call again and closes convo*

*Aaaand now: ticke... *TRINGGGG*
*oh come on!!*
*handles call once again*

*please don't interrupt me now, I need to do those ti.... *TRINGGGG MOTHERFUCKER*
*fucking hell!*
*handles call and tries to stay calm*

*now tickets!*
*types reply, presses repl... *TRINGGGG 😈*
*OH FOR FUCKS SAKE*
*handles call once a-FUCKING-gain*

*if the phone rings now...*
*goes to the reply button again and: clic.... *TRINGGGGGG - GO FUCK YOURSELF!*

FUUUUUUUCKING FUCKING FUCK.

FUCK. TODAY WAS ANNOYING AS HELL.

So, me and my girlfriend were on a discord call and she said to me: "You know how you can get lost in someone's eyes? Well, I get lost in your code".

I've never been more touched and conflicted in my life. 🥰🤨

Just heard someone call Linux a programming language. Kill me now

*call from boss on the weekend*

Boss: hey, we have an important demo the next week, can you make that xyz changes (not big deal)

Me: okay, gimme 15 minutes

~30 minutes later~

Boss:still waiting tho
Me: *sending this:

Deadline was 2 days ago.. Managment pissed off, bugging me every 2 minutes, until they get a call from the client asking to leave me alone to do my job. Awesome feeling..

I beg your pardon Microsoft, what did you just call me?

Programmer boyfriend says he misses me, wants to talk to me and wants us to video call.

He codes on camera instead of talking with me. 😂

What did function() say to main ()?

Call me maybe

I think my weather app wants to call me someday!

Fuck those useless calls!

PM: customer X wants a call in an hour.
Me: they didn't send emails before. No questions, no prep, no call.
PM: yeah but they want to talk.
Me: these unprepared calls are pointless. I'll be sitting there, noting down the questions and telling them I'll have to look up the details.
PM: shall I tell them that you don't want to talk to them?
Me: I don't care, it's your call, do whatever you want.
PM: that's not professional.
Me: oh you're calling it professional to sit there with a pencil, writing down crap or what?
PM: what's the problem?!
Me: I've had this shit for the last two fucking calls, and they were so unprepared that they wasted half of the call just reading up, and I'm fed up with this shit!
PM: but they are the customers, and they aren't that happy.
Me: yeah, and do you know why? Because our schedule is completely fucked up and our management has been ignoring ANY warning from engineering for WEEKS! That's why they are unhappy and not because I'm not holding their fucking hands!
PM: hey, but you can't tell me what I have to do!
Me: and you can't tell me either! [he's my PM, but technically not my superior.]
PM: so no call or what?
Me: you're free to have your call. I'll sort out the shit that they're concerned about, putting that down in a proper email, and then we have at least some basis for discussion!
PM: (left for his call)

Btw., my cursing was the same in the live conversation with him.

Got a call from a recruiter today. (Keep in mind that using WhatsApp is about a requirement over here.)

R: so can I app you (I hate that word to the fucking point) with further details?
Me: *oh fuck this is gonna get me fucked again* uhm I don't use it so yah...
R: ohhh okay, security reasons?
Me: *slight relief* yes indeed, sir
R: oh fair enough, you can always just text and call me!

*very relieved feeling*

It's for either a cyber security or linux job by the way.

Call me Mr. Robot.

First day on the phone as a support guy!
Before the first call came in I thought like 'please no email related issues as that's the one thing I suck at!'

Fair enough, first call:
Me: hello, how can I help you?
Customer: well, we've got this email problem...
Me thinking: MOTHERFUCKING FUCKING FUCK WHY ME 😭
Me: what seems to be the problem?

Damn, really?!

On a french TV show:
Animator: So Jean-Pierre what do you do in life?
Jean-Pierre: well, I'm a computer ingineer
A: Oh, so you're the guy we call when the printer is fucked?
JP: Absolutely not, I'm the one who make programs and softwares that don't work, so they call us again

Literally me 😂

You might call me an insomniac, but I am definitely a night owl. Night cat sounds more exciting. Time for another exciting night in the Land of Code! Meow, meow

Client: can we have a quick call right now?
Me: sure, hold on while I install VirtualBox, Windows 10 and Skype for Business

call me weird, but I love thunderstorms

1. Submit my resume, get an email asking to schedule an interview
2. Schedule the interview
3. One day before the scheduled time, I get an email saying that the interview is being rescheduled to another time two days later (no explanation for why they did this)
4. I clear out my schedule and wait for the interview call (it’s suppose to be at 2:30, but I wait like 15 minutes early because I don’t want to miss it)
5. I don’t get a call
6. At 3:00, I call the company and ask whats going on. They apologize and say my interviewer will call me back as soon as he gets back from lunch.
7. He doesn’t call.
8. At 4:00 I call them back. Apparently the guy who was suppose to interview me went home. I ask them wtf they are doing and if this is how they treat their employees. They said they would reschedule the interview and call me back once they did.
9. No one calls.
10. I wait a week, call them back, and am told that the funding for my position didn’t come through (what does that mean? You’re not hiring programmers to design the software for your billion dollar war machines anymore? Seriously?).

