By day, I'm a developer.

At night, I'm a father of two awesome kids and a husband to a fantastic wife.

Stop fucking asking me to work after hours! Just because you sacrifice your life to the office doesn't mean we all do.

So we hired a part time sales lady to work in our office. She sits right inside the entry to our area. Each morning I am amazed that I can make it to my desk without passing out. All I can think is this:

Immortalised this actual legacy code for our Senior Devs leaving present (we all inherited this) with his last task being to refactor it, may he never have to work with code like this again.

Manager: Hey, this is Junior. he will work with you from now on.
Me: Oh cool, we could use some help.
(moments later...)
Junior: Hey i got this error. Im new with this engine. sorry.
Me: It cool, then you should read the documentation first. its all there. including your error.
Junior: whats documentation?
Me: ...

For all the cunts ever existed! what do they teach to programmers in college these days?!

!rant

As much as we love to complain about our PMs and coworkers, I feel blessed to be in a field where after working all day, I enjoy what I do so much I come home and work on my own projects. Who's with me?

In Switzerland/Germany we have an abbreviation TEAM: "Toll Ein Anderer Macht's" which means "Hurray another one/stupid is doing all the work". I think that nails it.

When the boss comes in the office.

I was writing tests at work and rather enjoying myself.

Boss insisted we all go home early because "holiday halfsies," so I semi-unhappily pack up and go home. At home, I write tests for a personal project instead.

Dev life.

Working with a radio chip we selected because it had built-in encryption. Cannot make the encryption work, thus in contact with the manufacturer:
"- I cannot make the encryption work, it's like the chip doesn't want to take a key.
- which key do you use?
- does it matter?
- well yes, you can't just use any key!
- why not?
- you need to get an approved key from us.
- why is that?
- so that your competitors can't read your data!
- ...
- ...
- so the way to get working keys is to get them from you?
- of course!
- keys are 256 bits. Can we potentially use all of them?
- OF COURSE NOT!
- how many can we get from you?
- one! We reserve it from your company.
- are you telling me that all units within a company will need to have the exact same encryption key?
- yes!
- so anyone with our product could eavesdrop another same product?
- well yes, but it's all within your own products.
- ...
- ...
- that's not how encryption is supposed to work.
- but it's safe, your competitors cannot eavesdrop!
- I'm out of here."
(We finally found a satisfactory work-around, but i am still pissed at them)

We are pioneers.

We build software, an extremely complex concept that didn't exist just 70 years ago.

We learned to harness its complexity and bend it at our will. Just stop for a minute and think about what happens when you load a URL in your web browser. The whole process.

In all human history, nobody has ever been the protagonist in something so complex as software. Yet we know that all of this wouldn't exist without a community of developers, sharing code and knowledge over the same system that they have created.

_We are dwarves perched on the shoulders of our fellows_

That's why even if nobody understands our work, I still think this is the most beautiful job in the world.

So the job was for a web developer, specifically.
We needed a person who was very confident with PHP, JS, HTML, CSS.

This dude comes in, he says he's confident with all of them, we ask him how he would solve a problem we're having and he answers just like we answered the first time. Which is a good start.

By the end of the interview, he just says: "ok, but like I'm not here to work as a developer"
"WTF are you even here for, then?"
"To work on anything else than that"
"But we just need that"
"I won't do it"
"Ok, then, bye"

Pair programing on project with friend.

We both feel like the other person is doing all the work and we are not really helping.

Twice the developer power, twice the imposter syndrome.

Take a break folks,
From work,
From code,
From tension,
From bugs,

Take a car, drive to the country side, breathe the fresh air, ride horses,
Have a meal, stay for a day or two, without internet, and then Be back to work.

This is what we all need now :D

It looks like we have been working on something that qualifies almost all of this (except the management wants it, so there's little funding) 😂

Haha, pretty shitty to work on something like this for the last 4-5 months.

9pm Project Manager: We have to push an update TONIGHT
9.45pm Devs: okay guys, all latest bugs are fixed, just needs final check and we can push the update
10:45pm Devs: Guys?...
11:45pm Guy in charge of testing: Uh doesn't work...
- What doesn't work?
- I dunno, I get an error message
- What's the (fucking) error message?!
Aaaaand silence
Fuck this I'm going to bed.

Technical Founder at today's meeting: "All of you guys have work-life balance. It shouldn't be like that. We need act like a startup. You guys need to work really hard. This guy (pointing at me) once worked 10 hours each day, where I worked 16 hours. We really need to move fast."

I'll just leave this words here.

Had a fun little conversation with a potential employer...

Him: We use git for version control. To work with our team you'll be expected to do the same and be proficient at it.

Me: Not a problem. I am well versed with all things git! May I ask, what does your work flow look like?

Him: All of our source lives in a single repo and everyone commits straight to master.

Me: 😐...

Him: Conflicts will not be tolerated.

I'm getting so pissed off by this client, here's the gist

We signed agreement defining the following deliverables:
- news page and news article page
- releases page and release info page
(it's a guy from a record label)

After the signature we (me and my colleagues) went to work and finished all that (+ a little more actually, yea I know never overstep your agreement right but we did) and we got paid (all good)

Now after payment he's asking us to do more (some kind of mail installation thing), so I obviously tell him, as I actually have many times before, that our agreement only stretched as far as those 4 deliverables and we wouldn't work without a new agreement defining a new set of requirements or an hourly rate.

Next he goes and tells me the following
==
We already have an agreement. I'm not paying you on an hourly rate as you are not next to me. Let me know
-- First off no we don't, the agreement only covered the 4 pages
== immediatly after
Also you really need to work on your costumer service. Your attitude is very rude. I don't know how many clients you have but all this distrust attitude is not in your favours. Let me know if you want to proceed?
-- Are you fucking kidding me? I am rude and distrustful? I JUST DO MY FUCKING JOB YOU PRICK

Sorry just need to let off some steam

This fucktard of a 'stick that facility management up your arse' manager.

He insisted 'no cooling required. Trust me'.

While we insisted 'how dare you to asume our servers temperatures'!

We moved our servers to a new /tmp/office/ yesterday. Was quite fun, until we saw this...

Doorhandle is hot as fuck, 50 degrees air temperature, all servers in heat error state. Thank you, you damn fucktards! Take this cactus 🌵 and stick it up your arse!!

Can't work like that.

From the director of the department within a large investment bank: "We will be looking into converting all Java code to Cobol because it is easier to work with".

Needless to say I started looking for a new job that night.

Manager: Why are we missing our deadlines?

Me: Cause we don't own any of the codebase that we work on and have to literally beg to other team for code reviews and deployments, for which it takes long mail chains and meetings. An even before that we(devs) have to explain to them what/why are we doing things, because our Product managers are a bunch of NoGood AHoles. And after all that we finally do some development, in whatever measly time we have left.

Manager: I know all that, tell me why are we missing our deadlines?

Yesterday, the whole dev team went out to lunch and we ate a lot and we drank a lot until we all got drunk! Since we are paid for the number of hours we work, we all decided to go back to the office and work.

WE WERE DRUNK WORKING! Drunk coding ftw

Result: The server is down right now because someone fucked it up and I think i ruined my code yesterday because I wasn't really myself. The whole team was crazy as fuck. One of us just came back from Poland so we were drunk and high from all the polish chocolate we ate.

I hope they fix the server so I can check what kind of bullshit the drunken me did yesterday o.O

managers: We're all aligned! Let's work as a team and get this started!

devs: ok...

managers and devs meeting to discuss next features: * canceled by managers *

managers: (word for word, can't make this shit up) we cancelled the meeting, we will define the roadmap for everyone

> WE will define the roadmap for EVERYONE

devs: uh wtf???

one hour later, managers: guys we are defining the roadmap can we have a call to discuss?

fucking asshat, insolent, disrespectful pieces of shit

So today the Manager told my coworker that "going to the toilet" is an excuse. We all work from home, "eating", "shiting", and anything other than work is considered excuses.

What in the bloody fuckery fuck is this?

One of my previous managers would constantly make promises our team couldn't keep. "You want it in a week? Sure, we can finish it in a week! You want it tomorrow? Sure, we can do that!"

It got so bad that our team basically had to stage an intervention. At one of our standups, we flat-out told him that even if the entire team dropped all of our other tasks to focus on the one big project, we still would not be able to meet the deadline he'd promised the client.