I’ve had it with this company. I don’t know if it was just this incompetent recruiting group or if this is a company full of scumbags, but I mean, really?

Trying to explain to a coworker that the AJAX call he would like to do will not work due to same-origin policy restriction.

Coworker: «But for me it is working.»
Me: «What browser are you using?»
Coworker: «Internet Explorer»

LMAO

I just told a colleague of mine, and worst programmer i got to know, to call me the alchemist.
Because I'm the one turning his shit to gold

Browser notifications, STOP TRYING TO MAKE IT A THING!

God I hate every other website that requests browser notifications.. why just why?

So today I was working on some PowerShell scripts and I get a question from a colleague
Colleague: So, How's your girlfriend doing ?
Me: "You cannot call a method on a null-valued expression" -ForegroundColour "Red"

*Colleague throws something at me*
Totally worth it!

Manager: We really need to save money with this project, so nobody call tech support for anything.

Me: There's this open-source solution that would work great.

Manager: Bad idea! There's no tech support number to call.

Me: ...

Phone rings, recruiter: "hi Scott just come across your CV and really want to talk to you about an exciting opportunity"
Me: "Ok, cool, can I just qualify this call, what was the keyword search you used to find my profile?"
Recruiter: "it's for a Java developer role for an exciting employer"
Me: "so you matched me on a Java training course I did 8 years ago?"
Recruiter: "ok, but I see you're fully qualified in c#"
Me: "you mean the support developer role from 5 years ago?"
Recruiter: "yes"
Me: "😑"
Recruiter: "listen it's a pretty bad line can I call you on a land line or drop you an email?"
Me: "sure drop me an email with your contact details and I'll give you a call back"

Still waiting on that email...

Why can't recruiters just admit straight away that they blindly called you without even reading your CV

Note to past me: Do not take a job at a company requiring 24/7 on-call duty, you dumb fuck.

friend: how do you create a game?
me: *laughing* slow down, first of all try to learn to code, then...
friend: cut the bullshit! your the IT guy, tell me, how you simply create a for e.x. Call of Duty?

They call me the PHP Duckeh!!

Me : "Hey the proxies aren't working anymore"

Them : "The what ?"

Me : "The what-you-call 'webs references'"

Them : Ooooh right

Yeah let's just call a cat a dog

These mother fuckers know when I'm packed up and ready to go to work and decide that's the perfect fucking time to call me. WHY COULDN'T YOU CALL WHILE I WAS STILL LOGGED IN AND DIDN'T HAVE TO LOG THE FUCK BACK IN, WAIT 90 YEARS FOR THE VIRTUAL MACHINE TO LOG ME IN and then tell me your issue self resolved. Come down to my office and bring me coffee for being so damn annoying before I'm sufficiently caffeinated.

Me: Okay Google, call Dad.
Google Now: Which Dad?

Fuck you Google.

Boss: Can I pick your brains about something for 5 mins?

Me: Sure

-Call started-

(2hr 49min later...)

Boss: So you're still on track to finish that project by lunch today?

...

-Call ends-

Client: When will you give me an update on this feature

Me: In two weeks

Client: okay that’s fine

Client proceeds to call me everyday asking me for an update🤨🤨

Fuck you sir.

The fact you’re older doesn’t give you the right to call other people’s 8-months’ engineering effort “shit work”, especially if you didn’t even see the code...

Sincerely,
Your tech lead - me :)

Stop ask me if I can have a call every freaking time I send you an email. If I wanted to talk to you I would have called.

got a call from a recruiter for a job. said "wokey, let's see what you got to offer"
get to the interview, the first question is "why do you want to work in our company?"
me: i don't know, you called me!

today while I was at work, gets a call from an unknown number

Some lady: "hello, is this Mr XYZ."
Me: "yes".
she:" are you looking for a job? are you working somewhere?"
Me: "I'm currently wor... *she ends the call*."

what the fuck that was, fuck you. at least let me finish the sentence god dammit

"Can't have a fucking std (method) call, give me a break"

Said that loudly on a phone call. Wondering why people were give me dirty looks on the train

"What idiot left a console.log in a function call spitting out the value of the onchange......oh fuck, that was me "

"Your every second word is 'fuck', you really should watch out for that."

Fucking give me a fucking client who doesnt fucking call me at 6am fucking saturday and ill fucking stop swearing.

I don't understand this. How is that Facebook is one of the biggest company in the world and have the worst fucking mobile apps ever created. I just use messenger to talk with my mom and it's utter rubbish.

When a call arrives, there's no way to silence that call apart from setting the phone to mute. All the other apps shut up when you either click power button or volume button. But this fucking messenger piece of Satan's anus won't respond to any fucking button when I have a call.

Not only that, once you have received the call, there's no way you can rotate the app without ending the call, turning on auto rotate and call again. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? how the fuck is it that you're so fucking big but you don't have this simple features in your fucking app?

And yeah, most of the time, when I receive a call in mobile, it doesn't appear on the desktop website. If it does and I receive the call from there, the mobile app still keeps shouting. AND GUESS WHAT, at that point, if I reject the call from the mobile, it will end the call that I accepted from the desktop. HAHA, WHAT A FUCKING SURPRISE.