And that fucker actually said, "Well, if you want to come in on the weekend to work some overtime, I don't mind." as if he was offering to do us a favor by "allowing" us to work more.

No overtime pay because we had salaries.

So glad I don't work for him any more. Of course, my next manager wasn't great either, it just took longer for us to figure it out because she wasn't nearly as blatant about it.

Today we were told our work attitude was poor when we laughed aloud at a CEO's idea of building a satellite to give all clients 3G coverage. We usually build computer software and websites.

This one hits home a bit.

So my friend from my first college hits me up, asks about what's going on and shit. It's all chill, we took a bunch of programming classes together, so it we weren't intimate friends just kinda familiar with each other. He says he's having trouble finding work, they all turn him down due to a lack of experience. I suggest we work on a project together. Anything. He thinks it's a good idea and we plan to meet up.

We meet up, long story short decided on an Android app. I failed setting up git but whatever, I'll fix it at home. He seems excited, I'm excited...

...Never heard back from him again. Won't answer texts, Skype, anything.

We all have that kind of friend who is losing his shit , screaming , swearing , crying , whenever the code doesn't work as planned.

I get really tired of people shitting on php and getting greated with immediate laughter when I say I work as a full stack LEMP/LAMP dev. I work just as hard as you (ruby/python/node devs) do and feel like I make some pretty cool shit.

Why can't we all just agree we do great things with our tools and while I may use a different hammer than you, we still use the same nails!!!

I'm the sole developer at work.

Literally the entire company, save myself, is sales people. (We have one remote mobile contractor as well, but he only does mobile; I'm responsible for everything else.)

I inherited a gigantic pile of nightmare from the previous "senior-level intern" solitary dev/CTO, and I'm still trying to figure out the bulk of it, meaning everything takes longer.

Anyway, we have a meeting roughly once a week, and during each of these -- and several times throughout each week -- the salespeople say things like "We should address this" or "This should be our top focus" or "We really need ___ so I can sell more merchants" or "___ doesn't work right; we should fix it." All of these "we"'s and "our"'s, of course, mean me.

So, today, I decided I'd make a list of everything I have to do, and their general size. Assuming large projects will take one month, medium projects will take one week, and small projects will take one day... I have four months, two weeks, and four days of work ahead of me. (yet I know one of those large projects will take at least two months...)

Make it stop ;;

"So we have 20GB of data, we need to show ALL of it on the graph ... oh yea it needs to work on mobile"

I didn't know any one of them, we just meet at the TADHack last week end. Because my team members apologies at the last moment, I joined one of them who forgot his laptop. The third came after five minutes asking "can I join"?
We established a team from three different backgrounds, and started the work. Each one built what he know, and we integrated all of it together.
Luckily, we won.... I enjoyed these weekend...

+++ Thank you for 1000+'s! +++

So guys we did it! We've reached our first big milestone!
This account was created about a month ago, and we are already this far!

Thanks to all authors (@DLMousey, @filthyranter, @baewulff) who are putting a lot of work and time into their articles and help this account to further grow in size!

To make this article at least a bit informative, here's how we publish our posts:
When I started this account, I hadn't thought of how articles were going to be published. Should I give the password to all writers? Should I post the articles manually?
Well, after I've started the devNews Discord Server, @olback suggested making a Discord Bot, that helps us to publish our stuff.
After surprisingly few hours, @olback already got a prototype working.
We have a special channel and whoever writes stuff in it, updates the current article. Later, I took on the work, @olback has done and switched to LowDB, to be able to let multiple users have their own articles they are working on and much more. (Like special signatures)
And that's how it is now.
We have a channel for draft, where we write our stuff and a channel for publishing, where the bot listens to what we write and then publishes the articles with a command.
That's all of it.

Thank you for reading!

Venting some anger, this is a long one

<rant>
So last Friday we had a 'Christmas' party at work... Only it wasn't a Christmas party... Because that would be racist against people who don't celebrate Christmas (of whom they are none at work), also no Christmas songs, because of the same reason and because it looked unprofessional... They also removed karaoke... (an Christmas tradition at the office) Because again, it was unprofessional

But we all got a Christmas card... Strange because we weren't allowed to celebrate it 😑 and the message in that card was one of the most standard messages I've ever seen, something like

Hello $name, we enjoyed working with you in 2017, let's make 2018 even better, merry Christmas

MERRY CHRISTMAS!? BUT THAT'S RACIST WASN'T IT!!!???

W T F !

also our sales guy did a speech, the following is an actual quote
'software is an amazing product'
Yeah mate, software is the product... Totally not the stuff we create with it

Sorry if people get/are offended in anyway, but if you decide that having a Christmases party at work is racist in any way or form, then don't have a party at all... Not some lame half Christmas party...
</rant>

"Can you do this?"
Sure, give me the information I need...

"We don't have all of it yet"
So I can't do it then

"Well when can you do it"
When you get the information

"Do you need *all* of it"
Well, it's either I do half a job and waste my time, or get it all done in one shot

"The client wants it tomorrow"
When will we have the information?
"We don't know"
Well they aren't having it tomorrow then, are they...

Sales people... don't care *how* things work, as long as they get a tick against their name to show they've sold something...

At my old job, me and a colleague were tasked with designing a new backup system. It had integrations for database systems, remote file storage and other goodies.
Once we were done, we ran our tests, and sure enough. The files and folder from A were in fact present at B and properly encrypted. So we deployed it.
The next day, after the backup routine had run over night, I got to work and noone was able to log in. They were all puzzled.
I accessed a root account to find the issue. Apparantly, we had made a mistake!
All files on A were present at B... But they were no longer present at A.
We had issued 'move' instead of 'copy' on all the backups. So all of peoples files and even the shared drives have had everything moved to remote storage :D
We spent 4 hours getting everything back in place, starting with the files of the people who were in the office that day.
Boss took it pretty well at least, but not my proudest moment.

*Stay tuned for the story of how I accidentally leaked our Amazon Web Services API key on stack overflow*

/facepalm

I'm going to make 4 statements of which only 3 are true. You tell me in the comments which 3 are true.

1. At my job in the marketing department, I manage our Facebook ads campaign where we spend hundreds of thousands of dollars in advertising.

2. MIS department inexplicably blocked the marketing dept from the Facebook domain altogether near the end of the day.

3. They also block Dropbox although we still have to manage all the distribution of digital video and commercials to our tv advertisers.

4. I work in a technically progressive environment that understands how things work online.

A high ranking member of my institution had to partake in certain events that demonstrated coding. Said person came back amazed at the sheer amount of work and knowledge requiered to work in the area.

Yes......maybe that will make said person reconsider the "i needed this by yesterday" and "its only a quick fix" attitude.

BUT! We all know it won't

There should be a devrant Meetup one day. Basically The community just gets together, rants about stuff to each other but in person so we all meet our social interaction requirements for the year. Then we could buy swag and sit on our computers and work on our personal/group projects. It would give devs a great excuse to take a vacation once a year.

And this scares the shit out of me.... Are we all doing harm in Developing code that seems to ease our work now, but might even kill us later...

Promotions? What are those.
Every title I have gained has been out of necessity of needing someone to work on stack "X".

It usually goes something like:

Dev: I quit

Management: oh shit, we need another dev 🤔oh @C0D4 can do it until we find a replacement.

@C0D4: fuck, I don't know anything about this stack.

Management: we didn't find a replacement, this thing is yours now, here's a pay bump for your efforts.

@C0D4: I swear they'll regret all these projects being managed by a single dev 1 day.

I'm a tech lead for a digital agency.

Digital agencies are universally known for being shite. Why? Because they typically push through sub-optimal code with very little testing over tiny deadlines for maximum profit. Maybe I've just had bad experiences but this is the 5th digital agency that I've worked at that does this bollocks.

I am currently sitting on a Teams call at 8:39pm because the fuckwit project/account managers are unable to face up to the big scary client and ask them terrifying questions like "Is this bug a blocker for the deployment?" or "We don't have enough time to fix/change these things, can we delay another day?". They just assume that A - We will work into the evening, and B - that all the issues are P1 and that we should all 'pull together' as 'team players' to get this done in time.

No, Me and my team have to work into the evening for seemingly free because these pricks can't do their jobs properly.

The funniest thing of all? When I speak to the CTO about overtime payment he tries to make me feel bad about "we don't typically pay for overtime..."

Fuck Everyone.

Time to find a new contract.

Where I work, in our database, we use 3 to indicate true and 7 to indicate false and 0 is true but null is false

In another table, we use 'P' to indicate true and 'I' to indicate false and 'Y' is also false and null is false

And the most used table, we also use 'Y' to indicate yes and 'N' to indicate no, but null is also Yes.

We also store integers as varchar in a live table, but stays an integer in all the other tables. I hope I'm not there when the number of digits exceeds the varchar limit.

These are all live and used in production all created by my boss, the head of IT.

Thanks to all the sys admins and devs keeping the internet up and running through the holidays. It's a crazy time of year and I'm sure it only means more work for a lot of you at an already stressful time. So thanks again for being the glue holding it all together; we really appreciate your work 🍻

I feel like the whole CoC debate is just:

"Stop using harmful language!"
"F*** you! How else can I tell you that your commit sucks donkey-b***?!"
"You are banned!"
"I'm taking all of my work with me, you c****!"
"No you are not"
"Yes I F***ing am"

Maybe we can reach a compromise, where we can insult bad coders, just not on the basis of their race/gender/sex? Or, fork a version of the code base for "inclusive-sjw-types" and another for "loud-mouth-a**-holes"?

Like it's really a debate on work ethics. Positive change negative reinforcement...

Big boss: Last year we had much more revenue and profits than our expectations, and this success is thanks to all of you. Thank you! You made an excellent work! Impressive!
Some employee: Can we all get a raise?
Big boss: Wtf that question again? No way!

Backend: Sorry the fix we had isn't going to work. Turns out app is sending an "undelivered" status after you call the API where you claimed we had an issue. This is in fact the cause, please address it.

Me: We do not have an "undelivered" status anywhere in our codebase. We do not do this.

Backend: *CC product* turns out this issue is only affecting 0.1% of users, its very minimal. Lets push ahead with the release.

Product: Ok, lets go live.

Me: ... ... ... we all just gonna ignore that "undelivered" bullshit? ... ok ... very stable release, here we go.

We've come so far, yet we have not progressed at all - can you hear me? is this working? "JENNA GET THE OTHER MIC THIS ONE DOESN'T WORK"

C=consultant
M=Me
D=my Dumb boss

M: so how are you guys planning to implement the block all accounts feature?
C: oh it should be easy! We will just loop over every account and lock it!
M: what about implementing a flag that just blocks anyone from accessing the site till further notice?
C: what? I’m sure it’ll work. Just need a list of all accounts, we don’t need anything fancy!
M: what happens when we want to revert back to the pre-block state?
C: oh, so we will just unblock everybody
M: even people who were previously blocked for good reasons?
C: i guess so, unless you think otherwise
M: we r….
D: listen! We just need to be able to block all accounts, who cares about this details! So long as we block all accounts! We need this nuclear option in case something bad happens…
M: but what about when that bad thing passes and…
D: when it passes it passes who cares!

Arghhh so much rage here… like first at the stupid engineering design of looping over all of the accounts instead of using a simple flag. Like 1 http call (from one microservice to another) is a lot better than O(n)… not to mention, we won’t have to deal with failures and retries.

And second for my boss being a dumbass… ok you deal with being to afraid to unblock people after we used this “genius nuclear option”!

So due to contracted work I am in a team internal chat, yesterday morning I woke up to a notification with a full group tag with "we need to remove all fags, they don't work out the way we planned" - he meant to type tags - there's two members that are gay and got hired just recently lol

I got laid off.

19/08/2022 - I received an email at 3pm advising me that I'm part of a group of 100 employees who are being let go. All the accounts were deactivated except Slack so we can say final good-bye to our team.

The decision was made based on "Last in, first out". It sucks because I loved the work and team plus work from home.

Project manager:
"Ah, we have so many projects. We want to finish all at once. Can you work 1 hour on each project every day?"

Not doing that, gtfo.

My boss just declared that every first Friday of every month would be LAN Party night. We bring our own PC or console or whatever and just play games all night (after work). Boss man will bring food. It's optional of course but god damn this is soooo good

Applied for a company and received a contract today. I can't believe what I'm looking at. (Graduate software engineer)

- £30k starting salary
- 28 days annual holiday
- no benefits whatsoever
- no work schemes
- reserve the right to tell you to work overtime without extra pay
- reserve the right to work you from home on weekends in emergencies
- you will only work on what they tell you to and nothing else

This company has awful reviews all over the internet which I didn't see until after applying.

Going into their offices for interviews, all I saw was a bunch of slaves on their screens, no one talking, no one smiling.

Spoke to the CTO whose words were, quote: "we only care about making money, we don't care what people are saying about us as long as they are using our service and paying us."

What the actual fuck?

Our CEO suddenly wanted to work with an outsourcing company to build the product. On one of the "sale" meetings I asked a guy from that company:
- Can we interview developers before they join our project?
- Our company is responsible for the quality of the service we provide, - the guy replied
- What are you going to charge us for?
- For all the hours developers worked
- So your service is developer hours, and we'll be obligated to pay for all the hours they worked regardless the code quality or the performance, right?

So it seems outsourcing company is only responsible for their time sheets to correspond to real hours worked? :-)

We call such a companies in Ukraine - a galley

We were in a college group. Five people. Making project in PHP. Some forced us to use cakePHP framework than left. One guy decided to not participate and decited to do it next year. One guy didn't know PHP at all. The two of us have to do all the work for five people.

On the presentation day we have ten minutes to do it. Guy without PHP knowledge forget password for our app, make three wrong guesses and locked us out of our app for five minutes.

"No We Will Not Code for Free"
(Parody of the "Cheers" theme)

We're underpaid, clients' scope today takes everything we got.
You turn to us with all your troubles cause "companies charge a lot."
You want our work but you won't pay.

No we will not code for free.
You are not exempt from our fee.
If you want a free site, build it yourself. We're not your coding slaves.
We won't build your crap no matter how much you plea.

"Paying us back" don't mean a thing, money talks, bullshit walks.
If you want a cheap site then go to Geocities.

We are rebuilding an internal web app our company uses and this is how the meeting went down

Me: since this is a big undertaking so we should all work on this as a team and divide the work load

Boss: I can't afford the internal costs to have you all on this * assigns the part timer to the task*

Three months later after launch

Boss: this is not at all what I expected! I want the entire team on this now! It's a top priority!

TLDR someone in my team took credit for work he didnt do;

I know teamwork is a good thing and when everyone does their share of the work, it is.

I submitted a computer science project to an event in the UK called the Big Bang fair, I was in a group of 3. We had been meeting every week after for the past 10 months. During these sessions me and uke have been meeting for 1h 30m where as oon could only meet for 1h because "he had stuff to do" and he never saw the point in staying longer. Oon had also been a massive distraction whilst the time he was there as he did no work and messed around on cookie clicker.

Anyway we found out last week that the Big Bang fair was coming very soon and we had not written a write up or done any preparation for the presentation we had to do. Me and uke set up a google doc and started adding stuff to it (as we only had a few days left at this point). Whereas oon did nothing.

I ended up staying up till 3am in the morning finalising the write up over the weekend with uke helping. We asked oon to help but he said he didnt want to stay up late so didnt help.

Then the most stressful 2 days come round. I devoted all of my free time towards the project, uke devoted most of his time and oon devoted 1 hour after school on one day. He said that he couldn't do one lunchtime but I found him in the ICT room playing games :/.

This didn't matter THAT much but what pissed me off is that he started boasting to all his friends about all the work I did and credited it as his own. At the actual event he said nothing during the presentation because he knew nothing about the project. HE DIDNT EITHER BOTHER TO READ THE WRITE UP HE WAS BOASTING ABOUT. What do people get out of taking credit for work other people did.

We didn't win anything and I wonder why

wow thanks for reading all this you deserve a sticker

I read a lot about people complaining about their shitty jobs. Some of us actually have nice jobs, but could really need more coworkers.

Wouldn't it be nice if devRant had the possibility to post job offers? Of course, no recruiters allowed, just awesome job offers, so we can all work together on some nice projects.

PS: Could really need some help at work :-)

We needed a design for our Android and iOS App, everything should be done by an award-winning design agency. What we received was only a design for iPhone X. Only mockups as PDF, no icons, nothing. So we requested the Android design and an iPhone 8 one including icons, color codes and whatnot.

1 FUCKING MONTH LATER we got the new designs... They are all the FUCKING SAME DESIGN where some mockups were "displayed" on an android phone, and some on an iPhone. Still no icons though.