Facebook, please stop being a piece of shite. Put your goddamn money to good use. If you can't make a good app, maybe outsource it to other companies. They will do a better job than you.

Had a recruiter contact me at home on my day off.

Recruiter: We have a company that would be interested in hiring a C# developer because of your programming skillset.

Me: Does it involve ASP.NET?

Recruiter: Yes.

Me: I apologize, but I don't have any skills in ASP.NET. I've been instead focusing on building my skillset with Java Spring/Hibernate and soon JavaScript to start building front end skills with my backend skillset.

Recruiter: Oh, is Java an in demand skill that companies want?

....Why are you talking to me mate? Take off your headset, go home, and rethink your life choices.

The support staff at the Apple stores are called "geniuses". If being able to factory reset an iPhone is called being a genius then call me Einstein for being able to write code.

*INCOMING CALL FROM MY NETWORK PROVIDER*

HI,

I'm calling from *my network provider* and I wanted to check if you would like to port to our network.

This happened 3 times in a day already. And now 4th time.

Me : Look man, I'm already on the same network and I don't need to port.

Guy : You should have told this to me in the beginning. You wasted my time in not doing that.

THIS CUM DRINKING PIECE OF SHIT PUNKASS BITCH MOTHERFUCKER COULDN'T DO A SIMPLE SEARCH ON HIS COMPUTER BEFORE GIVING ME A CALL AND THEN TELLS ME I WASTED HIS TIME.

VS Code telling me to call it a day.

I eh... was once munching on nutela straight from the jar while on a call only realised arpund 10 mins into the call that my camera was on and everyone could could see me eating straight from the jar (without a spoon)

An amazing recruiter found me on LinkedIn. According to her cv she has incredible skills such as “Internet Browsers“ and “Google Calender“. Maybe I should give her a call?

Me in 2015: think I'm gonna learn JavaScript.

Me in 2017: think I'm gonna learn JavaScript.

It's like that ex you always want to call but you keep thinking she's moved on...

Sure Edge... let me just give larry and sergey a quick call, I'm sure they will be happy to help me fix your problems.

*client calls*
Me: Hello?
Client: Hi, I have some questions about the project.
Me: Alright, what are they?
Client: I don't quite remember what my questions are.

What? Then why did you call me?

Nature gave me a real life 🦆 debugging friend. He wasn't really helpful though. He flew away shortly after. Probably got a call from a more desperate dev.

I got recruiter called me at 4:30am. I pick up the phone call and realised that we both share the same timezone. Why .... Wtf.

Me: "Team, we need to make a call. We have 2 options to deal with issue X: we either apply the mechanism A, sort the issue out right away, but risk creating another issue in the long run, or we take another path and try and change the process revolving around X to make it less painful if any."

Colleague: *calls me on Slack*

Me: "You, tsup?"
Colleague: "You said you wanted a call"

Me: *that's not the call I had in mind......*

Me: The phone rings but when I pick up there's nothing there.

Indian call center: Okay sir can you tell me if the landline is plugged into the modem

Me: It's ringing. Yes, it's plugged in.

Indian call center: Okay we'll reset the modem.

Me: I already did that. Twice. Just to be able to speak to you because the robot made me.

Indian call center: Okay so we'll reset your modem again.

*resets*

Indian call center: Do you get a dial tone now?

Me: Yes. I have this entire time. No one can call me.

Indian call center: Sir that is not possible.

Me: Call it and see for yourself.

Indian call center: *calls, phone hangs up for them the second I answer*

Why did you hang up on me, sir?

Me: *internal screaming*

Please disable adblock before entering this page
*opens page source*
*delete*
Yeah I guess you could call me a hacker

Recruiter call me for a position in his company and after speaking for a while he asked me to refer him in my company 🤣

Telephonic "technical" interview at 5 in the evening

Interviewer : Tell me about yourself

Me : Blah blah...

Interviewer : Thank you for your time

(Call time on phone... 7 minutes)

Absolutely uninterested... no single counter question... Guess she just wanted to go home early... 😑

Shitty call
Me: what do you want?

Q: I Lost my iphone

Me: (already pissed) ok,do you have an icloud account?

Q: Yes, but i forgot the password.

Me: what!?!, ok, fine, we will reset it, which is your ID?

Q: I lost it too.

*stay calm* *stay calm*

Me: I can't help you go to an apple store and ask there. *I Close the call*

*Add that number to blacklist*

🙄 Windows asked me to install the update thrice. I asked it to remind me later. The fourth time it just shut my system down and started updating..

This is what you call a constructive and understanding OS-User relationship 🌝

Nearly had to call an ambulance because of a sudden heart problem that left me strenghtless with fear for my life.

Hope you're getting a better Christmas than I do 😅

I got the job! prepare to call me junior dev 😁

Some of my coworkers call connecting with SSH "git bashing", because they use git bash for making ssh connections. 😋
They never understand me when I use the term "SSH". 😔

Call with recruiter:
me: I'm an Android Developer.
recruiter: Great. So you use Angular and React at work?
me: ???

Shamelessly Stolen..

(A fucking pushy assrat of a LinkedIn recruiter called me at my job today, this is my message after he cowardly hung up before I could inherit the call from our secretary)

Dear Mr. $PUSHY_RECRUITER

Please don't call me again, as I already wrote you my unavailability in March.
I don't see your logic in calling me AT MY JOB. It does not make any sense except if you just wanted to call me to see if I'm still there and then hang up like a fucking coward.
If you really wanted to hire me, you should have written me a more thorough description about the job after my initial message of unavailability thus creating the chance for me to reconsider your offer.

But since you seemingly thought it was an absolutely great idea to call me at the workplace (thus making me look really bad in the eyes of my coworkers) I wish you a sincere and honest "fuck you".

Please don't ever call or message me again.
I am extremely happy at my current job and will not consider leaving in the next 100 years.

Signed,
Yet another pissed off developer.

Me: *spends 7ish hours looking for bug in insanely poorly written javascript file to no avail.*

My boss: *spends 30 minutes reading through code* Found the problem-- this function call was missing a parameter.

Me: *wtfHowDidIMissThat*

Near the end of a massive (1,000 user bridgeline) conference call today:

[ P = presenter, RCn = random caller n ]

P: ...so, does anyone have any other questions they'd like to---

RC1: Hey! Yeah, I'm still on this STUPID call right now... I dunno, we've been in here for like 30 minutes already - The guy came by the house to talk about it, but I couldn't get off this STUPID call - I think they said it would be around 800 dollars...

[ P, RC1, RC2, RC3, RC4 all overlapping ]

P: Um, we can hear you-

RC2: Dude, mute your phone!

RC3: As the presenter, you can mute that guy from the web UI-

P: Yeah, I can't find him in the attendee list; it's so long-

RC3: -Right-click on his name and select "mute line"-

P: I know how, but I can't find him on the list.

RC3: Find him on the attendance list on the right side-

P: [ louder and louder ] Yes, I know - but I can't find him in the list-

RC4: Should someone call an operator?

RC1: -so I figured we'll probably need to call Jerry and see what he says. I'll call him if I can ever get off this ridiculous, STUPID call - They are all talking at once on there now and no one can understand anything!

[ This went on for about 5 solid minutes, finally ending with... ]

RC1: I'm just going to drop this STUPID call and call Jerry for us. This thing was a total waste of time. [ boop-beep ]

[ long pause ]

P: OK, so now that is over, does anyone have any questions they'd like to discuss?

[ At least 10 people un-mute and overlap questions ]

#ConferenceCallProblems

Above everything else, the funniest part to me was his repeated, over-the-top insistence on how "STUPID" the call was.

#TellUsHowYouReallyFeel

Of course you can call me at 9 o'clock on a saturday morning to fix your f****** login problem!
My private life is just a rumor!

A recruiter's call woke me up today around noon. I'm a professional embedded developer.

Office worker casually overhears me talking to someone about PHP. About an hour later I get a call from HR about accusations of drug abuse. That's fun. PHP=/=PCP.

On call this week, so I answered the phone when it rang, because it's my d job, but WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU CALLING ME AT 0410 MY TIME WHEN MY COWORKER IS ON THE CLOCK AT 0710 HIS TIME AND HE'S ABLE TO TAKE THE CALL?! You didn't need me. It was the same issue as yesterday, BUT I DIDN'T FIX A DAMN THING. It resolved itself. The "customer" you had on the phone to work with me to resolve the issue didn't need to be called either, just the application dev. Stop calling people who don't need to be awake just because we were the ones on the call when it self-resolved and none of us know what's going on.

When these "LinkedIn recruiters" call me and start the conversation by saying: "We are a growing company and we can't offer you what you are asking for"

Like what!! Really? You called me at the first place!

Dear Colleague who ended a call I overheard today with the sentence "I'm off next week, if there is anything - anything! -, call me on my mobile phone!". Fuck you. If you value your work more than your family, that's not only your problem. You're fucking my clients expectations, too. I don't think you're a hero. You're a moron.

I just had a non-paying customer call me useless a total of 5 times in a support ticket.

Banning them from all of my apps might be worth a bad review.

*phone rings*

Me: "Hello".

Caller: "Hi, I'm just going to patch you in to this conference call."

Fucking hell.

interviewer: name something basic
me: your crappy ass bootstrap php5.4 website you call a “cloud data infrastructure”
interviewer: oh that’s very basic indeed

A call with a recruiter:

Recruiter: you have written web apps (in this language) but not software?

Me: ...

Was asked to pop down to my bosses office for 5 minutes, turns out I was interviewing someone. Not one word of warning was given to me prior the phone call asking me to come down.

>On a call with Manager
>he's showing off some code
>oh cool he's finally assigning me some real work

PM: So yeah, just wanted to have you on a call to show you how easy it was to fix this.

Me: ... Oh... OK.

PM: yeah so this was completely broken. The last guy that was working on this didn't do a great job. Like seriously, what is this? Amateur hour? Hahaha

Me:... Haha... Yeah, right... 🫠

PM: anyways I figured I would go ahead and do this because it would take me 10 minutes to figure out. It would probably would have taken you 3 hours or something to figure out.