3 weeks pass and we geht FUCKING sketch files, to extract the shit ourselves. Thank you for nothing.

It took again nearly 3 month to get a "proper" Android design and all the assets. You could clearly see, that they never did anything for Android but well, we had to work with it. Award-winning design agancy my ass.

I would like to share my gum collection at work. I like chewing something. I bought all of these though. We dont have free food in our work.

Rant. Always start debugging with the start point :p

We have a lamp with a dimmer.
A day, the dimmer make some noisy noise. Just down it and the lamp never bright again.

I open the dimmer, check all connection, bullshit what is wrong?
I decide to bypass the dimmer with a standard interrupter. But doesn’t work.
Finally.... I check the bulb 💡 and... burned...

Morality: if the bulb doesn’t work, check the bulb!
:p

Performance Review: You’ve slowed down.

My head: I never get to code cause all we do is meetings. Like no shit I have slowed down. Why the fuck do we have 3 days just full of meetings that I don’t even contribute to ?! I’m not gonna do overtime for this shit

Me (actually): Ah, shucks! Guess we can work on that huh?

900k+ deal with a huge customer.

All we need is a spreadsheet printed out

Two senior people could not figure this out for a solid hour

"hey you work with computers"

So I'm here printing spreadsheets...

20+ years ago we got a contract to replace an old home grown system for managing rented equipment for a company with offices in two countries with a new standard system.

I was tasked with building a few addon modules to handle import and reporting that the standard system lacked.

Over the course of 8 months and multiple trips to their head office for on premises development along side their people that knew how it should work (there was a lot of waiting for info so it was not 8 months of actual work) we finally was ready to present the finished solution.

After about one hour of demonstration their boss questioned why we did not demonstrate the connection to their corporate group accounting system ...

“Corporate group accounting?”

After some confused discussion it turns out that in one of the first meetings the sales person had they had mentioned this accounting system and that all accounting info was to be exported there.

This requirement was never listed in the specifications we got and looking into it it turned out that the standard system did not support such exports at all.

In the end we had to throw it all away as it proved impossible to get that info out of the system (which was not of our design).

We barely avoided having to repay all fees as their people had approved the specification but standing there without a clue to what he was asking for was a very scary experience, thinking “how could we miss this?”

In my first year of college right now, and on the first test we had to write some C# ConsoleApplications. We got instructions of what we have to taken as input, what we had to do with it and output it to the console.

I've tested them all and they all work correctly, which was the main objective. I have used the correct data structures, but I didn't get top mark. Instead, I got lower because "I didn't do it her way".

WELL F*CK YOU TOO!!! I hope this is not how every test/exam goes

So many meetings that we have pre-meeting meetings.
Tomorrow is the best meeting of all - the show and tell, where we can say we spent all sprint in meetings and did no actual work.

We get so spoiled with stuff at work that it is starting to show.

Way too much paid personal time during the week makes me lazy.

People bringin biscuits and shit make me fat.

Keurig machines all over the damned place.

Birthday celebrations left and right.

And much....much more and I love it.

Getting corporate VPN access:
PM: Here's the program to get in, it should work.
Me: Won't install.
PM: sorry old version, here is the new one.
Me: Can't get in
PM: create a ticket
Support: Not sure, just try again
Me: Still won't work
Support: We forgot to set some attributes in your account, should work now.
Me: Nope.
Support: We are investigating.
*two weeks later*
Support: should work now.
Me: No it doesn't you stupid f***tards.
*gives up all hope*

Work enforced a screensaver policy - a corporate screensaver that even us local admin devs can't change.
I swiftly made a .reg script and distributed it.
We all laugh whenever someone's "Ribbons" screensaver starts up.
I love using my powers for evil.

Just arrived at the vacation home, turns out the "free" wifi is dead as hell, because quote; "a tree fell on a wire"

Which first of all that is fucking bs because they have internet at the reception still so that shouldn't work either right? But okay we now live without internet for the coming 3 days we are relying on our data plan....

A new producer started to pick up where the previous guy had rage quit. He looked at our sprint plan and announced it.

"According to this schedule, by these estimates, to hit our goal we have to somehow all work 27 hours a day, 7 days a week, for the next month."

Yesterday we were in a meeting discussing the online admission process for the university. Then in some point of the conversation, he said he was going to write a script to automatically check the applicants if their details are identical in the government database. We were all shocked as we hear the phrase "I will write a script" because he has never done so. Today we learnt that he was giving the work to his secretaries to manually login and check if the details were correct.

Tuesday.
Director: we need to add our partner's project to our ci pipeline
CTO: we need to add ci to this repo, it should work via this tool (not the one we use now)
PM: we need to use this new tool, figure it out until Friday
TL: we need to move all our projects to this new ci tool, don't ask, the task is given by CTO
Me: okay

Friday.
Me: everything is ready except for this one old project
TL: we couldn't use it for one of our projects
PM: we had difficulties with the new tool
CTO: we couldn't add our partner's project to the pipeline
Director: *gives me a warning for being incompetent*

Project management site, exclusively for use by our team and clients.

- The client creates a new project.
- They list the requirements, supplying all the necessary files and content.
- We challenge any stupid stuff by offering alternative solutions.
- We all sign off on the requirements and no more are allowed to be added or modified. If they forgot anything, it's on record who's to blame.
- We estimate time and cost to complete the build.
- If they accept, we finally begin the work
- At each stage of every requirement, we mark the status as pending, in progress, ready for testing and delivered.

Much less stress due to minimising change requests. Plus easier to follow than an email chain and easier for them to use than a jira portal.

We had a major core router hardware failure in our LA datacenter today and every one of our services has been down since 6am, including all production servers. We have about 15,000 sites down across our entire platform. Our manager came over and told us to just go home because we need to replace the hardware and the process is expected to take all day, and we can't do any work until then because all the production servers are down. So you could say that it's been a pretty easy Friday so far! I'm headed home to play Spider-Man

All the Jeff Bezos and Pichai fanboys aside .. we really should appreciate Nadella for the work he has done with the mess left by the Steve Ballmer .. 🤔 especially with all the developments now .. visual studio code , GitHub embracing the open source market and understanding Microsoft's customer , market trends and what a true consumer product is. What say ?

I did all the work because the software we had to use didn't work on the other one's computer.

36 hours here.

It wasn't really work, but I went to FOSDEM 2 years ago with a friend of mine that's also a hacker (hardware stuff mostly). So on Saturday we went to all the talks fully energised, when that was done we got back to his home to "sleep", but there's so many other projects to do!! At the time we felt like we really needed a weather fetching thingy in our IRC client (I think it was Hexchat) but that didn't exist yet. So we built it, kinda in a pair programming way, all night long. Oh, it's morning already?! Time to go to the Sunday talks! We were both complete zombies by then, but somehow I still remember a little bit of it.. some ass who was showing oh-my-vagrant (boring as shit) and some other stuff. All in all, 36 hours on the counter when I got in bed completely wasted, but it was so worth it ♥️

Shit will hit the fan pretty soon. We're understaffed, the team is all talking about jumping ship and all other teams rely on our work, so if we jump ship, it sinks. It's really amazing that management is unaware or choosing to actively ignore the possibility. Either way, they're fucking up big time. Honestly, if it happens, it will be well deserved, it just sucks for everyone else working under them

!rant

Upper management finally caved in to the endless change requests from business and explicitly made the following statement:

"We won't overpromise and under-deliver. With that, we are reducing the committed scope of development work per sprint, but will continue to deliver the same final deliverables by the delivery dates"

So all our compressed project timetables just got uncompressed, and we finally have the breathing room we've been begging for since 2017. Any change requests from business will be (finally) backlogged.

On the other hand, the number of projects have increased to fill out the new extra dev time, but at least we're now less stressed at work. Priorities!

Makes a joke about my work laptop im getting that we should all invest in some game development so we need some new laptops (we develop prototype apps to validate ideas for startups and i never work on proper projects). I get to work and see this.. Omw im so happy..

Client wanted a site for the 100th anniversary of an important local musician. They wanted to show calendar of events, biography, store, and more. We started the work 8 months before the commemorative date, and after 4 months, the site was 99% complete and waiting final review and approvement. 2 weeks of silence has passed, when I got an email saying their deleted the site from server and all backups, and now they wanted all the work back.

With luck, I could restore a partial backup, and the client didn't want to pay for redo the rest of the work.