Me: ok... <why tf am on this call other than for you to shit on my skills?>

PM: anyways just wanted to walk you through what I did and show you how easy it was to fix.

Me: ok.

When a JavaScript date has gone bad,
“Don’t call me, I’ll callback you. I promise

You call that code?
Let me print it and wipe my ass with it, because that’s all it’s good for.

In Russia we call PS/2 “пс пополам”, literally “ps divided by two”. Reminds me of French numbers system where they call say 99 “quatre vingt dix neuf”, literally a “four times twenty plus ten plus nine”

It always gives me a smile when my boss (ceo, no technician) calls me and says "let's do some software architecture together!". He has no idea what this means, but he likes the term. Sometimes, this call just means "let's have a beer together"

I just wrote this piece of code. Without googling. Call me regex king!
But in fact regex is not that hard, you just have to learn the syntax 😄

Me: * Has roughly 1.5 years of PHP experience *

LinkedIn recruiter: Hello Java expert with lots of Oracle enterprise experience, wanna call?

Bug: Call
Me: I see, I call your 'bug' and raise you a 'Fix'
Bull: Raise 200
Me: Fold :/

Support elevates a ticket.

Ticket: customer is getting a weird error uploading photo.

Can’t recreate. Tell support to call them back. I’ll sit in on the call.

Watch the process. Noting extraordinary...

Hmm.

Me: can you get the customer to open the pic in photo viewer?

Support asks as much.

Support: uh, he says he gets a similar error opening this photo in the photo viewer.

Me: 🤦‍♂️ that is a corrupt file!

This is the third time a recruiter calls me while I am shitting on the toilet.
It's one of two, they call me too often. Or I shit a lot

Someone I know recommended me to Google... Not sure if I'm excited or scared if they call.

Not getting my hopes up though. 👀

The boss told me the app must be ready for Thurs. And he was supposed to tell me the information about the hardware they are using but he did not!
Also his phone is off 👿

How do u call this guy?

Asynchronous functions be like: We'll call you back.
Me: Promise?

In Yellowstone to see the eclipse!
No break for me today though, I've got dumb clients to deal with, and I had to wake up at 5am to do a conference call.

When I call another dev and he give me another dev's number and the second one give me another and that one gives another num. :
I feel like "ERR_TOO_MANY_REDIRECTS"

Customer call.

Customer: what's the status of the software?
Me: it's a bit of wood work.
Customer: wood work?!
Me: yes, I think it would work.
Customer: ...
Me: ...

So windows wants to be my friend, wants to record my every move, and now wants to record my every everything on the go.

I’m starting to think if the pain of transitioning to linux full time is going to be worth while soon.

I think ill root my phone now.

Call the Android paramedics if you don't hear back from me.

Story of my life when I am really interested in a company:

Company: let's have a call to get to know each other.
Me: okay.
Company during the call: takes a technical interview

Company *a few days later*: now let's have a technical call!
Me: okay
Company during call: asks to design GOOGLE in GOOGLE DOC (??!!?!)

Company *a few days later*: now let's have a Development Test!
Me: okay
Company *sends an email* asking to complete a task which should take a week to develop in a few hours
Me: okay...

Company *a few weeks later*: Sends a generic email saying they got another person who is a better fit.
Me: ffs..

I get a call where someone wants to start a startup, says since it's his idea he gets 50% and he will wait for me to finish the whole thing on my own expecting me to work for free 🙂

I hate being on call when all directors and c-suite are unable to work because their systems went down.

At least they trust me and let me work. It's just stressful.

My uncle: „You are good with computers, right? My Word is broken, repair that.“

Yeah sure, let me just call my bros at Microsoft and repair your Word with them 🤨

I'm such a dumb fuck....
It took me fucking 30 mins to figure out that I use a function which relies on a copy of an object that's copied one line after the function call instead of before...

PLEASE KILL ME

So I sit in IT-Support, and let's just say that I don't quite have the mindset of a supporter, I'm simply sitting here to wait to move onto programming.

Anyways, I get a call and the person instantly asks me to check if someone else is busy, I ofcourse check up on the person, see that he sits in a completely different department than me (roughly 200km away from me) and I respond with the following "I can't check if he's busy, have you tried calling his phone".... This half brained dick bag, then says "I go on hold when I call his phone" aka the person is in the middle of a call...

I barely have any hair left, kudos to the people who work in IT-Support daily.

client : show website
me: sir server is down
client : what? I don't know,I want to see my website.
me: sir try to understand it is not my issue
client *call cut*

fucking asshole -_-

(developer thing)
I am trying to build code from the last 4 or 4:30 hours at office and she message me

She : it's urgent.. call me

Me : me();

(THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID 🙄)

My friends just got me the best birthday present ever. Always wanted a rubber duckie, never thought I'll have something even better, my own Tux - will call him Tuxy 😊🐧

I decided to withdraw my application from Amazon cause it was so stressful. Got a call from my recruiter berating me telling me I fucked it up for everyone.

God willing, I get black listed on LinkedIn

Went out on a limb and bought an iPhone. It's already causing me problems. Now I have to call fucking apple support. Fuck.

My mum just had to call me to change our home WiFi password, because she can't change it on her laptop.

She's pretty bad with technology, but she had to call me to do it, because no one else knew how to. Including my brother-in-law who designs IT systems for major banks and system admins working for the government.

She had to call me, from Hungary to do it. I live in Scotland.

Some1: Can I call you?
Me: Any issue?
Some1: Yeah, need some clarifications.
Me: On, What?

C'mon, why on earth ppl can't provide some context before jumping into a call

Just got a phone call that slapped me with a raise and I was in such a shit mood today and I’ve got fucking flu... a raise is just what I needed

Does anyone know an extension or library that helps determine if a co-worker is into me?

Or how to handle such inputs

I keep getting a fatal error: call to undefined function

Got a missed call from a recruitment company today. Called the number back and dude said he didn't know me so I told him the name of this dude that looked at my LinkedIn today. Turns out it's him, lmfao. How many people does this guy cold call on a daily basis?

Me: so, what are you doing as a developer?
Him: I am full-stack developer, basically ROR...
Me:...! Sorry, do you mean R&D, research and development? Or you mean Aroura DB?
Hi: no man, I am expert in ROR! You can not call your self developer in our days without knowing the on demand technologies!
Me:... Sorry dude, can you please tell me what is ROR, I don't want to lose my title as a developer!!!?
Him: OK, we call Ruby On Rails as ROR.
Me: ~¢°¤”©°$®”«

I missed 25 on call alerts over night.

Me and my wife did not budge. Look at me call history and I cleared my voicemail at 4am... No recollection of that at all.

Oh well!

Me : "Hey, your class is internal, I can't call it remotely"

Other team : "Oh okay, wait *change it to public* Done, you can call it now"

*some days later*

Other team : "*switch back*"

Okay then, I guess it's a way to say "Fuck you" with commits

Had a classmate who loved the innuendo "flick the bean" so whenever he created a Bean class, me made sure to name one of the methods "flick" so he could call bean.flick()

DXB (airport)'s WiFi doesn't let you call through whatsapp or telegram or even discord. It also does not let you send a whatsapp voice message, which has me very puzzled.

And all I wanted to do was to call my mom. ☹️
(I might also be running a slight fever, which makes me very emotional and sensitive)

Putty, you son of a bitch. Why do you call the logging option "All session output" if you don't include binary zeros in the output? Zeros don't count as "all" or what?
Then call the option "All session output without zeros", that would have saved me some time and prevented handing out false data.

> Scammer calls me.
> I answer and robot puts me in queue.
> PlEaSe WaIt, yOuR CaLl Is vERy iMpOrtAnt To uS!
> 6 minutes later it literally says “Goodbye!” And Hangs up.
> ???

I work remotely and have to attend a 'scrum' call everyday which I fucking hate. It gives me anxiety as I already dont like extensive phone calls.

A recruiter landed in my LinkedIn inbox, I took pity and graciously provided my phone number so they could call me and beg me to leave my current job to join their company.. aaaaaand they don't call at the agreed upon time. Mate, you wanted me, not the other way around? 🤷🤭

I never ever give out my cell # to ppl at work. If they need to speak with me, I provide them my work # only.

Two weeks ago, went to a customer site. For ONE minute, I had an email on the screen that had my personal cell #.

Last Tuesday - out walking dog: call from customer to personal cell.

Last Thursday - getting ready for work, brushing teeth: call from customer to personal cell.

Last Friday - grabbing lunch: call from customer to personal cell.

Yesterday - in a meeting: call from customer to personal cell.

I'm gonna cry 😢

Client doesn't have any idea what pages/links they want for their website. Same client told me to call the guy who recommended me to him for the project brief...wtf...I mean WTF!!!

*on phone*
Friend: I want to add 100 contacts to gmail how do I do that?
Me: Add those in excel sheet and import it in gmail

*after 10 mins another call*
Friend: I deleted something in excel. How do I get it back
Me: Ctrl Z

*after 10 mins another call*
Friend: I added contacts to excel and emailed to you. Can you email me contacts so that I'll add to my gmail?
Me; I don't have these powers. You have to import in gmail.

*after 5 mins another call*
Friend: I uploaded contacts but I want it in on my iPhone
Me: Add gmail account to your iPhone. It will sync contacts.
Friend: I know we can do it on Android but is it possible on iPhone bcz Gmail is of Google right?

*hang up*

Phone call with customers and their minutes-of-meeting writer.
Me: Blabla round robin algorithm.
Customer's MoM writer: What? How do you spell "robin"?
Me: Robin like in Batman.
Customer's MoM writer: Ah, ok.

What a sad and frustrating day!
I got a call from recruiter. I told him that I'm not actively looking for change. But he requested for 2 mins to listen. He started telling about his company, how great it is, tech stack, perks, salary etc. He is telling everything but not company name, I waited patiently and asked what's the pay I can expect. The number blew my mind, it's nearly double to my current pay. Then...