10 months later (yes, after all the events has started and the site being off) they contact me again, asking to continue the work.

I was happy to say no.

"Sudo rm -rf / "ed my build server at work today... Died of laughter when i found out there was no snapshot.

We all had a good laugh. 😂😂😂

We all know French people are known for their strikes and throwing down work.. but windows 3.1 still running at Orly airport? Do people even work?

Leaving work with no bugs in the code! Everything works flawlessly!
Coming back the next day and all of a sudden nothing works and we need to spend the whole day getting it to work as well as it did yesterday.
There seems to be programming gnomes, ruining our code at nights!

A delicious Sprint Planning 😋

It was a hard sprint (SCRUM methodology), but finally we were on our next’s sprint planning meeting. We had a lot of tasks to define and estimate. For the first one, we all estimated the task with 5 points, and for the second one we voted for 3 points. We were coordinated XD so, our boss said “let’s do something, if all of you vote, let’s say, 5, and another votes for a different number, he or she’s gonna buy us a six pack of beer”. Challenge accepted.

Two partners and I have to buy beers for this friday after work 😂 I don’t even mad 😋🍻

Yesterday while we finished having breakfast, the receptionist from the office approached us and said: "Guys, the company mail does not work! We lost the domain! They forgot to pay the bill!" and we all see each other's faces confused.

I don't like to link the work email on my personal phone, so I open the company's page on the phone and for some reason a DNS error appears. oh boy!

We all go crazy ass to the computers to see the mail and we can use it normally, my computer opens the company page normal, we send emails between us and everything works well…

I ask the receptionist if the test emails arrive and she says "No, I cannot even open the mail". (hmmm) I go to see what happens and she says "Look!" I see a label on the login page: "your password was changed 16 hours ago" (facepalm) I ask her if she have changed the password and she say NO. So I ask the support guy if he can reset her password and that's it. Magic, magic!

In the end we remember that not all of us have the same "computer knowledge" and discovered that the company's website only works if you enter “www”, very good custom software company! Very good!

Haha really clients make me laugh!

Yes you can have your website with all the bells and whistles, but sorry it costs money.

Do these people think we live on fresh air, while the reep the rewards for all the hard work we have done for them.

The problem today is everyone wants everything for nothing. 🤔

My manager asked me: Did you tested the website on all browsers?
I simply said YES. Then he asked again, Did you test it on IE?
I simply replayed: what that IE? We don't use untrusted application for testing our work.

Fucking first rant here:

So we tried to teach Two new colleagues to typescript and git and testing and stuff and we have a SPOC “which claimed to be very technical”. The SPOC’s task is to keep an eye on the work, and today we have had a review...

After two weeks, the created multiple branches into our git, all with one commit of 400 LOC changed, no merge requestet, issue in Redmine set to “closed”.
Well, by the way they were supposed to write Unit tests for our app.
But I thought, ok, we’ll check their branches.

Their tests all passed (cz) but man, the app didn’t and on compilation there were errors, the app is broken. Damn.

Is it really so far off, that even of They wrote tests, that the app should still work?
AND I THOUGHT IT IS COMMON SENSE. Damn!
Guess how needs to fix it

God, please send me a designer GF. So we can work all night and make money. Thanks.

Recently purchased a few edge AI devices at work, and management sent some people to box up and get rid of our dedicated GPUs, since we "just got new AI computers." Now futilely trying to explain to management that not all computers are exactly the same...

New client: we have all the source files for our website just need it to be responsive. We paid a lot for it back then, should be easy to for you to work on.

*Sure we'll take on the project
**Gets Flattened PSD file, HTML CSS JS Minified :/

New boss gets us to work overtime, all weekend and till 9pm. Promising that we will get that time back.

We get the project through the door. His KPI looks great to his boss. He then slithers his way around hints about this time back. Someone confronted him today and he says he can't officially recognise the over time due to company policy. The fucker.

"How much of a dev are you, if you use other peoples work and just glue it together?" I once asked a friend who really loves npm and everything.

I know about code reuse and maintainability and all that but geez we had a long discussion..😅

competitive salary
so competitive we refuse to compete by actually stating it

by this point I might just have some fun and not apply to jobs persay but just write funny blurbs to them about their ads

I think I'm finding I just don't wanna work with all these technologies

We had a wifi connectivity issue at work and all this guy had to do was unplug the power cable and plug it back in. Dude left the office to find me to fix the wifi issue since according to him, "he's seen me writing that weird stuff (code) on my computer"... And I'm all like..

I am currently blocked from doing my job by a firewall policy handed down from corporate that prevents WSL2 from connecting to the internet. Three days of no dev environment and counting.

We make linux software to be hosted on linux in linux containers in linux. We use linux command line tools to make it work.

"NO! WE ARE THE ALL-POWERFUL IT DEPARTMENT AND YOU MUST USE WINDOWS BECAUSE FUCK YOU THAT'S WHY."

Gotta love product owners that don't seem to understand agile.

We delivered the set number of items in the sprint we committed to plus a little extra polish. During the last day of the sprint we're spending the time to push all our work to UAT do he can actually perform acceptance testing...

He decides he should chase all of us up on stuff that we never commited to or even mentioned we'd touch.

Had to explain it to him at least 5 times during the day.

When there is a fire alarm where I work, someone has to go print out the door access logs so we have a list of who is (theoretically) on site and make sure no one is still inside. The printer is half way across the building. And breaks down at least once a day.

We are all going to die.

nobody in my team works at my location. they are all at different sites of the world.

can i have the option to work 100% remote please?

my company:
no :-)
oh, it is soooo hard to recruit new team members :-) what in the world could we possibly do??

Employer: Hey, we are moving an API update live tomorrow morning that could affect our apps. Can you regression test the apps to make sure they all work?

Me: The API team is pushing code overtop of live endpoints that can break them?

Employer: Yes, we need the updates to work with a new product we are developing.

Me: And nobody thought about versioning these endpoints so we guarantee uptime on all existing services using them now?

Employer: We looked at that but it cost extra and required us to use the cloud solution so we don’t use versioning.

Me: Okkk… I also take it that the API’s don’t have integration tests written?

Employer: What are integration tests? Are unit tests the same thing?

Me: No, so when do I need to regression test all 7 production apps?

Employer: The API’s are moving to production at 4am and we need it signed off by 7am.

Me: I only have 3 hours to regression test 7 production apps at 4am? Each app, if I just skim over them, would take me 2 hours each. I will do my best but that’s a very short time to ensure complete functionality.

Employer: Don’t you have unit tests?

My supervisors was shocked that I am an atheist and says “we accept all kinds of people”, then proceeds on trying to convince me that Christianity is the way (in life and work)

Note: I have no problem with people having religion and I respect them, but damn don’t force me into it.

Java teacher writes code on blackboard in comp lab

He tells us to try it out at our workstations.

We do. The code does work. We tell him.

He says: "There is something wrong with your compiler..."

Question is...we were around 30 students. Can all our compilers not work if we had used the lab before and the code we run worked clean??!?!?!?

We were flabbergasted

I work for a programming / design studio / tech and new solution company. We do all kind of new tech inventions.
Everyone is a tech guru, except my boss who don't know one single programming language, don't know even how to format a pc, never finished his school..

The other day we asked me how to change his phone ringtone..

So, I got a new job opportunity at another company, one thing we agreed is that I would need one month to give the notice, and leave the project I was working on with the company I currently work on. Today, after 25 days, they said "the project is not available anymore, we can't hire you", I already give the current company the notice. Making all the wishes possible to keep the current project I work on.

This is life telling me, don't change from what you know to the unknown, even with good positive reviews

We all love that colleague that swears he didn't make the method that's making 2 different functionalities not work 5 hours before the deadline even when git blame clearly shows he was the one to make changes.

funny coincidence happened at work the other day.
One dev ask to get more ram for his pc so we sent him a link to download more ram... after all the laughs we actually gave hom more ram.
The next day, we had performance issue on our dev servers, and after checking the VM's where missing 4gb of ram each from the original setup... so i poke my dev and say see now we know where the downloaded ram came from XD. man those small things really make my day

Yesterday all management was sick or away on vacation or training.
All work continued as normal. Everyone is an adult and knows what to do.
Made me question if we actually need to have soooo many people in management positions.
Funny to think that they get paid more.
Ironically when a developer is sick, real money is lost and progress stops in a particular area.
🤔

I have a dream that I will find a group of programmers that enjoy their craft and we are able to bond together and create the coolest shit we want and monetize it. We will inspire programmers to overthrow corporate America. We will all live in a big house and everyone will have their different hobbies and we can learn from each other and work on whatever we want to do each day. We will have unlimited dried mangoes, chocolate chips, and chips n salsa. We will create a kingdom.