Me: that sounds amazing, which company is this, and where is it?
Him: it is <my company name> and located at <my current location, same campus>
Me: .....
Him: so, what do you think?
Me: .... I need some time. Let me update my LinkedIn profile first and then, i will get back to you.
Him: sounds wonderful, will call back by Monday. <Call disconnected>
Me: <inside my head> @$_-$#(/+&_#

This in my 10th year in this company, some one kill me please.

So I just got off of a teams call which I suffered the classic BSOD part way through, a colleague tells me that the entire time I was disconnected waiting for my laptop to restart, my team's account was broadcasting a super loud jackhammer style racket to everyone else in the call 🤦🏼‍♂️ and of course nobody knew how to mute me so they sat in 3 minutes of what can only be described as noise 😂😂

I'm not sure whether to feel embarrassed to have caused the issue or to be annoyed that the software does something so random while I'm not even in the call or with a powered on laptop 🙈

call me gay but I love vscode <3

So, I am currently seeking opportunities at other companies. I randomly got a call on Thursday around 12pm from an unknown number and I was not able to take that call as I was in a meeting. Later on, after looking up that number on Truecaller, I found out that it’s a recruiter from a US-based firm that I had applied to earlier. I immediately tried to call that person again but she was not able to talk as she was in another meeting. I tried texting the recruiter asking for her availability but she didn’t respond. I called again and this time she got annoyed at me, saying that she will call me back if needed. Now, on the weekend I again tried to message her, asking when she is free for a conversation, she is acting high and mighty, saying that she will call me when we (the company) have interviews again (hinting that I have missed the opportunity and it’s my fault). Her passive-aggressive attitude seems to be coming because I didn’t take her earlier call— I did not deliberately avoid her call, I was in another meeting. I was not given any intimation that she is going to call me— let alone on a weekday at 12pm. My current company expects a high-level of professionalism and I intend to show the same level of professionalism in any future companies that I work with. This kind of dehumanization (mainly due to a power imbalance in top-down heirarchical structure) is why big companies have hard time retaining workers these days. And this company was not Google/Apple or anything remotely in the same league. So I seemed to have dodged a bullet there.

Me: Would you be free for a call sometime in the next week to discuss?

Him: yes

...... maybe theres a time / day that suits you????

Sent a cv to a company because facebook threw their ad at my face and i said why not. They emailed me that they would call me today. I dont have a phone. Its not fucking 2007. Call me on matrix or telegram or even skype ffs.

Had this PM who would call me while intoxicated mid afternoon. He would come up with these random ideas, and request them be implemented into the web app we were building for him. One time he called me saying "I have an idea for a page, but so far just the page's title. I'll call you back and tell you what to put on it."

I always end my iOS apps with an anonymous inner function. Call me sentimental, but it gives me a sense of closure

Call me a semi-colon nazi, but javascript looks naked without those characters!

I forgot to put myself out of office today on our call schedule... Thought I'd get away with it because I shouldn't get calls anyways. Got a call. Not handling it, passed it on, but it woke me up... :(

I'm not, by far, what you pros call 'decent' at being a Linux wiz but installing Discord on Manjaro got me feeling 1337.

And all I did was run packer -S discord.

Me showing boss a draft document

Me: Ok so this is a placeholder list of statuses, I have to call the client to find out what statuses should go here.

Boss: Hold on lemme read it. *Reads*. But this list of statuses is incomplete, you should call the client to find out what statuses we should add.

Me: ಠ_ಠ

Yea it’s totally cool. Dropping a conference call on me 30 minutes before it happens. And then you (and everyone else in the call) should be late too. And then do this stuff all the damn time and ask me why I have to push the deadline back. But get super pissy when I give you a realistic deadline that factors these bullshit experiences in!

Then after I wait 10 minutes on the line, tell me it’s been moved to the bottom of the hour which doesn’t really leave me enough time to do anything but play on DevRant. Fucking insanity.

Me - If only there where more people like this in the world, surely world Peace would be achieved.

Friend - maybe, but don't call me sherley.

*Me waiting for the recruiter that said would call me 3 hours ago*

Mom: Give me one single reason why won't you do MBA?
Me: People there won't get my jokes on computers, and it will be all like high school again 😭😭😭

Call between Me and IT Assistant Guy working @ the Ministry of Education in my Country:

Me: Hi! I'm wondering why my account has been disabled. Can you tell me something?

IT guy: Have you tried turning off and on your computer?

Ministry.Of.Education.

Oh please it's weekend. Don't call me or message me, especially if it's not urgent 😡 My contract doesn't include selling my soul.

4am on a work call, Facebook offers me to buy this t-shirt… 🤦🏻‍♂️

What do people think about this? (Haven’t fact checked it FYI so call me out)

Why do the notifications look different? call me weird but its bothering me a lot....

So it turns out I had to set the memory_limit of a PHP cronjob to a whopping 8 Gigglebytes to make it run.
Call me haxX0r m4n from now on.

Uncle gives me a call one day - "hey aren't you a computer science graduate? Can you fix my computer for me it does not open Internet Explorer"
Me - 😖😡

Me, perfectly relaxed after 2 hours of conference call (the voices are telling me to feed my colleagues to the ravens and they're winning)

Filthy sysadmin wouldn't let me call the iOS build server "CiderMill" :(

I just got a message from my company's front desk lady that someone called and asked for me and left a number for me to return the call. I've had a feeling about it and as it turns out, yes, it really was a recruiter who had the confidence* to call my company to sell me another job.

A cousin: Hey, You're a programmer, right?
Me: Yeah, what do you need?
Him: My smart washing machine is not working, can you fix it for me?
Me: Well.. call the company.
Him: How can you call yourself a programmer? You didn't even know how to reconfigure my cable receiver yesterday!..
Me: .... (WTF internally).

The people around me only call me hacker. Kinda sad to not being able to talk to somebody understanding what I really do.

This girl asked should she call me, I told her baby just wait, I'm a programmer I'll call you

When you have to call me to help you set up your Minecraft server, you shouldn't run a Minecraft server. As easy as it is.

My first dev job evolved from an internship and ended with me screaming “fuck” at people for a few months until they finally got sick of it and gave me the boot. It was a fair call 😂

This made me lel

I automatically heard Stallman's ramblings regarding what it should be named :P

I call it the Stallman Screech

Got a call from a place I interviewed at two years ago and never heard back from saying they were really impressed with me. Well, I guess they kept their promise to call me back someday.

*Sees me with a computer whole day*.

Mom: Will anything come out of it? Call me if it does.

Coworker on call: I can't here you.

Me: Hold on.

*moves a centimeter*

Me: Can you hear me now?

So I got a call earlier today that a letter from the US arrived for me. I can only guess what's in it.

*1 hour passes*
Me: adds new code

*1 day passes*
Me: Why did it work?

*some random weekend*
On call developer: Who fucking wrote this code!

How to be more productive at morning? Just get alert from PagerDuty that one of core app running out of space and there is nothing you can delete. Call me Speedy Gonzalez

Call me old fashioned but I'll go with pen & paper!

Fuck Governments and schools for not teaching kids basic financial knowledge or how to identify scams and how to determine if the returns that they got told are realistic.

The amount of people that call me and ask me if they got scamed or how to invest in something because I am "that guy" that they know that's into Computers honestly scares me. I think many countries have a huge problem with basic financial illiteracy. People call me all the time and ask me about investing in crypto currencies etc. or ask me if they were scamed and I often have to tell them that they indeed got scamed. Does that only happen to me or does it also happen to you guys?

Day one of holiday. Time work needed to call me for help - 9am.

Kiddin' me.

!dev

Saturday... Weekend... Let me get back my sleep from weekdays...

Zzz..zzzz...**phone call**

Yeah, phone woke me, didnt even read who called. Oh, great. My bosss needs quick help and will come nearby my home in an hour.

Yaaaaay... Fuck.

"Hello, this is Raja C******b. The purpose of this call is not a sales call. I would like to send you a free podcast examining <blah blah blah> and its impact on <blah blah blah>. I have your email address on file. May I send this to you?"

"No. Because this is not free, since my time is money. And also because this IS a sales call."

"It is not a sales call, sir. We would like to send you a free podcast..."

"... that will try to sell me something."

"No, sir. It is a free podcast examining..."

"...Something that will try to convince me to purchase a product or service."

"Ok, yes."

"Ok, bye."

Recruiter: blablabla would you be interested in this job ?

Me: It looks great, hell yes I'm interested!

Recruiter: When are you available for a quick call?

Me: I'm not interested anymore.

Would you call me a psychopath for doing this?

dBs, many db architectures everywhere. Yet still none can satisfy me until I pay a lot. We should all call them HookerDB

Earphones on.

Notifications off.

A boss who is the most inefficient boss ever. No, yours is not, mine is, trust me.

In the middle of coding, never in the zone for obvious reasons. A workmate wants me to call him to discuss stuff as he is working from home, which I wish I were.
I keep coding and decide to call him later.

My boss interrupts me again to TELL ME IF I CAN CALL MY WORKMATE.
Whyyyyyy
FML.

Went for interview .
Got positive outcome .
Asked basic details and documents for call letter .
Later put notice period .
All of a sudden they dont need me.
What the actual frig?

Call me crazy but I'm starting to think they have channels for only one type of developer.....

(one day before the phone interview)

Them: Please call to us at (TIME) to (PHONENUMBER)

Me: Ok

(interview day)

--[[CHORUS START]]--
Me: (calls to the number at (TIME))

Phone: Your call has been forwarded to automatic voice message system. (PHONENUMBER) is not availible. After tone please leave message. When you are finish the recording you may hang up or press 1 for more option, please leave message now.

Me: (deep breath, patiently waits 5 mins.)

--[[CHORUS END]]--

--[[CHORUS]]--

WHY DO YOU MAKE ME CALL YOU WHEN YOU TURN OFF THE PHONE / TALK WITH SOMEONE ELSE????
IF YOU DON'T LIKE ME, JUST DON'T MAKE ME CALL YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

--> Could not reach them for 3 days, gave up