Get back to work today, see a mail from yesterday when I was off sick

"Mr Colleague has tendered his registration. His last day with Company will be 31st Jan 2024"

Do they think we're stupid or something? We all know the guy got sacked. We're required to give a calendar month's notice. So when there's a same day resignation, we all know

For about 1.5 years on and off, we've been developing a system to rate tickets/requests sent to our team. We wrote it in Angular, and it turned into this feature-rich gorgeous application with custom-built graphical statistic tracking, in-app social networking capabilities, robust user profiles, etc.

Eventually, we no longer had time to work on it along with all the other applications we're developing. So we passed ownership of the app over to a couple of other developers on our team. You'd think that they'd just work off what we already built and keep the robust environment we created for them. But nope, instead of keeping everything we already built, they scrapped it all and started from scratch using React instead of Angular, and removed all of those robust features and turned the app into a shell of its former self. No more statistic tracking, no more social networking capabilities, no more fancy user profiles. Just a single page with a number representing how many "Good" tickets you've sent to us, and how many "Bad" tickets you've sent.

1.5 years and hundreds of hours worth of work, all gone and replaced with the most rudimentary basic React app ever.

Bloody Fucking Managers !!!!

Few Months Back...
Manager: Innovation we need Innovation.
Me: What's the process?
Manager: You give idea >we give you people > they do all the work !
Cool right ?

Present situation :
I have given them 5-7 ideas. I am programming for all of them. When I ask for help -- we will see... After the programming is done its working. I need make the documents etc. Everyone uses the tools. I get to be the sucker !

Spent a good bit of my time the past few months developing a cool web app for our company.

Was told last week the due to all the layoffs etc that we would no longer have a need for it.

Fuck!

Still proud of the work I did and how it turned out.

Tuesdays at work suck. This is something I've put a lot of thought into.

Take Monday for instance, we love to hate him, when it comes to Mondays we all know the score we tell Monday where he can go and he takes that and owns it. He knows we hate him and we all know where we stand.

Wednesday is hump day, not great but we know we're halfway through the week. Thursday gets us a little excited cos we can see the end of the week.

Friday is the one we've been waiting for and we love him, Saturday and Sunday are bliss.

Tuesday... What's Tuesday got? It's just a day, there's nothing going on with Tuesdays.

Well except this week, in the UK we had Monday off as a statutory vacation, so this week, this week Tuesday is the day we love to hate, he's now got all this beginning of the week rage directed at him. The other days are unaffected, Thursday and Friday still have their thing, Wednesday still marks the half way point.

Monday has buggered off and let Tuesday be something for a day, I don't think he can take it. If he could Monday would probably go into retirement. Monday probably has more hatred directed towards it than Katie Hopkins (and that's saying something).

In short, no, no I do not want to get out of bed and go to work today, but I will, cos that's just what we do, but fuck you Tuesday.

Fuck you with a bag of spanners...

...Sideways...

...With habanero sauce...

... And a pineapple.

The person who claims we should be "in control" of our stack and not use any of this pre-made, one size fits all, BaaS bullshit.

Even though none of our projects are even remotely close to needing scaling and whatnot.

Then proceeds to argue all we need is a step by step guide on how to deploy things very easily using Cloud Formation.

Spends the next two weeks trying to figure out why config files and scripts don't work.

And now that we have that "recipe", we're fully capable of deploying our own pre-made, one size fits all backend.

Tl; dr: Linux on Ryzen is a pain at the moment.
Now for the long part: Our student council got new computers because the old ones where slow as hell. As one of the admins, the others and I together decided that ryzen would be a good option, because they are not that expensive and we wouldn't have to buy gpus. (Wrong decision it turns out.) We settled on the ryzen 3 2200G and bought three systems to replace the old ones.

We meet Saturday morning and build the systems. All was fine and we were happy. The we tried to install ubuntu via preseeded netboot, which seemed to work fine at first. Then we started having weird screen issues and couldn't proceed with the installation. (See image) we then grumpily decided to just install them all one by one, flashed two usbs and started installing. On two systems the installation worked and we installed our packages, we weren't so lucky with the third one. It would crash on us all the time, even in bios. While that was going on we tried to set the other two up, turns out those two were also crashing but not as frequent as the other one. So we start to google and find people saying that kernel 4.19 kinda fixes it. We install it on the two working machines and the crashes get less frequent but are still there. At that point it was midnight and we went home.
Sunday morning: we reseated the cpu on the third system and it seems to be better now (it installed on the second try) and we were able to change the kernel. Yay. Now all three are in a state where they will sometimes randomly reset. :/ and we don't know what to try anymore.... Any suggestions?

We are all working our asses off, but the backlog grows and grows.
Now management came up with a really creative, groundbreaking and clever idea: We should work more, so we can get shit done.

I think there may be some jobs vacant in the near future.

I have a question for all you Linux pros:

My son's PC runs on Linux Mint. We wants to switch to the Pantheon desktop so we installed it (I think). I can't work out how to actually switch to it, though.

We don't have an option when we log out.

On a related note, we switched to Linux from Ubuntu because his old machine couldn't handle Ubuntu's resource requirements. I'm curious whether vanilla Debian would perform better?

(No, I probably won't switch to Arch, that's a little too much for my limited Linux capabilities).

In my previous work, when I was under pressure (very often, because we were to few people for all the work) I used to manage the situation in the following way:

PM: It's super-important and prioritary to develop < 2 days feature >. Sales really need that feature because they cannot work without it.

Me: Ok. I'll need from them < 2-hours-to-get data > and then I can leave what I'm doing and start with the feature.

PM: *... goes to tell sales ... comes back*

PM: Well, they say they can work by doing < some not as confortable way as feature, but pretty acceptable >.

Me: Ok, then I'll continue trying to prevent the systems break down inminently.

On this work I learned a lot, but clearly, we were too few people to mantain the site, and too much lazy sales people.

The first project I used Source Control with.

At my university, we were told that it would be a lot easier, and that we were required to use SVN, and not Git. Me not knowing much about either, decided to learn from two people who used Git.
Confused as I was how it all worked at first, we spent a couple hours trying to work out a work flow, and how we wanted to use it.

Eventually, I was like "Guys, I got it!" And explained how we should do it. Then then said
"That's how Git works"

We decided to use Git, and at the last minute shoved everything onto the school's SVN server they had for the team.

Been using Git ever since. Looking back, not sure why it was so hard, but I am glad to have found Git instead.

I had a coworker who was once working on around 5 files at the same time

To save them he would navigate to each click file and then save (even with a save all button below it)

We spent our time trying to teach him shortcuts and after explaining Ctrl+S we asked him what Ctrl+Shift+S might do with all his open files

He thought that it would unsave all his work fml

Company uses Trello to track bugs and features the devs are doing.

End of the week the PM: "So what bugs and features did you work on this week?"

If only there was a platform that we could track all these things... 🤦‍♂️

So, today in the office we all decided chipotle for lunch. We create the team order and sent it out to the entire office.

First thing we noticed: online ordering looks really good and has finally been updated.
Second thing we noticed: it never got tested and it doesn't work

Result: 7 angry developers who just wanted some burrito bowls start emailing chipotle tech support

So, seen this when I just arrived at work earlier this week. Made me think of COD. 😂 We hear them frequently flying over us all day.

Disappointed to be an intern at a place where we were given a website project where I'm the only experienced coder. Not learning anything new and I work all day while my team watches videos.

I work in a big German company and we are a lot of teams building the company website.

Obviously the website is in German but almost all the devs are not German speakers, included the testers.

To make the work easier in the frontend we use sometimes the translation function of chrome and it's funny because a lot of time I got a bug opened by a tester for a wrong label because HE FUCKING FORGOT TO DISABLE THE TRANSLATION AND HE THINKS THAT THE LABEL IS IN THE WRONG LANGUAGE

Other team lead: Hi DevOps Team, We need you to deploy this app to production. It's maintainers gave up on it in 2019, but we looked at it and it feels right.

Me: Uhm. That's not going to work. It'll fail the security scan before you can even finish the build in CI.

Other team lead: Yeah, this app is the right thing to do, and we needed it last week, but since that won't work, we'll just use this other very very infant technology that was just born yesterday. It's not stable in production, or on MySQL, or in AWS at all, but it's the other direction we can to go.

Me: What problem are you trying to solve in the first place?

Other team lead: Oh, we need access to the read from the production database.

wk83 for me like,

The one on the left is my Colleague from work for past 3 years. We have worked with each other on a dozen projects. Tough challenges all the way.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
And that thing on the right is `my friend`.

Code ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Friend

Client insisting on Vanilla JS instead of using a existing framework to design a reporting dashboard, because "first I want to build one dashboard page and see how people react to It and what all changes they want. Once we have complete picture in mind we will go for a framework". Sure, let's do the entire work twice for peanuts.

The problem with daylight time saving is it also gets darker earlier....

And well work hours don't get shorter... Just means now after sitting in an office all day, I now go home in the dark.

Who exactly is saving on daylight...

How about we also cut work hours as well...

Got a senior dev at work.

The guy is good at his job, no doubt, but his insecurity drives me up the wall.

- Constantly double checks work done by non-seniors.
- Setup a policy where only seniors can code review.
- Tells non-seniors not to give out advice as they don't know what they're talking about.
- Edits pull requests for you.
- Demands unobtainable quality for insignificant pieces of work.
- Patronising teams messages on the regular.

We're all just trying to get work done and he's always acting like we haven't got enough stripes on the badge.

Management: "Let's hire some folks and expand the team in this region. And then we will think about what they will exactly do. And then get more work or create more work with our own vision"

Hired developers *mind*: "Why the fuck is this small work done by such a big team? Why the fuck is this work done by a my team (different team) and not by the same team that built the product? Oh, they don't have bandwidth? They want to parallelize? And all decisions still have to go through the product team? They have months of experience and context? Right"

At work I inherited some databases, were most of the tablecolumns are all varchar. No ID's, and everything is in one table. No relation tables no reference data. Because "we don't trust the users who fill the tables to understand relationships". And.. wtf.

God I hate when dev work gets all political.
Our team had a technical meeting with a difficult partner/customer, that wants to connect to our internal service, so we are writing an Integration Service for this.
Apparently the project is very important on both sides and highly political so in the meeting there was a member of the Board of directors of them. We just wanted to check one feature to verify they can connect, etc.
After some minor bugs showed up, that guy goes on ranting about how this is all a joke ("Verarschung" literally) and how we did not deliver all features yet as promised (Note : that was not promised) and basically indirectly personally attacked us, our company and our team.

It's incredible how such assholes can stay in such positions.

Please don't mutter your ideas on calls or trail it off mid sentence to mouse level's of sound 🐁.
It's so awkward having to ask what you've said every few moments.
*Especially* if we work together all day all week

N.B. speakers on max volume + auto-captions are already on so I can piece together what you said.

Conversations are so difficult otherwise

That is all

*everyone bitching about a piece of software that everyone hates because it's awful, doesn't work, AND costs millions of dollars*
Me: Hey here's a solution that's basically free and gives us everything we need, and all of the enhancement requests
"Cool! We'll look into it for 2020. Keep working on it for a third of what you should be making though"
.. but we need it now??

How can I just "chill"?!

Our project's demo is coming up soon and since we there only two in the team we have to work together.

I did all the coding and my so-called "team mate" just watched behind my back or refreshed the git!!!!

And we get the same pay. 😧😤

F.M.L.

I distinctly remember all of us discussing how we prefer to work at night. I worked through the night and now about to work through the day. Now it's all a blur and I feel numb inside. This voice keeps saying "you are just a machine" and then I wake up with qwerty stamped on my forehead and the music bringing me back. Time to work!

When you’ve been warning of how much stuff needs work to support TLS1.1 depreciation but now all that stuff broke because he had you working on a bunch of other random less important stuff. Now he is saying back to me the exact things I said to him about why we needed to work on this stuff months ago.

You want to know what's probably the worse thing about working where I work?

We are working with a language that has been obsolete for over 17 years.

But because the application is so heavily integrated between all of our clients there really is nothing we can do about it.

They are trying to move to ASP.NET but it is fucking slow as fuck.

I have to support this, and I'm learning a bunch of classic ASP that might not even be useful to anyone in the current work industry... maybe...

Everyday I get on my train, get off and go into the office, get some coffee, and sit down at my desk.

Everyday, all of us take a Blue Pill, and focus in on this world they give us. We don't consider this a part of our life. Brushing our teeth, flossing, making breakfast, sleeping .. those are also not our life.

Life are all the other things outside of the routine.

But we spend more time in our routine. We spend more time in our loops than outside of them.

Brushing your teeth, making coffee, coding at work, eating, sleeping: these things are your life.

All those other things, they're the escape from it.

This senior engineer had this kid spend most of a day tracing down all of the instances of a certain variable so they could make heavy changes to the software. We work under a change management system of course and all of this led to two weeks of work outside of any of this. The senior engineer ended up 🔥 and the kid very close.

I'm still trying to figure out what makes someone do something like that knowing the outcome.

Fuck me I'm pissed. This sprint, my tech lead has been away and a senior dev has been covering for him. We plan a load of work and distribute stories and we churn threw it quite well. However, my senior dev says let's not deploy until all the works done. I was like, how is it going to be tested? He was like well it will be fine because it's all one test. Bs. We now have 2 days left, tester is getting stressed because they don't know what to test or what's been finished. Scrum master is asking why all of it should be tested at the same time and I'm here like this is fucking dumb. Also the tester decided to start testing with the most complex piece of work, rather than prioritising.

Starting to wonder if I'm just the outsider or whether no one understands that granularity is better.

[day 1] my team lead insisted that we work "together" on a story. told me to code my approach while he code his then evaluate both once done.
[day 3] we presented our codes to the team but in the end his code got deployed.
[day 4- 7]we got a lot of defects. we did a lot of fixing
[day 8] undeployed his code then deployed mine.
all problems got solved.

I work on a team project for a test and maintenance course in University. We agreed as a team to adopt a git infrastructure that would prioritize the stability of the master branch at all cost by only updating commits up to the next stable point and tagging every single release. We have a long polling development branch to prepare our releases and we create feature branches for the tickets we need to resolve. I even wrote documentation to make sure that we don't forget and protected the master branch on gitlab from direct modifications.

Can someone fucking tell me how one of my teammates managed to fuck over all of this and work on an unfinished feature straight on master?

N.b. I know that he probably edited straight from gitlab's online text editor because they have a big where they don't restrict modifications on protected branches.

A moment of silence for all the times we were excited about finding the solution for an algorithm only for it to not work.

Stories from a Startup #2

One day our CEO stormed through the office, going door-to-door holding a cease-and-desist notice he got from our ISP because someone decided to pirate "Chappie" at work.

Definitely wasn't me. 👀 Don't know if he found out who did it, though... but we all certainly knew.

I am currently working as a consultant and I like it. It also makes upset/happy/schadenfroh (not entirely sure how I feel about it) when we tell the client what work needs to be done in which order and why just so they can throw it all overboard and we do it the way they want it and it bites them in the ass a few month down the line.
They hire us for the external professional experience that we bring, so listen to us. We did this before, we know what works, and we know way your way does not work.

Funny how I can go all day not being able to think of anyone that bad, but then when I remember THAT ONE GUY from a group project in college, I can't stop ranting.

highlights:
- He micromanaged our group without adding any value on his end
- Scheduled 2 hour meetings on Friday evenings to show us his work so we could "learn and take notes"
- when the group finally reached out and asked if we could work differently, he completely shut down. like stopped replying and working completely.
- last night we were putting together our presentation, he bailed because he had an 8-HOUR date with someone he just met....nevermind that we had our calendar set a month prior
- prior to that date, he submitted code to our final release that was riddled with bugs, so I stayed up all night debugging and rewriting his parts

</rant>

started on the new job today, and to be honest I'm a little depressed about the technology we make.
i have this class in college about the history of technology and my professor called technology "the science of productive work". is that all there is? make tools so people can work more? is that all there is to life? it's fucked up if you think about it at all

for me, the problem with going to school and getting a degree is having seen so many ways you can improve your work and wanting to apply all of it, but then you get to the workplace and you're met with resistance. i understand we can't just change everything all at once, but i wish i could sneak in an idea every once in a while

So the company I work at is moving to a new location. We are a small company, so we were all talking about potential problems with the move - network, internet, firewalls, access to servers and so on. Us trying to cover all possible scenarios.

Our CTO looks up and says: “or we could just cross our fingers and hope for best”.

WTF🤯

I've got a mate at my current work. Most of what we do is insult each other, but there's a real respect there. We were both in similar positions in the company, where we were overworked, underpaid, undervalued and pretty unhappy. He was so helpful when it came to traversing the politics of the company, and how to work out what to do. Plus we get really drunk together all the time. I'm leaving my present company in a few weeks and I'll probably miss having him around the most.

We crack jokes at each other and use profanity at all times. Troll other teams with funny git commits. Our slack channel is filled with weird giphys. Currently the most productive team according to the Chief Architect. How open is your work environment?

I work with a guy who is genius in his field, but doesn't have much ability outside of it, his view is we should all know what he knows and not bother him with bugs in his code we should fix the issues ourselves. Oh how the shoe was on the other foot when he needed help with a personal app.

I have *created* a new team member :) I think he alone could replace most of the team.

Kind of makes you think what have we been doing with our time all those years. If all that work can be automated :/

Giving a short talk on technical debt at our monthly meeting tomorrow. I hope it helps people in my organization understand why we need to take care of all the quick and dirty work we do. I'm tired of people saying how long updates take and the reason is because we cause the problems.

Quality != more work + less talk

Quality = more talk resulting in less work.

That makes no sense mathematically.

“Let’s talk more about shit before we create shit”.

That’s a little better.

“Let’s talk more so we don’t create shit”.

Getting closer.

“Let’s talk more about what is needed till we all know what is best before we program a damn machine?”

...This is going nowhere fast.

Okay fuck it. Let’s just code some stuff. It’s more enjoyable.

I legit never understood the hate for VB.NET in the land of Microsoft development. To be entirely fair, I only used it it that one class at uni. But other than that I had never used it in the real world. The closest thing I had done with BASIC was VBScript, and even tho I was ok with it(even liked it) I damn well know that it is not something that I would use to build web apps with anymore.

But I am inclined to give VB.NET a chance only because I remember being able to make sense of my peers code in school. Just by reading it, sure it might be verbose as all fucking hell, but we were using VS(notice that i said VS not VS Code) and we had all the bells and whistles of autocomplete and intellisense.

Currently tho, I somewhat wanted to try a more modular approach to my fucking around with web apps, we are considering Rails and Django for a project at work. But since we already have windows servers we thought about the possibility of using .net core. We all like C# as a language and I did work with ASP.NET MVC before so we are considering that as well. That and our sys admin had tons of experience setting that as an environment. When developers are not too sure it is good to rely on the admin's expertise.

Boss(at 5pm): Do you think we will have a full app by tomorrow morning
Me (in mind): we are all leaving office when do u think i will work on those features

Had this client for which I did some work on agreement. The agreement was fairly well laid out and the work was well defined. We delivered on time and he was all good. Move forward a couple months and this guy comes back asking for changes, upon which I said we'd need a new agreement because the last one expired when the job ended, but he didn't want a new agreement and to not make a point of it we didn't. We made the changes and I invoiced him, as we do, and then he starts accusing me of trying to rip him off and calls me a child. Stopped working with him after that

I once met a guy who said tech guys chose windows over Mac's because windows goes wrong often so it keeps the tech guys in work!

And Mac's hardly ever break so they didn't want their business to use them

He clearly hasn't met tech guys we don't want to be dealing with your fucking problems

It made me furious internally... I said nothing.

Seriously do you think all tech guys in the world joined a union and went 🤔 how can we make sure we have more work ... Fuck off you ponsy twat

I was at work today, coding and such. A girl walked in, so pretty and smart looking, beautiful eyes and all.. and asked if she can use my computer for a moment. That's it. C'mon what did you expect! We code!

none yet :( but on the good side I work at a school! it only takes one student to be sick with it before we all get quarantined and sent home :P

I work at a small company (less than 10 developers). We tried to do code review but all of our projects are "work for hire" for our clients and we always have deadlines. Code review step always had the least priority and whenever the deadline gets closer, we would stop doing code review all together.

Finally we are starting our own projects and we are planning on hiring more developers and interns. I think code review will have a higher priority now.

Client: Thank you for this and all your hard work we will review and get back to you EOP Friday before final submit.

Us: We have been working to a deadline and have actually finished early which meant that we would be able to submit on Friday, at the very least by the afternoon. One question...is this your time EOP Friday?

Client: Yes

Us: That'll be 2 in the morning here and a Saturday.

Video social calls are the absolute worst. I have a shitty Intel 11 series chip in my laptop; which is a waste of sand. My laptop often slows to a crawl on calls, so I can't work on things, and I have to listen to them all prattle on about kids and things I don't care at all about. Sometimes we play games, which is tolerable. My company is international and 100% remote, so this will never end so long as I work for them.

It's my first rant. So please ++1 me.

Now my rant:

In this semester I had a subject about system architecture. In this class, we must learn Java script, C# (and ASP.NET framework ), PHP (and Zend Framework 2), but in the classes is taught only UML and patterns. In the moodle of the subject we don't have any information about any of the languages and if we ask the teachers they don't know anything.
And we need in 4 weeks do a work with a widget in javascript, 2 Asp.net mvc, 1 asp.net web api. All with authentication.

So we are all fucked

Guys at work just found out that they can see all the commits in a repo that they have to change stuff in on a daily basis..
Granted they aren't really the most tech savvy sometimes but they have both been there for like a year...

Made me laugh a bit when one went
"Dude did you know we can search our git for commits? So we can look for who fucked up!?"

cowsay.
fucking cowsay.
all the nice models and none of them work.
the things we do when we should be doing something productive.

Few months back I got a decent increment as a token of appreciation for my good work.
Yesterday we all received a Special townhall meeting invitation.
We all were wondering what it was about. Now my colleague who sits beside was guessing that it may be about a salary revision and she complained that she didn't get any increment last time.

Inner me: Why the heck company should increment your salary for the shitty work you do.
You are simply incapable of doing what you are supposed to do.
You spend more time talking crap rather than trying to learn and use it to write some non shitty code.
You should be thankful to the company for not firing you.

We have all run the same code although it didn't work the first time. And it never worked the second.😂😂

We work in VDI environment, that likes to nuke itself randomly and takes with it all the hardwork for the week.

I came up with one solution -

Name - Fsync.sh

Task - backs up all your work to a common shared network drive. This backup is in deltas to reduce network load and to save space.

How? I used git!
It gets the code changes from existing cloned repos & it git inits in folders like Documents & downloads.

Git tracks the changes for me :D

My teamleader blabbering about how I shouldn't listen to late shows with my earbuds while I work is rubbing me the wrong way.

"How can you focus while listening to them hurr durr", as if we didn't all do 20 tasks at once on a daily basis anyway.

My coworker pushed changes to almost all of our ASP.NET pages. However, he did so by pushing only his files, and when asked to merge, he overwrote all of our changes to those pages since he last pulled from the server, which was ages ago. We were three changesets past that overwrite before we noticed things we'd already fixed were gone. Had to revert, which we didn't know how to do, and we didn't know what he changed in his push, because he didn't comment on the changeset. He undid weeks of work, thankfully we only lost a few days worth over we reverted. We're going to have a quick lesson on merging correctly on Monday when we all get back

Dum di dum ... One more day of work, and then snowboarding all over dem pretty mountains... We came up with a theme, cokelympics, since it dumped loads and loads of snow...

"All of us who do creative work, we get into it because we have good taste. But there is this gap. For the first couple years you make stuff, it’s just not that good. It’s trying to be good, it has potential, but it’s not. But your taste, the thing that got you into the game, is still killer. And your taste is why your work disappoints you. A lot of people never get past this phase, they quit. Most people I know who do interesting, creative work went through years of this. We know our work doesn’t have this special thing that we want it to have. We all go through this. And if you are just starting out or you are still in this phase, you gotta know it’s normal and the most important thing you can do is do a lot of work … It is only by going through a volume of work that you will close that gap, and your work will be as good as your ambitions … It’s gonna take awhile … You’ve just gotta fight your way through." - Ira Glass

Does anyone actually fucking know how certs and provisioning profiles work for large iOS teams without using the cancerous auto provision checkbox? Are we all just fucking it up all the time??